[ electricity crackling, dog barking in distance ]
[ dramatic music plays ]
Pleasure doing business with you.
[ cat yowls ] oh, nice cat.
She is not my cat. Oh!
Birdgirl: She's mine, and she's a boy.
[ gun cocks ] who are you?
I'm birdgirl.
[ ringtone plays ] ugh.
[ cellphone beeps, ringtone stops ]
Sort of in the middle of something.
[ chuckles ] is it more important
Than the all-staff you're not at?
Say hi to judy, everyone.
All: Hi, judy.
Give me 10 minutes. I got to bolt,
So I'll take the flash drive and the money,
And in exchange, I promise not to hurt you.
[ laughter ]
[ grunts ] [ gadget gun cocks ]
Oops, forgot about me. [ gun cocks ]
She didn't.
[ sir peter pants meows ] I'm joking!
[ sir peter pants shrieks ] [ screams ]
[ electricity crackling ]
[ grunts ] birdgirl!
[ glass shatters ] get her off me!
Birdgirl: ♪ oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god ♪
[ rapping ] ♪ who is the girl that saves the world? ♪
♪ hey! Hey!
[ imitates fanfare ] birdgirl!
Meredith: Which is why a lot of people have told me
I should be a slam poet.
[ man laughs ]
[ clattering ]
Birdgirl!
[ elevator door dings ]
[ elevator bell dings ]
Sorry I'm late, everyone. Speaking of which,
I know it feels like time has passed us by here
At sebben & sebben, but it hasn't.
We've just been waiting for our time to launch our company
Into the future with the internet!
All: [ murmuring ]
How's this affect the sandwich board teams?
Let's meet in my office to discuss.
To show the world we're ethical, progressive,
That we're turning things around.
[ buffer whirring ] and our first -- uh...
♪♪
I'd like to announce that...
We're redesigning the topple popple can.
I mean, look at it. It's as wide as it is tall.
It's not a can. It's a...
Oh, my god, you're right. It is.
Let's all applaud judy for making bold suggestions!
You're here to announce that e-mail thing.
Oh, right. Our first step in modernizing the company,
I give you... [ mouse clicks ]
It's mail time!
♪ ah-ba-dum-bum-bum
Ugh. You can turn that off, right?
Mm. You can turn that off.
Man: Yeah! [ laughter ]
[ computer chimes ] it's mail time!
[ gasps ] my first e-mail. ♪ ah-ba-dum-bum-bum
[ mouse clicks, up-tempo music plays ]
Whoops! You got phished.
Now proceed with this three-minute
Internet security training video.
Now that we have a website, we need to choose a photo of you.
That's right. People will say,
"I wonder who leads this company."
And they'll click "leadership"...
Expecting to see a man.
But they won't see a man.
They'll see "hands clasped,
Slightly off desk, strong, powerful" ceo
Or "hands resting on desk" ceo.
They're just like us.
Are those the only choices? I look gross.
"hands off desk." [ button clicks ]
It says, "yes, a woman runs this company,
But there's no reason to panic.
She's got this." hands clasped.
[ button clicks ] she's aware
How everyone expects her to fail, wants her to fail.
But guess what? She's not gonna fail.
Because she can't and will communicate all that.
In a picture. Guys,
I really want to change the topple popple can.
You're the ceo. Do it. Really?
Well, after you run it past the board. Oh.
[ electricity crackling ]
Ow!
[ panting ]
[ button clicking rapidly ]
Come on, come on!
[ elevator door dings ]
[ breathing heavily ]
[ sighs ]
Aah!
[ screams ]
Oh, father of light, it's just a dream.
[ screaming ]
Ow!
[ panting ]
[ button clicking rapidly ]
Come on, come on!
[ elevator door dings ]
[ screams ]
Oh, father of light, it's just a dream.
But something still feels off.
[ gasps ] it's back!
So, turning our focus to asia...
Cut the [bleep] judy. What aren't you telling us?
Everything... I'm telling you.
When you lie, your forehead swells.
That's why I always taught you at canasta.
Oh, my god. I look like an empanada.
What's that in the folder?
What, this?
Board members: [ gasping, groaning ]
This is [bleep]!
Your dad designed that can on a cocktail napkin.
People travel thousands of miles to have sex with their sig-o's
Next to that statue downstairs.
Look, I'm not saying -- they do?
Have you discussed this with carlo?
As topple brand manager,
I think he'd like to have a say in this.
This isn't the end. It's a beginning.
The beefy-handed can still enjoy a cold topple popple,
And now so can everyone else.
[ horn honks ]
When I first started here,
Your father made a project of me -- me,
A dog from down there.
Who was I to walk among giants?
But your dad saw something. Know what he told me, judy?
"don't touch the can.
Never touch the can, not even to drink from it."
Maybe it was because I was a dog.
I've made up my mind. In fact, I just approved the new design.
[bleep]
You want to do this? Go ahead.
Call the factory.
Call the factory your father built
To make one thing -- the topple popple can --
And tell him you want to change it.
[ country music plays ]
♪♪
[ elevator bell dings ]
Charlie, what is all this?
Quick on-camera thing, all softball.
Focus on the future.
We're here with judy ken sebben, ceo of sebben & sebben
And the custodian of beloved soda pop topple popple...
Until today, when she, a female ceo, killed it.
No! The product's not going anywhere.
It's just being repackaged. We're making the cans slimmer.
Why would you do that?
So people can pick it up.
Women people, right?
But only the manliest drinkers can handle topple.
Both: Pop me another popple, farmer phil.
[ chuckles ] people love the can.
I mean, why are you destroying that?
Uh, sebben & sebben will always honor its past.
[ bulldozer beeping ] aah!
[ baby crying ]
[ keyboard clacking ] sebben & sebben
Will always honor its past.
Topple nation: [ slurps ]
[ ax scrapes, whips ]
Dr. Sheila: Paul, when I saw you on the appointment list,
I was a little surprised.
I haven't seen you since you were...9?
It's been a while, hasn't it? [ chuckles ]
So, what brings you in today?
Well, I need a [bleep] check from someone who's been there.
[ belt rattling, zipper opens ]
It's a miracle, dr. Sheila.
My foreskin's back!
That's impossible. I snipped you mysel--
Oh!
It's beautiful.
I know. But in a way, it does make emotional sense.
[ muffled groaning ]
Foreskins are highly sensitive,
And I'm a person who's always deeply felt things,
And not just in my penis.
[ screams ]
[ heart beating ]
[ slurps ]
This company's been asleep at the wheel,
And now we're finally doing something.
What's next? Let's burn some [bleep] down.
I should take off my bra. This stuff is really good.
Why didn't anyone tell me? [ slurps ]
[ sighs ] gillian, you've been a big ally in this,
And there haven't been a lot of allies.
I've been an ally. I've had your [bleep] back through this.
Which is why I'm putting you both in charge
Of, uh, the rebrand.
Ooh, my head. This stuff is rat poison.
I'm sorry. Teaming us up?
We'll do a ton of premiums.
Um, and I have a tiktok content strategy locked and loaded.
[ screaming ]
Ugh!
[ static hissing ] we got another one.
Another one? It's been happening all morning.
The last one was dressed like an actual can.
We got a vintage topple tee.
I warned you, anytime you [bleep] with a classic product,
There's gonna be some blowback. [ zipper closes ]
You didn't warn me. [ grunts ]
Well, I should have.
[ door closes ]
[ eerie music plays, heart beating ]
Dr. Sheila: [ groaning ]
Don't be alarmed, paul.
I know this is a lot to process.
Talking foreskin?
Oh, not really. What's your name?
It's graham. Oh, pleasure.
Uh, there's a good chance you're killing dr. Sheila.
She's fine. I just knocked her out
So we can have a man-to-skin conversation.
Oh, that makes sense. Question -- why me, graham?
Why here? Why me, why here, why now?
I belong to an ancient people of sensitivity and feeling
Who once thundered by the millions
Across the plains of what you call north america.
But when, through a spyglass, we spotted strange ships
On the horizon, we sensed danger.
We knew these men would prioritize inhibitions
Over the mystical range of full feeling.
Well, I sure don't.
Which is why I'm here.
I'm super active in the genital-autonomy movement.
We meet at the church thursdays.
I have a few bear claws, me and a few other intactivists.
Oh, paul -- sweet, sweet, sensitive paul.
You're just like your father.
[ gasps ] you knew my dad?
Oh!
[ foreskin squeaks, snaps ]
[ groaning, gags ]
That thing attacked me!
Security! Aim for the [bleep]!
No, wait! No, wait, please stop!
[ gunshots ]
Graham! Graham, wait!
Foreskin gra-a-a-a-a-ham!
[ foreskin fluttering ]
[ gunshots ]
[ keys clacking, mouse clicking ]
[ computer warbles ]
It's mail time!
[ gasps ] my second e-mail. ♪ ah-ba-dum-bum-bum
♪ ba-ba-dum
Man: Firewall breach! Ddos!
We have your information -- judy's information.
Contact you at 2:00, topple nation.
Ooh! [ slurps ]
Topple popple.
A new day is here
Where women and children and the terminally ill
Can finally raise a cold one and join the topple team.
Plus, apparently, we have a tag line
That I may or may not have heard.
Get your hand around it.
Hadn't heard that. I kind of like it.
"get your hand around it."
[ speaks indistinctly ]
[ rock music plays ]
Who wants to see the new t-shirt design?
We have to assume they've seen everything, know everything.
Evie, what's the plan? How should I know?
You're 10, [bleep] it. You know this stuff.
So, I cruised the topple boards, and I organized
All the online hate comments about judy into categories.
There's "weird," "weird-violent,"
"weird-sexual," angry-weird," "angry-sexual," and "funny."
My assessment is that judy needs to get the [bleep] out of dodge.
Where you ask? To my safe house
For people who've been canceled online.
Please charge that. Remember the racist grandpa
Who pushed the 7-year-old off the pony?
No, you don't, because he's in my safe house.
Help!
Your cot's waiting for you.
[ cellphone rings ]
It's 2:00. This is judy.
Topple nation: [ distorted voice ] this is topple nation.
He's got cancer. What do you want?
One, publicly admit you made a horrible mistake
In changing the topple can. No, I won't.
Two, admit that you are unqualified
To lead the company your father built from nothing. No, I won't.
Three, apologize for being a dumb [bleep].
Nobody says that to my judy!
[ clears throat ]
I'm not apologizing, and I'm not changing the can.
We hoped you'd say that.
We just published your phone number online.
[ cellphone rings, beeps ] balls: Judy,
This is balls of gordo and balls on power 101.
Permission to speak on air.
[ cellphone beeps ] release whatever you want.
[ cellphone beeps ] mer, gillian,
Continue the topple launch.
Jude, you know I support you,
But I don't want to get murdered over a soda can.
Which is why brian's joining you.
If anyone's getting murdered, it's him.
You two use the hate posts
To track down topple nation.
A walk?
Come on, kid.
♪♪
[ cheering ]
Welcome to prepucian.
I have to say, in man's world, I felt out of place,
But here, I belong.
As did your father.
Oh, please tell me about him.
When they take a baby away for circumcision...
Yes. ...We offer money
In exchange for the child's foreskin.
I did not know that.
Those who won't sell are our hope
For a common peace. [ gasps ]
And my dad didn't sell.
Oh, he sold. Okay.
For about 7 bucks in today's dollars.
Uh-huh. He felt guilty
And spent months wandering in the wilderness
Until we found him, half wild, and nursed him back to health.
He became one with us.
Many of us spent time on his penis.
[ cheering and applause ]
Isn't this just the best? Our first product launch.
Yo, dudes, it's the mother[bleep] topple girls.
Okay, we're not the topple girls, are we?
We're gonna sell so much soda today.
[ pop! ]
Allow me to introduce you
To the foreskin who saved your father.
Paul, this is miriam.
Miriam: It's a pleasure to meet you, paul.
Oh, thank you for everything, miriam,
Especially for a satisfying explanation
Of why my father walked away from us.
What's that? It's a transmitter. It's like 6g.
Hmm. And that's an altar for the sacrifice.
Oh. What are you sacrificing? Aah!
Oh!
What's going on? Graham! Ugh!
Your father was going to be the bridge
Between humans and foreskins,
Two cultures united in love and sensuality,
And you came along and ruined everything by being born!
Aah! I know this smell.
And now you shall die!
Live. On instagram.
[ keys clack ]
[ mouse clicks ]
He's released your bank-account info
And your social security number.
Oh, jude, he just released your sex tape.
Why didn't you just tell me you had a sex tape?
Because there is no sex tape.
Then what do they think they have?
Oh! [ laughs ]
Glenn, we're six hours in to the leaked
Judy ken sebben video, and there's still no sex.
So I guess we can call it a no-sex tape.
I set up a webcam
So I could check on sir peter pants when I'm not home.
Lots of cat, no sex.
This is a billion times worse than a sex tape.
Maybe I didn't have my coffee strong enough this morning.
I don't know. I mean,
This is just a waste of time for the viewers.
I'm sick of this [bleep].
Get me a wireless account and a laptop.
[ doors whirring ]
You know, we got to get you one of these.
[ up-tempo music plays ]
[ fans cheering ]
Where in the [bleep] is brian?
He's the one who's supposed to be murdered!
♪♪
[ engine revving ]
[ keyboard clacking ]
Uh, shouldn't you have scanned that laptop for the topple virus
Before giving it to jessica from accounting?
Charlie...
...Check your wi-fi.
[ cellphone beeps ] it's dead.
[ chuckles ] you're a genius.
♪♪
Graham, why?
[ high-pitched groaning ]
We now summon instagram stories.
What the [bleep]
Ow!
Hey, guys, it's miriam.
I know I was gonna show you how to do a two-minute eyebrow hack,
But I thought I'd switch things up.
So today we're gonna sacrifice a real, live human.
Firewall breach, ddos.
Ugh! What the? We have your information.
Someone check the router. [ cries ]
Aah!
[ breathing heavily ]
Aah! Aah! Aah!
[ groans ]
[ radio chatter ]
[ siren wailing ] [ gasps ]
Don't kill me, graham!
Hush, man, hush. I can't kill you.
It's not in my character. [ dogs barking ]
If I get us out of here, you have to help me with something.
Deal? Deal.
Slap it. Ow.
How'd the launch go?
It was... Pbht! [ babbles ]
[ telephone rings ] birdvan phone.
Topple nation: [ distorted voice ] well-done, judy.
How'd you know we were calling from a landline?
You like old-fashioned soda. Wasn't rocket science.
Is that a phone line, in a van?
Only line that works right now.
We used the virus to wreck the city network.
Oh, if you thought the no-sex tape was embarrassing,
Just wait till we release your ceo head shots.
Gross!
And all of your medical records,
Including gynecological.
[ laughs ]
Got it! It's only a couple miles away.
[ country music playing ]
♪♪
Hey, maybe we should check these people out.
[ music stops ]
Yes?
You like topple popple, do you?
Oh, I'm sorry. Is that a crime?
Not yet.
Those are some real meat hooks you got there --
Big and beefy.
[ door slams ]
[ tires screech ]
[ van door opens ]
Birdgirl!
Guys, we've got the wrong address.
[ singing operatically ]
Oh!
Look, let me do this.
I understand this guy. Let me bring him out alone.
You've got five minutes.
Nobody move!
Hello? Hello?
Topple nation: [ distorted voice ] it's just me here, I'm afraid.
[ gopro whining ]
I know how you feel.
You don't know anything about me.
Disaffected, irrelevant.
Dog with bucket hat: Brian, brian! [ pounding on door ]
It's not what you think!
The world changes, but you're the same.
Brian!
Nobody move! Show us your hands.
You're a...Woman?
And your hands, they're magnificent.
Step away from the mouse pad.
[ normal voice ] make me.
[groaning] I had a whole spiel thinking you'd be a guy.
Not a guy. [ groans ]
Just a lady [groaning] with big paws who likes her soda.
Why are you wearing a gopro?
Legal reasons.
[ birds chirping ]
Helen and I were together 37 years,
But then my host body, david, fell ill and passed away.
We could no longer be with her.
She was the love of my life, helen, and she's in that house.
Wait. When you said david, did you mean --
Yes, paul. Your father.
[ chuckles ] and when you say house, you mean --
A house. Aha.
[ doorbell rings "the jetsons" theme ]
Oh, I don't like this. What's going on in there?
Let's just see, shall we? I think we shall.
Brian? 1, 2, 1, 2.
[ groaning ] it's been five minutes. Help!
You're the one in the costume.
[ gagging ]
[ grunts ] ow!
Shouldn't you be on my side [groaning] rooting for me?
I'm all for women ceos
[groaning] as long as they keep their hands...
Off my cans.
You need any help in there?
No. We got this.
[ siren chirps ]
[ sighs ] it's over. Topple is poppled.
The important thing is all your ladies' medical secrets are safe.
You're welcome. Um, why is a picture of my hooha trending?
Probably because I cloned all our files,
Sent them to all the major news outlets,
And told them to release it if they didn't hear from me.
It's called a failsafe.
It's in every spy movie, and it works.
You send it to the press...
If you want it to get out...
Not keep it a secret...
You [bleep] idiot.
[ classical music plays ]
Yes, david was my one and only. I miss him horribly.
Well, what if you could share a piece of david again,
If just for a moment?
[ gasps ]
Helen!
Graham!
[ gasps ]
Oh, I somehow wish I could step away.
Well, we should probably be a-moseying down the road.
[ chuckles ] what's going on with you two?
You are about to have the best half-hour of your life.
[ laughing maniacally ]
I don't know why I'm laughing. [ laughs ] new feelings.
Stay here with us, live as a thrupple.
There's absolutely nothing for you out there.
No, I must go. I have values.
I'm not gutter trash like you two.
But through all this, I somehow feel changed.
Now I have a responsibility to bring feeling back to mankind!
It's my power now!
New topple popple slim cans, topple popple classic cans.
If you a fake fan, get you that new
Topple popple slim can light.
If you a day-one real one,
Stick with that topple popple classic.
Sure, that slim-can topple new new is 50% cheaper.
But that classic can is 50% realer.
Both: Get your hand around that!
[ rapping ] ♪ who is the girl that saves the world? ♪
♪ hey! Birdgirl!
♪ wings of fire, unique like pearls ♪
♪ hey! Birdgirl!
♪ who's the one they came to see? ♪
♪ hey! Birdgirl!
♪ ultra fierce and so unique ♪
♪ hey! Birdgirl!
♪ hey! Hey!
[ imitating fanfare ] birdgirl!
♪♪