1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,563 # Well, I'm about to get sick from watching my TV 2 00:00:04,563 --> 00:00:07,923 # Been checkin' out the news until my eyeballs fail to see 3 00:00:07,923 --> 00:00:11,603 # I mean to say that every day is just another rotten mess 4 00:00:11,603 --> 00:00:15,723 # And when it's gonna change, my friends, is anybody's guess 5 00:00:15,723 --> 00:00:18,363 # So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' 6 00:00:18,363 --> 00:00:20,043 # Hopin' for the best 7 00:00:20,043 --> 00:00:22,003 # Even think I'll go to prayin' 8 00:00:22,003 --> 00:00:24,283 # Every time I hear 'em sayin'... # 9 00:00:24,283 --> 00:00:27,803 That looks like a good cake. 10 00:00:27,803 --> 00:00:29,843 CHILD SCREAMS 11 00:00:29,843 --> 00:00:32,803 # That there's no way to delay that trouble comin' every day 12 00:00:32,803 --> 00:00:36,403 # No way to delay that trouble comin' every day. # 13 00:00:38,283 --> 00:00:42,963 This programme contains some strong language and adult humour. 14 00:00:42,963 --> 00:00:47,563 So you think all of those kids were afraid of me? 15 00:00:47,563 --> 00:00:50,203 Well, you do look like you've escaped from a jar of formaldehyde. 16 00:00:50,203 --> 00:00:56,563 I get it. I mean, if scary movies have taught me anything, 17 00:00:56,563 --> 00:01:00,923 it's that all British children are bloodthirsty murderers. 18 00:01:00,923 --> 00:01:02,603 No, no, no, no, Tim, they're... 19 00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,443 Children are wondrous and pure. 20 00:01:04,443 --> 00:01:06,043 You just haven't spent enough time 21 00:01:06,043 --> 00:01:08,523 getting to understand, you know, how much of a joy they can be. 22 00:01:08,523 --> 00:01:09,923 Well, I fucking have. 23 00:01:09,923 --> 00:01:12,483 The wee shits are all over this TikTok thing. 24 00:01:12,483 --> 00:01:14,003 Holy shit. 25 00:01:14,003 --> 00:01:16,563 Look how many views these morons have. 26 00:01:17,643 --> 00:01:19,163 I bet they make shitloads. 27 00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:22,043 I need that and then I can finally quit my dead-end job. 28 00:01:22,043 --> 00:01:26,603 I don't know, I've heard your boss is pretty great. 29 00:01:26,603 --> 00:01:28,403 Nope, he's a right twat. 30 00:01:28,403 --> 00:01:30,643 SHE CHUCKLES, DOORBELL RINGS 31 00:01:32,563 --> 00:01:34,043 Oh, hi. 32 00:01:34,043 --> 00:01:36,323 Um, sorry, we live down the road. 33 00:01:36,323 --> 00:01:37,923 Um, does a man in a, um, er... 34 00:01:39,003 --> 00:01:41,323 ..with...a frame live here? 35 00:01:41,323 --> 00:01:43,043 Yes, he does, yeah. 36 00:01:43,043 --> 00:01:44,923 Um. May we come in? 37 00:01:44,923 --> 00:01:47,123 My son has something he'd like to say to him. 38 00:01:48,803 --> 00:01:51,283 Sure, yeah, come in, I'll clean this mess up. 39 00:01:56,523 --> 00:01:57,843 Hello! 40 00:01:57,843 --> 00:02:00,123 I...I'm Marcus and this is... 41 00:02:01,883 --> 00:02:03,243 Georgie. 42 00:02:03,243 --> 00:02:05,843 Georgie has something he'd like to say to you. 43 00:02:05,843 --> 00:02:07,163 Monster. 44 00:02:07,163 --> 00:02:08,803 No. SHE CHUCKLES 45 00:02:08,803 --> 00:02:10,203 He's not a monster. 46 00:02:10,203 --> 00:02:13,963 He's just a normal man who happens to have cerebral palsy. 47 00:02:13,963 --> 00:02:16,083 S...sorry, I...I'm mortified. 48 00:02:16,083 --> 00:02:19,603 I...I'm just trying to, you know, teach my son about disability. 49 00:02:19,603 --> 00:02:22,243 It's something kids aren't regularly exposed to. 50 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:25,403 I don't mean exposed in a bad way, like coronavirus. 51 00:02:25,403 --> 00:02:26,843 TIM SNICKERS 52 00:02:26,843 --> 00:02:29,683 I'm actually a teacher at Georgie's school, 53 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,883 it might be really good if you came down and talked to more of the kids. 54 00:02:32,883 --> 00:02:34,963 You know, disability inclusion 55 00:02:34,963 --> 00:02:37,003 is very on-message with the LEA guidelines. 56 00:02:37,003 --> 00:02:38,723 Yeah, I don't know what that means. 57 00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:40,483 So is there any expenses? 58 00:02:40,483 --> 00:02:42,923 Cos Tim's a student and his budget's tight. 59 00:02:42,923 --> 00:02:45,403 Yeah, er, of course. We could cover, um... 60 00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:46,763 A thousand pounds! 61 00:02:46,763 --> 00:02:48,683 Gosh. £2,000! 62 00:02:48,683 --> 00:02:51,003 Yeah, no, well, I mean, not that much. 63 00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:53,443 But maybe 50 quid? 64 00:02:53,443 --> 00:02:54,843 Done! Excellent. 65 00:02:54,843 --> 00:02:57,283 Would that be fun, Georgie, if Tim comes to school one day? 66 00:02:57,283 --> 00:02:59,483 No. GEORGIE SNIFFS 67 00:03:04,163 --> 00:03:08,443 Hey, Mom, I got a job giving a talk to the school kids 68 00:03:08,443 --> 00:03:11,563 about what it's like living with a disability. 69 00:03:11,563 --> 00:03:14,123 The only really great thing you can tell them 70 00:03:14,123 --> 00:03:16,803 is that you don't have to wear a costume on Halloween. 71 00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:19,483 Yeah, I was going to start with that. 72 00:03:19,483 --> 00:03:21,603 THEY CHUCKLE 73 00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:25,523 You're going to frighten those little fuckers near to death, Timmy. 74 00:03:25,523 --> 00:03:28,483 TIM LAUGHS I'm glad you find this amusing, 75 00:03:28,483 --> 00:03:30,763 they're going to be scarred for life. 76 00:03:30,763 --> 00:03:33,283 I remember when we would go out, right, 77 00:03:33,283 --> 00:03:37,163 we would go to a restaurant or we could go to a... 78 00:03:37,163 --> 00:03:41,163 the mall, kids would run away screaming, crying. 79 00:03:41,163 --> 00:03:43,683 What do you think these kids are going to do? 80 00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:48,643 I mean, I thought it would be better cos I'm not in the cage this time. 81 00:03:48,643 --> 00:03:51,843 Come on, I never put you in a cage, I just put you on a leash. 82 00:03:51,843 --> 00:03:54,683 In the muzzle. THEY CHUCKLE 83 00:03:55,963 --> 00:03:58,723 What life lessons do you think they need? 84 00:03:58,723 --> 00:04:00,003 What life lessons? 85 00:04:00,003 --> 00:04:02,403 I don't know about life lessons, but you should tell them 86 00:04:02,403 --> 00:04:06,123 how hard it is for you to wipe your ass, that's a life lesson. 87 00:04:06,123 --> 00:04:09,563 How to wipe your ass when you have a disability. 88 00:04:09,563 --> 00:04:14,003 It's not that I can't wipe my ass, it's that I choose not to. 89 00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:16,243 THEY LAUGH 90 00:04:19,803 --> 00:04:23,123 This is so exciting. It's like a... a chance to mould young minds. 91 00:04:23,123 --> 00:04:26,283 You know, if you think about it, children really are the future. 92 00:04:26,283 --> 00:04:29,363 Ah, Tim, thanks so much for coming. 93 00:04:29,363 --> 00:04:30,763 I've been up all night, yeah, 94 00:04:30,763 --> 00:04:32,763 I got a whole lesson plan, worksheets. 95 00:04:32,763 --> 00:04:36,723 Er, er, should really help me hit my proactive self-generating curriculum work goals, so. 96 00:04:36,723 --> 00:04:39,363 That sounds fun already. 97 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,483 And I managed to get your DBS check through in time. 98 00:04:41,483 --> 00:04:42,843 My DB what now? 99 00:04:42,843 --> 00:04:44,963 Yeah, it's just a formality. Just means you've been 100 00:04:44,963 --> 00:04:47,363 approved by the police to be able to work with children. 101 00:04:47,363 --> 00:04:50,243 Hey! I finally passed something! 102 00:04:50,243 --> 00:04:52,323 Er, sorry, I didn't actually know you were coming. 103 00:04:52,323 --> 00:04:56,003 Oh, I...I didn't know if I would know need something like that. 104 00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:58,083 Yes, it's just, you know, rules and... 105 00:04:58,083 --> 00:04:59,563 Rules. Yeah. 106 00:04:59,563 --> 00:05:01,203 Yeah, no, absolutely, it's... 107 00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:03,643 It's... Child safeguarding exists for a reason, doesn't it? 108 00:05:03,643 --> 00:05:05,803 And it's incumbent on all of us to respect that. 109 00:05:05,803 --> 00:05:07,243 I've got errands to run anyway, so. 110 00:05:07,243 --> 00:05:10,323 OK, good. So Tim, I've told the kids all about you, 111 00:05:10,323 --> 00:05:13,523 they are so looking forward to finally getting to meet you. 112 00:05:13,523 --> 00:05:16,563 CHILDREN SOB IN UNISON 113 00:05:18,643 --> 00:05:20,443 They're just excited. 114 00:05:20,443 --> 00:05:23,363 Class, please quieten down now. 115 00:05:23,363 --> 00:05:24,723 Please. 116 00:05:24,723 --> 00:05:26,683 Hey, guys, how's it going? 117 00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:31,003 Great. 118 00:05:31,003 --> 00:05:33,763 So, who's got a question? 119 00:05:35,443 --> 00:05:40,523 OK, um, so, Tim, can you tell us what cerebral palsy is? 120 00:05:40,523 --> 00:05:42,003 Yes. 121 00:05:42,003 --> 00:05:46,363 Well, you know when you have a booboo on your foot 122 00:05:46,363 --> 00:05:49,163 and it means you can't walk that well. 123 00:05:49,163 --> 00:05:50,883 Yeah, sure. 124 00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:55,603 Well, I have a booboo on my brain, 125 00:05:55,603 --> 00:05:59,243 which makes it hard to do anything well. 126 00:05:59,243 --> 00:06:01,043 Is that why you talk funny? 127 00:06:01,043 --> 00:06:04,243 Er, no, Samantha, I don't think Tim talks "funny", so... 128 00:06:04,243 --> 00:06:08,323 That is an excellent question, Samantha. 129 00:06:08,323 --> 00:06:14,483 I do talk funny, but it's cool cos teachers can't understand me 130 00:06:14,483 --> 00:06:17,963 so I can say whatever rude thing I want. 131 00:06:17,963 --> 00:06:19,723 CHILDREN LAUGH 132 00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:22,203 No, no, no, no. Tim's just saying a little joke. 133 00:06:22,203 --> 00:06:24,883 No, I'm not, Mr Stupid. LAUGHTER 134 00:06:24,883 --> 00:06:27,323 Come on, kids, you try. 135 00:06:27,323 --> 00:06:30,363 You're a butthead. You're Mr Silly. 136 00:06:30,363 --> 00:06:32,283 Our teacher is Mr Poop-head. 137 00:06:33,923 --> 00:06:35,683 I'm not sure this is working. 138 00:06:35,683 --> 00:06:37,363 No, no, this is great. 139 00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:38,763 The kids are engaged! 140 00:06:38,763 --> 00:06:41,563 That's one of the things my last assessment said I had to work on. 141 00:06:41,563 --> 00:06:43,723 No, this is... this is really positive. 142 00:06:43,723 --> 00:06:45,603 I want to live with Mum and Brad! 143 00:06:45,603 --> 00:06:47,723 Right, son, let's not get personal. 144 00:07:04,243 --> 00:07:05,963 Hello, would you like a sweet? 145 00:07:05,963 --> 00:07:07,483 Yes. Yeah, no, probably. 146 00:07:07,483 --> 00:07:08,843 Probably best not. 147 00:07:10,323 --> 00:07:12,963 Just, er... Just spying on Tim. 148 00:07:12,963 --> 00:07:14,683 He's in that classroom there. 149 00:07:14,683 --> 00:07:15,963 What, are you his dad? 150 00:07:15,963 --> 00:07:18,123 No, no, no, we're just friends. 151 00:07:18,123 --> 00:07:20,403 Best friends. 152 00:07:20,403 --> 00:07:23,523 I do his homework, he...he sleeps at my house. 153 00:07:25,003 --> 00:07:26,883 Such a good idea putting them on leads, I... 154 00:07:26,883 --> 00:07:28,643 I would never have thought to do that. 155 00:07:28,643 --> 00:07:30,963 Stops them escaping, doesn't it? HE CHUCKLES 156 00:07:32,163 --> 00:07:33,563 I should explain, 157 00:07:33,563 --> 00:07:37,083 the reason I'm out here is cos I'm legally not allowed into the school. 158 00:07:39,243 --> 00:07:40,963 Doesn't... 159 00:07:40,963 --> 00:07:43,843 Tell you what, I'll give Tim a ring, he'll be able to explain better. 160 00:07:43,843 --> 00:07:45,323 Struggling to find my phone. 161 00:07:50,923 --> 00:07:52,803 What is this shite? 162 00:07:54,843 --> 00:07:56,683 Hello, you stupid wee fucks. 163 00:07:56,683 --> 00:08:00,283 Today I am going to show you how to clean a keyboard. 164 00:08:00,283 --> 00:08:01,923 First you need a dirty keyboard. 165 00:08:01,923 --> 00:08:06,803 So you want to just get... get some stuff, get some shit. 166 00:08:06,803 --> 00:08:08,563 Get it right in all the wee bits. 167 00:08:08,563 --> 00:08:11,523 And then you need the magic ingredient - 168 00:08:11,523 --> 00:08:13,363 shaving foam. 169 00:08:13,363 --> 00:08:15,363 You can buy it anywhere. Any kind of sha... 170 00:08:15,363 --> 00:08:17,003 Shake it, get a wee shake. 171 00:08:17,003 --> 00:08:19,763 And then watch this, you ready for the magic? 172 00:08:19,763 --> 00:08:20,803 Just... 173 00:08:22,883 --> 00:08:25,163 Just...just put more on. 174 00:08:25,163 --> 00:08:29,363 If it doesn't happen right away, just fricking...just go for it. 175 00:08:29,363 --> 00:08:33,603 And then, um, just shut the laptop, nice wee surprise for somebody. 176 00:08:33,603 --> 00:08:35,123 Listen, while I'm here, 177 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,523 if you see any credit cards lying about your house, you just 178 00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:40,403 take your numbers down, three digits at the back and you let Ruth know. 179 00:08:40,403 --> 00:08:42,443 OK, catch you later. 180 00:08:42,443 --> 00:08:47,443 You can get away with all sorts of stuff when you're disabled. 181 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:49,363 Homework? 182 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,843 I don't do homework. 183 00:08:51,843 --> 00:08:54,563 There's no point in doing well at school. 184 00:08:54,563 --> 00:08:56,803 There's no jobs for you anyway. 185 00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:59,683 MARCUS LAUGHS That's very funny, Tim. 186 00:08:59,683 --> 00:09:03,883 But can you tell us a bit more about the day-to-day hardships you face? 187 00:09:03,883 --> 00:09:09,003 Well, shopping is hard when you're disabled. 188 00:09:10,363 --> 00:09:13,363 That's why I always just steal shit. 189 00:09:14,363 --> 00:09:18,803 Seriously, guys - candy, comics, beer. 190 00:09:18,803 --> 00:09:21,163 You could come with me sometime... 191 00:09:21,163 --> 00:09:22,803 That was a great talk from Tim. 192 00:09:22,803 --> 00:09:24,283 But I think it's time we started 193 00:09:24,283 --> 00:09:26,203 filling out our disability worksheets. 194 00:09:26,203 --> 00:09:29,083 So, everyone back to our tables! CHILDREN GROAN 195 00:09:29,083 --> 00:09:30,523 But that was fun. 196 00:09:30,523 --> 00:09:33,043 Not now, son, I mean, Georgie. 197 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,403 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I...I like grown-ups. 198 00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:41,163 I mean, I like kids but just...just as friends. 199 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,643 That didn't sound right. 200 00:09:42,643 --> 00:09:45,803 I...I'm just here because I didn't get a D...DBS check. 201 00:09:45,803 --> 00:09:48,483 So not...not for any bad reasons. 202 00:09:48,483 --> 00:09:49,963 I sleep with women. 203 00:09:49,963 --> 00:09:51,403 Adult women. 204 00:09:51,403 --> 00:09:54,283 Although, I do get a bit of stick off my friends cos, er, 205 00:09:54,283 --> 00:09:56,683 a lot of my girlfriends tend to be on the younger side, 206 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,683 but never under the age of 20. 207 00:09:58,683 --> 00:10:00,403 Although it's hard to tell, 208 00:10:00,403 --> 00:10:02,763 some of these 16-year-olds these days, they look 20. 209 00:10:02,763 --> 00:10:05,323 It's... Have to start asking for their driving licence. 210 00:10:05,323 --> 00:10:08,083 If you can't drive a car, you can't drive this guy. 211 00:10:08,083 --> 00:10:10,083 That'll have to be my motto. 212 00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:11,723 But no, children are... 213 00:10:11,723 --> 00:10:13,003 Children are the future, 214 00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:15,803 that's why I've always said they'll take us where we need to go. 215 00:10:15,803 --> 00:10:19,523 Like, evolutionarily, not, er, sexually. 216 00:10:19,523 --> 00:10:22,603 I think, er, paed...paedophiles are awful. 217 00:10:22,603 --> 00:10:27,123 I hate paedophiles and I...I'd hate for you to think I'm a paedophile. 218 00:10:27,123 --> 00:10:29,643 Unless we're talking the Latin sense of the word paedophile, 219 00:10:29,643 --> 00:10:31,403 like, "a love of children". 220 00:10:31,403 --> 00:10:34,123 In which case, sure, I...I'm a paedophile. 221 00:10:34,123 --> 00:10:36,243 Why does he keep saying paedophile? 222 00:10:36,243 --> 00:10:38,123 I don't know. 223 00:10:38,123 --> 00:10:39,963 I guess that's what paedophiles do. 224 00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,203 Hello, again, you stupid wee cocks. 225 00:10:44,203 --> 00:10:47,363 Today I'm going to show you how to fix a cracked screen 226 00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:49,083 with tooth paste. 227 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,883 So first you need a phone. 228 00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:52,403 Don't use your own phone, 229 00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:54,483 use somebody's phone that you don't like. 230 00:10:54,483 --> 00:10:55,843 It's my flatmate's. 231 00:10:55,843 --> 00:10:57,403 Then you need a hammer. 232 00:10:57,403 --> 00:11:00,123 Then you just take your hammer and you just... 233 00:11:03,603 --> 00:11:06,283 Look at that, just smash the fuck out of it. 234 00:11:06,283 --> 00:11:11,483 And that is why you always need to wear a condom 235 00:11:11,483 --> 00:11:13,523 when you are with a lady... 236 00:11:14,643 --> 00:11:17,083 ..or gentleman of the night. 237 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:20,123 So what have we learned about Chlamydia? 238 00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:22,163 BOTH: It's a silent killer. 239 00:11:22,163 --> 00:11:24,043 Good, good, write that down. 240 00:11:24,043 --> 00:11:25,763 That's great, Tim. 241 00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:27,843 But the question on the worksheet is 242 00:11:27,843 --> 00:11:30,243 "if you found it hard going up escalators." 243 00:11:30,243 --> 00:11:32,483 Sorry, Ms Poopface. 244 00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,763 What can I say? I like to spit-ball. 245 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,323 Ooh. 246 00:11:37,323 --> 00:11:42,763 A spit ball is when Mommy and Daddy love each other very much... 247 00:11:42,763 --> 00:11:45,163 Mr Renkow, that is not appropriate. 248 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:49,603 WHISPERS: I'll tell you later. This guy is a prat. 249 00:11:49,603 --> 00:11:51,363 Why did you invite him? 250 00:11:51,363 --> 00:11:54,563 Just assumed he was going to be nice. 251 00:11:54,563 --> 00:11:56,803 They're always nice in the movies. BELL RINGS 252 00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,243 Oh, thank God. 253 00:11:58,243 --> 00:12:00,283 Well, that's all for now. Time for lunch. 254 00:12:01,443 --> 00:12:03,203 And that's going to be all from Tim. 255 00:12:04,563 --> 00:12:06,483 Here's your money. And thanks. 256 00:12:10,683 --> 00:12:13,163 Ooh, I wonder what's for lunch. 257 00:12:15,123 --> 00:12:17,243 MUSIC: Working Man by Blues Saraceno 258 00:12:35,723 --> 00:12:39,083 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No. Stop, stop, stop, stop, kids. 259 00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:41,523 Simon Morrison, put that down now! 260 00:12:41,523 --> 00:12:43,483 Oooh! 261 00:12:43,483 --> 00:12:47,603 Georgie, you know I've only got two shirts for the whole week, stop it! 262 00:12:47,603 --> 00:12:49,323 Put your dirty plates over there. 263 00:12:56,323 --> 00:12:58,003 Hey, maggot boy. 264 00:12:58,003 --> 00:12:59,563 Lick our plates clean as well. 265 00:12:59,563 --> 00:13:01,163 BOYS CHUCKLE 266 00:13:01,163 --> 00:13:04,083 Did you just crap your pants? Ha-ha! 267 00:13:05,203 --> 00:13:07,003 Hello, you stupid wee fuckers. 268 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:10,923 Today I'm going to show you how to hide your drugs in your house. 269 00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:15,443 So, what you need to do is you just need to... 270 00:13:15,443 --> 00:13:17,003 ..take your screwdriver and... 271 00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:18,443 Ooh! Shit! 272 00:13:19,483 --> 00:13:23,243 Hey, Georgie, who was that kid? 273 00:13:23,243 --> 00:13:24,883 That's Matt. He's mean. 274 00:13:26,163 --> 00:13:28,483 You shouldn't let them bully you like that. 275 00:13:28,483 --> 00:13:32,083 But, if I tell Dad, he'll bully me more cos he'll say I'm a snitch. 276 00:13:32,083 --> 00:13:34,323 As well he should. 277 00:13:34,323 --> 00:13:36,483 Snitches get stitches. 278 00:13:37,643 --> 00:13:40,083 But you're with the monster now, 279 00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:43,763 and monsters always take care of their friends. 280 00:13:50,643 --> 00:13:54,323 It's going fantastic. 281 00:13:54,323 --> 00:13:56,603 How's the whole TikTok thing going? 282 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,683 It's going great, actually! MOBILE DINGS 283 00:13:58,683 --> 00:14:00,923 Hang on, just got an email from them. 284 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,403 Tell you how good I'm doing. 285 00:14:02,403 --> 00:14:04,003 Oh, bastards! 286 00:14:04,003 --> 00:14:08,803 "We regret to inform you, you are being served with a life-time ban 287 00:14:08,803 --> 00:14:11,763 "for multiple violations of our policy." 288 00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,123 Load of shite. 289 00:14:16,363 --> 00:14:18,843 Hey, Georgie, you giving this to me? 290 00:14:18,843 --> 00:14:20,083 Thanks, mate. 291 00:14:21,123 --> 00:14:22,403 Give me back my ball. 292 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,283 Oh, yeah, what are you going to do about it? 293 00:14:24,283 --> 00:14:26,003 I'll tell the monster to eat you. 294 00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:27,523 LAUGHTER 295 00:14:27,523 --> 00:14:30,323 Hey, this kid still believes in monsters. 296 00:14:30,323 --> 00:14:32,763 Go on, call your monster. 297 00:14:32,763 --> 00:14:34,643 Monster! 298 00:14:34,643 --> 00:14:36,203 Ooh, I got to go. 299 00:14:36,203 --> 00:14:39,843 HE YELLS 300 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,043 I'm a monster! 301 00:14:45,043 --> 00:14:48,483 I eat little boys that pick on Georgie! 302 00:14:48,483 --> 00:14:54,363 And if I touch you, you'll get a monster disease and end up like me. 303 00:14:54,363 --> 00:14:56,283 Aaargh! 304 00:14:56,283 --> 00:14:58,683 You're not a monster, you have cerebral palsy. 305 00:14:58,683 --> 00:15:00,643 What? My sister has CP. 306 00:15:00,643 --> 00:15:03,123 You're not a monster. You just have brain damage. 307 00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:04,363 Ah, shoot. 308 00:15:04,363 --> 00:15:06,563 My sister has to deal with so much bullying. 309 00:15:06,563 --> 00:15:09,403 Calling yourself a monster will just make it worse. 310 00:15:09,403 --> 00:15:10,443 Ow! 311 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,083 What's wrong, monster? 312 00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:14,163 Ow! Stop it, I'll pay you! 313 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,483 I'll give you money. 314 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:20,243 People will give me money if I don't beat them up? 315 00:15:20,243 --> 00:15:22,323 Give me your money or I'll kick your arse! 316 00:15:25,323 --> 00:15:26,563 Ha-ha! 317 00:15:28,123 --> 00:15:30,723 I feel like I might not have helped. 318 00:15:33,483 --> 00:15:35,243 I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. 319 00:15:35,243 --> 00:15:38,203 He's not actually done anything wrong. 320 00:15:38,203 --> 00:15:41,243 And, I mean, if he was a paedophile... 321 00:15:41,243 --> 00:15:44,803 ..don't you think this is all a bit obvious? 322 00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:46,163 Sorry, what do you mean by that? 323 00:15:46,163 --> 00:15:47,243 Well, your look. 324 00:15:47,243 --> 00:15:50,403 The outfit...the glasses, hair. 325 00:15:50,403 --> 00:15:52,283 Hair? This is just a bit of modelling putty. 326 00:15:52,283 --> 00:15:53,843 The voice. HE CHUCKLES 327 00:15:53,843 --> 00:15:57,683 It's all just a bit '90s stereotypical paedophile, isn't it? 328 00:15:57,683 --> 00:16:00,163 Nine...? This is this year's Burton's range. 329 00:16:00,163 --> 00:16:03,963 We've got top psychologists putting together criminal profiles of 330 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:08,923 the modern sex offender and they are much more sophisticated than this. 331 00:16:08,923 --> 00:16:11,003 But he's still a weirdo. 332 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,443 Yeah, but I can't arrest him for that, though, can I? 333 00:16:13,443 --> 00:16:16,523 But if it puts your mind at rest, I think he's far too puny to be 334 00:16:16,523 --> 00:16:17,963 a danger to children. 335 00:16:17,963 --> 00:16:20,403 Thank you again for raising your concerns. 336 00:16:20,403 --> 00:16:22,603 No, hang on! This is disgraceful! 337 00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:23,923 We're letting you off, mate. 338 00:16:23,923 --> 00:16:25,283 Yeah, I know, exactly. 339 00:16:25,283 --> 00:16:27,003 These women, these ladies, 340 00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:30,283 these mums raised perfectly valid concerns about child safety. 341 00:16:30,283 --> 00:16:32,123 It should be your number-one priority 342 00:16:32,123 --> 00:16:34,003 as a law enforcement officer, children. 343 00:16:34,003 --> 00:16:36,963 Eh? You should be bloody arresting me. 344 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,203 Oh, what's the problem - too much paperwork? 345 00:16:39,203 --> 00:16:41,363 Or is it just another symptom of our overworked police force 346 00:16:41,363 --> 00:16:42,843 in Tory cuts Britain? 347 00:16:42,843 --> 00:16:43,923 Are you a paedo? 348 00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:48,283 I could very well be a predatory sex beast waiting to abduct any one 349 00:16:48,283 --> 00:16:50,163 of these kids and you're just wandering off. 350 00:16:50,163 --> 00:16:52,523 Yeah, we've got proper police work to do, mate. 351 00:16:52,523 --> 00:16:55,283 Come back here and arrest me. Arrest me now. 352 00:16:55,283 --> 00:16:57,283 If it puts these worried mums' minds at rest. 353 00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,443 Oh, no, I wasn't worried. 354 00:16:58,443 --> 00:17:00,403 You stay out of it. It's not about you. 355 00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:02,403 Fine, if you're not going to arrest me, I'll, er... 356 00:17:02,403 --> 00:17:04,363 ..I'll-I'll make you arrest me. 357 00:17:11,723 --> 00:17:15,123 I...I'm not going to arrest you for that. 358 00:17:15,123 --> 00:17:16,603 Barely a tickle, mate. 359 00:17:25,723 --> 00:17:29,803 Hey, kids! Who wants to learn about the dark Web? 360 00:17:29,803 --> 00:17:31,163 No, Mr Renkow. 361 00:17:31,163 --> 00:17:33,043 I don't think we'll be needing your help any more. 362 00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:34,603 Why not? 363 00:17:34,603 --> 00:17:38,003 Why? Because thanks to you, Georgie and 15 other children 364 00:17:38,003 --> 00:17:41,523 had their tuck shop money stolen with threats of violence. 365 00:17:41,523 --> 00:17:44,923 Thanks to you, a child in 5D has been found with £96 in his pocket. 366 00:17:44,923 --> 00:17:47,163 We're looking at the first expulsion in this school's history! 367 00:17:47,163 --> 00:17:49,123 Hey, he was a prick! 368 00:17:49,123 --> 00:17:50,363 You're a prick! 369 00:17:50,363 --> 00:17:52,523 Mr Renkow, you've ruined everything. 370 00:17:52,523 --> 00:17:54,923 I just wanted to teach kids about the disabled so I don't have to 371 00:17:54,923 --> 00:17:57,403 go around begging apologies from everyone my useless son insulted. 372 00:17:57,403 --> 00:17:58,443 Sorry, Dad. 373 00:17:58,443 --> 00:18:00,803 I have worksheets! They're useless now! 374 00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:03,643 I was going to turn this whole interactive disabled experience 375 00:18:03,643 --> 00:18:05,643 into a module. A module! 376 00:18:05,643 --> 00:18:09,283 My chance to impress those fucking inspectors! 377 00:18:09,283 --> 00:18:13,043 I need this job to pay maintenance to pay for his brat mother's house 378 00:18:13,043 --> 00:18:15,883 she shares with her fucking personal trainer Brad! 379 00:18:15,883 --> 00:18:17,283 Just get out! 380 00:18:20,643 --> 00:18:22,563 Brad's more of a dad than you are! 381 00:18:23,563 --> 00:18:25,483 Ooh! 382 00:18:25,483 --> 00:18:26,923 HE SCREAMS 383 00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:30,163 Holy shit! 384 00:18:32,043 --> 00:18:33,363 Listen, don't worry about the money. 385 00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:36,123 I'll go and get that 70 quid off the little shit tomorrow. 386 00:18:36,123 --> 00:18:38,243 But it was only 50. 387 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:39,923 Compound interest, Tim. 388 00:18:39,923 --> 00:18:43,083 If I don't get it by Friday, I'm taking his dad's car. 389 00:18:43,083 --> 00:18:45,043 Ohhh! 390 00:18:45,043 --> 00:18:48,243 I did get through to some of them. 391 00:18:48,243 --> 00:18:52,723 Look, they sent me such a nice homecoming message. 392 00:18:54,563 --> 00:18:55,723 SHE LAUGHS 393 00:18:55,723 --> 00:18:57,523 I think that was meant for him. 394 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,883 # Well, I'm about to get sick 395 00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:08,003 # From watchin' my TV 396 00:19:08,003 --> 00:19:09,403 # Been checkin' out the news 397 00:19:09,403 --> 00:19:11,603 # Until my eyeballs fail to see 398 00:19:11,603 --> 00:19:13,483 # I mean to say that every day 399 00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:15,763 # Is just another rotten mess 400 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:18,003 # And when it's gonna change, my friend 401 00:19:18,003 --> 00:19:19,363 # Is anybody's guess 402 00:19:19,363 --> 00:19:21,763 # So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin' 403 00:19:21,763 --> 00:19:23,683 # Hopin' for the best 404 00:19:23,683 --> 00:19:25,523 # Even think I'll go to prayin' 405 00:19:25,523 --> 00:19:27,443 # Every time I hear 'em sayin' 406 00:19:27,443 --> 00:19:31,003 # That there's no way to delay that trouble comin' every day... #