[Nick] As you know, I am an addict,
and part of the process of my recovery is that I must make amends
to those I have wronged.
I have wronged you, and so I owe you an amends.
Oh, Nick, seriously you don't owe me anything--
I'm really going to need you to accept my amends now.
All right, amends accepted.
-[chuckles] -[clapping]
-[laughs] -Yay!
Now while I'm doing the steps,
alcohol is only permitted in the northeast corner of this room
and also, I'm running a buddy system in the toilets.
You and I are not allowed to go to the toilet unless Jack is with us.
All right.
I kind of just want to get back to work. I want things to be normal,
like where's Pete?
"Where's Pete?"
"Where is Pete?" she asks.
I've got Pete working behind the bar
until he can write a joke that's not about jizz.
Sounds like you've implemented some really positive changes around here.
Very funny. Not.
Joke's on you anyway, because I get a 15% discount on burgers
-on weekdays before 4:00 p.m. -Ah.
Oh, Pete, can you get me a ginger ale?
[clicks tongue]
Right, so what's your game plan, Mae?
Oh, okay, so I think I'm just gonna go and talk to George
and I'm gonna be like, "Look, I pushed you away.
"I thought I had to fix my brain by myself,
but really we could work through some--"
-I'm talking about your career, Mae. -Oh. Uh--
Donna Ridley has been emailing me about you.
She wants to represent you, which is fucked,
because I've been trying to get her to sign me for five years.
Who is Donna Ridley?
Donna's a massive agent.
-[Nick] Yeah. -Is she? All right.
Well, that's wicked.
Well, maybe I'll get her to sign me.
'Cause if I sign with her, I can go to George's and I can be like,
"Look, I'm really getting my shit together."
Or I was thinking maybe you and I could go out to a nice French restaurant
or something.
[phone ringing]
So I've never really had an agent before, but I do seriously want to get on TV.
-When's your birthday? -Uh, it's May 2nd.
Uh, when is… when is yours?
October 31st.
Oh, that's spooky.
Why is it spooky?
It's Halloween.
See? Look at us. We're talking, we're building a relationship.
I really want to work with you, Mae. What do you think?
I think that's sickhead to the max.
Yeah, 'cause I've been kind of plateaued at one tier for a while,
but I have all this new material.
-Great. What's it about? -Okay. So sloths.
Um, Chevy Chase.
-Also, noodles is one. -[Donna] No.
Wrong. See, what I love about you is you're very now.
You're an addict. You're anxious. You're trans.
Am I trans? 'Cause I'm kind of on the fence--
You look like something out of Deep Space Nine.
You're a lonely millennial.
Oh, I'm thinking about getting back together with my ex-girlfriend.
Really? The one from your set? Who made you feel like a dog?
Well, I mean, you haven't seen her and she glows like the Olympic flame.
I don't like it.
What I love is you've come from outer space.
You've left your terrible relationship and you're ready to fuck.
Yeah. Um…
I'm gonna think about it. And also, I'm so sorry,
but I have an appointment with my butcher.
Okay, babe, but when you're ready to get as excited about yourself
as I am about you, give me a bell.
I'll bring the big boss to see you. Get me Cindy on the line?
-I want to talk about Vice. -What?
-[whispering] I'm on the phone. -Okay.
[upbeat song playing]
[knocking]
-Hey! -Mae!
-[chuckling] Hi. How are you? -Hi.
I didn't… Wha…
[laughing] What?
I… I didn't know you were back.
Yeah, um, I've been back a couple of weeks and I just…
I didn't… I didn't call,
'cause I just thought I'd come by and see how… how you are.
And I mean, I forgot what you look like. It's crazy.
I mean, you look like the archangel Gabriel,
through the clouds shining down into a splendor upon us from heaven.
Hi. Listen, I've got to run, but I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?
-Is that a work colleague? -I'm so sorry. I didn't…
Because I didn't… I didn't know that you were… that you were coming.
Okay.
So you two are snacking fresh?
You're dating that handsome hunk?
It's just that when you… when you, like, ended things for good,
I… I just sort of--
It's tubular, dude.
-I brought these for Phil anyway. -Oh God. Mae.
No, look, it's fine. I'm happy for you and also, I'm happy for me,
because I'm also… I'm dating someone as well.
Really?
-Yeah. -Who?
I'm dating Jack.
-Okay. -Anyway, I'm gonna go.
I don't want to bother you anymore.
-Oh God. -Oh no, George.
Listen. Oh, I fucked this up 'cause I ended things,
I drew a line under it, and it was such a mess with us
and this is good, you know?
It's probably like healthy, I think, that… that you're seeing someone.
-Like, it's fast, but it's probably-- -Mae, I really want you in my life.
So can we be friends?
[scoffs]
Yeah.
I'd absolutely love to be your friend.
-Would you give these to Phil? -Yep.
-And tell him I love him? -[inhales sharply]
-I'm not gonna be her friend. -[Scott on phone] Why not?
Because I can see my unborn children in her eyes.
Right now you can, but that'll pass.
Oh, man, you should have seen this guy. He's so fucking cool.
He probably like takes her dancing and like spins around on the dance floor.
Oh, man, I knew she'd get a boyfriend right away.
I should never have dated a bisexual person.
-Aren't you bisexual? -Yes.
Yes, I am.
Probably bounced on more balls than she has,
but I'm also a massive, massive hypocrite.
[Scott] Look, you ended things with her for a reason,
because you wanted her to be happy.
Now it's your job to be a big boy and be her friend.
What am I supposed to do, like hang out with her and her new boyfriend?
Prove to her that you've grown.
How come you don't live here?
Oh, we've been over this. I'm very busy masturbating into a sock.
[laughs]
All right. I'll ask her to hang out.
Thanks, Scott. Love you. Bye.
Mae, do you want--
-Ow! -Oh shit!
Sorry. Sorry.
Listen, I'm thinking about asking George and her new boyfriend on a double date.
-Would you mind going with me? -What, you and me?
I've never wanted anything more!
Great. Also, I accidentally lied and I told them we're dating,
so you just have to like pretend that you love me.
-[door opens, closes] -But, I do love you.
Hi, uh, so as… as you know,
Elliott and I wanted to set up a group to discuss social activism
and try and find ways for the students to get involved as well.
-Um, I want to do like a big event like-- -Sorry.
Before we start, maybe we should check in?
-Check in? -Hi. I'm Elliott.
I'm a bi-poly-cis man,
and really happy to be sharing the space with like-minded individuals.
Becky, cishet.
Uh, today, I am really struggling with the amount of space I'm taking up
as a polluter against the amount of space
that I rightfully should be taking up as a woman.
-Troubling. -Yeah.
I'm Clocky.
Clocky Powers, gay as a hog, and I'm raging.
Pauline, the dinner lady, knows I can't stand coriander,
and today my saucy sarnie was absolutely chocker with it.
Now, she says it was an accident, but I know.
It's 'cause I said her daughter looked like Harvey Keitel.
Okay. Um…
Well, I've… I've never really, like, "checked in" before
but, uh, hi.
I'm George and I'm trying to grow as a person.
George, great check in.
Um, I noticed that you didn't identify?
Yeah. I don't… I don't really do that.
Like, I'm… I'm just George.
Okay. Well,
I'm… I'm seeing Elliott and…
But I did have a girlfriend called Mae.
-Oh. -Well, it was quite roller-coastery.
Like, she's an addict.
Um, coke, and…
Well, I do think… I think she might have dealt heroin as a teenager.
Um, anyway, but that's all. That's great now, that's fine.
Yeah. So.
Um, actually Elliott and I are going on a double date
with her and her new boyfriend on Saturday, so you know,
who knows, maybe we'll all just have a big gang bang.
Um, Mae sounds like she's incredibly vulnerable.
Are you sort of sure it's safe to be still spending time together,
you know, especially if the relationship was toxic?
Toxic?
No, it wasn't… it wasn't--
Becky, I think if George is open to processing with Mae,
then friendship with an ex can really help put a full stop
on a painful chapter, don't you think?
Oh my God, you are so emotionally literate.
[Egyptian music playing]
-Christmas Jones! Sorry. -Oh! Fuck you! [laughs]
-I wish I didn't do that. -No, it was… it was funny.
[sighs] Okay, sorry. Jack's parking, so I thought I'd spook you.
-Okay. -Good day, time travelers.
My name is Professor Spink and welcome to--
I'm so sorry. We're waiting for a couple of people.
-It's really nice to see you. -Yeah, you too.
Absolutely lovely.
How are you, and how's Elliott?
Is the… And is the sex good?
Mae, come on. You can't… Don't do that.
That's not fair. You broke up with me, remember?
Yeah. No, I did.
-Do you really want to know? -Yes. Yes.
It is… It's quite…
tender?
What do you mean, tender?
Like he kind of likes to make eye contact and, like, emotionally connect.
[laughs] Oh my God. During?
-Yeah. -That's crazy.
I would never emotionally connect with you during sex.
Doesn't he know all you want is to get thrown around
-like a slutty bag of beans? -[laughs]
-Oh, I forgot you're funny. -[both laugh]
-Hey, baby. -Hi.
Hey.
Okay.
-Thank you. -[clears throat]
-George. -Jack.
I'm on shrooms.
-You're on mushrooms? -Yeah.
Guys, I'm so sorry I'm late.
So sorry.
-Hey. Hey. -Hey, gorgeous.
He's fit.
-[Elliott] Mae. -Hi.
-I've heard so much about you. -Oh, good.
I think it's really beautiful that you suggested this.
Oh, yes, yes. Beautiful.
Welcome, time travelers, to ancient Egypt.
It appears that my evil twin brother, Dr. Spink,
has trapped us in Tutankhamun's tomb.
Oh, no.
You have one hour to escape the tomb
and stop Ragnarök with the Orb of Ra!
And please don't pull the stuff off the walls, okay?
Otherwise I get a right fucking bollocking, yeah?
-[laughing] Do that again. -[laughing] Like the legs?
Mae, so you and Jack seem like a wonderful couple.
Oh, yeah.
-We really are. He's a very special guy. -Great.
Oh. [gasps]
Listen, I think it's great that you and George have got to this place of closure
so quickly.
Yeah, we've always moved very quickly through the stages of…
Like, we… we moved in together insanely quickly, actually.
Perhaps that acceleration contributed to it ending.
I don't think maybe we need to talk about this right now.
Well, maybe Mae wants to talk about it.
-Yeah. Okay. -[Mae] Um…
To be honest, we've never really talked about it.
-And it was my fault that it ended. -It was… It was my fault that it ended.
George, what are you talking about? I came into your life like a tornado
full of sticks and poo.
[grunting]
[eerie moan]
[gasps]
I made Mae, like, erratic and anxious, by keeping you a secret.
-I mean, I… I was so repressed. -That's not true.
She self-destructed.
Self-destructed? I mean, what did that look like?
She relapsed.
Okay, I mean, look, it was one night of coke with a sad businessman.
What?
-You did coke? -I thought that's what--
Mae, I was talking about the pills in the hospital. You did coke?
Look, I fucked up, but then I went to rehab in Canada
and now I'm absolutely fine now.
You went to rehab and I was like…
I was just here hooking up with someone else. Mae, I'm so sorry.
I mean, I hooked up with someone first anyway.
What, who? Jack?
I had sex with Lava.
Oh fuck off. What?
[screams]
-Do you still have feelings for her? -No, I do not.
-I do not. Of course not. -'Cause I just always felt important…
[sniffling]
[Professor Spink] Okay, say cheese!
Can you stop crying?
-Cheese. -Cheese!
Oh God.
Oh God, I'm so sorry, Elliott. That was hell.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, but look, George, I would never ever, ever tell you what to do.
-All right? -Yeah.
It just feels like if you guys can't even spend ten minutes
in an Egyptian tomb without completely imploding,
some real healing needs to happen before you spend time together.
[sighs] What do I do?
I mean, look, it's not for me to say. It really isn't.
-And as a rule, I never give any advice. -Okay.
But I would completely cut contact.
-Hey. You okay? -Hi.
[scoffs]
[sniffling]
I guess we're not really friends yet, are we?
-Maybe we should like just-- -Yeah.
[sniffling]
Can you promise me that you are not going to self-destruct?
[scoffs]
'Course I'm not… [snorts]
'Course I'm not gonna self-destruct.
-So what are you gonna do now? -I think I'm gonna self-destruct.
-[phone camera clicks] -Hello?
Sorry, I'm a massive fan of your comedy. Sorry for being weird.
-Ah. -I just think you're really brave,
like getting clean.
Can't wait to see what you do next. [chuckles]
She's gonna self-destruct.
-[woman] Oh. -Well, I--
Okay.
I hope you don't. [laughs]
Sorry.
-Bye. -[Mae] Bye.
I… I hope you don't either, by the way.
[rock music playing]
I'm so glad you called. I told everyone in the office about you.
Like I'm totally fucking hog wild.
I even brought the big boss to see you. Why don't you do some trans stuff tonight?
-Okay. So do you think I'm trans? -And take a groupie home after the show.
We love that. Do you know we used to represent David Wells?
The rebel rock star comedian of the 90s.
Didn't he die in a hotel room?
Where can I get like a pint of wine around here?
Hey, can you tell Donna I'm looking to sign with someone too.
Yeah, yeah, I guess, yeah.
All right, what's up?
Um…
I miss George.
I miss blow. But we're both better off now.
Are we?
Because I just keep replaying the past.
Check this out.
-Thirty days sober. -That's good.
Well done, man. Well done.
You see this key chain, and Donna out there.
That's progress. We're getting shit done.
So stop acting like some aging retired rocker.
You're 30 and you look 12.
-[laughs] -Look ahead.
Leave all that toxic shit in the past.
[atmospheric music playing]
[phone vibrating]
-Hi. -Hey. Hi, it's Mae.
Uh, Mae Martin.
Yeah. [chuckles]
I… I'm really sorry for calling. I just… I wanted to ask you something.
Um, do you think that we were, like, toxic?
I keep hearing that word.
Um, I don't know anymore.
Sometimes.
Yeah, maybe sometimes,
but then didn't it sometimes also feel good?
Like…
Like pushing on a bruise, you know?
Yeah, fuck, it did.
Do you remember, like, that first night that we met?
-[doorbell rings] -Is someone at the door?
-Perhaps a package you need to sign for? -I've got an Elliott.
Elliott's coming over.
Oh. Um…
Yeah, cool.
Okay. Well, I have to go anyway. I have to go on stage,
and after the show, I'll probably have sexual intercourse with Jack.
-Okay. -[Mae] Maybe a fan.
Just do some really sort of fucked-up stuff.
-Okay. -So you enjoy being tender with Elliott.
Yeah.
And I will talk to you in a couple of months.
Okay. Bye.
Are we really having sexual intercourse later?
Part of the process of my recovery is that I must make amends
to those I have wronged.
I have wronged you all and I owe you an amends.
[audience laughing]
Stop laughing, this… this isn't a joke.
[audience laughing]
Whatever. Just, um, welcome to the stage,
Mae Martin.
[audience cheering, applauding]
Uh, I'm Mae, it's nice to be back at the Gag Bin.
[audience cheering]
Um, so what do you guys think about Chevy Chase?
You think that guy's pretty wackadoodle or what?
[scattered laugh]
[mouthing]
Do you want to talk about my personal despair?
-[audience] Yeah. -Is that more…
Yeah. All right. Well, I broke up with my girlfriend recently.
-[woman] Aw. -Thank you for your sympathy,
um, and she's on a date right now
and I'm just a dehydrated Sea-Monkey, I guess, waiting to be reanimated
-by a droplet of her love. -[audience laughing]
My point is if anybody wants me to ferociously finger them after the show,
I'm more than happy to do that.
-Whoo! Yes! Pick me! -[audience laughing, applauding]
Wow. Okay. Thank you.
[narrator on TV] For the queer Amish farmers,
Rumspringa is a welcome respite…
Can you pass the wasabi peas?
-Yeah. -Please.
Thanks.
Um…
So, hey.
So, I'm… I'm really loving this doc,
but, um, there's this… there's this really fit
Ukrainian group sex video on YouPorn that I've been wanking to recently.
-Right. -Wait. I'm actually gonna…
[switches off TV]
So it's set in this, um, in this Soviet nunnery
and the nuns are routinely punished by their lecherous archbishop,
and I mean like punished in the ass.
Like, it's wild.
-Yeah, I was really enjoying connecting… -[woman moaning on phone]
…and learning with you tonight.
-Do you know what I mean? -Yeah.
-[woman moaning] -Whoa, that is fucked up.
Yeah.
And it's like… it's like you said, coming out is like going through puberty
and there's just like so much stuff I want to try.
I've never been with a bisexual guy,
like, maybe you and another guy could pulverize me.
-George! -What?
Where'd you learn to normalize that type of aggressive language?
I--
It just seems like what you're into is rooted in problematic power dynamics.
Yeah, but that's… that can be fit.
Like… like, sex can be fucked up.
-Like Jafar and Jasmin. -George, you deserve more than Jafar.
No, I'm the Jafar.
Okay, you have got a lot of unlearning to do.
All right? Um…
[laughs] Okay, here's a collection of essays on feminist sexuality.
-Yeah? Just to get you started. -Okay.
Here's a chapter on the link between the male orgasm and war crimes.
I just wanted to watch a bishop smack a nun on the pussy with a Bible, okay?
[Donna] And I'm sitting there watching you, thinking, there's that pain,
you know? And that's your generation.
You're sad. You're really, really sad.
So you're… you're not gonna sign me?
Oh my God, if you don't sign with me, I will commit arson.
-The big boss loved it. -Really?
[Donna] Mm-hmm.
Okay, so great. Thank you. So I have an agent.
-Absolutely, you do. -Oh, sick!
We'll speak tomorrow. We've got a lot of work to do,
and there's already a groupie waiting for you outside the door.
To fuck you, babe.
-Oh, yeah. Hmm, thanks. -Have fun.
Hi, Mae!
Excuse me, um, I've been thinking, are you properly single now?
Because we slept together a couple of times already in 2018.
I hope you remember.
And my willie loved it, and we live together now, so I thought--
If I'm gonna bang someone, I'll just stay somewhere else.
Oh, no, that's not what I meant. That's the opposite of what I meant.
Sorry.
-Hi. -[George] Hi.
Uh, oh sorry. Are you busy?
No, no, I'm not. I'm definitely not.
-Hi. I'm George. -Yes.
You are George. Are you okay?
I'm a big fan.
I was just with my friends,
but I lied so I could stay and talk to you.
Oh, wow.
Okay. Wow. Well, it's really nice to meet you.
Sorry, but what the hell is happening?
-I'm sorry. What was your name again? -George.
-Yeah.
What's your situation? Do you have a boyfriend?
I don't have a boyfriend.
-[Mae] No? -No.
-Definitely not? -Definitely not.
That's good. [laughs]
-Why? Why do you ask? -I just asked because…
I really want to go back to your house and take off your clothes.
And make you cum.
Fuck.
I've never done this before.
Are you nervous?
-Are you? -No.
["Jealous Guy" playing]
♪ I was dreaming of the past ♪
♪ And my heart was beating fast ♪
[moaning]
-George. -Yeah?
Will you do something for me?
Will you tell me that you're never going to tell your friends about me?
[exhales]
Oh, fuck.
[moans]
I'm never gonna tell anyone about this ever.
-Wait, but you do know this is fake-- -I know, I just wanted to hear you say it.
-Okay. -Just say it.
-Listen to me. -Uh-huh.
I'm never gonna tell anyone about this.
Oh, fuck.
Tell me you're gonna punish me for being a basic straight girl.
Oh my God.
But wait, you know that I respect your multifaceted sexuality--
Say it.
-George. -Yeah?
I'm gonna absolutely fucking destroy you.
[exhales]
If you ever speak to Lava again,
I'm gonna slit her bird throat.
[chuckles softly]
-Okay. -Okay?
Yup.
♪ I was shivering inside ♪
♪ I didn't mean to hurt you ♪
♪ And I'm sorry I made you cry ♪
Whoa. Mae, my small dude!
Hi, I'm Mae.
[George] This is my flatmate. I found him online.
Um, Phil, this is Mae.
-Hi. -What?
But Mae, it's… it's me Phil.
Oh my God, don't you remember? What fresh hell is this?
-Mae! -Phil.
It's all fine. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
[chuckles]
[breathing heavily]
[laughing]
-[exhales] -[laughs]
That was fucked up.
Yeah.
Oh my…
I loved it.
I've never had sex that dark before, have you?
I…
[breathes deeply]
[tense music playing]
George.
Yeah?
I think I need to lie under the bed.
Really?
Do you… Do you want some space?
-Do you wanna come with me under the bed? -Okay.
["How Come My Body" by Half Moon Run playing]
Mae, why are we under here?
[inhales deeply]
I'm not sure.
Okay.
♪ Fits just like a bruise? ♪
♪ Oh, you're gone to me ♪
[music continues]
♪ Oh, you're gone… ♪