1
00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:05,083
This programme contains
very strong language

2
00:00:07,603 --> 00:00:09,563
ELECTRONIC SPEECH: Well... Well...

3
00:00:09,563 --> 00:00:11,203
What the fuck?

4
00:00:11,203 --> 00:00:13,683
Well...

5
00:00:13,683 --> 00:00:15,763
If it isn't Tiny Tim!

6
00:00:15,763 --> 00:00:17,363
Kiefer.

7
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:22,483
And when I say Tiny,
I mean your dick.

8
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My oldest enemy!

9
00:00:27,643 --> 00:00:29,883
I'm saying your dick is small.

10
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I haven't seen you since art
school.

11
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They put you in the girls' dorm

12
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because your dick is so small.

13
00:00:38,963 --> 00:00:41,003
Yeah...  No, wait.

14
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We always have to wait for you,
Kiefer.

15
00:00:49,923 --> 00:00:53,323
You never got any pussy
in art school either.

16
00:00:53,323 --> 00:00:54,843
I remember.

17
00:00:54,843 --> 00:00:57,443
I thought you'd be dead by now.

18
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I thought we might both be.

19
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I'm not dead.

20
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I'm amazing.

21
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:06,963
My latest exhibition starts next
week in Shoreditch.

22
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When's your exhibition, Tiny Tim?

23
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When's your fucking exhibition,
Tiny Tim?

24
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Tiny Tim, your dick is so small
the only exhibition you've made

25
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is an exhibition of yourself...
with your small dick.

26
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That wasn't worth coming back for.

27
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BEEPING

28
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Hey, Mom.

29
00:02:00,003 --> 00:02:01,803
Hey, Timmy.

30
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Where are you?

31
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Why is it so dull?

32
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I have to be really, really quiet.

33
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Mom, you've never been quiet
in your life.

34
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Timmy, I really need you to do
something for me.

35
00:02:16,363 --> 00:02:20,123
Mom, you're acting really strange.

36
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:22,363
Are you on the valium again?

37
00:02:22,363 --> 00:02:25,363
No. I really need you to...

38
00:02:25,363 --> 00:02:30,523
..give your Mama a
motherfucking kiss, you freak!

39
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Hey, Mom!  Hi, baby.

40
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What the fuck are you doing here?

41
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Can't wait to meet Tim's mum.
Do you think she'll like me?

42
00:02:38,123 --> 00:02:40,043
No.  Why?

43
00:02:40,043 --> 00:02:43,403
No-one likes you, especially
on the first impression.

44
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And then when they you get to know
you, they really don't like you.

45
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She does like me.  Hi, guys!  Hi.

46
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Mom, this is Ruth.

47
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:59,763
Oh, Ruth, I've been dying to
meet you.

48
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,003
And would you like coffee?

49
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Sure.  Sorry...

50
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HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

51
00:03:05,523 --> 00:03:08,243
You must be Mrs Renkow.
Is it Miss? Ms?

52
00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:11,123
I wouldn't want to presume
that you'd take the name of a man.

53
00:03:11,123 --> 00:03:12,483
Could be maiden name.

54
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:15,083
Sorry, I'm mansplaining.

55
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Do you have that term in America,
mansplaining?

56
00:03:17,283 --> 00:03:20,883
It's when a man sort of explains
something to...  Stop it.

57
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I'm doing it again. I'm sorry.

58
00:03:22,963 --> 00:03:25,523
Idris.  Idris. I thought
you made him up.

59
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I wish I had.

60
00:03:27,363 --> 00:03:30,123
You've raised a wonderful son,
Mrs Mum.

61
00:03:30,123 --> 00:03:31,883
Mrs Renkow.

62
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OK...

63
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So, I had an idea
to save Timmy's ass.

64
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We get him hitched.

65
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This way, they'll HAVE to let
him stay.

66
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So you marry Ruth.  What?!

67
00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:49,283
No!  Look, you already wipe his ass.

68
00:03:49,283 --> 00:03:50,963
Why not put a ring on it?

69
00:03:50,963 --> 00:03:52,403
The NHS asks a lot, but...

70
00:03:52,403 --> 00:03:54,723
But you're allowed to marry
patients!

71
00:03:54,723 --> 00:03:57,803
Yeah, I've considered it if
they've got their own flat

72
00:03:57,803 --> 00:03:59,923
and they're, like, 97.  OK.

73
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:02,923
Well, that definitely fucked
up my plan.  Not necessarily.

74
00:04:02,923 --> 00:04:05,003
I mean, Tim could find
another girl.

75
00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:08,643
Well, I want him to get a nice
girl, not just get him laid.

76
00:04:08,643 --> 00:04:10,363
I mean, if that was the issue,

77
00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:13,723
I'd pay 500 bucks
and hire a streetwalker.

78
00:04:13,723 --> 00:04:15,683
Mom, this is so demeaning.

79
00:04:15,683 --> 00:04:19,283
No, Tim, we could hook you up
with a few dates.

80
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And you might find love
and all that other bullshit.

81
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,403
Well, if you think so.

82
00:04:25,403 --> 00:04:28,043
Yeah, we'll get you on the dating
sites. You'll get loads of hits.

83
00:04:28,043 --> 00:04:30,683
Hey, you know you should keep
that camera covered up?

84
00:04:30,683 --> 00:04:34,083
It can record you all the time.
Don't be silly.

85
00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:37,003
Can it? What, all the time?  Yes.

86
00:04:37,003 --> 00:04:41,163
No. It doesn't really matter cos
I don't really watch a lot of...

87
00:04:41,163 --> 00:04:44,723
I mean, the stuff I do watch,
it's all female friendly.

88
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Clothes-on type of stuff, not the...

89
00:04:47,043 --> 00:04:49,883
There's quite some rude stuff
out there.

90
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Is it MILFs?

91
00:04:51,603 --> 00:04:54,843
Not, Mrs Renkow, that older women
aren't attractive.  Jesus...

92
00:04:54,843 --> 00:04:59,083
I'm sure you yourself
have a very active sex life.

93
00:05:02,123 --> 00:05:04,963
Okey-doke, Tim,
let's get you logged in.

94
00:05:04,963 --> 00:05:08,043
Just a few details... Interests?

95
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Eugenics.

96
00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:14,683
Know thy enemy, Idris!

97
00:05:16,203 --> 00:05:20,323
Mom, why do I have to do this?

98
00:05:20,323 --> 00:05:24,003
Because you literally fucked up
every other avenue.

99
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Hmm.

100
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Look, don't be scared.

101
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:29,483
You know that beauty
is on the inside, right?

102
00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:31,843
Yeah, but what about the outside?

103
00:05:31,843 --> 00:05:34,003
You're an acquired taste, my love.

104
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SHE LAUGHS

105
00:05:36,683 --> 00:05:40,043
Look at my boy,
all dressed up,

106
00:05:40,043 --> 00:05:43,963
going out to date!
Mom, I've been on dates before.

107
00:05:43,963 --> 00:05:47,563
Yeah?
What kind of girls are you into?

108
00:05:47,563 --> 00:05:50,523
Come on! I just want to know.

109
00:05:50,523 --> 00:05:52,563
Are you an ass man?

110
00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:56,203
Mom, I like to keep a little
mystique.

111
00:05:56,203 --> 00:05:58,843
Yeah? You like a nice rack?

112
00:05:58,843 --> 00:06:01,763
All right, all right,
all right, all right.

113
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What DON'T you like?

114
00:06:03,643 --> 00:06:07,363
I don't know, Mom.
I guess I'm open-minded.

115
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I'm just looking for a girl

116
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that doesn't have...

117
00:06:11,603 --> 00:06:13,443
A gag reflex?

118
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Come on, that was a good one!

119
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Yeah, very good!

120
00:06:31,803 --> 00:06:34,963
# I'm a little pimp
with my hair gassed back

121
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# Pair of khaki pants
with my shoes shined black

122
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# Got a little lady walk that street

123
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# Telling all the boys
that she can't be beat. #

124
00:06:53,963 --> 00:06:55,563
Hey.

125
00:06:55,563 --> 00:06:57,803
I'm Tim.

126
00:06:57,803 --> 00:07:00,483
You seem different to your photo.

127
00:07:00,483 --> 00:07:02,683
Yeah. Maybe I'm a bit shorter.

128
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,163
It's just...

129
00:07:04,163 --> 00:07:06,123
You didn't tell me
you were disabled.

130
00:07:06,123 --> 00:07:08,723
I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

131
00:07:18,403 --> 00:07:19,963
Oh, nice.

132
00:07:21,123 --> 00:07:23,243
How long do I have to sit here?

133
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:27,043
It's not speed-dating.
You can leave any time.

134
00:07:27,043 --> 00:07:29,403
Yeah, but so as I'm not being rude.

135
00:07:29,403 --> 00:07:32,443
Because to be fair, I wasn't
expecting a disabled.

136
00:07:32,443 --> 00:07:35,963
No, I'm not shocked. I actually went
out with a disabled guy once,

137
00:07:35,963 --> 00:07:39,123
so I know how much a fucking pain
in the arse it is.

138
00:07:42,923 --> 00:07:44,123
No!

139
00:07:44,123 --> 00:07:46,163
Not feeling it.

140
00:07:46,163 --> 00:07:48,003
But you liked my photo.

141
00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:53,123
Do I look like I am in control
over whether I swipe right or left?

142
00:07:55,123 --> 00:07:56,803
INAUDIBLE

143
00:08:07,563 --> 00:08:11,283
Don't worry. I've got a friend
who's in a wheelchair, so...

144
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:14,083
Yeah, but I'm not in a wheelchair.

145
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:16,643
Wheelchairs turn me on.

146
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SLURRED:  So, what's...
What's your name? Tom?

147
00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:29,083
Tim.  Tim.

148
00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:32,243
Ah. And what...
What is it you've got?

149
00:08:32,243 --> 00:08:34,163
Is it... Is it cancer?

150
00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:35,483
Yes, sure.

151
00:08:35,483 --> 00:08:37,003
Why not?

152
00:08:37,003 --> 00:08:39,363
Can you still do stuff?

153
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,523
Do you want to come home with me?

154
00:08:48,363 --> 00:08:51,123
Fuck it, yeah. Why not?

155
00:08:56,163 --> 00:08:59,283
I think this must be her address.

156
00:08:59,283 --> 00:09:02,923
It's where all her deliveries go.

157
00:09:02,923 --> 00:09:05,963
A lot of self-help books.

158
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,723
I'll get her home.

159
00:09:08,803 --> 00:09:12,923
It's not my place to say anything,
but I think you can do better, mate.

160
00:09:29,083 --> 00:09:31,483
It's cold out tonight.

161
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:37,283
Are you drawing me?  Yeah, I am.

162
00:09:37,283 --> 00:09:39,083
I kind of look like...

163
00:09:39,083 --> 00:09:41,883
A young Mr Herbert from Family Guy?

164
00:09:41,883 --> 00:09:43,683
Uh, no!

165
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:47,123
That's not...  The right grain of
charcoal for the beard.

166
00:09:47,123 --> 00:09:49,803
You're right.
You really know your stuff.

167
00:09:54,203 --> 00:09:56,123
The bus is late.

168
00:09:56,123 --> 00:10:00,003
Yeah, there's not been one for,
like, 30 minutes. Jesus.

169
00:10:00,003 --> 00:10:02,203
I'd better go.

170
00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:03,843
Shit, that sucks,

171
00:10:03,843 --> 00:10:07,203
cos I've really got
to get back to...

172
00:10:07,203 --> 00:10:09,363
Well, nothing really.

173
00:10:09,363 --> 00:10:11,043
SHE GIGGLES

174
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:12,963
Do you want me to walk with you?

175
00:10:12,963 --> 00:10:14,843
You know, just to...

176
00:10:14,843 --> 00:10:17,563
Three hours later
than I need to be?

177
00:10:17,563 --> 00:10:19,123
Oh, why not?

178
00:10:20,883 --> 00:10:22,483
I'm Clara.

179
00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:24,163
I'm Tim.  Hi, Tim.

180
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,763
You know, the last girl probably
just thought you were pissed

181
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,203
and trying to fit in.

182
00:10:40,203 --> 00:10:43,683
I gave up trying to fit in
a long time ago.

183
00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:48,203
Anyway, this is me.
Thanks for the walk, Tim.

184
00:10:48,203 --> 00:10:49,523
So...

185
00:10:50,603 --> 00:10:52,323
Yeah.

186
00:10:52,323 --> 00:10:54,763
I would love to...  Ask me out?

187
00:10:54,763 --> 00:10:58,363
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was coming.

188
00:10:58,363 --> 00:10:59,843
Uh...

189
00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:05,363
How... How do you feel
about art exhibitions?

190
00:11:05,363 --> 00:11:06,723
I love art exhibitions.

191
00:11:06,723 --> 00:11:09,923
What about fucking tailboards?

192
00:11:09,923 --> 00:11:11,923
They're, like, the best.

193
00:11:11,923 --> 00:11:15,203
Cool. What are you doing
tomorrow night?

194
00:11:16,883 --> 00:11:20,203
Timmy, why can't Mommy meet
your new hottie,

195
00:11:20,203 --> 00:11:22,683
your future wife, your baby mama?

196
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:26,883
Oh, pretty much because of
everything you just said.

197
00:11:26,883 --> 00:11:29,003
But I'm so excited for you.

198
00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:31,243
Do you think she'll put out?

199
00:11:31,243 --> 00:11:33,643
Let's just take it slow, Mom.

200
00:11:33,643 --> 00:11:35,243
Look, I'm just trying to help.

201
00:11:35,243 --> 00:11:37,683
You're going to wear your shoes,
aren't you?  Mom!

202
00:11:37,683 --> 00:11:40,643
I know how to be around girls.

203
00:11:40,643 --> 00:11:44,323
Tim, your mum's just clearly
looking out for you, aren't you?

204
00:11:44,323 --> 00:11:46,043
Just making sure that

205
00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:49,283
if you did want to share an
intimacy with a lady...

206
00:11:49,283 --> 00:11:52,443
Who uses the phrases like
"intimacy with a lady"?

207
00:11:52,443 --> 00:11:54,563
Have you ever had sex, Idris?

208
00:11:54,563 --> 00:11:56,123
I beg your pardon? Yeah.

209
00:11:56,123 --> 00:11:58,363
I've... I've done stuff. Yeah.

210
00:11:58,363 --> 00:12:00,443
Don't you worry about that.

211
00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:02,443
And both sorts of stuff.

212
00:12:02,443 --> 00:12:04,123
Both sorts?

213
00:12:06,803 --> 00:12:10,363
Well, I'll have to say, Tim, this
Clara does sound very nice.

214
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,243
She fucking is.

215
00:12:12,243 --> 00:12:16,723
I don't want either of you
to fuck this up for me.

216
00:12:16,723 --> 00:12:21,683
I'm going to woo Clara,
so keep this shit out.

217
00:12:22,923 --> 00:12:26,643
Where is the exhibition, sweetie?

218
00:12:26,643 --> 00:12:29,683
Oh, you just go down the street

219
00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:33,243
and mind your own goddamn business.

220
00:12:43,203 --> 00:12:46,443
# Yo, yo, yo, what a night

221
00:12:46,443 --> 00:12:48,843
# New York City
Heard it going down

222
00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,043
# Friday night, midnight

223
00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:52,643
# Atlantic City, slot machines
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding

224
00:12:52,643 --> 00:12:54,203
# When they ring off, lock the doors

225
00:12:54,203 --> 00:12:55,883
# That's when Ghost just g'd off

226
00:12:55,883 --> 00:12:57,043
# Cigars, Paisley robes

227
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,603
# Four bitches guarding me safely
as we walk to the window

228
00:12:59,603 --> 00:13:02,123
# The cashier was scared
She asked for my info

229
00:13:02,123 --> 00:13:04,043
# The manager arrived
with two guards... #

230
00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:05,323
ELECTRONIC SPEECH: Well...

231
00:13:05,323 --> 00:13:06,723
HE SIGHS

232
00:13:06,723 --> 00:13:10,203
Well...  Kiefer,
I don't have time for this.

233
00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:12,803
No-one has time for this.

234
00:13:12,803 --> 00:13:17,283
Well, if it isn't the guy
with the biggest micro penis

235
00:13:17,283 --> 00:13:18,963
I've never seen.

236
00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:21,963
How many double negatives is that?

237
00:13:21,963 --> 00:13:24,803
Couldn't stay away, could you?

238
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:28,643
My exhibition evokes the true
experience of suffering

239
00:13:28,643 --> 00:13:30,563
with cerebral palsy.

240
00:13:30,563 --> 00:13:32,643
It does in a way,

241
00:13:32,643 --> 00:13:35,683
because it's fucking awful.

242
00:13:35,683 --> 00:13:40,883
Oh, well, I wouldn't say it was
world class and groundbreaking,

243
00:13:40,883 --> 00:13:44,923
but it's nice of you to say it.
Oh, my God, I didn't.

244
00:13:44,923 --> 00:13:48,443
How much of this shit
is pre-programmed?

245
00:13:48,443 --> 00:13:50,163
You know what?

246
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,083
It doesn't matter,

247
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:55,763
cos I'm here with my date Clara.

248
00:13:58,083 --> 00:13:59,723
Clara?

249
00:13:59,723 --> 00:14:03,203
She looks like she
loves a bit of Kiefer.

250
00:14:03,203 --> 00:14:06,603
No, actually, this was on
her bucket list.

251
00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:09,563
And by that I mean
that list of things

252
00:14:09,563 --> 00:14:12,803
that make her want to be
sick in a bucket.

253
00:14:17,963 --> 00:14:20,643
Hi, Tim.  Hello.

254
00:14:20,643 --> 00:14:22,403
These are quite good.

255
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,083
They're evocative.

256
00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:26,323
I wouldn't put them on my fridge

257
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:30,043
and my fridge is fucking disgusting!

258
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,843
Oh, really?  Yeah.

259
00:14:31,843 --> 00:14:35,723
Do you not think there's, like,
a...perspicacity to them?

260
00:14:35,723 --> 00:14:37,003
Yes.

261
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:39,323
If that word means shit.

262
00:14:39,323 --> 00:14:41,603
You're...  There he is!  Oh, my God.

263
00:14:41,603 --> 00:14:44,763
Fuck!  I knew you made a mistake
and it was tonight in Shoreditch,

264
00:14:44,763 --> 00:14:47,123
not next Tuesday in Brighton,
like you said.

265
00:14:47,123 --> 00:14:50,043
How did you even know
where to find me?

266
00:14:50,043 --> 00:14:53,083
When he said it was an exhibition by
an artist with cerebral palsy,

267
00:14:53,083 --> 00:14:55,243
there's only one
causing a five-star buzz.

268
00:14:55,243 --> 00:14:58,123
I mean, it's not like you've got
an exhibition, is it?

269
00:14:59,563 --> 00:15:01,163
Hi. You must be hot Clara?

270
00:15:01,163 --> 00:15:02,923
Oh...

271
00:15:02,923 --> 00:15:05,043
I think the "hot" is silent.

272
00:15:05,043 --> 00:15:09,563
Sorry, I didn't mean to objectify
you sexually.

273
00:15:09,563 --> 00:15:12,123
It's my third least favourite way
of being objectified.

274
00:15:12,123 --> 00:15:15,403
Oh, God. Just so don't make another
mistake, what are first two?

275
00:15:15,403 --> 00:15:17,443
I'm joking!  Oh, God.

276
00:15:17,443 --> 00:15:20,683
I told him to practise
talking to women.

277
00:15:20,683 --> 00:15:22,323
She didn't.

278
00:15:22,323 --> 00:15:23,603
Hi. Idris.

279
00:15:24,843 --> 00:15:28,483
Please tell me my mom isn't here.

280
00:15:28,483 --> 00:15:30,203
No.

281
00:15:30,203 --> 00:15:32,883
She's... She's just paying
for the cab.

282
00:15:32,883 --> 00:15:35,563
I've got to go and hide.

283
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:39,683
Nice ass.

284
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:48,483
So, where's your little lady friend?

285
00:15:48,483 --> 00:15:51,643
Oh, she's in the toilet.

286
00:15:51,643 --> 00:15:53,883
That's exactly where I'm headed.

287
00:15:53,883 --> 00:15:57,843
That little shit Idris introduced
me to the British shepherd's pie.

288
00:15:58,923 --> 00:16:01,043
The shit's going right through me.

289
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,363
Oh, lovely.

290
00:16:02,363 --> 00:16:04,283
Well, I'll stand guard.

291
00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:08,003
MUSIC PLAYS

292
00:16:15,243 --> 00:16:16,883
So...

293
00:16:16,883 --> 00:16:20,363
We could get out of here.
Ten more minutes.

294
00:16:20,363 --> 00:16:22,163
I just bought something.

295
00:16:22,163 --> 00:16:25,443
You know, there is a really
impressive brain at work here.

296
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,443
Really?  Mm-hm.

297
00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:32,603
Actually, do you want to meet him?

298
00:16:32,603 --> 00:16:35,283
Wow. That'd be great.
Do you know him?

299
00:16:35,283 --> 00:16:37,003
Oh, yeah.

300
00:16:37,003 --> 00:16:39,403
All cerebral palsies
know each other!

301
00:16:43,163 --> 00:16:47,003
I cannot wait for you to meet him.

302
00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:49,483
Hi. Sorry. Excuse me.

303
00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:52,083
I've just been saying how much
I'm enjoying your exhibition.

304
00:16:52,083 --> 00:16:54,923
I paint myself, but I'm just
an amateur, really, though, so...

305
00:16:54,923 --> 00:16:58,483
Every trained artist
was once an amateur.

306
00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,723
That's really kind of you.

307
00:17:00,723 --> 00:17:03,683
Every child is an artist.

308
00:17:03,683 --> 00:17:07,603
The problem is how to remain
an artist when we grow up.

309
00:17:07,603 --> 00:17:09,203
Jesus.  Yeah.

310
00:17:09,203 --> 00:17:12,203
The principles of true art
is not to portray

311
00:17:12,203 --> 00:17:14,283
but to evoke.

312
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:19,203
Art enables us to find ourselves
and lose ourselves.

313
00:17:19,203 --> 00:17:21,403
So fucking lose yourself.

314
00:17:21,403 --> 00:17:22,923
Tim, that's rude.

315
00:17:22,923 --> 00:17:24,963
This is so fucking bullshit.

316
00:17:24,963 --> 00:17:27,683
He just downloaded the quotes from
the internet.

317
00:17:27,683 --> 00:17:32,323
Cerebral palsy represents
as both light and shade.

318
00:17:32,323 --> 00:17:36,603
To truly see its limitation
and possibilities

319
00:17:36,603 --> 00:17:41,243
is to present it as both
two- and three-dimensional space.

320
00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:42,763
No, it doesn't!

321
00:17:42,763 --> 00:17:45,123
Tim, I think Kiefer knows what he's
talking about.

322
00:17:45,123 --> 00:17:47,643
No, he doesn't.  Yes, he does.
Please.  Sorry.

323
00:17:47,643 --> 00:17:51,043
Safari cannot connect
to the internet.

324
00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:53,963
I went behind the bar and turned
the Wi-Fi off.

325
00:17:53,963 --> 00:17:56,683
Safari cannot... Safari cannot
connect to the internet.

326
00:17:56,683 --> 00:17:58,803
See the true Kiefer now?

327
00:17:58,803 --> 00:18:01,523
If they made a film about Tim,

328
00:18:01,523 --> 00:18:04,003
it would not be My Left Foot.

329
00:18:04,003 --> 00:18:07,403
It would be
Tim's Right Hand Wanking.

330
00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:10,603
I'll use my left foot to
kick your ass!

331
00:18:10,603 --> 00:18:14,683
Oh, yeah?  Yeah, you piece of shit.

332
00:18:14,683 --> 00:18:19,203
I'll fucking beat your legs
into scrambled eggs!

333
00:18:19,203 --> 00:18:21,323
I'll beat you till your voice works!

334
00:18:21,323 --> 00:18:25,083
I'll kick your ass so hard your mom
will end up in the hospital!

335
00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:27,563
Everyone, this is want just
performance art,

336
00:18:27,563 --> 00:18:29,203
so enjoy it!

337
00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:38,243
Right, stop! Please stop.

338
00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:40,563
Sorry, Clara.

339
00:18:40,563 --> 00:18:42,323
Oh, you're Clara?

340
00:18:42,323 --> 00:18:45,923
Why you little minx, you!
Welcome to the fam...

341
00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:48,043
I don't ever want
to see you again, Tim.

342
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:50,403
Well, that's what I said
when I first saw him,

343
00:18:50,403 --> 00:18:53,363
but then you grow to just adore him.

344
00:18:53,363 --> 00:18:56,403
Hey, Cuntarella,
would you take 500 bucks

345
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,163
to bang him?

346
00:18:58,163 --> 00:19:02,043
And performance art...scene!

347
00:19:04,363 --> 00:19:07,803
# Hold tight, count to three
Gotta stay close by me

348
00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:10,163
# And hold tight, sing and shout

349
00:19:10,163 --> 00:19:12,163
# Just ride my roundabout

350
00:19:12,163 --> 00:19:13,763
# And hold tight, shut your eyes

351
00:19:13,763 --> 00:19:19,243
# Girl, you suit me for size

352
00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:21,923
# Forget these other guys

353
00:19:23,443 --> 00:19:25,443
# You'll never fall

354
00:19:25,443 --> 00:19:27,523
# Each time you call

355
00:19:27,523 --> 00:19:31,323
# Hold tight, hold tight
Hold tight... #