1
00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:02,544
BARBARA:
Oh, my God!
Why?! Why did you do this?!

2
00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:04,546
- I didn't mean to! You kept
telling me to pull harder!

3
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:07,174
- I didn't mean to break me,
you dumb piece of shit!

4
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,968
Now Dan is definitely
gonna know you snooped!

5
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,679
- Did you...

6
00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:14,306
- What?

7
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,807
- Did you fucking do that on purpose?

8
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:17,851
- Wha...? Oh, my God, Cody.

9
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:20,896
Why would I have you break me on purpose?

10
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,564
So that Dan would come home from work

11
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,107
and realize you're a crazy, jealous bitch

12
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:27,110
and break up with you,
and then we'd live happily ever after?

13
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,947
[laughs]
Yeah, I did it on purpose.

14
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,949
- Well, great plan, man.
'Cause now you're all jacked up,

15
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,576
so he might break up with me,
but he's gonna throw you away,

16
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:35,869
so you fucked both of us.

17
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,704
- Have you met Dan?
He doesn't care.

18
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,915
For him, it's just another hole to fuck.

19
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:45,462
["Little Hypocrite"
by Alice Bag playing]

20
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:50,634
You're seriously going
to all this trouble to keep Dan?

21
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,844
Why?

22
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:54,888
- 'Cause I love him?
- [laughs] "Love him."

23
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:57,099
How do you fucking know you love him?

24
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,684
- I don't know, man, I ju...

25
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,978
Like, I don't know,
we fart in front of each other.

26
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,230
We... both like to watch movies
with the subtitles on.

27
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,232
Whatever.
- Wow, wow, that sounds super deep.

28
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,693
- Fuck off, Barbara.
You know, you call yourself a feminist,

29
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,486
but you hate other women.
- What?

30
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,904
No, I love other women.

31
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,281
I just hate you.

32
00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:13,782
- But you are me!

33
00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:15,993
- No, I'm not.
I'm not you. Ugh!

34
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,705
Phone, play "Doll Parts" by Hole.

35
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,249
["Doll Parts" playing]
Yeah, I fucking love this song.

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00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,876
[turns off music]
- Okay, see?

37
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,460
You just proved my point a-fucking-gain.

38
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We're the same person.
I love this song.

39
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,798
You sound different to me,
'cause I'm going fucking crazy,

40
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,550
but in reality I'm just sitting in my car,

41
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,302
having a conversation with myself,
and I just told

42
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:35,220
my phone to play "Doll Parts"
by Hole, so...

43
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,306
["Doll Parts" playing]
Goddamn it.

44
00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:39,641
[turns off music]
- You know what?
You are the shitty feminist.

45
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:41,894
I hear you doing all types of,
like, rape roleplay,

46
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,563
you twisted little bitch.
- Okay. That, you know...

47
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,983
Roleplay, like... that's a consensual...

48
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:51,028
And-and a woman can be submissive in bed

49
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:54,948
and, like, not be, like...
- "Ooh, Daddy, it hurts!

50
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,451
Daddy, I'm Cody. Ooh, it hurts."
- Okay.

51
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,913
All right. When we do that,
it's, you know...

52
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:03,957
it-it is a fictional roleplay universe...

53
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:05,501
You know what, whatever, man.
It doesn't mean

54
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,419
I want to fuck my real dad.
- Wow. Okay,

55
00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:09,838
I didn't actually think
you wanted to fuck your real dad

56
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,757
until you just said that.
Now I'm like,

57
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,967
oh, my God,
you want to fuck your real dad.

58
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,636
Is he, like, hot or something?

59
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,222
- You're so annoying.
- [laughs] I'm annoying?

60
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,891
Dan and I had a good thing going
and we were super happy,

61
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,768
and you came
and you screwed everything up!

62
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,436
Ugh! We all know you're just dating Dan

63
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,021
because he's, like, a genius writer,

64
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,856
and you're hoping
it'll somehow rub off on you.

65
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:29,316
But it won't...
- ♪ They really want you ♪

66
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,610
♪ They really do ♪

67
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,490
♪ Yeah, they really want you ♪

68
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,825
♪ They really want you ♪

69
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,244
♪ And I do, too. ♪

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00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,828
BARBARA:
I want a green juice.

71
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,914
- Oh, that's too bad,
'cause you're plastic.

72
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- Your hands are clammy.

73
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,001
Ow! You're hurting me!

74
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,670
- Oh, no.

75
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,172
- You're such, like, "mean mom" vibes.

76
00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,467
Oh, my God, Cody.

77
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:58,345
Don't look now, but look now.

78
00:02:58,428 --> 00:02:59,972
Don't look now, but look now.

79
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,139
The redhead.

80
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,725
She's fucking disgusting. Ew.

81
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,227
Girl, you're looking gorgeous.

82
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,312
Keep rocking that wig.

83
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,398
[tapping desk bell]
- Hello?

84
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:12,109
- [laughs] Bet he's totally
jerking it back there.

85
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,986
- Who?
- The repairman.

86
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,321
- How do you know it's not a repairwoman?

87
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,031
- [sputters, snorts]

88
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,659
You're so cute.
You're so, like, of the moment.

89
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,787
I really am gonna miss you
when Dan breaks up with you.

90
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,415
♪ He's jerkin' off, he's jerkin' off ♪

91
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,750
♪ He's jerkin' off
in the back of the store. ♪

92
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,169
- Hey. Sorry about that.

93
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,837
I hope you weren't waiting long.

94
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,172
Did you hear anything?

95
00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:34,965
- See? I told you.
- Excuse me?

96
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,509
- No, I was just in the back
making a repair to a doll, and I

97
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:40,262
was wondering if you heard the
sound of me making the repairs.

98
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,723
- See?
- Yeah, I didn't hear anything,
so, you know,

99
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,767
for the future, like, you
don't have to ask that question.

100
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,769
- Oh. A lesson learned.

101
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,897
I am Stu.
How can I help you?

102
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,441
- Yeah, I just need to get that fixed.

103
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,277
- Yikes. That is nasty.

104
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,820
- You're nasty, dicklick.

105
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,363
- You know, actually,
I think it would be faster

106
00:03:58,447 --> 00:03:59,781
and cheaper just to get a new one.

107
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,825
- What?
No, no, it's, um...

108
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,203
it's my boyfriend's,
and he can't know about this,

109
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:07,039
so, you know, it would have
to look exactly like her,

110
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:10,667
and I know she's, like, a...
special one-of-a-kind order.

111
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:14,087
- Wait, that one?
- Yeah.

112
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:17,174
- No, no. That's a Kayla.
- A what?

113
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,343
- That's a Kayla.
That's a standard midrange model.

114
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,886
- That's not true.
- They discontinued those years ago

115
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,180
due to lack of interest.
- No. He's a fucking liar.

116
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,807
- Shame.
- I'll tell you what, we have
a bunch of 'em still in stock.

117
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,643
Maybe you just get a new one.
They're on sale.

118
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:30,145
- Great.
- What?
- Although...

119
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,981
I'm just thinking about your situation.

120
00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:34,233
- What's wrong?

121
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,609
- I don't know, it's just...

122
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,486
she's really worn out.

123
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:38,904
I think your boyfriend is

124
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,280
definitely gonna notice the difference.

125
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:41,782
Would you mind if I...?
- Please.

126
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,325
- Okay, this is just...
- Great.

127
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,493
BARBARA:
Ow!

128
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,495
Okay, guys, my tits are chilly in here.

129
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,497
If anyone happens to have a light cardie.

130
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,040
STU:
See, silicone isn't that different

131
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,291
from flesh, really.

132
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,252
Like, time just takes its toll.

133
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,254
- Yeah.
- Look at these fingers
right here, can you see these?

134
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,505
These are sort of...
- Oh, Jesus.

135
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:57,965
- Yeah, they're kind of melty.
- Gross.
- Melty?

136
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,883
No, no, no.
- Yeah, well, you know, this is the thing,

137
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,094
they're only really designed
to last ten years,

138
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,679
and so if you do the math, she's a MILF.

139
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,973
- Fuck off, Stu.
- But...

140
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,891
too old, too old to be a mother.

141
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,560
So I guess, like, a GILF or something.

142
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,854
- Okay, I'm actually unable to
conceive naturally, so the fact

143
00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:14,731
that you'd even bring that up
around me is very triggering.

144
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,316
- Let me get serious here for a second.

145
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,235
Let's take a look.
- Ew. What is he doing?

146
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,279
- Okay.
- Oh, my God! Ew!
Get out of there, perv!

147
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,657
- We got stage five vaginal stressing.

148
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,076
- Okay, Cody, look, I know we
never established a safe word,

149
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,453
and that is totally my bad--
we absolutely should have talked

150
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,873
about it-- but, like: safe word.

151
00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:33,041
- Left labia completely blown out.

152
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:35,419
- Okay, Cody, we can stop now.
- Now, the hair is easy,

153
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,087
because we can just...
- I'm actually really starting
to freak out.

154
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,422
Oh! My beautiful hair!

155
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,883
- Yeah. Pops right off.
Easy peasy.

156
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,302
- [ Barbara sobbing ]
- Yeah, we just pop that on
to a new doll,

157
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:45,470
'cause their wigs, they come
with a much higher quality

158
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:48,098
of hair, and he would definitely
notice something like that.

159
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,267
- [crying]
Oh, Cody, please...

160
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,894
- Right. Okay.

161
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,896
- Now, take a look at the face here.

162
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,480
See these cracks?

163
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:57,608
These are called compression tears.

164
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,401
They just happen over time.

165
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,153
- Right.
- Look, I'm just

166
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,780
spitballing here, but maybe
we can take a rolling chair,

167
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,657
and we roll it over the face

168
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:08,827
of the new one, back and forth
and back and forth, until...

169
00:06:08,911 --> 00:06:10,454
we can match this cracky face.

170
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,289
But don't you think your boyfriend

171
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,291
would prefer a new model?

172
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,543
I mean... just look at her.

173
00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:19,338
She's useless.

174
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:20,714
- [Barbara sniffles]

175
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,133
[beep]
MAN [over speakers]: Stu.

176
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:25,260
Could you report to the loading dock?

177
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:26,970
The new anuses just arrived.

178
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,805
- Nice.

179
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:33,810
[somber music playing]