[pages riffling]
♪ funky music playing ♪
♪
‐ This cannot stand!
This monkey is a menace.
He put my poor nephew in the hospital twice!
Look at him,
he used to be a real ladies' man
and now he's useless.
‐ [nervously] Hey.
‐ Shut up, Manzo!
We need to band together,
protect ourselves from this new threat.
‐ Band together?
How do we know this isn't a consequence
of someone ordering a hit on Ken Takahara?
‐ We all know the rules. No meddling in politics.
But we cannot let suspicion be our undoing.
MAN: Tell us, then.
What do we do? I am at your service.
[rooster crows]
‐ Sure you are.
You probably trained this monkey, didn't you?
‐ I exist only to serve.
‐ Oh sure. We all know you.
You blackmailed your own mother.
‐ Quiet! This monkey respects no family territory.
And so it falls to all families to contribute to his defeat.
Tell every criminal, every thief,
every street hustler,
every one you know,
we want that monkey, dead or alive.
And whoever brings him,
this is their reward!
[laughing] [gasps]
[coughing] ‐ Wow.
[distant siren wailing]
‐ No! Ah, no! No, no, no, no, no!
[man screams]
[cell phone chimes]
♪
‐ What up? It's your boy Eiko.
Yo‐yo! Make sure to like and subscribe!
[cell phone buzzes]
Oh‐ho‐ho, shit!
MAN: Take out the guts, put in the stuff.
Take out the guts, put in the stuff.
Everybody! You too, squirrel!
[cell phone chimes]
[maniacal laughter]
[cell phones chiming, buzzing]
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
♪
[groans]
‐ Okay, okay, okay.
[growls] ‐ Oh relax.
This guy's the best tailor in Tokyo.
All the top guys from the underworld go here.
You know, I went here actually.
Even Kingpin went here!
An‐and, you know, his legs are even stubbier than yours.
[muttering]
BRYCE: And look, man, I don't just wear the suit for the gig, okay.
You know, I wear it out. And around. It makes me feel good.
It‐it flatters my wide hips.
Uh, plus, when you finally kill The Rooster,
you're gonna look like a pro.
I'll tell you this. You wear one of those next time you see the girl?
You know, whatever her name is,
you won't want to scamper away.
‐ Okay, Monkey. Pick up at 7:00
[grunts]
‐ Well, come on, while we got some time to kill,
I'll take you to my favorite sushi place.
You know, while we're on a roll. Pun intended.
[chuckles]
And you know it's good because the chef is a giant asshole.
[shuriken swishing]
[Monkey shrieks]
Whoa! Whoa, look at this guy.
Is that an actual ninja? Or is it‐‐
We're not that close to Halloween, are we?
[engine starts]
[tires squealing]
[engine revving]
[Monkey hoots]
[glass shatters] [man screams]
[Monkey hooting, shrieking]
♪
[shrieks]
BRYCE: Oh ho ho! [people screaming]
That'll cost some Michelin stars. [dripping]
Geez Louise!
[Monkey grunting]
Why would a ninja be after you?
That doesn't make any sense. [keys clattering]
Hey, hey. Let me see that.
Aw, Jesus, there's a bounty on you.
Scroll down. ‐ Huh?
‐ Scroll down. Like this. Come on, toddlers can do that.
MONKEY: Oh.
‐ Wait, no, that can't be right.
How many yen to a dollar? [hoots]
Shh. Shut up, I'm doing math.
Jesus, that is‐‐ That is a big bounty. I‐‐
I mean, I've... I've had big bounties, too.
You know, on me. Just I‐‐
Not like I've never seen one this big.
And technically half of that bounty is for me.
You know, I'm in that photo too.
I just don't, you know, show up on film. So‐‐
[whimpers]
You know what, buddy, it's a little gauche
to keep talking about the size of your bounty.
You know, I've always found that someone that has a big bounty
is usually pretty, uh, hush‐hush about it.
[grunts]
You need to focus right now.
Because you're going to face an onslaught of killers, man.
You know, and what do you have to even fight 'em off with?
[hoots]
Yeah, well, we better get back to the motel and get some firepower.
'Cause, news flash,
well, it's Monkey‐hunting season in Tokyo, pal.
[Monkey whimpers]
♪
[whimpers]
♪
[carriages rattling]
[groans] [women chattering and laughing]
BRYCE: Oh great. Wonderful.
You're gonna be a meme by the time we get off on the next stop.
[hoots] A meme?
It's a‐‐ You know what, don't worry about it.
Be thankful your brain is too small to understand.
[bell chimes]
[laughter]
It's rumble time,
America style!
[people screaming]
Okay, Mr. Big Bounty.
Why don't you show these guys how much you're worth.
[goons laughing]
[growling]
‐ Huh?
[bones crunch] [goon screams]
[sword clanging] [goons screaming]
BRYCE: Well,
not your most subtle work.
If you're looking for thoughts and notes.
[Monkey grunts]
[applause]
‐ The future does not belong to those
who fan the flames of extremism.
And when we are in power,
it never will!
[crowd cheering]
‐ Mr. Yokohama, sir,
any comment on the rumors of a monkey
killing its way through the Yakuza?
‐ No comment.
‐ I have a comment.
‐ What are you doing? Get in the car.
‐ Ozu threatened to kill my uncle and me.
And one of Ozu's supporters nearly succeeded
in following through on that threat.
So whatever violent acts this monkey may have committed
pales in comparison to what Ozu has done.
‐ That's all the time we have. Thank you very much.
[reporters clamoring]
‐ You endorse a monkey vigilante
and accuse Ozu of attempted murder!
What are you thinking?
‐ I'm thinking that he tried to kill me and you did nothing.
‐ Your temper tantrums were manageable when you were a teenager,
but such impulsive disobedience
could destroy this campaign.
[people screaming]
[whimpers]
‐ Whoa, look at this guy.
Holy smokes.
This is not your day.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Do not go after him, okay.
He might be Yakuza, but he's still a cop.
♪
[man screams]
MAN: Can't see anything.
[officer screams] [gunshots]
♪
‐ According to an ancient Japanese myth,
this coffin contains the body of a legendary protector
of Tokyo named‐‐
[crowd gasps, murmurs]
Yuki!
[growls]
‐ I will restore peace to Tokyo!
‐ Don't panic. That's just part of the show.
‐ Monkey mayhem continues tonight.
First, in a brutal slaughter of violent gang members
on the Tokyo subway.
And now he's attacked a member
of the Tokyo police department's mounted division
and stolen his horse.
It all begs the question:
Who is next on the Monkey's hit‐list?
‐ Augh!
‐ This is an outrage!
[remote clatters] ‐ Ahh!
‐ We've been here all day, and what is the result?
Countless dead Yakuza and even more dead monkeys.
Not one of which is even the same species
as the monkey in the photo!
This is a joke, right?
[sighs]
‐ Kill him.
Throw his body in with the other monkeys out back.
‐ No! No! No! THE WISEMAN: Gentlemen,
all in favor of doubling the bounty?
♪
Then it's settled.
BRYCE: Oh, come on, you're definitely not worth that much.
You're a novelty act.
[Monkey hoots] No, no, why would I be jealous?
[Monkey grunts]
Well, if that's your attitude, maybe you don't need my help anymore. Okay?
Maybe I'll just, uh, I'll say nothing from now on. How's that?
I mean, what insights might I have?
You'll never know. And I had some good ones too.
Some real good ones.
[knocking on door]
Uh‐oh. [door lock rattling]
[knocking]
Well, I'm sure you can handle whatever's coming through that door
all by yours‐‐ [loud boom]
Whoa!
[rumbling, glass shattering]
‐ Are you the ones responsible
for all the killing in Tokyo?
‐ I mean, all the killing? I‐‐
‐ I am Yuki.
The undead ghost assassin.
[grunts]
‐ Is it like Comic Con all the time here or something?
[growls]
[yells]
[grunts]
‐ I will consume your soul.
‐ [raspy voice] That hurts like hell,
but it is nice to be touched.
[gasps]
[explosion booms]
‐ So, the Monkey's the warrior.
[Yuki laughing]
[hoots, shrieks]
‐ I mean, what the hell is this?
You're so famous that dead superheroes are hunting you
across the astral plane?
Like, for free?
No, I forgot. No, I'm not talking to you. Never mind.
Oh hey, how you doin? Me again.
So look, I noticed you're a ghost, but people can see you
and you have powers?
Um, I'm just... How?
‐ You must pay for this chaos.
‐ Hey, look, I've been telling him that, okay.
You know what? You and I actually have a lot in common.
You know, attractive, spectral.
Maybe you're in need of a good partner?
Or a lover?
Ohh. Okay. Just friends then.
[yelling]
Hey Monkey, could I get a little help?
[engine revving]
Oh. Wonderful.
Now what? Whoa!
[tires squealing]
♪
EIKO: Ho‐ho, yes!
Shout out to all my new followers.
Your boy Eiko is about to put on a show.
‐ He's famous, too?
You get the murderer you deserve, I guess, huh?
[engine revving, tires squealing]
[Eiko laughing]
[Yuki yells]
[shrieks]
[growls] [shrieks]
‐ Whoa! What the shit!
‐ Hey, you know the irony, I can fight a ghost.
So, you know, I could help out while you take out Baby Driver,
but, you know, I'm not the star of this production, so‐‐
[hoots]
‐ Ito‐san, did you hear? ITO: Hmm.
‐ The monkey just killed a cop. Hiro Saito.
I think it's time we put an end to this monkey business.
‐ Haruka, did you know Lieutenant Saito?
‐ Does it matter? He's a cop.
‐ Looks can be deceiving.
You only drink Velvet Supreme, right?
‐ Yeah. Foolal Elite is pig shit.
‐ Exactly, but the Foolal and the Velvet Supreme cans look the same.
Even though what's inside is completely different.
I knew Hiro.
I also knew his brother and his father.
All Yakuza.
‐ So what are you saying? This monkey was right to kill him?
‐ Uh, I'm saying... sometimes you reach
for what you think is a can of Velvet Supreme,
but instead you get a can of pig shit.
‐ This monkey is connected to everyone involved
in your partner's murder.
‐ And if he had anything to do with it,
I'm taking him out.
I've just been in this job so long I can't be sure of anything.
[engine revving]
Goddammit! What the hell?
OFFICER: [over radio] Attention all units.
Attention all units:
look out for a yellow sports car with a monkey on the hood.
That's not a joke.
‐ Swing around, I'll head them off!
[siren wailing]
[gunshots] EIKO: You're gonna pay for that!
You're dead.
[gunshots]
[shrieking]
‐ Stop the vehicle! Stop!!
‐ Oh, yo! Buckle up, fam!
[engine revving]
‐ Shit, shit, shit!
[screeching]
[tires squealing]
BRYCE: Watch out! Watch out!
[Eiko screaming]
Oh yikes.
[hooting]
fDude looks like an English bulldog that got a chemical peel.
[chuckles]
Uh. It's a, uh, it's a dermatological, uh, thing, that, um‐‐
[clicks tongue] Anyway, I'm fine. Thanks for asking.
Oh boy, here we go again.
[hooting]
Alright, my dear, I hope you're ready to get deader.
‐ Quiet.
BRYCE: Oh‐ho, shit!
‐ I misjudged you, Monkey.
I have lived for 200 years
and learned one thing well:
both good and evil can come from surprising places.
‐ Wow, thank you for the 19th century Snapple fact there, huh?
‐ Should you need an ally, call on Yuki.
And ditch your sidekick.
‐ Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I'm not his sidekick.
No, you've totally misread our dynamic!
[indistinct police radio chatter]
‐ Well, what happened?
‐ Yeah.
The monkey is Velvet Supreme.
And I saw a ghost.
[slurping]
‐ Wha‐‐ What?
BRYCE: Oh no, no, no, no, the animal is always the sidekick, okay.
That‐that's just how it works, you know.
It's like she's talking to Silver.
Meanwhile, the Lone Ranger is all like,
"Hey, stop harassing my horse, lady.” You know?
Okay, look, look, look. She got that lucky kick,
but she knew I was gonna win.
So, this is just her trying to tear me down mentally.
After the fact‐‐
[Monkey grunts]
Did you just flick lice at me?
[Monkey grunts] That's disgusting.
I would‐‐
Okay, so you're taking her side?
Hey! Stop it. Stop using grooming as a weapon!
[shrieking]
What the‐‐
‐ The Poacher strikes again!
[evil laughter]
‐ Goddammit.
THE POACHER: Would you like the creature stuffed?
The Poacher can open the body cavity or not, up to you.
THE ROOSTER: [over phone] No, Poacher. Just bring him to us.
‐ Are you sure, Rooster?
This monkey would make a good pair of boots.
‐ Rooster? Holy smokes, that's our guy!
Hey, hey. Hey, hey, Monkey, Monkey, settle down.
[Monkey shrieking] Will you just stop and listen to me?
[shrieking continues] Listen!
I'm jealous, okay!
It took me years of work to get to the top of my game.
And then you come along, and you're, you are‐‐
[groans] You're better at this than me! Okay? Alright?
There, I said it. Okay?
You did stuff back there I could never do.
I mean, you surfed a dude's face into the ground?
That's insane.
It was like watching Jordan dunk from the free‐throw line.
It was poetry in motion.
[groans] Anyway, look:
maybe you don't need me.
Alright? Maybe you don't.
But unless you want to be murdered
by the stupidest villain I have ever seen‐‐
‐ Take out the guts, put in the stuff.
‐ You gotta give me a chance to help you.
Please.
[men cheering]
[laughter]
‐ Guys, listen:
this success belongs to all of us.
And to our wise leader.
‐ Well said, Rooster.
Hey! Ahh! [all gasp]
MAN: What? ‐ What do you think you are doing?
‐ Skeptic, explain yourself.
‐ He organized the Takahara hit.
He is to blame for the monkey.
‐ Don't be an idiot.
I'd never violate our rules!
‐ Not even for the next prime minister in your pocket?
‐ Kill him already.
‐ Hey, hey, hey, hey!
[knocking on door]
[knocking continues]
‐ Open it.
‐ I don't know who it is.
It's a weirdo in a velvet tux.
‐ It's the Poacher. Open the door.
‐ What's wrong with him?
Are you sick?
[growls]
MAN: It's the monkey!
[gunshots] [Yakuza men screaming]
‐ No, no, no, not again!
Not again!
[police siren wailing]
THE ROOSTER: Aw, shit.
PARAMEDIC: Holy god.
[man groaning]
PARAMEDIC: One of them is still alive!
‐ No, not again.
[gasping]
Not again.
♪ funky music playing ♪
♪
[camera shutter clicks] [growling]
BRYCE: Whoa‐ho. Easy.
Hey, calm down, buddy. It's just for the wall.
[chuckles]
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no.
Oh no. No, I‐‐
I‐I can't watch this.
[grunts] Gah.
I mean, of course.
Of course he'd take down my photo. [gun cocks]
Yeah, why not? You know, nothing matters.
No one remembers the sidekick anyway.
The only reason anybody talks about Watson
is 'cause he wrote the damn stories.
You know, it's like, I get it.
It's okay. It's alright. You know, I just‐‐
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Huh. Thank you.
Thanks, man.
And look, I'm not afraid to say it,
but, um,
we look good together.
We look good together!
♪
See? This is what we can accomplish
if we just make a plan.
Yeah?
We'll get The Rooster, I have no doubt.
Yeah, sooner or later, okay.
But for now, what do you think? Head back home?
Oh. Right, right, right. It got exploded. Yeah.
Well, there's plenty of other herpes motels
that'd be happy to have us.
Hey! Hey‐hey! Look at this!
You made the papers.
Above the fold no less!
That's pretty cool.
Oh hey! What about the, uh, that‐that gal's place?
[grunting, hooting]
I mean, it's‐‐ you know, I mean, it's not my first choice.
But... well, I mean, you did me a solid back there,
and... you know, she probably has cable.
[grunting]
Hey, can I, uh, give you one piece of advice, though,
if you're going to try to, uh... you know, talk to her?
And if you don't want to hear it, I mean, I won't make you.
[hoots]
You sure? [Monkey grunts]
Okay. Um. Most women just want someone who is a good listener.
So, uh, when you're with her,
you just, um... well, just listen.
Yeah?
♪
[hammering]
♪ upbeat music playing over loudspeakers ♪
[tapping on glass]
[Akiko chuckles]
‐ Look who's ready to take a break from their little vigilante spree, huh?
You think I'm just gonna let you in?
[whimpers]
I'm kidding.
Come on, you're lucky I'm on your side.
[grunts]
‐ Whoa, I dig the doomsday prep vibe.
‐ [gasps] My god, what did they do to you?
[grunts]
Wait right there. I'm getting you a bandage.
[meows]
[hisses]
[growls]
[coos]
[grunts]
I know. Sorry. It's all I have.
[whimpers]
‐ And we're still on the same page
when I said that this would only be temporary?
Right?
[hooting]
Right?
[meowing]
Wait... Oh boy.
♪ "Bebe Chat" by AXS Music playing ♪