1
00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:15,297
‐ Yeah, look like he asked
for the Brad Pitt‐iful.

2
00:00:15,297 --> 00:00:16,800
‐ We're on in five.

3
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,704
‐ Yeah, looking like
the white Jesus, am I right?

4
00:00:18,704 --> 00:00:20,307
‐ Amen.

5
00:00:20,307 --> 00:00:22,311
‐ [laughing]
Welcome back.

6
00:00:22,311 --> 00:00:25,685
Sad news
as we report a freak tornado

7
00:00:25,685 --> 00:00:27,288
has ripped through Bibb County,

8
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:29,458
leaving several homes
destroyed...

9
00:00:29,458 --> 00:00:33,466
[clears throat]
16 hospitalized,

10
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:36,574
and one on wig support‐‐
life support.

11
00:00:36,574 --> 00:00:40,515
So thoughts and hairs‐‐
thoughts and prayers.

12
00:00:40,515 --> 00:00:44,823
And as always, thank you
for waking up with Kenan.

13
00:00:44,823 --> 00:00:48,396
‐ And clear.
both: Oh, man. ‐ Whew.

14
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:49,833
‐ What happened out there?

15
00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:52,471
‐ Uh, maybe that thing on your
head is what happened.

16
00:00:52,471 --> 00:00:53,608
‐ Man, that segment
was the worst

17
00:00:53,608 --> 00:00:54,743
since the time you wet‐farted

18
00:00:54,743 --> 00:00:56,847
all the way through
the Derek Chauvin sentence.

19
00:00:56,847 --> 00:01:00,387
‐ The body expresses itself in
a plethora of ways, okay, Gary?

20
00:01:00,387 --> 00:01:01,489
Well, I'm going
to get out of here

21
00:01:01,489 --> 00:01:03,126
before Mika
starts yelling at me.

22
00:01:03,126 --> 00:01:05,598
‐ Oh, don't go‐‐Mika yelling at
you is the highlight of my day,

23
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:07,401
which is weird
'cause you're my favorite.

24
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,338
‐ Thanks, man.
‐ Don't worry.

25
00:01:09,338 --> 00:01:10,575
I'll pray for you, Kenan.

26
00:01:10,575 --> 00:01:13,748
‐ I appreciate it.
Oh, here she comes. ‐ Kenan.

27
00:01:13,748 --> 00:01:17,354
That was rough.
But we'll get them tomorrow.

28
00:01:17,354 --> 00:01:19,526
Pam, Tammy, that was fire.

29
00:01:19,526 --> 00:01:23,701
And, Phil, go ahead
with your Brad self.

30
00:01:23,701 --> 00:01:27,107
I don't say this enough,
but I love you guys,

31
00:01:27,107 --> 00:01:29,513
even you Garebear.
[giggles]

32
00:01:29,513 --> 00:01:32,519
‐ What the hell?
‐ Garebear?

33
00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:33,788
Okay, did she get saved?

34
00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:36,560
'Cause she's got
those saved eyes. ‐ No, no, no.

35
00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:38,731
Saved people are haters.
‐ No.

36
00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:41,202
‐ Somebody giving her
the mac and cheese.

37
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:44,175
You know, she swimming
in that splish‐splash.

38
00:01:44,175 --> 00:01:47,381
Sex.
She's having sex. Damn, y'all.

39
00:01:47,381 --> 00:01:49,720
‐ Oh.
‐ I knew that.

40
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,724
‐ You didn't, I said mac
and cheese, and you were like‐‐

41
00:01:51,724 --> 00:01:53,460
‐ Yeah, and I got hungry.

42
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:56,700
[funky upbeat music]

43
00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,775
♪

44
00:02:00,775 --> 00:02:02,646
‐ You know what? Maybe
I've been too hard on you.

45
00:02:02,646 --> 00:02:03,848
I'm going to give you
two minutes

46
00:02:03,848 --> 00:02:05,652
for your flat Earth stuff.

47
00:02:05,652 --> 00:02:10,595
‐ Really? Yes. Thank you.
I knew you were one of us.

48
00:02:10,595 --> 00:02:11,830
‐ Damn, Mika flat Earth?

49
00:02:11,830 --> 00:02:14,536
Somebody
wearing booty‐colored glasses.

50
00:02:14,536 --> 00:02:15,672
‐ Gary, have some class man.

51
00:02:15,672 --> 00:02:18,443
Actually, Mika, we're all
very proud of you for having

52
00:02:18,443 --> 00:02:23,153
all the hot butt‐naked sex
that you're having. ‐ Oh, my God.

53
00:02:23,153 --> 00:02:25,792
Is it that obvious
that I'm seeing someone?

54
00:02:25,792 --> 00:02:30,434
‐ Uh, yeah. So what's the hot
butt‐naked man's name?

55
00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:32,438
‐ Nick.
[giggles]

56
00:02:32,438 --> 00:02:36,747
He's sweet and tall
and, yes, sexy.

57
00:02:36,747 --> 00:02:38,183
‐ Sounds like the opening
to a romance novel

58
00:02:38,183 --> 00:02:40,822
I used to read
on my washing machine‐‐go on.

59
00:02:40,822 --> 00:02:42,592
‐ Okay, so he went
to Georgetown,

60
00:02:42,592 --> 00:02:45,464
and he owns a seafood
restaurant in Buckhead.

61
00:02:45,464 --> 00:02:47,569
‐ A single college graduate

62
00:02:47,569 --> 00:02:50,808
who is a successful
seafood entrepreneur.

63
00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:53,814
‐ Yeah.
‐ Sounds fishy, pun intended.

64
00:02:53,814 --> 00:02:56,452
‐ Yeah, restaurants are usually
a front for illegalities,

65
00:02:56,452 --> 00:02:58,724
like my Uncle Valentine's
pizza shop.

66
00:02:58,724 --> 00:03:00,595
‐ He did sell pizza, but one
of the toppings was weed.

67
00:03:00,595 --> 00:03:01,964
‐ Okay, see, this is exactly

68
00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:03,567
why I don't want
to tell you all,

69
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:04,936
because I didn't need
any of the judgments.

70
00:03:04,936 --> 00:03:07,474
‐ We're not judging.
We're just looking out.

71
00:03:07,474 --> 00:03:08,911
‐ Yeah.
You're in the honeymoon phase.

72
00:03:08,911 --> 00:03:11,282
You might not be
seeing things clearly.

73
00:03:11,282 --> 00:03:16,492
Let us meet him and decide
if he's Mika worthy. ‐ Hmm.

74
00:03:16,492 --> 00:03:19,933
All right, you may be right.
‐ Maybe?

75
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,772
Come on, you can't have
a sixth failed engagement.

76
00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:26,279
You have lost more rings
in the last minute than LeBron.

77
00:03:26,279 --> 00:03:29,318
‐ The man saved his family
from the goon squad.

78
00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:30,722
What more did you people want?

79
00:03:30,722 --> 00:03:33,326
‐ To know what
the goon squad is.

80
00:03:33,326 --> 00:03:35,732
[hip‐hop music]

81
00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:37,936
‐ Mika, you ain't say
your man own Pesco's.

82
00:03:37,936 --> 00:03:39,706
This is the hottest spot
in Buckhead.

83
00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:41,944
‐ Yeah, it takes six months
to get into here.

84
00:03:41,944 --> 00:03:44,950
It only takes two nights
to get in Pam.

85
00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:46,754
‐ Yeah, all right, he's got
the hottest restaurant in town,

86
00:03:46,754 --> 00:03:48,490
but I'm still
not sold on this dude.

87
00:03:48,490 --> 00:03:49,893
‐ Yeah, Mika, Kenan and I

88
00:03:49,893 --> 00:03:52,966
agreed that we were going to be
honest with you no matter what.

89
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,368
‐ Okay.
‐ Mika.

90
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,774
‐ He could get it.
He could definitely get it.

91
00:03:56,774 --> 00:03:59,245
both: Hi.
‐ Chill, Tammy.

92
00:03:59,245 --> 00:04:00,715
‐ Welcome to Pesco's.

93
00:04:00,715 --> 00:04:03,253
You guys must be Mika's
work friends and Gary.

94
00:04:03,253 --> 00:04:06,259
‐ "And Gary"‐‐didn't realize
we were so close.

95
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:08,664
‐ Guys, this is Nick.

96
00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:09,933
‐ Oh, I know
exactly who you are‐‐

97
00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:12,806
Mr. Nick Johnson.
Yeah, did a little research.

98
00:04:12,806 --> 00:04:16,279
So I know about the bankruptcy,
the divorce,

99
00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,953
and the wife and kids
in Gilbert, Arizona.

100
00:04:19,953 --> 00:04:22,324
‐ [chuckles]
It's Johnston with a T,

101
00:04:22,324 --> 00:04:25,832
and those kids are Korean.
‐ Are they?

102
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:28,269
Oh, that's my bad‐‐I thought
they were just light‐skinned.

103
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:29,539
‐ Well, we've got all night

104
00:04:29,539 --> 00:04:31,275
to get to know
each other real well.

105
00:04:31,275 --> 00:04:33,714
Thank you for coming.
Everything's on me.

106
00:04:33,714 --> 00:04:35,585
‐ Uh, does that include drinks?

107
00:04:35,585 --> 00:04:38,891
‐ Is my mom
a Jehovah's Witness? Yes, she is.

108
00:04:38,891 --> 00:04:42,431
[excited chatter]

109
00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:44,435
‐ Shall we?
‐ We shall, I'm thirsty.

110
00:04:44,435 --> 00:04:47,307
‐ So, Nick Johnston,

111
00:04:47,307 --> 00:04:49,913
what are your intentions
with our girl here? ‐ Yeah.

112
00:04:49,913 --> 00:04:53,721
‐ Well, in short, to try
every single day

113
00:04:53,721 --> 00:04:55,625
to be the man she deserves,
which is impossible.

114
00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:58,731
She deserves perfection.
‐ My water just broke.

115
00:04:58,731 --> 00:05:00,433
‐ Man, that was some
"Love Jones"‐type ish

116
00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:01,904
right there.

117
00:05:01,904 --> 00:05:04,441
‐ Oh, you're sweet.
You're like a human teddy bear.

118
00:05:04,441 --> 00:05:07,314
‐ That was my line name.
I'm a sigma. ‐ Wow, me too.

119
00:05:07,314 --> 00:05:09,451
‐ Quinn, Quinn?
Show them to eight, please.

120
00:05:09,451 --> 00:05:11,088
I reserved our best table
for us.

121
00:05:11,088 --> 00:05:12,959
So go ahead start ordering,

122
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:16,098
and I'll be with you guys
in a few minutes. ‐ Okay.

123
00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,002
‐ All right.

124
00:05:18,002 --> 00:05:20,675
♪

125
00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:22,879
‐ Okay, what do you think?

126
00:05:22,879 --> 00:05:25,016
‐ He is literally perfect.
‐ I know.

127
00:05:25,016 --> 00:05:26,820
‐ You think he'd go
to a Hawks game with me?

128
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:29,358
‐ Kenan.
‐ We got to work up to that?

129
00:05:29,358 --> 00:05:32,699
‐ Yeah.
‐ All right.

130
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,836
‐ Yo, this place is nice.

131
00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:36,607
Looks like a spot
a Instagram model

132
00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:38,476
would wear a waist trainer to.

133
00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:42,484
‐ Oh, is that the three amigos?
‐ No, and it's just Migos.

134
00:05:42,484 --> 00:05:45,858
‐ Not if they're friends.
‐ That's fair.

135
00:05:45,858 --> 00:05:48,363
‐ Sweet mother of Pam.
‐ What you Pamming about?

136
00:05:48,363 --> 00:05:54,743
‐ Oh, Pam! ‐ What can I get you?
‐ Her to wait on us.

137
00:05:54,743 --> 00:05:56,112
‐ Yeah, keep moving, boss,

138
00:05:56,112 --> 00:05:58,049
We don't need
all this youth‐pastor energy

139
00:05:58,049 --> 00:05:59,586
you got going on,
looking like Kirk Franklin.

140
00:05:59,586 --> 00:06:02,124
Be blessed. ‐ Yeah, but be gone.

141
00:06:02,124 --> 00:06:03,527
‐ Hey, hey.
‐ Hey.

142
00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:05,397
‐ What up, though?
both: What's up?

143
00:06:05,397 --> 00:06:08,971
‐ [chuckles]
‐ Ha. ‐ Mmm! Mmm!

144
00:06:08,971 --> 00:06:11,510
Man, these lemon‐pepper
jalapeño poppers slap!

145
00:06:11,510 --> 00:06:15,050
I really hope that people never
stopped lemon‐peppering things.

146
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:18,089
I love this guy.
‐ Congrats, Mika.

147
00:06:18,089 --> 00:06:21,530
[giggles] I'm going to make
the best matron of honor...

148
00:06:21,530 --> 00:06:24,903
bridesmaid,
invited guest, plus‐one.

149
00:06:24,903 --> 00:06:26,540
‐ Okay, look, this isn't
about you, Tammy.

150
00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:28,777
This is about Nick.

151
00:06:28,777 --> 00:06:34,856
I got to break up with him.
‐ [spits] What?

152
00:06:43,072 --> 00:06:44,876
I mean, I'm starting
to have feelings for him‐‐

153
00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:47,916
bromance not romance,
but still a lot of feelings.

154
00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:49,886
‐ Look, he said he was going
to be with us the whole night,

155
00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,690
and then he just upped
and bounce,

156
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:53,861
just floating around the
restaurant from table to table

157
00:06:53,861 --> 00:06:55,665
for the last half hour
like some kind of ‐‐

158
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,568
‐ Responsible
small‐business owner?

159
00:06:57,568 --> 00:07:00,574
‐ Yeah. No, look,
I need my man

160
00:07:00,574 --> 00:07:02,444
to do what he says
he's going to do.

161
00:07:02,444 --> 00:07:04,114
This is a serious red flag.

162
00:07:04,114 --> 00:07:06,586
‐ Oh, so now a Black man
can't get his hustle on?

163
00:07:06,586 --> 00:07:08,022
I swear, you women‐‐

164
00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,861
y'all are both very lovely...
‐ Uh‐huh.

165
00:07:10,861 --> 00:07:14,669
‐ And great at spotting
red flags. ‐ Yeah.

166
00:07:14,669 --> 00:07:15,705
‐ Mika, I do think
you might be overreacting,

167
00:07:15,705 --> 00:07:16,974
and that's coming from someone

168
00:07:16,974 --> 00:07:18,811
who made her husband
get a vasectomy

169
00:07:18,811 --> 00:07:22,084
because our last child
was born with red hair. ‐ Oh.

170
00:07:22,084 --> 00:07:24,756
‐ Listen to the monster
that is Tammy, all right?

171
00:07:24,756 --> 00:07:28,463
Just talk to Nick
before you do anything rash.

172
00:07:28,463 --> 00:07:32,839
‐ Okay, fine. ‐ That a girl.

173
00:07:32,839 --> 00:07:34,241
‐ Oh, and see
if he'll send over

174
00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:38,182
a round of those lemon‐pepper
turkey tenders, please.

175
00:07:38,182 --> 00:07:40,053
‐ Here we are.

176
00:07:40,053 --> 00:07:42,892
We've got an IPA for the cutie
and a Sex on the Beach

177
00:07:42,892 --> 00:07:45,798
in a more masculine glass
for my manly man.

178
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,067
‐ I usually prefer
to drink Hennessy,

179
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:50,941
but my allergies are acting up.
[sniffs]

180
00:07:50,941 --> 00:07:53,146
‐ I can already tell this
is going to be

181
00:07:53,146 --> 00:07:57,855
the best drink of my life.
‐ [laughs]

182
00:07:57,855 --> 00:08:02,064
‐ Are you seeing this?
‐ She is seriously flirting.

183
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:04,769
‐ Uh, Right? So why don't you
go ahead on and get

184
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:06,238
so I can, uh, bag her number.

185
00:08:06,238 --> 00:08:07,909
‐ Why don't you get ahead
and get?

186
00:08:07,909 --> 00:08:09,612
She's been flirting with me
all night, not you.

187
00:08:09,612 --> 00:08:12,518
‐ Are you insane?

188
00:08:12,518 --> 00:08:14,088
[scoffs]
Watch this.

189
00:08:14,088 --> 00:08:16,092
Hey, gorgeous, can I get
another orange slice

190
00:08:16,092 --> 00:08:20,066
for my drink
and your IG page perhaps?

191
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,004
‐ Of course, handsome.

192
00:08:22,004 --> 00:08:25,745
It's ChellyBelly321uno,
all one word.

193
00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:28,617
‐ Ooh, classy and bilingual.

194
00:08:28,617 --> 00:08:29,953
‐ [chuckles]
I don't need orange slices

195
00:08:29,953 --> 00:08:31,890
'cause I'm not
in the youth soccer league,

196
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:34,261
but I might get up
on that IG, too.

197
00:08:34,261 --> 00:08:37,000
‐ Well, only if I get
to follow you back, boo.

198
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:42,945
‐ Okay, it is @pamsports‐
underscore‐69‐underscore‐69‐‐

199
00:08:42,945 --> 00:08:44,983
You know what?
There's more 69s,

200
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:47,855
so I'll just put it in myself
for you.

201
00:08:47,855 --> 00:08:50,761
‐ Why you being
so damn thirsty, Pam?

202
00:08:50,761 --> 00:08:53,567
You going to follow me
back, too, though.

203
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,538
‐ Oh, you're
my Man Crush Monday.

204
00:08:55,538 --> 00:08:56,773
‐ Hell, yeah.

205
00:08:56,773 --> 00:09:00,548
‐ You know what?
You two are really cute.

206
00:09:00,548 --> 00:09:05,223
Next round's on me.
[laughter] both: Dibs! Jinx!

207
00:09:05,223 --> 00:09:06,593
Damn it!

208
00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:08,964
‐ Oh, I'm in a tough spot
right now.

209
00:09:08,964 --> 00:09:11,703
I love Mika,
but I also love drama.

210
00:09:11,703 --> 00:09:13,172
‐ You know what?
They'll be fine.

211
00:09:13,172 --> 00:09:14,976
She just needs zaddy
to show her some more love.

212
00:09:14,976 --> 00:09:16,580
‐ Yeah.
‐ Face it, bro, Shelly's got

213
00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:20,053
a case of the Pam.
It's a Pam‐demic.

214
00:09:20,053 --> 00:09:22,992
‐ No, no, no,
she has Gary‐rrhea.

215
00:09:22,992 --> 00:09:26,031
I don't know do that
as well as you do that.

216
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:27,902
‐ Ooh, hold on to your shrimps.

217
00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:30,908
Looks like there's trouble
in paradise.

218
00:09:30,908 --> 00:09:32,779
‐ Come on, y'all.
That's just Black love.

219
00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:36,586
They are just talking it out.
See, right now she's saying,

220
00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:38,289
"When we get home later,
my king,

221
00:09:38,289 --> 00:09:40,628
I'm going to massage you here,
here, and here."

222
00:09:40,628 --> 00:09:43,132
‐ Man, that isn't Black love.
That's Black "Love & Hip Hop."

223
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:45,270
He should have gave her
that record deal.

224
00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:46,807
‐ See?
all: Oh.

225
00:09:46,807 --> 00:09:50,146
‐ Wow.
‐ No. ‐ Hey, you think she got

226
00:09:50,146 --> 00:09:51,716
those lemon‐pepper
turkey tenders in there?

227
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,656
‐ I don't think so.
‐ Wait, you guys,

228
00:09:54,656 --> 00:09:56,960
but Nick's still paying
for all this, right?

229
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,630
Oh, hey, while you're here,

230
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:01,603
can we get, like, I don't know,
five lobster entrées,

231
00:10:01,603 --> 00:10:04,943
a couple of tiramisus, two
of those Pesco's sweatshirts?

232
00:10:04,943 --> 00:10:06,312
‐ A bottle
of lemon‐pepper sauce

233
00:10:06,312 --> 00:10:09,151
just to keep in the car.
‐ A bottle lemon‐pepper sauce.

234
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:11,122
‐ Oh, can I get a lobster
out the tank‐don't kill it.

235
00:10:11,122 --> 00:10:13,660
I want to have it as a pet
for my nieces or myself.

236
00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:15,631
‐ A hat to cover
my child's red head.

237
00:10:15,631 --> 00:10:16,900
‐ But all of it to‐go.

238
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,904
‐ Thank you.
‐ Please. Thank you.

239
00:10:18,904 --> 00:10:22,077
Thank you.
‐ Oh, you're so sweet.

240
00:10:22,077 --> 00:10:26,653
‐ These NASA photos are faked.
This is the real thing.

241
00:10:26,653 --> 00:10:29,191
‐ Phil, walk away.

242
00:10:29,191 --> 00:10:32,665
‐ Don't blame me
when you fall off.

243
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,201
‐ I'll never get used to it.

244
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:37,240
Hey, champ, you want
to talk about last night?

245
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,911
‐ Uh, what about it?

246
00:10:38,911 --> 00:10:41,917
‐ Well, some people are saying,
not myself,

247
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:45,290
but maybe you broke up
with Nick for doing his job.

248
00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:48,095
‐ Look, he said he was going
to be there for us,

249
00:10:48,095 --> 00:10:50,133
and then he bailed‐‐it's like
Keith all over again.

250
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:54,308
‐ It's nothing like Keith.
Who's Keith? ‐ My first fiancé.

251
00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:56,312
So it's just better to end
things with Nick

252
00:10:56,312 --> 00:10:58,282
before someone gets hurt.
‐ Wait, wait, wait.

253
00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:00,688
I thought you broke up
with all your fiancés.

254
00:11:00,688 --> 00:11:02,357
‐ Not the first one.

255
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,696
Look, Kenan,
I'm really busy, okay?

256
00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:06,065
I approved a lot
of crappy stories

257
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:08,804
when we were making
mac and cheese.

258
00:11:08,804 --> 00:11:10,941
‐ No, no, come on, come on,
Talk to me, now.

259
00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:13,079
‐ All right, look,
it was a long time ago.

260
00:11:13,079 --> 00:11:15,183
Keith and I fell in love
freshman year at college.

261
00:11:15,183 --> 00:11:17,922
I pledged JKA‐‐skee‐wee.
He was a Kappa.

262
00:11:17,922 --> 00:11:20,761
‐ Boo. Sorry, sigma.

263
00:11:20,761 --> 00:11:23,967
You know!
Continue.

264
00:11:23,967 --> 00:11:25,804
‐ Anyway, a week
before the wedding,

265
00:11:25,804 --> 00:11:27,107
he broke things off

266
00:11:27,107 --> 00:11:29,244
and didn't tell me why,
no explanation.

267
00:11:29,244 --> 00:11:31,482
‐ Didn't even bother to ask me
for the ring back.

268
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:34,354
‐ Well, that's messed up.
‐ Yeah, and I swore

269
00:11:34,354 --> 00:11:37,327
I would never let myself
get hurt like that again.

270
00:11:37,327 --> 00:11:41,468
So now when I see
the warning signs, I'm out.

271
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:44,208
‐ Yeah, but what
if you're wrong?

272
00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:47,113
‐ Either way, I save myself
a lot of heartbreak.

273
00:11:47,113 --> 00:11:49,986
Now, I really got to find
a replacement for this

274
00:11:49,986 --> 00:11:52,057
"Karens have feelings, too"
segment.

275
00:11:52,057 --> 00:11:54,127
‐ Oh, good Lord, you was drunk
on that splish‐splash.

276
00:11:54,127 --> 00:11:56,031
‐ I know.
‐ I'll see you later.

277
00:12:07,285 --> 00:12:10,525
a Black man.
Clearly she was into me.

278
00:12:10,525 --> 00:12:14,399
‐ No, look, Rachelle
with her arm around a woman,

279
00:12:14,399 --> 00:12:18,107
a white woman or Greek.
I can't tell.

280
00:12:18,107 --> 00:12:19,744
I mean, Greek is white,

281
00:12:19,744 --> 00:12:21,748
but not at certain times
in our history.

282
00:12:21,748 --> 00:12:23,450
‐ Damn it, Pam, they was
always white to me.

283
00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:25,288
What we going to do, man?

284
00:12:25,288 --> 00:12:26,758
We can't walk up to here
and ask her what she's into.

285
00:12:26,758 --> 00:12:29,329
‐ Not in these times.
We need someone

286
00:12:29,329 --> 00:12:32,068
who is not afraid to ask
offensive questions.

287
00:12:32,068 --> 00:12:33,838
‐ Right, somebody from
a different generation

288
00:12:33,838 --> 00:12:35,174
who's not afraid
to get canceled

289
00:12:35,174 --> 00:12:37,312
'cause we already
gave up on them.

290
00:12:37,312 --> 00:12:41,921
‐ Mm‐hmm, just a sad person
who just will ask anything.

291
00:12:41,921 --> 00:12:44,560
‐ Let me put this in terms a
younger person can understand.

292
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:51,874
What's your most used emoji‐‐
uh, eggplant or vagina emoji?

293
00:12:51,874 --> 00:12:56,316
‐ How long does it take
to say Pam?

294
00:12:56,316 --> 00:12:59,055
‐ I think I got your answer.
She's attracted to Pam.

295
00:12:59,055 --> 00:13:00,324
‐ Yes!
‐ What?

296
00:13:00,324 --> 00:13:03,932
‐ And Gary.
‐ Yes! ‐ Phil, can you clarify

297
00:13:03,932 --> 00:13:05,201
what you think the word
"answer" means?

298
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:08,073
‐ Apparently she's something
called "omnisexual."

299
00:13:08,073 --> 00:13:10,211
‐ Ah, of course.
What the hell does that mean?

300
00:13:10,211 --> 00:13:12,950
‐ I assume it means she only
has sex in Omni hotels.

301
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:14,920
So you two better
start saving up.

302
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,591
‐ Not quite.
She's just progressive.

303
00:13:16,591 --> 00:13:19,195
It means she's open
to finding love from anyone.

304
00:13:19,195 --> 00:13:20,431
‐ Sure.

305
00:13:20,431 --> 00:13:22,503
‐ Well,
let the best anyone win.

306
00:13:22,503 --> 00:13:24,239
‐ Game on!
‐ Whoa!

307
00:13:24,239 --> 00:13:26,911
You two are getting
into some dangerous territory.

308
00:13:26,911 --> 00:13:28,347
Let me give you
some hard‐earned advice

309
00:13:28,347 --> 00:13:29,984
from my days in Phil Collin‐‐

310
00:13:29,984 --> 00:13:32,488
My Phil Collins tribute band
with my friend Collin.

311
00:13:32,488 --> 00:13:34,994
‐ Wait, wait, wait.
You have a friend?

312
00:13:34,994 --> 00:13:37,966
‐ I did.
But then Trisha got between us.

313
00:13:37,966 --> 00:13:40,872
Sure, I lost my virginity,
but I also lost my best friend,

314
00:13:40,872 --> 00:13:43,077
and they both
were very painful.

315
00:13:43,077 --> 00:13:47,586
‐ Oh.
‐ Ew. ‐ Trust me on this.

316
00:13:47,586 --> 00:13:49,456
‐ [exhales deeply]
‐ [mumbles]

317
00:13:49,456 --> 00:13:51,293
‐ You know, he is right, Gary.

318
00:13:51,293 --> 00:13:53,598
Besides, the woman I was
with two nights ago told me

319
00:13:53,598 --> 00:13:56,403
I had to stop having
meaningless flings.

320
00:13:56,403 --> 00:14:01,079
I mean, I cannot remember
her name, but she was very wise.

321
00:14:01,079 --> 00:14:03,551
So how about
we just let this one go?

322
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,254
‐ All right, forget it.

323
00:14:05,254 --> 00:14:06,524
‐ All right.
‐ Yeah, man.

324
00:14:06,524 --> 00:14:08,093
I don't even remember
what it was about.

325
00:14:08,093 --> 00:14:14,372
‐ I'm glad we cleared
that up, okay. ‐ Yeah, we did.

326
00:14:14,372 --> 00:14:17,145
‐ [mumbling to self]

327
00:14:17,145 --> 00:14:20,051
‐ Mika. You got time
to go car shopping with me?

328
00:14:20,051 --> 00:14:22,021
You know how bad I am
at negotiating.

329
00:14:22,021 --> 00:14:23,658
Birdie's allowance
is, like, a stack a week.

330
00:14:23,658 --> 00:14:25,194
‐ Look, Kenan, I'm really busy.

331
00:14:25,194 --> 00:14:27,098
I'm still undoing all my
mac‐and‐cheese decisions.

332
00:14:27,098 --> 00:14:29,169
And by the way,
I couldn't unbook Chet Hanks,

333
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,339
so you may have to
make jerk chicken with him.

334
00:14:31,339 --> 00:14:33,477
‐ Chet Hanks.

335
00:14:33,477 --> 00:14:35,549
Oh‐‐Well, now you definitely
owe me one.

336
00:14:35,549 --> 00:14:40,191
‐ [sighs]
Fine.

337
00:14:40,191 --> 00:14:42,596
‐ Okay, so, when I'm haggling,
if it looks like

338
00:14:42,596 --> 00:14:44,900
I'm going to cry, I'm not.

339
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:47,338
If it looks like I'm going to
throw up, I'm not.

340
00:14:47,338 --> 00:14:50,478
if it looks like he's going to
cry and throw up, we winning.

341
00:14:50,478 --> 00:14:52,649
‐ That's great advice.
Let's go get 'em.

342
00:14:52,649 --> 00:14:55,589
‐ Wait a minute.
Keith Allen's Luxury Autos?

343
00:14:55,589 --> 00:14:57,158
Kenan, what are you doing?

344
00:14:57,158 --> 00:14:58,528
‐ All right, I just happen
to be shopping

345
00:14:58,528 --> 00:15:00,331
for a fancy‐ass car
from the guy

346
00:15:00,331 --> 00:15:03,303
that broke your heart
in a million little pieces.

347
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:06,343
But, Mika, you never got over
your first fiancé,

348
00:15:06,343 --> 00:15:10,317
and now you are sabotaging all
your future chances at love.

349
00:15:10,317 --> 00:15:12,321
Now, come on in here
and talk to this man.

350
00:15:12,321 --> 00:15:14,192
‐ You know what's funny, is
that I remember telling you

351
00:15:14,192 --> 00:15:17,699
to stay out of it, so, no,
we ain't going nowhere.

352
00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:20,639
‐ Well, what kind of friend
would I be

353
00:15:20,639 --> 00:15:22,308
if I just listened
to you all the time?

354
00:15:22,308 --> 00:15:23,678
‐ Uh, you'd be a smart friend.

355
00:15:23,678 --> 00:15:25,347
‐ All right, come up
off my unlock button.

356
00:15:25,347 --> 00:15:28,120
‐ You going to listen to me,
Kenan‐‐we staying here.

357
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,291
‐ Hi. Welcome. Come to
test‐drive a new vehicle today?

358
00:15:30,291 --> 00:15:33,330
‐ No. No, no.
Thank you, no. De nada.

359
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:35,234
‐ Mika, talk to him.

360
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:38,608
Get some closure.
It'll help you move on.

361
00:15:38,608 --> 00:15:43,718
‐ Okay, fine. Keith Allen!

362
00:15:43,718 --> 00:15:45,722
‐ Mika Caldwell!
‐ Wow!

363
00:15:45,722 --> 00:15:49,429
‐ Come on.
‐ What a coincidence, huh?

364
00:15:49,429 --> 00:15:51,366
[chuckles]
You know, my friend here

365
00:15:51,366 --> 00:15:53,638
wants to buy
the most expensive car you got.

366
00:15:53,638 --> 00:15:55,709
‐ Oh.
‐ Uh, that is correct.

367
00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:58,447
I enjoy expensive things.

368
00:15:58,447 --> 00:16:02,455
I'm actually the owner of issue
number 30 of "X Men"... mint!

369
00:16:02,455 --> 00:16:04,627
‐ Oh, oh, this guy's got taste.

370
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,750
Uh, quick question‐‐
you got any, uh, deals going on

371
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:24,992
or, like, any rebates
with this baby? ‐ [laughing]

372
00:16:24,992 --> 00:16:26,361
‐ I'm joking.
‐ This guy.

373
00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:30,302
‐ I'll just show myself
the car while y'all catch up.

374
00:16:30,302 --> 00:16:31,906
Let's see.

375
00:16:31,906 --> 00:16:36,849
Maybe give it a little smack,
talk to it. Uh, Lamborghini up.

376
00:16:36,849 --> 00:16:39,922
‐ Uh, just push the button
right there. ‐ Oh, my bad.

377
00:16:39,922 --> 00:16:41,424
This must be one
of the older ones.

378
00:16:41,424 --> 00:16:46,802
No, it's a 2023. ‐ Yes, it is.

379
00:16:46,802 --> 00:16:48,638
‐ This is so blowing my mind
right now.

380
00:16:48,638 --> 00:16:49,975
How long has it been since‐‐

381
00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:52,748
‐ 11 years ago,
this Valentine's Day.

382
00:16:52,748 --> 00:16:54,952
Yeah, I remember because
we were supposed to get married

383
00:16:54,952 --> 00:16:56,956
on Valentine's Day, so...

384
00:16:56,956 --> 00:16:59,862
‐ Hey, man, how much horsepower
is in these wipers?

385
00:16:59,862 --> 00:17:02,834
‐ You know what?
I'll look it up online. Carry on.

386
00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:05,305
‐ Well, let me say,
I'm really sorry.

387
00:17:05,305 --> 00:17:07,343
‐ Oh, I don't want
your apologies, Keith.

388
00:17:07,343 --> 00:17:10,449
I just want to know
why you ghosted me.

389
00:17:10,449 --> 00:17:14,624
Like, what was
so wrong with me? ‐ Nothing.

390
00:17:14,624 --> 00:17:17,263
I just think
we really weren't vibing.

391
00:17:17,263 --> 00:17:18,465
[horn honks]
‐ Oh, oh.

392
00:17:18,465 --> 00:17:23,008
Sorry.
Horn works, though.

393
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:24,878
‐ So you walked away
from a four‐year relationship

394
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,683
six days before our wedding
because we weren't vibing?

395
00:17:27,683 --> 00:17:31,024
‐ Mika, the truth is...

396
00:17:31,024 --> 00:17:33,295
I smoked a lot of weed
back then.

397
00:17:33,295 --> 00:17:34,798
I mean, if I knew
what stupid thought I had

398
00:17:34,798 --> 00:17:39,842
when I was 24, I'd tell you.
But I just don't remember.

399
00:17:39,842 --> 00:17:41,411
‐ Seriously?

400
00:17:41,411 --> 00:17:44,350
[horn honks, alarm blares]
‐ Oh! Uh, I'm sorry.

401
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:45,987
Mika, Keith, can y'all help me
out here?

402
00:17:45,987 --> 00:17:50,797
I don't know what I did.
‐ Wow. ‐ Yo, we got a stucky!

403
00:17:50,797 --> 00:17:58,545
‐ Sorry,
I'm the stucky, I guess.

404
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,850
‐ What the hell?

405
00:18:00,850 --> 00:18:03,088
I thought we agreed that
we were not going to let a girl

406
00:18:03,088 --> 00:18:05,727
get in between us
like Phil's band.

407
00:18:05,727 --> 00:18:08,733
What are you doing here?
‐ She DM'd me.

408
00:18:08,733 --> 00:18:13,441
Look, here's the thing, Pam...
she fine as hell‐‐that's it.

409
00:18:13,441 --> 00:18:14,644
Same reason you here, I bet.

410
00:18:14,644 --> 00:18:16,882
‐ She is very attractive.
‐ Yeah.

411
00:18:16,882 --> 00:18:18,920
‐ But this doesn't make
any sense.

412
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,859
She just DM'd me
to come over here.

413
00:18:21,859 --> 00:18:24,865
‐ She DM'd you the same time
she DM'd me?

414
00:18:24,865 --> 00:18:26,902
You think it means
what I think it means?

415
00:18:26,902 --> 00:18:30,442
‐ A threesome?
We cannot be that kind of band.

416
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:37,590
We are not the Jonas Brothers.
‐ Or, hot take, are we?

417
00:18:37,590 --> 00:18:42,633
‐ [sighs] Hmm.

418
00:18:42,633 --> 00:18:43,936
‐ All right.
‐ Yeah.

419
00:18:43,936 --> 00:18:45,807
‐ But I've got terms.
‐ Okay.

420
00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:46,942
‐ No eye contact.
‐ I hate eyes.

421
00:18:46,942 --> 00:18:49,915
‐ Leave your socks on.
‐ Always. ‐ And don't tell Phil.

422
00:18:49,915 --> 00:18:52,453
I turned him and his partner
down after the Christmas party.

423
00:18:52,453 --> 00:18:54,156
‐ Wait, they asked me second?

424
00:18:54,156 --> 00:18:55,692
[scoffs] Damn.

425
00:18:55,692 --> 00:18:58,031
‐ Should I do push‐ups?
‐ No.

426
00:18:58,031 --> 00:19:02,640
‐ Okay.
‐ We don't got time for that.

427
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,145
‐ Gary and Pam.

428
00:19:05,145 --> 00:19:08,618
I'm so glad you
both could make it. Come in.

429
00:19:08,618 --> 00:19:10,489
‐ Get in there.

430
00:19:10,489 --> 00:19:13,094
‐ You're just in time
for the customer testimonials.

431
00:19:13,094 --> 00:19:20,108
‐ Girl... What? Ah, SmoothieLyfe?
This is a damn pyramid scheme.

432
00:19:20,108 --> 00:19:21,411
‐ I should have known.

433
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:24,584
Nobody has
daytime threesomes anymore.

434
00:19:24,584 --> 00:19:27,523
‐ Hey, guys, you're seeking
financial freedom, too?

435
00:19:27,523 --> 00:19:30,495
[dramatic music]

436
00:19:30,495 --> 00:19:32,099
♪

437
00:19:32,099 --> 00:19:35,072
‐ I got nothing. ‐ No closure?

438
00:19:35,072 --> 00:19:37,409
‐ Not only did I not get any
closure.

439
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:39,982
I feel ten times worse.
I got "unclosure."

440
00:19:39,982 --> 00:19:42,186
‐ Wouldn't that just be opened?

441
00:19:42,186 --> 00:19:44,825
All right, well, what reason
would make you feel better?

442
00:19:44,825 --> 00:19:46,194
‐ I don't know. Anything.

443
00:19:46,194 --> 00:19:48,064
‐ Okay, so what if he said,
"I cheated on you"?

444
00:19:48,064 --> 00:19:50,469
Would that be better?
‐ No.

445
00:19:50,469 --> 00:19:51,939
‐ What if he said
his mama couldn't stand you?

446
00:19:51,939 --> 00:19:53,843
‐ Oh, no, definitely not.
No, his mama loved me.

447
00:19:53,843 --> 00:19:56,547
We're still Facebook friends,
She be like, like, like, like.

448
00:19:56,547 --> 00:19:58,853
‐ [laughs] That's weird.
‐ Yeah.

449
00:19:58,853 --> 00:20:00,990
‐ All right, what if he said,
"I'm an addict?"

450
00:20:00,990 --> 00:20:03,428
‐ Mm.
‐ Or, "I'm gay"?

451
00:20:03,428 --> 00:20:05,666
‐ Hmm.
‐ Or, "It's not you it's me"?

452
00:20:05,666 --> 00:20:07,436
‐ Ugh.
‐ "The Devil made me do it"?

453
00:20:07,436 --> 00:20:09,741
Come on, Mika,
these are good reasons.

454
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,210
‐ You know what?

455
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,914
I don't think there's anything
he could've said

456
00:20:12,914 --> 00:20:14,717
that would've made me feel
any better.

457
00:20:14,717 --> 00:20:17,156
‐ So what?
You never get closure?

458
00:20:17,156 --> 00:20:20,095
‐ Maybe I don't get closure
from him.

459
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:23,468
I mean, I guess I just have
to make the choice to move on

460
00:20:23,468 --> 00:20:28,078
and...be happy.
And I really want to be happy.

461
00:20:28,078 --> 00:20:31,852
‐ Sounds like someone
just found some closure.

462
00:20:31,852 --> 00:20:33,621
So I guess my plan
worked after all.

463
00:20:33,621 --> 00:20:36,461
‐ Okay. You're playing
accidentally worked.

464
00:20:36,461 --> 00:20:37,797
Thanks, Kenan.

465
00:20:37,797 --> 00:20:39,467
I'm going to call Nick
and apologize.

466
00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:42,606
‐ Oh, tell him I got
those Hawks tickets. ‐ Yep.

467
00:20:42,606 --> 00:20:44,610
‐ The view is obstructed,
but they're still good seats.

468
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:48,051
‐ Ready for that test‐drive?
‐ Oh, uh, actually, no.

469
00:20:48,051 --> 00:20:50,022
I don't need a car after all.

470
00:20:50,022 --> 00:20:51,892
‐ Oh, but this isn't a car,
Mr. Williams.

471
00:20:51,892 --> 00:20:55,065
This is a lifestyle.
‐ Uh, yeah, okay.

472
00:20:55,065 --> 00:20:56,969
‐ Man, that girl crazy as hell,

473
00:20:56,969 --> 00:20:58,906
but she about to make me
the smoothie king, though.

474
00:20:58,906 --> 00:21:01,044
‐ Whoa, this is
what a threesome with Phil

475
00:21:01,044 --> 00:21:02,646
and his partner
would taste like.

476
00:21:02,646 --> 00:21:05,920
‐ Man, what is all this crap?
I cannot believe y'all

477
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,491
are out here
buying stuff you don't need.

478
00:21:08,491 --> 00:21:10,629
[car alarm chirps]
[clears throat]

479
00:21:10,629 --> 00:21:12,633
‐ Did you just buy a car?

480
00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:18,779
‐ Oh, I didn't buy a car.
I leased a lifestyle.

481
00:21:18,779 --> 00:21:20,917
‐ Does that lifestyle come with
selling smoothies, brother?

482
00:21:20,917 --> 00:21:24,417
‐ 'Cause that lifestyle
seems expensive.