1 00:00:10,001 --> 00:00:14,834 Trouble on the horizon today, as believers in the flat-Earth theory 2 00:00:14,918 --> 00:00:17,543 protested outside the National Air and Space Museum. 3 00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:19,209 -Ah! 4 00:00:19,293 --> 00:00:21,918 The Earth's not round! It is flat! 5 00:00:22,001 --> 00:00:24,168 We are here to protest that! 6 00:00:24,251 --> 00:00:26,918 My God, this flat-Earth nonsense. 7 00:00:27,001 --> 00:00:29,293 Why do conspiracies keep getting stupider? 8 00:00:29,376 --> 00:00:31,293 If they only knew the obvious truth. 9 00:00:31,376 --> 00:00:32,918 The Earth isn't flat. It's hollow 10 00:00:33,001 --> 00:00:36,834 and filled with mole people, sea monsters, and that family from Land of the Lost. 11 00:00:36,918 --> 00:00:38,751 They don't know about the mole people? 12 00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:42,084 This is what happens when schools cut science funding. 13 00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,126 -Sad. 14 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:47,251 You fail me again, and I find out where your family lives. 15 00:00:47,334 --> 00:00:49,584 -Florists, am I right? 16 00:00:49,668 --> 00:00:51,668 Thank God my mom's wedding is tonight. 17 00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:54,084 I'm so sick of planning this thing. 18 00:00:54,168 --> 00:00:56,043 Oh, I love weddings. 19 00:00:56,126 --> 00:01:00,376 They're a celebration of two souls who got sick of dating apps and settled. 20 00:01:00,459 --> 00:01:03,543 That's the kicker. My mom is getting married to herself. 21 00:01:03,626 --> 00:01:06,959 Oh, that's two Tamikos on the invite. 22 00:01:07,043 --> 00:01:09,751 I just thought your mom was a lesbian and I was racist. 23 00:01:09,834 --> 00:01:11,126 My mom marrying herself 24 00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:14,001 is just another dramatic stunt to piss off my dad. 25 00:01:14,084 --> 00:01:16,334 That's why I've been working on an active cover-up. 26 00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:20,084 My dad finds out about this wedding, it'll be total chaos. 27 00:01:21,084 --> 00:01:23,584 Well, the rest of us are stoked for a cruise under the stars 28 00:01:23,668 --> 00:01:25,126 on J.R.'s super-yacht. 29 00:01:25,209 --> 00:01:28,543 Please, Brett, mega-yacht. We have an onboard horse track. 30 00:01:28,626 --> 00:01:30,251 And I volunteer to be security. 31 00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:34,126 I spent my own wedding doing cavity searches of suspicious guests. 32 00:01:34,209 --> 00:01:36,418 Turns out we didn't even need a registry. 33 00:01:36,501 --> 00:01:38,959 See, Reagan? Weddings are magical. 34 00:01:39,043 --> 00:01:41,084 Stop worrying about your parents and have some fun. 35 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:44,626 Fun? You have no idea what my parents are capable of. 36 00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:48,293 One of their arguments had a ripple effect that caused the LA riots. 37 00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,626 I just need to get through this, 38 00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:53,084 'cause as soon as we re-dock, I'm on the next flight to Bora-Bora. 39 00:01:53,168 --> 00:01:55,668 Old Reagorino's gonna lay on a beach 40 00:01:55,751 --> 00:01:59,293 and enjoy having blood pressure in the recommended range. 41 00:02:00,126 --> 00:02:01,168 Brett, a word. 42 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:04,751 Despite my sunny demeanor, I am not doing this for fun. 43 00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,876 My yacht is a money pit. 44 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:09,501 The maintenance costs are about to drag me down into the… 45 00:02:09,584 --> 00:02:11,334 …0.2%. 46 00:02:11,418 --> 00:02:14,376 -No, J.R. Don't say that. No! 47 00:02:14,459 --> 00:02:17,293 My plan is to sell it to one of the fat cats at the wedding, 48 00:02:17,376 --> 00:02:19,543 so I need you to stoke the fires 49 00:02:19,626 --> 00:02:22,626 by posing as a billionaire who's interested in buying it. 50 00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,084 A solo mission? 51 00:02:24,168 --> 00:02:25,876 Yes. And if you pull this off, 52 00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:28,709 I will give you an enthusiastic "attaboy." 53 00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:31,543 J.R., that… that's too much. 54 00:02:31,626 --> 00:02:34,293 Anchors up at 4 p.m., guys. Don't be late. 55 00:02:34,376 --> 00:02:36,043 Everything needs to be perfect. 56 00:02:36,126 --> 00:02:37,459 Oh, you need a massage. 57 00:02:37,543 --> 00:02:40,334 -Oh, her mind! The rage! The terror! 58 00:02:40,418 --> 00:02:43,834 Oh, we live on the edge of a knife! This wedding could doom us all! 59 00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:53,501 BT-dubs, if anyone needs it, I know how to do a bow tie. 60 00:03:17,751 --> 00:03:19,918 I saw your protest on the news. 61 00:03:20,001 --> 00:03:23,584 You really showed those globalists who's boss. 62 00:03:23,668 --> 00:03:26,709 After years of being ridiculed for our beliefs, 63 00:03:26,793 --> 00:03:30,793 it's so nice to have someone on our side that's a respected scientist 64 00:03:30,876 --> 00:03:33,043 and not just a respected NBA player. 65 00:03:33,126 --> 00:03:36,168 Yeah, I'm choking on respect. 66 00:03:36,251 --> 00:03:40,793 Oh man, don't leave the house. It's really coming down out there. 67 00:03:40,876 --> 00:03:43,918 I got us groceries so we can stay inside all weekend. 68 00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:47,293 Reagan, meet the DC chapter of the Flat Earth Society. 69 00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:51,251 They, uh, haven't seen a girl in a while. 70 00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:54,418 Why are you in a chat room with a bunch of flat-earthers? 71 00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:57,584 A few years back, I made a bet with J.R. 72 00:03:57,668 --> 00:04:01,584 there was no idea so dumb that people couldn't be made to believe it. 73 00:04:01,668 --> 00:04:05,293 So I spread the flat-Earth theory, and it worked too well. 74 00:04:05,376 --> 00:04:07,876 Now I just egg them on to piss off J.R. 75 00:04:07,959 --> 00:04:12,459 Well, that sounds like a fun distraction for the next 72 hours. 76 00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:14,668 Oh, an overnight mission? 77 00:04:14,751 --> 00:04:17,501 Oh my goodness, looks like work all weekend for me. 78 00:04:17,584 --> 00:04:20,084 You stay here and get cozy. Okay, bye! 79 00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:22,293 So as I was saying, 80 00:04:22,376 --> 00:04:25,751 the true shape of the Earth can be seen in this secret documentary, 81 00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:27,251 Bruce Almighty. 82 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,418 -Oh, yeah, of course. -Oh! 83 00:04:34,459 --> 00:04:38,251 All right, he bought the fake storm, boys, so he's not going anywhere. 84 00:04:38,334 --> 00:04:40,543 All clear. We intercepted the wedding invitation. 85 00:04:40,626 --> 00:04:41,959 Enjoy your mom's big day. 86 00:04:42,043 --> 00:04:43,251 Enjoy it? 87 00:04:59,001 --> 00:05:00,418 Welcome, everyone. 88 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:04,209 Me and I thank you all so much for coming. 89 00:05:04,293 --> 00:05:06,293 Mom, I need you upstairs in 20. 90 00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,626 Darling, must you wear this hideous headset? 91 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:12,543 The energy of the day is joy, not fast-food drive-through. 92 00:05:12,626 --> 00:05:15,543 Mom, I'm basically at work here. I need to stay on point. 93 00:05:15,626 --> 00:05:18,626 Just promise me you'll let go and live a little. 94 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:20,418 I'm not just doing this for me. 95 00:05:20,501 --> 00:05:23,084 You're not just marrying yourself for yourself? 96 00:05:23,168 --> 00:05:25,459 I'm doing it for you too, darling. 97 00:05:25,543 --> 00:05:29,043 To show you how much better life can be when you serve yourself. 98 00:05:29,126 --> 00:05:30,876 Anyway, serve our guests. 99 00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:31,834 Ugh. 100 00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:35,834 -Open your bags. -Nothing bad in here. 101 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,543 Just tons of illegal drugs. 102 00:05:38,543 --> 00:05:39,918 No problem, buddy. 103 00:05:41,543 --> 00:05:44,126 No! Oh God! No! 104 00:05:47,251 --> 00:05:49,168 Wow. 105 00:05:49,251 --> 00:05:52,293 Oh my God, I love you guys. 106 00:05:52,376 --> 00:05:55,334 Protocol is protocol. This is a clean event. 107 00:05:55,418 --> 00:05:56,418 Uh, no worries. 108 00:05:56,501 --> 00:05:59,334 I'm as fun clean as I am wasted, uh, just a little different. 109 00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:00,876 Huh, I've never seen you sober. 110 00:06:00,959 --> 00:06:03,876 This should be either interesting or profoundly uninteresting. 111 00:06:03,959 --> 00:06:06,126 Either way, it's gonna be interesting! 112 00:06:06,209 --> 00:06:07,418 -Put the helium down. 113 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,793 Hey! Hey! 114 00:06:09,668 --> 00:06:12,209 Excuse me, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step aside. 115 00:06:12,293 --> 00:06:13,459 Hey, buddy, I do 116 00:06:13,543 --> 00:06:15,793 the vaguely threatening requests around here. 117 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,376 Glenn, I hired my own security. 118 00:06:18,459 --> 00:06:20,084 With all these VIPs around, 119 00:06:20,168 --> 00:06:22,709 I… I needed someone in peak form. 120 00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:24,709 What do you mean, "peak form"? 121 00:06:27,626 --> 00:06:28,501 Oh! 122 00:06:30,126 --> 00:06:32,834 See? I just took out a waiter from 30 feet. 123 00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:34,334 I'm combat-ready. 124 00:06:34,418 --> 00:06:36,084 Why don't you enjoy the party 125 00:06:36,168 --> 00:06:38,668 and treat yourself to a bucket of raw shrimp? 126 00:06:40,418 --> 00:06:42,376 The SS Atlas Shrugged 127 00:06:42,459 --> 00:06:46,584 is the yacht that made Bernie Sanders vomit on live TV. 128 00:06:47,584 --> 00:06:52,543 But I find one onboard vineyard limiting, so I'm thinking of selling the old gal. 129 00:06:52,626 --> 00:06:53,751 You know, every month… 130 00:06:53,834 --> 00:06:55,459 Color me intrigued. 131 00:06:55,543 --> 00:06:58,626 -Charmed to meet you all. 132 00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:02,501 I'm Joffrey Game of Thrones, and these are my monocles. 133 00:07:02,584 --> 00:07:03,959 Brett, what are you doing? 134 00:07:04,043 --> 00:07:06,959 I told you to look like a billionaire, not Mr. Peanut. 135 00:07:07,043 --> 00:07:10,168 I'm helping you sell the yacht. I did a lot of character work. 136 00:07:10,251 --> 00:07:11,584 I'm a spoiled prince 137 00:07:11,668 --> 00:07:15,043 whose mom and dad are actually brother and sister. 138 00:07:15,126 --> 00:07:17,376 Stop it! Now, get out of that ridiculous costume 139 00:07:17,459 --> 00:07:18,918 before you embarrass me in front of-- 140 00:07:23,626 --> 00:07:25,501 Same-day delivery. 141 00:07:27,418 --> 00:07:28,668 Jeff Bezos. 142 00:07:28,751 --> 00:07:31,293 The richest man in the world. 143 00:07:31,376 --> 00:07:33,084 -What do you think of my yacht? -Well, it's-- 144 00:07:33,168 --> 00:07:35,376 Too expensive for you, I imagine. 145 00:07:35,459 --> 00:07:37,918 You aren't wearing any monocles at all. 146 00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:40,668 Now, I'm off to admire the servant-thrashing quarters. 147 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:43,709 Wait, your monocle hoarding intrigues me. 148 00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:46,084 I don't believe we've met, Mr… 149 00:07:46,168 --> 00:07:47,709 Please, call me Joffrey. 150 00:07:47,793 --> 00:07:50,084 Mister is the name of my uncle father. 151 00:07:52,751 --> 00:07:54,501 So, Dr. R, we took your advice, 152 00:07:54,584 --> 00:07:59,334 and we bought a boat to embark on the first ever flat-Earth expedition. 153 00:07:59,418 --> 00:08:01,293 Do you have the coordinates to the Earth's edge? 154 00:08:01,376 --> 00:08:04,334 Sure thing. Latitude 5 degrees, 12 minutes, 155 00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:07,168 longitude 24 degrees, 46 minutes, 156 00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:08,459 and the Powerball is 12. 157 00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,876 Sandals? Who's going to Sandals? 158 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,584 No one in this house likes fun. 159 00:08:14,168 --> 00:08:15,543 Flowers, cake, 160 00:08:15,626 --> 00:08:18,334 the smooth jazz grooves of Kenny G? 161 00:08:18,418 --> 00:08:20,959 -My wife is getting remarried! 162 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:24,168 Hmm. Hey, Harold, did you say you have a boat? 163 00:08:27,501 --> 00:08:29,959 I've forgotten my Dramamine. 164 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,418 -I didn't. -Oh! 165 00:08:32,293 --> 00:08:35,001 Bear-o, serve rappers first, royalty second. 166 00:08:35,084 --> 00:08:36,459 Glenn, anything to report? 167 00:08:37,043 --> 00:08:39,459 -All quiet at the bar area. 168 00:08:39,543 --> 00:08:43,126 I've already lost my dignity. This shrimp is all I have left. 169 00:08:43,209 --> 00:08:44,876 Suck my ass, Flipper! 170 00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:50,043 Okay, I survived being raised by hardcore Christians. 171 00:08:50,126 --> 00:08:51,334 I can handle sobriety. 172 00:08:51,418 --> 00:08:54,209 Did I tell you guys about my RPG tournament in high school? 173 00:08:54,293 --> 00:08:56,168 -It was-- -High-stakes Elder Scrolls. 174 00:08:56,251 --> 00:08:57,834 We know. You're the only person 175 00:08:57,918 --> 00:09:01,501 who tells the same bad story over and over when they're not drunk. 176 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,376 When I'm sober, my anxiety flares up. 177 00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,584 Shit! Piss! Boob! Gigi, you look stunning! 178 00:09:05,668 --> 00:09:06,501 The fuck? 179 00:09:06,584 --> 00:09:09,584 Sorry, so does my Tourette's. But at least my OCD is under-- 180 00:09:09,668 --> 00:09:12,084 One, two, three, four, four, three, two, one. 181 00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,459 We need drugs, now. 182 00:09:24,334 --> 00:09:27,459 -Thank you, Mr., uh, G. 183 00:09:27,543 --> 00:09:31,293 -Everyone, the ceremony is about to begin. 184 00:09:33,418 --> 00:09:36,293 So hot. Looks like the older version of my daughter. 185 00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:46,001 Please, please, be seated. 186 00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:49,001 Hello. Most of you know me as Gwyneth Paltrow, 187 00:09:49,084 --> 00:09:54,209 but I'm also… "Tamiko's best friend." 188 00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:55,751 Mmm. Hugs. 189 00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:58,001 Today, we celebrate all the-- 190 00:09:58,084 --> 00:09:59,293 -I object! 191 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:03,584 Drop the rings and keep your lips where I can see 'em. 192 00:10:03,668 --> 00:10:05,001 Oh God! 193 00:10:08,334 --> 00:10:09,251 Who the hell-- 194 00:10:09,334 --> 00:10:11,751 Oh jeez, you brought the flat-earthers? 195 00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:14,418 Dr. Ridley, why are we on a wedding cruise? 196 00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,168 Where's the groom? I'm gonna kick his dick in the ass. 197 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,376 Ha! There is no groom, Rand. 198 00:10:19,459 --> 00:10:23,001 I'm marrying myself to make a statement about empowerment. 199 00:10:23,084 --> 00:10:25,834 What the… You just did this to get my attention, didn't you? 200 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,959 God, that's so stupid, it's sexy. 201 00:10:28,043 --> 00:10:29,168 You narcissist, 202 00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:32,126 trying to make my wedding to myself about you. 203 00:10:32,209 --> 00:10:35,209 Wow, I'm starting to see why you're so fucked-up, Reagan. 204 00:10:35,293 --> 00:10:36,584 There are layers. 205 00:10:36,668 --> 00:10:38,751 Dad, you have to leave. 206 00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:41,626 Does this mean that we're not going to the edge of the Earth? 207 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:42,668 Aw! 208 00:10:42,751 --> 00:10:44,959 But I wore my best fanny pack. 209 00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:46,918 Okay, sirs, my father tricked you. 210 00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:51,501 He does not think that the Earth is flat. He was just using you to get to our boat. 211 00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:52,876 You lied to us? 212 00:10:52,959 --> 00:10:54,334 But we were so close, 213 00:10:54,418 --> 00:10:56,709 like the North Pole and the South Pole. 214 00:10:56,793 --> 00:10:58,001 Oh, come on. 215 00:10:58,084 --> 00:11:00,793 You don't actually think the Earth is flat, right? 216 00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:02,376 Of course I do. 217 00:11:02,459 --> 00:11:03,918 Why would YouTube lie to me? 218 00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:05,709 "Because that's how they get rich?" 219 00:11:05,793 --> 00:11:07,293 I find that hard to believe. 220 00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:10,459 Look, if you agree to go, then I'll let you in on a secret. 221 00:11:10,543 --> 00:11:13,168 The Earth is not flat, but it is hollow. 222 00:11:13,251 --> 00:11:16,084 We put this cap on it to keep krakens from eating people's boats. 223 00:11:16,168 --> 00:11:17,501 Enough! 224 00:11:17,584 --> 00:11:20,584 You sphere mongers have been talking down 225 00:11:20,668 --> 00:11:22,876 to us flat-earthers for years. 226 00:11:22,959 --> 00:11:24,043 Yeah! 227 00:11:24,126 --> 00:11:25,876 -Well, no more. 228 00:11:27,126 --> 00:11:28,376 -Oh no! 229 00:11:30,334 --> 00:11:31,418 They got guns? 230 00:11:31,501 --> 00:11:33,918 They're adult men who still use chat rooms. 231 00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:35,876 Of course they have guns. 232 00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:37,459 Don't worry, they're just bluff-- 233 00:11:37,543 --> 00:11:39,918 -Oh my God, he just shot the bouncer! 234 00:11:45,376 --> 00:11:47,751 No more communication with the mainland. 235 00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:50,959 Look at me. Look at me. 236 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,543 I'm the captain now. 237 00:11:55,918 --> 00:12:00,209 Hand over your wallets, cell phones, and any spherical objects. 238 00:12:00,709 --> 00:12:03,626 Robots? Aliens? I knew it. 239 00:12:03,709 --> 00:12:06,751 It's the Deep State. My theories are all correct. 240 00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:07,751 I'm not an alien. 241 00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:11,376 I'm a subterranean sentient mushroom from a hive cluster-- 242 00:12:11,459 --> 00:12:13,793 Okay, that's a lot to remember, so you're an alien. 243 00:12:13,876 --> 00:12:16,751 Now which one of you Illuminatis 244 00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:20,334 is gonna tell me where the edge of the Earth is? 245 00:12:20,418 --> 00:12:21,459 This is your fault. 246 00:12:21,543 --> 00:12:23,584 Everything you touch comes unglued. 247 00:12:23,668 --> 00:12:25,334 Our marriage, our child… 248 00:12:25,418 --> 00:12:27,293 Of course Reagan's screwed-up. 249 00:12:27,376 --> 00:12:29,543 She spent nine months inside of you. 250 00:12:29,626 --> 00:12:32,543 Fuck! Fuck! If I don't get this situation under control, 251 00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,751 I'm gonna miss my flight to Bora-Bora. 252 00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:37,501 -What's going on? -Glenn? Where are you? 253 00:12:37,584 --> 00:12:40,459 In a flesh prison of my own making. 254 00:12:40,543 --> 00:12:42,668 We got boat-jacked by flat-Earth pirates. 255 00:12:42,751 --> 00:12:45,001 They're taking a stand about-- Against-- 256 00:12:45,084 --> 00:12:47,543 Uh-- The purpose of the whole movement, it's not really clear, 257 00:12:47,626 --> 00:12:49,626 but they are armed and uninformed! 258 00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:51,126 Uninvited guests? 259 00:12:51,209 --> 00:12:53,334 -Not on my watch. 260 00:12:55,918 --> 00:12:58,293 Okay, there's an air vent above the ballroom. 261 00:12:58,376 --> 00:12:59,751 Make your way to it. 262 00:13:00,751 --> 00:13:03,084 I think we have a shot if we take these guys by surprise. 263 00:13:03,168 --> 00:13:04,668 All right, Glenn, 264 00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:08,584 the best way to prove you're not fat is to kill people. 265 00:13:08,668 --> 00:13:09,668 Let's do this. 266 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:17,543 -Okay, Glenn, I'm ready. -Copy. Flipper is in the net. 267 00:13:19,126 --> 00:13:21,501 I can't believe I've been taken hostage on my own yacht. 268 00:13:21,584 --> 00:13:23,293 This is unconscionable. 269 00:13:23,376 --> 00:13:27,626 Holding all these people in a hot, stuffy room for hours on end, 270 00:13:27,709 --> 00:13:31,043 making us pee in bottles with no paid sick leave. 271 00:13:31,126 --> 00:13:33,668 This is in no way ironic to me. 272 00:13:33,751 --> 00:13:37,584 Well, I, for one, want to buy your yacht even more 273 00:13:37,668 --> 00:13:40,668 now that it has the rich history of a pirate takeover. 274 00:13:40,751 --> 00:13:41,959 What luxury. 275 00:13:42,043 --> 00:13:43,501 Here's your shit bucket. 276 00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:47,459 I'm having a panic attack. I need to calm myself with calming noises. 277 00:13:47,543 --> 00:13:49,168 Scat, scat, scat! A-ooh, a-ooh! 278 00:13:49,251 --> 00:13:52,084 -Actually, uh, can you shoot me? -Quiet! 279 00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:55,001 Someone tells me how to get to the edge of the Earth, 280 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,334 or a hostage dies every hour, 281 00:13:57,418 --> 00:14:01,626 starting with the richest man in the world. 282 00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,543 Wh… what about Bezos? 283 00:14:05,626 --> 00:14:08,001 -He's the second-richest man. -Second? 284 00:14:08,084 --> 00:14:09,918 Unless you've been lying. 285 00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:13,251 Even though we are both wealthy enough 286 00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:16,584 that the actual number is abstract and meaningless, 287 00:14:16,668 --> 00:14:19,584 and anyone in their right mind would just pay their taxes, 288 00:14:19,668 --> 00:14:22,918 I am, in fact, the richer man. 289 00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:24,834 I accept my fate. 290 00:14:26,001 --> 00:14:27,209 Brett, what are you doing? 291 00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:30,209 If they kill Bezos, he won't be able to buy your boat. 292 00:14:30,793 --> 00:14:34,001 Damn it, you beautiful, brave, simple man. 293 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,626 Glenn, it's now or never. 294 00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:43,251 Almost there. Just a few more feet. 295 00:14:43,334 --> 00:14:45,334 -Glenn? -Uh, we have a problem. 296 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,626 -What? -We're gonna need a bigger boat. 297 00:14:47,709 --> 00:14:49,293 Damn it, I can't do this alone. 298 00:14:49,376 --> 00:14:52,834 Darling, you had months to find a plus-one. 299 00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:57,334 Mom, can you please stop telling me how to live my… life? 300 00:14:59,751 --> 00:15:01,501 I need some kind of distraction 301 00:15:01,584 --> 00:15:03,834 so I can fix the ship's radio and call for help. 302 00:15:03,918 --> 00:15:06,793 -Can you guys help me out here? -Have you read The Secret? 303 00:15:06,876 --> 00:15:09,126 We could try manifesting a little positivity. 304 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:10,834 Manifest my ass! 305 00:15:10,918 --> 00:15:12,959 Will you two shut up? 306 00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:15,126 If I wanted to listen to parents arguing, 307 00:15:15,209 --> 00:15:17,626 I would've stayed in me and my mom's bedroom. 308 00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,251 Actually, they won't shut up 309 00:15:19,334 --> 00:15:21,793 unless you let my mom finish her wedding 310 00:15:21,876 --> 00:15:23,876 and lock my dad in a room downstairs. 311 00:15:23,959 --> 00:15:25,168 Ah shit. 312 00:15:25,251 --> 00:15:27,501 Do that, and I will take you to the Earth's edge. 313 00:15:27,584 --> 00:15:29,834 -Finally. All right, lock him up. 314 00:15:29,918 --> 00:15:32,001 Lock all our Deep State friends up. 315 00:15:32,084 --> 00:15:35,293 -Please be seated. We gather here again. 316 00:15:35,376 --> 00:15:36,376 You okay, Bezos? 317 00:15:36,459 --> 00:15:38,376 No! Thanks to Joffrey, 318 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,584 everyone thinks I'm the second-richest man in the world. 319 00:15:41,668 --> 00:15:43,959 I've never been more humiliated. 320 00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:45,668 Uh, he saved your life. 321 00:15:45,751 --> 00:15:47,918 Well, his kindness is his weakness. 322 00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:50,251 I'm buying your boat and renaming it 323 00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:53,793 the SS Alexa Blue Origin Whole Foods Fresh. 324 00:15:53,876 --> 00:15:55,584 Who wants an Echo Dot? 325 00:15:56,584 --> 00:15:58,793 You did it. Attaboy, Joffrey. 326 00:15:58,876 --> 00:16:01,293 And now for the exchange of the ring. 327 00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:03,334 Oh no! I forgot the ring! 328 00:16:03,418 --> 00:16:04,418 I'll be right back. 329 00:16:04,501 --> 00:16:06,626 Harold, do me a favor and read Corinthians. 330 00:16:06,709 --> 00:16:08,793 Um… Uh, oh. 331 00:16:08,876 --> 00:16:11,084 "Love is patient, love is kind." 332 00:16:11,668 --> 00:16:14,001 "It does not envy, it does not boast, 333 00:16:14,084 --> 00:16:16,043 it is not proud. It does not dishonor…" 334 00:16:18,376 --> 00:16:22,543 Hello. What do people think is round but is actually flat? 335 00:16:22,626 --> 00:16:23,668 Uh, the Earth. 336 00:16:23,751 --> 00:16:25,251 No, your balls. 337 00:16:28,376 --> 00:16:31,793 Okay, just patch this baby up, and everything will be back under control. 338 00:16:31,876 --> 00:16:34,626 And then Tamiko says I never listen to her 339 00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:38,084 because I'm only focused on negativity, chaos, and revenge. 340 00:16:38,168 --> 00:16:39,876 Or something like that. I wasn't listening. 341 00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:42,334 Let's fuck these pirates up. Who's with me? 342 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,376 What am I even doing with my life? 343 00:16:44,459 --> 00:16:47,084 I work in a basement with a mushroom and a dolphin. What? 344 00:16:47,168 --> 00:16:49,126 Where's the kid that wrote slam poetry? 345 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:52,376 I should've been a screenwriter. It's not that hard! 346 00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:54,376 Eh, beats listening to this. 347 00:16:54,459 --> 00:16:56,459 -We're in. -I am in as well. 348 00:17:00,126 --> 00:17:03,668 Let's give these assholes a latitude adjustment. 349 00:17:03,751 --> 00:17:04,793 Whoa! Whoa! 350 00:17:05,293 --> 00:17:07,251 "…it is not easily angered--" 351 00:17:07,334 --> 00:17:08,876 Stop. I can't do this. 352 00:17:08,959 --> 00:17:10,876 The energy is all wrong. 353 00:17:13,126 --> 00:17:15,043 -See you 'round. 354 00:17:15,626 --> 00:17:18,293 Ha ha! Easy-peasy. 355 00:17:18,376 --> 00:17:20,251 -Flat's all, folks! 356 00:17:20,334 --> 00:17:21,626 Celebrate curves! 357 00:17:21,709 --> 00:17:24,084 -Jeff, this is all fixable. 358 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,793 Screw that. Deal's off. 359 00:17:25,876 --> 00:17:29,251 If I wanted a sinking ship, I'd buy another print newspaper. 360 00:17:33,709 --> 00:17:36,918 Yippee ki-yay, mother-basement-dweller! 361 00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:39,001 Guys, I'm in the sunken place! 362 00:17:42,251 --> 00:17:45,418 There we go. Mayday, Mayday. We've been hijacked by pirates. 363 00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:48,043 I've diffused the situation, but we're gonna need backup. 364 00:17:48,126 --> 00:17:50,168 Roger that. We have received your transmission. 365 00:17:50,251 --> 00:17:51,251 What are your coordinates? 366 00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:52,668 Motherfucker! 367 00:17:52,751 --> 00:17:55,001 Our coordinates are 40.3 north-- 368 00:17:55,876 --> 00:17:56,959 What the fuck? 369 00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,626 I got ya, fucker! 370 00:17:59,751 --> 00:18:00,793 Mom! Dad! 371 00:18:00,876 --> 00:18:02,834 -Can't take your eyes off-- -Get off me! 372 00:18:02,918 --> 00:18:05,918 -Oh my God. -Don't even look at me. You disgust me. 373 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:10,501 Congratulations. It's total fucking chaos. You know what, Mom? 374 00:18:10,584 --> 00:18:13,459 I am taking your advice, and I am worrying about myself. 375 00:18:13,543 --> 00:18:15,626 Have fun solving your own problems. 376 00:18:18,668 --> 00:18:21,168 Time for my own me-rriage, dickwads. 377 00:18:21,251 --> 00:18:22,501 Oh no, you don't. 378 00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:23,876 Hold on-- 379 00:18:23,959 --> 00:18:26,626 -My flagella! 380 00:18:27,418 --> 00:18:31,418 You're taking me to the edge of the Earth, one way or another. 381 00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:36,168 -Look what you did. 382 00:18:36,251 --> 00:18:37,834 Mother's coming to save you. 383 00:18:37,918 --> 00:18:40,084 With what, veiled criticism? 384 00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:41,834 Are you serious? 385 00:18:42,418 --> 00:18:43,376 Are you serious? 386 00:18:43,459 --> 00:18:44,376 Are you serious? 387 00:18:44,918 --> 00:18:46,084 Are you serious? 388 00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,418 Are you serious? 389 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,459 I'm serious. Drive. 390 00:18:49,543 --> 00:18:51,251 He's serious. 391 00:18:57,543 --> 00:19:00,876 I'm telling you, the Earth is not flat! I made the whole thing up. 392 00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:03,834 You were gullible before. Why can't you be gullible now? 393 00:19:03,918 --> 00:19:06,168 Brilliant, Rand. Taunt the man with the gun. 394 00:19:06,251 --> 00:19:07,293 You got a better plan? 395 00:19:07,376 --> 00:19:09,459 I had a plan, but you guys ruined it, 396 00:19:09,543 --> 00:19:11,876 because all you ever do is hurt each other 397 00:19:11,959 --> 00:19:15,084 and create a big ol' shitstorm that rains down on me. 398 00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:18,209 So when do we get to the edge? 399 00:19:18,293 --> 00:19:20,418 Soon. We just have to maintain our heading 400 00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:24,709 of 140 degrees at 25 knots, 401 00:19:24,793 --> 00:19:27,126 which are specific coordinates 402 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,793 that we are going to, Glenn-- I mean, Harold. 403 00:19:31,043 --> 00:19:33,209 -We gotta help Reagan. 404 00:19:33,293 --> 00:19:36,334 The radio's busted, the engine controls are shot. What can we do? 405 00:19:36,418 --> 00:19:39,168 There was something I could have done, my duty. 406 00:19:39,251 --> 00:19:41,834 -I can still hear Reagan's voice now. 407 00:19:41,918 --> 00:19:44,251 Because she's talking into your headset, Glenn. 408 00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:48,959 Again, our heading is 140 degrees at 25 knots. 409 00:19:49,043 --> 00:19:51,626 Why is she going that way? That just leads them out to the open sea. 410 00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:52,626 No, it doesn't. 411 00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:54,668 -Sober Andre? 412 00:19:54,751 --> 00:19:57,959 Guess again. I found a sweet teenth of psilocybin, and it just kicked in. 413 00:19:58,043 --> 00:19:59,959 That was not yours to lick. 414 00:20:01,126 --> 00:20:02,376 With Reagan's trajectory, 415 00:20:02,459 --> 00:20:04,126 combined with a tailwind of… 416 00:20:04,209 --> 00:20:05,959 …seven and a half knots, 417 00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:09,709 she's taking them to the portal to the Hollow Earth! 418 00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,334 Of course. She can't bring Harold to the edge of the Earth, 419 00:20:12,418 --> 00:20:14,459 but she can make him think she is. 420 00:20:14,543 --> 00:20:16,959 Andre, this is your brain on drugs. 421 00:20:17,043 --> 00:20:18,126 Keep licking. 422 00:20:18,209 --> 00:20:19,876 -Oh! 423 00:20:21,376 --> 00:20:23,334 MI6. Got your Mayday. 424 00:20:23,418 --> 00:20:25,084 Can we be of assistance? 425 00:20:25,168 --> 00:20:27,334 Yes. I need a satellite phone, stat. 426 00:20:29,251 --> 00:20:32,918 Cognito HQ. Open the Hollow Earth portal. 427 00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:35,459 Wait! When the ocean water drains into the portal, 428 00:20:35,543 --> 00:20:38,043 it'll create a whirlpool that will suck Reagan's boat in! 429 00:20:38,126 --> 00:20:40,834 Swim to Reagan! Swim like the wind! 430 00:20:40,918 --> 00:20:42,501 Sir, yes, sir. 431 00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:47,251 Godspeed, you buoyant monstrosity. 432 00:21:08,376 --> 00:21:10,043 Bruce Almighty. 433 00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:15,043 Welcome to the edge of flat Earth. 434 00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:17,709 It's true! It's really true! 435 00:21:17,793 --> 00:21:20,709 -Take that, empirical evidence! -Uh-oh. 436 00:21:20,793 --> 00:21:24,293 Uh, why are we drifting towards that huge waterfall? 437 00:21:26,418 --> 00:21:27,709 Holy shit. 438 00:21:28,959 --> 00:21:33,001 So tired. Must use ocean powers. 439 00:21:37,043 --> 00:21:39,043 Seal Team Six, head southeast on the double! 440 00:21:39,126 --> 00:21:40,501 Yes, sir! 441 00:21:42,459 --> 00:21:43,459 Hang on! 442 00:21:44,834 --> 00:21:47,959 Uh, Reagan, honey, time to go full throttle. 443 00:21:48,043 --> 00:21:51,751 -Yes! Yes! Keep going. 444 00:21:51,834 --> 00:21:56,793 I swear on my divorce lawyer's Maserati, I will not die next to this asshole! 445 00:21:56,876 --> 00:21:59,334 Ah, you can make an abyss feel claustrophobic. 446 00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:00,751 Will you shut up? 447 00:22:04,459 --> 00:22:05,584 Oh? 448 00:22:15,959 --> 00:22:19,584 You made it to the edge, Harold. Yay! Let's go home. 449 00:22:19,668 --> 00:22:21,751 Home? No way. I wanna keep going. 450 00:22:21,834 --> 00:22:23,876 But you can't. It's the edge. 451 00:22:23,959 --> 00:22:25,418 Yeah, and when you go over it, 452 00:22:25,501 --> 00:22:28,626 it wraps around to the other side of the Earth like in Pac-Man. 453 00:22:28,709 --> 00:22:30,834 Oh, I finally get to see Australia. 454 00:22:30,918 --> 00:22:32,168 Oh Jesus Christ. 455 00:22:32,251 --> 00:22:36,751 Harold, YouTube and Joe Rogan are lying for your money and attention. 456 00:22:36,834 --> 00:22:38,834 Most conspiracies are just capitalism. 457 00:22:38,918 --> 00:22:41,793 Reagan, you fulfilled my life's dream. 458 00:22:41,876 --> 00:22:45,626 You don't have to come with me, but I'm going to a land down under. 459 00:22:46,501 --> 00:22:48,668 Harold, wait. Listen, this is not the Earth's edge. 460 00:22:48,751 --> 00:22:50,584 This is the portal to the Earth's core. 461 00:22:50,668 --> 00:22:52,793 Remember the sea monsters on old maps? 462 00:22:52,876 --> 00:22:53,834 They're down there! 463 00:22:53,918 --> 00:22:56,501 Pfft! Okay, what do I look like, an idiot? 464 00:22:56,584 --> 00:23:00,251 G'day, mate! 465 00:23:01,334 --> 00:23:05,084 Don't feel bad, darling. He's in a better place now. 466 00:23:05,168 --> 00:23:06,959 Yeah, you'd-- Come on, totally. 467 00:23:07,043 --> 00:23:10,418 Mole people are like four feet tall. They'll treat him like he's a king. 468 00:23:10,501 --> 00:23:11,418 Let's get out of here. 469 00:23:13,668 --> 00:23:16,584 Just try not to fight on the ride back, okay? 470 00:23:16,668 --> 00:23:19,251 It's the least you can do for making me miss my flight. 471 00:23:21,876 --> 00:23:23,001 I'm sorry, Reagan. 472 00:23:23,084 --> 00:23:26,376 Our uncoupling has been anything but conscious. 473 00:23:26,459 --> 00:23:28,459 And I'm tired of being the bitter ex. 474 00:23:28,543 --> 00:23:31,626 -Maybe it's time to bury the hatchet. -What do you mean? 475 00:23:31,709 --> 00:23:34,459 We got our bride. We got a witness. 476 00:23:34,543 --> 00:23:36,834 The sunset is perfect right now. 477 00:23:36,918 --> 00:23:39,376 Tamiko, will you remarry me? 478 00:23:39,459 --> 00:23:41,168 -No! No! 479 00:23:41,251 --> 00:23:43,209 -No! Glenn! 480 00:23:45,751 --> 00:23:46,626 Hey, wait-- 481 00:23:48,751 --> 00:23:52,709 Now that we took care of that, Mom, do you take you to be your bride, 482 00:23:52,793 --> 00:23:55,334 to have and to hold, in sickness and in health 483 00:23:55,418 --> 00:23:59,043 for as long as you… both shall live? 484 00:23:59,834 --> 00:24:00,918 I do. 485 00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:03,334 By the power vested in me by the Deep State, 486 00:24:03,418 --> 00:24:07,001 I now pronounce you spiritually renewed. 487 00:24:07,084 --> 00:24:09,168 You may kiss the you. 488 00:24:26,126 --> 00:24:29,209 I hear you handled yourself quite famously with those pirates. 489 00:24:29,293 --> 00:24:32,084 Are you interested in any other type of seaman? 490 00:24:32,168 --> 00:24:33,793 Normally, that'd be a "hell no," 491 00:24:33,876 --> 00:24:39,043 but I have been inspired by my mom to say yes to me, for once. 492 00:24:39,126 --> 00:24:40,418 And you have an accent. 493 00:24:44,084 --> 00:24:46,418 The Coast Guard said they can tow your yacht in to shore. 494 00:24:46,501 --> 00:24:47,959 I got a better plan. Look. 495 00:24:48,043 --> 00:24:49,876 -Is that a kraken? 496 00:24:49,959 --> 00:24:50,959 Hell yes. 497 00:24:51,043 --> 00:24:53,793 I'm about to collect on my yacht insurance policy. 498 00:24:53,876 --> 00:24:55,876 Hey, has anyone seen Jeff Bezos? 499 00:24:56,459 --> 00:24:59,001 Is the fight over? Guys? 500 00:25:01,126 --> 00:25:04,209 This is why I don't allow bathroom breaks! 501 00:25:09,793 --> 00:25:12,501 I can't believe Jeff Bezos is dead, 502 00:25:13,001 --> 00:25:15,668 and right in his prime.