1
00:00:06,261 --> 00:00:07,901
[ominous music playing]

2
00:00:07,981 --> 00:00:09,461
[Mae gasps, groans]

3
00:00:11,021 --> 00:00:12,981
[gasps]

4
00:00:16,021 --> 00:00:17,141
Mae?

5
00:00:17,221 --> 00:00:18,061
Mae?

6
00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:20,261
-Mae?
-[gasps]

7
00:00:20,341 --> 00:00:21,501
Ah, fuck.

8
00:00:21,581 --> 00:00:23,101
-Sorry.
-[breathes deeply]

9
00:00:24,021 --> 00:00:25,621
You were having a nightmare.

10
00:00:25,701 --> 00:00:27,941
You kept saying, um, Scott.

11
00:00:28,021 --> 00:00:28,941
Who's Scott?

12
00:00:30,141 --> 00:00:31,661
He's my… my friend.

13
00:00:33,221 --> 00:00:37,501
He's my old roommate.
Oh my God, that was so fucked up.

14
00:00:38,101 --> 00:00:40,061
[breathes deeply]

15
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:41,861
Do you want to talk about it?

16
00:00:42,381 --> 00:00:43,701
Nah, it's okay.

17
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,741
I do need to talk to you, though.

18
00:00:51,661 --> 00:00:53,941
There's kind of a problem
in our relationship.

19
00:00:54,461 --> 00:00:55,301
What?

20
00:00:56,421 --> 00:00:57,261
George,

21
00:00:58,501 --> 00:01:01,341
you know I'm a vampire,
which means I'm immortal,

22
00:01:01,421 --> 00:01:02,901
and you're just, like…

23
00:01:02,981 --> 00:01:05,301
a normal human girl.

24
00:01:05,381 --> 00:01:06,981
Look, I'm not stupid. Okay?

25
00:01:07,061 --> 00:01:10,021
I know you're 400 years old
and I'm in high school.

26
00:01:10,101 --> 00:01:12,301
I just want to lose my virginity
on prom night.

27
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,541
-[Mae growls]
-[laughs]

28
00:01:15,621 --> 00:01:17,621
[upbeat music playing]

29
00:01:21,661 --> 00:01:23,061
-[knocking on door]
-Come in.

30
00:01:23,141 --> 00:01:23,981
[Mae] Hi.

31
00:01:24,621 --> 00:01:26,861
Hi. What seems to be the problem?

32
00:01:26,941 --> 00:01:30,301
I've had this headache for like a week
and I cannot get rid of it.

33
00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:34,101
Okay. If you just pop your knickers off,
then we'll see what we can do.

34
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:35,941
[vibrating]

35
00:01:36,981 --> 00:01:39,261
Your water should be working now,
Mrs. Abernathy,

36
00:01:39,341 --> 00:01:41,981
and hopefully it's to your liking
and to your satisfaction as well.

37
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:44,581
-Thank you. You're a lifesaver.
-It's part of the job.

38
00:01:44,661 --> 00:01:47,221
Oh no. I seem to have misplaced my wallet.

39
00:01:47,301 --> 00:01:48,141
-Really?
-Yeah.

40
00:01:48,221 --> 00:01:50,741
I would ask my husband,
but he's away on business.

41
00:01:50,821 --> 00:01:53,181
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but…

42
00:01:53,261 --> 00:01:55,821
I'm certain we can come to some kind of…

43
00:01:55,901 --> 00:01:57,901
mutually beneficial arrangement.

44
00:01:59,341 --> 00:02:00,261
Oh my.

45
00:02:01,901 --> 00:02:02,741
Whoa.

46
00:02:04,261 --> 00:02:08,221
My Lord, the enemy advances
and still there's no sign of the king.

47
00:02:10,141 --> 00:02:11,821
I am your king now, Stephen,

48
00:02:11,901 --> 00:02:14,501
and it is time for you
to prove your devotion to the crown.

49
00:02:18,421 --> 00:02:19,861
Mae, are we… are we alone?

50
00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:21,861
[Mae] Uh, yeah, I'm in here.

51
00:02:26,261 --> 00:02:27,101
[groans]

52
00:02:28,061 --> 00:02:30,021
-[turns on vibrator]
-[moans]

53
00:02:30,101 --> 00:02:32,221
Ripley? Ripley?

54
00:02:32,301 --> 00:02:35,181
The alien. It got out of the lab,
and it's up my ass.

55
00:02:35,261 --> 00:02:38,501
You need to help me get it out
because I can feel the alien vibrating

56
00:02:38,581 --> 00:02:40,181
-up my ass--
-[party horn blowing]

57
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,461
-[George gasps]
-[all] Surprise!

58
00:02:41,541 --> 00:02:43,261
-[vibration continues]
-[whimpers]

59
00:02:43,341 --> 00:02:44,181
[moans]

60
00:02:45,181 --> 00:02:46,501
Happy birthday, dude.

61
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,021
George, who are these strange people?

62
00:02:50,101 --> 00:02:51,061
[dance music playing]

63
00:02:51,141 --> 00:02:55,461
Uh, that's Phil, Mae's parents,
and Clocky Powers.

64
00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:58,501
…the student playing Mr. Mistoffelees
gets stage fright.

65
00:02:58,581 --> 00:03:01,061
So Joyce turns to me
and she goes, "Clocky,

66
00:03:01,141 --> 00:03:03,901
you're the only one who can do it.
You can hit a high C,

67
00:03:03,981 --> 00:03:06,341
and you've got perfect rhythm."

68
00:03:06,421 --> 00:03:10,301
Okay, that's enough. Mae,
can you point us at someone else please?

69
00:03:10,381 --> 00:03:12,741
Where are your actual friends?
Binky and Hugh.

70
00:03:12,821 --> 00:03:13,861
I've outgrown them.

71
00:03:13,941 --> 00:03:14,861
[inhales deeply]

72
00:03:14,941 --> 00:03:16,741
Oh, you say that now.

73
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,821
What happens
when you and Mae break up again?

74
00:03:18,901 --> 00:03:21,181
-Mum!
-I'm not saying I want that.

75
00:03:21,261 --> 00:03:22,821
I hope you'll be together forever.

76
00:03:22,901 --> 00:03:25,941
But when you do break up
a long time from now…

77
00:03:26,021 --> 00:03:28,581
-[sighs]
-…you need proper friends to fall back on.

78
00:03:29,621 --> 00:03:31,301
Why are you saying all this?

79
00:03:31,381 --> 00:03:34,341
I threw myself into my marriage,
and when your father buggered off,

80
00:03:34,421 --> 00:03:35,741
I had no chums left.

81
00:03:35,821 --> 00:03:38,181
-My best friend was you.
-Aw.

82
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,621
-Which is pathetic.
-Right.

83
00:03:40,981 --> 00:03:44,141
Call Binky, darling.
Honestly, this is just no good.

84
00:03:47,341 --> 00:03:50,061
I haven't seen my dad in like 30 years.

85
00:03:50,141 --> 00:03:51,061
[scoffs]

86
00:03:51,141 --> 00:03:52,661
It's my fault he left.

87
00:03:52,741 --> 00:03:54,461
Dear boy, I'm sure it wasn't.

88
00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:56,941
Malcolm, we don't know.
Maybe it was his fault.

89
00:03:57,021 --> 00:03:58,221
[exhales]

90
00:03:59,581 --> 00:04:00,661
I miss my friends.

91
00:04:03,141 --> 00:04:03,981
What?

92
00:04:04,901 --> 00:04:07,341
I said, I miss my friends,
like Binky and Hugh.

93
00:04:08,021 --> 00:04:08,941
[sighs]

94
00:04:10,821 --> 00:04:15,941
Oh man. But I thought
they made you feel sad and scared.

95
00:04:16,021 --> 00:04:17,181
Yeah, I know.

96
00:04:18,941 --> 00:04:22,301
Ugh. But she's…
she's like a sister to me, really.

97
00:04:23,501 --> 00:04:25,701
Like a rude, cunty, obnoxious sister.

98
00:04:27,661 --> 00:04:29,621
I just threw them all in the bin.

99
00:04:30,541 --> 00:04:32,021
I really miss them.

100
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:36,381
-I think I want to invite them round.
-Okay. All right.

101
00:04:36,461 --> 00:04:37,781
Well… [clears throat]

102
00:04:38,541 --> 00:04:40,941
I don't have to be here.
I can find somewhere to go.

103
00:04:41,021 --> 00:04:43,821
-and like be out of the house.
-No, no, no. Mae, Mae.

104
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:45,341
I really want you there.

105
00:04:45,861 --> 00:04:49,461
I've learned so much about
being like… like a proper active ally,

106
00:04:49,541 --> 00:04:52,301
and it would be so different this time.

107
00:04:53,421 --> 00:04:55,381
Like, you and I are so great now.

108
00:04:57,781 --> 00:05:00,341
Like, we could invite them
around for dinner

109
00:05:00,421 --> 00:05:03,341
and show them
how explosive our vibe is right now.

110
00:05:04,061 --> 00:05:06,741
I could meet
some of your friends from Canada, too.

111
00:05:07,981 --> 00:05:08,821
Maybe.

112
00:05:09,381 --> 00:05:10,221
Great.

113
00:05:10,301 --> 00:05:11,661
Now if you could just…

114
00:05:11,741 --> 00:05:13,741
[romantic music playing]

115
00:05:17,861 --> 00:05:20,621
[Mae] My agent says I need
to build up an hour of new material,

116
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:24,181
and right now all I have
is six minutes, and it's about sloths.

117
00:05:24,261 --> 00:05:26,981
Sloths. Really skewering the zeitgeist.

118
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,701
-[chuckles]
-Who you talking to?

119
00:05:28,781 --> 00:05:31,261
-Oh, Scott. Um, I'll go in the other room.
-Hi.

120
00:05:31,341 --> 00:05:32,501
Hey.

121
00:05:32,581 --> 00:05:33,541
Um, this is George.

122
00:05:33,621 --> 00:05:36,181
I know it is. How you doing?
How you coping living with Mae?

123
00:05:36,261 --> 00:05:38,221
Yeah, it's great. It's great.

124
00:05:38,301 --> 00:05:40,781
I mean, she keeps me awake
'cause she talks in her sleep.

125
00:05:40,861 --> 00:05:43,101
You gotta roll her on her side
when she does that.

126
00:05:43,181 --> 00:05:45,741
To be honest, I spent
a lot of time sleeping on the couch.

127
00:05:45,821 --> 00:05:47,621
-Anyways.
-It's so nice to meet you.

128
00:05:47,701 --> 00:05:50,621
Maybe sometime you can visit Canada.
I can show you all the landmarks,

129
00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:53,621
like the hot dog stand
where a homeless guy threw an onion at me.

130
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,781
Yeah, that sounds really great.
Um, I have to go and get ready.

131
00:05:56,861 --> 00:05:59,141
-It was really nice to meet you, Scott.
-Yeah.

132
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:03,581
She's hot, Mae.
Skype me next time you're making out.

133
00:06:03,661 --> 00:06:05,781
-Ugh!
-[Scott] I'm kidding. Hey, listen, kid.

134
00:06:05,861 --> 00:06:08,021
I'm really glad we're talking again.
It's awesome.

135
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,621
Yeah. Well, you're important to me.

136
00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:11,941
Yeah, you too.

137
00:06:12,661 --> 00:06:15,301
And you'd, um, you'd say
that if anyone asked, right?

138
00:06:16,301 --> 00:06:19,101
-Huh?
-Like, okay, so this is not a big deal,

139
00:06:19,741 --> 00:06:22,901
but there's this psycho woman
who's been calling around to people

140
00:06:22,981 --> 00:06:23,981
saying shit about me.

141
00:06:24,061 --> 00:06:25,941
What kinda shit? I'll kill her.

142
00:06:26,021 --> 00:06:28,661
I don't know. She's crazy,
and she probably won't call you,

143
00:06:28,741 --> 00:06:31,621
but if she does, you'd tell her
that you and I are cool, right?

144
00:06:31,701 --> 00:06:35,301
-I mean, yeah?
-[Scott] I mean, tell her the truth.

145
00:06:35,381 --> 00:06:38,021
That we love each other,
and the past is in the past

146
00:06:38,101 --> 00:06:39,581
and we're friends now, right?

147
00:06:41,141 --> 00:06:42,181
Yeah. Okay.

148
00:06:42,261 --> 00:06:46,581
Cool. Okay, listen, I gotta go.
Love you, loser. Go make out with George.

149
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,741
Love you, too. Okay. Bye.

150
00:06:52,661 --> 00:06:54,381
[vacuuming]

151
00:07:00,101 --> 00:07:01,101
[turns off vacuum cleaner]

152
00:07:01,181 --> 00:07:05,501
Hey, have I misunderstood something?
Was Scott your roommate or your boyfriend?

153
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,061
Do the details really matter?

154
00:07:08,141 --> 00:07:10,221
Why don't I put this vacuum up your butt?

155
00:07:10,301 --> 00:07:12,941
You said you were living together
for what, like two years.

156
00:07:13,021 --> 00:07:15,501
Mae, seriously.
How… How old were you?

157
00:07:15,581 --> 00:07:17,101
-How old was he?
-[doorbell rings]

158
00:07:17,181 --> 00:07:18,541
-Shit, that's them.
-Fuck.

159
00:07:18,621 --> 00:07:20,861
Does this look okay?
My dad'll be here any second.

160
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,701
-Your dad is coming here?
-You found your dad?

161
00:07:22,781 --> 00:07:25,421
Yes, dude.
I've been trying to talk to you about it.

162
00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:27,501
I'm freaking out. I need your support.

163
00:07:28,101 --> 00:07:30,261
Where is my pestle and mortar?

164
00:07:30,341 --> 00:07:31,181
Ah.

165
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:34,661
-[doorbell ringing]
-Okay.

166
00:07:34,741 --> 00:07:36,421
-Um…
-Okay. All right. I'll get it.

167
00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:38,581
Hey, Mae. Uh, listen,

168
00:07:38,661 --> 00:07:40,421
I've… I've got your back today.

169
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,421
Okay? I do. But can you promise
you'll make an effort?

170
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:45,821
Please? Like just don't act weird.

171
00:07:45,901 --> 00:07:46,861
[scoffs]

172
00:07:46,941 --> 00:07:48,301
[snorts, laughs]

173
00:07:48,381 --> 00:07:50,661
Of course I'm not gonna act weird.

174
00:07:53,421 --> 00:07:58,301
I… I firstly wanted to apologize
for the way that I pushed you guys away.

175
00:07:58,381 --> 00:08:01,821
No, no. No need for that. Thanks.
Jesus. So you're godmother, yes?

176
00:08:03,021 --> 00:08:05,101
Yeah. Yes. Yeah, if you'll have me.

177
00:08:05,181 --> 00:08:07,021
Great. Shall I get wine?

178
00:08:07,101 --> 00:08:08,181
-I'm allowed one glass.
-Mmm.

179
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,221
Apologize for what?

180
00:08:10,821 --> 00:08:12,341
So you both live here.

181
00:08:12,421 --> 00:08:14,181
[laughing] This is so fascinating.

182
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:18,381
I've never been to a house
inhabited by ladies of your persuasion.

183
00:08:18,461 --> 00:08:21,141
-But I'm not a lady.
-Well, what are you?

184
00:08:22,541 --> 00:08:24,101
I'm an anemic scarecrow.

185
00:08:24,181 --> 00:08:25,661
Let's eat, shall we?

186
00:08:26,261 --> 00:08:27,221
How's pregnancy?

187
00:08:27,301 --> 00:08:29,861
It's the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.

188
00:08:29,941 --> 00:08:30,821
How are you guys?

189
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,221
We're great, actually. Yeah, great.

190
00:08:33,741 --> 00:08:35,941
Yeah, we've been boning
pretty much non-stop.

191
00:08:36,021 --> 00:08:37,221
Okay, you don't need to tell--

192
00:08:37,301 --> 00:08:38,901
We've done things to each other's bodies

193
00:08:38,981 --> 00:08:40,981
that it actually frightens me
to think about.

194
00:08:41,581 --> 00:08:43,501
George is a perfect angel
sent from heaven.

195
00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:45,981
-[laughing] George isn't perfect.
-She's pretty close.

196
00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:48,181
I'm sorry,
but have you smelled George's farts?

197
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,901
-They're like angry dogs.
-[friends laugh]

198
00:08:49,981 --> 00:08:52,341
I don't… I don't fart.
I've never… never farted.

199
00:08:52,421 --> 00:08:55,341
[laughing] I once slept
next to George's ass at a festival,

200
00:08:55,421 --> 00:08:57,941
and when I woke up,
I was sick into a bag of kettle chips.

201
00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:00,181
-[friends laugh]
-[Binky] How do you not know this?

202
00:09:00,261 --> 00:09:02,341
-George's farts are notorious.
-[George] Okay.

203
00:09:02,421 --> 00:09:05,581
Babe. Do you remember in Mykonos
when we both peed in the bathtub,

204
00:09:05,661 --> 00:09:07,541
and you farted out hot sewage?

205
00:09:07,621 --> 00:09:08,701
[laughing]

206
00:09:09,941 --> 00:09:12,061
-You peed in front of Binky?
-[Binky] What?

207
00:09:12,141 --> 00:09:14,501
You haven't peed in front of each other?

208
00:09:15,381 --> 00:09:17,741
God. The other day
I was too pregnant to get out of bed,

209
00:09:17,821 --> 00:09:20,141
and Hugh just held a mug for me
and I peed into that.

210
00:09:20,221 --> 00:09:22,621
Have you honestly been holding
your farts in for a whole year?

211
00:09:22,701 --> 00:09:25,381
That could do serious damage
to your large intestine, buttercup.

212
00:09:25,461 --> 00:09:27,061
[phone vibrating]

213
00:09:27,621 --> 00:09:30,101
Um, I'll be right back.

214
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:31,781
[clears throat]

215
00:09:33,541 --> 00:09:35,261
Can you stop talking about my farts?

216
00:09:36,061 --> 00:09:36,901
Hello?

217
00:09:36,981 --> 00:09:38,661
[woman speaking indistinctly on phone]

218
00:09:38,741 --> 00:09:40,141
Yes. Yeah, this is Mae.

219
00:09:42,221 --> 00:09:43,781
I do. Yeah, I know Scott.

220
00:09:43,861 --> 00:09:45,261
[woman continues]

221
00:09:45,341 --> 00:09:46,621
[tense music playing]

222
00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:52,101
[exhales]

223
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,301
Well…

224
00:09:56,221 --> 00:10:00,861
Yeah, I'm sorry that you had
that experience with him.

225
00:10:00,941 --> 00:10:02,381
When… When was this?

226
00:10:02,461 --> 00:10:04,461
[chaotic music playing]

227
00:10:06,861 --> 00:10:09,461
[breathing heavily]

228
00:10:12,381 --> 00:10:13,261
[pills rattling]

229
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,061
[cabinet door closes]

230
00:10:20,541 --> 00:10:22,541
[gulping]

231
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,141
[friends laughing]

232
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,181
[George] Oh, okay.

233
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:31,261
This one… This is one for you, Hugh.

234
00:10:31,341 --> 00:10:33,741
Which hormone brings on contractions
during labor?

235
00:10:33,821 --> 00:10:34,821
Is it spunk?

236
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,541
-[all laughing]
-What?

237
00:10:36,621 --> 00:10:39,741
-Wow. Father of the year.
-[laughing stops]

238
00:10:41,101 --> 00:10:43,461
So, Mae, I saw your comedy set online.

239
00:10:43,541 --> 00:10:46,421
I really liked the bit
where you talk about wanting to be a boy.

240
00:10:46,501 --> 00:10:48,181
[laughing] It's actually really funny.

241
00:10:48,261 --> 00:10:50,541
Mmm. Yeah, I'm glad
you find my pain hilarious.

242
00:10:50,621 --> 00:10:53,221
Well yeah, it's comedy.
Isn't that the point?

243
00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:54,741
[laughing]

244
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:55,821
[mock laughs]

245
00:10:56,621 --> 00:10:58,941
Sorry. Is there something
you want to say to me?

246
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:01,381
Um, yeah, okay.

247
00:11:02,021 --> 00:11:04,341
Uh, I think you're homophobic.

248
00:11:04,421 --> 00:11:05,701
How am I homophobic?

249
00:11:05,781 --> 00:11:08,701
-Jared, what is the world's fastest fish?
-[Binky] No. Go on.

250
00:11:08,781 --> 00:11:10,501
-How am I homophobic?
-Well--

251
00:11:10,581 --> 00:11:13,181
I've been nothing but nice to you.
I welcomed you into my house.

252
00:11:13,261 --> 00:11:15,181
You never even asked
a single question about me.

253
00:11:15,261 --> 00:11:17,781
Binky, I think we need to acknowledge
Mae's discomfort

254
00:11:17,861 --> 00:11:20,981
and accept there's some residual damage
caused by my bad behavior and move on.

255
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:25,701
So with that in mind, can anybody tell me
the date of the summer solstice?

256
00:11:25,781 --> 00:11:26,661
I'm sure Binky can.

257
00:11:26,741 --> 00:11:28,461
They probably teach it as a whole unit

258
00:11:28,541 --> 00:11:31,381
at St. Honkington School
for the Super Elite Rich.

259
00:11:31,461 --> 00:11:33,981
Excuse me, you know nothing
about me. [gasps]

260
00:11:34,981 --> 00:11:36,701
Sorry, I just felt something.

261
00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:43,021
Oh my God. [laughs]
Binks, did you just jizz?

262
00:11:43,741 --> 00:11:46,021
I don't mean to alarm everyone,
but I'm having the baby now.

263
00:11:46,101 --> 00:11:47,621
-Oh, fuck!
-Oh my God.

264
00:11:47,701 --> 00:11:50,021
Maybe I should leave.
Thank you for a wonderful afternoon.

265
00:11:50,101 --> 00:11:52,021
Jared, shut up. Hugh, get the car started.

266
00:11:52,101 --> 00:11:54,341
Oh fuck, shit, oh fuck.
I fucked up already. I'm drunk.

267
00:11:54,941 --> 00:11:55,781
So am I.

268
00:11:56,381 --> 00:11:58,821
-I drank a bottle of mouthwash.
-You what?

269
00:11:58,901 --> 00:12:01,301
Well, I'm sober as a mouse.
I've been on the old pink lemonade.

270
00:12:01,381 --> 00:12:02,421
-You drive.
-Okay.

271
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:04,261
But I don't have a driver's license.

272
00:12:05,341 --> 00:12:06,181
Phil?

273
00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:09,141
-[door opens]
-Phil, oh God.

274
00:12:09,221 --> 00:12:12,301
Phil, Binky's gone into labor early.
You need to drive us to the hospital.

275
00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,261
I… I can't leave.
My dad'll be here any second.

276
00:12:14,341 --> 00:12:15,541
When did he say he'd be here?

277
00:12:15,621 --> 00:12:17,541
He didn't. I… I just left him a voicemail.

278
00:12:17,621 --> 00:12:20,021
What? You didn't even speak to him?
Phil, he's not coming.

279
00:12:20,101 --> 00:12:23,701
-But what if he shows up?
-[Binky] Drive me to the fucking hospital!

280
00:12:25,861 --> 00:12:29,061
George, you're next to me.
Hugh, make sure Phil doesn't crash.

281
00:12:29,141 --> 00:12:31,581
-[Binky groaning]
-[George] Just breathe.

282
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:36,021
-Excuse me, where am I gonna sit?
-Sorry, no, you're not coming.

283
00:12:36,101 --> 00:12:38,901
I don't need her judging my vagina
for being too posh.

284
00:12:38,981 --> 00:12:39,861
What?

285
00:12:39,941 --> 00:12:42,101
Mae, what is going on?

286
00:12:42,181 --> 00:12:45,101
-Okay. Did you really drink mouthwash?
-I drank a whole bottle.

287
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,421
What? You're making drama
where there is none.

288
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:49,701
Don't leave me here.
I don't wanna be alone at the house.

289
00:12:49,781 --> 00:12:51,981
-You said you'd have my back.
-Okay. All right.

290
00:12:52,061 --> 00:12:54,581
Mae is coming to the hospital
and that's the end of it. Okay?

291
00:12:54,661 --> 00:12:57,141
-Jared, get in the boot.
-Aye, aye, Captain.

292
00:12:57,221 --> 00:13:00,501
This is a really safe space. Okay?
So if you need anything, just let me know.

293
00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:02,421
[grunts]

294
00:13:03,421 --> 00:13:05,541
What if I need
to have sex at the hospital?

295
00:13:05,621 --> 00:13:07,421
-Really?
-Might be fun.

296
00:13:07,501 --> 00:13:09,301
-Yeah, okay. That's fit.
-[groaning]

297
00:13:10,461 --> 00:13:12,901
Excuse me?
Could someone pay attention to me?

298
00:13:12,981 --> 00:13:15,421
All right. Let's make a baby, boys.

299
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,661
[screaming]

300
00:13:17,741 --> 00:13:21,741
-It hurts! It fucking hurts!
-What can I do, baby?

301
00:13:21,821 --> 00:13:26,901
-Do you want some crisps?
-No. No, I don't want some fucking crisps.

302
00:13:27,701 --> 00:13:29,981
Oh God. Oh God, that's good.

303
00:13:30,061 --> 00:13:32,741
Don't stop.
Whatever it is you're doing, don't stop.

304
00:13:33,341 --> 00:13:36,021
Hugh, where's my phone?
I want to take a birth selfie.

305
00:13:36,101 --> 00:13:37,781
-[mouthing]
-Oh fuck. I forgot it.

306
00:13:38,421 --> 00:13:39,381
[Binky] What?

307
00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,621
-What's going on here?
-Nothing.

308
00:13:42,701 --> 00:13:43,741
-Nothing.
-Nothing.

309
00:13:43,821 --> 00:13:46,981
No, no, I saw that. You two were going
to sneak off and have sex

310
00:13:47,061 --> 00:13:48,581
whilst I'm pushing out a cow.

311
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,741
Okay, look,
we have an intimate relationship,

312
00:13:50,821 --> 00:13:53,341
which means we do a lot
of righteous snarshing 24/7.

313
00:13:53,421 --> 00:13:54,301
Intimate?

314
00:13:54,381 --> 00:13:57,661
You don't know what intimate is.
You two are like randy teenagers.

315
00:13:57,741 --> 00:14:01,181
I bet you've never gone more than 24 hours
in each other's company without sex.

316
00:14:01,261 --> 00:14:03,581
Hugh and I haven't had sex in seven months

317
00:14:03,661 --> 00:14:05,861
because he doesn't want
his bellend to stab the baby.

318
00:14:05,941 --> 00:14:08,181
He literally wipes my ass.

319
00:14:08,261 --> 00:14:10,501
-That is real intimacy.
-That is right, babe.

320
00:14:10,581 --> 00:14:12,061
Fuck off and get my phone!

321
00:14:12,141 --> 00:14:14,781
Let's clear the room.
You can have one person stay.

322
00:14:14,861 --> 00:14:16,661
Just him. I find him very calming.

323
00:14:16,741 --> 00:14:18,101
[groaning]

324
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,141
[door opens]

325
00:14:22,221 --> 00:14:23,341
[phone vibrating]

326
00:14:25,661 --> 00:14:26,661
[Mae sighs]

327
00:14:28,381 --> 00:14:31,941
Hey. What do you think
about doing like a hospital sex role-play,

328
00:14:32,021 --> 00:14:35,061
and I'll be George Clooney and you could
be like a burn victim or something?

329
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:36,301
-Yeah. Okay.
-Yeah?

330
00:14:36,381 --> 00:14:38,781
-We could just be us.
-Yeah. I'll get costumes.

331
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:42,101
You find somewhere private we can bone,
and I'll text you in five minutes. Okay?

332
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:43,661
-Okay. Okay. All right.
-All right.

333
00:14:43,741 --> 00:14:44,661
Okay.

334
00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:46,221
[sighs]

335
00:14:46,301 --> 00:14:48,541
Hey, I wonder if I could
pick your bones for a mo.

336
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:52,461
I'm sorry. I feel like there's kind of
a vibe going on between me and George.

337
00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:55,141
You know, kind of like
a will-they-won't-they style thing.

338
00:14:55,221 --> 00:14:56,741
I'm just wondering if you had any tips

339
00:14:56,821 --> 00:15:00,941
about how I could, you know, seal
the proverbial deal, as it were.

340
00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:03,981
Jared. You know me and George
are together, right? We're a couple.

341
00:15:04,061 --> 00:15:06,061
Yes. This is the kind of thing
I'm talking about.

342
00:15:06,141 --> 00:15:08,581
How do I do that, you know?
What's she into?

343
00:15:09,101 --> 00:15:10,621
Um, she's into…

344
00:15:11,221 --> 00:15:15,101
She's into me. I don't know,
and like, uh, like Jason Statham.

345
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,141
Jason Statham. Jason Statham.

346
00:15:18,981 --> 00:15:19,981
Mean Machine.

347
00:15:20,061 --> 00:15:21,141
[funky music playing]

348
00:15:23,821 --> 00:15:25,101
[patient screaming]

349
00:15:32,501 --> 00:15:35,861
-George, I don't think I can do this.
-Right. Okay.

350
00:15:36,381 --> 00:15:37,821
No, George. George, George.

351
00:15:39,581 --> 00:15:40,901
Am I gonna be a shit dad?

352
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:42,781
No. Well…

353
00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:44,061
-What?
-No, no.

354
00:15:44,141 --> 00:15:45,501
-Hey, guys.
-Oh Christ.

355
00:15:46,581 --> 00:15:50,621
I know today isn't about me,
but I'm super bummed about my dad.

356
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:53,261
-Why didn't he come?
-Because you didn't speak to him, Phil.

357
00:15:53,341 --> 00:15:55,701
-He probably didn't get the message.
-I'm gonna be a shit dad.

358
00:15:55,781 --> 00:15:58,421
No, not if you're kind.

359
00:15:58,501 --> 00:16:00,981
Whatever type of dad you are,
just be kind.

360
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:06,221
Like if your kid does something
messed up to hurt you, just be there.

361
00:16:06,301 --> 00:16:07,581
It's all you gotta do.

362
00:16:09,621 --> 00:16:11,461
One time Jared noshed me off
in prep school.

363
00:16:12,661 --> 00:16:14,021
-That's okay.
-Yeah.

364
00:16:14,661 --> 00:16:16,661
Yeah. It's okay.

365
00:16:16,741 --> 00:16:18,741
[funky music playing]

366
00:16:22,501 --> 00:16:23,381
[grunts]

367
00:16:23,461 --> 00:16:24,301
Just--

368
00:16:27,141 --> 00:16:28,061
[sighs]

369
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,301
-Ugh. It's like a war zone in here.
-I know.

370
00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:43,261
I think there was literally
just a birth in here.

371
00:16:43,341 --> 00:16:44,781
-[scoffs]
-But I found scrubs.

372
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,261
Check it out.

373
00:16:46,341 --> 00:16:47,221
Yeah, okay.

374
00:16:49,381 --> 00:16:50,741
I'm George Clooney.

375
00:16:50,821 --> 00:16:53,741
Oh God, they're covered in shit.
You have to take them off.

376
00:16:53,821 --> 00:16:55,741
It's fine. Just get on the bed,
I'm gonna rim you.

377
00:16:55,821 --> 00:16:56,941
-Really?
-It'll be good.

378
00:16:57,021 --> 00:16:58,421
Oh! God!

379
00:16:58,501 --> 00:17:01,501
I put my hand in placenta. I do think
I've reached my threshold actually.

380
00:17:01,581 --> 00:17:04,181
-George, please.
-[sighs] Mae, I…

381
00:17:04,821 --> 00:17:07,221
You are drenched in sweat. What's wrong?

382
00:17:07,981 --> 00:17:09,541
You're like rabid like a hyena.

383
00:17:09,621 --> 00:17:10,661
I could be a hyena.

384
00:17:10,741 --> 00:17:12,661
Anything you want. What do you want?

385
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:15,501
-Do you want to punch me in the kidneys?
-Punch you? No, Mae.

386
00:17:15,581 --> 00:17:16,661
What is going on?

387
00:17:16,741 --> 00:17:19,221
I just wanna have
a good time at the hospital.

388
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:23,661
And there's some stuff going on in Canada.

389
00:17:24,261 --> 00:17:27,981
Right. So this isn't… this isn't
really about having sex with me.

390
00:17:28,061 --> 00:17:30,261
This is… What is it?
Like a coping mechanism?

391
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:32,421
What stuff in Canada?

392
00:17:35,461 --> 00:17:37,981
If you're not gonna talk to me,
I can't help you.

393
00:17:39,941 --> 00:17:43,981
Mae, if I'm not there with Binky now,
I'm gonna regret this forever.

394
00:17:44,061 --> 00:17:46,701
I know. No, I know. I know.

395
00:17:47,581 --> 00:17:48,621
Okay.

396
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,701
[tense music playing]

397
00:17:53,101 --> 00:17:54,101
[breathes deeply]

398
00:17:57,981 --> 00:17:59,381
[oxygen hissing]

399
00:18:00,341 --> 00:18:01,261
[inhales deeply]

400
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:02,581
[echoing] You can't be in here.

401
00:18:03,341 --> 00:18:05,221
[laughs]

402
00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:09,181
[body thuds]

403
00:18:10,341 --> 00:18:12,901
Your blood pressure's still low,
but you'll be fine in a minute.

404
00:18:12,981 --> 00:18:14,501
Can you tell me what happened?

405
00:18:15,141 --> 00:18:15,981
Um…

406
00:18:16,661 --> 00:18:18,541
I felt bad, and then I passed out.

407
00:18:19,941 --> 00:18:22,541
-I've been feeling bad for a while.
-Bad how?

408
00:18:22,621 --> 00:18:26,501
Kinda like empty Tupperware
clanging around in my brain cupboard,

409
00:18:26,581 --> 00:18:28,021
and then at night I get spooks.

410
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:31,301
-S-Sorry?
-Like nightmares, you know?

411
00:18:31,381 --> 00:18:35,381
And, uh, sometimes it's like
some small thing happens,

412
00:18:35,461 --> 00:18:38,381
and then my reaction is insane.

413
00:18:38,461 --> 00:18:41,741
Like my whole body goes rigid,
like a plank of wood,

414
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:45,541
and I want to lie under the bed.
And also, I really like drugs,

415
00:18:45,621 --> 00:18:47,061
like a lot.

416
00:18:47,661 --> 00:18:49,061
Right. Um…

417
00:18:49,941 --> 00:18:52,861
Are there any particular things
that trigger you?

418
00:18:53,861 --> 00:18:55,421
Like random stuff.

419
00:18:57,101 --> 00:18:58,301
Stuff from the past.

420
00:18:59,101 --> 00:19:02,901
What you're describing,
and this is just my immediate impression,

421
00:19:02,981 --> 00:19:06,981
are the textbook symptoms
of post-traumatic stress disorder.

422
00:19:07,101 --> 00:19:08,021
[scoffs]

423
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,261
I mean, yeah. [laughs]

424
00:19:12,381 --> 00:19:15,821
No, I forgot that I'm a Vietnam war vet
as well. I forgot to mention.

425
00:19:15,901 --> 00:19:18,301
I mean, people are obsessed
with trauma these days.

426
00:19:18,381 --> 00:19:21,941
It's like… It's like a buzzword.
Like, people love talking about trauma.

427
00:19:22,021 --> 00:19:23,541
It's… It's overdone, you know.

428
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:26,901
Well, it does have
a very specific medical explanation.

429
00:19:26,981 --> 00:19:30,621
When our body experiences
an extreme fear response,

430
00:19:30,701 --> 00:19:32,621
it reacts defensively,

431
00:19:32,701 --> 00:19:33,621
seizes up.

432
00:19:33,701 --> 00:19:35,261
Our body stores those reactions.

433
00:19:37,901 --> 00:19:41,501
Do you think might be you could just test
to see if I'm like full of birds?

434
00:19:42,661 --> 00:19:46,461
Look, um, just have a sip of Ribena
and get your blood sugar back up.

435
00:19:46,541 --> 00:19:48,301
Speak to your GP,

436
00:19:48,381 --> 00:19:51,101
or at least speak
to the people close to you.

437
00:19:51,781 --> 00:19:52,621
Okay?

438
00:19:53,221 --> 00:19:57,501
Okay. Oh, and can I have back the pills
that you stole off the medicine trolley?

439
00:19:57,581 --> 00:19:58,781
I'm sorry.

440
00:19:59,301 --> 00:20:00,301
Thanks.

441
00:20:05,821 --> 00:20:06,981
What have you got?

442
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:08,981
Worms.

443
00:20:09,061 --> 00:20:11,061
[guitar music playing]

444
00:20:15,621 --> 00:20:16,461
[chuckles]

445
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:25,741
He's so beautiful, Binky.
I can't believe I'm his godmother.

446
00:20:25,821 --> 00:20:27,421
And I'm his godfather.

447
00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:36,301
-Oh, what have I done?
-And do we have a name for the baby?

448
00:20:36,381 --> 00:20:38,541
-Yeah.
-We're naming him Boothroid.

449
00:20:39,141 --> 00:20:40,501
-Boothroid?
-Boothroid.

450
00:20:40,581 --> 00:20:42,501
-[mouthing]
-[Binky] Could everyone leave?

451
00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:44,541
It's very crowded
and my vagina's torn in twain.

452
00:20:44,621 --> 00:20:47,821
Oh yeah. I'm just gonna call your mum.
Be back in a minute, Binks.

453
00:20:50,061 --> 00:20:52,661
-Back in a minute, Boothroid!
-[whispering] Too loud.

454
00:20:56,781 --> 00:20:57,621
[Binky] Mae,

455
00:20:58,141 --> 00:20:58,981
you stay.

456
00:21:06,301 --> 00:21:10,421
I'm going to say something now.
If Hugh and I die in a boat accident,

457
00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:12,621
then George will become
Boothroid's legal guardian.

458
00:21:12,701 --> 00:21:16,061
Do you know what that means?
It means if you and George are together,

459
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,141
you will be Boothroid's father.

460
00:21:18,221 --> 00:21:19,581
Do you understand that?

461
00:21:21,061 --> 00:21:21,901
Yeah.

462
00:21:23,781 --> 00:21:27,741
Now get yourself together.
Whatever it is that's making you unhappy,

463
00:21:27,821 --> 00:21:30,501
take a deep breath,
grow up, and just face it.

464
00:21:31,181 --> 00:21:33,621
If not for yourself, then for George,

465
00:21:34,741 --> 00:21:35,741
and for Boothroid.

466
00:21:35,821 --> 00:21:37,421
[inspirational music playing]

467
00:21:54,741 --> 00:21:56,341
-I thought dinner--
-Maybe Binky's right.

468
00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:58,541
[George] Sorry, about intimacy.

469
00:21:59,221 --> 00:22:02,381
Maybe we should try
not having sex for a few weeks.

470
00:22:02,461 --> 00:22:03,301
I don't--

471
00:22:03,381 --> 00:22:05,621
Just talking, like actually talking.

472
00:22:06,821 --> 00:22:10,301
I mean, don't you famously hate
talking about feelings?

473
00:22:10,381 --> 00:22:13,341
Yes. Yeah, famously,
I'm finding this very unpleasant.

474
00:22:13,421 --> 00:22:15,621
-[chuckles]
-But I… I need to understand

475
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:19,661
what's going on with you
'cause it affects me, too, like massively.

476
00:22:20,941 --> 00:22:23,221
And we've just been doing
mad role-plays for weeks.

477
00:22:23,301 --> 00:22:25,301
-Yeah. It's good, though.
-[laughs] Yeah.

478
00:22:26,101 --> 00:22:27,661
You know that when we do that,

479
00:22:27,741 --> 00:22:30,821
it's not… it's not that I want you
to be someone else.

480
00:22:32,981 --> 00:22:34,261
Yeah, it's nice.

481
00:22:34,341 --> 00:22:35,181
Okay.

482
00:22:36,061 --> 00:22:36,941
[inhales deeply]

483
00:22:37,461 --> 00:22:40,941
I think maybe it's like…
like I want to be someone else, you know.

484
00:22:41,821 --> 00:22:43,781
Like, get out of my body.

485
00:22:45,981 --> 00:22:49,541
So, um, I spoke to a doctor
at the hospital,

486
00:22:50,141 --> 00:22:54,501
and she said that she thinks I might have
post-traumatic stress disorder.

487
00:22:54,581 --> 00:22:55,421
[chuckles]

488
00:22:56,861 --> 00:22:58,861
That's 'cause of me, isn't it?
I kept you a secret.

489
00:22:58,941 --> 00:23:00,581
No, you're an angel.

490
00:23:00,661 --> 00:23:03,981
-What are you talking about?
-Well, so why then?

491
00:23:04,061 --> 00:23:05,021
I mean,

492
00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:11,301
I did… I had kind of an insane period
of like ten years, right?

493
00:23:11,381 --> 00:23:15,901
With like jail and overdosing
and all kinds of like…

494
00:23:18,741 --> 00:23:23,221
[sighs] So I got a call today
from this woman

495
00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:25,181
who wanted to talk to me about Scott.

496
00:23:26,501 --> 00:23:29,221
And well, you know… you know that like,

497
00:23:29,901 --> 00:23:31,421
when you and I got together,

498
00:23:31,501 --> 00:23:34,981
that wasn't my first,
like secret relationship.

499
00:23:35,781 --> 00:23:41,301
Actually all of my formative relationships
were secret because I was really young

500
00:23:41,381 --> 00:23:43,261
and it was with much older people.

501
00:23:43,781 --> 00:23:47,021
And I guess maybe
I'm like thinking about that

502
00:23:48,021 --> 00:23:51,101
for the first time, like Scott and…

503
00:23:51,821 --> 00:23:53,901
Like, not just Scott, other people.

504
00:23:54,421 --> 00:23:57,141
Scott taught me like everything
that I know about The Beatles.

505
00:23:57,221 --> 00:23:58,061
He's like family.

506
00:23:58,141 --> 00:24:00,221
How old were you
when you lived with Scott?

507
00:24:00,301 --> 00:24:02,781
Like 15, 16.

508
00:24:03,381 --> 00:24:05,581
And he was what, like 30?

509
00:24:06,501 --> 00:24:10,941
Yeah, and it's stuff that I think
to other people might not seem that bad,

510
00:24:11,021 --> 00:24:13,941
but maybe it is to me or something.

511
00:24:14,021 --> 00:24:15,541
-I don't know.
-No, that is bad, Mae.

512
00:24:16,341 --> 00:24:20,141
And… there are a lot of people
in Canada that I want to murder.

513
00:24:24,701 --> 00:24:26,301
Okay, so…

514
00:24:28,581 --> 00:24:30,141
What do you want to do now?

515
00:24:31,381 --> 00:24:33,421
Do you want to pee
in front of each other?

516
00:24:37,021 --> 00:24:38,221
[chuckles]

517
00:24:39,701 --> 00:24:41,061
[urinating]

518
00:24:41,141 --> 00:24:42,061
[laughs]

519
00:24:42,741 --> 00:24:43,901
[laughs]

520
00:24:43,981 --> 00:24:45,981
["Monster" by Half Moon Run playing]

521
00:24:55,981 --> 00:25:00,661
♪ Sometimes I look inside myself
And I see a monster ♪

522
00:25:04,381 --> 00:25:09,301
♪ Who's really not too tough to kill
Just nobody wants to ♪

523
00:25:12,741 --> 00:25:17,421
♪ And there ain't no minutes left
Before or after ♪