1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,563 My new project tells the true story of Serge de la Croix. 2 00:00:04,563 --> 00:00:07,243 There's been some protests over casting an able-bodied actor 3 00:00:07,243 --> 00:00:09,083 as de la Croix - James Norton, no less. 4 00:00:09,083 --> 00:00:12,323 Oh, my God! He's my favourite Spider-Man. 5 00:00:12,323 --> 00:00:13,803 James, nice to meet you. 6 00:00:13,803 --> 00:00:16,163 Rise up, to freedom! 7 00:00:16,163 --> 00:00:18,843 CHEERING I've lost control of the extras! 8 00:00:18,843 --> 00:00:20,203 Get off my set! 9 00:00:20,203 --> 00:00:22,603 Save me, Spider-Man! 10 00:00:22,603 --> 00:00:23,843 Disgraceful! 11 00:00:23,843 --> 00:00:26,563 So, we're OK to cast an able-bodied actor as disabled, 12 00:00:26,563 --> 00:00:28,763 but not a disabled actor as able-bodied? 13 00:00:30,243 --> 00:00:31,323 Cut! 14 00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:33,163 Everyone's talking about the film. 15 00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,923 Do you think I'll win a Bafta? 16 00:00:37,483 --> 00:00:40,723 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 17 00:00:40,723 --> 00:00:42,963 MUSIC: Metal Guru by T. Rex 18 00:00:49,443 --> 00:00:51,963 # Metal guru, is it you? 19 00:00:53,323 --> 00:00:55,683 # Metal guru, is it you... 20 00:00:57,763 --> 00:00:59,003 Hey, buddy! 21 00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:03,723 Do you need some spare change? 22 00:01:03,723 --> 00:01:04,763 There, mate. 23 00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:10,323 I thought I looked good today. 24 00:01:10,323 --> 00:01:12,443 I'm a movie star! 25 00:01:12,443 --> 00:01:15,363 # Metal guru, is it you? # 26 00:01:20,443 --> 00:01:22,003 Hey, hey, hey. 27 00:01:25,683 --> 00:01:27,123 Hey, hey. 28 00:01:27,123 --> 00:01:28,203 Oh... 29 00:01:32,203 --> 00:01:33,963 Why won't this work? 30 00:01:35,123 --> 00:01:36,403 Shit. 31 00:01:52,603 --> 00:01:57,763 Tim. How many times have I told you not to spill my weed, 32 00:01:57,763 --> 00:01:59,323 sweep it into a dustpan, 33 00:01:59,323 --> 00:02:00,883 and set it on fire? 34 00:02:02,203 --> 00:02:05,883 Never. It's sort of covered by the instructions - 35 00:02:05,883 --> 00:02:07,963 "Don't touch my shit". 36 00:02:07,963 --> 00:02:09,723 Why are you stressing? 37 00:02:12,363 --> 00:02:14,523 SMOKE ALARM BLARES 38 00:02:14,523 --> 00:02:16,683 THEY LAUGH 39 00:02:16,683 --> 00:02:18,643 ALARM CONTINUES 40 00:02:18,643 --> 00:02:20,803 What's going on in here? Oh, my God! 41 00:02:20,803 --> 00:02:22,723 Just don't move. I've got this. 42 00:02:25,283 --> 00:02:28,683 The fuck! What are you doing? 43 00:02:28,683 --> 00:02:31,643 Is that...is that marijuana? It was! 44 00:02:31,643 --> 00:02:34,083 You can't smoke that in the flat. What about the neighbours? 45 00:02:34,083 --> 00:02:35,203 It's for my glaucoma. 46 00:02:35,203 --> 00:02:37,763 Do I look stupid? I know you don't have glaucoma... 47 00:02:37,763 --> 00:02:39,363 ..I don't think. 48 00:02:39,363 --> 00:02:40,643 Does he have...? 49 00:02:42,443 --> 00:02:43,803 Oh, my God, Tim, I'm sorry. 50 00:02:43,803 --> 00:02:46,363 I would never have done that if I'd know it was medicinal. 51 00:02:46,363 --> 00:02:48,323 I-I'll get you some more. OK. 52 00:02:48,323 --> 00:02:49,683 Let's go and see my dealer. 53 00:02:49,683 --> 00:02:50,923 KNOCK ON DOOR 54 00:02:50,923 --> 00:02:52,683 Oh, God, that'll be the neighbours. 55 00:02:56,483 --> 00:02:57,723 Oh, my God, it's the police. 56 00:02:57,723 --> 00:02:59,643 Well, how do they know we're about to buy drugs? 57 00:02:59,643 --> 00:03:01,523 Oh, for fuck's sake. 58 00:03:01,523 --> 00:03:03,843 I'm so sorry, officer. I admit we were about to buy drugs, 59 00:03:03,843 --> 00:03:06,203 but i-it's for my friend Tim, he's got glaucoma. Please. 60 00:03:06,203 --> 00:03:08,403 Please don't send us to prison. I-I'll do anything. 61 00:03:08,403 --> 00:03:11,083 Look, this shirt's really baggy. I can wear a wire under here... 62 00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:13,043 Whoa, brother, chill. Put down the shirt, bruv. 63 00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:15,043 I'm just here to deliver this dog to Tim. 64 00:03:15,043 --> 00:03:18,283 That's me! But I didn't order a dog. 65 00:03:18,283 --> 00:03:20,203 Hey, man, I just do deliveries. 66 00:03:20,203 --> 00:03:22,403 By the way, if you're going to buy any stuff, 67 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,003 make sure you don't go with him - he's a snitch. Yeah. 68 00:03:28,763 --> 00:03:31,883 Hey, what am I supposed to do with a dog? 69 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,723 Well, will you look at that? 70 00:03:38,723 --> 00:03:41,243 Someone is finally doing the laundry. 71 00:03:41,243 --> 00:03:42,883 PHONE RINGS 72 00:03:42,883 --> 00:03:44,163 Hey, Mum! 73 00:03:44,163 --> 00:03:45,923 Hey, has that dog arrived? 74 00:03:45,923 --> 00:03:48,643 Oh, the dog's from you, Mum. 75 00:03:48,643 --> 00:03:51,563 I sent you Snuffles because I'm in the hospital. 76 00:03:51,563 --> 00:03:57,083 I'm finally getting my boobs fixed - after you destroyed them. 77 00:03:57,083 --> 00:03:58,483 Stop talking. 78 00:03:58,483 --> 00:04:02,363 I figured if I go kaput on the operating table, 79 00:04:02,363 --> 00:04:04,763 you would have a dog to take care of you. 80 00:04:04,763 --> 00:04:08,363 And when you have to go pick up his shit every day, 81 00:04:08,363 --> 00:04:11,243 it'll be a reminder that it's your fault. 82 00:04:11,243 --> 00:04:13,123 You got me a care dog? 83 00:04:13,123 --> 00:04:14,923 But, Mum, I don't need... 84 00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,763 Why didn't you get me one? 85 00:04:16,763 --> 00:04:19,523 Snuffles is a very special dog. 86 00:04:19,523 --> 00:04:23,203 He can pick up on the smallest of signals. 87 00:04:23,203 --> 00:04:25,923 You don't even have to say a command. 88 00:04:25,923 --> 00:04:27,283 Try it out. 89 00:04:27,283 --> 00:04:28,843 THINKING: Snuffles, lie down. 90 00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,363 Ooh. 91 00:04:32,363 --> 00:04:35,083 THINKING: Snuffles, attack the snitch. 92 00:04:37,643 --> 00:04:39,283 THEY GIGGLE 93 00:04:39,283 --> 00:04:41,883 Cool! Thanks, Mum. 94 00:04:43,163 --> 00:04:46,723 Let's buy some drugs! 95 00:04:46,723 --> 00:04:49,643 MUSIC: Witness (1 Hope) by Roots Manuva 96 00:04:49,643 --> 00:04:50,883 # Well, well, well 97 00:04:54,083 --> 00:04:55,763 # Well, well... # 98 00:04:56,923 --> 00:05:00,323 Oi, Idris, don't look at her thumbs. 99 00:05:00,323 --> 00:05:02,963 Oi, Mirza, how are you? 100 00:05:02,963 --> 00:05:05,603 Safe, man. Same old, same old. 101 00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:08,203 The fucking fed is doing my vag in, y'know? 102 00:05:08,203 --> 00:05:11,243 Hello, bro, long time. How you been? 103 00:05:11,243 --> 00:05:13,123 I'm a movie star now. 104 00:05:13,123 --> 00:05:16,283 Yeah, course you are, with them creepy hands. Oh... 105 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,883 Who's this guy, huh? He's magnificent. 106 00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:20,563 Hey, hey. 107 00:05:20,563 --> 00:05:21,963 Hi. I'm Idris. 108 00:05:21,963 --> 00:05:24,043 The fuck do you think you're doing, bruv? 109 00:05:24,043 --> 00:05:25,963 Trying to see my thumbs? Did you tell him? 110 00:05:25,963 --> 00:05:27,123 Yeah, I told him. 111 00:05:27,123 --> 00:05:29,723 Oh, so we've got a problem, yeah? No, no, no, I-I'm... 112 00:05:29,723 --> 00:05:31,843 I'm just here to buy... 113 00:05:31,843 --> 00:05:33,563 Oh, you're a narc, ain't ya? 114 00:05:33,563 --> 00:05:35,283 Let me see the wire. 115 00:05:35,283 --> 00:05:38,283 You better fuck off before something happens. Fuck off. 116 00:05:38,283 --> 00:05:40,643 I'm just going to see if they've got that 117 00:05:40,643 --> 00:05:42,523 Frederick Douglass book in this shop. 118 00:05:42,523 --> 00:05:44,683 SHE LAUGHS 119 00:05:44,683 --> 00:05:46,083 Fucking pussy. 120 00:05:47,763 --> 00:05:51,523 Seriously, what the fuck do you want, then? Hurry up. 121 00:05:51,523 --> 00:05:54,283 Erm... Erm...drugs. Drugs. Drugs. 122 00:05:57,723 --> 00:06:00,603 Oh...this VAT is killing me. 123 00:06:00,603 --> 00:06:01,883 Jeez, man. 124 00:06:04,723 --> 00:06:07,803 Yeah. Shit! These VATs are always up in everyone's business, 125 00:06:07,803 --> 00:06:09,963 aren't they? What is that about...dawg? 126 00:06:09,963 --> 00:06:12,243 Sorry. We don't get many customers these days. 127 00:06:12,243 --> 00:06:14,443 Oh, goodness. There's no need to call me "sir". 128 00:06:14,443 --> 00:06:16,403 Far as I'm concerned, we're all equal. 129 00:06:16,403 --> 00:06:17,683 I didn't. 130 00:06:17,683 --> 00:06:21,363 What can I help you with? Er, well...I'm not the feds. 131 00:06:21,363 --> 00:06:22,523 No need to worry. 132 00:06:22,523 --> 00:06:24,403 Quite the opposite, actually. 133 00:06:24,403 --> 00:06:25,803 A Mormon? 134 00:06:27,003 --> 00:06:30,283 No, I-I just meant I'm an ally. 135 00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:33,243 I'd like to buy this book, please. 136 00:06:38,283 --> 00:06:39,723 That'll be 19.99. 137 00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:45,003 I love Nelson Mandela. 138 00:06:45,003 --> 00:06:46,923 That's my dad. 139 00:06:46,923 --> 00:06:48,163 Is it? 140 00:06:49,163 --> 00:06:50,763 Ah, shoot. 141 00:06:50,763 --> 00:06:52,963 I forgot I'm a bit light. 142 00:06:52,963 --> 00:06:54,683 I really want that book, though. 143 00:06:54,683 --> 00:06:58,483 Mm. Well, you can always buy it on Amazon. 144 00:06:58,483 --> 00:07:01,203 Everyone else does. No, no, no. I wouldn't dream of it. 145 00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,123 I want to support this wonderful book shop. 146 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,323 Have you been here long? 147 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,443 Dad opened it up when he first came here. Ah. 148 00:07:06,443 --> 00:07:07,963 The amazing Windrush generation. 149 00:07:07,963 --> 00:07:10,523 No. We came up from Brighton. Did you? 150 00:07:10,523 --> 00:07:14,323 But then, last year, Dad died and I got lumbered with the place. 151 00:07:14,323 --> 00:07:15,563 Right on, brother. 152 00:07:15,563 --> 00:07:17,363 Yeah, the beating heart of the community. 153 00:07:17,363 --> 00:07:20,763 All these bloody coffee shops - they may feed the body, 154 00:07:20,763 --> 00:07:22,403 but what feeds the soul? 155 00:07:23,923 --> 00:07:26,843 Hey, you've gotta let me be part of this passion. 156 00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:28,643 I've got nothing else to do. I can help out! 157 00:07:28,643 --> 00:07:30,563 No, no, it's fine. Thank you. No, no, no, no, no. 158 00:07:30,563 --> 00:07:32,603 I've actually got some... I won't accept a penny. 159 00:07:32,603 --> 00:07:35,243 If anything, we should be paying you. 160 00:07:35,243 --> 00:07:36,723 You know, reparations. 161 00:07:39,523 --> 00:07:41,843 It'd be my pleasure... 162 00:07:41,843 --> 00:07:42,883 ..bat. 163 00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:50,123 There you go, brother. Don't take it all at once. 164 00:07:50,123 --> 00:07:52,123 Oh, shit. Fuck. 165 00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:55,803 Here you go, mate, here's your bag. There you go, darling. 166 00:07:55,803 --> 00:07:57,323 Here, come here! 167 00:07:57,323 --> 00:07:59,723 Come here, darling. 168 00:07:59,723 --> 00:08:01,443 Yeah. Take care of yourself. 169 00:08:01,443 --> 00:08:02,643 Be good, yeah? 170 00:08:06,443 --> 00:08:09,563 Afternoon, Mirza. Fancy seeing you here. 171 00:08:09,563 --> 00:08:12,283 Again. What, standing in the street near where I live? 172 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,683 I ain't done nothing wrong. 173 00:08:13,683 --> 00:08:16,883 You won't mind me searching you for drugs, then. 174 00:08:16,883 --> 00:08:18,163 Sorry, you are? 175 00:08:18,163 --> 00:08:21,363 I am...not a number. 176 00:08:21,363 --> 00:08:22,923 I'm a free man! 177 00:08:22,923 --> 00:08:24,443 Maiden! Nice. 178 00:08:24,443 --> 00:08:26,523 Sorry, if you wouldn't mind moving on, sir. 179 00:08:26,523 --> 00:08:28,163 This might take quite some time - 180 00:08:28,163 --> 00:08:30,163 and sorry for any inconvenience, mate. 181 00:08:33,603 --> 00:08:36,363 We really must stop meeting like this. 182 00:08:36,363 --> 00:08:38,883 Arms down. Arms up. 183 00:08:38,883 --> 00:08:40,443 HIGH-PITCHED: Tickly under there. 184 00:08:40,443 --> 00:08:43,123 The fuck you doing, bruv? Just having a laugh, innit? 185 00:08:59,323 --> 00:09:02,403 Stop judging! I don't like him. 186 00:09:02,403 --> 00:09:04,483 He's like Carlton from The Fresh Prince. 187 00:09:04,483 --> 00:09:06,443 You need to take that rod out your arse. 188 00:09:09,163 --> 00:09:10,483 Hey, guys. 189 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,563 How are my taxes doing, are we operating at a loss? 190 00:09:12,563 --> 00:09:14,523 What? What? I don't really know. 191 00:09:14,523 --> 00:09:17,123 Something Murry says. Sounds cool, though. 192 00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,003 Oh, I just had the best day. 193 00:09:19,003 --> 00:09:22,683 I think I'm going to go back tomorrow and volunteer. 194 00:09:22,683 --> 00:09:24,683 You didn't need to do that. The door was open. 195 00:09:24,683 --> 00:09:26,843 Where's my stuff? 196 00:09:26,843 --> 00:09:28,363 Ah! Why did you do that? 197 00:09:28,363 --> 00:09:30,763 They're the ones with your marijuana. Yeah, I know. 198 00:09:30,763 --> 00:09:33,643 But look at him. I can't punch him and feel good about myself. 199 00:09:33,643 --> 00:09:35,163 It's fair dos. 200 00:09:35,163 --> 00:09:37,523 When I punched you, did you see my thumbs? 201 00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:39,163 I didn't see any... Are you sure? 202 00:09:39,163 --> 00:09:40,283 No, they looked fine. 203 00:09:40,283 --> 00:09:42,763 Oh, so you think you can gaslight me to get your way out of it? 204 00:09:42,763 --> 00:09:45,083 Hey, calm down, everyone. Your stuff's here. 205 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,083 And here. SNUFFLES BARKS 206 00:09:47,083 --> 00:09:48,523 Thanks, Snuffles. 207 00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:49,563 And there. 208 00:09:49,563 --> 00:09:50,643 SNUFFLES WHINES 209 00:09:50,643 --> 00:09:53,203 How does she know where we live? Cos you probably told her. 210 00:09:53,203 --> 00:09:54,243 You big snitch. 211 00:09:54,243 --> 00:09:55,643 Get out of here now! 212 00:09:57,083 --> 00:09:59,403 I like you two. 213 00:09:59,403 --> 00:10:01,963 But you messed up. 214 00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:03,443 You made me look weak. 215 00:10:04,723 --> 00:10:08,203 So for that, I've got to fuck you up just to make a point. 216 00:10:08,203 --> 00:10:10,363 Oh, wait a minute! Wait, no, no, no, no. 217 00:10:10,363 --> 00:10:11,723 I've got a plan. 218 00:10:11,723 --> 00:10:16,043 Did you notice how that copper never even asked Timmy's name, 219 00:10:16,043 --> 00:10:17,523 let alone search him? 220 00:10:17,523 --> 00:10:19,203 Yeah. So? 221 00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:25,483 So, why don't you use Tim for your deliveries and...shit? 222 00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:28,763 I mean, no-one's going to check him. 223 00:10:28,763 --> 00:10:30,843 What are you doing? 224 00:10:30,843 --> 00:10:32,283 I'm saving our arses. 225 00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:33,523 OK. 226 00:10:33,523 --> 00:10:35,923 OK. OK, OK. I like this. 227 00:10:35,923 --> 00:10:38,563 We're going to try this, Tim. It's going to be fun. 228 00:10:38,563 --> 00:10:40,603 I'm going to see you tomorrow. 229 00:10:40,603 --> 00:10:44,683 I like to foster a healthy working environment. 230 00:10:44,683 --> 00:10:46,083 Ooh! 231 00:10:46,083 --> 00:10:49,043 But if you fuck this up... I'll kill you. 232 00:10:55,603 --> 00:10:57,283 DOOR SLAMS 233 00:10:57,283 --> 00:10:59,043 I like her. 234 00:10:59,043 --> 00:11:00,683 We should hang out with her more. 235 00:11:00,683 --> 00:11:02,043 Totally. 236 00:11:02,043 --> 00:11:04,923 You're going to have to take Snuffles when I'm out. 237 00:11:04,923 --> 00:11:07,603 What?! No, no, no, no, no, no. 238 00:11:07,603 --> 00:11:11,123 It'll be dangerous out there, you've seen Breaking Bad. 239 00:11:11,123 --> 00:11:16,243 The other cartels, they're going to be shooting like, pew, pew, pew! 240 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:19,203 And then, I'm going to be like, "I am the Godfather. 241 00:11:19,203 --> 00:11:21,963 "I'm doing this for my family." 242 00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:24,203 Boom! Pow, pow! 243 00:11:24,203 --> 00:11:28,163 And I just don't want Snuffles to get hurt. 244 00:11:29,163 --> 00:11:30,923 Oh, for fuck's sake! 245 00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:32,283 Thank you. 246 00:11:32,283 --> 00:11:35,843 He'll be so much safer with you. 247 00:11:42,323 --> 00:11:45,243 SNUFFLES WHINES 248 00:11:45,243 --> 00:11:46,403 No. 249 00:11:48,603 --> 00:11:50,323 How the fuck did you do that? 250 00:11:55,203 --> 00:11:58,523 Right! I've had enough of this, you wee Lassie bastard. 251 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,003 You didn't think I'd abandon you when you most required 252 00:12:04,003 --> 00:12:06,203 my help, did you? Oh... Absolutely no need to thank me. 253 00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:08,963 Listen, I don't need your help, absolutely, I... No, no, no, no, no. 254 00:12:08,963 --> 00:12:11,603 Brother, with your passion and my business experience, we could 255 00:12:11,603 --> 00:12:14,083 really make this thing a success. I-I honestly think that. 256 00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:16,123 Business experience? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 257 00:12:16,123 --> 00:12:17,603 I used to work in a Jobcentre. 258 00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:19,683 Now let's get stuck in, shall we? 259 00:12:19,683 --> 00:12:21,003 What can we do? 260 00:12:25,443 --> 00:12:27,403 # Someone call the doctor 261 00:12:27,403 --> 00:12:30,683 # There's a fever going round 262 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:34,963 # Write me a prescription for the cure that can't be found 263 00:12:38,283 --> 00:12:40,483 # Doctor can't prescribe a medicine 264 00:12:40,483 --> 00:12:43,363 # To pull you through... Thank you. 265 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:48,003 # It just don't exist cos it's the lovebug catching you 266 00:12:48,003 --> 00:12:50,563 # This ailment don't need healing 267 00:12:50,563 --> 00:12:53,123 # It won't leave you feeling blue 268 00:12:53,123 --> 00:12:55,443 # It's a feeling so contagious... Hey, man. 269 00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:57,843 # It's the lovebug catching you 270 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:05,923 # So contagious 271 00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:07,963 # Lovebug catching you... # 272 00:13:10,483 --> 00:13:12,723 Are you Jacob? Yeah. 273 00:13:12,723 --> 00:13:14,283 Yeah, sweet. 274 00:13:14,283 --> 00:13:15,683 Cool wheels. 275 00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:20,563 Hey, you looking to earn extra money? 276 00:13:20,563 --> 00:13:22,683 Sure. Sweet. 277 00:13:25,043 --> 00:13:26,443 OK, Snuffles. 278 00:13:26,443 --> 00:13:29,443 I don't know what you've been told, 279 00:13:29,443 --> 00:13:33,563 but I need to educate you on what being a carer is really about. 280 00:13:35,043 --> 00:13:39,043 You are what we in the profession call a busy little prick. 281 00:13:40,723 --> 00:13:43,203 You see that laundry? 282 00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:46,363 You could pick it up, and that's great. 283 00:13:46,363 --> 00:13:51,323 Or you could see your job as enabling your clients to do stuff 284 00:13:51,323 --> 00:13:55,083 for themselves, promote self-sufficiency. 285 00:13:56,603 --> 00:14:02,043 The most important part of our job as carers is what we don't do. 286 00:14:03,163 --> 00:14:05,323 Right. 287 00:14:05,323 --> 00:14:06,603 Get up here. 288 00:14:08,763 --> 00:14:10,243 OK. 289 00:14:10,243 --> 00:14:14,683 So, we'll watch a bit of DIY SOS, 290 00:14:14,683 --> 00:14:16,923 then we'll have a couple of cans, 291 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,363 and then, we'll head out. 292 00:14:19,363 --> 00:14:21,483 That man is Nick Knowles. 293 00:14:21,483 --> 00:14:23,163 SNUFFLES GROWLS 294 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,563 Yes! 295 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:26,043 Good dog! 296 00:14:31,523 --> 00:14:33,123 Actually, that's nonfiction. 297 00:14:34,243 --> 00:14:38,003 I think all these tales of oppression and police brutality, 298 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:41,763 isn't it fair to say all of these books are nonfiction? 299 00:14:44,003 --> 00:14:45,963 Oh, wow. 300 00:14:45,963 --> 00:14:47,283 What a book. 301 00:14:47,283 --> 00:14:50,123 Yeah, I did actually buy this off Amazon when it came out. 302 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,763 I can't wait to read it. 303 00:14:51,763 --> 00:14:54,363 Listen, I've got to make a call to my accountant, OK? 304 00:14:54,363 --> 00:14:55,883 DISTANT SHOUTING 305 00:14:55,883 --> 00:14:59,003 Yeah, er...don't worry, I'll guard the shop. 306 00:14:59,003 --> 00:15:01,523 Man, I can't believe, what is you wearing? 307 00:15:01,523 --> 00:15:02,843 Is it a statement? 308 00:15:04,563 --> 00:15:07,723 LAUGHTER 309 00:15:07,723 --> 00:15:09,043 Hey, yo! 310 00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:10,563 Hey. Hey, guys. 311 00:15:10,563 --> 00:15:12,323 Can I rap with you a second? 312 00:15:12,323 --> 00:15:14,443 Look, look, I'm not the feds. 313 00:15:14,443 --> 00:15:16,963 I just work at the crib over there. 314 00:15:16,963 --> 00:15:19,243 The...the book crib. 315 00:15:19,243 --> 00:15:20,643 You know, the... 316 00:15:20,643 --> 00:15:22,683 You know, the wicky-wack book shack. 317 00:15:22,683 --> 00:15:24,683 Thing is...know what I'm saying, blud? 318 00:15:24,683 --> 00:15:25,963 THEY LAUGH 319 00:15:25,963 --> 00:15:29,043 Anyway, I just want to try and create the right vibe. 320 00:15:29,043 --> 00:15:30,603 I want to make sure it's, you know - 321 00:15:30,603 --> 00:15:33,523 I don't want to stop it feeling real, but equally want to make sure 322 00:15:33,523 --> 00:15:35,243 it's a nice book shop...shack. 323 00:15:35,243 --> 00:15:36,683 What's that got to do with us? 324 00:15:36,683 --> 00:15:38,843 Well, you're making quite a lot of noise. I just... 325 00:15:38,843 --> 00:15:41,763 I wondered if you'd like to maybe move? 326 00:15:41,763 --> 00:15:43,763 Well, I don't want to stay on this corner 327 00:15:43,763 --> 00:15:46,043 if there's paedos setting up shop anyways. 328 00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:47,363 THEY LAUGH 329 00:15:55,963 --> 00:15:57,243 What are you doing? 330 00:15:58,523 --> 00:16:01,363 They come here every term for their school books. 331 00:16:01,363 --> 00:16:04,403 They're the only customers that actually buy anything. 332 00:16:04,403 --> 00:16:06,643 No, I-I thought they looked like trouble. 333 00:16:06,643 --> 00:16:08,843 I'm sure we can find some better clientele. 334 00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:29,603 Come here, boy. 335 00:16:29,603 --> 00:16:31,483 Help me take my shoes off. 336 00:16:36,643 --> 00:16:39,563 Oh, goddamn it. 337 00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:41,323 Oh... Sorry. 338 00:16:41,323 --> 00:16:43,403 I think I broke your care dog. 339 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,883 Come on. 340 00:16:44,883 --> 00:16:46,803 I needed help today. 341 00:16:46,803 --> 00:16:48,603 I am beat. 342 00:16:48,603 --> 00:16:54,283 Drug dealing is so much less sexy than I thought it'd be. 343 00:16:54,283 --> 00:16:56,563 But I have a plan. 344 00:16:56,563 --> 00:16:59,683 I'm going to take on more staff tomorrow. 345 00:16:59,683 --> 00:17:01,083 That's great. 346 00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:03,923 But you're going to have to take Snuffles with you. 347 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,763 To be honest, I've turned him into an arsehole. 348 00:17:17,843 --> 00:17:19,683 Hey, what's wrong with him? 349 00:17:19,683 --> 00:17:24,163 Oh, I think he's re-evaluating his life choices. 350 00:17:24,163 --> 00:17:25,443 That's deep, man. 351 00:17:25,443 --> 00:17:27,683 Right, so we've got double the orders today, 352 00:17:27,683 --> 00:17:29,523 so we're going to be very busy. 353 00:17:29,523 --> 00:17:31,363 Yeah, about that. 354 00:17:31,363 --> 00:17:34,283 I can barely keep up with the work. 355 00:17:34,283 --> 00:17:36,803 Hey, hey, hey, you owe me. 356 00:17:36,803 --> 00:17:39,483 You ain't done until I say so. 357 00:17:39,483 --> 00:17:43,403 I was wondering if maybe I could bring in Jacob here, 358 00:17:43,403 --> 00:17:46,123 to cut down on the workload. 359 00:17:46,123 --> 00:17:48,003 No. Come on. 360 00:17:48,003 --> 00:17:50,283 I really need help. 361 00:17:50,283 --> 00:17:53,763 And he's almost as disabled as I am. 362 00:17:53,763 --> 00:17:56,403 The police will never check him. 363 00:17:56,403 --> 00:17:58,923 Watch, watch. Go on. 364 00:17:58,923 --> 00:18:01,323 Mirza, Mirza, Mirza. 365 00:18:01,323 --> 00:18:03,323 Ain't you got anything better to do? 366 00:18:03,323 --> 00:18:06,403 Like a sexist police WhatsApp group to send abuse to? 367 00:18:06,403 --> 00:18:08,123 Oh, yeah. Hold on. 368 00:18:09,843 --> 00:18:11,243 CAMERA CLICKS 369 00:18:11,243 --> 00:18:12,283 HE CHUCKLES 370 00:18:12,283 --> 00:18:14,043 The lads will like that. 371 00:18:14,043 --> 00:18:17,603 Right. There we go. You know the drill. Arms up. 372 00:18:17,603 --> 00:18:19,283 Sorry, sir. Just doing my job. 373 00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:21,443 You're free to go about your day. Thank you. 374 00:18:21,443 --> 00:18:23,123 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 375 00:18:23,123 --> 00:18:25,243 Where you rolling off to, Lewis Hamilton? 376 00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:27,803 Wheel your precious sore arse back here right now, 377 00:18:27,803 --> 00:18:29,243 before I arrest you, too. 378 00:18:29,243 --> 00:18:30,443 Arms. 379 00:18:33,523 --> 00:18:34,803 Oh, no. 380 00:18:34,803 --> 00:18:36,043 It's a bag of weed. 381 00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:38,763 Oh, no! It's another bag of weed. 382 00:18:38,763 --> 00:18:40,643 You've been a very naughty boy. 383 00:18:40,643 --> 00:18:42,243 Put your arms out for the cuffs. 384 00:18:42,243 --> 00:18:44,123 Only joking, you don't need cuffs. 385 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,883 But... You're not going anywhere. 386 00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:47,203 HE LAUGHS 387 00:18:47,203 --> 00:18:49,003 It's for my glaucoma. Yeah. 388 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,443 And this night stick was a present from my nan. 389 00:18:54,003 --> 00:18:56,123 Wow. 390 00:18:56,123 --> 00:19:00,963 I guess the reason the police don't pick on me 391 00:19:00,963 --> 00:19:03,443 is not because I'm disabled. 392 00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,923 Course not, dickhead. Its cos you're white. 393 00:19:05,923 --> 00:19:10,523 It must be because... I'm a criminal mastermind! 394 00:19:10,523 --> 00:19:14,843 In which case, not only have I paid my debt, 395 00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:16,883 you owe me more money. 396 00:19:16,883 --> 00:19:18,083 Fuck off, bruv! 397 00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:19,603 You just lost me half my weed. 398 00:19:19,603 --> 00:19:21,563 You should be recompensing me. 399 00:19:21,563 --> 00:19:23,403 I'm serious! 400 00:19:23,403 --> 00:19:24,843 Pay me money! 401 00:19:24,843 --> 00:19:26,363 I ain't kidding! 402 00:19:26,363 --> 00:19:28,483 Snuffles, get her! 403 00:19:28,483 --> 00:19:30,283 Who you talking to, bruv, like that? 404 00:19:30,283 --> 00:19:32,683 Fucking care dog! You're my care dog! 405 00:19:32,683 --> 00:19:34,523 Bruv, you did not get your fucking dog on me. 406 00:19:34,523 --> 00:19:36,883 You're Snuffles, you're supposed to be taking care of me! 407 00:19:36,883 --> 00:19:38,883 You see this area, yeah? This is my land! 408 00:19:38,883 --> 00:19:41,963 No... Oh, you think you're bad?! Oh, step to me, bruv! 409 00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:45,803 MUFFLED SHOUTING That's enough now, yeah?! 410 00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:02,403 Yeah, police, please. 411 00:20:02,403 --> 00:20:04,523 GUNSHOT Yeah, I'm at Yearwood Books. 412 00:20:04,523 --> 00:20:06,763 I think there's a drug deal going on outside. 413 00:20:06,763 --> 00:20:08,243 Yeah, I just heard a gunshot. 414 00:20:08,243 --> 00:20:10,083 Yeah. Please come, quick as you can. 415 00:20:11,283 --> 00:20:12,403 Thank you. 416 00:20:14,683 --> 00:20:16,523 SIRENS BLARING 417 00:20:16,523 --> 00:20:19,923 Armed police! Just be cool. 418 00:20:19,923 --> 00:20:21,483 Armed police! 419 00:20:29,363 --> 00:20:32,443 I am the Teflon Don! 420 00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:42,643 We might not have found drugs, 421 00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:44,763 but, son, you did a real good job calling us. 422 00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:47,123 Thank you for being invested in the community. 423 00:20:59,243 --> 00:21:03,163 Oh! What the hell happened? 424 00:21:04,243 --> 00:21:06,123 Erm... 425 00:21:06,123 --> 00:21:07,843 Fuck you, Dad. 426 00:21:07,843 --> 00:21:11,163 I'm going to take all this shit, and I'm going to put it online. 427 00:21:11,163 --> 00:21:13,323 No, no, no, no, no. You can't do that. 428 00:21:13,323 --> 00:21:16,003 It's such a pillar of the community. The community love it so much. 429 00:21:16,003 --> 00:21:17,923 You've gotta think about the community. No. 430 00:21:17,923 --> 00:21:19,283 I'm done. 431 00:21:19,283 --> 00:21:22,483 I'm off to the beautiful land of no overheads. 432 00:21:22,483 --> 00:21:23,683 I'll buy it. 433 00:21:25,283 --> 00:21:27,203 Why? Well, I... 434 00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:30,523 I genuinely believe that with stronger, better leadership, 435 00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:33,163 you could really exploit a small, independent place like this. 436 00:21:33,163 --> 00:21:34,963 Oh, all right, then, mate. 437 00:21:34,963 --> 00:21:37,443 You can fucking have it. Hmm? 438 00:21:37,443 --> 00:21:39,843 Oh, and by the way... 439 00:21:39,843 --> 00:21:42,603 ..Aaliyah comes with it. Who? 440 00:21:42,603 --> 00:21:44,483 Jesus Christ! Where did you come from? 441 00:21:44,483 --> 00:21:46,323 I've been working here the whole time. 442 00:21:46,323 --> 00:21:48,603 To you, I'm invisible. 443 00:21:48,603 --> 00:21:50,843 Well, I don't want to say... 444 00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:53,043 Sorry, are you Murry's daughter? 445 00:21:53,043 --> 00:21:54,083 No. 446 00:21:55,243 --> 00:21:58,043 Well, what do you say? Do you fancy staying on? 447 00:21:58,043 --> 00:21:59,403 Joining me on this adventure? 448 00:21:59,403 --> 00:22:00,443 Fine. 449 00:22:00,443 --> 00:22:03,323 But you do know this book shop is haemorrhaging money? What? 450 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:07,363 A catastrophic, unstoppable, fatal outpouring... 451 00:22:07,363 --> 00:22:09,923 All right, yeah, thanks. I know what haemorrhaging means. 452 00:22:09,923 --> 00:22:13,603 But don't you think that some things are more important than money? 453 00:22:13,603 --> 00:22:15,403 Like freedom? And soul? 454 00:22:15,403 --> 00:22:17,203 The rent is 50,000 a year. 455 00:22:17,203 --> 00:22:18,363 It's how much?! 456 00:22:20,283 --> 00:22:21,323 Jesus Christ. 457 00:22:23,323 --> 00:22:25,003 Shut that fucking dog up. 458 00:22:25,003 --> 00:22:26,363 Snuffles, we go. 459 00:22:26,363 --> 00:22:27,563 Snuffles? 460 00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:30,963 Snuffles! 461 00:22:30,963 --> 00:22:32,843 I thought we'd retired you! 462 00:22:32,843 --> 00:22:34,123 Whaddya see, boy? 463 00:22:45,603 --> 00:22:47,763 How dare you. 464 00:22:47,763 --> 00:22:51,043 Trying to hide your drugs on a white... 465 00:22:51,043 --> 00:22:54,883 ..erm...disabled man? That's shameless. 466 00:22:54,883 --> 00:22:56,923 Shameless! All right! 467 00:22:56,923 --> 00:22:58,283 Take it easy, brother. 468 00:22:58,283 --> 00:22:59,603 Yeah, not the thumbs. 469 00:22:59,603 --> 00:23:01,123 N-Not...not the thumbs! 470 00:23:04,963 --> 00:23:07,043 Snuffles. Yeah? Come here. 471 00:23:07,043 --> 00:23:08,763 Come here, boy. 472 00:23:08,763 --> 00:23:11,083 That's it. Good boy. 473 00:23:11,083 --> 00:23:12,443 Good boy! 474 00:23:12,443 --> 00:23:14,003 It's good to see you. 475 00:23:14,003 --> 00:23:16,843 At least Snuffles got his mojo back. 476 00:23:19,723 --> 00:23:23,523 I've just spent my entire life savings rescuing this beacon 477 00:23:23,523 --> 00:23:25,363 of community culture. 478 00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:27,203 How are you? 479 00:23:27,203 --> 00:23:30,603 I'm a criminal mastermind! 480 00:23:30,603 --> 00:23:33,003 MUSIC: Caught By The Fuzz by Supergrass 481 00:23:43,043 --> 00:23:44,683 # Caught by the fuzz 482 00:23:44,683 --> 00:23:47,083 # Well, I was still on a buzz 483 00:23:48,523 --> 00:23:50,443 # In the back of the van 484 00:23:50,443 --> 00:23:53,043 # With my head in my hands 485 00:23:54,803 --> 00:23:56,443 # Just like a bad dream 486 00:23:56,443 --> 00:23:59,043 # I was only 15... #