1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:05,043 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:35,483 --> 00:00:37,003 Hello. You got an appointment? 3 00:00:37,043 --> 00:00:38,443 Yes. Final interview. 4 00:00:38,483 --> 00:00:39,883 Substantive interview. 5 00:00:39,923 --> 00:00:41,803 Sorry, substantive interview. 6 00:00:41,843 --> 00:00:43,563 Sign in with my colleague inside. 7 00:00:43,603 --> 00:00:45,963 Oh, no, no. My appointment is on Monday. 8 00:00:46,003 --> 00:00:48,843 I am just planning my route, so I don't get lost. 9 00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:51,123 Good idea. One hour, 38 minutes. 10 00:00:51,163 --> 00:00:52,603 Nice. 11 00:00:52,643 --> 00:00:54,403 I'm going to give myself two hours. 12 00:00:54,443 --> 00:00:56,483 Good to be on the safe side. 13 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,163 SIRENS WAILING 14 00:00:59,523 --> 00:01:02,923 So, this is Croydon? 15 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:06,003 Yep, welcome to the Cronx. 16 00:01:08,243 --> 00:01:09,763 Shit, innit? 17 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:10,843 Little bit. 18 00:01:11,883 --> 00:01:14,323 I reckon that's why they chose it. 19 00:01:14,363 --> 00:01:16,563 Make sure you know what you're signing up to. 20 00:01:20,283 --> 00:01:22,043 Tough country this. 21 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,883 It's not all Beefeaters and blow jobs, you know what I mean? 22 00:01:24,923 --> 00:01:27,163 Indeed. Yeah. 23 00:01:29,083 --> 00:01:31,483 Thousand years from now, they'll look back at the ruins of all this 24 00:01:31,523 --> 00:01:33,203 and think, 25 00:01:33,243 --> 00:01:34,923 "What the fuck, is it?" 26 00:01:36,323 --> 00:01:38,203 Be like a crap Stonehenge. 27 00:01:39,203 --> 00:01:40,443 Stone what? 28 00:01:40,483 --> 00:01:41,883 Stonehenge. 29 00:01:41,923 --> 00:01:43,403 Stone henge? 30 00:01:43,443 --> 00:01:44,923 Stonehenge. 31 00:01:44,963 --> 00:01:46,523 See you Monday. 32 00:01:46,563 --> 00:01:47,603 See you. 33 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,363 PHONE RINGS 34 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:01,403 HE SIGHS 35 00:02:07,403 --> 00:02:09,363 Find it? 36 00:02:09,403 --> 00:02:10,643 Yes. 37 00:02:10,683 --> 00:02:11,963 One hour and 38 minutes. 38 00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:13,523 Good on ya. 39 00:02:13,563 --> 00:02:15,403 You all right? Mm-hm. 40 00:02:18,243 --> 00:02:19,803 Hi, John. Hm. 41 00:02:20,963 --> 00:02:22,123 Chocolate spread? 42 00:02:22,163 --> 00:02:24,403 Half-term treat. Not Marmite? 43 00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:26,003 SHE GIGGLES 44 00:02:26,043 --> 00:02:28,043 I'm not making that mistake again. 45 00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:30,123 Do you want some bread with that? Mm? 46 00:02:30,163 --> 00:02:31,443 No, thank you. 47 00:02:31,483 --> 00:02:34,043 I do not need a delivery mechanism. 48 00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:35,363 MUSIC PLAYING I like this one. 49 00:02:35,403 --> 00:02:36,483 What is this? 50 00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:37,843 It's Jerusalem. 51 00:02:37,883 --> 00:02:41,603 Named after the famous Israeli hot potato. 52 00:02:41,643 --> 00:02:44,643 It's like everyone secretly wants it to be the National Anthem... Mm-hm. 53 00:02:44,683 --> 00:02:47,043 ..and we can't have it because of God Save The Queen. 54 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,723 You don't like God Save The Queen? 55 00:02:48,763 --> 00:02:49,843 No-one does. 56 00:02:49,883 --> 00:02:51,563 That's why we only have one verse. 57 00:02:51,603 --> 00:02:54,283 Sami, liking Jerusalem, it's basically as patriotic 58 00:02:54,323 --> 00:02:56,363 as it's acceptable for a British person to be. 59 00:02:56,403 --> 00:02:57,923 Any more than that - nutter. 60 00:02:57,963 --> 00:02:59,683 I don't know about that. I do! 61 00:02:59,723 --> 00:03:02,443 One day it's Jerusalem, next you're going to air shows 62 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:05,483 and wanking over jigsaws of Princess Anne. 63 00:03:05,523 --> 00:03:08,323 Christ... I need to clear this freezer out. 64 00:03:08,363 --> 00:03:10,883 I've got fish fingers as old as Stonehenge in here. 65 00:03:10,923 --> 00:03:12,123 Who? 66 00:03:12,163 --> 00:03:14,203 Fish fingers. No, no, the other word? 67 00:03:14,243 --> 00:03:16,203 Stonehenge. Stonehenge. 68 00:03:16,243 --> 00:03:20,283 Stonehenge! Why is everybody talking about Stonehenge today? 69 00:03:20,323 --> 00:03:22,843 I'm sorry, Sami, I don't know what you mean. You all right? 70 00:03:22,883 --> 00:03:25,203 Yes, yes. Stonehenge. 71 00:03:25,243 --> 00:03:26,403 SHE STUTTERS 72 00:03:28,603 --> 00:03:30,283 So... 73 00:03:30,323 --> 00:03:31,763 You know henges? 74 00:03:31,803 --> 00:03:33,203 Well, this is a stone one. 75 00:03:33,243 --> 00:03:35,523 I don't know henges! What is a henge? 76 00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:37,643 I'm just joking, calm down. Why am I so angry? 77 00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:38,723 Culture shock. 78 00:03:38,763 --> 00:03:39,963 The W curve. 79 00:03:40,003 --> 00:03:42,883 The double... Ugh, another British thing I don't know. 80 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,243 What is this? 81 00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:49,323 When you enter a new culture, you suffer from culture shock. 82 00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:52,123 Now, people used to think this was like a U. 83 00:03:52,163 --> 00:03:54,643 So, "This place is great," 84 00:03:54,683 --> 00:03:56,763 "Hang on, I don't get this," happy again. 85 00:03:56,803 --> 00:04:00,803 But actually, it's more like a W. 86 00:04:00,843 --> 00:04:03,203 Honeymoon period, "Everything's shit," 87 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,923 "Hang on, I've cracked this" false dawn, 88 00:04:04,963 --> 00:04:07,163 "Fuck it, no, I haven't," "Yes, I have." 89 00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:08,603 You're in the "Fuck it" phase. 90 00:04:11,003 --> 00:04:12,323 How do you know this? 91 00:04:12,363 --> 00:04:14,563 Sociology degree. Leeds. 92 00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:16,163 You are a brain box. 93 00:04:16,203 --> 00:04:19,603 Mate, when you look like this, you better have something to talk about, 94 00:04:19,643 --> 00:04:22,243 otherwise people are just going to use you for sex. 95 00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:23,443 I see this now. 96 00:04:23,483 --> 00:04:24,563 Sami... 97 00:04:25,923 --> 00:04:28,603 Look, this interview, Monday, 98 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:31,603 it's not Round Britain quiz. 99 00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:34,323 It's you they're interested in. 100 00:04:34,363 --> 00:04:35,483 You know that. 101 00:04:35,523 --> 00:04:40,683 I know, but still, everybody knows about the Stones Henge and I don't. 102 00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:42,643 I feel on the outside again. 103 00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,563 You feel on the outside? 104 00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:50,803 I want to feel back on the inside. How do I feel back on the inside? 105 00:04:50,843 --> 00:04:52,163 Get in the car. 106 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,403 Where are we going? 107 00:04:59,443 --> 00:05:01,043 Shut up and look pretty. 108 00:05:05,443 --> 00:05:07,363 This country is very pretty. 109 00:05:09,523 --> 00:05:13,003 All these little cottages, very cute. 110 00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:15,563 Quaint. Quaint? 111 00:05:15,603 --> 00:05:17,323 Unusual, old-fashioned. 112 00:05:17,363 --> 00:05:18,683 Peter is quaint. 113 00:05:18,723 --> 00:05:21,323 SHE LAUGHS Peter is fucking quaint. 114 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,923 I think he loves you very much. 115 00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:30,083 I'm waiting for him to take the lead. 116 00:05:32,043 --> 00:05:35,003 Tell me what he really wants us to be. 117 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,083 I think he will. 118 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:41,003 And you and Yasmine, what will you be, I wonder? 119 00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:43,163 Find out Monday. 120 00:05:45,323 --> 00:05:50,883 Good interview, maybe we all go live in that quaint farm over there. 121 00:05:50,923 --> 00:05:52,843 Bad interview... 122 00:05:52,883 --> 00:05:54,083 ..Berlin. 123 00:05:54,123 --> 00:05:56,363 She still not talking to you? 124 00:05:56,403 --> 00:05:57,483 No. 125 00:05:58,763 --> 00:06:00,203 VIDEO GAME BEEPS 126 00:06:15,363 --> 00:06:16,523 It's, um... 127 00:06:18,163 --> 00:06:19,883 It's going quite well... 128 00:06:19,923 --> 00:06:20,963 ..isn't it? 129 00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:22,563 What? 130 00:06:22,603 --> 00:06:24,403 With us? 131 00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:25,923 I'm having fun. 132 00:06:27,363 --> 00:06:28,363 Me too. 133 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,763 Me too. What was it like when you left us? 134 00:06:35,323 --> 00:06:36,763 I felt alone, John. 135 00:06:36,803 --> 00:06:38,603 Bet you felt like a bit of a dickhead. 136 00:06:39,723 --> 00:06:42,203 Promise me you'll never work for Samaritans. 137 00:06:42,243 --> 00:06:43,803 Yeah. Thank you. 138 00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:49,163 Listen, John, 139 00:06:49,203 --> 00:06:51,603 I know we've already talked about it 140 00:06:51,643 --> 00:06:54,203 but I just wanted to say - 141 00:06:54,243 --> 00:06:56,123 and this is your choice by the way, 142 00:06:56,163 --> 00:06:58,883 so if you don't want to that's absolutely fine - 143 00:06:58,923 --> 00:07:00,683 but if you did want to, 144 00:07:00,723 --> 00:07:01,843 I... 145 00:07:01,883 --> 00:07:03,563 ..wouldn't mind... 146 00:07:03,603 --> 00:07:04,963 ..if you... 147 00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:06,723 ..called me Dad. 148 00:07:06,763 --> 00:07:09,123 But I have a dad. 149 00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:11,763 Yes, I know, but... 150 00:07:11,803 --> 00:07:14,123 ..some people have two dads. 151 00:07:14,163 --> 00:07:16,163 Like who? Um... 152 00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,883 Well, Jesus had two. 153 00:07:19,923 --> 00:07:22,483 But the point is you could call me... 154 00:07:22,523 --> 00:07:23,763 I'm not calling you God. 155 00:07:23,803 --> 00:07:26,803 ..and I wouldn't want you to call me God. 156 00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:29,043 I could call you Joseph, if you want? 157 00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:31,523 Yes, that would feel like a missed opportunity somehow. 158 00:07:31,563 --> 00:07:33,323 Just call me Dad? Maybe just call me Dad. 159 00:07:33,363 --> 00:07:36,803 I'm not calling you Dad. Right, OK, well, that's fine. 160 00:07:36,843 --> 00:07:38,563 I could call you dude. 161 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,723 Do you know I'd take that, actually? 162 00:07:48,083 --> 00:07:49,803 Nice to meet you, dude. 163 00:07:49,843 --> 00:07:51,643 Nice to meet you... 164 00:07:51,683 --> 00:07:52,843 ..dude. 165 00:07:52,883 --> 00:07:54,883 Don't leave us again. 166 00:07:54,923 --> 00:07:56,643 I won't. 167 00:07:56,683 --> 00:07:59,203 I think Mum needs to know. Know what? 168 00:07:59,243 --> 00:08:00,683 That you're staying. 169 00:08:09,843 --> 00:08:12,843 That's it? That's it. 170 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:14,123 That's it. 171 00:08:15,683 --> 00:08:17,603 So, what is it? 172 00:08:19,043 --> 00:08:20,163 No-one knows. 173 00:08:22,843 --> 00:08:24,123 Sorry? 174 00:08:24,163 --> 00:08:25,723 No-one knows what it is. 175 00:08:25,763 --> 00:08:27,323 No, I mean what is it for? 176 00:08:27,363 --> 00:08:28,763 No-one knows. 177 00:08:28,803 --> 00:08:30,643 Well, who built it? 178 00:08:30,683 --> 00:08:31,883 No-one knows. 179 00:08:34,803 --> 00:08:37,643 Feel better? Yes, actually. 180 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,643 Everything gets forgotten, eventually. 181 00:08:40,683 --> 00:08:42,723 Gangnam Style, 182 00:08:42,763 --> 00:08:44,883 Ed Miliband. 183 00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:47,323 No wonder we don't know what the fuck they are 184 00:08:47,363 --> 00:08:48,363 and that's OK. 185 00:08:50,043 --> 00:08:51,963 Any questions? 186 00:08:52,003 --> 00:08:53,043 No. 187 00:08:55,923 --> 00:08:57,283 Shall we go home? 188 00:09:05,723 --> 00:09:08,003 MUSIC PLAYS 189 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,603 It's a beautiful evening. 190 00:09:18,643 --> 00:09:21,243 Shall we go for a walk? All of us? 191 00:09:21,283 --> 00:09:23,123 No, just you and me. 192 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,483 Are you going to murder me? 193 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,563 No. 194 00:09:26,603 --> 00:09:27,803 All right. 195 00:09:39,523 --> 00:09:41,243 It's a big day for Sami tomorrow. 196 00:09:41,283 --> 00:09:44,443 Well, he's got his chance to change his life for the better. 197 00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:46,123 Good luck, Sami. Mm. 198 00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:50,363 Bloody hell, what's this? 199 00:09:50,403 --> 00:09:52,323 Don't know. 200 00:09:52,363 --> 00:09:55,643 I thought the Dorking Satanists met on Wednesdays. 201 00:09:55,683 --> 00:09:57,363 Oh, my God, you are going to murder me. 202 00:09:57,403 --> 00:09:59,203 THEY SCREAM AND GROWL PLAYFULLY 203 00:09:59,243 --> 00:10:02,003 No, um, but getting back to what we were saying. 204 00:10:02,043 --> 00:10:03,483 Uh... 205 00:10:03,523 --> 00:10:06,843 ..I actually feel like Sami's changed my life 206 00:10:06,883 --> 00:10:08,603 for the better, actually. 207 00:10:08,643 --> 00:10:12,563 I mean, he's made me realise what a wonderful family you both are, 208 00:10:12,603 --> 00:10:14,283 you and John. Aw. 209 00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:15,323 SHE GIGGLES 210 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,683 Especially you. 211 00:10:19,043 --> 00:10:23,123 And I've also realised how close I came to messing that up... 212 00:10:24,963 --> 00:10:26,923 ..and I don't want to do that again. 213 00:10:26,963 --> 00:10:28,243 So... 214 00:10:29,483 --> 00:10:30,963 ..with that in mind... 215 00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:33,243 Oh, God. ..Katy... 216 00:10:38,403 --> 00:10:40,163 ..will you marry me? 217 00:10:41,123 --> 00:10:42,683 Of course I fucking won't. 218 00:10:44,563 --> 00:10:47,723 I'm sorry, what? Do you know what? This is typical you! 219 00:10:47,763 --> 00:10:52,043 We were doing so well, taking things slowly and you've got to ruin it! 220 00:10:53,523 --> 00:10:55,363 I wanted to let you know I'm here to stay. 221 00:10:55,403 --> 00:10:57,723 Stop locking the toilet door, 222 00:10:57,763 --> 00:11:01,403 top up the rinse aid, don't do this. 223 00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:03,003 What the fuck's this? 224 00:11:03,043 --> 00:11:04,563 No, no, no, no, no, no! 225 00:11:05,963 --> 00:11:08,683 Oh, that is just perfect! 226 00:11:10,923 --> 00:11:13,843 Please, Yasmine, my interview is tomorrow. 227 00:11:13,883 --> 00:11:15,963 I have been trying all weekend. 228 00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:20,163 Please let me know you are OK. 229 00:11:21,363 --> 00:11:23,683 This feels like when you were lost. 230 00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:26,683 I don't want to lose you again. 231 00:11:34,643 --> 00:11:36,763 I don't want to lose you again. 232 00:12:32,843 --> 00:12:34,963 Substantive interview? 233 00:12:35,003 --> 00:12:37,163 Ah, yes. MAN SIGHS 234 00:12:38,763 --> 00:12:40,443 Sami, Syria. 235 00:12:40,483 --> 00:12:42,163 Amir, Iran. 236 00:12:44,043 --> 00:12:45,883 Looking very Christian today, Amir. 237 00:12:45,923 --> 00:12:47,563 I am Christian. 238 00:12:47,603 --> 00:12:49,523 Ask me favourite pop singer. 239 00:12:49,563 --> 00:12:51,483 Who's your fav... Cliff Richard. 240 00:12:54,323 --> 00:12:56,723 You were Christian in Iran. That can't be easy. 241 00:12:56,763 --> 00:12:58,843 No, no. I arrive in UK, 242 00:12:58,883 --> 00:13:01,243 then, praise God, 243 00:13:01,283 --> 00:13:03,283 I discover Jesus. 244 00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:04,883 Church baptizes me. 245 00:13:04,923 --> 00:13:06,963 My faith is now Church of England. 246 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:11,163 This sadly means if I go back to Iran, I will be persecuted. 247 00:13:12,283 --> 00:13:14,763 With a heavy heart, I must stay here. 248 00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:20,643 Did you convert...? Ask me my favourite cathedral. 249 00:13:20,683 --> 00:13:23,763 What is your favo... Hereford Cathedral. 250 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,883 You think I will say St Paul's Cathedral? 251 00:13:26,923 --> 00:13:28,443 No, no, Hereford Cathedral. 252 00:13:28,483 --> 00:13:31,563 This beautiful building is home to a community 253 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:36,243 that has worshipped together for over 1,300 years. 254 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,843 Are you quoting from the website? 255 00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,923 No. 256 00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:42,403 The cathedral is open daily from... 257 00:13:42,443 --> 00:13:44,323 From 9:15 until evensong. 258 00:13:44,363 --> 00:13:45,803 You are quoting from the website. 259 00:13:45,843 --> 00:13:48,043 No! Which you are warmly invited to attend. 260 00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:50,043 Thank you. How to get to us? 261 00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:52,243 Come off at junction 4 on the M50. 262 00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,843 Well, that's me. 263 00:13:58,883 --> 00:14:00,043 Good luck. 264 00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:02,243 You are Muslim? 265 00:14:03,923 --> 00:14:06,763 No. I'm Christian too. 266 00:14:06,803 --> 00:14:07,803 Syrian Christian. 267 00:14:17,403 --> 00:14:18,803 Will you follow me, please? 268 00:14:38,963 --> 00:14:40,723 PHONE RINGS 269 00:14:51,403 --> 00:14:53,563 PHONE CONTINUES RINGING 270 00:15:00,843 --> 00:15:03,963 Hello? Sami Ibrahim? 271 00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,323 SPEAKS HIS OWN LANGUAGE 272 00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:53,723 Is he from Damascus? 273 00:15:53,763 --> 00:15:56,203 Yeah. DIAL TONE 274 00:16:17,963 --> 00:16:19,723 I might have overreacted. 275 00:16:21,043 --> 00:16:22,083 Nope. 276 00:16:23,403 --> 00:16:24,403 You're right. 277 00:16:25,803 --> 00:16:27,643 I was a bit keen. 278 00:16:27,683 --> 00:16:29,803 Softly, softly, catchee monkey. 279 00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:32,003 Yes. 280 00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:34,643 That was more Planet Of The Apes. 281 00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:35,683 Yes, it was. 282 00:16:38,203 --> 00:16:39,243 HE SIGHS 283 00:16:39,283 --> 00:16:40,683 Shouldn't have tried. 284 00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:41,923 Oh... 285 00:16:41,963 --> 00:16:43,163 ..keep trying. 286 00:16:45,763 --> 00:16:47,323 Just give it a bit. 287 00:16:51,603 --> 00:16:53,563 Come on, shall we go home and wait for him? 288 00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:05,683 Was it expensive? 289 00:17:05,723 --> 00:17:07,683 Well... 290 00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:09,803 ..it depends what you call expensive. 291 00:17:09,843 --> 00:17:11,443 Where did you buy it from? 292 00:17:12,523 --> 00:17:13,683 Pret a Manger. 293 00:17:41,563 --> 00:17:42,803 Quite a read, isn't it? 294 00:17:42,843 --> 00:17:43,843 Mm. 295 00:17:45,323 --> 00:17:47,523 Wait till you see what happens in the sequel. 296 00:17:47,563 --> 00:17:48,563 Hm. 297 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,883 Protest at Damascus University in April 2011. 298 00:17:54,963 --> 00:17:57,963 11th April, yes, in Baramkeh. 299 00:17:58,003 --> 00:18:02,363 I... I was there. Early. Small protest. 300 00:18:02,403 --> 00:18:03,883 I was detained, beaten. 301 00:18:03,923 --> 00:18:05,883 Yes, you've given us that information. 302 00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:10,443 Nearly lunchtime. Let's not jeopardise our appetites. 303 00:18:12,963 --> 00:18:14,043 What are you having? 304 00:18:15,923 --> 00:18:17,603 Sorry? For lunch? 305 00:18:19,483 --> 00:18:21,043 Um, sandwich. 306 00:18:29,683 --> 00:18:30,923 Cheese and pickle? 307 00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:35,203 I might go Indian. 308 00:18:35,243 --> 00:18:37,523 New tiffin place down the road, quite fancy it, 309 00:18:37,563 --> 00:18:39,163 but Indian for lunch... 310 00:18:39,203 --> 00:18:41,443 Seems risky somehow, Indian for lunch. 311 00:18:41,483 --> 00:18:44,963 Like one is playing with fire, both... 312 00:18:45,003 --> 00:18:46,963 ..metaphorically... 313 00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:48,123 ..and anally. 314 00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:53,003 Yes. Your wife and child are in Berlin? Yes. 315 00:18:53,043 --> 00:18:54,243 Pretty. 316 00:18:54,283 --> 00:18:57,203 And they will join you here pending a successful application? 317 00:18:57,243 --> 00:18:58,723 Pending? In the event of. 318 00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,883 Oh, yes, I hope so. 319 00:19:00,923 --> 00:19:04,603 Hope so? I mean, yes, probably. 320 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,043 Trouble in paradise? 321 00:19:06,083 --> 00:19:08,363 It's hard trying to get everybody together in one place. 322 00:19:08,403 --> 00:19:11,603 Oh, I agree. I took my family to Chessington last weekend. 323 00:19:11,643 --> 00:19:13,363 Nearly had to call the fucking Red Cross. 324 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:15,003 Christian. Huh? 325 00:19:15,043 --> 00:19:17,123 You're a Syrian Christian? Yes. 326 00:19:17,163 --> 00:19:19,563 How vivid. Been to some nice churches here? 327 00:19:20,963 --> 00:19:25,043 Sorry? You're Christian. You will have visited a church. 328 00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:26,803 To be honest... 329 00:19:26,843 --> 00:19:28,643 ..I've lost my faith a little bit. 330 00:19:28,683 --> 00:19:30,123 Lost it? 331 00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:33,643 Yes, it's not much room for God on a leaky dinghy. 332 00:19:33,683 --> 00:19:36,803 So you had a Road to Damascus moment on the road from Damascus? 333 00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:39,963 I suppose so. 334 00:19:40,003 --> 00:19:41,283 That's convenient. 335 00:19:48,443 --> 00:19:50,763 Hereford Cathedral. 336 00:19:50,803 --> 00:19:52,323 I'm sorry? 337 00:19:52,363 --> 00:19:55,563 I've been to Hereford Cathedral. 338 00:19:55,603 --> 00:20:00,363 People have been going there for 1,300 years. 339 00:20:00,403 --> 00:20:02,923 You take the M50 junction. 340 00:20:02,963 --> 00:20:04,603 I said "The road to Damascus" earlier. 341 00:20:04,643 --> 00:20:06,603 Did you understand what that meant? 342 00:20:06,643 --> 00:20:09,083 I think so. It's from the New Testament. 343 00:20:09,123 --> 00:20:11,603 A disciple travelled from Jerusalem to Damascus 344 00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:14,323 and the Lord appeared to him in a vision. Yes. 345 00:20:14,363 --> 00:20:15,563 Which disciple? 346 00:20:19,643 --> 00:20:22,123 Saul. Paul. 347 00:20:22,163 --> 00:20:23,163 With a P. 348 00:20:24,963 --> 00:20:27,083 Let's see what other parts of the Bible we don't know. 349 00:20:27,123 --> 00:20:28,643 Ten Commandments. I'll start. 350 00:20:28,683 --> 00:20:30,323 Thou shalt not lie. 351 00:20:35,363 --> 00:20:36,803 Thou shalt not commit adultery. 352 00:20:36,843 --> 00:20:38,203 Keep the Sabbath day holy. 353 00:20:40,083 --> 00:20:41,283 No graven images. 354 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:42,443 Thou shalt not kill. 355 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,723 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's goods. 356 00:20:46,763 --> 00:20:48,043 Thou shalt not steal. 357 00:20:48,083 --> 00:20:50,243 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife. 358 00:20:51,603 --> 00:20:52,963 Ah, for God's sake. 359 00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,403 Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain. 360 00:20:57,603 --> 00:20:59,563 Cocky bastard. 361 00:20:59,603 --> 00:21:01,883 Though shalt honour thy mother and father... 362 00:21:03,283 --> 00:21:04,843 ..and Bob is your uncle. 363 00:21:04,883 --> 00:21:06,203 I make that ten. 364 00:21:07,523 --> 00:21:11,163 Oh, that disciple on the way to Damascus, 365 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:15,763 he changed his name to Paul, but when it happened it was Saul... 366 00:21:15,803 --> 00:21:17,523 ..with an S. 367 00:21:17,563 --> 00:21:21,043 All these foreigners with their different names. 368 00:21:22,243 --> 00:21:24,483 Do we have anything further to discuss? 369 00:21:27,683 --> 00:21:29,763 I think we're done here. Thank you. 370 00:21:32,443 --> 00:21:33,803 Will you follow me, please? 371 00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,243 I'm sorry. 372 00:21:45,283 --> 00:21:46,563 I was disrespectful. 373 00:21:46,603 --> 00:21:49,243 You can go, Mr Ibrahim. 374 00:21:51,083 --> 00:21:52,443 Did I pass? 375 00:21:52,483 --> 00:21:55,403 You shall be notified in...due course. 376 00:22:08,563 --> 00:22:10,363 PHONE RINGS 377 00:22:46,283 --> 00:22:48,323 Yeah, we've always been your second choice. 378 00:22:53,963 --> 00:22:56,003 I'm done running, I'm done, done! 379 00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:58,563 I'm done too. 380 00:22:58,603 --> 00:23:00,003 What do you mean? 381 00:23:00,043 --> 00:23:01,923 Don't come here. 382 00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:03,603 I need space. 383 00:23:05,003 --> 00:23:06,443 Yasmine? 384 00:23:08,803 --> 00:23:10,203 Hello? Yasmine! 385 00:23:13,123 --> 00:23:15,163 ALL: Congratulations! 386 00:23:15,203 --> 00:23:16,683 Ah, the wanderer returns. 387 00:23:16,723 --> 00:23:19,283 Come in, come here. This is so wonderful, we feel like we've been 388 00:23:19,323 --> 00:23:21,283 waiting for ages! We've got a surprise for you. 389 00:23:21,323 --> 00:23:23,243 Look at what we made, Sami. We made Baba ghanoush 390 00:23:23,283 --> 00:23:25,563 and it's really disgusting, but you need to try it. 391 00:23:25,603 --> 00:23:28,043 Baba ghanoush. Now what's it made out of, come on, John? 392 00:23:28,083 --> 00:23:29,803 Come on. Eggplants. We tried so hard. 393 00:23:29,843 --> 00:23:31,843 All the tahini, all the cumin. 394 00:23:31,883 --> 00:23:33,963 Lemons. I had to get six lemons. 395 00:24:18,083 --> 00:24:19,203 Subtitles by Red Bee Media