1
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,480
[Mae] Where'd you get that scar?

2
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,440
I fell off the second-place podium

3
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,640
at the Oxfordshire All-Girls
Under-14 Badminton Tournament,

4
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,760
and I hit my arm on a plate
of cucumber sandwiches.

5
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,480
-I'm sorry that happened to you.
-[George] Thanks.

6
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,520
I just can't believe I got second place.

7
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,600
Yeah.

8
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:35,520
Where'd you get this?

9
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:37,880
In jail.

10
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,600
Do you still feel like an addict?

11
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:43,560
Nope.

12
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,720
Can you just get in?

13
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,920
No! Mae! Oh my God!

14
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,240
Oh no! [laughing]

15
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,120
My cousin Dina's only known this guy
for three years.

16
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,160
Don't you think it's mad
they're getting married?

17
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,560
-Oh, God.
-Mae.

18
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,000
Mae, you need to relax.
I'm only gonna be gone for 36 hours.

19
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,240
So, just let me come
as your plus-one. Please.

20
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,320
'Cause I love weddings. I'll buy some
shiny red shoes for the occasion.

21
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,520
I'm not allowed a plus-one. Nobody is.

22
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,080
It's a tiny wedding.

23
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,040
The church is a thimble.
The priest is an ant.

24
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,720
What if you cry at the wedding
and nobody hugs you?

25
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,160
Are you kidding? I never cry at weddings.

26
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:28,040
I think the whole thing's bizarre.
It's so archaic. I hate the rings!

27
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:29,840
The rings piss you off?

28
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,240
And the symbolism of becoming one person

29
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:35,400
like you were half a person
to begin with, it's--

30
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:37,360
It's just ridiculous.

31
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,400
If by ridiculous, you mean
the transcendent experience

32
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,400
of putting somebody else's needs
above your own,

33
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:43,760
therefore destroying your own ego

34
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,600
and connecting to your sense
of universal--

35
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,400
-Wanna finger me in the changing rooms?
-Yes.

36
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,560
So, who's even gonna be
at this wedding, even?

37
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:55,000
Just some random people.

38
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,520
When am I gonna meet
these random people?

39
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,960
Do you have to meet them?

40
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,160
I mean, they're just shit people
I went to school with.

41
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,480
I love shit people. Those are my people.

42
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,840
Look, I haven't even had a chance
to tell them that I'm seeing anyone.

43
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,840
I literally never see them.

44
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,040
Okay? I'll tell them this weekend.
Oh, fuck.

45
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,640
I'm so late. Okay, I have to go.

46
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:14,200
I'll see you on Sunday.

47
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,680
It will be nice to be alone
with my thoughts.

48
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,920
Hey, can you keep an eye on Mae
while I'm gone?

49
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,720
I just-- I'm worried about leaving
her alone with her brain.

50
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,200
Sorry, dude.
I'm starting my new job today.

51
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,400
Okay.

52
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,800
[bells pealing]

53
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,280
-Thank you.
-[Mae] What are you wearing?

54
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,240
Uh, well, you saw what I was wearing
when I left.

55
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,560
But, okay, I'm wearing a...

56
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,640
that enchanting puffer jacket

57
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,920
with a wonderful bit of Cornish pasty
on the elbow.

58
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,240
What are you wearing under that?

59
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:55,840
Are you wanking right now?

60
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,160
-Are you not wanking right now?
-[George] Well, I--

61
00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,160
George!

62
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,200
[laughing]

63
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,520
Is that your boyfriend? Let me say hi.

64
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,160
Is that your friends? Tell 'em I say hi.

65
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,520
No, it's not. I don't want PPI insurance,
thank you.

66
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,400
[call clicks, beeps off]

67
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,320
Uh--

68
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,680
I haven't seen you in ages!

69
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,000
Lawson, what rock
have you been hiding under?

70
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,800
Does the rock have a massive dick?

71
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,520
I didn't know you were coming,
I would've brought my prick repellent.

72
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,200
-[phone dings]
-Classic. You still got it.

73
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,560
No, I'm Binky's plus-one, obviously.
[flatulence]

74
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:27,400
-Oh, my God.
-Why am I so obsessed with you?

75
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:28,760
Where's your plus-one?

76
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,120
I thought you'd be bringing
Jonathan Crenshaw.

77
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,560
Oh, no. He was busy working.

78
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:34,480
What's he do again?

79
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,200
Oh... Oh, my God, it's Lisa from school!

80
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,680
That's her boyfriend? I always thought
she was a massive dyke.

81
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,520
-[laughs]
-Binky, you can't say that.

82
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,800
-What? What?
-Well...

83
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,240
-She used to stare at my tits in swimming.
-[phone dings]

84
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,000
There's your mum!

85
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:50,440
-[Binky] Hi!
-[George] Hi. Hi.

86
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,760
Okay, if she mentions the divorce,
just distract her.

87
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,760
Just say a celebrity died or something.

88
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,840
Hi, darling.

89
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,240
-Hi.
-How are you?

90
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,560
[phone dinging]

91
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,520
Have you... have you heard
from your father?

92
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,360
No. No, I haven't. Sorry, Mum.

93
00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:06,320
You look lovely.

94
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,280
Well, if you do hear from him,
you can tell him that. Mum looked lovely.

95
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,280
-Yeah.
-No. Don't mention me actually.

96
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,400
Or if you do, don't say that I said
to mention me,

97
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,080
just you know, if it comes up.

98
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,880
Yeah, okay. Yeah. Sure.

99
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,000
How's Dina coping?

100
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:19,920
-Oh, she's not.
-[phone dinging]

101
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,800
She's cried three times
over the vol-au-vents. It's ridiculous.

102
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,600
Yeah, why didn't they just do it
in a registry office?

103
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:26,880
In and out, then you get drunk.

104
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,280
Well, people always go big the first time,
don't they?

105
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,800
-[phone ringing]
-Yeah. Oh.

106
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,360
Oh, sorry. I'm gonna have to get changed
and... yeah.

107
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,360
Thank you, darling.

108
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,680
-Hi!
-Oh, don't you look lovely!

109
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:38,600
Oh!

110
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,080
Hi. I suppose George told you
about me and her father?

111
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,880
I heard a celebrity died.

112
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,280
No. Who?

113
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,120
Tim Allen.

114
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,280
No!

115
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,720
I can't believe you said I was PPI.

116
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,920
Mae, I've had 28 texts from you.

117
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,720
It's not healthy. Twenty-eight!

118
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,040
I can't actually be on the phone
right now, okay?

119
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,240
It's really scary when you lose control
like this.

120
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,120
Yeah, I do feel fucking weird, actually.

121
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,440
Okay, let's just do this.

122
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,360
Just no more texts until I get back.

123
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,520
-It's just only 30 hours.
-[Mae] What?

124
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,320
I mean, what if there's an emergency?

125
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,000
Please, let's just be mature
about this, okay?

126
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,600
Just, I don't know, go to a meeting
or see your sponsor, okay?

127
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,040
Just don't text me, please.

128
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:20,600
-Hi. Sorry.
-Come on.

129
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:23,880
[phone clatters]

130
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:29,040
[high-pitched feedback ringing]

131
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,200
[rock music playing]

132
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,120
♪ Nothing but a barefaced lie ♪

133
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,880
♪ Is all you girls can hold on to ♪

134
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,240
♪ I suggest you downgrade fast ♪

135
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:47,880
[music stops]

136
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,320
[inhales, exhales]

137
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,400
[rock music resumes]

138
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,480
[Maggie] You're not supposed to text her?
That's ridiculous.

139
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,400
Makes my nose hair prickly. It's just off.

140
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,160
Well, I know! Yes!

141
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,200
Hi, guys. Perhaps you'd like to come in,
the meeting's just started.

142
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:08,880
No, thank you, David. I came last week
and I don't even do drugs anymore.

143
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,840
Yeah, but it's important to keep up
the regularity of the meetings.

144
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,960
But that's why I got Maggie.
She's my sponsor.

145
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,760
That's not exactly how sponsorship works.

146
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,000
Um, Maggie,
can I have a quick word with you?

147
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,760
Not now, David. You smell of sulfur.

148
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:22,480
[sighs] Has he gone?

149
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:26,760
You are brave and you are strong.

150
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,280
You beat drugs.

151
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,800
You can handle a day without George.

152
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:30,720
Yeah.

153
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,440
Right. I'm going to an exhibition,
so I'm gonna drop you home.

154
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:34,600
Drop me home?

155
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,800
But you're my sponsor.
I think I need to be sponsored.

156
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,000
All right. I can't leave you like this,
can I?

157
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:41,720
Okay.

158
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,400
Come on. First thing we need
is a coffee and some grapes.

159
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,920
[car starts]

160
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,280
[Maggie]
How do you feel now that you had a grape?

161
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,280
Yeah, better. I love grapes.

162
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,560
Actually, yeah. I absolutely love grapes.

163
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,480
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

164
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,320
Sometimes I think I just love George,
but I actually also love grapes.

165
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,760
[Maggie] Yeah, George is not
your entire personality, darling.

166
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:02,680
You gotta remember that.
Addicts fixate. You gotta mix it up.

167
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,200
Am I the lady who makes jigsaws? Yes.

168
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:10,000
Am I the lady who teaches meditation
to dogs? Yes.

169
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,760
Not one single thing consumes me.

170
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,560
I am not an addict.

171
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,280
That's why I never speak at the meetings.
I've got nothing to say.

172
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,040
-Are we going in or...?
-No, not yet.

173
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,040
There's a nice smell in here, darling.

174
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,920
Why don't we just sit and enjoy it?

175
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:38,920
[inhales] Oh, it's so lovely
to be able to have a little sit

176
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:40,840
and a smell.

177
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,280
Okay, let's go!

178
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,760
Do you think it's okay
that we still drink?

179
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,520
Drugs are drugs and we mustn't touch them.

180
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,800
Alcohol is British.

181
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:04,360
What are you doing?

182
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,560
Sorry, darling. I think I just saw
Dennis Quaid.

183
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,000
Okay, what is going on here?

184
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,480
I don't feel very good
and I want to text George.

185
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,360
Excuse me, you're not sponsoring me.
Isn't there like a mantra

186
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,720
that I could say or something?

187
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,440
-Well, I don't know, do I?
-Well, give me your phone, please.

188
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:21,640
I need to text George.

189
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,440
-She'll never respect you if you do that.
-[scoffs]

190
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,040
[camera beeps, clicks]

191
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,120
Having fun?

192
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,760
[sighs] Um, well, my friend and I
meant to hang out,

193
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,440
but she's having sex in a cupboard.

194
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:41,000
-Maybe you'll meet someone.
-Well, you know, I have a girlfriend.

195
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:42,160
Huh?

196
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,200
I have a girlfriend.

197
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,160
Okay. Me too.

198
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,360
Which one is she?
You want a photo together?

199
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,960
-Oh, she's not here.
-Why not?

200
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,160
Well, I mean, we don't
have to share everything.

201
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,480
I am allowed a life of my own, aren't I?

202
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,080
I think that's healthy.

203
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,120
I think that love should sit
beside your life,

204
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:02,040
like a lamp.

205
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,080
You know, you're the second person
who's said that to me today.

206
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,720
That lady said the exact same thing

207
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,880
and then she gave me the number
for a divorce lawyer.

208
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,480
Don't catch the bouquet.
I mean, avoid it like the plague,

209
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,520
-'cause that way lies hell and damnation...
-That's my mum.

210
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,320
Oh. I just remembered
I got to take a photo over--

211
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:21,920
-over there.
-Okay.

212
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,200
[camera clicking]

213
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,920
-I've called the police.
-Excuse me?

214
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,120
I don't know who you are,
but I've called the police

215
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,840
and they're going to remove
you and my mum.

216
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,960
Oh, no. No.
I'm-- I'm with my friend Maggie

217
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,560
and she doesn't have any kids.
She just has, like, hobbies and--

218
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,240
Ah.

219
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,360
-Yeah. Right.
-She told you she has no kids?

220
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,160
-Yeah.
-She always does this.

221
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,720
I told her I don't want to see her.

222
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,720
I had to change my phone number.

223
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,400
And now she shows up at my work again
with some new charity case in tow.

224
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,840
Okay, a bit harsh.
My name's Mae. She's my sponsor.

225
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,120
Right. So you're one of my mum's
addict friends.

226
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,640
No, I'm not just an addict.
I have my own very dazzling personality.

227
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,160
I actually-- I really like grapes.

228
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,840
I didn't even know that you exist,
so if I'm stalking you, it's by accident.

229
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,400
I'm an accidental stalker. I'm sorry.

230
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,360
That's funny. You're funny.

231
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,040
Well, don't laugh too hard,
you might break a rib.

232
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,960
Well, I am a comedian, actually.

233
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,240
-Really?
-Yeah.

234
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,480
When I'm not busy being an addict.

235
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,360
I'm gonna go. I'm very sorry
that I disrupted your work.

236
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:29,520
It's fine.

237
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,320
Just tell her to stay the hell away
from me.

238
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:35,080
Hey.

239
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:36,720
She's good, you know.

240
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,720
I don't know what she was like before,
but she's good now.

241
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,120
She's not.

242
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,080
It's fine.

243
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,880
You told me you have no kids.

244
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,400
You have a daughter.

245
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,960
No. Yes. Do I?

246
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,560
She called the cops, Maggie.
She says you're stalking her.

247
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,080
Nothing's changed. I'm still me.

248
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,840
[groans]
You're supposed to be my life raft.

249
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,240
And then now I find out
that my life raft is

250
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,880
full of holes.

251
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,160
Oh.

252
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,920
[upbeat music playing]

253
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,000
Funny to think these will all be
in the bin soon.

254
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,280
[feedback rings]

255
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,840
Everyone, shut up!

256
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,120
-[woman] I'm just so glad that--
-Dina, shut up, please.

257
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,040
Okay?

258
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,880
Wow. Binks.

259
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:31,600
I'd like to say something.

260
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,640
I'm a piece of shit, right?
Everyone knows that,

261
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,320
but you like that I'm a piece of shit, and

262
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:38,720
I want to be your piece of shit
forever, so...

263
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,240
-let's get fucking married, yeah?
-[squeals]

264
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,480
I'm proposing! Hugh is proposing!

265
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,400
-[all cheering]
-[Binky squealing]

266
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:48,840
Are you fucking kidding me?

267
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,200
-[upbeat music playing]
-[Binky cheering, chattering]

268
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,840
Binky, there's still time to say no.
You're so young.

269
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,760
Mum, stop it. This is good news!

270
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,320
Oh, I'm so happy!

271
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,760
Oh, Dina, look!

272
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,760
I can't believe it, Hugh.

273
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,480
[upbeat music continues]

274
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:10,000
♪ Baby, I've seen most everything ♪

275
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:16,240
♪ One thing I can tell ya
Is I been around... ♪

276
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,280
-[camera clicking]
-Oh, okay.

277
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,320
♪ A lot of girls ♪

278
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:25,120
♪ And baby, I've had my share of fun ♪

279
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,520
[sighs]

280
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,320
[rock  music playing]

281
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,240
Phil!

282
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:36,400
Phil!

283
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,640
♪ Nothing but a barefaced lie ♪

284
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:47,320
Phil!

285
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,640
♪ Is all you girls can hold on to ♪

286
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,480
[music stops]

287
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,680
[groans]

288
00:12:55,480 --> 00:13:00,360
[phone ringing]

289
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:02,720
George!

290
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:07,240
[music resumes]

291
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,480
[call ringing]

292
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,680
-All right, you have a great day.
-[coins jangle]

293
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:21,040
-Thank you. All right. Oh!
-[phone ringing]

294
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,240
Hey, hey, Georgio. What's up, girl?

295
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:24,960
All right, California. How you doing?

296
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,640
Hey, Phil. Have you seen Mae?

297
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:27,600
No, dude, I'm working.

298
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,960
All right, Venice Beach! Dogtown!

299
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,760
You have a good one. Nice jacket.

300
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,320
What the hell is your job?

301
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,680
Actually, no, don't answer that, okay?
Um...

302
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,600
Can you go to the club
and see if she's okay,

303
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,760
-'cause she's not answering her phone?
-[Phil] Yeah.

304
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,080
Yeah. I'll go check it out.

305
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,080
-Hey, George.
-Yeah, what?

306
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,480
This is a big moment for us, dude.
First time you called me on the phone.

307
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,280
[call clicks, beeps]

308
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,840
All right. Yes.

309
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,000
Nice.

310
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,400
Oh, yes!

311
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,440
She told me I'm not allowed to text her,
but it's making me feel sick.

312
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,880
What if she feels so sad at this wedding
and she needs a hug?

313
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,520
Who's gonna hug her, Nick? The best man?

314
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,720
Then what happens,
she gives him a blowjob? Is that it?

315
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,880
-Mae, that's not what happens--
-I feel very concerned

316
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,000
that she's in some crisis.

317
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,240
And my phone is locked in the house.
And my wallet.

318
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,640
I need to borrow ten pounds, Nick.

319
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,560
I need to get two nail files
and some olive oil

320
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,160
and then pop the lock.
I've done it before. I know how to do it.

321
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,600
I told you. If you're locked out,
you can stay at my--

322
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:18,960
I don't want to stay at yours.

323
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,120
I need money, Nick.
Are you gonna lend me money or not?

324
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,240
Not. All right? I'm not supporting this.

325
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,680
Yeah, you're being creepy.

326
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,360
Like a... spider!

327
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:31,160
[high-pitched feedback ringing]

328
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,400
-Give me the cash, Mae.
-No.

329
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:34,680
Give me the cash, Mae.

330
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:35,720
No, I need the money.

331
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:36,880
Hey, Mae!

332
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,120
-Hey!
-Get away from her, man.

333
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,480
-Whoa.
-[Mae] Whoa.

334
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:42,000
-Phil, this is Nick. Nick, this is Phil.
-Phil? What?

335
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,760
If you don't calm down,
I am not booking you here anymore.

336
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:46,680
-All right?
-Really?

337
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,520
Yeah, I am being fucking serious, Mae!

338
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:49,960
Do you have your keys?

339
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,840
Yeah. Mae, let's get down for a second,
shall we?

340
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,160
-[Nick] Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah.

341
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:58,440
You know?

342
00:14:58,960 --> 00:14:59,960
She lives with you, right?

343
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:01,320
Hey, mate.

344
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,320
She was never like this
when she was on my couch.

345
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,440
[snorts]

346
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,600
Hey, Nick, can I talk to you over here
for a second, dude?

347
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,240
Yeah, um...

348
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,360
-Are you chasing the white dragon, man?
-The what?

349
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:18,600
Cocaine.

350
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,760
It's okay, man. You can talk to me,
I'm from Hollywood.

351
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,560
Did you know that Mae used to have
a coke problem?

352
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,080
What? No.

353
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,920
I didn't know that. She never said.

354
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,720
-You sure?
-[Mae] Can we go home?

355
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,200
Yeah. Yeah. Up top!

356
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,240
Hee hee hoo!

357
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,360
That's how we do it in Hollywood.
Catch you on the flip side, buddy.

358
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,760
So you're not allowed at the wedding?

359
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,360
She's not allowed a plus-one.

360
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,400
-And you're not allowed to text her?
-[Mae] Yeah.

361
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:59,000
You know, when I was a kid,
all my buddies grew flowers.

362
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,040
Back in  Hollywood '92,

363
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,920
you were nobody if you didn't have
big, beautiful flowers.

364
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,880
And then, on my thirteenth birthday,
my dad finally bought me some seeds.

365
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,000
Oh man, I was so excited.

366
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:12,200
My friends were like,

367
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,560
"Phil! We heard your dad
bought you seeds!"

368
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,360
"Show us your beautiful flowers, dude!"

369
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,720
But I was too ashamed.

370
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:20,760
I mean, they were just seedlings.

371
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,200
So I put 'em in the closet and they...

372
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:25,040
withered and died.

373
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,160
If only I'd just left them in the sun,

374
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,960
then they would've grown to be big,

375
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,680
confident flowers.

376
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,640
Are you saying I'm...

377
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,120
the flowers?

378
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,040
No, Mae.

379
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,680
I'm just telling you a story
about myself.

380
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:45,680
[phone ringing]

381
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:50,680
[ringing stops]

382
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,960
[Linda] Mae, I'm hoping that's you.

383
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,560
Hi. Mom, can I ask you some--

384
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,320
Darling, can you please turn the light on?
I feel like I'm talking to a sex offender.

385
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,440
Can I ask you something, Mom?
Am I needy?

386
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:03,960
In general, yes.

387
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,080
Why else would my body have expelled you
four weeks premature?

388
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,280
You were literally sapping my resources.

389
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,680
-Okay.
-[Dad] Hello, darling daughter!

390
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,880
Where's lovely George?

391
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,840
Oh, we're taking
healthy space, apparently.

392
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,360
Darling, there's no such thing
as taking healthy space.

393
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,760
Oh, really?

394
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,320
What about when you guys kicked me out
when I was a teenager?

395
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,840
You took space from me.

396
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,200
For many, many years.

397
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,480
I think I'll just...
pop out to the garden.

398
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:30,960
-Check on the sparrows.
-Mm-hmm.

399
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,120
Mae, I'm not doing this again.

400
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,320
Fine. I...

401
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,880
I just can't even remember
what I used to think about before George.

402
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,880
Well, before George,
you thought about Nicole...

403
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:44,600
who was your true love.

404
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:47,120
Before that, you thought about Caroline,

405
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,160
who, oh yes, was also your true love.

406
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,320
And before that,

407
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,320
it was drugs.

408
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,800
Oh my God, I'm Pac-Man.

409
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,720
Well, I don't understand that reference.

410
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:59,120
I'm Pac-Man. I'm a hungry, empty ghost.

411
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,880
Oh, that's actually very poetic.

412
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,960
Can I borrow that for my book?

413
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,440
-How's your book going?
-Well, it's just extremely,

414
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,920
graphically violent.

415
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,600
Okay, I'm going to go, but I love you
and I will talk to you soon. Goodbye.

416
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,760
Okay, I guess that was enough about me.

417
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,000
I left my flat in Liverpool Street
at about 9:00 p.m.

418
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,280
Must have somehow got on a flight.

419
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,160
Next thing I know,

420
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,480
I'm waking up in Sichuan.

421
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:33,960
Sichuan is a region of China.

422
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,280
It's a beautiful region of China.

423
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,200
Life's a ticking time bomb.

424
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,000
And now, I'm on 200k a year.

425
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,480
"K" means thousand.

426
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:49,040
I guess I'm just feeling grateful today
that I managed to kick the addiction.

427
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:49,960
Before it got--

428
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,200
[scoffs, snorts]

429
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:55,240
Okay, bit of an audible scoff over here.
Did you have something to share, Mae?

430
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,160
I'm sorry. I just feel like--

431
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,960
Kevin, how much sex do you have?

432
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,800
Like a gross amount, probably?
'Cause I can literally smell it.

433
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,000
Or Karen, how much do you
compulsively lie?

434
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,200
Never.

435
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,800
Like, whatever it is,
cigarettes, our phones,

436
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,720
we have habits, so how can we say
that we're not addicted?

437
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,800
I don't think this
is a helpful conversation.

438
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,720
I think it's fucking bullshit
because I've been clean for 54 months.

439
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,800
My girlfriend, her name's George,

440
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,800
she looks like
a fit little squirrel or something,

441
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,760
she went away for one night
and I lost my mind.

442
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,240
And it was all the same feelings
of craving, and withdrawal,

443
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,840
and relief, and obsession.

444
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,960
We're just swapping one addiction
for another.

445
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,920
David, you're addicted to making
vast quantities of eggs

446
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,080
that nobody likes.

447
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:42,120
Sorry, does anybody else think
that she's talking grade-A baloney?

448
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,000
[woman]
I was told that this was a safe space--

449
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,120
There's a proper way
to discuss these things, Mae.

450
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,640
I have a daughter and she hates me.

451
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,840
It's a source of great shame to me.
I wasn't a good mother.

452
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,400
Lava moved out when she was 16 years old.

453
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:58,840
Sorry, did you say Lava?

454
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,200
Yes, darling. Her name's Lava.

455
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,080
-Like as in...
-Yes, darling, hot rocks. That's the one.

456
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,520
She works in catering
and I keep tabs on her.

457
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,040
I spy on her. I...
check on the company website.

458
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,560
At first, it was once every blue moon,
but now it's every function, gala,

459
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:13,840
jamboree. I...

460
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,400
hide in bushes. I degrade myself.

461
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,560
But if I don't see her,
I will fall down on the floor and die.

462
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,840
So... every day,
I get into my car and I...

463
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,360
[voice breaking] ...follow her.

464
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,640
It makes her hate me even more
and I hate myself for doing it.

465
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,720
But I do it anyway.

466
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,080
I can't help myself. I do it.

467
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,520
I am an addict.

468
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,200
[David] Is that true?
Does no one like my eggs?

469
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:49,280
[sighs]

470
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,840
I love your eggs.

471
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,960
So, Binky and Hugh?
How long do you give them?

472
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:57,360
A year?

473
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,440
Two, if she gets pregnant?

474
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,920
Mum, you're such a cynic.

475
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:03,720
They're in love.

476
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,840
Oh, and you think you're the expert?

477
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,840
You've never even had
a serious relationship.

478
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:12,120
You have no idea what it's like, really,
in the trenches of love, do you?

479
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:13,960
No, I don't.

480
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,760
You just spend all your time
tidying your flat

481
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,720
and hanging out with 12-year-olds.

482
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,120
I'm-- I'm a teacher.
We're not hanging out.

483
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:26,080
Mum, did you and Dad ever have fun?

484
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,320
Ever?

485
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,320
Well, uh,
once your father bought me a yo-yo.

486
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:35,520
Mum.

487
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,280
Were you ever happy?

488
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,520
Why are you asking me all these questions,
George? Are you happy?

489
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,080
Until recently,
I don't think I was, but...

490
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:45,880
yeah.

491
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,200
Yeah, I am happy.

492
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,360
Well, that's wonderful.

493
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,920
Don't you see? It doesn't have to be
dependent on some boy.

494
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,400
No. [chuckles]

495
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,360
I've got to catch my train now, Mum.
Yeah, I'll see you.

496
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,800
Mmm. Bye, darling.

497
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:19,600
[keys jangle]

498
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,080
-Hey.
-Hey.

499
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,880
[sighs] I missed you so much.

500
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:29,960
-You did?
-Yeah.

501
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:30,880
Yeah, I did.

502
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,680
I love you so much.

503
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,960
I think I wanna get married.

504
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,000
-To me?
-Yeah.

505
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,640
-You want to get married to me?
-Yes! I really do! Oh!

506
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,080
[keys jangle]

507
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:50,880
-Hey.
-Hey.

508
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,280
How was it? You okay?

509
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,800
I'm okay. Yeah, I'm good. I'm normal.

510
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,120
Yeah, it was very chill.

511
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:58,640
How were your friends?

512
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,000
Oh, fine. Yeah.

513
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,280
Hey, guys. So I made this chicken,
but it was pretty dry,

514
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,040
so I soaked it in water. Was that wrong?

515
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,080
-Uh...
-You guys want to watch nature?

516
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,720
-Yeah. Sure, yeah.
-Sure, yeah. Yeah.

517
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:19,360
[TV chattering indistinctly]