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["Bad Girls"
by Donna Summer playing]

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♪

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♪ Toot, toot, hey, beep, beep ♪

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♪ Toot, toot, hey, beep, beep ♪

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♪ Toot, toot,
hey, beep, beep... ♪

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Hey, babe, are these expired?

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♪ Beep, beep ♪

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♪ Bad girls ♪

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♪ Talkin' 'bout... ♪

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Still got it, you fucking slut.

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♪ Sad girls... ♪

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Okay, so, what if I'm, like,
a flight attendant,

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and we're on this long-haul
international flight,

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and you're, like...
you're, like, this, like,

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handsy, entitled first-class passenger?

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- Oh, yeah. So, wait.

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So, I'm grabbing you, like,
in front of everyone, or...?

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- Um... No. Okay, good point.
Maybe it's like, you know, uh...

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Like, "Sir, you can't be
back here in the cockpit.

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"Or the vestibule thing

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"where the flight attendants hang out.

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Whatever that's called."
- So it's kind of like,

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"Uh, excuse me, miss.

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I'm gonna need you to warm up these nuts."

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- [exhales] Oh, I hated that.
- Ooh.

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- I'm never gonna fuck you again.

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How do you have two Emmys for writing?

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- What are you talking about?
We both know

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you wouldn't date me
if I didn't have those Emmys.

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- That is not true.
That's so mean.

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I am not dating you for Emmys.

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I am dating you because...

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you have a really nice house
and I really hate my apartment.

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["Next to You"
by Sam Evian playing]

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♪ I can feel your shadow ♪

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♪ I just wanna be next to you... ♪

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What is this, like...

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sequin glitter thing?
- Uh... it's probably

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from one of your, uh...
- Where'd this even come from?

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I don't fuck with glitter, man.
What? Like...

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Oh, did you go to a strip club
or something?

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- What? No!
- No, I-I...

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We've been to strip clubs.
I have no problem

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with strip clubs.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

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No, I haven't been to a strip club.

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I haven't been to any...
- Okay.

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Then are you cheating on me?

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- No. Oh, my God. I'm not cheating on you.
- [laughs]

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Okay, well, this is weird.
Where did this...?
- I have a sex doll.

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- You what?

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- I have a sex doll.

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That I barely ever even...

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use, and, uh...
- Oh.

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- There's this one dress with sparkles.

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- Yeah, okay.

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- That probably one fell off, maybe.

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- Yeah.
- And, um...

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- No, that's totally fine. Um...

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- Well, it-it...

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it doesn't seem like it's fine with you.

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- No. No. I'm just, uh...
I'm-I'm just processing.

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- I didn't tell you about it,
I didn't think

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to tell you about it
'cause it's... it's no big deal.

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I mean, it's like porn or something.
- Yeah.

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No. [chuckles]
- It's a Fleshlight with boobs

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that I got off of a Japanese website.

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- Ooh. She's from Japan.

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Very international woman.

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- [exhales]
- Is her name Kimiko?

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- Oh, my God.
- Is she hotter than me?

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Like, be honest. Like, if she's hot...
- Cody. Cody.

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- If Kimiko's hotter than me...

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- Now you're mocking me.
- [chuckles]

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Sorry. I'm not trying to kink-shame you.
I'm sorry

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if that's what it felt like.
- No, no, no.

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- I have a million fetishes.

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I love this part of our relationship.

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I love that we do
all this weird shit together.

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[laughs]
Really.

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I love that.

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Can I just see her?

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- No.
- Why not?

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- It's my private gross thing.

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Like the shit you took this morning.

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And I know you took a shit this
morning because we have honesty.

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I don't know what color it was...

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because of privacy.

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- Okay.

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I mean, obviously, brown.

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- You...

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- I hear you.
This is a boundary.

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It's all good. We're all good.

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[exhales]
We're good.

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♪ Guns are pointed at everyone ♪

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♪ But together we're better off... ♪

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- You still want to, uh...?

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- Um...

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I don't know, I'm kind of tired.

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- Tired enough for...

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sexy autopsy?

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- Yeah, okay.

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So, am I, like, a pretty corpse,
or am I, like, all fucked-up?

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- You're fucked-up.
- Okay.

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- [snoring]

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- Baby.

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Dan.

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Dan? You're snoring.

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Can you roll on your side, please?

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- [snoring continues]

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- [exhales]

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[groans]

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[urinating]

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[farts]

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[toilet flushes]

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[intriguing music playing]

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[music stops]

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WOMAN [whispers]:
Hey!

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- Hello?

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WOMAN:
Psst!

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I'm in here.

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I can hear you.

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I know you're out there.

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You breathe, like, really heavy.

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Hey!

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Sup?

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[intriguing music playing]

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- Um...

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Kimiko?

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- Who's Kimiko?

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- Holy shit. Oh, um...

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Well, I mean, I...

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I, like, jokingly named you Kimi... Kimiko

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'cause you were made in Japan.

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- Oh, my God.

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That's, like, really fucking racist.

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- Oh, n... I mean...

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Like, I only said it
in front of Dan, so...

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- Okay. Well,
that doesn't make it any better.

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Uh, anyway, hi.

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[laughs]
Hello. I'm Barbara.

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Barbara Himmelbaum-Harmon.

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- Barbara. Okay.

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Barbara, sorry. I'm so sorry.

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- It's okay. It's fine.

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It's fine, girl.

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Actually, you know what?

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There is something you could do
that would really help me out.

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Just so that you can make it up
to me because you're racist

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and that was really offensive.

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So, I have, like, a ton of Dan's splooge

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dried up inside of me.
- What?

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- Yeah.
[laughs]

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It's so cute.
Dan comes inside of me

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a lot, and then, like, I think

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he gets so caught up in the passion

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that he actually forgets to wash me.

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Like, he'll wipe the outside
of me with a T-shirt sometimes,

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- but he doesn't even always do that.
- What? Oh, my God.

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- Look. Girl, look how crusty it is.

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- Fuck, gross!
- I know, right?

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You would do me, like,
a huge favor if you'd wash me.

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- No! No. Dude, absolutely not.

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I... I can't move you.

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He can't even know that I saw you.
Like, fuck.

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Our whole, like,
mission statement as a couple

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is, like, honesty and no lies,

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and I've totally invaded
his privacy already. Fuck!

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- Right. Like, I hear you,
but do you really want him

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to fuck you with his dick
after it's been inside

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this crusty pussy?

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- Oh, Jesus Christ, Barbara!
I don't know.

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Like, he takes showers or whatever.

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- Yeah, but you can't shower an infection
out of the dickhole, dumbass.

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This has happened to friends of mine.

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He's gonna get a disease from fucking

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his own dried-up jizz flakes.
- Oh, my God.

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- And then he's gonna pass that disease on
to your vibrant, living pussy.

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You're gonna have to go to your doctor.

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You're gonna have to explain
what happened.

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- Okay. Barbara?
- Yeah.

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- Barbara?
Here's what's happening.

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I'm a little fucked-up right now
'cause I took, like, expired...

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um, these homeopathic,
like, melatonin gummies,

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and I've h... I've smoked a lot of weed.

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But clearly I'm having, like,
a hallucinatory episode

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where you came to life
and, like, beckoned me in here

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'cause I just needed to see you,

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and I didn't want to take responsibility

189
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for snooping, you know?

190
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So here we are, and, like,
you're super fucking hot.

191
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- Thank you. I know.
- I feel

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really insecure about it,

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and there's nothing we can do
about that now.

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- No, no, no, no, no, there are things!

195
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There is! Babe.

196
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Babe, there's Botox.
There's Juvéderm.

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You would benefit so much

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from a forehead enlargement.

199
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,415
I don't know if it's a thing.

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00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,833
- Okay, Barbara?

201
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:22,127
- I'm gonna go ahead
and say your forehead's stocky.

202
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:23,795
- I'm gonna go back to bed right now,

203
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:26,798
and when I wake up,
you're gonna be inanimate again,

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and I'm gonna buy a new bottle
of melatonin,

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00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,302
and we never have to do this again.

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It was so nice meeting you.

207
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,430
- No, no, no, no.
Cody, please, please, please.

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Cody, let's just talk about this, girl.

209
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,350
I like you so much.

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Cody, you're being
such a dumb cunt right now!