[ Whistle blows, crowd cheers ]
Tessitore: In a sports world dominated for decades
by the mainstream sports ‐‐
football...
baseball...
hockey...
a new contender has emerged.
[ Screams ]
Oh, she got blasted! Riggle: Oh!
She got blasted.
A scrappy underdog
that might not have the big name sponsors...
[ Laughing ]
...the money, or visibility...
Yeah!
...of professional franchise teams,
but one that has enough heart and passion from its fan base
to truly make a difference.
I'm talking, of course, about ‐‐
Water polo.
Huh? No?
Okay, uh, don't tell me. Table tennis.
Yes. Duh. [ Laughs ]
Mini golf.
Mini golf, Rob.
Oh! Oh!
Oh, what a shot!
Eight amazing mini golfers... [ Howls ]
Yes! ...three rounds.
Very smooth and in!
One winner right here, a final putt that will get you
a cool quarter million dollars.
Hi, everybody. I'm Joe Tessitore.
And I'm Rob Riggle. This is...
Together: "Holey Moley 3D."
"In 2D."
Are you sure about that?
While we wait for the action to begin,
I do want to bring this up, Rob,
because as talks of "Holey Moley" going pro,
they intensify,
so do concerns ‐‐
concerns about this sport being overtaken by commercialism.
Look, if you do it right, people will barely even notice.
Well, I hope so. I hope you're right, Rob.
You probably don't even know this,
and you probably would never know it,
but I actually have a few sponsorship deals
going myself, my friend. [ Sighs ] Oh, no.
[ Laughs ] The trick is you just got to keep it subtle,
like the smooth subtle taste of Meister King Beer.
Drink like a king.
Meister King.
Want one, Joe? Subtle?
Drink the King.
No, I don't want one.
Drink it, Joe.
Oh, we got dark days ahead.
But for tonight, here's how it works.
Round 1, eight golfers, they'll face off.
The winners are gonna compete in a sudden death Round 2.
And that's where only the best
will survive to the third round,
where they'll play for a spot in the final episode
where one of our champions will make a putt
worth a quarter million dollars.
Let's check in on our first group of golfers.
Drink like a king.
[ Can lid pops ]
[ Gulps, spits ]
Oh, God, that's awful.
Meister King.
And as our golfers make their way to the tee box
for our first hole tonight,
here's our golf pro, Stephen Curry.
Strap on your neon fanny pack and roller blades.
It's time for some '80s nostalgia
with this next hole ‐‐ Parcade.
Golfers start by putting their ball
up the giant pinball machine
and into one of five possible holes,
which is totally gnarly to the max.
People talked weird in the '80s.
Then, to get to the green, golfers must cross
two giant flippers without getting flipped off.
If they do, it's a stroke penalty.
Once across, they'll finish the hole
and call their mom to come pick them up.
And that's Parcade.
Todd Engel and Jenny Patton
set to do battle here on the Parcade.
Alright, Jenny, you got this.
Let's do this. You got it.
Jenny Patton's a 33‐year‐old.
She's a fitness coach from California.
Todd Engel is a 48‐year‐old.
He's a sheet metal worker from Wisconsin.
He absolutely loves animals.
Hi. My name is Todd Engel.
I'm from Hammond, Wisconsin, and I am the animal whisperer.
[ Howls ]
So my catch phrase on the golf course,
because I'm the animal whisperer,
when I sink the putt, I always howl.
Whooooo! Yeah!
In my household, I have two birds,
two dogs, and two step‐kids.
I love animals just as much as I love golf.
I've had coyotes that have followed me
down the course with beef jerky,
and I feed the squirrels nuts whenever I can.
So, my birds have never formally told me
that I'm gonna win "Holey Moley,"
but we've had a mind connection.
I'm gonna win this "Holey Moley" competition
because I've got the best balls for miniature golf.
[ Howls ]
I'm Jenny Patton.
I'm 33 years old from West Covina, California,
and everyone that knows me calls me Joyful Jenny
because I love bringing the joy.
My husband was the one that actually got me into golf.
The first time that we went was for his birthday,
and it was more of a, "Hey, babe,
here, let's do this for your birthday."
And now my challenge is to beat him on the course.
If I win "Holey Moley," we're gonna get a van
and go travel the world.
I always admire the dreams and aspirations
of our contestants.
Really makes you feel good about the world.
If I won, I'd buy a Cadillac made out of gold ‐‐
mostly gold.
Let's see what Jenny can offer up here on The Parcade.
Remember, the winner here, a step closer to glory,
right into Round 2.
Todd: Come on, rubber ducky. Give it up.
There it goes.
Right now, looks like maybe Putt Bunyan?
Yes. In the lumberjack.
Where will it come out between Putt Bunyan's legs?
Jenny: Oh!
Just past the hole.
Oh. Comes back.
That's a great putt.
Ooh. That is nice.
Nice shot. Nice.
Not Uranus, but pretty good.
Jenny Patton thinking about how to time these flippers.
Has anybody just walked out on one
and tried to ride one?
And then jump off of it when it goes up?
That's not a bad strategy, Riggle.
Todd: Come on, you got this. You got it.
Rob, she may be testing it.
Yeah, think about it.
Thinking about "Can I do that?"
Oh, my God. [ Chuckles ]
"Can I ride this first flipper?"
She's gonna do that, Rob.
Aw! Oh, never had a chance.
Never had a chance. She bailed out the side door.
Oh, wow.
She was walking the plank on that first flipper,
and now I question
whether or not that's the right strategy.
See, the two‐foot jump was terrible.
Yeah, and she's got to generate more momentum than that.
Whoo!
Did you know that Todd Engel
writes "I'm sorry" on his balls?
It's true ‐‐ he writes the words "I'm sorry"
on his golf balls... Oh.
...just in case they go through a window.
Boy, I didn't know where you were going there for a moment.
Coming for Uranus.
Did ‐‐ I'm sorry? I'm sorry.
Did he say, "I'm coming for Uranus"?
I think he said, "I'm coming for Uranus."
Let's see what he comes up with.
Whoo! Come on.
Oh!
Putter Ducky! Number one.
Where are we going? Come on.
Watch it come off the ramp and see where it goes.
Alright. Ooh, pretty square.
Pretty square indeed.
Whoo!
This is a real opportunity for Todd.
You know, he's got a couple birds,
and he says that his birds talk to him,
and his birds told him,
"You go out there and you win 'Holey Moley.'"
And he doesn't want to let down his birds.
Let's hope he can channel his birds
and fly across... Alright.
...the flippers.
Todd Engel. Let's see if he can do it.
Can he do it?
And he does.
We've never seen anyone make that jump.
Timed it well. Timed it well.
Ready for this. Ready for this!
Consider that Patton has taken a stroke penalty.
Now Todd Engel is in perfect position to win
here on The Parcade.
So he lies 1, she lies 2.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Can he do it?
And he does it. And he does it!
Todd Engel is headed to Round 2.
Way to go, Todd.
Animals! Yes!
He just simply said "Animals."
Yeah, just said "Animals."
Just... Animals!
Not going with the name of one of his dogs. [ Howls ]
Yeah. Not the name of one of his birds.
Just generic ‐‐ He just generically ‐‐
You know, you shout out maybe your kids.
Yeah. Yeah. Humans! Just "Humans."
Humans! [ Laughs ]
And when someone goes, "Hey, man, I saw you on TV.
You didn't say anything," it's like, "I totally did.
I yelled 'animals.' That was for everybody."
The first golfer chasing glory here at "Holey Moley,"
and his name is Todd Engel.
Up next, a prehistoric battle for our golfers,
and to tell us more about it, it's Jeannie Mai.
Next up is Putt‐A‐Saurus.
And I must say, she looks pretty "T"‐rific for someone her age.
Golfers will start by racing across the mud pit,
utilizing the rib bones as their prehistoric stepping stones.
Whoever makes it across first gets the better ball position.
Next, the golfers have to putt through the Bony Bridge
and onto the green, where they'll finish the hole
out of prehistoric danger.
And here they come.
Barbara Cytrynowicz is a 57‐year‐old tennis pro.
She's up against 38‐year‐old lawyer Pamela Shackleford.
I'm Pamela Shackleford.
I'm 38 years old,
and I'm known as Preppy Pam.
I've always been a preppy girl. I love preppy clothes.
I can't get enough cable knit and polo shirts.
And I'm actually a fourth‐generation lawyer.
[ Ominous organ music plays ]
As a lawyer, I'm a relentless tactician,
so my competition doesn't stand a chance.
I have to take on big cases every day,
but I'm ready to take on the biggest case of all ‐‐
"Holey Moley."
As a lawyer, I object to losing this competition.
I love that.
I'm Barbara Cytrynowicz, I'm 57 years old.
I'm a tennis pro, and everybody calls me Bouncy Barb.
I love tennis, but mini golf, I love that even more.
Mini golf is a Cytrynowicz pastime.
It's one of our favorite family activities,
but usually, my granddaughter wins. [ Laughs ]
Don't underestimate my age.
[ Rapping ] ♪ This rap may be lame, but I got game ♪
♪ My putting's insane ♪
♪ And soon, I'll land in the Hall of Fame ♪
I'm bouncing my way to the finals.
[ Roaring ]
Cytrynowicz and Shackleford
racing across the bones of the tar pits,
trying to touch that fossilized bone first.
This is, Joe. Mud time! Mud time!
Over the bones on the tar pits.
There goes Pam with a very good lead.
Makes it to the end before she falls in awkwardly. Oh‐ho‐ho‐ho!
Meanwhile, Barbara is trying to get across.
One more bone to go.
Oh!
Takes it hard.
Oh, Barbara!
Pam is the winner with ease,
and Barbara took a huge hit and got sent back.
[ Laughing ]
Once her ribs hit this rib,
her head goes...shh‐ow!
Aah!
That's not good, Joe.
Aah!
Oh, poor Barbara.
Aah!
By the way, she didn't have to do any of that.
That was completely unnecessary.
She could have just stepped down into the mud.
Walk off. She would have been muddy
from the waist down, but you know what,
she gave us some really good footage.
And for that, we're thankful.
We're thankful. Very, very thankful.
Tessitore: Welcome back to "Holey Moley."
[ Growling ] Here on Putt‐A‐Saurus,
Bouncy Barb took a massive hit,
leaving her with the worse tee position.
Riggle: I'm so glad Barbara is alive.
What a hit she took.
Oh. The savage blow that she took
coming off of that rib ‐‐ I was concerned, truly.
And yet, here she is, happy as can be,
ready to putt on Putt‐A‐Saurus.
Give her credit.
57‐year‐old tennis pro.
Here is Cytrynowicz's tee shot.
Pamela: Come on!
Through the skull. What kind of bounce will it take?
Now, the angle she's gonna have to the hole
is gonna have the ridge in play.
That's gonna be tricky.
Thank you. Well done.
Alright. Let's see it. Okay.
Tessitore: Pamela Shackleford.
Riggle: Pamela seems super jovial and happy.
She does. Fourth‐generation real estate lawyer,
so you know she's tons of fun.
Yep. She is suing contractors.
She had a very good run over the tar pits
to get the better ball placement,
closer to the pin.
You think if this doesn't go her way,
do you think she's gonna sue us?
Get in line, Pamela. [ Chuckles ]
Alright, here we go.
[ Cheering ]
Barbara: How we looking?
What is she gonna do here?
Takes a big bounce off to the side,
so she's over the ridge.
Shackleford, pretty good there.
I want you to notice the look on her face.
Four generations of lawyers, you're gonna...
You're gonna look like that. You're angry.
You're in that position all the time.
That's what happens.
Oh, by the way, she just billed us
a quarter hour for looking at that full‐screen.
Oh, thank you.
Pamela Shackleford, second shot.
Smooth. Very smooth.
Very smooth!
Oh! And in!
Dead center! Wow!
Hey, we've got a talent here with Pamela Shackleford.
Watch out for her.
Good putt.
Let's go, let's go.
Tessitore: She is here to stay.
What a roll.
And now the pressure's on Cytrynowicz.
I wouldn't underestimate Cytrynowicz.
We've seen her come back from a savage blow.
She's tough.
She has shown plenty of fight,
but does she have the skill here to force a putt‐off?
♪♪
Oh! Oh, she gave it
as good a ride as you can.
Yes! Good job.
Let's go right now.
Nice job. Great putt.
Tessitore: Barbara Cytrynowicz defeated
by Pamela Shackleford here on Putt‐A‐Saurus.
And I'm calling it right now.
Preppy Pam is here to be contended with.
Riggle: Yep, she is one to watch.
Rob, you ready for our next hole? Why not?
Now it's time for the timeless classic,
The Fishing Hole,
sponsored by takemefishing.org.
Golfers will putt their ball from inside the boat.
They go across the narrow bridge and onto the green.
But to get to their ball,
they have to get around the jumping fish
while water cannons are blasting them.
If they go in the water,
it's gonna be a stroke penalty.
Okay, heading to the tee now, it's the school teacher...
Let's do this. Whoo! ...Amanda Marino
and our zoo keeper, Eric Schmidt.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Riggle: Look at the pants on Eric. That's fun.
Hey, take a look at these beauties.
What? Are those hundred dollar bills?
Hundred dollar bills, y'all.
We'll let the people vote on social media.
On who has the better pants? Yeah.
And I know they'll make the right choice.
Round 1 action between Eric Schmidt
and Amanda Marino on The Fishing Hole.
Hey, everybody, I'm Eric Schmidt,
and as you can see, I am a zoo keeper.
They call me Tasty Fingers because I very often get bit,
more than anybody else at the zoo.
The biggest bite that I actually have
is a scar right here on my finger.
That's from a capybara ‐‐ basically a massive rat.
Working at the zoo. I'm used to dodging gorillas,
giraffes, whatever, rhinos, anything,
so any obstacle that comes my way is no problem.
Being Tasty Fingers actually gives me a huge advantage,
so I can definitely deal with all my competitors
on "Holey Moley."
Yeah!
Good morning, class. I'm Amanda Marino.
I'm 27 years old, and I'm a high school English teacher
in Clinton Township, Michigan.
I'm known as The Gifted Teacher of mini golf
because every time that I played, I tend to win.
I am so naturally gifted at mini golf
that I could be a professional mini golfer.
To all my competitors, you're about to get schooled.
[ Cheering ]
Amanda Marino is a 27‐year‐old
high school English teacher.
Alright. How did you do in high school English, Rob?
Terrible. [ Laughs ]
I'm surprised I even graduated.
Her journey to a quarter million dollars
begins right now on The Fishing Hole.
Well, I don't think she put much on it.
Does get to the green, but it's gonna be
on the other side of the ridge, and that'll be a challenge.
Oh, no.
Stretching? Good. That's a good move.
Always get limber. Gets you warmed up.
I don't think she has a strategy.
Here she goes. Amanda.
No. Gets past one and fails.
I mean, she just failed
before two was ever even in play.
You almost get the sense that, in her mind,
she knew the water was going to happen.
Success was not.
Tough break for Amanda, going in the water. Yes.
Big break for her students.
[ Laughs ] They're loving it.
They are loving it. Just loving it right now.
Eric Schmidt, zoo keeper,
who carries the nickname Tasty Fingers.
What the Sam Hill is he thinking?
No, you don't want that name.
That's the worst name I've ever heard...
Yeah, you're feeding the animals. ...for a zoo keeper.
Tasty fingers would be bad for a dentist, as well.
Eric Schmidt, very long putt
across that tiny, narrow land bridge over to the green.
[ Cheering ]
Wow, that's too much gas.
Comes off the back ramp, settles back.
I think both Amanda and Eric are left with very tough putts.
Here we go.
Uh‐oh.
I can tell he has no plan right now.
He has no plan. Why do you say that about Eric?
I feel like you have no faith in our competitors sometime‐‐
Oh, he has no plan. [ Laughs ]
He has absolutely no plan. There's no plan.
Oh. Oh. Oh!
Oh! He almost made it! [ Laughs ]
He almost made it.
He got slithery there for a moment, didn't he? He did.
Here, watch the replay, Joe.
We're through the first fish. Not bad.
He takes the water blast.
He throws the hat. Why?
It was a conscious effort.
It was a conscious effort to throw the hat why?
Because, look, he grabs his hat
and then tosses it.
The hat's a rental, and he's like,
"I got to get the deposit!"
Yeah.
Eric: Alright. I got you. I got you.
The way she's lining up, Joe, it looks like she's gonna
try to use the ramp on a ricochet.
Now, remember, Holey Moley is going pro this season.
I think it's actually the correct strategy.
The ridge is more difficult than the ramp.
The ramp, I think you can get a better read on.
Yeah, this is good mini golf, Joe.
Amanda Marino, she's gonna play the ramp.
Way too much!
Now, you can't do that!
I'm trying to sell the use of the ramp,
and she goes all power stroke on me.
We're not going pro now, Joe.
Not after that.
So, he lies 2 there.
Oh, my God, Joe. Did you see his practice swing?
No. Was it bad?
This is going in the water.
Got to get loose. Got to get loose.
You got it, Eric.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Schmidt putting for the win.
Riggle: Tasty Fingers.
Whoa! Oh!
Eric Schmidt, the zoo keeper, A. K. A. Tasty Fingers,
is on to Round 2.
Oh, Eric Schmidt, what's he doing?!
Why would you?!
Oh, I got to give him ‐‐ that's a 10.
That was a nice dive.
Who will get the last spot in Round 2?
Stick with us.
More "Holey Moley" when we come back.
And now it's time for "The Legend of Curry the Kid."
♪♪
Muchas gracias, Joe.
Hmm.
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Back for more, huh? Alright.
Well, let's get back to the tale of the NBA superstar
who has bravely attempted to take mini golf
to the big leagues, huh?
[ Exhales ]
Like a rattlesnake in a tap dance class,
couldn't quite find his footing,
calling in favors from his teammates,
setting up fancy Hollywood meetings,
pitching all types of ideas,
like extreme mini golf leagues for babies
and a stadium
right there on our very own big, beautiful moon.
But even with his big ideas,
he was still missing a few things,
like sponsors, fan base,
and the roughly six billion buckaroos it would take
to make all this happen.
[ Chuckles ]
That's a lot of buckaroos.
And that was "The Legend of Curry the Kid."
Tessitore: It's time for our final hole in Round 1.
And this isn't for anyone with commitment issues.
It's Holey Matrimony.
The putt goes down the aisle, under the wedding arbor,
and hits the dance floor.
Then the golfers have to deal with it all
on a one‐way street along the Conveyor Belt of Love,
before throwing themselves
through the rotating diamond ring
and onto that revolving wedding cake.
Fall head over heels into the water... Riggle: Oh!
...and it's a stroke penalty.
Ouch.
Here are the players.
Eric Pullen from Chicago up against John McElrath,
A.K.A. Wavey J, from Detroit.
I'm John McElrath,
and all my boys call me Wavey J on the course
because I love to wave at everybody.
Hey, Mom.
Yeah!
I'm very competitive.
I'm the youngest of three brothers...
Yeah!
...and the youngest of my twin sister.
So growing up, I had to fight my way through.
[ Chuckles ]
I'm ready to wave buh‐bye to my competition,
say hello to that Golden Putter.
[ Chuckles ]
I'm Eric Pullen, I'm 48 years old,
and I'm from Glendale, California.
And I'm the CEO of a golf lifestyle brand.
There has never been another CEO like me on "Holey Moley,"
one who's handsome, cool, energetic,
outgoing, world renowned.
One time. That's what we do!
These are CEO hands ‐‐
well manicured and always soft.
To my competition, you're gonna see what it's like
to compete with a real boss.
Okay.
Eric is up first.
Handsome golfer indeed.
Hole in one.
As his putt goes down the aisle
and just onto the green.
Alright. Short of that ridge.
Short of what we're calling the dance floor.
Eric: Oh. Good attempt. Good attempt.
That go in the hole? Not quite.
You got some more work to do.
Jump on the ring, baby. Shake and bake.
Oh, is he going?
Tessitore: Eric just going flat‐out for it down the runway
towards that rotating diamond ring.
Ooh! I don't even know what that was.
Ohhh!
There was no jump.
That's my boy.
Oh, this sucks.
Here, he gets cold feet right here.
Right here, he's got cold feet,
But he says, "I don't want to get married."
All of this, this all along here
is her family.
So the bride's family is represented
in the conveyor belt?
Yes. Okay.
Yes. Because he did stop. He tried.
He was like, "You know what? I don't want to do this."
Too bad, sucker.
All brothers, right behind him, and a dad with a shotgun.
[ Laughs ]
Never had a chance.
So that is a stroke penalty for Eric Pullen.
John McElrath is from Detroit.
He's obsessed with ranch dressing.
He puts ranch dressing on everything.
Oh, yes.
That's why he and I are kindred spirits.
♪♪
[ Crowd cheering ]
Nice putt.
John and Eric right next to each other.
Alright, alright.
What's the wackiest thing
that you put ranch dressing on?
You almost have to start backwards.
Okay. What won't you put ranch on?
Spaghetti. Ranch it.
It's breakfast, waffles, pancakes.
Ranch it. Jell‐o?
You would put ranch dressing on Jell‐o?
Oh, my gosh. Every day.
Fudgy brownies. Ranch it.
[ Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" plays ]
John McElrath.
Whoo!
Oh, he makes it through!
But he can't stay on! Oh, no, no!
Folks, that's the first time
anyone's ever made it through the ring.
I need to see the replay. This sums up what marriage is.
That's it right there.
You run into it
with just zest and a carefree abandon
because you're in love,
and then you put the ring on,
you smash the cake, you smash, bang.
You smash the cake one more time with the face,
and then you drown.
He even gets a little cake on the way down.
[ Laughs ] Yeah.
Eric is up first. Short of that ridge.
See his read up and over the ridge.
Eric: Oh! [ Sighs ]
‐That was a nice try. ‐Yeah.
Eric sits three.
Remember, stroke penalty for going in the water.
I'm gonna show you how to knock it down, though.
Don't get too close.
Two putt.
John McElrath.
30‐year‐old from Detroit.
Here goes nothing.
Oh. Oh. May have a ch‐‐ Oh.
I thought, could he get the roll‐back there.
That was close.
Left a little pizza in that box.
So, they both sit 3.
They have the same exact line right to the cup.
And if they stay the course
and each one of our competitors hits this putt,
we will have a putt‐off here on Holey Matrimony.
Here we go, baby.
No pressure.
[ Crowd groans ]
Oh! So close.
Ooh, that was close. That was so close.
He'll clean that up for a 5.
[ Crowd cheers ]
For the win.
From down the aisle to taking the plunge.
Hey, Eric.
And now, can he take this hole
and advance to Round Number 2?
Riggle: Yes! And he does!
Eric Pullen, the 48‐year‐old from Chicago,
is a step closer
to the Golden Putter, the plaid jacket,
and a chance at a quarter million dollars.
And now "A Vision for the Future of Mini Golf
with Stephen Curry."
Fans come to "Holey Moley" for the mini golf,
but they stay for the mini golfers.
Our "Holey Moley" professional mini golfers
would be among the best athletes in the world.
[ Screams ]
But we all know that you're not really an athlete
until you have your own memorabilia and merchandise.
So we're wasting no time
introducing our line of "Holey Moley" merch.
Want to impress your friends at a dinner party?
How about Jell‐o molds featuring the likeness
of your favorite "Holey Moley" stars?
Can I get your number? No?
Well, how about I give you
this awesome paint by number painting kit
for $49.99?
I could sure use one of those "Holey Moley" air fryers,
and so could you.
Luckily, they'll be available for purchase
at your nearest "Holey Moley" pro shop coming soon.
Woman: Delicious!
Go get some.
That was "A Vision for the Future of Mini Golf
with Stephen Curry."
Tessitore: We welcome you back
to the home of extreme mini golf.
It's Round 2, and we've got two epic matchups ahead.
This is for a chance at The Golden Putter,
the famed plaid jacket,
and a shot at a quarter million dollars.
And it happens here on King Parthur's Court.
It's the only extreme mini golf hole in the world
that requires you to joust an actual knight,
Sir Putts‐A‐Lot.
The tee shot is a putt down the checkered path.
You bank it off the side of the sword,
and that'll give you the better ball position.
But to get to the green themselves,
they have to hop on their trusty steed.
If Sir Putts‐A‐Lot knocks the golfer
off their high horse,
they will be humbled with a stroke penalty.
[ Cheering ]
Yeah, yeah!
Who's gonna make it to the final pairing?
We've got Todd Engel, our resident animal whisperer ‐‐
remember, he was the victor on Parcade ‐‐
or Preppy Pam.
She won on Putt‐A‐Saurus in Round 1.
Riggle: Quite the medieval look
with a life preserver and the neck brace.
I mean, nothing screams "medieval" more
than the neck brace and the life preserver
and the giant bib.
Fourth‐generation lawyer, Shackleford is.
If she doesn't like the neck brace
or the life preserver, she can thank her profession.
[ Laughs ]
As an attorney.
Todd: There you go. Come on.
Pamela: Wrong side.
So she's on the other side of the sword. Ooh.
Oh, that's rough.
[ Fanfare ]
And Shackleford, look at her eyes.
Oh, God. Those are crazy eyes, Joe.
I've seen crazy eyes before.
Give me an example of crazy eyes.
Can we get a tight of Riggle here?
Whoa! With the one brow high and the one brow low.
Well, I didn't pay thousands of dollars
to go to eyebrows acting school to not use it.
[ Cheering ]
Alright. Here we go.
And...
She's not even holding on. Zero chance.
No, no, no, no, no.
[ Screams ] And...
right off the back of the horse. Oh!
Pam Shackleford will suffer the stroke penalty.
Alright, here we go.
Now it's Todd Engel's turn.
He's the 48‐year‐old animal lover from Wisconsin.
Alright, hole in one. Let's go.
Todd Engel, Round 2.
Big hop.
Oh, takes a weird bounce.
And then it kicks to the other side! Oh, no!
The worst possible bounce you could take.
He caught the curvature of the handle of the sword.
He was on the right side of the cup,
and it kicks completely left and at distance.
As bad of a break as you can catch.
[ Fanfare ]
Every time he blows that horn, I think it's lunchtime,
I get hungry.
Charge!
48‐year‐old sheet metal worker
from Wisconsin.
And he is... No, let it go.
Wait a minute. You're done.
Wait a minute. Oh!
I love the effort.
That was fantastic.
He fought the good fight on that one.
Oh. Oh, you know what it was?
His joust slid off.
And then he goes headfirst.
He goes in almost completely vertical.
Yeah, headfirst. Headfirst.
Oh, Todd. Todd, Todd, Todd.
Could not be uglier.
And let that be a lesson to you kids at home.
You're on a mechanical greased horse.
Go in the water gracefully.
Pamela: Alright, let's see it.
Todd: You ready? Yeah.
Tessitore: Todd Engel. Let's see if he can do it.
Oh, too hard.
Oh, his putt went up and over.
Oh, it's coming off the dipsy doodle.
Hits the ramp. Oh, a little feedback.
[ Sighs ]
So Engel lies 3.
Pam Shackleford, from the other side of the sword.
This might be a case closed.
Case closed.
It's a lawyer thing.
See what I did? I see what you did.
See what I did?
This is a really tough putt.
Not for The Shack.
The Shack Attack.
For the win.
Oh, gosh! That was a good roll.
So close. Pamela: Ohh.
They both lie 3.
This for a 4. Yeah?
A 4.
And it is what he will get.
It's a 4.
Pressure is on Pam Shackleford.
Nice putt.
Pam Shackleford makes it, we have a putt‐off.
Pam Shackleford misses,
Todd Engel is in the final pairing.
He will play for it all tonight.
The pressure is on.
To force a putt‐off.
[ Gasps ]
She misses! She knew it early, too.
She knew it right away.
Whoo!
Todd Engel, he comes up with the win.
He's headed to the final round.
What are we doing here?
Thank you for that shot. Thank you for that shot.
I asked Alex, the director,
if he would give me the primo Sir Putts‐A‐Lot butt shot.
[ Laughs ]
And he delivered.
Ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh.
Joe? Yes?
Pay attention to me. Put your phone down.
Look at me. I'm sorry. What do you want?
Ah‐la‐la‐la. Look at me.
Hold on. Let me look at you.
Thanks, Joe.
Welcome back.
Only one place remains for the final round.
The pressure's on because it's time for Hole Number Two.
Players have to put their ball over a narrow 30‐foot strip
past the outdoor lavatories,
and then you've got to take the same path yourself.
The catch ‐‐ a lot of people work on "Holey Moley"
and the stalls are occupied.
So one wrong step, and you're into the drink.
And if you go in the drink, it's a stroke penalty.
Aah!
[ Cheering ]
Round 2, Battle of the Erics.
Eric Pullen, the CEO of Mini Golf.
He was a winner on Holey Matrimony
in our first round.
And Eric Schmidt, our favorite zoo keeper.
He won an opening round matchup on The Fishing Hole.
Here's what I like about Eric,
is that he's so passionate about his career
that he decided to dress as a zoo keeper
here at "Holey Moley."
I got to say, though, if he's a zoo keeper,
any chance he could take, uh,
Course Marshal Joe back with him?
Nailed it. Nailed it. I'm out. Thank you.
Watch this. I'm out.
Eric Pullen on Hole Number Two.
His tee shot...
Turned into ice, baby.
Oh! A lot of pepper in that gumbo.
Putt went into the water, so he'll be in the drop zone.
Oh!
Pullen, his run here on Hole Number Two.
Does he have the wheels?
I think he's gonna get a good start here.
You can tell he's in a good track stance.
He's ready to come up and explode.
[ Horn blares ]
Oh, he's shuffling he's shuffling, he's shuffling.
Oh!
That was a mild approach. He was shuffling.
He did not put enough pepper on the gumbo.
You got to fully stride. You got to sprint.
It's like somebody said, "Turn it up to medium."
Oh, and the fly's giving him some.
Did the fly just do the double chop to the...
Oh, the groin double chop?
Oh, come on.
I don't know that the kids should be watching the fly.
[ Fly buzzes ]
Eric Schmidt up with his tee shot.
Schmidt.
Oh, takes a turn back.
Almost went into the water and takes a turn back.
Schmidt, very nice tee shot.
Yeah!
Glasses are coming off, hat's coming off.
You recall when he was on The Fishing Hole,
he went into the water, he actually threw the hat,
he was so concerned with it. That's right.
Remember, it's a rental. That's right.
Guy with the nickname Tasty Fingers.
Right now, he needs that fleet feet, not Tasty Fingers.
[ Horn blares ]
Slow start. You've got to go.
Oh. To the face.
Oh! Oh.
Joe, here's what I know. What do you got?
Eric Schmidt went from Tasty Fingers ‐‐
that's his nickname ‐‐ to officially Stink Fingers.
He's got stink fingers right now here on Hole Number Two.
Hey, by the way, I think we've done a wonderful job
of not saying "poo‐poo"... Yes.
..."poopy," "poo"... Dung.
..."doo‐doo," "dung."
Hot deuce.
Excellent job at not saying hot deuce.
Can I do a double deuce? Can I do a double?
Eric Pullen from the drop zone.
He'll be putting for a chance to be in tonight's final round.
Pressure is on. Let's see what happens.
High off the ramp, gets that back ramp.
This typically ends up in the corner, and it does.
Come on, Eric. You can't let Eric beat you.
Here comes Eric the zoo keeper.
This is for the win, this putt.
Remember what's on the line here.
Winner of this hole goes on to play
for the plaid jacket and The Golden Putter
and to be one of the champions who will putt
for the chance for a quarter million dollars.
Schmidt putting for the win.
And he gets it.
Eric Schmidt, 23‐year‐old zoo keeper,
will play for a championship tonight.
Whoo! Yeah!
Whoo‐hoo‐hoo‐hoo!
Look at that winner's portrait.
That's a real snake, Joe.
It's not a real snake. That's a real snake!
I know a real snake when I see one.
He's flirting with death. He's asking for it.
Ugh.
That's a boa constrictor.
Tessitore: Welcome back.
It is time for the main event.
Who's gonna take home that "Holey Moley" plaid jacket,
that Golden Putter?
Who will have the chance at a quarter million dollars?
You paying attention, Rob? No.
Because it is time for The Distractor
for the first time this season,
and it's better than ever.
Now, the putt always looks simple enough ‐‐
it's just a straight putt ‐‐
but it's what's from behind that wall
that comes out to distract them.
That's what throws the golfers off their game.
Each of our golfers is gonna putt
until one of them makes a hole in one.
What will that distraction be this time?
We're about to find out.
Whatever it is, Joe, I can promise you this.
We are about to find out.
[ Cheering ]
All comes down to this.
One of these animal lovers will be tonight's champion.
It's Todd Engel against Eric Schmidt.
Come on!
Eric Schmidt is up first.
Come on. Earn it!
Here it comes. Here it comes.
This better be The Distraction.
Oh, yeah!
Let's see.
Tessitore: Eric will be facing this Distraction.
Riggle: It looks like a Chinese New Year!
Oh, isn't that beautiful? I love Chinese New Year.
It's a real dragon. That's a real dragon, Joe.
Wow! Celebrating Chinese New Year
on The Distractor.
Wow. There is a lot going on.
It's wonderful.
It's colors and lights,
and there's people on stilts and a dragon.
And there's drums and there's dancers
and there's flags!
Oh, fireworks, Joe!
Too many sounds and bright lights for you.
I know how easily you're distracted.
I know. I've witnessed it for years.
I can't concentrate. Well, you have to.
Eric is up first.
Of course, Eric is the zoo keeper.
He won at The Fishing Hole,
and then he won at Hole Number Two.
Eric Schmidt.
Oh!
Oh, that was close!
Final hole of the night.
Two men whittling it down to one champion.
Quarter million dollars on the line,
but you have to have the focus to make the putt
to get to that point.
Todd Engel, the 48‐year‐old from Wisconsin
for the win.
Oh!
Oh, it hit the back. Too much on it. Oh!
You know what? Can I just say,
with this much visual entertainment,
doesn't it seem weird that it's literally right behind us
and we're looking this way? It is strange.
We should be just turning this way
and broadcasting this way, shouldn't we? Yeah.
I can't see a damn thing. Can you see a damn thing?
I can't see anything. We're gonna have to go back to the monitor.
That's why we're looking this way.
At the monitor.
I think it's the most distracting Distractor
we've ever had.
You think the neighbors are happy about this one, Joe?
[ Drums playing ]
Eric Schmidt.
Oh!
Whoa, that was so close right there.
Best fortune cookie you ever got.
I like the lucky numbers. Mine was very specific.
I opened a fortune cookie one time.
It said, "Rob Riggle."
You sure that wasn't just your name on the takeout order?
For the win, Todd Engel.
He is closing in on
a quarter million dollar opportunity.
Todd: Yeah!
Is it ‐‐ There it is!
Todd Engel is a champion tonight.
Oh!
Thank you. Thank you.
Todd Engel. He's got the plaid jacket.
Overcoming the distractions here.
Whoooooooo!
Primal cry, isn't it? Primal cry.
And as is the case with all of our champions,
they get the congratulatory message from Stephen Curry.
Unbelievable job tonight.
You've earned the honorary "Holey Moley" green jacket.
And no matter what anybody else says, it looks great on you.
Keep up the good work,
and you'll be sinking that $250,000 putt in no time.
Yes! Yes!
What a reward for Todd Engel.
He's got The Golden Putter, he's got the plaid jacket.
Now it's off to the season finale
to play for a quarter million dollars.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Whooooo!
We'll see you next time right here on "Holey Moley."