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Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
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- The food is delicious.
- Mmm.
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Yes, very good.
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They put on a nice wedding here, too.
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Are you thinking of one
couple in particular?
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A mother can dream, right?
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- So can aunties.
- Aw!
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So, what's the first step?
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Abishola needs to finalize
her divorce in Nigeria.
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And they'll need to start looking
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into neighborhood schools for Dele.
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And I'll have my lawyer
draw up a prenup.
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What?
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Well, it's just this thing you sign
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to make sure everybody
hangs on to what's theirs.
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We know what it is.
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But why does Abishola need one?
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Do you think she wants Bob's money?
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No, but it's a family business,
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and it needs to stay in the family.
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But wouldn't Abishola
be a part of the family?
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Well, yeah.
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Sorta.
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Do you remember,
a moment ago, you asked us to tell you
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when you are being offensive?
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It's happening now.
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_
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Hey, Bobby, check it out.
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What has two thumbs and just buttoned
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her own blouse?
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For real?
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Bam!
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Aw! Mom, that's great!
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I told you you could do it.
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Maybe someday soon
I'll be able to play the piano.
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I didn't know you played.
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I don't.
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Excuse me.
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Hello, Uncle.
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No, I still have more work to do.
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How close are you?
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Yes, I assumed that was you.
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All right.
I'll be out as soon as I'm done.
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Invite them in.
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Bob would like you
and Auntie to come in.
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Yes, his mother is here.
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They will wait outside.
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Come on. It's freezing out there.
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They know that.
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Give me the phone.
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Tunde, come in the house.
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Yeah, I get that my mother sickens you.
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Uh-huh.
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"Blonde devil witch."
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That's good. I'll use that.
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Tell those cheap grifters I'm right here
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and I can use my thumb now.
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Mom says hi.
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Uh-huh.
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Yeah. Oh.
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They say hi back.
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Hang on. I'm coming out.
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You let those people in here,
and I'm leaving.
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Oh, no. My mother
will no longer live with me?
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What will I do?
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I'll talk to them.
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Give me the phone.
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No.
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Days like this, I miss Nigeria.
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Yes. I never saw my breath
before I came to America.
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Roll down the window.
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Oh, hello, Bob.
Good to see you.
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Yeah. Good to see you, too.
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Look, Abishola needs a few more minutes.
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- Please come inside.
- No.
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We will not be in the
same house as that woman.
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You hit my shoe.
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- Sorry.
- Come on.
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We'll order some takeout.
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We'll talk this through
like civilized people.
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Your mother is the one
who is not civilized.
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Again, you hit my shoe.
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Please, for me?
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I cannot say no to that face.
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_
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I hope you know I don't lump you in
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with your money-grubbing relatives.
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That's very kind of you.
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I mean, I don't know what
you're doing with my son,
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but, what the hell,
everybody's got blind spots.
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Take your pills.
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I miss the yellow ones.
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They really kicked ass.
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Make yourselves comfortable.
I'll put the kettle on.
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Uh, we'll wait here.
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Tunde, please, sit.
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Hello, Dottie.
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Tunde.
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Olu.
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Dottie.
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This is nice,
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everyone sitting and talking.
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Very nice.
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I just want to say one thing.
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The three of you arguing about a prenup
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is totally ridiculous.
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Listen to him. He's right.
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You're worried about what'll happen
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to Abishola and I if we get divorced
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when we barely have a relationship.
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"Barely"?
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- You know what I mean.
- No. Tell me.
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Oh, Bob.
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I'm just saying,
we're a work in progress.
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We're still laying the foundation.
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We're, uh, you know, taking baby steps.
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Honey, you really need to stop talking.
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Yes, you do.
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It just got cold in here, too.
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_
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When you think about it,
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we really did get a
little ahead of ourselves.
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Yes.
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What kind of future can they have
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if Bob continues to speak his mind?
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Oh.
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He's like his father that way.
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Every time that man opened his mouth,
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he somehow managed to
stick a Hush Puppy in it.
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Hush Puppy.
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A man after my own heart.
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I'm glad to see you are doing so well.
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Thank you.
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Wouldn't have happened
without your niece.
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I was ready to give up.
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She wouldn't let me quit.
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She is very stubborn.
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When she sets her mind to something,
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good luck trying to change it.
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- Please! Come back inside!
- Why?
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To be with a man I barely
have a relationship with?
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That was for their benefit!
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- You and me, we're gold!
- We are a joke!
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Which is why, someday,
we'll look back at this and laugh!
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"Hey, remember the time I got frostbite
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trying to get you back in the house?"
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Go away.
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I don't want to see you right now.
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Nope! I'm staying!
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If I lose a pinky toe, screw it...
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it died for love!
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Starting to get brittle right now!
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You understand why we
are overprotective.
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Abishola is the closest thing we have
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- to our own child.
- Oh.
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She's a good one.
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Hey, if you ever want 38-year-old twins,
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I've got a couple that
are priced to move.
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Dottie.
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Thanks, Tunde.
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Olu.
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I thought you are not allowed to drink.
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I'm not. Cheers.
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Did you two ever
consider adopting a baby?
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The only thing that was considered
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was for Tunde to take a second wife.
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He was gonna divorce you?
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No. In Nigeria,
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men are allowed to have as
many wives as they can afford.
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Or stand.
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My family insisted that I marry again.
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Oh, why didn't you?
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I did not want to share my life
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- with anyone but Olu.
- Aw.
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Besides, she is already
like having many wives.
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What does that mean?
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Your constantly changing moods.
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Sometimes it is like a new wife
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walks in halfway through a conversation.
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Eh.
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Open mouth, insert Hush Puppy.
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Hey, why don't you guys stay for dinner?
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You can meet the twins
and see what you think.
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They could really use a loving home.
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If there is something
that is upsetting you,
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just be honest about it.
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It's not so much stuff that upsets me
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as much as it's different
than what I'm used to.
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Eh. And what are you used to?
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O-Okay, well, typically,
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a few months into dating
an American woman,
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there would be...
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Aw, geez,
I don't know any other way to say it.
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Sex.
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Oh!
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So, for you, we have to have sex
to be in a real relationship.
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No!
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00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:41,153
Well, I don't know. Maybe.
199
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:43,623
You understand I've
never had sex with a man
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00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,757
outside of marriage.
201
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- Really?
- Yes, really.
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00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,294
I didn't know that. I'm sorry.
203
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,529
Well, I'm telling you now.
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I'm not an easy, sleazy girl.
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I wouldn't like you if you were.
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- Yes, you would.
- Yeah, I would.
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- What are you doing?
- Talking.
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Is everything okay?
209
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,141
Everything's fine. Go inside.
210
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,276
Did you have a fight?
211
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,944
- Go inside.
- They had a fight.
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00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,913
You know it's, like, 11 below.
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00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,047
We know.
214
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,682
Is this the sex problem
you were talking about?
215
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,284
He told us that in confidence.
216
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:12,485
Oh, yeah. Sorry, guys.
217
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,954
That's on me!
218
00:09:17,607 --> 00:09:18,807
_
219
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,042
Who's got the moo shu?
220
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:23,578
Oh, sorry.
I-I did not know we were sharing.
221
00:09:24,714 --> 00:09:27,849
Olu, it is so nice to finally meet you
222
00:09:27,951 --> 00:09:29,451
and put a face to the name.
223
00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:31,920
Olu.
224
00:09:33,098 --> 00:09:34,856
I feel like what we're
doing right here...
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00:09:34,958 --> 00:09:37,459
white face, black face,
226
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:38,860
Chinese food...
227
00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:41,730
this was the promise of Obama.
228
00:09:42,765 --> 00:09:44,700
Hashtag "MeltingPot," hashtag "Kumbaya,"
229
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,635
hashtag "YesWeCan."
230
00:09:47,446 --> 00:09:48,703
What do you think?
231
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,372
They've had all their shots.
232
00:09:51,741 --> 00:09:54,609
It's great to see them getting along.
233
00:09:55,912 --> 00:09:58,280
"Oh, yes, Bob, it is very nice."
234
00:09:58,381 --> 00:09:59,614
Hey,
235
00:09:59,716 --> 00:10:01,650
I want to ask you a
question about polygamy.
236
00:10:01,751 --> 00:10:03,452
Mom, do you have to?
237
00:10:03,553 --> 00:10:04,953
You don't ask, you don't learn.
238
00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:07,422
How do all the wives
239
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,199
keep from killing each other?
240
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,562
According to tradition,
241
00:10:10,597 --> 00:10:12,241
the first wife is in charge,
242
00:10:12,276 --> 00:10:13,695
and the younger wives have to obey her.
243
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,665
But sometimes they do kill each other.
244
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,267
Usually with poison.
245
00:10:19,730 --> 00:10:20,769
You're kidding.
246
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,170
The first wife prepares dinner,
247
00:10:22,271 --> 00:10:25,474
sprinkles arsenic on
Number Two's jollof,
248
00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:28,176
and then everybody moves up one.
249
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:31,313
How do you know all this?
250
00:10:31,414 --> 00:10:33,215
Girls talk.
251
00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:37,619
Maybe you should get a second
girlfriend to make you happy.
252
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,254
I am not unhappy.
253
00:10:39,355 --> 00:10:41,490
- Well, tell that to your face!
- You know what?
254
00:10:41,591 --> 00:10:43,258
If it's marriage that
moves you and me along,
255
00:10:43,359 --> 00:10:45,560
I'll go to the courthouse right
now and tie the damn knot.
256
00:10:45,661 --> 00:10:47,796
Oh, so you will rush into marriage
257
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,765
- just to have sex with me.
- No!
258
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:53,735
I'm saying I'd marry you
'cause that's how happy you make me!
259
00:10:57,756 --> 00:10:59,274
You guys want to take
this someplace else?
260
00:10:59,639 --> 00:11:01,309
Yeah, it's getting a little icky.
261
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,085
Maybe we should go.
262
00:11:10,186 --> 00:11:12,854
I'm enjoying my moo shu.
263
00:11:12,955 --> 00:11:14,423
Why don't you tell everyone
264
00:11:14,524 --> 00:11:16,625
about Uncle Victor's second wife?
265
00:11:16,726 --> 00:11:19,094
Oh. Okay.
266
00:11:19,195 --> 00:11:21,363
- Her name was "Blessing."
- Mm.
267
00:11:21,464 --> 00:11:23,031
And she was loved by all
268
00:11:23,132 --> 00:11:25,734
until she mysteriously fell off a boat.
269
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,937
Or was she pushed?
270
00:11:31,741 --> 00:11:34,443
Oh.
271
00:11:34,643 --> 00:11:36,643
_
272
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,780
They searched for many days,
273
00:11:38,881 --> 00:11:40,248
but they never found her body.
274
00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:41,950
Oh.
275
00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:44,252
They found part of a body,
276
00:11:44,353 --> 00:11:47,889
but there was no way of knowing
if it was Auntie Blessing
277
00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:50,092
or just a random foot.
278
00:11:53,844 --> 00:11:55,497
Auntie, Uncle, I'm ready to go.
279
00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:57,065
Did you two work it out?
280
00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:59,634
Can we please just go?
281
00:12:00,223 --> 00:12:02,003
Sounds like a lovers' quarrel.
282
00:12:02,105 --> 00:12:03,905
They're not lovers, hence the quarrel.
283
00:12:04,006 --> 00:12:05,640
Oh, you're so clever.
284
00:12:05,741 --> 00:12:07,909
You didn't think of it.
285
00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:10,212
I hope everybody enjoyed the show.
286
00:12:12,851 --> 00:12:14,116
This is your son's fault.
287
00:12:14,217 --> 00:12:15,951
Abishola is a good Christian girl.
288
00:12:16,052 --> 00:12:18,220
She is right to wait
until they are married.
289
00:12:18,835 --> 00:12:21,289
You did not make me wait.
290
00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:23,391
Olu, you slut.
291
00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:25,861
Well, we were engaged.
292
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:27,295
No, we weren't.
293
00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:29,798
You were dating my brother.
294
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,101
Olu, you slut!
295
00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:36,963
_
296
00:12:37,406 --> 00:12:40,709
So what does this mean,
you are "taking a break"?
297
00:12:40,810 --> 00:12:42,577
It means we are taking time apart
298
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,246
to decide if we should be together.
299
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:46,781
And this is all 'cause you're
not ready to sleep with him?
300
00:12:46,883 --> 00:12:48,116
It is not that simple.
301
00:12:48,217 --> 00:12:49,618
It is not that complicated.
302
00:12:49,719 --> 00:12:51,887
20 minutes, a couple of times a week.
303
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,955
It's called "taking one for the team."
304
00:12:55,179 --> 00:12:58,059
And a man his age,
with a heart condition, shoot,
305
00:12:58,161 --> 00:13:00,395
you could probably scoot
by with once a month.
306
00:13:01,806 --> 00:13:03,632
It's not that
I don't want to sleep with him.
307
00:13:03,733 --> 00:13:05,033
Then what is the problem?
308
00:13:05,134 --> 00:13:07,502
Really? I have to spell it out?
309
00:13:07,603 --> 00:13:09,371
Yes.
310
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:13,175
We don't have the same color,
we don't have the same religion,
311
00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:14,643
we don't have the same values.
312
00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:17,078
How is any of this supposed to work?
313
00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:19,080
You singing that song again?
We've been through this.
314
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:23,518
Yes, there's a million reasons why
it shouldn't work, but it does.
315
00:13:24,293 --> 00:13:25,665
I never seen you happier
316
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:27,522
since that big block of cream cheese
317
00:13:27,623 --> 00:13:29,224
dropped into your life.
318
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:32,327
So let him drop into your pants.
319
00:13:33,823 --> 00:13:36,231
Who knows? You might actually enjoy it.
320
00:13:36,332 --> 00:13:39,134
Either way, it's just 20 minutes.
321
00:13:42,658 --> 00:13:44,239
It's open.
322
00:13:44,898 --> 00:13:48,476
Sorry to interrupt, but Kofo and
I finished doing the inventory,
323
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:49,844
and found a few small
324
00:13:49,946 --> 00:13:51,513
- discrepancies.
- Yeah?
325
00:13:51,614 --> 00:13:53,949
Tell somebody who cares.
326
00:13:55,862 --> 00:13:57,928
_
327
00:13:57,929 --> 00:13:59,590
_
328
00:13:59,591 --> 00:14:02,184
_
329
00:14:04,472 --> 00:14:06,161
Mr. Wheeler, is everything all right?
330
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,462
No.
331
00:14:07,563 --> 00:14:08,830
Anything we can do?
332
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,832
Yeah, have a drink with me.
333
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,034
Misery loves company.
334
00:14:13,608 --> 00:14:14,869
Okay, we will be the company.
335
00:14:15,623 --> 00:14:17,505
And you will be the misery.
336
00:14:19,809 --> 00:14:21,776
Let me ask you something.
337
00:14:21,877 --> 00:14:23,845
Say a guy was involved with a...
338
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,981
lady from your neck of the woods.
339
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:28,583
Well, the forests of Nigeria
have been horribly depleted,
340
00:14:28,684 --> 00:14:30,652
but okay.
341
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,090
And this lady tells the
guy she's committed to him,
342
00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:36,291
he's the one for her,
343
00:14:36,392 --> 00:14:37,826
she's not looking at anybody else,
344
00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:40,028
no pharmacists, nothing like that.
345
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,097
Pharmacists seems like
an unnecessary detail,
346
00:14:42,198 --> 00:14:44,232
but continue.
347
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:46,401
Would this guy be out
of line in thinking
348
00:14:46,502 --> 00:14:48,737
that her affections
might become physical,
349
00:14:48,838 --> 00:14:52,974
you know, before...
his machinery quits working?
350
00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:55,335
_
351
00:14:55,719 --> 00:15:00,017
_
352
00:15:00,018 --> 00:15:02,912
_
353
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:06,041
_
354
00:15:06,592 --> 00:15:10,245
_
355
00:15:11,085 --> 00:15:12,448
_
356
00:15:12,449 --> 00:15:14,864
_
357
00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:21,336
Mr. Wheeler,
this woman does not deserve you.
358
00:15:21,437 --> 00:15:23,938
If I were her,
I would have intercourse with you
359
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,507
as often as I could.
360
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:27,820
_
361
00:15:28,577 --> 00:15:31,079
Once or twice a week.
362
00:15:31,881 --> 00:15:33,615
Thanks, pal.
363
00:17:36,739 --> 00:17:38,740
Screw it.
364
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:51,820
- Hey.
- Did I wake you?
365
00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:53,188
No.
366
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:54,689
I miss you.
367
00:17:54,790 --> 00:17:56,257
I miss you, too.
368
00:17:56,358 --> 00:17:57,625
I've been thinking.
369
00:17:57,726 --> 00:18:00,161
Maybe I'm wrong about
waiting for marriage.
370
00:18:00,262 --> 00:18:01,963
Stop. You're not wrong.
371
00:18:02,064 --> 00:18:05,300
- Bob, you have to be honest with me.
- I am.
372
00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:06,968
The only thing important right now is
373
00:18:07,069 --> 00:18:08,436
that I have you in my life.
374
00:18:08,537 --> 00:18:10,305
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
375
00:18:10,406 --> 00:18:12,240
If it means I have to wait forever,
376
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,175
then that's what I'll do.
377
00:18:15,336 --> 00:18:16,444
It will not be forever.
378
00:18:17,435 --> 00:18:20,114
Can you narrow it down
any more than that?
379
00:18:21,994 --> 00:18:23,051
How about tomorrow?
380
00:18:23,052 --> 00:18:24,586
Tomorrow?
381
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,354
Mm, I'm just joking.
382
00:18:26,455 --> 00:18:28,923
Don't do that to me.
383
00:18:30,207 --> 00:18:31,447
Sweet dreams.
384
00:18:31,482 --> 00:18:32,627
They will be now.
385
00:18:32,728 --> 00:18:34,162
Good night, Bob.
386
00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:36,464
Good night, Abishola.
387
00:18:40,002 --> 00:18:42,203
Okay.
388
00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:05,260
This is different. This is celebrating.
389
00:19:10,903 --> 00:19:11,906
Kaale, Tunde.
390
00:19:12,008 --> 00:19:13,406
Kaale, Bob!
391
00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:15,977
Hey, come, sit.
392
00:19:16,846 --> 00:19:19,714
Abishola will be ready very soon.
393
00:19:19,815 --> 00:19:22,751
Ten minutes, 15 tops.
394
00:19:23,552 --> 00:19:25,020
So, you're good?
395
00:19:25,121 --> 00:19:27,522
- I am good. You?
- Ah.
396
00:19:27,623 --> 00:19:31,326
My only complaint is I do
not see my friend Bob enough.
397
00:19:31,427 --> 00:19:32,427
Likewise.
398
00:19:32,528 --> 00:19:33,928
I am very glad
399
00:19:34,030 --> 00:19:36,364
that you and Abishola have
worked out your differences.
400
00:19:36,465 --> 00:19:37,532
Yeah, me, too.
401
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,101
Can I ask you a personal question?
402
00:19:40,202 --> 00:19:41,202
Sure.
403
00:19:41,303 --> 00:19:43,505
You had the heart
attack a few months ago.
404
00:19:43,606 --> 00:19:44,639
How you doing now?
405
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:46,174
Great. Why?
406
00:19:46,275 --> 00:19:49,277
At some point,
you and Abishola will lay together.
407
00:19:49,378 --> 00:19:52,580
You need to be in tip-top
physical condition.
408
00:19:54,617 --> 00:19:55,850
Sorry?
409
00:19:55,951 --> 00:19:58,053
Nigerian women are ferocious lovers.
410
00:19:58,154 --> 00:20:01,923
Olu and I are still like
frisky college freshmen.
411
00:20:02,563 --> 00:20:04,893
Really? Well, thanks for the advice.
412
00:20:04,994 --> 00:20:08,663
Uh, you know those double bunk
beds that are in dormitories?
413
00:20:08,764 --> 00:20:11,032
Oh, we're not done.
414
00:20:11,133 --> 00:20:12,567
We broke one.
415
00:20:12,668 --> 00:20:15,970
Crushed Olu's roommate in the bed below.
416
00:20:16,806 --> 00:20:18,239
Is that right?
417
00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:20,975
Yes, we had to take her to the hospital.
418
00:20:21,077 --> 00:20:23,278
Uh, you know, after we finished.
419
00:20:25,214 --> 00:20:28,616
Abishola, I'm gonna wait in the car!
420
00:20:28,718 --> 00:20:30,318
Oh, I-I'll keep you company.
421
00:20:31,721 --> 00:20:33,288
Uh, speaking of cars,
422
00:20:33,389 --> 00:20:36,524
uh, one time,
we were in my father's Toyota,
423
00:20:36,625 --> 00:20:38,993
and somehow,
I released the parking brake.
424
00:20:39,095 --> 00:20:43,364
The car rolled into the river,
and we didn't even notice!
425
00:20:46,934 --> 00:20:49,281
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