1
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:18,853
[screams] Q-Force is going into the field!

2
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,021
[all] Field trip!

3
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:23,024
Who's ready to infiltrate
a uranium mine in Wyoming?

4
00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:24,192
This team is ready!

5
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:27,570
I was so excited last night,
I only got nine hours of sleep.

6
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,405
K, these two trunks are just shoes.

7
00:00:29,489 --> 00:00:32,200
Do you think
we'll be tap dancing and line dancing?

8
00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:33,743
Can we drive past Area 51?

9
00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:36,537
There's an alien there
I really owe an apology to.

10
00:00:36,621 --> 00:00:38,873
Oh, we're not driving anywhere.

11
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:43,628
We are going to fly there
in our very own jet!

12
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:47,173
You get a jet!
You get a jet! You get a jet!

13
00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:49,550
Ah, shut up. It's so early.

14
00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:52,261
Ah. Forgot all about you.
I guess you get a jet, too.

15
00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:55,890
Well, off we go on
our very first mission in a real spy jet.

16
00:00:55,973 --> 00:01:00,436
After ten years of tireless preparation,
we are officially in the game.

17
00:01:03,815 --> 00:01:05,274
[Deb] The fuck is that?

18
00:01:05,358 --> 00:01:08,945
Okay, so it's not pretty,
but it's a jet and it's ours.

19
00:01:09,654 --> 00:01:10,822
Yeah, totally.

20
00:01:11,823 --> 00:01:14,951
Can I put some bronzer
and lip gloss on it before we take off?

21
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,412
[theme music playing]

22
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,256
[snoring]

23
00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,049
[beeps]

24
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:31,634
Welcome to Twink Air,

25
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:34,387
where the only thing
thinner than the air is me.

26
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:38,558
Can I offer anyone an in-flight magazine?
Jenna Elfman is on the cover!

27
00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:41,519
Congratulations on your
first field mission, Q-Force.

28
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,313
You'll be infiltrating the town
of Backache, Wyoming.

29
00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:48,067
Former home of the world's biggest
ball of yarn, current home to crime.

30
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:51,612
-Ooh, crime.
-What happened to the yarn?

31
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,907
Your mission, find the leak
at the uranium mine and plug it.

32
00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:57,034
Should be fun
for any of you tops on board!

33
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,286
On it!

34
00:01:59,120 --> 00:01:59,954
What?

35
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:03,624
Call me Miss Congeniality, honey,
'cause I'm a femme top with a gun.

36
00:02:03,708 --> 00:02:06,460
You guys don't need to do anything.
Sit back and watch.

37
00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:09,172
I could top a mission
like this in my sleep.

38
00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:12,175
Uh, hold up on the orders.
I'm the head of Q-Force.

39
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:15,887
I'm lead, and for the record,
I'm vers 'cause I'm a grown-up.

40
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,723
Actually, Mary,
Buck's right. He's in charge today.

41
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,726
That's ridiculous.
I graduated first in my class.

42
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,477
I can run a simple recon mission.

43
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,855
Cut! You'll handle
what I tell you to handle.

44
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:27,732
Buck's only been
in our squad for three days

45
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,234
and already his pubic hairs
are all over the microwave.

46
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,028
I'm the man for this job
and everyone knows it.

47
00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:35,489
Every mission needs a leader
with actual experience.

48
00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:36,866
Mary, fall in line.

49
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:40,244
Aw. You gonna cry?

50
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:44,540
You see, this is why
you can't work in the field. I never cry.

51
00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:46,751
I just have
a heart attack every two years.

52
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,336
No, I'm not gonna cry.

53
00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:51,380
The only thing that makes me cry
is that one Rita Wilson scene

54
00:02:51,464 --> 00:02:53,049
in Sleepless in Seattle where she--

55
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:54,884
Wait, shit.

56
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,303
[sniffles] God, everyone look
at the back of the plane!

57
00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,388
You're such a loser, Mar-bear.

58
00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:00,389
[sniffles]

59
00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:03,184
Okay, it obviously sucks
that Buck's the boss today,

60
00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,645
but maybe V has a point.
I don't know. She usually does,

61
00:03:05,728 --> 00:03:08,522
so let's see what
all this wonderful experience gets us.

62
00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:10,942
Creamers don't expire, right?

63
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:11,984
No, right?

64
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,320
[Buck retching]

65
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,371
[inhales and exhales deeply]

66
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:24,956
Clean country air.

67
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:28,292
That's tree cum.
It's tree cum you're smelling.

68
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:30,836
And now I wish I only had to breathe out.

69
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,840
Mary and I will head up that mountain
to the mine and you chicks stay down here

70
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,969
and wait for us. I don't know. Buck out.

71
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,846
You're kidding, right?
That's the stupidest plan I've ever heard.

72
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,432
I'd have
the rest of the team do recon in town.

73
00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:46,227
We've been running undercover simulations
of missions exactly like this

74
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,520
in West Hollywood for years.

75
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:48,813
This isn't a simulation.

76
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,691
It's a real mission,
and this isn't West Hollywood.

77
00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,192
It's Wyoming.

78
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:56,612
So for those reasons and more,
everything you just said is like, "Durr."

79
00:03:56,696 --> 00:03:59,156
We're supposed to figure out
who's stealing uranium, right?

80
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,701
So let us go undercover as a news team.

81
00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:04,912
I'm sound, Stat's camera person,
and Twink's a reporter.

82
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,915
[Twink as woman] The most famous
reporter of all time,

83
00:04:07,999 --> 00:04:09,750
Erin Brockovich
from the movie Erin Brockovich.

84
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:12,253
I don't think
that's what Erin Brockovich is about.

85
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:14,422
Yeah-huh. Erin Brockovich is a reporter,

86
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:16,632
and then she talks to the people
and wins the movie.

87
00:04:16,716 --> 00:04:19,427
It's in my top five favorite movies
about hexavalent chromium.

88
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:23,597
Your team's idea of doing surveillance is
dressing up and putting on a little play?

89
00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:27,226
Have you ever tried putting on a play?
The little ones are the hardest.

90
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,603
Look, they can't just sit around
and do nothing.

91
00:04:29,687 --> 00:04:32,898
[sighs] Fine. Go to the town square,
ask some questions,

92
00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:34,942
but don't make it a whole thing.

93
00:04:35,026 --> 00:04:35,943
Mary, let's go.

94
00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,532
-Yah!
-[horse chuffs]

95
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,493
-[horse neighs]
-Yah! I said yah!

96
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:46,120
[Mary] Hey, dumbfuck.

97
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,414
Maybe if you stop kicking
the horse in its kidneys,

98
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,458
it'll be able to concentrate on walking.

99
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,168
Oh, what is this? Horse class?

100
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:53,711
I got an A-plus in horse class,

101
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:57,006
and I seem to recall you rupturing
your taint at the dressage final.

102
00:04:57,089 --> 00:05:00,634
Well, they put it back together
way stronger, so shut up.

103
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,887
-[horse whinnies]
-[Buck gasps and screams]

104
00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:06,182
Hello, sir. I'm Erin Brockovich.

105
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:09,435
[chuckles] The reporter? From the movies?

106
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,895
Mmm-hmm. Not a reporter.

107
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:15,274
I'm doing an investigation
as is typical for reporters like me.

108
00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:17,693
Have you noticed
anything unusual around town?

109
00:05:17,777 --> 00:05:20,863
Well, the street signs
keep getting blurrier.

110
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,948
Mmm. And why do you think that is?

111
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,033
Obama!

112
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:27,036
Also, the pharmacy changed my medicine.

113
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:29,038
[grunts] It's salty now.

114
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,414
Stat! Twink's over there.

115
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,958
Yeah, but there's a Taco Time over there.

116
00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:35,461
You can't get serious
fast food like that in LA.

117
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:36,879
In-N-Out's a fucking joke.

118
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,631
Did you know they use real lettuce?

119
00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:41,258
Look, I'll admit this isn't going amazing,

120
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,135
but we're gathering
intelligence right now.

121
00:05:43,219 --> 00:05:45,012
My knee hurts. [coughs]

122
00:05:45,096 --> 00:05:47,807
That's also probably Obama's fault. Yeah.

123
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,850
You call this intelligence?

124
00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:51,310
I hacked NORAD.

125
00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:53,896
I have France's nuclear codes
tattooed on my neck.

126
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,649
Got all the intelligence
I need, Deb, my man.

127
00:05:56,732 --> 00:06:00,069
What I don't have is
a throat full of molten queso right now.

128
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:01,779
Look, maybe Buck was right.

129
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,739
Okay, now I know you're crazy.

130
00:06:03,823 --> 00:06:05,408
Buck ain't right about shit.

131
00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:08,452
Now go get your pick-me-up
and I'll get mine, too.

132
00:06:11,664 --> 00:06:12,998
[cell phone ringing]

133
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,128
Debbie-bear!
Did the Pep Boys crew have a safe flight?

134
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:22,091
Bad turbulence, but the pilot,
who was not me, handled it like a pro.

135
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:26,011
I'm so glad Mary decided to bring you
to this catalytic converter convention.

136
00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:26,929
How's Denver?

137
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:30,307
Hard to be in a city
with this much green chili without you,

138
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:31,725
but it's going okay.

139
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:35,062
Only thing is we got
this new assistant manager, Buck,

140
00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:38,065
and he doesn't
have faith in me or my team at all.

141
00:06:38,149 --> 00:06:39,817
I'm all in my head, babe.

142
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,236
This motherfucker's
a real Doubtin' Dorothy.

143
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,947
[Pam] Babe, the first time
I ever saw you in Palm Springs,

144
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,450
mixing your own sunscreen
at the hotel salad bar,

145
00:06:47,533 --> 00:06:51,162
I said to myself, "That's the most
competent woman you'll ever meet."

146
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:54,290
Keep working hard.
He'll see your value just like I did.

147
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:58,043
I love you, Pammy-cakes.
You always know exactly what to say.

148
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:02,548
Howdy. You boys took long enough.

149
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,300
My name is Ennis, crew chief.

150
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:05,342
I'm Buck.

151
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,094
This is Mar… Steve.

152
00:07:07,178 --> 00:07:08,053
Steve and Buck.

153
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,598
Two men's names,
and we're both big-time straight.

154
00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:12,391
[clears throat]
Where are the other miners?

155
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,643
Corporation laid 'em all off.

156
00:07:14,727 --> 00:07:17,480
Whole town lost their jobs. Damn shame.

157
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:19,273
You mine all the uranium yourself?

158
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,858
Got robots to do that.

159
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,694
I keep the robots running.
Let me show you.

160
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:28,449
We got extractor robots, crusher robots,

161
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,201
transport robots.

162
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,118
Go on! Get!

163
00:07:33,204 --> 00:07:34,205
[cell phone ringing]

164
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:36,790
Excuse me, fellas.

165
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,919
Well, that's clearly the bad guy.

166
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:42,505
There's no one else here.
Agent Buck solves another case.

167
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,422
What are you…

168
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:46,509
Just because he's the only person here
doesn't mean he's the bad guy.

169
00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,302
I wouldn't shoot him.

170
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,179
I would pump him for info.

171
00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:51,388
Well, sorry, honey.

172
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,974
Murder's on the menu and Daddy's hungry.

173
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,143
[Buck grunts]

174
00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:57,478
Eat that, moron.

175
00:07:57,561 --> 00:08:00,814
I'm not gonna let you kill someone
and fuck up my first big mission.

176
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:03,108
Besides, this place
is full of security cameras.

177
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:04,401
I'll go find the security footage.

178
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:06,862
Put your gun back together.
Should take you a couple of hours.

179
00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:11,992
[grunts]

180
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:14,453
[stone clatters]

181
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,095
[machine beeps]

182
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,930
[automated voice]
Authorized personnel only.

183
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,431
Shit!

184
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:37,726
But it wasn't
Frances McDormand I saw in the shop.

185
00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:40,229
-It was just a woman.
-Cool.

186
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:44,358
Uh… Okay, again,
my question was do you work at the mine?

187
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:48,404
Oh, no, I call in to radio giveaways
full-time and collect piles of newspaper.

188
00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,573
-Cut!
-Damn it! Another dead end!

189
00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,158
But we can't give up now.
Come on, we're too damn good.

190
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:54,618
We just gotta follow our guts.

191
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:57,371
I had my gut removed
to fit in my waist trainer.

192
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,872
Well, my gut says

193
00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:02,918
if I was a laid-off miner living in a town
like this with nothing else to do,

194
00:09:03,419 --> 00:09:07,089
I'd be at the bowling alley
24-motherfucking-7.

195
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,550
Thank you, lesbian Spidey-sense.

196
00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:13,387
Our badges don't work
in the security room. We need Ennis'.

197
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,431
Then I'll gain his trust and steal it.

198
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:18,809
Keep quiet. I don't want him to hear
the musical theater in your voice.

199
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,185
So these are the bunks.

200
00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:22,229
Me, I don't need much,

201
00:09:22,313 --> 00:09:26,025
just a hole to mine, a brew to drink
and a game to watch. Know what I mean?

202
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:29,570
We ain't got none of that,
just a shower and a terlet.

203
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,905
If you'll excuse me,
I got to use one of 'em.

204
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:36,368
Hey, great spying so far, but you've
missed something super important.

205
00:09:36,452 --> 00:09:39,330
Good thing I'm here
to tell you what it is. Ennis is gay.

206
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:42,499
[scoffs] Ennis, gay. Who's next?

207
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,668
Olympic skier Gus Kenworthy? Fuck you.

208
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:45,586
What are you…

209
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:48,797
The clues are everywhere.
A DVD box set of Sex and the City,

210
00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:51,216
the Bollywood version
of Shania Twain's Up! album.

211
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,801
What about this sexy lady?

212
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,471
That's a young Sela Ward
and it's a poster promoting literacy!

213
00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:57,473
[gasps] Oh, my God, you're right.

214
00:09:57,556 --> 00:10:00,726
Okay, so he's gay. So what?
All we need is the security footage.

215
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,436
Uh, hmm…

216
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:05,272
Okay, here's the new plan.
I'll have to seduce him.

217
00:10:05,356 --> 00:10:07,983
Gay guys love me.
I'm like Pink, the singer.

218
00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:09,860
No, moron. I should seduce him.

219
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,820
I have gay sex with gay men often.

220
00:10:11,904 --> 00:10:14,907
The smart move is to step aside
and have me do the seduction.

221
00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:18,535
Been in the field for ten years
and I've never made the smart move.

222
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,287
Follow my lead. That's an order.

223
00:10:22,081 --> 00:10:23,082
[indistinct chatter]

224
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:27,961
Can I help you?

225
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,463
I know what you're thinking.

226
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,964
We ain't from around here!

227
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,841
That is verbatim what I was thinking.

228
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:35,260
I'm Deb. You work up at the mine?

229
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:36,428
[all gasp]

230
00:10:36,512 --> 00:10:38,472
Not anymore. We were all laid off.

231
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:42,434
So you're all disgruntled ex-miners
hanging around the town

232
00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:45,020
owned by the corporation
that destroyed your way of life?

233
00:10:45,104 --> 00:10:47,481
You sure ask one long question.

234
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,024
[guns cocking]

235
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:51,902
[gasps]

236
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,948
They're gonna kill us for our reporting,
just like they killed Erin Brockovich.

237
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:56,949
She died, right?

238
00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,368
That's the reservoir.

239
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,536
Those are some rocks.

240
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:01,704
That about covers it.

241
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:05,082
Jeez. I feel so hot in all these clothes.

242
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,917
I just want to cool off.

243
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:14,341
Hey! Come on in!

244
00:11:14,425 --> 00:11:16,969
The water's… thick?

245
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:20,472
[sighs] Because that's radioactive
runoff from the mine.

246
00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:23,642
We gotta quarantine you now
or we're all going to get cancer.

247
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,185
[Buck grunting]

248
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:27,938
Twenty-four hours in there,
he'll be good as new.

249
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,648
If his skin don't melt off.

250
00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,735
Okay, so temporary setback.

251
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:36,363
I can use your body cam and
comm-link to run things from this unit.

252
00:11:36,447 --> 00:11:37,448
[Mary] Yeah, no.

253
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:38,449
[line ringing]

254
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:41,660
-Go for V.
-So, some news. Buck is down.

255
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:44,913
Step one, burn the body.
I'll activate Vengeance Protocol.

256
00:11:44,997 --> 00:11:47,708
No! He's alive, just incapacitated.

257
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:51,336
He was trying to make a gay man horny
and dove into a radioactive reservoir.

258
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:54,631
-He'll be out of commission for 24 hours.
-Oh, damn it, Buck.

259
00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:57,217
You can't pander
to the gays. They can smell it.

260
00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:59,470
You're acting like Citibank at Pride.

261
00:11:59,553 --> 00:12:01,054
Well, thanks for the update.

262
00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:04,349
You're point now, but make sure
to coordinate with the Toxic Avenger.

263
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,144
Sorry, Congress. You were saying?

264
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,690
Well, the world finally makes sense.
I'm in charge and you're in a cage.

265
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,984
Plus your Make-A-Wish came true.

266
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,820
You get to fuck that dude.
The fate of the world depends on it.

267
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,865
Then the fate of the world
is in strong and supple hands.

268
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,493
Let me offer you some sex advice.
What you're gonna wanna do is--

269
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,286
I don't want advice from you.

270
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,163
Your methods almost got you killed.

271
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:30,375
You sure? I hold the agency record
for most fucks on a single mission.

272
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:31,543
Nine times in Havana.

273
00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:35,255
And I hold the agency record for
not wanting to hear this story the most.

274
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:37,883
Bye, Buck.
Good luck not dying. I got it from here!

275
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,261
[machines whirring]

276
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:42,346
[Buck screaming]

277
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,308
Sorry about your friend.

278
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,559
But I'm also glad.

279
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:49,061
He talks too much.

280
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:50,229
I'll keep quiet.

281
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:51,980
I'm just here to mine.

282
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:56,360
If I can do anything else
for you, just… [whispers] let me know.

283
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,111
The way you fill out those coveralls,

284
00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,989
it's a wonder any uranium
gets mined around here at all.

285
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:01,990
Huh?

286
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,284
You ever wonder how deep the shaft goes?

287
00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:07,287
It goes down 1,300 feet.
It's my job to know.

288
00:13:07,371 --> 00:13:09,581
Oh, really? And how far down do you go?

289
00:13:09,665 --> 00:13:14,169
Well, 1,300 feet when I gotta clean out
the bottom of the shaft, that is.

290
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:15,921
That's so hot.

291
00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:20,092
What are you doing? We're at work.

292
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:21,718
Sex and work don't mix.

293
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,637
Ain't you seen Ally McBeal?

294
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,850
Oh, shit.

295
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,518
Who sent you?

296
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,769
Wait, you look familiar.

297
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:31,979
Oh. [chuckles]

298
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,648
Do you follow my OnlyFan… I mean, yes.

299
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,400
I'm Erin Brockovich.

300
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,777
Ain't you a lawyer? I hate lawyers.

301
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,405
She ain't a lawyer.
She's a news lady, from the movie.

302
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,825
She saves them cancer kids
from a Mystic Pizza or something.

303
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,910
It's true. We're investigative journalists

304
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,496
committed to giving
the underdog a fair shake.

305
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:50,747
We heard about your, uh…

306
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:52,833
bowling army.

307
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:57,462
-You came to do a story about our militia?
-Yes, we did. Roll camera, please.

308
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:03,051
Ex-miner, in your own words,
tell us your bad, ugly story.

309
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,014
[sighs] Well, we worked
in that mine all our lives,

310
00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,725
then some shady company
bought it and fired us.

311
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,310
Replaced us with robots.

312
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:14,730
Now, we're looking for
a little something we call revenge.

313
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:20,694
[as Twink] We are shoo-ins
for a regional Emmy.

314
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:24,114
[as Erin Brockovich] This is
an amazing Melissa compound.

315
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,657
You guys should be proud.

316
00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,576
Honestly, we are proud.

317
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:30,621
Everyone else failed us.
Mining company, federal government.

318
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,206
We're going to blow it all up
and rebrand Backache

319
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:35,584
as a quaint little getaway destination.

320
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:39,129
Think the Poconos
without the '80s decor and the cum stains.

321
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,798
Over there,
there's the Reiki hut, some sound baths,

322
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,467
crystal grotto, my idea.

323
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,428
[whispering] She showed us
everything except for the yurt.

324
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,138
Think she's hiding something in there?

325
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,432
Probably heavily inbred conjoined twins.

326
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:53,060
Small town, small gene pool.
It's bound to happen.

327
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,061
[computer trilling]

328
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:55,979
[computer beeping]

329
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,774
[man] We have him in our sights.
Are we authorized to take the shot?

330
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,984
-[cell phone ringing]
-Oops. Hold on, Death Squad Nine.

331
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,778
-What is it, Mary?
-I need your help.

332
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,280
I have to seduce an enemy agent,
but my signature blend

333
00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:07,783
of affected confidence and body of a God
isn't sealing the deal.

334
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:11,328
Mary, I haven't had to do that
in years. You need to talk to Buck.

335
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,664
Um… Yeah, pass.

336
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:17,000
Buck's a great spy
and even better at spy sex. I should know.

337
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,836
I was his spy-sex instructor
at the Academy.

338
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,381
He's like
the Energizer Bunny, great at sex.

339
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:25,175
Ew. Stop it! Wait, spy sex was a class?

340
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,468
Why did I take, like, French?

341
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:30,639
Mary, being a great spy means
working with people you hate sometimes.

342
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,557
Like me and my assistant JJ.

343
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:33,934
Absolutely hate her.

344
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,811
Her whole vibe makes me sick.

345
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:38,563
But Buck didn't ask me for my help
when he was running things.

346
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:41,316
Don't be like Buck. Be better than him.

347
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,276
You're always talking
about how great you are,

348
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,279
how you need the opportunity
to prove it. Well, here it is, kid.

349
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:47,864
You gonna fuck it up or not?

350
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:50,993
[gulps] Okay, fine. You're right.

351
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:54,746
I'll consult Buck about… [wheezing] sex.

352
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,373
Attaboy. Talk soon.

353
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,792
Okay, kill the prince.

354
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,629
Well, look who came crawling back.

355
00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:05,757
-Jesus, can you cover your penis, please?
-[Buck] What, are you jealous?

356
00:16:05,841 --> 00:16:07,050
Worried, actually.

357
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,052
I've never seen anyone
half-circumcised before.

358
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,722
The other half's in Shanghai, baby.

359
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:13,515
Mission-related casualty.

360
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,100
You wouldn't understand.

361
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:18,520
[sighs] I've tried to seduce Ennis once,
and he turned me down,

362
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,440
which literally makes no sense.
I mean, look at this ass.

363
00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:23,900
I can't fail again.
Give me your dumbass advice now.

364
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:24,943
Please.

365
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:26,236
Oh, Mary.

366
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,281
I don't like you,
and not because you're, you know…

367
00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,199
A pterodactyl?

368
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:32,701
It's 'cause you're arrogant.

369
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:36,663
I know you were first in our class,
but you haven't done anything since then.

370
00:16:36,747 --> 00:16:41,793
Okay. So what techniques have you learned
from "all the spy sex" you've had?

371
00:16:41,877 --> 00:16:43,879
It's not about techniques.

372
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:45,380
You can't plan these things.

373
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:48,383
You need to be in the moment,
finding your sex opportunity,

374
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,634
and fuck it till dunzo.

375
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:52,471
The spy shit will follow. Here, take this.

376
00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:57,225
An official agency sex watch.
I've never seen one of these in person.

377
00:16:57,309 --> 00:17:00,729
It contains everything you need
for a night of throbbing spy work.

378
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:03,190
First button's Viagra,
second button is lube,

379
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:06,026
third button dispenses
one very long spaghetti.

380
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,319
Wait, why would I need spaghetti?

381
00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:10,030
You've never Lady and the Tramp-ed?

382
00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:12,949
Oh, brother, we're in trouble.

383
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,911
[Deb] Whatever's in that yurt
has to be big.

384
00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:19,122
-Maybe it's the stolen uranium.
-How do we get them to show us?

385
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:23,168
[sighs] What would Erin Brockovich
do in this situation?

386
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,754
-[gasps] Should I put on a tank top?
-Wait.

387
00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:28,590
I was reviewing the day's footage.
There's something you should see.

388
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:31,176
Did you see it?

389
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,678
Yeah, he had
a really gross skin tag on his ear.

390
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:35,680
You talked about it all through lunch.

391
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:38,141
No, behind the awesome skin tag.

392
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,309
The Hardie's trucks.

393
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,604
They only have Hardie's
in eastern Wyoming.

394
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:46,149
We're in Karl's Jr. country. There's
no reason for Hardie's trucks to be here.

395
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,610
I think that fleet of trucks
was smuggling something.

396
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:49,611
Like uranium?

397
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,154
You know about this?

398
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,824
So the militia isn't stealing
uranium from the mine?

399
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:56,159
Oh, heavens, no. We wouldn't steal.

400
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,912
But whoever is stealing the uranium
is just another shady part

401
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,456
of the power structure
that's screwing over the workers.

402
00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:03,792
That's why we're gonna
blow the whole mine up.

403
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:08,046
Oh. So earlier when you said you
wanted to blow it all up and start over,

404
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:09,714
you weren't being metaphorical.

405
00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:12,926
No, yeah, we're literally gonna
blow the mine. In, like, two hours.

406
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:14,094
Get ready, should be fun.

407
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:16,304
#girlboss!

408
00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:17,889
Mary's inside that mine!

409
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:21,101
I'll deal with the militia,
you two get to town and find those trucks.

410
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,519
Okay, can we do this fast?

411
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,896
'Cause she's got 20 minutes
left on this tuck, babe.

412
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,857
-[phone beeps]
-[line ringing]

413
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,193
God damn it, Mary! Pick up the phone!

414
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:37,242
Relax. Relax, just be in the moment.

415
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:40,328
You were first in your class,
now be first in his ass.

416
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:41,413
[owl hooting]

417
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:46,585
[gasps] This homo's a romantic.

418
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:48,962
I was too forward before.

419
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:54,259
[strumming guitar]

420
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:56,970
Nice spread.

421
00:18:57,053 --> 00:19:00,473
I just feel like a night this beautiful
on a mountain this beautiful

422
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:02,893
deserves a beautiful celebration.

423
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:06,396
Well, I sure do agree. This is perfect.

424
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:12,777
But there might be one head of livestock
that needs to get let out of its pen.

425
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:16,489
Which… Oh, the livestock in your pants.
You mean your dick. Copy that.

426
00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:19,034
[both moaning]

427
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:21,161
[gasps] I'm gay.

428
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:22,787
Yeah, I know.

429
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:38,803
[moans]

430
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,055
[snoring]

431
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:46,311
[groaning]

432
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,812
Go back to sleep.

433
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:51,233
All that buckin'
made this bronco a little hungry.

434
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,693
Maybe I'll rustle us up some beans.

435
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,197
[snoring]

436
00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:00,533
[machine beeps]

437
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:07,666
[robot squeaks]

438
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,085
The robots are stealing the uranium!

439
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:13,255
They were pulling an inside job
while I was giving Ennis one!

440
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,966
Emergency squad meeting.
TLDR, I just fucked my first mark,

441
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,635
which was fun. I'm super good at sex
even when it's for work.

442
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,179
Bad news is the robots
weren't put here to work in the mine.

443
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:22,973
They're part of the secret plot
to steal the uranium!

444
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,183
Yeah, and that's only
half of the bad news.

445
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:28,520
We infiltrated a militia that's set
to blow the whole mountain sky high!

446
00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:30,814
You need to get out of there, now!
What's the plan?

447
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:34,025
Stat, Twink, get to where those robots
are going and grab whatever you can.

448
00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:37,737
Whoever's meeting them will be heavily
armed, so be careful. Get in and get out.

449
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:39,781
If Twink and I can snag one of the robots,

450
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:42,409
the programming code
may tell us what we need to know.

451
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:44,494
It's starting!

452
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,663
[grunts] I gotta get Agent Buck.

453
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:47,789
[Stat] Do you have to?

454
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:50,000
Pretty sure the AIA
has a lot more like him.

455
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:53,086
I know! It's like, who's doing
their recruiting? Sean Cody?

456
00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:55,255
-Right?
-[Twink] Plus, it's not like he'd save us.

457
00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:57,716
Well, we're not him. We're Q-Force,

458
00:20:57,799 --> 00:21:01,052
and together we are greater
than the sum of our parts.

459
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,762
The thing about being queer is--

460
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:05,098
Yeah, Pride, chosen family. We get it!

461
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,683
The bombs, bitch! Let's go!

462
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,393
Right, very good. Mary out.

463
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,188
[exclaims] What's going on?

464
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,691
I'm saving your life!

465
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,609
No, you're touching my sack.

466
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:32,167
Steve! Wait!

467
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:36,629
Okay, let's show everyone
the other thing my big, strong ass is for.

468
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,642
Close the back!

469
00:21:55,565 --> 00:21:58,109
Hey! Is that
that lady from Ocean's Twelve?

470
00:21:58,193 --> 00:21:59,778
They're called boobs, Ed.

471
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:00,779
[tires screeching]

472
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:04,741
[Ennis] You gotta believe me.

473
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:08,119
I had no idea those robots
were stealing the uranium.

474
00:22:08,203 --> 00:22:10,663
I never even
went in that room. I swear to Christ.

475
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,374
I believe you, Ennis.

476
00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:14,626
I'm sorry I lied to you.

477
00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:17,337
But the time we shared was beautiful.

478
00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:21,466
This near-death experience
put some things into focus for me.

479
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:24,427
It's time for me to get real,
move back to Cincinnati,

480
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:25,720
and finish my operetta.

481
00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:27,972
Not what I thought you were gonna say.

482
00:22:28,056 --> 00:22:30,100
So, do you want to marry me?

483
00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:33,603
I don't. So sorry, hon. Bye-bye.

484
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:36,022
Then why did we fight for the right?

485
00:22:36,106 --> 00:22:38,316
We did so much damn marchin'!

486
00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:46,366
Guys, we just faced our first real test
as a spy unit and we all stepped up!

487
00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:50,161
For a decade, we've been saying we could
handle a real mission. We just proved it.

488
00:22:50,245 --> 00:22:53,289
I'm so proud of this incredible team.

489
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:54,582
[snoring]

490
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:58,211
[cell phone ringing]

491
00:22:58,294 --> 00:22:59,462
Oh. Hey, boss.

492
00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:02,799
Got a status update for me?
Did you, uh, "seal the deal"?

493
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,134
Thoroughly.

494
00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:07,470
Other than that, the mine
was destroyed, but Agent Buck is safe.

495
00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:09,848
I recovered some of the stolen uranium,

496
00:23:09,931 --> 00:23:12,183
and we've got a copy
of the robot source code,

497
00:23:12,267 --> 00:23:14,602
so we'll definitely
get to the bottom of this.

498
00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:16,813
It's not exactly
the outcome you expected, but--

499
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,149
It wasn't clean, but you got the job done.

500
00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:22,652
Sex in a nutshell.
I hope you learned a lesson here, Mary.

501
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:25,029
I was right at the beginning,
I'm right now,

502
00:23:25,113 --> 00:23:26,448
and I'm always gonna be right.

503
00:23:26,531 --> 00:23:28,700
Lesson learned. Always listen to V.

504
00:23:28,783 --> 00:23:31,161
I don't wanna keep you.
I know you got so much going on.

505
00:23:31,244 --> 00:23:33,705
No, no, I've always got time for you.

506
00:23:33,788 --> 00:23:36,416
You know, this chapter
of your life out in the field,

507
00:23:36,499 --> 00:23:40,211
saving the world with your squad,
this is the best it's ever gonna get.

508
00:23:40,295 --> 00:23:42,881
-You're gonna miss it when it's over.
-Do you miss it?

509
00:23:42,964 --> 00:23:43,965
[microwave beeps]

510
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:46,259
I do.

511
00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:48,720
Enjoy what you've got
while you've still got it.

512
00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:50,972
-I'll try. Night, V.
-[cell phone beeps]

513
00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:52,932
This is nuts, isn't it, Deb?

514
00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:55,852
Like, we're the first
queer agents in the field ever.

515
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:59,439
I feel so much pressure to show
I'm the best because if I mess up,

516
00:23:59,522 --> 00:24:02,358
I don't know if anyone else
like us will ever get a chance.

517
00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:05,695
Uh-huh. Hey, why don't you try
being a Black woman for five seconds?

518
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:08,656
Oh, my God, I'd love to,
but wouldn't I get in trouble?

519
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:11,451
Anyway, I can't wait to get home.

520
00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:14,662
I haven't been away from Pam
for more than nine hours since we met.

521
00:24:14,746 --> 00:24:16,831
She's gonna be so happy to see you.

522
00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:19,626
[Deb] As long as she remembered
to put her eyedrops in,

523
00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:21,920
otherwise she ain't seein' shit.

524
00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:27,759
-Pammy! Guess who's home?
-[dogs barking]

525
00:24:27,842 --> 00:24:29,260
The fuck is goin' on?

526
00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:41,189
"You took our uranium,
so we took your wife."

527
00:24:41,272 --> 00:24:44,776
"Bring the goods and meet us
at these coordinates or she dies."

528
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:48,780
Oh, my wife!

529
00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:52,534
[theme music playing]