1 00:00:03,043 --> 00:00:05,523 DRAMATIC MUSIC 2 00:00:05,563 --> 00:00:08,243 HEAVY PANTING 3 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,603 ARGH! Such a little asshole! 4 00:00:45,643 --> 00:00:47,803 Stop it! 5 00:00:59,563 --> 00:01:01,043 Whoa! 6 00:01:21,443 --> 00:01:23,523 Don't move a muscle! 7 00:01:26,483 --> 00:01:28,323 Oh, shit! You all right? 8 00:01:28,363 --> 00:01:29,923 I am fine. 9 00:01:29,963 --> 00:01:31,683 It's just all these guns. 10 00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:33,883 They bring back a lot of bad memories. 11 00:01:33,923 --> 00:01:36,723 Of course! I'm sorry, Yasmin! 12 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,683 Come here. No, no, no, no! Please, don't! Oh, why not? 13 00:01:39,723 --> 00:01:41,563 Because... 14 00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:43,883 ..I DON'T WANT TO GET WE-E-ET! 15 00:01:43,923 --> 00:01:45,803 AGH! 16 00:01:45,843 --> 00:01:47,643 THEY LAUGH 17 00:01:51,443 --> 00:01:53,963 Oh, my God! 18 00:01:54,003 --> 00:01:56,403 That is in stunningly poor taste! 19 00:01:56,443 --> 00:01:58,483 Yes! Yes, yes! 20 00:01:58,523 --> 00:02:00,323 Yes! Extremely poor taste! 21 00:02:00,363 --> 00:02:02,443 Very, very poor taste! 22 00:02:04,163 --> 00:02:07,083 I'm sorry. It's too late for apologies, John. 23 00:02:07,123 --> 00:02:09,763 I want to know you've learnt something. I've learnt something. 24 00:02:09,803 --> 00:02:11,043 Which is? 25 00:02:11,083 --> 00:02:13,443 I've learned you shouldn't fill a water gun with paint. 26 00:02:13,483 --> 00:02:15,643 That's right. You shouldn't. 27 00:02:15,683 --> 00:02:18,603 I shouldn't have humiliated you. Oh, you didn't humiliate me, John. 28 00:02:18,643 --> 00:02:20,283 You humiliated yourself. 29 00:02:20,323 --> 00:02:21,483 I humiliated you a bit. 30 00:02:21,523 --> 00:02:22,963 Actually, I don't see it that way 31 00:02:23,003 --> 00:02:25,643 and I think you'll find nobody else does. How we doing here? 32 00:02:25,683 --> 00:02:27,603 You still angry? Oh, not angry at all! 33 00:02:27,643 --> 00:02:29,803 Very calm, very calm. 34 00:02:29,843 --> 00:02:31,643 OK! Gotta go, guys. Can't be late. 35 00:02:31,683 --> 00:02:32,923 OK. 36 00:02:32,963 --> 00:02:34,403 SAMI SPEAKS ARABIC 37 00:02:34,443 --> 00:02:36,003 YASMIN: OK, I'll get our stuff. 38 00:02:40,443 --> 00:02:43,203 It's so nice to see them all together again, isn't it? Hm. 39 00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:44,603 Yeah. 40 00:02:45,683 --> 00:02:48,323 It's empty. Yeah, I know, it's just...checking. 41 00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:52,803 Come on, Thanos. 42 00:02:52,843 --> 00:02:54,643 Let's get you cleaned up. 43 00:02:54,683 --> 00:02:57,563 THEY SNAP THEIR FINGERS 44 00:03:30,683 --> 00:03:33,163 PETER: Right! Let's get the bags. 45 00:03:33,203 --> 00:03:35,723 JOHN: I'll grab the trolley. KATY: Thank you, good boy. 46 00:03:35,763 --> 00:03:37,763 Now, Yasmin, come here. 47 00:03:37,803 --> 00:03:39,603 Oh... 48 00:03:39,643 --> 00:03:42,643 PLANES FLY OVERHEAD 49 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,123 Tickets? Passports? 50 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:00,963 Can I see? 51 00:04:04,083 --> 00:04:06,163 Proper Germans now. 52 00:04:10,643 --> 00:04:13,523 I'll help you with this. Sami... 53 00:04:13,563 --> 00:04:15,683 ..here is best. Please. 54 00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:33,363 OK? 55 00:04:48,523 --> 00:04:50,203 He's such a little asshole. 56 00:05:37,483 --> 00:05:39,923 KATY: You'll see them again soon. 57 00:05:39,963 --> 00:05:41,203 SAMI: I know, I know. 58 00:05:41,243 --> 00:05:43,443 JOHN: Still haven't changed that cardigan. 59 00:05:43,483 --> 00:05:44,963 Does Iron Man change his suit? 60 00:05:45,003 --> 00:05:46,723 Iron Man updates it every movie. 61 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,003 I sewed this pocket up last Tuesday. 62 00:05:50,243 --> 00:05:52,243 "Asylum Man". 63 00:05:54,043 --> 00:05:56,363 You know, you don't have to drive me home. Of course we do! 64 00:05:56,403 --> 00:05:58,443 Have you got the address, darling? Eagle Lodge. 65 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,323 Eagle Lodge. 66 00:06:00,363 --> 00:06:01,363 Sounds nice! 67 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,163 Yeah, well, don't get your hopes up, John. 68 00:06:03,203 --> 00:06:05,563 Not everything that sounds nice is nice. 69 00:06:05,603 --> 00:06:07,563 What do you mean? Elephant and Castle. 70 00:06:07,603 --> 00:06:09,203 Shingles! 71 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,603 Shingles. 72 00:06:10,643 --> 00:06:13,003 Tommy Robinson. HIGH-PITCHED: Ickle Tommy Robinson. 73 00:06:13,043 --> 00:06:14,523 Actually... 74 00:06:14,563 --> 00:06:16,443 ..Eagle Lodge is quite nice. 75 00:06:16,483 --> 00:06:18,963 Oh, you don't have to say that, mate. I know these places. 76 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:22,043 A frayed bedsheet for a curtain. 77 00:06:22,083 --> 00:06:24,243 Mattress on the floor. 78 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:27,283 Ahmed squatting over a camping stove, 79 00:06:27,323 --> 00:06:30,283 fighting a losing battle against his tagine. 80 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,763 I'm spitballing, of course. 81 00:06:31,803 --> 00:06:33,523 How long since your interview? 82 00:06:33,563 --> 00:06:35,003 182 days. 83 00:06:35,043 --> 00:06:36,523 And you still haven't heard? 84 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,363 Nope. Fucking disgrace. 85 00:06:38,403 --> 00:06:40,163 Er, can we watch the Navy language? 86 00:06:40,203 --> 00:06:42,523 Well, I'm sorry, but it is. 87 00:06:42,563 --> 00:06:45,043 It's like one of those pauses in the X Factor. 88 00:06:45,083 --> 00:06:47,763 FAUX ANNOUNCER VOICE: And the refugee who will be leaving 89 00:06:47,803 --> 00:06:49,603 the competition tonight is... 90 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,923 ..doof, doof, doof... 91 00:06:50,963 --> 00:06:54,363 ..going to be announced right after the break. No-o-o! No-o-o! 92 00:06:54,403 --> 00:06:56,243 A 182-day break. 93 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,883 The suspense is killing me. 94 00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,363 Ted Bundy! 95 00:07:06,683 --> 00:07:08,283 Ted Bundy. 96 00:07:23,883 --> 00:07:25,723 Sorry, mate. 97 00:07:25,763 --> 00:07:27,923 Sat nav's playing silly buggers. 98 00:07:27,963 --> 00:07:30,163 Says this is Eagle Lodge. 99 00:07:30,203 --> 00:07:31,643 This IS Eagle Lodge. 100 00:07:31,683 --> 00:07:33,283 But this is a hotel. 101 00:07:33,323 --> 00:07:34,803 Yes. 102 00:07:48,203 --> 00:07:50,043 This is lovely! 103 00:07:50,083 --> 00:07:52,283 Apparently there has been a surge in asylum numbers 104 00:07:52,323 --> 00:07:54,683 so they've put us up here temporarily. How many stars? 105 00:07:54,723 --> 00:07:57,083 Erm, three, I think. Nice! 106 00:07:57,123 --> 00:07:59,123 No offence, but you enter the country illegally 107 00:07:59,163 --> 00:08:01,443 and the taxpayer's expected to foot the bill for this? 108 00:08:01,483 --> 00:08:03,763 Oh, don't get angry. I'm not getting angry. 109 00:08:03,803 --> 00:08:05,403 It just makes me extremely uptight. 110 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,963 You are welcome to de-stress in the adjoining spa facilities. 111 00:08:08,003 --> 00:08:09,323 Spa facilities... 112 00:08:10,763 --> 00:08:12,403 Oh, come on! 113 00:08:19,763 --> 00:08:22,363 Make yourselves comfortable. Bloody hell. 114 00:08:22,403 --> 00:08:24,763 How's the PlayStation? Good. 115 00:08:26,363 --> 00:08:29,203 Comprehensive tea and coffee-making facilities, 116 00:08:29,243 --> 00:08:30,723 Twinings Collection... 117 00:08:30,763 --> 00:08:32,163 He's got a Twinings Collection. 118 00:08:32,203 --> 00:08:33,603 MAN: Hello! Agh! Leave me alone! 119 00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:36,403 I can't leave you alone! You are adorable! 120 00:08:36,443 --> 00:08:37,683 I've heard all about you. 121 00:08:37,723 --> 00:08:40,163 Victor from Lagos! I'm Sami's roommate. 122 00:08:40,203 --> 00:08:42,483 This is Victor. Katy. This is John. 123 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,123 Hello, John. JOHN: All right? 124 00:08:44,163 --> 00:08:46,043 Peter you've met. Oh! I've met Peter. 125 00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:47,923 How long have you been here, Victor? 126 00:08:47,963 --> 00:08:50,483 Nearly three months. Why did you come here? 127 00:08:50,523 --> 00:08:52,603 Hard to be me in Nigeria. 128 00:08:52,643 --> 00:08:54,163 Are you...gay? 129 00:08:54,203 --> 00:08:57,043 Well, if I'm not, someone should tell my kimono 130 00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:59,723 because it has got the wrong end of the stick. 131 00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:01,643 Victor Adebayo! 132 00:09:01,683 --> 00:09:03,403 Dental surgeon... 133 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,643 ..PhD, BDS, MDS and... 134 00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:07,363 ..homosexual. 135 00:09:07,403 --> 00:09:09,323 It is illegal to be gay in Nigeria, John. 136 00:09:09,363 --> 00:09:11,523 14-year prison sentence. 137 00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:13,283 One for every Madonna album. 138 00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:17,243 Spill the beans, Victor. 139 00:09:17,283 --> 00:09:19,243 What's it like to share a room with this one? 140 00:09:19,283 --> 00:09:20,603 Oh, he's fine. 141 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,603 We haven't killed each other yet. Yet. 142 00:09:22,643 --> 00:09:25,283 Feels like he's trying to, though, with his night-time farting. 143 00:09:25,323 --> 00:09:27,123 You want to talk about the farting?! 144 00:09:27,163 --> 00:09:28,483 Er, excuse me?! 145 00:09:28,523 --> 00:09:31,083 You did one so loud on Friday it woke my phone up. 146 00:09:31,123 --> 00:09:32,643 I haven't even got started yet. 147 00:09:32,683 --> 00:09:35,203 I bet you haven't! Syrians are the kings of farting! 148 00:09:35,243 --> 00:09:37,483 Give me two chicken shawarma and a baba ghanoush, 149 00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:39,163 I'll give you Chernobyl! 150 00:09:42,323 --> 00:09:44,963 Let me...give you all some time to catch up. 151 00:09:50,683 --> 00:09:52,243 I'm sorry. 152 00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,403 He's a good guy, it's... 153 00:09:54,443 --> 00:09:56,123 ..all this. 154 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:59,083 I know you think this is all so fancy, and it is... 155 00:09:59,123 --> 00:10:00,403 Twinings Collection... 156 00:10:00,443 --> 00:10:02,243 I don't want this! 157 00:10:02,283 --> 00:10:04,163 I want to start my life! 158 00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:05,883 But I am still waiting. 159 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,363 This is not luxury, this is... 160 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,763 ..purgatory. 161 00:10:13,803 --> 00:10:17,083 I'm sorry, I'm a bit tired after everything. Yes, of course. 162 00:10:17,123 --> 00:10:19,083 Come on, let's go. 163 00:10:20,683 --> 00:10:22,763 I wanted to play Fortnite with you! 164 00:10:22,803 --> 00:10:25,963 The battle royale will have to wait for its two finest soldiers. 165 00:10:28,523 --> 00:10:31,203 Bye, Victor. Lovely to meet you. Safe journey. 166 00:10:31,243 --> 00:10:33,483 QUIETLY: Keep an eye on him? WHISPERED: OK. 167 00:10:33,523 --> 00:10:34,803 Thank you. 168 00:10:39,043 --> 00:10:41,003 You going to bring your family over here? 169 00:10:41,043 --> 00:10:43,683 My family don't want to know me right now. 170 00:10:43,723 --> 00:10:45,123 They didn't like you being...? 171 00:10:45,163 --> 00:10:47,763 They were not complimentary. 172 00:10:47,803 --> 00:10:49,763 Is the shortbread complimentary? 173 00:10:49,803 --> 00:10:51,803 Yes, the shortbread is complimentary. 174 00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:53,363 Good, because I took some. 175 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,883 Get out of here before you steal my heart as well! 176 00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:58,163 KATY: Bye, Sami! PETER: Bye, Sami! 177 00:11:01,363 --> 00:11:04,483 DOOR SHUTS 178 00:11:04,523 --> 00:11:07,723 SAD MUSIC SWELLS 179 00:11:19,203 --> 00:11:21,483 KATY CHUCKLES 180 00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:28,163 HER PHONE VIBRATES 181 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,803 Oh, you fucker! 182 00:11:31,843 --> 00:11:33,483 What's happened? 183 00:11:34,683 --> 00:11:36,443 Oh, wanker. 184 00:11:37,923 --> 00:11:39,723 Who's a wanker? 185 00:11:39,763 --> 00:11:41,483 No-one, mate. 186 00:11:41,523 --> 00:11:43,403 Just a friend. Who? 187 00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:47,003 Janet. You don't have any female friends. 188 00:11:47,043 --> 00:11:49,643 Well, I got one female friend and she's called Janet. 189 00:11:49,683 --> 00:11:51,683 Girls aren't wankers. 190 00:11:51,723 --> 00:11:53,163 Hm, you clearly haven't met Janet! 191 00:11:53,203 --> 00:11:54,283 I'm drowning here... 192 00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:55,763 It's your father, John. 193 00:11:55,803 --> 00:11:58,443 What does he want? Well... 194 00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:02,003 ..he pays the mortgage on this place 195 00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:04,203 but it seems he doesn't want to do that anymore. 196 00:12:04,243 --> 00:12:06,683 OK. Let's all just take...a... 197 00:12:06,723 --> 00:12:08,083 ..chillaxative here. 198 00:12:08,123 --> 00:12:11,203 I am being offered promotion this week and the pay rise will cover 199 00:12:11,243 --> 00:12:13,803 any dent he tries to make in us. 200 00:12:13,843 --> 00:12:16,363 I'm actually glad this is happening. 201 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,683 I don't want him looking after you both. 202 00:12:20,443 --> 00:12:22,003 I want to look after you. 203 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,643 All right, darling. Bed. 204 00:12:26,043 --> 00:12:27,243 My dad's not a wanker. 205 00:12:27,283 --> 00:12:29,443 Well, technically I called Janet a wanker, so... 206 00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:31,203 Everyone deserves a second chance. 207 00:12:32,963 --> 00:12:34,923 I gave YOU one. 208 00:12:39,403 --> 00:12:40,723 Ignore him. 209 00:12:40,763 --> 00:12:44,243 Christ, he really likes feeding my balls into a desk fan, doesn't he? 210 00:12:44,283 --> 00:12:46,163 He still misses Sami. 211 00:12:50,163 --> 00:12:52,683 Why do you think Elliot's doing this now? 212 00:12:52,723 --> 00:12:54,923 10.15? He's probably just moving onto the spirits. 213 00:12:54,963 --> 00:12:56,443 No, I mean now generally. 214 00:12:56,483 --> 00:12:57,963 He enjoys it. 215 00:12:58,003 --> 00:13:00,203 He likes turning my life upside down. 216 00:13:00,243 --> 00:13:02,043 Elliot is zero gravity. 217 00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:05,803 Not the fun kind. Not, "Ooh, look at that pen spinning in mid-air." 218 00:13:05,843 --> 00:13:07,483 The bad kind. 219 00:13:07,523 --> 00:13:10,523 Bumping into dead astronauts and beads of your own piss. 220 00:13:13,483 --> 00:13:14,963 Who is "Janet"? 221 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,643 Janet's my mum. Oh, yeah. 222 00:13:17,683 --> 00:13:20,003 KATY CHUCKLES 223 00:13:26,923 --> 00:13:28,083 ON PHONE: Sami? Yeah? 224 00:13:28,123 --> 00:13:31,123 This is all perfectly normal. There is a system in place. 225 00:13:31,163 --> 00:13:32,403 What is the system? 226 00:13:32,443 --> 00:13:34,323 It's not perfect, but it's what we've got. 227 00:13:34,363 --> 00:13:37,443 HE SCOFFS Monica, it has been six months. 228 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:38,603 What's going on? 229 00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,963 Mr Ibrahim, your case is still under review. 230 00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:42,803 It takes time. Six months is not unusual. 231 00:13:44,603 --> 00:13:47,403 But I haven't arrived yet. How much longer do I have to wait? 232 00:13:47,443 --> 00:13:48,803 I can't say. 233 00:13:48,843 --> 00:13:50,243 You are solicitor. 234 00:13:50,283 --> 00:13:51,723 You know these things. You know them. 235 00:13:51,763 --> 00:13:53,403 Each case is different. 236 00:13:53,443 --> 00:13:54,963 Each asylum seeker is different. 237 00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:57,203 You're like snowflakes. I am not a snowflake. 238 00:13:57,243 --> 00:13:59,923 No, I didn't mean it like that. Oh. 239 00:13:59,963 --> 00:14:01,603 Sami, you know the British. 240 00:14:01,643 --> 00:14:03,603 You know how we love to queue. Yes. 241 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:06,283 Yes, you love to queue. OK, so this is the queue. 242 00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:08,323 This is part of the test. 243 00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:10,763 This is the queue. Try to keep calm. 244 00:14:10,803 --> 00:14:13,363 Don't do anything stupid. Obey the law, OK? 245 00:14:14,483 --> 00:14:17,003 Where am I in this queue? I don't know. 246 00:14:17,043 --> 00:14:19,523 I'll call you when I have news. Thank you. 247 00:14:21,523 --> 00:14:22,643 Excuse me. 248 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,683 What? We're waiting here. What the fuck are you doing? 249 00:14:26,723 --> 00:14:29,603 Nothing. That's my ball there. 250 00:14:29,643 --> 00:14:30,843 What do you want me to do? 251 00:14:30,883 --> 00:14:32,603 What do you think I want you to do? 252 00:14:37,523 --> 00:14:39,123 No, you fucking idiot! 253 00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:54,723 Are you a member? 254 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:55,883 Not yet. 255 00:14:57,603 --> 00:14:58,603 Not yet. 256 00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:07,803 BLOWS WHISTLE Sir, no outdoor shoes in the pool area. 257 00:15:07,843 --> 00:15:10,523 These are sandals. Yes, but... You are wearing sandals. 258 00:15:10,563 --> 00:15:13,003 These are flip-flops. Flip-flops, part of sandal family. 259 00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:15,203 You are a radical breakaway group. Please? 260 00:15:15,243 --> 00:15:17,043 This country and its rules. 261 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,803 Yeah, hello, Mr Referee, more rules, please. Um... 262 00:15:19,843 --> 00:15:21,843 No diving, no bombing. 263 00:15:21,883 --> 00:15:24,043 No bombing? No bombing?! 264 00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:25,803 Oh, oh, oh! 265 00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:29,203 I wish we had you and your whistle in Aleppo! 266 00:15:29,243 --> 00:15:31,243 Sir? BLOWS WHISTLE 267 00:15:31,283 --> 00:15:32,283 W-W-What are you doing? 268 00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,803 Sir, get out, please. No. I need you to leave, sir. No. 269 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,083 You're fully clothed! 270 00:15:45,123 --> 00:15:47,123 BELL RINGS 271 00:15:54,123 --> 00:15:55,323 Fucking "babe." 272 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,083 I don't owe you anything. 273 00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,363 Don't talk to me like that. 274 00:15:59,403 --> 00:16:01,283 Were you a virgin? I said, don't talk to me like that. 275 00:16:01,323 --> 00:16:05,483 Look, what did you think? Just because I fucked you, you thought I was going to marry you?Oh! 276 00:16:05,523 --> 00:16:07,283 What the hell is going on here? 277 00:16:07,323 --> 00:16:09,443 He's a fucking pig. Oink oink. 278 00:16:09,483 --> 00:16:12,763 I heard what he said. Is that how you treat a woman, Jason? 279 00:16:12,803 --> 00:16:14,163 Depends, Miss. 280 00:16:14,203 --> 00:16:15,483 How would you like to be treated? 281 00:16:15,523 --> 00:16:17,323 I beg your pardon? 282 00:16:17,363 --> 00:16:19,443 How would you like me to treat you? 283 00:16:19,483 --> 00:16:21,003 Oh, Jason, please. 284 00:16:21,043 --> 00:16:23,123 I've got yoghurt in the fridge older than you. 285 00:16:23,163 --> 00:16:24,803 No-one's fucked you in years. 286 00:16:28,163 --> 00:16:31,003 Gemma Bridges, there will be other wrong men - they happen. 287 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:35,203 But your mistakes will be fascinating. Want to know them? 288 00:16:35,243 --> 00:16:37,683 What? There'll be a writer called Orlando. 289 00:16:37,723 --> 00:16:41,163 He's posh, with an extremely long face, and he'll put you in one of his erotic novels, 290 00:16:41,203 --> 00:16:44,163 but you're no-one's muse and you will leave him weeping on the stone floor 291 00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:46,843 of a Tuscan castle. I think I've gone off boys. 292 00:16:46,883 --> 00:16:49,763 Your lesbian affair is with a Belgian tattooist called Martha. 293 00:16:49,803 --> 00:16:51,603 I'm not gay. It's just a fling, 294 00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,883 but blooms into a lifelong friendship, 295 00:16:53,923 --> 00:16:57,083 and you'll catch her eye on your wedding day and smile. 296 00:16:57,123 --> 00:16:59,203 Who's he? Brett? 297 00:16:59,243 --> 00:17:00,723 Brett's a fireman 298 00:17:00,763 --> 00:17:03,123 and voluntary baby whisperer. 299 00:17:03,163 --> 00:17:06,123 He'll reach into your chest and flip your heart open like a Japanese fan. 300 00:17:06,163 --> 00:17:07,763 Yeah, and what about me, babe? 301 00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:14,443 What of Jason Maddox? SHE SIGHS 302 00:17:14,483 --> 00:17:16,203 I've met boys like you before. 303 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,483 You're all the same 304 00:17:17,523 --> 00:17:20,043 with your charming fathers and a mum with a flinch. 305 00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:22,883 There's time to change, though, Jason. Best you do. 306 00:17:22,923 --> 00:17:26,523 You're a good looking lad, but that beauty will melt like a candle. 307 00:17:26,563 --> 00:17:28,683 God's an arsonist and all you'll be left with 308 00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,803 is the content of your character. 309 00:17:30,843 --> 00:17:33,323 And please, don't call into question my sex life. 310 00:17:33,363 --> 00:17:34,683 I've had a threesome in a graveyard 311 00:17:34,723 --> 00:17:37,283 and given handjobs in two separate pedalos. 312 00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:39,523 It's all gravy. Class now. 313 00:17:39,563 --> 00:17:41,563 BELL RINGS CHEERING 314 00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:55,363 Sami, hi. 315 00:17:55,403 --> 00:17:57,403 Is this Peter? 316 00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,123 Yes. Sorry, who's...? 317 00:17:59,163 --> 00:18:01,243 It's Victor. Who? 318 00:18:01,283 --> 00:18:02,963 The beautiful Nigerian dentist 319 00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:06,083 who astonished you from the bathroom. Oh, right. 320 00:18:06,123 --> 00:18:07,443 Um... OK. 321 00:18:07,483 --> 00:18:10,923 How can I...? You need to come here immediately, please. 322 00:18:10,963 --> 00:18:12,923 It's Sami. OK. 323 00:18:12,963 --> 00:18:14,843 I'm actually... No haggling. 324 00:18:14,883 --> 00:18:16,843 He needs you. Get here now. 325 00:18:45,243 --> 00:18:47,003 How long's he been in there? Over an hour. 326 00:18:52,723 --> 00:18:54,763 Excuse me. This is him. 327 00:18:54,803 --> 00:18:58,483 You know the gentleman in there. I believe so. OK. He's locked himself in with one of the lifeguards. 328 00:18:58,523 --> 00:19:00,563 He's taken a hostage? We're not using that language yet 329 00:19:00,603 --> 00:19:02,603 as we're trying to respect the energy flow of the spa. 330 00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:05,083 That's very thoughtful. Is he dangerous? 331 00:19:05,123 --> 00:19:07,003 No. No. OK. 332 00:19:07,043 --> 00:19:10,683 Right, we're going to give you five minutes to persuade him to come out or we'll have to do it by force, 333 00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:11,963 and that won't end well for him. 334 00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:15,323 Does this make me chief negotiator? No. 335 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:17,003 Can I have a stab vest? No. Bring me to him. 336 00:19:28,323 --> 00:19:31,363 But apart from this, how was your day? Go home, Peter. 337 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:34,043 Let me out. This is a hostage situation. 338 00:19:34,083 --> 00:19:36,363 Hostage situations do not smell of eucalyptus. 339 00:19:36,403 --> 00:19:37,603 Please enjoy the wellness. 340 00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,763 This isn't wellness. This is madness. 341 00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:40,963 Come on, mate. 342 00:19:41,003 --> 00:19:43,083 You're going to get heat exhaustion in there. 343 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,723 We are a desert people. 344 00:19:53,243 --> 00:19:55,963 Wouldn't it be wonderful if the smoke cleared... 345 00:19:57,123 --> 00:19:58,523 ..and I had vanished? 346 00:20:06,323 --> 00:20:07,803 Still here? Still here. 347 00:20:10,523 --> 00:20:12,043 Fuck David Blaine. 348 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:13,523 What's going on, Sami? 349 00:20:13,563 --> 00:20:15,403 I'm not too sure, 350 00:20:15,443 --> 00:20:17,563 sort of found myself here. 351 00:20:17,603 --> 00:20:18,723 This is a protest? 352 00:20:20,043 --> 00:20:21,963 I do not think so. 353 00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:24,203 I don't think so either. 354 00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:26,363 If this was a protest, you'd have taken your clothes off. 355 00:20:26,403 --> 00:20:29,123 That would not be a protest. That would be an act of terrorism. 356 00:20:29,163 --> 00:20:32,003 PETER CHUCKLES 357 00:20:32,043 --> 00:20:34,563 I cannot wait anymore. 358 00:20:34,603 --> 00:20:35,923 Don't give up, mate. 359 00:20:35,963 --> 00:20:38,003 I can't. 360 00:20:38,043 --> 00:20:39,483 They win. 361 00:20:39,523 --> 00:20:40,523 LOUDER: They win. 362 00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:44,643 I'm losing my mind, Peter. 363 00:20:46,363 --> 00:20:49,643 I think I'm trying to melt away. 364 00:20:49,683 --> 00:20:52,363 Sami, if you don't come out... 365 00:20:53,883 --> 00:20:56,123 ..I'm going to drag you out. 366 00:20:56,163 --> 00:20:58,763 And they're going to keep dragging you all the way back to Damascus. 367 00:21:00,203 --> 00:21:02,403 Maybe I want them to. 368 00:21:02,443 --> 00:21:05,443 Everything I've tried to fix is broken - 369 00:21:05,483 --> 00:21:07,243 asylum, family. 370 00:21:08,803 --> 00:21:11,083 Go back to Syria, at least everything is rubble. 371 00:21:11,123 --> 00:21:12,683 Nothing left to ruin. 372 00:21:17,523 --> 00:21:18,963 You haven't ruined everything. 373 00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:28,883 You know when I said we are a desert people? Yes. 374 00:21:28,923 --> 00:21:31,203 We are not a desert people. No. 375 00:21:31,243 --> 00:21:32,883 We are a dessert people. 376 00:21:36,683 --> 00:21:39,243 Open the door, Sami. I can't feel my legs. 377 00:21:39,283 --> 00:21:40,843 Sami? I miss my boy. 378 00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:41,883 Open the door. 379 00:21:45,163 --> 00:21:46,563 Get the spare room set up. 380 00:21:47,883 --> 00:21:49,683 You'll be spending a few days with us. 381 00:21:59,163 --> 00:22:00,443 We're back. 382 00:22:08,723 --> 00:22:10,803 You smell pretty bad. 383 00:22:10,843 --> 00:22:13,523 I have been in a sauna fully clothed. 384 00:22:13,563 --> 00:22:14,923 What's your excuse? 385 00:22:20,843 --> 00:22:22,843 I'm sorry. 386 00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:23,963 Welcome home. 387 00:22:49,083 --> 00:22:52,083 Subtitles by Red Bee Media