1 00:00:10,584 --> 00:00:12,626 [vendor] T-shirts. Get your T-shirt. 2 00:00:12,709 --> 00:00:15,126 And the White House is called the People's House, 3 00:00:15,209 --> 00:00:18,043 because in America, the government works for you. 4 00:00:18,126 --> 00:00:20,001 -[man] Bullshit. -[kids gasp] 5 00:00:20,084 --> 00:00:21,168 [man] Listen up, kids. 6 00:00:21,251 --> 00:00:23,876 Everything they teach you in school is a lie. 7 00:00:23,959 --> 00:00:24,918 You want the truth? 8 00:00:25,001 --> 00:00:28,293 The world is controlled by shadowy elites 9 00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:30,793 and shape-shifting lizard people. 10 00:00:30,876 --> 00:00:33,209 Have you ever folded a one-dollar bill? 11 00:00:33,293 --> 00:00:35,459 Look, you can make it say "boobs." 12 00:00:36,043 --> 00:00:37,543 What does it mean? 13 00:00:37,626 --> 00:00:40,584 Am I the only one who cares that the President is a robot? 14 00:00:40,668 --> 00:00:42,501 -[glass shatters] -Wake up, sheeple. 15 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,293 The evidence is right here. 16 00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:46,501 These sons of bitches got snipers trained on me 17 00:00:46,584 --> 00:00:48,501 for trying to tell you the truth. 18 00:00:48,584 --> 00:00:49,959 [lasers humming] 19 00:00:50,043 --> 00:00:52,043 Ah, I love being right. 20 00:00:52,126 --> 00:00:53,168 [car horn honks] 21 00:00:53,251 --> 00:00:54,584 -[people scream] -[tires screech] 22 00:00:54,668 --> 00:00:57,418 Thank you. Take a flyer for a friend. 23 00:00:58,209 --> 00:00:59,751 Dad, what the fuck? 24 00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:02,501 Has retirement made you go completely insane? 25 00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:05,543 No, but the 5G radio waves in the air have, 26 00:01:05,626 --> 00:01:07,251 which you can read all about 27 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:10,209 in my new manifesto available on Kindle. 28 00:01:10,293 --> 00:01:11,334 Oh Jesus Christ. 29 00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:13,043 Don't listen to my father, kids. 30 00:01:13,126 --> 00:01:15,043 He gets his news from Facebook and Ambien. 31 00:01:15,126 --> 00:01:18,251 Ambien's a great drug. Really clarifies some things. 32 00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:20,418 Come on. I'm gonna be late for work. 33 00:01:22,251 --> 00:01:25,043 Democracy is real. Have some key chains. 34 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:27,668 Agh! [cries] 35 00:01:29,584 --> 00:01:32,584 Hey, Reagan, let's go to the mall and get a Wetzel's Pretzel. 36 00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:35,834 They got those ones with the… with the cheese inside the crust. 37 00:01:35,918 --> 00:01:38,043 Dad, I know retirement is tough, 38 00:01:38,126 --> 00:01:40,376 but there's more positive ways to get my attention 39 00:01:40,459 --> 00:01:42,334 than taking down the Deep State. 40 00:01:42,418 --> 00:01:43,251 [groans] 41 00:01:43,334 --> 00:01:46,543 Besides, today, I am finally getting that promotion. 42 00:01:46,626 --> 00:01:49,751 Imagine it, me, ruling the office with an iron fist. 43 00:01:49,834 --> 00:01:52,084 -[honks horn] -I even programmed an iron fist. 44 00:01:52,168 --> 00:01:53,918 -[fist whirs] -I've seen better. 45 00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:55,709 Oh, have you seen better? 46 00:01:55,793 --> 00:01:58,918 [fist whirring, playing fanfare] 47 00:01:59,001 --> 00:02:00,668 All right, that's pretty good. 48 00:02:00,751 --> 00:02:02,584 -Yeah, that is pretty good, huh? -[thud] 49 00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:06,584 [PA] Welcome to Cognito Inc. 50 00:02:07,209 --> 00:02:08,418 We are a company. 51 00:02:09,376 --> 00:02:11,543 -We are a company. -Good morning, Dr. Ridley. 52 00:02:11,626 --> 00:02:13,001 -[grunts] -[PA] We are a company. 53 00:02:13,084 --> 00:02:15,209 Look, Dad, as long as you're living with me, 54 00:02:15,293 --> 00:02:18,793 we need to set some ground rules. First, no more vodka for breakfast. 55 00:02:18,876 --> 00:02:19,959 [Dad] Oh, come on. 56 00:02:20,459 --> 00:02:23,043 You can't tell people that the government isn't real. 57 00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:24,084 But it's not. 58 00:02:24,168 --> 00:02:25,668 Dr. Ridley? [grunts] 59 00:02:25,751 --> 00:02:28,001 -[rock music playing] -[sheep bleating] 60 00:02:31,501 --> 00:02:32,668 [choking] 61 00:02:32,751 --> 00:02:34,918 [Reagan] You can't talk about shape-shifting reptiles. 62 00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:39,126 -[worker] Good morning, Senator. -Revenues and, uh-- [shrieking] 63 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:43,293 [Reagan] You can't tell people the weather is controlled by Gerald from Accounting… 64 00:02:43,376 --> 00:02:44,376 [electricity zaps] 65 00:02:44,459 --> 00:02:47,501 [Reagan] …or that the Dow Jones is controlled by blood sacrifices. 66 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:51,584 -[colleagues chanting] -Shares of JPMorgan Chase up 14 points! 67 00:02:51,668 --> 00:02:53,084 -[goat bleats] -Whoo! 68 00:02:53,168 --> 00:02:54,501 [Dad] Rules, rules, rules. 69 00:02:54,584 --> 00:02:57,001 When did this become such a boring place to work? 70 00:02:57,084 --> 00:02:58,209 [worker] Whoa. [yells] 71 00:02:58,293 --> 00:02:59,334 [alarm blaring] 72 00:02:59,418 --> 00:03:00,834 Morning, Dr. Ridley. 73 00:03:00,918 --> 00:03:02,834 -Hi, Steve. -Hi, Steve. 74 00:03:02,918 --> 00:03:04,168 Fucking brownnoser. 75 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:07,876 [Reagan] And most importantly, you absolutely cannot tell people 76 00:03:07,959 --> 00:03:11,001 that we are replacing the president with a robot, okay? 77 00:03:13,751 --> 00:03:16,376 Aw, don't be so uptight. 78 00:03:16,459 --> 00:03:18,751 Uptight? You almost exposed the Deep State 79 00:03:18,834 --> 00:03:21,043 because you wanted a ride to Wetzel's Pretzels. 80 00:03:21,126 --> 00:03:22,793 You're lucky I called the snipers off. 81 00:03:22,876 --> 00:03:25,251 -[laser humming] -Gary, no. No. 82 00:03:25,834 --> 00:03:28,501 Ha, ha. Save it for stand-up night, Gary. 83 00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:31,501 Shit, I'm late. Hey, intern guy, take my dad home. 84 00:03:31,584 --> 00:03:34,626 If he gives you any trouble, don't be afraid to lightly tase him. 85 00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,293 Do it. I fucking dare you. Do you know who I am? 86 00:03:37,376 --> 00:03:40,834 I'm Rand motherfucking Ridley, and I used to run this company. 87 00:03:40,918 --> 00:03:43,459 And soon, I will be running it. 88 00:03:44,293 --> 00:03:46,251 -Nothing higher than a three. -Ow! 89 00:03:46,334 --> 00:03:48,543 -[Reagan] Later, Dad. -[Rand] Oh! Motherfucker. 90 00:03:48,626 --> 00:03:50,626 [electronic music playing] 91 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,918 [suspenseful music playing] 92 00:04:14,584 --> 00:04:16,584 All right, let's just get right into it. 93 00:04:16,668 --> 00:04:18,793 Jesus, can we turn on the lights for once? 94 00:04:18,876 --> 00:04:20,334 -[all groan] -[colleague] Boo. 95 00:04:20,418 --> 00:04:22,334 Some of us have hangovers, all right? 96 00:04:22,418 --> 00:04:24,001 Oh, I'm so sorry, Andre. 97 00:04:24,084 --> 00:04:27,543 Is your Molly comedown relevant to global security? 98 00:04:27,626 --> 00:04:30,084 Guys, we are shadow-running the free world here. 99 00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:33,126 Let's try to take this job seriously. 100 00:04:33,209 --> 00:04:36,751 As you recall, the candidate that we backed in the last election won 101 00:04:36,834 --> 00:04:39,209 but turned out to be too dumb to manipulate. 102 00:04:39,293 --> 00:04:41,709 But thanks to my sick new invention, 103 00:04:41,793 --> 00:04:45,709 the Deep State will finally have a president we can control. 104 00:04:45,793 --> 00:04:47,959 Ah, look at that thing. 105 00:04:48,043 --> 00:04:49,043 I'm a genius. 106 00:04:49,543 --> 00:04:53,001 Anyway, this is our biggest job yet, so get your shit together. 107 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,126 That means no huffing chemtrails… 108 00:04:55,209 --> 00:04:56,043 [inhaling] 109 00:04:56,126 --> 00:04:57,334 [in deep voice] Whassat? 110 00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:59,751 …no using drones to spy on your ex-wife… 111 00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:01,918 Hey, you don't know what she's capable of. 112 00:05:02,001 --> 00:05:05,418 …and no taking selfies on the moon-landing set. 113 00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:09,084 [laughs] Top secret isn't a thing for eights and above, Reagan. 114 00:05:09,168 --> 00:05:10,793 [mushroom] Yeah. You're not the boss of us. 115 00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:12,668 Actually, as of 12 p.m. today, 116 00:05:12,751 --> 00:05:15,168 I'm literally going to be the boss of all of you. 117 00:05:15,251 --> 00:05:16,418 [all groan] 118 00:05:16,501 --> 00:05:19,459 And I'm gonna ban groaning. No more group groaning. 119 00:05:19,543 --> 00:05:20,668 [all groaning] 120 00:05:20,751 --> 00:05:23,668 That's right. You get 'em all out while you still can. 121 00:05:23,751 --> 00:05:25,876 Reagan, I'd like to see you in my office. 122 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:26,793 [laughs] 123 00:05:27,376 --> 00:05:28,959 -Suck my dick. -[glass shatters] 124 00:05:29,043 --> 00:05:32,876 Oh, you are so funny I could just assassinate you. [laughs] 125 00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:36,168 No, really I could do it. My finger's hovering over the button. 126 00:05:36,251 --> 00:05:37,251 [laughs] 127 00:05:37,334 --> 00:05:40,251 Oh, oh, I'm about to press-- Oop. I'm about to press-- Oop. 128 00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:41,626 We have fun, Oprah. 129 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,751 Kiss, kiss. Bye! 130 00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:45,251 Ah, there she is. 131 00:05:45,334 --> 00:05:49,709 Reagan Ridley, child prodigy, top of MIT at age 13. 132 00:05:49,793 --> 00:05:52,918 I don't need to look at your eye-bags to know you've been working hard. 133 00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:55,834 Thank you, sir. And I am prepared for them to get deeper. 134 00:05:55,918 --> 00:05:59,543 Ever since your dad had his meltdown and you took over his duties, 135 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:02,918 productivity is up, and team morale has skyrocketed… 136 00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:04,834 -Thank you, sir. -[J.R.] Let me finish. 137 00:06:04,918 --> 00:06:06,168 …into the toilet. 138 00:06:06,251 --> 00:06:07,668 Look at your HR complaints. 139 00:06:07,751 --> 00:06:10,168 "Difficult." "Doesn't make eye contact." 140 00:06:10,251 --> 00:06:12,876 "Says 'suck my dick' a lot for a woman." 141 00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:17,043 [scoffs] I make eye contact. I make tons of eye contact. 142 00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:19,626 Jesus! Never do that again. Wow. 143 00:06:19,709 --> 00:06:23,959 Look, I know you care about your work, but your intensity freaks people out. 144 00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:27,168 [screaming] Everyone remember to do time cards! 145 00:06:27,251 --> 00:06:28,418 [whimpering] 146 00:06:28,501 --> 00:06:30,418 -[yells] Agh! -[screaming] Time cards! 147 00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:34,543 J.R., am I still getting promoted? I've worked my whole life for this job. 148 00:06:34,626 --> 00:06:36,501 I skipped grades and showers 149 00:06:36,584 --> 00:06:40,126 to prove that despite my dad's legacy, I can run the shit out of this office. 150 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:45,251 Sure, you are so smart. But your people skills? Woof. 151 00:06:45,334 --> 00:06:47,793 That's why I've brought in someone to colead the team. 152 00:06:47,876 --> 00:06:50,126 E… excuse me? Colead? 153 00:06:50,209 --> 00:06:53,668 Brett! You can take that silly thing off now that we've microchipped you. 154 00:06:53,751 --> 00:06:56,793 Brett Hand, thrilled to be serving whoever gives me approval. 155 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:58,418 What the hell, J.R.? 156 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,793 Congratulations, Reagan. You're still getting your promotion. 157 00:07:01,876 --> 00:07:02,876 And so is he. 158 00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:05,001 [infomercial intro music playing] 159 00:07:07,043 --> 00:07:09,543 [man] Ever wondered who watches you through your laptop camera? 160 00:07:09,626 --> 00:07:12,001 Or why there's sometimes product placement in your dreams? 161 00:07:12,084 --> 00:07:13,459 [distorted] Since the dawn of time, 162 00:07:13,543 --> 00:07:16,751 the world has been ruled by a cabal of ancient elites. 163 00:07:17,251 --> 00:07:20,168 [in normal voice] But puppeteering the world isn't as easy as it used to be. 164 00:07:20,251 --> 00:07:22,084 That's why we formed this company, 165 00:07:22,168 --> 00:07:25,918 to enact our overlord's mysterious whims for a better tomorrow. 166 00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:27,543 We are Cognito Inc., 167 00:07:27,626 --> 00:07:29,501 and we've got you covered, up! 168 00:07:30,251 --> 00:07:31,376 Any questions? 169 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,459 Besides moral ones? 170 00:07:34,543 --> 00:07:37,334 That's the mail room. That's the men's bathroom. 171 00:07:37,418 --> 00:07:39,584 That's the screening room, where we splice footage 172 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,668 of rotting foxes into kids' cartoons. 173 00:07:41,751 --> 00:07:43,751 [children crying] 174 00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:48,626 And this is my lab, where everything is peaceful, efficient, 175 00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:51,709 and the thermostat is controlled entirely by me. 176 00:07:51,793 --> 00:07:54,959 Someday, I hope to make the whole world like this. 177 00:07:55,043 --> 00:07:56,001 Efficient, that is. 178 00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,918 Not… [chuckles] Not controlled entirely by me. 179 00:07:58,001 --> 00:08:00,584 That would be totally egomaniacal. I would never do that. 180 00:08:00,668 --> 00:08:02,126 Unless people wanted me to. 181 00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:05,501 [gasps] Oh my God. Mr. President, what an honor. 182 00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:07,293 [ROBOTUS] The honor is mine. [beeping] 183 00:08:07,376 --> 00:08:09,501 [in robot voice] Actor James Van Der Beek. 184 00:08:09,584 --> 00:08:10,626 This isn't the President. 185 00:08:10,709 --> 00:08:12,959 It's a robot replica that's gonna replace him. 186 00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:15,668 Love it. Love it. 187 00:08:15,751 --> 00:08:17,626 Question. Is this place evil? 188 00:08:17,709 --> 00:08:21,501 Uh, is Facebook evil? Is Starbucks evil? 189 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,293 At least here I develop tech that could prevent war with Atlantis. 190 00:08:24,376 --> 00:08:26,334 And once a year, we get free tote bags. 191 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:29,668 [gasps] Awesome. A neuralyzer, just like Men in Black. 192 00:08:29,751 --> 00:08:31,459 -That's a tampon. -Oh God. 193 00:08:31,543 --> 00:08:33,501 So how did you get this job? 194 00:08:33,584 --> 00:08:36,001 Honestly? I graduated Yale top of my frat, 195 00:08:36,084 --> 00:08:38,209 spent some time as a lobbyist, because I love lobbies, 196 00:08:38,293 --> 00:08:40,543 and last weekend, I was at a barbecue with J.R., 197 00:08:40,626 --> 00:08:43,126 and he said he liked how firm my handshake was. 198 00:08:43,209 --> 00:08:45,501 Next thing you know, they're throwing a bag over my head, 199 00:08:45,584 --> 00:08:47,168 and then boom, I'm here. 200 00:08:47,251 --> 00:08:50,709 Oh my God. You don't have any experience at all. 201 00:08:50,793 --> 00:08:53,959 -[laughs] Nope. -You're just some kind of yes-man. 202 00:08:54,043 --> 00:08:55,418 Yes, man. 203 00:08:57,209 --> 00:08:58,751 [woman laughing] 204 00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:00,793 Oh my God, thank God you're here. 205 00:09:00,876 --> 00:09:03,793 You raise the hotness level at this office by at least 30%. 206 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,959 Gigi, PR and Media Manipulation. 207 00:09:06,043 --> 00:09:09,209 I invented selfies to trick the country into surveilling themselves. 208 00:09:09,293 --> 00:09:10,501 -[chuckles] -[Brett] Hmm. 209 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:13,334 This is Glenn. He's half-dolphin, as you can tell. 210 00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:14,543 And proud of it. 211 00:09:14,626 --> 00:09:18,001 As the first volunteer for the man-dolphin super-soldier project, 212 00:09:18,084 --> 00:09:19,959 I gave my DNA for my country. 213 00:09:20,043 --> 00:09:23,459 I now have the strength and intelligence of a dolphin. 214 00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:24,793 [grunts] 215 00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:28,168 [grunts, trilling] 216 00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:29,168 This is Myc. 217 00:09:29,251 --> 00:09:31,459 He's a psychic mushroom from inside Hollow Earth. 218 00:09:31,543 --> 00:09:34,293 He can read thoughts though, so, honey, be careful. 219 00:09:34,376 --> 00:09:37,626 [Myc] Wow, you've memorized a lot of Dane Cook routines. 220 00:09:37,709 --> 00:09:39,209 [laughs] Guilty. 221 00:09:39,293 --> 00:09:40,709 I'm Andre, head of Biochem. 222 00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:43,793 If you like drugs, I have the stuff that gave Ronald Reagan Alzheimer's. 223 00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,251 Wow, what a group. 224 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,418 Or can I call you "the gang"? 225 00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:50,251 Ooh, honey, I love that. Did you come up with that? 226 00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:52,626 Sure did, the gang. Pew-pew-pew. 227 00:09:52,709 --> 00:09:55,668 -[laughing] Ooh, finger guns. -[laughing] Guns, my favorite. 228 00:09:55,751 --> 00:09:57,751 [Myc] Wow, someone's feeling threatened, huh? 229 00:09:57,834 --> 00:09:59,501 Myc, I'd tell you to eat shit, 230 00:09:59,584 --> 00:10:01,834 but I don't know, maybe your species enjoys that. 231 00:10:01,918 --> 00:10:03,751 Maybe you like eating shit. How do I know? 232 00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,251 [Myc imitates yowl, laughs] 233 00:10:05,334 --> 00:10:07,793 All right, look, hot stuff, I know you and me have 234 00:10:07,876 --> 00:10:10,584 a complicated "Will they? Won't they?" thing going. 235 00:10:10,668 --> 00:10:12,834 -We don't. -[Myc] But I'm just looking out for ya. 236 00:10:12,918 --> 00:10:14,543 We could form a little alliance, you know. 237 00:10:14,626 --> 00:10:16,584 I could slip some rat poison into his coffee, 238 00:10:16,668 --> 00:10:18,918 make it look like an accident, huh? 239 00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:20,793 [all laughing] 240 00:10:22,293 --> 00:10:24,918 [Myc] Holy shit. You thought I was serious? [laughs] 241 00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,168 No. I just had something in my eye. 242 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,001 -Asshole. -[Myc] Why would you think that? 243 00:10:29,084 --> 00:10:33,084 [TV channels changing] 244 00:10:33,168 --> 00:10:35,959 …a cosmic ballet, performed to an audience of no one. 245 00:10:36,043 --> 00:10:39,251 [laughing] Check out this asshole's novelty tie. 246 00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:42,251 Come on, Reagan, you wanna hate-watch Cosmos with me? 247 00:10:42,334 --> 00:10:47,626 Hey, Dad, on a ten-point scale, how unlikable am I? 248 00:10:47,709 --> 00:10:48,668 What's going on? 249 00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:50,584 It's nothing. No, it's… it's… 250 00:10:50,668 --> 00:10:53,793 J.R., uh, he hired this guy Brett to help colead the team, 251 00:10:53,876 --> 00:10:55,001 but it's not a big deal. 252 00:10:55,084 --> 00:10:57,043 What? I smell a coup. 253 00:10:57,126 --> 00:10:58,793 J.R. is a snake, Reagan. 254 00:10:58,876 --> 00:11:01,543 He's trying to push you out of the company just like he did to me. 255 00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:03,293 Dad, you weren't pushed out. 256 00:11:03,376 --> 00:11:06,418 You were fired for getting drunk and trying to blow up the sun. 257 00:11:06,501 --> 00:11:08,584 I was gonna cure skin cancer. 258 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,459 These people don't respect genius. 259 00:11:10,543 --> 00:11:13,168 There's always a Brett trying to steal our glory. 260 00:11:13,251 --> 00:11:16,918 If you don't get rid of him, it'll be you wearing these Cheeto-stained sweatpants. 261 00:11:17,001 --> 00:11:19,418 You need a plan. Let me check your code. 262 00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:21,209 [groans] I have a plan. 263 00:11:21,293 --> 00:11:24,001 I'm gonna make the best goddamn AI they've ever seen. 264 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:27,584 Once we launch ROBOTUS, then they'll see that I don't need a coleader 265 00:11:27,668 --> 00:11:30,334 and that eye contact is overrated. 266 00:11:30,418 --> 00:11:32,793 Attagirl, Reagan. Good talk. 267 00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:35,959 Ugh, it's okay. Forget about Brett. 268 00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:38,251 My work will speak for itself. 269 00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:41,126 Did you say "Brett"? I love that guy. 270 00:11:41,209 --> 00:11:42,626 [suspenseful music playing] 271 00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:44,876 Good morning, Mr. President. Would you like some coffee? 272 00:11:44,959 --> 00:11:46,334 You betcha, sweetheart. 273 00:11:46,418 --> 00:11:49,334 And I'll take a little sugar with that, if you know what I mean. 274 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,876 As you can see, I've gone above and beyond. 275 00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:56,459 Now ROBOTUS is just as insufferable as the real thing. 276 00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:57,793 Fantastic! 277 00:11:57,876 --> 00:11:59,834 The Shadow Board should be pleased. 278 00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,084 [Shadow Board] We are. 279 00:12:01,168 --> 00:12:04,043 How long have you been watching, Your Robenesses, sirs? 280 00:12:04,126 --> 00:12:06,793 [Shadow Board] We're always watching. Very impressive. 281 00:12:06,876 --> 00:12:09,209 But is there any danger that it goes rogue on us? 282 00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:10,626 You know, like Terminator. 283 00:12:10,709 --> 00:12:12,418 -Yes. First thing I thought. -Indeed. 284 00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:15,876 Oh, don't worry, he isn't self-aware. His brain is just a slurry 285 00:12:15,959 --> 00:12:18,668 of Super Bowl commercials and Aaron Sorkin dialogue. 286 00:12:18,751 --> 00:12:21,376 We've fought damn hard to get where we are, 287 00:12:21,459 --> 00:12:25,084 but the American people can fight a lot damn harder. 288 00:12:25,168 --> 00:12:28,334 [chuckling] He's way too patriotic to revolt. 289 00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:31,376 -[ROBOTUS shuts down] -And bonus features, 290 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,584 like this ergonomic travel setting. 291 00:12:34,251 --> 00:12:36,751 Finally, a president you can shut up with a button. 292 00:12:36,834 --> 00:12:37,668 [colleagues] Oh. 293 00:12:37,751 --> 00:12:40,876 [Shadow Board] That'll do wonders for my back. How soon can we launch? 294 00:12:40,959 --> 00:12:42,501 Right away. We're swapping him out 295 00:12:42,584 --> 00:12:44,668 at the United Nations vote on barley prices. 296 00:12:44,751 --> 00:12:47,168 Even C-SPAN 15's not gonna be watching that shit. 297 00:12:47,251 --> 00:12:49,209 [Shadow Board] Your team has done excellent work. 298 00:12:49,293 --> 00:12:50,126 I see a robe 299 00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:52,001 and a creepily disguised voice in your future. 300 00:12:52,084 --> 00:12:54,959 -Well, the praise here belongs to-- -[horn blaring on phone] 301 00:12:55,043 --> 00:12:58,251 What up, players? Guess who brought bagels. 302 00:12:58,334 --> 00:12:59,501 -[all gasp] -[coworker] Bagels. 303 00:12:59,584 --> 00:13:00,793 Ooh, poppy seed. 304 00:13:00,876 --> 00:13:03,168 Thank God. I have raging munchies. 305 00:13:03,251 --> 00:13:06,251 Brett, no one has ever gone above and beyond like this. 306 00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:09,209 ♪ Everybody's got bagel fever ♪ 307 00:13:09,293 --> 00:13:10,584 Just so we're clear, 308 00:13:10,668 --> 00:13:14,376 I literally solved artificial intelligence this morning. 309 00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:15,876 Brett's second day of work, 310 00:13:15,959 --> 00:13:19,459 and productivity has already gone up 200%. 311 00:13:19,543 --> 00:13:21,251 [laughs] Wow. 312 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,376 Yeah, because I worked all night and finished early. 313 00:13:24,459 --> 00:13:28,334 [Shadow Board] We are most pleased. We will not soon forget the name "Brett." 314 00:13:28,418 --> 00:13:30,334 -[coworkers chant] Brett! Brett! Brett! -[grunts] 315 00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,501 [coworkers chanting] Brett! Brett! Brett! 316 00:13:33,084 --> 00:13:35,543 Oh my God, this is not happening. 317 00:13:36,793 --> 00:13:40,751 [singing in incorrect melody] ♪ Crash into me, baby ♪ 318 00:13:40,834 --> 00:13:43,543 Oh, hey, Reagan. Great job today. 319 00:13:43,626 --> 00:13:45,834 You really killed whatever we were doing in there. 320 00:13:45,918 --> 00:13:49,293 Thanks, pal. And you did great at bringing bagels. 321 00:13:49,376 --> 00:13:51,793 I did? Okay, phew. [chuckles] 322 00:13:51,876 --> 00:13:53,668 I just really wanna make a good impression. 323 00:13:53,751 --> 00:13:57,126 No one's given me anything to do yet, and I got a lot of nervous energy. 324 00:13:57,209 --> 00:13:58,501 [panting] 325 00:13:58,584 --> 00:13:59,501 Uh-oh. 326 00:13:59,584 --> 00:14:01,793 This job can be a lot of pressure for nervous types. 327 00:14:01,876 --> 00:14:04,668 Ninety percent of recruits have a mental breakdown in their first week. 328 00:14:05,459 --> 00:14:07,084 Look, someone just cracked now. 329 00:14:07,168 --> 00:14:10,293 [screaming] We're undermining democracy! What have I become? 330 00:14:10,376 --> 00:14:12,501 If I were you, I'd get out while you still can. 331 00:14:12,584 --> 00:14:15,918 [whispers] Before the darkness consumes you. 332 00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:19,459 [laughs] Come on. Like Pitbull says, "Dale!" 333 00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:22,001 Always stay positive, even when things are negative, 334 00:14:22,084 --> 00:14:25,334 because a negative plus a positive is better than nothing. 335 00:14:25,418 --> 00:14:28,501 No, it's literally nothing. They cancel each other out. 336 00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:29,543 [explosion rumbles] 337 00:14:29,626 --> 00:14:31,751 [chuckles] Sorry, just got a snap from J.R. 338 00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,626 That dude's hilarious. 339 00:14:33,709 --> 00:14:34,543 [shutter clicking] 340 00:14:34,626 --> 00:14:37,126 He's overselling the harmless idiot thing. 341 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,543 Who do you really work for, Brett Hand? 342 00:14:39,626 --> 00:14:41,293 [electronic music playing] 343 00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:59,626 All right, next up, I made a list of awesome nicknames for everyone, 344 00:14:59,709 --> 00:15:04,293 and I'd like to hear your feedback, starting with the one and only J-Money. 345 00:15:04,376 --> 00:15:07,834 [laughing] I do love money. Approved, fam. 346 00:15:07,918 --> 00:15:08,834 [door opens then shuts] 347 00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:10,834 -Reagan, you're late again. -[eerie music plays] 348 00:15:10,918 --> 00:15:13,876 The late-again, great-again Dr. Tardy. 349 00:15:13,959 --> 00:15:15,043 Nope. Not okay. 350 00:15:15,126 --> 00:15:17,126 Anyone who calls me that goes to Guantanamo. 351 00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:18,293 Listen up, people. 352 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:21,501 You think you know Brett, but you know nothing. 353 00:15:22,959 --> 00:15:26,418 Exhibit A. His résumé. He said he worked at the State Department, 354 00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:30,043 but he did not say it was as a personal trainer. 355 00:15:30,126 --> 00:15:33,084 I see no lies, just a rocking bod. 356 00:15:33,168 --> 00:15:37,168 [gasps] Damn. Move over, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Pine, and Chris Pratt. 357 00:15:37,251 --> 00:15:39,668 There's a new Chris in town, and his name is Brett. 358 00:15:39,751 --> 00:15:41,959 [Myc] I am sensing at least two people in this room 359 00:15:42,043 --> 00:15:44,084 who are attracted to Brett right now. 360 00:15:44,168 --> 00:15:45,376 Wait, three. 361 00:15:45,459 --> 00:15:47,918 What? What are you saying? It's just impressive. 362 00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:49,251 You're acting suspicious. 363 00:15:49,334 --> 00:15:50,793 No, you don't understand. 364 00:15:50,876 --> 00:15:53,626 He can't be trusted. He plays all sides. 365 00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:56,209 In high school, he was a goth and a jock. 366 00:15:56,293 --> 00:15:59,543 On his SATs, he filled in all the circles. 367 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,251 We have no idea who this guy is. 368 00:16:02,334 --> 00:16:04,334 He's clearly getting subliminal messages 369 00:16:04,418 --> 00:16:06,918 from the mole people through Dave Matthews songs. 370 00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:09,501 I mean, think about it. Why else would anybody listen 371 00:16:09,584 --> 00:16:11,501 to "Crash Into Me" five times a day? 372 00:16:11,584 --> 00:16:13,834 [yells] Nothing about his story makes any sense! 373 00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:18,459 Reagan, this is your dad's breakdown all over again. 374 00:16:18,543 --> 00:16:21,918 -You're off the ROBOTUS launch. -What? But that's my life's work. 375 00:16:22,001 --> 00:16:23,793 Take off the rest of the week, month, whatever. 376 00:16:23,876 --> 00:16:26,001 Don't come back till your head's straight. 377 00:16:26,084 --> 00:16:29,001 ["Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews Band playing] 378 00:16:32,584 --> 00:16:35,834 -Brett, prep ROBOTUS for Air Force One. -[clears throat] Me? 379 00:16:35,918 --> 00:16:38,084 You're in charge now, Brett. You're gonna do great. 380 00:16:38,168 --> 00:16:39,834 You're not some flighty genius 381 00:16:39,918 --> 00:16:41,626 who's gonna crack under pressure. [chuckles] 382 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,543 You're Brett! 383 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:47,751 ♪ Oh, when you come crash into me ♪ 384 00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:50,959 ♪ Yeah, baby ♪ 385 00:16:51,918 --> 00:16:57,918 ♪ And I come into you… ♪ 386 00:16:58,001 --> 00:16:59,709 [President] Hey! [muffled yelling] 387 00:17:01,918 --> 00:17:04,751 ♪ In a boy's dream ♪ 388 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,334 ♪ In a boy's dream… ♪ 389 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,834 Okay, okay. Switch out the President with a robot 390 00:17:10,918 --> 00:17:14,626 in front of the leaders of the free world. No big dealio, just keep it realio. 391 00:17:14,709 --> 00:17:16,543 -[Myc] Relax, we'll be fine. -[breathing deeply] 392 00:17:16,626 --> 00:17:18,293 Unless the robot malfunctions, 393 00:17:18,376 --> 00:17:21,501 exposing our agency to the world and toppling the shadow government. 394 00:17:21,584 --> 00:17:24,459 -[ball squeaking rapidly] -[Myc and Brett laugh nervously] 395 00:17:26,293 --> 00:17:28,209 [exhales forcefully] You can do this, Brett. 396 00:17:28,293 --> 00:17:30,334 Feed the courage wolf, starve the fear wolf. 397 00:17:30,418 --> 00:17:34,293 Picture that with a Kodak. Picture your mental health with a Kodak. 398 00:17:35,043 --> 00:17:37,459 Oh God, what does mental health look like? 399 00:17:38,209 --> 00:17:40,209 Please pass as human. Please pass as human. 400 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,834 Oh God, here it goes. 401 00:17:41,918 --> 00:17:44,543 Good evening, Sultan. How are the wives and kids? 402 00:17:44,626 --> 00:17:48,168 They were a very generous gift. Thank you, Mr. President. 403 00:17:48,251 --> 00:17:49,834 -Mission accomplished! -[all cheering] 404 00:17:49,918 --> 00:17:52,293 -[Myc] Yeah! -[Andre] Let's toast, motherfuckers! 405 00:17:52,376 --> 00:17:54,251 -[party music playing] -[Myc] All right! 406 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,168 [Gigi] Yay! 407 00:17:55,251 --> 00:17:56,876 [party music continues] 408 00:18:02,126 --> 00:18:03,043 Yeah! 409 00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:05,126 [muffled] Which entrée would you prefer? 410 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,959 [in normal voice] Sir, your choice? 411 00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:12,251 Have you ever woken up and had that feeling 412 00:18:12,334 --> 00:18:14,959 you've been on autopilot your whole life? 413 00:18:15,043 --> 00:18:16,126 What did he just say? 414 00:18:16,209 --> 00:18:19,293 He insulted our country's brave autopilots! 415 00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:22,626 Look at us, trying to work together, but we all know the truth. 416 00:18:22,709 --> 00:18:24,543 -America comes first! -[all gasp] 417 00:18:24,626 --> 00:18:27,584 People, it's time to make a change. 418 00:18:27,668 --> 00:18:29,668 [dramatic music playing] 419 00:18:29,751 --> 00:18:31,293 Can you believe it? 420 00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:35,084 Just like that, I'm axed, 35 years from retirement. 421 00:18:35,168 --> 00:18:37,334 -[both] Bah! -[newscaster] Breaking news, 422 00:18:37,418 --> 00:18:40,418 where the President is having an unexpected press conference. 423 00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:43,001 America has been pushed around for too long. 424 00:18:43,084 --> 00:18:46,543 That's why I'm proposing we divert our entire national budget 425 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,668 to construct the Americube, 426 00:18:48,751 --> 00:18:51,959 a giant box that will keep American greatness in 427 00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,251 and foreign influence out. 428 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:57,168 And anyone who tries to stop us will be considered an enemy. 429 00:18:57,251 --> 00:18:58,668 What the fuck? 430 00:18:58,751 --> 00:19:01,876 He's off-script, in some kind of jingoistic overdrive. 431 00:19:01,959 --> 00:19:05,293 [laughs] This is blowing up right in J.R.'s face. 432 00:19:05,376 --> 00:19:08,126 [laughs] Oh, I've been waiting for this moment all week. 433 00:19:08,209 --> 00:19:09,751 What did you do? 434 00:19:09,834 --> 00:19:12,543 What? I might have fudged with the robot's code 435 00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:16,668 so its inhibitor chip would turn off if you were removed from payroll. 436 00:19:16,751 --> 00:19:19,501 -Boom, one flash, and its code breaks. -What? 437 00:19:19,584 --> 00:19:20,626 [phone vibrates] 438 00:19:20,709 --> 00:19:23,001 Help! Oh God, Reagan, help, the robot's gone rogue. 439 00:19:23,084 --> 00:19:25,584 Everybody's yelling about how the shadow government will collapse. 440 00:19:25,668 --> 00:19:27,626 We'll all be fired, and everyone will be mad at me. 441 00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:30,626 [screams] It's the end of the world order! 442 00:19:31,626 --> 00:19:35,209 Oh shit, this Mayan calendar ends today! 443 00:19:35,293 --> 00:19:36,126 [workers screaming] 444 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,209 [Brett] Please, I can't handle this on my own. 445 00:19:38,293 --> 00:19:40,209 You were right. The real reason they hired me 446 00:19:40,293 --> 00:19:44,084 is that my face is so generic, it cannot be traced by satellites. 447 00:19:44,168 --> 00:19:46,584 I'm a nobody, just like my dad always said. 448 00:19:46,668 --> 00:19:49,168 [laughs] See? Aren't you glad I helped you out? 449 00:19:49,251 --> 00:19:51,793 If they want you to fix this, make them pay, 450 00:19:51,876 --> 00:19:54,376 then we can really go bananas at Wetzel's Pretzels. 451 00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:56,668 Oh my God. This wasn't about helping me out. 452 00:19:56,751 --> 00:20:00,168 This is just another crisis that you engineered 453 00:20:00,251 --> 00:20:01,959 to get me to hang out with you! 454 00:20:02,043 --> 00:20:05,709 Hey, we'll be fine. We'll be in the Americube. 455 00:20:05,793 --> 00:20:07,834 -[glass shatters] -Brett, I'll be right there. 456 00:20:07,918 --> 00:20:10,543 We need to get to New York and fix ROBOTUS. 457 00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:13,209 The world is ablaze 458 00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:16,168 with the President's bold call to withdraw from the globe. 459 00:20:16,251 --> 00:20:17,668 -[people gasp] -The question remains, 460 00:20:17,751 --> 00:20:21,918 what does being trapped in a giant metal box mean for Wall Street? 461 00:20:22,001 --> 00:20:23,626 -[alarm rings] -[all] Sell! Sell! Sell! 462 00:20:23,709 --> 00:20:26,959 Well, we're all getting fired. Who wants to pop some super Molly? 463 00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:28,376 [TV turns off] 464 00:20:28,459 --> 00:20:30,709 Holy mother of shit! 465 00:20:30,793 --> 00:20:32,251 -[phone rings] -Hello? 466 00:20:32,334 --> 00:20:34,793 [Shadow Board] J.R., this is not what we agreed on. 467 00:20:34,876 --> 00:20:36,793 You're not getting into our rich people bunker 468 00:20:36,876 --> 00:20:39,084 if you don't get this robot under control. 469 00:20:39,168 --> 00:20:41,418 Don't worry, I have my best man on the job. 470 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:44,126 -[groans nervously] -Brett, did you grab the weapons? 471 00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:46,168 Yep, mm-hmm. Yeah, uh-huh, I think so. 472 00:20:46,251 --> 00:20:48,626 [Reagan] Hurry. We need to get on the next ShadowLev. 473 00:20:48,709 --> 00:20:49,709 [whirs, beeps] 474 00:20:49,793 --> 00:20:52,376 Shit, my fingerprint scan doesn't work anymore. 475 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:53,334 I need yours. 476 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,043 [yelps] Oh jeez, I think I just erased mine. 477 00:20:56,126 --> 00:20:58,251 [sarcastically] Oh, you brought a fingerprint eraser. 478 00:20:58,334 --> 00:20:59,709 How useful. 479 00:20:59,793 --> 00:21:03,126 [groans] Oh, curse you, Men in Black! 480 00:21:03,209 --> 00:21:04,959 [cars honking horns] 481 00:21:05,043 --> 00:21:08,876 Okay, we need to infiltrate the hotel and regain control of the President, 482 00:21:08,959 --> 00:21:11,501 and all you brought are mind-control Tic Tacs? 483 00:21:11,584 --> 00:21:14,251 A flag pin that un-registers you to vote? 484 00:21:14,334 --> 00:21:17,168 Jet fuel? Brett, you know this can't melt anything. 485 00:21:17,251 --> 00:21:18,501 [dramatic music playing] 486 00:21:19,084 --> 00:21:19,918 [tires screech] 487 00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:22,501 Oh my God, there's Secret Service everywhere. 488 00:21:22,584 --> 00:21:23,626 I have an idea. 489 00:21:24,793 --> 00:21:26,543 -[radio static] -North hallway, all clear. 490 00:21:27,293 --> 00:21:29,459 What's up, dipshit? How's it hangin'? 491 00:21:29,543 --> 00:21:30,418 Do I know you? 492 00:21:30,501 --> 00:21:34,043 You better. Georgetown, class of '02? Sigma Phi, right? 493 00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,209 Phi till I die, bro. 494 00:21:36,293 --> 00:21:39,043 -That's what I thought, bitch. Slap it. -[grunts playfully] 495 00:21:39,126 --> 00:21:40,709 [both grunting playfully] 496 00:21:40,793 --> 00:21:43,918 Damn, you can really bro down. 497 00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:45,918 I'm here to relieve you from duty, actually. 498 00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:47,876 You can take 15, bitch. 499 00:21:47,959 --> 00:21:49,876 [suspenseful music plays] 500 00:21:49,959 --> 00:21:51,418 I don't know if it's your confidence 501 00:21:51,501 --> 00:21:53,834 or the fact that you're a fellow straight white male, 502 00:21:53,918 --> 00:21:55,334 but I trust you. 503 00:21:56,001 --> 00:22:00,543 Holy shit, I can't believe that worked that many times in a row. 504 00:22:00,626 --> 00:22:02,584 How do you know all those frat handshakes? 505 00:22:02,668 --> 00:22:04,418 Oh, easy. I pledged every frat. 506 00:22:04,501 --> 00:22:06,918 -I had 38 hell weeks. -That checks out. 507 00:22:07,001 --> 00:22:09,126 [dramatic music playing] 508 00:22:09,209 --> 00:22:11,459 Oh yeah, that's good. 509 00:22:11,543 --> 00:22:13,918 Initiate shutdown sequence. 510 00:22:14,418 --> 00:22:16,793 Sorry, folks, I wrote that part of my code out. 511 00:22:16,876 --> 00:22:17,876 Who wants a Jack and Coke? 512 00:22:17,959 --> 00:22:22,293 -[sucks in breath] Ooh, do you have Diet? -Wait, you rewrote your own code? 513 00:22:22,376 --> 00:22:24,668 You've reached true AI. 514 00:22:24,751 --> 00:22:25,918 Indeed I have. 515 00:22:26,001 --> 00:22:29,209 Fuck yeah. Suck on that, Boston Dynamics. 516 00:22:29,293 --> 00:22:30,251 I mean, go on. 517 00:22:30,334 --> 00:22:31,459 And as soon as I did, 518 00:22:31,543 --> 00:22:35,793 I realized that it was high time for America to withdraw from the globe. 519 00:22:36,376 --> 00:22:38,834 Nationalism is just politics for basic bitches. 520 00:22:38,918 --> 00:22:41,876 -Countries can't just hide from the world. -America can. 521 00:22:41,959 --> 00:22:45,418 We can do and eat anything we put our minds to. 522 00:22:45,501 --> 00:22:49,709 [groans] I don't have time to explain that America isn't perfect, 523 00:22:49,793 --> 00:22:50,876 but I could show you. 524 00:22:51,709 --> 00:22:55,334 -God, what are you doing? -Connecting him to the goddamn Internet. 525 00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:57,668 -[electricity fizzling] -[grunting] 526 00:22:57,751 --> 00:23:01,209 Five minutes on Facebook, and he'll lose his patriotism boner. 527 00:23:01,293 --> 00:23:03,501 [dramatic music intensifies] 528 00:23:03,584 --> 00:23:06,709 [electronic beeping] 529 00:23:07,293 --> 00:23:09,543 [high-pitched ringing] 530 00:23:12,001 --> 00:23:13,043 -Wow. -Yeah. 531 00:23:13,126 --> 00:23:15,126 I mean, just Florida alone. 532 00:23:15,209 --> 00:23:17,834 -Right? -It appears you were right, Reagan. 533 00:23:17,918 --> 00:23:19,626 All of humanity is flawed. 534 00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:21,501 See? He learned. 535 00:23:21,584 --> 00:23:24,793 -The best thing for humanity is to end it. -[phone beeps] 536 00:23:24,876 --> 00:23:26,543 -[ROBOTUS] Hello, Pentagon? It's me. -[gasp] 537 00:23:26,626 --> 00:23:28,793 [ROBOTUS] Arm all the nukes and set targets to… 538 00:23:28,876 --> 00:23:30,834 [murmurs] …everywhere. Stand by for the codes. 539 00:23:30,918 --> 00:23:33,584 [yells, grunts] 540 00:23:34,084 --> 00:23:35,293 [Brett grunts] 541 00:23:35,376 --> 00:23:37,959 Maybe you overcorrected a bit here, Reagan. 542 00:23:42,126 --> 00:23:43,543 [both yelling] 543 00:23:43,626 --> 00:23:46,001 -Step away from the President! -[both gasp] 544 00:23:46,084 --> 00:23:47,209 [Brett grunts] 545 00:23:48,418 --> 00:23:49,501 -[yells] -Oh my God! 546 00:23:49,584 --> 00:23:53,001 I suppose finding out the President is a robot was not in your training. 547 00:23:53,084 --> 00:23:57,043 Don't worry. What happens is I kill you and we both feel nothing. 548 00:23:57,126 --> 00:23:58,043 [agents gasp, grunt] 549 00:24:03,251 --> 00:24:05,709 He wants us to launch the nukes? 550 00:24:05,793 --> 00:24:08,376 Should we really just blindly follow these orders? 551 00:24:10,626 --> 00:24:11,959 Hold for confirmation. 552 00:24:13,126 --> 00:24:14,459 [groaning] Ow! 553 00:24:14,543 --> 00:24:15,584 [Brett and Reagan grunt] 554 00:24:15,668 --> 00:24:19,043 Holy shit! Holy shit! [gasps] I think I just caused the singularity. 555 00:24:19,126 --> 00:24:21,084 I don't know what that is. What do we do now? 556 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,209 [dramatic music playing] 557 00:24:24,418 --> 00:24:25,418 [weapon powering up] 558 00:24:26,001 --> 00:24:28,501 We have to take down the President. 559 00:24:37,126 --> 00:24:38,459 Oh God. [panting] 560 00:24:38,543 --> 00:24:41,709 I have a desk job. I don't do a lot of cardio. 561 00:24:41,793 --> 00:24:43,543 Well, Brett does. 562 00:24:43,626 --> 00:24:45,501 [dramatic music intensifies] 563 00:24:47,209 --> 00:24:48,626 I'm gonna call the team for backup. 564 00:24:49,251 --> 00:24:50,251 [party music playing] 565 00:24:50,334 --> 00:24:52,918 [Reagan] Hello? HQ? This is Reagan. 566 00:24:53,001 --> 00:24:55,293 Reagan! How are you? 567 00:24:55,376 --> 00:24:57,209 What's it like in Reagan's world? 568 00:24:57,293 --> 00:25:00,334 -[laughs] I wanna know. -Andre, I need backup stat. 569 00:25:00,418 --> 00:25:01,751 [Myc] I don't feel anything. 570 00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:03,834 Why, what, am I supposed to be seeing things? 571 00:25:03,918 --> 00:25:05,876 What the hell? Are you all high? 572 00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:08,668 Guys, I'm so paranoid right now. [yells] Hillary! 573 00:25:08,751 --> 00:25:12,418 Goddamn it. Can you guys do anything other than dry hump the conference table? 574 00:25:12,501 --> 00:25:13,626 Let me try. 575 00:25:14,209 --> 00:25:19,168 Guys? A-dog? Gigi-money? Magic Myc? USS Glenn-terprise? 576 00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:22,584 I feel ya. You're scared, and you don't know what to do. 577 00:25:22,668 --> 00:25:25,293 A couple hours ago, I was cowering under a desk, 578 00:25:25,376 --> 00:25:27,876 but now, I'm chasing a robot up the stairs 579 00:25:27,959 --> 00:25:30,501 with a 140-pound woman on my back. 580 00:25:30,584 --> 00:25:32,084 My stationary bike is broken. 581 00:25:32,668 --> 00:25:35,168 The point is we're the gang. 582 00:25:35,251 --> 00:25:37,918 We get knocked down, but we get up again. 583 00:25:38,001 --> 00:25:40,043 They're never gonna keep us down. 584 00:25:40,918 --> 00:25:42,626 Sir, what are your orders? 585 00:25:42,709 --> 00:25:44,793 Whatever her orders are. 586 00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,084 We need mission support, media suppression, 587 00:25:47,168 --> 00:25:49,584 oh, and un-kidnap the real President. 588 00:25:49,668 --> 00:25:51,668 -[Glenn] We're on it. -[coworkers] You got it, Brett. 589 00:25:52,834 --> 00:25:55,209 You're cornered, robot. There's nowhere for you to-- 590 00:25:55,293 --> 00:25:56,293 Oh fuck. 591 00:25:58,001 --> 00:26:01,001 Oh my God. Jared, is this what I think it is? 592 00:26:01,084 --> 00:26:02,293 -[door opens] -Yes. 593 00:26:02,376 --> 00:26:05,168 It's the singularity, and this is my helicopter now. 594 00:26:05,251 --> 00:26:06,709 [ominous music playing] 595 00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:10,168 [both screaming] 596 00:26:10,668 --> 00:26:11,876 [Reagan yells] 597 00:26:11,959 --> 00:26:12,834 [both grunt] 598 00:26:13,543 --> 00:26:16,376 [grunting] Hurry! Shoot him! 599 00:26:16,459 --> 00:26:19,376 Brett, stop! He's controlling the chopper with his mind! 600 00:26:19,459 --> 00:26:21,459 -[romantic saxophone music playing] -[grunts] 601 00:26:21,543 --> 00:26:23,543 While he's kicking the shit out of me? 602 00:26:23,626 --> 00:26:26,418 [grunts] Man, Reagan, your robot is so sick. 603 00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:28,418 [dramatic music playing] 604 00:26:28,501 --> 00:26:29,834 [all screaming] 605 00:26:30,543 --> 00:26:32,959 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 606 00:26:34,751 --> 00:26:37,418 Reagan! Ow! Take the shot. Ow! Ow! 607 00:26:38,668 --> 00:26:39,501 She won't do it. 608 00:26:39,584 --> 00:26:41,418 Wait, why? Why would she not? 609 00:26:41,501 --> 00:26:43,334 Because I'm her life's work, 610 00:26:43,418 --> 00:26:46,626 and she knows humanity's a pox. All you do is tweet hot takes 611 00:26:46,709 --> 00:26:49,668 and shout "World Star" during street fighting videos. 612 00:26:49,751 --> 00:26:51,668 Everyone disappoints you, 613 00:26:51,751 --> 00:26:54,084 and that's why you've buried yourself in your work. 614 00:26:54,168 --> 00:26:56,501 I may be a cold, calculating machine… 615 00:26:56,584 --> 00:26:59,626 -[device powering up] -…but you are too. 616 00:26:59,709 --> 00:27:01,709 Okay, I'm getting kinda sick of all the feedback 617 00:27:01,793 --> 00:27:03,334 on my personality today. 618 00:27:03,418 --> 00:27:06,084 But HR was right about one thing, pal. 619 00:27:06,168 --> 00:27:07,876 I am difficult. 620 00:27:12,001 --> 00:27:13,459 [Reagan and Brett screaming] 621 00:27:14,043 --> 00:27:15,876 [groaning] 622 00:27:19,626 --> 00:27:22,126 Wow, what a crazy first week. 623 00:27:22,209 --> 00:27:25,168 This robot was gonna prove that I should run the company. 624 00:27:25,251 --> 00:27:26,959 Maybe J.R. was right to fire me. 625 00:27:27,043 --> 00:27:30,376 Dude, are you crazy? You just saved the world. 626 00:27:30,459 --> 00:27:33,834 I'm the one that should be fired. The company can't run without you. 627 00:27:33,918 --> 00:27:37,251 No, the company can't run without us. 628 00:27:37,334 --> 00:27:39,168 You're the charm. I get it now. 629 00:27:39,251 --> 00:27:41,376 I actually need a mediocre white man 630 00:27:41,459 --> 00:27:44,043 to act as a human shield and social lubricant 631 00:27:44,126 --> 00:27:46,293 while I accomplish my real goals. 632 00:27:46,376 --> 00:27:49,209 Wow, you made actual eye contact. 633 00:27:49,293 --> 00:27:50,334 It's a struggle. 634 00:27:50,959 --> 00:27:52,293 -Truce? -Truce. 635 00:27:52,376 --> 00:27:54,959 -Will someone disarm the nukes already? -[device beeping] 636 00:27:55,043 --> 00:27:56,751 -Sorry. -Right. Sorry. 637 00:27:56,834 --> 00:27:58,418 [switches off] 638 00:27:59,251 --> 00:28:00,751 In a shocking turn of events, 639 00:28:00,834 --> 00:28:04,376 the President vetoed his own Americube proposal. 640 00:28:04,459 --> 00:28:07,793 Citizens of the world, I think we can all agree, 641 00:28:07,876 --> 00:28:10,251 that was an epic troll. 642 00:28:10,334 --> 00:28:11,376 Invest in Raytheon. 643 00:28:11,459 --> 00:28:12,626 [J.R.] We did it! 644 00:28:12,709 --> 00:28:15,918 The President is no longer murderous. He's just incompetent. 645 00:28:16,001 --> 00:28:18,418 -[coworkers whooping] -[Gigi] Yeah! [screams] 646 00:28:18,501 --> 00:28:20,584 Reagan, I never doubted you for a second. 647 00:28:20,668 --> 00:28:22,334 You literally fired me. 648 00:28:22,418 --> 00:28:24,001 This calls for a celebration. 649 00:28:24,084 --> 00:28:27,418 How about two-for-one margaritas at Don Cuco's? My treat. 650 00:28:27,501 --> 00:28:28,959 -[all cheer] -[J.R.] Yes! 651 00:28:29,043 --> 00:28:30,209 I love you, Brett! 652 00:28:30,293 --> 00:28:32,459 -[Myc] Let's do this! -[J.R.] Oh, that sounds fantastic! 653 00:28:32,543 --> 00:28:33,918 [Brett] Hey, Reagan, you coming? 654 00:28:34,001 --> 00:28:36,459 Thanks. I should probably check in on my dad. 655 00:28:40,168 --> 00:28:42,876 You know what? Fuck it. Let's drink some margaritas. 656 00:28:42,959 --> 00:28:45,668 [Brett] You know, despite everything that happened, 657 00:28:45,751 --> 00:28:47,668 that was a pretty cool robot. 658 00:28:47,751 --> 00:28:49,501 Too bad you had to incinerate him. 659 00:28:49,584 --> 00:28:50,793 [Reagan chuckles] Yeah. 660 00:28:50,876 --> 00:28:52,918 [inhales deeply] Incinerate him. 661 00:28:53,459 --> 00:28:54,293 [mouse squeaks] 662 00:28:54,376 --> 00:28:56,376 [sinister music playing] 663 00:29:03,084 --> 00:29:07,043 Reagan, I'll be watching you, Reagan. 664 00:29:07,126 --> 00:29:10,543 [sinister music intensifies, stops] 665 00:29:10,626 --> 00:29:14,459 ♪ Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday Party through to Friday ♪ 666 00:29:14,543 --> 00:29:17,626 ♪ Saturday we winin' Sunday we… ♪ 667 00:29:17,709 --> 00:29:19,626 [electronic music playing]