- Hi, my name is Zoey Clarke,
and my story is probably going to be
the most unusual one you hear today.
[upbeat music]
About a year and a half ago,
I was just a regular programmer gal,
hiding behind my computer
at a big tech company here in San Francisco.
But then, I started having some really bad headaches.
So I went to get an MRI,
and as I was lying in the machine,
there was an earthquake.
And it was like all the songs in the world
suddenly got uploaded into my brain.
Next thing I know, I can hear people's innermost thoughts
expressed through musical numbers.
This power taught me that, however it looks
on the outside, we're all messed up.
We all have our own issues.
My main issue, BTW, was that my father was dying
of a rare neurological disease while this was all happening.
He couldn't speak, walk, move,
trapped in his own body.
But because of my new ability,
we could suddenly communicate all over again through song,
which was everything.
When my dad died, my family was lost.
But we learned over the last eight months to carry on.
Whatever that means.
But now there's a whole new problem.
About two weeks ago, out of nowhere my boyfriend,
Max, also got my musical powers and--
- Whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
- Is there something wrong?
- This is a very extraordinary tale,
but I have lots of children waiting.
- Okay. - And all I asked you was,
"What's your name, what do you want for Christmas?"
- Oh. I just thought you needed the back story
to really understand my wish.
I guess I just want my dad back for Christmas
or some clarity
on why this happened to me and my boyfriend.
I mean, I know that my dad said that the universe
has some grand plan for me but--
- I'll do my best to help
but this might be slightly above my pay grade.
- Smile.
- Merry Christmas. [laughs]
- Okay, thank you. - Yeah.
Is it--is it really necessary? Okay, okay, I'm going.
I'm going. Don't look at me like that.
The picture was for my mother. I have a dead father.
♪ ♪
- Isn't this great?
The smell of peppermint lattes filling the air,
major discount sales happening everywhere,
and both Black and white people alike
all equally stressed out.
How could you not be in the holiday spirit?
- Yeah.
I guess I'm just feeling a little conflicted
about Christmas this year, that's all.
- Oh, 'cause Max is Jewish? - What?
No, because it's my first Christmas without my father.
- Oh, yeah. That.
Look, it's gonna be tough but you have to focus
on the things that you do have. You have a man.
- Yes. - I have a man.
- You do.
- My man has kids who like me and I like them.
That is a Christmas miracle in itself.
- So, are all of those gifts for Perry's kids?
- Oh, no, these are the stocking stuffers.
I'm having the good stuff wrapped as we speak.
- Can I have the stomp rocket? - Absolutely not.
- Okay, I'm happy you're happy.
- [sighs] - Truly.
Just know that, you know, this year might not be
quite as great for me as it is for you.
- Okay Zo, ho-ho.
I will not rub my Christmas joy in your face.
I'll just keep it all bottled up to myself, hmm.
- Thank you.
[brassy holiday music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪
♪ ♪
♪ With the kids jingle belling ♪
♪ And everyone telling you be of good cheer ♪
♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
♪ Of the year ♪
♪ It's the ha-happiest season of all ♪
all: ♪ Ding dong, ding dong ♪
- ♪ With those holiday greetings ♪
♪ And gay happy meetings ♪
♪ When loved ones call ♪
♪ It's the ha-happiest season ♪
♪ Of all ♪
- ♪ There'll be parties for hosting ♪
- ♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪
- ♪ And caroling out in the snow ♪
- ♪ There'll be scary ghost stories ♪
- ♪ And tales of the glories ♪
♪ Of Christmases long, long ago ♪
- ♪ It's the most wonderful time of the year ♪
♪ ♪
♪ There'll be much mistletoeing ♪
♪ And hearts will be glowing ♪
♪ When loved ones are near ♪
♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
♪ Of the year ♪
♪ ♪
all: ♪ There'll be parties for hosting ♪
all: ♪ Marshmallows for toasting ♪
all: ♪ And caroling out in the snow ♪
- ♪ There'll be scary ghost stories ♪
♪ And tales of the glories ♪
♪ Of Christmases long, long ago ♪
♪ Long ago ♪
all: ♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
♪ Of the year ♪
- ♪ There'll be much mistletoeing ♪
♪ And hearts will be glowing ♪
♪ When loved ones are near ♪
♪ It's the most wonderful time ♪
all: ♪ Yes, the most wonderful time ♪
♪ Oh, the most wonderful time ♪
♪ Of the year ♪
♪ ♪
- Yeah, Christmas this year is gonna be rough as fu--
[festive rock music]
♪ ♪
- So I might have a new theory on why I got the powers.
- Really? What do you got this time?
We're both concussed?
It was all a dream? The universe hates me?
- I think I got them so I could tell you how awesome they are.
- [snores] - No, no, no, I mean it.
Ask me how many people I've already helped
after hearing their heart songs today.
- How many people have you-- - Three.
And it was super easy too.
Like I heard this one woman singing "Umbrella"
because she thought it might rain outside.
So you know what I did?
- Gave her an umbrella? - I gave her an umbrella.
And she was so appreciative, she told me she was gonna tell
all of her friends to come to the restaurant.
- That is so great, Max. I think it's awesome.
The powers are creating future revenue.
Hey, maybe that's why you got 'em.
- Don't take this the wrong way, but I have no idea
why you've had so many challenges
with the powers in the past.
Because they're kind of the best thing ever.
- Okay, you say that now,
but wait until all your employees are singing a song
about how much they hate you or a stranger
reveals the darkest depths of their soul
to you in the supermarket check-out line.
- Or sing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" in the bedroom?
- Hey! You know, don't get cocky!
I was probably just feeling
a little hypoglycemic at the time.
- Ooh, ooh, before you go to work,
can I tell you another one? - Go for it.
- So, I saw some hungry looking teenagers sing
"Cake by the Ocean" so you know what I did?
- You got them a cake.
- And showed them where the ocean was.
Boom, nailed it.
[percussive music]
♪ ♪
- Is it just me or does a whole food bar
devoted to peppermint bark feel like a bit of a stretch?
- Huh, I mean I'd take it over the "Pumpkin Bar" Bar
that we had on Halloween.
Can I talk to you about something?
- Dude, is this entire food bar all peppermint bark?
Sweet.
- Walk with me. - Yeah.
- Okay, so
this year is gonna be the first Christmas without my dad.
And Christmas and my father are, like,
synonymous in my mind.
So, since you've already gone through year one,
any advice? And go.
- Ooh, well, I think there's only two ways to approach it.
Either you go all in remembering your father.
Honoring him completely.
- Or? - Avoid it at all costs.
- Okay. What did you do?
- I went on a yoga retreat by myself
without any cell service.
[laughs] So what does that tell you?
- That I should bury my head in the sand
until at least January 2nd?
- Have you talked to your family about this yet?
Found out what they wanna do?
- No, we haven't discussed it.
- Well, considering Christmas
is a week away, you might wanna get on that.
- How crazy is it that it's the middle of December
and we're eating outside? Does anyone know
the last time it snowed in San Francisco, anybody?
- This is a trick question.
It's never snowed in San Francisco.
- Actually not a trick question.
David?
- Don't care.
- Maggie? - The answer is 1976.
- Maggie for the win. It was 1976.
- How'd you know that?
- Because it happened the same night I went
to see the Grateful Dead at the Winterland.
And I was so high when I came out of that arena
that I didn't know if it was snowing
or I was hallucinating. I will never forget that.
- Okay. So, there's actually reason
I wanted us all to have dinner together tonight.
- You're pregnant? You're engaged?
You're pregnant so you got engaged?
- What? No.
It's that Christmas Eve is a week away
and we haven't even discussed our plans yet.
And I know that it's gonna be very different this year
without Dad,
but we do have to figure it out at some point.
So are we doing what we always do or...
What?
- Um, yeah, well, actually
we've been wanting to talk to you about this too.
- "We"?
You've all been having these conversations without me?
- That was--see, it's kind of a funny story.
Emily, why don't you go ahead and take this one?
- Coward. So, my sister is living
at this amazing artist retreat in Santa Fe
right now and asked if we'd like to come join her.
- And, yeah, Emily's been so busy with work.
- And David's been on constant baby duty.
- We've just been like two trains passing in the night.
So we just thought it'd be nice to take, like,
a trip to Santa Fe just to like mix things up a little bit.
- And avoid thinking about Dad at all?
- Yeah, that did also cross my mind.
Yeah.
- Mom? - Oh, well, I didn't know
what you and Max were thinking and Deb did invite me
to come with her to a health and wellness resort in Hawaii,
and I always knew this was gonna be a tough holiday
and I thought, well, maybe it would be good to get away
and by myself a little bit.
But I didn't say yes and I'm not gonna go
unless I have your blessing. So what do you think?
["Bad Blood" playing]
- ♪ Did you have to do this? ♪
♪ I was thinking that you could be trusted ♪
♪ Did you have to ruin ♪
♪ What was shining? Now it's all rusted ♪
♪ Did you have to hit me where I'm weak? ♪
♪ Baby, I couldn't breathe and rub it in so deep ♪
♪ Salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me ♪
♪ Oh, it's so sad to ♪
♪ Think about the good times ♪
♪ You and I ♪
♪ 'cause, baby, now we got bad blood ♪
♪ You know it used to be mad love ♪
♪ So take a look at what you've done, 'cause, baby ♪
♪ Now we got bad blood ♪ Hey!
♪ Now we got problems ♪
♪ And I don't think we can solve them ♪
♪ You made a really deep cut ♪
♪ And, baby, now we got bad blood ♪
Hey!
- Mm.
- [sighs]
I think you guys should absolutely do
your own thing.
You know, but only if you promise
to send selfies from all of your crazy adventures.
[tense music]
- So, I heard you sing a heart song at dinner.
- Did you? - I did.
- Oh, my gosh. Was it "Apples and Bananas,"
so you decided to pass the fruit?
- That's funny but no.
It was actually "Bad Blood" by Taylor Swift.
And you seemed pretty upset with your family
about not spending the holidays together.
- That was the takeaway? - Not really sure
there's too many other interpretations there.
- Okay. You know what?
I will admit it.
I had some...feelings
when my family told me their plans.
They just--they caught me off-guard, okay?
We've never spent Christmas apart,
so maybe I had a, you know, momentary visceral response.
- Well, there was also a high kick involved
and you acted a bit like a--like a matador.
- Okay, I appreciate you trying to analyze my heart song.
But there is far more nuance
to this whole heart song thing than you realize.
You're allowed to feel mad and hurt for a second
and then have that impulse go away.
- Right. But has it gone away?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Everyone should be able to do what they want
for the holidays. Totally was in the right
and it's not fair for me to be mad at them about it.
- I'm sorry everyone's doing their own thing.
That must be really hard.
I just want you to be happy.
So, whatever you wanna do for Christmas is fine with me.
[soft sentimental music]
- Well, in that case-- and no pressure--
but you better plan something awesome.
- Okay.
- What are you doing? Stop being so nosy.
- There are way too many presents
in here with my name on them.
- I think the correct response is, "Thank you, Mo."
- But I haven't gotten you anything yet.
You are way too hard to shop for.
[phone buzzing] - I don't think so.
Anything with Gucci, Balenciaga,
Dior on it will do just fine.
- Who's texting you so much?
Phone was buzzing all night long.
- Is this you being less nosy?
It's just lots of questions about "Christmas Carol-oke."
- Is one of the questions what is Christmas Carol-oke?
- It is an annual dinner karaoke night
I throw for friends
who don't have family to be with on the holidays.
Kind of a "Island of Misfit Boys" type of thing.
Only this year I think I'm gonna pass.
- Why would you do that? - Because I have my own family
to worry about so they're out of luck.
- No way. I do not wanna be
the one kicking people out for Christmas.
- And that is why I am with you.
- It's not 'cause of the beard?
- Oh, baby, the beard definitely does help.
- [laughs] I'll catch you later.
Oh, is there any way you could pick
Amirah up at the community center around 4:00?
I've got this big firemen's end of the year party
and those things can get pretty lit.
- You want me to pick up your daughter?
- Yeah.
I like you being more involved in my kids' lives.
Plus Amirah is rehearsing for the big holiday pageant.
Maybe you can give her some tips.
- You know, normally I am way more materialistic than this
but you trusting me with your children
is the greatest Christmas present of all.
Bye.
- Bye. [laughs]
- Whew. It is a nail biter.
I'm feeling a lot of pressure, folks.
I do not wanna make the wrong decision
and forever alter the dynamics around here.
♪ ♪
Falling Water is...
but it is hard to deny the Bilbao Guggenheim.
♪ ♪
You know what,
I'm gonna go with the Commodore 64 Home Computer.
- Whoo, yeah! Uh!
Take that, Janice!
I mean, uh, thank you.
It was an honor to participate.
Congratulations to all the builders.
- Oh, before you all scatter to the winds,
I wanted to play you a message from our fearless leader.
- Hello.
Sorry I couldn't be with you today
but when the Space Shuttle takes off, it takes off.
I just wanted to say that I hope all of your Christmases
are astronomical
or, you know, whatever holiday you celebrate.
You know, the point is Sprq Point's inclusive.
It's tolerant. It's accepting of all people.
Hence the non-denominational holiday sweaters
I had made and strongly encouraged you to wear today.
Anyway, thank you for your service.
I guess I'll see you all after another trip around the sun.
No, really, let's go around the sun one more time.
Is anyone else hot? Toni?
Toni, do you have-- is there A/C?
- Have a great break everyone. - I'm really sweating now.
- Hey. - Hey.
- So, did you and your family
figure out what you're going to do?
- We sure did. We sure did.
We are all going our separate ways this year.
- And how are you feeling about that?
- It's... it's fine.
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, maybe it's better because I don't wanna
just dwell on the sadness, you know.
What about you? What are you doing?
Something wild and crazy I hope.
- I'm meeting up with my mom and her new husband in Vegas
which should be weird.
- Very weird. - Yeah.
I'll try to check in with you. I just...
I hope you're able to find some joy over the holidays.
- You too. [laughs]
Thanks, Simon.
- Yeah. - But, you know, what?
Who needs to be with family anyway?
Not me, said the flea.
- [chuckles]
- Hey, gang.
Uh, I just wanted to come and say goodbye.
Anybody got any big vacation plans?
Come on, some of you must be doing something fun.
Gingerbread man, what about you?
- Uh, I'm just going bird watching with my brothers
and parents at an incredible wildlife refuge in New Mexico.
- Wow.
- But I'm sure it's gonna be terrible.
- Uh, okay.
Speaking of birds, what are you two lovebirds doing?
- We're going skiing with my whole extended fam.
Mac's about to meet all the Batras!
- That should be fun, right? - Oh, yeah.
As long as she stays away from my Uncle Jimmy.
- Truthfully, I think the whole skiing industrial complex
is a real racket anyway,
so it's probably gonna be pretty lame.
- I see what's going on here.
You all are trying to downplay your vacation
so I don't feel bad about mine, is that it?
You don't have to do that. Really.
- No, it's not what we're doing.
- It's not?
- Uh, I'm actually pretty sure that most of us
would prefer to be here, working, with you.
["Home Sweet Home" playing]
[piano music]
- ♪ You know I'm a dreamer ♪
♪ But my heart's of gold ♪
♪ I had to run away high ♪
♪ So I wouldn't come home low ♪
♪ Just when things went right ♪
♪ It doesn't mean they were always wrong ♪
♪ Just take this song ♪
♪ And you'll never feel left all alone ♪
- Aww. Maybe I'm wrong.
- ♪ I'm on my way ♪
[rock music]
♪ I'm on my way ♪
all: ♪ Home sweet home ♪
- Nope, not wrong. Not wrong at all.
- ♪ You know that I've seen ♪
♪ Too many romantic dreams ♪
♪ Up in lights, falling off the silver screen ♪
♪ My heart's like an open book for the whole world to read ♪
♪ Sometimes nothing ♪
♪ Keeps me together at the seams ♪
♪ I'm on my way ♪ - ♪ I'm on my way ♪
both: ♪ Home sweet home ♪
♪ Tonight, tonight I'm on my way ♪
♪ Just set me free ♪
all: ♪ Home sweet home ♪
[elevator bell dings]
♪ Home sweet home ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Ooh, I'm on my way ♪
♪ Just set me free ♪
♪ Home sweet home ♪
- Understood.
all: ♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪
♪ Let Earth receive her king ♪
- Ooh. Guess I'm early.
I hope the director doesn't mind.
Baby, if this were my rehearsal
and someone just barged on in, heads would roll.
- I think you're safe.
This is just a nice little kid's show.
- Is one of them yours?
- Oh no, I'm--I'm Susan. I'm the director.
- Okay. Ms. Susan. I see you.
Ooh, I love having a woman director up in here.
Okay.
- [laughing] And yours is?
- Oh, that adorable bundle of hair on the end.
Hi, honey.
Although she's not mine. Maybe one day.
- So what do you think of all these little angels?
- Did you really want my opinion?
- Oh, uh, sure, sure. You said "your rehearsals."
You must know a thing or two about--
- I think they look scared.
They look like they're being held hostage.
The song is called "Joy to the World," Susan.
Do you see any joy in that stage?
Joy, anywhere?
- No. No. I, I don't--I don't disagree.
Um, it's a timid group we have this year, uh,
but if you have any ideas for how we could make the--
- Oh, sure, hold my purse. - Oops.
[chuckles] - Hi, kids.
All: ♪ Receive her king ♪
[baby fussing]
- Where's your rattle?
Let's go find it.
- You all right? - Mm-hmm.
It's just--it's odd seeing the house at Christmas
without any decorations.
- Hmm. - Hi, guys.
- Hey.
Do you know where that photo is of me in "The Nutcracker"?
Max doesn't believe that I was Clara.
- Oh, it's probably out in the garage
with the rest of the Christmas stuff.
- I'm taking Zoey to see "The Nutcracker" tonight,
just to give her a little taste of Christmas.
That's not a guilt trip
because you're all leaving town for the holidays.
It's just me trying to be cute, you know, as I do.
- Ooh, I don't know who there is because--Mom,
can you believe all the cards that people sent us this year?
All these, like, perfect families
in their perfect houses with their perfect little kids.
- Mm-hmm. - When did this become a thing?
- This is not a judgment against you, Miles.
This is just them railing against society,
that's all that is.
- Wow. People really go all out, huh?
- Oh, those are nothing compared
to the "Gluck Family Holiday Newsletter."
- Whoa, who are the Glucks and why do I wanna be them?
- Hey, you don't wanna be them.
Adam Gluck is a douchebag, okay?
- Yeah.
- We went to law school with him.
- Yeah, and every year,
he sends us a long Christmas newsletter
bragging about his family's accomplishments.
- Along with multiple photos of him,
of his wife, of their kids...
- Their two Bernedoodles that they "rescued."
- Wow, that is a nice backyard.
- Houses are cheaper in Georgia.
They're cheaper there. - A lot cheaper.
- I just--I just wanna figure out a way to, like,
shove it back in his smug, perfect face.
- Well, there is.
You can make up your own newsletter
and send it only to him. He won't know you're lying
and you can say whatever you want on it.
- [chuckles]
[mischievous music]
- Found it.
♪ ♪
- Just helped two more people. No song even needed this time.
[imitating sizzling]
- See? There I am. I told you!
- This is amazing! - -ly embarrassing,
which is why it mostly stays in a box.
- Oh, my God. What are these doing in here?
I haven't seen these for years.
- I think you once tap danced for us on Christmas Eve.
- To... both: "Jingle Bells"!
- [laughs]
Oh, my God, I must've had a lot of eggnog that night.
- Oh, this is cool. - Yeah.
Ooh, be careful with that!
- You'll have to forgive her.
That's a very meaningful snow globe around this house.
- Our dad used to pull it out and wind it up,
and he'd announce to everyone
that the Christmas season had officially begun.
- And one time, he let me do it,
and it was the first night
I really felt like I was a part of the family.
[gear clicking]
["Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" playing]
♪ ♪
- Santa! - Oh, my goodness!
- Merry Christmas.
♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
And where's Maggie?
Christmas ham.
- Oh, are you ready? - That looks amazing.
[muffled chatter]
- Yes. Yay.
- Here you go.
[muffled chatter]
♪ ♪
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- Zoey, ready to go? We're gonna miss the show.
- Yeah. Sorry.
Thank you for taking me to the ballet tonight.
That was very sweet.
- That, my sugarplum fairy,
is just the first of many holiday surprises
you have requested and I have planned.
Now, tell me something.
What is your take on RVs?
- Well, I was super jealous of David's racecar bed as a child,
so I am big fan of anything with wheels
that you can sleep in. - [laughs]
- Why? - Well, I may have looked into
renting us one for a couple weeks.
See, the thing is, Christmas really means nothing to me,
and--and maybe, just maybe,
this year it doesn't have to mean anything to you either.
I was thinking we could hop in the ol' RV,
head to the desert, and just wander around,
like my people did for 40 years.
There wouldn't be any Christmas anything in sight.
It--it could honestly be like it never even happened.
Look, Zoey,
I know how important this holiday is to you,
but this could be special in its own way.
Truly, Zoey.
[vocalizing]
[soft acoustic guitar music]
♪ ♪
♪ I see the crystal raindrops fall ♪
♪ And the beauty of it all ♪
♪ Is when the sun comes shining through ♪
♪ ♪
♪ To make those rainbows in my mind ♪
♪ When I think of you sometime ♪
♪ And I wanna spend some time with you ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we try ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
both: ♪ Just the two of us ♪
- ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ Building castles in the sky ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ You and I ♪
So, what do you think?
- Definitely an idea. - Right.
- But I guess I just--I don't know.
Maybe I wanna...
♪ Haul out the holly ♪
♪ Put up the tree before my spirit falls again ♪
♪ Fill up the stocking ♪
♪ I may be rushing things ♪
♪ But deck the halls again now ♪
all: ♪ For we need a little Christmas ♪
♪ Right this very minute ♪
- ♪ Candles in the window ♪
♪ Carols at the spinet ♪
all: ♪ Yes, we need a little Christmas ♪
♪ Right this very minute ♪
- ♪ It hasn't snowed a single flurry ♪
♪ But, Santa dear, we're in a hurry ♪
- ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we try ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
both: ♪ Just the two of us ♪
- ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ Building them castles in the sky ♪
♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ You and ♪ - ♪ Climb down the chimney ♪
♪ Turn on the brightest string of lights I've ever seen ♪
♪ Slice up the fruit cake ♪
♪ It's time we've hung some tinsel ♪
♪ On the evergreen bough ♪
- ♪ Just the two of us ♪
♪ We can make it if we ♪
- ♪ Need a little music, need a little laughter ♪
♪ Need a little singing ringing through the rafter ♪
♪ And we need a little snappy, happy ever after ♪
all: ♪ We need a little Christmas ♪
♪ Now ♪
- You're reading my mind right now, aren't you?
- You're reading mine, and you definitely don't wanna
do something just the two of us.
- I--it's all--
it's all really nice, Max. Truly.
It's just-- - What?
- I don't wanna not think about my dad
and be apart from my family for the holidays.
It's not the Clarkes. It doesn't feel right.
I want us all to be together
and have the most Mitch Christmas ever!
- Okay. Then that's what we'll do.
We will totally go for it.
Honestly, I was worried about driving an RV anyway.
They're really big, uh--
[warm music]
♪ ♪
- I don't know about you guys,
but as hard as I try,
most of my memories of Dad are from when he was sick.
And I think--I think it's super important
that we remember the good times
and all of the amazing things Dad did for our family,
which is why I think we should have Christmas together.
So what do you guys think?
- What's he doing with the train?
Is he facing it? - Yeah.
- Is he facing the camera? - Yeah, he is.
- Vajna, why don't you take five?
I just think Miles clearly is not bringing it right now,
so, you know. Here.
Just work your magic.
- You guys are really going all out
for this Christmas card, huh?
- Christmas newsletter. It's a newsletter, Zoey.
- Yeah, and by the time Adam Gluck gets it,
it's gonna look like we were skiing in St. Moritz.
- We're gonna blow his Glucking mind.
- Okay.
So I know you already have plans with your sister.
But is there any chance you'd change them, please?
Please, please, please, please?
- Okay, I'll admit it.
We've kinda been dreading going ever since Jenna informed us
we'd be staying in a yurt and eating tofurkey.
- Yeah, that sounds bad.
- And was she joking when she said she needed us
to denounce Christmas
as just "another example of the mass Capitalist agenda"?
I couldn't tell. Honestly, I couldn't tell.
- Me either. - Yeah.
Oh, Zoey. I mean...
[sighs]
Look, it would be really nice to spend Christmas
with my family and, you know,
we could just really focus on all the good times.
- I promise you both, I will make it super special.
Just like how Dad used to do it.
- All right, yeah. - Let's do it.
Beep, beep. [whooshing]
- Wow. - Okay.
We'll cancel on Jenna if you agree to throw fake snow
at us as we shred a black diamond.
- Deal! - Vajna, we're back!
- We're back. - Great, okay.
So now all I have to do is convince Mom,
and that shouldn't be too hard, right?
- It might be. - Why?
- Oh, well, she and Deb are really excited
about their trip to Hawaii, so...
There he is. Oh, yeah.
- How excited?
- ♪ Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say ♪
♪ On a bright Hawaiian Christmas Day ♪
♪ That's the island greeting that we send to you ♪
♪ From the land where palm trees sway ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright ♪
♪ The sun will shine by day and all the stars at night ♪
♪ Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way ♪
♪ To say Merry Christmas to you ♪
- And then we were thinking of going zip-lining.
- If we're not still hung over
from our booze cruise the night before.
- And the odds of that are? - Mm, no comment.
- [chuckles]
- So, clearly, you two are excited about this trip,
and I'm just wondering
if you would consider the possibility of...
Postponing it?
- Not on your life. - Why would we do that?
- Listen, Mom, I think that it's great
that you are gonna take this vacation to...
- Jingle and mingle.
- And find yourself again, which I totally support.
But I'm just wondering if you could maybe
find yourself...another time.
Like maybe December 26th or even later?
- Why didn't you say something before this?
- 'Cause I didn't realize how much it meant to me until now,
and how important I think it would be
for all of us to honor Dad
and find our Christmas joy together again.
If you stay, I promise I will handle everything.
You won't even have to lift a finger.
- But what about Deb?
I mean, I can't just leave her stranded.
- Yeah, your mother's not the only widow here
looking to escape for the holidays.
I spent last year with my son's in-laws.
Zoey, their cat sat at the table.
- Well, then you can come to our Christmas Eve dinner too.
Mom, think about it.
Eggnog, a huge feast, and then we can all watch
one of Dad's favorite old black-and-white movies
together--that was always my favorite part.
It sounds pretty great. I mean, doesn't it?
- [sighs] She really wants us to stay.
- I know she does. She played the dead Dad card.
- You know I can hear you, right?
- So do you think the trip is refundable?
- My travel agent is a miracle worker
so we could probably get a credit.
- And maybe postpone it to a later date?
- Spring break?
- Oh!
Oh, can't. I have a huge install in March.
Uh, what about February?
- Hmm, pre- or post-Valentine's day?
both: During! - Sold.
But I'm not happy about this, and I want you to know that.
So much for hot Christmas with hot men.
- She'll be fine. - Thank you, Mom.
This is gonna be so great...
if I can pull it all together before Christmas.
There are a million things to do
and we don't even have a tree yet.
all: ♪ Boughs of holly, fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la... ♪
- Valentina, you're singing so quietly,
dogs couldn't hear you. And, Sonny, remember,
the audience is out here and not on the floor.
And, Amirah, I know that's not all you got in you.
You were more excited watching your brother
play Minecraft yesterday.
- Mo, uh, I get that you're trying to help
but you maybe wanna go a little easier on the children.
It's just a sweet community holiday...
- Did easy ever win anyone an EGOT?
- What's an EGOT? - Why are you doing this to me?
I am teaching them a very, very valuable lesson
on how the entertainment business works, Susan.
- Well, you're the professional.
- I am.
- Can I go to the bathroom? - No!
Everyone, back to one!
Back to one!
♪ ♪
all: ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of... ♪
[upbeat pop music]
- Oh! [chuckles]
How great is this!
The whole family back at the Christmas tree lot
looking for trees together. Oh, it's all happening.
- Uh, exactly how many candy canes
did she eat before we got here?
- Hey, this is my first time getting a tree.
These things were strictly forbidden
in my house growing up
so I am just as excited as she is.
- Hello, folks.
Welcome to Lumber Jack's Christmas tree lot.
I am Jack and Jack is me.
Can I interest you all in anything in particular?
- Yes, Jack. We are looking for a tree.
- Well, you've come to the right place.
Any specific type in mind?
- Um, what do you guys think?
Should we mix it up a little bit?
Maybe a red cedar or-- oh, I know.
A blue spruce. They are so festive.
- Look out. This lady knows her stuff.
Check out the Fraser firs.
They look and smell great and are surprisingly durable.
- Yeah, that could work,
or we could throw caution to the wind
and just get some sort of pine.
[laughter]
- [strained laughing]
Sorry, sorry to interrupt all this tree bonding
but I actually have a very clear vision in my head
for this whole Christmas experience
and I'd really like to keep things exactly the way
we did them in the past.
- Oh. Douglas fir it is.
- Well, right this way.
So how do you know so much about Christmas trees?
You don't work for the competition, do you?
- Oh, no. I'm a landscape architect.
- Oh, phew, that's good news. I thought for a second
you might be Holly from Jolly Holly's Tree Emporium.
- No. I'm Maggie from Menlo Park.
My family's been coming here for years.
- That's why you look so familiar.
- Yeah.
- Your husband, is he taking the night off or...
- Um, so that's one way of putting it.
Um, he is no longer with us. - Oh.
So a very long night off then, huh?
- [chuckles] - I'm sorry.
- Yeah, it's okay. Um...
- Oh, right this way. - Okay.
- I just remembered Dad lifting me up right over there
and saying, "What if we made David
the ornament on the top of the tree this year?"
- Hey, is it just me or is there
a little bit of a vibe between Jack and mom?
- Don't ruin this for me. - Oh.
- So this is our fir section.
- Wow, sure hope it's fake fir. Am I right?
I'm Jewish. - This one.
This is the tree I want.
- Excellent choice. Listen, don't tell anyone
but...I'm giving you the friends and family discount.
- Aw, thank you.
- That'll be $110.
- Okay.
- I'll be right back with the change.
Holler if you want anything else.
- Okay. - Okay.
[gentle acoustic music]
- ♪ I threw a wish in the well ♪
♪ Don't ask me, I'll never tell ♪
♪ I looked to you as it fell ♪
♪ And now you're in my way ♪
♪ I'd trade my soul for a wish ♪
♪ Pennies and dimes for a kiss ♪
♪ I wasn't looking for this ♪
♪ But now you're in my way ♪
♪ Your stare was holdin' ♪
♪ Ripped jeans, skin was showin' ♪
♪ Hot night, wind was blowin' ♪
♪ Where you think you're going, baby? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Hey, I just met you and this is crazy ♪
♪ But here's my number so call me, maybe? ♪
♪ It's hard to look right at you, baby ♪
♪ But here's my number so call me, maybe? ♪
♪ Hey, I just met you and this is crazy ♪
♪ But here's my number so call me, maybe? ♪
- And here's your change, Maggie May.
- Uh, thank you, Lumber Jack.
[both chuckling]
- It is awfully quiet in here. - Yeah.
- It must be tough living by yourself sometimes all alone.
- Well, yeah, it does get a little bit lonely,
but lately I've been into these Icelandic crime dramas.
They are--they really make the time go fast.
- So I know you had mentioned to David and Emily and I
that at some point you were thinking
maybe of dipping your toe back in the dating pool
and I'm wondering is that time now?
- I don't know, Zoey.
I mean, honestly, I wouldn't even know where to begin.
- Okay, well, there is this new thing called internet dating.
And we could look online together.
I mean, if you want.
- [chuckles] Okay.
I mean, that could be fun.
- Okay.
What age range would like, Mom?
- Oh, um, I, uh, will go with 50 to 65.
- Meow! [chuckles]
Okay, sorry.
And now I'm also just gonna say, for now,
that you only want someone within a ten mile radius.
And we're in. - Wait.
- What do you think of this guy?
- That is a single guy who lives in this area
who's looking to date?
No. He's way too short for me.
Oh, uh, never trust guy with a ponytail.
That was taken 30 years ago, Zoey.
Oh, God. They allow that online?
- You know what? Let's, um--how about
we fill out a quick profile for you instead?
Finish this sentence.
This year, something I would like to try is...
- Learn more about equine therapy.
- Uh, something that is nonnegotiable for me is...
- Excessive back hair. - Mom, okay.
I know I have found the one when...
- I stop thinking about your father every second of the day.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
I don't think I'm ready for this yet.
Let's just put a pin in the dating stuff
and we'll revisit it after the holidays, okay?
- Sorry.
- Let's do the tree.
- [sighs]
- All right, how we doing? - Amazing.
Love this one of us finishing the Ironman triathlon
with Miles in a stroller in front of us.
- The stroller was a fantastic touch.
- Yeah. Vanja is worth all the money.
- All of it.
Now, all we have left to do is actually write the newsletter.
So the question is how far
can we take it while also still being believable?
For example, yes, we climbed the Himalayas.
- And Miles is the new face of an organic baby formula.
- Ooh, I love that. That's so good,
but we did not finish the addition to our compound.
- Why not?
- I mean, Adam can look up building records.
We have no idea what he's capable of.
- Great point. The man's a monster.
Okay, so then I guess writing
the next Great American novel is off the table too then?
- Yeah, we--we don't wanna have to explain
why it never came out in next year's Christmas newsletter.
- Hmm.
This is fun. - Yeah.
- Okay, so then how about we start with this?
Another year...
- Mm-hmm. - For the record books.
- Ooh, that's nice.
Uh, somehow our magical little brood has done it again.
- [chuckles] Baby, you should be a writer.
- Oh, thanks. Um, you know,
I've actually been thinking about starting, like,
a stay-at-home daddy blog.
- Oh, no, I don't think you should do that.
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, morning. What are you doing?
- Sewing sequins onto tiny little robes to impress my man.
You? - I don't get it.
What...where are all the delicious treats you make
that I then come over and eat and love?
- Girl, you know I don't have time for baked goods
when I'm in the act of creation.
- Oh, sorry.
Uh, are those for the kid's pageant?
- I believe you mean
"Are these for the children's holiday extravaganza?"
Which my response would be, "Yes.
I'm channeling my inner Mariah."
- I'm sorry. I just, uh--I really need to fuel up
because I have so much Christmas stuff to do today.
I, like you, am trying to impress my family
by recreating the perfect Mitch Christmas,
and I wanna get it exactly right.
But there are just so many little details
that go into the whole thing. I had no idea!
- [sighs] Why don't you just
make it easier on yourself and come to
my Christmas Carol-oke night at Maximo's.
It's for all weary souls and you definitely qualify.
- I think it's very awesome that you're doing that,
but it just doesn't fit in my family traditions, so...
- Okay, my little red-nosed reindeer.
How can I do helping?
- Take a look at this. - Well, damn.
What are we doing, celebrating the holidays or robbing a bank?
- Yeah, I told you. - All right.
Well, let's start at the beginning.
What's number one in your list?
- Of course, my number one on my list
is getting great gifts
for everyone just like my father did.
- Oh, my God. You're an awful gift-giver.
- I'm aware.
- Um, but you follow someone with a very cute shoes
and get whatever she gets.
- I love this plan!
[sneaky music]
♪ ♪
Then I have to get the whole house ready
and decorated by Christmas Eve.
- Oh, that's easy. Outsource!
[festive music]
- You gotta--you gotta--you gotta get more, uh, stuff.
- Uh-uh, uh... - I know, I know, I got plenty.
- All right. - I've never done this.
- One more, one more, one more. I got this.
- Thank you. - Nice.
- Third time's the charm.
- Are we good? - Uh, I think more that way.
No, that way.
And then I have to cook the perfect Christmas Eve dinner.
- Yeah, I don't have any advice for that.
Lord have mercy. God help us all.
[praying indistinctly]
[frantic festive music]
♪ ♪
[phone buzzing]
♪ ♪
- Hello?
- Merry almost Christmas. - Merry?
Is it? Is it actually merry?
I'm sorry, but, like, what does that even mean?
At what other point in the year
do we ever tell each other merry anything?
- It sounds like your break is going well then.
- Sorry, I'm just--
I am trying to cook
the perfect Mitch Christmas Eve dinner
for six people and, baby, let me tell you,
it is not going as, uh, swimmingly as I had planned.
- Well, I guess that means the fam
didn't go scattering to the wind.
- Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I had the bright idea to convince
everyone into sticking around, all so that
we can have the best non-Dad Dad Christmas ever.
- Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I just saw what I think was a stripper elf
with reindeer ears on walk by, so...
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in Vegas.
Um, how's it being with your mom and the new guy?
- Definitely complicated.
More magic shows than I thought.
I'll tell you this though, whatever that dinner
is turning out to be, it's gonna be better than
this all-you-can-eat buffet I'm about to go to.
- Oh, my God. You wanna trade me?
'Cause I would do anything for a crab leg
and a cup of Jell-O right now.
- Okay. I can do this, right?
Just one more night and I'm home.
- Oh, yeah. You got this.
You definitely got this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, my God.
I mean, do you need any help?
Everybody's gonna be here in less than an hour.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Simon, I have to go.
- Just remember, nothing's perfect.
Good luck. - Yeah, good luck to you too.
Which is not anything I ever imagined two people
having to say to each other on Christmas.
- Uh, Zoey. - Hmm?
- Talk to me. What can I do to help?
- [scoffs] I mean,
ooh, the only thing I can think of
for you to do would be go find your appetite
'cause we are gonna be feasting tonight!
And the crowd goes wild!
[imitating crowd cheering]
- Zoey... - I mean it.
I have everything under control.
You have to trust me.
- Okay.
[frantic festive music]
- [grunts]
♪ ♪
["We Wish You A Merry Christmas" playing]
- It's cute, right? - Yeah, we went to the salon.
We had his hair done, yeah. Yeah, look at that.
- David. - So, so I know this isn't
exactly what everyone had planned,
but I have some good news.
I have organized some really fun stuff for us to do tonight,
including a black-and-white Christmas movie double feature,
if you're all up for it.
So, uh, let's have a great time.
Cheers! - Yes, cheers!
[overlapping cheers] - Cheers to you, sir.
- Mmm, Zoey, this tastes
just like how your dad used to make it.
- Well, that's 'cause I used a little something
called his recipe.
- Wow! This is really good.
There's probably a lot of heavy cream in it though, right?
- Mm-hmm. - No, my tummy.
- Honey, I am so impressed by everything.
The whole house looks wonderful, doesn't it, Deb?
- Not as wonderful as a pina colada at sunset in Maui
but I'm rolling with it.
- Well, it was just really important to me
to make my dad proud
and to create a night exactly like all those special ones
he did for us all of those years.
Same decorations, same meal, same snow globe center piece
in the middle of the dining table!
- Well, you pulled it off.
It even smells exactly the same.
All we need is for Dad to come in here wearing a Santa hat
and it would be like every other Christmas.
[doorbell rings]
- You guys expecting anyone?
- Hey! Zoey, right?
It's Jack from Lumber Jack's Christmas tree lot.
- Um, hi.
Are you here to pick up our tree early?
Is that how it works now?
- [chuckles] Oh, no.
I was invited here tonight.
I, uh, made a casserole.
Is anyone else here yet?
- Yeah, sorry. Um...
come with me.
Hey, guys, look who's here.
Jack...from the Christmas tree lot.
- Hey, everybody! Happy holidays.
all: Hi. - Maggie, this is for you.
It is, of course, a poinsettia, which just happens to be...
- The official Christmas flower.
- [chuckles]
You can't get anything past this one.
- Well, thank you. This is lovely.
I know the perfect place for it.
Zoey, would you like to come with me?
- Sure would. - Eggnog, Jack?
[tense music]
- Quick question. Why did you invite
the Christmas tree log guy to our Christmas Eve dinner?
- You thought I did this? I thought you invited him.
- Why would I do that? I don't even know that guy.
- Okay, well, if neither of us invited him then...
- [humming]
- I think I know what's going on.
You heard my mom sing "Call Me Maybe"
at the Christmas tree lot, didn't you?
- I sure did.
And I thought I'd perform a little Chris-mitzvah
and invite Jack tonight because her heart clearly wanted that.
- Max. - What?
- I also heard my mom's heart song that night,
which is why I talked to her about it in great detail.
And I also made her look at several online profiles
with me afterwards.
And let me tell you, after that night, I am scarred.
And, more importantly,
she is nowhere near ready to start dating yet.
- Are you sure?
'cause she really committed to that song.
- You are way in over your head on this, okay?
You do not understand the complexities like I do.
- I'm sorry if you think I overstepped my bounds.
I was really just trying to make your mother feel good
on what I thought was gonna be a hard night for her.
Please don't be mad at me about that.
- I just wish you would have told me before you did this.
- Yeah, you're right. I-I should have done that.
I guess it seemed like a fun surprise in my mind.
What do you want me to do? Do you want me to kick him out?
Would that make you feel better?
- No! - Well, good,
'cause he's really big and I don't know if I could take him.
- [sighs]
- Look, tonight is gonna be great.
Look, seriously, you, you worked hard on this.
Jack seems like a really nice guy.
You are doing something kind for someone else.
And who knows,
maybe the universe wants him to be here,
okay?
- [sighs]
Okay.
[indistinct chatter]
- Zoey, you've gotta try
this new batch of eggnog I whipped up.
- Okay.
[gulps]
That's, like, all alcohol.
Why did you change my dad's recipe?
- No, no, no. I didn't--I didn't change it.
I enhanced it.
I just wanted to get everybody a little taste
of that sunset booze cruise that we had booked for tonight.
- That reminds me.
Um, well, since we're here
and not in Hawaii...
Would you please be seated? Ladies and gentleman,
the first thing on the agenda for this evening
is for us each to open one present,
which is a classic Clarke "night before" tradition.
So here you go, Emily.
- Thank you, Zoey. - One for David.
- Thank you so much. - And little baby Miles.
both: Aww.
- And mom. And for our guests, Deb...
- Oh, thank you. - And Max.
- Thank you.
- Oh, I didn't get anything for you, Jack,
'cause I didn't know you were coming.
- Oh, please. Don't even worry about me.
I'm just sitting here nursing this eggnog.
Put a little hair on my chest. - Oh, yeah.
- Uh, you, you know what, Jack? You can have mine.
- Oh, I couldn't, Max. - No.
I've already had eight nights out.
I'll be fine.
- Thank you, Max. That's very sweet of you.
- Of course. - [mouthing] What?
- Socks? You gave us socks?
- Another Clarke family tradition.
- Mom and Deb, I got you hula girls
'cause I feel guilty.
And, David, I got you a keyboard.
- Sometimes I like to go to town on the 88s.
- For Emily, I got mini gavels.
And then, oh, for little baby Miles,
I got a lot of my face
so that he can always look at his auntie.
And then for Max, Legos.
Um, Max--I mean, Jack.
- Yeah, I like to brag about being a master brick builder.
- Well, also, the first day that we met...
- Yeah, of course.
- Are you okay?
- Uh, um... [clears throat]
I'm sorry, uh... [sighs]
Well, uh, these just caught me by surprise I guess.
- Oh, they're just socks.
- You know, I didn't--I didn't have a lot growing up
and, uh--but I did have this Lego set
that my father gave me one Christmas,
and I played with it all the time.
Anyway, these, uh--
these socks really, uh,
really brought me back to a moment in time.
Oh, my God. And now here
I am crying in front of a bunch of strangers.
I'm sorry.
Thank you so much
for inviting me into your home on Christmas Eve.
- We're happy to have you. - You can come by anytime.
- Anytime, yeah. - Yeah.
[bell rings] - Well, uh,
that means it's almost dinner! Whoo-whoo!
Uh, David, Emily, Max, baby Miles,
do you guys wanna help me put everything on the table?
- Sure.
[quirky music]
- You have a beautiful home.
- Thank you.
Would you like a tour?
- Sure.
- Deb, would you like to come?
- Nope.
[indistinct chatter]
- Hello, Susan.
I'm very excited to see what you pulled off.
Mo's been glowing about it all week.
- Mm-hmm. - Okay.
[applause]
[scattered cheers]
all: ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
- Stop! This will never work.
Let's show them what we really can do!
[bright music]
♪ ♪
♪ You're here where you should be ♪
♪ Snow is falling as the carolers sing ♪
♪ It just wasn't the same ♪
♪ Alone on Christmas Day ♪
♪ Presents, what a beautiful sight ♪
♪ Don't mean a thing if you ain't holding me tight ♪
♪ You're all that I need underneath the tree ♪
♪ Tonight I'm gonna hold you close ♪
[children vocalizing]
♪ Make sure that you know ♪
♪ I was lost before you ♪
♪ Christmas was cold and gray ♪
[children vocalizing]
♪ Another holiday alone to celebrate ♪
♪ But then one day everything changed ♪
♪ You're all I need underneath the tree ♪
♪ You're here where you should be ♪
♪ Snow is falling as the carolers sing ♪
♪ It just wasn't the same ♪
♪ Alone on Christmas Day ♪
♪ Presents, what a beautiful sight ♪
♪ It don't mean a thing if you ain't holding me tight ♪
♪ You're all that I need underneath the ♪
♪ Underneath the tree ♪
[scattered applause]
Stop.
I believe I can speak for all of us
when I say the holidays are about the kids.
- Yeah. [cheers and applause]
- Which is why for my next song,
I will be singing a childhood favorite,
"Frosty the Snowman."
It's not my favorite, but kids like it so hit it!
- Serving tray, serving tray. Where are you, serving tray?
Max, wrong bowl. You need a gravy boat.
David, stop eating the dinner rolls!
Emily, one more minute on the Brussels sprouts.
Hey, can anyone make a maple cranberry sauce?
Forget it. I'll make it myself.
- You okay, Zoe? - Yeah, uh-huh.
Sure, I just-- I had an idea in my head
about what this night was gonna be like
and it doesn't seem to be going in that direction.
And where is the damn serving tray I need for the ham?
- What about those?
- Calla lily. - Bingo!
Man, that's excellent. And, um, and these?
- Uh, nasturtium?
- Stumped the man with amaryllis.
- Amaryllis? - Yup.
- It gets me every time.
Hey, what are these?
- Oh, oh, I found those the other day.
I used to tap a bit a lifetime ago.
- Hmm.
Can you show me? - [chuckles]
I don't think that's a very good idea.
- Oh, come on. I'll show you
I still know how to cabbage patch.
- [laughs]
- Your turn. Can you?
Come on. Coast is clear.
- I cannot believe I'm doing this.
[big band rendition of "Jingle Bells" playing]
♪ ♪
[laughter]
- Outstanding! Encore! Encore!
- No, no, no, no, no. Don't press your luck, buddy.
I should go check on the dinner.
- Sure, um... - Oh, tap shoes.
- Yeah. - [chuckles]
Sorry. - Yeah.
- Oh.
- You certainly know what that plant is.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Mom, do you know where our serving tray--
- I found the serving tray. - Okay, perfect, thank you.
- Hey, you want me to help with the ham
even though I've never carved anything before?
- You carved a place in my heart.
- Oh, nicest thing you ever said to me.
- Zoey, can I please talk to you for a second?
- Hey, I can try to help carve it too.
I once whittled a garden gnome at summer camp.
- Honey. - Everyone stop!
[sighs]
Dad always used to carve the ham.
And since I knew he wasn't gonna be here tonight,
I spent hours watching a YouTube video
on how to do this which means
I have the whole frigging thing figured out.
So can you please all get the hell out of my kitchen?
[electric knife whirring] Get the hell out of my kitchen!
[tranquil holiday music]
- Oh, wow. Zoey, that looks great.
I've actually really been craving some Big League Chew.
- David. - Well, it was a lot harder
than it looked in the video.
And no one has to eat it if they don't want to.
It is fine!
- Oh, I didn't... - Mom, could I have some wine?
- Absolutely, after I pour myself a second one.
- Hit me up too. Would you, sister?
- Sure. - Ooh, thank you.
- Well, I will say this looks really delicious.
Stellar work, babe.
- Thank you. - Wait, wait, what is this?
- Oh, it's our Christmas newsletter
that we're emailing Adam Gluck tomorrow morning.
- Tomorrow morning. - So we wanted to show you all.
- This is incredible. What a year you two had!
Wait, wait, you played piano
on "Watermelon Sugar"?
- Uh, in a way. - Really? Let me see that.
- Oh, no. You don't have to. It's like--it's not a big deal.
It's just something we like threw together
and it's, it's, um...
- Wow, you won a non-televised season of "The Amazing Race"?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Uh, but, but one of the couples,
turns out they were the producer's children
and so they had to shelve the whole thing.
- Oh.
- Anyway, I feel like you get the gist.
- We sure do. Can I ask you something?
Why did you feel the need to do that?
- Spite. Vengeance.
- Pettiness. Jealousy.
- Yeah. Also, this was Max's idea.
- Hey, don't blame me for being an out-of-the-box thinker.
- Wait, I'm sorry.
Do you--do you have, like, a real issue with this?
- I mean, I'm not gonna tell you what to do,
but I'm not sure Dad would say
it's exactly in the Christmas spirit.
- Hey, everybody, Zoey worked really hard on this meal.
So let's, um, dig in before it gets cold, okay?
- Yeah, Mom, let's!
I'm sure you worked up quite an appetite.
- Wow, this green bean casserole is amazing!
- That's the one that Jack made.
- This green bean casserole is amazing!
- Thank you, Max. - You're welcome.
- David, would you pass me the ham, please?
- Absolutely, my friend.
- Braver man than I am. - Uh-hmm.
- So actually, it's a little heavy.
- Thank you. Oh, God.
[all gasping]
[somber acoustic music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ So, so you think you can tell ♪
♪ Heaven from hell ♪
♪ Blue skies from pain ♪
- ♪ Can you tell a green field ♪
♪ From a cold steel rail? ♪
♪ A smile from a veil ♪
- ♪ Do you think you can tell? ♪
♪ Did they get you to trade ♪
♪ Your heroes for ghosts? ♪
♪ Hot ashes for trees ♪
♪ Hot air for a cool breeze ♪
♪ Cold comfort for change ♪
- ♪ And did you exchange ♪
♪ A walk-on part in the war ♪
♪ For a leading role in a cage? ♪
♪ ♪
all: ♪ How I wish, how I wish you were here ♪
♪ We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl ♪
- ♪ Year after year ♪
- ♪ Running over the same old ground ♪
all: ♪ What have we found? ♪
♪ The same old fears ♪
♪ Wish you were here ♪
♪ ♪
- [gasps] - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
- Are you all right? - I am, I am.
- It wasn't your fault. - Are you okay?
- Yeah. - Here, uh, let me help.
- It's fine. Don't worry about it.
- No, do you have a broom? - I got it.
Can you please explain to me how the man
breaks our snow globe and then somehow,
I have to spend the whole night making him feel better?
- I don't know. Nothing makes sense any more.
[knock at door]
- Zoey?
Honey, can we talk about what happened with me and Jack
before you go to sleep? I don't wanna--
- We really don't need to talk about it.
I just--I wasn't expecting it, that's all.
- I wasn't expecting it either.
- I mean, we should really get some free Christmas trees
out of this or something.
- Agreed. That's the least he could do.
Okay, well, good night, honey. Good night, Max!
- Good night, Maggie.
- Is he okay?
- I don't know. Blame my cooking?
Wow.
You must really be upset if you're lying next to Daryl
and it doesn't even bother you.
- I'm sorry I invited Jack to dinner tonight.
I completely ruined Christmas.
- No.
It's not your fault. It's mine.
[somber music]
- I'm trying to keep everybody together
and...I don't know.
Holding on so tight to some...
♪ ♪
Memory.
Maybe you were right. [sighs]
Maybe we should have gone away.
[sniffles] Just the two of us.
♪ ♪
[jingle bells ringing]
[soft suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
[warm hopeful music]
♪ ♪
["Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" playing]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Let your heart be light ♪
- Dad!
- ♪ From now on ♪
♪ Our troubles will be out of sight ♪
♪ ♪
- I am so glad you're here,
and at just the right time, too,
'cause we have a lot to discuss.
- I'm aware.
It sounds like my girl had a rough night.
- Yeah, I mean,
I was just trying to throw the perfect "Mitch Christmas"
for everyone, but I don't know.
It turns out being you is a lot harder
than I imagined. - Well, I'm flattered.
But can I tell you a little secret, honey?
No "Mitch Christmas" was ever perfect.
There were plenty of fights, tantrums,
angry scarfing down of gingerbread cookies.
And that was just your mother and I.
- [laughs] - I think perfect
is only how you remember it in your mind.
- Do you think that I... I made a mistake?
Trying to keep everyone together
for Christmas this year?
- No.
I think the only mistake
was trying to keep things exactly like they were.
- I know, but I'm just...
I'm really trying
to keep you with us.
- I'm still here.
I'm right here and right here.
And that's never going away.
And no one can take that from you.
But I think you might
wanna think about making some new memories,
creating some new traditions.
- No, that's a really hard thing for me to do
because it almost feels like I'm betraying you.
♪ ♪
- That's not possible.
So how about you forget about "perfect"
and instead embrace each day that this life grants you?
♪ ♪
That seems pretty perfect to me.
♪ ♪
♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪
♪ ♪
♪ From now on♪
♪ Our troubles will be miles away ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Through the years ♪
♪ We all will be together ♪
♪ If the fates allow ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Hang a shining star ♪
♪ Upon the highest bough ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Have yourself ♪
♪ A merry little Christmas ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Now ♪
♪ ♪
[bright holiday music]
- [baby laughing]
[indistinct chatter]
- Finally. She awakens.
- Merry Christmas, everyone.
- Can we please start opening presents now?
- Oh, that's sweet, babe.
You must have something you're really excited to give Miles.
- Yeah. Exactly, Miles, mm-hmm.
- Before we start, I have something to say.
Uh, I know that I was pretty...
intense and inflexible last night.
- I described the experience to my parents as "harrowing."
- Fair.
I realize now that I was clearly holding onto something,
something that--wait.
Where's Max?
- We thought he was in bed with you.
You know, you guys aren't married,
so, maybe, I should I make him sleep in--oh, screw it.
- Wait, I think, I might know where he might be.
Uh, I'll be right back.
Don't open any presents without me.
[upbeat music]
- I'm talking to you, David Aaron Clarke.
♪ ♪
- I'll be back in a bit, too.
♪ ♪
- Stop staring at them. It's weird.
Don't smell it either.
- Yeah. It was really cool, like, oh.
- You do?
- Uh-huh. - Try it, oh, I wanna try it.
- All right. Well...
- Well, the gifts were a huge hit.
- Duh. I'm basically Black Santa
and you're my Mrs. Claus.
- [laughs]
- So do you wanna tell me
why you were so cold to me after the pageant?
I haven't gotten that kind of response
since I played both Romeo and Juliet in middle school.
- My apologies.
You were as transcendent as ever.
- Why do I feel like a "but's" coming?
- The "but" is that, as wonderful as you were,
that wasn't really the purpose of the holiday pageant.
It was meant to give the children a chance to shine.
- Their costumes shined.
- You put them in the background, Mo.
- You liked me getting involved in the kids' lives
and said if I had any tips to give them and I did.
I just wanted the night to be great.
- I appreciate that.
And I love you having a relationship with them.
But sometimes, especially when it comes to kids...
you have to learn how to think outside of yourself.
Who wants some hot cocoa?
- Yay! - Yay! Go!
- Yay! - Whoo-hoo!
[somber music]
♪ ♪
- I wanted to tell you that
I kissed a guy
under the mistletoe last night.
That's not even the worst part. [laughs]
I also tap danced for him, too.
And...
it felt strange, Mitch, like really strange.
Like, um, maybe I don't even know how to do this.
The whole thing's strange.
And I know...everyone keeps telling me
that I'm supposed to move on
and I know that you want me to move on
but, um...
I hit the jackpot with you,
and it is gonna be really hard to just bounce back from that.
♪ ♪
So, um, so here's what I'm thinking.
I think that I'm gonna just keep learning
how to stand on my own two feet again.
Maybe I will even take some tap classes
to help me find my balance,
you know, and then when I feel more comfortable
just being Maggie
instead of...
"Mitch and Maggie..."
Maybe then we'll revisit the whole idea
of seeing other people.
How's that sound?
♪ ♪
I think so, too.
I miss you.
I love you.
But you know all that already.
Merry Christmas, Mitch.
[seagulls squawking]
- I think you should at least open my gift
before you get this mad about it.
Is this still about Jack?
Because honestly, I am equally at fault.
- I heard your whole family
sing a heart song last night, Zo.
There was just so much pain and vulnerability in it.
And I couldn't help but feel like I made that happen.
I invited that man. I caused all that suffering.
- Max, the pain was there.
The pain is always there.
That's what grief and mourning is.
But it's getting better
and it's gonna keep getting better, I know it.
- Yeah, you know what's not gonna get better?
All of this guilt and shame I now have inside of me.
- All because of a broken snow globe?
- No, because of the way I treated you
ever since the moment you told me you had this power.
Honestly, how many times have I hammered you
over the lack of equality in our relationship?
All because you could hear my heart songs
and I couldn't hear yours?
I was so focused on how your powers made me feel
that I never thought about the toll they took on you.
And that sucks.
Because this...is so much
for one human being to take on.
- It is. It's a lot to carry.
And, uh, sometimes other people's pain can be...
overwhelming.
- Which is why I should have been more understanding of you.
I'm so sorry for how I acted.
- Max, listen to me.
There's no way you could have known what it's like...
♪ ♪
Unless...
Max... - Hmm?
- What if this is why you got the power?
So that you could feel what I feel
and understand what I experience every day.
And if empathy is the reason
the universe gave you this, then...
we are just going to keep getting stronger and stronger.
Because... [sighs]
[warm pop music]
♪ ♪
♪ Lying in my bed ♪
♪ I hear the clock tick and think of you ♪
♪ Caught up in circles ♪
- ♪ Confusion is nothing new ♪
- ♪ Flashback, warm nights ♪
- ♪ Almost left behind ♪
♪ Suitcase of memories ♪
♪ Time after ♪
- ♪ Sometimes you picture me ♪
♪ I'm walking too far ahead ♪
both: ♪ You're calling to me ♪
♪ I can't hear what you've said ♪
- ♪ Then you say, "Go slow" ♪
- ♪ I fall behind ♪
both: ♪ The second hand unwinds ♪
♪ If you're lost, you can look ♪
♪ And you will find me ♪
♪ Time after time ♪
♪ If you fall, I will catch you ♪
♪ I'll be waiting ♪
♪ Time after time ♪
♪ If you're lost, you can look ♪
♪ And you will find me ♪
♪ Time after time ♪
♪ If you fall, I will catch you ♪
♪ I will be waiting ♪
♪ Time after time ♪
- ♪ After my picture fades ♪
♪ And darkness ♪
[voice growing fainter] ♪ Has turned to gray ♪
- ♪ Watching through windows ♪
♪ You're wondering if I'm okay ♪
♪ ♪
I can't hear you.
♪ The drum beats out of time ♪
♪ If you're lost you can look and you will find me ♪
♪ Time after time ♪
♪ If you fall I will catch you ♪
♪ ♪
I think they're...gone.
- It's okay.
- I think it's a nice gift and I feel like I'm pulling it off.
I'm just--I'm not really sure if it's me.
- It's not.
Hey, so, are we sending this newsletter or what?
- Okay, so I was thinking about it all night especially...
- Hmm. - After Jack and Deb,
you know, bought all our ridiculous lies
and Zoey got in my head and... - Mm-hmm.
- I actually--I wrote a different letter,
and I was thinking
that maybe we should send this one instead.
- Okay. "Hey, Adam.
"We were gonna send you a fake newsletter
"saying all the amazing things we did this year.
But that's not true. We had a really tough year."
"My dad died.
"I left my job.
"Emily suffered from some very intense postpartum depression.
"If anything, we were all just trying to...
"get by.
"But here's the thing: we're still here.
"We can still make each other laugh.
"We have a great kid.
"And we don't need to pretend our life is better
"just for your benefit. So have a great holiday
and maybe take us off the Christmas list next year."
Wow, David. That's, um...
that's very brave.
And heartfelt.
It's very powerful, babe.
- You still think we should send the other one, don't you?
- Most definitely. - Yeah.
- [chuckles]
- Okay, yes, I may have opened up a few of the gifts
and I know that wasn't part of the plan,
but before you say anything, just...
- Don't worry about it. - Oh.
- What...does that mean? Is this a test?
Like an escape room where they actually kill you?
- No. [laughs]
It's fine, really.
- It is, for real.
- Oh, okay. So, uh, now what?
We're going to like just, uh, wait for Mom
and open up the rest of the gifts?
- Make pancakes...
- Do our annual Christmas nap and then...
- I have a different idea. Instead of doing
what we always do, I think it's time we mixed it up.
Bring in some new traditions.
Try something else for Christmas.
[upbeat pop music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Holiday, holiday, holiday ♪
- Hi. You look wonderful.
- Look at you. - ♪ Make it up on holiday ♪
♪ Our holiday, holiday ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, holiday ♪
♪ Holiday ♪
♪ Make it up on holiday ♪
♪ Our holiday ♪
♪ Holiday ♪
♪ It's a holiday ♪
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ ♪
- Excuse me...
- As I live and breathe, my heart just grew three sizes.
The entire Clarke family is here
at my Christmas Carol-oke.
To what do I owe this pleasure?
- Uh, they just wanna make sure
you don't burn down our restaurant.
Oh, wait, no, that was actually me.
- Hmm. - Mwah.
- Thank you for having us. - The place looks amazing.
- "Hi, Aunt Mo! I'm drunk on breast milk!"
- Oh, can I get you guys anything?
- No, no, no, go, we are good. We're fine.
- Okay. - [laughs]
You do know your entire workplace is here, right?
- That might be Max's fault.
I think he posted the party on Instagram
and they'll show up to anything.
- And what is your excuse?
Because this party is for lost souls with nowhere else to go.
- Yeah, that sounds just right. - [laughs]
- Also I can't think of any place I'd rather be.
- You mean it? [laughs]
With that, go find your light
and make some memories and sing something.
Except "Sweet Caroline." That song sucks.
- I love that song. - [laughs]
Do you wanna get a drink?
- Yes. - Oh, no! Oh, Tobin!
The ski trip, what happened?
- Oh, this is nothing. You should see the other guy!
- You mean the mountain? - Yeah.
- Oh, hey! It's the Clarkemans!
- Hey! Uh, how was birding with the family?
- Oh, incredible!
We got a photo of the rare two-eared quetzal.
And I called my ex at the Audobon Society and he--
- Yeah, that sounds super cool! We're gonna grab a drink.
- Right, he was, like, oh, yeah, no, we can do the thing.
Okay. - What's up, bro?
- [laughs]
- You don't have a drink in your hand.
What can I make the two of you?
- Mezcal mule for me, bruh. - Glass of wine.
- Done and done. - Hi.
Okay.
So, Christmas Eve with mom and the new husband.
How was it?
- I'm not gonna lie. It was a little weird at first
but...it was nice seeing my mom so happy.
Which I guess is all that matters, right?
Oh, before I forget... - Yes.
- I brought you both back souvenirs.
- Oh. - Thank you.
- Max. - Presents.
- Bro, I got you some "I heart Las Vegas" golf balls
because I think it's time we start playing a sport together
which you, of course, will lose.
- [laughs]
- I will see you on the greens, pal!
- Okay. And for you...
Now, no matter what you're feeling over the holidays,
you can always look at this, shake it up,
and think "At least I'm not in Vegas."
- Did you tell him? - I...
[sentimental music]
♪ ♪
- Thank you. I love it.
You know what, it is now our new official centerpiece.
- Excuse me, can I have you beautiful people's attention?
[cheers and applause]
- Okay, first of all, I would like to thank you all
for coming to my eighth Annual Christmas Carol-oke Party.
[cheers and applause]
Ooh, and I can already tell I like this venue
more than my apartment.
And we will see you all next year, okay?
And with that, let's give a round of applause
to my partner in crime, Max...
for graciously saying "Yes"
for this magical evening
and for splitting the liquor and food bill without knowing.
- Oh, in that case, party's over, everybody!
Have a great night. Kidding.
- We all know that the holidays are about family,
whether it be your family or your chosen family.
And no Mo-ccasion would be complete
without a little ♪ song ♪
But... [cheers and applause]
This year, we're gonna do things a little different
because someone that I care so much about
didn't get her chance to shine so,
Amirah, will you come up here and sing a song for us?
[cheers and applause]
- [laughs] What do you wanna sing?
And she has taste. I like it.
She got that from me, Perry. [laughter]
["What Christmas Means To Me" playing]
[upbeat piano music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Candles burnin' low ♪
♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪
♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪
♪ Everywhere we go ♪
♪ Choirs singing carols ♪
♪ Right outside my door ♪
♪ All these things and more ♪
♪ All these... ♪ crowd: ♪ And more ♪
- ♪ That's what Christmas means to me, my love ♪
crowd: ♪ That's what Christmas means to me, my love ♪
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
♪ ♪ I see your smilin' face ♪
- ♪ Like I've never seen before ♪
- ♪ Even though I love ya madly ♪
- ♪ It seems I ♪ both: ♪ Love you more ♪
- ♪ The little card you give me ♪
♪ Will touch my heart for sure ♪
- ♪ All these things and more, darling ♪
- ♪ All these things and more... ♪
- ♪ Whoa ♪ - ♪ Darling ♪
- ♪ That's what Christmas means to me, my love ♪
- ♪ That's what Christmas ♪
- So...how we doing?
Still bummed you can't hear heart songs anymore?
- I mean, it was fun while it lasted,
but clearly I should leave the heavy heart song lifting
to the experts. - Okay.
You know what, if you ever wanna know
what's going on inside my head, just ask me and I'll tell you.
- Oh, you mean, like two healthy, normal,
communicative people in a relationship?
- Yeah, just like that.
- ♪ Happiness in the coming year ♪
- ♪ Let's deck the halls with holly, oh ♪
[cheers and applause] ♪ Sing sweet "Silent Night" ♪
- ♪ Fill the tree with angel hair ♪
♪ And pretty, pretty lights ♪
- So...I guess we know
why the universe gave me the powers.
But...what about you, Zo?
- That's a good question.
I mean, maybe I got them all
so I could communicate with my dad while he was dying.
- Mm-hmm. Or...maybe you got them to help others.
I mean, there's a lot of people hurting out there
who could sure use you.
- Or...
I was spending too much of my life
hiding behind a computer screen.
And the universe was trying to tell me
it was time to look up.
[warm music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Someone shook the snow globe round ♪
♪ Turned the whole world upside down ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Landed us so far apart ♪
♪ Me down here and you up in the stars ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Tree's all decorated ♪
♪ Pretty bows are tied ♪
♪ The television's playing ♪
♪ "It's A Wonderful Life" ♪
♪ Even though I miss you ♪
♪ Part of you's still here ♪
♪ So in a way I'm with you ♪
♪ At the most wonderful time of years ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'm always looking up ♪
♪ 'cause I can feel your love and I ♪
♪ Know just where you are ♪
♪ In the sky and in my blood ♪
♪ And I've never been to Heaven ♪
♪ But it doesn't seem that far ♪
♪ 'cause you're my north star ♪
♪ You're my north star ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ You're my north star ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
♪ You're my north star ♪
♪ 'cause I've never been to Heaven ♪
♪ But it doesn't seem that far ♪
♪ 'cause you're my north star ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Mm ♪
♪ ♪