"mr. Rig ♪ now"]
- ♪ I'ma slide anytime you want ♪
♪ put you in chanel, I'ma teach you how to stunt ♪
♪ 21, slip and slide like a waterfall ♪
♪ 21, ay, turn your phone off ♪
♪ take your clothes off, 21, I'm a savage ♪
♪ but I [...] her to a slow song, 21 ♪
♪ turn the lights down, 21
♪ 21, I ain't mr. Right
♪ but I'm mr. Right now, straight up ♪
♪ she want me to [...] her to beyoncé, straight up ♪
♪ but I don't treat her like she my fiancé, on god ♪
- oh, my goodness! You are terrible at this!
- Stop killing me!
Oh, man.
[indistinct]
- aw, gary, drive safe. - Yeah.
Huh?
You said--oh, yeah. Of course.
Good hang, girl.
You read, too. That's tight.
[funky upbeat music]
♪
- ♪ that's me, kenan!
♪
- excuse me, sir.
How are you and your wife enjoying
atlanta's food truck festival?
- Oh, we're not married yet.
- We just met by the sushi burritos,
which I'm buying for my beautiful wife,
who's home caring for our four children.
- What? You married?
You said your wife was dead!
- Well, it looks like the jury's still out
on the food and wine festival
and that guy's marriage.
- And cut.
I should have known they were too happy to be married.
- Oh, that lady looks low drama.
- Uh-huh. - Excuse me.
- Sheila. - Oh!
- [laughs] - oh!
- Girl! - Hey!
- Kenan, this is sheila, my soror from college.
Skeewee!
What you doing in atlanta?
- Oh, you know... Last-minute work trip.
- Sheila, you ready to party? - [laughing]
- oh, [bleep], mika.
Skeewee!
- Kenan, these are my other sorors,
keisha and alexis, who are apparently in town
for the birthday weekend I thought was canceled.
- Well, very awkward to meet you.
- Sorry, mika.
It's time we tell you the truth.
Keisha?
- We were going to invite you, but--sheila?
- Mika, we love you,
but you always say you're gonna come,
and then you bail on us at the last minute
because you gotta work.
- Then one of us has to pay full price for a room.
- And split the stripper three ways instead of four.
- Oh, that's when the up-charging starts,
am I right?
And don't get a stripper on the holidays
because they gon' add in surge pricing.
I'm not paying doub--
that's not important right now, is it?
- Not at all.
Now, come on, y'all, I canceled one time.
- You canceled the birthday trip one time.
You've canceled four homecomings,
two friendsgivings, and essence fest 2016.
- Did I? - That one was your loss.
We were extras in "girls trip"! [laughter]
- that's what I know you from!
You got peed on by jada! - I did, I did!
[laughter] - [clears throat]
we could try to add one more
to the reservation tonight.
- Yeah, come get yourself some of this life, mika.
A job ain't it.
- Well, my job is. I love it.
And I'm passionate about it,
so that's why I can't make dinner tonight.
Excuse me. I'm gonna get back to work.
You guys enjoy your little trip.
Skeewee.
- Hey, hey, hey, come on now.
Don't let those ladies get under your skin.
- They didn't. Why would you say that?
- Because it sounds like your friends didn't invite you
to a crazy fun weekend--
- I got it. - Oh, okay.
[upbeat music]
- hey, sorry to do this to you guys,
but we need to stay and come up with a new segment.
- What? Why?
- Because kenan's "word on the street"
turned into a turd on the street.
- Easy.
I think with some good editing
and maybe some cool graphics,
we could turn it into, like, a "cheaters:
Food truck edition."
- oh, I'm fine polishing the turd
if it means we get out of here.
- Yeah, mika, I've got my tennis league tonight,
and I already took my slow release oxy.
- Huh, I'm gonna go ahead and assume
that oxy is prescribed
and not the reason you went to mexico
four times last month.
- Let's go with that.
- Look, guys, we'll just stay for a couple more hours,
and you'll see.
Putting in a little extra work is worth it.
- Yes, free dinner. Am I--
- just ask for the raise, man.
- Okay.
[sensual music playing]
♪
- that was incredible.
- What happened in there or what happened in here?
- [laughs] you're silly.
- And cute. Don't forget cute.
- What happened in here. - Yeah, fo' sho.
- And the whole night, I guess.
It was nice going on a real date for once.
- It was.
- Even though lauryn hill was four hours late.
- Hey, she's been pretty consistent about that.
- [laughs]
- you know, some people are worth waiting for.
Anyway, what should we-- - drive safe.
- Okay.
Uh, you want me to go? - Yeah.
- Oh, you got, like, work in the morning?
- No, I get to sleep in, but I'll hit you up again.
- Okay, when? I mean, cool.
I'm cool with that, okay?
Just the coolest guy. Yeah.
Oh, so you already busy.
Okay, so I'ma just go ahead and head out.
- Bye. Thanks.
- Open, closed?
- She said two hours. It's almost midnight.
I missed my bleaching appointment.
- Your hair looks great. - It wasn't for my hair.
It was for my--you know what? It's not important.
- I don't get it.
Why did she make us work late for no reason?
- Well, it's not for no reason.
- Oh, yeah, it's 'cause your segment sucked.
- Uh, no, it's because mika and her friends have been
having some problems outside of work.
- Mika's never outside of work. - That's the problem.
And when her friends pointed that out,
it put her in a bit of a mood.
- We're all friends.
- Stop being so pathetic, phil.
- Sorry. [cell phones chiming]
- and we're working late again tomorrow night.
- Come on, I got joe rogan tickets.
- When I see mika, I am gonna be
as nice as I always am, but on the inside,
she better watch out.
- You know what? Let me talk to mika.
I think I can get her to ease up.
- You need a wingman? - Get a dog, man.
A dog and a raise.
- God, phil, have you ever been a wingman?
- No.
- [sighs]
- are you just getting home from work?
- Yeah, man, mika is tripping.
But what's up with you?
How was your second date with miss carrie?
Wait, wait, carrie and gary. Oh, that's adorable.
I'ma get a drink.
- Well, we slept together again,
and she asked me to leave again.
- Great. That's awesome.
I mean, I guess the only thing better would be
if she gave you a little cash on the way out.
I'm sorry.
I don't like making jokes like that,
but it was right there.
- It's not funny, kenan.
I want to be the one to leave.
I feel like she has all the control.
- So get it back. - How, huh?
Invite her over here and smash, and then ask her to leave?
Oh, that's not a bad idea at all.
- Well, actually, I was gonna suggest maybe take her out
to a nice dinner and then politely ask
for some of the power back in the relationship.
But hey, you and I are two very different people.
- Yes, we are. I'ma go with my smash plan.
But thank you.
- All right, well, may I suggest
that you maybe smash outside the house,
like in a hotel or the backseat of your car perhaps?
- Oh, give it up, kenan.
I've already had sex in your bed, dawg.
- What?
- Yes, in your clothes, role-playing as you,
and I made her wake up with me.
- Hey, was it in one of my suits?
- Could've been.
- It better not have been the baby blue!
- [scoffs] gross.
"cheers."
[knocking on door]
- hey, mika, we really need to ta--
is that your pillow?
Are you sleeping here? - Sometimes.
- In all the places that matter,
boom, boom, and beep-beep.
- That's not what I meant. I think you knew that.
Bot look, is it possible
that maybe your friends were right
about you working too much?
- Huh, too much.
You see this? This mine.
Sheila rents her handbags.
Alexis lives with her mama.
I own a house. You see these awards?
Just accolades, accolades, accolades, right?
Keisha's biggest achievement is getting peed on in a movie.
I mean, she still smells like tiffany haddish.
- All right, this is a very bougie rant.
- I'm just saying that I am proud of hard I work.
- And look, kenan is proud of you, too, queen.
- Thanks.
- But, I don't know, maybe you're in your feelings,
and you're not dealing with it,
so you're making everybody work all these crazy hours.
And people are not happy about it.
- "people"?
People who work on the number two morning show?
Huh. Who, kenan, who? [laughs]
give me names.
- I don't know, I think maybe phil was saying something
about his check or something, I don't know.
- You know what? I got this.
- No, you don't. You don't have to t this.
Mika, come back!
Show me some more fancy handbags, queen!
- I mean, it's too much.
It is late. - I'm so tired.
- Yeah. - Hey, everybody.
Kenan told me that you're upset
that we're working late tonight,
so I want you to go home and get some rest.
- Oh. - [sighs]
- because we're working the weekend.
- Oh, thanks a lot, kenan.
- Hey, you wanted a night off, right?
So I delivered. - Mika, you're crazy.
I'm not working the weekend.
- What did you say?
- I said you're crazy.
Just 'cause you don't have a life
doesn't mean you have to ruin ours.
- Ooh. - Okay.
- Okay, let's calm down a little bit here.
Everybody's friends here now. - Yeah, best friends.
- Phil. - Phil.
- Work is way more important
than barfing around the streets with your friends, okay?
So we are gonna eat, breathe, and sleep this show
until we're number one.
- Okay. - No.
I am gonna eat food,
I am gonna breathe air,
and I am gonna sleep
on a cool-ass adjustable hospice bed
that I just got at an estate sale.
- Pamela, if you don't come in this weekend,
don't bother coming in tomorrow or any day after that.
- Hey, long weekend. Look at that.
That's a compromise, right? This is a good day.
Shall we get some scones, or-- - no.
I meant don't come in ever again.
- Are you firing me? - Come on, pam.
Nobody's firing anybody. - Pam, you're fired.
- [gasps]
- damn, she just fired pam.
[laughter] - what?
. - Okay, I'm sorry.
You still got r. Kelly on your playlist?
- I know, he's a monster. - Yeah.
- But he also made me believe that I could fly.
- But you can't fly though.
Deleted. [both laugh]
- all right, but if you're getting rid of that,
I am getting rid of...
The shaq album!
- Okay, you not about to play with "shaq fu" like that.
- No! - He gave you slam dunking...
- No, he didn't. - Being a ninja...
- Mm-mm.
- And a police officer in a random town.
- Well-- - come on now.
- He might have a personality disorder.
Also, hold on, you can't judge
because you have michael jackson
and then donald trump's audiobook,
"the art of the deal."
is this your canceled playlist?
- Yes, and my list of people who can't read that well.
[both laugh]
- ugh.
[muni long's "hrs and hrs"]
- well, I mean, I think it's time
that you--um... - [laughing]
- I mean, I think it's time that you...
- Mm-hmm? - Should have some water.
Do you ever drink water?
- I mean, don't most people?
- Right, well, I'ma get you some
so that you stay hydrated.
- Okay, thanks. - All right.
You sit tight. - Okay.
- Don't go nowhere. I shall be but a minute.
I don't know why I did that. [both laugh]
all right.
- ♪ I could do this for hours ♪
♪ and hours and hours - [laughs]
- ♪ I cou do this for hours and hours and hours ♪
♪ I could do this for hours and hours ♪
- so you just gon' go through with your crass-ass plan
to get your power back, huh?
- Yeah, of course.
Absolutely, yeah.
About to, soon as I give her this water.
She gon' be on her way.
- Kenan!
Hi. Carrie. Sorry, big fan.
[laughs]
you're so much taller in person.
- Why, thank you very much.
- [laughs] - and here's your water.
- Oh, and thank you. Bye, guys.
- And you should leave and drive safe.
Go on, get on out of here and drive cautiously.
- You think that qualifies as asking her to leave?
And she done took one of my good glasses.
Boy, what's going on with you?
- I've tried to kick this woman out, man,
but I can't.
- Oh, I get it.
You think this is about getting your power back,
but you sprung.
- Since the first night, man.
All I wanted to do was stay over and cuddle.
What do I do?
Help me. - Just tell her that.
Tell her how you get lost in her eyes
whenever you see her
or how your heart skips a beat when she enters the room.
- Man, that is corny as hell. I'm not saying that.
- Yeah, well, maybe it is,
but you been swiping through these streets for years,
and I have never seen you like this.
You were singing michael bublé in the shower the other day.
- I know.
I was experiencing a bublé level of emotions,
all light jazz and tight zara suits.
But what if she don't want to stay the night, though?
- Well, then, you come back and pretend
you didn't like her in the first place,
and I pretend to believe you 'cause I'm your brother.
- Thanks, fam. You a real one for that.
I'ma go to bed real quick.
- You 'bout to go see if she's still
in the driveway, ain't you?
- No, no, I'm not even gonna do that.
- All right. - That's a stupid idea.
- Okay, then why are you running to the front door?
Mm-mm-mm, the pitifulness of yourself.
Okay, come on, mika.
You made your point, but you gotta get pam back.
- No, all I gotta do is pay taxes and stay cute.
- Yeah, but pam is family,
and the good kind of family, too.
She would never steal your social security number
and go buy a car.
- Ooh... - Yeah, that was gary.
- Okay, kenan, can we talk about this after the show?
You're on in one minute.
- Oh, forget about the show for one second.
Work isn't all there is, mika.
You know what, it might be easier for you
to understand that if there was no show.
- What are you talking about?
- I'm not working until you bring pam back!
- Excuse me?
- I--that's what my mouth just said,
and I believe I concur.
This is for pam.
[joints crack]
I heard something pop!
Yeah, I need to get back up.
But I believe I made my point. - Mm-hmm.
- Come on, help me up, girl.
Appreciate you.
I'll just stay down here all day, then.
Can somebody call lebron's doctor?
I need new knees.
.
- Kenan, I ain't playing with you.
Get to work. - No. No.
Not until you agree to talk to pam.
- Kay. Kay, fine.
Tami, guess what? You got your wish.
The show is now yours.
- Really?
- No, tami, tami, think.
Tami. - Tami.
- I'm so torn.
This is just like when I divorced my parents.
- You don't want it like this.
- You're right. I choose pam.
She would never spend my pageant winnings
on beef jerky and mountain dew.
- Kay. Kay, fine. Phil!
- Oh, geez, please no. I'm a fourth banana at best.
- What's a fourth banana?
- I don't know. Maybe it's sexual.
- Okay, you know what? Hey, you!
The show is now "wake up with what's-your-name."
what's your name? - Beck.
But I'm sleeping with pam.
Also, we're on in 30 seconds.
- Okay, okay, so nobody?
Nobody cares about the show? Hmm?
- Not as much as we care about pam.
Would you please go talk to her?
- And say what, that she was right?
That I put work before my friends until I had none?
And my life is so sad, I asked my postmate
to watch "queen's gambit" with me.
She was like, "uh, not again.
Not again."
now I'm dragging you all with me.
- Well, I wouldn't mention the postmate part.
That's rock bottom.
But the rest of that was pretty good.
- I am so sorry.
- ♪ wake up, wake up, wake up ♪
- good morning, atlanta.
Welcome to "wake up with tami."
finally.
- She slid out there halfway through your rant.
- Yeah, she was quick. - Girl can't even help herself.
Both: Tami!
[upbeat music]
- you think pam will forgive me?
I was pretty awful to her.
- Yeah. I mean, it's pam.
She's super reasonable. - Okay.
- Huah!
Ah! - [groans]
both: Oh. - My bad, bitch!
Hey, tell your wife I got her while you heal up.
- All right, well, everybody knows
that trash talk is a big part of tennis.
- Is it? - Limp faster, kip!
This is pam's house! Pam's house!
- Hey, pam-- - who wants some?
Oh, kenan, sorry. I was in beast mode.
- Yeah, yeah, we saw you serve kip up that vasectomy.
- Not on me.
Mika. - Hi.
- What do you want?
- Toalk about last night.
- Well, I only have the court for an hour,
so if you wanna talk, we talk in my house.
- Oh, but I'm in heels, so...
- Kip, run those shoes! - Hm?
Oh, he doesn't have to do that--okay.
- He'll do whatever I ask. Hey, kip!
Bring me a $20 bill!
He's gonna bring me $20. - Oh.
- Want one?
- [laughing]
okay, strip.
- Okay, but can we talk first?
- Oh, no, baby, you're not pregnant, are you?
'cause I swear it's not mine.
- [laughs]
you're so funny, man. I love you.
- What? - Huh?
- What? - No, mm-mm.
What I was gonna say is, I think after we do the thing,
we should watch tv together and take a long nap,
and then wake up the next day
and have some cheesy eggs and some juice,
something like that.
- You're saying you want to stay the night,
and then eat breakfast?
- Uh, sure.
Definitely, I think.
- Oh.
I mean, I figured you just wanted something casual.
I mean, we met on impromptu-vous.
I'm sure I wasn't your first vous.
- No, no, but...
Look, you're the only girl with a smile
that made my heart skip a beat.
- Aw, gary, that's hella corny.
- Man.
- [laughs] but it's also kinda sweet.
- For real?
So you'd be down for more than just hooking up?
- Yeah.
You wanna cuddle?
- Hell no, I don't wanna--hell yeah!
I'm little spoon! - What--aww!
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
It was hard for you to say that.
- It was. - It was.
- I almost farted right in the middle of it.
[both grunting]
- okay.
Okay, all right, next one. I got the next one.
Here we go, and-- - huah!
- Just--oh! Okay. Didn't get that one either.
Do they always come this fast, or--
okay. - All right, come on, pam.
Ease up. Hear her out.
- Fine! I'll go lefty. Talk.
- Okay, look, I'm sorry, pam.
Okay, I never should have fired you.
Look, my friends really hurt my feelings,
but they were right, and so were you.
I need to work a little less.
- Huah! - Okay, a lot less. A lot less.
I definitely need to find a work-life balance.
Look, can we stop now?
I'm meeting my sorors for dinner,
and I don't wanna sweat out my silk press!
- Wait.
You're going out instead of working?
- Yeah, I told you, you're right.
- Pam, pam, pam-- - no, pam, don't hurt her!
[both grunt]
aww, love. Just like tennis.
[laughs] man, I am funny.
- Really worked up a sweat there, huh, buddy?
- I skew moist. - Let me get in on this.
Both: Aww.
- Oh, you are moist. - Yeah.
Should we hit the showers? - I'm out.
- As a group, or... - I mean, whatevs.
Okay, well, shower for one. Jealous?