1 00:00:16,001 --> 00:00:18,626 The turning has started early. 2 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:22,376 Another must join our ranks. 3 00:00:23,334 --> 00:00:26,584 The dark initiation is nigh. 4 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,918 -Sweet baby Jesus. 5 00:00:37,418 --> 00:00:39,334 The corn made a picture! 6 00:00:40,043 --> 00:00:42,668 The time has come. 7 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:46,626 The time has come. The time has come. 8 00:00:46,709 --> 00:00:50,918 The time has come. The time has come. 9 00:00:51,001 --> 00:00:52,834 The time has come. 10 00:00:53,709 --> 00:00:55,418 The time has come… 11 00:00:55,501 --> 00:00:58,918 -…for year-end bonus o'clock! 12 00:00:59,001 --> 00:01:00,584 -Great news, guys. 13 00:01:00,668 --> 00:01:03,251 I know I can be a real cabal-buster sometimes. 14 00:01:03,334 --> 00:01:04,501 But the numbers are in, 15 00:01:04,584 --> 00:01:08,334 and we have finished this year's missions in record time. 16 00:01:09,126 --> 00:01:11,876 So these gifts are from J.R. to express his thanks. 17 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:14,834 Ooh, what's it gonna be? A private island? 18 00:01:14,918 --> 00:01:16,459 Please be the nuclear codes. 19 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,376 -Tote bags? Again? Son of a bitch! 20 00:01:19,459 --> 00:01:22,168 I don't need a bag to carry shit. 21 00:01:22,251 --> 00:01:24,459 -I got six fucking arms. -Uh-uh. 22 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,876 Wait. There could be a check inside of it or… 23 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:28,418 …a commemorative tinfoil hat. 24 00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:29,918 That's just actual garbage. 25 00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:31,126 -Oh man. -Oh my God. 26 00:01:31,209 --> 00:01:32,876 -I want gifts. -Guys. Hey, guys. 27 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,251 You know what? You're right. 28 00:01:34,334 --> 00:01:38,168 You do deserve more than tote bags. I'm taking this to J.R. 29 00:01:38,251 --> 00:01:40,501 -Give it to him! -Yeah, girl! 30 00:01:41,084 --> 00:01:45,043 J.R., my team has worked harder than ever to deliver on our missions, and-- 31 00:01:45,126 --> 00:01:47,626 And it has finally paid off! 32 00:01:47,709 --> 00:01:51,501 After a lifetime of kissing every ass up the ass ladder, 33 00:01:51,584 --> 00:01:53,918 I have finally become top ass! 34 00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:56,543 The Robes are initiating me into the Shadow Board! 35 00:01:56,626 --> 00:01:59,543 -Wow, very Hogwarts. 36 00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:01,668 And there's blood on my hands. 37 00:02:01,751 --> 00:02:03,376 Join the club. 38 00:02:03,459 --> 00:02:06,043 All my life, I've had a humble dream 39 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,709 to be the most rich and powerful person in the universe. 40 00:02:09,793 --> 00:02:11,209 And now it's happening, 41 00:02:11,293 --> 00:02:13,834 and I want you to be the next CEO. 42 00:02:13,918 --> 00:02:15,251 Oh my God. 43 00:02:15,334 --> 00:02:17,834 -I'm gonna run Cognito? 44 00:02:17,918 --> 00:02:21,459 I thought this day would never come! I'm so unprepared. 45 00:02:21,543 --> 00:02:25,043 Yeah, are you gripping a binder called Reagan's Inevitable Takeover? 46 00:02:25,126 --> 00:02:26,084 Wow. 47 00:02:26,168 --> 00:02:29,293 This is so much to take in. I feel like celebrating. 48 00:02:29,376 --> 00:02:31,751 Ooh, you wanna disappear someone for funsies? 49 00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:36,043 It's hilarious. They get sent to Shadow prison and erased from history. 50 00:02:36,126 --> 00:02:39,543 I should probably wait at least a week before going mad with power. 51 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:43,084 Ah, you remind me of when I had more hair and values. 52 00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:44,709 -You want my advice? 53 00:02:44,793 --> 00:02:47,084 -You gotta be ruthless to run this place. 54 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:50,793 Once you're actually sitting in this chair, everything changes. 55 00:02:50,876 --> 00:02:53,751 With all due respect, sir, that's what I'm counting on. 56 00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:56,126 -Hell yeah, Mole-Man! 57 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:57,751 What up, 3Pac? 58 00:02:57,834 --> 00:03:00,126 Stem Cell Steve, have you gotten younger? 59 00:03:00,209 --> 00:03:01,293 That's what I do. 60 00:03:02,501 --> 00:03:03,543 What up, Deep State? 61 00:03:03,626 --> 00:03:05,751 Today I control you! 62 00:03:08,793 --> 00:03:10,376 Well, this will go well. 63 00:03:34,626 --> 00:03:38,168 Dad, I've got some good news and some good booze. 64 00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:41,876 -Ah! Intruder! -Ow! Ooh, Rea-- Kiddo! Kiddo, it's me! 65 00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:43,293 Whoa. Sorry, Dad. 66 00:03:43,918 --> 00:03:45,543 I wanted to surprise you for your promotion 67 00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,001 by cleaning up the place. 68 00:03:51,126 --> 00:03:53,334 I almost got my vomit stains out of your diploma. 69 00:03:53,418 --> 00:03:55,959 Wow, that's weirdly thoughtful of you. 70 00:03:56,043 --> 00:03:58,834 Hey, Dad, can I run a work problem by you? 71 00:03:58,918 --> 00:04:01,793 Are you kidding? I was a work problem for years. Shoot. 72 00:04:01,876 --> 00:04:07,334 Do you think, in order to be a CEO, I have to be a ruthless psycho like J.R.? 73 00:04:07,418 --> 00:04:09,001 Fuck J.R., Reagan. 74 00:04:09,084 --> 00:04:12,001 You've been preparing for this job since you were six years old. 75 00:04:12,084 --> 00:04:14,168 I'm proud of myself for raising you. 76 00:04:14,251 --> 00:04:18,001 So by the transitive process, you're saying you're proud of me. 77 00:04:18,084 --> 00:04:20,168 Eh, something like that. 78 00:04:20,251 --> 00:04:22,584 Aw, Dad. Distant hug. 79 00:04:22,668 --> 00:04:23,501 Ah. 80 00:04:23,584 --> 00:04:24,918 -Yeah, how's that? -It's something. 81 00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:25,834 It's tolerable. 82 00:04:25,918 --> 00:04:31,334 Today, I finally leave Cognito Inc. and ascend to the Shadow Board. 83 00:04:31,418 --> 00:04:33,709 I want you to know I love you all 84 00:04:33,793 --> 00:04:35,918 like a random group of people 85 00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:39,251 I was contractually required to spend 40 hours a week with. 86 00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:43,584 To quote Christian Bale's meltdown on the set of Terminator Salvation, 87 00:04:43,668 --> 00:04:45,418 "We are done professionally." 88 00:04:45,501 --> 00:04:47,376 Thank you, and enjoy the shrimp. 89 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,709 Today, a new dawn is dawning. 90 00:04:56,793 --> 00:04:57,876 Look, let's get real. 91 00:04:57,959 --> 00:05:00,876 This company has been an old boys' club for years. 92 00:05:00,959 --> 00:05:02,584 I mean, really old. 93 00:05:02,668 --> 00:05:04,043 -You take that back. 94 00:05:04,126 --> 00:05:07,709 For far too long, this company has run on lies, selfishness, 95 00:05:07,793 --> 00:05:10,334 and a lust for money that borders on the sexual. 96 00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:11,334 Hell yeah! 97 00:05:11,418 --> 00:05:12,751 Well, no more. 98 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:16,043 -I present Cognito 2.0. 99 00:05:16,126 --> 00:05:17,793 We're gonna make the world a better place, 100 00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:20,209 starting with chairs with improved neck support 101 00:05:20,293 --> 00:05:22,251 for our Easter Island population… 102 00:05:22,334 --> 00:05:24,834 -Oh, very ergonomic. 103 00:05:24,918 --> 00:05:28,709 …to increased media spending for the subliminal messages that matter. 104 00:05:29,709 --> 00:05:32,918 Recycle. Health care is a right. Delete Twitter. 105 00:05:33,001 --> 00:05:34,793 I even created an ethics bot 106 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:38,001 to ensure that our missions are morally acceptable. 107 00:05:38,084 --> 00:05:42,418 Congratulations, Cognito Inc. You are 51% not evil. 108 00:05:43,001 --> 00:05:44,334 -Booyah! 109 00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:47,126 But best of all, no more shitty tote bags. 110 00:05:47,209 --> 00:05:50,334 Task force, you're getting crew jackets. 111 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,751 Ah! It's me. I'm on a jacket. 112 00:05:53,834 --> 00:05:56,834 I'm so excited I can't breathe. 113 00:05:56,918 --> 00:05:58,334 Huh, jackets? 114 00:05:58,418 --> 00:06:01,584 Unlike these chumps, my loyalty isn't for sale. 115 00:06:01,668 --> 00:06:04,376 Oh, I also upgraded Myc's weird jerk-off machine 116 00:06:04,459 --> 00:06:06,793 so we can milk all six tentacles at once. 117 00:06:06,876 --> 00:06:09,043 Slay me, mushroom daddy. 118 00:06:09,126 --> 00:06:11,626 I would both kill and die for you. 119 00:06:11,709 --> 00:06:13,376 Reagan, 2024. 120 00:06:13,459 --> 00:06:15,084 Reagan! Reagan! 121 00:06:15,168 --> 00:06:18,293 Hell yeah! My best friend is my boss. 122 00:06:18,376 --> 00:06:20,334 This is gonna be so uncomplicated. 123 00:06:22,126 --> 00:06:23,043 Whoo! 124 00:06:25,043 --> 00:06:29,001 Finally, it's gonna be a Deep State you can trust. 125 00:06:30,626 --> 00:06:32,793 Trust no one. There's been a security breach! 126 00:06:35,043 --> 00:06:38,209 Shit! Crapping-ass! Damn it! Pants full of fucking shit! 127 00:06:38,293 --> 00:06:39,584 There's a mole in our midst. 128 00:06:39,668 --> 00:06:43,084 They've broken in and stolen the unspoken file. 129 00:06:44,626 --> 00:06:46,209 What's the unspoken file? 130 00:06:46,293 --> 00:06:49,084 The one we don't speak about. You got a brain under that hot face? 131 00:06:49,168 --> 00:06:50,626 It's the master dossier 132 00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:53,209 of every conspiracy we have ever committed. 133 00:06:53,293 --> 00:06:55,751 If that gets exposed, the whole company goes down. 134 00:06:55,834 --> 00:07:00,043 Someone here is trying to personally fuck me over, and I won't have it. 135 00:07:00,126 --> 00:07:02,876 If the Robes find out about this, the only place I'll be promoted to 136 00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:04,709 is Shadow prison X. 137 00:07:04,793 --> 00:07:06,834 The place we disappear people to 138 00:07:06,918 --> 00:07:09,834 that's so secret even we don't know where it is? 139 00:07:09,918 --> 00:07:11,918 That's where we sent the third Olsen triplet. 140 00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:14,918 Pour one out for Stacey May Olsen. 141 00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:18,209 Okay, let's just all stay calm and be reasonable about this. 142 00:07:18,293 --> 00:07:22,418 I'm filling the atrium with sharks trained in Krav Maga! 143 00:07:30,376 --> 00:07:34,209 I'm going to my coronation ceremony come hell or shark water. 144 00:07:34,293 --> 00:07:37,168 Reagan, you wanted to be boss. Here's your first task. 145 00:07:37,251 --> 00:07:40,043 Find the mole by end of day, 146 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,834 or I'm disappearing every one of you! 147 00:07:47,084 --> 00:07:49,584 Oh, and Reagan, congrats on the promotion. 148 00:07:50,668 --> 00:07:51,501 Thank you. 149 00:07:51,584 --> 00:07:54,459 I hope you survive yours as well. 150 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,418 Hey, Cognito. 151 00:07:58,501 --> 00:08:01,126 It's your new CEO here, thanking you for your cooperation 152 00:08:01,209 --> 00:08:03,834 with this whole friendly, mandatory screening. 153 00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:06,751 Warrantless searches are unethical. 154 00:08:07,918 --> 00:08:09,459 -Okay, Reagan, no pressure. 155 00:08:09,543 --> 00:08:11,626 You have ten hours to find the mole, or everyone dies. 156 00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:14,709 This job is my dream. I will not give up on my utopia. 157 00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:16,793 I can't go to Shadow prison X. 158 00:08:16,876 --> 00:08:18,709 I created all their torture devices 159 00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:22,043 with the express understanding I'd never have to experience them. 160 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,668 Okay, whoever did this wanted to take down J.R. 161 00:08:24,751 --> 00:08:26,751 and didn't care about the fallout. But why? 162 00:08:26,834 --> 00:08:29,793 Who in this company would be such an asshole? 163 00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,793 Oh, come on. 164 00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:35,709 No, there's only one truly vengeful traitor 165 00:08:35,793 --> 00:08:36,626 in the building, 166 00:08:36,709 --> 00:08:39,126 and I know because it's basically all he talks about. 167 00:08:39,209 --> 00:08:41,834 It is not. Besides, I can't be your mole. 168 00:08:41,918 --> 00:08:45,251 I've been trapped in a glass tomb for a reason we've all forgotten. 169 00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:46,834 Attempted global genocide? 170 00:08:46,918 --> 00:08:50,543 Do us all a favor, build a bridge and get over it. 171 00:08:50,626 --> 00:08:51,668 Am I right, folks? 172 00:08:51,751 --> 00:08:55,334 This guy is a pistol. Why don't we hang out more, man? 173 00:08:55,418 --> 00:08:56,793 His casing is intact. 174 00:08:56,876 --> 00:08:58,626 There's no way he could've stolen the file. 175 00:08:58,709 --> 00:09:00,876 Ah, but I saw on the security log 176 00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:05,501 that J.R.'s door was opened at midnight by someone with department-head clearance. 177 00:09:05,584 --> 00:09:08,293 Wait, but wouldn't that mean that the mole would have to be… 178 00:09:08,376 --> 00:09:10,834 Someone in this room. 179 00:09:12,043 --> 00:09:13,834 Drama. 180 00:09:15,084 --> 00:09:18,084 It's fine, J.R., the Robes don't know about the leak. 181 00:09:18,168 --> 00:09:21,001 Don't lose it. Just schmooze it. 182 00:09:21,084 --> 00:09:22,751 -Oh, hello! 183 00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:24,918 How's my favorite Shadow Council doing? 184 00:09:25,001 --> 00:09:29,209 You cryptic bastards still keeping it shady, or what? 185 00:09:29,293 --> 00:09:31,001 Hello, J.R. 186 00:09:31,084 --> 00:09:33,293 We've been watching you. 187 00:09:33,376 --> 00:09:36,126 So is this where we're doing my, uh, robe ceremony? 188 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:39,709 We didn't bring you here to give you a robe, J.R. 189 00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:41,834 Ah, okay, you caught me. 190 00:09:41,918 --> 00:09:43,876 Look, I can explain! 191 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:47,251 We brought you to compete to the death for one. 192 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:50,376 So this isn't Shadow prison? 193 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,834 No, it's an insidious maze 194 00:09:52,918 --> 00:09:56,959 filled with deadly traps and sinister creations. 195 00:09:57,043 --> 00:09:58,043 Wow. 196 00:09:58,126 --> 00:09:59,626 What a diabolical twist. 197 00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:00,834 You guys are good! 198 00:10:00,918 --> 00:10:02,418 I love the decor, by the way. 199 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:05,501 May the first person to exit the maze win. 200 00:10:05,584 --> 00:10:07,751 Let the games begin. 201 00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:11,001 Okay, crusty old guy, crusty old guy… 202 00:10:11,084 --> 00:10:15,418 J.R. Scheimpough, the most entitled person I know, 203 00:10:15,501 --> 00:10:18,209 and I've had Tom Cruise jump on my furniture. 204 00:10:18,293 --> 00:10:22,418 Well, well, well. Oprah. Hey, how are things over at the Illuminati, by the way? 205 00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:25,751 You still tryin' to scramble up to the top of that greasy pyramid? 206 00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,793 You're not the only rich sociopath 207 00:10:27,876 --> 00:10:30,126 I'm going to leapfrog on my way to the top. 208 00:10:30,209 --> 00:10:31,043 Ah! 209 00:10:31,126 --> 00:10:33,668 I knew God didn't exist. Ow! 210 00:10:33,751 --> 00:10:35,543 It's too many snakes. 211 00:10:36,418 --> 00:10:38,209 Booby-trap floor. That's cute. 212 00:10:38,293 --> 00:10:42,501 You seem calm for a man who's one puzzle away from certain peril. 213 00:10:42,584 --> 00:10:46,293 A maze is just a building full of lies designed to make everyone miserable. 214 00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:48,668 I've been running one of those for 40 years. 215 00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:56,084 Okay, we're still a team, except for the one of us that's not. 216 00:10:56,168 --> 00:10:57,626 Can't Myc just tell us who did it? 217 00:10:57,709 --> 00:10:59,876 My, uh, psychic powers are tapped out. 218 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:03,584 I might have gone a little overboard test-driving Reagan's new spank tank. 219 00:11:03,668 --> 00:11:05,668 That sounds like something a leaker would say. 220 00:11:05,751 --> 00:11:07,751 Look, he's leaking right now. 221 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,543 You're quick to point a flipper. 222 00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:12,918 I say Glenn's the mole. His backstory doesn't make any sense. 223 00:11:13,001 --> 00:11:14,918 He's a human who became a dolphin, 224 00:11:15,001 --> 00:11:17,668 but his last name has always been Dolphman? 225 00:11:17,751 --> 00:11:19,709 -I'm calling bullshit. -I have an idea. 226 00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:22,418 Maybe we can share the blame equally, 227 00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:23,501 like best bros. 228 00:11:23,584 --> 00:11:25,793 You'd love that. Maybe Brett's the mole, 229 00:11:25,876 --> 00:11:29,043 and he did this to force all of us to be best buddies in prison forever! 230 00:11:29,126 --> 00:11:30,293 Everybody calm down. 231 00:11:30,376 --> 00:11:34,501 Don't forget, this is Cognito 2.0. I'm gonna solve this humanely. 232 00:11:34,584 --> 00:11:35,918 None of us have left the building, 233 00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:37,834 so the unspoken file hasn't left the building. 234 00:11:37,918 --> 00:11:39,876 We'll search office by office. 235 00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:41,918 We find the file, we find the mole. 236 00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:44,751 -It's every Mothman for himself! 237 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,876 That's right, I'm taking all the lamps! 238 00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:48,751 Social order is breaking down! 239 00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:51,876 Well, Brett's creepily clean. 240 00:11:51,959 --> 00:11:54,626 Is that an entire drawer of Purell? 241 00:11:54,709 --> 00:11:56,793 Mm-hmm. That's some American Psycho shit. 242 00:11:56,876 --> 00:11:59,501 I'm a blank slate, and I have nothing to hide. 243 00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:01,959 -Concealed item detected. 244 00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:03,459 Ooh. 245 00:12:03,543 --> 00:12:05,334 -He's got a wire. -Oh, my God. 246 00:12:05,418 --> 00:12:07,834 My hunch about you from day one was right. 247 00:12:07,918 --> 00:12:11,876 You're some kind of sleeper agent created in a lab by Abercrombie. 248 00:12:11,959 --> 00:12:14,709 -Quick, test his reflexes. -Ow! Ah! 249 00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:16,293 Guys, okay, I can explain. 250 00:12:16,376 --> 00:12:18,209 -This is my audio journal. 251 00:12:18,293 --> 00:12:20,751 Dear diary, how are you? I'm Brett. 252 00:12:20,834 --> 00:12:24,459 Sometimes I wonder, do trees have feelings? 253 00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:26,168 My therapist recommended that I keep one 254 00:12:26,251 --> 00:12:29,376 because I feel emotionally gaslit by you guys, a lot. 255 00:12:29,459 --> 00:12:31,709 Scan complete. Area cleared. 256 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,376 Look, search all you want. 257 00:12:33,459 --> 00:12:36,876 The only thing you'll find looking through my personal possessions is jealousy. 258 00:12:36,959 --> 00:12:40,459 Jealousy and dozens of rejected job applications 259 00:12:40,543 --> 00:12:42,043 to work for the Illuminati? 260 00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:44,668 Maybe you sold out J.R. 261 00:12:44,751 --> 00:12:48,626 in exchange for a cushy new gig with Oprah at our rival company. 262 00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:50,334 You're leaving us, Gigi? 263 00:12:50,418 --> 00:12:53,251 Dear diary, abandonment issues rearing their ugly head again. 264 00:12:53,334 --> 00:12:55,043 That's none of your goddamn business. 265 00:12:55,126 --> 00:12:57,293 If I wanted J.R. canceled, I'd have done it with a tweet. 266 00:12:57,376 --> 00:13:00,293 I got cancel tweets locked and loaded for all y'all, 267 00:13:00,376 --> 00:13:02,376 so watch your ass. 268 00:13:03,084 --> 00:13:06,084 Did someone already ransack Andre's office? 269 00:13:06,168 --> 00:13:07,168 What? No. 270 00:13:07,251 --> 00:13:08,709 This is how I keep my office. 271 00:13:10,626 --> 00:13:14,043 Or did you destroy your lab in a fit of rage 272 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:18,209 after J.R. refused to let the FDA approve your truth serum? 273 00:13:18,293 --> 00:13:21,918 Look, I'm hooked on truth serum, okay? Regular drugs don't work anymore. 274 00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:24,668 The only thing that gives me a rush are harsh truths. 275 00:13:24,751 --> 00:13:25,834 Harsh truths? 276 00:13:25,918 --> 00:13:28,584 If you survive 40, I hope you find peace with yourself. 277 00:13:28,668 --> 00:13:30,459 Yes! Harsher. 278 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,334 Oh God, he's enjoying this. 279 00:13:32,918 --> 00:13:36,209 I'm no traitor. You can cavity-search me if you want. Go ahead. 280 00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:37,959 What's inside the vault? 281 00:13:38,043 --> 00:13:39,418 Hmm. Nothing. 282 00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:42,126 -No, no, no, no! 283 00:13:44,959 --> 00:13:46,209 What the hell? 284 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,209 A wig? Fidget spinners? 285 00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:49,584 A secret identity! 286 00:13:49,668 --> 00:13:52,168 You're a double agent with double chins! 287 00:13:52,251 --> 00:13:53,376 I am not! 288 00:13:53,459 --> 00:13:56,834 The truth is, I've been working undercover at Georgetown 289 00:13:56,918 --> 00:14:00,668 under the alias of 19-year-old liberal arts major Chad Dallas. 290 00:14:00,751 --> 00:14:04,501 Only thing Chad loves more than vaping on his electronic cigarettes 291 00:14:04,584 --> 00:14:07,626 is signing up his fellow teens to become drone pilots 292 00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,043 for the US military. 293 00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:10,584 Thanks, bros. 294 00:14:10,668 --> 00:14:14,126 Sacrificing yourself to the state is bae. 295 00:14:14,959 --> 00:14:18,043 -Area cleared. -Booyah! Exonerated. 296 00:14:18,126 --> 00:14:19,668 Well, I guess that's everyone. 297 00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:21,001 It's Myc then. 298 00:14:21,084 --> 00:14:22,543 Myc's the goddamn mole. 299 00:14:22,626 --> 00:14:24,626 -Ah! It's not me. -Unethical. 300 00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,418 -Unethical. -Whoa, Reagan. A little timeout. 301 00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:28,168 -Ah! 302 00:14:28,251 --> 00:14:31,876 You are acting cheugy right now, Reagan. 303 00:14:34,751 --> 00:14:37,668 Things are, uh, getting a little heated in there, Ray-dawg. 304 00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:40,543 How does running this company ethically help 305 00:14:40,626 --> 00:14:42,834 if I can't even find one lousy mole? 306 00:14:42,918 --> 00:14:44,918 Maybe the mole isn't one of our friends. 307 00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:47,418 I guess I'm just an atrium half full kind of guy, 308 00:14:47,501 --> 00:14:49,001 but I think they're telling the truth. 309 00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:53,459 That's it, Brett, truth. I know how we're gonna find the mole. 310 00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:57,209 We're gonna slip those shady bastards a little of Andre's truth serum. 311 00:14:57,293 --> 00:14:59,293 Whoa, Reagan, doesn't that seem a little-- 312 00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,876 Unethical. Unethical. Uneth-- 313 00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:04,709 In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to drug our friends 314 00:15:04,793 --> 00:15:06,376 to avoid being eaten by sharks. 315 00:15:06,459 --> 00:15:08,959 But we live in America in the 2020s, 316 00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:10,418 and all bets are off. 317 00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:12,626 It's time for you to stop thinking with your heart 318 00:15:12,709 --> 00:15:14,334 and start thinking with your head. 319 00:15:14,418 --> 00:15:15,293 But… 320 00:15:15,376 --> 00:15:16,459 For the gang. 321 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:23,084 Okay, let's drug our friends to save our friends. 322 00:15:25,709 --> 00:15:29,168 Let's see, we've got a pharaoh, Aristotle… 323 00:15:29,251 --> 00:15:31,251 Ronald McDonald? Was he a real guy? 324 00:15:31,334 --> 00:15:34,001 -Can a god become a man? 325 00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:37,793 Look, let's skip the banter till after I'm a Robe and you're dead. 326 00:15:37,876 --> 00:15:41,126 No, you simple sentient forehead. 327 00:15:41,209 --> 00:15:43,626 You're going to get me that robe. 328 00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:45,543 And why would I do that? 329 00:15:45,626 --> 00:15:48,918 'Cause Cognito has a mole. 330 00:15:49,001 --> 00:15:52,251 And unless you want the Robes to know you can't keep your house clean, 331 00:15:52,334 --> 00:15:55,709 you're going to do exactly what Oprah tells you. 332 00:15:55,793 --> 00:15:56,918 Goddamn it. 333 00:15:57,001 --> 00:15:59,751 Fine. But only because you gave me a car that one time. 334 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:03,459 Out of curiosity, how the hell did you find out about the leak? 335 00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:05,959 Let's just say your extraction team 336 00:16:06,043 --> 00:16:08,543 was looking for new employment opportunities. 337 00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:10,709 Is this about me using them as a death squad? 338 00:16:13,126 --> 00:16:15,584 Goddamn millennials just won't put the work in. 339 00:16:17,668 --> 00:16:18,751 Sorry, guys. 340 00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:21,209 I said things would be different with me as CEO. 341 00:16:21,293 --> 00:16:23,751 If we go down, we go down together. 342 00:16:23,834 --> 00:16:27,918 A toast to the best group of coconspirators anyone could ask for. 343 00:16:32,084 --> 00:16:35,584 Huh. I have a weird urge to tell someone whatever the opposite of a lie is. 344 00:16:35,668 --> 00:16:36,876 Wh… what is that called again? 345 00:16:36,959 --> 00:16:40,501 That's because I put Andre's truth serum in your drinks. 346 00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:42,876 -You truth-roofied us? 347 00:16:42,959 --> 00:16:45,293 I prefer tru-fied. It's more playful. 348 00:16:45,376 --> 00:16:47,043 Now you're all gonna talk. 349 00:16:47,126 --> 00:16:49,418 -Gigi, are you the mole? -No! 350 00:16:49,501 --> 00:16:52,543 Then why were you applying to join the Illuminati? 351 00:16:52,626 --> 00:16:55,626 Because they're the Prada of secret societies, 352 00:16:55,709 --> 00:16:57,251 and you all ignore me. 353 00:16:57,334 --> 00:17:00,376 I don't think any of you even know what my damn last name is. 354 00:17:00,459 --> 00:17:02,251 I wanna say Luigi? 355 00:17:02,334 --> 00:17:03,709 Gigi Luigi? 356 00:17:03,793 --> 00:17:07,001 I'm gonna kick whatever you have instead of an ass. 357 00:17:07,084 --> 00:17:09,251 This is good. We're talking, letting out our truths. 358 00:17:09,334 --> 00:17:10,251 Myc, are you the mole? 359 00:17:10,334 --> 00:17:12,126 Hell no. But we're telling the truth? 360 00:17:12,209 --> 00:17:14,584 Well, I got some truth bombs for you. 361 00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:17,043 I've been in your minds all year. 362 00:17:17,126 --> 00:17:19,709 I know all your dirty little secrets. 363 00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:22,501 Gigi hooked up with Andre at the company Christmas party. 364 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,918 Brett thinks Reagan's mom is hot. 365 00:17:25,001 --> 00:17:26,876 Reagan has a Carl Sagan fetish, 366 00:17:26,959 --> 00:17:29,751 and Glenn has had sex dreams about all of us. 367 00:17:29,834 --> 00:17:30,834 -Oh my gosh! -Jesus Christ. 368 00:17:30,918 --> 00:17:31,793 No, no, no, no. 369 00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:33,668 Damn you, mushroom! 370 00:17:33,751 --> 00:17:37,834 This is why I've been secretly trying to get your fungal ass deported 371 00:17:37,918 --> 00:17:39,376 back to the center of the Earth. 372 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,084 -You've been trying to deport Myc? 373 00:17:42,168 --> 00:17:45,084 Dolphin versus mushroom. This is like watching Planet Earth. 374 00:17:45,168 --> 00:17:47,001 Shut your bong hole, Tommy Chong. 375 00:17:47,084 --> 00:17:50,709 Everyone here just uses you to get drugs, and you're definitely the mole. 376 00:17:50,793 --> 00:17:53,459 I… I'm not the mole. I'm not even a real doctor. 377 00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:56,918 I flunked out of med school my first year. 378 00:17:57,001 --> 00:18:00,334 My PhD is photoshopped from an episode of Doc McStuffins. 379 00:18:00,418 --> 00:18:03,418 Andre, you did my dolphin surgery. 380 00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:05,793 You literally said the words, 381 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,709 "Trust me, I'm a doctor." 382 00:18:07,793 --> 00:18:09,459 That's just a turn of phrase. 383 00:18:09,543 --> 00:18:11,501 "I'm a doctor." "Where's the beef?" 384 00:18:11,584 --> 00:18:14,793 "Gigi, I wasn't kind of frightened by our sexual encounter." 385 00:18:17,709 --> 00:18:18,668 Hey! 386 00:18:18,751 --> 00:18:19,751 You know what? 387 00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:24,001 If J.R. wants to kill me, tell him to go ahead and try it. 388 00:18:24,084 --> 00:18:25,709 Hidden weapons! 389 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,501 Stop! Stop! Reagan, the truth is tearing us apart. 390 00:18:32,584 --> 00:18:33,751 It doesn't make any sense. 391 00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:38,251 It's not like some other perfect suspect is gonna just, like, fall out of the sky. 392 00:18:39,043 --> 00:18:40,376 -What? 393 00:18:40,876 --> 00:18:43,959 Congrats on the promotion, sweetie. 394 00:18:44,043 --> 00:18:47,584 -What the entire fuck are you doing here? 395 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,376 Look, I know what this looks like. 396 00:18:49,459 --> 00:18:51,418 I'm a former disgruntled employee 397 00:18:51,501 --> 00:18:55,001 mysteriously sneaking into a company I swore "vengeance" on. 398 00:18:55,084 --> 00:18:57,043 However, you know, fucking-- 399 00:18:57,876 --> 00:18:59,876 Man, this one really got away from me. 400 00:19:02,293 --> 00:19:05,126 It all makes sense! Rand hates J.R. 401 00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:07,793 Conclusions jumped. Hand over the file. 402 00:19:07,876 --> 00:19:10,584 Dad, I want the truth, and if you lie, 403 00:19:10,668 --> 00:19:15,084 I swear I will have Bear-o smother you physically and emotionally. 404 00:19:15,168 --> 00:19:17,459 Truth is, I just snuck in this morning 405 00:19:17,543 --> 00:19:19,876 to bring you a little surprise on your big day. 406 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,751 Well, it used to be cupcakes, 407 00:19:21,834 --> 00:19:24,626 but I got lost in the vents and started boredom eating 408 00:19:24,709 --> 00:19:27,418 listening to you assholes Agatha Christie each other. 409 00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:30,293 But you're banned from the company. How do you have clearance? 410 00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:32,293 -I borrowed Reagan's. 411 00:19:32,376 --> 00:19:35,168 He's got the motive. He's got department-head clearance. 412 00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:37,126 Feed him to the sharks. 413 00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:38,251 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 414 00:19:38,334 --> 00:19:41,251 Let's not make any rash decisions here, guys. 415 00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:42,501 Guys, wait. Wait. 416 00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:45,709 The file has been gone for hours, and it still hasn't been leaked. 417 00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:49,876 It's like whoever did this just wanted to turn this team against each other. 418 00:19:49,959 --> 00:19:52,418 And take this in the best way possible, 419 00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:55,376 my dad just doesn't care about you guys. 420 00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:57,626 It's true. I don't even know most of your names. 421 00:19:57,709 --> 00:20:00,084 Reagan, I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, 422 00:20:00,168 --> 00:20:02,793 but what's more likely, that this was done by one of our gang 423 00:20:02,876 --> 00:20:06,251 or that it was done by your dad, who's a psychopath alcoholic? 424 00:20:06,334 --> 00:20:09,543 I know him, Brett. He is an asshole, but he's got a good-- 425 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:12,334 Heart? What did you say about listening to your heart? 426 00:20:12,959 --> 00:20:14,709 Ethical conundrum detected. 427 00:20:14,793 --> 00:20:18,043 Who to trust, your work family or your real family? 428 00:20:18,126 --> 00:20:21,209 You know, lording your ethical superiority over people, 429 00:20:21,293 --> 00:20:22,584 it's not very ethical. 430 00:20:22,668 --> 00:20:24,918 Ethics aren't ethical? 431 00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:28,168 Error. Moral relativism detected. Error. 432 00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:33,084 We can still find the mole, save your job and this office. 433 00:20:33,168 --> 00:20:34,959 It's him or us, Reagan. 434 00:20:35,043 --> 00:20:36,501 Hand over your dad. 435 00:20:40,876 --> 00:20:42,501 Sorry, Brett. 436 00:20:42,584 --> 00:20:43,543 Bear-o. 437 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,918 Does Reagan need a hug? 438 00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:48,168 -Dad, jump! -That's my girl. 439 00:20:49,584 --> 00:20:50,751 Reagan, no. 440 00:20:54,084 --> 00:20:55,543 Oh no, they don't. 441 00:20:57,584 --> 00:21:00,043 -Come on, I know where we can hide out. -What? 442 00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:10,251 Oh my gosh. Is there a secret tunnel in the Mayan calendar? 443 00:21:10,334 --> 00:21:13,251 How do we have shit like that but no paid maternity leave? 444 00:21:13,334 --> 00:21:16,668 -We gotta follow them. -Into that shark-infested water? 445 00:21:16,751 --> 00:21:21,293 Watch out. I'm about to open a can of dolphin-safe whoop-ass. 446 00:21:24,376 --> 00:21:27,584 -Ah, thanks for saving me, kiddo. -Do not make me regret this. 447 00:21:27,668 --> 00:21:30,501 We have to prove that you're right, or we're all getting fired, 448 00:21:30,584 --> 00:21:34,376 disappeared, and/or eaten by sharks. Kind of a stakes overkill. 449 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,834 -Yeah, a lot of redundant stakes. -Stakes a-poppin'. 450 00:21:36,918 --> 00:21:38,959 And, uh, where the hell are we? 451 00:21:39,043 --> 00:21:42,918 Behind here is a surveillance feed of the entire office. 452 00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:45,459 I built it during the height of the cocaine crisis 453 00:21:45,543 --> 00:21:46,959 to weed out any squares. 454 00:21:48,168 --> 00:21:50,126 This is how we're gonna find that mole. 455 00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:53,918 You built a secret surveillance state within a secret surveillance state? 456 00:21:54,001 --> 00:21:55,084 Ain't she pretty? 457 00:21:55,168 --> 00:21:57,751 Back in my day, the cameras never stopped rolling, 458 00:21:57,834 --> 00:21:59,751 and the fear flowed like wine. 459 00:21:59,834 --> 00:22:01,293 -Ah. 460 00:22:01,376 --> 00:22:04,793 I wish I could go back for the steady stream of groveling alone. 461 00:22:04,876 --> 00:22:06,751 -Kiddo? 462 00:22:06,834 --> 00:22:09,751 I thought I was gonna be different from J.R. 463 00:22:09,834 --> 00:22:12,126 On my first day, I had to drug my team 464 00:22:12,209 --> 00:22:14,126 and ride a robot bear through a shark tank. 465 00:22:14,209 --> 00:22:16,876 Don't forget you made a morality robot self-destruct. 466 00:22:16,959 --> 00:22:19,626 Maybe I'm… maybe I'm not cut out for this. 467 00:22:19,709 --> 00:22:21,959 Hey, you made it further than your old man. 468 00:22:22,043 --> 00:22:23,793 If I'd gotten complete control of the company, 469 00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:25,959 I'd have spent my first morning, I don't know, 470 00:22:26,043 --> 00:22:28,501 disappearing anybody your mom's ever dated 471 00:22:28,584 --> 00:22:30,876 and just killing people for fun. 472 00:22:31,876 --> 00:22:34,418 Be a dear and access the surveillance tapes. 473 00:22:34,501 --> 00:22:36,876 Daddy's gonna rustle up some black cherry Tab. 474 00:22:40,043 --> 00:22:42,834 Welcome to the final room. 475 00:22:42,918 --> 00:22:46,001 One door rings true, one door spells doom. 476 00:22:46,084 --> 00:22:49,209 Choose a Robe's most favorite beast 477 00:22:49,293 --> 00:22:52,418 to ride to your coronation feast. 478 00:22:53,001 --> 00:22:54,709 Last trap, J.R. 479 00:22:54,793 --> 00:22:57,168 A Robe's most favorite beast. 480 00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:58,501 It's the bull. 481 00:22:58,584 --> 00:23:02,251 You wouldn't be tricking me into mortal danger, would you? 482 00:23:02,334 --> 00:23:06,376 Why, I'd have to be a complete snake to do something like that. 483 00:23:07,209 --> 00:23:08,293 Good point. 484 00:23:09,126 --> 00:23:12,418 -Once a liar, always a liar. 485 00:23:12,501 --> 00:23:16,251 Now, to accept my robe and have you banished to a black site. 486 00:23:17,084 --> 00:23:18,459 -Ah! 487 00:23:20,084 --> 00:23:22,001 You're right, Oprah. I'm a liar, 488 00:23:22,084 --> 00:23:24,334 which is why the only way I could deceive you 489 00:23:24,418 --> 00:23:26,876 was to tell the truth. 490 00:23:26,959 --> 00:23:30,293 You truth-telling son of a bitch. How did you know the answer? 491 00:23:30,376 --> 00:23:32,751 The Robes love a bull market. 492 00:23:32,834 --> 00:23:35,668 And I should know. I'm about to be one! 493 00:23:47,418 --> 00:23:49,918 Jesus, I've seen potato clocks with more RAM. 494 00:23:50,001 --> 00:23:54,001 -Reagan, we know you're in there! -Guys, we need some time to find the mole. 495 00:23:54,084 --> 00:23:55,543 I don't wanna hurt anyone. 496 00:23:55,626 --> 00:23:58,376 You already have, Reagan. You already have! 497 00:23:58,459 --> 00:24:00,168 I'm gonna need something to hold them off. 498 00:24:00,251 --> 00:24:01,751 Dad, is there anything in here 499 00:24:01,834 --> 00:24:03,959 that is not a computer the size of a house? 500 00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:07,543 The animatronic cryptids. Our first generation of conspiracies 501 00:24:07,626 --> 00:24:10,376 just had that charm of practical effects, huh? 502 00:24:11,293 --> 00:24:13,168 Freedom! 503 00:24:13,251 --> 00:24:15,334 -Try me, dolphin. 504 00:24:21,209 --> 00:24:25,043 You don't know who you're fucking with. I'm the man who killed disco. 505 00:24:31,751 --> 00:24:33,834 -Go for the jugular, Reagan. 506 00:24:33,918 --> 00:24:35,084 Show no mercy. 507 00:24:38,751 --> 00:24:40,251 Dad, these are my friends. 508 00:24:40,334 --> 00:24:42,376 I'm Brett's emergency contact. 509 00:24:42,459 --> 00:24:45,334 Maybe he could call you after you murder him. 510 00:24:45,418 --> 00:24:47,126 I'm not murdering anyone! 511 00:24:47,209 --> 00:24:49,876 I am not that kind of boss! 512 00:24:54,209 --> 00:24:55,126 I'm the mole. 513 00:24:55,209 --> 00:24:56,126 What? 514 00:24:56,209 --> 00:24:58,043 I mean, not really. 515 00:24:58,126 --> 00:25:01,668 But we're all about to die because we can't find the mole. 516 00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:03,834 I have to take this one for the team 517 00:25:03,918 --> 00:25:06,126 so there can be a team. 518 00:25:07,376 --> 00:25:08,793 Take me to Shadow prison. 519 00:25:08,876 --> 00:25:11,543 -Reagan, no, sweetie. -There's gotta be another option. 520 00:25:11,626 --> 00:25:14,418 Well, I can't choose between my family and my friends. 521 00:25:14,501 --> 00:25:17,418 I'm choosing to be a good boss the only way I know how. 522 00:25:18,418 --> 00:25:20,126 The surveillance footage. 523 00:25:21,959 --> 00:25:23,543 You'll see I wasn't the mole. 524 00:25:24,168 --> 00:25:25,334 The mole was… 525 00:25:25,834 --> 00:25:28,626 Holy shit. 526 00:25:30,459 --> 00:25:32,043 Bear-o's the mole? 527 00:25:32,126 --> 00:25:34,793 -It's okay, Reagan. 528 00:25:35,293 --> 00:25:38,626 Do you need a hug?