[pages riffling]
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
OZU: [on loudspeaker] Honor! Tradition! Values!
Don't forget to vote tomorrow, my friends!
The future of Japan depends on it!
[Monkey shrieking]
[people screaming]
‐ Stop that monkey!
[panting]
[hooting, screeching]
‐ The monkey's headed towards Yoyogi Park.
Send backup.
♪
BRYCE: You're a Halloween costume now?
[ooks]
Hey, no bullshit.
Old Bryce
would have been totally jealous of this moment.
[grunts]
[camera shutter clicking]
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
[Monkey whimpers] [whistles]
Holy moley.
I don't mean to sound like I'm bragging,
but, well, you know, this isn't the first time
a woman's burned down my pad.
[ooking]
Hey, look, if we're going to track and kill Lady Bullseye,
we're going to need our weapons, so let's get‐‐
Oh‐whoa.
Okay, well, this is not normal. Whoa!
Hey, look at this! It's like some Back to the Future shit‐‐
What the hell was that?
[grunting]
Uh, nothing. Nothing. Sorry. No, I‐I‐‐
You know, I thought I saw a two‐headed squirrel run by.
But it, uh, it was just a, uh,
a one‐headed‐‐
Doesn't matter. Look, are you gonna grab the guns or what?
Come on, let's go, man.
[grunting]
What do you mean there's no weapons?
They're gone?
[Monkey grunts] Shit.
The police must have gone through this place with a fine‐toothed comb.
OFFICER: Freeze!
‐ Oh, Jesus. [ooks]
BRYCE: What is this, another cop?
Scared the hell outta me.
[growls] OFFICER: Drop it!
AKIKO: Relax.
She's on our side.
[grunts] BRYCE: Well, well, well.
The game is afoot, huh?
[chuckles]
[ooks]
‐ I'm happy to see you too.
A lot's happened since you've been gone.
‐ So, to catch you up,
I've been going through The Rooster's blackmail,
and I found something interesting.
[grunts]
‐ Is... is that blood?
[shrieks]
‐ Would you just die already!
[Monkey shrieks] [screams]
‐ Oh‐ho, man.
Not so sure about Encyclopedia Brown over here.
I mean, that box is literally overflowing
with dirt on the most powerful players in Japan,
and she's focused on the pen?
[grunts]
‐ This seemingly innocuous pen
is actually a recording device. ‐ A recording device!
No, that makes more sense.
MAN: If Ken Takahara wins this election,
his anti‐corruption measures will destroy your organization.
ROOSTER: Hey, the Rooster's no fool.
I get what's in it for me,
but what about you?
Why are you and your associate doing this?
MAN: That is not your concern.
Just get rid of him.
‐ Holy shit.
It's Bonsai Shoes!
‐ The man you just heard order the hit is named Ichiro Hazaki,
but he's better known as "The Bonsai Master."
‐ Eh, Master. Shoes. Potato, tomato. Whatever.
[grunting]
‐ He's a big deal in the political world
and by far the biggest donor to Ozu's campaign.
He's the brains behind all this.
‐ Haruka hasn't gone to the police with this recording.
We're the only ones who know the truth.
‐ I brought it to you because we both have friends to avenge.
And God knows the police aren't going to help.
‐ If we don't stop these guys,
my uncle will be the next to die.
We need your help.
[growls]
‐ Does that mean he's in?
‐ Oh. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's an "I'm in" growl for sure.
We're good. BRYCE: Hey, psst.
Tell 'em I'm in, too.
♪
‐ Bonsai Master's compound is in the foothills of Mount Takao.
It's heavily guarded.
Tonight he'll be there hosting the official watch party
for Ozu's campaign.
‐ It is a beautiful background for a concession speech.
Too bad he's not going to be around to make it.
[ooks]
What? Too dark?
‐ Eh‐‐ ‐ Not for me. I love it.
This chick is growing on me.
‐ I, uh, found this beneath what used to be my sofa.
[ooks]
Figured you might need it.
[whimpers]
HARUKA: Don't worry about Akiko.
I'll be outside the Tower all night keeping her and the Councilor safe.
‐ You know, Monkey, once this is all over,
my uncle is going to be the new Prime Minister.
We'll be living in the official residence,
and... I'd like you to live there, too.
Be part of the family.
My family.
‐ Say yes.
Just nod your head. Your smile is terrifying.
[ooks]
HARUKA: Okay,
this is as close as I'm gonna be able to take you.
Be safe up there.
[ooks]
[door handle clicking]
There's a button.
Yeah. To your left.
AKIKO: Yeah. It's the red one.
Just press it down, and the latch should just come undone.
HARUKA: The red one. [Monkey growls]
AKIKO: Yeah, no, you're on it. You're‐‐ no, you're touching it right now.
‐ Push the button, man.
HARUKA: Yeah, right there. No‐‐
‐ Use the‐‐ [grunting]
‐ You're right there! Red, down, out.
‐ Just push it. BRYCE: Oh boy.
‐ Push the button. ‐ You just push it‐‐
[overlapping chatter] [Monkey shrieking]
HARUKA: The red one.
BRYCE: A hundred of you jerks could write Hamlet?
AKIKO: You're right there‐‐ BRYCE: Bullshit.
[Monkey shrieking]
♪
TAILOR: It's a big night.
Will you be attending any of the election celebrations?
‐ I'll be attending the only one that matters.
‐ Mm. Mm. Mm.
‐ Oh, look at that!
A literal monkey suit.
TAILOR: Ah, yes.
The monkey is a very good client.
[both chuckle]
Wears a 24 short.
‐ The guy on the wall next to the monkey,
he looks familiar.
TAILOR: [scoffs] American.
I believe his name was Bruce? Uh, Bryce?
‐ Bryce. Bryce.
He's an assassin.
Hit on me once at a convention.
Tried to get me into bed talking about "rifle specs."
[both laugh]
‐ Well, the monkey certainly likes him.
He was adamant I keep their photos together.
‐ When's the last time you saw the American?
I thought I heard he was killed up in the mountains recently.
‐ Oh, I wouldn't know anything about that.
‐ Then I believe we're done here.
Thank you for the dress. Your craftsmanship is unparalleled.
‐ But I'm still in the middle‐‐
Ah, tch‐tch‐tch‐tch‐tch.
Why did you just poke me?
‐ Oh, I didn't poke you.
I introduced a needle into your radial artery.
Right now the sharp little guy is traveling up your arm.
[groans]
‐ He's gonna hang a right at your shoulder
and arrive at his final destination any moment.
Now.
♪
[Monkey grunts]
BRYCE: Oh, hey, I just realized something!
You know how the President has the First Dog?
Well, that's gonna be you, man. [Monkey growls]
You're gonna be the official pet of Japan!
[chuckles]
I mean, they're probably gonna put you on a goddamn stamp!
Who cares about the masks anymore.
You're gonna have people licking your ass‐‐
‐ Huh?
[shrieking]
‐ Dude, I‐I don't know what's happening,
but it's kinda freaking me out now.
So, uh, let's just ignore it and hope it goes away.
You know, like I do with all my problems.
[indistinct radio chatter]
♪
‐ Huh?
‐ This doesn't make any sense.
It's just confusing,
because if this was really feudal Japan,
there wouldn't be guys with machine guns just walking around, you know.
[grunting]
No, I mean, all I'm saying is that
if you're gonna throw a theme party, commit.
[Monkey grunting]
Oh shit. Look at this.
Here's where they put the budget.
Might wanna grab your katana, dude.
It's time to get bloody.
[roars]
OZU: It shouldn't be this close.
You assured me.
[Bonsai Master sighs]
‐ The polls do not close for another hour, Councilor.
There's plenty of time.
‐ This is bullshit. I trusted you.
BONSAI MASTER: Go downstairs, have a drink, and relax.
It's going to be fine.
‐ The future of our country is at stake.
How the hell can you be so calm?
‐ Because I have an insurance policy.
Now, like I said,
go pour yourself a drink,
mingle with your donors,
and start behaving like a goddamn Prime Minister.
MERCENARY: Sir, sir,
the monkey is here.
OZU: Oh my god.
What are you talking about, here?
Like here‐here?
BONSAI MASTER: Get the Councilor to safety.
‐ You're not coming?
‐ I... am capable
of taking care of myself.
‐ Took you long enough.
‐ Hey, there's a lot of temples in Tokyo.
But only one where a monkey in a suit hangs out.
‐ I'm sorry.
You will soon meet your end.
‐ Oh, you make creepy predictions too?
Didn't see that coming.
‐ Shall we begin?
[clangs]
‐ Oh, this is gonna be fun.
[yells]
Jesus, you're annoying!
‐ You know, if you talk less when you fight,
you can manage your breath.
[yells]
[tolls loudly]
‐ Aah!
‐ Oh, here we go.
[bell tolls] [groans]
[tolls]
Bye now.
So, wise man,
is this my end?
‐ It will be when you battle the monkey and the gho‐‐
‐ The what? [groans]
Ghost? ‐ No, no, no.
‐ Is that what you were going to say?
‐ Goat.
Monkey and the goat.
[sighs]
‐ Thanks.
This was very... spiritual.
[Ryoshin groans]
[katanas clanging]
BRYCE: Look at you go!
Alright, he's coming in high so aim low!
[Monkey ooks]
Two and three o'clock! [Monkey screeches]
Oh sorry. Your three o'clock! I won't do that anymore.
Quick, over your shoulder.
Oh my god. I wanna throw cash at you.
You know, I had no idea you could enjoy working
with a partner this much.
Yeah, I just thought they were there to blame stuff on.
[chuckles]
Ho‐ho‐ho.
Oh man. Oh man.
[thuds] [Monkey panting]
I guess that's it for the chips and salsa.
Let's go order us up a main course.
Hey, keep an eye out for Lady Bullseye.
She's gotta be lurking around here somewhere.
[growling]
Whoa!
‐ You've come a long way, Monkey.
‐ Yeah, back to the 1600s, by the look of it.
‐ So, are you here to return the katana
I gifted to General Kato?
Or perhaps
you'd like to meet its sister!
[ooks]
You don't know it, but you hold in your hands
the blade of a hero.
Saigō Takamori was the last of the great Samurai.
He died fighting against the modernization of our country.
A transition he knew would lead to mediocrity
and cowardice!
[grunts]
But I've made a vow to continue his fight.
To bring back the old ways
and restore Japan to its proper place of honor.
‐ I'm sorry, is his fighting style to bore us to death?
BONSAI MASTER: And now,
all that stands in my way
is you.
[yells]
[shrieking]
‐ Go for his nuts! You know? Just swing it around his nuts!
‐ You must control your breath, Monkey.
[Monkey shrieks]
BONSAI MASTER: Tension will get you killed, Monkey.
[whimpers]
[chuckles] Good monkey.
‐ Okay, okay, don't panic.
Hey, this tree is pretty sweet.
You know, he probably kills everyone under it.
Maybe if you climbed inside, you could‐‐
What the‐‐
Hey! Hey! Did you see that! [ooks]
Did you see what I did? Look what I‐I‐‐ I broke the tree.
I broke the tree with my, with my ghost hands.
What the‐‐ aw, crap.
I swear to God I did it.
[ooks, screeches]
‐ Ugh.
Keep your filthy hands off of it!
[yells]
[roars]
[gasps]
No.
[shrieks]
[screams]
[groaning]
You've defeated me.
[groans]
But it doesn't matter.
The die is cast.
[groans]
♪
A man who toils for his country
will always be lit
by the sun of Japan.
[grunts]
[groans]
‐ Oh‐ho‐ho‐oh whoa.
Yikes.
Someone had a big lunch.
[whimpers]
[people shouting]
POLICE CAPTAIN: This crowd is getting out of control.
We need more backup.
‐ Forget the crowd.
What about Lady Bullseye? She could be anywhere.
SILVER SAMURAI: Oy!
You thought you could have a party
and not invite the Silver Samurai?
‐ Who is that? ‐ Holster your weapon.
That's Silver Samurai.
He's a mutant medieval warrior
and sworn protector of the Prime Minister
and a giant asshole.
[Silver Samurai chuckles]
‐ My people,
tonight I stand here not in service to one candidate
but all of Japan.
Whatever the outcome of this election,
there will be peace in the streets.
So says the Silver Samurai!
OFFICER: What the hell is that?
‐ I am Yuki!
The undead ghost assassin.
I will restore peace to Tokyo!
‐ Yuki.
[growls]
‐ Wow. This is just great.
This is a... a total shit‐show.
‐ Ha! Yeah.
[crowd cheering in distance]
‐ Akiko.
It's time.
‐ We've just gotten word that the final election results are in.
I'm proud to announce
the new Prime Minister of Japan
is Shinji Yokohama.
[cheering]
AKIKO: Yes!
Whoo! [laughs]
Oh my god! Uncle! Yes!
You deserve this!
‐ We deserve this.
I couldn't have done it without you.
‐ Oh, I wrote something for your acceptance speech.
It's awesome.
‐ No offense, but I wrote my own.
‐ Oh, so you're firing me again?
‐ No, Akiko. You're my new chief of staff.
‐ Uncle‐‐
‐ Don't.
If you cry, you're gonna make me cry.
‐ Prime Minister! [laughs]
Come on, let's get you a drink!
[Akiko sobs quietly]
[sighs]
[door opens]
♪ ominous music playing ♪
‐ Oh, sweetie,
let me help you with that.
‐ Oh, uh‐‐
Uh... um, I'm good, but thank you.
‐ I insist.
‐ Oh. Just gonna do it.
Um... I guess my hands are kinda shaky right now.
‐ I know!
What an exciting night!
Yikes. What happened here?
‐ It's a long story.
It's still a little tender.
‐ Aw.
I'll be very... gentle.
♪
[grunts]
‐ I mean, I snapped that branch, you know. I‐I‐‐ But how?
Look, this is all a sign that something big's about to happen, you know.
The barriers between the worlds, they're breaking, you know.
Like my, my presence here is, it's starting to fray. I can feel it.
♪
[katana scraping]
[tapping]
‐ Oh God.
You?
I just lost the election!
Isn't that enough? [Monkey ooking]
‐ So now you're going to kill me,
just like you killed Takahara.
[growling, screeching]
Me?
Why would I have done it?
I was ten points up in the polls against Ken!
Suddenly he's murdered, and I'm running against a martyr!
Who could compete with that?
Think about it!
Who had the most to gain?
[growls]
‐ Hey, look, as much as I hate this scumbag,
he's making a good point.
'Cause all Ken's death did was open the door for, um‐‐
[crowd cheering]
Oh my god.
[crowd cheering]
‐ Thank you! Thank you!
A great friend of mine once said,
"He who toils for his country
"will always be lit
by the sun of Japan."
‐ Oh shit.
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪