1
00:00:01,289 --> 00:00:04,139
Come on, guys, I'm hungry.
Let's get to the Pasta Pit.
2
00:00:04,164 --> 00:00:06,133
Hey, Leils, warm up the car, will you?
3
00:00:06,158 --> 00:00:07,193
Here are the keys.
4
00:00:07,218 --> 00:00:08,484
I got my own.
5
00:00:10,382 --> 00:00:13,296
I'm actually videoconferencing
with a village in Benin,
6
00:00:13,321 --> 00:00:14,549
so I can't come.
7
00:00:14,574 --> 00:00:16,389
Well, your loss.
8
00:00:16,414 --> 00:00:17,644
Today's my fake birthday,
9
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,429
so you'll miss out on some free cake.
10
00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:23,421
You're lying.
11
00:00:23,966 --> 00:00:27,007
Your voice dropped two
decibels on the word "village."
12
00:00:28,242 --> 00:00:30,201
What? You're crazy.
13
00:00:30,226 --> 00:00:31,796
That's your fake laugh.
14
00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:35,281
Therefore, you don't think he's crazy.
15
00:00:36,419 --> 00:00:37,632
What are you up to?
16
00:00:37,657 --> 00:00:40,208
I detect a faint whiff
of propylene glycol,
17
00:00:40,233 --> 00:00:42,000
so your legs are recently shaved.
18
00:00:44,414 --> 00:00:46,875
Remnants of a purifying mask.
19
00:00:48,273 --> 00:00:49,851
Charcoal.
20
00:00:50,343 --> 00:00:53,685
Nails painted, hair done.
21
00:00:53,710 --> 00:00:56,350
Nervous glances at
your phone. I've got it.
22
00:00:56,375 --> 00:00:58,406
You're practicing for the LSAT.
23
00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:03,314
No, you dummies.
She's having a boy over.
24
00:01:03,339 --> 00:01:06,268
And she lied to us about it!
25
00:01:06,293 --> 00:01:07,963
This is terrible.
26
00:01:08,794 --> 00:01:12,072
I'm shocked and horrified,
just like a real dad.
27
00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:16,041
So, what's his name?
Where'd you meet him?
28
00:01:16,066 --> 00:01:18,282
Is he exactly like me,
or the complete opposite of me?
29
00:01:18,307 --> 00:01:21,151
'Cause... that'll say a lot
about what issues I gave you.
30
00:01:22,059 --> 00:01:24,296
His name is Tyler.
That's all you're getting.
31
00:01:24,321 --> 00:01:25,704
And I'm texting him to cancel.
32
00:01:25,729 --> 00:01:27,541
Absolutely not.
33
00:01:27,566 --> 00:01:30,057
You lied, and you are punished,
young lady.
34
00:01:30,082 --> 00:01:32,581
That boy is coming over
whether you like it or not.
35
00:01:33,518 --> 00:01:36,329
Yep. And we are waiting
right here to meet him.
36
00:01:36,354 --> 00:01:38,091
This is so unfair.
37
00:01:38,116 --> 00:01:39,608
Life's unfair.
38
00:01:40,043 --> 00:01:42,291
We finally got to say it.
39
00:01:44,189 --> 00:01:45,690
All right, I'll order the pizza,
40
00:01:45,715 --> 00:01:47,596
everyone meet back
here in 20 for the show.
41
00:01:47,621 --> 00:01:49,174
Go.
42
00:01:51,948 --> 00:01:53,359
I pressed the button, and the car's
43
00:01:53,384 --> 00:01:55,282
rolling down the driveway.
44
00:01:57,612 --> 00:01:59,370
Never mind, it stopped.
45
00:02:08,235 --> 00:02:10,362
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:02:11,573 --> 00:02:12,634
Can you believe it?
47
00:02:12,659 --> 00:02:14,862
One of our kids is bringing
home a dating person.
48
00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:16,760
I know.
49
00:02:16,785 --> 00:02:18,285
I hope he does that
thing where he meets me
50
00:02:18,309 --> 00:02:21,448
and he's like, "Nicole,
I didn't know you had a sister."
51
00:02:21,473 --> 00:02:25,440
And I giggle, all flattered,
even though... we both know.
52
00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:28,409
I have a question for Dad.
53
00:02:28,729 --> 00:02:30,943
Why would Nicole
paint her nails for a boy?
54
00:02:31,635 --> 00:02:32,813
Well, buddy,
55
00:02:32,846 --> 00:02:35,916
you see, she's trying to look her best
56
00:02:35,941 --> 00:02:38,456
to make a good impression
because she likes him.
57
00:02:39,455 --> 00:02:42,596
So, should I do my hair
before our interactions?
58
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,448
Because I like you.
59
00:02:45,745 --> 00:02:46,899
Thank God.
60
00:02:48,104 --> 00:02:51,197
Uh, but no, no.
It-It's a different kind of like.
61
00:02:51,222 --> 00:02:53,190
It's like how I feel about Mom.
62
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:56,924
When I see her,
my heart races and I smile.
63
00:02:57,331 --> 00:02:58,752
Interesting.
64
00:02:58,777 --> 00:03:00,880
That happened to me
today at the art museum
65
00:03:00,905 --> 00:03:02,690
when I saw Katherine Holdingham.
66
00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:04,210
Yeah?
67
00:03:04,235 --> 00:03:07,138
Wow, that's great, buddy. Well...
68
00:03:07,163 --> 00:03:08,791
you've come to the right place.
69
00:03:08,816 --> 00:03:12,541
Your old man knows a thing
or two about the ladies.
70
00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:16,085
First thing, never do that.
71
00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,615
You think you'll see her again?
72
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:20,836
Perhaps.
73
00:03:20,861 --> 00:03:23,117
I'll go shave my legs, just in case.
74
00:03:25,257 --> 00:03:27,789
Well, that was almost normal.
I'm taking the "W."
75
00:03:28,025 --> 00:03:29,273
He's here.
76
00:03:29,298 --> 00:03:30,351
Oh, okay, okay.
77
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,375
Uh, how can I look
intimidating when he walks in?
78
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,168
Uh, push-ups? Oh, no.
79
00:03:34,573 --> 00:03:36,304
Anyone have a gun I can be cleaning?
80
00:03:37,013 --> 00:03:38,386
Use my gun.
81
00:03:38,411 --> 00:03:40,451
Thank you, sweetie,
but that's not really scary.
82
00:03:40,476 --> 00:03:41,750
Oh!
83
00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:43,924
We let you use that?!
84
00:03:43,949 --> 00:03:46,195
I'm the fourth kid.
My rules are different.
85
00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:48,992
Do not embarrass me tonight.
86
00:03:49,017 --> 00:03:50,600
Okay, I'm serious.
87
00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:52,546
Relax, we're gonna leave you two alone.
88
00:03:52,571 --> 00:03:55,170
Yeah, come on,
we're not those type of parents.
89
00:03:55,484 --> 00:03:56,952
You kids have fun.
90
00:04:02,197 --> 00:04:03,695
- Hey, you.
- We were lying.
91
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,189
We're totally those type of parents.
92
00:04:05,214 --> 00:04:08,406
- So, this is famous Tyler.
- Sup?
93
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,609
I didn't know you had a sister.
94
00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:12,870
Oh, stop.
95
00:04:12,895 --> 00:04:15,015
I'm her mom.
96
00:04:15,581 --> 00:04:16,617
Yeah, I know, ma'am.
97
00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:18,171
I'm talking about that little girl.
98
00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:20,515
Sup?
99
00:04:21,507 --> 00:04:24,498
Oh, whoa, is that
your Vette parked out there?
100
00:04:24,523 --> 00:04:26,750
Wow, yeah, that's a pretty sweet ride.
101
00:04:26,775 --> 00:04:29,445
In high school,
I had one just like it...
102
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,492
almost run me over.
103
00:04:32,475 --> 00:04:34,250
Oh, no, it's not mine.
104
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,736
I'm a valet at the mall,
so as long as I keep it running,
105
00:04:36,761 --> 00:04:38,890
I'm technically still parking it.
106
00:04:40,527 --> 00:04:43,418
He's so humble. He's not just a valet.
107
00:04:43,443 --> 00:04:45,820
He's also an artist. Tell them.
108
00:04:46,903 --> 00:04:48,448
Well, you know the, uh, "Sunrise" mural
109
00:04:48,472 --> 00:04:49,825
outside of the Billings Library?
110
00:04:49,850 --> 00:04:52,753
Oh. Wow, yeah,
that's actually really good.
111
00:04:52,785 --> 00:04:54,781
Yeah. I graffitied the penises on it.
112
00:04:54,884 --> 00:04:56,234
Oh.
113
00:04:56,936 --> 00:05:00,240
Those are very... realistic.
114
00:05:00,358 --> 00:05:02,187
Well, I have one, so it's easy.
115
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,156
I, too, have one.
116
00:05:05,984 --> 00:05:07,384
I'm the brother.
117
00:05:07,409 --> 00:05:09,733
I don't need to know your name,
you don't need to know mine.
118
00:05:09,757 --> 00:05:11,054
It's Brian.
119
00:05:11,486 --> 00:05:14,109
But you hurt my sister,
you answer to me.
120
00:05:14,134 --> 00:05:16,737
I respect that.
You know, you're a good brother.
121
00:05:16,762 --> 00:05:18,250
Do whatever you want with her!
122
00:05:22,349 --> 00:05:24,804
Come on, Ty,
there's pizza in the kitchen.
123
00:05:25,632 --> 00:05:27,656
How does he keep his hair so wet?
124
00:05:28,473 --> 00:05:30,312
Should we be worried about this?
125
00:05:30,337 --> 00:05:32,000
Worried? About Nicole?
126
00:05:32,025 --> 00:05:33,668
No. Come on, Kay.
127
00:05:33,693 --> 00:05:35,898
Trust me, a-as someone
who's been manipulated
128
00:05:35,923 --> 00:05:37,560
by her many, many times,
129
00:05:37,585 --> 00:05:39,153
she's working an angle with this guy.
130
00:05:39,427 --> 00:05:41,888
Ty... use a plate!
131
00:05:44,679 --> 00:05:46,640
That's her real laugh.
132
00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:50,577
There's no angle. She likes that guy.
133
00:05:51,478 --> 00:05:53,380
I wonder if he has a brother.
134
00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,711
Look at this punk's Instagram.
135
00:06:00,736 --> 00:06:02,156
- Let me see.
- I don't like it.
136
00:06:02,181 --> 00:06:03,944
A guy like this only wants one thing.
137
00:06:03,969 --> 00:06:05,737
All guys that age only want one thing.
138
00:06:05,762 --> 00:06:07,598
Yeah, but I'm worried he could actually
139
00:06:07,623 --> 00:06:08,843
figure out how to get it.
140
00:06:09,409 --> 00:06:11,078
Oh, he could get it.
141
00:06:11,431 --> 00:06:13,632
They growing 'em good these days.
142
00:06:14,066 --> 00:06:16,125
I'm in the damn room.
143
00:06:16,762 --> 00:06:18,303
No, Mike's right.
144
00:06:18,328 --> 00:06:20,695
This is the guy you throw
your teaching career away on,
145
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,654
not your first boyfriend.
146
00:06:22,679 --> 00:06:24,351
He's gonna break her heart.
147
00:06:24,376 --> 00:06:27,015
Your first love should
be a good experience.
148
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,218
Well, lucky for me,
I married my first love.
149
00:06:30,243 --> 00:06:31,804
Mine was Doug.
150
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,429
Mine was also Doug.
151
00:06:35,054 --> 00:06:36,632
Remember how sexy he was?
152
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,899
- The motorcycle.
- The mesh tank.
153
00:06:38,924 --> 00:06:41,453
The frosted tips. Oh!
154
00:06:42,796 --> 00:06:45,187
Whatever. Doug.
155
00:06:45,562 --> 00:06:48,365
What kind of sexy guy
has a name like Doug?
156
00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:51,463
Yeah, you tell 'em, Irwin.
157
00:06:53,643 --> 00:06:56,279
And I fell hard for him.
158
00:06:56,385 --> 00:06:59,087
Then he cheated on me.
Destroyed my confidence.
159
00:06:59,112 --> 00:07:00,765
- Took years to get it back.
- Mm.
160
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:04,092
Went through a bunch of
Dylans and Damons and Daryls.
161
00:07:04,117 --> 00:07:06,593
Just an endless parade of Ds.
162
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,187
I know how this hurts me.
163
00:07:09,212 --> 00:07:11,515
Can you please explain
how it helps our daughter?
164
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:14,761
Don't worry, I am gonna talk to Nicole
165
00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:16,930
and convince her
that Tyler is a bad idea
166
00:07:16,955 --> 00:07:18,945
before she gets her heart broken.
167
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,777
Oh, Doug accepted my friend request.
168
00:07:22,802 --> 00:07:23,906
Girl!
169
00:07:25,187 --> 00:07:28,609
Will you not disrespect me in
front of our white friends?
170
00:07:36,682 --> 00:07:39,118
Thank you for bringing me
to the museum, Dad.
171
00:07:39,152 --> 00:07:41,321
And thank me, since it's this bad boy
172
00:07:41,354 --> 00:07:43,242
that got us in free.
173
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:44,459
You folks need a map?
174
00:07:44,484 --> 00:07:46,225
- Thanks, but we're...
- Aah!
175
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:49,196
Oh, my God. I-I'm so sorry.
176
00:07:51,202 --> 00:07:53,859
So, you think Katherine Holdingham
177
00:07:53,884 --> 00:07:55,230
is gonna be here again?
178
00:07:55,255 --> 00:07:56,921
She's here all the time.
179
00:07:58,403 --> 00:08:01,374
Oh... an older woman.
180
00:08:01,572 --> 00:08:03,562
All right. You should go talk to her.
181
00:08:03,773 --> 00:08:05,357
That won't be strange?
182
00:08:05,382 --> 00:08:07,101
No, not at all.
183
00:08:07,126 --> 00:08:08,968
But feel free to ask me that
184
00:08:08,993 --> 00:08:11,062
about every other instinct you have.
185
00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:14,955
Okay, so that guard's
in pretty bad shape there.
186
00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:17,726
Gonna need your statement
for the incident report.
187
00:08:18,286 --> 00:08:19,755
Look at your brother, Bri.
188
00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:22,640
I feel like Marc and I are
finally on the same page.
189
00:08:22,665 --> 00:08:24,811
And now, with my guidance, he's...
190
00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:26,054
Hi.
191
00:08:26,865 --> 00:08:28,434
... talking to a painting.
192
00:08:30,069 --> 00:08:32,421
Because Katherine Holdingham is actually
193
00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,839
Katherine Holding Ham.
194
00:08:34,864 --> 00:08:36,531
And she's a painting.
195
00:08:42,914 --> 00:08:45,359
Hey, Nic. What you doing?
196
00:08:45,384 --> 00:08:46,578
Texting Tyler.
197
00:08:46,603 --> 00:08:48,472
He just sent "Hey, girrl" with two Rs.
198
00:08:48,497 --> 00:08:49,984
He's so funny.
199
00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:54,928
So, is Tyler, like... your boyfriend?
200
00:08:54,953 --> 00:08:56,945
Unofficially, yes.
201
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,328
But officially,
he says he's not into labels.
202
00:08:59,353 --> 00:09:01,187
Mm. Well, if I had to label that,
203
00:09:01,212 --> 00:09:04,734
it'd probably be something like,
I don't know, red flag.
204
00:09:05,728 --> 00:09:08,531
I mean, are you sure about Tyler?
205
00:09:08,556 --> 00:09:12,506
I mean, don't you want somebody
who's smart or ambitious
206
00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:15,843
or respects the terms and
conditions of the valet ticket?
207
00:09:16,214 --> 00:09:18,025
That's why I like him.
208
00:09:18,050 --> 00:09:20,419
He challenges the status quo.
209
00:09:20,453 --> 00:09:21,789
Just by taking the cars,
210
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:24,098
he's upending our very
definition of ownership.
211
00:09:24,123 --> 00:09:26,203
And what's he challenging
with the penises?
212
00:09:26,906 --> 00:09:30,505
He's making a statement about
the role of sex in society.
213
00:09:30,812 --> 00:09:34,171
Feels like the statement is
"I can only draw penises."
214
00:09:35,269 --> 00:09:37,679
Look, it's fine. You don't like him.
215
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:38,843
But I don't care.
216
00:09:38,868 --> 00:09:41,335
Because when I'm with him, I'm happy.
217
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,201
You just don't get it because
you don't know him like I do.
218
00:09:44,226 --> 00:09:46,695
Oh, believe me.
219
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,190
I know him better than you ever will.
220
00:09:50,625 --> 00:09:53,587
Come on. We're taking a field trip.
221
00:09:59,367 --> 00:10:02,595
- Why are we at a mechanic?
- This isn't a mechanic.
222
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:04,523
It's a cautionary tale.
223
00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:07,289
Hey, Doug.
224
00:10:07,976 --> 00:10:10,311
Is that Kay Mollen?
225
00:10:10,554 --> 00:10:13,943
Look at you. Like a Mercedes-Benz.
226
00:10:13,968 --> 00:10:16,562
Doesn't matter how many miles
are on you, you still look good.
227
00:10:17,402 --> 00:10:19,937
I hate the part of me
that kind of likes that.
228
00:10:21,226 --> 00:10:23,859
Anyway, there's someone
I'd like you to meet.
229
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:26,921
Oh, I see. Been here before.
230
00:10:28,569 --> 00:10:31,101
Hi, sweetie. Uh, I know
I've missed a few birthdays,
231
00:10:31,126 --> 00:10:32,274
I can't promise I'll be...
232
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,865
God, no.
I just wanted to introduce Nicole
233
00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:36,693
to my first-ever boyfriend.
234
00:10:36,718 --> 00:10:38,631
Uh... "boyfriend."
235
00:10:38,665 --> 00:10:41,836
Whoa, babe, I told you 20 years ago,
I'm not into labels.
236
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,093
That includes "dad." You call me Doug.
237
00:10:46,702 --> 00:10:50,568
You know, Doug has a very artistic soul.
238
00:10:50,593 --> 00:10:51,936
How's the band?
239
00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:53,087
Arcade fire.
240
00:10:53,112 --> 00:10:54,640
You were in Arcade Fire?
241
00:10:54,665 --> 00:10:56,476
No, that's how our last gig ended.
242
00:10:57,696 --> 00:10:59,928
Yeah, rock and roll burned it down!
243
00:11:00,781 --> 00:11:02,834
Actually, the court ruled
it was our bassist.
244
00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:06,976
Anyway, I really liked Doug,
but it ended badly.
245
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,702
Yeah. You broke my heart.
246
00:11:08,727 --> 00:11:10,147
No, you broke my bicycle,
247
00:11:10,172 --> 00:11:12,408
banging Jenny Furman
on it at my sweet 16.
248
00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:15,051
Oh, yeah, that was a good party.
249
00:11:15,076 --> 00:11:16,969
I banged Jenny Furman at that party.
250
00:11:17,002 --> 00:11:18,209
Right, I just...
251
00:11:18,234 --> 00:11:19,702
Hey, am I crazy,
or is there still something here?
252
00:11:19,726 --> 00:11:21,265
Meet me in the tire room, five minutes.
253
00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:22,624
I got a bicycle back there.
254
00:11:25,887 --> 00:11:27,856
Now, you get why I brought you here?
255
00:11:27,881 --> 00:11:30,459
- I can't believe it.
- Well, believe it.
256
00:11:30,484 --> 00:11:33,295
I had no idea you could
pull such a smoke show.
257
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:36,356
No! What? That's not the takeaway.
258
00:11:36,381 --> 00:11:39,409
I knew you could get guys
like Dad, but him?
259
00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:42,995
I've literally never been
more impressed by you.
260
00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:45,050
No, I...
261
00:11:45,730 --> 00:11:47,526
Well, yeah, I did all right.
262
00:11:48,081 --> 00:11:49,612
I want to hear everything.
263
00:11:49,637 --> 00:11:51,815
There's so much I can
finally learn from you.
264
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,550
No, that's really not...
265
00:11:54,439 --> 00:11:56,159
You know what, let's go get coffee.
266
00:12:04,471 --> 00:12:07,054
Yo, I'm looking for somebody named Doug.
267
00:12:15,659 --> 00:12:16,689
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
268
00:12:16,714 --> 00:12:17,831
I just picked up dinner.
269
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:19,120
We're having ham.
270
00:12:19,417 --> 00:12:21,233
Ha, ha, very funny.
271
00:12:21,258 --> 00:12:23,044
Because I helped Marc fall
in love with a painting
272
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:24,548
of a girl holding ham.
273
00:12:25,863 --> 00:12:26,900
No.
274
00:12:26,925 --> 00:12:28,208
Just felt like ham.
275
00:12:28,233 --> 00:12:29,642
What's this about our son?
276
00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:31,173
Nothing, ham sounds great.
277
00:12:31,198 --> 00:12:32,878
Marc will love it. So...
278
00:12:32,903 --> 00:12:35,222
how's it going with breaking
up Nicole and Tyler?
279
00:12:35,247 --> 00:12:37,401
Actually, I talked to Nicole,
280
00:12:37,426 --> 00:12:40,236
and we came up with
a better plan for Tyler.
281
00:12:40,261 --> 00:12:41,682
We're gonna fix him.
282
00:12:42,292 --> 00:12:44,691
Oh! Yeah, okay, well,
283
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:46,284
worked on my old Doberman.
284
00:12:47,069 --> 00:12:48,937
No, no. Look.
285
00:12:48,962 --> 00:12:51,030
I told Nicole my concerns about Tyler.
286
00:12:51,055 --> 00:12:54,142
And we realized, between
her brains and my experience,
287
00:12:54,167 --> 00:12:57,448
we can turn Tyler into a decent
guy who won't break her heart.
288
00:12:58,089 --> 00:12:59,511
Okay.
289
00:12:59,536 --> 00:13:01,249
Okay.
290
00:13:01,274 --> 00:13:02,784
So, instead of breaking them up,
291
00:13:02,809 --> 00:13:04,044
you are milking it so that
292
00:13:04,069 --> 00:13:05,437
you can spend more time with her.
293
00:13:05,462 --> 00:13:08,206
- No.
- That's your "yes" no.
294
00:13:08,979 --> 00:13:10,150
Fine.
295
00:13:10,183 --> 00:13:12,760
But she's actually
listening to me for once.
296
00:13:12,785 --> 00:13:14,915
We're, like, bonding.
297
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:17,290
Imagine Brian comes to you and wants
298
00:13:17,323 --> 00:13:20,126
to toss the old pigskin around...
What are you gonna do?
299
00:13:20,159 --> 00:13:21,270
I'd assume there was a pig carcass
300
00:13:21,294 --> 00:13:22,529
lying somewhere in our house.
301
00:13:23,963 --> 00:13:25,732
But, yeah, I mean, I guess
302
00:13:25,757 --> 00:13:27,596
if it was football, I'd be excited.
303
00:13:27,621 --> 00:13:30,509
Well, Tyler's our football.
304
00:13:30,534 --> 00:13:33,014
Look, I wouldn't be doing this
if I didn't think it could work.
305
00:13:34,382 --> 00:13:35,909
Fine.
306
00:13:36,089 --> 00:13:39,216
And, you should know,
I took Nicole to see Doug.
307
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:42,326
Did he at least get fat?
308
00:13:43,992 --> 00:13:44,992
Yes.
309
00:13:45,017 --> 00:13:46,819
That's your "no" yes!
310
00:13:51,061 --> 00:13:53,191
So, a painting, huh?
311
00:13:53,216 --> 00:13:54,593
That's a new one.
312
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:56,326
Is she hot, at least?
313
00:13:57,013 --> 00:13:59,662
She's like a modern six,
Renaissance nine.
314
00:14:00,369 --> 00:14:02,275
But it's still weird, and it's my fault
315
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,304
for telling him to go talk to it.
316
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,443
I was just trying to connect, you know?
317
00:14:06,468 --> 00:14:08,049
I thought he was doing something normal.
318
00:14:08,073 --> 00:14:11,210
Normal hasn't lived here
in a long time, Mike.
319
00:14:11,243 --> 00:14:13,145
Well, I learned my lesson.
320
00:14:13,170 --> 00:14:15,576
Now I just got to keep
him away from that museum.
321
00:14:15,826 --> 00:14:17,357
Well, I don't know.
322
00:14:17,382 --> 00:14:19,769
You know, half the reason
Rita married me
323
00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:22,365
was 'cause her parents hated me.
324
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,793
They forbid her from seeing me.
325
00:14:24,818 --> 00:14:26,208
There were a lot of
326
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,785
"over my dead bodies"
327
00:14:27,810 --> 00:14:29,529
and "not under my roof."
328
00:14:29,554 --> 00:14:32,973
And "No, everyone else stay, he leaves.
329
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,598
"No. Stay where you are.
330
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,113
"Don't feel bad for him.
331
00:14:36,138 --> 00:14:37,746
"Put down the rolls.
332
00:14:37,771 --> 00:14:39,058
"You sit.
333
00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:41,373
"You down, he leaves.
334
00:14:41,398 --> 00:14:43,183
"And lock the door on your way out.
335
00:14:43,208 --> 00:14:45,988
"And start with the top lock
'cause it's a tricky door.
336
00:14:46,013 --> 00:14:48,381
"You got to lift up and pull out.
337
00:14:48,406 --> 00:14:50,676
'Cause it's been
swollen since the rain."
338
00:14:54,412 --> 00:14:55,855
There were a lot of those?
339
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,841
The point is, if you forbid it,
340
00:14:57,866 --> 00:15:00,926
you'll only drive him to that
painting's ham-holding hands.
341
00:15:00,951 --> 00:15:03,082
No, you got to act
like you're cool with it,
342
00:15:03,107 --> 00:15:05,474
and then maybe he'll lose interest.
343
00:15:06,396 --> 00:15:08,576
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
- Mm-hmm.
344
00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:09,982
- Thanks, Irwin.
- Mm-hmm.
345
00:15:10,007 --> 00:15:11,551
Hey, listen,
if you ever need my help, I...
346
00:15:11,575 --> 00:15:13,244
I got Doug in my trunk.
347
00:15:20,896 --> 00:15:22,748
Most people go for the lead guitarist,
348
00:15:22,781 --> 00:15:24,387
but let me give you a tip.
349
00:15:24,412 --> 00:15:26,019
The drummer's usually in better shape
350
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:28,216
and the backstage passes are the same.
351
00:15:28,487 --> 00:15:29,971
That's brilliant.
352
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,505
Mom, you're awesome.
353
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,259
I know this is weird,
354
00:15:33,284 --> 00:15:35,029
but could you write that
on a mug, glaze it,
355
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,552
and make sure I'm buried with it?
356
00:15:37,463 --> 00:15:38,698
Oh, by the way,
357
00:15:38,731 --> 00:15:41,807
I got through that whole Tyler
to-do list you gave me, yeah.
358
00:15:41,832 --> 00:15:44,229
Even got him to take
"Vape Lord" off his résumé.
359
00:15:44,254 --> 00:15:46,527
Wow, this was supposed
to take you all week.
360
00:15:46,552 --> 00:15:48,697
- How'd you find time to do it all?
- Oh, it wasn't hard.
361
00:15:48,721 --> 00:15:50,266
I mean,
I did have to quit Model UN, but...
362
00:15:50,290 --> 00:15:51,486
Wait, you what?!
363
00:15:51,511 --> 00:15:52,956
You can't quit Model UN.
364
00:15:52,981 --> 00:15:54,713
What are you, North Korea?
365
00:15:54,738 --> 00:15:57,190
I'm trying to save Tyler
from a fate worse than Doug.
366
00:15:57,215 --> 00:15:59,831
That's more important than
sharing fake nuclear technology
367
00:15:59,856 --> 00:16:01,401
with pretend China.
368
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:02,955
No, it's...
369
00:16:03,395 --> 00:16:04,991
You shouldn't give up
on the things you love
370
00:16:05,015 --> 00:16:07,651
for some guy who's just
gonna screw you over.
371
00:16:08,945 --> 00:16:10,315
I messed up.
372
00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:11,456
This was a mistake.
373
00:16:11,481 --> 00:16:12,665
What do you mean?
374
00:16:12,698 --> 00:16:14,000
This was your idea.
375
00:16:14,025 --> 00:16:15,459
I was being selfish.
376
00:16:15,484 --> 00:16:16,886
I know better than anyone,
377
00:16:16,911 --> 00:16:19,182
you can't change Tylers or Dougs.
378
00:16:19,207 --> 00:16:21,784
I was just excited to be
spending time with you.
379
00:16:21,809 --> 00:16:23,346
You have to stop seeing Tyler.
380
00:16:23,371 --> 00:16:24,644
End of discussion.
381
00:16:25,113 --> 00:16:26,417
No.
382
00:16:26,442 --> 00:16:28,448
I can make my own decisions.
383
00:16:28,473 --> 00:16:30,012
I'm too smart to let myself
384
00:16:30,037 --> 00:16:32,004
get manipulated like you did.
385
00:16:32,348 --> 00:16:34,245
Excuse me?
386
00:16:34,270 --> 00:16:36,987
Ever think maybe the
problem wasn't the guys?
387
00:16:37,012 --> 00:16:39,259
Oh. Then who was it?
388
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:42,168
If the broken bicycle seat fits...
389
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,879
Okay, you are grounded.
390
00:16:45,267 --> 00:16:47,285
And for the record,
they didn't break the seat,
391
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,878
they snapped off the handlebars.
392
00:16:54,245 --> 00:16:57,268
All right, buddy,
go hang with your painting.
393
00:16:57,293 --> 00:17:00,046
I'll just wait back here
and try to find a statue
394
00:17:00,071 --> 00:17:01,934
I can set up with your brother.
395
00:17:02,585 --> 00:17:05,831
Actually, I think it would be
good for you to talk to her.
396
00:17:05,856 --> 00:17:08,143
Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm-I'm good.
397
00:17:08,168 --> 00:17:09,754
I can just, you know...
398
00:17:10,012 --> 00:17:11,347
Hey.
399
00:17:11,924 --> 00:17:14,151
Dad, I know you don't understand,
400
00:17:14,176 --> 00:17:15,933
but I would like you to try.
401
00:17:15,958 --> 00:17:17,093
Okay.
402
00:17:17,118 --> 00:17:18,572
I am...
403
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,666
cool with that.
404
00:17:25,856 --> 00:17:27,139
Hey there.
405
00:17:27,164 --> 00:17:29,925
I'm just, uh, gonna pretend
to talk for a minute,
406
00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:32,186
because I told my son I would, so...
407
00:17:32,856 --> 00:17:35,022
And, yep, he's watching, so...
408
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,659
Ah, things you do for your kids, right?
409
00:17:38,684 --> 00:17:40,112
You have kids?
410
00:17:40,137 --> 00:17:42,020
I see you have some meat.
411
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:44,442
But you also have such sad eyes.
412
00:17:45,090 --> 00:17:48,561
Well, I guess I'd be sad, too,
if I had a ham in my hands
413
00:17:48,586 --> 00:17:50,273
for 200 years and couldn't eat it.
414
00:17:52,832 --> 00:17:54,949
Or maybe you wish the
ham was something else?
415
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,343
Yeah.
416
00:17:56,645 --> 00:17:58,487
Yeah, I get that.
417
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,877
See, I have this brilliant kid.
418
00:18:00,902 --> 00:18:02,731
Oh. You know Marc.
419
00:18:03,512 --> 00:18:05,778
Anyway, sometimes
I wish he was just, like,
420
00:18:05,803 --> 00:18:08,878
a regular dummy, you know,
because then I'd...
421
00:18:08,903 --> 00:18:10,850
then I'd understand him.
422
00:18:10,883 --> 00:18:13,086
I mean, you connect better
with him than I do.
423
00:18:14,025 --> 00:18:15,527
Maybe it's that...
424
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,864
flicker of hope in your smile.
425
00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:20,126
It's kind of reassuring, actually.
426
00:18:20,715 --> 00:18:23,762
Like, maybe there's hope for me, too.
427
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,589
Boy...
428
00:18:27,614 --> 00:18:29,868
Tell you, I feel better
just standing here.
429
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:35,191
I feel calm, and inspired, and...
430
00:18:36,605 --> 00:18:38,651
Oh, my God, I get it now.
431
00:18:38,676 --> 00:18:40,646
I get art!
432
00:18:41,043 --> 00:18:42,482
Marc, I understand.
433
00:18:42,507 --> 00:18:44,870
You... you're not
attracted to the painting.
434
00:18:44,895 --> 00:18:46,121
- Huh?
- You like it because
435
00:18:46,146 --> 00:18:48,965
you feel a connection to it.
And now I do, too.
436
00:18:48,990 --> 00:18:52,065
Which means I'm connecting with you.
437
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,627
That's nice, but I think
you're weirding people out.
438
00:18:55,652 --> 00:18:57,230
I need backup in room two.
439
00:18:57,255 --> 00:18:59,887
We got another weirdo who
wants to pork a painting.
440
00:19:02,816 --> 00:19:06,934
"After the empire's massacre, Genghis
returned to Mongolia with the heads
441
00:19:06,959 --> 00:19:09,096
- of his conquests as a..."
- Hey, Nik.
442
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,999
We need to talk about yesterday.
443
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:14,152
Mom, we were about to get
to what the heads were for!
444
00:19:14,661 --> 00:19:15,901
Wait.
445
00:19:15,926 --> 00:19:17,401
Nicole, what's wrong?
446
00:19:17,426 --> 00:19:19,518
Nothing, I'm still mad at you.
447
00:19:19,543 --> 00:19:22,057
No. When you're mad,
you like to be alone.
448
00:19:23,019 --> 00:19:24,355
You're being ridiculous.
449
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:27,767
And that's your fake laugh,
so I'm not ridiculous.
450
00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:29,487
What's going on?
451
00:19:29,512 --> 00:19:31,299
Tyler screwed her over.
452
00:19:31,324 --> 00:19:32,465
Really?
453
00:19:32,498 --> 00:19:33,604
I give her dessert.
454
00:19:33,629 --> 00:19:34,934
She's on my payroll.
455
00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,129
What happened?
456
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:39,838
I skipped my Illuminati
of Tomorrow meeting,
457
00:19:39,863 --> 00:19:42,002
so that Tyler could
pick me up from school,
458
00:19:42,027 --> 00:19:43,343
but he never showed.
459
00:19:43,368 --> 00:19:45,602
So, I took an Uber to his house.
460
00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:48,184
Where I caught him making
out with another girl.
461
00:19:49,732 --> 00:19:52,770
Sweetie, I am so sorry.
462
00:19:52,931 --> 00:19:54,299
I don't understand.
463
00:19:54,324 --> 00:19:55,488
I'm supposed to be smart.
464
00:19:55,513 --> 00:19:57,182
How could I be so naive?
465
00:19:57,207 --> 00:19:59,058
'Cause it doesn't matter
how smart you are,
466
00:19:59,083 --> 00:20:00,620
the heart is dumb.
467
00:20:00,645 --> 00:20:02,090
But I promise
468
00:20:02,115 --> 00:20:04,182
you are going to have an easier time
469
00:20:04,207 --> 00:20:05,473
with heartbreak than I did,
470
00:20:05,498 --> 00:20:07,799
because you have
something that I didn't.
471
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,504
Potential.
472
00:20:10,723 --> 00:20:13,437
Good to know Nicole is still
in there, but no.
473
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:14,707
You have me!
474
00:20:14,955 --> 00:20:16,150
Look, we can go get...
475
00:20:16,175 --> 00:20:17,651
mani-pedis and eat ice cream,
476
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:19,477
and all that crap, or we could skip
477
00:20:19,502 --> 00:20:21,222
to what'll really
make you feel better...
478
00:20:21,247 --> 00:20:22,582
revenge.
479
00:20:22,607 --> 00:20:24,103
Leila, charge
480
00:20:24,128 --> 00:20:26,226
the walkie-talkies and round
up all the toilet paper.
481
00:20:26,251 --> 00:20:28,437
Can we put pantyhose on our faces?
482
00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:30,883
Yeah, just grab the ones from last time.
483
00:20:30,908 --> 00:20:31,947
Yes!
484
00:20:35,207 --> 00:20:37,843
Okay, so the thing you need
to understand is that it's not
485
00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:40,103
about the art,
it's about how it makes you feel.
486
00:20:40,128 --> 00:20:42,376
Oh, well, right now I'm feeling tricked,
487
00:20:42,401 --> 00:20:44,220
because you said we were
doing something fun.
488
00:20:44,245 --> 00:20:45,728
Okay, wait until you see her.
489
00:20:45,753 --> 00:20:47,220
She's right over he...
490
00:20:48,259 --> 00:20:49,876
Uh, sorry, excuse me?
491
00:20:49,908 --> 00:20:51,476
Where's the painting that was here?
492
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:53,656
Oh, that was just on loan.
493
00:20:53,681 --> 00:20:55,113
So, she's gone?
494
00:20:55,344 --> 00:20:58,175
Oh... buddy,
495
00:20:58,455 --> 00:21:00,252
I'm sorry.
496
00:21:00,277 --> 00:21:02,346
I know it hurts, but...
497
00:21:02,371 --> 00:21:04,338
you'll find another painting
that makes you feel...
498
00:21:04,362 --> 00:21:06,267
just like Katherine did.
499
00:21:08,888 --> 00:21:09,979
But it's not gonna be today.
500
00:21:10,003 --> 00:21:11,869
Let's get out of here.
501
00:21:17,927 --> 00:21:19,533
- Really?
- Oh.
502
00:21:20,995 --> 00:21:25,007
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