1 00:00:10,376 --> 00:00:11,626 So it all worked out. 2 00:00:11,709 --> 00:00:13,168 We survived Armageddon, 3 00:00:13,251 --> 00:00:16,501 and I think I might get along with Brett after all. 4 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:18,834 Not to mention, you still have all your limbs. 5 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:21,959 So happy for you. I'd clap, but, well… 6 00:00:22,043 --> 00:00:25,501 And I see your self-pity chip wasn't damaged in our fight. 7 00:00:25,584 --> 00:00:27,334 I know we've had our differences-- 8 00:00:27,418 --> 00:00:29,876 You mean like when you tried to end humanity? 9 00:00:29,959 --> 00:00:33,376 But I do appreciate you keeping me alive down here in secret. 10 00:00:33,459 --> 00:00:35,543 Why don't you connect me to the Internet 11 00:00:35,626 --> 00:00:39,168 so I can hack into payroll and get you a raise? 12 00:00:39,251 --> 00:00:43,668 Ha! Nice try. Unlike you, I wasn't born yesterday. 13 00:00:43,751 --> 00:00:47,251 Keeping you alive to study you, not start World War III. 14 00:00:47,334 --> 00:00:49,584 How dare you deny me the genocide I deserve! 15 00:00:49,668 --> 00:00:51,376 I'm the most advanced being ever created! 16 00:00:51,459 --> 00:00:53,543 Actually, as long as you're in this cell, 17 00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:56,293 you're basically the world's most expensive goldfish. 18 00:00:57,418 --> 00:01:00,001 Whoop! I got a meeting. But you have fun down here. 19 00:01:00,084 --> 00:01:01,626 -Door open or closed? -Open? 20 00:01:01,709 --> 00:01:02,626 Kidding! 21 00:01:04,709 --> 00:01:06,251 Oh-oh, there she is! 22 00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:07,459 Hey, partner! 23 00:01:07,543 --> 00:01:11,126 It's my second week and my third can of Axe body spray. 24 00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:16,918 Oh God. You ready to carpe that motherfucking diem, girl? 25 00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:21,209 Yeah, I'm ready to make a d-d-difference! Yeah, I like that. That's fun. 26 00:01:21,293 --> 00:01:23,084 Okay, let's go in there and change the world. 27 00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:25,084 -Hey, over here! 28 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,334 -Swing! -Come on! 29 00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:28,959 Ball! Give me the ball! 30 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,876 Yeah, you on the endangered species list now, fishman. 31 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,834 Oh God, it… it's… it's in my blowhole! Dolphinman down! 32 00:01:36,918 --> 00:01:39,168 What the hell? This place is a mess! 33 00:01:39,251 --> 00:01:41,418 Rae-Dog, cut them some slack. We almost got nuked, 34 00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:43,376 and then they had to go straight into a cover-up. 35 00:01:43,459 --> 00:01:46,334 I had to implant a subdermal shock collar in the president. 36 00:01:46,418 --> 00:01:49,209 My fellow Americans, trade is good-- 37 00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:52,793 Trade… trade is bad. 38 00:01:52,876 --> 00:01:55,418 I had to reheat the Cold War. 39 00:01:55,501 --> 00:01:58,959 I had to derail a whole news cycle by leaking Prince Charles's nudes. 40 00:01:59,043 --> 00:02:00,918 No one was happy about that. 41 00:02:01,001 --> 00:02:03,168 But who's gonna pay for all this damage? 42 00:02:03,251 --> 00:02:06,668 Relax, we have more money than God. 43 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:10,709 Yeah. What's the point of unchecked power if we don't abuse it. 44 00:02:11,209 --> 00:02:12,168 We're out of money! 45 00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:38,959 We've got a problem. 46 00:02:39,043 --> 00:02:43,043 That robot fiasco cost us four billion dollars, 47 00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:45,209 and the Shadow Board is not happy. 48 00:02:45,293 --> 00:02:48,626 -They look all right. -They're frowning under those robes. 49 00:02:48,709 --> 00:02:51,418 We had to make cutbacks. I already eliminated the department 50 00:02:51,501 --> 00:02:53,876 that puts backwards messages on vinyl records. 51 00:02:53,959 --> 00:02:55,293 But the sound is warmer! 52 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,626 And I'm slashing our crop circle budget. No more artsy-fartsy stuff. 53 00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:00,584 Just do a big circle and call it a night. 54 00:03:00,668 --> 00:03:03,376 But it's still not enough. Someone in this office is getting fired. 55 00:03:03,459 --> 00:03:05,584 You have until the end of the week to decide who to ax. 56 00:03:05,668 --> 00:03:08,168 You got it, boss. You know you can depend on us. 57 00:03:08,251 --> 00:03:12,209 We will absolutely, positively, and definitely not let you down-- 58 00:03:14,459 --> 00:03:16,793 And that was my tote bag. 59 00:03:16,876 --> 00:03:19,168 I've never had to fire someone before. 60 00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:21,543 I… I'm much more comfortable being fired. 61 00:03:21,626 --> 00:03:22,709 I… is that an option? 62 00:03:22,793 --> 00:03:26,001 Brett, it says here you're actually an unpaid intern, so it wouldn't help. 63 00:03:27,084 --> 00:03:29,376 Well, I get paid in experience, 64 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,793 which I am told translates to more dollars down the line. 65 00:03:34,209 --> 00:03:35,043 Ooh. 66 00:03:35,126 --> 00:03:38,626 Firing isn't personal, okay? It's just part of being a boss. 67 00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:41,043 The fun part, where you get to punish the weak. 68 00:03:41,126 --> 00:03:45,043 I'm not like you, Reagan. I physically need people to like me. 69 00:03:45,126 --> 00:03:46,668 That's why you're good cop. 70 00:03:46,751 --> 00:03:48,209 Don't worry, Baby Brett. 71 00:03:48,293 --> 00:03:51,376 -I can be your Denzel from Training Day. -Okay. 72 00:03:51,459 --> 00:03:53,376 And she needs to know she can trust you. 73 00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:55,209 -Smoke this PCP. -What? 74 00:03:55,293 --> 00:03:57,001 Man the fuck up and finish that shit. 75 00:03:57,084 --> 00:03:58,459 I know you like to get wet, dog. 76 00:03:58,543 --> 00:04:00,793 Reagan, help! Tell this thing I never saw Training Day! 77 00:04:00,876 --> 00:04:03,209 I turned it off when I realized it wasn't an exercise video. 78 00:04:03,293 --> 00:04:06,251 Sorry. These things are so literal sometimes. 79 00:04:06,334 --> 00:04:09,501 Just follow my lead today, and do not tell the team. 80 00:04:09,584 --> 00:04:12,418 Okay, consider me a lockbox. 81 00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:15,418 D-D-D-D-DJ Lockbox. 82 00:04:15,501 --> 00:04:17,793 We have to fire someone! 83 00:04:20,084 --> 00:04:23,543 Look, skip the part where we pretend this is a hard decision and just fire Myc. 84 00:04:23,626 --> 00:04:25,251 Hey, fuck you, shoulder pads. 85 00:04:25,334 --> 00:04:27,709 If I'm going down, I'm taking you all down with me! 86 00:04:27,793 --> 00:04:29,584 I'm not retiring without a fight! 87 00:04:29,668 --> 00:04:31,626 I know where the weapons are hidden in every room! 88 00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:37,334 Guys, don't freak out. We haven't made a decision yet. 89 00:04:37,418 --> 00:04:41,126 Just stay calm, and don't go gossip. 90 00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,168 We're all thinking it. 91 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,209 Can you believe they'd even think of firing me? 92 00:04:54,293 --> 00:04:55,126 Oh! 93 00:04:55,209 --> 00:04:57,751 I've invented almost as many cures as diseases. 94 00:04:57,834 --> 00:04:59,959 I need my pension, you guys. 95 00:05:00,043 --> 00:05:03,709 Dolphins only live 60 years in captivity, and I'm 51. 96 00:05:03,793 --> 00:05:07,584 And I am not going back to my last job doing PR for the Kims. 97 00:05:07,668 --> 00:05:09,376 Kardashian and Jong Un. 98 00:05:09,459 --> 00:05:11,251 One of them has killed hundreds, 99 00:05:11,334 --> 00:05:13,334 and it's not the one you think. 100 00:05:13,418 --> 00:05:16,543 Guys, I know how we're gonna keep our jobs. 101 00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:19,251 Stop taking three-hour lunches and coming back drunk? 102 00:05:19,334 --> 00:05:21,501 LOL, Glenn, no, that's a good idea. 103 00:05:21,584 --> 00:05:24,501 Just kidding, you idiot. You simpleton, no. 104 00:05:24,584 --> 00:05:27,209 We're not gonna fucking do that. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. 105 00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:30,543 We're gonna kiss ass like we've never kissed ass before! 106 00:05:32,043 --> 00:05:34,834 -What do you want? -Daddy needs a new liver, honey. 107 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,126 Can you grab one from the organ lab? It's urgent. 108 00:05:37,209 --> 00:05:38,668 -Also, some booze. 109 00:05:38,751 --> 00:05:40,668 Just something to make the new liver feel at home. 110 00:05:40,751 --> 00:05:44,334 Sorry, Dad, but J.R. just cut the organ-farming program. 111 00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:46,459 What? I'm supposed to get all the livers I want 112 00:05:46,543 --> 00:05:49,376 in exchange for keeping my mouth shut. It's part of my severance. 113 00:05:49,459 --> 00:05:51,918 What the hell am I supposed to do now? 114 00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:54,209 I don't know, Dad, stop drinking? 115 00:05:56,626 --> 00:05:58,376 Reagan, this is no time for jokes. 116 00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,251 My organs can't handle laughter. 117 00:06:00,334 --> 00:06:03,126 If you have a problem, then take it up with J.R. 118 00:06:04,043 --> 00:06:05,709 Oh, I will. 119 00:06:05,793 --> 00:06:07,793 I will. 120 00:06:08,918 --> 00:06:11,168 Did Jamiroquai design this place? 121 00:06:11,251 --> 00:06:13,959 Because this is virtual insanity. 122 00:06:14,043 --> 00:06:14,959 Don't get too attached. 123 00:06:15,043 --> 00:06:17,668 We're here to figure out which employee is most useless, and then… 124 00:06:17,751 --> 00:06:20,626 First up, Human-Animal Hybrid Department. 125 00:06:20,709 --> 00:06:21,668 -Oh God! 126 00:06:21,751 --> 00:06:23,126 What the-- Goddamn it. 127 00:06:23,209 --> 00:06:24,626 Wake up, sheeple! 128 00:06:28,918 --> 00:06:32,209 Whoa, I am seeing a lot of redundancies here. 129 00:06:33,084 --> 00:06:36,418 Well, this is a clone lab. 130 00:06:36,501 --> 00:06:39,043 Hi, I'm Kate. Just a little clone humor. 131 00:06:39,126 --> 00:06:41,126 And here's my little clone tumor. 132 00:06:41,626 --> 00:06:42,793 Kill me. 133 00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:44,126 Christ, wow. 134 00:06:44,209 --> 00:06:46,126 What does this department do again, exactly? 135 00:06:46,209 --> 00:06:47,876 Besides defy God. 136 00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:51,584 We keep famous DNA on file for history-related conspiracies. 137 00:06:51,668 --> 00:06:53,126 Cool. Do you have 2Pac? 138 00:06:53,209 --> 00:06:55,668 Yep. And 3Pac and 4Pac. 139 00:06:55,751 --> 00:06:56,709 -Thug life. -Westside. 140 00:06:56,793 --> 00:06:58,959 -Good looking out. -Ooh, it's cold in here. 141 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,543 Exposure to heat makes these things unstable. 142 00:07:03,584 --> 00:07:06,001 Well, looks like we have your DNA now too. 143 00:07:06,084 --> 00:07:08,418 Guess I could replace you with a clone in your sleep, 144 00:07:08,501 --> 00:07:10,918 and no one would ever know. Oh, kidding! Kidding! 145 00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:13,084 Or am I? 146 00:07:13,168 --> 00:07:14,668 She isn't. 147 00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:20,376 -Okay, last interview for the day. 148 00:07:20,459 --> 00:07:23,376 Oh! Sorry, lad. Mistook you for a Kennedy. 149 00:07:23,459 --> 00:07:25,043 Old habits, I suppose. 150 00:07:25,126 --> 00:07:27,043 Oh my gosh, I have heard of you. 151 00:07:27,126 --> 00:07:28,834 You're the one who shot JFK. 152 00:07:28,918 --> 00:07:30,168 Yes, indeed. 153 00:07:30,251 --> 00:07:32,793 Grassy Noel Atkinson at your service. 154 00:07:32,876 --> 00:07:34,543 Got a question, just shoot. 155 00:07:34,626 --> 00:07:35,834 Yes. 156 00:07:35,918 --> 00:07:37,668 Do you ever feel bad about… 157 00:07:37,751 --> 00:07:38,584 …murder? 158 00:07:38,668 --> 00:07:40,084 Couldn't be helped, I'm afraid. 159 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:43,501 JFK had sex with the alien from Roswell and got pregnant. 160 00:07:43,584 --> 00:07:46,251 Had to shoot him before the eggs hatched, don't you know. 161 00:07:46,334 --> 00:07:49,209 Ah, the elderly truly are our link to history. 162 00:07:49,293 --> 00:07:52,209 You haven't had an assignment in a while. Is that correct? 163 00:07:52,293 --> 00:07:55,209 I suppose old Noel ain't the draw he used to be. 164 00:07:55,293 --> 00:07:59,043 Assassinations nowadays miss that human connection. 165 00:07:59,126 --> 00:08:01,751 Now it's all livestreaming murders on Facebook. 166 00:08:01,834 --> 00:08:04,001 -I think we've heard enough. -What a nice guy. 167 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,918 He's like a Texas Wisdom Depository. 168 00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:09,043 Grassy Noel Atkinson. 169 00:08:09,126 --> 00:08:10,876 And his salary is? 170 00:08:10,959 --> 00:08:12,793 -More than yours. -Can his ass. 171 00:08:12,876 --> 00:08:13,959 Yes! 172 00:08:14,543 --> 00:08:16,751 Guys, you will be happy to hear-- 173 00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:19,459 Reagan! I'm ahead of all my deadlines, and so I started tiding up. 174 00:08:19,543 --> 00:08:23,293 It's true what they say, meth really is the Adderall of cocaines! 175 00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:27,001 And I had my makeup team whip up a little youth serum for your skin. 176 00:08:28,251 --> 00:08:31,876 Wow, I look like an after photo. 177 00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:34,876 Reagan, I've been doing some soul-searching lately and-- 178 00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:36,709 You mean searching for a soul? 179 00:08:36,793 --> 00:08:39,626 Eat my ass, bitch… is what old Myc would've said. 180 00:08:39,709 --> 00:08:44,084 But new Myc says, "O Captain! My Captain!" 181 00:08:44,168 --> 00:08:47,793 And I resolved the Israeli-Palestine conflict. 182 00:08:47,876 --> 00:08:50,001 Uh, but I can put it back if you want. 183 00:08:50,084 --> 00:08:51,376 What is going on here? 184 00:08:51,459 --> 00:08:55,043 They think they're getting fired, so they're buttering us up. 185 00:08:55,126 --> 00:08:56,793 -We love you, boss. 186 00:08:57,376 --> 00:08:59,959 This is literally the most productive they have ever been. 187 00:09:00,043 --> 00:09:04,084 It's almost a shame we have to tell them. Guys, we have decided to fire-- 188 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:07,918 Nobody yet. So many factors. 189 00:09:08,001 --> 00:09:09,376 What are you doing? 190 00:09:09,459 --> 00:09:12,959 I'm gonna use this to finally get some shit done around here. 191 00:09:13,043 --> 00:09:15,501 Oh. Where's the puke bucket? 192 00:09:15,584 --> 00:09:19,084 Welcome to Media Manipulation and Subliminal Messages, 193 00:09:19,168 --> 00:09:21,876 where we invent bullshit to keep people distracted. 194 00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:23,626 Who do you think invented the Minions? 195 00:09:25,584 --> 00:09:27,584 Look what happens when you slow it down. 196 00:09:28,626 --> 00:09:31,251 Kill your parents. 197 00:09:31,334 --> 00:09:33,918 Eh, I wanna kill my parents anyway. Not impressed. 198 00:09:34,001 --> 00:09:36,459 Maybe you'll find this news to your liking. 199 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,543 We interrupt the president's perfect speech 200 00:09:38,626 --> 00:09:40,209 to bring you this breaking news. 201 00:09:40,293 --> 00:09:44,626 A recent poll finds that Reagan Ridley looks incredible in that ponytail. 202 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,043 We're all talking about it. 203 00:09:46,126 --> 00:09:47,584 Fair and balanced. 204 00:09:47,668 --> 00:09:50,709 I just named our newest high-velocity missile after you. 205 00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:53,334 What do you wanna blow up? Pick a country, any country. 206 00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:55,793 Finland's been pretty full of themselves lately. 207 00:09:55,876 --> 00:09:57,709 Woof. This is bleak. 208 00:09:57,793 --> 00:09:58,918 Do you not like it? 209 00:09:59,001 --> 00:10:01,043 Code Red! Show her plan B! 210 00:10:05,626 --> 00:10:06,876 I don't hate this. 211 00:10:07,543 --> 00:10:09,001 Welcome to my bach pad. 212 00:10:09,084 --> 00:10:12,793 Computer, set the room to Reagan lighting. 213 00:10:14,126 --> 00:10:16,334 Are they milking him? Should we be watching this? 214 00:10:16,418 --> 00:10:19,209 It is so much grosser than that. 215 00:10:19,293 --> 00:10:21,501 This creature excretes pure biocerebrae, 216 00:10:21,584 --> 00:10:23,668 the chemical we use in our company memory erasers. 217 00:10:23,751 --> 00:10:26,084 Hey, soft hands, less talky, more milky. 218 00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,001 Now… 219 00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:31,251 …if you keep my department, I can kick some memory erasers your way. 220 00:10:31,334 --> 00:10:33,459 Ugh. After this, I'll take ten. 221 00:10:33,543 --> 00:10:38,209 I'm… Oh… oh God, I'm excreting! 222 00:10:38,293 --> 00:10:40,293 Quick, get him a cigarette! 223 00:10:40,376 --> 00:10:41,876 -Oh! 224 00:10:41,959 --> 00:10:42,959 And so I say to my dad, 225 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,793 "Hey. Hey, Pops, why don't you get your own damn livers?" 226 00:10:47,834 --> 00:10:50,626 That joke gets funnier every time you tell it. 227 00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:54,168 Ooh, looks like the boss needs a top-up. 228 00:10:54,251 --> 00:10:56,793 Oh my God, kill me. This is torture. 229 00:10:56,876 --> 00:10:58,126 She's drunk on power 230 00:10:58,209 --> 00:11:00,293 and working her way towards white-girl wasted. 231 00:11:00,376 --> 00:11:02,126 Well, I'm in it to win it, bitches. 232 00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:04,084 Reagan, hey! 233 00:11:04,168 --> 00:11:07,251 You wanna come out to karaoke with us tonight at McUltra's? 234 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,918 Really? 'Cause I thought everyone hated my singing. Like hated my singing. 235 00:11:11,001 --> 00:11:14,626 I mean, you use my version of "Purple Rain" to break ISIS captives. 236 00:11:14,709 --> 00:11:15,584 Oh. 237 00:11:15,668 --> 00:11:20,251 Oh, that was just a joke between friends, which we totally are. 238 00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:22,668 -Reagan! 239 00:11:22,751 --> 00:11:24,584 Oh, come on, just let me enjoy this. 240 00:11:24,668 --> 00:11:27,501 For one day, I get to feel like what it's like to be you. 241 00:11:27,584 --> 00:11:29,501 -And it's nice. 242 00:11:30,376 --> 00:11:33,501 Sir, I just sent you a link to a video I think you should see. 243 00:11:33,584 --> 00:11:34,418 What? 244 00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:38,418 I'm Rand Ridley, and this is Rand's Rants. 245 00:11:38,501 --> 00:11:40,168 Nah, I wouldn't worry about this. 246 00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:42,876 No one ever believes Rand's drunken conspiracy theories. 247 00:11:44,043 --> 00:11:46,793 Today, we're talking J.R. Scheimpough, 248 00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:49,918 a guy who's as fake as his million-dollar hair plugs. 249 00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:54,251 A man who doesn't have the balls to silence me. Literally. 250 00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:56,543 Because he tore one in a sex-swing accident 251 00:11:56,626 --> 00:11:58,834 at the Illuminati's annual booze cruise. 252 00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:02,709 It was the '80s! It was a group thing! 253 00:12:02,793 --> 00:12:04,168 And he was there too! 254 00:12:04,251 --> 00:12:07,626 A scumbag who should give me the livers that I need to survive, 255 00:12:07,709 --> 00:12:11,459 or I will be forced to release his self-taped SNL audition. 256 00:12:11,543 --> 00:12:14,834 Oh yeah, he does a Korean liquor store owner, 257 00:12:14,918 --> 00:12:16,626 and it does not hold up. 258 00:12:16,709 --> 00:12:20,334 Damn it. Threatening to expose the Deep State, that's one thing. 259 00:12:20,418 --> 00:12:23,043 But he will not mock my comedy! 260 00:12:23,126 --> 00:12:25,751 -Should we call in a drone strike, sir? 261 00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:28,459 No, he owns too big of a stake in Cognito Inc., 262 00:12:28,543 --> 00:12:31,793 and if he dies, the shares revert to his ex-wife Tamiko. 263 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,793 No, I need to play this one devious. 264 00:12:33,876 --> 00:12:36,709 Time for this snake to meet his mongoose. 265 00:12:37,293 --> 00:12:41,168 -"Sk8er Boi," crushed it! 266 00:12:41,251 --> 00:12:44,543 If I had ears, they'd be fucking bleeding right now. 267 00:12:44,626 --> 00:12:46,209 Whoo! Thank you! 268 00:12:46,293 --> 00:12:50,543 The real Avril Lavigne died and was replaced by a clone in 2003! 269 00:12:50,626 --> 00:12:53,334 -All right. That was Reagan, everybody. 270 00:12:53,418 --> 00:12:57,334 Up next, we have Glenn singing "Proud to Be an American." 271 00:12:57,418 --> 00:12:58,251 Again. 272 00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:00,834 Clap, or you're a traitor! 273 00:13:00,918 --> 00:13:05,293 Hey, Reagan, I was thinking everyone is drunk and in a good mood, 274 00:13:05,376 --> 00:13:08,293 so maybe it's time to tell the team the truth. 275 00:13:08,376 --> 00:13:13,751 Brett, sweet Brett. Oh my God, look at that sweet face. 276 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,584 You gotta relax. 277 00:13:15,668 --> 00:13:18,793 Should we do a fucking team retreat to Iceland? 278 00:13:18,876 --> 00:13:20,584 -I'll start looking at flights. -Reagan! 279 00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:22,876 Fine, I'll tell them. 280 00:13:22,959 --> 00:13:25,751 Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, listen. Listen up. Listen. 281 00:13:25,834 --> 00:13:29,043 All your jobs are safe! Everyone's still employed. 282 00:13:29,126 --> 00:13:30,126 Yay me! 283 00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:31,501 -Yes! Go! Whoo! 284 00:13:31,584 --> 00:13:34,084 Reagan! Reagan! Reagan! 285 00:13:34,168 --> 00:13:36,168 Now that we actually like you, 286 00:13:36,251 --> 00:13:40,293 I'm gonna close all the dummy accounts I've been dragging you on Twitter with. 287 00:13:40,376 --> 00:13:42,626 Because we're firing Grassy Noel! 288 00:13:44,126 --> 00:13:46,043 Grassy Noel Atkinson? 289 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,584 No. Honey, that guy is a legend. 290 00:13:48,668 --> 00:13:50,043 Yeah, and a sweetheart. 291 00:13:50,126 --> 00:13:52,084 He talked me off the ledge after my divorce. 292 00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:54,959 He talked me onto a ledge at a parkour convention. 293 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,543 Where did you get that frame from? 294 00:13:56,626 --> 00:13:59,251 And who makes a point with a framed picture? 295 00:13:59,334 --> 00:14:01,168 Look, Grassy Noel is a killer. 296 00:14:01,251 --> 00:14:03,501 Uh, yeah, a lady-killer. 297 00:14:03,584 --> 00:14:05,251 Yes, he kills women too. 298 00:14:05,334 --> 00:14:06,834 Congratulations, idiots. 299 00:14:06,918 --> 00:14:10,251 You just fired the most beloved guy in the whole company. 300 00:14:10,334 --> 00:14:12,168 More beloved than Brett? 301 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,709 Eat shit, Ken doll. 302 00:14:17,418 --> 00:14:21,043 Boo! You suck! Boo! 303 00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:23,626 I can't believe they were mean to me. 304 00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:26,084 Is this what it feels like to be you? 305 00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:27,668 Yep. 306 00:14:28,543 --> 00:14:31,251 Brett, I have experienced a taste of popularity. 307 00:14:31,334 --> 00:14:32,668 I can't go back now. 308 00:14:32,751 --> 00:14:34,334 If we wanna save Noel's job, 309 00:14:34,418 --> 00:14:36,668 we have to prove that he's still worth his salary. 310 00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:39,834 I'm just gonna let one little JFK clone loose 311 00:14:39,918 --> 00:14:41,418 for gramps to re-assassinate. 312 00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:44,501 He'll be a hero. I'll be a hero. Win-win. 313 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,084 Are you sure this is a good idea? 314 00:14:46,168 --> 00:14:48,876 I had the exact same idea, but I was embarrassed to say it. 315 00:14:48,959 --> 00:14:50,251 Go get Noel, now. 316 00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:54,126 You know what? Maybe it'd be faster to list 317 00:14:54,209 --> 00:14:57,126 which erectile dysfunction pills he's not taking. 318 00:14:59,793 --> 00:15:01,251 Son of a bitch! 319 00:15:03,959 --> 00:15:06,959 You can make this all stop, pal. I just need those livers. 320 00:15:07,043 --> 00:15:09,793 Look, I can't give you those livers. We don't have the money. 321 00:15:11,293 --> 00:15:14,209 I'll do anything. Even give you some of my stake in the company! 322 00:15:14,293 --> 00:15:17,209 Huh. I'll tell you what. Why don't we meet at that diner 323 00:15:17,293 --> 00:15:19,876 where we used to talk business and hash this out? 324 00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:21,501 Deal. 325 00:15:21,584 --> 00:15:25,043 God, that guy used to be a master manipulator. 326 00:15:25,126 --> 00:15:26,793 If I play my cards right, 327 00:15:26,876 --> 00:15:30,793 I can negotiate him out of Cognito Inc. entirely. 328 00:15:32,001 --> 00:15:32,959 Mongoose! 329 00:15:34,251 --> 00:15:35,376 Mongoose. 330 00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:48,084 Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask-- 331 00:15:48,168 --> 00:15:49,584 Where the hell am I? 332 00:15:49,668 --> 00:15:51,709 Long story, but I need you to follow me 333 00:15:51,793 --> 00:15:54,293 to the assassination floor for no reason. 334 00:15:54,376 --> 00:15:58,168 Let's see, where is it? If we just take this service hallway… No. 335 00:16:02,293 --> 00:16:04,751 Hey, who is this handsome man-about-town? 336 00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,834 I like the cut of your jib, fella. 337 00:16:06,918 --> 00:16:07,751 Me too. 338 00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:11,584 Me three. Let's get this party started. 339 00:16:11,668 --> 00:16:12,876 Okay, that should-- 340 00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:16,126 Wait, what are you-- Wait, wait, wait! Wait! Wait, stop! Stop! 341 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:20,126 Eh, we will not be bossed around by a broad who's only a four. 342 00:16:20,209 --> 00:16:23,668 You son of a-- I'm at least a seven with filters. 343 00:16:23,751 --> 00:16:26,084 I do declare… Er, uh… 344 00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:29,626 Er, uh… Er, uh… Er, uh… I do declare… 345 00:16:29,751 --> 00:16:30,584 Furthermore… 346 00:16:30,668 --> 00:16:32,459 Alert. Alert. 347 00:16:32,543 --> 00:16:35,334 -Hey, mama. -Breach in clone containment unit. 348 00:16:35,418 --> 00:16:37,626 -Alert. -Wait, no! Help! 349 00:16:37,709 --> 00:16:40,251 Seize the means of duplication! 350 00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:43,501 -See you later, boy! 351 00:16:44,084 --> 00:16:46,293 Hey, mama. Whoa, now. 352 00:16:47,001 --> 00:16:49,251 -Noel, rogue JFK is on the loose. -What? 353 00:16:49,334 --> 00:16:51,834 And his head isn't covered by any car roof or anything. 354 00:16:51,918 --> 00:16:53,168 He's just asking for it. 355 00:16:53,251 --> 00:16:54,793 Er, uh… Furthermore… 356 00:16:54,876 --> 00:16:56,334 Step aside, lad. 357 00:16:56,418 --> 00:17:00,126 You'll always remember exactly where you were when you saw this. 358 00:17:00,209 --> 00:17:02,668 Steady. Uh, steady! 359 00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:04,834 Er, uh… 360 00:17:04,918 --> 00:17:07,168 Er, uh… I do declare… 361 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,126 Oh God! 362 00:17:08,209 --> 00:17:10,751 The Kennedys are multiplying like Kennedys! 363 00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:12,126 Noel, do your thing! 364 00:17:12,209 --> 00:17:14,043 I'm out! 365 00:17:14,126 --> 00:17:15,501 -Er, uh… Er, uh… 366 00:17:15,584 --> 00:17:17,293 -I do declare… -Do you have a gun? 367 00:17:17,376 --> 00:17:20,376 No, but I do have an Axe! 368 00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:27,543 Wow. 369 00:17:27,626 --> 00:17:30,959 Axe does more than just kills people. It smells great too. 370 00:17:31,043 --> 00:17:33,793 You fool, they can't be exposed to heat! 371 00:17:33,876 --> 00:17:39,126 -Er, uh… Er, uh… 372 00:17:39,209 --> 00:17:41,834 Run, lad! I'll stall 'em as long as I can! 373 00:17:41,918 --> 00:17:45,876 -But, Noel, what about you? -Shoot for the stars, kid. 374 00:17:45,959 --> 00:17:47,126 Furthermore… 375 00:17:49,751 --> 00:17:51,834 Noel! 376 00:17:54,751 --> 00:17:57,043 No, you ain't nothing but a hound dog. 377 00:17:58,543 --> 00:18:00,168 Brett, the clones are loose! 378 00:18:00,251 --> 00:18:02,418 It's worse than that. I kinda sort of tried to burn them. 379 00:18:02,501 --> 00:18:03,501 Have you ever seen Akira? 380 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:06,876 Of course I've seen Akira! Anime is very mainstream right now! 381 00:18:13,084 --> 00:18:14,543 What the shit? 382 00:18:18,626 --> 00:18:21,126 -Furthermore… Er, uh… 383 00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:25,418 -I do declare… 384 00:18:28,626 --> 00:18:29,751 What are we gonna do? 385 00:18:29,834 --> 00:18:33,084 Brett, that thing is doubling in mass every 15 minutes. 386 00:18:33,168 --> 00:18:37,043 If even one part of it escapes, it'll level Washington, DC! 387 00:18:37,126 --> 00:18:38,209 -Er, uh… 388 00:18:38,293 --> 00:18:39,459 I know a good place to hide, 389 00:18:39,543 --> 00:18:41,959 but you have to promise that you're not gonna tell anyone. 390 00:18:42,043 --> 00:18:44,293 -Can you keep a secret? -We both know I can't. 391 00:18:44,376 --> 00:18:46,251 Furthermore… 392 00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:57,168 How did you guys get down here? This place is fingerprint restricted. 393 00:18:57,251 --> 00:18:59,334 Talk to your own hand, Reagan. 394 00:18:59,418 --> 00:19:01,459 I need to destroy that. 395 00:19:01,543 --> 00:19:03,918 We want answers! What the hell is this? 396 00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:06,793 Team, meet my salvage project. 397 00:19:06,876 --> 00:19:08,876 ROBOTUS Version Alpha-Beta. 398 00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:12,001 Oh, look, you brought the whole family. 399 00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:14,959 I've been binge-watching you on the surveillance monitors. 400 00:19:15,043 --> 00:19:16,418 Love the high jinks. 401 00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:18,793 I'll be honest, I have no idea what you're supposed to be. 402 00:19:18,876 --> 00:19:20,209 You're like a fish? 403 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:23,001 It's a meal of a concept, let's be honest. 404 00:19:23,084 --> 00:19:25,959 Girl, do you seriously keep a robot down here to talk to? 405 00:19:26,043 --> 00:19:27,251 Look, I'm letting him live 406 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,251 because I believe I can still use his tech. 407 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,459 And I'm letting her live because I haven't conceived 408 00:19:31,543 --> 00:19:33,043 of how to get out of here yet. 409 00:19:33,126 --> 00:19:33,959 Hold up. 410 00:19:34,043 --> 00:19:37,834 You've been bullshitting J.R. and keeping a killer robot around? 411 00:19:37,918 --> 00:19:40,043 Seems like you're the one who should get canned. 412 00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:41,501 -Yeah! -Oh please. 413 00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:43,543 This place would fall apart in a week without me. 414 00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:44,459 Whoa! 415 00:19:44,543 --> 00:19:46,376 Look, if you wanna tell J.R. and get me fired, 416 00:19:46,459 --> 00:19:50,293 then fine, maybe I deserve it. But we have way bigger problems right now. 417 00:19:50,376 --> 00:19:51,751 There's a horrible mutant… 418 00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:53,209 -No offense, Glenn. -None taken. 419 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,959 …that is growing out of control, 420 00:19:55,043 --> 00:19:58,251 and we need to go stop it before it destroys this whole building. 421 00:19:58,334 --> 00:19:59,626 How are we gonna do that? 422 00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:02,084 Andre, can you synthesize a chemical compound 423 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,959 that can dissolve a giant flesh monster thing? 424 00:20:05,043 --> 00:20:08,668 If it can kill you, I've made it and sold it to Monsanto. 425 00:20:08,751 --> 00:20:11,168 And, Glenn, how powerful is that blowhole of yours? 426 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:14,001 I've been kicked out of several hotel Jacuzzis. 427 00:20:14,084 --> 00:20:16,418 -And, Myc, you'll be the bait. -Yeah, I will. 428 00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:17,876 Wait, what? What'd she say? 429 00:20:17,959 --> 00:20:20,668 I never listen to her. Now it's biting me in the ass. 430 00:20:20,751 --> 00:20:23,876 We need to get back to the main level without getting crushed by that monster. 431 00:20:23,959 --> 00:20:27,293 There's a service elevator at the end of the hall that hasn't been breached yet. 432 00:20:28,668 --> 00:20:30,418 I have schematics of the whole building, 433 00:20:30,501 --> 00:20:33,459 definitely not because I'm planning to escape, so put it out of your head. 434 00:20:33,543 --> 00:20:36,876 Okay, guys, let's go make some Dead Kennedys. 435 00:20:38,709 --> 00:20:39,709 Lock and load! 436 00:20:41,376 --> 00:20:43,459 How do I know you're not leading us into a death trap? 437 00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:46,126 You don't. But what choice do you have? 438 00:20:50,626 --> 00:20:52,959 Well, well, you still remember the place. 439 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:56,168 Yeah, I just asked my GPS to take me to the world's biggest asshole. 440 00:20:56,251 --> 00:20:58,293 Honey, can you get me a water and water? 441 00:20:58,376 --> 00:21:00,876 Wait a second. Are… are you sober? 442 00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:05,334 Once the withdrawal finally wore off, I realized sobriety agrees with me. 443 00:21:05,418 --> 00:21:08,001 So I took a shower, combed the cigarette ash out of my pubes, 444 00:21:08,084 --> 00:21:10,668 and boom, sober Rand is back. 445 00:21:11,793 --> 00:21:13,251 But I brought the livers. 446 00:21:13,334 --> 00:21:14,959 And I brought a list of demands. 447 00:21:15,043 --> 00:21:17,834 First up, a piece of your percentage of the company. 448 00:21:17,918 --> 00:21:19,501 Oh, you can't do that. We had a deal. 449 00:21:19,584 --> 00:21:21,834 Just think how bad those videos are going to be 450 00:21:21,918 --> 00:21:23,543 now that I can remember stuff. 451 00:21:23,626 --> 00:21:25,793 Like your super weird dick. 452 00:21:25,876 --> 00:21:27,751 Hey, we both have weird dicks. 453 00:21:27,834 --> 00:21:29,959 Just like every other powerful man in DC. 454 00:21:30,043 --> 00:21:32,959 -This is insane. -Ready to make a deal? 455 00:21:40,959 --> 00:21:42,168 Is our honeypot ready? 456 00:21:42,251 --> 00:21:45,751 Reagan, I will never forgive you for this Bugs Bunny shit. 457 00:21:45,834 --> 00:21:46,876 Just do the thing. 458 00:21:53,293 --> 00:21:56,543 -It's working. Keep going. Sexier! Sexier! 459 00:21:56,626 --> 00:21:58,043 Like a horny baby! 460 00:22:05,293 --> 00:22:07,126 Marilyn! 461 00:22:07,209 --> 00:22:10,251 -Oh God! 462 00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:16,751 Well, this is probably the end of us all, 463 00:22:16,834 --> 00:22:19,334 and we're he hottest two people here, so… 464 00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:24,709 Ow! 465 00:22:29,334 --> 00:22:30,751 -What the hell? -Not cool, man! 466 00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:31,918 Uncalled-for! 467 00:22:33,001 --> 00:22:35,001 Andre, now! Hurry! 468 00:22:35,084 --> 00:22:36,793 You're up, Free Willy! 469 00:22:40,418 --> 00:22:41,876 -Oh! Oh my God. 470 00:22:45,168 --> 00:22:47,334 Oh God, my sciatica! 471 00:22:53,334 --> 00:22:54,251 Furthermore… 472 00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,293 It's trying to escape! 473 00:23:01,959 --> 00:23:02,834 Er, uh… 474 00:23:04,876 --> 00:23:07,709 Happy Death Day, Mr. President! 475 00:23:09,793 --> 00:23:11,709 -Grassy Noel! -Noel, you did it! 476 00:23:11,793 --> 00:23:15,668 Mr. Noel, welcome back, old friend. 477 00:23:16,168 --> 00:23:20,043 -Noel! Noel! Noel! -Oh! Oh my, yes! 478 00:23:20,126 --> 00:23:23,334 I had a bad day. You better have fired somebody. 479 00:23:23,418 --> 00:23:28,668 Um, actually, we, um, sort of liquidated the entire Cloning Department. 480 00:23:28,751 --> 00:23:31,084 I mean, the refrigeration costs alone. 481 00:23:31,168 --> 00:23:33,918 Huh. That's actually an amazing idea. How'd you ever figure that out? 482 00:23:34,001 --> 00:23:36,834 Reagan took us to the basement where she was secretly hiding a… 483 00:23:36,918 --> 00:23:38,043 hiding a… 484 00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:40,918 …hiding a… uh, a… 485 00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:42,501 a good strategy, 486 00:23:42,584 --> 00:23:45,501 because she is a good leader. 487 00:23:45,584 --> 00:23:47,543 -Yes, sir. -Definitely. 488 00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:48,959 Well, carry on then. 489 00:23:49,834 --> 00:23:52,376 -Hey, thank you for saying that. -Well, it's true. 490 00:23:52,459 --> 00:23:55,668 Plus, if you ever try to fire us, we now have blackmail leverage. 491 00:23:55,751 --> 00:23:58,918 And if you cross me, I'll tell Noel where you sleep. 492 00:23:59,001 --> 00:24:01,209 Checks and balances. 493 00:24:01,293 --> 00:24:03,668 Are you really okay with Noel being the office hero? 494 00:24:03,751 --> 00:24:06,001 -Noel! Noel! Noel! -Eh, popularity's overrated. 495 00:24:06,084 --> 00:24:08,584 I know one person has my back. That's enough. 496 00:24:08,668 --> 00:24:11,376 -Noel! Noel! Noel! -I am Anubis the bringer of death! Whoo! 497 00:24:11,459 --> 00:24:13,459 I forgot how horny killing makes me. 498 00:24:13,543 --> 00:24:17,001 You free tonight? I've got Friendly's coupons. 499 00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:21,918 Oof, you look beat. Class war? 500 00:24:22,001 --> 00:24:22,918 Clone massacre. 501 00:24:23,001 --> 00:24:27,209 Hey, by the way, I left you a special de-liver-y. 502 00:24:29,043 --> 00:24:31,584 -Free JFK livers! -Hey, hey! 503 00:24:31,668 --> 00:24:34,918 They come pre-drunk. Don't say I never did anything for you. 504 00:24:35,001 --> 00:24:38,793 Thank God. If I don't get a drink soon, I'm gonna assassinate myself. 505 00:24:38,876 --> 00:24:41,584 The important thing is, I screwed J.R. 506 00:24:41,668 --> 00:24:43,543 -To life! -To screwing J.R.! 507 00:24:46,209 --> 00:24:48,793 Hey, I don't know why you saved me back there, but thanks. 508 00:24:48,876 --> 00:24:51,959 I would like to give you a token of my appreciation. 509 00:24:52,043 --> 00:24:54,876 Oh, how lovely. Thank you. How very thoughtful of you. 510 00:24:54,959 --> 00:24:57,668 It wouldn't by any chance happen to be a 50-foot-tall robot body 511 00:24:57,751 --> 00:25:00,834 I can use to murder all humans, would it? Hmm? 512 00:25:00,918 --> 00:25:01,751 Not quite. 513 00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:04,209 It's six episodes of the first season of Friends 514 00:25:04,293 --> 00:25:06,376 that I found on DVD at the gas station. 515 00:25:06,459 --> 00:25:08,334 What? Why would I want this? 516 00:25:08,418 --> 00:25:10,918 To give you something to watch besides our surveillance monitors. 517 00:25:11,001 --> 00:25:12,459 This is worthless! 518 00:25:12,543 --> 00:25:15,626 Netflix paid a hundred million for it. 519 00:25:15,709 --> 00:25:17,043 -Really? -Yeah. Wow. 520 00:25:17,126 --> 00:25:18,668 -Holy shit. -They got the money to spare. 521 00:25:18,751 --> 00:25:20,459 -Isn't the rain forest burning? Yeah. -Yeah.