["Welcome Home Darling by Three Midniters playing]
♪ Welcome home, Darling ♪
♪ It's all good to have you home ♪
♪ Would I spent this sleeplessness to the renter ♪
♪ Now I have you back to keep me woke ♪
[screams]
[clerk] Ma'am, what are you doing?
[sighs]
[inhales]
-Oh my... -[dings]
[gasps]
[clerk] Cash or credit?
[Ana] Cash.
[exhilarating music playing]
[theme song playing]
[exhilarating music continues]
[woman, yells] Ya voy, espérame.
[Ana] Wow.
We're gonna need more paint. [chuckles]
Whatever gets those creative juices flowin', honey,
it's yours.
Ready to see the vision?
Girl, I wore my lucky mala beads for the occasion.
Show me, show me.
-This. -OK.
-Oh! Mm. -And this.
But this.
[exhales] Brown love is love is love, baby.
It's everything.
It is the perfect centerpiece for my art market.
Oh, Ana.
I want you to imagine this, OK?
Imagine an artist's hub
where people from all walks of life
are coming together to share in our passions.
Imagine that your mural
is gonna be the centerpiece
and brings artists here from...
East LA,
WeHo,
hell, even Santa Monica.
-[chuckles] -And where the artists go,
the money goes.
[in Spanish] Yes, you can,
baby girl. Thank you.
[in Spanish] Excuse me. Excuse me, move aside.
Jesus, Ofelia! I'm like standing here!
Oh, hey, darling. I want you to meet Ana.
She is this top notch artist.
Oh, and fellow Ecuadorian compatriot.
-I'm from Zacatecas. -I'm Chicana.
Yeah, you know what I mean, babe.
So, Ofelia, she actually runs the liquor store
in the building that I just bought,
and she's been here for ages.
[in Spanish] So pleased to meet you!
Um... I'm the artist that's going to paint on this wall here.
-That's fine. -Thank you for the opportunity.
-Ana is going -[Ana, scoffs]
to completely beautify the location, OK?
With her incredible artistic works.
And it's gonna be mucho dinero, Ofelia, OK?
Lots and lots of business coming your way.
Is that true?
Well, yes.
Look, the mural I'm painting will be incredible!
A gorgeous mural.
Full of beautiful brown people.
For the community. You're going to love it!
Very good.
Bueno! Bueno! OK, I gotta go.
So amazing,
and uh... I love you.
But what if he files an unlawful detainer in the future?
[chuckles] OK, Erik, stop mansplaining for just one second
so that Ms. Cruz here can explain.
Reads a few books. Now he thinks he's Ruth Bader Ginsburg. [chuckles]
RBG! She's my jam.
I read all about her in my Women's Studies class at Boise State.
That's where I got my degree...
in business, so...
Is that-- You're done?
-I'm done. -OK
[phone ringing in distance]
Well, Erik is asking all the right questions.
Detainer.
[in Spanish] What's a detainer?
It sounds pretty. Detainer.
Does Pop know how to read English?
Not that kinda English.
California is a tenant state,
so he can give you an eviction notice,
but as long as you're complying with his demands
within the allotted time, then you're good.
Landlords like to pull this scare tactic often.
Now in order to prevent a future detainer
or a forced eviction via court,
just pay your rent on time.
That's it.
That's it?
-Mm-hm. -Well, that's great!
Thank you so much, Miss Cruz.
God bless you.
Look, I don't know how to thank you, mija,
-but... -Oh, Jesus, Pop.
I hope you like carnitas.
Seriously?
No, I...
Getting paid in carnitas is OK by me!
[in Spanish] Thank you, sir.
-Thank you. -Good luck.
Thank you.
I'm ready to go and I'll come back for hot dogs later. OK?
Thank you very much.
You know, I'm not even hungry, but that looks good.
-Thanks, Coconut! [scoffs] -Come on.
Let's see, güero...
Now what's wrong with thanking someone with a burrito?
Especially if it's a delicious burrito.
Well, for starters, the national currency is dollars, Pop.
You can't cut a check with burritos.
Hell yeah you can!
Give me a burrito,
I'll work like a motherfucking donkey all day.
Brilliant. Then why don't we just start
paying you and your big donkey butt in burritos then, huh?
Hey, rent problem solved.
Look. Look, cabrón...
On the ranch,
you can't take milk
if you don't give the cow a churro.
And if you give it a shot of tequila,
you have enough menudo for everyone.
Basically,
you don't show up to your hipster friend's dinner party
without a bottle of wine, right?
It's cultural,
you whole wheat cracker.
You clearly don't get it.
Look... Whatever. The point is,
we're not going to save the shop with a burrito.
We're gonna save it with some changes.
And now that I'm here,
I don't ever want us to be in that situation ever again. OK?
So, for starters,
no more cash only.
Credit cards, baby.
I'm talkin' about chalkboard menus,
artisanal everything.
You wanna know what the most important words
we're gonna live by from now on?
Extra charges.
[in Spanish] In the name of all that is holy!
Real Mexicans don't charge $1.99
for fucking chips
and salsa, cabrón!
What's next, you greedy jerks?
Fifty cents for salt and pepper?
Two dollars for a hug?
You're all assholes! Fuck off!
[in Spanish] Javier, my hugs are free.
Come here.
-Come here. -Get off me, idiot!
-It's just a hug. -Screw your mother, jerk!
How do you know my mother?
Give me his food.
And a coffee.
Nice work.
Real good.
I've got more ideas.
I'm sure.
[rap music playing]
[music continues on Ana's head phones]
[in Spanish] Damn nosy ladies.
[woman, in Spanish] You look great.
[man] Brand new whip!
[them song playing]
[in Spanish] What's up, fools?
[in English] I'm Ana.
I live off of Soto.
My grandpops, he owns the taco shop on South Reyes. You know Mama Fina's?
Yeah. You're Erik's baby sis?
Uh... cousin. I'm his cousin.
Anyhow, so I'mma be here for like a week or so
just putting up the most beautiful mural of my life.
It's gonna be about love,
community, inclusion,
you know, dope stuff.
So since we're gonna be neighbors, I figured I'd do the neighborly thing
and brings some offerings to the cholo altar.
[giggles] Ooh! Takis.
What kind of love?
Brown love.
For us, by us.
You talkin' that Bonnie & Clyde type of love?
Pete and Ari?
Brangelina?
Yeah, but browner and like, less doomed. [chuckles]
-[smooches] -So...
so we good?
[rap music continues]
[in Spanish] Thank you so much!
[in Spanish] Hey, lady! What the--!
[sighs]
-[bike dings] -Hey, compa!
OK, babe. No peeking!
No, no, no. No peeking!
Welcome...
[laughs]
...to our epic street exhibit,
featuring Artist of the Year,
also twitted as best lover on these streets,
one Miss Ana Morales.
-[laughs] -[clears throat]
Ticket, please.
-What?! -[chuckes]
You're lucky you're the cutest
'cause this is... cheesy.
-Like what's going on? [scoffs] -OK, turn around.
-Wha--What is this? -Oh, it's from last night.
[laughs]
-All right, ladies and, well, lady, -Mm-hm.
right this way.
-[Ana] Keep your eyes closed. -[Yessika] Don't let me fall.
You're fine.
OK.
-Right... -[laughs]
OK.
OK, babe. [clears throat]
-Take it off. -[giggles]
[siren wails in distance]
[Yessika] Oh, my God.
I am so proud of you.
You are everything.
[smooches]
[scoffs]
Wow.
Just wow.
I can't believe the liquor store folks
paid you to do this here
in our community!
It's fucking incredible, Ana!
Yeah.
I'm...
It feels real good to...
get paid to do what I love.
But listen, you should know.
[in Spanish] What in the hell is that?
[exhales]
Ana,
I can't believe it.
Son of a bitch!
Babe,
what the hell was that?
Well... Um...
Ah...
Here we go.
[Banda music playing]
[Chris] Woah, wait, hold on, Chuey. Hold on, it's happening.
Here we go. No.
OK, wait.
-[cell phone beeps] -Shit.
OK, let me run it through again.
So you can charge me twice?
No, mijito.
I'm onto your little games.
[in Spanish] Pricey chips for Javier.
Double the charge for Chuey's torta.
No way!
You keep your torta--
And I will take my money.
See you later!
"Get a card reader," he said.
"It'll make us money," he said. [scoffs]
All right.
Hey! What's up, little man?
What can I get you?
Two tacos al pastor, please.
-Got it. -No, no, no, no, no!
I heard in the streets that the tacos are free, homie.
What do you mean? On the playground?
Yeah.
Check it out.
I got tacos for kids who read books.
Do like reading books?
Uh...
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Read it,
finish it, and then prove to me that you read it.
-And then we'll talk meat, aight? -Really?
Birria, buche, asado, your pick.
Cool?
All right.
We're barely staying afloat and you're giving away free tacos?
What?
It's an investment, fool.
Like your stupid card reader.
When kids eat free,
their parents come and buy burritos.
Haven't you ever heard of Sizzler, fool?
What happened? I thought you know about business and shit.
Are you nuts?
[stammers] That's a corporate chain. We're a Mom and Pop shop.
What's the worst that can happen?
[panting] Yeah. Yes, yes. I read Grapes of Wrath,
can I get my free tacos?
[Erik] Come on, chill the fuck out, dude. Look...
You have your 10.99 chips and guac.
I have my books, alright?
Besides they gotta read the book and take a quiz
before they even get a taco.
Oh, they gotta pass a quiz?
Oh, OK. I didn't know they had to pass a quiz
before they get the free tacos.
If you would've said that from the top,
there wouldn't be a problem. So that's good.
Listen, it'll make us money, fool.
-No, I'm sure it will. -Trust.
-Yeah, yeah. -Move out the way, bitch.
["Promised Land" by Sugarman 3 playing]
[speaks indistinctly]
[whining]
[Chuey] Pues, I was just saying
I've never seen a lucha libre match like that one.
[in Spanish] Don't tell me. Come on! Outta here.
-[whistles] Move it. Now! -OK, OK. I'm leaving.
Browner and gayer? [scoffs]
She missed the gay part.
I don't like it, bro.
-Really, really gay. -Come on.
[Casimiro] Oh, my God.
[in Spanish] I love it!
It's obvious you're a very progressive woman, eh?
What can be seen shouldn't be questioned.
I heard the artist's from the neighborhood.
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to hire her immediately!
Yeah, it'll cost you.
[clink]
[in Spanish] You know what, Ofelia?
That disgusting thing outside
needs to go.
If not, I'll take my money to 7-Eleven.
Then take it and get out of here, you drunk.
Tía, I've been real patient here.
But we gotta handle this shit outside.
Man, fuck this white motherfucker.
From one corner to the other. All of it.
[Tim and Ana] Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Don't you dare!
You work for me. Erase it!
No, I swear on Beyonce's babies, I will cut you, sir.
Ofelia,
you will owe me thousands of dollars, OK?
Thousands.
This is my building,
and I'm making it better for you!
-For me? -Yes, you!
Well, that was stupid.
You didn't even tell me what you were doing,
-you white good-for-nothing liar. -[gasps] Tim!
I was perfectly fine and perfectly happy before you showed up.
Ofelia, I cannot understand you.
Well, well, she said that you didn't tell her about the mural.
-That you're a rude, white dude. -[Ofelia] That's right.
What?
And now I'm losing money
because good,
hardworking people don't want to see that thing.
-Erase it! -No, no, no, no!
No! No!
I am raising the goddamn property value here! Hey!
[birds chirping]
And tell me honestly, Ofelia, really,
is it the mural you hate or the men kissing in it?
I don't care if it's Walter Mercado and Juan Gabriel kissing up there.
I care that you didn't ask my permission.
Why aren't you speaking English, Ofelia?
-I mean, I know you can. -Tim!
We talk on the phone all the time.
-Oh, my God. -OK.
[in English] This is my store.
Mine.
I sweep the sidewalks and I feed the little ones,
and you don't get to tell me what to do.
-[in Spanish] Erase it! -No!
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Ofelia,
it is my name on the dotted line, honey.
So what I say
goes.
And if you don't like it,
you can see yourself out the door.
-Let go, let go. -Tim, what the fuck?
Let go, let go!
-Now! -Tim.
-Come on, Ana. -Tim.
[in Spanish] Forgive me, Ofelia.
I'm so, so sorry.
Wait, Tim.
Why did you force it on her if she wasn't down with it?
Because she doesn't know what's good for her!
-What? -Trust me.
Look, when I'm done, her store is gonna be poppin' with tourists, OK?
She doesn't see the vision, Ana.
That's our job.
Trust me, she's gonna thank us someday.
No, I'm sorry. How do you know what's good for her?
Oh, Ana. You know what I mean.
OK, look, take Pablo for example, OK?
I just bought the building over on Lorena Street.
He owns the paleteria on the first floor.
Now that guy is incredible.
He is like so flexible
and we have all these amazing ideas for his place.
Listen to this.
Organic, artisanal ice cream.
I love him.
-Ana, just listen, -[sighs]
you have got to stop letting people like Ofelia intimidate us, OK?
-[sighs] -Hey, as queer people,
we have to stop asking permission to exist in this world.
[siren wails in distance]
It's your final payment.
Yes. I love you. [mwah]
Ugh, we're going to make amazing art babies together, my love.
There's plenty more where that came from.
Bye.
[car engine starts]
-[engines revving] -Shit!
[Norteño music playing]
Who's Edmond's teacher in prison?
Abbe Faria.
He teaches him about a bunch of books and sword fighting!
Right-- Wait, hold up. What?
There's no sword fighting.
-Oh, there wasn't? -No.
Man, you watched the movie, didn't you?
-Ugh. -[clicks tongue]
The book was 117 chapters,
and I'm an eight-year-old kid!
All right, all right.
[bottle cap pops]
I have to admit, it's a good point.
What do you think?
Tacos or not?
I think I can't believe you'd give an eight-year-old kid Dumas.
What?
It's about a man who kills for his baby mama.
-He's ride or die. -[scoffs]
-Uh... Can I get my tacos now? -[door opens]
-[scoffs] -[laughs]
You are something, aren't you?
You are something.
You read The Count of Monte Cristo.
You read a whole book!
You read this whole book!
And now we gotta give you some free food.
You are the smartest little guy in the world, aren't you?
Bring it in.
Who is this? I don't think I like him.
I don't like him either, buddy.
All right. [claps]
Good talk.
-Hey and don't forget, -[door opens]
two tacos al pastor for our winner here!
-Ahh! [chuckles] -Yes!
[door closes]
So what? You're a lending library now?
[Erik] Sort of.
Got my own little
"Read a Book, Get a Taco" program going on.
Wow.
That's amazing. I really love that.
Oh yeah?
Well, I do amazing things for the ones that I love.
All right. Chill. [giggles]
["Muevelo, Muevelo" by Seven playing]
-[sizzling] -[Connie] Mmm.
This vanilla extract fucker didn't think an immigrant woman
had a right to her own walls.
Bro!
He would've asked the white tenants' permission for sure.
Obviously.
If he would've asked,
Ofelia would've shut it down real quick.
Mama, you killed it! Mm!
-[smooches] -I'm so proud of you.
-Mm-hm. -Those luchadores are
iconic machismo murdering homos that arouse and--
If they strip away a brown woman's livelihood, bro,
she can't have her key demographic running into the 7-Eleven.
What's she gonna do without her drunks and teenagers, huh?
Good art's divisive, cuz.
Just follow your bliss and screw the haters.
Mm! That's a great idea!
You know what, you should screw yourself
and back up my book program, stupid.
-[laughs] -Anyway,
the point is,
a landlord doesn't have to ask for permission
to paint on his own building.
So?
It's about respect
for those who've been holding it down in our community for years.
Who the fuck asked you, Coconut?
I--I dunno. Ana's Idaho potato cousin kinda has a point.
-[all] He does? -[Chris] I do?
Did Yessika just agree with me?
You both have a point.
Yes, it was commissioned by... uh...
a fucking colonizer,
but I'm all for fighting comadre homophobia with queer love bombs.
I dunno.
It's Ana's riddle to solve.
She'll figure out how to make it right.
How the hell do I do that?
Paint over it!
Be a real revolutionary!
[unintelligible chiding, complaining]
I know. You could do like a tequila tasting
and have like a queer mariachi.
A-queer-achi.
[laughs]
A-queer-achi, bien, mira. [hums Mexican hat dance tune]
Should we hire the Queer Eye boys also?
Ofelia would love that.
You know what, just do a fucking GoFundMe
or a Kickstarter or some shit.
Or...
[samba music playing]
Ana, this cash mob is amazing!
You thieves! Get out of here, thieves!
-OK. I'm out. -Get out of here.
Oh, my God, look.
Tamarindo with chile. You know how hard it is to find these?
Look! Twenty-five cent Takis!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Oh, thank you, señora. Thank you so much.
You're an angel, thank you.
Oh, my God, it's a piñata!
-Can you believe it?! -[chuckles]
-He can stay. -Those look spicy.
-[yells] You thieves! Get out! -[Ana] Stop! Stop!
Stop! They're paying customers! Stop!
Now what did you do?
No, no, no, no. I'm helping.
This is a cash mob.
They're gonna clear out your entire inventory. It's genius!
A damn mob here to steal my inventory?
I knew it!
What is this shit, Ana?
OK, guys,
it's OK. It's a cash mob.
I invited these people here.
Let me get this straight,
you invited a bunch of strangers here
to ransack tía Ofelia's store?
I don't feel safe.
Me neither, fool.
Mobster white people are never safe.
Nazis, conquistadores,
flash dancers.
Preach.
[indistinct chatters]
Twenty-five cent Takis?
Nah, bitch.
They got the big packs?
In the back. Come on.
OK, look, you got this all wrong.
Cash mobs save small businesses.
Get out of here!
Leave-- Oh!
Look, I told my followers,
OK, that there was a señora
who was losing customers because she had commissioned
a queer-friendly mural,
and they came in droves to support.
Look, they're gonna buy everything! You're gonna be set for the month!
You're welcome.
Uh-huh. And what will my regulars buy the rest of the month?
Huh? Farts and kisses?
-I don't need activists, -Ouch!
and I don't need anything from you.
What I need are my regulars who come everyday.
The drunks. The ones that pay my rent.
If you just give me a chance, señora!
I can fix this! I can help!
Oh, sí, sí, sí, sí, sí.
Help.
And what about me? Do I have a say in this?
Because Tim has his mural
and you have your cash mob,
but neither one of you asked if I wanted any of this.
[car passing by]
[in Spanish] I just wanted to help.
Well you didn't help me. You screwed me.
Fine.
[crunching]
[in Spanish] And you?
Why the long face?
Nothing.
I'm fine.
Why are you eating that block of cheese as if you're a mouse?
Pop.
What's up, sweetie?
[sighs]
Change is something very hard to do.
Old folks like me don't like it.
But Ofelia
will come around.
Maybe that mural will help her, maybe it won't.
Maybe charging for chips will help, maybe it won't.
But we need to try, mija.
What doesn't feel good is being treated
like you can't handle your own business.
As if you're some idiot
who can't make her own decisions.
That's a matter of respect.
You have to give her the respect that gringo will not.
All I wanted was...
to do what I loved without having to worry about money.
[sighs]
Me too, mija.
[gentle guitar music playing]
Me too.
Welcome to Mama F--
OK.
You're offering my kid free food and books?
Talking about you got some more in the back or some shit?
Please hold.
[shouts] Erik!
[Erik] Hey.
-Hurry up. -Huh?
Hey, what's up, Chato? What's goin' on, bro?
[groans]
Oh, hey, no, no, no, no! Hey, not like that at all, bro!
[stammers] Listen, listen, I'm--
We, we
are running a dope program
for kids, bro. Remember BOOK IT?
Where you get free pizza for reading?
This is just like that, dog, except with tacos.
That's true, Chato? You read a book?
Three books.
He gets a free taco for every book?
-Well, that's pushing it, we feel like-- -Yes,
yeah, yeah! Yeah, bro. Yeah. He gets a taco-- three.
So we'll take three free tacos,
three tortas to go for the fam.
Hey, go get another book, mijo.
I'll be back with his sister.
Hey, bring the whole family, bro.
OK. Thank you.
How do I make this right?
I'll do anything, but I cannot censor my art.
That would mean pretending there's something wrong with me when there's not.
I can't do that.
[in Spanish] Look, young lady.
Do you honestly think Tim wants me here?
That he'll want me to be here in five years?
One day, my dear,
that mural is going to erase me.
But you know what?
I'm not going to let that happen.
I'm sorry. I'm just...
I'm just trying to make this right for the both of us.
I know.
Get out of here, you fucking dirty dyke!
Nobody wants you or your disgusting mural here!
Hey, do you pray to the Virgin Mary with that mouth?
-But it's-- -But nothing!
I don't need you as a customer. Get out!
Fine, go to hell!
After you, asshole!
Thank you.
You see?
You only bring me problems.
["Vamonos" by Chavela Vargas playing]
Time to go.
[sobs]
[crying]