[wind howling, thunder rumbling]
♪
[loud splashing]
♪
[clock tolling]
[brakes screeching]
♪
[loud pop]
♪
KAREN: Whoever's doing it, they're relentless.
I keep deleting every post I find,
but ten minutes later, up pops another-- and now this.
[moving mouse]
[Karen clicks, sighs]
Their last one linked to it.
It's an online petition calling for your early retirement.
Great. Where do I sign?
It's not funny and it isn't fair.
None of this should even be about you.
Mmm. [knock on door]
[door opens] JILL: Hiya.
Sorry to bother,
uh, I just wanted to let you know, um, well,
ask, really, um,
you know, 3C are doing creative writing all this week?
Okay, then, 3C are doing creative writing all this week,
and I've managed to arrange for Marcus Ormansby to come in
and talk to them about writing for a bit
and listen to them read some of their stories.
I think they might really enjoy it.
Proper author.
So, uh, so yeah, he's, uh, coming in, tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
PETER: Sorry, I, um,
I wasn't aware that you knew Marcus Ormansby.
Well,
yeah, we've actually become quite good...
well, no, I'm not saying friends as such,
but we have been, uh, texting back and forth a bit
ever since we, uh, bumped into each other last week and, uh,
you now,
recognized each other from the paper.
I take it
tomorrow isn't a problem?
No, no, of course not.
[clicks tongue]
[door closes]
[breathes deeply]
♪
[seagulls squawking]
[students chattering in background]
[school bell rings]
[students continue chattering]
What are you doing,
where are you going? [scoffs]
Look.
PETER: Oh no, no, no, no, no,
absolutely not, not here,
not now.
Well, I have to talk to her at some point, Peter.
Well, bump her down the list.
She's going to be one of the tougher ones as it is.
[blows through teeth] You did basically call her a...
Well, you implied that...
Look, just not here, not now,
okay, please?
I had a stupid enough day as it is.
Why? What happened?
Oh, nothing, just headmastery stuff.
Oh, Kelly. [engine revs]
Oh, damn it, Peter, I could've done
a two for one.
What?
I said "could have." [sighs]
Can you just go? [engine starts]
Hiya. Hiya-- hey, Joshie, did you have a good day?
Yeah. Star pupil, as always,
weren't you, Josh? Yep.
[door closes] I just wanted to pop and say hi,
I haven't seen you since, you know, everything,
so, congratulations. Oh, yeah,
everyone keeps staring at me.
Well, they're probably staring at both of us.
You know, two members
of the "outed six" chatting together.
Oh God, Roxy, I hadn't even...
No one believes a word of it, not a word.
Everything that woman said
is just a pack of lies, everything.
Well, not everything. [chuckles]
I'd better go.
Um, are you still okay to Josh-sit Friday?
Yeah, of course.
I'll see you then. Yeah.
And I'll see you tomorrow, little man.
Don't forget to bring in your story.
Bye!
Bye, love. [door closes]
[engine stalls]
Oh!
I hate this car.
♪
[pulls parking brake]
I'll wait here,
we just need a few bits of veg for tonight.
Oh, and some milk, did I put milk on there?
What? What do you mean, "What"?
I'm, I'm not going in there.
Well, I can't, can I?
Not until I've fixed things with Roxanna,
which, by the way, is what I was trying to do back there.
Oh, you're going to sort the whole thing out
in the middle of the road, are you? Well, I might've done.
Well, I can't go in there either.
[sighs] Believe it or not,
it'll be just as awkward... Here.
No backsies!
I'm not playing that game.
[sighs] I said no backsies.
No, just because you say something...
No, don't be silly about it now.
I'm not, I'm not the silly one.
No, it's very annoying, stop it.
MAGGIE: Stop it! You have it. PETER: I'm not, you've got it.
No, you have it.
Oh my God, he's looking, he's looking.
Shh.
I'll just go without veg tonight.
No, you will not go without veg tonight.
What did you have for your lunch?
Salad.
You hesitated.
You had chips. No, no, I didn't.
Right, we're going to Sainsbury's. [engine starts]
That's a 20-minute drive. Oh, dear.
Well, if you behave yourself, I'll buy you a comic.
♪
KELLY: Are you ready? JOSH:Yes.
KELLY: I crown you King Joshie!
And I control the earth! [door opens]
NEIL: Kelly? Heya.
Oh, here you are, what's all this? It's our castle.
Yeah, it's our castle.
Okay.
Well, picture this-- me, you,
and his highness there are spending our anniversary
aboard a five-star luxury cruise ship on the River Nile.
JOSH [whispers] : Wow.
Neil, what you doing home?
I've quit my job.
Hey, Joshie,
do you want to get changed while I make us dinner?
Yeah. Yeah.
[chuckles]
Um, I'm, I'm sorry, you've done what?
I've quit.
Okay, I hated my job, so I've quit.
That is normal, you know,
that's what people do when they've won the lottery.
It was 70 grand Neil,
£30,000 of which you've spent on a car,
and by the way, we never won the lottery.
Stop saying that.
You-you've got to stop saying that.
Please, Kelly,
you have to start meeting me halfway here.
The hard part's over, don't you see?
And now look,
an anniversary on a cruise ship.
I mean, ten years ago,
we had to spend our honeymoon in some God-awful,
scruffy, little...
What?
Nothing.
♪
It's all right if I have my bath now?
Poor, long-suffering Peter. [door closes]
I've not exactly had a great day either,
you know? [struggling]
Hmm. I had a bit
of a funny phone call this afternoon.
Oh, yeah, heavy breather, was it? At my age?
Well, it's not like they can see you?
[awkwardly]: Or else you'd get many more...
Mmm, nice save.
Mmm.
It was the Daily Mirror, actually.
It was the what?
Yeah, I didn't want to tell you,
I didn't want you worrying.
And to be honest,
I handled it rather well, I think.
It started off all rather normally,
pretending to ask questions about
the opening times at the Keep and stuff.
[items rustling] And then suddenly it got a little bit personal,
asking questions about me,
about the family, about the whole radio thing.
Mmm, how do you know it was the Daily Mirror?
Well, I don't actually know,
it just had a sort of Daily Mirrorvibe.
So, oh... anyway, Maggie,
it's bound to be the local rag,
and I hope you told them to bugger off. Yeah, of course I did.
Except for I didn't use the word "bugger," obviously,
because I thought they might be recording it.
Ah, see, you're learning, then. Funny.
So, what exactly did they ask?
About our family? Oh, I don't know.
What's to ask, what's to tell?
[closes cabinet] No skeletons in our closet,
thank you very much.
Go and have your bath, then,
'cause I want one too.
Yeah, right.
[groceries rustling]
[seagulls squawking]
[doorbell jingles, people chattering]
ALEX'S FRIEND: No, no, can you believe it?
Christ.
Oh, God.
Excuse me a minute, sorry,
I'll be back in a minute.
What you doing here?
You knew I was on shift tonight,
you've left Mum on her own? Oh, no.
Do you think she's going to have a wild party
and trash the house?
No, I think she doesn't like
being left on her own, especially at night.
[video game beeping, releasing coins]
LIAM: Oh, nice one, Darren.
[sighs]
Maybe you're the one who shouldn't be left on his own.
Look, Mum is fine, she's all better now,
'cause you came home and saved the day, didn't you?
So, why don't you go and do that again,
because I'm going to stay here and have a drink
with my girlfriend, on the house.
Yeah, it's, uh, it's not on the house.
All right, Alex?
Syd.
You do know you can do better than him, right?
Absolutely.
Hmm.
£1.95. Seriously?
Seriously.
Delivery tomorrow, and he's been stock checking.
Unless you want to get caught stealing
from a notorious gangland crime boss
who runs a small village pub in Thurlbury.
Oh yeah, you still don't believe it, huh?
All right.
Do yourself a favor.
Next time he leaves you on your own,
go up to his flat, cabinet by the window, white door.
Why?
What am I going to find there?
A gun.
A gun?
Really?
So not a little teddy bear, like you keep in your room, then?
What? Shut up, no I don't.
Yeah, you do.
It's little, uh, koala thing
in a red ribbon. No, it isn't.
And what are you doing
searching through all my drawers, anyway?
You've never been to Brian's flat,
you knob head. Haven't I?
Hmm, well,
there's one way to find out, isn't there?
Chief.
♪
[sighs]
[phone beeps]
♪
[sniffs]
[sighs]
[snoring]
♪
Please tell me you've misspelled salmon.
Does that seem likely?
Shalom?
Peter, it's my regular appointment,
I go every month.
She has just won the lottery, you know.
She might not
even be there. Yeah, but she might,
and if she's not, she's not.
My hair desperately needs attention, anyway.
Mmm, yes.
[stammering]: I mean, no.
It isn't... no,
that wasn't such a good save there, was it?
Not really, no.
Look, Peter, I know
this last week has been hard. [places mug on table]
And you've been my rock, you have.
If it hadn't been for you, I don't even know, I...
[exhales]
I think it's starting to wear you down a bit?
Isn't it? Absolutely not.
And if I seem distracted, it's work, that's all,
it's not about you, it's not all this,
it's just work. Just headmastery things?
Yeah, boring, dull, teachers, everyday,
headmastery stuff. And you would tell me if it wasn't?
I would tell you if it wasn't.
Thanks.
♪
[seagulls squawking]
[places mug on table]
[groans] What's the time?
9:00. [gasps] 9:00?
I've already taken him. [sighs]
Ten years, Kelly.
All that time,
we've never, ever spent a night apart.
I just...
I don't understand what's happening to us.
It's the lie, Neil.
It's the lie of it all.
[inhales]
You know, I promised you a castle.
What?
When we first got together.
First started seeing each other,
I promised you a castle.
Hell, I promised you the world, I was...
oh, I was going to be rich and successful.
[chuckles bitterly]
Remember my old guitar?
I used to play you those songs. Yeah, I remember.
You thought you were going to be the next Liam Gallagher.
Noel.
Not that it matters.
I just... [breathes deeply]
I'm just trying to explain that I did this for you.
For me?
I wanted a sports car,
did I? A luxury cruise?
I wanted you to quit your job? No, no I'm not saying that.
I know you didn't.
I just...
You don't understand.
I don't think either of us do.
♪
Because when I say the problem here is the lie,
that's not the one I'm talking about.
♪
Do you know what time it is?
Mate, I don't even know what day it is.
Oh, well, there's a surprise.
All right, I'm taking Mum to see Nana. [opens shades]
And then I'm at the reserves again tonight,
so this time, can you just make... really?
Right there? What if Mum had come in here?
She knocks, you might want to try it sometime.
Actually, you might want to try that some time too,
might chill you out a bit. I'm chilled enough, thanks.
Yeah, you look it. Look, can you just at least
put it in...
[sighs] What's this?
Oh, it's just skunk.
Mmm, and this?
A bit of speed.
[squeaks] What about that?
Don't know what that's doing there. Hmm.
Seriously, Liam, what's wrong with you?
What, you miss Dad so much you want to go
and share a cell with him, is that it?
Sorry.
Just try and think of Mum.
All right? She's been through enough.
Yeah, when's the last time you thought of Mum?
You came back here to take care of her, did you?
Left your big, exciting job in the city to come back
and work in a boat yard and play Baywatchevery night?
Yeah, of course you did.
How much did you lose this time, Alex?
Yeah, you're the good one all right, aren't you?
[exhales] Can I have Kevin back, please?
Kevin?
Kevin. Oh.
[Kevin squeaks]
♪
JAMIE: Becks?
I'm just heading to the agency
to see where they're at with that shop space,
Do you want to come? Not really.
And in about three seconds,
you won't want to, either.
What?
So, do you want the good news
or the bad news?
Sorry? Play along, Jay.
Say, "Good news, please, Becks."
Good news, please, Becks.
It's positive, by the way,
just in case that wasn't clear. Is this...
Are you serious?
No, I just fancied playing a particularly cruel
practical joke on you.
Oh, my God!
[both laughing happily]
Oh, Becks!
Oh my God, what am I doing?
I shouldn't pick you up, I'm sorry.
Jay, Jay, I think it's fine, a couple of spins
around the kitchen at this stage is perfectly safe.
[murmuring excitedly]
I don't... I don't believe it,
it-it's amazing, I just, I mean...
Wait, what's the bad news? Yeah, the bad news.
Your mother's about to become unbearable.
[both chuckling]
[children shouting happily]
♪
[typing on keyboard]
[clicking, moving mouse, sighs]
♪
[exhales]
The entire school is no smoking.
Uh, I don't smoke.
Good.
But if you do, then you have to go out the gates
and over the road.
Well, if I do decide to take it up
I'll know where to go, thanks.
Wear this at all times.
Thanks.
No, at all times.
Oh, yes. [opens drawer]
Is this going to take much longer?
It'll take as long as it takes.
This is very short notice for a visitor.
Very short notice.
[inhales] Right,
please read this and sign it.
Ah.
Did you read it?
Sure.
What did it say?
Karen, for crying out loud,
he's signed the form, okay?
Is that it?
Yes.
Thank you. [papers rustling]
Right. Right, come on,
I'll introduce you to our headmaster.
Oh, no, you won't.
He's on the phone.
No, I won't, he's on the phone.
Staff-room coffee it is, then.
It's awful, you're going to hate it.
Hang on! Have you got a car?
Um... I do have a car, yes.
Well, if it's on the premises,
then you will need to display a visitor permit
in the window. [opens drawers]
It's not on the school premises, it's over the road.
Oh, that would've been handy if you smoked,
you could've sat in it.
Come on, let's get out of here before she insists
on giving you a full cavity search too.
Excuse me.
[sighs, closes drawer]
Disgusting.
[clears throat]
[door opens]
So that Marcus Ormansby is here.
Oh, okay. You do know
his books are all violence, murder, and death?
It really doesn't seem very appropriate for the school.
I don't know, have you met 3C? I mean,
I'm all for them learning to appreciate literature,
but still, I mean,
it's a bit like the music teacher bringing in...
Sid Vicious or someone.
Yes, well, given that he's been dead
for the best part of 40 years, that probably
would be somewhat alarming for them.
Although again, have you met 3C?
I'm glad you can see the funny side, headmaster,
but if you ask me, Miss Wheadon is really
starting to take advantage of this whole radio-gate business.
I mean, it's just not on.
Don't know what you mean.
You see, I don't want to speak out of turn or anything,
but it almost felt like she blackmailed you into this.
Mmm, picked up on that, did you?
Oh, I just, I can't say I blame her, to be honest, you know?
She's got every right to be angry at the moment.
Well, not with you!
Listen, I...
If you ever need to talk or anything...
Hmm. Thank you, Karen.
I appreciate that.
I actually really do.
[exhales]
♪
[door opens, closes]
[doorbell rings]
With you in a second.
[outside door closes]
♪
[exhales]
Hello.
♪
And then Batman pulled off his head,
and his head came off, and the blood was
all coming out of his neck.
And then Batman went home and had a bath
and went to bed.
The end.
Yes, right.
Yes, that was very good,
Tommy, very, um...
Descriptive. Descriptive,
yes. [Marcus clears throat]
Uh, yes, absolutely, uh.
Potential copyright infringement aside,
it was really quite...
I'm going to give you a B...
plus.
B-plus.
[quietly] Yes!
Right, who wants to go next?
Josh?
"The Prince and the Treasure."
One day the queen went out shopping.
So the king and prince decided to go
to the magic fortress to have a war.
♪
But the queen rang the king
to see what they wanted for dinner.
So the prince went off
to explore the magic fortress by himself.
♪
The magic fortress was a dangerous place
full of ghosts and skeletons.
But the prince wasn't scared.
He went all down
through the haunted dungeons,
all by himself...
Dad!
...where he found this secret treasure.
♪
[bolt creaking, opens]
♪
And so the king and prince
took the treasure back to the palace.
But when the queen saw what they brought,
she said that they were the bravest
and cleverest men in the whole land.
It's got to be drugs, hasn't it?
Some kind of drop-off.
They had fish and chips and ice cream.
Jesus, Neil. [places money down]
Someone might've even been watching you when you... There was no one there.
And they all lived happily ever after.
We have to call the police.
Do we? Neil.
Forever and ever, amen.
Very good, Josh, well done.
Excitement, adventure,
and more importantly, a happy ending.
Hallmarks of any good story.
Can I take a look?
You've even drawn a picture.
[paper rustling]
I'm going to give you an A-plus.
[students murmuring]
[sighs]
MAGGIE: Before you start,
I just, um, I want to say something.
I am so sorry, Kelly, I-I really am.
I listened to gossip, as usual,
started putting two and two together, as usual,
wound up getting,
well, four, in your case
actually.
But still I, I shouldn't have said anything,
even if I didn't realize that
they were planning on broadcasting the whole thing,
which, by the way, I didn't, just saying.
But I am sorry, Kelly.
Forget it, head forward.
[Maggie sniffles]
And also, I'm, I'm not trying to put a positive spin
on things or anything, but
you know, maybe it's kind of good
that it is out there now.
Big secrets like that, they can eat you up
if you sit on them.
And, you know, it is amazing, isn't it?
I mean, God, haven't congratulated you yet, have I?
I mean, you and Neil, you must be beyond happy.
I can't imagine how it feels, it must be life changing.
[crying quietly]
To be honest, I wasn't even sure
that you would still even be here.
[Kelly crying] Kelly.
Kelly, I swear, if I could take it back...
Oh, I don't give a shit about your stupid interview, Maggie.
So you flap your gob to half the county, so what?
Well, technically, I only flapped it to one guy.
He was the one who flapped it to...
[word catches] That isn't important.
[sniffles]
I don't care about any of that.
So,
what's wrong, then?
[sighs, sniffles]
I thought we were happy, Maggie.
It's our anniversary this Friday.
Oh, right. Ten years.
I'd booked a surprise.
I arranged it a couple of months ago.
Spend a night away in the very same B and B
that we spent our honeymoon.
That's nice.
Not for him, it isn't.
He wants to whisk us off to Egypt
and some five-star luxury cruise liner.
Oh. [sniffles]
[uncertain]: That's pretty nice too.
It's all been a lie.
What has?
Our marriage.
Our life.
I was happy, and he wasn't,
ever.
It was all just one big disappointment.
Don't be ridiculous. I was just one big...
I was still working at the school
when you two were just kids.
Six years old, and he was in love with you even then.
And he's not disappointed in you.
He's disappointed in himself, because he couldn't offer you
the life he thought you deserved.
[sniffles] I had everything I wanted.
Yeah, but that doesn't make any difference, Kelly.
'Cause he's a man, and that's what they do.
They pretend to be evolved, and they're not really.
They're still, effectively, apes,
just driven by their stupid need
to provide for their woman,
and then they torture themselves when they don't,
or when they think they don't.
I mean, Peter is still no different now.
He still bottles the odd thing up,
just to protect me.
But you know what... I wouldn't have him any other way.
[phone ringing and vibrating]
You think he was really in love with me
when I was six? Oh, Kelly,
trust me, he was in love.
Oh, I can't...
Oh, it's Jamie, I think I'd better...
Hello? [door bell ringing]
JAMIE [on phone]: Mum? Yeah?
Hey, you all right?
What's wrong?
No, no, nothing's wrong.
Uh, well, I-I was just phoning to, uh...
To tell you... uh,
Well, just to-to let you know.
I'm pregnant!
Say again?
I'm pregnant!
Ah! [laughing happily]
I wanted to tell her.
I'd've had it by the time you told her.
Look,
don't tell Dad yet, I will, yeah.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
I've got to go. Oh,
is everything all right? Everything is amazing.
But I can't tell you, because I've got to tell Peter first.
And if I don't tell Peter first I'll get into trouble
'cause I've just told them not to tell him,
and so I want to tell him first.
Anyway, in summary, I've got to go.
Oh, Maggie, gown. Gown, gown!
Yeah, and, um, if you want to come back tomorrow, um,
I can fit you in same time.
Really? Sure.
And... thanks, Maggie.
Oh. Aw.
Yeah, okay.
[Maggie murmuring excited, Kelly sniffles]
♪
[knock on door]
[quickly]: All right, mate?
All right. Thanks.
DELIVERY MAN: Cheers.
♪
Sod it.
♪
Well, shit.
[school bell rings, students chattering]
♪
Ooh! Ooh!
[Maggie and Karen fretting]
Oh, sorry. What are you doing?
Maggie, what is it? What's wrong?
Nothing's wrong, everything is wonderful.
Most amazing news!
Um, Karen, if we could just have five minutes.
Uh, yes, of course. [giggling]
♪
[door opens] Guess what?
No, actually, I'm going to let Peter tell you.
We... So, dinner
round theirs tonight.
Ah! Hey.
[kisses]
By the way, did you know you've got a bottle
of ketchup in your pocket?
Uh, yes, yes I did yeah.
Okay, good, bye.
Bye. Bye.
[exhales]
Uh, I am going to be a grandad.
Wow.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
♪
[bell ringing, students chattering]
[both chuckling]
Listen, I just wanted... I was just wonder...
Sorry, go on. Sorry, it's my fault.
I'm always doing that.
What-what were you going to say?
Oh, nothing, I was just wondering, uh...
I was just, well... I was going to ask you if...
[knock on door] [sharply]: What?
Oh! Oh!
Oh my God, sorry.
MARCUS: No, it's fine.
JILL: No, it's not, no, sorry,
Oh. Maggie.
Hi. Sorry, I didn't mean to...
I-I was, I was just looking for Roxanna,
but I can see that she's not there...
Marcus, hello.
What are you doing here? Uh...
Oh, right, actually, funnily enough,
I was hoping for a chance
to talk to you too, so if you've got
a spare few minutes?
Maybe some other time, yeah?
Uh, I'd better get back for my dog.
Buster is the dog.
[chuckles nervously] Yes, Buster.
Leave him too long,
and he makes his feelings rather messily known.
[chuckles nervously] Does he?
Uh... okay.
Uh... Oh.
I really enjoyed it, um, thanks for inviting me.
Oh no, no, thank you for coming, the kids loved it.
I knew they would. Uh, um...
[sighs] Right, then.
Actually,
I was wondering if you were doing anything,
uh, later, I mean?
As in, this evening?
Thought maybe a drink-- I mean, say if you're busy.
I'd love to.
Text me, yeah?
You mean,
you and Marcus?
Oh, I think that's great.
I do, really, the two of you together is just...
[impatiently]: What do you want, Maggie?
Oh, nothing.
Like I said, I was just looking for...
Actually,
I do have some news.
And I know that things aren't, you know,
right now.
But...
Oh.
Oh, um, yeah, obviously I've already got all your ideas,
but, uh, if you have any more just feel welcome
to come along, as it says, open to all.
[stammering]: I'll have to see if we're free
that evening.
Jamie and Becka are pregnant.
Well, Becka mostly.
[exhales] That's wonderful.
Give them my best, yeah?
I will.
[bell ringing]
Jill?
♪
[door opens]
Please tell me it wasn't all a lie, Neil.
Tell me you were happy.
I mean, before. Happy?
Kelly, you've never done anything but make me happy
since the first day we met.
All I ever wanted was to try and do the same for you.
You already had.
Every single day
for ten years.
Longer, actually.
If only we thought to tell each other, eh?
We have now, hey? Yeah, we have.
Which just leaves us with this.
A solution to a problem we never even had.
And the one that's killing us.
No, it's my fault.
No, it's not.
It's ours.
[sighs] But what we going to do?
Shove it in the attic?
Bury it?
Put it back where we found it?
No, we'd know where it is,
and the temptation would always be there.
And not just for you, either.
Don't think I haven't dipped into it as well.
I got six new outfits upstairs
that you never even noticed.
Actually, I noticed.
I wish we could just magic it away in a puff of smoke
as if it never happened, like in a fairy tale.
See, Neil, that castle you promised,
it would never have made us happy.
Even Josh knew that.
♪
I guess he's smarter than both of us.
[booklet lands on floor]
I was never going to be the next Noel Gallagher, was I?
[scoffs] You weren't even going to be Liam.
I don't know about that.
I am about to set fire to a giant pile of money.
I'd say that's pretty rock 'n' roll, wouldn't you?
Are you serious?
Well, wait, um... [placing bag down]
You know that last outfit I bought?
Well, there's these designer shoes
that would go great with it.
Well, it's funny you say that,
'cause I might've sort of promised Josh
I was going to get one of those drone thingies, you know?
[chuckles softly]
♪
Reckon that ought to do it. Yeah.
And they both lived happily ever after.
[seagulls squawking, motor slows, stops]
[grunts] Cheers, mate.
♪
Hello, Alex.
You picked a bad time to start photobombing.
Especially wearing that.
I really must
say thank you to the radio-gate woman.
If you ever get the chance to meet her.
I've got your money.
Do you not think it's a little bit too late
for all of that?
No, really, I've got it.
I swear, I have.
I'll get it for you tonight, straight after shift.
All 12 grand.
PHIL: £20,000.
Interest.
£20,000?
Yeah, I've got £20,000.
Okay.
As it happens,
we're staying over at the local pub,
The Conqueror.
Do you know it?
[chuckles] What am I saying, course you do.
You grew up around here, didn't you?
See, we know that now
since we found out your real name.
Alex Myer.
Still got family here, haven't you?
Mum, little brother, isn't it?
Oh, and, uh, grandma.
I've got the money.
Good.
We'll be in the bar until 11:00.
[door closes, engine starts]
[other door closes, engine idling]
MAGGIE: I mean,
do I go or do I not go?
I mean, half of the stuff she's doing is stuff
that I've already arranged anyway, I think.
I mean, you know, I don't even know
if they're going to go for a float,
and I specifically wanted a float.
In fact, I asked Jill to come and ask me about a float
when I was in charge of the Q and A.
So, do I do that now?
We definitely told her about the baby,
didn't we? Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Not for tonight, all this.
Back to business.
Have you picked a name yet?
Well,
if it's a boy,
we're thinking Tarquin, and if it's a girl,
Jezebel.
MAGGIE: Tarquin
or Jezebel, yes, yes, I like it.
Uh, she's winding you up, Mum.
Yes, I know she is,
that's why I winded her back.
Wow, village anniversary hijack aside,
you really do seem a lot more chilled out
than usual.
Let's just say that your happy news
couldn't have come at a better time. JAMIE: Well,
it wasn't planned.
[awkwardly]: Uh, the, uh, timing of the news, I mean.
Well, it's not just that, anyway, because I am
much more chilled out.
I am done being upset, and I'm done being angry,
I'm just not going to let any of it get to me anymore.
I mean, there was a woman called me yesterday
from the Daily Mirror,
and I just wasn't bothered.
Daily Mirror?
It wasn't the Daily Mirror.
No, it might've been the Daily Mirror,
you don't know.
Anyway, she phoned pretending to be interested in the Keep,
then she started asking
these weird, personal questions
about the family. What, our family?
No, the Sopranos.
[stammering]: So, what sort of questions, Mum?
Oh, stupid ones, I don't know, probably looking for gossip.
Ironic.
Well, you know, they're just trying
to drag it all out, aren't they?
Hoping for a, you know,
"people in glass houses" kind of angle.
[chuckles] Well, good luck with that,
'cause we are an open book, as it happens,
always have been.
In fact I was saying that to Kelly this morning.
Ooh, I meant to tell you that she's right off the list now,
that is all sorted. Mm-hmm, good.
It's never good to sit on secrets, is it?
Because they eat away at you.
And they always come back to...
A toast, I think,
to Becka,
Jamie, and Tarquin or Jezebel.
ALL: Becka, Jamie, Tarquin or Jezebel.
Or Maggie.
See you soon.
I'm going to... All right. Dad?
[door closes]
Your mother's wrong.
Not all secrets are bad,
not if they're protecting the right people.
It's a long time ago, hey?
Hey.
Today's the best day of your life-- and mine.
Come here.
[dog barking in distance] Mmm.
Bye.
Bye, Dad.
What was all that about, then?
[door closes] Oh, you know,
fatherly stuff. Oh.
Yep, right. [buckling seatbelt]
[engine starts]
Bye.
♪
JILL [laughing]: I've only got a...
[both laughing]
MARCUS: Well, uh, this is me.
Oh.
Can I give you a lift home?
Oh, no, no, I only live around the corner, actually.
Oh.
Well, I could give you a lift round the corner
if you like? That's,
that's literally the side of my house there.
Oh. [both chuckle]
Um...
Oh God, I'm kind of out of practice with all of this.
I haven't had a date since, uh...
Not that I'm saying this is a date.
I mean, when I asked you, I-I did sort of, um...
Call me tomorrow.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Night, Marcus.
Night, Jill.
♪
[keys jingling]
♪
[engine starts, revving]
♪
[quietly]: Shit.
[door closes]
♪
[trash rustling]
♪
[gasps]
♪
I bit the bullet, Peter.
I went into the shop, and I tried to buy stamps.
And now everybody thinks that I'm a racist.
What the hell kind of stamps did you ask for?
Someone took it. Did they?
Just give me a couple more days.
I hurt my best friend to impress some twit
of a reporter and feel important for half an hour.
KAREN: Someone called for you this morning.
A journalist.
KAREN: Someone called for you this morning.
"Well, she looks well and happy,"
because I am well and happy. JILL: It's this, uh,
Thurlbury planning thingy
I've got at the Village Hall.
You should come, it'll be fun. Will it?
MAGGIE: None of this is true.
Peter, tell them. I think we should go.
MAGGIE: Jamie,
It's not true, is it?
♪