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‎NETFLIX 影集

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‎你們在接吻？
‎妳爸爸的骨灰都還沒流進海裡

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‎給我下車！

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‎每次都是矮個子

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‎對不起，威舍庫瑪醫師

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‎請節哀順變？

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‎-再見
‎-“再見”

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‎笨蛋，再見個頭

9
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‎迪薇，妳真是太不要臉了！

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‎等我出殯時妳要怎麼樣？
‎在我的墳墓上打砲嗎？

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‎希望到時別打開棺蓋

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‎對不起啦，媽

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‎我必須平復自己的心情
‎因為我太愛爸了！

14
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‎-我可能看到誰就親誰
‎-算了

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‎我要把這件事忘掉

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‎我難過時也會有瘋狂的舉動

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‎我在電器行抱過一個人

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‎因為有台故障的印表機打二折

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‎所以我們的印表機爛成這樣？

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‎（派克斯頓霍爾吉田
‎留言和未接來電）

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‎我人剛好在妳家附近

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‎想說要不要出來，但妳好像很忙

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‎所以…呃…

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‎反正妳可以打電話或傳簡訊給我

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‎隨便啦，好

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‎我靠

27
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‎這個“我靠”講得沒錯，迪薇

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‎他們在男方車上熱情激吻後

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‎男方就不理她了

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‎我以前是青少年運動員
‎這種行為看太多了

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‎我給迪薇的忠告是

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‎別因為這則語音留言而開心太早

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‎直接放棄派克斯頓吧

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‎把目標放在容易到手的對象

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‎就像妳剛才還在熱吻的小班

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‎或是數學課那個對陽光過敏的小子

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‎我馬上進去

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‎天啊！

39
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‎別管那個過敏小鬼了

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‎派克斯頓來了耶！

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‎嘿，你在等我嗎？

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‎沒有，我只是出來逛逛

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‎逛到我家這裡？

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‎等等，你發那個留言後就來了？

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‎沒有，對啦，我在等妳

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‎反正我也沒別的事好幹

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‎後來我餓了，所以叫了中華料理

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‎不過我真的快要離開了

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‎派克斯頓霍爾吉田這輩子
‎還沒講過這麼多話

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‎等一下！難道他緊張了？

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‎所以，妳今天怎麼樣？

52
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‎今天很特別

53
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‎我們到馬里布海灘撒我爸的骨灰

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‎哇靠

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‎好猛

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‎所以，你有什麼話要跟我說，還是…

57
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‎對，我只是想說

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‎我以前對妳那麼壞，真的很抱歉

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‎對，你真的壞透了

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‎我很少親男生的，派克斯頓

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‎我還以為自己做錯事了

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‎也許我流太多口水到你嘴巴裡

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‎沒有，那個吻沒問題

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‎感覺很棒

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‎我只是在耍笨

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‎還有…對不起

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‎這樣算一流的道歉嗎？沒有

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‎他幾乎都在看鞋子，文字也很貧乏

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‎但他的嘴形實在太美了

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‎聽起來就像唐詩宋詞

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‎妳明天晚上想不想來我家吃晚餐？

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‎晚餐？到你家？就我們倆？

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‎一起吃飯？在同一張餐桌上？

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‎對，不然妳平常怎麼跟別人吃晚餐？

75
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‎好，那我們明天見，威舍庫瑪

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‎哇！迪薇是不是跟小班在海邊舌吻後

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‎還獲得派克斯頓的邀約？

78
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‎太陽從西邊出來了嗎？

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‎這個官方認證沒人想搞的書呆子

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‎怎麼可能讓兩個男生傾心？

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‎劇名：……成為玩咖

82
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‎迪薇躺在床上
‎想著這兩個偉大的浪漫舉動

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‎小班甘願犯法、偷他爸爸的車

84
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‎冒生命危險，只為了幫她跟爸爸道別

85
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‎可是派克斯頓在她的語音信箱留言

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‎語音留言耶！

87
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‎這傢伙平常都懶到只寫簡訊說“可”的

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‎由於Z世代很少打電話給別人

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‎所以她查派克斯頓的語音留言時
‎找到另一個

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‎自己早就忘記的留言

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‎（爸爸）

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‎喂，是爸爸，我在購物中心要接妳

93
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‎我把車子停在中餐廳前面

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‎可是有個警衛很兇，逼我一直繞圈圈

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‎等等，我看到妳了，我最完美的女兒

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‎老喬超市的義大利麵醬老是掉出來

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‎妳帶這麼多零食回印度
‎絕對會成為整個家族的英雄

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‎哇，印度人超愛老喬超市的

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‎對，要是能用泰式青檸辣椒腰果
‎賄賂一個叔叔伯伯

100
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‎也許能用好價格買間公寓給我們住

101
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‎卡梅拉，過來，幫我個忙

102
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‎娜莉妮還在準備月底搬到印度的事

103
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‎但是她必須先到那邊張羅事情

104
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‎討好自己的家人

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‎爛斃了

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‎我們竟然要搬去什麼鬼印度

107
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‎我這邊的生活才剛剛上軌道

108
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‎因為妳可以在豪華休旅車裡親男生？

109
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‎對，以後就沒這種好康了

110
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‎對，因為我只有這個家

111
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‎現在妳卻要把我帶走

112
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‎迪薇，妳聽好

113
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‎我知道妳不喜歡，但我需要家人幫忙

114
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‎所以可以請妳試試看嗎？

115
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‎雖然迪薇對搬家的事耿耿於懷

116
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‎但她有好一陣子沒跟媽媽這麼親近

117
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‎所以不想破壞這個氣氛

118
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‎沒關係

119
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‎我兩年後就回來念普林斯頓

120
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‎交個搞樂團的男友

121
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‎學蕾哈娜把男友的名字刺到胸部下面

122
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‎殺了我再說

123
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‎我今天會過得很有意思

124
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‎我要找同一棟的另一個皮膚科醫師

125
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‎想辦法用超浮誇的價格

126
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‎把我的病患名單賣給他

127
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‎哇，傑克森醫生？

128
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,572
‎他抽取小班媽媽的雙下巴脂肪

129
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‎然後注射到她的屁股

130
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‎現在超翹的

131
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‎而且他開邁巴赫名車

132
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‎別人開的感覺就是炫耀

133
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‎但他開起來就是很沉靜、低調

134
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‎搞那麼多花樣幹嘛？

135
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,585
‎我覺得大家喜歡平實

136
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,088
‎代表移民價值觀的皮膚科醫師

137
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‎媽，妳作夢

138
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‎我今天也會過得很刺激

139
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‎我今天博士班的課
‎要換到艾金彼得博士的實驗室

140
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‎他簡直就是幹細胞研究的天王

141
00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:18,938
‎我念加州理工學院就是為了他

142
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‎他的膽囊細胞研究超級猛

143
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‎氣死我了，沒人知道妳有多宅
‎因為妳的身材太辣了

144
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‎迪薇，謝謝

145
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‎迪薇走進“面對歷史”課教室時

146
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‎也必須面對三角戀情

147
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‎這到底該怎麼選啊？

148
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,251
‎我知道你們小鬼在想什麼

149
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‎這就像我在1979年時

150
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‎拿下美國網球公開賽雙打冠軍

151
00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:48,468
‎然後在同一週拿下男子單打冠軍

152
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‎哇！你看我的頭髮多豐潤

153
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:53,222
‎反正她現在手氣正旺

154
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,684
‎要不是因為太刺激了
‎她可能會有罪惡感

155
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,519
‎早安，小班

156
00:07:58,603 --> 00:07:59,812
‎早安，派克斯頓

157
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,440
‎今天天氣真好，看到你們感覺真好

158
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,860
‎我的學生，大家好

159
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,069
‎你們的週末怎麼樣？

160
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:12,658
‎我週末時到衣索比亞社區
‎採購非洲傳統喜慶服飾

161
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‎我這個週末過得很好

162
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,120
‎我這個週末過得超讚

163
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‎他們講的是妳，迪薇，冷靜點

164
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,501
‎我到海邊撒我爸的骨灰

165
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‎完了

166
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,295
‎對啊

167
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:27,256
‎葬禮，印度教傳統中

168
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,176
‎生命週期一連串事件最後的“業”

169
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,594
‎我好想參加

170
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,137
‎這樣會很尷尬

171
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‎大概吧

172
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:35,932
‎我要提醒各位

173
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:39,060
‎明天是每年一次的社區服務活動

174
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:42,355
‎我們要去帕科馬的一座公園撿垃圾

175
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,482
‎但我們實際上要潔淨…

176
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‎個人的良心

177
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:50,780
‎我知道那個公園
‎我喜歡在那邊亂丟垃圾

178
00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:58,746
‎（法碧歐拉和艾莉諾，早上9點8分
‎各位！我們要緊急會談！）

179
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,797
‎我們來見傑克森醫生

180
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:08,714
‎好

181
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:13,261
‎這什麼鬼？什麼醫生
‎會賣南瓜香料潤膚霜？

182
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,680
‎這個對燒燙傷患者很有效

183
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,140
‎威舍庫瑪醫師，妳好

184
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,350
‎傑克森醫生

185
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:20,685
‎請問有何貴幹？

186
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,853
‎哇，金鋼狼是你的顧客？

187
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,146
‎休傑克曼啊？

188
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,315
‎他家人借住我在塔荷那邊的家

189
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,777
‎我老是忘記他很有名
‎因為他太沒架子了

190
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,112
‎傑克森醫生

191
00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:34,073
‎你也知道我們全家要搬回印度

192
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:35,866
‎所以妳才要離開？

193
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,536
‎我以為妳是因為醫療過失丟了執照

194
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,288
‎很好笑

195
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:43,040
‎反正我有大家搶破頭的顧客名單

196
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:47,336
‎只要10萬美元，就可以歸你所有

197
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,256
‎現在好笑的是妳吧？

198
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,008
‎謝謝妳大駕光臨

199
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,135
‎走之前拿幾條防曬護唇膏吧

200
00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:56,220
‎等一下，你一定沒聽清楚

201
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,932
‎你不想要我的忠實顧客名單？

202
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,810
‎我不需要妳的顧客，我已經很成功了

203
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:06,022
‎Netflix還想幫我拍
‎紀錄片影集《皮膚科神醫》

204
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,274
‎主持人是詹姆斯厄爾瓊斯

205
00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:10,192
‎你應該點頭的，我想看

206
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,863
‎好吧，雖然我們的重點差很多

207
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,157
‎而且你的診所就跟皇宮一樣

208
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,117
‎我想求個心安，所以

209
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,661
‎希望能把我的病患交給…

210
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,956
‎醫術高明的人

211
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,375
‎我給妳1萬美元

212
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:27,835
‎好吧

213
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:31,589
‎崔西，我們一直都在找資深護理師

214
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,883
‎真的嗎？我可以留下履歷表嗎？

215
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:36,761
‎她寧願回去賣珍珠奶茶，走吧

216
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,138
‎拿試用品，拿護唇膏、眼霜

217
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,432
‎口袋能塞多少東西就拿多少

218
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,520
‎（克里斯多夫傑克森醫師
‎皮膚科診所）

219
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,273
‎妳跟班葛羅斯接吻？

220
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:50,524
‎派克斯頓邀妳出去？

221
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,193
‎然後妳要搬去印度？

222
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:53,819
‎等一下，這怎麼回事？

223
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,279
‎我知道很晴天霹靂

224
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:56,656
‎實在太扯了

225
00:10:56,739 --> 00:11:00,076
‎各位，我媽決定了，我們非搬不可

226
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:03,371
‎印度的機器人技術非常先進

227
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,623
‎我的機器人在孟買有朋友

228
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:06,791
‎我們可以去看妳

229
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:07,833
‎我也是

230
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:11,295
‎聽說在寶萊塢演邪惡的美國人很賺錢

231
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:14,924
‎迪薇，我們一定會很想妳

232
00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,551
‎我知道，我也會很想妳們

233
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:23,391
‎（小班：等一下要出來嗎？
‎派克斯頓：今晚計畫不變嗎？）

234
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,561
‎所以我要馬上知道怎麼解決男生問題

235
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,815
‎這是我交美國高中男友的最後機會

236
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:33,859
‎所以這時就需要…請擊鼓

237
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,696
‎列出優缺點

238
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,616
‎迪薇不知道該怎麼決定

239
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,160
‎她真的同時喜歡小班和派克斯頓

240
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:46,122
‎每個人又有說不完的特點

241
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,540
‎拿小班來說…

242
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:50,501
‎-派克斯頓
‎-‎什麼？我們都還沒寫完耶

243
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:51,460
‎派克斯頓！

244
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,421
‎妳們怎麼這麼篤定？

245
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:57,049
‎小班就像超討厭的哈比人
‎跟妳作對這麼久

246
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,593
‎派克斯頓是混血帥哥
‎去電視台看錄影現場

247
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,470
‎也能被找去當模特兒

248
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,724
‎如果派克斯頓是我男友
‎我會一腳踢開奧立佛

249
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,017
‎可是小班幫了我一個大忙

250
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,812
‎開車載我到馬里布
‎讓我撒我爸的骨灰

251
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:13,149
‎從聖弗南多谷慢慢開到西區
‎有那麼偉大嗎？

252
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,567
‎我爸每天都這樣開

253
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:17,361
‎他還幫我們三人重修舊好

254
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,696
‎好吧

255
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,657
‎但普林斯頓超多跟他一樣的臭屁書蟲

256
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,118
‎這是妳跟派克斯頓交往的大好機會

257
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:26,203
‎等到妳老了快要死時

258
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,789
‎妳會想回憶哪個人的裸體？

259
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:32,126
‎到時我會想著自己的孩子和孫子吧？

260
00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:33,335
‎錯了，那是迷思

261
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,881
‎快死時能看到派克斯頓的裸體也不錯

262
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,382
‎一點也沒錯

263
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:41,469
‎所以我應該趕快甩掉小班
‎選擇派克斯頓

264
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,095
‎-但要是小班難過呢？
‎-耶

265
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,013
‎她選派克斯頓！

266
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:44,930
‎讚！

267
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,311
‎是夏娃嗎？妳們正式交往了嗎？

268
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:51,812
‎對啊

269
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,025
‎薇拉奈是什麼？

270
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,695
‎妳應該問：“薇拉奈是誰啦？”

271
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,406
‎她是《追殺夏娃》影集裡的大反派

272
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,201
‎不但到處殺人，而且超有時尚品味

273
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,537
‎法碧歐拉在跟女朋友夏娃

274
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,123
‎和夏娃的同志朋友用訊息聊天

275
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,042
‎她有時不懂大家在聊什麼

276
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,836
‎因為她對大眾文化幾乎完全陌生

277
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,755
‎碧碧蕾克莎是什麼？

278
00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:20,049
‎是《星際大戰》裡的機器人嗎？

279
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,176
‎喔，美女

280
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,721
‎反正我的意思是

281
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,057
‎雖然得獎的人是我

282
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,934
‎但諾貝爾獎不是一人的功勞

283
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,644
‎而是團隊的成果

284
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:36,065
‎所以我要感謝各位加入這個研究小組

285
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:37,817
‎想一想

286
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,569
‎我們今日的研究

287
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:43,739
‎也許未來能讓膽結石永遠消失

288
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:53,958
‎超級跑車，妳要去哪裡？

289
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,876
‎我只是想跟彼得博士講話

290
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,255
‎可惜彼得博士這種科學超級巨星

291
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,506
‎必須回去研究

292
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:04,510
‎我是他的研究助理組長
‎兼左右手，埃文薩夫斯卓姆

293
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:07,012
‎-我是妳的導師兼最佳男主角
‎-各位再見

294
00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:10,808
‎我真的很想跟他合作

295
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,477
‎他真的很忙，所以妳大概只能碰到我

296
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,813
‎好，先認識一下實驗室的其他人

297
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:20,359
‎好，有魏維克、馬歇爾
‎卡西克、愛德瓦、艾利歐

298
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:24,029
‎還有賽特西，還有瓦利，綽號海象

299
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,115
‎各位跟菜鳥卡馬拉打聲招呼

300
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,200
‎-卡梅拉啦
‎-卡梅拉，知道了

301
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,577
‎請多多指教

302
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,913
‎妳可能有個超級帥哥男友吧？

303
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,875
‎抱歉，妳得跟我們這群噁心宅男工作

304
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,669
‎沒這回事，你一點也不噁心

305
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,089
‎-天啊
‎-好

306
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,383
‎好了，所有人快點，繼續工作

307
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,260
‎卡梅拉，妳可以過來一下嗎？

308
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,221
‎妳可以洗那邊的燒杯嗎？

309
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:50,514
‎看起來有點…

310
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,934
‎-沒問題
‎-乖

311
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:57,021
‎謝謝妳這麼合作，回頭見

312
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,441
‎下半天

313
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:03,986
‎迪薇必須做一件她從來沒做過的事

314
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:05,779
‎傷別人的心

315
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:10,451
‎所以她帶了也許能彌補壞消息的東西

316
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,661
‎我幫你買了頂級腰果酥餅

317
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:15,873
‎我媽在葬禮或跟鄰居道歉時才送這個

318
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,460
‎我不是妳鄰居，所以妳要殺我還是…

319
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,128
‎沒有啦

320
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:24,423
‎我絕對不會傷害你的

321
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:29,511
‎我們應該把那件事講開來

322
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,221
‎對啊

323
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:35,768
‎小班，我不知道做那件事對不對

324
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,728
‎不對

325
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,104
‎因為對不起席拉

326
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,066
‎對喔，一定的

327
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:45,611
‎腳踏兩條船是不對的
‎我不能這樣對她

328
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:48,697
‎她是第一個幫我打手槍的人

329
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:51,325
‎所以我今天跟她分手了

330
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,203
‎-真的？
‎-超慘的

331
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:55,579
‎雖然她有

332
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:58,374
‎我們全年級最大的天然奶

333
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,334
‎但卻不是真愛

334
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:04,129
‎-我們的感情卻是真的
‎-真的嗎？

335
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,508
‎昨天晚上是我人生中第一次反抗父母

336
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:10,052
‎我們現在每週要共進晚餐一次

337
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:11,845
‎妳的功勞

338
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:13,973
‎哇

339
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,058
‎所以我要妳當我的女朋友

340
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:20,437
‎我知道妳要搬去印度
‎但我能接受遠距離戀情

341
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,940
‎我爸爸有“私機”

342
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,067
‎私人客機

343
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:30,406
‎妳現在不必說什麼
‎迪薇，但是我要跟妳在一起

344
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,161
‎她又吻了他一次！

345
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,288
‎迪薇，妳在做什麼？

346
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,541
‎這是史上最爛的分手方式

347
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,961
‎雖然迪薇對小班感到很抱歉

348
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:47,297
‎但她還是決定跟派克斯頓約會

349
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,383
‎畢竟，這是派克斯頓耶

350
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:53,053
‎自從他小學三年級跟著家人

351
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,597
‎從貝克斯非搬來後，她就愛著他

352
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:59,268
‎即使對方不知道有她這個人

353
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:03,313
‎她的暗戀情愫歷經時間考驗

354
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:06,483
‎妳的衛生棉掉了！

355
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:10,612
‎迪薇上次像這樣到派克斯頓的家時

356
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,240
‎只是要上床，不必認真

357
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,075
‎但今晚是真正的約會

358
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,995
‎兩人之間真正的約會

359
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,789
‎到時如果上床，就要認真了

360
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,084
‎嗨，妳這樣穿真好看

361
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:26,128
‎謝謝，你也是

362
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:30,090
‎真的是這樣，沒穿拖鞋、腋下沒汗漬

363
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,842
‎這件襯衫上還有鈕釦

364
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,386
‎這次約會一定會欲仙欲死

365
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,180
‎拿把椅子，小迪

366
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,432
‎嗨，土狼妹

367
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,185
‎川特，搞屁啊？

368
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:43,729
‎糟糕，我打到妳的胸部了嗎？

369
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,105
‎一點也沒錯

370
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,275
‎哇，我用啤酒罐打到妳的雙峰

371
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,861
‎這樣等於間接摸乳耶

372
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:53,864
‎你們閉嘴啦！

373
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:58,077
‎沒關係，所以你們兩個要走了嗎？

374
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,828
‎並沒有，披薩快到了

375
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,539
‎我們點三份香腸口味
‎因為有三個男人

376
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,876
‎靠，現在湊足四人玩《決勝時刻》

377
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,044
‎開戰吧

378
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,381
‎好，所以派克斯頓跟我和你們對打？

379
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,467
‎不行，小朋友

380
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:16,178
‎馬克斯跟我默契超好，一定要同組

381
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,098
‎謝謝你今晚這麼捧我

382
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,265
‎搞屁啊？

383
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:23,310
‎等一下，所以我要跟丹妮絲同組？

384
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,104
‎我叫迪薇

385
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,773
‎隨便啦，真是浪費時間

386
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:32,611
‎迪薇也開始覺得這次約會是浪費時間

387
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:44,832
‎嗨，裴桑

388
00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:48,127
‎嗨，迪薇，卡梅拉在嗎？

389
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:49,586
‎在，我馬上叫她來

390
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:53,215
‎我有件感情的事要請你提供建議

391
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,551
‎問題是，你是個帥哥吧？

392
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:57,761
‎妳就是要問這個？

393
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,722
‎你第一次跟女生約會時
‎會請幾個朋友？

394
00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:02,933
‎零個吧？

395
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:04,893
‎我也這麼覺得

396
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,062
‎卡梅拉來了，你真好，裴桑

397
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,231
‎如果你需要什麼建議，歡迎發問

398
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,275
‎我在很多方面都很成熟

399
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,443
‎我想也是，謝謝迪薇

400
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,403
‎走開

401
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:15,863
‎交給妳了

402
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,993
‎嗨，我一直在想
‎等我過幾週後跑去找妳時

403
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,828
‎要做什麼

404
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,497
‎要不要去看吉米金莫的現場節目？

405
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,915
‎我超愛吉耶莫的

406
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,586
‎對喔，你要來了，真是太好了

407
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:34,715
‎好，妳的高興程度感覺起來就像是

408
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:37,342
‎看見妳…該怎麼說？

409
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,260
‎討厭的人

410
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:42,598
‎對不起，裴桑，我看到你是很高興

411
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,809
‎我今天換實驗室第一天，感覺卻很差

412
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:49,563
‎可是彼得博士
‎在幹細胞領域是天王，怎麼了？

413
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,815
‎我根本就沒辦法跟他講話

414
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,775
‎我幫一堆宅男科學家

415
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,528
‎洗了整天的燒杯，他們還不跟我講話

416
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:58,530
‎前幾天總是比較尷尬

417
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:01,700
‎等你們混熟了，情況一定會變好

418
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,912
‎而且怎麼可能有人不喜歡妳？

419
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:06,705
‎謝謝你，裴桑

420
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,208
‎也許明天會好一點

421
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:12,711
‎而且我訂了《吉米金莫》節目的票

422
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,087
‎我也很愛吉耶莫

423
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,592
‎第二天早上，迪薇列出

424
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,844
‎昨晚跟派克斯頓和他朋友

425
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,430
‎一起“非約會”的慘痛細節

426
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,390
‎沒有燭光晚餐？

427
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:29,019
‎沒用玫瑰花瓣鋪滿通往臥室的路上？

428
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:32,648
‎也沒在超大的心形床上鋪更多花瓣？

429
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:36,944
‎如果以前夠明顯了還看不出來
‎聽好了：這兩個女生都是處女

430
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:38,528
‎他的朋友還不肯走

431
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:41,782
‎等到川特吃披薩吃到吐後，我就閃人

432
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,410
‎派克斯頓大概只想當朋友吧

433
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,538
‎也許這樣最好，畢竟他的陰莖太大了

434
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:51,792
‎對，他前幾天在接送區穿灰色運動褲

435
00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:53,460
‎結果我媽看到撞校車

436
00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:58,173
‎這樣也好，小班喜歡我，我也喜歡他

437
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,260
‎所以我就跟小班交往，然後去印度

438
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,177
‎搞定

439
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,430
‎對啊，而且小班的陰莖好像比較正常

440
00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,476
‎-寶貝
‎-嘿

441
00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:13,397
‎我們幾個人明天晚上
‎想參加《拉字至上》影集猜謎活動

442
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,316
‎-妳想去嗎？
‎-好啊，沒問題

443
00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:20,028
‎我看過那個影集，“拉”代表女同志

444
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:22,364
‎太強了，小法

445
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:25,033
‎一聽就知道妳是最潮的年輕女同志

446
00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:31,456
‎名作家亨利大衛梭羅說過

447
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:35,961
‎“我到這座森林是為了過嚴謹的生活

448
00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:42,050
‎不想在死前才發現自己從來沒活過”

449
00:21:43,176 --> 00:21:45,637
‎對，可是他講的是瓦爾登湖

450
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,597
‎這裡是一堆垃圾的帕科馬空地

451
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:50,559
‎好酷，有保險套

452
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,771
‎沒錯，川特，避孕措施很酷

453
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:57,482
‎避孕讓婦女得以加入職場

454
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:01,111
‎這個東西，就是自由

455
00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:04,323
‎好，大家分組

456
00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:08,702
‎小班，要跟我一起撿垃圾嗎？

457
00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:11,246
‎我負責水坑，免得你的球鞋髒掉

458
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,874
‎好，但是不要拖慢我的速度

459
00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:15,625
‎我想在午餐前撿滿十袋

460
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:17,377
‎這樣才能接受記者採訪

461
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:31,641
‎這是大頭照？

462
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,061
‎洛杉磯的垃圾好讓人難過

463
00:22:34,144 --> 00:22:36,813
‎對啊，我好像看到隆乳用的矽膠

464
00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:40,776
‎所以，關於昨天的事

465
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:44,279
‎我考慮過你說的話，我答應

466
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:45,822
‎我想當你的女朋友

467
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:48,950
‎只要我們不自相殘殺，應該會不錯

468
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:51,078
‎-真的？
‎-對

469
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:53,747
‎好，太棒了

470
00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:02,381
‎A片獎？年度最佳人母女優

471
00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:03,924
‎太慘了

472
00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:10,472
‎-嗨
‎-嗨

473
00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:14,309
‎你要找川特的話
‎他在那邊朝臭鼬屍體尿尿

474
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:16,353
‎其實我是要找妳

475
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,106
‎可以跟妳講一下話嗎？

476
00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:28,490
‎妳為什麼不跟我一組？
‎我以為我們是一對

477
00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:32,077
‎你在說什麼？你只是把我當一般朋友

478
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,914
‎沒這回事，我不喜歡妳的話
‎幹嘛邀妳去約會？

479
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:38,834
‎那不是約會，你的朋友在場

480
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:42,546
‎我每次約會都找朋友啊
‎他們會在親熱時閃人

481
00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:47,050
‎我們昨天本來可以親熱的
‎可是川特一吐妳就跑了

482
00:23:47,134 --> 00:23:48,051
‎對，我跑了

483
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:50,178
‎因為川特在我們約會時嘔吐

484
00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:52,389
‎好，妳說得對

485
00:23:52,472 --> 00:23:53,765
‎嘔吐的確很煞風景

486
00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:56,893
‎可是我不知道妳想要一對一約會

487
00:23:56,977 --> 00:23:59,354
‎約會的定義就是一對一

488
00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:03,859
‎好啦，我就跟妳來一場真正的約會

489
00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:09,030
‎現在太晚了，而且我要搬到印度去

490
00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:12,951
‎妳要搬到印度，永遠不回來？

491
00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:15,620
‎對，大概一個月後

492
00:24:18,331 --> 00:24:19,708
‎那就得把握時間了

493
00:24:24,671 --> 00:24:27,424
‎知道嗎？因為我的談判技巧高明

494
00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:31,636
‎所以用高價把我的病患名單
‎賣給傑克森醫生

495
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,265
‎太棒了，媽
‎可是傑克森醫生有給妳試用品嗎？

496
00:24:37,392 --> 00:24:39,895
‎妳的白痴試用品在這裡，其實沒多好

497
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:42,856
‎哇，玻尿酸，大豐收

498
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,151
‎所以妳的無聊撿垃圾活動怎麼樣？

499
00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:48,445
‎我繳稅送妳上學，結果妳去

500
00:24:48,528 --> 00:24:50,197
‎做政府收稅該做的事

501
00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:52,032
‎還可以啦

502
00:24:52,115 --> 00:24:53,950
‎妳最好別再親別的男生

503
00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:56,703
‎妳幹嘛說“別的”男生？

504
00:24:56,786 --> 00:24:59,039
‎因為現在一個男生都不行

505
00:25:01,374 --> 00:25:05,170
‎跟唐娜上床後，喚醒我內在的情慾

506
00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:08,632
‎《拉字至上》，妳看新版還是原版？

507
00:25:08,715 --> 00:25:09,633
‎還有原版？

508
00:25:10,383 --> 00:25:11,760
‎到底有幾個小時？

509
00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:14,679
‎管那麼多幹嘛？我的新聞才勁爆

510
00:25:14,763 --> 00:25:15,889
‎派克斯頓在公園吻我

511
00:25:15,972 --> 00:25:16,890
‎什麼？

512
00:25:16,973 --> 00:25:18,391
‎我要怎麼辦？

513
00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:21,228
‎我不想跟小班分手，他讓我超有幹勁

514
00:25:21,311 --> 00:25:23,396
‎我今天撿了15袋垃圾

515
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,649
‎所以妳要跟派克斯頓分手？

516
00:25:25,732 --> 00:25:29,653
‎當然不要，我每個帳號的密碼
‎都是“派克斯頓69”！

517
00:25:29,736 --> 00:25:33,281
‎妳一定得做個選擇啊
‎不然還有什麼辦法？

518
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:35,742
‎在搬到印度前同時交兩個男朋友？

519
00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:39,871
‎就是這個，迪薇就是要聽這句話

520
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:43,250
‎他們發現的話一定會氣死

521
00:25:43,333 --> 00:25:46,545
‎不過妳到時在印度，所以也沒差

522
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:48,588
‎這辦法解決了她的難題

523
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:52,342
‎既不必反省，也不必做出成熟的決定

524
00:25:52,425 --> 00:25:54,094
‎迪薇最討厭這兩件事

525
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:56,471
‎妳們是說我應該交兩個男朋友？

526
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,056
‎-不是
‎-絕對不是

527
00:25:58,139 --> 00:26:01,893
‎可是太晚了，迪薇已經知道要怎麼做

528
00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:05,564
‎天啊，我有兩個男朋友了

529
00:26:56,531 --> 00:26:59,743
‎字幕翻譯：溫鳳祺