I like you being here.
Hey, my mum wants us to go to this falconry class
before you guys go to your meeting.
What?
I said my mum wants us to go to a falconry class.
Oh, um...
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna stay in tonight.
I don't really want to see anyone, because I am dying.
-You're not dying. -Oh yeah, I'm dying.
Mae, it's been, like, two weeks.
George is probably on a date right now.
I...
-Can I ask you something? -Yes.
Are you ever gonna have sex with me,
or are you just gonna sleep in my bed indefinitely?
Uh... oh man.
Yeah, um...
I'm really sorry.
Okay, I think I do want to have sex with you.
Wow, okay. Great, thanks.
-Jesus. -No, look, I just--
I really don't know how it would make me feel.
[stammers] Why don't you find out?
Okay.
[Mae] I still haven't met her parents,
and we live together.
-She's practically still in the closet. -Hey, man.
-And I know they're gonna come over-- -It's me, Phil.
I know who you are.
How you doing?
You wanna talk?
If I wanted to talk, I'd talk to my friends.
Okay, that hurts,
but I'm going to let it slide.
I got you something.
Check it out.
-What is that? -[Phil] Okay, don't freak out,
but I wanted you to have someone to process your feelings with,
so I went to get you a therapy dog.
Is there a dog in that tub?
No, basically all the puppies looked like Mae,
so I got you these instead.
Oh my God, Christ, Phil!
-[Phil] They're worms. -Yes.
I-- Can you please leave me alone?
All I want is to be left alone.
George, you're not an island, man.
Well, I was an island before I met Mae,
and I can be again, okay? That's how I operate.
Maybe you don't know me very well, Phil.
Maybe you don't know you very well, Phil.
Please leave me alone.
Please leave the worms.
Thank you.
-I have to get to a meeting. -[Laura] I'll pick you and Maggie up.
I'm trying to be more open with her,
include her.
Do you think I should tell her I sat on your face?
Um, maybe don't tell her you sat on my--
Actually, maybe don't tell her anything?
Like, about what happened?
Like, does she really need to know about that?
What?
I just feel like she'll make a big deal out of it,
and she won't get that it was just like
a casual...
mistake.
Right.
Yeah, okay.
Excuse me, I have to go clean up this mess.
What mess?
That one.
-Morning, darling. -Hi.
What did you and Lava get up to last night?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Just braised a beef.
Braised a big beef. Brenda?
Uh, I'm gonna catch up with Brenda, 'cause, uh...
Have you seen any films lately?
Have you seen Hereditary?
Mae, Maggie tells us you've had a difficult week.
Would you like to share with the group?
No, thank you.
We are at our most vulnerable in times of crisis.
Now more than ever, Mae,
I would urge you to do the work. Sit with the pain.
Think of it like, um...
-boiling an egg. -[Mae] I don't want to.
I don't want to. I'm not an egg.
I don't want to do the work. I'm tired.
Aren't you guys tired?
From trying to do the right thing all the time?
When was the last time that any of us felt any joy?
I felt joy last night over dinner with George Clooney.
-[Mae scoffs] -He was telling a funny anecdote
about pranking Brad Pitt.
I mean, I want to be more like Karen.
She just does whatever the hell she wants.
She obviously has never done drugs, but she comes here three times a week
to the meetings because it makes her happy.
Excuse me, I've literally done every drug.
-Name a drug. -[Karen] Okay.
Well, maybe there's a small round one,
or one shaped like a cone.
Oh my God.
You've never done drugs.
[Mae] Obviously.
But she just comes here because she's lonely and weird.
-Mae. -[Mae] I feel exactly
the same as I did before I ever started coming to these meetings
Actually, I feel worse. I don't-- I feel nothing.
I can't even taste food anymore. I tried having sex with someone last night,
and it made me feel lonelier.
Who did you have sex with?
Peter... Piper. You don't know him.
I'm leaving.
And for the record, I think Karen should run these meetings.
Hang on a minute.
Yeah, I'm on it.
[door closes]
Hey, wait.
Ellen DeGeneres. [chuckles]
Listen, I like what you said in there.
About finding joy and how we're the masters of our destinies,
like James Bond.
I don't think I mentioned James Bond.
Wait, what are you doing today?
Wanna hang?
Kevin, I hate everything that you represent.
I know.
You find my masculinity intimidating,
because it makes you feel inadequate.
But I'm actually a pretty woke guy.
I loved Call Me By Your Name.
Look, I'm bored, Mae.
I'm so fucking bored.
Let me find joy with you, huh?
I don't want to have sex with you.
Oh, ditto, peewee.
-Fine, forget it. It doesn't matter. -[phone ringing]
Okay, wait.
Do you want to get drunk?
[laughs]
Yes, queen.
Okay.
Okay, so at the beginning of act two,
we have the soliloquy about the dagger.
Can anyone tell me what a soliloquy is--
Whoa, Deepa, what are you doing?
She's pouring my fucking bag out the window!
[girl] Yeah, I fucking am,
and when I'm done, I'm going to punch you in your fucking head.
-Deepa, what-- -Daisy said I'm a fag.
You said what?
Who cares if I called her a fag, look what she did.
Well, I care, Daisy. Maybe I fucking care what you called her.
Hey! Don't laugh. I'm talking to you.
Maybe I'm a fag. Do you have a problem with that?
Do you want to try calling me a fag, you little rat?
Try it!
Okay, you're both in deep shit, and I'm sorry for swearing.
[panting]
I'm sorry, Joyce, but I just can't keep quiet about this anymore.
Okay, Daisy James just called Deepa a fag, and it's unacceptable.
-What? -Sorry if it makes people uncomfortable,
but I've decided I'm going to be teaching LGBT issues
in PSHE.
Sorry, I'm confused, George.
You are supposed to be teaching them all about LGBTQIA issues.
-What? -Sexual health?
LGBT history, human rights.
Have you not been teaching that?
I mean, two of your students are trans.
[whispers] Are they?
If you've not been teaching this, it's a problem.
No, I have.
I mean, obviously.
But what I'm saying to you is that I am teaching them,
and I don't care
if it makes people uncomfortable, okay? So there.
Yes, thank you. Thanks, Joyce.
Um... what should I do about Deepa?
Because she sort of... snapped.
Oh, well, I'll leave that up to you, George.
You're good with her. She likes you.
-Does she? -Well, I can only assume so.
You're the only teacher she hasn't tried to stab or called a cunt.
Oh, right.
Thanks.
Can you leave my office now, please, because I've got a fart coming.
-[rock music playing] -To joy.
Ah.
-[tool buzzing] -Help, help.
You know, I don't even know this band.
[all laughing]
[Mae] Dude, why's it so busy?
They're here for you, Mae.
What do you mean?
Have you not seen?
Seen what?
[clicks teeth]
Arnie Rivers posted your set from the other week.
You've had close to a million hits.
No, that's insane.
A million? That's a big number. That's a very big number,
-and I know numbers. [chuckles] -[Mae chatting on video]
All right, look. I gotta start.
Um... you're headlining.
-Headlining? -[Kevin] Oh, yeah.
Whoa.
[audience cheering, applauding]
Oh, well, I know why you're here.
Give it up for your headliner,
Mae Martin!
-[audience cheering, applauding] -[rock music playing]
The difference between my dick and Jared's dick
is that I have a ferocious tiger dick, and Jared's got a quail's egg.
Why are we talking about Hugh's dick again?
Because I've got the dick of a jungle cat, and it needs to be discussed.
-He really does. -I can't. I actually-- I can't do--
When was the last time we had an actual proper conversation?
You know that I broke up with Mae, and none of you have asked me about it.
Hey, I've got a question.
From now on, are you gonna be dating chicks or dudes? [laughs]
Yeah, hopefully dudes, because I have a plus-one
for my uncle's podcast recording.
What kind of fucking friendship is this?
Ooh. [laughing]
Harsh much?
Babe, if you wanted to talk to me about your feelings,
then why didn't you?
What, like in...
year eight when I told you I was sad about my eczema, and you just laughed at me?
Are you still holding onto that?
No.
Look, we didn't say anything about that girl,
because you didn't seem that bothered.
We thought she's just some random chick you're fucking for jokes.
Well, she's not some chick. I'm in love with her.
Well, how were we meant to know that?
And anyway, if you're in love with her, then why did you dump her, you psycho?
George, where are you going?
-Hey! -Hey.
-[applauding] -That was fucking awesome.
-[Mae] Thanks. -I would've ended it
with "Jizz you later, cunts."
-[Kevin] Classic. -Next time, Pete.
You, waiter. Get drinks, and crisps, and more drinks, hmm?
Come on, I was just onstage. You saw my set.
So, you've got joy, huh?
-You got it? -Yeah, I think I have
-like a spark of joy for one second. -You're on the magic bus now.
There's an angry woman here to see you.
Oh, no, no. Don't let her in.
Um... too late.
-You! -Shit.
Kevin.
-Oh, hey, Maggie. -You, you...
had sex with my daughter!
Double-O-seven.
Stop it. Stop it, Mae.
Look, it was just casual.
It just happened.
Lava rang me in floods of tears.
Lava can cry?
Well, she may be blunt, odd, even... well, really strange,
but that girl is an absolute angel,
and she's spent her whole life being abandoned
by addicts who she cared for, and I shouldn't have let you near her,
because you used her, Mae.
Oh, maybe you used me.
'Cause you were filling your time until you got her back.
She says she doesn't want to see either of us again,
and I'm going to have to rebuild my entire relationship with her
from scratch again!
Okay, well...
where am I going to stay?
[gasps]
I don't know.
And I'm sorry to say, but I don't fucking care!
And another thing.
I am not your sponsor anymore.
I'm just a really angry older woman who you used to know!
Fucking out of my way. Fucking shithole!
[gasps]
[groans]
-Hey. -Oh my God, hi.
-Look, I have to go. I feel fucking awful. -Hear me now.
You're James Bond, and Maggie is a Dementor,
who's determined to suck your joy away.
[high-pitched feedback ringing]
Kev.
One huge night.
Whoa tiger, not now.
I am a tiger.
You want your card back?
-[keys jangle] -Are we sure about this?
Kevin, we're the best members of the NA group.
Watch this.
Oh.
[high-pitched feedback ringing]
-[ringing stops] -[snorts]
How do you feel?
Don't say anything, please.
Kevin.
This is us, right?
-Has anyone seen my rucksack? -Um...
Mae.
-He's so nice. [laughing] -Shut up.
Sorry, mate. Sorry.
-Sorry, man. -Mae, Mae. Come back.
[rock music playing]
[chattering, laughing]
[snorting]
Whoo! I like it. Papa feels feisty.
-You know, I was engaged once. -I don't think I'll do comedy anymore.
I think I just wanna be a vagabond poet.
She was a siren calling me to my death.
When I was around her,
-my hand would shake. -[Mae] Jazz?
Jack Kerouac, River Phoenix.
The Viper Lounge.
How do you spell swamp of despondency?
I haven't thought about her in years.
Right now, even though I'm talking about her,
I'm not actually thinking about her.
What are you thinking about right now?
Fine Italian leather.
[chuckles, sniffs]
Do we have any more coke?
Um... no.
We're out. That's it.
Yeah... fine. Okay.
Okay, do you wanna have sex?
Okay.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-Okay.
Um... okay. No, you...
[chuckles] Right, yeah sure, okay.
[alternative rock music playing]
No, not that. Turn it off.
-Why? -Turn it off, Mae. Turn it off.
-[music stops] -What the fuck, man?
You used to sing that song to your fiancée or something?
[laughs] Shut up.
-I think you should order more coke. -Yes, definitely.
I'm gonna be right back.
[sighs]
[doorbell ringing]
Kevin, your guy's here.
[Mae] Brenda?
-Brenda's your coke dealer? -[door closes]
Out of my way, please. I need to see Kevin.
-Brenda's my sponsor. -You called your sponsor?
Kevin, I thought we were having a good, fun time.
No, we aren't having a good, fun time.
-I'm in hell. I'm sorry. -It's all right, Kevin.
How is Brenda your sponsor?
I've never even seen you speak in the meetings.
'Cause I'm embarrassed. Brenda's lame.
I'm sorry, Brenda.
First of all, are there any drugs in this house?
-No. -[Brenda] Good.
Second of all, I want you to listen to me.
It's not your fault.
[Mae scoffs] Oh... come on.
Kevin, you are loved.
I don't know. It doesn't matter.
You are loved.
Say it with me.
You are loved.
I don't want to.
-I'm human garbage. -[alternative rock playing]
Say it. You are loved.
[crying] I am loved.
I'm loved.
♪ Stay out super late tonight ♪
♪ Picking apples, making pies ♪
♪ Put a little something in our lemonade ♪
♪ And take it with us ♪
♪ We're half awake in a fake empire ♪
♪ Tiptoe through our shiny city ♪
♪ With our diamond slippers on ♪
♪ Do our gay ballet on ice ♪
♪ Bluebirds on our shoulders ♪
♪ We're half awake in a fake empire ♪
[music stops]
Mae, hi. You're early.
No, that's fine. Bye.
I rang Maggie.
She says she'll be attending another group moving forward.
Karen sent a message saying she's going back to her job
as a lieutenant in the army.
I'm not sure where Brenda and Kevin are, so...
it looks like it's just us.
I thought you didn't like me very much.
[sighs]
I don't like you.
I really, really don't like you.
I find you entitled,
and I think you endanger the sobriety of others.
But I don't have to like you to help you.
I don't really like you either.
Okay, moving on. Um...
I don't suppose there's any point in doing the readings today.
Mae?
Ah.
Sorry, I didn't realize we'd had a sobriety birthday today.
Congratulations, I think you said it'd been two years.
Ah, I see.
I'm sorry. I don't know why.
When the present moment is intolerable, Mae,
we contort ourselves into pretzels to get away from it.
But the question I would encourage you to ask is not, "Why did I use?"
We all know why we use. Pain relief.
Instead, ask yourself, "Why the pain?"
-[plucking one chord] -[footsteps approach]
Oh, sorry, I'll keep it down. Whoa!
Awesome.
Phil.
I want you to feel like this is your home.
I made you this.
-What? Oh, my God. -Yeah.
Well, I had to photoshop myself in,
because we've never actually hung out one-on-one.
Oh my God, it really is you.
[George laughs]
[Phil laughs]
Well, keep talking. I'm loving this.
I fucked up. You're my friend.
You really are,
and I want you to teach me the harp,
and, uh, I need you to help me keep my worms alive.
Like, if they ever look hungry,
I want you to remind me to feed them.
[clicks teeth] Mmm.
Wait, Phil, come on. I just did a really big speech.
I'm sorry, man. I just thought you were gonna say something about Mae
and how you're gonna do some big, romantic gesture
for her, but... this is mostly just about the worms.
Yeah, but Mae won't--
It's-- it's too late. No, she's just getting on with her life.
It's just...
you and me now.
Okay, if you say so.
Then I guess it's just you, me, and the worms...
for eternity.
-[sniffles] -[phone beeps]
[Linda] Mae? Oh, Malcolm?
Mae's on the machine.
Your father's in the garden counting sparrows.
-I mean, I ask you. -Hi, Mom.
Wait, what's wrong?
Oh my God, whose toilet are you in?
Can I come home?
[crying] I think I wanna come home.
I'll book you a flight.
Where's my credit card?
I'm booking it now.
Do you have money to get to the airport?
I don't know. I don't think so.
Okay, we'll send you money,
and-- and get you on a flight.
Just get back here,
and we'll make you some soup.
Malcolm, start boiling down some bones for stock.
I'm not joking!
Um, so I will call you back.
-Mom? -[Linda] What is it?
Are you mad at me?
I was never mad at you.
Okay, thanks.
We'll see you soon.
Hi. Are you okay?
I was wondering, um...
Would you come over later, at like 3:00, for a coffee?
I just want to say something, and I want to show you something.
And I'm not expecting anything at all.
-I just-- I just-- -I love coffee.
I find it so weird that it comes from beans.
What's that?
Uh, worms.
-Um, I want to say-- -I need to say some--
-Do you wanna-- -No, you go.
-Okay, sorry. -Yeah.
I want to say that I thought I was doing the right thing, ending it.
But I think I was just doing the easy thing,
and I should've carried your bags.
What bags?
I don't know. Like, if you had bags, I just should've carried them.
I'm confused about the bags,
-'cause I don't know-- -Forget the bags. They're just symbolic.
I should have taken care of you.
-And if I could go back, I would. -I'm going to Canada.
In a couple of days.
What?
I'm going to Canada, because my parents booked me a flight, so I'm gonna go...
Wh-- No, but...
Wait, for how long?
I don't know, like...
Like a while, I think.
[clattering]
[George] Oh, fuck.
[Mae] Oh, my God.
Can I come out now?
Yeah.
Um, Mae, this is my mum.
Mum, this is Mae.
-Oh, God. -Hello.
This has all gone rather badly, hasn't it, darling?
Shall I do the speech?
-Well... -[mother] Mae,
I wish I'd met you sooner, but my daughter's been a dunce.
-She didn't realize how important-- -[George] Mum, it's okay.
Please, stop it. I think it's too late.
Mae's made up her mind, so you can go.
Sorry.
-It's nice to meet you. -Hmm, yes.
-You-- you look the same. -Do we?
[both chuckle]
-Not to worry. -Thank you.
-You'll message? -Yes.
-[mother] Bye. -[George] Thank you, Mum. Bye.
-[door closes] -I'm really sorry.
-No, I'm sorry. It's just-- -[Mae] I didn't know.
It's not enough, sorry.
No, it's not you, it's, um...
You were right about what you said.
That I need to be okay on my own.
Yeah.
Because what I'm doing is just jumping from thing to thing,
and that's not healthy.
And that's what I do. I just jump from thing to thing.
-I'm not a thing. -What?
I'm-- I'm a person.
I'm not a thing.
-I know. -And what--
And what if I'm a person, and...
I'm in love with you?
What am I gonna do?
I don't know what to do without you. What am I meant to do now?
I need you now.
Oh, God.
[alternative pop music playing]
♪ Everything goes right ♪
♪ Everything goes right... ♪
Oh, my God! What have you done?
♪ Everything... ♪
I've always had that.
Okay... whatever.
Your heart is pounding.
Is there anything you need to tell me?
[man vocalizing]
[high-pitched feedback ringing]