♪ I can tell a lot about a girl on the first ♪
♪
Okay--
Alexa, turn on the lights. - Okay.
Alexa, play "Kenan's Slow Jams for Feeling Sexy."
Playing "Kenan's Slow Jams for Feeling Sexy"
on Amazon music.
Hello?
Hey, what's going on, girl?
- Who is this? - Oh, no, it's Kenan!
It's just Kenan.
You know, Gary's brother, from tonight?
Ohh.
Hey!
Look, I was calling you
because I'd like to take you out.
Not like murder you or nothing like that.
Just, you know, like, out on a date.
Sorry, I haven't done this in a while.
You're doing fine.
♪ Yeah! ♪
Sorry I missed the show, I wanted to meet everybody.
Oh, you're not missing much.
Tami an I really brought the Broadway vibes.
And you and I are gonna continue
with a little "Beauty and the Beast" right now.
You ready?
Wait, I'm the beast?
You know I'm too pretty. Come on.
We are so dirty.
Kenan, you've got kids.
Why would you buy a Lambo?
Forget my kids. Can't have my lady riding
around in any old piece of junk.
Really? 'Cause I would have guessed
some slick salesperson pressured you into buying it.
Wrong.
He pressured me into leasing it.
Hold on to something, girl.
Yeah!
♪ Daddy! D-D-daddy!
♪ That's me, Kenan, okay
Little babies are in bed,
and I'm about to be in these streets.
Ooh, another late-night rendezvous
with Impromptu-vous!
That's your fourth different girl
off that app in a week. - Yeah, you know me.
I'm getting it in.
With a bunch-a different girls.
I don't know what it is about you dating
all these ladies that got me all titillated.
Yeah, we ain't gotta unpack that now.
Oh, I got time, so--
What's the matter, little girl?
Daddy, my stomach hurts.
What, you want to do our little trick?
All right.
♪ Rub-a-dub-dub on the tum in the tub ♪
Oh, that was a big one.
Yeah, it stank too.
Feeling better?
All right, come on. I'll tuck you back in.
Big girl.
- Ugh. - Sorry, Daddy.
No, I'm sorry
that I let you eat Papa Rick's homemade sushi.
I didn't make sushi.
I'm thawing trout.
What? I had a whole bunch of that.
Oh...
Oh hell, now I'm gonna throw up.
No, no, no. ♪ Rub-a-dub-dub in the--
That don't work. It's coming up fast.
- Oh, oh, oh! - It's coming up faster now.
Aww, thank you for the flowers, boo.
Come here. - You're welcome.
I looked it up, and the perfect gift
for a three-month anniversary
is a flower for every day you've been together.
So count the roses as 2 days
and the sunflowers as 3 1/2 days.
Well, they're perfect.
Was everything okay at home?
You were a little late getting here.
Oh, yeah, it just took me a while to sneak out.
Sneak out?
Wait, does your family still not know we're dating?
No. Not at all.
But you'll meet them. Eventually.
But, you know, I just want this to be
our thing.
Thing?
That's funny, I've been calling this thing
a relationship.
No, no, I wasn't saying, like, "this thing,"
I was more saying, like, "this thang."
Oh, okay. Okay.
So where do you see this "thang" going?
Well, to more of this, for sure.
I would just like to keep this,
you know, between ourselves for now.
'Cause we're happy, right?
Yeah.
Sure.
I totally get where you're coming from.
That's my girl.
Glad we always on the same page.
So what we watching, "Clueless" or "The Breakup"?
- Beat you to it! - Oh--
Damn, Pam don't play.
Okay, not everything is a competition,
all right, Pam? In fact,
evaluations are coming up,
and guess who's gonna win that?
Mi--Mi--Mi--Mika!
Aw, that high note's sounding great.
Whoa, check out Phil.
I'll bet you $5 he drops that tray.
Take that bet with her money.
The oatmeal's a-slidin'!
Oh! Nice recovery.
He sees the end zone, but there's still
quite a few defenders between him and the house.
Oh! Sweet spin move!
He might go all...the...way!
Ohh!
Fumble on the one.
Pam wins again.
Thanks for including me in your fun ribbing.
That means I'm part of the crew, right?
Oh, Phil.
What must have middle school looked like for you?
Like this, but I was homeschooled.
Okay, that got sadder. Let's go.
Cleaning up. - Yes, ma'am.
Pam, your commentary was so fire
you almost made Phil look athletic.
- Thank you. - You ever thought
about covering the games on the weekends?
It's my dream.
My butt-turd ex-manager kept promising
to make it happen, but never did.
Mm, that's gross.
Well, I know a non-butt-turd manager,
highly attractive, looking to add
to his exclusive roster of talent.
Exclusive? Kenan's your only client.
It's a boutique firm, Pam.
I don't know, Gary. We're friends.
What if this goes sideways?
The best things in life go sideways.
You know? Skateboards, crabs when they walk,
sex if you do it right. - Mm-hmm.
I mean, I do like all those things.
Of course. Come on, girl.
Who gonna look out for you better than your boy?
Hmm?
- Okay. I'm in. - Yeah?
Yeah! Five. High five, high five,
high five, contract.
Yeah.
Uh, Birdie, baby,
can you please not play with balls in the house?
Aubrey. Aubrey, Aubrey!
Can you please play your trumpet elsewhere?
Real encouraging, Dad.
Luckily you weren't Miles Davis' father.
Well, if I was, he might have stayed off that "heron."
- Hey, family! - Hey, Uncle Gary,
I learnt a new serve.
Oh, let me see it.
I'm gonna count to ten real slow before I lose it.
One.
Two... - Come on,
before he explodes! - Three.
Hurry, go, go, go!
Hey, what's WE-BAD-A.F.?
Oh, I finally got my second client,
so I am officially a firm now.
Williams Entertainment Bold and Defiant Artist Firm.
And I just got Pam a meeting with Georgia Tech.
In one hour, boy,
she might be the next color commentator
for the football games.
Hey, that's great, man. Congratulations.
- Appreciate it. - Real, real proud of you.
Hey, listen, uh, I'm gonna need you
to push that meeting so you can watch the girls for me.
I got some, uh, business to handle tonight.
Can't do it.
I ain't got nothing for you but some swag.
Whoo. - Hey, ay.
And it's $10 apiece, so leave that on my bed.
But--but come on, man.
Rick is out for the night. He went to Blind Wally's.
Blind Wally's the jazz club or Blind Wally,
the psychic hobo that live outside the deli?
I think they the same dude.
All right, well, ask Rick to ask him
what my future look like, 'cause it's looking bright,
you know what I'm saying?
Yup, yup, yeah, I'm happy for you.
Guess I'm gonna have to get creative.
There she go!
Aw, Mika, thank you so much for coming
and watching the girls.
I gotta go, uh, see somebody.
Mm. You mean the woman you're secretly dating.
How'd you know about her?
Oh, I know everything that's going on in my studio.
And on my news desk.
You saw that?
Well, her name is Janay.
And, uh, things have gotten a little weird,
'cause she asked me where I thought
the relationship was going.
And what did you say?
That I feel like it's fine the way it is.
But now she's not answering my calls, or my texts,
so I think I need to go smooth that out.
Kenan, you know I love you, but you're not a bright man.
She wants to move forward.
She don't want to waste the pretty on you.
Yeah, but things are going good.
I mean, I don't want to ruin it by introducing her to my family
and bringing her in this house of crazy.
But Kenan, your family is a big part of who you are.
Look, if you're telling her
that you're not gonna move forward,
she's gonna pull back.
Nah, girl, she is all about Zaddy.
Let me show you.
Aw, these are cute. So cute.
Piggy-back? Okay.
Yes.
Oh. Except for this one she just posted
where she's with another dude.
What? No.
This is a picture of her alone at a coffee shop right now.
Is she though?
Look, I think you should go talk to her.
And besides, your family's not that crazy.
Little help?
You were saying?
- I should probably go inside. - Yeah.
Okay.
Th--This is why I say no balls in the h--
You know what?
It's just my life. - Birdie?
Then I try not to eat till noon.
- Yeah, mm. - Intermittent fasting.
Kenan?
Oh, snap.
Janay! What're you doing out here?
Besides having coffee with goofy dudes.
What's up? I'm Trevor.
'Sup, Trevor? What you standing up
to your natural height for?
That supposed to mean something to me?
'Cause it really doesn't, brah.
Will you just, uh, excuse us for one second?
'Scuse us, Trevor.
- What are you doing? - What?
I'm ready to risk my life for this relationship.
Ohh, so now it's a relationship
and not just a "thang."
Who called it a "thang"? Was that me?
- Kenan! - Okay, yes.
This is a real, going-somewhere relationship.
So you'll include me in your whole life?
Yes.
We can have family dinner this weekend.
And I'll tell everybody that you're my girlfriend.
That sounds sweet.
Yeah, starting with this dude right here.
Hey, Groot, this is my lady.
It's nice for you to meet her,
but you can go home now, punk!
I'm just kidding, just kidding.
Can I grab her stuff? Thanks.
So nice to meet you.
All right, we'll see you at the gym, Trevor.
- Hey. - Yo, Pam,
where the hell are you?
Everyone's already in the meeting.
Waze gave me a 20-minute route,
but I knew of a back road that would get me here
in 15 minutes flat.
You're 40 minutes late, Pam.
Yeah, well, Waze won this round.
Okay, well, I can't keep stalling, all right?
Oh, oh I see you. There you are.
Oh, I found a primo spot. Whoo.
Oh, now this joker's gonna try to steal it!
Who cares? Just park anywhere.
There's plenty of space.
No! Everybody knows that the space
next to the disabled spot is the best.
Game time. I gotta win this.
This isn't a competition.
Georgia Tech is waiting, Pam.
That spot is mine!
Oh.
It was a tie.
I hate ties.
Aw man, why don't you look where you're going?
Do you see what you did to my car?
Oh, she crazy, crazy.
Come on, face me!
You are gonna love this recipe.
I call it "hot girl guac."
My secret is half a ghost pepper
and a bunch of garlic.
Sounds like tonight will be the first night
we fart in front of each other.
Look at us, moving forward.
Oh, hey, for our big family dinner this weekend,
what do the girls eat?
I really want everything to be perfect.
Oh, well, Aubrey hates everything,
and Birdie will eat pretty much anything.
So why don't we go with steak,
'cause that's what Zaddy wants.
Oh, snap.
I'm sorry, hold on one second. - Okay.
Yeah, what?
Kenan, I'm dropping Pam as a client, man.
So if I go missing, go to your computer,
and find a folder called "Church."
Delete that. It's full of porn.
Is that why my computer's so slow?
That and another folder called "Prayer."
Get back to Pam.
You just signed her, man. You can't drop her.
But she's out of control, man, for real.
It's like everything's a competition with her.
Like she's still on the tennis tour.
I should have known when she dunked
on that Make A Wish kid standing by that trash can.
Maybe that was his wish.
We don't know what he was into.
Sorry, hold on a second.
What's up?
I got kicked out of Blind Wally's.
You gotta come pick me up.
No, man, just take a Lyft or Uber or something.
I'm banned from one and protesting the other.
And don't ask me which one, 'cause I can't remember.
Everything okay, babe?
Uh, yeah, everything is fine. Nothing crazy here.
Look, man, I'm busy, all right? You're just gonna have to walk.
Well, ladies, I guess we're hoofing it.
What?
There's no sidewalks on this highway.
- Bad Rick. - Hi Daddy,
a woman named Katie asked me to be her sponsor.
You took my babies to a jazz club?
The child is learning the trumpet.
I'm trying to be encouraging.
All right, look, don't move. Okay? I'm on my way.
Snap, Gary.
Gary? - Hmm?
Okay, look, you always wanted a legit business, right?
And now you have one. With swag!
And two clients that you care about, all right?
You wouldn't cut and run on your brother,
so you can't do that to your friend either.
Yeah.
Yeah, you right, man. Thanks.
Well--and don't delete that folder, 'cause--
Hello?
Hey.
Sounds like you got a lot going on.
Just some work and family nonsense.
Which reminds me, I'm so sorry, but I forgot
we're going out of town this weekend.
I gotta get a raincheck on that family dinner.
Oh, no!
Okay, sure, raincheck. But only 'cause you're cute.
- I am cute, ain't I? - You are. You're cute.
- Thank you, you're the best. - You're cute.
In fact,
I forgot that I actually gotta go handle
something for work right now as well,
so you enjoy that "hot girl guac,"
and I will be back in, like, 10 or 55 minutes.
I'm sorry about that Georgia Tech gig.
That was on me.
I feel like I don't deserve a party.
Come on now, Pam.
I gotta welcome you to WE-BAD-A.F.
the right way. - Thanks, Gary.
You are an amazing--
What the is this?
This isn't a party. Where's the cake?
And what is my butt-turd ex-manager doing here?
We're all here to tell you how your competitive behavior
has hurt us in the following ways.
This is a damn intervention!
A damn intervention party. Surprise.
I'm out.
No you're not.
Whoa. John McEnroe!
Big fan, I'm sure.
Now sit your ass down and let your friends
change your life for the better.
- Oh. - You better sit your ass down.
Oh, he good.
All right, we all know the game plan?
We're here to get an outfit for Aubrey's trumpet recital.
And if your name isn't Aubrey,
please don't ask me for anything.
But I want a Razor scooter.
Oh, and it reminds me, I want a subscription to Starz.
They got a new program on there called "P-Valley."
You know what the P stands for?
I have a good idea. But--
- Let's go this way. - But the store's right there.
I know, but the Razor scooter store
is that way.
Oh! Does this mean I'm getting Starz?
- Maybe. - You rascal.
I know, I'm a little rascal, right?
Kenan?
Kenan! Kenan!
Uh, hi. Uh, can I help you?
Quit playing.
I thought you were going out of town this weekend.
Uh, Daddy, do you know this lady?
No, I don't.
But I think she might recognize me from TV.
Is that what it is?
Well, thank you very much for watching, ma'am.
So, uh, why don't we let this stranger,
who none of us have ever met before,
get back to her job.
Thank you for your service, ma'am.
Come on. - Oh, hell no.
- Who was that? - I don't know.
Come on, I know a pissed off mistress
when I see one.
I know. She's not my mistress though.
She's my secret girlfriend.
Okay, now I hear it. - Mm-hmm.
I don't even think she that mad.
Daang.
She gave you the boot.
Tch.
I don't need you to be clever right now, Rick.
When you and I were playing at the company picnic,
you nicknamed me Rally Killer.
'Cause you suck, Phil. You kill rallies.
Well, it stuck.
My ex-wife called me that in bed.
"Rally Killer strikes again."
Listen, sex is hard.
All right, buddy. My turn.
Pam would be a model employee
if she didn't let her overly competitive nature
get in the way of her job performance.
- Is that my evaluation? - Yes it is.
I told you I'd get you back.
Come on. This is not the time--
Stop it!
This is getting real janky, right now.
John McEnroe, please tell Pam
how this type of behavior has affected your life.
Pam, I get it.
No one is more competitive than me.
- You want to bet? - Don't interrupt me.
Okay.
Having dominated every tennis tournament,
commentated with every major network,
being put in the International Tennis Hall of Fame--
You know, I only see an upside in this behavior.
Why am I here? - I'm starting to wonder
the same thing, Johnathan.
You're starting to wonder?!
Fine! I don't want to be here!
Pam, you be you.
Wha--
He's still got it.
Okay, that was dope, but Pam, for real,
you're gonna tell me that parking space
was worth your dream job?
I don't know. I just can't be a loser.
Growing up in a house full of brothers,
you had to compete for everything--
desserts, toilet paper, medicine--
Was that you eating all my antacid pills?
My chest hurts!
- Hmm? - Pam, not being a loser
doesn't mean you always win. Okay?
You lost your dream job,
and you smashed up your damn car.
Look, all I know is you gotta make a change.
And as your friend, and your manager,
you gotta let me help you, man.
Thanks, Gary.
You know, you are a great manager.
- Thank you very much. - Better than the last one.
You hear that, butt-turd?
My name is Buttard! And you know that.
- That guy is such a Phil! - Such a Phil.
- Such a Phil! - He's a double Phil.
He didn't flip a chair or nothing.
Alexa, play "Kenan's Sad Jams for No Chance at Love-making."
Playing "Kenan's Sad Jams for No Chance of Love-making."
Alexa, will you be my girlfriend?
I like you as a friend.
Snap, that's cold.
I don't like what I'm hearing over here.
What's happened?
It's just Janay stuff.
Mika was right, I think I need
to bring her into my whole life
and introduce her to the family.
That's the only way I'm gonna keep her.
But I'm just worried it's gonna scare her away.
Well, look, man, the only thing I know is
you can't have a whole separate life
that doesn't include your partner.
That's some good advice, Rick.
Yeah.
I got that from a Blind Wally song,
called "You Can't Have A Whole Separate Life
That Doesn't Include Your Partner."
You had me at Blind Wally.
Hey, Daddy, like my sign?
Yes, baby, it's beautiful.
Why am I paying $15,000 a year for that school?
Hey, rich kids are dumb too.
Places everybody. Come here.
Don't forget, yell surprise,
and then curtsy like the little Von Trapp kids did
when they met Fraulein Von Nazi Racist Face.
Get ready. One, two, three.
Surprise! - Surprise!
Oh, God. They found me.
Look, Officer, this is my girlfriend's place.
I just used the hide-away key.
Girls, do you know the woman that lives here?
- Nope. - Didn't know she existed
till today.
I'm gonna need you to stand up, sir.
Oh, man, this is ridiculous.
What in the hell?
Lawrence, what is happening right now?
Janay, we received a call from a neighbor
about an intrusion. - Janay, would you please tell
this officer of the law that you know me
and we have a "thang."
Oh, did we have a "thing," or a "thang."
You gonna let them take my babies
just because you mad? That's cold.
What are you doing here, Kenan?
Can--let's just have a little talk.
I'm sorry.
I thought that if I brought my family over here
to surprise you,
then you would forgive me for being stupid.
I didn't count on the cops
or Rick's past criminal history.
Ah, ah, alleged criminal history.
You really thought this would make up
for the way you treated me?
I thought it would be a start.
Look, Janay, I'm really sorry. I just freaked.
Why?
Because my life is so crazy.
I thought it would scare you off.
I mean, look at you. You're so pretty,
and smart, and put-together.
I got puked on three times last week.
Gross.
I get it.
You're a father and a brother
and a...whatever you are to Rick.
But I didn't want some curated version of you.
I wanted the real you.
The good, the bad, and the--
Oh, I know you're not about to say "ugly."
'Cause I might be stupid, but I'm cute.
I was gonna say "human."
So...you still want me?
Plant one on me, right here.
Now introduce me to your crazy family.
Okay, all right. Well, that's my baby Birdie,
and that's Aubrey, and that's--
Girl, don't act like you don't know me.
Get your feet off my coffee table.
Oh, I will.
I will. - Now.