1 00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:34,701 spacey music 2 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,732 [Binder] Thanks, you guys, for coming. 3 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,567 I just want to say thanks for going through 4 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,528 that whole viral testing situation 5 00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:53,446 so we could all be together. 6 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,782 It's been kind of a crazy time to be a comedian, 7 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:56,825 the last few years. 8 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,827 Wanna talk about what it's like now, 9 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,121 'cause there's restrictions on what you can joke about. 10 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,622 Does it stifle you at all, 11 00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,290 with all this going on, this-- 12 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,583 [Rogan] It's not fun. 13 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,127 It's not fun for people to hate you. 14 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,504 It's not fun for people to take what you say out of context. 15 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,464 If you joke around-- Whitney and I are talking. 16 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:12,966 She says something completely ridiculous, 17 00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:13,967 I'm like, "Ah," 18 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:14,968 and then someone takes that 19 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:15,844 and puts it in quotes and-- 20 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:16,970 Shows it on the morning news. 21 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:18,346 Yeah! First of all, 22 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,974 you're taking it out of the realm of jokes, 23 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,268 of satire, of fun, of talking shit... 24 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,519 - Absurdity. - Yeah. 25 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:25,812 The Internet has become 26 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,605 kind of like the pawn shop for your jokes 27 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,149 because it's so immediate. 28 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,483 You know, you got the... 29 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,152 you can do your act, and by the time you get home, 30 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,778 it's on the air. 31 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,655 Yeah, and you're putting it in quotes. 32 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,116 It's a dishonest way to approach it. 33 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,660 But the more we talk about how dishonest it is, 34 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,495 the more that gets out in the zeitgeist, 35 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:43,788 the more that has less power. 36 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,331 Is that the power that PC has had 37 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,000 to really obliterate the careers 38 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,459 of some great comics. 39 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,503 Anybody can pull a cord and stop the train. 40 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,839 I mean, Louis C.K. did some shows in New York, 41 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,174 and they sold out, 42 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,134 and one person complained, 43 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,012 and suddenly, that becomes... that's the headline. 44 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,013 [Burr] And then they act like that's 45 00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:00,930 what the whole crowd felt. 46 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,182 What's weird is, like, 47 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,516 when something like that happens, 48 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,560 even if you're not involved in it, 49 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,895 you're only allowed to have one opinion on it. 50 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,021 Yeah. 51 00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:09,355 But if you don't like what he did, 52 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,690 don't go to the show. 53 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,317 I love when you went on The Morning Show, 54 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:13,526 and the woman asked you 55 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:16,029 about some new comedian scandal, 56 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,864 and you go, "I don't know. Why don't we go 57 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,490 for your opinion? 58 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,576 Let's ruin your career at 7:00 in the morning. 59 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:24,412 I'm just doing a show this weekend." 60 00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:25,705 Well, the morning shows are the worst, 61 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,207 and you're going on after, like, you know... 62 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,917 it's International Waffle Day, 63 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,835 and they're, like, making waffles. 64 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,379 And I think, "How long do you punish somebody?" 65 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:34,255 Picasso. There was nobody worse 66 00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,715 than Picasso, 67 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,217 but people are not tearing up his paintings. 68 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,968 He did horrible things to women. 69 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,220 There's this expectation 70 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:41,512 that every person 71 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,389 is supposed to have lived a perfect life; 72 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:44,724 their record has to be perfect. 73 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,310 I just go on to never explain, never complain, 74 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:48,478 and then people go away. 75 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:49,979 When you get on Twitter, 76 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:53,399 you now make a one-day story a three-day story. 77 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:55,151 And when you talk about canceling, 78 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:58,905 the way Joey Diaz handled it was, like, textbook. 79 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,240 Well, not only that, it's like he... 80 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:02,075 that's Joey's style of comedy, 81 00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:03,576 is pure exaggeration. 82 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,328 [Binder] Exactly. I saw people going, 83 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,747 "And Rogan just sits there and laugh," and I go, 84 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,792 "When a guy's doing a comedy routine, 85 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,211 his friend usually sits there and laughs. 86 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,212 - That's what he does." - And not only that. 87 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,713 When I say, 88 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,216 "How many girls sucked your dick and gave you coke 89 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,592 for a spot on open mic night," 90 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,052 he goes, "20." 91 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,887 - [Binder] Yeah. - [Lederman] It's hilarious. 92 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,931 There is not 20 women on the planet 93 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,933 who would give you coke and suck your dick 94 00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:28,268 for three minutes in the Belly Room. 95 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,478 Not only that, I knew for a fact 96 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,230 he never fucking hosted the Belly Room, 97 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,856 not even once! 98 00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:37,318 It was just a crazy Joey Diaz comedy routine. 99 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,861 I would suck Joey Diaz's dick 100 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,905 to not have to follow Joey Diaz. 101 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,615 [laughter] 102 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,784 We got what's called freedom. 103 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:45,868 I'm at a point in my life 104 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,870 where there's nothing to cancel. 105 00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,706 What are you gonna cancel, my phone bill? 106 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:50,957 'Cause it's not up to them. 107 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,917 I'm the Captain Kirk of my fucking network. 108 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,627 Is it funny, or is it not funny? 109 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,921 And by shitting on someone's comedy 110 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,631 and saying they shouldn't be able to say it, 111 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,049 you shouldn't be laughing at it, 112 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,759 all they're doing is trying to validate 113 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,636 their own failure as a comic. 114 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,888 When I got into comedy, I came here 115 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,640 because this was the community 116 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:08,808 that accepted me. 117 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,601 I've done despicable shit. 118 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,061 I lied, I cheated, 119 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,896 I did drugs, I did all this shit, 120 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,481 and I came here, and I talked about it on stage, 121 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,150 and people went, "Yeah." 122 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:18,484 They saw themselves in me. 123 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,694 They went, "Yeah, we've done dumb shit, too. 124 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,321 We've cheated. We've lied." 125 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,948 And it was a way that we all had a catharsis, 126 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,534 and we all were able to sort of release our demons 127 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,286 and find grace and humor in the fact 128 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,954 that we've all made mistakes, we've all done 129 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,414 dumb shit we're not proud of, 130 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,582 and comedians are the people 131 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,042 that advertise our bad decisions. 132 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,335 I think that it's come down to the point 133 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,669 where you're trying to do material 134 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,338 that offends the least amount of people, you know? 135 00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:39,756 I will... you all fucking raped me 136 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:41,674 if you don't laugh at my jokes. 137 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,260 I am a white woman in Hollywood. 138 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,387 You're one tweet away. 139 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,015 - Oh... - You're all done. 140 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,642 When we decide to do this, we're renegades, 141 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,186 and every year, I play less 142 00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:55,646 and less and less and less by the rules 143 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,357 because there's no rules in an art. 144 00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,192 That's why it's called an art, 145 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,527 because there's no set fucking pattern for it. 146 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,154 Something inappropriate might happen 147 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,489 at the comedy club, 148 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,865 but that's the nature of it. 149 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,700 The penalty that you pay for using a word 150 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,035 that you're not supposed to use... 151 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,371 the penalty you pay is that you won't get a laugh. 152 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:14,207 You should be allowed to say whatever you're going to say, 153 00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:16,042 but you should... you know, you have to own it. 154 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,044 If you're not thoughtful with your jokes 155 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,046 and you just say something for shock value, 156 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,423 or you say something that's not well thought out, 157 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,592 and the people in the crowd are like, "Hey, man, 158 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,720 I didn't appreciate that. I don't think that's funny," 159 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,514 and they have a visceral reaction 160 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,182 to what you're saying, 161 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,558 we have to take some responsibility 162 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:33,851 for that, too. 163 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,854 But if the goal is really to make people 164 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,107 closer together and respect each other 165 00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:40,525 or function as humans, 166 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,152 everyone has to has a sense of humor about themselves, 167 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,321 and I think the big problem is, there are some people 168 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,365 that are no longer able to access a sense of humor. 169 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,410 I still hope and pray 170 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:51,744 that you can say whatever you want 171 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,287 and not go down for it, 172 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,123 and if you say it on a talk show, fine. 173 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,083 If you say it in real life and you get caught, fine. 174 00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,585 But when you're doing comedy on stage, 175 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:01,754 that's the place: try whatever you want, 176 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,048 break the rules, piss people off, 177 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,384 do what everyone used to always do, 178 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,594 and now, even I'm scared. 179 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,888 There's bits I think that would work, 180 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,932 and I go, "I don't want to lose my career." 181 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,226 So let me ask you guys about Louis C.K., okay? 182 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,604 Because in 2014, he did a great special here, 183 00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,022 and it was at a time 184 00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:22,608 when the Store was just coming out of a slump, 185 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,026 and I interviewed him for this, 186 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,946 and a lot of people didn't want me to. 187 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,906 I called you. You were very supportive. 188 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,992 To have a conversation about this without Louis C.K. 189 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,161 - is ridiculous. - That's what I think. 190 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,788 I know you've gone through a tough period in your life, 191 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,707 and I don't mean to be Pollyanna about it, 192 00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,584 but I think it's just gonna make you 193 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,835 - such a better comic. - Well... 194 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:43,254 I think that comedy should get better 195 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,255 when things get harder. 196 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,465 I think that should be the case. 197 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,049 Well, when Richard burned up... 198 00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,342 - Yeah. - I just want to tell you, 199 00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:49,385 when Richard came back 200 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:50,595 after all that time, 201 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:51,929 and he came back to the Store, 202 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,724 he turned that into one of the best hours ever. 203 00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:56,225 Yeah. I remember I was 204 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,644 in a chess store. 205 00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:00,980 I like playing chess. I'm terrible at it, 206 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,482 but I like going to chess stores 207 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,817 'cause there's all these, like, Czechoslovakian guys 208 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,153 playing Russian guys, and anyway, 209 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,613 the guy that ran the chess store said, 210 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,739 "I know who you are." 211 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,157 He was from Greece or something, 212 00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:15,828 and he said, "You are a great martyr for history, 213 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,122 and like the martyr, you will be crucified 214 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,918 and destroyed, and then you will live on," 215 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,669 and I was like, "Jesus, man. 216 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:25,338 I'd really rather fucking live my life." 217 00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:26,631 Yeah, right. 218 00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:28,508 I don't want to fucking die. 219 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:31,135 But my philosophy with comedy has always been, 220 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,138 when somebody says, "That's too terrible to joke about," 221 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,265 that's like saying that that disease 222 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,683 is too terrible to cure. 223 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:40,436 reflective music 224 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,525 [Binder] Did any of you work the door? 225 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,777 One of the beautiful things about The Comedy Store is, 226 00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:50,321 the door staff, the people that work here 227 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,573 that are all comics, are all treated like comics. 228 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,617 - That's right. - Everybody's friendly to them. 229 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,702 We all know that that person 230 00:08:56,744 --> 00:08:59,163 could be with you on a lineup one day. 231 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,791 You know, it is a very special kind of way 232 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,209 that you can work up here. 233 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,961 You know, you can't apply for this door guy job. 234 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:06,796 You have to audition and get picked. 235 00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:07,922 When you decided you were gonna do it, 236 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,131 you were gonna do it no matter what. 237 00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,216 - Is that what it was? - [door guy] Yeah. 238 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,634 This is the only place that has, like, 239 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:12,885 a door guy system 240 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,679 where you could come off the street, 241 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,347 show them that you can do it, 242 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,849 and then they'll give you a system to work through 243 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,309 to become a paid regular. 244 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,852 [comedian] This is my favorite job 245 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,729 I've ever had being a stand-up comedian, 246 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,565 and it's not a bad gig, either. 247 00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:27,066 You make about 200 bucks an hour. 248 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,068 I worked about eight hours last year, 249 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,945 so it's a give and take. I'm not gonna lie. 250 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,780 Lot of ups and downs. 251 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,156 Hi, folks. You have tickets already? 252 00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:36,033 I was a door guy, so I did what these guys did. 253 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,911 You just check IDs, seat the room. 254 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,413 [door guy] I've probably answered the question 255 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,331 where the bathroom is 256 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,292 at least 10,000 times. 257 00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,459 Bar's right there. Bathroom's around back. 258 00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:46,794 Just take a seat. 259 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:47,962 People also think that, like, door guys 260 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,547 are just door guys. They're all comics. 261 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,173 I remember, you got the job, 262 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,259 and I got fucking super jealous. 263 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:55,219 - I deserved it more. - I mean, yeah. 264 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,179 Lot of great comics start off as door guys: 265 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,307 Robin Williams, Sam Kinison, 266 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,392 some other people who are still alive... 267 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,060 - You were a doorman? - I worked everywhere. 268 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,729 I worked the booth. I sat people. 269 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,606 I was a phones guy and a door guy 270 00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,940 and a cover booth guy. 271 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,025 Everybody was a doorman. 272 00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,276 It was a rite of passage. 273 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,611 It was Mitzi's system. 274 00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,154 She made me head doorman, 275 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,739 which I thought was an honor. I didn't know anything. 276 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:17,617 I really kind of looked at this place like college. 277 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:19,118 You want to be here for as little time as possible, 278 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,786 learn as much as you can, and get the fuck out. 279 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,246 When you get the job, you have to, like, 280 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,248 kind of go in with a goal. Like, what's the thing 281 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,126 that's gonna be what takes you out of here? 282 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,086 It's weird, 'cause guys are still gross online. 283 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,713 I got a message from this guy. 284 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:34,550 He said, "I wanna eat oatmeal out of your ass." 285 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,470 I was like, "Don't ruin two good things." 286 00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,598 A lot of people came up through the ranks. 287 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,807 You were a door guy here? 288 00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,267 I came out here when I was 18. 289 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,311 I worked The Comedy Store at the door. 290 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,313 [Kinison] She said, "I think you're kind of nervous, 291 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,482 but you have something. I'd like you to develop it, 292 00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,150 so I'm gonna give you a job as a doorman 293 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:52,652 so you can watch the other comics." 294 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,153 And I was just going... 295 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,155 you know, it wasn't the worst thing you could hear, 296 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,657 but it was like, "Oh, man, this isn't the tune 297 00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:58,783 I had picked out." 298 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,159 We got $16 a night. 299 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,827 How much did you guys get paid? 300 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,704 In my time, $25 a whole shift. 301 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,164 I don't remember getting paid. 302 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,332 You didn't get paid to be a doorman? 303 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,375 Well, I don't know. I was living 304 00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:08,334 up in Cresthill, 305 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,169 and I just always owed her money. 306 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:13,005 Maron was all the door guys' favorite comic 307 00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,632 'cause he was very real 308 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,218 and very angry, 309 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:20,012 and it reflected all our attitudes. 310 00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,347 They don't do it for the money. 311 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,682 They're doing it for the stage time. 312 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:23,891 [door guy] Hi, folks. Check in on the top 313 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,351 and the right. 314 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:26,686 I'm gonna go back. You got this? 315 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:27,937 Appreciate. 316 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,648 upbeat piano rag 317 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,776 Hi. Wow. 318 00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:36,696 I'm terrified of everything. Is anyone else Jewish? 319 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:37,863 Okay, anyone else Jewish? 320 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:39,448 Oh. All right. 321 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,866 I'm from LA. I've been speaking Spanish 322 00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,201 most of my life. I love the language. 323 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,536 I love to learn new words. 324 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,370 The other day, I learned 325 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,871 how to say "vagina" in Spanish. 326 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:47,331 It's actually pronounced... [whistles] 327 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:50,167 So that's pretty cool to learn. 328 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,210 Thank you guys. I'm Luke Schwartz. 329 00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,009 [Lockwood] For us, the benefit of working here 330 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,344 is all the networking and the face time we get 331 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,054 with people who can help us. 332 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,389 My mom and my teachers and everybody 333 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,224 told me that it's a choice to be gay, 334 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:06,892 and that's how I grew up. I always thought that. 335 00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,394 And I moved to Los Angeles, 336 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,895 and I quickly found out that's not actually the case. 337 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,522 You're actually born gay, 338 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,566 which for me kind of sucks, because I was born straight, 339 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:17,236 but good God, do I want to fuck a man. 340 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,238 [Schwartz] Everyone's jealous of the job 341 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,197 until you hear, like, "Yeah, you shake hands 342 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,240 with Joe Rogan." It's like, 343 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,533 "Yeah, I also clean up puke." 344 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,702 It is hard when you, like, see a comedian 345 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,204 when you're working who you respect so much, 346 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,123 and then you're just, like, holding the trash 347 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,666 and taking it out to the dumpster, 348 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,584 and you're like, "Hey, man." 349 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:32,710 [Schwartz] Walking by, saying, 350 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:33,586 "Don't remember me like this, please." 351 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:34,420 Oh, it's painful. 352 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:35,713 It's like having the shirt on 353 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,423 is a good thing and a bad thing, 354 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,717 'cause people associate it with a funny person, 355 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,427 but they also associate it with, like, a... 356 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:42,428 - "Give me a fucking water." - Janitor. 357 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,679 You know? 358 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:44,889 The biggest benefit, to me, 359 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:45,931 of becoming a paid regular 360 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:47,433 would just be the validation. 361 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,685 You end up in development. You get development spots, 362 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,188 which are shorter spots on random shows. 363 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:53,898 This is my first time 364 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:56,025 ever on stage in front of a crowd 365 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:59,695 performing, ever. 366 00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,113 Thank you. 367 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,949 I don't want you guys to feel bad, 368 00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:06,452 but you know, a lot of times, 369 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:10,956 crowds are way more supportive when I tell them that. 370 00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:12,458 A development spot is basically 371 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,418 showcasing you on a real show. 372 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,295 They're such, such hard spots. 373 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,922 The crowd is still getting sat. 374 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,632 Waitresses are still taking drinks. 375 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,175 It's just like... 376 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,135 it's chaos, and you're trying to get maybe 377 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:26,096 ten percent laughs, and if you do, it's good. 378 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,973 Blake does The Tonight Show, 379 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,475 and he's still working the door, 380 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,477 and I think it was, like, his fifth Tonight Show. 381 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:32,603 Guy comes to the door, and I said, 382 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,271 "How many in your party?" The guy goes, 383 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,481 "I saw you on The Tonight Show," 384 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,565 and I went, 385 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:39,109 "Right, right. Okay. 386 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,402 How many in your party?" 387 00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:42,071 [laughter] 388 00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:45,658 Wound up in a looney bin once. That was quite an experience. 389 00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:47,576 I know. 390 00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:48,953 'Cause when you go to a looney bin, 391 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,162 they strip you naked 392 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,498 to see if you've done any self-harm. 393 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,750 I'm like, "Damn, if I didn't want to kill myself before, 394 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:56,836 I definitely do now." 395 00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,671 It's always interesting when you have something good 396 00:13:58,712 --> 00:13:59,922 happen here. 397 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,340 It's very easy to spot the people 398 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,467 who are excited for you and fake excited for you. 399 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,344 And as comedians, you're looking for a home. 400 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,846 - [Binder] Yeah. - You're by yourself. 401 00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,472 You work alone. You write alone. 402 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,724 You want community. We really crave it. 403 00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,518 Out for ourselves but in it together. 404 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,854 You're touring 'round the country every weekend, 405 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,647 and you're on your own, 406 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,399 and then suddenly, you get back here, 407 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,901 and there's a camaraderie, and you're with your peers. 408 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,528 You walk in. It's the door guy. 409 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,863 It's the guy in the parking lot. 410 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,322 It's the waitress. That is our... 411 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:26,407 - That's right. - ...world. 412 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,160 [Binder] The Comedy Store lost Mitzi 413 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,328 a couple years ago, 414 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,581 and we had a beautiful memorial for her. 415 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,499 It was an amazing night. 416 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,459 This last year has been tough, 417 00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:39,378 obviously, but before that, 418 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,630 the last few years have been packed 419 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:43,674 just about every night, three rooms a night. 420 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,176 Coming to the stage right now: Steve Rannazzisi, 421 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,720 ladies and gentlemen. Bring him out. 422 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,805 [Binder] So I want to talk about present life here: 423 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,891 how people use the Store, 424 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,142 some of the amazing shows 425 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,643 that the Store has developed, 426 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,645 and also about the future of the Store. 427 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,314 It's interesting to watch comics use 428 00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,899 this club in different ways. 429 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,026 In The Comedy Store, there's three different rooms. 430 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,652 You have three... you can try the same set 431 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:05,529 three times in one night with different audiences. 432 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:06,906 Great audiences. 433 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,574 A different feel in every room. 434 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,409 You've got the Original Room, where people have said 435 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,912 it's the hardest comedy room in the world. 436 00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,080 Belly Room is small. It's intimate. 437 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,749 It's gonna teach you how to interact 438 00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:17,875 with your audience 439 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,084 'cause it's gonna force you to do that. 440 00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,419 They're right there. 441 00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,296 This main room now has become a place 442 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,381 where, like, if any of those big-name guys 443 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:25,716 want to do an hour, 444 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,217 they do it in here. 445 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:28,552 At what point did you decide, 446 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,429 "Hey, I want to do a special at The Comedy Store?" 447 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,513 I fell in love with it 448 00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:32,973 the first time I laid eyes on it 449 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,224 'cause that's what I pictured 450 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,643 when I started as a... 451 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,269 When I wanted to be a comedian as a kid, 452 00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:38,938 I pictured a nightclub 453 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:42,191 with black vinyl seats and a red Formica table 454 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:44,026 and a little red candle. 455 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,403 That's exactly what I saw in my head, 456 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:49,281 with kind of, like, mobsters and hookers in the audience, 457 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:51,075 and I used to listen to Lenny Bruce records. 458 00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,035 Yeah, like, when you listen to Lenny Bruce albums, 459 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,787 and even some of Woody's albums, 460 00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:57,289 you can hear that audience, but when you go 461 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,208 to most comedy clubs, it's in a mall, 462 00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,918 and it's next to a Foot Locker... 463 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,753 - Right. - And I never... 464 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,129 when I got to The Comedy Store, I'm like, 465 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,799 "This is what I've been looking for." 466 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,802 And that main room with that horseshoe stage... 467 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:14,932 I saw footage of Pryor doing stand-up there, 468 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,809 and he's searching for bits, 469 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,228 and he's trying to figure something out, 470 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:20,980 and that really spoke to me, 471 00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:22,314 and I saw Carlin there. 472 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,191 I saw Carlin on that same stage, 473 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,484 working out an hour. 474 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:28,696 That set felt like a real Comedy Store set. 475 00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,489 You're on a flight, 30,000 feet in the air 476 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,032 in the middle of the flight. 477 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,200 If you just decide to do this... 478 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,326 you're sitting in your seat, 479 00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,285 and you just start going like this. 480 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,663 You go, [nasally] "Ma! 481 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:40,541 Ma! 482 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:44,086 Ma!" 483 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,881 If you do that and don't stop doing it, 484 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,675 they will land the plane. 485 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,641 You can will a plane to the ground 486 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,560 without a weapon or a threat. 487 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,440 You don't even have to do that much. 488 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:05,441 You can just sit there and just start going, 489 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,527 "Down! 490 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:10,362 Down!" 491 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,364 Seriously, if you were on a plane 492 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,616 and you just didn't stop saying "down"... 493 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:18,370 Down! Down! 494 00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,789 "Sir, is there a problem?" "Down! 495 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,541 Down!" 496 00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,961 Fighter jets will appear. 497 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,881 I mean, you are going to the nearest airport. 498 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,801 And then I guess you're in trouble, but... 499 00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:35,304 what, they can't put you, like, in prison 500 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,681 'cause you said "down" several times. 501 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,601 They'd, like, bother you. "Why'd you do that? 502 00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:43,395 Are you a terrorist? Why'd you do it?" 503 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:46,398 "I just didn't want to be up anymore. 504 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,108 Just didn't like it. 505 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:53,113 I mean, I just said the word of where I wanted to be. 506 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,741 You didn't have to do it. 507 00:17:56,825 --> 00:18:00,370 It's just a suggestion. Jesus Christ." 508 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,122 What I love about your comedy is that 509 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,540 it's all memoir comedy, 510 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,708 but there are so many great jokes 511 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,876 in that special. 512 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:06,710 Some of them are jokes 513 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,504 that used to be a whole bit 514 00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:09,922 that stood on its own, 515 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,757 but any time you can take a bit that used to be 516 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,426 something you use to introduce and talk about, 517 00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:17,387 get a big laugh, and dismount, 518 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,765 if you can take that and crush it down to nothing 519 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,767 and put it inside of another story 520 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,685 and have it be a "by the way," 521 00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:26,522 like something that feels like you're throwing it away, 522 00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,398 it feels like it's just on the way to the point 523 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,441 of the story you're telling... 524 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,442 I was on a plane, 525 00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,777 and there was these two babies, 526 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,487 and they were crying the whole time, 527 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,696 crying the whole flight, and that happens a lot. 528 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:35,864 I don't think they knew each other. 529 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,200 They were just crying. 530 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,743 I've seen this on so many flights, 531 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,120 I'm starting to wonder, is there a reason for this? 532 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,579 Is there, like, an actual reason why babies... 533 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:43,914 so I looked it up. Turns out there's 534 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,166 an actual reason why babies cry on airplanes, 535 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:47,417 and it's because they're upset 536 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,920 that gay people are getting married. 537 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,964 Yeah. 538 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,091 They're... 539 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,176 like, really upset, 540 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,303 like, inconsolably upset. 541 00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,596 Were you guys here when Steve Martin 542 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:00,681 and Chris Rock came in last year? 543 00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:02,599 Yeah, I was here. I was here. 544 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,309 He said that he brought Steve... 545 00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,519 they were at the Chateau Marmont. 546 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,062 And I was like, "Mm, 547 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,647 it's just not right yet. 548 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,399 We just don't have these jokes yet." 549 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,776 And I was able to talk him 550 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,779 into going to The Comedy Store 551 00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,823 and trying it. 552 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,785 You're lying! 553 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:22,786 At the same time? 554 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,246 [messenger] Yes, at the same time. 555 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:25,622 - You're lying. - [messenger] No. 556 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,999 These people ain't paying enough for this. 557 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,959 [laughter] 558 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,460 You motherfuckers ready? 559 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,545 [watchers] Yeah! Yeah. 560 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,963 I need some energy. Are you ready? 561 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,464 [cheers and applause] 562 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,592 Whoever's in the bathroom is gonna be pissed, 563 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:38,886 'cause ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage 564 00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:41,180 is Chris Rock... 565 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,765 and Steve Martin! 566 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:46,268 [Rock] Steve had not been in a comedy club... 567 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,187 he hadn't been there in 40 years, 568 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,646 and we get on stage, 569 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:53,150 and people lose their motherfucking minds. 570 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,860 And then they do the bit, 571 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,196 and the next night, at the Oscars, it kills, 572 00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,488 You know, I was thinking today, Chris, 573 00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:00,824 that we both have hosted the Oscars before, 574 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,911 and this is such an incredible demotion. 575 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,290 And we were just holding pieces of paper, 576 00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:09,833 reading jokes back and forth, 577 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,252 and we perfected the act that night. 578 00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:16,381 Me and Steve Martin on stage at The Comedy Store 579 00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:18,884 was way more exciting 580 00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,011 and way more cool 581 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,554 than opening the Oscars. 582 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:25,182 Back in 1929, there were no black acting nominees. 583 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,309 No. And now, in 2020, 584 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:28,393 we got one. 585 00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:31,188 Yeah. Amazing growth. 586 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,231 Here's another example: 587 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,233 Jeff Ross and Brian Moses. 588 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,692 They started this roast battle 589 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,069 right out of the Belly Room. 590 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,695 It started with a fight in a parking lot. 591 00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:40,405 Two comics were going at it, 592 00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,074 yelling at each other, I believe, 593 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,201 and Moses was just like, "No, we should do this. 594 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,911 You guys should battle this out on stage." 595 00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,537 And they invented roast battling, 596 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,414 and not that long ago, 597 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:50,958 and now it's a global phenomenon. 598 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,417 The beautiful thing about roast battle 599 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:53,961 is that there's no holds barred. 600 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:54,920 It's wild. 601 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,547 It's a wild joke-writing contest. 602 00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,091 [audience] Battle! Battle! 603 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,384 This'll be so much fun. 604 00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:01,635 All right, let's get into this first battle. 605 00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,553 You sneaky spaghetti belly motherfucker. 606 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,305 [onlooker] Oh, snap! 607 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:06,556 Antonio's marriage 608 00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:07,933 is kind of like his comedy career. 609 00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,226 They're both gonna be over in a year and a half. 610 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:12,312 [laughter] 611 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,815 That's pretty good from someone who looks like a woman 612 00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,984 transitioning into being a Muppet. 613 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:19,111 I was just impressed that Etunda 614 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,320 sounds the way he does 615 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:22,531 and had the balls to say she's like a Muppet. 616 00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:24,449 You know, I think... 617 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:25,450 The winner! 618 00:21:25,492 --> 00:21:26,618 [indistinct shouting] 619 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,287 The first one... Alice [indistinct] 620 00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:30,956 You've got to be patient to do these things. 621 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,292 Well, how about the patience of Don Barris? 622 00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:36,128 Don Barris has been doing those late-night spots forever, 623 00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:38,130 and he goes up there with enthusiasm 624 00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:40,465 - [Cummings] Every night. - ...every single time. 625 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,801 [upbeat music playing] 626 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,470 I didn't get Don Barris. I actually thought... 627 00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:46,805 I was like, "What the fuck is this?" 628 00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:48,640 And then later, I realized, like, 629 00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:50,600 what a master that guy is 630 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,311 of psychological comedy. 631 00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:54,980 As I look out here, I see nothing but fucking hatred. 632 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:56,648 This guy... you want a piece of me, 633 00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,150 don't you? You're not gonna get it. 634 00:21:58,191 --> 00:22:00,110 The security here loves me too much. 635 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,987 They'd take a bullet for me in a second. 636 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:04,323 I did a thing, 637 00:22:04,364 --> 00:22:05,490 and it was called "Balloon Art," 638 00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:07,200 but everybody here 639 00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,452 hated me for that. 640 00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:09,328 [Binder] Why? 641 00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:10,287 Because they'd say, 642 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,330 "You can't follow that," 643 00:22:11,371 --> 00:22:13,623 because I use music, and I did dance. 644 00:22:13,665 --> 00:22:16,835 [pop music playing] 645 00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,004 That was the closest thing that I had 646 00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,130 to a normal bit. 647 00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,549 There's not a lot of planning in my act. 648 00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:24,509 I go to Jimmy Kimmel in the afternoon. 649 00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:25,886 I do the show. 650 00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:27,304 [Binder] You're warming up the crowd 651 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,889 - before Jimmy comes out? - [Barris] Yeah. 652 00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:30,766 [Kimmel] What's going on with Don's pants right now? 653 00:22:30,807 --> 00:22:33,352 Oh, and now there's a split in your pants. 654 00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:36,104 Yeah, there's a split in the back. 655 00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:38,482 Oh, that's a joke. Oh, that's funny, Jimmy. 656 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:40,025 That's funny. 657 00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:42,277 Don Barris has this thing called The Ding Dong Show 658 00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:43,695 that I don't even understand. 659 00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:46,031 That show should be illegal. 660 00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:47,366 And Mitzi named it that. 661 00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:48,533 It's the longest-running show 662 00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:50,035 in the history of The Comedy Store. 663 00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,661 From what I'm gathering, 664 00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:53,872 there's a problem amongst the cast. 665 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,041 Is there any problems that Mitzi has with the show? 666 00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:58,335 Who do you feel is screwing up the show? 667 00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,503 Do you want me to talk? 668 00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:01,213 Yeah, it's your floor right now. 669 00:23:01,254 --> 00:23:03,006 Well, you are. 670 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,508 You're the cancer of the show. 671 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:05,884 You ruined the show. 672 00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:07,052 [Barris] Maybe if my second banana 673 00:23:07,094 --> 00:23:08,387 would be a little nicer to me... 674 00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:09,388 [comic] Well, I had... 675 00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:11,556 Nicer to you? You're not nice. 676 00:23:11,598 --> 00:23:13,100 [Barris] Would you let him talk? 677 00:23:13,141 --> 00:23:15,769 [comic] I have a solution to this whole problem. 678 00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:17,604 - [Barris] What's that? - I would be the host. 679 00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:19,898 And sometimes it goes off base. 680 00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:22,776 But that's the kind of stuff that's going on here now, 681 00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:24,611 these shows being developed 682 00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:26,780 and Argus has a comedy show tonight. 683 00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:27,948 Thank you for coming. 684 00:23:27,989 --> 00:23:29,074 Nice to have you here. Welcome. 685 00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:30,534 [Binder] Nobody has a work ethic 686 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:31,701 like Argus. 687 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:33,203 He works very hard, always writing. 688 00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:35,455 I use my newspaper column 689 00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:39,167 as a vehicle to compose the monologue for the show. 690 00:23:39,209 --> 00:23:41,253 I'll wind up with about a hundred jokes 691 00:23:41,294 --> 00:23:43,338 to hone down to 24 for the monologue. 692 00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:45,882 Meanwhile, Burger King, in Los Angeles, 693 00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:47,843 just announced they're gonna issue 694 00:23:47,884 --> 00:23:49,928 gold cards to celebrities 695 00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:53,723 so the celebrities will eat at Burger King for free. 696 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:56,643 At last, a plan to kill off celebrities. 697 00:23:57,227 --> 00:24:00,105 [Binder] The potential to me between your talk show 698 00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:01,440 and all the podcasts 699 00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:03,608 and other shows to come... it's limitless. 700 00:24:03,650 --> 00:24:06,278 [Hamilton] Just sitting here downstairs in the basement, 701 00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:09,739 to me, fulfills a dream of Mitzi's: 702 00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:11,783 to have her own comedy network. 703 00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:13,785 Another guy that was a doorman was Tony Hinchcliffe. 704 00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:16,788 I had to create my own show. 705 00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:18,165 Come on, make some noise. 706 00:24:18,206 --> 00:24:20,292 You're at the number one live podcast in the world. 707 00:24:20,333 --> 00:24:22,627 And they watch all these open mic-ers 708 00:24:22,669 --> 00:24:23,795 do their minute of stand-up, 709 00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:26,089 and then give them notes after. 710 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:29,426 So I hate when people come over to my apartment 711 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:32,637 and put their coffee down on my cocaine table. 712 00:24:34,764 --> 00:24:36,016 [Rogan] One minute of stand-up, 713 00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:38,018 and then you get mocked by Dom Irrera. 714 00:24:38,059 --> 00:24:39,102 [Binder] Yes. 715 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,103 Bob Saget! 716 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:41,605 [Binder] Yes, exactly, exactly. 717 00:24:41,646 --> 00:24:42,481 [Rogan] All these great comedians, 718 00:24:42,522 --> 00:24:43,648 and it's a brilliant idea. 719 00:24:43,690 --> 00:24:44,649 And I think something that's special 720 00:24:44,691 --> 00:24:46,401 about this club 721 00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:48,945 is that, like, big comics will always show up 722 00:24:48,987 --> 00:24:50,739 for the next generation of comics, 723 00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:52,657 so Tony says, "Hey, can you come judge?" 724 00:24:52,699 --> 00:24:54,826 You go. Joe Rogan is there. 725 00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:55,994 - Jay Leno's there. - Tiffany Haddish. 726 00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,412 Tiffany Haddish, everybody! 727 00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:02,751 It started a little mean. When I look at the old ones... 728 00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:04,127 - But-- - That's just Tony. 729 00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:06,254 As his career did better, he got less bitter. 730 00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:09,090 I think it's coming from a funny place, 731 00:25:09,132 --> 00:25:11,176 but also more of an endearing place. 732 00:25:11,218 --> 00:25:12,344 I got really drunk, 733 00:25:12,385 --> 00:25:15,680 I ate some mushrooms, I got in my car, 734 00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:17,140 and I slammed into a bunch of people 735 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:20,644 and hurt my neck really bad. 736 00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:23,980 You look like an angry single father 737 00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:26,316 that has custody of the kids for the weekend, 738 00:25:26,358 --> 00:25:27,984 and he doesn't really want the kids, but he's taking them. 739 00:25:28,026 --> 00:25:29,528 [comic] These are my kids! 740 00:25:29,569 --> 00:25:32,364 Yeah, hold on. Where in the fuck is Larry? 741 00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:33,990 [Hinchcliffe] Who's Larry? 742 00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:35,367 - My child. - [Hinchcliffe] Oh. 743 00:25:35,408 --> 00:25:37,077 Just if you were to go in the house... 744 00:25:37,118 --> 00:25:40,121 "Hold on. Where the fuck is Larry? 745 00:25:40,163 --> 00:25:41,915 He's my kid!" 746 00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:44,751 - Come on, get your kid. - I been looking for him 747 00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:47,712 for two weeks! 748 00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:49,005 The band is always different characters 749 00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:51,633 every episode, and so every episode 750 00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:52,884 is a different DNA, 751 00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:54,386 which was important for me to figure out 752 00:25:54,427 --> 00:25:55,554 how to make it refillable. 753 00:25:55,595 --> 00:25:58,348 Kill Tony is already a giant thing. 754 00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:00,559 It packs the main room every Monday night, 755 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,227 plays all around the world. 756 00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:04,854 We have 25 cities on our schedule right now, 757 00:26:04,896 --> 00:26:06,231 and it all started in the Belly Room 758 00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:07,566 with eight people. 759 00:26:07,607 --> 00:26:09,317 But he never tried to conform for a network. 760 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,027 He never tried to get a special. 761 00:26:11,069 --> 00:26:12,737 He just did his thing, 762 00:26:12,779 --> 00:26:15,323 and I'm sure offended people, 763 00:26:15,365 --> 00:26:17,492 and just went for it and found his audience 764 00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:18,994 instead of changing himself 765 00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:20,829 for some vague, amorphous mainstream audience. 766 00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:22,080 You know? That's what... 767 00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:23,415 The Comedy Store allows for that. 768 00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:25,959 And that's the future of the Store. 769 00:26:26,001 --> 00:26:27,627 We love you! Good night, everybody! 770 00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:29,838 - Thank you. - See you later! 771 00:26:32,173 --> 00:26:33,967 [Binder] Let me ask you about a comic 772 00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:35,594 that Mitzi was very, very close to, 773 00:26:35,635 --> 00:26:38,722 a big part of The Comedy Store, Eleanor Kerrigan. 774 00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:40,432 Did you come see this when it was put in? 775 00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:41,766 Of course. Are you kidding? 776 00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:43,685 - I was, like, sobbing. - When was it? 777 00:26:43,727 --> 00:26:45,437 It was Mitzi's 80th birthday. 778 00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:48,940 - Wow. - July 25th, 2010, 779 00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:50,317 and we came from a big party, 780 00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:51,860 and they put all the names on the wall. 781 00:26:51,901 --> 00:26:53,862 They hadn't put the names up for, 782 00:26:53,903 --> 00:26:56,281 I think, over 12 years at that point. 783 00:26:56,323 --> 00:26:58,908 So I was on the list. I came here, and I was like... 784 00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:00,410 I couldn't believe where they put it 785 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:02,787 'cause we don't have any say of where it goes, 786 00:27:02,829 --> 00:27:04,956 and I was like, "What?" 787 00:27:04,998 --> 00:27:06,791 So after the show, I'll always be like, 788 00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:08,793 "Yeah, yeah, right? Yeah." 789 00:27:08,835 --> 00:27:10,587 I had an interview with Mitzi. 790 00:27:10,629 --> 00:27:12,547 They told me to wear heels, 791 00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:14,966 and I was like, "Okay," so I wore heels. 792 00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:16,635 She doesn't like tall people. 793 00:27:16,676 --> 00:27:18,219 They were goofing on me. 794 00:27:18,261 --> 00:27:19,804 And then she even said to me, 795 00:27:19,846 --> 00:27:20,972 "All right, you can start tomorrow, 796 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:22,974 but lose those shoes." 797 00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:25,143 I was like, "All right." 798 00:27:25,185 --> 00:27:26,978 Every comic here while I was a waitress 799 00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:29,314 would be like, "Why aren't you doing stand-up? 800 00:27:29,356 --> 00:27:30,982 You hold court in the kitchen. 801 00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:33,026 You outshine half the comics." 802 00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:35,987 I got engaged to Dice in 2005. 803 00:27:36,029 --> 00:27:37,906 Eventually, we just kind of grew apart, 804 00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:39,783 but we stayed really close friends. 805 00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:41,993 I started doing a one-woman show. 806 00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:44,329 Mitzi said I could do the Belly Room. 807 00:27:44,371 --> 00:27:45,789 So then I called Andrew, and I go, 808 00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:47,415 "Look, I'm gonna come to the Store. 809 00:27:47,457 --> 00:27:49,292 I'm not stalking you. I'm just... 810 00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:51,711 This is what I'm working on," and he's like, "Really? 811 00:27:51,753 --> 00:27:53,254 All right, I gotta see that." 812 00:27:53,296 --> 00:27:56,299 So he came to watch me in the Belly Room, 813 00:27:56,341 --> 00:28:00,011 and he was like, "You're doing stand-up, stupid," 814 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:03,139 and I'm like, "No, this isn't stand-up." 815 00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:04,849 Stupid is a term of endearment for him, so... 816 00:28:04,891 --> 00:28:05,850 [Binder] Yeah, yeah, I get that. 817 00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:07,352 Okay, good. [laughs] 818 00:28:07,394 --> 00:28:09,521 When people say, "Why do you have to wear blue? 819 00:28:09,562 --> 00:28:11,314 Why do you have to do... Why do you have to do..." 820 00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:13,024 And here's the thing. I curse, 821 00:28:13,066 --> 00:28:14,818 right, when I talk a lot. 822 00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:17,779 I'm not filthy. Like, I'm not giving you 823 00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:20,323 a tour of my vagina or whatever. 824 00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:22,325 You are staring at my camel toe, 825 00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:23,827 like, weird, like you're Middle Eastern 826 00:28:23,868 --> 00:28:24,869 and homesick. 827 00:28:24,911 --> 00:28:26,121 That's uncomfortable. 828 00:28:26,162 --> 00:28:27,622 I speak how I feel. 829 00:28:27,664 --> 00:28:29,124 If I say "fuck," I say "fuck." 830 00:28:29,165 --> 00:28:31,292 If you can't handle it, then get the fuck out. 831 00:28:31,334 --> 00:28:32,836 And The Comedy Store was always like, 832 00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:34,379 "You can say whatever." 833 00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:36,715 That's why we breed certain comics here 834 00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:39,175 that no one'll maybe ever hear of, 835 00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:41,636 or every single person in the world 836 00:28:41,678 --> 00:28:42,971 can't wait to hear enough of. 837 00:28:43,012 --> 00:28:44,264 Are you old enough to be in here? 838 00:28:44,305 --> 00:28:46,850 Are you fucking kidding me? How old are you? 839 00:28:46,891 --> 00:28:48,935 Oh, sorry. We just broke up. 840 00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:52,230 What's up, buddy? He's freaked out. 841 00:28:52,272 --> 00:28:53,773 He's like, "What the fuck is Caitlyn Jenner 842 00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:55,024 hitting on me for?" 843 00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:56,526 Whenever I hear about diversity, 844 00:28:56,568 --> 00:28:58,945 I just always think, "Mitzi was into diversity 845 00:28:58,987 --> 00:28:59,821 30 years ago." You know? 846 00:28:59,863 --> 00:29:00,989 Right. 847 00:29:01,030 --> 00:29:01,948 If you were at all different, 848 00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:03,241 her eyes lit up. 849 00:29:03,283 --> 00:29:06,119 She just... she loved different. 850 00:29:06,161 --> 00:29:07,203 People have said to me, 851 00:29:07,245 --> 00:29:08,538 "Oh, The Comedy Store's racist." 852 00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:11,374 I'm like, "It is? How?" 853 00:29:11,416 --> 00:29:13,251 If you look at the lineups back then, 854 00:29:13,293 --> 00:29:15,712 it was Jimmie Walker, Richard Pryor, 855 00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:17,714 Danny Moore, Darrel Igas, 856 00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:19,090 Willie Tyler and Lester, 857 00:29:19,132 --> 00:29:20,550 Lotus Weinstock, 858 00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:21,718 Sandra Bernhard, 859 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:22,719 Lois Bromfield, 860 00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:23,720 Whoopi Goldberg, 861 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:24,846 Marsha Warfield, 862 00:29:24,888 --> 00:29:26,347 and Shirley Hemphill. 863 00:29:26,389 --> 00:29:28,933 The Comedy Store is a place that... 864 00:29:28,975 --> 00:29:30,894 Funny is funny, 'cause that's what... 865 00:29:30,935 --> 00:29:32,353 That's all Mitzi wanted. 866 00:29:32,395 --> 00:29:34,147 She just was all, "Who's funny?" 867 00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:36,816 An alarming amount of pro-lifers 868 00:29:36,858 --> 00:29:38,610 are for the death penalty. 869 00:29:41,362 --> 00:29:43,990 Did I miss a fucking meeting? 870 00:29:44,032 --> 00:29:45,074 If some of you are still on the fence, 871 00:29:45,116 --> 00:29:46,367 let me break it down for you. 872 00:29:46,409 --> 00:29:48,077 A woman gets pregnant, right? 873 00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:49,204 Or as we call it in my neighborhood, 874 00:29:49,245 --> 00:29:51,623 a woman gets caught. Now... 875 00:29:51,664 --> 00:29:52,749 I'm just saying, right? 876 00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,793 Woman gets caught, she goes to a clinic 877 00:29:54,834 --> 00:29:57,045 'cause she's thinking, "Fuck, I don't know who the father is, 878 00:29:57,086 --> 00:29:59,172 and I don't wanna go on Maury Povich, " 879 00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:01,132 so she goes to the clinic, right, 880 00:30:01,174 --> 00:30:02,842 and they're out there with their signs, 881 00:30:02,884 --> 00:30:04,260 they're yelling Biblical quotes, 882 00:30:04,302 --> 00:30:05,929 they make her feel guilty, 883 00:30:05,970 --> 00:30:07,680 she goes home, she has the child, 884 00:30:07,722 --> 00:30:09,182 neglects the child, 885 00:30:09,224 --> 00:30:11,559 that child grows up, hates everybody, 886 00:30:11,601 --> 00:30:12,977 all of a sudden one day, wakes up for no reason, 887 00:30:13,019 --> 00:30:15,188 takes out a whole city. 888 00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:17,649 Right there, the pro-lifers put their sign down, 889 00:30:17,690 --> 00:30:18,983 and they're like, 890 00:30:19,025 --> 00:30:21,027 "Fry that little fucker." 891 00:30:22,028 --> 00:30:23,822 I'm like, "Whoa, hold on a second. 892 00:30:23,863 --> 00:30:27,992 We could've nipped this in the bud 24 years ago." 893 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,331 New jokes are the most intoxicating thing. 894 00:30:33,373 --> 00:30:35,166 If you have a new joke that crushes, 895 00:30:35,208 --> 00:30:37,085 it is the best feeling on Earth. 896 00:30:37,126 --> 00:30:38,419 [Binder] When you were a young guy, Jay, 897 00:30:38,461 --> 00:30:40,004 'cause I drove with you every night 898 00:30:40,046 --> 00:30:41,506 and hung with you 899 00:30:41,548 --> 00:30:43,007 when you were working on material, 900 00:30:43,049 --> 00:30:46,427 I remember, you tried six, seven, eight bits every night. 901 00:30:46,469 --> 00:30:47,929 He'd spend all day going, "Is this funny? 902 00:30:47,971 --> 00:30:49,264 Is this bit... 903 00:30:49,305 --> 00:30:50,682 I got a... here's a new bit. 904 00:30:50,723 --> 00:30:51,683 Am I right?" 905 00:30:51,724 --> 00:30:53,059 Is this one funny? 906 00:30:53,101 --> 00:30:55,520 You know how they say everything tastes like chicken? 907 00:30:55,562 --> 00:30:57,355 You ever had rattlesnake? Tastes like chicken. 908 00:30:57,397 --> 00:30:59,190 You ever have rabbit? Tastes like chicken. 909 00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:00,358 You know the only thing 910 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,693 that doesn't taste like chicken? 911 00:31:01,734 --> 00:31:05,071 Eggs. Why is... 912 00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:06,906 but it doesn't quite work. 913 00:31:06,948 --> 00:31:09,158 There's probably no better feeling 914 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:10,827 than doing new material. 915 00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:12,912 The best feeling in the world is when a new joke works. 916 00:31:12,954 --> 00:31:14,998 That is an orgasm of comedy. 917 00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,916 That's all you're trying to achieve. 918 00:31:16,958 --> 00:31:18,167 That's all you're trying to chase, 919 00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:19,586 is that first laugh 920 00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:21,045 of the first time you've said it, 921 00:31:21,087 --> 00:31:22,547 and then after that, it diminishes. 922 00:31:22,589 --> 00:31:25,550 Every comic is an observationalist. 923 00:31:25,592 --> 00:31:27,594 You know, you're always watching and absorbing. 924 00:31:27,635 --> 00:31:28,970 I'm an older dad. 925 00:31:29,012 --> 00:31:30,096 Here I am, having a kid at my age, 926 00:31:30,138 --> 00:31:31,472 and all my friends... 927 00:31:31,514 --> 00:31:33,224 they're already sending their kids off to... 928 00:31:33,266 --> 00:31:36,311 to rehab, actually. Rehab. 929 00:31:36,352 --> 00:31:38,146 And I was writing jokes for Borsch Belt comics, 930 00:31:38,187 --> 00:31:39,981 but they would give me back 931 00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:42,525 every joke that I thought was killer 932 00:31:42,567 --> 00:31:44,485 'cause the jokes were about me, 933 00:31:44,527 --> 00:31:46,905 so I went, you know, "Enough of this. 934 00:31:46,946 --> 00:31:48,740 Go on stage and talk about yourself," 935 00:31:48,781 --> 00:31:51,659 and I've been doing that for almost 49 years now. 936 00:31:51,701 --> 00:31:53,578 My ex-shrink called me. 937 00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:56,748 She said that she had some theoretical mistakes 938 00:31:56,789 --> 00:32:00,293 and she's recalling her patients from 1965. 939 00:32:00,335 --> 00:32:01,419 My mother, she drive... 940 00:32:01,461 --> 00:32:02,420 she wanted to come here tonight, 941 00:32:02,462 --> 00:32:03,296 but I wouldn't let her come. 942 00:32:03,338 --> 00:32:05,256 She has gossip dyslexia. 943 00:32:05,298 --> 00:32:08,384 She talks in front of people's backs. 944 00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:10,053 It's really a nightmare. 945 00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:12,221 The second you stop writing, 946 00:32:12,263 --> 00:32:13,598 they're not gonna come back. 947 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,308 They're give you a one-time back through... 948 00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:16,726 second time through, it's like, 949 00:32:16,768 --> 00:32:19,270 "Ah, you did kind of the same stuff." 950 00:32:19,312 --> 00:32:21,606 Third time, it's less, 951 00:32:21,648 --> 00:32:24,442 and by... past that, no one's coming. 952 00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:26,903 You're using the room for its purpose 953 00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:29,280 if you try to throw more new stuff out there. 954 00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:31,282 I throw my jokes that aren't gonna work 955 00:32:31,324 --> 00:32:32,867 in the middle, and then I... 956 00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:34,619 so I try to get them going, 957 00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:36,537 try the new stuff, and then try to end, 958 00:32:36,579 --> 00:32:38,414 so they're at least getting a show. 959 00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:41,125 When Rogan is up and he's destroying, 960 00:32:41,167 --> 00:32:42,460 and you're after him, 961 00:32:42,502 --> 00:32:44,587 it's hard to put yourself out there 962 00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:46,255 and take a risk. 963 00:32:46,297 --> 00:32:48,091 I saw something disgraceful yesterday. 964 00:32:48,132 --> 00:32:49,968 I saw my first Asian homeless guy. 965 00:32:50,009 --> 00:32:51,928 What the fuck? 966 00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:53,680 What a disgrace! 967 00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,268 It was at Starbucks. He was working there. 968 00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:01,938 To us, that's homeless. 969 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,982 The audience doesn't know I'm trying stuff out. 970 00:33:04,023 --> 00:33:05,775 I don't tell them, "Hey, guys..." 971 00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:07,819 I don't bring out my piece of paper. 972 00:33:07,860 --> 00:33:09,028 I've got notes here. 973 00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:10,154 It's not that I haven't memorized my act. 974 00:33:10,196 --> 00:33:11,698 I just... 975 00:33:11,739 --> 00:33:14,659 don't respect you as an audience. 976 00:33:14,701 --> 00:33:16,327 [Letterman] I can't write jokes, 977 00:33:16,369 --> 00:33:19,706 but if you can make a story funny, 978 00:33:19,747 --> 00:33:24,836 then that opens up an infinite inventory. 979 00:33:24,877 --> 00:33:26,504 Are those the kind of jokes 980 00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:28,798 that you can't really try to write? 981 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,342 You just have to wait till they're revealed to you. 982 00:33:31,384 --> 00:33:33,428 That's how I see all of them. 983 00:33:33,469 --> 00:33:35,555 And I'd go to a museum not to write a joke... 984 00:33:35,596 --> 00:33:36,848 I went to a museum where they had 985 00:33:36,889 --> 00:33:38,266 all the heads and arms from the statues 986 00:33:38,307 --> 00:33:41,477 that are in all the other museums. 987 00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:44,647 Jokes are reassembling information from the world. 988 00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:47,525 After you think of it, it's... that's obvious. 989 00:33:47,567 --> 00:33:52,363 Why didn't that... why wasn't that said before? 990 00:33:52,405 --> 00:33:54,699 With social media, you feel constant pressure 991 00:33:54,741 --> 00:33:55,616 to be performing. 992 00:33:55,658 --> 00:33:56,826 You're like, "Man, I just... 993 00:33:56,868 --> 00:33:58,036 I thought of something funny today, 994 00:33:58,077 --> 00:33:59,162 or two funny things." 995 00:33:59,203 --> 00:34:01,205 I put them both on social media. 996 00:34:01,247 --> 00:34:03,124 Especially comedians that tweet... 997 00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:04,625 I think they're killing themselves, 998 00:34:04,667 --> 00:34:06,377 because you're sending jokes out 999 00:34:06,419 --> 00:34:08,796 in the same exact format 1000 00:34:08,838 --> 00:34:12,550 as your opinions, so you write a joke, 1001 00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:14,343 and then you write an opinion, 1002 00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:16,721 and you send them both in the same frequency, 1003 00:34:16,763 --> 00:34:18,890 and of course people start to conflate the two, 1004 00:34:18,931 --> 00:34:21,225 and they start to believe that your jokes are meant 1005 00:34:21,267 --> 00:34:22,518 as sincere opinions 1006 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,103 and that your opinions 1007 00:34:24,145 --> 00:34:25,188 are meant to be funny, 1008 00:34:25,229 --> 00:34:27,440 and it just makes a mess. 1009 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:29,525 Whenever I say something funny to somebody, 1010 00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,736 I'm gonna write it down, 1011 00:34:31,778 --> 00:34:33,654 like, maybe not right in front of them, 1012 00:34:33,696 --> 00:34:36,491 but afterwards, and start building an act. 1013 00:34:36,532 --> 00:34:38,159 So I'd have, like, a lot of short conversations, 1014 00:34:38,201 --> 00:34:39,744 'cause after somebody would laugh, 1015 00:34:39,786 --> 00:34:41,579 I'd just say, "Hey, I gotta go," 1016 00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:43,706 and I'd just go write that shit down. 1017 00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:45,333 The notes section of my phone, 1018 00:34:45,374 --> 00:34:48,669 I have a fucking billion little key words 1019 00:34:48,711 --> 00:34:49,587 that set me off. 1020 00:34:49,629 --> 00:34:50,755 I have a very white disease. 1021 00:34:50,797 --> 00:34:53,257 I have anxiety. Very white. 1022 00:34:53,299 --> 00:34:54,759 Does anybody else have that? Real white. 1023 00:34:54,801 --> 00:34:56,052 Real white disease. 1024 00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:57,428 That's only us. I don't think black people 1025 00:34:57,470 --> 00:34:58,888 even know that that is. 1026 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:00,765 I can imagine explaining that to a black friend 1027 00:35:00,807 --> 00:35:01,933 who's like, "What the fuck... what is anxiety?" 1028 00:35:01,974 --> 00:35:05,269 It's like, "It's my fear of the unknown." 1029 00:35:07,396 --> 00:35:08,940 So my black friends would be like, 1030 00:35:08,981 --> 00:35:11,109 "Yeah, no, I have a fear of the known, so I think... 1031 00:35:11,150 --> 00:35:13,027 I think you're good." 1032 00:35:13,069 --> 00:35:16,823 My greatest fear is that I would go up there and go, 1033 00:35:16,864 --> 00:35:19,951 "Oh, man, my girlfriend just dumped me yesterday," 1034 00:35:19,992 --> 00:35:21,285 and someone would go, 1035 00:35:21,327 --> 00:35:22,829 "You said that six months ago." 1036 00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:25,665 If there's one person in the room who would say that, 1037 00:35:25,706 --> 00:35:27,583 then I wouldn't want to do it. 1038 00:35:27,625 --> 00:35:29,585 People listen to comedy albums over and over. 1039 00:35:29,627 --> 00:35:31,129 Like, I remember growing up 1040 00:35:31,170 --> 00:35:33,506 listening to Adam Sandler's albums over and over and over. 1041 00:35:33,548 --> 00:35:35,383 I'm not that dope. You know, I'm not... 1042 00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:36,592 I finished a big book the other day. 1043 00:35:36,634 --> 00:35:37,844 421 pages. 1044 00:35:37,885 --> 00:35:39,178 That's a lot of coloring, you know, 1045 00:35:39,220 --> 00:35:41,139 when you think about it there. I... 1046 00:35:41,180 --> 00:35:43,432 I had crayon cramp for a while, a little crayon cramp, 1047 00:35:43,474 --> 00:35:45,309 but I went through with it. I did it. 1048 00:35:45,351 --> 00:35:48,187 Yeah. I'm away from home. 1049 00:35:48,229 --> 00:35:49,230 I am away from home. It's horrible, 1050 00:35:49,272 --> 00:35:50,481 being away from home. 1051 00:35:50,523 --> 00:35:51,816 I talk to my father a lot on the phone. 1052 00:35:51,858 --> 00:35:53,442 He's always like, "Marry a girl 1053 00:35:53,484 --> 00:35:55,153 with the same belief as the family." 1054 00:35:55,194 --> 00:35:56,320 That's a big thing. 1055 00:35:56,362 --> 00:35:57,488 Marry a girl with the same beliefs. 1056 00:35:57,530 --> 00:35:58,990 I'm like, "Dad, why should I marry a girl 1057 00:35:59,031 --> 00:36:01,659 who thinks I'm a schmuck?" You know? 1058 00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:04,245 A guy brought in a 45 of Sister Mary Elephant, 1059 00:36:04,287 --> 00:36:05,329 by Cheech and Chong. 1060 00:36:05,371 --> 00:36:06,622 Oh, yeah. Wow, that was great. 1061 00:36:06,664 --> 00:36:08,332 We played that in class, 1062 00:36:08,374 --> 00:36:12,295 and I can, like, vividly remember 1063 00:36:12,336 --> 00:36:14,255 crying laughing at that age, 1064 00:36:14,297 --> 00:36:15,756 at 10, 11 years old. 1065 00:36:15,798 --> 00:36:17,508 When I was growing up, George Carlin 1066 00:36:17,550 --> 00:36:19,677 was the only guy who put out, like, 14 specials. 1067 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,096 A Reverend Donald Wildman in Mississippi 1068 00:36:22,138 --> 00:36:24,974 heard something on the radio that he didn't like. 1069 00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:26,976 Well, Reverend, did anyone ever tell you 1070 00:36:27,018 --> 00:36:29,061 there are two knobs on the radio? 1071 00:36:31,397 --> 00:36:34,400 Two knobs on the radio! 1072 00:36:34,442 --> 00:36:36,402 I'm not the type of guy where I'm retiring 1073 00:36:36,444 --> 00:36:38,279 that material, 'cause you don't even know 1074 00:36:38,321 --> 00:36:39,989 who's seen it, who hasn't. 1075 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:41,240 Sometimes you think, oh, 1076 00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:42,867 there's people in the audience 1077 00:36:42,909 --> 00:36:45,328 that brought other people because they... 1078 00:36:45,369 --> 00:36:47,413 "Oh, he does this bit about company. 1079 00:36:47,455 --> 00:36:50,833 You gotta see it," and then I don't do the company bit, 1080 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:53,628 and I'm like, "Oh, maybe those people were let down," 1081 00:36:53,669 --> 00:36:55,421 or then maybe I do the company bit, 1082 00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:56,839 and they're, "Eh, we just saw this 1083 00:36:56,881 --> 00:36:59,133 on the YouTube. What's he doing?" 1084 00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:01,719 It's a different feeling when your doorbell rings today 1085 00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:04,013 opposed to 20 years ago, right? 1086 00:37:04,055 --> 00:37:06,057 20 years ago, your doorbell rang, 1087 00:37:06,098 --> 00:37:08,059 that was a happy moment in your house. 1088 00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:13,231 It was called company. 1089 00:37:13,272 --> 00:37:15,900 Now, your doorbell rings... 1090 00:37:18,194 --> 00:37:19,820 It's like, "What the fuck?" 1091 00:37:21,405 --> 00:37:22,573 Being successful at this 1092 00:37:22,615 --> 00:37:24,742 is so much more than just being funny. 1093 00:37:24,784 --> 00:37:26,244 Like, you're just starting out doing comedy 1094 00:37:26,285 --> 00:37:27,578 and you come to LA, 1095 00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:28,663 and you think you're gonna get your chance 1096 00:37:28,704 --> 00:37:30,081 like this is a deli. 1097 00:37:30,122 --> 00:37:31,707 You get a number, and they're like, "Okay. 1098 00:37:31,749 --> 00:37:33,876 Number 48, it's time for you to be famous." 1099 00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:35,628 It just doesn't work like that. 1100 00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:37,880 There's like... you have to, like, be undeniable. 1101 00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:40,216 The person who writes the most jokes 1102 00:37:40,258 --> 00:37:41,926 is the most successful. 1103 00:37:41,968 --> 00:37:43,427 Put your fucking head down, write your fucking jokes, 1104 00:37:43,469 --> 00:37:44,595 and go to fuck up. 1105 00:37:44,637 --> 00:37:46,055 Don't get me started, son. 1106 00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:48,182 I'm 51. I've been doing this since '87. 1107 00:37:48,224 --> 00:37:49,558 [Binder] How much do you work on your act, 1108 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,352 - your material? - Okay, all right. 1109 00:37:51,394 --> 00:37:52,895 [Binder] 'Cause it doesn't seem like you work very hard 1110 00:37:52,937 --> 00:37:55,064 on your material. 1111 00:37:55,106 --> 00:37:57,275 Eddie Murphy was the hardest-working guy I saw. 1112 00:37:57,316 --> 00:37:59,277 When I first met Seinfeld, 1113 00:37:59,318 --> 00:38:01,320 he was working all day on his act. 1114 00:38:01,362 --> 00:38:03,781 It was Carlin. Then it was Rock. 1115 00:38:03,823 --> 00:38:07,952 Then it was Louis, Burr, Chapelle, 1116 00:38:07,994 --> 00:38:10,121 Aziz, Stanhope, 1117 00:38:10,162 --> 00:38:11,706 Mulaney, Sebastian. 1118 00:38:11,747 --> 00:38:14,208 These guys all are prolific writers, 1119 00:38:14,250 --> 00:38:16,544 and they happen to be the biggest touring acts. 1120 00:38:16,585 --> 00:38:19,547 Do your act, go home, and work on your act. 1121 00:38:19,588 --> 00:38:20,798 It's a job. 1122 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,133 You know, I grew up in New England, 1123 00:38:22,174 --> 00:38:23,968 where I was the laziest person anybody knew. 1124 00:38:24,010 --> 00:38:25,386 Here, I was the hardest-working person 1125 00:38:25,428 --> 00:38:26,429 anybody knew. 1126 00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:27,305 You're only as good 1127 00:38:27,346 --> 00:38:28,431 as the last joke you told. 1128 00:38:28,472 --> 00:38:29,765 My brother called me up, 1129 00:38:29,807 --> 00:38:31,142 and I just started doing stand-up, and he's like, 1130 00:38:31,183 --> 00:38:32,184 "Did you have a good set last night?" 1131 00:38:32,226 --> 00:38:33,561 I said, "Yeah, I killed it. 1132 00:38:33,602 --> 00:38:34,770 I did a seven-minute set. I killed 'em." 1133 00:38:34,812 --> 00:38:35,980 "All right. You got a spot tomorrow?" 1134 00:38:36,022 --> 00:38:37,273 "Yeah." He calls me the next night. 1135 00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:38,733 "How was your set?" "Killed 'em again." 1136 00:38:38,774 --> 00:38:39,775 "Let me ask you a question. Are you doing 1137 00:38:39,817 --> 00:38:40,943 the same seven-minute set every night?" 1138 00:38:40,985 --> 00:38:42,403 "Yeah." 1139 00:38:42,445 --> 00:38:44,447 "Call me when you bomb." 1140 00:38:44,488 --> 00:38:46,157 And I said, "Why is that?" and he said, 1141 00:38:46,198 --> 00:38:49,869 "Because unless you're taking chances on stage 1142 00:38:49,910 --> 00:38:52,621 and willing to bomb, you're not gonna be great." 1143 00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:54,248 There are pluses to being a fat woman. 1144 00:38:54,290 --> 00:38:55,499 There are pluses. 1145 00:38:55,541 --> 00:38:56,834 Okay? You wanna know what it is? 1146 00:38:56,876 --> 00:38:58,711 Fat women never get kidnapped. 1147 00:39:00,629 --> 00:39:04,258 Kidnapping is a skinny girl crime. 1148 00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:05,843 You pull up in a van, slide the van door open, 1149 00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:07,053 grab a skinny bitch, "Go, go, go, go, go." 1150 00:39:07,094 --> 00:39:08,679 You got her. 1151 00:39:08,721 --> 00:39:10,097 Can't do that with no fat bitch. 1152 00:39:10,139 --> 00:39:11,515 You pull up, err! Slide the van door. 1153 00:39:11,557 --> 00:39:13,768 "Go, go, go! Whoa, whoa, hold up. 1154 00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:15,019 Put it in park. Come around. 1155 00:39:15,061 --> 00:39:16,854 Help me. 1156 00:39:16,896 --> 00:39:18,189 You push, I'll pull, motherfucker. 1157 00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:20,024 On three! On three!" 1158 00:39:20,066 --> 00:39:23,194 Fat chick like, "Oh, what are you all doing? 1159 00:39:23,235 --> 00:39:24,445 Get off me! 1160 00:39:24,487 --> 00:39:26,697 I don't know you motherfuckers." 1161 00:39:26,739 --> 00:39:28,824 Comedy has a way of humbling you, 1162 00:39:28,866 --> 00:39:30,826 especially that audience. If they ain't feeling you 1163 00:39:30,868 --> 00:39:33,829 one night, you will be humbled real quick. 1164 00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:37,291 I've seen so many great comics go up and eat it. 1165 00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:39,335 This is an ego check, this room. 1166 00:39:39,377 --> 00:39:42,380 What can happen sometimes when you get too popular is, 1167 00:39:42,421 --> 00:39:44,173 it's hard to bomb. 1168 00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:46,133 They stop being funny as soon as somebody says, 1169 00:39:46,175 --> 00:39:47,218 "Ooh, you're funny." 1170 00:39:47,259 --> 00:39:48,469 If you're a big celebrity, 1171 00:39:48,511 --> 00:39:49,804 like, they're just pumped to see you, 1172 00:39:49,845 --> 00:39:51,430 and they're along for the ride. 1173 00:39:51,472 --> 00:39:52,890 If you're not as well known 1174 00:39:52,932 --> 00:39:54,350 and you're up there and you're trying stuff out, 1175 00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:55,726 then you're just eating shit. 1176 00:39:55,768 --> 00:39:57,478 I appreciate this deafening silence 1177 00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,188 in between jokes 1178 00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:01,524 because this is where the jokes are forged, right? 1179 00:40:01,565 --> 00:40:02,775 This is helping me to become better, 1180 00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:04,485 because I'm giving you my punchlines, 1181 00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:05,569 and you are giving me 1182 00:40:05,611 --> 00:40:06,862 a much-needed lesson 1183 00:40:06,904 --> 00:40:09,031 in, apparently, humility. 1184 00:40:09,073 --> 00:40:10,783 I'd go to Largo, where it's like 1185 00:40:10,825 --> 00:40:12,827 an alt, cool audience, 1186 00:40:12,868 --> 00:40:14,537 and I'd try, like, 20 minutes of new jokes, 1187 00:40:14,578 --> 00:40:15,955 and they all work. 1188 00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:17,915 Just applause for every joke. 1189 00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:19,834 I'm like, "I'm the king. I'm the best." 1190 00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:20,918 Then I go to the Improv. 1191 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,002 It's a little more realistic, 1192 00:40:22,044 --> 00:40:23,504 and they cut it down to ten minutes. 1193 00:40:23,546 --> 00:40:24,922 But I know that I'm not being honest 1194 00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:26,090 unless I go to the Store. 1195 00:40:26,132 --> 00:40:28,384 It's always possible at The Comedy... 1196 00:40:28,426 --> 00:40:29,593 especially at the OR, 1197 00:40:29,635 --> 00:40:32,555 that you might really bomb really bad. 1198 00:40:32,596 --> 00:40:35,099 I can quit now and go home and go to bed with a good set. 1199 00:40:35,141 --> 00:40:36,600 That's right. That's the same 1200 00:40:36,642 --> 00:40:38,018 as a gambler's problem, 1201 00:40:38,060 --> 00:40:41,397 because you fight and fight as a gambler to win, 1202 00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:42,606 and then you get a big win, 1203 00:40:42,648 --> 00:40:44,108 and then you keep hanging around 1204 00:40:44,150 --> 00:40:46,777 and playing and playing until you lose everything. 1205 00:40:46,819 --> 00:40:48,446 - Yeah. - So I think that the... 1206 00:40:48,487 --> 00:40:50,156 what most psychologists or whatever would tell you 1207 00:40:50,197 --> 00:40:51,782 is that whatever you ended up with 1208 00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:53,492 is what you were after the whole time. 1209 00:40:53,534 --> 00:40:55,244 So for me, with stand-up, it was always like, 1210 00:40:55,286 --> 00:40:57,413 "I'm gonna keep going on stage until I bomb, 1211 00:40:57,455 --> 00:40:58,414 until something bad happens." 1212 00:40:58,456 --> 00:40:59,957 Luckily, 1213 00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:01,333 stand-up doesn't deplete your life 1214 00:41:01,375 --> 00:41:03,627 the way that heroin or gambling does, 1215 00:41:03,669 --> 00:41:05,129 so on that trip, 1216 00:41:05,171 --> 00:41:09,508 on that ill-advised and unhealthy mental trip 1217 00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:11,093 of the addiction, of needing 1218 00:41:11,135 --> 00:41:12,636 to go on stage over and over again, 1219 00:41:12,678 --> 00:41:15,264 you come away with a bunch of good work 1220 00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:16,807 It makes you better as a stand-up. 1221 00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:18,476 And the great thing about The Comedy Store: 1222 00:41:18,517 --> 00:41:21,479 it makes it very easy to bomb, 1223 00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,647 and it's convenient. 1224 00:41:23,689 --> 00:41:25,691 You can come here, you can bomb, 1225 00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:26,984 you can be home in 20 minutes. 1226 00:41:27,026 --> 00:41:28,569 When a room goes real quiet 1227 00:41:28,611 --> 00:41:29,862 'cause of something you said, 1228 00:41:29,904 --> 00:41:32,448 there's so much mystery 1229 00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:34,325 and tension in that. 1230 00:41:34,366 --> 00:41:36,160 You know how hard it is to get your luggage back 1231 00:41:36,202 --> 00:41:38,662 if you're in a plane crash and survive? 1232 00:41:52,343 --> 00:41:54,345 I like to wait till the silence bothers you 1233 00:41:54,386 --> 00:41:55,888 more than it bothers me. 1234 00:41:58,349 --> 00:41:59,850 [Binder] And do you write on stage, or do you write-- 1235 00:41:59,892 --> 00:42:00,976 [Shaffir] Always write on stage. 1236 00:42:01,018 --> 00:42:02,728 I was just never able to actually 1237 00:42:02,770 --> 00:42:03,979 write ahead of time. 1238 00:42:04,021 --> 00:42:05,356 I mean, a little bit, like, just an idea. 1239 00:42:05,397 --> 00:42:07,858 It's only in the performing of it 1240 00:42:07,900 --> 00:42:09,568 that bit is able to find its voice. 1241 00:42:09,610 --> 00:42:11,028 People always think, "I'll stay at home and write, 1242 00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:12,363 or I'll practice in the mirror." 1243 00:42:12,404 --> 00:42:13,822 You have to experience 1244 00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:15,032 the failure, the laughter, 1245 00:42:15,074 --> 00:42:16,492 where they laugh, why they laugh, 1246 00:42:16,534 --> 00:42:17,993 they're not laughing in the same way this time, 1247 00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:19,828 and you have to do it enough 1248 00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:22,206 that the nuances become undeniable. 1249 00:42:22,248 --> 00:42:23,541 'Cause you'll fall for anything. 1250 00:42:23,582 --> 00:42:24,875 When you're, like, 24, 1251 00:42:24,917 --> 00:42:25,876 anything dudes will... 1252 00:42:25,918 --> 00:42:27,253 "What's your name?" "Lisa." 1253 00:42:27,294 --> 00:42:28,837 "That's exotic." 1254 00:42:28,879 --> 00:42:30,714 "Thank you." 1255 00:42:30,756 --> 00:42:33,509 I find the energy and the power from the audience 1256 00:42:33,551 --> 00:42:35,636 makes me ad-lib and say things 1257 00:42:35,678 --> 00:42:38,472 I wouldn't have said sitting in a room by myself. 1258 00:42:38,514 --> 00:42:40,683 I'm quite an old-fashioned kind of comedian, in a weird way, 1259 00:42:40,724 --> 00:42:42,226 because I tell one-liners, 1260 00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:44,395 and it's so clear when one doesn't work. 1261 00:42:44,436 --> 00:42:47,314 Throwing acid is wrong... 1262 00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:49,066 in some people's eyes. 1263 00:42:54,196 --> 00:42:56,532 Swimming is good for you... 1264 00:42:56,574 --> 00:42:57,950 especially if you're drowning. 1265 00:42:59,952 --> 00:43:01,745 So you go up, and you try a joke, 1266 00:43:01,787 --> 00:43:03,122 and it doesn't work. You throw it out? 1267 00:43:03,163 --> 00:43:05,082 No, I have a three-time rule. 1268 00:43:05,124 --> 00:43:07,751 If it doesn't work three times, then I throw it away. 1269 00:43:07,793 --> 00:43:10,212 And if it works three times, you keep it? 1270 00:43:10,254 --> 00:43:11,380 Yes. 1271 00:43:11,422 --> 00:43:12,423 I have a joke right now 1272 00:43:12,464 --> 00:43:13,882 that's killed twice 1273 00:43:13,924 --> 00:43:16,260 and done okay twice, 1274 00:43:16,302 --> 00:43:18,596 and I'm still, like, sort of tinkering 1275 00:43:18,637 --> 00:43:20,097 with some of the rivets. 1276 00:43:20,139 --> 00:43:21,307 You ever try to talk about something serious 1277 00:43:21,348 --> 00:43:22,933 in public as, like, a liberal person? 1278 00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:24,435 It's fucking petrifying. 1279 00:43:24,476 --> 00:43:27,646 You ever try to talk about, like, transgender issues? 1280 00:43:27,688 --> 00:43:29,607 It's like fucking playing Jenga, 1281 00:43:29,648 --> 00:43:32,276 where you're like... [quavering] 1282 00:43:32,318 --> 00:43:34,486 Pronouns... 1283 00:43:34,528 --> 00:43:36,155 he... 1284 00:43:36,196 --> 00:43:37,781 she... and the Republicans are like, 1285 00:43:37,823 --> 00:43:39,450 "So trannies? We'll call 'em trannies?" 1286 00:43:41,327 --> 00:43:43,871 And then once I take it to the stage and I come back, 1287 00:43:43,912 --> 00:43:45,956 and I start chipping away, chipping away, chipping away... 1288 00:43:45,998 --> 00:43:48,125 The economy of words. You just throw out 1289 00:43:48,167 --> 00:43:49,960 everything that's not funny. 1290 00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:51,629 I don't write it down. 1291 00:43:51,670 --> 00:43:55,132 I just believe, if you're funny--this is my way-- 1292 00:43:55,174 --> 00:43:57,968 go up there, take an idea, 1293 00:43:58,010 --> 00:43:59,637 and make it fucking funny. 1294 00:43:59,678 --> 00:44:01,055 Me and the other comics, 1295 00:44:01,096 --> 00:44:02,931 we do a Jesus circle, 1296 00:44:02,973 --> 00:44:05,059 and we pray to the comedy gods, 1297 00:44:05,100 --> 00:44:07,811 "Please make white women over 40 laugh," 1298 00:44:07,853 --> 00:44:09,563 because they're the number one demographic 1299 00:44:09,605 --> 00:44:11,940 for wanting to talk to the management, right? 1300 00:44:11,982 --> 00:44:13,192 They always love talk... 1301 00:44:13,233 --> 00:44:14,818 I don't know what it is about white women. 1302 00:44:14,860 --> 00:44:16,487 They love talking to the manager. 1303 00:44:16,528 --> 00:44:19,156 If they don't laugh, their husbands get angry, 1304 00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:21,367 because they just want a moment of peace, right? 1305 00:44:21,408 --> 00:44:24,787 Love of it and love of the audience. 1306 00:44:24,828 --> 00:44:27,498 Like, you'll watch Marc Maron, 1307 00:44:27,539 --> 00:44:30,167 and you'll go, "Boy, this guy seems disgruntled," 1308 00:44:30,209 --> 00:44:31,835 but he loves every moment of it. 1309 00:44:31,877 --> 00:44:33,128 - Yeah. - And he loves... 1310 00:44:33,170 --> 00:44:35,047 and his people... and the audience loves him. 1311 00:44:35,089 --> 00:44:36,382 No, but I don't know how to have fun. 1312 00:44:36,423 --> 00:44:38,050 Like, I wouldn't have come to this show. 1313 00:44:38,092 --> 00:44:40,052 You know? Like, I... 1314 00:44:40,094 --> 00:44:42,888 if it doesn't involve eating or having an orgasm, 1315 00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:44,765 there's a big drop-off. Do you know what I mean? 1316 00:44:44,807 --> 00:44:48,268 Like, those two things, 99 percent of the time, 1317 00:44:48,310 --> 00:44:50,479 that's fun. It's gonna nail it. 1318 00:44:50,521 --> 00:44:53,273 After that, you know, it was okay, it was okay. 1319 00:44:53,315 --> 00:44:54,692 "Went on a hike." "Did you have fun?" 1320 00:44:54,733 --> 00:44:58,821 "I didn't come or eat cake, you know, but..." 1321 00:44:58,862 --> 00:45:01,865 Is that weird, you coming back now 1322 00:45:01,907 --> 00:45:03,534 to do this documentary? 1323 00:45:03,575 --> 00:45:05,035 Is that weird for you? 1324 00:45:05,077 --> 00:45:07,788 No, it hasn't been weird. It's strange anyway, 1325 00:45:07,830 --> 00:45:09,123 because I was never an interviewer. 1326 00:45:09,164 --> 00:45:10,833 I never made a documentary. 1327 00:45:10,874 --> 00:45:13,877 In 2 1/2 years, you put your foot in your mouth a lot. 1328 00:45:13,919 --> 00:45:16,171 You do a lot of stupid th-- you know? 1329 00:45:16,213 --> 00:45:18,549 Like, Iliza Schlesinger. One night, I say, 1330 00:45:18,590 --> 00:45:20,592 "Okay, look, I wanna come behind you with a camera, 1331 00:45:20,634 --> 00:45:23,387 and I wanna get right on stage behind you, 1332 00:45:23,429 --> 00:45:25,556 so don't let it scare you," you know? 1333 00:45:25,597 --> 00:45:28,225 "Whatever I do, 'cause I have this shot, 1334 00:45:28,267 --> 00:45:29,601 that I love, I wanna get." 1335 00:45:29,643 --> 00:45:30,894 Yeah. 1336 00:45:30,936 --> 00:45:32,062 [gruffly] "I wanna win that money 1337 00:45:32,104 --> 00:45:34,189 so me and my girlfriend..." [grunts] 1338 00:45:34,231 --> 00:45:35,983 "Open up our own bakery and bake everything from--" 1339 00:45:36,024 --> 00:45:37,192 Jesus Christ. 1340 00:45:37,234 --> 00:45:41,321 [laughter] 1341 00:45:41,363 --> 00:45:44,241 You said you were gonna be... I didn't realize it was... 1342 00:45:44,283 --> 00:45:48,287 during the punchline. Okay. 1343 00:45:48,328 --> 00:45:50,038 I bet you'll still laugh at it. 1344 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,708 "Me and my girlfriend Steph, move upstate, 1345 00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:53,917 open up our own bakery, 1346 00:45:53,959 --> 00:45:55,252 and bake everything from snatch," 1347 00:45:55,294 --> 00:45:58,046 and then there's always... Yes! 1348 00:45:58,088 --> 00:46:00,549 So a lot of these guys still, to this day, 1349 00:46:00,591 --> 00:46:02,593 Tim Allen and Dave Coulier 1350 00:46:02,634 --> 00:46:03,677 and Damon Wayans... 1351 00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:05,512 These guys are my best friends, 1352 00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:07,848 you know, so it's hard to take it 1353 00:46:07,890 --> 00:46:10,267 really serious and sit there and interview them. 1354 00:46:10,309 --> 00:46:12,895 How many of the rogue guys like myself 1355 00:46:12,936 --> 00:46:14,605 have done this out here? 1356 00:46:14,646 --> 00:46:15,731 Who are the rogue guys? 1357 00:46:15,773 --> 00:46:16,899 All of them, Tim. You're the only one 1358 00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:18,358 that couldn't compact it, okay? 1359 00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:19,568 Okay, fella? 1360 00:46:19,610 --> 00:46:20,611 [laughs] "Fella?" 1361 00:46:20,652 --> 00:46:21,904 It comes down to you. 1362 00:46:21,945 --> 00:46:23,280 "Oh, so it's just you fucked up." 1363 00:46:23,322 --> 00:46:24,656 You're the guy with a problem. 1364 00:46:24,698 --> 00:46:26,116 Oh, to get my Bentley. Pull my Bentley around. 1365 00:46:26,158 --> 00:46:27,159 You're the... 1366 00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:28,410 Pull the loser's Bentley around! 1367 00:46:28,452 --> 00:46:30,829 Yeah, Uber, I think it's a comedy store. 1368 00:46:30,871 --> 00:46:32,247 Get me... 1369 00:46:32,289 --> 00:46:33,540 [both] ...the fuck out of here. 1370 00:46:33,582 --> 00:46:34,917 I remember one time, you were like, 1371 00:46:34,958 --> 00:46:36,502 "Hey, I wanna come running with you." 1372 00:46:36,543 --> 00:46:37,419 So we started running, 1373 00:46:37,461 --> 00:46:39,087 and you made it about 100 feet, 1374 00:46:39,129 --> 00:46:40,964 and then you ended up on the curb. 1375 00:46:41,006 --> 00:46:44,384 [wheezing] Dave... 1376 00:46:44,426 --> 00:46:45,511 One more. 1377 00:46:49,681 --> 00:46:51,600 You go, Mike. 1378 00:46:52,392 --> 00:46:56,146 [both laugh] 1379 00:46:59,274 --> 00:47:01,068 How could you be serious with them, though? 1380 00:47:01,109 --> 00:47:04,071 Like, as a comic, it never leaves you. 1381 00:47:04,112 --> 00:47:05,656 It's like going back to high school, 1382 00:47:05,697 --> 00:47:08,242 and everyone immediately goes back to their old things. 1383 00:47:08,283 --> 00:47:10,118 Within a half an hour, I was already 1384 00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:11,954 under Letterman's skin. 1385 00:47:11,995 --> 00:47:13,413 You never seemed like a guy 1386 00:47:13,455 --> 00:47:16,667 that was steeped in the history of stand-up comedy, 1387 00:47:16,708 --> 00:47:19,837 and there were some of us that, like, knew every album 1388 00:47:19,878 --> 00:47:21,421 - by heart, and... - Yeah. 1389 00:47:21,463 --> 00:47:22,339 Well, I... 1390 00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:23,841 you know, this is getting 1391 00:47:23,882 --> 00:47:26,009 very close to insulting. You're aware of that, right? 1392 00:47:26,051 --> 00:47:27,469 I am. I haven't even started. 1393 00:47:27,511 --> 00:47:28,679 I'll let you know 1394 00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:30,681 when we cross the line. 1395 00:47:30,722 --> 00:47:32,015 The doors are locked. 1396 00:47:32,057 --> 00:47:33,892 [laughs] 1397 00:47:33,934 --> 00:47:34,935 You think of anything else I missed 1398 00:47:34,977 --> 00:47:35,727 from the early days of comedy? 1399 00:47:35,769 --> 00:47:36,687 [Leno] I don't know. 1400 00:47:36,728 --> 00:47:37,646 You know, it's 40 years ago. 1401 00:47:37,688 --> 00:47:38,730 I haven't really thought about it. 1402 00:47:38,772 --> 00:47:40,107 It's nothing I discuss with anybody. 1403 00:47:40,148 --> 00:47:41,859 You don't discuss this with anybody? 1404 00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:43,110 You're the only one. 1405 00:47:43,151 --> 00:47:44,236 Everybody else lives in the present. 1406 00:47:44,278 --> 00:47:45,821 Yeah, I live in the past. 1407 00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:47,364 It's really sad, isn't it? 1408 00:47:47,406 --> 00:47:48,824 We were talking at the first... 1409 00:47:48,866 --> 00:47:51,410 - [loud banging] - Hey, shut up! 1410 00:47:51,451 --> 00:47:53,412 You literally told the guy telling the people to shut up 1411 00:47:53,453 --> 00:47:54,538 to shut up. 1412 00:47:54,580 --> 00:47:56,248 That is running a set. 1413 00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:57,791 [Binder] That is one sad set. 1414 00:47:57,833 --> 00:47:59,543 That is running a set, man. 1415 00:47:59,585 --> 00:48:03,171 I interviewed Bert Kreischer, who I love, for two hours, 1416 00:48:03,213 --> 00:48:05,465 and then he goes on Joe Rogan, 1417 00:48:05,507 --> 00:48:08,135 and I realize I made no impact on him. 1418 00:48:08,176 --> 00:48:10,304 It is crazy to know 1419 00:48:10,345 --> 00:48:12,139 of people's past, like, lives. 1420 00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:15,225 I tell you what I would love a fucking documentary about, 1421 00:48:15,267 --> 00:48:17,060 is the Store, like, 'cause-- 1422 00:48:17,102 --> 00:48:18,186 [Rogan] There's one coming out. 1423 00:48:18,228 --> 00:48:19,062 They're doing the Show-- 1424 00:48:19,104 --> 00:48:20,480 Mike Binder's doing it. 1425 00:48:20,522 --> 00:48:21,481 [Kreischer] By the way, I'm in that documentary. 1426 00:48:21,523 --> 00:48:23,025 I wish I hadn't said that out loud. 1427 00:48:23,066 --> 00:48:24,067 [Rogan] You're not even drunk. 1428 00:48:24,109 --> 00:48:25,527 What's going on with you? 1429 00:48:25,569 --> 00:48:26,987 - He said, "I wish--" - [Rogan] Did you have a stroke? 1430 00:48:27,029 --> 00:48:28,155 [Segura] "I wish there was a documentary that I'm in." 1431 00:48:28,196 --> 00:48:29,323 [host] ...knowing full well that they're-- 1432 00:48:29,364 --> 00:48:30,240 I'm in the fucking documentary. 1433 00:48:30,282 --> 00:48:31,533 Did you have a stroke? 1434 00:48:31,575 --> 00:48:32,326 Did you have a stroke five minutes ago? 1435 00:48:32,367 --> 00:48:33,452 Let's make another cocktail. 1436 00:48:33,493 --> 00:48:35,787 What's the favorite story you've heard 1437 00:48:35,829 --> 00:48:37,122 in all these interviews? 1438 00:48:37,164 --> 00:48:39,166 Damon Wayans comes to The Comedy Store 1439 00:48:39,207 --> 00:48:40,876 as an unknown comedian. 1440 00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:43,879 I wasn't... 1441 00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:45,505 coming as a performer. 1442 00:48:45,547 --> 00:48:46,965 I came with my brother Keenen. 1443 00:48:47,007 --> 00:48:48,717 I was visiting, 1444 00:48:48,759 --> 00:48:51,428 and Richard Pryor 1445 00:48:51,470 --> 00:48:54,264 just walked out of The Comedy Store with... 1446 00:48:54,306 --> 00:48:56,266 it felt like 1,000 people. 1447 00:48:56,308 --> 00:48:59,144 Like, the whole crowd came out behind him, 1448 00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:01,021 and he was in a tux, 1449 00:49:01,063 --> 00:49:03,106 and he was with Pam Grier, 1450 00:49:03,148 --> 00:49:05,901 and I was just like... 1451 00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:09,029 I'm standing there, watching Richard Pryor sign autographs, 1452 00:49:09,071 --> 00:49:10,948 and I'm just like... 1453 00:49:10,989 --> 00:49:12,199 and he looked beautiful. 1454 00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:13,951 He looked like... 1455 00:49:13,992 --> 00:49:15,243 you know, he had on a tux, 1456 00:49:15,285 --> 00:49:17,537 and just like this... 1457 00:49:17,579 --> 00:49:19,915 and I remember staring at him so hard, 1458 00:49:19,957 --> 00:49:22,376 he looked up from signing an autograph and went, 1459 00:49:22,417 --> 00:49:24,294 "What, motherfucker, what?" 1460 00:49:24,336 --> 00:49:26,630 [Binder laughs] 1461 00:49:26,672 --> 00:49:28,966 Coming back here doesn't make you, 1462 00:49:29,007 --> 00:49:30,384 you know, wanna do stand-up again? 1463 00:49:30,425 --> 00:49:32,135 No, I'd never do stand-up. 1464 00:49:32,177 --> 00:49:33,804 The last time I did stand-up 1465 00:49:33,845 --> 00:49:35,889 was for Mitzi's memorial. 1466 00:49:35,931 --> 00:49:38,600 Oh, this is a flashback. 1467 00:49:38,642 --> 00:49:41,937 I haven't been on this stage in years. 1468 00:49:41,979 --> 00:49:44,147 This is great. 1469 00:49:45,607 --> 00:49:48,151 Wow. Now I know why I left. 1470 00:49:49,528 --> 00:49:52,239 Mitzi was so ahead of her time. 1471 00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:55,367 She was... there was no female executives. 1472 00:49:55,409 --> 00:49:58,996 There was no women in charge back then. 1473 00:49:59,037 --> 00:50:00,789 And I remember, we went to... 1474 00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:01,999 we all flew to New York. 1475 00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,792 She wanted to produce this thing. 1476 00:50:03,834 --> 00:50:05,627 And we missed the plane, 1477 00:50:05,669 --> 00:50:07,462 and we weren't gonna be able to get another plane 1478 00:50:07,504 --> 00:50:10,924 till, like, 5:00 that night, 1479 00:50:10,966 --> 00:50:13,468 and she looks out the window and sees another plane 1480 00:50:13,510 --> 00:50:15,178 behind the ticket counter. She goes, 1481 00:50:15,220 --> 00:50:17,347 "Where's that going? We'll take that one." 1482 00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:23,020 He says, "No, ma'am, you can't have that plane." 1483 00:50:23,061 --> 00:50:25,022 And she was just so used to just telling people, 1484 00:50:25,063 --> 00:50:27,357 "No, we'll take that." 1485 00:50:29,651 --> 00:50:32,195 You know, this building right here behind here... 1486 00:50:32,237 --> 00:50:35,490 Harvey Weinstein... 1487 00:50:35,532 --> 00:50:36,867 he came in... he was the first guy... 1488 00:50:36,908 --> 00:50:39,119 there was an empty building for years, 1489 00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:40,704 and they were gonna... 1490 00:50:40,746 --> 00:50:41,538 didn't Scott-- 1491 00:50:41,580 --> 00:50:42,456 weren't you guys gonna buy it 1492 00:50:42,497 --> 00:50:44,374 for about a second? 1493 00:50:44,416 --> 00:50:46,043 Yeah, you did good back, telling her what to buy 1494 00:50:46,084 --> 00:50:48,462 and not to buy. 1495 00:50:48,503 --> 00:50:50,088 Scott said, "That's a bad deal, Mom. 1496 00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:51,673 We don't want that one." 1497 00:50:51,715 --> 00:50:53,258 No, I'm kidding. 1498 00:50:55,761 --> 00:50:58,096 Scotty's sensitive about all the big real estate deals 1499 00:50:58,138 --> 00:51:01,391 he turned down. 1500 00:51:01,433 --> 00:51:04,311 Mom, Sunset Boulevard's going nowhere, trust me. 1501 00:51:06,897 --> 00:51:08,398 Don't buy it. 1502 00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:11,568 So Harvey Weinstein buys it, 1503 00:51:11,610 --> 00:51:13,236 or Miramax. They're in there. 1504 00:51:13,278 --> 00:51:14,613 And he comes over here one night. 1505 00:51:14,654 --> 00:51:17,115 Mitzi took him upstairs, showed him around, 1506 00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:20,994 and she actually made Harvey watch her take a shower. 1507 00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:24,664 That's how tough Mitzi was. 1508 00:51:26,666 --> 00:51:29,586 Mitzi sent me to rehab so many times, 1509 00:51:29,628 --> 00:51:32,589 the Betty Ford cafeteria named a sandwich after me. 1510 00:51:34,299 --> 00:51:35,592 Ladies and gentlemen, Mitzi's gift 1511 00:51:35,634 --> 00:51:38,595 to The Comedy Store, Paul Montgomery Shore! 1512 00:51:41,306 --> 00:51:44,643 Argus used to fuck my mom. 1513 00:51:46,144 --> 00:51:48,063 And... right, Mom? 1514 00:51:48,105 --> 00:51:50,607 Dice, Dice? Where's Dice, man? 1515 00:51:50,649 --> 00:51:53,110 Dice used to fuck my sister. That was cool. 1516 00:51:53,151 --> 00:51:54,778 I think that's why my mom 1517 00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:56,279 and my sister didn't get along: 1518 00:51:56,321 --> 00:51:57,656 'cause they were always trying to fuck the same comics 1519 00:51:57,697 --> 00:51:59,616 or some shit. I don't know. 1520 00:51:59,658 --> 00:52:01,952 What a crowd came out for Mitzi today. 1521 00:52:01,993 --> 00:52:04,579 This isn't a who's who. This is a "What happened?" 1522 00:52:04,621 --> 00:52:06,623 'Cause you know, here's the thing about Mitzi. 1523 00:52:06,665 --> 00:52:09,084 She either liked you or she didn't, 1524 00:52:09,126 --> 00:52:11,628 and sometimes, she forgot she didn't like you 1525 00:52:11,670 --> 00:52:13,839 and she could like you again, 1526 00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:17,134 and that was a blessing. That was a blessing. 1527 00:52:17,175 --> 00:52:20,637 Mitzi said, "You've lost it. You're not funny anymore." 1528 00:52:20,679 --> 00:52:22,681 So I dug myself out, and I figured out, 1529 00:52:22,722 --> 00:52:25,183 "Oh, that's how you not fuck up. 1530 00:52:25,225 --> 00:52:26,643 That's how you not bomb." 1531 00:52:26,685 --> 00:52:28,478 I will forever be indebted to her. 1532 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,648 I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Mitzi. 1533 00:52:31,690 --> 00:52:33,316 I'd be at the Improv. 1534 00:52:35,777 --> 00:52:37,237 [Binder] It was a crazy night, too, 1535 00:52:37,279 --> 00:52:38,321 seeing all these faces, 1536 00:52:38,363 --> 00:52:39,573 and everyone was back, 1537 00:52:39,614 --> 00:52:41,658 and I saw all those characters 1538 00:52:41,700 --> 00:52:43,451 and all these people that I love 1539 00:52:43,493 --> 00:52:44,995 I hadn't seen in so many years, 1540 00:52:45,036 --> 00:52:47,289 and I was talking to Maron, and he goes, 1541 00:52:47,330 --> 00:52:49,583 "You know, I think nowadays, you know, 1542 00:52:49,624 --> 00:52:52,169 Peter Shore runs the place from up in Oregon, 1543 00:52:52,210 --> 00:52:55,797 and what's really cool about The Comedy Store now is 1544 00:52:55,839 --> 00:52:59,593 that the comedians... we kind of run it, 1545 00:52:59,634 --> 00:53:01,595 but really, the inmates run the asylum," 1546 00:53:01,636 --> 00:53:05,056 and I said to myself, 1547 00:53:05,098 --> 00:53:07,976 "The inmates have always been running this asylum." 1548 00:53:10,228 --> 00:53:13,023 Gavin James' "Only Ticket Home" playing 1549 00:53:16,568 --> 00:53:18,320 Little Damon. 1550 00:53:18,361 --> 00:53:20,322 Would you do your daddy a favor? 1551 00:53:22,032 --> 00:53:24,326 I'm Jim Carrey. I'm a singing comic. 1552 00:53:24,367 --> 00:53:25,202 Look at my hair. 1553 00:53:25,243 --> 00:53:26,703 Can we 1554 00:53:26,745 --> 00:53:30,332 Take the long way home 1555 00:53:33,251 --> 00:53:36,421 It's moments like this 1556 00:53:36,463 --> 00:53:39,883 Are hard to hold on to 1557 00:53:39,925 --> 00:53:41,885 I know 1558 00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:45,305 It's not easy on your own 1559 00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:51,561 When the pieces don't fit 1560 00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:55,565 That's all we've ever known 1561 00:53:57,108 --> 00:54:00,403 It's all 1562 00:54:00,445 --> 00:54:04,574 I'll be holding on to you 1563 00:54:04,616 --> 00:54:09,329 If it's the last thing that I ever do 1564 00:54:09,371 --> 00:54:11,414 Oh 1565 00:54:11,456 --> 00:54:14,125 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1566 00:54:14,167 --> 00:54:17,420 You'll be my only ticket home 1567 00:54:17,462 --> 00:54:20,590 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1568 00:54:20,632 --> 00:54:24,302 I need to feel a heart I know 1569 00:54:24,344 --> 00:54:27,055 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1570 00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:30,600 Soon we will never be alone 1571 00:54:30,642 --> 00:54:33,687 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1572 00:54:33,728 --> 00:54:37,315 You'll be my only ticket home 1573 00:54:37,607 --> 00:54:41,611 That's all we've ever known 1574 00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:46,449 It's all 1575 00:54:46,491 --> 00:54:49,369 I'll be holding on to you 1576 00:54:49,411 --> 00:54:51,621 If it's the last thing 1577 00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:55,458 That I ever do 1578 00:54:55,500 --> 00:54:57,252 Oh 1579 00:54:57,294 --> 00:55:00,046 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1580 00:55:00,088 --> 00:55:03,550 You'll be my only ticket home 1581 00:55:03,591 --> 00:55:06,928 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1582 00:55:06,970 --> 00:55:10,473 I need to feel a heart I know 1583 00:55:10,515 --> 00:55:12,726 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1584 00:55:12,767 --> 00:55:16,563 Soon we will never be alone 1585 00:55:16,604 --> 00:55:19,649 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1586 00:55:19,691 --> 00:55:23,486 You'll be my only ticket home 1587 00:55:23,987 --> 00:55:29,159 Oh, I've been away for so long 1588 00:55:31,494 --> 00:55:35,540 It's like I'm the ghost in your bedroom 1589 00:55:35,874 --> 00:55:40,795 But that never keeps you warm 1590 00:55:40,837 --> 00:55:46,134 I'm so sick of happy sad songs 1591 00:55:46,468 --> 00:55:50,430 They don't work like they used to 1592 00:55:50,472 --> 00:55:55,477 And they don't mean a thing without you 1593 00:55:55,518 --> 00:55:57,854 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1594 00:55:57,896 --> 00:56:01,691 You'll be my only ticket home 1595 00:56:01,733 --> 00:56:04,861 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1596 00:56:04,903 --> 00:56:08,031 I need to feel a heart I know 1597 00:56:08,073 --> 00:56:11,451 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1598 00:56:11,493 --> 00:56:15,038 Soon we will never be alone 1599 00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,540 [animated noises] 1600 00:56:17,582 --> 00:56:21,169 You'll be my only ticket home 1601 00:56:24,798 --> 00:56:28,927 You'll be my only ticket home 1602 00:56:32,263 --> 00:56:34,849 My only ticket home 1603 00:56:34,891 --> 00:56:37,602 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1604 00:56:37,644 --> 00:56:41,314 Soon we will never be alone 1605 00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:43,900 Hey, la, la, la, la, la 1606 00:56:47,153 --> 00:56:52,033 Can we take the long way home 1607 00:56:55,036 --> 00:56:58,540 'Cause moments like this 1608 00:56:58,581 --> 00:57:02,961 I had to let them go 1609 00:57:10,635 --> 00:57:13,388 gentle music