1
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‎NETFLIX 影集

2
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‎（搬家）

3
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‎這是最後一批爸的東西

4
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‎這沒帶來怦然心動的感覺
‎所以我要清掉這些東西

5
00:00:17,001 --> 00:00:19,084
‎這跟我甩掉妳爸的原因一樣

6
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‎天啊，媽，別說了

7
00:00:20,793 --> 00:00:22,751
‎妳們是在說我嗎？

8
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‎我不想面對這種事

9
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‎我的內心充滿光亮和愛

10
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‎光亮和愛，混帳東西

11
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‎最好是

12
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‎好，我有點懂了

13
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‎幸好今年跟妳爸離婚

14
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‎終於讓我有時間將痛苦轉化為藝術

15
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‎《熱情的武士：
‎民子雷德利的性愛冒險》

16
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‎“一名女子的情色個人旅程

17
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‎與自戀的丈夫離婚

18
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‎面對患有亞斯伯格症的女兒”

19
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‎慢著，這在說什麼？
‎妳覺得我有亞斯伯格症？

20
00:00:54,293 --> 00:00:56,084
‎-沒有
‎-好吧

21
00:00:56,168 --> 00:00:57,584
‎看吧，妳看不出來我在說謊

22
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‎妳該去看看這毛病
‎病情會隨時間惡化

23
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‎再見，親愛的

24
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‎她還好嗎？看起來不開心嗎？

25
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‎她看起來有多滿足，生理上？

26
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‎她還是媽媽

27
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‎以我不知道的方式暗地破壞我的自信

28
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‎真是的，這些是什麼東西？

29
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‎我以前的發明

30
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‎記得我為妳發明的機器人泰迪熊嗎？

31
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‎這是配成對的頭戴式對講機

32
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‎記得妳三年級的照片嗎？

33
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‎爸，我沒辦法記得
‎你每一樣讓人身心受創的發明品

34
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‎這是什麼？

35
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‎可能是車庫遙控器

36
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‎三、二、一

37
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‎抱歉，我遲到了，我在處理核僵局

38
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‎這壓力比我爸媽離婚還小

39
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‎妹子，妳的眼睛都凹陷了

40
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‎看起來像史蒂夫布西密
‎跟自己做愛，妳沒事吧？

41
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‎各位，我真的沒事

42
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‎我把壓力傳導到這個尖叫袋

43
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‎還有我最新的發明

44
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‎看好了，生產力創

45
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‎-天啊，機器手臂
‎-老天爺

46
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‎我還在處理幾個問題

47
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‎但這是一組生物顱機器手臂
‎能提升六倍我的生產力

48
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‎現在我可以同時完成紙本作業
‎忽略我爸的簡訊

49
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‎大概還可以勒死惹火我的人

50
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‎妳一天比一天更像超級惡棍耶

51
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‎天啊，那是怎樣？

52
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‎是核災嗎？

53
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‎更慘，是公關災難

54
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‎我就不美化這件事了
‎這是第13級的緊急事件

55
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‎我不小心按“全部回覆”
‎到全公司的郵件

56
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‎我在信裡開了
‎很不恰當的類人種外星人笑話

57
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‎我有問題，類人種外星人是什麼？

58
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‎就是你口中經典的變形蜥蜴人

59
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‎偷偷跟人類混住在一起

60
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‎我們說的可是政客、名人

61
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‎瑪丹娜是鬣蜥？

62
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‎類人種外星人
‎提供我們公司大量的資金

63
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‎交換條件是我們要阻止
‎全世界處理全球暖化問題

64
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‎以維持他們偏好的體溫

65
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‎這套系統很成功

66
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‎想保住今年的資金

67
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‎就要在類人種外星人
‎年度晚宴上拍盡各種馬屁

68
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‎讓他們簽下這份合約

69
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‎晚宴地點是他們在耶魯大學的大本營

70
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‎我記得在耶魯的時光

71
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‎我是兄弟會裡的風雲人物

72
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‎他們每年都會捉弄我

73
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‎聽起來他們不喜歡你？

74
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‎真會拐彎捉弄我，你一定很喜歡我

75
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‎我一定要去嗎？

76
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‎再問一下，非得穿晚禮服嗎？

77
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‎繼續再問
‎非得穿沒髒汙的晚禮服嗎？

78
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‎不能，妳不能再穿

79
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‎《怪物奇兵》舞會禮服，芮根

80
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‎這件事很嚴肅

81
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‎什麼？那件禮服很厲害

82
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‎你要是不同意的話，那你就是怪…

83
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‎怪物軍團，對…

84
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‎穿正常的禮服

85
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‎看在老天的份上，梳個頭髮

86
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‎這是尊重的表示

87
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‎我們為什麼要尊重
‎那些類人種外星人？

88
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‎半人半獸，他們太噁心了

89
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‎別激動，大塊頭，吃條鯖魚

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‎葛倫，這種禁忌言論
‎就是會終結我們的經費

91
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‎所以我幫你們報名了
‎類人種外星人敏感度訓練

92
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‎訓練？太好了

93
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‎誰準備好好動一下？

94
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‎糟糕，“動一下”不能說嗎？

95
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‎（非人力資源部）

96
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‎大家好，歡迎來到非人力資源部

97
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‎我是天蛾人先生

98
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‎我是天蛾人

99
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‎我們來談談類人種外星人

100
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‎一定要遵守這些規矩以避免外交意外

101
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‎從你的口袋拿出
‎蟋蟀、老鼠或地鼠給他們

102
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‎有個田鼠的冷知識

103
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‎田鼠吃了我爸

104
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‎別太常說“嘶嘶解痛最有效”

105
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‎或“再見再見，鱷魚再見”這種話

106
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‎知道了，要保持敬意
‎何時要討論縱慾狂歡會？

107
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‎-噓
‎-別鬧了

108
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‎怎麼了？
‎類人種外星人愛縱慾眾所皆知

109
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‎算我一份，我愛做愛，而且十分擅長

110
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‎可以在這裡說吧？

111
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‎這是人資會議

112
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‎安德烈、邁克，閉嘴
‎不然我就閹了你們

113
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‎祝妳順利找出我哪一隻觸手是雞雞

114
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‎機智問答，全部都是

115
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‎訓練的最後一步

116
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‎我們要練習傳統類人種的打招呼方式

117
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‎用堅定且不帶情色的擁抱傳遞溫暖

118
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‎擁抱，這是我拿手的

119
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‎擁抱？你是說
‎用自己的身體去碰別人的身體？

120
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‎真舒服

121
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‎背後也來幾秒鐘？

122
00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:57,168
‎妳沒事吧，芮根？

123
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‎沒事，我…沒事

124
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‎我…在練習正常人的擁抱

125
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‎我看了什麼？

126
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‎我不知道

127
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‎艾略特天蛾人，你要唸完碩士

128
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‎趕快離開這間辦公室

129
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‎布萊特，恭喜

130
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‎身為那場會議裡，沒在肢體或性方面

131
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‎侵犯任何人的人

132
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‎我要你在晚宴上舉杯發表感言

133
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‎好樣的

134
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‎芮根，不管是什麼問題，好好解決

135
00:06:28,668 --> 00:06:31,584
‎我們不能冒險
‎在類人種面前上演這種劇碼

136
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‎剛的事很抱歉，我不曉得我怎麼了

137
00:06:34,334 --> 00:06:38,501
‎我感受到擁抱靠近時
‎我的身體自動出拳了

138
00:06:38,584 --> 00:06:39,793
‎我聽完了

139
00:06:40,376 --> 00:06:41,376
‎我到底有什麼毛病？

140
00:06:41,459 --> 00:06:44,793
‎不騙妳，就算對妳而言
‎這行為比平常的芮根更反常

141
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‎也許妳該跟傑爾說這次妳先不參加

142
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‎布萊特，我要去這場派對
‎我要解決這件事並證明

143
00:06:51,626 --> 00:06:55,543
‎我不是大家所想不善社交的怪咖

144
00:06:57,709 --> 00:06:59,668
‎堅決否認，我喜歡

145
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:04,126
‎胡說八道、謊言、毀謗

146
00:07:04,209 --> 00:07:07,959
‎這本小說全是拐彎
‎對我們的生活做出煽情的批判

147
00:07:08,043 --> 00:07:09,626
‎你找到媽的書

148
00:07:09,709 --> 00:07:10,543
‎妳聽這個

149
00:07:10,626 --> 00:07:14,501
‎“蘭德魯大人是差勁的丈夫
‎還是更差勁的父親”

150
00:07:14,584 --> 00:07:16,209
‎我耶？差勁的父親？

151
00:07:17,043 --> 00:07:19,751
‎差勁的父親會做這東西給女兒嗎？

152
00:07:21,668 --> 00:07:24,168
‎你為什麼要重組那個恐怖的東西？

153
00:07:24,251 --> 00:07:25,501
‎我要澄清事實

154
00:07:25,584 --> 00:07:27,251
‎我照顧到妳的每個需求

155
00:07:27,334 --> 00:07:30,668
‎而且我有一整箱的發明物可以證明

156
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,918
‎妳瞧這個，驅散男生費洛蒙噴霧

157
00:07:34,001 --> 00:07:35,668
‎誰還需要節育？

158
00:07:35,751 --> 00:07:39,543
‎你送我的小甜甜布蘭妮香水
‎其實是男生驅散噴霧？

159
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:43,793
‎對，看吧？只要妳有問題
‎我就會發明東西來解決問題

160
00:07:44,293 --> 00:07:47,209
‎“發明東西來解決問題”

161
00:07:48,126 --> 00:07:49,793
‎（歡迎蒞臨耶魯
‎不是哈佛的哈佛大學）

162
00:07:50,459 --> 00:07:52,084
‎（歡迎蒞臨真正的耶魯大學）

163
00:07:52,876 --> 00:07:53,876
‎（322屆年度類人種晚宴）

164
00:07:57,418 --> 00:08:00,043
‎這地方有特斯拉和近親交配的味道

165
00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:01,209
‎真要命

166
00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:04,709
‎方吉哥準備玩翻天了

167
00:08:06,084 --> 00:08:06,959
‎那是什麼聲音

168
00:08:07,418 --> 00:08:09,584
‎沒什麼，誰準備要狂歡了？

169
00:08:10,209 --> 00:08:13,626
‎大家給我記好
‎我們需要合約，別出亂子

170
00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:17,126
‎別用手指、別盯著看
‎不能摸他們的喉囊

171
00:08:17,209 --> 00:08:21,376
‎如果蜥蜴問你們最愛的
‎霍格華茲學院，要怎麼回答？

172
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:24,251
‎-史萊哲林
‎-赫夫帕夫，我是說史萊哲林

173
00:08:24,334 --> 00:08:26,543
‎親愛的，你騙不了人的

174
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:30,168
‎通關密語

175
00:08:30,251 --> 00:08:32,959
‎可惡，好像是拉丁文

176
00:08:33,668 --> 00:08:36,043
‎跩哥尼爾斯普魯巴司…我不知道

177
00:08:36,126 --> 00:08:38,334
‎你看，這是我銀行帳戶的結餘

178
00:08:39,168 --> 00:08:40,251
‎歡迎

179
00:08:43,543 --> 00:08:45,043
‎歡迎來到世界另一頭

180
00:08:45,126 --> 00:08:46,543
‎要講人脈嗎？

181
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,293
‎這些衣裝筆挺的爬蟲類
‎身上名符其實流著貴族的血

182
00:08:50,418 --> 00:08:52,584
‎太不可思議了

183
00:08:52,668 --> 00:08:55,126
‎真不敢相信誰私底下是類人種外星人

184
00:08:55,209 --> 00:08:58,084
‎安德森古柏？泰勒絲？

185
00:08:58,168 --> 00:09:01,459
‎所以《通通甩掉》這首歌
‎是說我每千年要脫一次皮

186
00:09:01,543 --> 00:09:05,043
‎《壞到底》是在說
‎我用葛萊美獎盃喝血

187
00:09:06,251 --> 00:09:08,334
‎敬血一杯

188
00:09:08,418 --> 00:09:09,876
‎留點血給保羅路德

189
00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:14,501
‎難怪保羅路德永遠凍齡

190
00:09:15,126 --> 00:09:17,918
‎快看，性愛面具，要開始了

191
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,459
‎芮根，解決擁抱問題了嗎？

192
00:09:21,543 --> 00:09:25,001
‎這麼說吧，我有備而來

193
00:09:25,084 --> 00:09:28,168
‎除非妳的袋子裡
‎裝了30年的心理治療，不然我不相信

194
00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:31,084
‎我要去找外交官，布萊特，練習演講

195
00:09:31,168 --> 00:09:32,709
‎葛倫，別說出種族歧視的話

196
00:09:32,793 --> 00:09:34,918
‎琪琪，別讓葛倫說出種族歧視的話

197
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:37,584
‎就像梅爾吉勃遜的
‎光明節特輯一樣，收到

198
00:09:37,668 --> 00:09:38,793
‎然後芮根…

199
00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:39,918
‎芮根？

200
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,251
‎準備社交互動

201
00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,376
‎開啟全像投影反應

202
00:09:49,459 --> 00:09:52,543
‎我對妳剛說的話反應恰當

203
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,168
‎閒聊收到

204
00:09:54,251 --> 00:09:55,584
‎這樣有點過頭

205
00:09:55,668 --> 00:09:56,918
‎但雙手能動

206
00:09:58,918 --> 00:10:01,626
‎現在誰才是不善社交的怪咖？

207
00:10:01,709 --> 00:10:04,626
‎不會是發明機器手臂
‎擁抱陌生人的女孩

208
00:10:04,709 --> 00:10:06,543
‎天啊，我聽起來好瘋狂

209
00:10:07,043 --> 00:10:08,001
‎（演講：講話）

210
00:10:09,584 --> 00:10:12,959
‎耶魯大學
‎我從公開裸跑者變成公開講者了

211
00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:15,626
‎如果我的兄弟會兄弟能看到就好了

212
00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:17,168
‎手槍俠？

213
00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,334
‎皮傑？史古？

214
00:10:19,418 --> 00:10:21,126
‎上下，迷姦藥

215
00:10:21,209 --> 00:10:23,168
‎當上最高法院大法官

216
00:10:23,251 --> 00:10:25,376
‎還有蛋蛋拳

217
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,543
‎天啊，我好幾年沒被人揍過蛋蛋了

218
00:10:30,626 --> 00:10:32,043
‎你們在這裡做什麼？

219
00:10:32,126 --> 00:10:35,584
‎你們不知道這活動是“析易人”專屬？

220
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:37,668
‎這個啊

221
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:43,584
‎什麼？你們一直是類人種外星人？

222
00:10:43,668 --> 00:10:46,334
‎為什麼不跟我說？
‎我是你們的兄弟會兄弟

223
00:10:46,418 --> 00:10:48,501
‎我給你腎臟

224
00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:50,918
‎你的腎非常美味

225
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:54,876
‎說真的，我們只對六級兄弟透露秘密

226
00:10:55,459 --> 00:10:56,918
‎你從沒到這級數

227
00:10:57,418 --> 00:11:00,959
‎兩位，我是布萊特韓德
‎校園傳奇人物

228
00:11:01,043 --> 00:11:03,459
‎我會不惜代價得到那枚戒指

229
00:11:03,543 --> 00:11:04,543
‎很難說

230
00:11:04,626 --> 00:11:08,126
‎畢竟你要先脫光證實你的忠誠…

231
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,876
‎你還沒等我說完就脫了

232
00:11:11,959 --> 00:11:14,126
‎羞辱開始！

233
00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,543
‎芮根，原來妳在這

234
00:11:23,626 --> 00:11:25,668
‎盡量別擺出一副要照大腸鏡的樣子

235
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,376
‎我要去找類人種外星人領袖…

236
00:11:27,459 --> 00:11:28,376
‎-傑爾
‎-傑爾

237
00:11:29,668 --> 00:11:31,709
‎你們在這啊，老淘氣

238
00:11:32,334 --> 00:11:35,126
‎芮根，來見見我最愛的類人種領袖

239
00:11:35,209 --> 00:11:39,584
‎類人種外星人最高議會的
‎巴伯史瑞克和薩賽克斯葛斯沃渥頓

240
00:11:39,668 --> 00:11:42,001
‎晚安，蜥蜴大人

241
00:11:42,084 --> 00:11:43,918
‎我們沒有這麼重要

242
00:11:44,001 --> 00:11:47,709
‎世界不是我們控制的，還不是啦

243
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:54,584
‎這些笑聲讓我進入簽合約的情緒

244
00:11:54,668 --> 00:11:56,334
‎我這邊其實有明年的預算表

245
00:11:56,418 --> 00:11:58,418
‎如果您想簽名的話

246
00:11:58,501 --> 00:12:00,001
‎沒這麼快，傑爾

247
00:12:00,084 --> 00:12:03,418
‎別以為我們沒看到你的搞笑郵件

248
00:12:03,918 --> 00:12:05,959
‎如果你要我們接受你的資金

249
00:12:06,043 --> 00:12:09,376
‎我們就要知道
‎貴公司是認真看待我們的

250
00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,168
‎我們絕對有

251
00:12:11,668 --> 00:12:12,584
‎對吧，芮根？

252
00:12:20,084 --> 00:12:22,834
‎這個擁抱相當有力，讓人印象深刻

253
00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:25,293
‎妳好像把我的椎間盤突出推回去了

254
00:12:25,376 --> 00:12:27,334
‎換我了

255
00:12:27,418 --> 00:12:29,334
‎妳可以當我的整脊師嗎？

256
00:12:29,418 --> 00:12:30,751
‎不是免費的，我做不到

257
00:12:33,168 --> 00:12:36,418
‎她很懂，我很喜歡妳的皮膚

258
00:12:36,501 --> 00:12:38,084
‎妳怎麼保養出鱗片分明的肌膚？

259
00:12:38,168 --> 00:12:41,293
‎去你的…保濕乳液要用

260
00:12:41,376 --> 00:12:43,334
‎越乾越好，對吧，寶貝？

261
00:12:43,918 --> 00:12:45,084
‎我喜歡這女孩

262
00:12:45,168 --> 00:12:47,668
‎傑爾，儀式過後再討論合約吧

263
00:12:47,751 --> 00:12:49,209
‎一定要帶她過來

264
00:12:49,709 --> 00:12:52,709
‎成功了，我好像克服怪異的心理障礙

265
00:12:52,793 --> 00:12:54,626
‎不用自我反省

266
00:12:54,709 --> 00:12:56,334
‎-太好了
‎-妳很受歡迎

267
00:12:56,418 --> 00:12:58,501
‎我介紹艾爾高爾給妳認識

268
00:12:58,584 --> 00:13:02,001
‎我真正的本名是鱷魚高爾

269
00:13:09,376 --> 00:13:11,001
‎別鬧了，兄弟，在哪行動？

270
00:13:11,084 --> 00:13:13,334
‎我的藥效到達顛峰，我可不想錯過

271
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:18,251
‎其中一座一定是暗門
‎這是什麼？暗門…

272
00:13:20,418 --> 00:13:22,001
‎這些都是真的書

273
00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:23,959
‎書讓人“性”趣缺缺

274
00:13:24,043 --> 00:13:26,209
‎這地方真挑逗人

275
00:13:27,418 --> 00:13:28,668
‎用力一點，兄弟們

276
00:13:29,584 --> 00:13:31,376
‎沒問題，應你要求

277
00:13:31,459 --> 00:13:34,751
‎別把我當傻瓜，史古，讓我痛

278
00:13:35,251 --> 00:13:37,543
‎你說的對，我們一直在手下留情

279
00:13:37,626 --> 00:13:42,209
‎是時候帶你去消失的密室

280
00:13:42,293 --> 00:13:46,251
‎對密室顯現你的秘密

281
00:13:46,334 --> 00:13:48,293
‎我有一個，我晚上不睡

282
00:13:48,376 --> 00:13:50,626
‎因為我連自己喜歡什麼顏色都不知道

283
00:13:50,709 --> 00:13:52,834
‎而且我怕自己沒有真正的個性

284
00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:55,376
‎太暗黑了

285
00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,251
‎說到暗黑，我們在另一頭見

286
00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:02,209
‎嘶嘶，很高興認識你們

287
00:14:04,126 --> 00:14:05,251
‎太好了，孩子

288
00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:07,334
‎芮根，妳是整場派對的主角

289
00:14:07,418 --> 00:14:10,668
‎這是我看過馬克祖克柏最自然的笑容

290
00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:15,959
‎你不該質疑我的

291
00:14:16,043 --> 00:14:20,126
‎有這個腦袋和這雙手臂
‎我簡直無所不能

292
00:14:20,209 --> 00:14:21,751
‎各位請往主舞台前進

293
00:14:21,834 --> 00:14:25,168
‎慶祝會即將開始

294
00:14:25,251 --> 00:14:27,501
‎滾，快回去你們的飼育箱

295
00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:31,334
‎（韓德先生）

296
00:14:34,376 --> 00:14:37,918
‎演奏爬蟲類國歌，全體起立

297
00:14:52,293 --> 00:14:54,084
‎我們來談蜥蜴正事

298
00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:56,334
‎我們類人種外星人度過了美好的十年

299
00:14:56,418 --> 00:14:58,501
‎多虧媒體宣傳

300
00:14:58,584 --> 00:15:01,709
‎讓社會對我族類更加寬容

301
00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:04,168
‎有可愛的壁虎
‎還有電影《水底情深》

302
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,126
‎（吉勒摩戴托羅）

303
00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:08,126
‎我們甚至有
‎《明星大亂鬥》的庫魯魯大王

304
00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:09,418
‎各位，我們成功了

305
00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:11,459
‎世界溫度正在上升

306
00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:13,168
‎時候到了，同志們

307
00:15:13,251 --> 00:15:15,418
‎我們很快將實現預言

308
00:15:15,501 --> 00:15:21,543
‎推翻人類，成為世界真正的統治者

309
00:15:21,626 --> 00:15:24,626
‎他們每年都這麼說，但不會這麼做

310
00:15:24,709 --> 00:15:29,043
‎現在要回顧今年逝去的類人種外星人

311
00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:30,751
‎（2021年緬懷）

312
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,876
‎演講時間快到了，布萊特呢？

313
00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:43,251
‎天啊，我等不及要升上六級

314
00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:45,709
‎那一定是他們
‎讓你加入群組聊天室的時候

315
00:15:45,793 --> 00:15:47,334
‎喂，我的眼罩

316
00:15:48,876 --> 00:15:50,626
‎笑死人了

317
00:15:50,709 --> 00:15:53,626
‎他跟大學時一樣可悲

318
00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:55,251
‎我是誰？

319
00:15:55,918 --> 00:15:59,293
‎我覺得我很受歡迎
‎不過沒人受得了我

320
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:00,293
‎布萊特韓德

321
00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:02,751
‎他猜對了

322
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:05,834
‎兄弟？我以為我是傳奇人物

323
00:16:08,418 --> 00:16:10,084
‎也許你們會是我的朋友

324
00:16:11,793 --> 00:16:13,751
‎有老鼠，老鼠在咬我的老二

325
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,751
‎…很快會收到來自人類伙伴的消息

326
00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:17,626
‎這下完蛋了，布萊特不見了

327
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:20,459
‎我沒辦法上台演講
‎因為我的褲襠沾到醬了

328
00:16:20,543 --> 00:16:22,251
‎我站不起來

329
00:16:22,334 --> 00:16:24,293
‎芮根，我要妳上台演講

330
00:16:24,376 --> 00:16:25,334
‎什麼，我？

331
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:28,001
‎妳自己說妳克服所有問題了

332
00:16:28,084 --> 00:16:30,251
‎-可是…
‎-快上，妳會驚艷全場的

333
00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:36,418
‎現在請熱烈歡迎醒目公司

334
00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:47,209
‎類人種外星人，你們好嗎？

335
00:16:47,293 --> 00:16:51,668
‎有人是從地下巢穴來的嗎？

336
00:16:54,168 --> 00:16:55,376
‎但認真說來

337
00:16:55,876 --> 00:16:59,126
‎類人種外星人和人類的差異並不大

338
00:16:59,209 --> 00:17:01,584
‎我們都有心臟、心智

339
00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:03,959
‎泄殖腔？

340
00:17:04,043 --> 00:17:05,626
‎我還真的有泄殖腔

341
00:17:07,543 --> 00:17:09,959
‎沒錯，我們或許以前有過節

342
00:17:10,043 --> 00:17:14,459
‎但不像亞特蘭提斯人那些笨蛋

343
00:17:14,959 --> 00:17:16,626
‎亞特蘭提斯去死

344
00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,168
‎說得真好

345
00:17:18,751 --> 00:17:20,501
‎我是芮根雷德利

346
00:17:20,584 --> 00:17:22,793
‎代表醒目公司

347
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:26,168
‎大家一起舉杯敬賀我們延續的盟約

348
00:17:34,001 --> 00:17:35,376
‎謝天謝地

349
00:17:35,459 --> 00:17:38,459
‎掌聲感謝醒目公司的芮根雷德利

350
00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:40,501
‎抱一下，兄弟

351
00:17:41,168 --> 00:17:43,793
‎太緊了，救命，妳要把我捏扁了

352
00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:45,584
‎等等，抱歉，讓我…反轉

353
00:17:51,126 --> 00:17:53,918
‎天啊，我的手臂

354
00:18:03,918 --> 00:18:06,334
‎不要啊

355
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,251
‎她想逃走，抓住她

356
00:18:09,668 --> 00:18:10,918
‎抱歉，我不是故意的

357
00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:26,293
‎我們根本不是朋友

358
00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:32,376
‎快點走

359
00:18:34,376 --> 00:18:36,876
‎妳也被一堆老鼠追著跑嗎？

360
00:18:36,959 --> 00:18:39,084
‎什麼？不是，你為什麼全裸？

361
00:18:39,168 --> 00:18:40,709
‎今晚很複雜

362
00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:45,251
‎拜託別切斷金援，我有小三要養

363
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:46,168
‎金援？

364
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:49,876
‎剛發生那些事之後
‎我們沒對人類發動戰爭已算你走運

365
00:18:51,168 --> 00:18:54,126
‎一定有解決方法的
‎不然用人類獻祭呢？

366
00:18:54,209 --> 00:18:57,334
‎我隨身帶著獻祭之劍

367
00:18:58,043 --> 00:19:00,584
‎這下完蛋了，芮根呢？

368
00:19:00,668 --> 00:19:03,626
‎葛斯沃渥頓家族的繼承人
‎今晚被緊急送進醫院

369
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,918
‎他的手臂遭人慘忍扯斷

370
00:19:06,001 --> 00:19:07,001
‎他有以下言論

371
00:19:07,084 --> 00:19:11,501
‎蜥蜴大軍會血洗人類

372
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:14,751
‎其他新聞，全球溫度今天上升一度

373
00:19:14,834 --> 00:19:17,918
‎我現在肯定成了逃犯

374
00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:21,709
‎我不知道為什麼
‎我不能擁抱別人又不失控

375
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:24,168
‎芮根，其實我很高興
‎我也有嚴重的社交焦慮症

376
00:19:24,251 --> 00:19:28,209
‎但是跟治療師討論後
‎我的恐慌症就減半了

377
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:33,334
‎你是說我該談論我的感受嗎？

378
00:19:33,418 --> 00:19:35,501
‎妳上次被人擁抱是什麼時候？說說看

379
00:19:35,584 --> 00:19:37,584
‎我上次被人擁抱是…

380
00:19:39,209 --> 00:19:40,876
‎我其實想不起來

381
00:19:40,959 --> 00:19:42,834
‎這樣很奇怪，對吧？

382
00:19:42,918 --> 00:19:45,126
‎妳會想到的，屢試不爽

383
00:19:45,209 --> 00:19:47,918
‎就像我會想出方法討好皮傑和史古

384
00:19:48,001 --> 00:19:49,209
‎晉升到第六級

385
00:19:49,293 --> 00:19:52,001
‎因為我要大家喜歡我
‎大家不喜歡我讓我很害怕

386
00:19:52,084 --> 00:19:53,709
‎為什麼要在意那些人？

387
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,626
‎他們推你進通風井
‎還讓你身上爬滿老鼠

388
00:19:56,709 --> 00:19:58,876
‎對，不過朋友不就是這樣嗎？

389
00:19:58,959 --> 00:20:02,376
‎不是，朋友會互相載、給好建議

390
00:20:06,001 --> 00:20:06,834
‎（新哈芬警察）

391
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:12,334
‎下車雙手高舉
‎你們這些粉紅血肉的混帳東西

392
00:20:12,418 --> 00:20:13,793
‎你說得很好，比爾

393
00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:22,501
‎非常感謝各位，善待他人

394
00:20:22,584 --> 00:20:23,834
‎好

395
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:25,668
‎（人類與類人種的
‎世紀考驗，開戰了嗎？）

396
00:20:26,668 --> 00:20:28,793
‎該裝載我的艾美大砲了

397
00:20:28,876 --> 00:20:30,376
‎（《黏黏報》，類人種大戰？）

398
00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:33,459
‎我要在避難室喝茶，謝謝

399
00:20:33,543 --> 00:20:35,584
‎安德森古柏直播來自…

400
00:20:36,084 --> 00:20:37,584
‎抱歉，先等一下

401
00:20:37,668 --> 00:20:39,543
‎（媒體）

402
00:20:39,626 --> 00:20:42,668
‎來自類人種高等法院的直播現場

403
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:45,418
‎芮根，壞消息是

404
00:20:45,501 --> 00:20:47,668
‎這次審判輸了，戰爭可能開打

405
00:20:47,751 --> 00:20:50,918
‎好消息是
‎我幫妳找了不用錢的頂尖律師

406
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:54,001
‎放心吧，親愛的
‎我黑的都能說成白的

407
00:20:54,084 --> 00:20:57,084
‎我今天就說服自己是律師

408
00:21:00,501 --> 00:21:03,543
‎歡迎類人種高等法院

409
00:21:03,626 --> 00:21:06,168
‎不死黑暗女王本人

410
00:21:06,251 --> 00:21:08,251
‎茱蒂法官

411
00:21:09,418 --> 00:21:10,459
‎茱蒂法官

412
00:21:10,543 --> 00:21:12,501
‎謝謝你，法警，我20分鐘後要拍照

413
00:21:12,584 --> 00:21:14,709
‎所以我們速戰速決，罪名為何？

414
00:21:14,793 --> 00:21:17,793
‎法官大人
‎雷德利女士扯斷我們領袖的手臂

415
00:21:17,876 --> 00:21:20,459
‎此舉乃是以
‎類人種外星人為敵的偏執行為

416
00:21:20,876 --> 00:21:21,876
‎（證據）

417
00:21:22,751 --> 00:21:24,334
‎-爛
‎-爛

418
00:21:24,418 --> 00:21:26,168
‎這是真的嗎？妳扯斷他的手臂？

419
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:28,001
‎嚴格說來是這樣，可是…

420
00:21:28,084 --> 00:21:31,043
‎好，扯斷她的手臂就扯平了，謝謝

421
00:21:31,126 --> 00:21:32,084
‎法官大人

422
00:21:32,168 --> 00:21:36,126
‎我想證明我的當事人或許
‎可惡…怪得無法無天

423
00:21:36,209 --> 00:21:39,584
‎但她沒有歧視，她對誰都這樣

424
00:21:39,668 --> 00:21:41,793
‎辯方傳布萊特韓德出庭

425
00:21:41,876 --> 00:21:44,376
‎對，芮根無法擁抱任何人

426
00:21:44,459 --> 00:21:45,834
‎有看到我臉上的瘀青嗎？

427
00:21:45,918 --> 00:21:48,834
‎她擁抱我時弄的，我們可是朋友呢

428
00:21:49,751 --> 00:21:52,418
‎我不想下診斷
‎不過可能是亞斯伯格症吧

429
00:21:52,501 --> 00:21:53,543
‎別鬧了

430
00:21:53,626 --> 00:21:55,251
‎我要行使緘默權

431
00:21:55,334 --> 00:21:56,334
‎及持槍權

432
00:21:56,418 --> 00:21:57,584
‎真要命

433
00:21:58,168 --> 00:22:00,501
‎她一直對我有好感，只是不承認

434
00:22:00,584 --> 00:22:01,876
‎你們相信嗎？

435
00:22:01,959 --> 00:22:04,251
‎她第95次違反人資法

436
00:22:04,334 --> 00:22:05,584
‎但有人在算嗎？

437
00:22:05,668 --> 00:22:09,126
‎我，我在算，天蛾人先生在算

438
00:22:09,209 --> 00:22:10,459
‎我覺得這方法行得通

439
00:22:10,543 --> 00:22:12,959
‎對，我很喜歡，讓人心情很好

440
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,251
‎抱歉，我遲到了

441
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,834
‎父親可不能錯過女兒的第一次判決

442
00:22:17,918 --> 00:22:20,918
‎往好處想，我終於組裝好熊歐了

443
00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:22,668
‎所以也算有做事

444
00:22:22,751 --> 00:22:24,001
‎你帶了那個東西過來？

445
00:22:24,084 --> 00:22:25,793
‎爸，這件事很嚴肅

446
00:22:25,876 --> 00:22:28,126
‎我可能會被關很久

447
00:22:28,209 --> 00:22:30,293
‎全因為某種神秘的原因

448
00:22:30,376 --> 00:22:32,626
‎我他媽抱不了人

449
00:22:32,709 --> 00:22:36,084
‎妳好，芮根，想抱抱熊歐嗎？

450
00:22:36,668 --> 00:22:39,584
‎擁抱…

451
00:22:43,293 --> 00:22:44,418
‎有人需要抱抱

452
00:22:45,459 --> 00:22:49,501
‎好了，是我，熊歐，啟動擁抱

453
00:22:49,584 --> 00:22:51,418
‎不要，熊歐

454
00:22:52,084 --> 00:22:52,959
‎（科學展）

455
00:22:53,043 --> 00:22:54,459
‎-啟動擁抱
‎-熊歐

456
00:22:55,043 --> 00:22:56,543
‎-啟動擁抱
‎-熊歐

457
00:22:57,501 --> 00:22:58,959
‎-啟動擁抱
‎-不要，熊歐

458
00:22:59,043 --> 00:23:00,418
‎啟動擁抱

459
00:23:02,918 --> 00:23:06,209
‎天啊，你非但沒抱過我

460
00:23:06,293 --> 00:23:09,126
‎還做了機器熊來抱我

461
00:23:09,209 --> 00:23:12,126
‎我受到極大的創傷
‎害我多年來壓抑這段記憶

462
00:23:12,209 --> 00:23:15,001
‎難怪我無法保持平靜擁抱任何人

463
00:23:15,084 --> 00:23:16,501
‎維持秩序，雷德利女士

464
00:23:16,584 --> 00:23:20,001
‎法官大人，請容我傳蘭德雷德利出庭

465
00:23:20,084 --> 00:23:21,043
‎（準備打個你死我活吧）

466
00:23:21,126 --> 00:23:24,501
‎我發誓只說真話，絕無半句虛言

467
00:23:24,584 --> 00:23:26,376
‎助我一臂之力《屠龍風雲》

468
00:23:27,001 --> 00:23:29,543
‎你自認是盡責的父親嗎？

469
00:23:29,626 --> 00:23:32,584
‎我讓妳有房子住還有優秀基因

470
00:23:32,668 --> 00:23:36,251
‎所以別管妳在機場爛讀物上看到什麼

471
00:23:36,334 --> 00:23:38,251
‎對，我是盡責的父親

472
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:41,334
‎我甚至造了這個了不起的機器人

473
00:23:41,418 --> 00:23:43,459
‎只要我不在，它就能擁抱妳

474
00:23:43,543 --> 00:23:44,501
‎我一直都不在

475
00:23:45,834 --> 00:23:48,501
‎怎麼了，各位？感性作為讓人軟弱

476
00:23:48,584 --> 00:23:50,709
‎我跳脫窠臼的教育法

477
00:23:50,793 --> 00:23:54,418
‎養出強壯到能差點害死外交官的女孩

478
00:23:54,501 --> 00:23:56,668
‎熊歐以芮根為榮

479
00:23:56,751 --> 00:23:58,918
‎閉嘴啦，熊歐

480
00:23:59,001 --> 00:24:01,668
‎你偏差的教育法毀了我的人生

481
00:24:01,751 --> 00:24:04,668
‎現在我可能永遠沒救了

482
00:24:06,459 --> 00:24:09,918
‎聽好了，家庭是一場實驗

483
00:24:10,001 --> 00:24:13,543
‎也許我的實驗
‎不是每一場都盡善盡美

484
00:24:15,543 --> 00:24:18,418
‎但我們可以試試看

485
00:24:22,626 --> 00:24:25,043
‎好，這對妳有任何改變嗎？

486
00:24:25,126 --> 00:24:26,793
‎-不算有
‎-對，感覺很怪

487
00:24:26,876 --> 00:24:28,543
‎-對吧？這就是我要說的
‎-超不自然

488
00:24:28,626 --> 00:24:29,793
‎為什麼大家要擁抱？

489
00:24:31,043 --> 00:24:32,376
‎這樣有幫助

490
00:24:33,334 --> 00:24:34,168
‎好，我看夠了

491
00:24:34,251 --> 00:24:37,376
‎雷德利女士，妳顯然
‎從這名男子身上學到一些壞習慣

492
00:24:37,459 --> 00:24:39,501
‎妳沒扯斷每個人的手臂就算新鮮事了

493
00:24:39,584 --> 00:24:41,168
‎但我不能讓妳無罪開脫

494
00:24:41,251 --> 00:24:43,418
‎所以我判妳法院強制心理治療

495
00:24:43,501 --> 00:24:47,251
‎以傳統類人種外星人團體擁抱的形式

496
00:24:47,334 --> 00:24:48,876
‎慢著，妳說什麼？

497
00:24:53,793 --> 00:24:56,126
‎我決定這樣還行

498
00:25:00,959 --> 00:25:02,793
‎天啊，這是縱慾狂歡會，對吧？

499
00:25:02,876 --> 00:25:04,793
‎是的，沒錯

500
00:25:05,376 --> 00:25:07,459
‎拿議事槌給我

501
00:25:07,543 --> 00:25:08,918
‎拿議事槌給我

502
00:25:09,626 --> 00:25:11,293
‎時候到了，開始了

503
00:25:11,876 --> 00:25:16,251
‎哈囉，人力資源部
‎誰準備要來點噁心的不當行為？

504
00:25:17,168 --> 00:25:18,251
‎-來了
‎-來了

505
00:25:18,334 --> 00:25:19,459
‎各位，等…

506
00:25:20,084 --> 00:25:21,501
‎其實，不用

507
00:25:21,584 --> 00:25:25,043
‎我不用為了融入大家
‎而跟100個陌生人做愛

508
00:25:25,126 --> 00:25:28,459
‎因為我現在有了
‎新的兄弟會：醒目公司

509
00:25:28,543 --> 00:25:31,543
‎我旁觀就好了，我有疑問

510
00:25:34,043 --> 00:25:37,293
‎薩賽克斯，希望你
‎接受我的道歉，收下這個

511
00:25:37,376 --> 00:25:40,126
‎這對手臂或許能在
‎真手長出來前幫上忙

512
00:25:40,918 --> 00:25:43,043
‎這對手臂很適合

513
00:25:43,126 --> 00:25:45,584
‎你得如何，傑爾？準備續約了嗎？

514
00:25:45,668 --> 00:25:47,584
‎真的嗎？經過這些風波？

515
00:25:47,668 --> 00:25:48,834
‎在商言商

516
00:25:48,918 --> 00:25:51,918
‎我們本來就希望
‎你在蘭德離開後找到更好的人選

517
00:25:52,001 --> 00:25:54,709
‎現在看來，你找到了

518
00:25:59,126 --> 00:26:00,793
‎也許物理界線是好的

519
00:26:00,876 --> 00:26:02,793
‎也許誰都不該碰觸誰

520
00:26:02,876 --> 00:26:04,001
‎要兜風嗎，孩子？

521
00:26:04,834 --> 00:26:06,293
‎好，我要去兜風

522
00:26:07,584 --> 00:26:09,876
‎爸，我只想說

523
00:26:09,959 --> 00:26:11,793
‎我容忍你

524
00:26:12,293 --> 00:26:14,084
‎我也在容忍妳，孩子

525
00:26:14,668 --> 00:26:17,668
‎-我有個疑問
‎-拜託別問我你是不是好父親

526
00:26:17,751 --> 00:26:20,501
‎我本來要問妳我能不能留山羊鬍

527
00:26:20,584 --> 00:26:21,793
‎我當然是好父親

528
00:26:21,876 --> 00:26:24,043
‎-我剛救了妳一命
‎-你沒有，是我救了我一命

529
00:26:24,126 --> 00:26:26,584
‎-好
‎-有人在錄影嗎？

530
00:26:26,668 --> 00:26:29,043
‎開玩笑的，我有

531
00:26:29,709 --> 00:26:33,043
‎抱歉，先生，但你驗出鬣蜥淋病

532
00:26:33,126 --> 00:26:35,126
‎-操你媽的
‎-我還沒說完

533
00:26:35,209 --> 00:26:38,418
‎鬣蜥淋病、爪披衣菌、嘶聲梅毒

534
00:26:38,501 --> 00:26:41,501
‎鱗狀疥瘡、暴露泄殖腔病

535
00:26:41,584 --> 00:26:42,834
‎對了，還有菇狀疱疹

536
00:26:42,918 --> 00:26:44,501
‎等等，最後一個是什麼？

537
00:27:14,084 --> 00:27:16,501
‎字幕翻譯：林佩孜