1
00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:07,083
This programme
contains strong language

2
00:00:09,603 --> 00:00:11,163
Just wait there, love.

3
00:00:12,723 --> 00:00:14,563
Yes, come on.

4
00:00:14,563 --> 00:00:16,803
Not you. Not safe for you.

5
00:00:33,003 --> 00:00:34,603
Can I go now?

6
00:00:40,923 --> 00:00:42,563
Back! Get back!

7
00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:46,603
Go back! Go back! Right back!

8
00:00:57,203 --> 00:01:01,163
Hey, Timothy. I just wanted to
see your cute little face.

9
00:01:01,163 --> 00:01:03,683
Hey, Mom. Is everything OK?

10
00:01:03,683 --> 00:01:05,443
No, you broke-ass son of a bitch.

11
00:01:05,443 --> 00:01:07,403
You maxed out the account again.

12
00:01:07,403 --> 00:01:10,843
Your sugar mommy cannot keep
bailing you out.

13
00:01:10,843 --> 00:01:14,963
I think, in this instance,
it's just "mommy".

14
00:01:14,963 --> 00:01:17,123
Are you eating properly?

15
00:01:17,123 --> 00:01:22,043
Mom, I think we both know
I can't eat properly.

16
00:01:22,043 --> 00:01:23,123
You've got to eat, honey.

17
00:01:23,123 --> 00:01:26,683
Jesus, you'll lose about 1,000
calories just trying to sit still.

18
00:01:26,683 --> 00:01:29,723
Could you sit still? You're rocking
and rolling all over the place.

19
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:33,443
OK, Mom. Is there anything else?

20
00:01:33,443 --> 00:01:37,763
Yeah. Just get your shit together.
Eat, wear your shoes.

21
00:01:37,763 --> 00:01:39,883
I got shoes.

22
00:01:39,883 --> 00:01:40,923
You did?

23
00:01:43,123 --> 00:01:46,883
If anything, they just make it
harder to walk.

24
00:01:46,883 --> 00:01:49,883
Is that where the money's gone?
On that gag?

25
00:01:49,883 --> 00:01:51,083
SHE LAUGHS

26
00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:52,963
Oh, Timmy, you're a piece of work!

27
00:01:59,163 --> 00:02:01,323
Oh... Right.

28
00:02:01,323 --> 00:02:02,363
Tuna...

29
00:02:03,443 --> 00:02:04,483
..pasta...

30
00:02:06,283 --> 00:02:07,323
..Cheerios...

31
00:02:08,683 --> 00:02:10,283
..and...

32
00:02:10,283 --> 00:02:11,323
..Tangfastics.

33
00:02:12,963 --> 00:02:15,403
Right, is there anything that you
want?

34
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:20,483
Can I get some bread, some cheese?

35
00:02:21,603 --> 00:02:23,323
I'll put Doritos.

36
00:02:23,323 --> 00:02:26,563
They're sort of bread and cheese.

37
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,443
Right. That'll do for now.

38
00:02:29,443 --> 00:02:32,923
You probably can't carry
any more anyway.

39
00:02:32,923 --> 00:02:36,763
Oh, and, Tim, hurry up,
because I am starvin'.

40
00:02:55,403 --> 00:02:56,643
Fuck it.

41
00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:24,723
Is this food free?

42
00:03:24,723 --> 00:03:26,243
Yes. You no wait.

43
00:03:26,243 --> 00:03:27,883
Please, come to front.

44
00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:39,523
Oh...

45
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:40,683
..shit!

46
00:03:42,803 --> 00:03:44,403
Allahu akbar.

47
00:03:48,323 --> 00:03:50,163
Er...

48
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,763
Hakuna matata.

49
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,083
Finally!

50
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,323
Oh, you're not Tim.

51
00:04:12,323 --> 00:04:14,083
No, I'm Idris.

52
00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:16,603
Well, you're not an Idris either.

53
00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:18,203
Right, so why are you here?

54
00:04:18,203 --> 00:04:20,803
I've just got some job applications
for Tim to look over.

55
00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:24,203
Oh, your mum told you
to get out the house?

56
00:04:24,203 --> 00:04:25,683
No.

57
00:04:25,683 --> 00:04:28,203
Right, so, is Tim not in?
Maybe I'll just wait inside.

58
00:04:28,203 --> 00:04:31,483
Oh... No. He'll be hours.

59
00:04:31,483 --> 00:04:34,563
Hang on, you were clearly
just expecting him there.

60
00:04:34,563 --> 00:04:36,763
All right, Miss fucking Marple.

61
00:04:38,123 --> 00:04:41,963
But I'll warn you - I am very
comfortable with a silence.

62
00:04:41,963 --> 00:04:43,723
SHE SIGHS

63
00:04:52,203 --> 00:04:53,843
Marhabaan. You all right?

64
00:04:53,843 --> 00:04:54,883
Yes, not too bad.

65
00:05:03,483 --> 00:05:05,323
Marhabaan.

66
00:05:05,323 --> 00:05:06,763
Sorry, my Arabic isn't great.

67
00:05:06,763 --> 00:05:08,123
Do you understand English?

68
00:05:08,123 --> 00:05:10,363
Oh, yeah.

69
00:05:10,363 --> 00:05:13,323
Or...a little. Little.

70
00:05:13,323 --> 00:05:15,963
My speech comes and goes.

71
00:05:15,963 --> 00:05:17,003
That's OK.

72
00:05:17,003 --> 00:05:20,563
Hi, I'm Benedict, campaign director
here at Refugee Effort.

73
00:05:20,563 --> 00:05:21,803
What can I call you, my friend?

74
00:05:21,803 --> 00:05:22,843
Mohammed...

75
00:05:25,603 --> 00:05:26,923
..Ali.

76
00:05:26,923 --> 00:05:28,363
Can I call you Ali?

77
00:05:29,403 --> 00:05:31,523
Yeah! Yeah.

78
00:05:31,523 --> 00:05:34,403
It's so nice to meet anyone that's
been displaced from their home

79
00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:35,723
for whatever reason.

80
00:05:35,723 --> 00:05:37,163
You're always welcome here.

81
00:05:37,163 --> 00:05:38,723
I should go.

82
00:05:38,723 --> 00:05:40,643
Sorry. Don't go.

83
00:05:40,643 --> 00:05:44,203
I'd really like to know a bit
more about your particular story.

84
00:05:45,563 --> 00:05:48,323
Maybe I could get you
some more food.

85
00:05:50,123 --> 00:05:53,963
Could I get another
whole dinner to go?

86
00:05:55,643 --> 00:05:57,003
DRAMATIC MUSIC ON TV

87
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,403
So...are you well?

88
00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:05,603
MUSIC STOPS

89
00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,883
Have you heard of simulation theory?

90
00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:12,003
Yes! Erm...

91
00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:13,203
No.

92
00:06:13,203 --> 00:06:16,563
Well, it theorises that our entire
consciousness exists

93
00:06:16,563 --> 00:06:18,363
in a computer simulation.

94
00:06:18,363 --> 00:06:20,483
We're all just streams of code.

95
00:06:20,483 --> 00:06:23,723
Therefore, there's no actual
pain or pleasure.

96
00:06:24,763 --> 00:06:26,083
It's artificial.

97
00:06:26,083 --> 00:06:27,843
It's not real.

98
00:06:27,843 --> 00:06:32,683
You cannot suffer, as actions
have no material consequence.

99
00:06:34,123 --> 00:06:35,643
You see, if I do this...

100
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,723
..it's not me doing it.

101
00:06:38,723 --> 00:06:41,483
It's the code. That's not real pain.

102
00:06:41,483 --> 00:06:43,523
It's just pixels.

103
00:06:43,523 --> 00:06:44,563
Hittin' pixels.

104
00:06:46,283 --> 00:06:48,563
Sorry, and this is what you believe,
is it?

105
00:06:48,563 --> 00:06:49,603
No.

106
00:06:50,603 --> 00:06:51,683
SHE SIGHS

107
00:06:51,683 --> 00:06:53,163
Where the fuck is Tim?

108
00:06:54,203 --> 00:06:56,163
So, let me get this straight -

109
00:06:56,163 --> 00:06:59,483
North African Junior
Skateboarding Champion.

110
00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:01,923
Captured by Isis, escape.

111
00:07:01,923 --> 00:07:04,923
Captured again, escape again.

112
00:07:04,923 --> 00:07:09,083
Brother killed, sister killed,
parents killed.

113
00:07:09,083 --> 00:07:11,003
Captured again.

114
00:07:11,003 --> 00:07:12,283
Tortured.

115
00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:13,883
Cerebral palsy.

116
00:07:13,883 --> 00:07:15,323
Escaped.

117
00:07:15,323 --> 00:07:18,563
Sea. Raft. swim.

118
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:21,043
Britain?

119
00:07:21,043 --> 00:07:22,363
Yes.

120
00:07:22,363 --> 00:07:24,763
Can you get cerebral palsy
from torture?

121
00:07:24,763 --> 00:07:26,203
Yes.

122
00:07:26,203 --> 00:07:29,003
No, I just want to know as much
detail about this as possible.

123
00:07:29,003 --> 00:07:30,483
PHONE CHIMES

124
00:07:31,763 --> 00:07:33,803
I should go.  Yeah, of course.

125
00:07:33,803 --> 00:07:35,083
Just before you do, though,

126
00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:37,123
I want to get a quick photo
for the magazine.

127
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,323
It's such a great story.
People are going to love this.

128
00:07:41,203 --> 00:07:44,083
What else was I supposed to do,
Idris?!

129
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,283
Give me one more sensible option.

130
00:07:46,283 --> 00:07:50,363
Maybe not taking the food out of the
mouths of starving refugees, Tim.

131
00:07:50,363 --> 00:07:54,723
You know, some of 'em were quite
fat.

132
00:07:54,723 --> 00:07:56,963
I don't even understand
why you were there.

133
00:07:56,963 --> 00:07:59,563
I don't understand why you're here.

134
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:03,083
Well, I was just hanging out,
just chatting with Ruth.

135
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,563
She, er... She really is a
formidable intellect.

136
00:08:05,563 --> 00:08:07,603
This is fuckin' delicious!

137
00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:09,243
HE SNIGGERS

138
00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:12,803
Anyway, it might help with the
whole visa sitch.

139
00:08:14,123 --> 00:08:15,923
How?  I'm a refugee now.

140
00:08:15,923 --> 00:08:18,723
They can't kick me out.

141
00:08:18,723 --> 00:08:21,363
Tim, they're not going to buy the
fact that you're an

142
00:08:21,363 --> 00:08:25,443
international junior skateboarding
champion...called Mohammed Ali.

143
00:08:25,443 --> 00:08:30,283
Ah, Ali after the Parkinson's -

144
00:08:30,283 --> 00:08:34,283
float like a butterfly,
shake like a shitting dog.

145
00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:38,363
Tim, you know this could actually
cost you a visa on a moral level?

146
00:08:38,363 --> 00:08:40,403
Shouldn't we be trying to help
Refugee Effort?

147
00:08:40,403 --> 00:08:41,963
What would you do about it, Barney?

148
00:08:41,963 --> 00:08:44,963
You just bang on without ever
actually lifting a finger.

149
00:08:44,963 --> 00:08:46,363
You're like Gary Lineker.

150
00:08:46,363 --> 00:08:48,323
I am NOT like Gary Lineker!

151
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,723
OK, let me break a confidentiality,

152
00:08:51,723 --> 00:08:53,883
just to prove a point.

153
00:08:53,883 --> 00:08:56,283
There was a man. His name is Adnan.

154
00:08:56,283 --> 00:08:59,963
He was an architect
from Al-Safira in Syria.

155
00:08:59,963 --> 00:09:03,243
He came home one day to find
his house had been destroyed.

156
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,643
His young family killed.

157
00:09:05,643 --> 00:09:07,283
For real, Tim.

158
00:09:07,283 --> 00:09:10,883
He fled Assad and Isis
on a raft made of pallets.

159
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:14,083
Came all the way to Britain to try
and rebuild his life here.

160
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:19,323
He came to me, asked if I could help
him, and I did help him.

161
00:09:20,563 --> 00:09:23,243
I got him an interview
at Bella Pasta.

162
00:09:23,243 --> 00:09:24,883
TIM SNIGGERS

163
00:09:24,883 --> 00:09:27,203
I mean, I don't think he actually
went for it.

164
00:09:27,203 --> 00:09:28,643
He told me to shove it up my arse

165
00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:32,043
and I've not seen him since, but the
point is I didn't just stand back

166
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:33,963
and do nothing, Ruth.

167
00:09:33,963 --> 00:09:35,003
PHONE VIBRATES

168
00:09:36,563 --> 00:09:38,363
Oh, it's Benedict.

169
00:09:40,003 --> 00:09:42,843
Ali, hi. In the hour since we put
the story up on the website,

170
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:46,203
it's had such a great response.
Everyone's so moved.

171
00:09:46,203 --> 00:09:50,643
I was wondering if we could actually
do a follow-up film,

172
00:09:50,643 --> 00:09:53,523
and obviously we'd be able to help
you out with asylum applications,

173
00:09:53,523 --> 00:09:55,123
grants, food.

174
00:09:55,123 --> 00:09:57,843
What would be really good is if we
could actually come and see

175
00:09:57,843 --> 00:09:59,083
where you live.

176
00:09:59,083 --> 00:10:00,763
You want to come here?

177
00:10:00,763 --> 00:10:02,803
Like, they could deliver this shit!

178
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,163
Ask him to bring pudding.

179
00:10:05,443 --> 00:10:07,003
Ask him.

180
00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,043
Could you bring some pudding?

181
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,643
Er... Yeah, sure.

182
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,283
So, how about tomorrow?

183
00:10:12,283 --> 00:10:14,083
Yeah, around two?

184
00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:15,203
That's perfect.

185
00:10:17,443 --> 00:10:21,563
Gimpy! What the fuck?!
You're pretending you're Syrian?!

186
00:10:21,563 --> 00:10:23,003
That's just hilarious!

187
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:24,523
SHE LAUGHS

188
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:29,003
You persuaded some people that you
could survive a war zone?

189
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,723
Honey, you could barely
survive a womb,

190
00:10:32,723 --> 00:10:36,003
and that's like the easiest
place to survive.

191
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,963
I love you, you fuckin' maniac.

192
00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:41,803
I'll come visit you in Guantanamo!

193
00:10:44,603 --> 00:10:46,283
Love you!

194
00:10:46,283 --> 00:10:47,603
Thanks so much for this, Ali.

195
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,883
I just thought a more familiar
environment would make

196
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,083
for a more relaxed interview,
and the people coming

197
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:54,883
onto our website, they want to see
what conditions for refugees

198
00:10:54,883 --> 00:10:57,003
are really like.
We can get you some help, you know.

199
00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:59,323
Someone to come round and do a
basic clean at least.

200
00:10:59,323 --> 00:11:00,723
Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

201
00:11:00,723 --> 00:11:02,643
Ah.

202
00:11:02,643 --> 00:11:05,043
These must be your cohabitants.

203
00:11:05,043 --> 00:11:06,083
Hi, I'm Ben.

204
00:11:07,483 --> 00:11:08,523
And?

205
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,243
Oh, you're British.

206
00:11:12,243 --> 00:11:15,683
Sometimes we can be refugees
in our own country.

207
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,443
Sometimes...

208
00:11:18,443 --> 00:11:20,843
..the things that we're running
away from are not drugs...

209
00:11:20,843 --> 00:11:23,523
If I appear in one frame
of your film,

210
00:11:23,523 --> 00:11:26,123
I will smash all of
your fucking toys.

211
00:11:31,203 --> 00:11:32,723
Hi, I'm Ben.  Hi. Idris.

212
00:11:34,283 --> 00:11:37,003
Ben, I do admire everything
you're doing.

213
00:11:37,003 --> 00:11:38,403
You're British, too?

214
00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:39,843
Yes, I'm...

215
00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:41,203
The thing is, Ben...

216
00:11:41,203 --> 00:11:42,443
We're lovers.

217
00:11:42,443 --> 00:11:44,603
Yeah, we're lovers.

218
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:46,523
Yeah, we're lovers.  OK.

219
00:11:46,523 --> 00:11:49,323
Wow. This is perfect.
What a beautiful story.

220
00:11:49,323 --> 00:11:51,643
It's got everything.
How did you meet?

221
00:11:51,643 --> 00:11:57,923
Idris has a heart the size
of a disabled toilet.

222
00:11:57,923 --> 00:12:00,243
He loves refugees,

223
00:12:00,243 --> 00:12:02,843
don't you, Idris?

224
00:12:02,843 --> 00:12:04,323
Erm...

225
00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:05,883
Yeah, but, erm...

226
00:12:05,883 --> 00:12:13,763
He calls me his little Piglet
and he's my grumpy old Eeyore!

227
00:12:13,763 --> 00:12:16,723
Ooh! A little kiss, there.

228
00:12:16,723 --> 00:12:18,643
Great. Let's get set up.

229
00:12:18,643 --> 00:12:22,403
Sorry, so, can we just make it look
a bit more sub-poverty in there?

230
00:12:22,403 --> 00:12:23,643
Action.

231
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:27,043
None more so than with this
remarkable man, Ali,

232
00:12:27,043 --> 00:12:31,523
who fled Syria, despite suffering
from quite a severe disability.

233
00:12:32,803 --> 00:12:34,323
Let's go again.

234
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:41,803
None more so than this remarkable
man, Ali, who fled Syria,

235
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,963
despite suffering from
quite a severe disability.

236
00:12:44,963 --> 00:12:47,403
Here he is with his partner,
Idris Allah.

237
00:12:47,403 --> 00:12:48,923
Hi.

238
00:12:48,923 --> 00:12:52,443
What can you tell us now
about this remarkable story?

239
00:12:52,443 --> 00:12:53,883
Well, Ben...

240
00:12:56,043 --> 00:13:00,843
..I come from a town called
Al-Safira,

241
00:13:00,843 --> 00:13:03,603
where I worked as an architect.

242
00:13:03,603 --> 00:13:04,763
Are you kidding?

243
00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:12,603
But when I got to Britain,
no-one helped me at all.

244
00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:17,963
I was sent to one
employment agency...

245
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:22,003
..but the guy there was so bad...

246
00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:26,363
Well...  ..so bad, like, bottom of
the barrel...

247
00:13:26,363 --> 00:13:27,843
Scum.  Scum.

248
00:13:27,843 --> 00:13:30,403
..I just thought about
killing myself.

249
00:13:30,403 --> 00:13:32,083
Course you did. Ben, this is...

250
00:13:32,083 --> 00:13:34,803
And am I right in thinking that your
main passion

251
00:13:34,803 --> 00:13:36,683
isn't actually architecture?

252
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,283
Isn't it?

253
00:13:38,283 --> 00:13:39,803
No.

254
00:13:39,803 --> 00:13:42,363
Ali used to be a
champion skateboarder.

255
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:46,043
That was until the torture
and the treatment from Isis

256
00:13:46,043 --> 00:13:48,723
changed his life forever.

257
00:13:48,723 --> 00:13:51,363
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

258
00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:54,563
And then I think if you just say
you can't wait to get on board.

259
00:13:54,563 --> 00:13:56,723
What?  I just that'd be quite
poignant, you know,

260
00:13:56,723 --> 00:14:00,083
with the skateboarding
thing and all this.

261
00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:02,603
I can't wait to get on board.

262
00:14:02,603 --> 00:14:03,803
Great.

263
00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:06,483
Perfect. Let's cut there, then.
That's really good.

264
00:14:06,483 --> 00:14:07,523
Oh, she's back.

265
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,243
What else was I supposed to do,
Idris?

266
00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:16,283
Give me one more sensible option.
Just one.

267
00:14:16,283 --> 00:14:18,643
Well, I don't understand
why we had to be lovers.

268
00:14:18,643 --> 00:14:22,043
Why can't we just be friends?
No-one would believe that.

269
00:14:22,043 --> 00:14:24,483
Barney, you're somewhere
between a hanger-on

270
00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:26,443
and a groupie at best.

271
00:14:26,443 --> 00:14:28,443
Why do you hate gay people?

272
00:14:28,443 --> 00:14:31,323
What? I don't hate gay people.

273
00:14:31,323 --> 00:14:33,283
I love the LGBTQ community.

274
00:14:33,283 --> 00:14:35,643
Oh, yeah? What does the Q stand for?

275
00:14:36,883 --> 00:14:37,923
Er...

276
00:14:39,163 --> 00:14:41,323
Well, I don't know, but
I celebrate diversity.

277
00:14:41,323 --> 00:14:43,563
My best friend growing up was gay.

278
00:14:43,563 --> 00:14:45,763
OK. I'm calling it out.

279
00:14:45,763 --> 00:14:47,523
Who?  Gary Flowerdew.

280
00:14:47,523 --> 00:14:49,243
What?!  That was his name!

281
00:14:49,243 --> 00:14:50,923
Look, he's in my phone.

282
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,363
I helped him through some
tough times, growing up.

283
00:14:53,363 --> 00:14:55,603
Back in Wales,
he was the only gay in the...

284
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,003
Come on, that's true!

285
00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:58,443
Oh, OK, yeah, sure.

286
00:14:58,443 --> 00:14:59,483
It's loaded.

287
00:15:02,603 --> 00:15:04,643
You guys.

288
00:15:04,643 --> 00:15:06,523
Welcome to The Ali Show.

289
00:15:07,843 --> 00:15:10,163
Hi, I'm Benedict Armstrong Jones,

290
00:15:10,163 --> 00:15:13,283
campaign director
here at Refugee Effort.

291
00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:16,443
I've been helping refugees
for over three years now and I think

292
00:15:16,443 --> 00:15:18,603
it's fair to say they love me.

293
00:15:20,123 --> 00:15:23,723
I can identify the place value
of each digit...

294
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:27,843
Without my help, they wouldn't be
able to read or write,

295
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,963
and I insist on providing
traditional meals

296
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,483
to remind them of home.

297
00:15:31,483 --> 00:15:33,283
Not too spicy?  Thank you.

298
00:15:33,283 --> 00:15:37,163
Now I'm going to introduce
you to someone very special.

299
00:15:37,163 --> 00:15:40,083
Ali from Al-Safira, who fled Syria,

300
00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:43,803
despite suffering from
quite a severe disability.

301
00:15:43,803 --> 00:15:46,763
Every kid dreams of being
a skateboard champion

302
00:15:46,763 --> 00:15:50,083
and, growing up in Syria,
Ali was no different,

303
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:54,843
but after Isis took over his village
and cerebral palsy his body,

304
00:15:54,843 --> 00:15:57,923
Ali could no longer do the
thing he so loved,

305
00:15:57,923 --> 00:16:00,203
until I, Benedict Armstrong Jones,

306
00:16:00,203 --> 00:16:03,443
found him starving and hungry at
Refugee Effort.

307
00:16:03,443 --> 00:16:06,963
Now, with my help, Ali has turned
his life around and he...

308
00:16:06,963 --> 00:16:09,763
Can't wait to get on board.

309
00:16:09,763 --> 00:16:12,083
Yes, I'm Benedict Armstrong Jones.

310
00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:16,283
And if you want to help my fight
against injustice, donate £5

311
00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:21,723
by texting Get On Board to 34765.

312
00:16:21,723 --> 00:16:23,723
I mean, I know it's for a
good cause,

313
00:16:23,723 --> 00:16:25,923
but it seemed to be just a film
about him.

314
00:16:25,923 --> 00:16:28,963
Do you think this will
piss off Immigration?

315
00:16:28,963 --> 00:16:30,323
I don't like this.

316
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,083
I don't like it one bit.

317
00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:35,443
I agree with Barney,
and that is a horrible feeling.

318
00:16:35,443 --> 00:16:38,723
I think this prick
is exploiting you.

319
00:16:55,043 --> 00:16:56,643
Er, Ben? We need to talk.

320
00:16:56,643 --> 00:16:59,923
Hey, guys. Listen, the response has
been amazing.

321
00:16:59,923 --> 00:17:03,083
We've already raised £60,000
for the refugee appeal

322
00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:04,803
and the comments have been
astonishing,

323
00:17:04,803 --> 00:17:07,883
so many positive things
said about me... Us. You.

324
00:17:07,883 --> 00:17:10,483
Now, I've actually been calling
you to talk about the next stage

325
00:17:10,483 --> 00:17:11,803
of the campaign.

326
00:17:11,803 --> 00:17:13,763
I have this incredible...

327
00:17:13,763 --> 00:17:16,923
No, actually, I'm going to
let that be a surprise.

328
00:17:16,923 --> 00:17:19,443
Did you say 60,000 for the refugees?

329
00:17:20,843 --> 00:17:24,403
No, I'm sorry, but this man
is not called Ali.

330
00:17:24,403 --> 00:17:25,443
He's called Tim.

331
00:17:26,483 --> 00:17:28,283
And he's not from Syria.

332
00:17:28,283 --> 00:17:29,483
You're not a refugee?

333
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:32,523
Well, I am, but I'm from America

334
00:17:32,523 --> 00:17:35,843
and I'm not...I'm not running away
from Isis,

335
00:17:35,843 --> 00:17:39,243
I'm running away from my mother.

336
00:17:39,243 --> 00:17:40,483
But it's still oppression.

337
00:17:40,483 --> 00:17:43,483
Why does this shit always
happen to me?

338
00:17:43,483 --> 00:17:46,643
And I suppose the whole
disabled thing...

339
00:17:46,643 --> 00:17:48,083
Jesus!

340
00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:50,803
Oh, no. That part's true.

341
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,603
I was going to be on
fucking Newsnight.

342
00:17:52,603 --> 00:17:54,523
Well, it's not all about you, is it,
mate?

343
00:17:54,523 --> 00:17:57,603
You don't care about people,
you just care about yourself.

344
00:17:57,603 --> 00:18:00,803
Look at Sir fucking Ponce-alot
on his high fucking horse.

345
00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:03,043
I've raised 60 grand for charity.
What have you done?

346
00:18:03,043 --> 00:18:04,963
Whatever I do, I do it from pure
motives.

347
00:18:04,963 --> 00:18:07,123
What, you and your lying,
freeloading boyfriend?

348
00:18:07,123 --> 00:18:09,603
Yeah. No. No, that was a lie as
well.

349
00:18:09,603 --> 00:18:10,883
Not that it matters.

350
00:18:10,883 --> 00:18:12,683
You're just exploiting Tim.

351
00:18:12,683 --> 00:18:15,563
Is this liberal trash talk turning
you on?

352
00:18:15,563 --> 00:18:17,083
By the time I'm finished with you,

353
00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:18,923
you'll have more than
a bleeding heart.

354
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:21,403
I'll write a letter to The Guardian.
OK, shut the fuck up.

355
00:18:21,403 --> 00:18:25,283
Look, Barney, you want loads of
money for refugees, right?  Yep.

356
00:18:25,283 --> 00:18:29,163
Benedickhead, you want to make up
for not getting into film school.

357
00:18:29,163 --> 00:18:32,283
Well, me and Tim,
we want more free shit.

358
00:18:32,283 --> 00:18:33,963
So there. We can all win.

359
00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:37,363
Right, what's your next big film
surprise?

360
00:18:37,363 --> 00:18:40,803
Next door, I've got a room full of
people from Al-Safira.

361
00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:42,723
I wanted to film an
emotional reunion.

362
00:18:42,723 --> 00:18:44,443
Look, I'm sorry, but you're going to

363
00:18:44,443 --> 00:18:46,403
have to pretend for a little bit
longer.

364
00:18:46,403 --> 00:18:47,763
And if you don't,

365
00:18:47,763 --> 00:18:50,443
I'll tell the police that you
defrauded the charity.

366
00:19:01,083 --> 00:19:02,843
THEY GREET HIM

367
00:19:02,843 --> 00:19:04,883
Al Jazeera!

368
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,803
# Immigrant, immigrant,
immigrant punk

369
00:19:09,803 --> 00:19:11,963
# Immigrant, immigrant,
immigrant punk

370
00:19:11,963 --> 00:19:14,203
# Immigrant, immigrant,
immigrant punk

371
00:19:16,643 --> 00:19:19,123
# Immigrant, immigrant,
immigrant punk

372
00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:21,283
# Immigrant, immigrant,
immigrant punk

373
00:19:21,283 --> 00:19:23,283
# Immigrant, immigrant,
immigrant punk

374
00:19:25,603 --> 00:19:28,443
# Upon arriving to the melting pot

375
00:19:28,443 --> 00:19:31,043
# Officer gets me naturalised

376
00:19:31,043 --> 00:19:33,043
# Immigrant, immigrant,
immigrant punk... #