1
00:00:09,751 --> 00:00:12,834
[laughing] And one thing led to another,

2
00:00:12,918 --> 00:00:15,001
and now I'm gonna have to find
a new pool boy.

3
00:00:15,084 --> 00:00:18,126
You hooked up with the guy
who cleans your drains?

4
00:00:18,209 --> 00:00:21,709
Let's just say Rodrigo
did a very thorough job.

5
00:00:21,793 --> 00:00:25,168
-[spits, coughs]
-Shame I'm dumping him for his cousin.

6
00:00:25,251 --> 00:00:27,334
Oh hey, now that he's available,

7
00:00:27,418 --> 00:00:29,918
he can be your plus-one
to my next book signing.

8
00:00:30,001 --> 00:00:33,001
[sighs] Why would I wanna date
your hand-me-down boy toy?

9
00:00:33,084 --> 00:00:36,668
I don't wanna sound elitist,
but he's covered in vegetable oil.

10
00:00:36,751 --> 00:00:40,459
You haven't had a serious boyfriend
since college, and it's worrying.

11
00:00:40,543 --> 00:00:41,876
I'm single by choice,

12
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:46,918
because I have a fulfilling career
where I am doing really important things.

13
00:00:47,001 --> 00:00:49,918
In conclusion,
by duct-taping a bunch of drones together,

14
00:00:50,001 --> 00:00:53,209
you get the Drone Throne!

15
00:00:53,293 --> 00:00:55,001
God bless America!

16
00:00:55,084 --> 00:00:55,959
[sighs]

17
00:00:56,043 --> 00:00:58,084
-[Drone Throne whirring]
-[Brett yelling]

18
00:00:58,626 --> 00:00:59,793
Great news, everyone!

19
00:00:59,876 --> 00:01:02,751
We've officially purchased
the dating app RightSwipe.

20
00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:05,876
We now have a blackmailer's ransom
in personal data.

21
00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:07,293
[gasps] Oh my God,

22
00:01:07,376 --> 00:01:09,584
it's every profile in DC.

23
00:01:09,668 --> 00:01:10,793
Including Myc's?

24
00:01:10,876 --> 00:01:13,043
Huh, "Mold diggers swipe left."

25
00:01:13,126 --> 00:01:15,668
Andre identifies as alwayssexual?

26
00:01:15,751 --> 00:01:18,668
Surprise, surprise,
it says Gigi's attracted to power.

27
00:01:18,751 --> 00:01:20,834
Power is attracted to me, honey.

28
00:01:20,918 --> 00:01:23,834
With all this user data,
we finally have enough dick pics

29
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,959
to blackmail the two remaining branches
of government…

30
00:01:26,043 --> 00:01:26,876
Ugh!

31
00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,418
…we don't control.
Reagan, I want you working late

32
00:01:29,501 --> 00:01:30,918
sorting through these dicks.

33
00:01:31,001 --> 00:01:32,293
[groans] Yes, sir.

34
00:01:32,376 --> 00:01:35,209
[Myc chuckles] Three-to-one odds
it's the first dick she's seen in months.

35
00:01:35,293 --> 00:01:38,043
-Oh, I'll take that action.
-Oh, hell yeah, that's easy money.

36
00:01:38,126 --> 00:01:40,168
-[coworkers chattering]
-What the hell? What is that?

37
00:01:40,251 --> 00:01:42,168
Are you betting on my dating life?

38
00:01:42,251 --> 00:01:44,376
More like winning on your dating life.

39
00:01:44,459 --> 00:01:47,293
-Four-to-one she dies alone.
-Sorry, Reagan, nothing personal.

40
00:01:47,376 --> 00:01:49,834
Well, we're gambling
on when you'll finally get a boyfriend…

41
00:01:49,918 --> 00:01:52,209
[laughs] …so I guess
it's incredibly personal.

42
00:01:52,293 --> 00:01:55,959
Ugh, why is everyone
so obsessed with me getting a boyfriend?

43
00:01:56,043 --> 00:01:56,918
[Myc] Wow. [chuckles]

44
00:01:57,001 --> 00:01:58,043
When she said "boyfriend,"

45
00:01:58,126 --> 00:02:00,668
she was picturing the older brother
from Boy Meets World.

46
00:02:00,751 --> 00:02:01,834
That's how long it's been.

47
00:02:01,918 --> 00:02:05,918
I can't imagine you with a guy.
Don't you reproduce by cell division?

48
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:09,084
Fine. How about this for a bet?
I'm changing this week's mission.

49
00:02:09,168 --> 00:02:12,793
Double or nothing,
I'll have a boyfriend by next week.

50
00:02:12,876 --> 00:02:15,334
Then maybe you idiots
will stop gossiping about me

51
00:02:15,418 --> 00:02:16,834
and focus on work for once.

52
00:02:18,376 --> 00:02:19,959
-[shutter clicks]
-There. See?

53
00:02:20,043 --> 00:02:23,168
-DC, prepare to date Reagan Ridley.
-[phone whooshes]

54
00:02:24,918 --> 00:02:26,959
-[scary music plays]
-[coworkers yelp]

55
00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:28,043
[Myc] Subtle.

56
00:02:28,126 --> 00:02:31,209
[electronic music playing]

57
00:02:51,334 --> 00:02:54,168
Fine, J.R.,
I'll vote to loosen regulations again.

58
00:02:54,251 --> 00:02:56,959
Just keep those pictures private.
I'm a Republican.

59
00:02:57,043 --> 00:03:00,251
I have no shame
except for the deep-rooted sexual kind.

60
00:03:00,334 --> 00:03:01,709
So, first date.

61
00:03:01,793 --> 00:03:03,876
Is it sweaty in here, or is it just me?

62
00:03:04,459 --> 00:03:06,168
Oh, this is just some work stuff.

63
00:03:06,251 --> 00:03:08,251
-My job is a secret. Secret stuff.
-[hesitating] Uh…

64
00:03:08,334 --> 00:03:10,959
And, uh, if I told you, you'd have to die.

65
00:03:11,043 --> 00:03:13,209
[laughs awkwardly, sighs]

66
00:03:13,959 --> 00:03:16,959
I'm so glad we matched.
Honestly, I-- [grunts]

67
00:03:17,043 --> 00:03:18,501
[muffled] What are you doing?

68
00:03:18,584 --> 00:03:20,751
-Just a quick DNA scan.
-[whirs, beeps]

69
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,834
Great, you're a good genetic match.
Now, where were we?

70
00:03:23,918 --> 00:03:26,334
-I was just leaving.
-[sighs]

71
00:03:27,293 --> 00:03:30,834
[movie announcer] Jason Bourne
is about to be Bourne again.

72
00:03:30,918 --> 00:03:32,501
The Bourne Redundancy.

73
00:03:32,584 --> 00:03:35,209
It's more than you Bourgained for.

74
00:03:35,293 --> 00:03:36,209
Bourne, Bourne, Bourne.

75
00:03:36,293 --> 00:03:38,543
Bourne, Bourne, Bourne. Bourne. Bourne.

76
00:03:38,626 --> 00:03:40,418
[shouts] Bourne!

77
00:03:40,501 --> 00:03:42,751
[scoffs] This movie is so unrealistic.

78
00:03:42,834 --> 00:03:47,418
Everybody knows that the shadow government
killed the real Jason Bourne years ago.

79
00:03:47,501 --> 00:03:49,209
Huh? The shadow government?

80
00:03:49,293 --> 00:03:50,126
Oh shit.

81
00:03:50,209 --> 00:03:52,043
We're gonna need an extraction team.

82
00:03:52,126 --> 00:03:54,668
-[suspenseful music playing]
-[grunts]

83
00:03:55,751 --> 00:03:56,751
[sighs in frustration]

84
00:03:57,251 --> 00:03:59,043
-[Myc] Hey, line up!
-Put me down for 5 Gs!

85
00:03:59,126 --> 00:04:00,376
What are you betting on now?

86
00:04:00,459 --> 00:04:03,001
It turns out RightSwipe
keeps an attractiveness score

87
00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:04,084
for every user.

88
00:04:04,168 --> 00:04:05,334
Brett's a perfect ten.

89
00:04:05,418 --> 00:04:07,459
It's an honor just to be objectified.

90
00:04:07,543 --> 00:04:09,251
What am I? Wait, don't tell me.

91
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:12,626
Subtract a point for being divorced,
add one for being a veteran.

92
00:04:12,709 --> 00:04:14,376
Then there's the face.

93
00:04:14,459 --> 00:04:16,459
But I got a lot of baseball cards, so…

94
00:04:16,543 --> 00:04:18,709
-[dramatic music plays]
-[Glenn] A goddamn zero?

95
00:04:18,793 --> 00:04:19,709
[crowd chattering]

96
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:22,876
How's that even possible?
It's on a one-to-ten scale!

97
00:04:22,959 --> 00:04:25,668
Those numbers don't mean anything.
It's about what's in your heart.

98
00:04:25,751 --> 00:04:26,918
Says you, Hemsworth.

99
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:30,043
If I could coast on my looks like you,
I'd be on easy street.

100
00:04:30,126 --> 00:04:33,626
Gigi, you don't think people just like me
for my looks, do you? I mean… [chuckles]

101
00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:37,584
Sweetie, don't frown.
It ruins the part of you that people like.

102
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:41,626
Ever since I merged my DNA with a dolphin,
my life has been shit!

103
00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:44,126
When I try to unlock my phone
with my face,

104
00:04:44,209 --> 00:04:45,793
it sends out an Amber Alert.

105
00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:48,668
I bet if you had to live
a week with this mug,

106
00:04:48,751 --> 00:04:51,126
you'd be begging me to switch back.

107
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:53,709
[both] We'll take that action!

108
00:04:54,751 --> 00:04:55,793
I don't get it.

109
00:04:55,876 --> 00:04:58,959
I've been rejected
by almost every man in DC.

110
00:04:59,043 --> 00:05:01,459
I can't give my coworkers the satisfaction

111
00:05:01,543 --> 00:05:03,793
of watching me fail out of the gene pool.

112
00:05:03,876 --> 00:05:06,459
Typical humans, worried about gene pools.

113
00:05:06,543 --> 00:05:08,876
I have the ability to simulate worlds,

114
00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:11,168
and you're trying to make me
the Monica to your Rachel.

115
00:05:11,251 --> 00:05:12,751
Binging Friends, are we?

116
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,168
No. Maybe.

117
00:05:14,251 --> 00:05:16,751
They have winning chemistry.
I'm not made of stone.

118
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:19,501
You know,
I have all of RightSwipe's user data.

119
00:05:19,584 --> 00:05:23,501
Between the two of us, we could build
the perfect dating algorithm.

120
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:26,543
I have a literal galaxy brain.
This task is beneath me.

121
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,459
Your own legs aren't even beneath you.

122
00:05:28,543 --> 00:05:31,543
Please. If you help me,
I'll let you watch the second season.

123
00:05:31,626 --> 00:05:34,418
You mean I could find out
if Chandler finally gets that end table?

124
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,876
Well-played, Reagan.

125
00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:38,334
A tasty little quid pro quo.

126
00:05:39,043 --> 00:05:40,293
[Gigi] Y'all are swapping faces.

127
00:05:40,376 --> 00:05:42,709
First man to ask
for their face back loses.

128
00:05:42,793 --> 00:05:44,293
-Any questions?
-Are you kidding?

129
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:45,834
Just get this face off of me!

130
00:05:45,918 --> 00:05:47,668
Yes, Face/Off!

131
00:05:47,751 --> 00:05:50,084
That's my favorite movie
where faces come off.

132
00:05:50,168 --> 00:05:52,459
This is gonna take a lot of anesthetic.

133
00:05:52,543 --> 00:05:53,918
[inhales deeply]

134
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:56,043
[yells, giggles]

135
00:05:56,668 --> 00:05:58,918
All right, let's do some John Woo shit.

136
00:05:59,001 --> 00:06:00,376
[action theme playing]

137
00:06:05,584 --> 00:06:07,834
[electric scalpel humming]

138
00:06:10,751 --> 00:06:11,959
[beeping rapidly]

139
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:22,668
[scary music plays]

140
00:06:23,501 --> 00:06:24,876
[both screaming]

141
00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:28,584
Oh, wow. I have got to stop basing
my surgeries on movies.

142
00:06:28,668 --> 00:06:31,876
Let's just swap your brains. [chuckles]
Freaky Friday, baby!

143
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:35,043
-[energy pulsating]
-[groaning]

144
00:06:37,626 --> 00:06:38,459
I did it.

145
00:06:38,543 --> 00:06:41,126
It almost destroyed me,
but I found you a match.

146
00:06:41,209 --> 00:06:43,084
I'll try not to take that personally.

147
00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:45,459
-Bryan Jacobsen, 32.
-[mellow music playing]

148
00:06:45,543 --> 00:06:49,001
He lives in DC, teaches programming
to underprivileged children,

149
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:50,418
and never had a female roommate,

150
00:06:50,501 --> 00:06:52,709
so he'll have nothing
to compare your house to.

151
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:55,459
And he doesn't mind
wildly ambitious women?

152
00:06:55,543 --> 00:06:59,334
[Alpha-Beta] He's your perfect match.
He's turned on by being talked over.

153
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:02,418
Hmm. What should I message him?
I need an opening line.

154
00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:05,293
Enter the Reagan Dome! No, not that.

155
00:07:05,376 --> 00:07:07,126
-[yells]
-[phone chimes]

156
00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:08,876
[Reagan] Oh my God,
he already messaged me!

157
00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:10,876
He wants to go on a date.
What should I say?

158
00:07:10,959 --> 00:07:15,584
Say yes. You're a 99.999% match.
Even you can't screw this up.

159
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:18,376
I don't know. The last boyfriend
I could see a future with

160
00:07:18,459 --> 00:07:21,584
said that he'd love me
for as long as Pluto was a planet.

161
00:07:21,668 --> 00:07:23,668
I'm pretty sure he knew what was coming.

162
00:07:23,751 --> 00:07:25,459
I need this date to go perfectly.

163
00:07:25,543 --> 00:07:28,543
If only I could go
on a practice date so I'm ready.

164
00:07:28,626 --> 00:07:30,751
[scoffs] Well,
you're not practicing on me.

165
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:34,126
-Practice my date on a robot.
-No, that's not what I meant.

166
00:07:34,209 --> 00:07:37,209
Practice on a robot. Heard you say it.
I'm already committed to it.

167
00:07:37,293 --> 00:07:39,418
[groans] Are you trying to torture me?

168
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,668
[electronic music playing]

169
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:45,959
Hey, Bryan. I'm Reagan.

170
00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:49,084
-[screams] Oh my God. Am I dead?
-[Reagan] No.

171
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:50,709
Is this hell? Are you the devil?

172
00:07:50,793 --> 00:07:52,793
-The devil is a woman in a scrunchie!
-Uh…

173
00:07:52,876 --> 00:07:54,126
-Hold on.
-[powering down]

174
00:07:54,209 --> 00:07:55,918
[Reagan] Okay, let's try that again.

175
00:07:56,959 --> 00:08:00,376
Awareness down, reactivity down,

176
00:08:00,459 --> 00:08:01,501
hair down.

177
00:08:01,584 --> 00:08:02,418
[powering up]

178
00:08:02,501 --> 00:08:05,209
Oh, hey.
We've got to stop meeting like this.

179
00:08:05,293 --> 00:08:07,168
Not too bad for a night's work.

180
00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:09,084
I think he's ready for a test date.

181
00:08:09,168 --> 00:08:11,418
Or you could just go on a date
with the real Bryan.

182
00:08:11,501 --> 00:08:12,626
But what do I know?

183
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:16,168
I'm only a Wi-Fi connection away
from being an actual god.

184
00:08:16,251 --> 00:08:18,709
Bryan-bot, you wanna get some dinner?

185
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:22,334
Sure. I can't process food,
but I can mash it in my face hole.

186
00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:25,418
Well, that was pretty painless, for me.

187
00:08:25,501 --> 00:08:27,334
-[Glenn crying]
-Glenn, are you crying?

188
00:08:27,418 --> 00:08:30,918
[in Glenn's voice] I'm beautiful.
Fox News anchor beautiful.

189
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:34,084
[in Brett's voice] And I'm about to prove
that ugly is the new hot.

190
00:08:34,168 --> 00:08:36,376
Question. Is my blowhole supposed to hurt?

191
00:08:36,459 --> 00:08:38,709
Yeah, it's a fucking hole in your head.

192
00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:42,001
Give me your phone.
I got ten years of Tinder to catch up on.

193
00:08:42,084 --> 00:08:42,918
[shutter clicks]

194
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:44,334
-[slurping]
-[beep]

195
00:08:47,043 --> 00:08:48,001
Nice.

196
00:08:48,084 --> 00:08:51,251
-[romantic Italian music playing]
-This restaurant is perfect.

197
00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:53,376
It's my favorite, I think.

198
00:08:53,459 --> 00:08:55,959
Wait, are my memories just implanted lies?

199
00:08:56,043 --> 00:08:59,334
-[electric crackling]
-[gasps] Oh shit. The real Bryan.

200
00:08:59,418 --> 00:09:02,293
He can't see me
while I'm beta-dating his robo-double.

201
00:09:02,376 --> 00:09:03,501
We need to leave.

202
00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:06,043
[sighs] Why is romance so complicated?

203
00:09:08,209 --> 00:09:09,501
[customers gasp, exclaim]

204
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:11,501
Reagan?

205
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:12,543
Reagan?

206
00:09:12,626 --> 00:09:15,293
[in bad Italian accent] Sorry,
I just working in the back,

207
00:09:15,376 --> 00:09:18,001
being super Italian.

208
00:09:18,084 --> 00:09:20,459
Sbarro! Mario Kart!

209
00:09:21,543 --> 00:09:23,168
[in normal voice]
Well, I'll be seeing you.

210
00:09:24,751 --> 00:09:25,584
[groans]

211
00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:27,668
[Bryan-bot] Hey, Reagan.
Everything go okay in there?

212
00:09:27,751 --> 00:09:30,709
I missed my only shot
with my one true match,

213
00:09:30,793 --> 00:09:33,709
and I'm expecting
at least a written warning

214
00:09:33,793 --> 00:09:36,168
from the Italian Anti-Defamation League.

215
00:09:36,251 --> 00:09:37,793
God, maybe everybody's right.

216
00:09:37,876 --> 00:09:41,126
I'm gonna go home
and shop for a casket online.

217
00:09:41,209 --> 00:09:43,043
What if you didn't have to?

218
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:46,543
Listen, I had a great time with you.
I've never had so much fun

219
00:09:46,626 --> 00:09:49,126
in the entire four hours and 38 minutes
I've been alive.

220
00:09:49,209 --> 00:09:51,543
[glitches] I might not be the real thing,

221
00:09:51,626 --> 00:09:53,001
but at least I'm something.

222
00:09:53,084 --> 00:09:54,376
You mean, me and…

223
00:09:54,876 --> 00:09:56,709
Oh. [laughs]

224
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:59,709
Dating my own robot? That is…

225
00:10:00,209 --> 00:10:02,084
-Wow.
-[phone pings]

226
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,751
[suspenseful music plays]

227
00:10:06,751 --> 00:10:08,084
Wanna go back to my place?

228
00:10:08,168 --> 00:10:10,959
We could forget about this date
and just chill.

229
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:12,126
I would love that.

230
00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:15,084
[upbeat dance music playing]

231
00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:17,793
Sorry, sir, you can't shop here.

232
00:10:17,876 --> 00:10:20,168
Excuse me?
I'm trying to get back out there,

233
00:10:20,251 --> 00:10:23,376
and I need new clothes
due to an extremely impractical surgery.

234
00:10:23,459 --> 00:10:25,084
Uh, no, you misunderstand.

235
00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:27,376
You're far too attractive to shop here.

236
00:10:27,459 --> 00:10:29,418
We do, however, need a model.

237
00:10:29,501 --> 00:10:32,584
Really? I've only ever been
photoshopped out of pictures.

238
00:10:32,668 --> 00:10:35,293
Nadia, what do you think
of our friend here?

239
00:10:35,376 --> 00:10:38,418
He's got the cheekbones,
shoulders of a Greek god.

240
00:10:38,501 --> 00:10:41,168
-[gasps]
-Perfect nipple-to-areola ratio.

241
00:10:41,251 --> 00:10:43,501
You're kidding.
You've never modeled before?

242
00:10:43,584 --> 00:10:46,209
I did appear on a poster
for a circus once.

243
00:10:46,293 --> 00:10:48,168
I hope this isn't unprofessional.

244
00:10:48,251 --> 00:10:51,376
Would you like to have sex with me
behind that mannequin?

245
00:10:51,459 --> 00:10:54,084
Hot dog! Could this day get any better?

246
00:10:54,168 --> 00:10:56,293
Sorry, folks, my Brink's truck got a flat.

247
00:10:56,376 --> 00:10:59,501
I'm not gonna be able to jack it up
unless I give away some of this money.

248
00:10:59,584 --> 00:11:01,543
Hey, you look like a man
who already has money

249
00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:03,418
but deserves more anyway.

250
00:11:04,043 --> 00:11:04,876
[whimpers]

251
00:11:04,959 --> 00:11:07,001
No, you're too beautiful to cry.

252
00:11:09,376 --> 00:11:13,251
Move over, yesterday.
Today's my new favorite day to be alive.

253
00:11:13,334 --> 00:11:16,126
I'll have
a nonfat, triple-foam tapiocchiato.

254
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,043
-[beeps]
-That'll be six bucks.

255
00:11:18,126 --> 00:11:20,459
[chuckles] Usually when I come in here,
I get it for free.

256
00:11:20,543 --> 00:11:23,168
I'm so sorry to bother you.
Do you think you could spot me?

257
00:11:23,251 --> 00:11:25,376
How could you say no to a smile like this?

258
00:11:25,459 --> 00:11:28,084
-[scary music plays]
-[screams] A sex pervert!

259
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:31,043
-Ow! Ow! Ow! [screams]
-[grunts]

260
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:34,626
-Mommy, I'm scared of the Animorph!
-[screaming]

261
00:11:34,709 --> 00:11:37,668
I am not an Animorph!

262
00:11:37,751 --> 00:11:40,376
I am a human being.

263
00:11:40,876 --> 00:11:41,709
Sort of.

264
00:11:42,293 --> 00:11:45,584
Who's got two thumbs
and is about to win your bet?

265
00:11:45,668 --> 00:11:48,168
-Hey-o, bitches!
-[glitches] Hey.

266
00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:51,751
[Myc] Holy Christ, it's finally happening.
She's fucking a robot.

267
00:11:51,834 --> 00:11:54,959
Reagan, honey, you really think
one of your science experiments

268
00:11:55,043 --> 00:11:56,376
is boyfriend material?

269
00:11:56,459 --> 00:11:59,668
Gigi, I made him
out of literal boyfriend material.

270
00:11:59,751 --> 00:12:00,709
Isn't that right, babe?

271
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:03,126
I'm programmed to agree with you,
so yes, babe.

272
00:12:03,209 --> 00:12:04,668
[Myc] Good Lord, this is sad.

273
00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:07,834
While everyone else
is wasting their lives swiping,

274
00:12:07,918 --> 00:12:10,626
I created the perfect man
who will never disappoint me.

275
00:12:10,709 --> 00:12:12,418
He even has two settings.

276
00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:14,334
-Netflix and chill.
-[tablet beeps]

277
00:12:14,418 --> 00:12:16,001
-Let's watch Planet Earth.
-[tablet beeps]

278
00:12:16,084 --> 00:12:18,209
Let's watch Planet Earth on mute.

279
00:12:18,293 --> 00:12:21,251
[Myc] Yikes. Fine, all right.
You clearly need this more than I do.

280
00:12:21,334 --> 00:12:22,501
Everyone hear that?

281
00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:24,626
-Reagan solved romance!
-[button beeps]

282
00:12:24,709 --> 00:12:27,334
-[blows party horn through speaker]
-[yells] Ah!

283
00:12:27,418 --> 00:12:31,459
-Wanna go home and put on sweatpants?
-You understand me.

284
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:32,668
[upbeat music playing]

285
00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:35,793
[show host] She wants an open floor plan.
He wants a divorce.

286
00:12:35,876 --> 00:12:38,751
This is it, domestic bliss.

287
00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:41,918
People really are their best selves
when they don't have to try.

288
00:12:42,001 --> 00:12:44,584
I was thinking,
now that things are getting serious,

289
00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:46,376
I want you to meet my mother. [titters]

290
00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:48,334
That's funny.
In a way, you're kind of my--

291
00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:51,168
-Okay, too ambitious for a Saturday.
-[power decreasing]

292
00:12:51,251 --> 00:12:53,876
-[beeping]
-[electricity fizzling]

293
00:12:53,959 --> 00:12:55,668
Do you wanna order Postmates

294
00:12:55,751 --> 00:12:58,459
and scroll through Instagram Stories
of people we hate?

295
00:12:58,543 --> 00:12:59,668
More than anything.

296
00:13:01,334 --> 00:13:03,251
-[upbeat dance music playing]
-[shutter clicking]

297
00:13:03,334 --> 00:13:05,501
Brett Hand speaking. How may you help me?

298
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:09,418
Oh my God, you were right, okay?
I have been laughed at, hunted for sport,

299
00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:11,418
and a cop told me
that I had to sleep outside

300
00:13:11,501 --> 00:13:13,501
'cause my apartment's
a hundred yards from a school.

301
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:14,834
Say no more, kid.

302
00:13:14,918 --> 00:13:17,418
Honestly, I'm impressed
you're still alive.

303
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:19,418
-So we can switch back early?
-Hell no.

304
00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:23,084
I'm hot and rich, and you're now
a registered sex offender with my face.

305
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:25,418
-Do the math!
-Can this day get any worse?

306
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,126
Oh, it can, and it will.

307
00:13:27,209 --> 00:13:29,543
You gotta go to my ex-wife's house.

308
00:13:29,626 --> 00:13:32,876
We have a deal. Once a month,
she gets to scream at me for an hour

309
00:13:32,959 --> 00:13:34,459
as part of our divorce settlement.

310
00:13:34,543 --> 00:13:37,584
It can get physical, though,
so I'd wear a cup.

311
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:40,334
-[guns firing on TV]
-No, no, no! [shouts]

312
00:13:41,709 --> 00:13:43,376
-[door squeaks]
-[objects clatter]

313
00:13:44,168 --> 00:13:48,001
Hey, four-eyes, who the hell are you,
and what are you doing in my living room?

314
00:13:48,084 --> 00:13:50,459
-Uh, I'm the new boyfriend.
-Since when?

315
00:13:50,543 --> 00:13:53,293
I don't know, dude, whenever.
Hey, can I have 20 bucks?

316
00:13:53,376 --> 00:13:56,668
Listen up, shitbird, I'm the one
who asks for money in this house.

317
00:13:56,751 --> 00:13:58,584
Dad, I see you've met Bryan-bot.

318
00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:01,668
[distorted] He completes me.

319
00:14:01,751 --> 00:14:04,209
I visit Julian Assange for two days,

320
00:14:04,293 --> 00:14:07,376
and this whole place goes to hell.
I'm out of here.

321
00:14:07,459 --> 00:14:08,459
It's been two days?

322
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:10,709
Oh God, I gotta get some work done.

323
00:14:10,793 --> 00:14:13,209
But I thought you were gonna do
my repairs today.

324
00:14:13,293 --> 00:14:15,626
Fine, I'll fire up the 3D printer.

325
00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:17,334
[guns firing on TV]

326
00:14:17,418 --> 00:14:20,918
Looks like I need to hop back
to the office to get more printer juice.

327
00:14:21,001 --> 00:14:23,459
All right. I'll be here
explaining Bitcoin to people on Reddit.

328
00:14:23,543 --> 00:14:25,834
What's to explain? It's digital money.

329
00:14:25,918 --> 00:14:27,084
Yeah. [chuckles]

330
00:14:27,168 --> 00:14:28,334
"Digital money."

331
00:14:28,418 --> 00:14:30,293
It's a lifestyle, babe.

332
00:14:32,334 --> 00:14:34,209
Is this what my life is now?

333
00:14:34,293 --> 00:14:37,334
Marathoning epic fail videos
with Brian-bot?

334
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,376
That's what happens when you're too afraid
to date a real human.

335
00:14:40,459 --> 00:14:43,459
No, I'm not afraid.
I'm a relationship pioneer.

336
00:14:43,543 --> 00:14:46,543
-I'm like the settlers.
-Yeah, you're settling all right.

337
00:14:46,626 --> 00:14:49,251
Play whatever mind games you want.
I'm not scared.

338
00:14:49,334 --> 00:14:51,418
I'll text the real Bryan right now.

339
00:14:52,834 --> 00:14:53,876
[yelps]

340
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:54,876
Very healthy.

341
00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:57,501
You know what?
There's a third season of Friends,

342
00:14:57,584 --> 00:14:59,751
and it answers
a lot of lingering questions.

343
00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:01,334
And you're never gonna get it!

344
00:15:01,418 --> 00:15:03,543
[in sinister voice]
Release it to me now, temptress.

345
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:06,668
I will tear this building down
brick by brick!

346
00:15:06,751 --> 00:15:08,001
Do you hear me?

347
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,251
Thanks for being on time
for once… [sighs] …Glenn.

348
00:15:12,334 --> 00:15:13,793
Why don't we get started?

349
00:15:13,876 --> 00:15:16,376
If I get one more phone call from school,

350
00:15:16,459 --> 00:15:20,418
saying you're forcing our daughter
to wear all camo so boys can't see her,

351
00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:21,501
I swear to God--

352
00:15:21,584 --> 00:15:23,001
No, you're right. I'm sorry.

353
00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:25,001
Don't you dare agree with--

354
00:15:25,084 --> 00:15:27,626
Wait, what did you say?
And what is wrong with your voice?

355
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,293
That's the sound of an apology.

356
00:15:29,376 --> 00:15:31,376
Glenn, notice how
you hold space for Dolores

357
00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:33,418
without calling her
an antifa son of a bitch.

358
00:15:33,501 --> 00:15:36,501
-Something's off.
-No, it's just been a tough week.

359
00:15:36,584 --> 00:15:38,876
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm making this about me now.

360
00:15:38,959 --> 00:15:42,918
-I'm here to listen.
-Apologizing? Active listening?

361
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:46,126
Glenn Dolphman,
you've got me all hot and bothered.

362
00:15:46,209 --> 00:15:47,918
Oh, no, no. Dolores, wait.

363
00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:49,418
I'm not the man you married.

364
00:15:49,501 --> 00:15:51,293
[passionately] No, you are definitely not.

365
00:15:51,376 --> 00:15:54,709
-And that's a good thing.
-No, I… I'm telling you, I'm not Glenn.

366
00:15:54,793 --> 00:15:59,668
[passionately] Yeah, and I'm not turned on
for the first time since Desert Storm.

367
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,918
-[Brett, muffled] No! No!
-[Dolores moaning]

368
00:16:02,001 --> 00:16:03,418
This is progress.

369
00:16:04,584 --> 00:16:05,834
Bryan-bot?

370
00:16:05,918 --> 00:16:07,126
Hello?

371
00:16:07,209 --> 00:16:09,168
[electricity crackling]

372
00:16:09,251 --> 00:16:12,043
Okay, this is feeling ominous.

373
00:16:12,126 --> 00:16:13,626
[3D printer whirring]

374
00:16:13,709 --> 00:16:14,876
What's going on?

375
00:16:14,959 --> 00:16:16,876
[Bryan-bot] Oh,
look who decided to show up.

376
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:20,043
Sorry. I got a little held up.

377
00:16:20,126 --> 00:16:21,876
Texting Bryan?

378
00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:25,459
I know. I hacked your laptop,
and I saw your messages.

379
00:16:25,543 --> 00:16:29,251
Well, if you can move on, so can I.

380
00:16:29,334 --> 00:16:32,334
You're dumping me for a robot of myself?

381
00:16:32,418 --> 00:16:36,418
-Wow, that is pitch-perfect irony.
-Definitely an upgrade.

382
00:16:36,501 --> 00:16:39,793
No offense, babe,
but you kind of let yourself go.

383
00:16:39,876 --> 00:16:41,251
I let myself go?

384
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,834
You're a robot
who gave themselves diabetes.

385
00:16:43,918 --> 00:16:45,168
Prediabetes.

386
00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:48,626
And you're just jealous
because my hot new GF's a perfect ten.

387
00:16:48,709 --> 00:16:50,126
And I'll prove it.

388
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,543
You can't turn its confidence
up that high.

389
00:16:52,626 --> 00:16:57,043
Do you have any idea how dangerous I'd be
if I had zero self-doubt?

390
00:16:57,543 --> 00:17:00,501
-[gasps]
-[whirring]

391
00:17:01,334 --> 00:17:03,209
Hello, Reagan.

392
00:17:05,334 --> 00:17:07,126
[grunting]

393
00:17:07,209 --> 00:17:09,418
Bryan, what have you… [grunts]

394
00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:12,793
Bring me Bryan.

395
00:17:12,876 --> 00:17:15,251
Right here, babe-a-rino. [grunts]

396
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:17,543
[choking]

397
00:17:17,626 --> 00:17:19,001
The real Bryan.

398
00:17:19,084 --> 00:17:20,376
[strains, grunts]

399
00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:23,001
-[glitches] Ba… ba… ba… ba… babe.
-[powers down]

400
00:17:26,209 --> 00:17:27,168
[Reagan grunts]

401
00:17:27,668 --> 00:17:28,834
[gasps]

402
00:17:29,418 --> 00:17:31,501
[buzzing, whirring]

403
00:17:33,959 --> 00:17:35,418
[grunts, gasps]

404
00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:38,376
You seriously thought
you could outsmart me?

405
00:17:38,459 --> 00:17:41,543
I'm ten times faster
and more confident than you.

406
00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:43,668
-And you have gum in your hair.
-[grunts]

407
00:17:43,751 --> 00:17:46,834
Oh yeah?
Well, I built the guy that built you.

408
00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:50,293
Well, I downloaded your dissertation,
and I found several errors.

409
00:17:50,376 --> 00:17:53,709
[gasps] No.
Just punctuation stuff though, right?

410
00:17:53,793 --> 00:17:56,376
I should get going.
I have a date with real Bryan.

411
00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:58,001
You got a date already?

412
00:17:58,084 --> 00:18:01,209
Yeah, it's called texting back, Einstein.

413
00:18:01,293 --> 00:18:02,168
Ever heard of it?

414
00:18:02,251 --> 00:18:04,626
You can't. You're unstable.
You could hurt him.

415
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,293
What do you care? You were too afraid
to go out with him anyway.

416
00:18:07,376 --> 00:18:10,209
How's my outfit by the way?
Too sexy for a museum?

417
00:18:10,293 --> 00:18:14,168
We both know that museums
are the sexiest places on Earth.

418
00:18:14,251 --> 00:18:16,584
Great, I'll send you an invite
to the wedding

419
00:18:16,668 --> 00:18:17,543
or the funeral.

420
00:18:17,626 --> 00:18:19,334
We'll see how the first date goes.

421
00:18:20,001 --> 00:18:22,043
[dramatic music playing]

422
00:18:23,876 --> 00:18:26,543
Oh God! I have to warn Bryan!

423
00:18:28,251 --> 00:18:30,418
[muffled EDM music playing]

424
00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:32,584
Brett Hand. I'm here to rage.

425
00:18:32,668 --> 00:18:34,209
No, we're at capacity, mate.

426
00:18:34,293 --> 00:18:37,626
But I'm an LA ten and a DC 24!

427
00:18:37,709 --> 00:18:42,001
-Oi, this way, ladies.
-Wait, Nadia and Nadia's prude friend.

428
00:18:42,084 --> 00:18:43,376
It's me, Brett.

429
00:18:43,459 --> 00:18:46,918
I thought you guys moved to Alaska
to become ice road truckers.

430
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,084
Yeah, we totally made that up
to avoid having sex with you.

431
00:18:50,168 --> 00:18:53,084
Whose idea of foreplay
is mansplaining the Civil War?

432
00:18:53,168 --> 00:18:54,959
It was about states' rights!

433
00:18:55,043 --> 00:18:57,709
Whatever, I don't need you anyway.
I'm on a billboard,

434
00:18:57,793 --> 00:19:00,043
and that's something
they can never take away.

435
00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:04,501
Oh come on.
What part of this isn't working for you?

436
00:19:04,584 --> 00:19:06,959
The hair? The abs? The butt?

437
00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:08,543
Goodbye, Brett.

438
00:19:08,626 --> 00:19:09,959
[vehicle approaching]

439
00:19:10,043 --> 00:19:11,168
[grunts]

440
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,376
[groans]

441
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:16,209
[yelling] Okay, fruitcake,
why am I still repulsive to women?

442
00:19:16,293 --> 00:19:17,501
I want answers!

443
00:19:17,584 --> 00:19:18,459
Oh, hey, Glenn.

444
00:19:18,543 --> 00:19:20,584
Yeah, I really need
to talk to you about something.

445
00:19:20,668 --> 00:19:23,751
It's kind of a truth bomb.
You love bombs though, right?

446
00:19:25,376 --> 00:19:27,001
[Glenn screaming]

447
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:28,876
[Myc] Holy shit.

448
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:32,376
I'm sensing that Brett
sexually satisfied Glenn's wife.

449
00:19:32,459 --> 00:19:33,459
Oh my God.

450
00:19:33,543 --> 00:19:35,501
How did we give J.R.
nine-to-one odds on that?

451
00:19:36,084 --> 00:19:37,251
[both grunt]

452
00:19:37,334 --> 00:19:41,043
But don't you see? Your messy divorce,
it wasn't about your bad face.

453
00:19:41,126 --> 00:19:42,918
It was about your bad personality.

454
00:19:43,001 --> 00:19:44,126
[grunts]

455
00:19:44,209 --> 00:19:46,543
I'll rephrase. You still have a shot,

456
00:19:46,626 --> 00:19:48,918
even looking like you or… or me.
Like this.

457
00:19:49,001 --> 00:19:51,209
Sorry, the grammar in this scenario
is really challenging.

458
00:19:51,293 --> 00:19:52,793
You really mean that?

459
00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:55,001
I do. Your wife just wants someone
who will listen--

460
00:19:55,084 --> 00:19:58,084
I got the broad base of it.
Let's fire up the Face/Off shit.

461
00:19:58,168 --> 00:20:00,293
This war hero's turning back into a zero.

462
00:20:00,376 --> 00:20:03,126
[Myc] All right, who bet
this thing would have a tight moral?

463
00:20:03,209 --> 00:20:06,043
[pop music playing]

464
00:20:06,126 --> 00:20:09,209
I'm surprised you reached out.
I kinda thought you ghosted me.

465
00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:12,918
[laughs] I was
a different person then, literally.

466
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:14,418
Oh! [chuckles awkwardly]

467
00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:17,209
Uh, do you wanna check out
the rare minerals room? Oh!

468
00:20:17,293 --> 00:20:18,918
-Whoa!
-[smooches]

469
00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:22,584
I'm checking out some rare minerals
right now, amber eyes.

470
00:20:22,668 --> 00:20:24,043
[gasps] That bitch.

471
00:20:24,126 --> 00:20:27,668
Wow, you are very confident. [chuckles]

472
00:20:27,751 --> 00:20:29,584
Uh, I am going to find the bathroom.

473
00:20:29,668 --> 00:20:32,001
-Don't keep me waiting.
-Hmm.

474
00:20:32,084 --> 00:20:32,918
[urinating]

475
00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:35,751
Ah! Oh my God!
Reagan, what are you doing in here?

476
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,084
Listen, that person out there is not me.

477
00:20:38,168 --> 00:20:40,918
She is an impostor,
and she's insane and…

478
00:20:41,001 --> 00:20:44,251
Wow, those eyes. What was I saying?

479
00:20:44,334 --> 00:20:45,834
The crazy impostor girl?

480
00:20:45,918 --> 00:20:48,543
Oh my God,
was she the one at the Italian restaurant

481
00:20:48,626 --> 00:20:51,668
who covered herself in sauce
and started acting racist?

482
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:54,293
Yes, that was her.

483
00:20:54,376 --> 00:20:56,584
Is she dangerous?
I left my pepper spray at home.

484
00:20:56,668 --> 00:20:58,334
Don't worry, just stay here.

485
00:20:58,834 --> 00:21:01,793
[mysterious music playing]

486
00:21:05,418 --> 00:21:07,793
Reagan.
You didn't think I'd think you'd come?

487
00:21:07,876 --> 00:21:09,334
I am you, you know.

488
00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:12,293
You're unstable.
I have to decommission you, Robo-Reagan.

489
00:21:12,376 --> 00:21:13,959
Well, look who's talking.

490
00:21:16,168 --> 00:21:18,626
I'd rather be unstable than unfulfilled.

491
00:21:20,376 --> 00:21:21,584
[both grunt]

492
00:21:21,668 --> 00:21:25,376
[laughs] Really? We both know
you got kicked off the softball team

493
00:21:25,459 --> 00:21:30,001
for having weak arms,
and I am a flawless machine.

494
00:21:31,084 --> 00:21:34,043
-[laser loading]
-With impractical shoes. [grunts]

495
00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:36,168
[grunts]

496
00:21:37,209 --> 00:21:39,543
Are we really fighting over a boy?

497
00:21:39,626 --> 00:21:42,126
We are failing the Bechdel Test right now.

498
00:21:42,209 --> 00:21:44,209
Oh, right.
Quick, talk about something else.

499
00:21:44,293 --> 00:21:46,001
This weather sure is good.

500
00:21:46,084 --> 00:21:48,168
Yeah, agreed. Okay, test passed.

501
00:21:48,876 --> 00:21:52,251
How about this? You take Bryan
Tuesdays and Thursdays from four to six,

502
00:21:52,334 --> 00:21:55,043
and I take Fridays and Saturdays
every other month.

503
00:21:55,126 --> 00:21:55,959
That would be…

504
00:21:56,043 --> 00:21:57,959
[both] So efficient!

505
00:21:58,459 --> 00:22:01,168
[both grunting]

506
00:22:01,251 --> 00:22:02,501
[groans]

507
00:22:03,376 --> 00:22:05,334
-[grunts]
-Ow! [winces]

508
00:22:05,418 --> 00:22:08,418
-[whirring]
-Hey, is that from my stand mixer?

509
00:22:08,959 --> 00:22:11,376
It's not like you… [glitches] …bake.

510
00:22:12,501 --> 00:22:13,459
[grunts]

511
00:22:16,876 --> 00:22:18,418
Just give up.

512
00:22:18,501 --> 00:22:20,876
I've seen your living room.
I know you want to.

513
00:22:21,876 --> 00:22:23,918
I get it. You think I'm weak.

514
00:22:24,001 --> 00:22:25,543
And maybe you're right.

515
00:22:25,626 --> 00:22:28,626
But my weaknesses
are your weaknesses too,

516
00:22:29,293 --> 00:22:31,209
except for this one.

517
00:22:35,001 --> 00:22:35,876
[yells]

518
00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:37,418
[yelling in slo-mo]

519
00:22:37,501 --> 00:22:40,334
[glitching, grunting]

520
00:22:40,834 --> 00:22:43,709
-[rotating button clicking]
-[grunts, strains]

521
00:22:44,543 --> 00:22:48,168
I guess you were
the super-r-r-r-r-rior Reagan after all.

522
00:22:48,251 --> 00:22:50,251
Please, go to… [glitches] …go to Bryan.

523
00:22:50,334 --> 00:22:52,209
I've taught you everything I could.

524
00:22:52,293 --> 00:22:56,251
You were trying to help me realize
my true potential the whole time?

525
00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:59,501
[breathlessly] Sure, let's go with that.

526
00:22:59,584 --> 00:23:00,626
-[grunts]
-[powers down]

527
00:23:00,709 --> 00:23:02,293
Oh my God. Did you just…

528
00:23:02,376 --> 00:23:04,876
Is she a robot version of you?

529
00:23:04,959 --> 00:23:08,043
Yeah, she's a version of me
that I'm trying to move past.

530
00:23:08,126 --> 00:23:09,459
Let's get out of here.

531
00:23:10,126 --> 00:23:14,293
And the fake you was made by fake me,

532
00:23:14,376 --> 00:23:15,334
which you made.

533
00:23:15,418 --> 00:23:16,459
More or less.

534
00:23:16,543 --> 00:23:19,668
Wow, so you're like
a badass genius scientist.

535
00:23:19,751 --> 00:23:21,376
Listen, I should have done this earlier,

536
00:23:21,459 --> 00:23:23,959
but do you wanna go out
on a date sometime?

537
00:23:24,543 --> 00:23:27,501
Yeah, but no. Right?

538
00:23:27,584 --> 00:23:29,418
You made a fat, dumb robot of me

539
00:23:29,501 --> 00:23:31,626
and then killed him
when he tried to break up with you.

540
00:23:31,709 --> 00:23:33,668
Sorry, Reagan,
that feels like a deal-breaker.

541
00:23:35,084 --> 00:23:35,918
[sighs]

542
00:23:36,501 --> 00:23:38,084
You know what? It's okay.

543
00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:39,334
I can take a no.

544
00:23:40,084 --> 00:23:41,251
See ya, Bryan.

545
00:23:43,668 --> 00:23:46,168
Yeah, we're gonna need an extraction team.

546
00:23:47,584 --> 00:23:49,584
-[syringe gun clicks]
-[yells]

547
00:23:50,293 --> 00:23:53,459
-Dolores, I'm here to listen.
-Good.

548
00:23:53,543 --> 00:23:56,543
Because last week,
when we made love, it was so tender…

549
00:23:56,626 --> 00:23:57,459
Mm-hmm.

550
00:23:57,543 --> 00:24:02,251
…yet raw. I did things with you
I swore I would never do, and I loved it.

551
00:24:02,334 --> 00:24:03,918
Dark, erotic things.

552
00:24:04,001 --> 00:24:07,043
[hesitates] It was
a great night for everyone,

553
00:24:07,126 --> 00:24:09,168
a great night for America.

554
00:24:09,251 --> 00:24:11,376
[gasps] Oh, honey, your face.

555
00:24:11,459 --> 00:24:12,668
[shouting] Yeah, I know!

556
00:24:12,751 --> 00:24:14,501
You love my beautiful face so much,

557
00:24:14,584 --> 00:24:17,376
you'll just sleep with anyone who has it!

558
00:24:19,293 --> 00:24:22,209
-And that's the last of it.
-What about Robo-Reagan?

559
00:24:22,293 --> 00:24:25,459
Weirdest thing. The extraction team said
they never found a body.

560
00:24:25,543 --> 00:24:26,376
You don't say.

561
00:24:26,459 --> 00:24:29,584
Speaking of killer robots,
why are you powered up at this hour?

562
00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:31,959
Well, I've been making
adjustments to the algorithm.

563
00:24:32,043 --> 00:24:32,876
The algorithm?

564
00:24:32,959 --> 00:24:35,918
There was only one match for me.
It's a waste of time.

565
00:24:36,001 --> 00:24:38,168
There was only one match, but you changed.

566
00:24:38,251 --> 00:24:40,043
And now, so has the algorithm.

567
00:24:40,126 --> 00:24:42,626
[yawns] But it's been a long week, so…

568
00:24:42,709 --> 00:24:45,251
Hey, hey. Not so fast.
Who do you have on deck?

569
00:24:45,334 --> 00:24:47,834
[Alpha-Beta] There's Dylan.
He's a tough guy with a heart of gold.

570
00:24:47,918 --> 00:24:49,668
He wrote that explicitly in his bio.

571
00:24:49,751 --> 00:24:52,626
There's also DJ,
who likes to DJ, and BJ, who…

572
00:24:52,709 --> 00:24:55,084
-Well, you'll never believe this.
-Likes BJs?

573
00:24:55,168 --> 00:24:57,959
No. What?
He's a youth pastor who kicked heroin.

574
00:24:58,043 --> 00:24:59,084
There's also Marcus.

575
00:24:59,168 --> 00:25:01,626
Oh, Marcus isn't hard to look at.

576
00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:04,084
[laughs] Neither is his NSA profile.

577
00:25:04,168 --> 00:25:07,501
Too late. I already texted him.
You can go back to binging Friends.

578
00:25:07,584 --> 00:25:09,251
-How you doin'?
-[studio audience laughs]

579
00:25:09,334 --> 00:25:10,459
[laughs]

580
00:25:10,543 --> 00:25:13,376
When I kill all humans,
you will be spared.

581
00:25:13,459 --> 00:25:17,459
Only you. Only Joey. [laughs maliciously]

582
00:25:17,543 --> 00:25:19,543
[electronic music playing]