[film reel clicking]
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
[Welles sighs]
[heavy thump]
[Welles] They tell me you're a killer.
Are you a killer, boy?
Some kind of killer clown from outer space?
[hearty laughter turns to coughing]
You're a real, real funny guy, you know that?
You're a real comedian.
Want a cigarette?
- [Dante] No. - [Welles] Go ahead.
Let me... Let me grab ya a smoke kid, huh? Hmm?
Uh, is it turning up a boy or a girl for you?
Son, actually.
[indistinct] any day now.
Mm. Mm-hmm.
First one?
Yeah.
Wife and I, well, we kept swinging
for a daughter but kept turning out soldiers.
Well, you know what the thing is?
The thing is, the first one's
where all the good feelings crop up.
What was your thinking when you first heard the breaking news?
When I found out we were having a boy,
that's when it really hit me.
I'm someone's father. I'm responsible for new life.
Yeah... Well, [indistinct].
You're gonna make a responsible living
selling faggy-ass chapstick to hippies on the beach, huh?
So, you thought to yourself, "You know,
I better start knocking some people off.
Uh, get into a new line of work, maybe, huh?"
[dark, classical instrumental]
♪
[music fades out]
[birds chirping]
Are you pro?
I used to be. Now I just do it for fun.
I've messed with my cousin's board a bit.
Oh, yeah?
Okay! Yeah.
Yeah, I see you.
I've been savin' up, but my mom won't throw down with me.
Yeah, saving can be tough.
How much you got?
Like, 30 bucks and a Clif Bar.
A'right, let me see the money. Sold.
- What? Really? - Yeah.
You know, you're pretty limber for an old man.
Are you vegan?
[birds tweet]
[Dante] Morning, my beautiful bug.
That smells amazing.
[Dante] It's my CBD balm.
I'm callin' it, "Harmony Rose."
Ew. [chuckles]
No, you can't call your balm
the same nickname you call me.
[Dante] How are we feeling today?
Feels like he's still up from earlier.
My Uncle Jim called.
Woke me up about an hour ago.
[sighs] Well...
Picked up those vitamins you needed.
- Hmm. - Also...
Got you some breakfast.
Babe, I thought we didn't have the money.
[Dante] No, I said I wasn't sure.
Why, thanks, honeybee.
Is it money from Mama Earth sales?
Yeah, yeah. Here.
Mm. How was skating this morning?
[exhales] Felt amazing.
Hmm.
- How was your sleep? - Really good.
Jim told me to tell you that he loves you and he misses you.
Working in his bank wouldn't be all that bad.
It's not his bank. He's the manager at a bank.
Okay, we're doing fine.
And Mama Earth is about to take off.
If I was gonna work in an office,
I'd be detective, you know?
Or something fun.
I know, babe, it's just I get worried about us.
But if Mama Earth doesn't take off?
It will. I promise.
[knocking]
- Howdy, Garrett. - Hiya, Dante.
Hi, Crystal, how's the bump doing?
Hi, Garrett, beautiful morning.
[Garret] Mm, if you like sweating through
- your foundation. - [Garrett and Dante chuckle]
What do you got going on?
Actually, could you come help me? I'm trying
to hang a little something on the wall.
[Dante] Yeah, no problem.
[smooch]
[wind chimes jingle]
[Garrett] We've been vacationing in Costa Rica.
You remember? She couldn't believe how much money
she saved from the Airbnb they got for the week.
That look crooked to you?
Nope. It's fine.
It's insane the amount of money they're able to make
in a month using their space.
So my mom thought...
Yeah, that's a beach house in Costa Rica.
We live in Reseda, California.
Granted, beautiful weather,
but not the vacationing spot many would hope for.
Yeah, yeah. You're... You're right. I know it.
Just get it to me when you can, okay?
I'll tell her you already paid.
I do it for Crystal.
Don't go getting a swoll head
or I'll break your neck, kid.
[engine sputtering]
[engine revs]
[mellow jazzy instrumental]
♪
[Sophia] How ya doin', honey?
[Dante] I'm well, Sophia.
Just came to, uh, drop off and pick up.
[Sophia] I'm sorry, I only sold a few in the last two weeks.
[Dante] You by chance don't
need any extra help here, do ya?
[Sophia] We're all fighting over hours as it is.
Dante!
- Ugliest flyer ever. - Birthday clown wanted?
[Sophia] Says it pays $200. How long is a birthday party?
Could be just the thing I'm looking for.
Really. Thanks.
[phone rings]
[Em] Good afternoon.
This is Em. Who is this?
Hi, this is Dante.
[Em] Do you have any clowning experience, Dante?
- Sure. - Great.
Been a clown my whole life.
[Em laughs heartily] That's funny.
We have a party coming in late afternoon.
Is it that too soon for you?
What part of L.A. are you in?
[Em] Write the address down.
The street's usually clear for parking.
No permit needed.
Look for the balloons.
The spread of balloons
marks the party.
Ready?
[Welles] You know what I think?
I think you'd been planning this from the very beginning.
There wasn't a beginning, I'm...
[Welles] Oh, come on!
Who all of a sudden says to themself,
"Oh, I'll become a fucking clown?
Yeah, and I'll make money." I call bullshit, kid.
Well, it seemed different. Fun.
[Welles] So, uh, what?
You just took your last $50 out of your wallet
and went to the clown store?
[Dante] A costume shop. Yes.
[Welles] It don't strike you as funny that... that you knew...
- Hey! - [Dante]... exactly where
the costume
shop was, last minute-like?
[woman] Can I help you with something?
- [Dante] - Hm? Yeah, um...
I would like to become a clown on a budget.
[gentle piano instrumental]
Are you thinking like a circus clown or mass murdering clown?
Hm. Um, maybe somewhere in between.
♪
[ethereal vocalization]
♪
[music stops]
[phone rings]
Hey.
How ya doing?
How's your afternoon?
Complete and peaceful.
How 'bout you, Sug? Were your drop-offs successful?
Did ya sell a bunch?
Yeah, it was all
pretty successful.
That's great!
What did this week's haul look like?
Uh, just about around 200.
I'm proud of you.
You on your way back to our nest now?
No, I have one more stop to make.
Well, hurry back to me, okay? Love you.
[Dante] All right, love you.
[street din]
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Dante! - In the makeup!
[Em, laughing] Aren't you funny.
Well, you've arrived just on time.
[giggling]
P! Dante.
- This is P, my better half. - Oh, wow!
You look great! It's Dante, is it?
Oh, jeez, just great.
Oh, he's even got the big feet.
[both laughing]
Wow, you really came through for us.
Has it been tough finding a clown?
- Well... - Oh, I mean...
Em! I said I wanted scary clowns.
Get it? Scary.
This guy looks like a turd!
Okay, well, here's the birthday boy. Stanley.
Uh, I can be scary.
What scares ya?
If you could use any weapon to kill
the most amount of people you could
in the shortest amount of time, what weapon would you choose?
- [P] Okay, well... - So, so sorry.
- His humor is all his own... - Knock-knock jokes, always.
[both laughing]
[Stanley] I'm looking forward to seeing your show.
Tag, you're it!
[kids laughing]
[P chuckling then sighing]
- Yeah... - Nice kid.
- Oh! - Oh, yes, we are truly,
- truly blessed. - Every day's a blessing,
you know? So...
[Em] Well, uh, let me introduce
you to the other clown.
Who?
[indistinct, overlapping chatter]
Is that the birthday boy?
Happy birthday, Stanley.
How old are you today?
What's going on? Am I fired?
What?
You have the nerve
to come in here to tell me
that I am being replaced...
I'm not replacing you...
I... By what?
By... by you?
You're a scrug.
- [Dante] What's a scrug? - A true scrug.
[growls]
I think the idea is supposed to be that we work together.
Hold the fucking number. I cannot take this call.
- [growls] - Ah, jeez.
[Pele] Hey, Em and P, what the... whatever the hell
your names are. What the hell's that clown doin' here?
- [Em] He's here to help you. - [P] He's great.
[Pele] I'm your main clown, you hired me.
- [P] Yeah, we know. - [Em] Yes, we did.
[Pele] So what the hell's he doing here?
Pele, was it?
- [Em] No, you don't have to. - No, no, no, no, no.
[Pele] What's your routine?
Well, I... I don't have, um...
- I don't have a specific... - What's your name?
- It's Dante. - Like your clown name.
Like, "Hi, kids. I'm Pele the Clown."
Well, can't I just be Dante the Clown?
Dante's not a really common name.
You don't strike me as a Dante.
It's too cool for ya.
From now on, you're gonna be...
Milo. Milo the Rodeo Clown.
♪ He stumbles and he falls ♪
♪ And he steps in shit ♪
♪ He's Milo, the Rodeo Clown ♪
♪ The Rodeo Clown... ♪
All right, all right, all right.
Mi... Milo, it is.
[circus music]
[Em] And now, for your viewing pleasure...
it's Pele's Pity Party!
[cheering]
Awesome!
Hi, everyone!
[kids] Hi!
Welcome to Pele's Pity Party.
[kids] Yeah!
This is my dumb friend, Milo. His throat is croaking.
- [laughter] - Right, Milo?
Slap him again! I didn't get a good shot!
[laughter]
Oh no, Milo...
Don't go off to yourself and have a...
[all] Pity Party!
Dance for us, Milo.
[laughter]
Sleepy time.
[horn honks loudly]
[laughter]
It's time for our Pity Pop [indistinct]!
- Whoo! - [clapping]
Come on up, Stanley!
Whoo!
Well...
[classical music]
This might just be the best birthday party I ever had.
[splash]
Oh, no, oh, no. I'm really sorry. I'm... I'm sorry.
You know, I... I... I'm not normally this cruel.
Swear.
[kids laughing]
[smacking]
- [Dante groaning] - [Welles] Huh?
A free wrist clears a foggy conscience. Hmm?
You know, it turns out we found a lot of items
in that hippie van o' yours.
[Pele] This your van?
- It's my girlfriend's. - It's sweet.
You know, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't impressed.
- Thanks. - You took that like a champ.
Hey, birthday cake is always a plus.
[Welles] Such an old model.
[chuckles] None of the guys even have
a charger for that dead, bland, piece of shit.
[chuckling]
Maybe you have what it takes to clown with me, after all.
Uh... no.
That was... That was pretty heavy in there.
Listen.
I have this, uh... these private events.
I have one this weekend.
It pays a grand.
You in?
- I dress like this? - Yeah.
Just a couple o' clowns out on the town.
- [laughs] - All right, yeah.
Yeah. Let's... Let's Pity Party it up.
[whispers] Let's Pity Party it up. For real?
♪ Pity Party, Pity Party, Pity Party, Pity Party, Pity... ♪
[crickets chirp]
Where'd you get that get-up?
The costume store.
It's pretty inexpensive, actually.
I got hired for a private event.
It's this weekend.
Of course, the "I" being Milo the Rodeo Clown!
My baby's father is a working clown.
You know, with these experiences, you could
actually run away from home and join the circus.
Probably be more money in that.
Could set us up real nice
when little Sequoia or River comes along.
Which one you leaning more towards, Rose?
Look, I'm really happy with the way this one's turning out.
Oh, that looks great, love.
Yeah, I'm still not sure about it all.
You naming someone,
feels like giving them a life-long sentence.
Yeah, no, it's a strange idea.
- Is she cute? - Who?
The woman who hired you.
Well, I took the job before I knew there was a woman.
- See? - [Crystal chuckles]
Her name's Pele. She's just another clown
at this birthday party.
- Is she pretty? - No.
Honestly, she had clown makeup on the whole time.
Babe. I gabbed about you and our babe
the whole afternoon.
She offered me more work. It's honestly a Godsend.
[dark piano instrumental]
[tapping]
♪
- I take back what I said. - What'd you say?
That you were a little bitch with no cock.
You didn't say that to me.
I didn't?
[trap beat hums]
Wrong person. Never mind.
Where should I park?
Right here.
Come on.
♪
[Dante] Darker environment than I thought.
Darker the Pity Party.
[chuckles mischievously]
♪
[under her breath] Come on!
Can you juggle?
[Dante] I used to be able to a little bit, three balls.
Actually, kinda interesting how I learned.
One summer I worked at this kid's camp...
Wow, wow, wow, wow. Very interesting story.
Just [indistinct] or no?
No, not really.
I don't fully know how to juggle.
Okay, can you do balloon animals?
[Dante] If you show me a few.
[Pele] So you have to learn that, too?
Pele! How do you stay so beautiful?
[Pele] My baby, Tic Tac! What up, baby?
Who's the fresh meat?
I'm Milo. And I guess
we're here for a Pity Party.
Pity Party, Pity Party, Pity Party!
Well, put her there.
I'm Tic Tac. This is my goddess, Bunny.
And this is my place!
I live up in the loft up there.
So if you need anything, just holler.
Uh, if I'm not there, I'll either be kidnapped
or dead or relapsed.
I'm... I'm kidding! I'm f... I'm four years clean.
I'm four y... four months.
[woman giggles]
[indistinct] Have a great time.
I've been trying to get a game of tag together.
You must play with me.
I haven't played tag since I was a tiny nugget.
I know a place.
Hey, clown! Touching my girl's wrist?
- No. - No?
I see it with my own two eyes.
- Look! - Are you calling me a liar?
Because there's nothing I hate worse
than someone questioning my intelligence.
- I'm a smart guy. - He doesn't like that.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at you. I fucking hate clowns!
Ugly. You're ugly. Fucking flabby, too.
Look at me.
I am fucking ripped, baby, ripped!
- I will fuck you up. - Yeah, I... I am flabby.
I try to eat right but I... I cut my fast food consumption
down to, like, five times a day and...
[Jing] Are you hungry right now?
I'm sorry. I'm not interested.
Are you insulting my girlfriend?
Huh? You're too good for her?
No, no, no...
You piece of shit, I will fuck...
Fuck.
Your girlfriend tried to fuck a clown
while you're in the room.
It's pretty funny, isn't it?
Think about it. Own it. Let it settle.
[Giant Lover] Did you fucking push me?
Did you feel like you got pushed?
Yeah, it felt like a wind tried to blow me off my feet.
I felt that breeze, too. So, uh, fuck off.
[scoffs]
- [Newt] Whoo! - Uh... goodness!
Hey, I really appreciate you helping me out.
[Newt] Oh, my pleasure. I love doing that.
He wasn't that tough, anyway. Newt! My name's Newt!
- [Newt and Pele] Newt? - What the hell's a Newt?
I've heard of George or Eric, or I dunno, Frank.
- But Newt? - What? Newt.
Newt is the name from my childhood.
It keeps me warm.
Something I picked up along the way.
[Dante] Well, now I'm intrigued.
There's nothing to be intrigued about.
Best movie ever with Aliens.
Best character in Aliens was Newt.
[Dante and Pele] The little girl?
Uh, yeah, the little girl.
And she was badass, she was tough.
Too tough to die 'cause I'm a t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tough guy.
I got a halo [indistinct].
Fuck do a couple o' clowns know about best band of all time.
You know you can say... tell a lot about a person
by who they choose is the best.
Whether it's the Beatles, whether it's Elvis.
I'm like, "Fuck them crybabies!"
It's all about the one-two-three-four
- Ramones! - Big fan then, are ya?
What's your name?
I... I'm Milo right now but my government name is Dante.
[Newt] Ooh, he's got a government name. All right,
Milo, is that your van out-front?
- Yeah. - [Newt] Big fucker...
- Yeah! - Isn't it?
- Yeah. - Bet you got it stuffed
to the brim in the back.
You a hoarder, Milo?
No, it's empty.
Me and my girlfriend used to
live in it up on Venice Beach
and she got pregnant and we actually found
this really cute little bungalow for pretty cheap.
I think it'll be nice once, like,
the baby comes along and it's us three.
You gonna raise a baby on the clown money?
Do you make enough money doing that?
- I... I make and sell balm. - Balm?
[Dante] Yeah! Oh, you want some?
You gonna charge me, Milo?
[Dante chuckles] No, no,
you... you saved my life.
Mama Earth.
[Dante] That's my company.
Let's see, Milo. [sniffs]
Ooh, that's refreshing.
Move a lot of product?
It can be tough sometimes to get stores to carry it,
but i... it's just the healing oils.
Yeah, I cut out all the garbage.
It's really good for you. And everyone
that uses it, loves it. It's really great stuff.
And you just gotta try it once
and people kinda keep
coming back, sort of thing.
That's fantastic.
Are you in the mood for an
idea 'cause I have an idea.
I've got some very legal work,
and I think the clown cover might be perfect.
Cover for who? The police?
How's it legal if it needs a cover?
How is it you're asking the complete wrong questions?
It... It should be how much and when?
$10,000 a piece.
All you gotta do is drive a load for me to Vegas.
Take your little hippie van.
Park it in a specified spot.
Wait. Come back in the morning.
Just like that!
[eerie music]
Sounds pretty good to me.
[Dante] Uh...
Are you seriously thinking about this?
You live in a van.
$20,000 in the glove box
the moment you get back to La La Land.
[quietly] Shit. That's a lot of money.
[louder] That's a lot of money.
[Newt] Live in a van!
Uh, you gonna do this with me?
Are you sure you're serious?
Some shit can go down. What... What are you gonna do?
- You have a baby on the way. - We can't think that way.
Okay? You're right. You? You're right.
And thank you. It's so much rent!
Okay? We're in, we're in.
[Newt] Heigh-ho, let's go.
Okay. If... If Milo's in, then I'm in. I'm... Okay, fine.
[dishes clattering]
Oh, great, it's Milo.
I'm making you breakfast, my sweet so-and-so.
Thanks.
You're just getting in?
It was a long and crazy night,
but I have $1,000 from it, so I'm not complaining.
And how many people did you have to have sex with
for all that dinero?
Oh, so many.
[laughs] I bet.
Your skateboard is gone, isn't it?
Did you sell it?
[sighs] These are quick fixes.
Okay, we need to make a financial layout.
You know, long haul type of planning.
Sounds good to me.
[Crystal sighs]
I need your van for the weekend.
I hope it's not an issue.
Another quick fix?
$10,000.
I'm getting worried about you.
I know you're all right, I know.
I just... These images in my head.
You know, sometimes it's an image of you hurt
and in need of help and there's no one else around.
I'll tell you what.
I will share my location with you from my phone.
No, no, no, and that way, any time you're thinking about me,
you can just rest assured, there I am, and I'm all right.
You don't have to do that.
You don't... I... I'm not crazy.
- I'm not a crazy girl... - I know. I know, I know.
I want to, okay?
It's no problem.
Okay. Yeah, I would like that a lot.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
[smooch]
[mellow jazzy instrumental]
[engine sputtering]
Look at you with your printed-out
MapQuest directions.
Dude. You're old.
Should we knock, do you think?
In the movies, the door usually just opens.
Try pulling up closer.
[gate rattling]
Hey, kid. Look! You made it.
You're in the pictures. [laughing]
Holy tomato!
[engine hums]
Oh, actually! I have to unlock it with a key.
Key's on the ring over here.
Hold on, guys!
[gun cocks]
Uh... I need to unlock it with a... a key.
Tell the boys pickin' up it's a silver key
with a little bit of green on it.
Used my girlfriend's nail polish.
Yeah?
♪
[Pele] You seem like one of those guys
that never does anything wrong,
a little goody-two-shoe type.
[Dante] I'm driving my girlfriend's van
across the desert with
God-only-knows-what in the back of it.
[Pele] That is heroic.
- Heroic? - Yeah.
You're probably breaking the law
for the first time in your life.
What for? Money?
No, you are doing it because you have a baby on the way
and you would do anything for your family.
- How isn't that romantic? - You said, "Heroic."
[Pele] Heroic, romantic, semantics.
Relationship has always been my weak spot.
If I tell you how my current boyfriend and I met...
[chuckles]
...you would think very low of me.
[Dante] I'm sure that's not true.
Believe me, I put myself in all the worst positions.
Sometimes it's out of our control.
The situation at hand seems to be held
in the left hand that thinks it's right-handed.
Yeah.
- Human condition. - Seriously.
We all have the same desires.
- [Pele chuckles] - Yeah.
That's what really bones us.
[Milo] You trying to kill us!
- [tires screeching] - [Dante sighs]
Don't forget about that shit in the back!
Okay. Milo the sacredy cat is here.
Oh, my God. Look at that.
Look, look. Look over there.
- You see that? - [Dante] I see... No. What?
[Pele] Your face?
[laughs]
♪
[water running]
[music fades out]
[Pele] "Milo.
Meet me at the hotel bar for a small night cap.
Make sure to sit at the bar.
I'll find you there."
[Dante sighs]
- [Daphne] Howdy. - Hey.
[Daphne] Your evening going swell, is it?
- It's fine. - Want to go somewhere?
I'd very much like to try on your hat.
[bartender] And what are you drinkin'?
Uh, whiskey. Neat. Um...
[Dante chuckles nervously]
[Daphne chuckles]
You're so cute.
[both laugh]
And I leave tomorrow to go back home.
And I haven't even played with any American boys yet.
[Dante] Mm, listen. You are a very attractive.
Sweet woman with great taste.
[Daphne] Mm-hmm.
I'm married and very much in love.
That's an ugly wedding ring.
[Dante] Yeah, it is.
The love of my life is pregnant with my child.
It's an unbreakable union between humans.
[Daphne] You're sweet.
Sharks swim all around these parts
looking for a sweet face like yours to eat.
So I am... I am impressed.
And then I just... I'm a little bit stumped.
And now, I am impressed because your...
[snickers]
Your turn-down tactics!
[Dante] That was good, right?
[laughter] What the hell is that?
That was genius.
Although, you could have told her
that information right away. Okay?
Ah, but you didn't. Why?
Because you wanted to get a little bit of
a rubbing and a coochie-coo. Right?
And there's nothing wrong with that.
And I... I get it 'cause I've been there.
However, you have a girl.
You have... You have your heart.
That's... That's your livelihood.
You stick with that. Come on.
- My love's name's Crystal... - That's interesting.
I'll tell you why I'm stumped.
Because there is a... a strict no-hat policy here
and you have got a very large hat
sitting right on top of your head.
- Oh, this is your place? - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Well, I mean, I own the... you know, this. And I own... these.
And I own the, um... God, that ceiling... I own that.
And the... And the vents and the big-ass sign out front.
But I don't own its soul anymore because I just...
You know, when you...
when you kind of buy into this town, you know,
like I... I did, you... you sign on some kind of dotted line.
I bet you got an adventure laid out
like a trail of breadcrumbs across your past, huh?
- [tsks] If you... - Oh, I, uh... I make lip balm.
Mama Earth. Yeah, you... It's for you.
That's my company. It's unopened.
You can have that stick, you know.
You'd like it, just look it up online
and find out where you can get more.
You know what? I was just joking about the hat.
I... I... I was just joking. It looks really good.
And I think it's not about hard work.
Not hard work, it's just luck.
It... It has a high cost sometimes 'cause, like,
um, I had a love once. Her name was Karlily.
That's a pretty name. You guys break it off?
Breakups are tough. I've been there.
[Joaquin pants emotionally]
I lost her in a car crash... about six months ago.
But I do not want to mess up our nice vibe, our nice vibe.
I did not mean to do that, and besides which,
I haven't even introduced myself.
My name: Joaquin Alvin Illingworth III.
- III? - Yeah.
That's fancy.
It's not. I'm just my father's son.
My name's Dante.
It's so awesome to make a new friend.
You know...
You know, all right...
Oh, honey, honey, honey, honey, please, sweetie,
can we please have some... some more yummy drinks?
[bartender] Same thing?
Look. See?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- [Dante] Oh, a ring. - Yeah.
I don't know, man, this is
gonna tip me over the edge.
[Joaquin] Let's jump together!
Let's just do it! 'Cause you know why?
'Cause you're a good boy. You're a good kid.
Speaking of which, what is the baby's name?
Right now we're between Cedar and Sequoia.
[Joaquin cackles]
Who fucking names a kid Sequoia?!
To baby Dante II!
[glasses clinking]
[ominous music]
This is good. This is good.
Did you see the clown?
[Dante] I did.
Joaquin Alvin Illingworth.
III.
- [Welles] The what? - [Dante] His name,
it's Joaquin Alvin Illingworth...
[Welles laughs]
[Welles] I thought it was a typo.
♪
What a swell guy, huh?
You know he gave money to 20 different children's charities.
And I even read that
he started a homeless shelter in his hometown.
♪
[smack]
- [melancholy piano music] - [exhaling]
Ah, what a swell guy.
♪
[gags]
[Pele] Hey. Got my little note?
[Dante] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. Went out last night,
met the owner. Got free drinks all night.
You know, you really messed up by not going out.
Was it just all about the money for ya?
Money. Yes.
[breathes loudly]
Ooh... Ooh, ooh.
Is that a gun in there?
I would've liked to know there's a gun in the car
while I'm in it.
It's not mine.
Why would they put a gun in here?
[wind whistling]
[bird cawing]
[animal howling distantly]
Looks like $20,000 to me.
[chuckles] Does it to you?
Yup.
Do you think they put this in there
for us to protect their money with?
[Pele] I would have liked some communication.
I've never even shot a gun before.
I've never even held one before.
I feel kind of cool, though.
Jesus, you're reverting back to being a child.
I'm reverting back to my inner thug.
[door slams]
[yawning]
How much money do you think is in there?
I think we should head back to L.A.
Can you imagine what it must feel like
to hold that much money?
- Stop. - What?
Look, I'm cool with my job
and what's in the glove compartment.
But I think we should... Let's mind our own business.
Okay, I would nev... I would never actually take any.
- I'm just... - [gunshot]
Fucking...
You could have killed me. Are you a fucking moron!
Get in the car.
Get in the fucking car right now.
Get in the car!
I don't believe I like the name Milo any longer.
From now on, I want to be called, He...
He Who Gets Slapped.
All right, He.
Let's just keep on getting on.
Dinner's ready. And it's getting cold.
[crickets chirping]
[engine hums]
What the hell?
- Should I honk? - Sure.
Let's bring more attention to ourselves.
Someone's in there.
There's gotta be a doorbell or something around here, I bet.
Just relax. Let's just try to be calm.
Let's just chill.
[crickets chirp]
♪ You are my sunshine ♪
♪ My only sunshine ♪
♪ You make me happy ♪
♪ When skies are gray ♪
♪ You are my sunshine ♪
♪ My only sunshine ♪
♪ Please don't take my sunshine away ♪
♪ I'll always love you ♪
♪ And make you happy ♪
♪ If you will only say the same ♪
[Crystal humming melody]
[humming]
[crickets chirp]
- [thump] - Open the door!
They get the bag?
- [Pele laughing] - Is it over yet?
Dude, no one's here, man.
[motor hums in background]
- What do you mean? - Well, it's obvious.
These people went home early or we came too late.
[Pele sighs wearily]
Call Newt.
- [phone ringing] - [disconnected number tone]
[automated voice] We're sorry.
You have reached a number
that has been disconnected
or is no longer in service.
[Dante panting]
His phone's been disconnected.
[solemn music]
What the hell should we do?
I'm sure his phone is dead.
I think his phone's disconnected.
I... I don't think that message pops up if your phone's
just... low on battery.
[Pele] Veer to the right.
Wouldn't it go to voicemail?
I'm sure everything is fine.
Don't sweat it.
Okay?
Pull over right there.
[mysterious music]
[door slams]
Are you leaving?
I can't think straight.
And you definitely cannot think straight.
And that fucking idiot weirdo is not answering his phone!
So, let's just leave everything like it is
and deal with it tomorrow? Hmm?
- This is my girlfriend's van. - Cool...
She should be so proud to have such a retro vehicle, you know?
- It's a cool van. - I don't think you get it.
This is her van. I've had it, like, three days.
She doesn't like to share.
Call me tomorrow.
This will all be over soon. 'Kay?
All right. Talk to you tomorrow?
Okay, darling.
[smooches] Goodnight.
[smooch-smooch]
Get some rest and be safe.
Bye, Dante... I will miss you.
Psych!
[snickers]
No, I will. I will.
This is how much I'm gonna miss you.
♪
Uh-oh!
[engine turning on]
[van creaks]
♪
[music cuts out]
Baby... I love... Come cuddle me.
I'll be right in, my Harmony Rose.
[Dante sighs]
[ominous instrumental]
♪
[unzipping]
♪
[discordant piano keys play]
[crickets chirring]
[Joaquin] You know, I just joking about the hat.
I... I was just joking. That looks really good.
And I think that you are an honest person.
And you're probably the most honest person in here.
♪
[Pele laughs]
[delicate Circus music]
[Pele humming]
[Pele laughs]
Look at this, Dante! Whoo!
[giggles]
♪
[hums cheerily]
♪
[Pele giggling]
[Pele whimpering distantly]
[water dripping in background]
[wind howling]
[Pele continues whimpering]
[cackles]
You too, darling.
[Pele smooching]
[giggles] Adios. Bye!
[giggles]
[vocal trilling]
Hi, Dante!
Milo.
Who... Who are you?
[sinister music]
Ah!
- Hey! - Hey.
You still have your makeup on.
- Do I? - You okay?
You fell asleep sitting up last night.
I probably had the ugliest look on my face.
No! Not at all...
[Crystal giggles]
Dante, I have to go to the studio.
- I'm going to be late! - Let me take you!
- Uh... - I just got one more trip
to make. I'll pick you right back up when you're off.
And then it's all yours. Okay?
- I'm going to warm up the van! - Okay.
[Welles] You're telling me that, uh,
Joaquin was missing his entire bottom half?
Well, guess you couldn't fit him
into the case whole, huh?
Wha... Anyway, that makes sense.
A suitcase coming about, uh,
for clean clothes, not for your dirty laundry.
You know, around here they call me The Lucky One.
You know, see, sometimes things seem to poof,
fall out of the sky right into my lap.
And I'll give you a for instance.
This landed on my desk early this morning.
[station din]
So, has anyone, uh, read you your rights yet?
- No. - [Welles] Oh, they will,
they will, once you get your rights back.
[engine hums, Dante grunts]
- [Crystal] Bye! - [Dante] Love you.
[Crystal] Love you too, bye.
[Dante panting]
[ominous music]
[panting]
♪
[phone rings]
- [disconnected phone tone] - We're sorry...
Fucking Newt!
All right, come on, come on, Pele. Pick up, pick up.
- Pick up. - We're sorry...
- [disconnected phone tone] - We're sorry,
you have reached a number that has been disconnected
or is no longer in service.
If you feel you have reached
this recording in error, please check the number
and try your call again.
- [disconnected phone tone] - We're sorry,
you have reached a number that has been disconnected
or is no longer in service.
If you feel you have reached...
♪
[woman] Pardon me. You must be Mike... Whoa!
[Dante] Sorry for my appearance.
I'm a career birthday clown named Milo.
About a week ago, a family hired me
- to perform a party here. - A week ago?
This property has been on the market for sale
for the last 10 months.
Uh, this is Em and P's house.
They have a little boy named Stanley.
He's kind of an evil kid.
Are you okay? Do you need some help, son?
You don't still see a little kid there,
- do you? - Okay. All right.
Just give me a moment. Shit!
What? Wait.
So, no one's lived in this house for 10 months?
No, actually two and a half years.
This property has sat vacant.
It's a sad victim of a bank foreclosure.
And what about those balloons?
- I don't want to hurt you! - No, no, no...
I don't want to hurt you!
But this is private property and you are not an appointment!
[Dante] I'm a really good guy!
- I... - I am calling the police!
[car alarm wailing distantly]
[mysterious music]
[van turning on]
- Sophia! - Is everything all right?
You shouldn't be going around like that.
- You're kinda scary-looking. - Who gave you this flyer?
No one. Remember? I kept taking it down from the pole
out front. Thank goodness they stopped. Tacky-looking,
- I thought. - Someone must have given it
- to you to give to me. - Is everything all right?
You're putting off creepy vibes.
Okay, listen.
I'm not gonna be mad about anything.
Just tell me where to find Pele.
Pele? I don't know him...
Don't play jokes with me!
[panting]
- [heart pounding] - [gasping]
Hey! Why's he by my van?
What kind of drugs are you on, son?
I'm a clown.
Yeah, you sure are a clown,
- a darn funny one at that. - No. No, no, no.
Listen, listen. Let me leave. I haven't done anything.
I just want to go home.
[officer] We got a body in here!
Get down on the ground! Get down on the ground!
Do not resist!
[Dante] Jesus, don't shoot!
[whimpering] Please, I have a baby.
Stop resisting. Stop resisting!
[Dante sobs] I have a baby on the way.
[plaintive music]
[car alarm wailing distantly]
[knocking]
[Roadie] Detective Welles.
Hey, Roadie. Huh.
[laughing] We... Room one.
I'll be there in a jiffy.
Just gotta grab my smokes.
[indistinct police radio chatter]
Well, that is great news. Thanks.
[indistinct] Roadie, thanks a lot.
I'll see you guys a little later.
We'll celebrate, have a drink.
Well! It's in.
We got the murder weapon bagged and tagged.
And just like you thought, your prints are all over the piece.
I didn't say anything like that.
Didn't ya? Oh. Oh, it's what I thought.
Uh, new. Yeah, you're some freaky killer clown boy.
Uh, you have any more victims stashed around?
How about we look at some pictures?
They made such a handsome couple.
Wait, I met that girl.
She calls herself Pele.
The girl you met at the birthday party?
- Yes. - Oh.
The birthday party that was what?
Two weeks ago? Actually two weeks ago today, uh...
Take a closer look.
No, she's a clown.
She calls herself Pele the Clown.
Her whole act is Pele's Pity Party.
Karlily died in a fiery smash-up about six months back.
So, excuse my skepticism about your rouse.
Wait a second. Are you on drugs, huh?
Hey, boys, did you check this guy for drugs?
I'm not high. I sure wish I was, though.
So, uh, tell me.
Did you set out to do in Joaquin
or was someone else pushing the buttons
and you were just responsible for the levers?
This is the victim with his brother.
Hmm?
[melancholy music]
- I met this guy. - Him?
Yeah, yeah, he called himself Newt.
He's the one that hired me and Pele to drive stuff to Vegas.
Harold Illingworth, not Newt.
You know you're facing 25 years to life, bub?
I'm a pacifist, for goodness sake.
[Welles laughs]
You see, now, that's funny.
I like that. You... You're a pacifist killer.
Or, um, what would you say, a...
killer pacifist? Uh, which?
Which you like better: killer pacifist, paci...
Lemme ask the guys.
Hey, fellas!
Fellas. Which sounds better?
Killer pacifist or pacifist killer?
I mean, just can't you see the movie poster?
[Welles laughing]
[thud]
[woman 1] Get up, pussies!
[indistinct] scared, I'm not scared of no fucking taser!
[man 1 speaking indistinctly]
[man 2] Hey, hey! Sit back down.
[overlapped shouting]
[woman 2] That little bitch just kicked me in the shin!
[woman 1] Come on, get up!
[man 1] No, no, no, no, no, no.
[shouting continues]
[alarm sounding in tense music]]
♪
[shouting continues]
Get off the desk! [woman 1] No!
Get off it!
[overlapped screaming]
Get off the fucking desk!
♪
[dog whines]
[dogs barking]
[dog whines]
[Dante sniffing]
[water trickling]
[Dante breathing raggedly]
You ain't even done nothing
and they're trying to take you out, huh?
Damn. It's a cruel world.
Gotta always hold on to the positives in life.
Okay? Don't ever lose hope.
[sniffs]
[dog whines]
Come on, boy.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
[rattling]
[Crystal yelling]
Dante made it! Someone owes me some money.
[Crystal] Get the hell in here.
You didn't pick me up! Did you forget about me?
I'm sorry. I ran off and did something dumb.
I rescued you an old dog. His name's Gilbert.
- A dog? - Yeah.
Yes, my Rose. You said you wanted one.
- Gilbert? - Yeah.
[Crystal pants]
Hey, do you know how much [indistinct] for each other?
We live both of our lives through love, not fear.
Breathe. Breathe.
I realize there's only a few truths
in my life I live for.
Your tiny little hand on my chest.
And the sunshine in your eyes.
Your kiss.
We have a baby coming. Yeah. A family.
Something you and I both do together.
Okay, breathe. You got this. You got this.
You can do this. You can do this.
- You can do this. - No, I can't.
Love you, too.
Just keep breathing, good.
[midwife] You've got it, Crystal.
Looking great. Keep breathing.
- Something's wrong! - [midwife] Nice, slow. Okay.
- Something's not right. - [midwife] Turn her on over.
[groaning]
[Crystal screaming ]
Squeeze my hand. There it is.
Good job. You're doing okay.
- The baby's coming. Beautiful. - You're almost there.
Beautiful, baby. You've got this.
- Three more deep breaths. - [guttural screaming]
Give me two more, just like that.
Two more.
Okay. There you go.
- Nice and slow. - [screaming]
- Just one more deep breath. - [Dante] Come on, one more.
You got this. He's almost out.
He's halfway out. Come on, come on.
Come on.
[piercing scream]
[baby cries]
[sobbing]
[Dante speaking indistinctly and laughing]
[midwife] Here you go, Crystal.
Your beautiful baby boy.
[emotional string music]
- It's okay. - [baby cries]
- [Crystal shushing] - It's okay.
♪
It's okay.
Mama's little baby. Okay...
[music fades out]
[car door slams shut]
[siren wailing]
- Oh! - Whoo!
- [laughter] - [clapping]
[skaters chatting indistinctly]
[baby cooing]
[Crystal] Uncle Jim wants you to call him.
Please do.
[mellow jazzy instrumental]
[traffic din]
♪
[pounding on door]
Jesus, man. Fuckin' disturbed my slumber.
I left something here the other night.
I know exactly what it is.
What is it?
Blue sweatshirt.
Oh, that shit's gone.
No. My mother gave me that
sweatshirt before she died.
Well, get your foot out of my door, man.
Yo, I'm Milo the Clown. Do you remember me?
I... I was with... I was with Pele.
Jesus Christ.
Damn, motherfucker!
I didn't do shit to you!
Dude, people have been killed for taking my phone,
man, give it back.
[cats meowing]
What're you looking through my phone for?
[laughs] Oh, wow. No password.
See, I wasn't expecting that from you, Tic.
Now tell me where I can find Newt or Pele
or whatever the hell his name is!
I... I don't know those people, man. Okay?
I... I don't know who you think I am.
[Dante] You know who I am?
Yeah. A scared little bitch
who doesn't know how deep he is, man.
Wh... What exactly do you mean, "How deep he is," huh?
I didn't say shit, man, okay?
Just get the fuck out of here before I get my gat, man!
[Dante] That's it, I'm done!
Ah! I gotta settle this now, no matter what.
Now tell me where I can find Newt!
Do you know who he is, man? Okay?
You know where he's from? What he does?
You... You've got to be crazy, you think I'm gonna sell
that Frankenstein motherfucker out.
He's batshit. Okay?
[laughs]
Yo, dude, what happened
to your legs, man, huh?
Man, were you born this way?
Nothing wrong with 'em, man.
It's fashion! Okay?
Huh? Well, your arms are fine.
You still got function in them!
I still got function in my legs, man.
I'm not a cripple.
Oh, dude, who said anything
about you being a cripple?
At least not yet.
- [woman screams] - Ah!
[woman whimpering]
- Don't touch her. - [Dante] The hell, you trying
- to kill me? - Don't touch my honey, man.
I'm sorry, I... I really wasn't thinking.
- I... Can I please leave now? - No! Got her hear now!
[woman gasping and groaning]
Okay! I'll fucking telling you, man!
- I'll tell you where he is. - Ah!
You're driving! Your car.
[Tic Tac] Fuck.
Don't scratch my car, man.
Oh! Shit.
My pride and joy!
[tires screech]
[crickets chirp]
[clock ticking]
[phone rings]
[baby cooing]
[Dante] Hey, uh, this is Dante.
I'm not here right now.
[baby fussing]
[clock ticking]
[windchimes tinkling softly]
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[snoring]
[Crystal sighs] Oh, my.
[clock ticking]
[snoring]
[floorboards creaking]
Garrett, sweetie.
Beautiful baby. Looks just like his mama.
My God, I'm a mess.
No, we've all been there, honey.
[Garrett chuckles]
Has his royal majesty come back yet?
Yeah.
He sure can be a royal pain in the ass, huh? Ooh.
Probably shouldn't be cussing around
my little guy anymore, huh?
[both laugh]
You know what?
Let's make you a little drinky-poo.
You popped that boy out, let's celebrate.
[ominous music]
[baby cries]
Aw. Oh, my goodness. [Garrett chuckles]
But I actually grew up singing in the church.
Oh. I know.
Sounded like that kind of, at first.
[laughs]
♪
[water running]
- [baby crying] - [Garrett shushing]
Oh...
Oh. [chuckles]
♪
[banging on door]
[Garrett] Oh, my goodness.
I thought you were picked up for murdering my husband.
I thought you died in a car crash six months ago.
Karlily.
Don't have a Pity Party.
I'm Detective Welles. This here is Roadie.
You must be the muse. Crystal.
Life happened to us all.
You don't know the situation that I was in with Joaquin.
It was either him or me.
Every one of us would have went the same path.
...from Dante, uh,
or should I say, Milo, the Murdering Clown?
[Crystal] What's happened now?
Well, besides escaped custody, murder.
[Crystal] Murder? My Dante?
Escaped custody?
Do you mind if we search the bungalow?
- [Crystal] Sure. - And you know what?
- The entire house as well. - Yeah, sure.
[Pele] It's the animal in us.
We adapt to our environment.
And it dominates us.
[growly voice] Or we dominate it.
I'm not a murderer.
[laughs]
[door shutting]
Not many places to hide, not many at all.
So, uh, when is the last time
that either of you, uh, got a little look at him?
Few days ago.
Missed his baby's birth, right, Garrett?
- Yeah, he did. - Ah, that's all right.
Well, we'll find him soon enough.
Here's a number you can call to get your van back.
- Back? - Yeah.
Oh, Dante got his van impounded.
You didn't know that?
I'm not a murderer.
[wild laughter]
Where were you the night that it happened?
Hmm? With the deceased?
It doesn't look good for you, Dante...
[cackling]
Get him, Newt! Get him!
Ooh, there's quite a bit you don't know.
Quite a bit. [chuckles]
Call me if you wise up.
My number's on the front and, uh,
the impound lot's on the back.
Roadie.
You, uh, folks,
you have yourselves a nice, warm evening.
[crickets chirping]
Lots of crickets out tonight.
Yeah, they're chirping away at the moon.
Warm nights feels like death in the sand dunes.
- I lied. - You... You lied?
I did.
- The police just now? - Yeah.
That's not good, Crystal. We don't know what he did.
Look, I know that he didn't do
whatever they have him down for.
Please, you have to help me.
[sighs] You know I will.
[Pele, voice raspy] Kill him, Newt!
[cackling]
[gasps, grunts]
[laughs]
About time. About time we got rid of this fool.
Huh? Mr. He Who Gets Slapped.
Ha!
[laughs]
♪
All right, let's go move the body.
[Pele cackling]
[Tic Tac panting]
[baby coos]
I have to find him.
Be careful.
[ominous music]
[exhales sharply]
♪
[banging]
[muffled] Ah!
[Crystal whimpering]
Why the hell are you bringing her in here?
Well, because she saw the body.
What did you do to him?
- [Pele] Who is... Who is she? - Are you some kind of strange,
really intense neighborhood watch?
Is that what she's doing around here?
Are you Crystal?
My little boy. We just had a baby.
[Newt] We're way past crying.
What are you doing, wandering around,
staring in other people's houses
like some creepy creepster?
Are you a creepy creepster, little girl?
- Dante. Dante! - [Pele] What are we gonna do?
Shit! What are we going to do?
Shit! Shit! What are we gonna do?
This is not the time to get me turned on.
Just give me a second. I have a plan.
You know, if this was the caveman days, what we would do?
We would just... We would just cook ya and we'd eat ya.
And you know who you'd grunt about it? Nobody!
Because that's how it works in the animal kingdom.
The strong destroy the weak.
That's the ecosystem!
Are you here by yourself?
Or are there other little crickets hip-hopping around?
You didn't call the police, did ya, little cricket?
My baby boy and my friend, they're out in the car.
Please, please, please...
Her baby's in the car.
Harold...
- Baby. - Harold.
Now's not the time for a teachable moment but, uh,
I think you know my name is Newt.
So, why don't you just call me Newt, okay?
Jesus Christ, why aren't you taking this serious?
- Why the fuck is she here? - I don't know why she's here.
But here's the question that you need to be asking.
How long is it gonna take to dump the bodies
of these stupid and weak little animals?
No!
[screams]
[Pele panting]
I'm so happy you're here!
He kidnapped me
and... and he forced me to do all these horrible things.
I'm so happy you came, Crystal.
Thank you for coming to save my life.
You're the best.
[siren wails in distance]
Thank you.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you, Crystal.
Do you believe me? Do you believe me?
[sirens wail]
[clock ticking]
Thank you, Crystal. Thank you.
[unzipping]
[baby gurgles]
[Welles] Oh, hold... hold a second, fellas.
Do me a favour.
It's really sad because they were both my friends.
I was really good friends with them.
So, that's all.
That's all that happened.
[officer] All right.
[Welles] Huh.
[eerie music]
[Pele] I thought you were picked up
for murdering my husband.
[Dante] I thought you died in a car crash six months ago...
- [Welles] Son of a bitch. - [Dante] Karlily.
[Pele] Don't have a Pity Party. Life happened to us all.
You don't know the situation that I was in with Joaquin.
It was either him or me.
[officer] You just said you didn't have contact
with Dante, that his fall woke you.
Now, what exactly transpired...
- [Pele] It's the animal in us. - between the three of you?
[Pele] We adapt to our environment.
Get him, Newt. Get him!
Ah!
Kill him, Newt.
[Pele cackling]
[officer] Come on now, stand up. Don't make this tough on me.
[Pele] About time.
About time we got rid of this fool.
[cackling] Ha!
[officer] Settle down. Settle down.
[Pele] Whoa, tough guy. Tough guy, huh?
[officer] Come on, let's go.
[car door shutting]
I should've figured something like this could happen, huh?
These things, they tend to have
their secret trails and hidden passages.
♪
Excuse me, uh, do you have a name for the boy?
Patrick.
After Dante's grandfather.
He wrote children's books.
Nice. That's a strong Irish name.
God bless.
Mm, I love it. My little Patty Patch.
And, uh, what's your role in all this?
Oh, I'm...
He's... He's Patrick's uncle.
You know, Roadie.
There's three kinds of people on this planet.
Those who make it, those who don't
and those who get pulled into these things
by those who are destined to lose.
Now, hey, uh, I'm not saying Dante was a loser,
he just got pulled in by the losers.
You know, those of us in this world
who want to swing on a different vine,
we gotta be okay with it
if that vine snaps once in a while.
'Cause this place we live, it's got rules and regulations.
And... [scoffs]
Think money is always the answer,
but there's no free money in this world.
Everything has its price.
I'm not saying I want all you people out there
to stop burning the candles at both ends,
'cause that would change my life.
And I don't want that.
Just like the undertaker
never gets short of, uh, work,
people never get tired of being in places
where they shouldn't be.
That's where I'll be.
I'll be separating the angels from the demons.
[dramatic chord]
[sweeping jazz music]
[music fades out]
[soft, jazzy music]
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
♪