1 00:00:19,312 --> 00:00:20,855 -[gunshots] -[agents grunting] 2 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:22,857 Bye, bitch! 3 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,942 [dramatic music playing] 4 00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,963 -Hi, bitch! -[agent grunts] 5 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,050 Actually? Cute. 6 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,802 [explosive device beeping] 7 00:00:57,517 --> 00:00:58,434 [beeping rapidly] 8 00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:13,282 [beeping] 9 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,785 [dinging] 10 00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:19,664 -Yes! [laughs] -[agents cheering] 11 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,583 Four minutes, nine seconds. An agency record. 12 00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:28,131 Like I said, he's the best of the best. My baby's about to hunt the Taliban. 13 00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:31,509 [Chunley] The American Intelligence Agency is proud to announce 14 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,803 the addition of 30 new cadets 15 00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:36,597 who are about to enter the field as covert operatives, 16 00:01:36,681 --> 00:01:39,725 including an all-time record two women. 17 00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:42,395 One hot and one… funny. 18 00:01:43,062 --> 00:01:47,817 But enough about diversity. Our 2011 valedictorian, 19 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,444 Agent Steve Maryweather! 20 00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:51,904 [audience clapping] 21 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:55,825 Wow, just wow. Thank you so much. 22 00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:58,202 I'm very fortunate to be receiving this award 23 00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:00,872 the same year "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was repealed. 24 00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:05,793 Because now I can stand before you and accept this honor as my true self. 25 00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:10,047 None of you asked, but I'm sure as hell gonna tell. 26 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,633 I, Steve Maryweather, 27 00:02:12,717 --> 00:02:17,555 the valedictorian of your class, and the future of the Agency, 28 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,307 am a gay man! 29 00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:24,145 And I look forward to serving my country with all of my big gay heart. 30 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:25,104 [chuckles] 31 00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:27,440 -[microphone feedback] -[audience murmuring] 32 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:33,196 I'd like to thank the AIA, Céline Dion, and those Marky Mark Calvin Klein ads 33 00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:34,864 for making me the man I am-- [grunts] 34 00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,949 Will you look at this, there was a mistake. 35 00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:38,659 We just, uh, re-crunched the numbers, 36 00:02:38,743 --> 00:02:42,955 and Maryweather isn't the valedictorian after all. It's actually, uh… 37 00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:45,750 -Agent Buck, who happens to be straight. -[audience murmuring] 38 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:50,213 But that's not what's going on. It's legit. Okay, Agent Buck. 39 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:51,797 Tough break, Maryweather. 40 00:02:51,881 --> 00:02:55,009 -Or should I say Agent Mary? -[audience laughing] 41 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,261 Give it up for Agent Mary, everybody. 42 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,804 -[man 1] Mary! -Oh, my God. 43 00:02:58,888 --> 00:02:59,889 [man 2] Agent Mary! 44 00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,601 You're young, just hang in there. 45 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,853 In ten years, you'll be running this place. 46 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:11,108 Of course I respect your decision, Director Chunley. 47 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,779 At the very least, I hope this little incident won't affect my posting. 48 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:18,658 Don't get your panties in a wad, Mary. 49 00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:22,954 I have the perfect assignment for you. You'll be running your own division. 50 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:26,249 What? That's amazing. Where? Moscow? Beijing? 51 00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:33,547 [upbeat pop music playing] 52 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:48,688 Got it. 53 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,945 [alarm ringing] 54 00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:02,827 Thirty terrorists were captured in a raid outside Kinshasa last night. 55 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,037 Details about the mission are classified, 56 00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:07,373 but the White House expressed their admiration 57 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,292 for those agents on the frontline. 58 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,876 [cell phone chimes] 59 00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:16,173 Hey, dildo! Just met the president. Again. He's, like, obsessed with me. 60 00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:18,509 Ten years in the field, three Medals of Honor… 61 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,387 Remind me, who's head of the class now? 62 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,808 [grunting] 63 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,852 Ow! [groans] 64 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,608 -[yodeling] -[Hedda] Yoo-hoo. 65 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,819 -Mr. Air-B-B man. -Oh, there you are. 66 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:39,530 We are looking everywhere for you, Air-B-B man. 67 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:43,075 Well, you found me. Uh, you might wanna cover up, though. 68 00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:45,286 Public nudity is a no-no in America. 69 00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:47,413 We are not ashamed. We are vacation. 70 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:50,166 So, here's the thing. We need more towel, bad. 71 00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:53,085 Ja, we used them all. The towel. 72 00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:56,047 Oh, absolutely. I'll have fresh towels for you after work. 73 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:59,050 Wow, wow, wow. You are so strong. What is your job? 74 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:02,053 Are you a rough guard at one of your famous American prisons? 75 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:05,473 No, I'm… I'm actually an interior designer. 76 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,558 Uh, and I'm actually late. I'll see you later. 77 00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:17,860 [sighs heavily] 78 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:20,654 -All right, squad, assemble! -[Deb] Sup, Mar? 79 00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:23,449 I'll tell you what's up. It's the best day of the month 80 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,701 for the best spies in the world. 81 00:05:25,785 --> 00:05:29,121 That's right, people, I'm talking Check-In Day! 82 00:05:29,205 --> 00:05:31,791 Up first, standing five-foot-eight, weighing in at… 83 00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:34,502 I wanna say a strong 165? 84 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:38,672 Bitch, I'm a dense 198, and I worked hard for every pound. 85 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:42,051 -Take it away, Agent Deb. -Thank you very much. 86 00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:44,845 So, I've been thinking. Should our squad ever work a mission-- 87 00:05:44,929 --> 00:05:46,806 Which we will, 'cause we're the best. 88 00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,766 [Deb] Which we will, 'cause we're the best. 89 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:53,604 How are we gonna get there? If you ask me, what this scrappy little spy squad needs 90 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,564 is a super high-tech, 91 00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:58,484 blow-your-fucking-mind-out-your-ass spy car! 92 00:05:58,567 --> 00:05:59,485 Oh, my God, yes! 93 00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:00,903 [trumpet sounds] 94 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:04,490 Wow! That looks… sturdy. 95 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:06,283 Because it fucking is. 96 00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:09,286 The body is a 2006 Subaru Outback. 97 00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:13,624 And on the inside, it can drive, it can fly… 98 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:14,792 [beeping] 99 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:15,751 Whoa. 100 00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:19,588 …plus, it's pre-loaded with Tracy Chapman's entire discography, 101 00:06:19,672 --> 00:06:22,049 so you know it's a "Fast Car." 102 00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:24,552 -Who's Tracy Chapman? -I think he's a senator. 103 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:28,347 Deb, you're a fucking genius. And I'm a fucking genius for recruiting you. 104 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:30,808 -Say it again. -No time, too excited. 105 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,352 Genius number two, you're up. It's the Duchess of the Hack-Pack. 106 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:34,478 Ew. 107 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,814 -Our very own Dongle-Goblin. -That one's fine. 108 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:40,025 I'm talking about Agent Stat, people. Show me what you got. 109 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:43,571 I found that Malaysian plane everyone was looking for way back when. 110 00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:47,199 What? Oh, my God, what are you saying? How did you even think to look there? 111 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:52,955 Now, it's check-in time for our Master of Disguises. 112 00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,915 Wait, has anyone seen Twink? 113 00:06:54,999 --> 00:06:57,793 [voice shaking] Would you like some chamomile, love? 114 00:06:57,877 --> 00:06:59,044 For your nerves. 115 00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,379 Thank you, Grandma Rose. 116 00:07:01,172 --> 00:07:05,551 Wait a minute, Grandma Rose is dead! Trampled to death ten Black Fridays ago! 117 00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:09,805 Relax, booboo! It's me! Check-In Day realness, bitch. 118 00:07:09,889 --> 00:07:12,641 I mean "boss." But also "bitch," 'cause I love you, bitch. 119 00:07:12,725 --> 00:07:16,312 Twink. [chuckles] That was amazing and very triggering. 120 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:19,815 As always, you guys have blown me away with your check-ins. 121 00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:24,069 Now to close out Check-In Day with a bang, your boss who'd never forget to floss, 122 00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:26,697 the best damn spy in the whole frickin' world, 123 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,699 give it up… for me! 124 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,076 [inhales and grunts] 125 00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:35,706 I added 3.6 centimeters to my vertical leap. 126 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:36,874 That was my check-in. 127 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,295 [beeping] 128 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,464 Why is that paper-towel dispenser texting us? 129 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:46,717 Oh, my God, this is it! The Agency's taken notice of our progress, 130 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,719 and we're about to get our first case. 131 00:07:49,762 --> 00:07:53,307 They're actually cutting our budget again, another 15%. 132 00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:58,687 And now they're saying I have to reimburse them for this paper. 133 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,148 "Kill me"? 134 00:08:01,232 --> 00:08:03,192 Oh, I forgot to tell you, I taught the printer how to feel. 135 00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,027 That was gonna be next month's check-in. 136 00:08:06,237 --> 00:08:09,573 Guys, remember, every week that we don't get a case, 137 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:12,826 we are one week closer to getting a case. 138 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:19,667 I'm worried. I'm sure you can tell, but just in case you can't, 139 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:22,419 the squad's morale is lower than my wife's singing voice. 140 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,838 Wait, really? But that was such a killer check-in. 141 00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:29,134 It was, but we've been busting our humps out here, and for nothing. 142 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,387 We need to work a real case already. 143 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:34,390 Do you remember what you said when you recruited each of us? 144 00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:37,601 That one day, we'd save the world. And I still believe that. 145 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:40,020 But it's time for a reality check. 146 00:08:40,104 --> 00:08:42,064 Now, I wasn't going to tell you this, 147 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,608 but Pep Boys offered me Assistant Manager again. 148 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:45,985 And I'm thinking about taking it. 149 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:49,863 Deb, you'd leave? You're so much more than a mechanic, though. 150 00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:53,534 Dude, this whole thing is turning out to be more like a little club 151 00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:55,286 than a life of action and adventure. 152 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:57,955 We won't be on the sidelines forever. We're too good. 153 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,625 Something's gotta change, or you're gonna lose the rest of us real soon. 154 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,840 Deb doesn't know what she's talking about. 155 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:11,844 Wait, what the fuck? Is that… a gray hair? 156 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,346 You're young, just hang in there. 157 00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:17,725 In ten years, you'll be running this place. [echoing] 158 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,314 [screams] 159 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,732 Ooh. [groans] 160 00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:28,694 [yodeling] 161 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,405 Oh, God. Oh. Don't mind me. Yeah. 162 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,240 Hope you enjoyed all your towels last night. 163 00:09:33,324 --> 00:09:36,285 Ja, we did. And we used them all. 164 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,287 [mutters] I gotta get to work. 165 00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,665 Ah, and how is your designing of the interior going? 166 00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:43,208 [Mary sighs] 167 00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:45,919 Terribly, actually. It's going terribly. 168 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:48,380 I mean, can you believe I haven't had a single… 169 00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:50,341 design mission in ten years? 170 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:54,762 I'm the best of the best. I've surrounded myself with the greatest team of super… 171 00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:56,263 designers in the world, 172 00:09:56,347 --> 00:09:59,558 but the powers that be don't see us as valuable just because we're queer! 173 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:04,563 Oh? Is there a lot of anti-LGBTQ discrimination 174 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:07,650 in the world of West Hollywood interior design? 175 00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:10,402 Yeah. There is. And I'm sick of it. 176 00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:15,574 -We got your text. Everything okay? -Does this look okay? 177 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,201 Is that a toenail? 178 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,995 No, it's a gray hair. Because I'm old. 179 00:10:20,079 --> 00:10:23,332 Our lives are passing us by. And it's time to do something about it. 180 00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:26,877 Botox? Tummy tuck? Squirt your ass-fat into your head? 181 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,796 Better. Stat, fire up the Command Center, 182 00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:31,382 initiate a secure video conference with West Coast HQ. 183 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,550 I'm gonna demand that we be assigned a case. 184 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,761 Ten years I've waited. 185 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,638 -And you've all stood by me. -[ringing] 186 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,056 This ends today… 187 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,516 Hey, girl! 188 00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,726 Steve. It's great to hear from you. 189 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,813 How's my favorite tragic-story-of-wasted-potential doing? 190 00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:49,900 Good! So good. And may I say, Deputy Director V, 191 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,237 you're positively radiant today, but also still very young-looking. 192 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,073 -Do I look like a pancake to you? -No, ma'am, you do not. 193 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,033 Then stop buttering me up. 194 00:10:58,117 --> 00:10:59,368 [laughs heartily] 195 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:02,121 You're funny. You're always funny. I've always liked that about you. 196 00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:05,624 I tell my team this all the time. "You know who's funny? Deputy Director V." 197 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:12,339 So I've been thinking, you know what might be so neat? If we got a case. 198 00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:16,844 You know I love you, but I can't make any promises. I'll see what I can do. 199 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:19,263 V. It's me. You know me. 200 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,558 Ten years ago, you told me I'd be running this agency by now. 201 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:26,729 But now I can't even get a case? I mean, look at this team I put together. 202 00:11:26,812 --> 00:11:29,064 They're amazing. And you should be an ally. 203 00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:31,191 You think I have it any easier? 204 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,486 I'm the only woman in this entire agency with any power. 205 00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:38,282 The next highest-ranking woman is Joanie, the pasta chef in the cafeteria, 206 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,576 and her pasta sucks, and everybody hates her. 207 00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:43,162 I know you're frustrated. But it's just a matter of time. 208 00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,706 Opportunities don't come on a schedule. 209 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,041 -[phone chimes] -Oops! But interrogations do. 210 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,837 Okay, I'll say it. She looked good. 211 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,088 She has gray hairs, too. 212 00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,382 You just can't see them because all our screens suck. 213 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,260 [sighs] 214 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:04,224 You know what? Enough waiting to see what they can do for us. 215 00:12:04,308 --> 00:12:08,520 Let's show them what we can do for them, huh? Today, we go rogue! 216 00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:09,521 Wait, what? 217 00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:12,357 You heard me. I'm going rogue! Who's with me? 218 00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:15,444 Are you guys ready to live this freaking dream already? 219 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,405 The Navy had me in an office, pushing pencils, 220 00:12:18,489 --> 00:12:20,532 and you saw what I could really be. 221 00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:23,535 And when you showed up in my life, I was at rock bottom. 222 00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:25,829 But look at me now. I'm in a garage! 223 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,708 [sighs] Technically, I have to do everything you tell me to, 224 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,001 or I'll go back to prison. 225 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,420 Yes! Oh, this is going to be amazing. 226 00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:35,756 We're gonna prove how great we are once and for all. 227 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:39,968 Now, step one of finding a case, find a case. So who's got one? 228 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,763 Counterfeit Crocs are flooding the market. 229 00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:47,226 I believe a foreign power is trying to undermine the integrity of our insoles. 230 00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:49,353 Mmm. Seems like a big leap. Anyone else? 231 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:53,315 Before I can give you my pitch, what is your definition of treason? 232 00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,526 -Betraying your country or government. -Yeah, I got nothing. 233 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:56,652 Okay, I have two things. 234 00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:59,863 One is, I met this guy last night who I suspect is a terrorist. 235 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:04,910 And the other idea is, okay, did you guys all know that raisins are grapes? 236 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,036 What was the first one? 237 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,997 -They're grapes first, and then-- -The terrorist! 238 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:11,583 Oh, yes. He was a little suspicious. 239 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,586 -[sensual music playing] -[man cheering] 240 00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:16,171 [Twink] It was my eleven o'clock show, 241 00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:18,757 and I was doing something groundbreaking with my hair… 242 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:19,675 Red! 243 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:23,303 All of a sudden, a man in the audience caught my eye. 244 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:31,186 The first thing I noticed is that he'd covered up some pretty nasty bruises 245 00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:33,105 on his face and neck with makeup, 246 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:35,941 and let's just say he's no me with the concealer. [chuckles] 247 00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,652 And I saw a metal briefcase cuffed to his wrist, 248 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:41,655 and tattoos on his chest written in Kazakh. 249 00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,867 I'm a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure they said, 250 00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:48,120 "Anarchy will grow from the blood of the uninitiated." 251 00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:51,582 -But I could be wrong. -This actually sounds like something. 252 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,793 We could tail him, figure out what's in the briefcase. 253 00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:58,463 If he's actually planning anarchy or terrorism, he needs to be stopped. 254 00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:00,340 But we need a lead. 255 00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:05,762 A way to find this one gay guy hiding somewhere in Southern California. 256 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:08,098 Grindo! 257 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,976 Yup. Should be easy. I bet he hit me up already. 258 00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,395 Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling… 259 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,606 Sorry, I'm, like, extremely popular on here. 260 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,733 -Twink. -Respect my work-life balance. 261 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:20,193 I'm trying to have it all. Ah! Here he is. 262 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:24,364 Alert HQ that WeHo is on a case! 263 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,706 [knock on door] 264 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,250 [JJ] We need your decisions on all these missions. 265 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,714 Yes, yes, no, abort. 266 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,925 Tell this one to go fuck itself, but in Russian. 267 00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:44,885 -Yes, ma'am. -[device ringing] 268 00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:49,473 What the hell were you thinking? You know I don't want Q-Force in the field. 269 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,850 -They're a liability. -What the hell is Q-Force? 270 00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:55,562 The queers! Your fucking Lollipop Brigade in West Hollywood. 271 00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:57,147 I didn't assign them a case. 272 00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,025 Sounds like two of your heart meds are fighting with each other again. 273 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,235 [Chunley] Watch your mouth, little lady. 274 00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:05,113 Need I remind you that they're too soft for active duty? 275 00:15:05,197 --> 00:15:07,491 What if somebody sprains their pronoun? 276 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,994 I just spoke to Maryweather today. This has to be a misunderstanding. 277 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:14,331 I don't misunderstand shit! Never have, never will. 278 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,917 Fix this, or there will be hell to pay! 279 00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,127 Damn it! 280 00:15:19,795 --> 00:15:22,881 -JJ! Call me so I can hang up on you. -[JJ] Right away, ma'am. 281 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,759 -Damn it, JJ! Want it less! -[helicopter whirring] 282 00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:32,933 [cell phone ringing] 283 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:36,895 Ignore the call. Once we solve the case, which we will, spectacularly, 284 00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:39,773 she won't even care about the missed call. You can't argue with results. 285 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,067 [Stat] I'm in. I hacked his phone through Grindo. 286 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,778 -[Mary] Who else is he communicating with? -He's only received two texts. 287 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:47,572 Both from a blocked number. The first one's a photo. 288 00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,449 Avert your eyes. This might be an enormous… 289 00:15:50,409 --> 00:15:51,451 [Mary] It's a location. 290 00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:55,914 Phew. Okay. The second one's only one character long, the church emoji. 291 00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:02,379 "Abbey" is a church term, right? Where the monks and nuns live. 292 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,256 Maybe it's a meetup at The Abbey, the gay bar. 293 00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:08,885 Oh, my God, you guys, we solved it! Should we go out for drinks? 294 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,805 We did not solve the case. That was the very first hint. 295 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:14,391 Now, for my plan to work, we may need a distraction. 296 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,308 [Twink] Say no more. 297 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,605 [as Ariana Grande] Ariana Grande ought to cause quite a stir in The Abbey. 298 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,649 The gays love me, and I love them. 299 00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:25,485 Shout-out to my gay brother Frankie, who is gay. 300 00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:27,320 Deb, fire up the Mary-mobile. 301 00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:31,116 Please, her name is Subaru McClanahan. 302 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,578 -[crowd cheering] -[dance music playing] 303 00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:41,668 WeHo Sunset, no OJ, extra grenadine, 304 00:16:41,752 --> 00:16:43,670 two lime wedges, splash of soda, sugar-free cola, 305 00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:46,590 grapefruit bitters, 12 cherries, two frozen grapes, metal straw. 306 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,389 Excuse me, can I buy you a drink? 307 00:16:54,473 --> 00:16:56,475 I already have one, but thank you forever. 308 00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,436 What a hot accent you have. 309 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,064 [speaking Kazakh] 310 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:19,414 [in English] Do not move one inch. I will make you pregnant so soon. 311 00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:22,000 Just have to urine. I love you. 312 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:24,294 K. Sounds great. I'll be right here. 313 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,384 -Ariana Grande! Oh, my God! -[cheering] 314 00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:34,888 [man] Ariana, can I get a selfie? I'm gay like your brother! 315 00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,223 Get in line, bitch! 316 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,643 [imperceptible] 317 00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:48,985 A present? For me? You shouldn't have. 318 00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,404 My love? How could you? 319 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,323 [grunts] 320 00:17:55,659 --> 00:17:57,327 -[grunts] -Choke him! 321 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:58,995 [grunts] 322 00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,873 -He's on the move! -[Deb] I'm right outside. 323 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:03,792 [grunts] 324 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,465 Tracker's online. 325 00:18:10,549 --> 00:18:12,592 He's on San Vicente, heading west by south-north. 326 00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:13,677 West by south-north? 327 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,263 It's San Vicente, nothing about that street makes sense. 328 00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,306 [dramatic music playing] 329 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:23,186 -Damn it! We're gonna lose him! -No, we're not. 330 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,688 Outback, Jet Mode! 331 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,860 Are you sure this can fly? 332 00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,904 I haven't tested it yet. And I made the jet engines out of parts 333 00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:35,949 from my air conditioner. My wife's gonna kill me for that. 334 00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:37,993 [Mary yelling] 335 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,500 [both screaming] 336 00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,674 [Deb] It's flying, though. I'm a genius! 337 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:54,718 [Mary] There he is. 338 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,096 [dramatic music playing] 339 00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,187 [tires screeching] 340 00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,740 -[man yelling] -[Mary grunts] 341 00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:19,117 [man grunting] 342 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:24,414 [screams] 343 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:28,084 Careful, or you'll fall for me all over again. 344 00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:35,884 You guys missed it! After you left, Ariana debuted a brand new song 345 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:39,387 called "Gimme Some Space, Homos, Geez." It's kinda great. 346 00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:40,555 Where's Stat? 347 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,475 There you are. We need to decrypt… [shrieks] 348 00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:46,811 Deputy Director V! [chuckles nervously] Perfect timing. 349 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:50,649 The way you just stepped out of those shadows? I mean, iconic. 350 00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:54,861 Your clearance is revoked. You're no longer agents of the AIA. 351 00:19:54,945 --> 00:19:56,571 What? But we-- 352 00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,990 Let me put this in terms you'll understand. 353 00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:01,368 Sashay away, agents. 354 00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,495 Oh! Got it. That's bad. 355 00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,789 Mary, what the hell were you thinking? 356 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,041 I was thinking that the time had come 357 00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,752 for us to actually do something with our lives. 358 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,504 I told you what to do. 359 00:20:12,587 --> 00:20:13,838 Sit around and wait? 360 00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:17,133 I did that for ten years and I don't want to do it for another ten. 361 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:22,973 This job came before everything. My family, my friends, my dating life. 362 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:26,226 I have too much to offer, and so does the rest of my squad. 363 00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:29,646 You don't get it. People like us can't break the rules. 364 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:33,858 We have to work twice as hard and wait twice as long to get our shot. 365 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,278 I thought you were smart, Steve. 366 00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:38,571 But you just threw away everything I gave you. 367 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:42,492 Your whole career. Your future, damn it! For nothing. 368 00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:45,036 [Stat] Actually, not nothing. 369 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:48,915 The thumb drive contains top-secret schematics for some uranium mine. 370 00:20:48,999 --> 00:20:51,960 Plus a whole lot of other stuff behind some major encryption. 371 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:54,004 The guy who handed it off left prints, though. 372 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,880 He's currently an intern in the Senate. 373 00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:59,592 I'm sorry, what? You all foiled a possible black-market nuclear deal 374 00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,636 with a tie to the federal government? 375 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,807 Sounds like it. Guess we better… "pack up our fag shit" and head out. 376 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:10,228 All we ever wanted was the chance to do our jobs. Just like anyone else. 377 00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:13,064 Get me Chunley. 378 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:17,360 What part of "shit-canned" do you not understand? 379 00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:18,820 Sir, if you'll just listen-- 380 00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:22,073 I don't have to listen to you, Deputy Director. 381 00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:24,743 Yes, motherfucker, you absolutely do. 382 00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:26,286 Excuse me? 383 00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:28,747 You're excused, but your behavior isn't. 384 00:21:28,830 --> 00:21:32,125 Those agents deserve your attention, because they're damn good. 385 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:35,837 This squad just uncovered an illegal nuclear arms deal 386 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,590 that your pimply red ass didn't even know was in the works. 387 00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:42,177 Now, unless you want a nuclear bomb in a terrorist's hands, 388 00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:45,347 reinstate these agents' credentials immediately. 389 00:21:45,430 --> 00:21:47,057 Why would I do that? 390 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:51,019 Because if they ever fuck up again, you can fire me. 391 00:21:51,603 --> 00:21:56,816 That's a tasty offer. I like it. All right, fine. 392 00:21:56,900 --> 00:22:00,820 Then Q-Force is back online. Sorry, that's what everybody calls you. 393 00:22:00,904 --> 00:22:02,781 Q for "queer." I'll make 'em stop. 394 00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:04,616 I actually kind of like it. 395 00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:09,996 Welcome back, Q-Force. And welcome to the chopping block, V. This is fun. 396 00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:12,332 Thank you so-- 397 00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:16,961 Save it. I put my neck on the line for you this time, and I don't have another neck. 398 00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:19,506 So from now on, you do what I say. 399 00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:24,677 And don't screen my fucking calls! 400 00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,347 [snaps fingers] 401 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:29,182 The Subaru of people. 402 00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:33,228 She'd be such a gay icon if only her identity wasn't top secret. 403 00:22:33,812 --> 00:22:34,729 [man clears throat] 404 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,319 [alarm ringing] 405 00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:55,875 Ah. Uh, hey, you must be the new neighbor. This got delivered to us by mistake. 406 00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:58,503 Oh, my God, yes. That thing is a… lamp. 407 00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:00,797 Really? It's a really heavy lamp. 408 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,007 That's how you know it's good. [chuckles] 409 00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:06,177 -I'm Steve, by the way. -Hey, I'm Benji. 410 00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:08,179 I'll see you around, Benji. 411 00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:18,189 Agent Maryweather, are you ready to see our brand-new headquarters? 412 00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,155 [exclaims] 413 00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:27,198 Oh, my God, it's beautiful! 414 00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:30,493 The Agency's already sent us all sorts of high-tech gear. 415 00:23:30,577 --> 00:23:33,079 I can't wait to get my crumbs and smudges all over it. 416 00:23:33,163 --> 00:23:36,040 And I can stop hooking up with the coroner for free hair! 417 00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:38,126 Now it can just be about the sex. 418 00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:40,587 I couldn't have done it without you guys. 419 00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:42,839 Or you, lil guy. 420 00:23:44,799 --> 00:23:47,886 Oh, my God, our first actual assignment from HQ! 421 00:23:47,969 --> 00:23:50,305 We're officially on the case of the stolen uranium. 422 00:23:50,388 --> 00:23:53,975 Hey, dildo. Nice office. Looks like a shitty garage in here. 423 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,729 -What are you doing here? -[Buck] Chunley sent me. 424 00:23:57,812 --> 00:24:00,106 My orders were, "Go babysit the sodomites, 425 00:24:00,190 --> 00:24:02,233 and make sure they don't fuck up the entire world." 426 00:24:02,317 --> 00:24:05,320 I guess that makes me… your new boss. 427 00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:07,614 We don't need you to babysit us, Buck. 428 00:24:07,697 --> 00:24:08,531 Although, 429 00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:12,535 I do think lots of people would pay $7.99 a month to watch him be my babysitter. 430 00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:14,329 Why don't you just get the hell out of here 431 00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:16,039 and let us get on with saving the world? 432 00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:18,625 I don't wanna be here any more than you want me to be here, 433 00:24:18,708 --> 00:24:19,959 but you brought this on yourself. 434 00:24:20,043 --> 00:24:22,921 You and the rest of the Spice Girls only have yourselves to blame. 435 00:24:23,004 --> 00:24:25,423 Who the hell are you calling a Spice Girl, bitch? 436 00:24:25,507 --> 00:24:27,509 Deb, let me handle this. 437 00:24:29,010 --> 00:24:31,721 Spice is hot, hot is a temperature, temperature is climate, 438 00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:35,975 climate is change, and change is good. So thanks for the compliment. 439 00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:40,897 I think you should have just let Deb hit him. 440 00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:44,651 [theme music playing]