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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

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‎我小時候在加拿大被熊追過

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‎那時我正走路穿越森林

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‎然後我走到一隻熊面前

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‎結果牠朝我跑來，開始追我

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‎我拔腿就跑，躲在一間小木屋裡

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‎然後，我可以聽到牠的聲音

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‎牠在屋子外面踱步，還有牠的呼吸聲

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‎就像《神鬼獵人》一樣

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‎然後我真的很害怕

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‎但最糟糕的部分是…

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‎我不是百分之百確定
‎這件事有沒有發生過

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‎就是…

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‎我記得這件事，我有這段記憶

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‎但如果妳用槍指著我
‎問我那是不是真的

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‎我…

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‎一切都很模糊

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‎這就是我對我青少年時期的感覺

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‎一切都很模糊，而且…

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‎我曾經有過幾段感情

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‎我以為是那種關係

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‎我以為我們在戀愛

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‎但或許，那是完全不一樣的關係

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‎而我現在第一次回頭看

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‎好好思考那些關係

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‎卻覺得“搞屁啊？”

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‎妳懂我意思嗎？

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‎寶貝，妳需要一個笑點

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‎這不是笑話，唐娜，我…

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‎我正在經歷一些事

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‎有件事一定能讓妳開心

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‎這是大消息

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‎我不是說過要為妳做大事嗎？

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‎妳聽好了

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‎阿尼瑞佛斯

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‎-阿尼瑞佛斯怎樣？
‎-他突然打電話給我

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‎他要妳和傑克貝瑞
‎去參加他的搶答節目

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‎電視啊，梅，要上電視了！

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‎搖頭？什麼意思？

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‎抱歉，是阿尼瑞佛斯

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‎我剛剛說的就是這種事

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‎妳知道他曾經
‎想在廁所讓我看他下面嗎？

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‎這種人就是讓我變成
‎裝滿保鮮盒的PTSD患者的原因之一

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‎醫生說我有創傷後壓力症候群，抱歉

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‎抱歉，梅

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‎這不得了，妳是說妳曾被性騷擾過？

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‎是啊，有一點吧，但這沒什麼

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‎很多人都經歷過，他們都沒事

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‎-妳也經歷過，對吧？
‎-當然有

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‎妳又能怎麼做？

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‎沒錯，妳要怎麼做？

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‎幹

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‎我在妳這年紀時
‎根本沒人敢講這種事

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‎我能做的就是
‎在我的小簿子上寫下黑名單

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‎那些名字的主人
‎會因為他們的罪行下地獄

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‎但時代不同了

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‎妳有舞台，也有機會

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‎什麼機會？

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‎妳要去上阿尼的搶答節目

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‎在那個直播節目上

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‎妳要把他做的骯髒事抖出來

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‎我不知道那有什麼用

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‎讓他得到報應，梅

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‎伸張正義

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‎為了所有被他那樣對待過的女人

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‎妳會是《捍衛任務3》裡的約翰維克

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‎我一直想當約翰維克

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‎好，謝謝你們

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‎-我不會讓你們…
‎-我有好消息，你…

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‎你在跟誰說話？

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‎-妳又在跟誰說話？
‎-跟你啊

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‎我也是，妳好，梅

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‎你好，菲爾

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‎喬治，我有事要宣布

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‎我有一個大消息

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‎-怎麼了？
‎-你們聽聽

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‎我要去上《趣味亂談》了

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‎阿尼瑞佛斯的搶答節目
‎我要上電視了

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‎-什麼？
‎-哎呀呀

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‎我知道他是個變態，他曾經想騷擾我

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‎但你們知道嗎？

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‎我要在直播節目上提起這件事

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‎那有多帥？

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‎就像《追殺比爾》

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‎我不曉得該說什麼，那真的很勇敢

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‎不過也很瘋狂？

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‎這是好事！唐娜覺得很好

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‎這就像是…

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‎我終於要對我覺得惱怒的事做出反擊

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‎那很好啊

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‎我跟妳去

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‎我也是，我們一起去

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‎不，我想自己完成這件事

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‎我終於要像個大人處理事情了

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‎我是個成年人
‎我做得到，我要當個積極的人

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‎不如先做心理治療吧，小傢伙？

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‎這感覺有點混亂

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‎不行，我得去想一些笑話
‎我從來沒上過電視

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‎我該穿什麼？

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‎黑色T恤？

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‎白色T恤？

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‎我得去打包一些衣服了！

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‎-哈囉？
‎-嘿，爸

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‎-我是說馬爾康
‎-哈囉，菲爾，有什麼消息嗎？

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‎有，我有消息

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‎詭異的消息

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‎天啊

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‎不，我不敢相信

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‎克洛奇，別這樣，我又不是要死了

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‎我只是沒時間來參加這個小組了

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‎對不起

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‎-喬治，這跟我們分手有關嗎？
‎-艾略特，你一直都很棒

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‎我只是…抱歉，克洛奇

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‎克洛奇，住手

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‎抱歉

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‎抱歉如果我有漏掉什麼

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‎但喬治，不就是妳提出
‎要我們在星期三傍晚見面

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‎來討論期末的大專題嗎？

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‎我有點搞不懂，因為這是妳的主意

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‎對啦，貝琪

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‎沒錯，是我的主意，但是…

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‎梅現在真的很不好過

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‎我必須成為她的支柱

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‎她是我的優先考量，而且…

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‎這件事必須先擱一邊

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‎好吧

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‎至少來個團體擁抱當作結束吧？

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‎能不能用團體揮手來代替呢？

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‎好，我會有一間休息室

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‎還有帶妝彩排
‎我想最後還有一次總彩排吧

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‎妳想過節目結束後
‎妳會有什麼感受嗎？

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‎節目結束後
‎我會覺得自己像連恩尼遜

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‎我終於可以要那些人負起責任

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‎-我的頭髮可以嗎？
‎-可以，梅

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‎妳的頭髮沒變過，妳就像個動漫角色

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‎我以為妳想要史考特
‎和加拿大那些人負起責任

137
00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:31,581
‎但現在是阿尼？

138
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‎誰管史考特啊？

139
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‎我知道我對史考特的感覺

140
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‎我現在完全不回他訊息

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‎他就是個蠢蛋

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‎沒人會在乎一個
‎多倫多喜劇俱樂部的技術人員

143
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‎這次不一樣，這是一個有權力的人

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‎這是大事

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‎好了，掰

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‎掰，我們那裡見

147
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‎妳不用上班嗎？

148
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‎我請了一天假，我想幫忙

149
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‎妳真好，但我真的不需要妳

150
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‎我不是殘疾人士，我是個戰士

151
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‎我就像魯菲奧

152
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‎傑克，你覺得我的頭髮有變過嗎？

153
00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:09,381
‎要是我在錄影途中哭了怎麼辦？

154
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‎我好怕

155
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‎我們在裡面會合，我要確認一樣東西

156
00:06:16,021 --> 00:06:18,101
‎好，妳覺得他們會讓我去廁所嗎？

157
00:06:20,901 --> 00:06:21,741
‎菲爾？

158
00:06:22,821 --> 00:06:24,101
‎-不是
‎-什麼叫“不是”？

159
00:06:24,181 --> 00:06:25,861
‎你在幹嘛？我叫你不要來

160
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‎我知道，妳爸媽要我照顧妳

161
00:06:30,581 --> 00:06:32,341
‎我爸媽？你在說什麼？

162
00:06:32,421 --> 00:06:34,141
‎不要恨我，我們才剛開始聊天

163
00:06:34,221 --> 00:06:37,341
‎你剛開始跟我在加拿大的爸媽聊天？

164
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‎他們擔心妳

165
00:06:38,341 --> 00:06:40,181
‎妳離開勒戒所，又不接他們電話

166
00:06:40,261 --> 00:06:41,861
‎我沒有不接電話

167
00:06:41,941 --> 00:06:44,821
‎他們不尊重我的選擇，或是我的隱私

168
00:06:44,901 --> 00:06:47,261
‎-我猜你也一樣
‎-等等，拜託妳聽我說

169
00:06:47,821 --> 00:06:49,741
‎我真的不認為這是個好主意

170
00:06:49,821 --> 00:06:51,701
‎妳有創傷後壓力症候群

171
00:06:51,781 --> 00:06:54,821
‎妳不覺得妳該跟專業人士談
‎而不是跟經紀人談嗎？

172
00:06:54,901 --> 00:06:57,261
‎唐娜是專業人士，她是專業經紀人

173
00:06:57,341 --> 00:06:59,821
‎拜託，這是好多年來第一次

174
00:06:59,901 --> 00:07:01,861
‎我覺得這麼強壯又有活力

175
00:07:01,941 --> 00:07:03,421
‎我覺得自己就像凱羅忍

176
00:07:03,501 --> 00:07:05,421
‎我想自己完成這件事，按照我的意思

177
00:07:05,501 --> 00:07:07,101
‎是按照妳的意思嗎，梅？

178
00:07:07,701 --> 00:07:09,101
‎因為感覺起來不像

179
00:07:09,181 --> 00:07:11,621
‎老實說，對我而言，演藝圈就是地獄

180
00:07:12,421 --> 00:07:13,261
‎是地獄

181
00:07:13,821 --> 00:07:16,461
‎相信我，我來自好萊塢那個花花世界

182
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‎那裡到處都是像唐娜這種可怕的騙子

183
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,381
‎為了一些傻笑，把痛苦包裝成商品

184
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‎這是我的工作，菲爾

185
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‎我喜歡演藝圈，我也喜歡傻笑

186
00:07:25,021 --> 00:07:26,541
‎或許我就是個騙子

187
00:07:26,621 --> 00:07:29,141
‎而且唐娜說創傷現在非常新潮

188
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‎我相信她

189
00:07:30,261 --> 00:07:32,101
‎其實我相信她遠勝過相信你

190
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‎因為至少她沒戴著奇怪的帽子跟蹤我

191
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‎天啊，回家啦，菲爾

192
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‎對不起

193
00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:49,701
‎啊呵，船長

194
00:07:49,781 --> 00:07:50,621
‎爸？

195
00:07:51,541 --> 00:07:52,461
‎你來幹嘛？

196
00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:54,061
‎我來看看妳在做什麼

197
00:07:54,621 --> 00:07:55,981
‎我很忙

198
00:07:56,061 --> 00:07:58,101
‎你不能沒打個招呼就這樣跑來

199
00:07:58,181 --> 00:07:59,901
‎我可以，這是我的房子

200
00:08:00,661 --> 00:08:03,221
‎我只想來拿妳的舊嬰兒床和嬰兒車

201
00:08:03,301 --> 00:08:04,381
‎要給新寶寶用

202
00:08:04,461 --> 00:08:05,981
‎他再三個禮拜就出生了

203
00:08:06,061 --> 00:08:08,141
‎天啊，我好興奮我要當爸爸了

204
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,381
‎你已經是是爸爸了

205
00:08:09,461 --> 00:08:10,781
‎你是我爸，如果你還記得

206
00:08:10,861 --> 00:08:12,181
‎對哦

207
00:08:12,261 --> 00:08:14,861
‎算了，你來得不是時候，我要遲到了

208
00:08:14,941 --> 00:08:18,501
‎我要參加《趣味亂談》的錄影
‎去支持梅，我的女朋友

209
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:19,581
‎記得我有女友嗎？

210
00:08:19,661 --> 00:08:21,981
‎對，我有收到電子郵件，真是有趣

211
00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:26,061
‎抱歉我沒回信
‎那時正在看溫布頓四強賽

212
00:08:26,141 --> 00:08:28,901
‎-原來如此
‎-嘿，我也可以參加錄影啊

213
00:08:28,981 --> 00:08:30,261
‎-不好吧
‎-沒錯

214
00:08:30,341 --> 00:08:32,541
‎然後我們可以聚聚，我也能見見梅

215
00:08:33,261 --> 00:08:35,581
‎我當司機，我開了捷豹

216
00:08:35,661 --> 00:08:37,221
‎梅把我放在賓客名單

217
00:08:37,301 --> 00:08:40,061
‎我不認為這麼晚了你還買得到票

218
00:08:40,141 --> 00:08:41,861
‎買到了，真是容易，太好了

219
00:08:42,621 --> 00:08:45,621
‎我們去閣樓拿寶寶的東西，泡杯茶吧

220
00:08:47,061 --> 00:08:47,901
‎請進

221
00:08:55,261 --> 00:08:57,141
‎嗨，親愛的，妳好啊

222
00:08:57,221 --> 00:08:59,381
‎好，我們來好好看看妳

223
00:08:59,461 --> 00:09:01,781
‎撲點腮紅，上點眼影，擦點口紅

224
00:09:01,861 --> 00:09:02,861
‎大功告成，好嗎？

225
00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:05,061
‎或許就走樸素路線好了，我…

226
00:09:05,141 --> 00:09:06,781
‎這只是為了上鏡頭，親愛的

227
00:09:06,861 --> 00:09:07,741
‎天啊

228
00:09:07,821 --> 00:09:09,781
‎或許妳就把我當成男生來準備就好

229
00:09:09,861 --> 00:09:10,781
‎把我當成男生

230
00:09:10,861 --> 00:09:12,421
‎但妳不是男生吧，親愛的？

231
00:09:13,021 --> 00:09:15,061
‎妳不會讓我難做人吧？

232
00:09:15,141 --> 00:09:16,261
‎梅！

233
00:09:16,341 --> 00:09:17,381
‎-嘿，嗨
‎-嗨

234
00:09:17,461 --> 00:09:19,701
‎感謝妳來參加第六季的《趣味亂談》

235
00:09:19,781 --> 00:09:21,701
‎謝謝你們邀請我，我真的很興奮

236
00:09:21,781 --> 00:09:23,061
‎會很棒的，那麼…

237
00:09:23,141 --> 00:09:25,861
‎首先呢，我需要妳錄一段自白

238
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:26,981
‎就介紹妳自己

239
00:09:27,061 --> 00:09:30,221
‎編劇幫你們把台詞寫好了
‎傑克正在錄他的

240
00:09:30,301 --> 00:09:31,141
‎開始，傑克

241
00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:32,381
‎“我是傑克貝瑞

242
00:09:32,461 --> 00:09:35,741
‎我就像賽斯羅根，但沒腦袋也沒魅力

243
00:09:36,501 --> 00:09:38,901
‎快來看我報導熱騰騰的新聞

244
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:42,501
‎熱騰騰…我餓餓”

245
00:09:43,181 --> 00:09:45,301
‎我好喜歡，真好笑，傑克

246
00:09:45,381 --> 00:09:46,701
‎梅，來看看妳的台詞

247
00:09:46,781 --> 00:09:48,701
‎我們試著用妳的角度寫

248
00:09:48,781 --> 00:09:50,181
‎“嗨，我是梅馬汀

249
00:09:50,261 --> 00:09:52,021
‎有些人覺得我看起來像男生

250
00:09:52,101 --> 00:09:54,821
‎有點奇怪，但我想也有點酷吧”

251
00:09:55,901 --> 00:09:58,901
‎非常好，再多點熱情，要說服大家

252
00:09:59,661 --> 00:10:00,741
‎開拍

253
00:10:00,821 --> 00:10:03,661
‎“嗨，我是梅馬汀
‎有些人覺得我看起來像男生

254
00:10:03,741 --> 00:10:06,421
‎有點奇怪，但我想也有點酷吧”

255
00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:09,261
‎-我不喜歡…
‎-讓她自己說吧，馬克

256
00:10:09,341 --> 00:10:11,181
‎她即興發揮的時候最棒了

257
00:10:11,261 --> 00:10:12,101
‎阿尼

258
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,381
‎-妳好嗎？
‎-嗨

259
00:10:15,301 --> 00:10:17,101
‎-謝謝妳願意來
‎-謝謝你邀請我

260
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:19,501
‎錄影時我會照顧妳，一定會很棒

261
00:10:19,581 --> 00:10:21,941
‎別拿這東西煩她，莫琳

262
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:25,021
‎-馬克，我佔用一下梅
‎-好，沒問題

263
00:10:26,381 --> 00:10:27,221
‎嗨，阿尼

264
00:10:30,261 --> 00:10:31,301
‎聽著，梅

265
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:34,381
‎我想要為那個小事件道歉

266
00:10:34,461 --> 00:10:37,141
‎我那時想讓妳看我著名的老二

267
00:10:37,781 --> 00:10:39,901
‎那真的很糟糕，我說真的

268
00:10:40,461 --> 00:10:43,541
‎我當時狀況不太好，但我現在好多了

269
00:10:43,621 --> 00:10:44,661
‎那很好

270
00:10:44,741 --> 00:10:49,221
‎你不是第一個在工作場合
‎想主動對我秀出老二的喜劇演員

271
00:10:50,261 --> 00:10:51,261
‎那太好了

272
00:10:52,581 --> 00:10:53,621
‎那不好

273
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,221
‎當然不好

274
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:56,981
‎但妳懂我的意思

275
00:10:57,061 --> 00:10:58,701
‎總之，謝謝妳不計較

276
00:10:59,981 --> 00:11:01,541
‎錄影時表現好一點

277
00:11:01,621 --> 00:11:03,621
‎我會在節目後把妳介紹給製作人

278
00:11:03,701 --> 00:11:05,821
‎他們一直在找搞笑的人

279
00:11:11,661 --> 00:11:12,581
‎妳還好嗎？

280
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,781
‎很好

281
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:17,621
‎我真的很興奮

282
00:11:17,701 --> 00:11:20,101
‎很好，我錄影時會幫妳

283
00:11:20,181 --> 00:11:23,541
‎邀請妳上節目
‎只是我想向妳道歉的爛藉口

284
00:11:24,501 --> 00:11:26,141
‎阿尼，你得到現場了

285
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:28,541
‎我們現場見了

286
00:11:36,101 --> 00:11:38,341
‎跟我說說妳的工作吧

287
00:11:38,421 --> 00:11:41,701
‎誰最討人厭？誰又跟誰上床了？

288
00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:44,181
‎爸，那是學校，不是淫窟

289
00:11:44,781 --> 00:11:47,141
‎-那告訴我啊，工作如何？
‎-這個嘛…

290
00:11:47,221 --> 00:11:49,381
‎我創立了一個社會行動主義小組

291
00:11:49,461 --> 00:11:51,421
‎那還蠻棒的，但是我放棄了

292
00:11:52,261 --> 00:11:53,221
‎為什麼？

293
00:11:54,141 --> 00:11:56,381
‎梅現在正經歷很多事

294
00:11:57,461 --> 00:11:58,501
‎好吧

295
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,861
‎-噢
‎-你要幹嘛？

296
00:12:01,941 --> 00:12:03,981
‎我要去那間店買太陽眼鏡

297
00:12:04,061 --> 00:12:05,741
‎不要啦，爸，我們會遲到

298
00:12:05,821 --> 00:12:07,541
‎沒事啦，花不了多少時間

299
00:12:07,621 --> 00:12:08,501
‎不要啦，爸

300
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:14,941
‎這條路看起來不太對

301
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:17,061
‎爸，我們迷路了嗎？

302
00:12:17,141 --> 00:12:19,821
‎沒有，才沒有，這是捷徑

303
00:12:19,901 --> 00:12:20,741
‎相信我

304
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,741
‎天啊，爸，這個人裸體嗎？

305
00:12:25,821 --> 00:12:27,821
‎真該死，那是薇薇安

306
00:12:27,901 --> 00:12:29,781
‎我在健身房遇見她

307
00:12:30,581 --> 00:12:31,821
‎真是一對巨乳

308
00:12:31,901 --> 00:12:32,781
‎你在開玩笑嗎？

309
00:12:32,861 --> 00:12:34,541
‎-你在開玩笑嗎？
‎-什麼？

310
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,621
‎你跟你的新太太馬上就要有孩子了

311
00:12:36,701 --> 00:12:38,941
‎喬治，卡蜜拉和我奉行開放式婚姻

312
00:12:39,021 --> 00:12:39,901
‎什麼？

313
00:12:40,781 --> 00:12:42,181
‎-是嗎？
‎-對

314
00:12:42,861 --> 00:12:45,901
‎我到處拈花惹草，卡蜜拉也一樣

315
00:12:45,981 --> 00:12:47,061
‎我們不會嫉妒

316
00:12:47,981 --> 00:12:50,741
‎說真的，那樣很棒
‎讓我們的感情更穩固

317
00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:52,901
‎天啊

318
00:12:53,821 --> 00:12:55,941
‎我還以為所有年輕人都這樣

319
00:12:56,701 --> 00:12:58,461
‎尤其是妳和梅，妳們這麼…

320
00:12:59,101 --> 00:12:59,941
‎新潮

321
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,621
‎其實梅非常傳統

322
00:13:03,581 --> 00:13:06,861
‎真的，她很容易感覺到壓力

323
00:13:06,941 --> 00:13:09,781
‎那真的不是我們會做的事

324
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:11,021
‎好吧

325
00:13:11,821 --> 00:13:12,741
‎真可惜

326
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,661
‎妳想看我甩尾嗎？

327
00:13:17,741 --> 00:13:19,301
‎不用了，謝謝，你會撞車

328
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,381
‎我才不會

329
00:13:21,261 --> 00:13:22,821
‎我就像龐德，看好了

330
00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:24,221
‎爸，不要！爸！

331
00:13:56,541 --> 00:14:00,661
‎好，如果你之前
‎參加過阿尼瑞佛斯的《趣味亂談》

332
00:14:00,741 --> 00:14:01,981
‎給我一個歡呼

333
00:14:02,861 --> 00:14:04,061
‎非常好

334
00:14:04,141 --> 00:14:06,821
‎你們都了解這個節目，這是現場直播

335
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:09,421
‎所以不要挖鼻孔，不要打斷錄影

336
00:14:09,501 --> 00:14:10,941
‎保持你們的熱情

337
00:14:15,941 --> 00:14:16,941
‎我看到我媽了

338
00:14:18,621 --> 00:14:19,461
‎嘿，寶貝

339
00:14:20,541 --> 00:14:22,021
‎準備好讓他死得難看嗎？

340
00:14:22,101 --> 00:14:23,181
‎深呼吸，就是這樣

341
00:14:23,261 --> 00:14:25,461
‎記住，在中場休息之後

342
00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:28,581
‎妳要充滿自信，瞪著他的眼睛說

343
00:14:28,661 --> 00:14:30,461
‎“嘿，我們要不要來談談

344
00:14:30,541 --> 00:14:33,021
‎你其實是個他媽的爛人，髒東西”

345
00:14:33,101 --> 00:14:34,461
‎但當然是用妳的話來說

346
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,541
‎-好，我現在有點疑慮
‎-什麼？

347
00:14:37,621 --> 00:14:40,821
‎我們有想過
‎節目結束後，我會怎樣嗎？

348
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:42,661
‎不，這就是好玩的地方

349
00:14:42,741 --> 00:14:45,261
‎小報爭相探聽，還能上晨間脫口秀

350
00:14:45,341 --> 00:14:47,261
‎《太陽報》或許會有滿版報導

351
00:14:47,341 --> 00:14:48,661
‎還有《名人老大哥》

352
00:14:48,741 --> 00:14:52,141
‎是啊，但要是我想
‎參加那種有深度的網飛特別節目

353
00:14:52,221 --> 00:14:54,261
‎或者他的律師找我麻煩怎麼辦？

354
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,861
‎-讓他放馬過來
‎-請準備讓梅和傑克上場

355
00:14:57,941 --> 00:14:59,941
‎唐娜，要是我記錯了呢？

356
00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:02,021
‎梅，別再胡鬧了

357
00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:05,181
‎妳必須為每一個沒有舞台的人這樣做

358
00:15:05,261 --> 00:15:08,181
‎-這是妳欠我的
‎-梅和傑克上場

359
00:15:09,981 --> 00:15:13,621
‎請掌聲歡迎《趣味亂談》的參賽來賓

360
00:15:14,421 --> 00:15:15,581
‎傑克貝瑞

361
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:18,181
‎梅馬汀！

362
00:15:20,581 --> 00:15:23,221
‎歡迎來到新一集的《趣味亂談》

363
00:15:23,741 --> 00:15:25,421
‎梅，很高興妳來上節目

364
00:15:25,501 --> 00:15:26,501
‎謝了，阿尼

365
00:15:26,581 --> 00:15:28,781
‎我只是來滿足來賓的多樣性需求

366
00:15:29,861 --> 00:15:32,341
‎很高興是由妳說出口，而不是我

367
00:15:32,421 --> 00:15:33,581
‎傑克，你好嗎？

368
00:15:33,661 --> 00:15:35,381
‎很好，我只是來吃點心的

369
00:15:42,101 --> 00:15:42,981
‎還要多久？

370
00:15:43,061 --> 00:15:44,941
‎他說引擎旁邊塞滿樹枝

371
00:15:45,021 --> 00:15:46,861
‎但沒什麼大損害

372
00:15:46,941 --> 00:15:48,621
‎我們大約1小時就能離開了

373
00:15:49,141 --> 00:15:50,021
‎1小時？

374
00:15:50,621 --> 00:15:52,221
‎我現在就該在那裡了！

375
00:15:52,301 --> 00:15:55,181
‎有什麼大不了？
‎妳只是在觀眾席，遲到一點沒關係

376
00:15:55,261 --> 00:15:56,301
‎不，我不能遲到

377
00:15:56,381 --> 00:15:58,261
‎要支持一個人

378
00:15:58,341 --> 00:16:00,701
‎表示你真的要在現場支持對方

379
00:16:00,781 --> 00:16:03,861
‎不是只有在你方便時才慢條斯理出現

380
00:16:03,941 --> 00:16:05,501
‎什麼？妳在說什麼？

381
00:16:05,581 --> 00:16:08,061
‎你是我見過最自私的人了

382
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:11,821
‎我對你來說
‎從來不是最重要的，對吧？

383
00:16:11,901 --> 00:16:14,621
‎那是因為妳應該要對妳自己最重要

384
00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:17,821
‎我真的不認為
‎你懂得成人之間要怎麼維繫感情

385
00:16:18,381 --> 00:16:20,901
‎有時候你必須犧牲自己的需求

386
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,021
‎天啊，妳聽起來跟妳媽一模一樣

387
00:16:23,101 --> 00:16:24,661
‎像個該死的殉道者

388
00:16:24,741 --> 00:16:27,181
‎我跟妳媽忍受彼此好幾年了

389
00:16:27,261 --> 00:16:29,541
‎我那時很不開心，她也是

390
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:32,101
‎妳也是，妳不是個開心的孩子

391
00:16:32,181 --> 00:16:35,821
‎妳常到後院裡唱船歌，那真的很奇怪

392
00:16:36,461 --> 00:16:38,101
‎沒錯，或許我是自私

393
00:16:38,181 --> 00:16:40,861
‎但我掌管我自己的快樂

394
00:16:40,941 --> 00:16:42,861
‎我覺得妳或許也該這麼做

395
00:16:42,941 --> 00:16:45,221
‎你今天為什麼要來找我，爸？

396
00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:48,261
‎你來之前一切都沒事
‎但現在我們卻卡在水溝裡

397
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,261
‎梅需要我

398
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,341
‎我來是因為我要有兒子了

399
00:16:51,421 --> 00:16:54,981
‎我想要他有個姊姊，我想要妳認識他

400
00:16:55,061 --> 00:16:56,781
‎我們無法總是得償所願，對吧？

401
00:16:56,861 --> 00:16:59,501
‎我想我要用跑的
‎我要準時到那裡，再見

402
00:16:59,581 --> 00:17:01,501
‎喬治，別這樣！

403
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,501
‎你要留著這些樹枝嗎？

404
00:17:07,821 --> 00:17:11,541
‎-梅？
‎-金卡戴珊參加墨西哥街頭樂隊？

405
00:17:12,381 --> 00:17:14,221
‎我要為這個答案給妳一分

406
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:15,581
‎來到中場休息時間

407
00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:18,021
‎目前由梅領先六分

408
00:17:18,101 --> 00:17:20,821
‎傑克，毫不意外，零分

409
00:17:22,021 --> 00:17:23,581
‎我們馬上回來

410
00:17:25,541 --> 00:17:27,701
‎-嘿，我表現如何？
‎-棒透了，梅

411
00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:28,861
‎-真的嗎？
‎-不騙妳

412
00:17:28,941 --> 00:17:31,181
‎我們臨時才找妳來取代布萊德切斯特

413
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:33,621
‎這是我們做過最好的決定
‎找妳來合適多了

414
00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:34,701
‎-是嗎？
‎-對

415
00:17:34,781 --> 00:17:37,541
‎妳年輕又風趣，符合節目的風格

416
00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:40,181
‎布萊德在推特上
‎嚷嚷說要停止資助警隊

417
00:17:40,261 --> 00:17:41,701
‎我們是該停止資助警隊

418
00:17:41,781 --> 00:17:42,861
‎當然，沒錯

419
00:17:42,941 --> 00:17:44,381
‎但也要看時機和場合啊

420
00:17:44,461 --> 00:17:47,381
‎這個節目適合搞笑的人
‎不適合生氣的人

421
00:17:47,461 --> 00:17:49,541
‎聽著，妳會想再來上節目嗎？

422
00:17:49,621 --> 00:17:50,901
‎或許來客串主持？

423
00:17:50,981 --> 00:17:52,301
‎-你是認真的嗎？
‎-是啊

424
00:17:52,381 --> 00:17:53,781
‎好啊，我當然願意

425
00:17:53,861 --> 00:17:56,541
‎我們下週找時間聊聊
‎我想聽聽妳有什麼點子

426
00:17:56,621 --> 00:17:58,421
‎或許我們能迸出什麼火花

427
00:17:58,501 --> 00:17:59,661
‎好，我的確有個點子

428
00:17:59,741 --> 00:18:02,381
‎有點像是忍者戰士，但還有樹懶

429
00:18:03,861 --> 00:18:05,901
‎好啊，真是瘋狂，我們再聊？

430
00:18:05,981 --> 00:18:07,021
‎我是認真的

431
00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:08,581
‎-好
‎-好

432
00:18:10,341 --> 00:18:11,981
‎嘿，妳準備好了嗎？

433
00:18:12,061 --> 00:18:13,341
‎我現在這樣想

434
00:18:14,141 --> 00:18:17,061
‎唐娜，我從13歲就開始講笑話了

435
00:18:17,141 --> 00:18:21,261
‎所以我已經嘗試了17年
‎因為搞笑而能上電視

436
00:18:21,341 --> 00:18:22,541
‎現在我終於…

437
00:18:23,741 --> 00:18:26,421
‎-我不會那樣做
‎-妳他媽一定要做

438
00:18:27,021 --> 00:18:29,301
‎我不要，比爾博巴金斯

439
00:18:29,381 --> 00:18:31,301
‎15秒後開始，各位

440
00:18:44,621 --> 00:18:45,781
‎我們回到現場

441
00:18:45,861 --> 00:18:47,941
‎繼續《趣味亂談》的第三回合

442
00:18:48,541 --> 00:18:50,541
‎希望你們都喝過飲料，上完廁所

443
00:18:50,621 --> 00:18:53,781
‎準備迎接“屁”味橫生的狂歡了

444
00:18:54,741 --> 00:18:56,501
‎誰寫的爛哏？

445
00:18:57,461 --> 00:18:58,661
‎好了，兩位來賓

446
00:18:59,261 --> 00:19:01,101
‎有沒有人能說出

447
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:06,501
‎在首相的冰箱裡
‎可以找到什麼不尋常的東西？

448
00:19:06,581 --> 00:19:07,421
‎梅？

449
00:19:19,221 --> 00:19:20,061
‎阿尼？

450
00:19:22,821 --> 00:19:23,901
‎你記不記得…

451
00:19:31,181 --> 00:19:33,461
‎我不曉得

452
00:19:34,061 --> 00:19:35,701
‎好吧

453
00:19:37,501 --> 00:19:38,741
‎傑克，你呢？

454
00:19:42,261 --> 00:19:43,261
‎阿尼

455
00:19:43,341 --> 00:19:47,541
‎聽說你曾經想強迫梅
‎在廁所摸你的小弟弟，是真的嗎？

456
00:19:49,621 --> 00:19:50,621
‎你說什麼？

457
00:19:53,021 --> 00:19:54,741
‎梅，是真的嗎？

458
00:19:59,461 --> 00:20:01,581
‎傑克，我覺得你不該把我和阿尼

459
00:20:01,661 --> 00:20:04,181
‎跟你糟糕的性幻想扯上關係

460
00:20:04,261 --> 00:20:06,101
‎-你懂我意思嗎？
‎-是啊

461
00:20:06,181 --> 00:20:08,301
‎阿尼，能不能用黏液懲罰傑克？

462
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:12,061
‎-沒錯，我們可以
‎-黏糊糊時刻！

463
00:20:23,341 --> 00:20:24,501
‎-嗨
‎-嗨

464
00:20:24,581 --> 00:20:27,141
‎抱歉，我來參加《趣味亂談》

465
00:20:27,221 --> 00:20:29,061
‎-我叫喬治羅森
‎-好

466
00:20:29,141 --> 00:20:31,461
‎我在梅馬汀的賓客名單上

467
00:20:32,581 --> 00:20:33,421
‎好

468
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,581
‎抱歉，妳的名字不在名單上

469
00:20:38,941 --> 00:20:40,941
‎-妳確定嗎？
‎-確定

470
00:20:43,221 --> 00:20:44,061
‎抱歉

471
00:20:47,741 --> 00:20:48,581
‎好

472
00:20:49,821 --> 00:20:50,981
‎好，謝謝了

473
00:20:52,781 --> 00:20:53,781
‎沒關係

474
00:21:00,821 --> 00:21:03,381
‎所以呢？發生什麼事了？

475
00:21:04,741 --> 00:21:06,501
‎梅沒有把我放在賓客名單上

476
00:21:06,581 --> 00:21:07,821
‎什麼？

477
00:21:07,901 --> 00:21:09,741
‎那個骯髒的死賤人！

478
00:21:09,821 --> 00:21:10,741
‎不，她說過了

479
00:21:10,821 --> 00:21:14,421
‎她說她不需要我，但我堅持要來

480
00:21:16,061 --> 00:21:17,181
‎我在幹嘛？

481
00:21:19,021 --> 00:21:21,141
‎我因為這件事還請了一天假

482
00:21:21,221 --> 00:21:22,861
‎沒人要求我這樣做

483
00:21:23,421 --> 00:21:24,261
‎妳知道嗎？

484
00:21:25,261 --> 00:21:27,621
‎殉道者的問題就是

485
00:21:27,701 --> 00:21:30,101
‎他們會覺得：“噢，我真命苦”

486
00:21:30,181 --> 00:21:34,981
‎然後在他們注意到之前
‎就已經變成一堆枯骨和塵土了

487
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:38,461
‎妳想要自己變成這樣嗎？

488
00:21:40,261 --> 00:21:41,101
‎不想

489
00:21:41,181 --> 00:21:43,141
‎好，那妳想要什麼？

490
00:21:43,221 --> 00:21:45,501
‎要是逼妳現在就做出決定

491
00:21:46,301 --> 00:21:49,261
‎妳這輩子到底想要什麼？

492
00:21:52,461 --> 00:21:53,341
‎我想要…

493
00:21:54,621 --> 00:21:55,981
‎能擅長我的工作

494
00:21:56,581 --> 00:21:58,701
‎說來奇怪，我真的喜歡我的工作

495
00:21:58,781 --> 00:22:00,421
‎很好，還有呢？

496
00:22:02,461 --> 00:22:03,901
‎我想要拯救蜜蜂

497
00:22:04,781 --> 00:22:07,181
‎我想要孩子們也想拯救蜜蜂

498
00:22:07,261 --> 00:22:08,781
‎因為將來蜜蜂是他們的

499
00:22:09,381 --> 00:22:10,381
‎工作之外呢？

500
00:22:12,741 --> 00:22:15,621
‎我不想變得像你和媽一樣

501
00:22:16,461 --> 00:22:18,421
‎一直都小心翼翼

502
00:22:21,141 --> 00:22:23,221
‎我擔心我會就這樣消失

503
00:22:29,061 --> 00:22:30,781
‎而且我想去度假

504
00:22:31,461 --> 00:22:32,701
‎那就去度假啊

505
00:22:45,181 --> 00:22:47,661
‎你想過要幫寶寶取什麼名字嗎？

506
00:22:50,061 --> 00:22:52,421
‎-你一定在開玩笑
‎-怎樣？那是強壯的名字

507
00:22:52,501 --> 00:22:55,941
‎-你要給我弟取名叫“喬治”？
‎-沒錯，以我的名字命名

508
00:22:56,021 --> 00:22:59,021
‎你真的是個惡劣的王八蛋

509
00:23:00,101 --> 00:23:02,581
‎那妳現在想怎樣？妳要等梅嗎？

510
00:23:02,661 --> 00:23:04,701
‎不了，因為梅沒事

511
00:23:05,821 --> 00:23:07,901
‎-可以載我去辦公室嗎？
‎-好

512
00:23:10,781 --> 00:23:12,421
‎你他媽在想什麼？

513
00:23:12,501 --> 00:23:13,421
‎唐娜要我說的

514
00:23:13,501 --> 00:23:15,821
‎她說妳要我設法讓妳講那個故事

515
00:23:15,901 --> 00:23:18,341
‎我發誓是她要我說的，我搞砸了

516
00:23:18,421 --> 00:23:19,741
‎我完全不想要這樣

517
00:23:19,821 --> 00:23:23,221
‎壞人總是贏
‎我甚至不知道我算不算好人

518
00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:24,701
‎我不是壞人

519
00:23:33,021 --> 00:23:34,581
‎那真是一場大災難

520
00:23:35,261 --> 00:23:37,621
‎-約翰維克呢？
‎-拜託妳走開，唐娜

521
00:23:37,701 --> 00:23:39,021
‎不好意思

522
00:23:39,101 --> 00:23:41,421
‎-妳現在處境很危險，寶貝
‎-什麼？

523
00:23:41,501 --> 00:23:42,821
‎妳開什麼玩笑？

524
00:23:42,901 --> 00:23:44,461
‎妳已經被開除了

525
00:23:45,261 --> 00:23:46,101
‎什麼？

526
00:23:47,261 --> 00:23:49,021
‎妳上了我的黑名單了，梅

527
00:24:18,941 --> 00:24:20,781
‎（蜜蜂）

528
00:24:27,061 --> 00:24:29,021
‎（阿尼）

529
00:24:49,781 --> 00:24:50,621
‎喂！

530
00:25:24,621 --> 00:25:27,461
‎字幕翻譯：劉怡眉