1
00:00:07,737 --> 00:00:09,989
Now, this is the fancy option.
2
00:00:10,072 --> 00:00:11,991
Like what Mrs. Peanut
would get married in.
3
00:00:12,074 --> 00:00:13,576
You think Mr. Peanut is straight?
4
00:00:13,868 --> 00:00:15,911
And this is the other option.
5
00:00:15,995 --> 00:00:17,830
But that one's just fun,
6
00:00:17,913 --> 00:00:19,832
like a pool float
shaped like a piece of pizza.
7
00:00:19,915 --> 00:00:24,795
What? Your wedding is in three days,
and you haven't chosen the dress yet?
8
00:00:24,879 --> 00:00:28,007
I know I'm being silly.
Thank you for being so patient with me.
9
00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,134
Don't thank her. You're rich now.
10
00:00:30,342 --> 00:00:33,054
-And rich people can do whatever we want!
-[crashes]
11
00:00:33,137 --> 00:00:34,138
[laughs]
12
00:00:34,722 --> 00:00:36,682
Oh, brother, this is hard.
13
00:00:36,766 --> 00:00:38,768
How do you choose between fancy and fun?
14
00:00:38,851 --> 00:00:43,147
Why choose? Just cut the butt
out of the fancy one.
15
00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:44,607
Best of both worlds.
16
00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:46,692
I say don't pick the fun one.
17
00:00:46,776 --> 00:00:49,779
If you think something's fun,
it's gonna be dumb and for babies.
18
00:00:54,575 --> 00:00:56,368
I'm gonna go with...
19
00:00:56,869 --> 00:00:57,870
the fun one!
20
00:00:58,329 --> 00:01:00,998
Sorry, Titus, but my wedding's
going to be a lot of fun,
21
00:01:01,082 --> 00:01:05,169
and that dress is like a party on my body
that everyone's invited to!
22
00:01:05,252 --> 00:01:07,713
There you go, hon! Piece of cake!
23
00:01:07,797 --> 00:01:09,840
Oh! That reminds me.
24
00:01:12,593 --> 00:01:15,054
-Where the hell did you get that?
-Cake tasting.
25
00:01:15,137 --> 00:01:18,724
-But you didn't come to my cake tasting.
-I can have my own cake tasting, Kimberly.
26
00:01:18,808 --> 00:01:21,310
Kimmy, I cannot wear this.
27
00:01:21,393 --> 00:01:23,229
Oh, don't worry. The wedding's indoors,
28
00:01:23,312 --> 00:01:26,106
so if it rains, the candy won't melt
and attract bees.
29
00:01:26,190 --> 00:01:27,566
That's not what I was...
30
00:01:27,650 --> 00:01:30,444
Oh, my God! Titus! Are you kidding?
31
00:01:30,528 --> 00:01:32,905
If I were, you'd be chuckling right now.
32
00:01:32,988 --> 00:01:34,949
-Chuckling hard.
-[exasperated sigh]
33
00:01:35,491 --> 00:01:37,868
As your agent, I can't let you eat that.
34
00:01:38,327 --> 00:01:39,161
Come on.
35
00:01:39,245 --> 00:01:42,957
You start shooting in two days.
You're playing a Navy SEAL.
36
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,544
You're supposed to be following
Mark Wahlberg's workout regimen.
37
00:01:46,627 --> 00:01:47,920
"2:30 a.m., wake up."
38
00:01:48,003 --> 00:01:49,964
-Spit take.
-"2:45 a.m., prayer time."
39
00:01:50,047 --> 00:01:51,924
-Pass.
-"3:30 a.m., workout number one."
40
00:01:52,007 --> 00:01:53,968
-Number one?
-"5:30 a.m., post-workout meal."
41
00:01:54,051 --> 00:01:55,386
-I can do that.
-"7:00 a.m., golf."
42
00:01:55,469 --> 00:01:56,595
Why, bitch, why?
43
00:01:56,679 --> 00:01:58,222
This is a huge opportunity.
44
00:01:58,305 --> 00:02:00,975
You're the lead of a big action movie.
45
00:02:01,058 --> 00:02:03,394
Pull this off, and you'll be
the first guest on Fallon
46
00:02:03,477 --> 00:02:06,188
instead of the guy that gets bumped
because Bindi Irwin ran long.
47
00:02:06,272 --> 00:02:09,149
She brought an extra frog
and didn't tell the producers!
48
00:02:09,233 --> 00:02:11,026
Now go to the gym.
49
00:02:13,404 --> 00:02:14,363
Fine.
50
00:02:15,364 --> 00:02:16,407
You know what?
51
00:02:18,742 --> 00:02:20,035
I'll go to the gym.
52
00:02:21,495 --> 00:02:22,496
Am I lying?
53
00:02:24,582 --> 00:02:25,583
No.
54
00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:30,296
But if I was, that'd also be a lie.
55
00:02:31,297 --> 00:02:32,965
But I'm not. Or am I?
56
00:02:35,217 --> 00:02:37,887
[thuds, clatters]
57
00:02:38,846 --> 00:02:40,306
Off to the gym I go.
58
00:02:43,017 --> 00:02:45,019
[playful music]
59
00:02:46,395 --> 00:02:47,813
[sighs]
60
00:02:55,487 --> 00:02:57,656
Trying to make me exercise.
61
00:02:58,782 --> 00:03:01,911
I'm an actor. I can act like I got strong.
62
00:03:02,870 --> 00:03:03,954
Shoot.
63
00:03:04,663 --> 00:03:08,834
You don't tell me nothing.
64
00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:10,794
I'm just gonna...
65
00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:13,797
[snoring]
66
00:03:29,730 --> 00:03:31,941
[upbeat music]
67
00:03:36,487 --> 00:03:37,988
Kids are at gymnastics.
68
00:03:38,447 --> 00:03:39,531
Let's eat.
69
00:03:39,615 --> 00:03:41,992
A dream inspired by true events.
70
00:03:42,242 --> 00:03:43,494
Scrod, my darling?
71
00:03:47,706 --> 00:03:48,666
[gasps]
72
00:03:48,749 --> 00:03:50,626
Now let's make love.
73
00:03:53,629 --> 00:03:55,297
Come here. Yeah!
74
00:03:55,547 --> 00:03:57,174
This is a nightmare!
75
00:03:57,258 --> 00:03:58,926
Come here, you big old guy.
76
00:03:59,009 --> 00:04:02,054
-Please wake up!
-Yeah! You know you want it!
77
00:04:02,137 --> 00:04:03,430
I don't!
78
00:04:04,431 --> 00:04:06,266
Charlotte McKinney, get off of me!
79
00:04:08,769 --> 00:04:11,855
Boy, when you walk down the aisle
in that dress,
80
00:04:11,939 --> 00:04:14,817
Frederick's gonna be all,
"Ga-ga-ga-gooey!"
81
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:17,361
And I can't wait to see you
in your bridesmaid's dress.
82
00:04:17,444 --> 00:04:20,197
Titus's man purse is gonna be
all over you!
83
00:04:20,281 --> 00:04:21,281
[grunts]
84
00:04:21,365 --> 00:04:24,034
-What's wrong, Jan?
-I can't fit in my dress, okay?
85
00:04:24,118 --> 00:04:25,661
I can't lose the weight!
86
00:04:27,037 --> 00:04:31,166
I don't want to be the fat bridesmaid
who has to wear the shawl, Kimmy.
87
00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:33,210
The shawl...
88
00:04:33,293 --> 00:04:34,503
Are you crazy?
89
00:04:34,586 --> 00:04:36,755
You couldn't lose any more weight
if you wanted to.
90
00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:37,965
You're empty.
91
00:04:38,966 --> 00:04:40,092
See?
92
00:04:40,384 --> 00:04:41,760
[Jan laughs]
93
00:04:41,844 --> 00:04:43,137
That tickles!
94
00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:45,597
That hurts! Now it tickles again.
95
00:04:45,681 --> 00:04:47,349
You don't have anything.
96
00:04:48,475 --> 00:04:49,935
Wait. What the huh?
97
00:04:50,019 --> 00:04:52,438
What is it, Kimmy?
A portal to a magical land?
98
00:04:52,521 --> 00:04:53,939
Quick! Hop in me!
99
00:04:54,023 --> 00:04:55,232
No.
100
00:04:55,899 --> 00:04:57,151
[Kimmy] It's a book!
101
00:04:57,776 --> 00:04:59,486
A book?
[sighs]
102
00:04:59,570 --> 00:05:02,281
That must be why I've been feeling so fat.
103
00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:06,285
Now that's what I call a diet book, huh?
104
00:05:06,368 --> 00:05:07,953
Wonderful!
105
00:05:08,037 --> 00:05:10,664
Oh, Jan, I wish I had your quick wit!
106
00:05:10,789 --> 00:05:11,957
[chuckles]
107
00:05:13,292 --> 00:05:15,753
My backpack is my funnest friend!
108
00:05:16,253 --> 00:05:19,339
Have you ever met a backpack this funny?
109
00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:30,851
Frederick?
110
00:05:31,685 --> 00:05:33,520
We're home! Frederick?
111
00:05:34,021 --> 00:05:36,774
Kimmy! Hello, my love.
112
00:05:40,319 --> 00:05:43,280
Oh, Jan! Have you lost weight?
No shawl for you.
113
00:05:43,363 --> 00:05:44,615
Oh, Frederick!
114
00:05:44,698 --> 00:05:46,450
Yeah! Look what I found inside her.
115
00:05:46,533 --> 00:05:48,535
A book! The thing you learn
horse breeds from.
116
00:05:48,619 --> 00:05:50,829
Frederick, the entire time
I was in the bunker,
117
00:05:50,913 --> 00:05:53,248
I had a whole other book
I didn't even know about.
118
00:05:53,499 --> 00:05:56,293
A hundred books, actually,
because it's a pick-your-own-journey,
119
00:05:56,376 --> 00:05:58,462
where you get to decide
how the stories go.
120
00:05:58,545 --> 00:06:00,172
Oh, you mean, a "whence thither" book?
121
00:06:00,255 --> 00:06:01,590
I gotta read this, like, now!
122
00:06:01,673 --> 00:06:04,426
Actually, there are some wedding details
to be attended to.
123
00:06:04,510 --> 00:06:07,387
We still haven't chosen your somethings
old, new, borrowed, and blue.
124
00:06:07,471 --> 00:06:09,473
Oh, I'll do it.
You don't have to worry about that.
125
00:06:09,556 --> 00:06:11,225
I know, but I can't help it.
126
00:06:11,308 --> 00:06:13,310
I had such a peculiar childhood.
127
00:06:13,393 --> 00:06:15,437
Not like yours,
which was truly awful. You win.
128
00:06:15,604 --> 00:06:17,898
But I am 12th in line
to the throne of England.
129
00:06:17,981 --> 00:06:21,527
Eleventh, if Great-Uncle Uther turns out
to be mostly corgi, as is rumored.
130
00:06:21,610 --> 00:06:24,488
His legs are pretty stumpy,
and his tail...
131
00:06:24,571 --> 00:06:26,031
I've never had friends, really.
132
00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:28,575
Kim Jong-un was the only other student
at L'École Porcverrues.
133
00:06:28,659 --> 00:06:30,869
I spent most of my life
in the company of my nanny Fiona.
134
00:06:31,036 --> 00:06:33,455
Well, I'm glad at least
she's coming to the wedding.
135
00:06:33,539 --> 00:06:37,126
Don't be cross with my family, darling.
After all, I am marrying commoner trash.
136
00:06:37,334 --> 00:06:38,544
Their words.
137
00:06:38,877 --> 00:06:40,337
It's just, you know, this wedding,
138
00:06:40,420 --> 00:06:43,966
this could finally be the start
of a normal life for The Scooch, huh?
139
00:06:44,341 --> 00:06:47,136
I'll have a cool new nickname,
a beautiful American wife,
140
00:06:47,219 --> 00:06:50,556
and maybe we'll get to live
in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
141
00:06:50,848 --> 00:06:53,475
That's a normal thing to do, isn't it?
Harrisburg?
142
00:06:53,559 --> 00:06:57,187
Oh, Frederick, you can't just start
talking about being normal
143
00:06:57,271 --> 00:06:59,481
in that cartoon fox Robin Hood accent.
144
00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:01,275
You know it gets my motor going.
145
00:07:01,358 --> 00:07:02,359
Right, I'm sorry.
146
00:07:02,442 --> 00:07:04,778
You're being
a real smooch tease, Frederick.
147
00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:06,655
It hurts my area.
148
00:07:06,738 --> 00:07:10,868
Well, I suppose a third option
would be practicing for our honeymoon.
149
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,454
Oh, boy. I do like kissing you.
150
00:07:13,537 --> 00:07:14,371
And I you.
151
00:07:14,580 --> 00:07:16,498
But planning is also fun.
152
00:07:18,041 --> 00:07:20,169
[playful music]
153
00:07:27,342 --> 00:07:28,927
Of course, I'll help with the wedding.
154
00:07:29,178 --> 00:07:31,430
I know what it's like to feel
like you missed out on stuff.
155
00:07:31,513 --> 00:07:33,390
That's one of the reasons
we get on so well.
156
00:07:33,474 --> 00:07:34,892
That and the wonderful imaginations
157
00:07:34,975 --> 00:07:37,436
we both honed
during our years of solitude.
158
00:07:37,519 --> 00:07:39,104
Right, RoboKimmy?
159
00:07:39,188 --> 00:07:40,564
[in robotic voice]
You are correct.
160
00:07:40,647 --> 00:07:42,232
-[both laugh]
-Splendid.
161
00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:45,152
Also, neither of us ever met our fathers.
162
00:07:45,235 --> 00:07:47,863
Mine took off,
and yours died in childbirth.
163
00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:49,656
So I'm told.
164
00:07:50,199 --> 00:07:52,743
And yet, the tabloids still publish
their nasty rumors
165
00:07:52,826 --> 00:07:54,244
about Mother's gardener.
166
00:07:58,582 --> 00:07:59,791
I look nothing like the man.
167
00:08:01,752 --> 00:08:03,378
So, something old.
168
00:08:04,546 --> 00:08:06,715
How about Jan? I've had her forever.
169
00:08:07,049 --> 00:08:10,177
Your fourth-grade lizard died in me!
170
00:08:10,385 --> 00:08:12,763
But do you think wearing a backpack
171
00:08:12,846 --> 00:08:15,891
will go with our wedding theme
of "Cool Grownups"?
172
00:08:17,309 --> 00:08:18,936
What about that book of yours?
173
00:08:19,478 --> 00:08:22,064
It's old, but you didn't know you had it,
so it's new to you.
174
00:08:22,397 --> 00:08:24,149
It's also blue!
175
00:08:24,233 --> 00:08:25,692
And it's borrowed, right?
176
00:08:25,776 --> 00:08:28,779
Because it's a library book!
Nice one, The Scooch!
177
00:08:29,071 --> 00:08:30,072
[chuckles]
178
00:08:31,615 --> 00:08:34,576
What the H-E single C, single K?
179
00:08:34,785 --> 00:08:38,413
This book was checked out
on April 24, 2003.
180
00:08:38,664 --> 00:08:41,333
That's five years after I got tooken.
181
00:08:42,751 --> 00:08:45,379
And you didn't attend
Louis Gossett, Jr. Junior High School.
182
00:08:45,629 --> 00:08:48,298
No, so it's not actually mine.
183
00:08:48,715 --> 00:08:51,593
So, it must belong to one of your chums
from your underground terror pit.
184
00:08:51,677 --> 00:08:52,552
Your words.
185
00:08:52,636 --> 00:08:55,639
Right. One of the other Mole Women.
186
00:08:55,722 --> 00:08:57,474
It's just so weird, though.
187
00:08:57,683 --> 00:09:00,352
Well, the mystery is solved easily enough.
188
00:09:04,314 --> 00:09:05,649
[exhales sharply]
189
00:09:05,732 --> 00:09:07,025
But which one do I call?
190
00:09:07,234 --> 00:09:08,694
Well, Cyndee's always fun.
191
00:09:08,777 --> 00:09:10,195
Oh, but what about Donna Maria?
192
00:09:10,279 --> 00:09:12,823
And who could forget Gretchen?
Yes, this is hard.
193
00:09:13,282 --> 00:09:15,450
Eeny, meenie, miney, mo,
catch a tiger by its toe--
194
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:16,785
Oh, is that how you choose things here?
195
00:09:17,244 --> 00:09:19,496
In England, we say,
"Jumpy Bumpy, out of the way,
196
00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:20,914
grab the cow and steal its hay.
197
00:09:20,998 --> 00:09:23,542
If the farmer comes about,
Jumpy Bumpy, wiggle and shout."
198
00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:26,878
And then, we just make a measured decision
about which option's best.
199
00:09:27,379 --> 00:09:29,047
[keypad beeping]
200
00:09:29,381 --> 00:09:30,799
[line ringing]
201
00:09:32,593 --> 00:09:33,468
[Cyndee] Hello?
202
00:09:33,552 --> 00:09:34,928
Hey, Cyndee, it's Kimmy.
203
00:09:35,345 --> 00:09:38,265
Hey, Kimmy, how fancy
is this weekend gonna be?
204
00:09:38,473 --> 00:09:41,560
Should I pack the gown
that I wore on Celebrity Bachelorette?
205
00:09:41,643 --> 00:09:44,771
It's got a couple of holes in it
from where Brandi Glanville bit me, but--
206
00:09:44,855 --> 00:09:46,273
I'm sure it's real nice.
207
00:09:46,356 --> 00:09:51,486
Listen, Cyn, I found an old library book
that I think one of us had in the bunker.
208
00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:53,030
I'm going to stop you right there.
209
00:09:53,113 --> 00:09:56,325
I'm doing this new therapy
where they erase your unwanted memories,
210
00:09:56,408 --> 00:09:58,702
so I don't know what "the bunker" is.
211
00:09:58,785 --> 00:10:00,162
You're just my New York friend!
212
00:10:00,329 --> 00:10:03,081
Well, it's just that I found it
in my backpack.
213
00:10:03,165 --> 00:10:06,460
You mean Jan?
No, it's all coming back at once.
214
00:10:06,543 --> 00:10:08,795
No. Why? What?
215
00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:13,091
Um, anyhoo, it's called
The Mystery of the Mysterious Spy.
216
00:10:13,175 --> 00:10:14,426
Wait, that's not "yours's"?
217
00:10:14,509 --> 00:10:17,888
Because the day that we were rescued,
they found it with the Reverend's stuff.
218
00:10:17,971 --> 00:10:20,432
And it didn't belong to me
or the other girls.
219
00:10:20,515 --> 00:10:23,226
So the police must have put it in Jan.
220
00:10:23,310 --> 00:10:24,561
But it's not mine.
221
00:10:25,395 --> 00:10:27,606
So, if it's not any of "ours's,"
222
00:10:27,689 --> 00:10:30,400
maybe there was another girl
we didn't know about? Okay. Bye.
223
00:10:30,484 --> 00:10:31,818
[Kimmy] No, Cyndee, wait!
224
00:10:31,985 --> 00:10:34,321
Do you really think there was another girl
that got kidnapped
225
00:10:34,404 --> 00:10:35,447
that we don't know about?
226
00:10:35,530 --> 00:10:36,657
Oh, gosh, I hope not.
227
00:10:36,740 --> 00:10:38,784
-Well, we have to do something.
-[Cyndee] But what?
228
00:10:38,867 --> 00:10:41,203
The only person that knows the truth
is Reverend Richard,
229
00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:45,165
and I am not getting anywhere near him
because of some stuff I'm remembering.
230
00:10:45,624 --> 00:10:47,209
[Cyndee] What's that crank for?
231
00:10:48,293 --> 00:10:51,129
You want to go to Indiana
three days before you get married?
232
00:10:51,213 --> 00:10:54,341
I have to figure out whose book this is.
If there is another girl--
233
00:10:54,424 --> 00:10:57,636
I know this is important, but there is
so much to be done before Saturday.
234
00:10:57,844 --> 00:11:00,764
If you need help with wedding stuff,
Lillian doesn't have anything to do.
235
00:11:00,847 --> 00:11:05,143
I guess those cinder blocks
just throw themselves off the overpass.
236
00:11:05,227 --> 00:11:06,603
I'll be back for the rehearsal.
237
00:11:06,812 --> 00:11:09,731
I don't want to spend a second more
than I have to with that monster.
238
00:11:09,815 --> 00:11:11,942
The man who used to cheat at Clue!
239
00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:16,696
I don't know why that was my example.
He did so much worse.
240
00:11:17,531 --> 00:11:19,783
This is going to be very hard for you.
241
00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:22,619
You shouldn't be going there alone.
I'll go with you.
242
00:11:22,702 --> 00:11:25,914
No, you won't. You're supposed to be
doing cardio in five minutes.
243
00:11:25,997 --> 00:11:29,418
Cardio? The erotic magician I dated
in the early 2000s?
244
00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:30,752
Exercise!
245
00:11:30,836 --> 00:11:33,463
Kimmy is more important than any movie!
246
00:11:33,547 --> 00:11:35,674
And if I have to drop out of it
to be there for her,
247
00:11:35,757 --> 00:11:37,759
then drop out I shall of it.
248
00:11:38,510 --> 00:11:41,388
To be honest, it would be nice
to have a friend there with me.
249
00:11:41,847 --> 00:11:45,684
No, no. I'll go with you,
and Titus can go to the gym.
250
00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:49,229
He has a costume fitting tomorrow,
and my ass is on the line here, too.
251
00:11:49,438 --> 00:11:52,983
And I know what you're thinking,
"What a lucky line," but this is serious.
252
00:11:53,066 --> 00:11:55,735
Boy, talk about a "sofa's" choice.
253
00:11:56,153 --> 00:11:57,988
Being a sofa must be hard.
254
00:11:58,405 --> 00:12:00,365
You two are perfect for each other.
255
00:12:01,783 --> 00:12:04,077
[playful music]
256
00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:12,335
I'm sorry, Jacqueline.
257
00:12:12,669 --> 00:12:15,130
You melted Madame Tussauds Conan O'Brien!
258
00:12:15,422 --> 00:12:17,716
[chuckles]
This American insult comedy is wonderful.
259
00:12:17,799 --> 00:12:21,136
Titus, you've been my closest friend
since the first day I came--
260
00:12:21,219 --> 00:12:23,597
Yes. Will we eat on the plane or--
261
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:24,931
I've got another one!
262
00:12:25,015 --> 00:12:27,350
You drowned cruise ship
birthday clown.
263
00:12:28,268 --> 00:12:30,896
I'll call Teterboro
and have them fuel up my jet,
264
00:12:30,979 --> 00:12:32,272
Plane-O the SkyCar.
265
00:12:33,648 --> 00:12:35,817
We're going to fudging Indiana.
266
00:12:36,318 --> 00:12:39,154
[theme music]
267
00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:46,870
♪ Unbreakable, they alive, dammit ♪
268
00:12:47,245 --> 00:12:48,497
♪ It's a miracle! ♪
269
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:51,082
♪ Unbreakable, they alive, dammit ♪
270
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:55,587
♪ But females are strong as hell
Unbreakable, they alive, dammit ♪
271
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:57,172
♪ It's a miracle ♪
272
00:12:57,255 --> 00:12:59,633
♪ Unbreakable, they alive, dammit ♪
273
00:12:59,716 --> 00:13:04,179
That's gonna be... you know,
a fascinatin' transition.
274
00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:06,890
♪ Dammit! ♪
275
00:13:08,391 --> 00:13:11,520
There are, like, dozens
of Louis Gossett, Jr. Junior High Schools
276
00:13:11,603 --> 00:13:13,480
in America. Why?
277
00:13:13,563 --> 00:13:16,816
It was a promotional stunt
for the release of Iron Eagle 2.
278
00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:17,943
Got me to watch it.
279
00:13:18,026 --> 00:13:19,986
But there isn't one in Indiana.
280
00:13:20,278 --> 00:13:21,446
[sighs]
281
00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:24,699
If there is another girl,
I don't even know where to start.
282
00:13:24,991 --> 00:13:27,410
And Dick Wayne isn't about to help me.
283
00:13:28,203 --> 00:13:31,623
I'm going to have to walk
into that prison and outsmart him.
284
00:13:33,291 --> 00:13:35,001
It's like Silence of the Lambs.
285
00:13:35,877 --> 00:13:38,046
Silence? Oh, no.
286
00:13:38,129 --> 00:13:39,172
When you kill them,
287
00:13:39,256 --> 00:13:42,926
lambs make, like, a human scream
and then a rattling sound.
288
00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:46,972
[laughs]
Silence! I wish!
289
00:13:52,394 --> 00:13:54,437
This is unacceptable.
290
00:13:54,521 --> 00:13:58,525
-Who has a plane with no foods on it?
-There was a vegetable platter.
291
00:13:58,650 --> 00:14:01,570
"There was a vegetable platter."
That's what you sound like.
292
00:14:01,653 --> 00:14:03,321
Visitor for Richard Wayne?
293
00:14:04,656 --> 00:14:06,825
Yes. That's me.
294
00:14:07,659 --> 00:14:09,035
Titus, wait here.
295
00:14:09,327 --> 00:14:11,121
I have to do this part alone.
296
00:14:13,039 --> 00:14:16,376
Good, because I am now stuck
in a vending machine,
297
00:14:16,459 --> 00:14:18,044
and all I can reach are gums!
298
00:14:18,545 --> 00:14:20,630
[tense music]
299
00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:22,424
-[door alarm beeps]
-[door opens]
300
00:14:30,056 --> 00:14:33,560
Well, well, well. What a surprise.
301
00:14:34,936 --> 00:14:37,939
Unlike every birthday I've ever had
in here, despite the mini hints.
302
00:14:39,608 --> 00:14:40,817
Hello, Dick.
303
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:44,779
Actually, I go by my prison gang name now.
304
00:14:44,863 --> 00:14:47,532
"Vete Pedófilo Blanco."
305
00:14:48,366 --> 00:14:51,953
I'll get down to beeswax.
I've got to ask you some questions.
306
00:14:52,037 --> 00:14:53,455
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
307
00:14:53,788 --> 00:14:55,540
We haven't seen each other
in like five years.
308
00:14:55,624 --> 00:14:57,876
How about we make
like a hot dog and ketch-up?
309
00:14:58,209 --> 00:15:01,796
I forgot you put ketchup
on hot dogs! You sicko!
310
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,466
That's why I'm a sicko?
I've done a lot worse.
311
00:15:04,549 --> 00:15:07,052
Remember Clue?
God, why was that my example?
312
00:15:07,719 --> 00:15:09,971
Come on, Kimmy. You come all this way.
313
00:15:10,472 --> 00:15:11,932
Let's be sociable.
314
00:15:13,308 --> 00:15:18,563
I mean, the Kimmy Schmidt
I allegedly kidnapped was at least polite.
315
00:15:19,814 --> 00:15:21,441
Or has New York changed you?
316
00:15:22,150 --> 00:15:26,529
Are you all like, "Oh, it's because
of the water that the bagels are so good"?
317
00:15:26,613 --> 00:15:29,115
I'm not like that!
318
00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:30,408
Prove it!
319
00:15:30,492 --> 00:15:34,204
Fine. How is being in prison forever?
320
00:15:34,496 --> 00:15:37,874
Uh, both monotonous and violent.
Thank you for asking.
321
00:15:38,541 --> 00:15:40,543
Hey, you catch that documentary
I starred in?
322
00:15:41,711 --> 00:15:43,755
Nice to see how you stood by me
this whole time.
323
00:15:45,465 --> 00:15:49,970
But then I heard you're engaged
to some kind of prince?
324
00:15:50,053 --> 00:15:51,846
Yeah! I'm engaged.
325
00:15:51,930 --> 00:15:54,432
Frederick and I are registered at Tiffany,
326
00:15:54,516 --> 00:15:57,143
Build-a-Bear,
and Sky Zone Trampoline Park.
327
00:15:57,227 --> 00:16:00,188
It's just that we're already married.
328
00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:04,359
So you being engaged is weird, right?
329
00:16:05,068 --> 00:16:09,197
Like, almost as weird as me being
the wife in one prison family
330
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,951
and the baby in another prison family,
oh, goo-goo ga-ga, Daddy!
331
00:16:13,034 --> 00:16:15,078
[Richard imitates baby crying]
332
00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:21,084
So when I want a divorce, it's like,
333
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:24,921
"Oh, no, I don't want Richard to be happy
because I'm still in love with him.
334
00:16:25,004 --> 00:16:27,007
He's like the white half of Drake."
335
00:16:27,090 --> 00:16:29,759
-But now you want a divorce--
-That's not even why I'm here.
336
00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:32,012
My lawyers are taking care
of our "marriage"!
337
00:16:32,095 --> 00:16:34,973
Good luck with that,
because this is Mike Pence country!
338
00:16:35,849 --> 00:16:37,767
To quote the Indiana state quarter,
339
00:16:37,851 --> 00:16:40,979
"A woman is bound to her husband
as long as he liveth!"
340
00:16:41,062 --> 00:16:42,564
And I'm alive, dammit.
341
00:16:43,481 --> 00:16:46,776
Could a dead man dance like this?
342
00:16:53,366 --> 00:16:55,285
That's a little something for Team Coco.
343
00:16:55,535 --> 00:16:56,828
Now MJ!
[yells]
344
00:16:56,911 --> 00:16:57,746
Innocent!
345
00:16:58,663 --> 00:17:00,540
[thuds]
346
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:03,168
Oh, no!
347
00:17:03,251 --> 00:17:05,003
Jeepers, that sounded fatal!
348
00:17:07,005 --> 00:17:09,841
Whose book is this?
I know there's another girl! Where is she?
349
00:17:10,008 --> 00:17:11,634
There's no other girl.
350
00:17:13,636 --> 00:17:15,638
It's "girls," plural.
351
00:17:15,722 --> 00:17:17,390
You dumdum.
352
00:17:19,809 --> 00:17:22,020
[coughs, gags]
353
00:17:24,481 --> 00:17:25,940
But where are they?
354
00:17:27,484 --> 00:17:29,069
Guess you'll never know.
355
00:17:29,486 --> 00:17:32,155
Now go get married, you crazy kid!
356
00:17:34,657 --> 00:17:36,618
We're gonna need
some trash bags and a shovel
357
00:17:36,701 --> 00:17:38,369
in the visitors room, please.
358
00:17:42,832 --> 00:17:45,210
That doesn't seem
like the right ending, does it?
359
00:17:45,376 --> 00:17:47,587
Who are you, me at Chipotle?
360
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:50,507
Because you made some bad choices
that affect everyone.
361
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:52,383
We didn't even get to see Kimmy's dress!
362
00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:54,677
Which was going to be
a disaster either way.
363
00:17:54,761 --> 00:17:57,472
That girl wearing white?
It's tone-on-tone.
364
00:17:58,181 --> 00:18:00,350
I think someone, not moy,
365
00:18:00,433 --> 00:18:02,811
needs to go back
and fix this sitch, bitch!
366
00:18:02,894 --> 00:18:06,189
Copyright Titus,
a division of Titus AndromeCo.
367
00:18:08,525 --> 00:18:10,485
[reel rewinding]
368
00:18:10,860 --> 00:18:12,320
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
369
00:18:12,821 --> 00:18:15,156
Come on, Kimmy. You come all this way.
370
00:18:15,657 --> 00:18:17,117
Let's be sociable.
371
00:18:18,076 --> 00:18:19,702
Or has New York changed you?
372
00:18:20,161 --> 00:18:25,500
Are you all like, "Oh, it's because
of the water that the bagels are so good"?
373
00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:28,670
-I'm not like that!
-Prove it!
374
00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:33,758
Where did you get that...
375
00:18:33,925 --> 00:18:35,969
thing I've never even seen before, ever?
376
00:18:36,052 --> 00:18:39,806
-What is that? Like, something you eat?
-It's a book, Vete Pedófilo Blanco.
377
00:18:39,889 --> 00:18:42,308
And I think you know who it belongs to!
378
00:18:43,184 --> 00:18:45,311
[laughs]
379
00:18:46,354 --> 00:18:52,235
Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy...
380
00:18:52,318 --> 00:18:54,946
That's my name. Don't wear it out.
381
00:18:55,029 --> 00:18:57,282
Maybe I want to wear it out... Kimmy.
382
00:19:00,201 --> 00:19:02,996
You think you're so smart, don't you?
383
00:19:03,329 --> 00:19:06,416
But you're just a dumb country girl
384
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:10,420
with your cardboard shoes
and your cheap wig.
385
00:19:10,628 --> 00:19:11,796
[Richard scoffs]
386
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,173
Well, guess what.
387
00:19:14,132 --> 00:19:16,259
I've never even been to West Virginia.
388
00:19:16,843 --> 00:19:19,053
West Virginia.
Is that where the school is?
389
00:19:19,137 --> 00:19:22,015
Wait. What? No. What? Dang it. What?
390
00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:24,517
All right, look here, Sister Kimmy.
391
00:19:25,977 --> 00:19:27,812
This is all just a game to me.
392
00:19:28,062 --> 00:19:30,690
I let the police find my Indiana bunker.
393
00:19:30,773 --> 00:19:33,902
I mean, the one and only bunker.
394
00:19:33,985 --> 00:19:36,321
The only bunker, obviously.
You misheard me!
395
00:19:36,404 --> 00:19:38,448
-There's another bunker?
-You're another bunker!
396
00:19:38,531 --> 00:19:41,701
Oh, my golly. Cyndee was right!
There is another girl!
397
00:19:41,784 --> 00:19:43,661
Well, "girls," plural, dumdum.
398
00:19:43,745 --> 00:19:45,538
God, Richard, shut up.
399
00:19:45,747 --> 00:19:48,041
Where is the bunker?
How much food do they have?
400
00:19:48,124 --> 00:19:49,542
How many girls are there?
401
00:19:58,551 --> 00:20:00,178
I've got to get to West Virginia!
402
00:20:03,932 --> 00:20:04,933
[sighs]
403
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,234
You have me seated with Buckley?
404
00:20:14,651 --> 00:20:18,988
Ding-dong! Who's ready to party
like it's 1999?
405
00:20:19,322 --> 00:20:22,951
Oh, no! 1999? I'm down there again!
406
00:20:23,034 --> 00:20:24,535
He's cheating at Clue!
407
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:26,788
I got bad news for you, kiddo.
408
00:20:26,871 --> 00:20:31,125
Kimmy had to blow town,
so there is no bachelorette party.
409
00:20:31,209 --> 00:20:32,168
Crackers!
410
00:20:32,252 --> 00:20:36,381
I was so jazzed to hit the town
and try to find the next Mr. Pokorny.
411
00:20:36,464 --> 00:20:38,007
Because my dad died!
412
00:20:39,133 --> 00:20:41,177
You know, ladies,
nobody's throwing me a stag night.
413
00:20:41,427 --> 00:20:43,471
My best mate Fiona
doesn't arrive until tomorrow
414
00:20:43,554 --> 00:20:46,224
because of a previously scheduled
hysterectomy, so, um...
415
00:20:46,933 --> 00:20:49,978
Well, I could be your bachelorette.
416
00:20:51,938 --> 00:20:54,774
I did have a pretty wild night planned.
417
00:20:55,358 --> 00:20:59,862
And I get a VIP pass
to every club in the city!
418
00:20:59,946 --> 00:21:03,324
And I let Lillian plan the party
because she threatened me with her hammer.
419
00:21:03,574 --> 00:21:07,286
Ooh! Joy of joys! Yes! Camaraderie!
420
00:21:07,370 --> 00:21:08,663
Yeah.
421
00:21:10,873 --> 00:21:13,501
Great party, "Kimmy's mom, I think."
422
00:21:13,584 --> 00:21:15,628
Looks like Frederick's having a good time.
423
00:21:16,170 --> 00:21:19,924
The whole world's a party
when you never worked a day in your life.
424
00:21:20,008 --> 00:21:21,676
Oh, do you not like him?
425
00:21:21,968 --> 00:21:24,637
I mean, it does worry me
that he's not American.
426
00:21:24,721 --> 00:21:27,807
I mean, is he just here to take jobs
from our princes?
427
00:21:27,890 --> 00:21:30,351
Royals are all secretly broke.
428
00:21:30,435 --> 00:21:32,937
How do we know he's not just in it
for her money?
429
00:21:33,104 --> 00:21:36,649
For Kimmy's sake, we got to see
if this guy's on the up and up.
430
00:21:36,733 --> 00:21:37,734
But how?
431
00:21:37,942 --> 00:21:41,612
♪ North Korea is a paradise
Of food and computers ♪
432
00:21:41,779 --> 00:21:43,823
-[laughs]
-[applauds]
433
00:21:43,906 --> 00:21:46,743
We just pick a sexy song,
434
00:21:46,826 --> 00:21:51,914
and then one of us gets up there
and shakes all her moneymakers at him.
435
00:21:51,998 --> 00:21:54,208
It's a classic honeypot.
436
00:21:54,625 --> 00:21:57,253
But which one of us should karaoke at him?
437
00:21:57,628 --> 00:22:01,674
I mean, I'm Cyndee, and you're Lillian.
438
00:22:02,342 --> 00:22:06,179
Yeah, but I'm Lillian, and you're Cyndee.
439
00:22:10,350 --> 00:22:13,144
I'll do it... for Red.
440
00:22:17,982 --> 00:22:21,194
Is this the only song you got in English?
441
00:22:21,277 --> 00:22:23,404
Forget about it. I'll make it work.
442
00:22:23,488 --> 00:22:27,075
♪ Yes, we have no bananas ♪
443
00:22:28,159 --> 00:22:31,829
♪ We have no bananas today ♪
444
00:22:32,163 --> 00:22:36,959
♪ We have string beans and onions
And cabbages and scallions ♪
445
00:22:37,043 --> 00:22:41,005
♪ And all kinds of fruit, and say ♪
446
00:22:41,089 --> 00:22:45,510
♪ But, yes, we have no bananas ♪
447
00:22:45,593 --> 00:22:49,222
♪ We have no bananas today ♪
448
00:22:50,431 --> 00:22:51,808
[moans]
449
00:22:53,267 --> 00:22:54,477
[both gasp]
450
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,020
Fibbits, what have I done?
451
00:22:56,604 --> 00:22:58,606
Lillian, I'm sorry, I didn't...
452
00:22:58,689 --> 00:23:01,567
I'm not fumfering, per se.
I just... Sorry!
453
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,694
Sorry! Oh!
454
00:23:03,903 --> 00:23:05,029
Oh, Kimmy.
455
00:23:05,113 --> 00:23:08,866
He went for it! I'm so mad!
456
00:23:08,950 --> 00:23:11,452
But also flat-out jazzed
that I was part of a plan!
457
00:23:11,661 --> 00:23:12,870
[grumbles]
458
00:23:13,496 --> 00:23:15,498
[quirky music]
459
00:23:20,503 --> 00:23:23,381
What kind of broke-ass airport is this?
460
00:23:23,965 --> 00:23:25,633
Where's the Chili's To Go,
461
00:23:25,716 --> 00:23:27,718
or the Asian restaurant
with an all-black staff?
462
00:23:27,802 --> 00:23:30,721
Sorry, but this is the only town
in West Virginia
463
00:23:30,805 --> 00:23:32,765
with a Louis Gossett, Jr. Junior High.
464
00:23:33,057 --> 00:23:34,392
Frackwater.
465
00:23:34,475 --> 00:23:36,811
That's 12 miles away. What am I, a car?
466
00:23:36,894 --> 00:23:38,896
You were a car in Transformers 7.
467
00:23:38,980 --> 00:23:42,233
GLAAD and the NAACP issued
a rare joint statement,
468
00:23:42,316 --> 00:23:44,026
calling my performance,
quote, "upsetting."
469
00:23:44,110 --> 00:23:45,611
I'm ordering an Uber.
470
00:23:49,282 --> 00:23:50,324
[cell phone beeps]
471
00:23:50,408 --> 00:23:53,161
Mamadou is completing a trip
in Little Rock, Arkansas.
472
00:23:53,244 --> 00:23:54,704
He'll arrive in 4,000 minutes.
473
00:23:56,455 --> 00:23:59,750
-Why are you turning that way, Mamadou?
-That's so many minutes.
474
00:23:59,834 --> 00:24:01,252
I think we should walk to town.
475
00:24:04,755 --> 00:24:07,925
We are looking for a silver Mazda.
476
00:24:08,009 --> 00:24:10,678
-Titus, we have feet for a reason.
-Diabetes containers.
477
00:24:10,761 --> 00:24:13,139
And you hate waiting more than anything.
I remember--
478
00:24:13,222 --> 00:24:15,892
Is it my turn to talk yet?
God, I hate waiting.
479
00:24:20,521 --> 00:24:22,773
Fine, we can walk.
480
00:24:22,857 --> 00:24:24,901
Even though these shoes
were custom-made by Kanye
481
00:24:24,984 --> 00:24:27,445
for hiding upstairs
while they taped The Kardashians.
482
00:24:33,451 --> 00:24:35,620
Pep-step it, Titus! The clock is ticking.
483
00:24:35,703 --> 00:24:37,205
We've got to find that junior high.
484
00:24:37,288 --> 00:24:39,665
Maybe the librarian can tell us
who checked out that book.
485
00:24:39,749 --> 00:24:41,876
School has been out for hours.
486
00:24:41,959 --> 00:24:43,794
We go there now,
the only thing we're gonna find
487
00:24:43,878 --> 00:24:45,588
is genius janitors solving math problems.
488
00:24:45,671 --> 00:24:47,632
You need to feed and water your Tituses.
489
00:24:47,715 --> 00:24:49,550
-[scoffs]
-[cell phone vibrating]
490
00:24:51,719 --> 00:24:52,637
What is it, Jorkeline?
491
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,556
[Jacqueline] You know how you told me
to get you out of that action movie?
492
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,600
Well, good news. I didn't.
493
00:24:57,683 --> 00:24:59,518
Judas! Because you're a traitor,
494
00:24:59,602 --> 00:25:01,395
not because I'm jealous
you got to kiss Jesus.
495
00:25:01,479 --> 00:25:05,149
Titus, you cannot drop out of a movie
the week it starts shooting.
496
00:25:05,566 --> 00:25:08,361
They built a whole Ukrainian village
to blow up.
497
00:25:08,444 --> 00:25:10,196
You'd swear you were in Karabulut.
498
00:25:11,030 --> 00:25:13,407
Do you know what this will do
to your reputation if you bail?
499
00:25:13,491 --> 00:25:15,034
Give it a sexy, bad boy edge?
500
00:25:15,117 --> 00:25:16,452
[Jacqueline] You'll be unhireable.
501
00:25:16,619 --> 00:25:19,622
You'll have to go back
to making those stupid karaoke videos.
502
00:25:19,705 --> 00:25:21,457
In exchange for octopus!
503
00:25:21,540 --> 00:25:24,043
I'll have to fire you as a client,
you'll have a downward spiral,
504
00:25:24,126 --> 00:25:26,212
then I'll get a book deal
to tell my side of the story.
505
00:25:26,295 --> 00:25:29,006
I don't want to write a book, Titus.
Don't do this to me.
506
00:25:29,090 --> 00:25:31,384
-Jacqueline, I'm not coming--
-[Jacqueline] I'm on set right now.
507
00:25:31,676 --> 00:25:33,970
I'll stall as long as I can.
Just get here.
508
00:25:34,804 --> 00:25:35,888
Excuse me.
509
00:25:37,556 --> 00:25:39,016
Yes, how can I help you?
510
00:25:39,100 --> 00:25:40,601
We just need Titus for a makeup test.
511
00:25:40,685 --> 00:25:41,644
Absolutely not.
512
00:25:42,270 --> 00:25:45,898
Titus is not coming out of his trailer
513
00:25:45,982 --> 00:25:48,567
until this situation
has been taken care of.
514
00:25:48,651 --> 00:25:50,278
Ah, I wasn't aware there was a problem.
What's wrong?
515
00:25:50,361 --> 00:25:52,405
I'll tell you exactly what's wrong.
516
00:25:54,949 --> 00:25:56,575
Titus is upset about...
517
00:26:01,372 --> 00:26:03,374
[slurping]
518
00:26:09,463 --> 00:26:11,590
[slurping continues]
519
00:26:15,261 --> 00:26:17,430
Whatever is going on
in the wardrobe department.
520
00:26:17,513 --> 00:26:18,472
What's going on with--
521
00:26:18,556 --> 00:26:22,476
We've been waiting
for Titus's pants for hours.
522
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,186
Copy that. I'll take care of it.
523
00:26:24,270 --> 00:26:26,188
Can I get wardrobe on two, please?
524
00:26:27,148 --> 00:26:29,525
I'll just be in here with Titus.
[chuckles]
525
00:26:32,361 --> 00:26:33,571
[thuds]
526
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,286
-[Titus] Are we there yet?
-[train horn honking]
527
00:26:40,828 --> 00:26:43,289
I'm going to go into that bar
and ask some fellow citizens
528
00:26:43,372 --> 00:26:44,874
if they know anything
about any missing girls.
529
00:26:44,957 --> 00:26:46,083
Uh-uh.
530
00:26:46,625 --> 00:26:49,003
These aren't fellow citizens.
These are folks.
531
00:26:49,086 --> 00:26:51,297
They're not gonna cotton
to some big-city sophisticate,
532
00:26:51,380 --> 00:26:52,715
and his pasty sidekick.
533
00:26:52,798 --> 00:26:55,551
Big city? Titus, I'm from Indiana.
534
00:26:55,634 --> 00:26:58,262
You're from Mississippi. We got this!
535
00:26:59,347 --> 00:27:00,681
Who got this?
536
00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:03,142
[upbeat music]
537
00:27:03,809 --> 00:27:06,062
[background chatter]
538
00:27:07,688 --> 00:27:09,357
[music stops]
539
00:27:12,443 --> 00:27:13,944
Can I help you, strangers?
540
00:27:16,739 --> 00:27:20,993
Say! Do you mind if I tickle
your listening holes a mite?
541
00:27:22,745 --> 00:27:27,291
Some girls gone missing
last big old bunch of years ago!
542
00:27:30,336 --> 00:27:32,963
Go and get Benjy dressed
and bring him down to the kitchen
543
00:27:33,047 --> 00:27:34,965
where he won't wake them boys.
544
00:27:35,049 --> 00:27:36,258
It's cold this morning!
545
00:27:38,052 --> 00:27:40,846
Maybe you two should keep
moving on down the road.
546
00:27:43,974 --> 00:27:45,101
[scoffs]
547
00:27:45,184 --> 00:27:48,104
No wonder Hillary didn't even bother
coming to towns like this.
548
00:27:48,187 --> 00:27:50,356
We have to get them to talk to us.
549
00:27:51,482 --> 00:27:52,316
That's it!
550
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,236
We may not have a lot in common
with these filthy hill creatures,
551
00:27:55,319 --> 00:27:57,279
but no one doesn't love music!
552
00:27:57,363 --> 00:27:59,657
Yeah! It's a universal language.
553
00:27:59,740 --> 00:28:01,826
Just like how everybody knows this...
554
00:28:02,159 --> 00:28:04,537
means, "Do you want to get
a milkshake with me?"
555
00:28:04,620 --> 00:28:05,496
[clears throat]
556
00:28:05,579 --> 00:28:08,082
My golden voice will soothe
these savage beasts.
557
00:28:08,165 --> 00:28:10,960
Yeah, but what will you sing
for this crowd?
558
00:28:14,255 --> 00:28:15,381
"Free Bird"!
559
00:28:15,464 --> 00:28:17,216
-I know that song!
-You do?
560
00:28:17,466 --> 00:28:19,593
I have a deep library, Kimmy.
561
00:28:19,844 --> 00:28:21,095
I better warm up.
562
00:28:22,596 --> 00:28:25,099
[vocalizing]
563
00:28:31,397 --> 00:28:34,608
"Leave lard daddy's basement stings."
564
00:28:34,692 --> 00:28:38,362
You know "Free Bird"?
A song that guy wants to hear?
565
00:28:41,574 --> 00:28:44,827
Of course, I know "Free Bird."
I'm from Mississippi.
566
00:28:44,910 --> 00:28:47,830
All four years of high school English
was the poetry of Lynyrd Skynyrd.
567
00:28:49,790 --> 00:28:53,127
You heard the people. "Free Bird"!
568
00:28:54,170 --> 00:28:55,129
"Free Bird."
569
00:28:56,547 --> 00:28:57,882
This one's for you, girl.
570
00:28:58,674 --> 00:29:00,718
["Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd playing]
571
00:29:10,060 --> 00:29:14,106
♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪
572
00:29:17,860 --> 00:29:21,655
♪ Would you still remember me? ♪
573
00:29:26,035 --> 00:29:30,122
♪ For I must be traveling on now ♪
574
00:29:30,831 --> 00:29:31,999
[woman cheers]
575
00:29:33,626 --> 00:29:38,088
♪ There's just too many places
I got to see ♪
576
00:29:38,339 --> 00:29:39,381
Yeah!
577
00:29:42,426 --> 00:29:46,847
♪ But if I stay here with you, girl ♪
578
00:29:47,681 --> 00:29:49,975
[bar patrons cheering]
579
00:29:50,518 --> 00:29:54,730
♪ Things just couldn't be the same ♪
580
00:29:58,651 --> 00:30:03,030
♪ Because I'm free as a bird now ♪
581
00:30:06,992 --> 00:30:11,539
♪ And this bird you cannot change ♪
582
00:30:11,872 --> 00:30:14,416
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
583
00:30:14,500 --> 00:30:19,672
♪ Because this bird you cannot change ♪
584
00:30:20,297 --> 00:30:22,550
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
585
00:30:22,716 --> 00:30:29,640
♪ Lord help me, I can't change ♪
586
00:30:30,766 --> 00:30:33,269
[guitar playing]
587
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:37,523
♪ Fly, fly, fly, fly, free bird ♪
588
00:30:39,066 --> 00:30:41,485
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
589
00:30:43,862 --> 00:30:47,199
♪ Fly, fly, fly, free bird ♪
590
00:30:50,244 --> 00:30:54,456
♪ Fly, fly, free bird ♪
591
00:30:56,834 --> 00:30:58,586
♪ Play that guitar ♪
592
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:01,964
♪ And just you hear guitar ♪
593
00:31:03,090 --> 00:31:04,592
♪ But there's drums ♪
594
00:31:05,676 --> 00:31:07,094
♪ That's not a guitar ♪
595
00:31:10,264 --> 00:31:16,562
♪ Free bird ♪
596
00:31:18,230 --> 00:31:20,399
[bar patrons applauding]
597
00:31:28,991 --> 00:31:30,826
How about a couple beers on the house?
598
00:31:30,910 --> 00:31:32,036
Actually, I'm famished.
599
00:31:32,119 --> 00:31:34,622
And I'd love to ask you folks
some questions.
600
00:31:34,705 --> 00:31:35,706
Is that okay?
601
00:31:35,998 --> 00:31:37,374
I guess that's question number one.
602
00:31:37,791 --> 00:31:39,627
[laughs]
603
00:31:40,294 --> 00:31:42,296
Anyone recognize this guy?
604
00:31:43,797 --> 00:31:47,426
It would have been a while ago.
He was probably wearing a different shirt.
605
00:31:47,509 --> 00:31:48,719
I seen that face.
606
00:31:48,802 --> 00:31:49,803
Where? When? Think back!
607
00:31:50,137 --> 00:31:54,808
It must have been two, three hours ago.
He shaved the beard, though.
608
00:31:54,892 --> 00:31:56,226
You saw him today?
609
00:31:56,310 --> 00:31:57,937
Yeah, I work over at the Kroger's,
610
00:31:58,020 --> 00:32:02,733
and that man traded me a whole mess
of cigarettes for tampons and beans.
611
00:32:02,816 --> 00:32:04,610
He escaped from prison?
612
00:32:04,693 --> 00:32:06,570
He... he got beans?
613
00:32:06,654 --> 00:32:07,905
Did you see which way he went?
614
00:32:07,988 --> 00:32:11,659
Well, he asked me, "What's the shortest
way to Peabody Falls?"
615
00:32:11,742 --> 00:32:12,910
Peabody Falls. Where is that?
616
00:32:12,993 --> 00:32:15,245
About 100 miles west as the crow walks.
617
00:32:15,704 --> 00:32:19,625
I'm telling you, there is something wrong
with the crows around here!
618
00:32:21,335 --> 00:32:24,046
Can anyone here sell us their car?
619
00:32:25,756 --> 00:32:28,717
This watch was a gift
from Hello Kitty herself.
620
00:32:28,801 --> 00:32:30,511
The whole cat face is diamonds!
621
00:32:30,594 --> 00:32:33,931
Well, she ain't fast,
but she'll get you where you need to go.
622
00:32:34,014 --> 00:32:36,934
And I sure could use that money
for opioids and such.
623
00:32:37,017 --> 00:32:38,060
It's an epidemic.
624
00:32:40,479 --> 00:32:41,438
Come on, Titus!
625
00:32:41,522 --> 00:32:42,773
Well, I haven't ordered yet.
626
00:32:42,856 --> 00:32:45,985
And they've got squirrel.
It's the scrod of the mountains!
627
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,362
[thrilling music]
628
00:33:10,092 --> 00:33:11,844
How did the Reverend get out of prison?
629
00:33:11,927 --> 00:33:13,262
I saw him yesterday!
630
00:33:14,179 --> 00:33:16,890
He is super sneaky,
and he has a white belt in karate.
631
00:33:17,391 --> 00:33:20,728
[Kimmy] So either it was some sneaky plan
or karate!
632
00:33:30,571 --> 00:33:31,822
Hm?
633
00:33:33,323 --> 00:33:35,075
-[officer] All good, Sandy?
-[radio beeps]
634
00:33:35,576 --> 00:33:37,286
Yep, everything is secure in here.
635
00:33:40,831 --> 00:33:44,793
Okay, prisoner friend, I'll be back
to visit you next week, like I always do.
636
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,880
He's lucky to have a friend like you.
Cool jumpsuit!
637
00:33:47,963 --> 00:33:50,758
Hey, thank you!
Look how nonchalant I'm being.
638
00:33:50,841 --> 00:33:52,509
Not at all chalant.
639
00:33:52,676 --> 00:33:53,927
[chuckles]
640
00:33:59,933 --> 00:34:01,894
It doesn't matter
how he escaped from prison.
641
00:34:01,977 --> 00:34:05,522
He's definitely headed to the bunker
if he's got tampons and beans.
642
00:34:05,606 --> 00:34:07,357
We've gotta rescue those beans.
643
00:34:07,441 --> 00:34:08,942
I mean, beans.
644
00:34:09,234 --> 00:34:10,444
Whoa!
645
00:34:10,694 --> 00:34:14,198
Kimmy, I care about you. I love you!
646
00:34:14,281 --> 00:34:17,117
And I'll do whatever it takes
to rescue those beans!
647
00:34:21,497 --> 00:34:22,831
What the hell?
648
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,543
Kimmy can't even show up to the rehearsal
for her wedding to a freaking prince?
649
00:34:26,627 --> 00:34:30,464
She doesn't deserve to be with him.
Oh, God, now I'm picturing them together!
650
00:34:30,839 --> 00:34:33,258
Ew, Kimmy, stop smiling so much!
651
00:34:33,342 --> 00:34:35,469
Lillian! Why are we here?
652
00:34:35,803 --> 00:34:37,471
Didn't you call Kimmy?
653
00:34:37,554 --> 00:34:40,599
Oh, I'm sorry.
Where are my manners? I love you.
654
00:34:40,682 --> 00:34:44,311
Listen, I just can't be the one
to break it to her.
655
00:34:44,394 --> 00:34:47,856
I already accidentally told her
about 9/11.
656
00:34:48,106 --> 00:34:50,317
Nine-eleven? What's that?
657
00:34:52,152 --> 00:34:56,240
But if they were all Saudis,
why did we invade Iraq?
658
00:34:56,573 --> 00:34:57,533
Well...
659
00:34:57,950 --> 00:35:03,831
But when I went into the bunker,
solar power was going--
660
00:35:04,665 --> 00:35:05,833
Hey!
661
00:35:07,376 --> 00:35:09,169
Look what the cat dragged in.
662
00:35:09,253 --> 00:35:11,046
Are we still doing this?
663
00:35:11,130 --> 00:35:13,841
Or did you tell Kimmy
what happened twixt our mouths?
664
00:35:14,466 --> 00:35:19,221
Oh, just imagining the look
on her goony face, I couldn't do it.
665
00:35:19,763 --> 00:35:22,850
This is your mess, Freddy!
You gotta tell her.
666
00:35:22,933 --> 00:35:23,934
I know.
667
00:35:25,644 --> 00:35:27,354
Do you think
a different accent would help?
668
00:35:27,729 --> 00:35:31,233
English just sounds so awful
because it's what Nazis have in films.
669
00:35:31,900 --> 00:35:34,570
I could do it in American, bro.
She's going to straight-up dump me.
670
00:35:34,653 --> 00:35:35,863
Bazinga! No.
671
00:35:36,655 --> 00:35:39,116
And my nanny Fiona flew
all the way from England for this.
672
00:35:39,199 --> 00:35:43,287
Some caviar and those
little purple potatoes with cream.
673
00:35:43,787 --> 00:35:46,248
Hold up. That's your nanny?
674
00:35:46,331 --> 00:35:47,291
Mm-hm.
675
00:35:47,374 --> 00:35:48,792
She was to be my best ma'am.
676
00:35:48,876 --> 00:35:52,212
Oh, hello! There's my good boy.
677
00:35:54,131 --> 00:35:56,383
But I'm not a good boy. I'm the opposite.
678
00:35:56,466 --> 00:35:57,843
I'm a bad girl!
679
00:35:59,261 --> 00:36:05,309
You know, maybe don't tell Kimmy
about our mouth stuff just yet.
680
00:36:05,601 --> 00:36:07,603
I think maybe you're all mixed up
681
00:36:07,686 --> 00:36:12,149
because I remind you of the only person
whoever gave a rat's ass about you.
682
00:36:12,232 --> 00:36:14,026
The only person... Well, that's not true.
683
00:36:14,109 --> 00:36:17,112
What's your relationship like
with your mother?
684
00:36:17,195 --> 00:36:18,405
We've met on several occasions.
685
00:36:18,488 --> 00:36:20,699
How many girlfriends have you had?
686
00:36:20,782 --> 00:36:22,075
-Including Kimmy?
-Yeah.
687
00:36:22,159 --> 00:36:23,076
One.
688
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:24,953
Kimmy's much more experienced than me.
689
00:36:25,037 --> 00:36:27,039
Oh, jeez!
690
00:36:27,789 --> 00:36:30,292
I just don't know
what to tell you, Freddy.
691
00:36:30,375 --> 00:36:33,253
You're in no condition to marry anybody.
692
00:36:33,337 --> 00:36:35,380
You're like a little boy.
693
00:36:35,464 --> 00:36:37,633
But that's exactly why I want
to get married, Lillian.
694
00:36:37,716 --> 00:36:41,094
I want a wife and a family
and a salad spinner. I just...
695
00:36:41,511 --> 00:36:44,181
I want to be normal.
Please, Lillian, help me.
696
00:36:44,264 --> 00:36:46,308
I will do anything
to be good enough for Kimmy.
697
00:36:46,808 --> 00:36:49,770
Then you need
some life experience, pronto!
698
00:36:50,437 --> 00:36:52,064
You got two options.
699
00:36:52,147 --> 00:36:54,942
Either you let me cram it into you,
700
00:36:55,025 --> 00:36:58,904
or you see if you can get it
from your nanny over there.
701
00:37:01,156 --> 00:37:04,785
Jumpy Bumpy, out of the way.
Grab the cow, steal his hay.
702
00:37:04,993 --> 00:37:09,748
If the farmer comes about,
Jumpy Bumpy, wiggle and shout.
703
00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:12,709
And I decide...
704
00:37:13,335 --> 00:37:14,461
Fix me, Lillian.
705
00:37:14,544 --> 00:37:16,255
Like a broken-hearted
little Humpty Dumpty,
706
00:37:16,338 --> 00:37:18,257
scoop up my yoke
and tape my shell back together,
707
00:37:18,340 --> 00:37:21,134
and make me
a happy little normal, eggy boy.
708
00:37:21,635 --> 00:37:25,973
For Kimmy's sake,
I'm going to make a man out of you.
709
00:37:27,599 --> 00:37:29,476
We're going to need a hotel room.
710
00:37:29,768 --> 00:37:31,895
A hotel room? My word.
711
00:37:32,271 --> 00:37:33,397
Yeah!
712
00:37:34,147 --> 00:37:36,275
Are we not doing the rehearsal?
713
00:37:36,900 --> 00:37:39,152
I came to Midtown for this!
714
00:37:39,695 --> 00:37:41,822
I'm putting a curse on all of you.
715
00:37:42,656 --> 00:37:44,908
[quirky music]
716
00:37:47,035 --> 00:37:49,246
[snoring]
717
00:37:51,873 --> 00:37:53,583
[engine stops]
718
00:37:54,334 --> 00:37:56,295
-I'm not asleep!
-Why am I awake?
719
00:37:57,087 --> 00:37:59,715
It's 2:30 in the damn morning!
720
00:37:59,798 --> 00:38:01,842
That's when Mark Wahlbergs wake up!
721
00:38:01,925 --> 00:38:02,843
[clatters]
722
00:38:02,926 --> 00:38:05,512
-Come on!
-Dang it, we're out of gas!
723
00:38:07,514 --> 00:38:09,933
Double dang it!
There's no reception out here!
724
00:38:12,894 --> 00:38:14,730
That's it. We're walking.
725
00:38:24,072 --> 00:38:26,408
[upbeat music]
726
00:38:34,708 --> 00:38:38,462
Titus Andromedon is not supposed to die
on a mountain like a bored white person.
727
00:38:38,754 --> 00:38:41,173
He's supposed to be choked to death
at the Met Gala!
728
00:38:42,424 --> 00:38:44,926
What in the moose is that juice?
729
00:38:46,261 --> 00:38:47,637
It's aliens.
730
00:38:49,222 --> 00:38:53,101
You can probe whatever,
just drop me off back in New York!
731
00:38:53,852 --> 00:38:54,895
[Kimmy] Hello?
732
00:38:57,064 --> 00:38:58,106
-Hello?
-[Titus] Um...
733
00:38:58,190 --> 00:39:00,067
Hello, Mr. Alien, sir?
734
00:39:00,442 --> 00:39:02,027
You're here for Festeroo?
735
00:39:02,944 --> 00:39:06,531
Okay, make the sale, Junior.
You're a sales panther.
736
00:39:06,615 --> 00:39:08,784
Oh, I didn't see you there.
737
00:39:09,868 --> 00:39:12,746
-What did the Fyre Festival do wrong?
-Everything.
738
00:39:12,829 --> 00:39:16,124
The brochure said
you get to swim with pigs.
739
00:39:16,208 --> 00:39:19,961
But you didn't meet a pig!
Well, not anymore.
740
00:39:22,506 --> 00:39:23,548
[pig snorts]
741
00:39:24,007 --> 00:39:26,134
I knew if I had my own music festival...
742
00:39:26,218 --> 00:39:29,471
Well, and also, my dad's like,
"Fine, I'll pay for it! Just go away!"
743
00:39:29,554 --> 00:39:32,599
Then blammo! Festeroo!
744
00:39:35,435 --> 00:39:37,896
-Can you tell us--
-Not great, to be honest.
745
00:39:38,188 --> 00:39:41,733
Insane Clown Posse said they'd headline,
but they just stole my car.
746
00:39:41,817 --> 00:39:44,528
Festeroo started three days ago,
and no one even showed up,
747
00:39:44,611 --> 00:39:47,030
which is bad, because I brought drugs
for a thousand.
748
00:39:47,364 --> 00:39:49,574
I can't even remember
what I'm on right now.
749
00:39:49,741 --> 00:39:51,993
We're in a hurry.
We need to get to Peabody Falls.
750
00:39:52,077 --> 00:39:55,080
So can we borrow a couple
of your stupid adult tricycles?
751
00:39:55,163 --> 00:39:58,208
For sure. Right after I eat your faces!
752
00:39:58,875 --> 00:40:00,335
Bath salts. I'm on bath salts.
753
00:40:00,794 --> 00:40:01,670
-No!
-[grunts]
754
00:40:02,754 --> 00:40:05,424
-Stop it!
-No can do, dragon!
755
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:07,884
Animals!
756
00:40:07,968 --> 00:40:09,469
Titus, get the bikes!
757
00:40:12,097 --> 00:40:14,266
Worst spring break ever!
758
00:40:19,479 --> 00:40:21,815
Mr. Andromedon? It's wardrobe.
759
00:40:23,024 --> 00:40:24,526
Good one, Titus.
760
00:40:24,609 --> 00:40:27,028
Black people are always doing that.
761
00:40:28,155 --> 00:40:31,741
Oh, you found the pants.
762
00:40:32,075 --> 00:40:33,243
I'm so pleased.
763
00:40:33,326 --> 00:40:34,953
No, we didn't, actually,
764
00:40:35,036 --> 00:40:37,706
but there was some leftover fabric
down at the warehouse,
765
00:40:37,789 --> 00:40:40,959
so I drove there,
stayed up all night sewing,
766
00:40:41,042 --> 00:40:43,295
and if I could get these on him
for one final fitting...
767
00:40:43,545 --> 00:40:48,675
Look, the last thing I want to do
is drag this out, believe me.
768
00:40:48,967 --> 00:40:51,136
-But I can't let you go in there.
-What? Why?
769
00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:54,473
Why? Oh, my God.
770
00:40:54,764 --> 00:40:56,016
What is your name?
771
00:40:56,433 --> 00:40:57,267
Jenny.
772
00:40:57,350 --> 00:40:58,393
Jenny...
773
00:40:59,603 --> 00:41:02,981
what am I going to do with you?
774
00:41:15,118 --> 00:41:16,703
Something nice? I don't...
775
00:41:19,915 --> 00:41:22,959
Lookit, we both know
this isn't about the pants, Jenny.
776
00:41:23,043 --> 00:41:24,252
It's not?
777
00:41:25,045 --> 00:41:27,255
Titus feels unsafe around you.
778
00:41:28,507 --> 00:41:29,424
I haven't met him.
779
00:41:29,508 --> 00:41:34,012
So he should trust a stranger?
Why are you being so weird right now?
780
00:41:34,095 --> 00:41:35,805
I'm so confused.
781
00:41:36,348 --> 00:41:37,182
I haven't slept.
782
00:41:37,265 --> 00:41:41,603
Okay, you can run your little games,
if that's what they all love about you,
783
00:41:41,686 --> 00:41:43,730
but I don't care what she thinks.
784
00:41:43,813 --> 00:41:47,609
We need to make this right,
or they will tell everyone.
785
00:41:47,692 --> 00:41:51,446
-What? It's too many pronouns. I--
-Let me help you.
786
00:41:51,530 --> 00:41:56,117
Start by writing a letter of apology.
Be specific, okay?
787
00:41:56,201 --> 00:41:58,411
Titus will respect your honesty.
788
00:41:58,495 --> 00:42:00,372
Oh, I don't want you to get fired,
789
00:42:00,455 --> 00:42:03,083
because I'm basically
your only friend here at this point.
790
00:42:03,375 --> 00:42:04,918
But I'm really close with Jess.
791
00:42:05,001 --> 00:42:07,504
Oh, my God, honey, he or she hates you.
792
00:42:07,587 --> 00:42:08,630
What?
793
00:42:08,713 --> 00:42:10,799
We're gonna get through this. I love you.
794
00:42:11,341 --> 00:42:15,762
And make sure the letter is typed
because he can't read cursive.
795
00:42:15,845 --> 00:42:17,722
I don't have access to a printer.
796
00:42:17,847 --> 00:42:19,683
Rooting for you!
797
00:42:28,191 --> 00:42:29,818
[Titus] I'm so hungry.
798
00:42:30,652 --> 00:42:32,862
All my puns are failing.
799
00:42:33,238 --> 00:42:36,116
I'm Tuba Gooding, Jr. Is that something?
800
00:42:36,199 --> 00:42:38,910
No, Titus, it's nothing, I'm sorry.
801
00:42:38,994 --> 00:42:40,287
But we have to keep going.
802
00:42:42,205 --> 00:42:46,543
Why do these chocolates I stole
from the alien taste like mushrooms?
803
00:42:48,753 --> 00:42:50,130
Why are you a cartoon right now?
804
00:42:50,797 --> 00:42:51,756
Oh, boy.
805
00:42:51,965 --> 00:42:55,260
Titus, I think those chocolates
may have been a drug joint!
806
00:42:56,261 --> 00:42:58,054
I don't think so, dragons.
807
00:42:59,764 --> 00:43:00,765
Oh...
808
00:43:01,933 --> 00:43:03,977
There's a table full of food.
809
00:43:04,185 --> 00:43:05,562
♪ What a day ♪
810
00:43:05,645 --> 00:43:09,357
♪ Fortune smiled and came my way ♪
811
00:43:09,441 --> 00:43:13,945
♪ Bringing love I never thought I'd see ♪
812
00:43:14,029 --> 00:43:17,073
♪ I'm so lucky to be me ♪
813
00:43:17,157 --> 00:43:18,992
[groans]
814
00:43:19,075 --> 00:43:20,702
I'm living my best life.
815
00:43:21,077 --> 00:43:22,495
Titus, get up!
816
00:43:22,579 --> 00:43:24,331
You're having a drug hallucination!
817
00:43:27,250 --> 00:43:28,627
You want some pasta salad?
818
00:43:28,710 --> 00:43:30,337
No! I...
819
00:43:31,212 --> 00:43:34,049
Titus, look! There's a gas station!
820
00:43:40,138 --> 00:43:41,139
No!
821
00:43:49,105 --> 00:43:50,106
Buying or robbing?
822
00:43:50,190 --> 00:43:51,191
-Buying! Buying!
-Buying!
823
00:43:51,733 --> 00:43:53,985
Well, what do you know? Come on in.
824
00:43:55,528 --> 00:43:58,406
Sir, we're trying to get to Peabody Falls.
825
00:43:58,657 --> 00:44:00,950
Can you show me where it is
on this West Virginia quarter?
826
00:44:01,034 --> 00:44:03,328
-I don't have a map.
-Gas station jerky?
827
00:44:04,079 --> 00:44:05,121
Bingo.
828
00:44:05,288 --> 00:44:06,956
You're in Peabody Falls.
829
00:44:07,248 --> 00:44:08,833
But where's the town?
830
00:44:08,917 --> 00:44:10,710
Town? No!
831
00:44:10,794 --> 00:44:13,088
Peabody Falls belongs to the coal company.
832
00:44:13,171 --> 00:44:16,257
Eight hundred square miles
of 'sploded mountains and slurry lakes,
833
00:44:16,341 --> 00:44:18,301
20 times the size of Disney World.
834
00:44:18,385 --> 00:44:21,137
To put that in perspective, I'm
one-millionth the size of Disney World.
835
00:44:21,221 --> 00:44:23,264
-What? No.
-Am so.
836
00:44:23,348 --> 00:44:25,183
The Reverend is hours ahead of us.
837
00:44:25,266 --> 00:44:27,435
And now we don't even know
where we're going.
838
00:44:28,478 --> 00:44:29,479
Wait.
839
00:44:30,230 --> 00:44:33,775
That dude was just in here
trying to buy gasoline with handjobs.
840
00:44:34,067 --> 00:44:36,903
He got a full tank of gas,
I gave him a rose, then he left.
841
00:44:36,986 --> 00:44:39,447
You saw him?
Were there any girls in his van?
842
00:44:39,531 --> 00:44:42,242
No, but I bet he could get
a slop-jar full of them.
843
00:44:42,325 --> 00:44:43,576
Dude's a white ten.
844
00:44:43,660 --> 00:44:46,121
-Which way was he going?
-That a-ways.
845
00:44:47,288 --> 00:44:48,790
Titus, we gotta go.
846
00:44:48,873 --> 00:44:51,167
-But I found Gatorade!
-Just leave the money on the counter.
847
00:44:51,251 --> 00:44:54,045
I gotta scoot home and move
my court-ordered ankle monitor around,
848
00:44:54,129 --> 00:44:55,672
so the cops think I'm there.
849
00:44:55,797 --> 00:44:58,258
The Reverend was here.
We've still got time!
850
00:44:58,341 --> 00:45:00,427
-[baby coos]
-[both gasp]
851
00:45:02,262 --> 00:45:04,013
[engine revving]
852
00:45:04,305 --> 00:45:05,974
Did he just leave his kid here?
853
00:45:06,766 --> 00:45:09,394
Don't touch it!
Or the mother won't take it back.
854
00:45:09,561 --> 00:45:10,645
So, what are we going to do?
855
00:45:10,728 --> 00:45:12,397
We can't take the baby
on the stupid bikes.
856
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,525
-Girl, you can't take a baby, period.
-So, what you're just gonna leave it here?
857
00:45:15,608 --> 00:45:19,696
Listen, if a baby can live alone
inside a woman for nine months,
858
00:45:19,779 --> 00:45:21,489
it will be fine here for an hour.
859
00:45:22,198 --> 00:45:23,491
[Kimmy] Holy ship, with a P!
860
00:45:31,291 --> 00:45:34,502
Okay, we'll just wait here
until he gets back,
861
00:45:34,586 --> 00:45:37,755
and then we'll use our tricycles
to catch the Reverend's van.
862
00:45:37,881 --> 00:45:39,007
-[grunts]
-[thwacks]
863
00:45:39,674 --> 00:45:42,552
Believe me, I'm fine not tricycling.
864
00:45:42,635 --> 00:45:45,513
But if you want to catch the Reverend
and give him what for, et cetera,
865
00:45:45,597 --> 00:45:46,890
we gotta go!
866
00:45:47,015 --> 00:45:48,808
-[exasperated sigh]
-[baby blabbers]
867
00:45:57,609 --> 00:45:59,235
Fudge, fudge, fudge!
868
00:46:00,737 --> 00:46:02,155
Can it, baby! I'm thinking!
869
00:46:03,948 --> 00:46:06,826
-[baby wails]
-I can't do it. I can't leave Sharon.
870
00:46:06,910 --> 00:46:08,328
I named her Sharon.
871
00:46:08,411 --> 00:46:10,788
Wait a minute. Hanging out with a baby?
872
00:46:10,872 --> 00:46:13,208
That's family time.
That's on the damn Marky Mark schedule.
873
00:46:14,125 --> 00:46:15,376
[sniffs, grunts]
874
00:46:15,460 --> 00:46:19,506
I think Sharon sugared her fudging diaper.
Throw me something to clean her up with.
875
00:46:20,256 --> 00:46:22,217
If I gotta do all this work...
876
00:46:25,512 --> 00:46:27,013
I will be compensated.
877
00:46:30,433 --> 00:46:32,101
Ooh!
878
00:46:33,019 --> 00:46:36,981
These might as well be a clown in a sewer,
because they are It.
879
00:46:41,778 --> 00:46:43,112
[sneezes]
880
00:46:43,988 --> 00:46:48,284
[Kimmy singing] ♪ The wheels on the bus
Go round and round, round and round ♪
881
00:46:48,368 --> 00:46:52,580
Girl, you're giving that child
unrealistic expectations of buses.
882
00:46:53,540 --> 00:46:56,793
♪ The guy off his meds
Is yelling about God ♪
883
00:46:56,918 --> 00:46:58,127
♪ Alphabetizing coupons... ♪
884
00:46:58,211 --> 00:46:59,546
Well, good news.
885
00:46:59,629 --> 00:47:01,965
Closed all my windows
and put the monitor on a raccoon,
886
00:47:02,048 --> 00:47:03,716
so I am good for a while.
887
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:05,218
Come on, Titus, let's move!
888
00:47:05,301 --> 00:47:07,303
Oh! Thanks for watching Sharon.
889
00:47:07,387 --> 00:47:09,222
No way! I was right!
890
00:47:13,393 --> 00:47:15,270
Want to play with daddy's lighter?
891
00:47:19,232 --> 00:47:20,275
Slow down!
892
00:47:25,238 --> 00:47:28,616
You know what? I don't mean
to make a joke, but you're a prince.
893
00:47:28,700 --> 00:47:30,118
-[Frederick chuckles]
-Where have you been?
894
00:47:30,201 --> 00:47:32,829
Not everywhere, ever,
but from last night until now!
895
00:47:32,912 --> 00:47:36,541
I was at the hotel, fixing the prince.
896
00:47:36,624 --> 00:47:38,876
And I fixed him good.
897
00:47:41,421 --> 00:47:44,632
You got a lot of living
to make up for, kiddo.
898
00:47:44,716 --> 00:47:46,467
-Are we really doing this?
-Yep!
899
00:47:46,551 --> 00:47:49,387
You missed a lifetime of lame girlfriends
900
00:47:49,470 --> 00:47:51,764
who don't hold a candle to Kimmy Schmidt,
901
00:47:51,848 --> 00:47:55,476
and I'm going to introduce you
to all them.
902
00:47:56,144 --> 00:47:58,771
You were, like, so mean to me.
903
00:47:58,855 --> 00:47:59,814
What? When?
904
00:47:59,897 --> 00:48:02,609
In a past life. We were fish.
905
00:48:03,860 --> 00:48:08,364
How could you forget
our seven-week anniversary?
906
00:48:09,699 --> 00:48:11,034
-[Lillian grunts]
-[glass shatters]
907
00:48:11,409 --> 00:48:14,912
Why am I paying to send
your ex-boyfriend to rehab?
908
00:48:16,289 --> 00:48:22,795
Because if he wasn't in there,
he'd kill you.
909
00:48:23,463 --> 00:48:24,297
What?
910
00:48:25,131 --> 00:48:27,800
Oh, Jesus! That's a real gun?
911
00:48:28,676 --> 00:48:33,348
J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! Jets!
912
00:48:33,431 --> 00:48:36,267
That last one
was from personal experience.
913
00:48:36,351 --> 00:48:41,439
So, you two didn't have C-E-C,
914
00:48:41,522 --> 00:48:44,484
T-C-H-S?
915
00:48:46,736 --> 00:48:47,987
-What?
-Cyndee, are you okay?
916
00:48:48,071 --> 00:48:48,946
Sex!
917
00:48:49,030 --> 00:48:52,825
No, all I did was show him
what he isn't missing
918
00:48:52,909 --> 00:48:57,163
and that pretty much everyone
other than Kimmy is just the worst.
919
00:48:57,538 --> 00:49:00,416
-Now I'm ready to get married.
-Yeah, he is.
920
00:49:00,917 --> 00:49:03,836
I have somewhere to go tomorrow!
[giggles]
921
00:49:04,337 --> 00:49:06,714
[lively music]
922
00:49:16,391 --> 00:49:17,350
Which way do we go?
923
00:49:17,809 --> 00:49:20,478
Do you see any tire tracks
or a bunker hatch or girlses?
924
00:49:20,561 --> 00:49:22,605
Which way? How do we choose?
925
00:49:22,939 --> 00:49:24,732
Maybe you can help us.
926
00:49:25,608 --> 00:49:27,777
-What are you doing?
-I don't know, I ate drugs.
927
00:49:28,027 --> 00:49:30,238
Come on, Kimmy. Figure it out!
928
00:49:31,823 --> 00:49:35,034
Why did the Reverend bother
breaking out in the first place?
929
00:49:35,118 --> 00:49:37,412
We have no chance
of finding anything out here.
930
00:49:37,787 --> 00:49:41,791
He must think I know something
that could lead me to the girls.
931
00:49:41,874 --> 00:49:44,460
-You did find that weird book.
-That's it.
932
00:49:44,877 --> 00:49:47,046
-Titus, you're a genius!
-I know.
933
00:49:48,005 --> 00:49:50,508
Why didn't I read this book?
934
00:49:52,176 --> 00:49:53,302
No.
935
00:49:55,471 --> 00:49:57,682
I got to the bunker first, you morons!
936
00:49:57,765 --> 00:50:00,518
Now I'm taking these girls to Florida,
where everything's legal!
937
00:50:00,601 --> 00:50:01,811
You lose!
[whoops]
938
00:50:02,019 --> 00:50:03,896
No, not Florida!
939
00:50:05,398 --> 00:50:07,900
All right, I wouldn't
have got that right, either.
940
00:50:07,984 --> 00:50:11,028
You had to read the book?
What's fun about that?
941
00:50:11,279 --> 00:50:15,116
Me, I would have kissed Frederick.
"Ga-ga-ga-gooey!"
942
00:50:15,283 --> 00:50:16,659
I don't have a type.
943
00:50:16,743 --> 00:50:19,328
Here's the good news-- you did
the right thing watching that baby,
944
00:50:19,412 --> 00:50:21,622
so you don't got to go
all the way back to the beginning.
945
00:50:21,706 --> 00:50:26,461
Bad news is I just broke the fourth wall,
and now I got to fix it.
946
00:50:26,794 --> 00:50:28,087
Classic Mikey.
947
00:50:29,672 --> 00:50:31,007
[grunts]
948
00:50:31,382 --> 00:50:33,426
[thumps]
949
00:50:34,135 --> 00:50:36,220
[reel rewinding]
950
00:50:39,432 --> 00:50:42,810
Yes! These are it!
951
00:50:43,227 --> 00:50:45,313
I look like a sexy Chuck Schumer.
952
00:50:45,646 --> 00:50:46,689
Redundant.
953
00:50:48,566 --> 00:50:49,901
What's wrong with it?
954
00:50:50,318 --> 00:50:51,235
It's a baby.
955
00:50:52,111 --> 00:50:53,029
Make it stop.
956
00:50:53,488 --> 00:50:55,531
[baby wailing]
957
00:50:56,449 --> 00:50:58,826
And scene, baby.
958
00:51:00,036 --> 00:51:02,121
There must be something she can play with.
959
00:51:02,705 --> 00:51:04,499
Oh, maybe I'll read to her.
960
00:51:04,707 --> 00:51:06,250
Nerd. Better idea.
961
00:51:07,001 --> 00:51:08,961
I will read this baby,
962
00:51:09,212 --> 00:51:12,882
because it is a diva
and needs to hear some hard truths.
963
00:51:12,965 --> 00:51:15,259
Come on, babies love to be read to.
964
00:51:15,343 --> 00:51:18,763
I can still remember my mom reading
the Camel Cash catalog to me.
965
00:51:18,846 --> 00:51:21,724
"Smoke in the shower
with our patented cigarette laminator"!
966
00:51:22,391 --> 00:51:24,435
I think you should let Titus do
whatever he wants,
967
00:51:24,519 --> 00:51:27,522
because this bachelorette party is awful.
968
00:51:28,105 --> 00:51:30,775
Well, guess what, Larry Insults.
969
00:51:30,858 --> 00:51:34,570
You're better at burns than I am.
But I'm better at calming babies.
970
00:51:36,489 --> 00:51:38,908
"The Mystery of the Mysterious Spy.
971
00:51:38,991 --> 00:51:45,081
Chapter One: Paris,
the city of France... and mysteries!
972
00:51:45,665 --> 00:51:48,668
The heat reveals a secret message
written in lemon juice.
973
00:51:49,001 --> 00:51:51,838
Be careful, the spy is fake."
974
00:51:52,505 --> 00:51:54,924
That's why the spy was so mysterious!
975
00:51:55,424 --> 00:51:56,509
Oh!
976
00:51:56,592 --> 00:51:58,135
You're still here. Good news.
977
00:51:58,219 --> 00:52:01,097
Put the ankle monitor on my other baby
and gave him a Monster Energy drink,
978
00:52:01,180 --> 00:52:02,598
so I'm good for a while.
979
00:52:02,682 --> 00:52:04,141
Titus, let's go!
980
00:52:06,018 --> 00:52:07,812
And stop leaving babies alone.
981
00:52:07,895 --> 00:52:09,397
Don't you dad-shame me.
982
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:12,400
I'm trying to have it all--
a career, family, and hepatitis.
983
00:52:18,197 --> 00:52:20,408
Hey, where's my pea shooter?
984
00:52:25,162 --> 00:52:26,789
Which way do we go this time?
985
00:52:27,123 --> 00:52:28,291
Why did I say "this time"?
986
00:52:28,374 --> 00:52:31,168
Past lives. We were fish.
987
00:52:31,252 --> 00:52:32,253
Lemon juice.
988
00:52:32,336 --> 00:52:34,297
You can write secret messages
in lemon juice.
989
00:52:34,380 --> 00:52:35,506
They do that in the book.
990
00:52:35,590 --> 00:52:37,925
Girl, I'm only in this book club
to drink wine.
991
00:52:38,009 --> 00:52:39,468
The girl who checked out this book
992
00:52:39,552 --> 00:52:42,013
must have been trying to do
the things she read about.
993
00:52:42,096 --> 00:52:44,974
She must have tried to write
a secret message with her scurvy lemon,
994
00:52:45,349 --> 00:52:47,852
but the Reverend caught her
and tooken the book away.
995
00:52:47,935 --> 00:52:49,353
We need to heat the paper up!
996
00:52:49,437 --> 00:52:50,521
If you need heat,
997
00:52:50,605 --> 00:52:53,900
I think these gas station cheaters
are just magnifying glasses.
998
00:52:54,609 --> 00:52:57,278
Perfect! But what page is it on?
999
00:52:59,113 --> 00:53:01,240
[playful music]
1000
00:53:04,952 --> 00:53:06,370
This one tastes like lemon.
1001
00:53:13,252 --> 00:53:15,046
[Kimmy] Oh, my gosh, it's working!
1002
00:53:18,382 --> 00:53:24,972
"The last thing I saw outside was..."
1003
00:53:25,932 --> 00:53:27,099
It's a drawing.
1004
00:53:27,975 --> 00:53:30,269
-But of what?
-Mikey's penis.
1005
00:53:30,978 --> 00:53:32,647
But how did she know?
1006
00:53:34,482 --> 00:53:37,526
No, it's not a wee-wee.
1007
00:53:38,903 --> 00:53:40,029
It's a map!
1008
00:53:44,325 --> 00:53:46,410
Come on! There's still time!
1009
00:53:55,419 --> 00:53:57,505
[thrilling music]
1010
00:54:01,676 --> 00:54:02,677
Indiana plates!
1011
00:54:09,266 --> 00:54:11,519
-It's empty!
-What about the beans?
1012
00:54:18,401 --> 00:54:20,027
Motherfudger.
1013
00:54:20,111 --> 00:54:22,279
Jurassic Park rules!
If I don't move, you can't see me!
1014
00:54:24,115 --> 00:54:25,032
[Richard] Free hat!
1015
00:54:27,535 --> 00:54:29,036
Now running?
1016
00:54:30,371 --> 00:54:31,622
[scoffs]
1017
00:54:40,297 --> 00:54:41,716
[Jacqueline] Oh, Jenny.
1018
00:54:42,466 --> 00:54:45,136
This is even worse. You're getting colder.
1019
00:54:45,219 --> 00:54:47,596
Just tell me what to apologize for,
and I'll do it!
1020
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:51,308
You know I can't do that.
Also, this font is racist.
1021
00:54:51,392 --> 00:54:54,687
My God, if Titus won't put the pants on,
I'm going to lose my job.
1022
00:54:54,770 --> 00:54:58,232
And I can't lose my job,
not after the year I've had.
1023
00:55:00,860 --> 00:55:05,531
Because it had been one for the books,
let me tell you.
1024
00:55:06,115 --> 00:55:07,408
Uh-huh.
1025
00:55:10,161 --> 00:55:11,662
You don't even want to know.
1026
00:55:13,789 --> 00:55:15,708
I mean, it has been epic!
1027
00:55:19,503 --> 00:55:23,049
Are you gonna ask me about...
about my year?
1028
00:55:23,799 --> 00:55:26,302
Come on, we've all had bad years.
1029
00:55:26,385 --> 00:55:30,306
For most of 1999, I lived in Murray Hill.
1030
00:55:30,556 --> 00:55:32,266
-Where?
-Exactly.
1031
00:55:33,059 --> 00:55:34,643
Be right back, Titus!
1032
00:55:35,102 --> 00:55:38,439
Look, if you get fired
over this Titus thing, you'll be fine.
1033
00:55:38,522 --> 00:55:39,523
You're so talented.
1034
00:55:39,607 --> 00:55:42,777
Those pants you made overnight
look just like the originals.
1035
00:55:43,444 --> 00:55:45,029
What do you mean, "the originals"?
1036
00:55:45,696 --> 00:55:47,782
When did you see the original pants?
1037
00:55:47,865 --> 00:55:49,617
You said they were never delivered.
1038
00:55:49,700 --> 00:55:52,453
Oh, my God, tell me about your year.
Was it crazy? You're so pretty.
1039
00:55:52,536 --> 00:55:55,372
You lied about the pants. You're covering.
1040
00:55:55,456 --> 00:55:56,749
Is Titus even in there?
1041
00:55:57,666 --> 00:56:00,086
What? Titus?
1042
00:56:00,377 --> 00:56:04,173
Jesus. What's really going on with him?
1043
00:56:04,590 --> 00:56:06,217
Botched Botox?
1044
00:56:06,300 --> 00:56:08,928
He got drunk and flew his blimp
into a school bus?
1045
00:56:09,011 --> 00:56:11,639
He slipped a disc
trying auto-erotic asphyxiation?
1046
00:56:12,389 --> 00:56:15,851
Yeah, I've seen it all.
I worked with Tom Hanks.
1047
00:56:16,268 --> 00:56:18,771
Ms. White, the director's cocaine
is wearing off. We need Titus.
1048
00:56:18,854 --> 00:56:21,065
Yeah, well, good luck with that
because he's not in there.
1049
00:56:21,148 --> 00:56:22,108
What? What do you mean?
1050
00:56:25,861 --> 00:56:27,655
Titus isn't in his trailer.
1051
00:56:28,197 --> 00:56:30,199
[indistinct clamoring]
1052
00:56:34,787 --> 00:56:35,621
Who are you?
1053
00:56:35,913 --> 00:56:37,998
I'm the reason we're all here.
1054
00:56:39,750 --> 00:56:40,584
Okay.
1055
00:56:41,085 --> 00:56:43,712
You'll never catch me
because I'm so fast because of karate!
1056
00:56:44,004 --> 00:56:47,258
-Where are they?
-Karate run! Karate run!
1057
00:56:50,386 --> 00:56:51,303
[Titus] Oh, God.
1058
00:57:00,771 --> 00:57:03,607
How did Forrest Gump do this
for three years?
1059
00:57:03,691 --> 00:57:06,110
Oh, right. That body of his.
1060
00:57:10,948 --> 00:57:13,242
Not now, drugs. My friend needs me.
1061
00:57:16,162 --> 00:57:17,997
Maybe it's real this time.
1062
00:57:18,581 --> 00:57:22,835
It's just one of those woodland banquets
you read about, right, no one?
1063
00:57:28,465 --> 00:57:29,675
Kimmy.
1064
00:57:30,968 --> 00:57:32,178
Scrod.
1065
00:57:33,345 --> 00:57:34,597
Kimmy!
1066
00:57:35,764 --> 00:57:37,641
Spaghetti-O's mold!
1067
00:57:38,517 --> 00:57:41,854
[groans]
Kimmy, you keep running that way,
1068
00:57:41,937 --> 00:57:44,940
and I'll run in the opposite direction...
1069
00:57:45,149 --> 00:57:48,152
around the world so we can surround him!
1070
00:57:49,403 --> 00:57:52,406
♪ ...Just the way I'd hope you'd be ♪
1071
00:57:52,490 --> 00:57:53,949
♪ I'm so lucky... ♪
1072
00:57:54,033 --> 00:57:55,784
I can definitely tell it's dirt this time.
1073
00:57:56,035 --> 00:57:57,203
I don't care.
1074
00:57:58,037 --> 00:57:59,955
I think I'm developing a taste for it.
1075
00:58:02,374 --> 00:58:04,460
Okay, where is he?
1076
00:58:04,919 --> 00:58:06,420
Well, I don't know where he is.
1077
00:58:06,754 --> 00:58:10,216
I've been stalling, trying to save his job
and my commission.
1078
00:58:10,299 --> 00:58:12,760
But the truth is
Titus was never in his trailer.
1079
00:58:13,636 --> 00:58:16,096
And I guess he's not coming.
1080
00:58:16,972 --> 00:58:18,182
So, you lied to us.
1081
00:58:18,516 --> 00:58:21,936
Yes, I lied, okay? I'm sorry.
1082
00:58:22,019 --> 00:58:26,649
But everyone in Hollywood told us
we have to believe women all the time now.
1083
00:58:27,441 --> 00:58:28,484
If you lied...
1084
00:58:29,527 --> 00:58:31,779
that means other women probably lie, too.
1085
00:58:32,196 --> 00:58:34,490
No, no, that's not what it means.
1086
00:58:34,573 --> 00:58:36,700
And that means Time's Up
is over, everybody.
1087
00:58:36,784 --> 00:58:39,870
Women lie, so we can go back
to doing whatever we want!
1088
00:58:39,954 --> 00:58:42,998
No! My mistakes are only mine!
1089
00:58:43,499 --> 00:58:45,543
[upbeat music]
1090
00:58:46,210 --> 00:58:48,295
♪ I love booze in California ♪
1091
00:58:48,379 --> 00:58:50,130
♪ Sun in California ♪
1092
00:58:50,214 --> 00:58:51,507
♪ Sky in California ♪
1093
00:58:51,590 --> 00:58:53,342
♪ And my bro in California ♪
1094
00:58:53,425 --> 00:58:54,927
♪ I love bikes in California ♪
1095
00:58:55,010 --> 00:58:56,845
♪ Working out in California ♪
1096
00:58:56,929 --> 00:59:00,057
♪ But the boobs in California
Are the greatest boobs around ♪
1097
00:59:00,140 --> 00:59:02,601
Hey, wardrobe girl, you're fired!
1098
00:59:02,685 --> 00:59:04,895
Men don't need pants anymore!
1099
00:59:05,437 --> 00:59:07,231
What have you done, you monster?
1100
00:59:07,398 --> 00:59:09,275
I didn't mean for this to happen.
1101
00:59:09,358 --> 00:59:13,028
Calm down. You're being hysterical.
1102
00:59:13,279 --> 00:59:15,739
[screams]
1103
00:59:17,950 --> 00:59:21,036
You won't ever catch me!
Dogs are faster than cats!
1104
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:22,913
Whoo-hoo! Kara--
[grunts]
1105
00:59:24,832 --> 00:59:26,750
[groans]
1106
00:59:31,088 --> 00:59:32,339
Help me, Sister Kimmy.
1107
00:59:34,425 --> 00:59:36,135
Come on!
[yells]
1108
00:59:36,260 --> 00:59:37,970
Where are those girls?
1109
00:59:38,804 --> 00:59:40,723
[pants]
1110
00:59:41,724 --> 00:59:43,058
I can't find them.
1111
00:59:43,309 --> 00:59:46,520
I've been looking all day,
and I can't find the hatch.
1112
00:59:47,855 --> 00:59:50,065
[Richard] It's the wilderness, Kimmy.
[scoffs]
1113
00:59:50,482 --> 00:59:51,442
It's vast!
1114
00:59:51,525 --> 00:59:53,110
What do you mean, you can't find them?
1115
00:59:53,193 --> 00:59:55,571
Well, I thought I had marked
the spot pretty good,
1116
00:59:55,654 --> 00:59:58,282
but I haven't been here in five years
because I've been in jail!
1117
00:59:59,325 --> 01:00:00,492
So, that's on you.
1118
01:00:00,576 --> 01:00:03,412
No, you can't just forget
where you put them!
1119
01:00:03,495 --> 01:00:05,956
They're not CD cases, they're people!
1120
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:09,335
Well, they're probably
dead people, all right?
1121
01:00:09,418 --> 01:00:11,587
They're probably dead
because you jailed me.
1122
01:00:13,464 --> 01:00:15,674
That's the problem
with you white ladies-- you're selfish.
1123
01:00:15,758 --> 01:00:18,218
You want "your" justice,
no matter who else it hurts.
1124
01:00:18,302 --> 01:00:20,637
-That's not--
-But when a guy messes up
1125
01:00:20,721 --> 01:00:23,766
and wants to turn it around
and do the "right thing,"
1126
01:00:24,016 --> 01:00:26,477
oh, it's like, "No way, Louis CK."
1127
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:29,021
That's sexism.
So, here's what we're going to do.
1128
01:00:29,104 --> 01:00:32,232
You're going to carry me back to the van,
we're going to drive to the hospital,
1129
01:00:32,316 --> 01:00:35,694
and our cover story is going to be
"camping trip sex accident."
1130
01:00:36,737 --> 01:00:37,821
Who knows you're here?
1131
01:00:37,988 --> 01:00:39,907
What? No one. I'm not stupid.
[scoffs]
1132
01:00:40,199 --> 01:00:42,326
I've been tagging all my Instagrams
"Vegas Pool Party."
1133
01:00:42,826 --> 01:00:46,038
So, we're all alone,
and no one even knows you're here?
1134
01:00:52,044 --> 01:00:54,588
Okay, uh, let's not do anything foolish.
1135
01:00:54,922 --> 01:00:57,883
Easy now, princess. Do you even know
how to handle that thing safely?
1136
01:00:57,966 --> 01:00:59,510
-[gun fires]
-[bird cawing]
1137
01:00:59,593 --> 01:01:00,552
No.
1138
01:01:01,303 --> 01:01:03,180
Whatever you're thinking, don't do it.
1139
01:01:08,602 --> 01:01:10,020
What are you thinking, Kimmy?
1140
01:01:15,150 --> 01:01:16,360
All right, now, that's enough.
1141
01:01:17,403 --> 01:01:20,030
"Let me just hold it until you calm down."
That's what she said.
1142
01:01:20,114 --> 01:01:21,198
-[gun fires]
-[Richard] Whoa!
1143
01:01:21,281 --> 01:01:24,785
Okay, okay, let's just maybe
just take a second here, okay?
1144
01:01:25,494 --> 01:01:26,745
Just a second.
1145
01:01:27,663 --> 01:01:28,747
Oh, my God, a wolf!
1146
01:01:33,085 --> 01:01:34,253
[grunts]
1147
01:01:35,379 --> 01:01:36,255
Dang it!
1148
01:01:36,713 --> 01:01:38,632
All right, Kimmy, come on, now!
1149
01:01:40,175 --> 01:01:43,470
You're not gonna kill me.
You won't even divorce me!
1150
01:01:43,929 --> 01:01:44,972
I mean, admit it.
1151
01:01:45,431 --> 01:01:46,807
We have a thing for each other.
1152
01:01:47,057 --> 01:01:49,143
-[gun firing]
-[grunts]
1153
01:01:52,354 --> 01:01:54,648
[tense music]
1154
01:02:00,821 --> 01:02:01,822
[exhales sharply]
1155
01:02:09,079 --> 01:02:09,997
Girls!
1156
01:02:11,832 --> 01:02:14,376
Girls? Girls?
1157
01:02:19,047 --> 01:02:20,132
Girls!
1158
01:02:23,218 --> 01:02:26,513
Well, we met, believe it or not,
when Lillian was helping me prepare
1159
01:02:26,597 --> 01:02:27,431
for my own wedding.
1160
01:02:27,514 --> 01:02:28,891
To someone else.
1161
01:02:28,974 --> 01:02:33,020
But when my fiancée wandered off
into the wilds of West Virginia...
1162
01:02:33,103 --> 01:02:37,524
Yeah, I know you're not from here,
but there is no "West" Virginia.
1163
01:02:37,608 --> 01:02:38,775
[chuckles]
1164
01:02:38,859 --> 01:02:42,613
It was a very difficult time,
but Lillian was there for me.
1165
01:02:42,821 --> 01:02:47,367
Well, you looked so sad and lost,
like a puppy...
1166
01:02:47,451 --> 01:02:50,204
a puppy with his own castle.
1167
01:02:50,287 --> 01:02:56,335
And, as it so often does,
pity eventually turned into love.
1168
01:02:56,418 --> 01:02:58,045
And now, here we are.
1169
01:02:58,212 --> 01:03:01,423
Oh, and Lillian has a plan for everyone
ahead of me in line for the throne.
1170
01:03:01,507 --> 01:03:02,633
I do.
1171
01:03:03,675 --> 01:03:05,677
-[hysterical laughter]
-Oh!
1172
01:03:05,761 --> 01:03:07,679
-Yeah.
-It's going to be good.
1173
01:03:08,222 --> 01:03:10,224
[reel rewinding]
1174
01:03:10,307 --> 01:03:11,934
What are you thinking, Kimmy?
1175
01:03:13,602 --> 01:03:14,770
All right, now, that's enough.
1176
01:03:14,853 --> 01:03:17,439
"Let me just hold it until you calm down."
That's what she said.
1177
01:03:17,523 --> 01:03:20,359
Let's just maybe just take
a second here, okay?
1178
01:03:20,442 --> 01:03:21,527
Oh, my God, a wolf!
1179
01:03:25,906 --> 01:03:27,074
[grunts]
1180
01:03:29,451 --> 01:03:30,285
Dang it!
1181
01:03:31,787 --> 01:03:32,955
How does this feel?
1182
01:03:34,164 --> 01:03:35,290
Scary.
1183
01:03:37,167 --> 01:03:39,253
Why did you do all those things to us?
1184
01:03:42,172 --> 01:03:43,465
Because I could.
1185
01:03:45,592 --> 01:03:48,637
And now you're gonna
do the same to me. I get it.
1186
01:03:49,429 --> 01:03:50,806
That's the way of the world.
1187
01:03:52,349 --> 01:03:53,684
You win. I get it.
1188
01:04:00,023 --> 01:04:00,941
No!
1189
01:04:02,693 --> 01:04:05,070
That's not the world I want to live in.
1190
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:08,657
If I kill you,
then I'm no better than you.
1191
01:04:10,867 --> 01:04:12,494
And I am better.
1192
01:04:16,707 --> 01:04:17,791
Oh, thank Christ.
1193
01:04:19,668 --> 01:04:20,836
That's my girl.
1194
01:04:20,919 --> 01:04:23,964
Now, just carry me back to the van
before it gets dark, huh?
1195
01:04:24,423 --> 01:04:25,799
No, you're going to walk.
1196
01:04:25,882 --> 01:04:27,175
Where are you going? No, no, no.
1197
01:04:27,384 --> 01:04:29,136
Hey, the road's that way. Hello?
1198
01:04:29,219 --> 01:04:32,014
I need a big piece of wood
to make you a splint,
1199
01:04:32,097 --> 01:04:34,099
like in the book
when your horse hurts its leg.
1200
01:04:34,182 --> 01:04:35,350
Yeah. No, I know.
1201
01:04:35,434 --> 01:04:37,394
Dynamite book, by the way, but I'm good.
1202
01:04:37,477 --> 01:04:39,688
You don't need to hurt a tree.
I'll just crawl.
1203
01:04:40,689 --> 01:04:42,441
[creaks]
1204
01:04:48,739 --> 01:04:49,907
[thuds]
1205
01:04:51,909 --> 01:04:53,160
[thumps]
1206
01:04:55,078 --> 01:04:56,079
[Richard] Shit.
1207
01:04:57,664 --> 01:05:00,500
Okay, I will admit it. Yes, I lied.
1208
01:05:00,584 --> 01:05:03,587
But to be fair,
this is a scary time for men.
1209
01:05:05,297 --> 01:05:07,591
[Kimmy grunts]
1210
01:05:10,469 --> 01:05:12,804
[foreboding music]
1211
01:05:36,286 --> 01:05:38,413
[uplifting music]
1212
01:05:52,594 --> 01:05:55,931
It's here! It's all still here!
1213
01:05:57,432 --> 01:05:59,643
[uplifting music]
1214
01:06:16,785 --> 01:06:19,287
[news report theme music]
1215
01:06:19,371 --> 01:06:23,750
In entertainment news,
today author Kimberly Schmidt says "I do"
1216
01:06:23,834 --> 01:06:25,919
to fiancé Prince Frederick of England,
1217
01:06:26,003 --> 01:06:31,174
and "RIP" to ex-husband-
slash-kidnapper-slash-total Sagittarius
1218
01:06:31,258 --> 01:06:34,428
Richard Wayne Gary Wayne,
who was kicked to death in prison.
1219
01:06:34,511 --> 01:06:35,846
Say what?
1220
01:06:36,388 --> 01:06:39,725
For NBC News, I'm George Georgiulio.
1221
01:06:39,808 --> 01:06:40,809
Yay!
1222
01:06:42,102 --> 01:06:44,604
[lively music]
1223
01:06:52,571 --> 01:06:56,324
Okay, I wasn't worried about that dress.
That is fierce!
1224
01:06:57,868 --> 01:07:00,996
We are gathered here today
to join in matrimony,
1225
01:07:01,079 --> 01:07:04,124
from the Latin, mater, for "mother," FYI,
1226
01:07:04,458 --> 01:07:09,337
Kimmy and Frederick,
who is, like, a legit prince.
1227
01:07:09,921 --> 01:07:10,922
Unbelievable.
1228
01:07:11,173 --> 01:07:12,174
Oh!
1229
01:07:12,257 --> 01:07:17,095
I'm so happy for my frontwalker.
That's what backpacks call people.
1230
01:07:19,556 --> 01:07:23,351
I know who you are. You ruined Time's Up.
1231
01:07:23,435 --> 01:07:27,063
You're the reason that my boss
has gone back to calling me "Supertits"!
1232
01:07:28,148 --> 01:07:29,316
Why, though?
1233
01:07:32,569 --> 01:07:34,780
I'm doing a daily worldwide apology
on my Instagram.
1234
01:07:36,990 --> 01:07:38,742
I don't blame her for being mad at you.
1235
01:07:39,034 --> 01:07:41,828
Yesterday, the president
just straight-up peed on a lady.
1236
01:07:42,579 --> 01:07:45,332
[coughs]
1237
01:07:49,628 --> 01:07:54,090
God, why did you eat all that dirt?
It's ruined your singing voice.
1238
01:07:54,174 --> 01:07:58,512
Because it was foods, Jacqueline.
Ask worms if dirt is food.
1239
01:07:58,595 --> 01:08:01,515
Smile, you two. So you screwed up.
1240
01:08:01,598 --> 01:08:02,474
[scoffs]
1241
01:08:02,557 --> 01:08:05,477
You make better choices next time,
am I right?
1242
01:08:10,148 --> 01:08:11,942
You kissed the groom?
1243
01:08:12,025 --> 01:08:14,444
Do you, Kimberly Cougar Schmidt,
1244
01:08:14,528 --> 01:08:17,906
and you, Frederick Henry
Eurythmics Windsor,
1245
01:08:17,989 --> 01:08:20,242
feel like hanging out
for the rest of your life?
1246
01:08:20,325 --> 01:08:21,326
[both] Fudge, yeah!
1247
01:08:21,785 --> 01:08:26,414
Then, by the power vested in me
by HauntedTempleWitchcraft.org,
1248
01:08:26,498 --> 01:08:29,668
I now pronounce you
an equal team of two humans.
1249
01:08:30,877 --> 01:08:33,004
[applauds]
1250
01:08:34,714 --> 01:08:35,924
Yay!
1251
01:08:37,634 --> 01:08:40,137
This was a fascinating transition!
1252
01:08:47,227 --> 01:08:49,688
Whoa! So close!
1253
01:08:49,771 --> 01:08:53,483
I think that could have ended better
for Jacqueline and Titus.
1254
01:08:53,567 --> 01:08:57,404
At least Kimmy's happy.
But she's always happy.
1255
01:08:57,487 --> 01:09:00,073
I think there's something wrong with her.
1256
01:09:00,532 --> 01:09:06,830
Me, I just got that cat parasite
that makes you want to buy more cats.
1257
01:09:07,205 --> 01:09:09,916
Anyway, A-minus.
1258
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:12,711
Congrats! You're going to Cornell!
1259
01:09:12,794 --> 01:09:15,130
And I'm going to the cat store.
1260
01:09:47,037 --> 01:09:50,832
♪ Pinot noir ♪
1261
01:09:52,751 --> 01:09:55,921
♪ Caviar, Myanmar, Mid-sized car ♪
1262
01:09:56,505 --> 01:10:00,300
♪ You don't have to be popular
Find out who your true friends are ♪
1263
01:10:00,383 --> 01:10:03,845
♪ Pinot noir ♪