1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,843 This programme contains very strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:04,843 --> 00:00:07,483 It's the very finest hand-stitched Italian cloth. 3 00:00:07,483 --> 00:00:10,283 Why thank you, Jeeves. 4 00:00:10,283 --> 00:00:14,163 You will look stunning going down the aisle. 5 00:00:14,163 --> 00:00:17,043 It really is top end. Don't worry about the price. 6 00:00:17,043 --> 00:00:20,043 You know, it's not every day you get to give your boy away. 7 00:00:20,043 --> 00:00:22,243 Is it not more traditional to give the bride away? 8 00:00:22,243 --> 00:00:24,923 I mean given away in the broad sense. 9 00:00:24,923 --> 00:00:27,643 Well, I've been trying to give him away for years, 10 00:00:27,643 --> 00:00:31,683 but some fucker always brought his wonky ass back. 11 00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:34,043 Ow! Why is there so many buttons? 12 00:00:34,043 --> 00:00:35,483 Fuck! 13 00:00:35,483 --> 00:00:37,723 I mean, I never thought I'd see this day. 14 00:00:37,723 --> 00:00:40,163 I never thought he'd get through kindergarten. 15 00:00:40,163 --> 00:00:42,123 He didn't have a college fund. 16 00:00:42,123 --> 00:00:45,923 I mean, who's going to bet on that long shot? 17 00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:48,323 Think I got it...no. 18 00:00:48,323 --> 00:00:50,643 Do you think I should be helping? Ow! 19 00:00:52,483 --> 00:00:58,523 I like it, but I think this one's got a rip in it. 20 00:00:58,523 --> 00:01:03,163 # I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby 21 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:09,603 # Listen to Iron Maiden, baby, with me... # 22 00:01:14,883 --> 00:01:18,403 This is so fascinating. It says, "The greatest way to be an ally 23 00:01:18,403 --> 00:01:20,643 "to the disabled community is simply to listen." 24 00:01:20,643 --> 00:01:24,203 Sure. I've been telling you to shut the fuck up for years. 25 00:01:24,203 --> 00:01:26,403 Oh, there's a new disability channel. 26 00:01:26,403 --> 00:01:29,323 What the fuck? Why would disabled people need their own channel? 27 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,763 It's not just for disabled people. It's for everyone. 28 00:01:31,763 --> 00:01:33,563 There's a whole audience of people 29 00:01:33,563 --> 00:01:35,683 who want to educate themselves about disability. 30 00:01:35,683 --> 00:01:38,243 We call ourselves "disabledophiles". Oh! Oh! 31 00:01:38,243 --> 00:01:40,843 Here it is, channel 1542. 32 00:01:40,843 --> 00:01:45,163 What? Even the porn channels stop at 1000! 33 00:01:45,163 --> 00:01:46,243 Shh. 34 00:01:46,243 --> 00:01:49,043 My new project is Unbeaten. 35 00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:51,843 It tells the true story of Serge de La Croix 36 00:01:51,843 --> 00:01:55,483 who, aged 24, developed the degenerative condition 37 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,243 Veltmann Kreiger Syndrome, 38 00:01:57,243 --> 00:02:00,563 causing profound physical disability, 39 00:02:00,563 --> 00:02:03,883 yet still went on to be France's greatest ever jazz drummer. 40 00:02:06,603 --> 00:02:07,883 Incredible. 41 00:02:07,883 --> 00:02:10,203 Oi, arsewipe. Put the video games back on. 42 00:02:10,203 --> 00:02:12,963 There's been some protests over casting an able-bodied actor 43 00:02:12,963 --> 00:02:15,123 as De La Croix - James Norton, no less. 44 00:02:15,123 --> 00:02:18,683 Oh, my God, he's my favourite Spider-Man. 45 00:02:18,683 --> 00:02:21,723 I know, but we have been listening to the community, 46 00:02:21,723 --> 00:02:24,243 which is why it's so important to us 47 00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:28,123 to feature on screen as many disabled actors as we can. 48 00:02:28,123 --> 00:02:31,203 We have an open casting in South London today. 49 00:02:34,803 --> 00:02:36,363 He's Spider-Man. 50 00:02:36,363 --> 00:02:37,843 MOBILE RINGS 51 00:02:40,443 --> 00:02:42,123 Oh, and... 52 00:02:43,203 --> 00:02:45,483 Hey, Mum, guess what? 53 00:02:45,483 --> 00:02:48,923 The doctor called and he said he accidentally threw away my baby 54 00:02:48,923 --> 00:02:50,643 and gave me the medical waste? 55 00:02:50,643 --> 00:02:52,043 Oh. 56 00:02:52,043 --> 00:02:53,963 We're going to be in a movie. 57 00:02:53,963 --> 00:02:56,803 Did I ever tell you about the time I was in a film? 58 00:02:56,803 --> 00:02:59,723 Please stop talking about the porno. 59 00:02:59,723 --> 00:03:02,443 I could have done a lot more porno back then. 60 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:05,323 You know, I had statement titties. 61 00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:08,843 I don't know why I breast-fed you till you were seven years old. 62 00:03:09,963 --> 00:03:12,843 Now look at them. One still has a bite mark. 63 00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:13,923 OK. Bye, Mum. 64 00:03:16,123 --> 00:03:19,683 Idris, you've got a real problem with women, haven't you? 65 00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:23,403 To... To be fair, that was my best friend's mum's bosoms. 66 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:26,203 Bosoms?! Oh. 67 00:03:26,203 --> 00:03:28,363 LAUGHS: You are such a pussy. 68 00:03:28,363 --> 00:03:31,203 Which is lucky, because you are never going to see one. 69 00:03:34,003 --> 00:03:39,763 # What's the ugliest part of your body?... # 70 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,323 Hiya. 71 00:03:44,323 --> 00:03:46,283 If you're here to be an extra on Unbeaten, 72 00:03:46,283 --> 00:03:48,163 if you could just form an orderly queue here, 73 00:03:48,163 --> 00:03:50,043 with carers where applicable. 74 00:03:50,043 --> 00:03:52,283 And if you're here for the angry protest, 75 00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:55,163 you're actually in the wrong spot - it's just over there. 76 00:03:55,163 --> 00:03:57,323 THEY CHANT: Disabled but able! 77 00:03:58,883 --> 00:04:01,603 Yes, Idris, a pretty lady. 78 00:04:01,603 --> 00:04:03,843 Maybe just listening face today. 79 00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:06,643 Let me do the talking. Capisce? 80 00:04:06,643 --> 00:04:08,563 Yeah. Um, hiya. 81 00:04:08,563 --> 00:04:11,363 What's your disability? Why do you need to know that? 82 00:04:11,363 --> 00:04:13,603 Oh, it's just to decide which scene. 83 00:04:13,603 --> 00:04:18,083 I'm quadriplegic and have violent anger management issues. 84 00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:19,283 OK. 85 00:04:19,283 --> 00:04:21,963 I'm joking, I'm not quadriplegic. 86 00:04:21,963 --> 00:04:23,363 Er, OK. 87 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,643 What's your name, sorry? Fuck you. 88 00:04:25,643 --> 00:04:26,963 That's my name. 89 00:04:26,963 --> 00:04:28,323 Well, my name's Lily. 90 00:04:28,323 --> 00:04:30,923 But Fuck You's my Insta handle. 91 00:04:30,923 --> 00:04:35,443 I'm livestreaming this to highlight the obscenity of casting 92 00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,963 a non-disabled actor to play a disabled hero 93 00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:43,083 whilst trying to placate the rest of us with this PR shite. 94 00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:48,203 Look, I'm just the third AD, it's really not my decision. 95 00:04:48,203 --> 00:04:49,603 You're right. 96 00:04:49,603 --> 00:04:50,883 I get that, babe. 97 00:04:50,883 --> 00:04:52,683 I'll go and pick on someone else. 98 00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,163 Yeah. 99 00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:56,203 Like these sad sacks, 100 00:04:56,203 --> 00:04:58,643 lending credibility to this charade. 101 00:04:58,643 --> 00:05:01,083 Don't talk about Ruth that way. 102 00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,963 Do you want to borrow my wheelchair, 103 00:05:02,963 --> 00:05:06,483 help you out when you're sucking able-bodied cock? 104 00:05:06,483 --> 00:05:11,443 Yeah, that would help so much more than the kneepads I brought. 105 00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:13,083 Thank you. 106 00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:15,443 Don't let him actually suck any cock. 107 00:05:15,443 --> 00:05:19,403 The insurance won't cover the horrific injuries it would cause. 108 00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:20,923 I've got enough here. 109 00:05:20,923 --> 00:05:22,403 She's not wrong. 110 00:05:22,403 --> 00:05:25,123 You should see what I did to my mum's nipple. 111 00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:26,803 Gross. 112 00:05:26,803 --> 00:05:28,963 No, I meant, like, as a baby. 113 00:05:28,963 --> 00:05:30,443 Not, like, now. 114 00:05:30,443 --> 00:05:32,643 Oh, Goddamn! 115 00:05:33,963 --> 00:05:35,603 Right. Hiya. 116 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:38,243 Ruth, Tim and Idris. OK. 117 00:05:38,243 --> 00:05:41,123 Oh, I've got Tim and Idris, but not Ruth. 118 00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:44,723 I'm the carer. It says here Idris is the carer. 119 00:05:44,723 --> 00:05:46,203 Come here. 120 00:05:49,443 --> 00:05:53,563 See, I'm the carer of both of those inspirational young men. 121 00:05:53,563 --> 00:05:56,483 We just let Idris make the phone call sometimes 122 00:05:56,483 --> 00:05:59,763 because he's... he's very, very special. 123 00:05:59,763 --> 00:06:03,323 Hey, guys, quick, look, I've made a friend. Hello, mate. 124 00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:06,963 Oh, good job, buddy. 125 00:06:06,963 --> 00:06:09,563 You see? Yeah, yeah. I see. What an absolute sweetheart. 126 00:06:09,563 --> 00:06:11,323 What are their conditions? 127 00:06:11,323 --> 00:06:15,003 Cerebral palsy and... 128 00:06:15,003 --> 00:06:17,283 ..repulsivist vaginilitis. 129 00:06:22,603 --> 00:06:24,443 Oh, what the hell. You have a great day. 130 00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:25,843 Grab a wheelchair. 131 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,883 You can go in the hospital scenes. 132 00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:30,643 Just head over to the extras' green room. 133 00:06:31,803 --> 00:06:33,243 I like movies. 134 00:06:36,843 --> 00:06:38,483 They're...pretty. 135 00:06:41,723 --> 00:06:45,963 Maybe Idris would like to spend some time 136 00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:49,243 with the pretty lady, huh? 137 00:06:52,643 --> 00:06:55,803 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. 138 00:06:55,803 --> 00:06:57,603 Yay! 139 00:07:00,883 --> 00:07:03,203 Eeee! 140 00:07:10,923 --> 00:07:13,963 We're talking to the protesters. 141 00:07:13,963 --> 00:07:15,683 They're on the news?! 142 00:07:15,683 --> 00:07:17,323 They're calling us gerbils? 143 00:07:18,443 --> 00:07:20,483 Oh, Goebbels. 144 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:23,723 God, don't they understand how complicated making this film is? 145 00:07:23,723 --> 00:07:25,763 I can't just cast a disabled lead. 146 00:07:25,763 --> 00:07:27,803 In half the film, he's able-bodied. 147 00:07:27,803 --> 00:07:30,723 There's an eight-minute one-take tracking shot 148 00:07:30,723 --> 00:07:33,163 of him cycling with his brother on his back 149 00:07:33,163 --> 00:07:35,403 through the war-torn Antwerp ghetto. 150 00:07:35,403 --> 00:07:37,083 No, no, no, no. I'll try and fix it. 151 00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:39,323 Studio doesn't need to pull the funding. 152 00:07:39,323 --> 00:07:40,443 Jack. 153 00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:42,523 Jack, can I just get your opinion on something? 154 00:07:42,523 --> 00:07:43,923 Um... 155 00:07:43,923 --> 00:07:46,403 So which do you think is the more realistic? 156 00:07:46,403 --> 00:07:50,483 Um... Mm, mm, mm... 157 00:07:50,483 --> 00:07:52,763 ..or... 158 00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:56,203 Argh! Argh! Argh! 159 00:07:56,203 --> 00:08:00,083 Um, I was...I was thinking, you know... 160 00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:03,003 Ah, ah-ah, ah. 161 00:08:03,003 --> 00:08:04,883 Yeah. 162 00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:07,163 Yeah. No, I had thought about that. Just, I'm... 163 00:08:07,163 --> 00:08:09,803 I'm worried it will be considered offensive. 164 00:08:09,803 --> 00:08:12,403 Well, that... Oh, excuse me. 165 00:08:12,403 --> 00:08:15,323 Hey. Can I ask you a quick question? Spider-Man. 166 00:08:15,323 --> 00:08:17,923 Which do you think is more accurate, 167 00:08:17,923 --> 00:08:22,323 bearing in mind the character has Veltmann Kreiger Syndrome, OK? 168 00:08:22,323 --> 00:08:25,523 OK, so, first of all... Argh! 169 00:08:25,523 --> 00:08:27,683 Argh! Argh! Or... 170 00:08:29,403 --> 00:08:33,683 Ah! Ah! Ah! 171 00:08:33,683 --> 00:08:35,043 Hmm. 172 00:08:37,443 --> 00:08:39,323 Show me again. 173 00:08:39,323 --> 00:08:42,763 Um, so the first one is... 174 00:08:42,763 --> 00:08:45,803 Argh! Argh! 175 00:08:45,803 --> 00:08:47,683 Or, um... 176 00:08:47,683 --> 00:08:52,283 BOTH: Ah-ha, ah, ah. 177 00:08:57,763 --> 00:08:59,683 What about... 178 00:08:59,683 --> 00:09:04,323 ..huh-huh, huh, huh, da-muh. 179 00:09:04,323 --> 00:09:05,963 Prrrth. 180 00:09:07,483 --> 00:09:10,123 I... I had never thought about that. 181 00:09:10,123 --> 00:09:12,763 You see, that is why you have to research a part. 182 00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:14,163 Thank you, mate. 183 00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:15,803 James. Nice to meet you. 184 00:09:15,803 --> 00:09:18,363 Tim. Do the Spider-Man thing. 185 00:09:18,363 --> 00:09:19,403 Huh? 186 00:09:19,403 --> 00:09:22,203 OK, thanks. Great job. Just great. 187 00:09:22,203 --> 00:09:24,763 Nice to meet you, Jim. Bye, Spidey! 188 00:09:26,563 --> 00:09:28,243 What is this Spider-Man shite? 189 00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:29,883 Spider-Man! 190 00:09:34,763 --> 00:09:38,363 This is Elizabeth and Beth, 191 00:09:38,363 --> 00:09:40,003 our hair and make-up department. 192 00:09:40,003 --> 00:09:41,843 This is Idris, everyone. 193 00:09:41,843 --> 00:09:44,283 Idris wants to make movies, don't you? 194 00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:45,643 Yeah. They're cool. 195 00:09:48,203 --> 00:09:51,643 I'm doing listening today. 196 00:09:51,643 --> 00:09:55,123 And I think boys who listen deserve ice cream. 197 00:09:55,123 --> 00:09:56,683 What do you reckon? 198 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:59,003 I like your hair. 199 00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:00,603 It's, um... It's blue. 200 00:10:00,603 --> 00:10:02,283 Aww. 201 00:10:02,283 --> 00:10:04,803 Oh, I'll go and get you that ice cream, shall I? 202 00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:07,083 Yeah. Yeah? Sounds good. 203 00:10:31,883 --> 00:10:34,563 Ruth... Hmm? 204 00:10:34,563 --> 00:10:37,563 I don't think I like it in here. 205 00:10:37,563 --> 00:10:39,923 Are we in Stranger Things? 206 00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:42,083 Is this the Upside Down? 207 00:10:43,163 --> 00:10:45,043 Does anyone need anything? 208 00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:46,523 OK, no worries. 209 00:10:47,923 --> 00:10:49,203 Prick. 210 00:10:54,483 --> 00:10:56,923 Wheeeee! Look, sparkly. 211 00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,803 Oh, wow, Idris, they look great. 212 00:11:00,923 --> 00:11:03,243 Look, I think these lasses are a little bit busy, 213 00:11:03,243 --> 00:11:06,323 so shall we go and find some of the animals? Yeah. Sounds... 214 00:11:06,323 --> 00:11:09,203 Yeah? Sounds good. Here you go. Thank you. Come on, then. 215 00:11:14,723 --> 00:11:18,283 Well, I would say 216 00:11:18,283 --> 00:11:22,643 this is Dante's sixth circle of hell. 217 00:11:22,643 --> 00:11:25,403 But I don't know who Dante is. 218 00:11:25,403 --> 00:11:26,763 Oh. 219 00:11:26,763 --> 00:11:28,843 Oh, was he a rapper? 220 00:11:28,843 --> 00:11:31,563 This is the forever place. No, it's not. 221 00:11:31,563 --> 00:11:33,763 Look, we need to escape. 222 00:11:33,763 --> 00:11:36,643 We all need to escape. 223 00:11:36,643 --> 00:11:39,843 Come on, people, rise up! To freedom! 224 00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:43,843 And listen, I know where they're keeping the sandwiches and shit. 225 00:11:43,843 --> 00:11:46,123 ALL: Ooh! Yes. Come on, then. 226 00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,283 Let's go, come on! 227 00:11:49,323 --> 00:11:52,323 Guys. it's not your scene yet. Look, get back, guys, get back. 228 00:11:52,323 --> 00:11:55,083 So, because lots of the film is set on a farm, 229 00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:57,403 we have lots of animals, like pigs. 230 00:11:57,403 --> 00:12:00,403 Of course, the pigs don't have any lines, because that would be silly. 231 00:12:02,203 --> 00:12:05,443 Oink. Yeah, oink! 232 00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:08,603 Moo. 233 00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,403 Yeah. Hey, animals make lots of different noises, don't they? 234 00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:16,683 I've lost control of the extras! 235 00:12:16,683 --> 00:12:18,963 They're heading for the refreshment table. 236 00:12:18,963 --> 00:12:22,443 MUSIC: White Riot by The Clash 237 00:12:24,563 --> 00:12:26,283 Oh, Tim. Tim, Tim. 238 00:12:26,283 --> 00:12:28,483 I had a couple of questions about authenticity. 239 00:12:28,483 --> 00:12:31,443 Not now, Spidey, we're rebelling. 240 00:12:31,443 --> 00:12:34,083 Oh, we can walk and talk. I can't! 241 00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:38,003 I really, really want to dig deep into this character, you know? 242 00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:42,043 Find his motivations, his desires, dreams. 243 00:12:43,203 --> 00:12:45,043 What do you dream about, Tim? 244 00:12:45,043 --> 00:12:47,723 Eh, just like stupid shit. 245 00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:50,643 What the fuck! Where have all these fucking extras come from! 246 00:12:50,643 --> 00:12:52,683 Get them away from the sandwiches! 247 00:12:52,683 --> 00:12:54,163 Who let all these extras escape? 248 00:12:54,163 --> 00:12:55,603 It was him, he let them out. 249 00:12:55,603 --> 00:12:57,803 I've got enough fucking problems without this. 250 00:12:57,803 --> 00:12:59,443 Get off my fucking set. 251 00:12:59,443 --> 00:13:01,483 Save me, Spider-Man! 252 00:13:03,163 --> 00:13:04,763 I think he's talking to you. 253 00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:08,323 What? 254 00:13:08,323 --> 00:13:12,163 MEGAPHONE: More disabled actors! More disabled actors! 255 00:13:12,163 --> 00:13:13,563 Fuck. 256 00:13:13,563 --> 00:13:15,283 Oh, unbelievable. 257 00:13:15,283 --> 00:13:17,483 This is how you treat.... 258 00:13:17,483 --> 00:13:20,523 Hang on... You gave him a wheelchair? 259 00:13:20,523 --> 00:13:22,043 Did he try and suck your cock? 260 00:13:22,043 --> 00:13:24,243 No. They're troublemakers. 261 00:13:24,243 --> 00:13:25,523 Hmm. 262 00:13:25,523 --> 00:13:27,643 Do you know who else was called a troublemaker? 263 00:13:27,643 --> 00:13:29,603 Martin Luther King. 264 00:13:29,603 --> 00:13:33,443 Yeah, but I did cause a lot of trouble. 265 00:13:33,443 --> 00:13:37,323 We're employing hundreds of disabled people who don't cause trouble. 266 00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:40,043 Here, do you know they keep them in a dungeon? 267 00:13:40,043 --> 00:13:41,683 Not because they're disabled! 268 00:13:41,683 --> 00:13:44,563 It's how we treat all extras. Jack, that is terrible. 269 00:13:44,563 --> 00:13:46,843 I have a massive trailer to myself. 270 00:13:46,843 --> 00:13:49,123 Disgraceful! 271 00:13:49,123 --> 00:13:52,683 At the very least, you should show your commitment 272 00:13:52,683 --> 00:13:56,483 to the better treatment of disabled actors! Yeah! 273 00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:59,763 by making a donation to the Disabled Actors Alliance. 274 00:13:59,763 --> 00:14:01,243 Yeah. Would that make you go away? 275 00:14:01,243 --> 00:14:03,683 You what? Who the fuck is he talking to? 276 00:14:03,683 --> 00:14:05,203 Hang on. Jack. 277 00:14:05,203 --> 00:14:09,363 Oh, look who it is - the big able-bodied star 278 00:14:09,363 --> 00:14:15,283 who's literally stealing the opportunity from a disabled actor. 279 00:14:15,283 --> 00:14:17,203 There's a word for people like you. 280 00:14:17,203 --> 00:14:20,003 What - disabled fish? 281 00:14:20,003 --> 00:14:22,723 THEY LAUGH Cunts. 282 00:14:22,723 --> 00:14:25,363 Hold on. I'm... I'm an ally. 283 00:14:25,363 --> 00:14:26,603 I'm here to learn. 284 00:14:26,603 --> 00:14:30,203 We're still filming the scenes where Serge is physically normal. 285 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,083 Normal?! 286 00:14:32,083 --> 00:14:34,403 I just meant... 287 00:14:35,763 --> 00:14:37,003 You know what I meant. 288 00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:38,523 Tim can vouch for me. 289 00:14:38,523 --> 00:14:40,323 He's been my mentor, my...my teacher. 290 00:14:40,323 --> 00:14:42,523 He's been fantastic helping me with the physicality. 291 00:14:42,523 --> 00:14:44,563 Oh, so, not only are you stealing 292 00:14:44,563 --> 00:14:50,843 an opportunity from this inspiring disabled actor, 293 00:14:50,843 --> 00:14:55,003 but you're appropriating his talents for your own gain. 294 00:14:55,003 --> 00:14:57,003 Absolute wanker. 295 00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:58,923 Jack, this is a PR shambles, mate. 296 00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:00,843 OK? We can't afford the bad publicity. 297 00:15:00,843 --> 00:15:02,883 Sort this out, OK? Enough. 298 00:15:02,883 --> 00:15:04,203 Unbelievable. 299 00:15:05,403 --> 00:15:06,763 OK. 300 00:15:06,763 --> 00:15:09,963 The studio execs want to try recasting James 301 00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:14,403 as the Ugandan drum teacher Nabil, 302 00:15:14,403 --> 00:15:18,203 and the part of Serge de la Croix with someone actually disabled. 303 00:15:18,203 --> 00:15:22,603 Like "the guy from the livestream", which I guess is you. 304 00:15:22,603 --> 00:15:24,443 What? What?! 305 00:15:24,443 --> 00:15:27,483 Don't worry. It's a PR stunt, it will blow over. 306 00:15:27,483 --> 00:15:29,683 It's a truly terrible idea. 307 00:15:29,683 --> 00:15:31,803 You think that will placate us? 308 00:15:31,803 --> 00:15:34,603 Well, that is sort of what you've been after. 309 00:15:34,603 --> 00:15:39,203 I guess I was just after a less repugnant-looking poster boy. 310 00:15:39,203 --> 00:15:41,883 Hey, not cool. 311 00:15:41,883 --> 00:15:44,443 I make love to the camera. 312 00:15:45,923 --> 00:15:47,003 Yeah. 313 00:15:47,003 --> 00:15:49,363 How drunk did you have to get the camera? 314 00:16:00,363 --> 00:16:03,763 OK, so we're shooting the scene where Serge de la Croix is 22 315 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,363 and chasing hens back on the farm. 316 00:16:06,363 --> 00:16:09,203 It's before he develops Veltmann Kreiger Syndrome 317 00:16:09,203 --> 00:16:12,283 so he's able-bodied. 318 00:16:13,603 --> 00:16:15,963 When the execs are here, they'll realise it doesn't work 319 00:16:15,963 --> 00:16:18,523 and we'll be back to the way it was. Is that OK with you, James? 320 00:16:18,523 --> 00:16:22,603 Hold on. So we're OK to cast an able-bodied actor as disabled 321 00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:25,123 but not a disabled actor as able-bodied? 322 00:16:25,123 --> 00:16:27,323 What does that say about us, Jack? 323 00:16:30,243 --> 00:16:34,243 Oh, no, my hand! 324 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:40,083 Oh, no, my toes are tingling! 325 00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:43,323 I hope I'm not contracting a syndrome. 326 00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:46,123 OK. Cut. 327 00:16:49,403 --> 00:16:50,803 Excellent. 328 00:16:50,803 --> 00:16:52,203 It just isn't working. 329 00:16:53,563 --> 00:16:56,643 Hey, Tim, Tim, you've gone viral. 330 00:16:56,643 --> 00:16:59,803 #Empowerment, #FuckJamesNorton. 331 00:16:59,803 --> 00:17:01,443 Everyone's talking about the film. 332 00:17:01,443 --> 00:17:02,883 Huh? 333 00:17:02,883 --> 00:17:05,443 PHONE VIBRATES 334 00:17:07,323 --> 00:17:09,723 Jack, the media are lapping this up. 335 00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:12,283 Especially the thing about James splitting his salary. 336 00:17:12,283 --> 00:17:14,723 What? I never agreed to that. We agreed to it for you, James. 337 00:17:14,723 --> 00:17:16,163 It's a positive move. 338 00:17:16,163 --> 00:17:18,643 I spent six years researching this film. 339 00:17:18,643 --> 00:17:21,563 I promised Serge's kids it would be a love letter to their father. 340 00:17:21,563 --> 00:17:23,323 What's the problem, Jack? 341 00:17:23,323 --> 00:17:25,763 This Tim guy can't do it. 342 00:17:25,763 --> 00:17:27,763 What do you mean, he can't do it? 343 00:17:27,763 --> 00:17:29,923 Play someone with Veltmann Kreiger syndrome. 344 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:31,083 Well, what's he got? 345 00:17:33,163 --> 00:17:35,483 Cerebral palsy. 346 00:17:35,483 --> 00:17:38,443 Well, it's the same thing, isn't it? They're all disabled. 347 00:17:38,443 --> 00:17:40,803 Look, we can signal our commitment to diversity, 348 00:17:40,803 --> 00:17:42,563 and the optics are fucking amazing. 349 00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,643 Glad we're on the same page, Jack. Good man. 350 00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:48,123 Yeah. Come on. We can make this work. 351 00:17:48,123 --> 00:17:50,443 What are you specifically worried about? 352 00:17:50,443 --> 00:17:53,883 With Veltmann Kreiger Syndrome, you maintain some fine motor control. 353 00:17:53,883 --> 00:17:56,803 That's why he could be France's greatest jazz drummer. 354 00:17:56,803 --> 00:17:59,803 What if we scrap the whole Veltmann Kreiger syndrome thing? 355 00:17:59,803 --> 00:18:02,283 Let's just say Serge de la Croix has cerebral palsy. 356 00:18:02,283 --> 00:18:05,883 Yeah, and to be honest, I'm not that comfortable playing a Ugandan. 357 00:18:05,883 --> 00:18:08,723 We could make me Canadian. 358 00:18:08,723 --> 00:18:10,563 But the integrity! 359 00:18:10,563 --> 00:18:12,963 Yeah, we only ever say it's based on a true story. 360 00:18:12,963 --> 00:18:14,523 CALL ENDS "Based". 361 00:18:14,523 --> 00:18:16,123 Come on, Jack. 362 00:18:16,123 --> 00:18:18,563 Where's the script? We can make tweaks. 363 00:18:35,763 --> 00:18:38,643 See? I told you we'd find some of the animals. 364 00:18:38,643 --> 00:18:39,683 Yeah. 365 00:18:41,123 --> 00:18:43,123 I like their little noses. Mmm. 366 00:18:44,603 --> 00:18:45,923 I like your nose. 367 00:18:46,843 --> 00:18:48,803 Oh, you are just a sweetheart. 368 00:18:48,803 --> 00:18:49,963 I could eat you up. 369 00:18:51,123 --> 00:18:53,363 Would you? Yeah. 370 00:18:53,363 --> 00:18:55,683 Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra. 371 00:18:55,683 --> 00:18:57,043 I like you, too. Hmm. 372 00:18:58,643 --> 00:19:00,043 No! 373 00:19:00,043 --> 00:19:02,843 God, I'm... Bad boy. I'm so sorry. That is a no-no. 374 00:19:02,843 --> 00:19:04,163 As... I just thought. 375 00:19:04,163 --> 00:19:05,483 I... I didn't... 376 00:19:06,523 --> 00:19:10,523 I know we all sometimes have...urges, 377 00:19:10,523 --> 00:19:11,963 but we just need to make sure 378 00:19:11,963 --> 00:19:14,323 that we have the other person's permission. 379 00:19:14,323 --> 00:19:15,683 Oh. Of course. 380 00:19:15,683 --> 00:19:18,403 Kissing is fun, but it's inappropriate. 381 00:19:18,403 --> 00:19:21,083 Do you know what that means? Yeah. 382 00:19:27,203 --> 00:19:28,483 Hmm. 383 00:19:30,723 --> 00:19:32,403 Well, this is shit. 384 00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:34,443 It's so boring! 385 00:19:34,443 --> 00:19:36,243 Look on page one. 386 00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:38,003 Mother's on her deathbed. 387 00:19:38,003 --> 00:19:39,683 Family's crying. 388 00:19:39,683 --> 00:19:41,483 Yada, yada, yada. 389 00:19:41,483 --> 00:19:46,123 She tells her eldest son to take care of her family. 390 00:19:46,123 --> 00:19:47,563 Dumb. 391 00:19:47,563 --> 00:19:50,363 But that is verbatim what she said in reality. 392 00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:54,483 But the son should say, "No way in hell!" 393 00:19:54,483 --> 00:19:56,563 Why? It's punchier. 394 00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,443 Certainly grabs the attention. Yeah, but it's not true. 395 00:19:59,443 --> 00:20:03,003 Yes, but if Tim, as a person of disability, 396 00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:05,803 feels its truth, then is that not true enough? 397 00:20:05,803 --> 00:20:08,163 No, it's a different story. OK. 398 00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:11,923 What if the mum gets a shotgun and she's like, 399 00:20:11,923 --> 00:20:16,443 "Hey, I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" 400 00:20:16,443 --> 00:20:20,203 Kapum! "Oh, not if I take you out first!" 401 00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:27,083 It needs more gunfights just generally. 402 00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:31,643 And then, on his way out, he draws out a stick of dynamite 403 00:20:31,643 --> 00:20:33,323 and blows up the house with them. 404 00:20:33,323 --> 00:20:34,363 Pow. 405 00:20:35,723 --> 00:20:39,243 Too much? No, not if it feels real to Tim. 406 00:20:39,243 --> 00:20:42,203 Nobody is blowing up the hospital! 407 00:20:42,203 --> 00:20:44,763 Well, hold on. It could be a metaphor 408 00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:46,563 for the end of childhood innocence. 409 00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:48,323 It really wakes the audience up. 410 00:20:48,323 --> 00:20:51,483 And to be honest, now I'm rereading it through Tim's eyes, 411 00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:54,643 I'm not really sure what's keeping anyone watching in the first act. 412 00:20:54,643 --> 00:20:58,083 The powerfully emotional character arc. 413 00:20:58,083 --> 00:20:59,523 All right, Shakespeare. 414 00:20:59,523 --> 00:21:04,843 No! No-one is changing a fucking word of my masterpiece. 415 00:21:04,843 --> 00:21:06,803 We've wasted an hour on this shit. 416 00:21:06,803 --> 00:21:09,563 Let's shoot something, for fuck's sake! 417 00:21:09,563 --> 00:21:12,323 Pow-pow. Pow-pow. 418 00:21:12,323 --> 00:21:14,443 Tch-tch, pow. 419 00:21:14,443 --> 00:21:20,803 Despite everything, despite the hand that life has dealt me, 420 00:21:20,803 --> 00:21:27,963 all I have ever wanted to be is France's greatest jazz drummer. 421 00:21:27,963 --> 00:21:31,523 HE BASHES THE DRUMS 422 00:21:35,083 --> 00:21:36,563 Cut! 423 00:21:42,043 --> 00:21:45,203 Maybe we should just forget the whole jazz drumming thing. 424 00:21:45,203 --> 00:21:47,923 No! We'll fix it with CGI. Can we...? 425 00:21:47,923 --> 00:21:50,363 Can we just do it in a French accent, 426 00:21:50,363 --> 00:21:54,403 just to try and preserve a scintilla of authenticity? 427 00:21:54,403 --> 00:21:57,923 Ohn-hon-hon! Despite the... 428 00:21:57,923 --> 00:22:00,963 ..what the world.... No-no-no, no, no, no, no. 429 00:22:00,963 --> 00:22:02,963 Let's... Let's just move on. 430 00:22:02,963 --> 00:22:04,323 Let's just move on. 431 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,003 Hey, Webslinger. Hold on. 432 00:22:08,323 --> 00:22:13,643 Oh, after this is done, can you, me and Zendaya hang out? 433 00:22:13,643 --> 00:22:15,123 Tim, um.... 434 00:22:15,123 --> 00:22:16,723 I hate to say this, mate, I'm... 435 00:22:16,723 --> 00:22:19,083 I'm not actually in Spider-Man. 436 00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:21,083 What? 437 00:22:21,083 --> 00:22:22,243 Sorry. 438 00:22:24,763 --> 00:22:26,523 Hey, Ruth. Yeah? 439 00:22:29,843 --> 00:22:31,323 I'm bored. 440 00:22:31,323 --> 00:22:34,803 And you know what James Norton just told me? What? 441 00:22:34,803 --> 00:22:38,163 He wasn't even in Spider-Man. Ugh! 442 00:22:38,163 --> 00:22:40,763 Shall we go and see if that beguiling 443 00:22:40,763 --> 00:22:42,683 but angry woman is still outside? 444 00:22:42,683 --> 00:22:45,563 Yeah, whatever you want, mate. Come on. 445 00:22:45,563 --> 00:22:48,963 Used to be a working-class accent opened doors in this industry. 446 00:22:48,963 --> 00:22:52,643 Now, look at us - cis white able-bodied men. 447 00:22:53,923 --> 00:22:58,163 The biggest disability of all these days. 448 00:23:01,243 --> 00:23:05,163 Oi, Fucknuggets, it's time to go. I'm not sure that's appropriate. 449 00:23:07,003 --> 00:23:10,763 He's responded so well to soft and gentle words today. 450 00:23:10,763 --> 00:23:12,243 What? 451 00:23:12,243 --> 00:23:14,243 It's cruelty like that that makes me so angry. 452 00:23:14,243 --> 00:23:16,003 You should be ashamed. 453 00:23:16,003 --> 00:23:19,043 We should show nothing but kindness to those with learning difficulties. 454 00:23:19,043 --> 00:23:21,523 He doesn't have learning difficulties. 455 00:23:22,683 --> 00:23:24,243 But... 456 00:23:24,243 --> 00:23:25,323 So... 457 00:23:26,923 --> 00:23:28,403 ..doesn't he? No! 458 00:23:28,403 --> 00:23:30,683 No, he was just pretending that he did. 459 00:23:30,683 --> 00:23:32,283 And he made me go along with it 460 00:23:32,283 --> 00:23:34,283 so that he would get to meet a hot girl. 461 00:23:34,283 --> 00:23:37,403 No, honestly, he used to work in recruitment. 462 00:23:39,363 --> 00:23:42,243 Yeah, I used to work in recruitment. 463 00:23:42,243 --> 00:23:43,523 Mm-mm. 464 00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:45,163 Pervert! 465 00:23:45,163 --> 00:23:47,003 Argh! What? 466 00:23:48,963 --> 00:23:51,203 Come on, pervert. 467 00:23:54,323 --> 00:23:56,123 That sore? 468 00:23:56,123 --> 00:23:58,163 SHE LAUGHS 469 00:23:58,163 --> 00:24:00,843 Ruth. What? 470 00:24:00,843 --> 00:24:02,763 Oh. 471 00:24:02,763 --> 00:24:05,163 Hey, were you waiting for me? 472 00:24:05,163 --> 00:24:06,683 Fuck me. 473 00:24:06,683 --> 00:24:08,603 You really are brain-damaged. 474 00:24:08,603 --> 00:24:12,123 Well, I guess you can go find somebody else 475 00:24:12,123 --> 00:24:15,923 to be morally superior to very soon. 476 00:24:15,923 --> 00:24:18,123 Don't worry. There's a film about a beat-boxer 477 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:20,763 with Down's Syndrome shooting next week, 478 00:24:20,763 --> 00:24:23,203 starring one of The Inbetweeners. 479 00:24:23,203 --> 00:24:24,803 I'm not fucking beaten yet. 480 00:24:24,803 --> 00:24:26,643 "I'm not beaten yet." 481 00:24:26,643 --> 00:24:29,043 She is a pain in my arse. 482 00:24:35,403 --> 00:24:37,803 EXPERT DRUMMING 483 00:24:41,363 --> 00:24:43,643 Do you think I'll win a Bafta? 484 00:24:52,723 --> 00:24:55,443 # Spider-Man, Spider-Man 485 00:24:55,443 --> 00:24:57,963 # Does whatever a spider can 486 00:24:57,963 --> 00:25:00,163 # Spins a web, any size 487 00:25:00,163 --> 00:25:02,483 # Catches thieves just like flies 488 00:25:02,483 --> 00:25:06,883 # Look out Here comes the Spider-Man 489 00:25:06,883 --> 00:25:10,883 # Likely to bring his back-up 490 00:25:10,883 --> 00:25:13,443 # Whenever there's a hang-up 491 00:25:13,443 --> 00:25:17,043 # You'll find the Spider... #