♪♪
[rain pouring]
♪
[bell tolling]
♪
[brakes squealing, loud thud]
♪
[woman vocalizing]
♪
[phone ringing]
[ringing continues]
Thurlbury Historic Keep.
Speaking, yes.
Sorry?
Say again?
[exhales]
[kids chattering, school bell rings]
KAREN: Er, sorry to bother you, Headmaster.
Mrs. Hall sent Tommy Jarvis over to see you.
Why? What's he done?
He's, um...
Well...
Really?
[phone ringing]
Oh sorry, two minutes.
[claps] Go on.
Hello? Guess what.
Oh God, they haven't done something already, have they?
Who? 3C.
Aren't they there on their field trip today?
I'd forgotten all about that.
No, they're not even here yet.
But guess what?
I'm going to be on the radio.
Oh, right.
"Oh, right?"
I'm sorry. Oh... good?
MAGGIE [on phone]: It's Coastland FM.
They're doing a little segment about Thurlbury--
you know, for the anniversary,
and of course they wanted some input
from a local historian.
Sorry, a local what?
Historian. Oh.
So, a reporter is taking me out for lunch
today.
Peter? Mm?
Are you still there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's great, great.
Meanwhile, I've just had a nine-year-old
turn up at double maths
with a dead magpie in his bag,
so it's quite the morning for both of us.
Are you serious? That's horrible.
What on earth was he gonna do with that?
How should I know? He's either
a budding ornithologist
or a potential serial killer.
I'm veering towards the latter.
Ooh.
It wasn't Betty Jarvis' youngest, was it?
I couldn't possibly say.
Of course not, no, no, I wouldn't expect you to.
One knock for yes, two knocks for no.
[knocks]
MAGGIE: Thought as much.
You know that she married her fourth cousin, don't you?
Can I go now?
Yes, yes, of course, yes.
Get on. Oh, and don't forget that
Jamie and Becka are coming for dinner tonight.
So I'm going to need you to subtly slip
the topic of babies into the conversation at some point.
What? Well, why is that my job?
Well, because it's less obvious coming from you, that's all.
[car horn honking] Oh, I think 3C have turned up.
Yes, all right, so I'll speak to you later.
Okay, bye.
All right, Dr. Lecter, let's go.
♪
[children talking, playing] MAGGIE: Jill!
Oh!
All right, 3C, listening.
ROXANNA: Okay guys, listen up.
JILL: Thank you.
You all know Mrs. Cole.
She helped out at the harvest festival,
and she's married to our very own headmaster,
so you know what that means, don't you?
Best behavior.
Yeah?
So, who would like to tell her
what we've been learning about these last few weeks?
Emma? Cheese.
Not cheese, no. Um, Josh?
Medieval Britain, Miss.
Very good! Ooh!
And this place,
where we're standing now,
is the actual site of an actual Norman fort.
Keep. Keep,
which Mrs. Cole helps to maintain.
Well, I don't really help as such.
I'm actually the sole curator, to be fair.
So I'm the keeper
of the keep.
I'm the keep keeper,
I keep the keep.
Mm, tough crowd.
JILL: Tell me about it.
Okay then, worksheets out,
everybody get into their pairs.
Coffee? Oh sweet Jesus, yes.
MAGGIE: Nice cuppa en route.
So, big radio star, eh?
This could be the start of a whole new career.
I don't know about all that.
It's just a little piece, really.
They probably won't even use it.
Just nice to be asked, isn't it?
I don't want to make a big thing of it.
No, no, of course not.
It's a weird job, isn't it?
Teaching assistant.
Of course, they never had them in my day.
How's she working out? What, Roxanna?
Oh yeah, she's great. Kids love her.
Hey, you know who she's going out with, don't ya?
Alex Myer, from Coastguard.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Of course, he was at the school
back when I was working there.
He was a proper little troublemaker.
Younger brother was even worse.
Yeah, well, at the end of the day,
he's handsome, has a steady job,
and he's about her age.
What more can you ask for in Thurlbury?
Slim pickings out there, as I know only too well.
Well-- I'll tell you what Jill,
I happen to know one place where you could meet somebody.
Mm, do tell.
It's only the social event of the season.
Ah, the big planning meet.
Gonna be awash with handsome, eligible bachelors, is it?
Might be.
You are coming, aren't you?
Of course I am.
Good.
Because I need you
to propose the idea of a float.
Well, it'd be awkward if I did it, wouldn't it?
I've arranged the meeting, I don't want people to think
that I'm trying to organize everything.
You are trying to organize everything.
Yeah, but I don't want people to think it.
Choccy biccy?
Are you trying to bribe me?
Absolutely. It's cash for questions
but with added calories.
Well, as you know, Maggie,
I am nothing-- nothing-- if not easily corruptible,
so chuck in a custard cream
and I think we might have a deal.
Mm.
[A-ha's "Take on Me" playing]
[song continues]
[motor roaring]
♪
♪ We're talking away
♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪
♪ I'll say it anyway
♪ Today's another day to find you ♪
♪ Shying away
♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay ♪
♪ Take on me
♪ Take me on
♪ Take on me
♪ I'll be gone
♪ In a day or two
[fading out]: ♪ Take on me
[car motor stops]
[gulls crying distantly]
Okay...
[sucking in breath]: Looking good.
[keys jangling]
MAN: No, no, no, I'll get it in before 5:00.
And I'm editing it myself.
Yes, I am.
I drew the short straw here, I'm editing it,
else it'll wind up being even duller
than it's already gonna be.
I mean, have you actually been to this place?
It's like 2004 here or something,
probably still sacrifice virgins. [scoffs]
Oh, hang on,
looks like the chief druid just arrived.
I'll call you back.
Maggie Cole? Yes, that is me.
[chuckling]: I am indeed she.
Jez, good to meet you. [nervous mumbling]
Thanks for doing this. Yeah, no, of course,
it's my pleasure, absolutely.
Great. Right then, er...
Drink? You look like a G and T girl to me.
Do I? Yeah.
Oh, well, I have been known to have the odd...
but it's a little bit early for me.
Maggie, come on, it's always 5:00 somewhere, am I right?
Oh, gosh, it's so media, isn't it?
It's very Mad Men. [laughing]: Yeah.
I've never seen that show, actually.
Oh you should see it, it's good. Right.
Yeah, a mate of mine worked on that. Did he?
Right. Um...
Oh, go on then, yes, all right.
Yeah, I'll have one, little one.
Yeah. Just tiny, you know? All right.
Child's portion...
[nervous laughing]: If children drank alcohol,
which they don't, so that's just silly...
[laughs] Sorry.
Same for me, mate, and a double G and T.
MAGGIE: It was part of a Norman settlement for centuries,
but both its name and its recognition as a village
didn't truly come about until 1520.
So I like to think of the anniversary
as a celebration of all of that history,
not just the last 500 years. [chuckles]
Yes, good, that's all great, Maggie, thank you.
Well, it's history, it's what we're made of.
Yeah. Yeah.
Of course, we want this piece to be
as much about Thurlbury now
as Thurlbury then.
Right.
Modern village living, you know?
Most townies probably think close-knit communities like this
are all just, I don't know, tombolas and cricket matches.
Yeah.
I reckon you could set them straight there, though, Maggie.
[laughing]: Too right I could.
Although, to be fair, we have got a very good cricket team,
because they came fourth in the county last year,
which is a surprise considering half of them are on the bottle,
but you didn't hear that from me.
[laughs]
No, no, of course not.
Do you know, when I took this assignment,
some of my colleagues tried to insist
that nothing interesting happens in Thurlbury.
[shocked]: Who said that?
Wasn't Moxy in the Morning, was it?
Because I really like him.
I mean who doesn't? The man's a national treasure.
He's a treasure.
Yeah, no, it was just some of
the kids in the office. Millennials, eh?
[snorts] What do they know?
I bet you could name me
a dozen people round here living out lives ten times
more interesting than theirs. Yeah.
In fact,
perhaps you could point me in their direction?
You know, some quirky anecdotes
from a few colorful characters
could really round this segment off.
Chance to show some of these city dwellers
they're not the only ones having fun.
Am I right?
Yeah. I mean, I--
I don't want to give the impression
that I know everybody...
No.
But, yeah, I think I could point you in the direction
of some people worth talking to, yeah, yeah.
Great.
Well, you hold that thought, Maggie,
and I'll grab us a couple more drinks.
Yeah. No, no, actually.
No, no, because honestly I've had, I've had enough.
No, don't worry about it,
it all goes on expenses.
Does it? Yeah.
If I don't use it, I lose it.
Yeah... oh, go on then, one more, yeah.
That a girl.
Just one. [chuckles]
[chuckling]: Double.
[chuckling]: Yeah...
♪
PETER: I cannot believe you got sloshed
in the middle of the afternoon.
I did not get schloshed.
I just thought I might be mildly over the limit, that's all.
Anyway, it's only five minutes
from the school to the pub.
Yeah, but five minutes for me,
that's practically a full cardio.
MAGGIE: Anyway, I hope you haven't wasted your whole day
telling people that your wifelet's
going to be on the radio.
I haven't, no.
Oh, haven't you? Well, you can.
Not brag, obviously, but...
Oh, look who it is! What?
Pull over! Pull over!
It's Buster.
Um, I don't believe we've been formally introduced.
It's Buster,
it's Marcus Ormansby's dog.
It must mean he's back.
Oh for-- now, now what are you doing?
Nothing, I'll just...
Becka and Jamie are coming for dinner, we need wine.
No, we don't... [stammering]
we got three unopened bottles in the...
I won't be long, just wait there.
[car door shuts]
Hello.
[knocking]
All right, sir?
Yes, thank you, Liam.
Good, good to see you.
[muttering]: You great, witless, walking ASBO.
[exhales]
Afternoon, Emil.
How's things?
I couldn't beg a favor, could I?
You wouldn't stick this up in your window for me, would you?
It's advertising that meeting we're going to have about
the anniversary celebrations.
We're gonna have a float. [laughs]
Do you have floats at all in Poland?
Anyway, we need as many people as we can
to attend, so... [sighs]
Okay, I'll stick it up.
Great.
I'll do it now then, shall I?
Fabulous!
Thank you!
Oh, hello, stranger!
[laughs]
It's Maggie, Maggie Cole?
We met last year.
Oh right, yes, of course, Maggie, hi.
Hi.
So you're back at Riverside Cottage again, then?
Working on your latest masterpiece?
Trying to, yeah.
Oh, did you arrive today?
Uh, no, no, uh... about four nights ago.
Oh, wow, must've rattled out five chapters by now, then.
Well, I've made a start, anyway. Yes, we always make sure
that your books are prominently displayed here.
Yes, I have noticed that.
Technically, I'm not really a local author though, so...
Pfft, you write them all here, don't you?
Well, yes.
Well there you go, then.
You are an honorary Thurlbrian.
Sorry, a what?
Oh... [exhales]
You know I wish I'd known that you were here,
because I've just done an interview for local radio--
oh, it's a silly little piece about the village,
it was nothing of your sort of level,
they'll probably use it as filler, but I could've
plugged your book, couldn't...
Oh well, maybe next time.
Oh no, there probably won't be a next time,
although Jez did say that I was a natural.
Right, suppose I'd better get back
to stockpiling the old provisions then.
Sure I'll see you around?
Yeah, absolutely, because I'm everywhere.
[laughs]
[politely]: Yes.
[Maggie laughing]
Oh no, not there, Emil.
It would be much better on the door here, wouldn't it?
More people would see it then.
No, put it here.
There, there. [raps on window]
[mumbling]
[car motor starting]
[sighs]
Well? What?
Wine?
Oh, we've got loads of that at home,
just go home.
Go on, go on, drive home, that's it.
[sighs]
♪
I'll see you tomorrow then, yeah?
Yeah.
Night, Alex.
Night night.
Down, boy!
[makes barking noises]
[sighing]: What are you doing here?
[laughing]: Oh, just give Syd a ride home, didn't I?
I saw you two getting stuck in,
thought I'd bag myself a ring-side seat.
Who said I'm giving you a lift?
This was my car once, you know.
No, it wasn't, it was Dad's.
Come on then, Mum's probably got tea on.
Bye Roxy, bye!
I love you!
Goodnight! Grow up, grow up!
[Liam laughs] [car horn honks]
♪
[indistinct chatter]
NEIL: He crosses the line,
he's the Formula One champion of the world!
Yay! Josh Roberts!
See?
This is how Lewis Hamilton started.
KELLY [sighing]: People are gonna ask questions.
So we say we got it on finance.
Or I sold a kidney.
Stop worrying, it's just a car.
Have a look inside.
Do you like the color at least?
Yes, Neil,
I like the color.
It's my favorite, you know it is.
So how's about it, kidder?
You wanna go for a quick spin?
No, it's a school night!
Please, Mum!
Ugh, all right, all right,
once around the green and then bed, okay?
All right, come on, passenger seat, mate.
Seatbelt! I'm driving.
Okay, seatbelt on.
[car motor revving]
MAGGIE: I just, basically, I just...
was happy to help.
They probably won't use
very much of it at all,
they just wanted, um, insights from a local historian.
A local what? Historian.
Yeah. [silverware clinking]
What did you actually talk about then, Mum?
She can't remember, she was sloshed.
I was not sloshed.
It was mostly about Thurlbury, you know.
Jez did say that it was great, they could fill
a whole hour with it,
I couldn't believe that.
They were probably joking, Mum,
they tend to edit that stuff down.
I-I did a little thing for local radio once. Oh?
You did? Yeah.
Oh, it wasn't here,
it was when I was up at uni.
I don't remember that. Oh no, that wasn't
one of the awful boxing things, was it?
Boxing thing?
Yeah, Jamie used to box.
You used to box?
Yes, it was absolutely awful.
I used to worry myself sick about it.
[laughing]: Sorry, sorry, no,
I can't quite-- you?
You used to box?
You once woke me up to get rid of a spider.
It was big.
[laughs]
Uh, by the way, Mum,
did we tell you we think we might've found
a shop space for Becka's business up in Trellcombe?
Ooh, that would be good.
You'll be able to sell loads of your little trinkets up there.
They've got lots of money.
Bespoke jewelry, Maggie, not trinkets.
That's what-- that's what I meant.
It'll be good
not to have to work from home anymore, won't it?
Because that'll free out your second bedroom, that'll be good.
Mm.
[murmuring in agreement]
MAGGIE: You'll have to find something,
maybe something else to do that with that.
[kicking under table]
You two thinking of starting a family soon?
Oh!
Honestly, sorry, he's so insensitive.
I'm so sorry.
It is a fair question though, isn't it?
I mean, you have been married for three years now.
And hello,
custom-made babysitting service here,
getting older by the day.
Yeah, well, you know, we've...
we've talked about it, but it's...
Maggie, you may rest assured that if and when
we decide to start a family,
you will definitely be the third to know.
Well, good. That's good.
Bronze.
That's-- that's great, good.
MAGGIE [laughing]: Bye.
Bye!
[sighs]
I said bring it up subtly!
That was subtle. Non-subtle would've been
"Your mum wants to know when we're getting grandkids."
That practically is what you said.
[scoffs]
I love you.
[laughing]: You're such an idiot.
Oh...
Oh, and I love you, too. Mm.
[chuckling]
♪
[sighs]
[indistinct radio chatter]
[sighs]
♪
I love you. And you.
[sighs]
[car starts]
MAGGIE: Of course...
It's Friday night.
Off on another one of his "business weekends."
The actual air quotes were unnecessary,
would've got it from the tone.
Poor Carol.
She knows, you know, I know she knows,
and she just lets it happen.
We should invite her over for supper sometime.
No, we shouldn't.
She's our GP.
I mean she's seen my bits and bobs,
and I'm not having supper with someone
who's seen my bits and bobs.
All right, are we sorted?
We are.
Goodnight, headmaster. Night, night, you.
[Peter groans, Maggie sighs]
Hey, are you excited about the interview?
Tremendously, yes.
Can we have the light out now?
You need to start getting the word out about it.
Oh God, you're not going to make
a big thing about this, are you?
So, I'm not doing this for me, Peter.
This is all about Thurlbury,
and promoting the anniversary celebrations.
We want everyone in the village listening.
I'll put it on the social medias.
You're not on the social medias.
I'll use the school's or Jamie's.
Neither of those are yours,
and why do you have the passwords?
Look...
I mean, can you not do this tomorrow?
Maybe think about it before you do?
It'll probably only be a short little clip they use,
I just don't want you to be disappointed, that's all.
Mm, plus, you'd like to go to sleep.
Plus I'd like to go to sleep.
Fine.
[groans]
[both sigh]
Well, obviously I can see that.
Mm.
♪
MAGGIE: Oh, come on... why is it...
Oh, double tap.
Oh double tap, I see.
It's supposed to-- ah, ha ha!
There you go!
[chewing]: There I go what?
Who's this?
Well, I don't know,
but keep swiping like this,
right, and then you put a blue tick in this box here.
If you like anyone, swipe it, like this.
[stammering]: Yeah, yeah, I know how to swipe,
Maggie, I just don't know what I'm swiping for,
because this looks suspiciously like a...
A dating app!
[laughing]: Yes!
It is. I've signed you up for one.
Well, Jamie did,
because I don't really know how to do it.
Well, you were saying the other day
that you didn't get to meet anybody.
Yes, I was, but that doesn't mean that I'm so desperate
that I want to go on some...
Oh hello, he's nice, ain't he?
No, no, you don't want that one,
He works on the rigs, he'll be away.
No. Well hey, what, how do you know?
Because I've checked them all out earlier.
What?
I've got a vested interest in this.
I mean, anyone that you pick is potentially going to become
a best-friend-in-law, aren't they?
[chuckles] [cell phone ringing]
Talking of which...
Here's yours.
Oh yeah, well, he's also my boss,
so maybe don't mention
that I'm spending me lunch break
down at the pub, even if you did kidnap me.
[chuckling]: Lips are sealed.
Thurlbury Historic Keep--
oh sorry, love, sorry, I mean hi.
Maggie, would you like to tell me why
I've just received an invitation to a barbecue party
that's being held at my own house?
MAGGIE: Oh, sorry about that,
I just copied in everyone in my address book.
[quietly]: No, he's got a big beard, no, no.
So, so we're having a barbecue?
Yeah, for the broadcast.
I'm sure I mentioned it.
[scoffs]: No,
no, you didn't. Sure I did.
[knock on door] Hang on, sorry.
Oh, sorry, just this email,
the barbecue, do I need to RSVP
to Mrs. Cole or can I just tell you that I'm coming?
No, I'll-I'll pass your acceptance on.
[whispering]: Thank you, thank you, sorry.
Maggie?
Exactly how many people have you invited?
Not many.
♪
[people talking indistinctly]
Now then, yes please.
Hey!
You are allowed to help, you know?
Oh, I am helping, I'm on doorbell duty.
[doorbell rings]
There, see? Oh.
[chewing]: Once more, my services
are required.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Oh hey!
Dinner, here, two weeks in a row--
I deserve a medal of honor for this. [door opening]
Oh, hello.
JAMIE: Hi, Dad. Oh dear, couldn't come up
with an excuse fast enough, then?
No, we did, didn't take.
All right, better go on down there,
abandon hope all ye, et cetera, et cetera.
MAGGIE: Ah! Perfect timing.
There we are. See you in a minute.
Okay. Fun. Mm.
♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪
That's good.
Lovely to see you. Glad you came.
Good to see you.
Ah, hi, Karen.
Maggie.
So, you've never actually been here before, have you?
No. Ah.
Oh! It's very nice.
Oh well, thank you very much.
Yes, it suits us,
I mean it's a lovely view of the estuary.
Mm, and Mr. Cole obviously takes great care of the garden.
Peter?
[laughs] I mean, no,
you must be joking.
No, all of this is my doing.
No, he would overwater a cactus, that one.
[laughs]
No, cactuses don't need watering.
Cacti. Sorry?
No, of course they don't,
it's just a, it's just a silly joke, that's all.
What was?
Nothing. Will you excuse me, Karen?
Thanks.
Hi.
Oh Carol, so glad you could make it.
Oh not at all, thanks for having me,
spared me having to cook. Oh, of course.
Alan's away again, isn't he?
Nothing worse than cooking for one.
Ooh, sorry. Oh, none taken.
So did he get to speak to you last week?
Who,Alan?
No, Jez. Are you gonna be on, too?
I, I don't know what you're talking about Maggie, I'm sorry.
Oh, didn't he drop by the surgery last week?
Jez, the reporter?
I told him to come and see you.
You did? Why?
Well, because he asked me to suggest
some notable residents. Did he speak to you?
Oh, am I a notable resident?
Of course you are!
Headmaster in waiting. I mean mistress,
I mean headmistress, sorry.
Well, whatever I am, no, he didn't.
Oh, that's strange.
Maybe he ran out of time. Talking of which...
[humming]
[chuckling]: I'll be on in a minute.
It's like a premiere, isn't it?
I feel like I should make a speech or something.
Mm, if she tries, wrestle her to the ground. Shh!
Or box her?
Shh!
[radio blaring music]
You know she's gonna ask.
[Europe's "The Final Countdown" playing on radio]
♪
Don't touch that dial!
You'll only get in trouble with Maggie.
Eh, I'm not afraid of her.
Of course you're not, Dad.
Pfft.
[song continues, video game sound effects playing]
[dishes clanging]
[song continues on radio]
Do you need a hand, headmaster?
♪ We're leaving together♪ Oh, hello Karen.
Um, you really don't need
to call me headmaster outside of work.
Actually you don't need to call it me in work, either.
Oh, I really think I should. In work, I mean.
That's your prerogative,
but outside of work, Peter is fine.
Well, do you need a hand?
Peter?
MAGGIE: Oh, come here, just...
Just take that, thank you.
[banging]
Everyone! The Thurlbury piece
should be on after this,
so if you'd like to move over this way,
you'll be able to hear better.
ANNOUNCER [on radio]: Across the county
and on digital nationwide,
this is Coastland FM.
Ooh, I'm nervous!
absolutely hate the sound of my own voice.
Since when?
[radio announcer continues indistinctly]
Actually, while we're waiting,
can I just remind everyone
that there's a meeting tomorrow night about... whoo!
Shut up!
Shut up, it's on! [laughs]
♪
JEZ [on radio]: "Village life."
The very term itself conjures up images
of summer fêtes, cucumber sandwiches,
and tea on the lawn.
But does such an idealistic...
That's him, that's Jez. JEZ [on radio]: ...chocolate box vision
still hold true today?
Or is the great British village
an altogether different beast?
I recently visited the historic
former medieval settlement of Thurlbury
[quiet cheer] ...to find out.
It was here I spoke to
local resident and amateur historian,
Maggie Cole. Amateur?
JEZ [on radio]: And asked her what
it was like living in what must presumably be
quite a close-knit community.
MAGGIE [on radio]: Oh it's wonderful, it's just wonderful.
I'm actually fourth-generation Thurlbury myself,
born and bred.
There's literally nowhere else in the world
that I would rather be. [crowd "aw"s]
JEZ [on radio]: I wondered whether there was any truth
to the wider public perception of communal village living.
Is it all curtain twitching and gossiping over garden fences?
MAGGIE [on radio]: Oh, well, I don't know about that.
But it's certainly true that
everybody knows everybody else
or at least knows someone who does.
[laughs] You can't keep a secret here.
MAGGIE [stammering]: That's-- um--
That's from two bits of the interview.
Gosh, it's fascinating, isn't it, how they put it together...
Shush, shush, shush. Trying to listen.
MAGGIE [on radio]: Obviously I'm not really
one for gossip,
but some of what goes on round here
would put the soaps to shame.
[laughs]
That's from a different part, too.
JEZ [on radio]: And with that,
she began to regale me with various tales
from the Thurlbury rumor mill.
I did what?
♪
MAGGIE [on radio]: Oh yeah, you wouldn't think it to look at them,
not at all, I mean they seem like the perfect couple,
they've been married 15 years,
and she's been the village GP here for ten.
He spends most weekends in Exeter,
supposedly on business,
but a friend of mine saw him there once, and he was--
well let's just say in the arms of someone else,
a male someone else.
[shocked murmurs]
No, no, that, that was just, we were just talking then,
they weren't supposed to be...
MAGGIE [on radio]: Yes, of course
we're multicultural here,
of course we are!
We've got a lovely Polish family actually,
they've been here over ten years,
Do absolutely anything for you. Yes.
MAGGIE [on radio]: They're the heart and soul
of this community.
Mind, between you and me,the daughter's a bit of a one.
Nice enough girl, very pretty, but she certainly knows it.
I mean obviously I'm not saying she has
a reputation as such, just, well,
from what I've heard, you could count on one hand
the number of boys
she hasn't been carrying on with.
♪
...stays for a couple of months every summer,
writes all his novels here,
claims it's for the tranquility but you know, if yu ask me,
it's... well, let's be polite and say research
rather than laziness or cheating.
You see he doesn't actually make any of his characters up
like proper writers do.
So he just secretly bases them on people round here,
loads of us have spotted ourselves in them. What?
MAGGIE [on radio]: Loads of us.
[crowd murmuring] Oh my...
MAGGIE [on radio]: Well, you have to wonder, don't you?
I mean, arrived out of nowhere
four years ago, no family.
Suddenly owns the village pub?
He's from London.
East End, mm, nevertalks about himself, of course,
but I've heard things.
Gangland things.
Take it from me,
we're talking witness protection here.
I mean you only have to look at him, to be honest.
I know one family around here with a bit more going on
than meets the eye.
They're a very friendly couple, I've known them
since they were kids, to be honest.
No, no, no, no, no, no. MAGGIE: She's a hairdresser,
she works at the local salon.
Husband works at the boat yard.
Dad, for God's sake, just turn it off.
CAROL: Don't.
Don't you dare.
MAGGIE [on radio]: It's not like
either of them make much,
and then suddenly, brand new car.
Flashy clothes. Oh no, no, oh God.
MAGGIE [on radio]: The pair of them have started acting,
well, you know, differently.
I'd read there'd been a jackpotwinner somewhere in the county,
I don't know why they're trying to hide it, though.
[laughing]:They're probably worried about
begging letters or something like that.
Maggie, what is this?
I-I don't...
MAGGIE [on radio]: Yes, yes, my husband's
the headmaster there, you see...
Maggie?
MAGGIE [on radio]: Actually, he's retiring next year,
it's never gonna be the same without him.
I mean the woman who's taking over, she's, well,
don't get me wrong or anything,
she's actually my best friend
as it goes, but, oh, you know,
maybe not the sharpest tool in the box,
to put it mildly. [laughs]
I mean, how she thinks she could ever take...
[radio stops]
♪
Everyone, you have to believe me,
I don't understand what's just...
No, you don't.
You don't understand anything.
MAGGIE: Carol?
No, no, no, no, leave it, leave it, just...
Everyone, I think it might be best
if we called a halt to the proceedings, yeah?
[crowd muttering]
Yeah, I think we should probably go, too.
Are you joking? For once I'm actually up for staying.
Becks, please.
Sorry.
Jill.
Oh, Jill.
Listen, all of that, just was completely out of context.
All right, all right, well, I'll tell you what, Maggie,
why don't you tell me what the context
for you telling an entire county
what an apparently useless, thick moron I am would be?
PETER: Jill?
Let's not do this now.
No, no, you're right.
I tell you what Maggie, let's not do this ever.
Oh, God.
♪
[birds twittering]
[water sloshing]
You all right?
Well, I managed to save some of it,
but there's only so much room in the freezer.
No, that's not what I meant.
Are you all right?
Yes, absolutely fine.
I'm actually going to go and have a quick bath.
Do you not want to, I dunno, talk about it?
Talk about what?
Oh, storm in a teacup.
It'll all be forgotten by tomorrow morning.
Do you want a bath after me?
No, no, good, thanks.
♪
Did you hear it?
Yeah, I heard her.
I heard it,
the lads at the yard heard it, my boss heard it..
[sighing]: Oh god, what did you tell them?
Neil, what did you tell them?
Oh!
[crowd chattering]
Oi, has he said anything yet?
No, it's nonsense.
The woman's an idiot.
[clears throat]
3.10.
[slides money across table]
Why don't you have one for yourself, mate?
[keys clicking]
Hey, you all right?
God, I'm hungry. Have you eaten?
Because I was thinking of ordering a take out.
What's wrong?
JEZ [on recording]: "Village Life."
The very term itself conjures up images of...
[shaky breathing]
[phone calling out]
ALEX [on phone]: Hello, this is Alex, I can't get to the phone right now.
Please leave a message after the...
♪
[seagulls calling]
All right, Maggie?
Still in the bath?
MAGGIE [upset]: Yeah, I won't be long.
[knocking]
Oh, Maggie.
[sobbing]
[sighs]
Come here.
[exhales, sniffles]
[reassuring]: Oh.
It's gonna be all right.
No, it's not.
It's not.
I didn't mean it, any of it, I was just talking...
I know. You know, people talk.
I know, I know.
But why would he do that?
It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
If it makes you feel any better,
I am at some point going to break both his legs.
Mm.
[sniffling]: I've ruined everything.
No, no, you haven't.
You haven't done anything that can't be fixed.
Yes, I have.
I mean, how do you fix a thing like this?
I don't know. Don't know.
Perhaps by stubbornly refusing to acknowledge
that it can't be fixed. Mm?
And you are the most stubborn woman I know.
[small chuckle]
We're gonna, you're gonna talk to them,
all of them.
One by one.
Yeah.
We're not gonna lie,
we're not gonna make excuses, just gonna talk.
Yeah.
And we're gonna make it right.
Yeah.
With all of them, each and every one.
Yeah.
I don't know how... No.
But we are.
Yeah.
Storm in a teacup.
[mumbling]: It's just a storm in a teacup.
[sighs]
♪
The things people are saying...
They're just trolls, Maggie.
Neil, the entire village
thinks we've won the lottery.
Well maybe that's the answer.
Jill, it's breaking her heart.
If you could just talk to her.
We are going to walk to the pub
with our heads held high,
we're gonna sit down,
we're gonna have a drink as a family,
just like normal.
What do you mean "like normal,"
we have literally never done that ever.
What goes around comes around Roxy, you'll see.
Would you like to know the truth, Maggie?
Well I-- Oh, I think you deserve it.
Us outed six need to stick together, right?
Right.
I'm Thurlbury's local historian.
You run a gift shop, Maggie.
You just run a gift shop.
Peter? I'm a meme.
♪