1 00:00:16,723 --> 00:00:19,923 One of the more persistent clichés of the police procedural 2 00:00:19,963 --> 00:00:23,483 is that the new partner always winds up dead. 3 00:00:27,363 --> 00:00:29,003 And here I am. 4 00:00:29,043 --> 00:00:31,723 The living embodiment of that trope. 5 00:00:31,763 --> 00:00:34,403 Well, I'm not living any more. 6 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:39,203 And I'm not a cliché, I hope. 7 00:00:40,883 --> 00:00:42,003 But my story... 8 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:44,763 ...well... (CHUCKLES) 9 00:00:44,803 --> 00:00:46,763 ...it's as old as time itself. 10 00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:19,803 (TAPPING) 11 00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:25,043 Can I come in? 12 00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:27,083 - Yes, what are you waiting for? - Hands are full. 13 00:01:27,123 --> 00:01:28,083 (SIGHS) 14 00:01:33,283 --> 00:01:34,443 Hurry up, it's freezing! 15 00:01:35,523 --> 00:01:36,923 Here y'are. 16 00:01:38,403 --> 00:01:39,563 Have you sugared it? 17 00:01:39,603 --> 00:01:41,923 I put a sweetener in. 18 00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:43,883 - A sweetener? - Yes! 19 00:01:43,923 --> 00:01:45,443 Do you want Type 2 diabetes? 20 00:01:45,483 --> 00:01:47,203 No, I want two bloody sugars! 21 00:01:48,523 --> 00:01:51,003 Trust me to get saddled with Varney the vegan. 22 00:01:51,043 --> 00:01:53,043 I'm only thinking about your blood pressure. 23 00:01:57,523 --> 00:02:01,243 When I did stakeouts with Dobbo, we'd have Red Bulls, 24 00:02:01,283 --> 00:02:04,243 tin of Quality Street, full stack of Pringles. 25 00:02:04,283 --> 00:02:05,883 - Each? - Yeah! 26 00:02:06,883 --> 00:02:09,043 You get two good pisses in one of them tubes. 27 00:02:10,443 --> 00:02:12,683 Handy for when you were doing undercover work. 28 00:02:12,723 --> 00:02:14,123 That sounds very unsanitary. 29 00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:18,043 Never did me any harm. 30 00:02:21,323 --> 00:02:23,483 I dread to think what you put in the Quality Street tin. 31 00:02:23,523 --> 00:02:24,883 (CHUCKLES) 32 00:02:26,043 --> 00:02:28,243 By the way, I'm not a fully paid-up vegan. 33 00:02:28,283 --> 00:02:29,963 I'm more of a flexitarian. 34 00:02:30,003 --> 00:02:31,963 I do eat meat about once a month. 35 00:02:32,003 --> 00:02:34,643 Bloody hell, Ronald McDonald. 36 00:02:36,803 --> 00:02:40,723 Hey, did you know, in Uruguay, there's 3.7 cows for every human? 37 00:02:41,803 --> 00:02:43,803 - No, I didn't. - Well, you do now, so... 38 00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:46,403 ...think on. 39 00:02:57,763 --> 00:02:59,643 Brothers and sisters have I none, 40 00:02:59,683 --> 00:03:02,363 but that man's father is my father's son. 41 00:03:02,403 --> 00:03:04,883 - Who am I talking about? - You did this one last night. 42 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,203 Did I? 43 00:03:06,243 --> 00:03:07,723 Yeah. 44 00:03:07,763 --> 00:03:09,163 It's your son. 45 00:03:10,283 --> 00:03:11,843 Oh... Correct. 46 00:03:16,843 --> 00:03:18,723 You must miss him. 47 00:03:20,963 --> 00:03:22,643 - Who? - Dobson. 48 00:03:26,243 --> 00:03:28,763 We had our fair share of arguments. 49 00:03:30,163 --> 00:03:33,643 - He could be a right grumpy bugger. - What, grumpier than... 50 00:03:36,163 --> 00:03:37,243 ...most coppers? 51 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,803 He was very different to you, put it that way. 52 00:03:43,483 --> 00:03:45,723 - Did you see anyone? - Nah. 53 00:03:45,763 --> 00:03:47,883 I saw a fox. 54 00:03:49,243 --> 00:03:50,843 Heard an owl. 55 00:03:50,883 --> 00:03:51,923 Some bats. 56 00:03:51,963 --> 00:03:54,003 Felt like Bill Oddie. 57 00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:56,003 Well, no-one's gonna be dealing drugs 58 00:03:56,043 --> 00:03:57,843 with us sat here in a patrol car, are they? 59 00:03:57,883 --> 00:04:00,083 I thought they used unmarked cars for stakeouts. 60 00:04:00,123 --> 00:04:02,003 We're a deterrent. 61 00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:03,963 That's what Control said. 62 00:04:05,763 --> 00:04:07,443 There's been some vandalism, apparently. 63 00:04:08,483 --> 00:04:10,003 Probably just Goths. 64 00:04:10,043 --> 00:04:11,683 They come over from Leeds. 65 00:04:11,723 --> 00:04:13,803 You got a copy of the report? I'd quite like to read it. 66 00:04:19,963 --> 00:04:21,483 The one that makes it sells it. 67 00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:23,043 The one that buys it never uses it. 68 00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:25,603 The one that uses it never knows that he's using it. 69 00:04:25,643 --> 00:04:27,563 What is it? 70 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,603 Say it again. 71 00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:33,323 The one that makes it sells it. 72 00:04:33,363 --> 00:04:35,003 The one that buys it never uses it. 73 00:04:35,043 --> 00:04:37,963 The one that uses it never knows that he's using it. 74 00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:39,123 What is it? 75 00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:42,763 I don't know. 76 00:04:42,803 --> 00:04:44,083 Is it a towel? It's usually a towel. 77 00:04:44,123 --> 00:04:45,083 Nope. 78 00:04:45,123 --> 00:04:46,283 Give up? 79 00:04:48,483 --> 00:04:50,443 Yeah. 80 00:04:50,483 --> 00:04:51,963 A coffin. 81 00:04:52,963 --> 00:04:54,203 Think about it. 82 00:04:56,323 --> 00:04:58,403 The one that buys it never uses it... 83 00:04:58,443 --> 00:04:59,443 Yep. 84 00:04:59,483 --> 00:05:00,723 Yep. 85 00:05:00,763 --> 00:05:02,123 It's very clever. 86 00:05:07,843 --> 00:05:09,363 I know hundreds of these, me. 87 00:05:12,003 --> 00:05:13,723 I know you do. 88 00:05:15,123 --> 00:05:16,883 It's 20 years doing this. 89 00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:20,963 You've gotta keep your mind occupied. 90 00:05:23,843 --> 00:05:25,843 Keep the dark thoughts at bay. 91 00:05:31,363 --> 00:05:32,803 Ah... Excuse me. 92 00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:46,203 Oh, Jesus! What is that? It stinks! 93 00:05:46,243 --> 00:05:48,843 Chicken tikka masala. Do you want some? 94 00:05:48,883 --> 00:05:51,963 No. Could you put the lid on it or eat it outside the vehicle? 95 00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:53,923 Always better after a few days. 96 00:05:53,963 --> 00:05:55,243 The flavours really come out. 97 00:05:55,283 --> 00:05:57,803 Please, Thomo, I'm really sensitive to smells. 98 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:03,803 All right, fine. 99 00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:13,123 Ugh... 100 00:06:16,763 --> 00:06:18,443 It's just summat to do, innit? 101 00:06:26,163 --> 00:06:28,603 Did they offer you any counselling after... 102 00:06:30,763 --> 00:06:32,203 ...what happened? 103 00:06:34,883 --> 00:06:36,803 They did, yeah, but I never went. 104 00:06:38,723 --> 00:06:40,123 Why not? 105 00:06:41,363 --> 00:06:42,843 I don't know, I... 106 00:06:45,083 --> 00:06:46,363 What? 107 00:06:48,123 --> 00:06:49,523 I... 108 00:06:51,243 --> 00:06:52,243 Go on. 109 00:06:54,883 --> 00:06:56,523 I... 110 00:06:56,563 --> 00:06:58,683 ...spy, with my little eye, 111 00:06:58,723 --> 00:07:00,803 something beginning with... 112 00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:03,443 ...SW. 113 00:07:06,283 --> 00:07:08,443 - Steering wheel. - Yeah, correct. Your go. 114 00:07:09,803 --> 00:07:12,163 All right, I've got a game for ya. Have you ever played, um... 115 00:07:13,603 --> 00:07:15,163 ...FortunatelyUnfortunately? 116 00:07:15,203 --> 00:07:16,363 No. Go on, how do you play? 117 00:07:17,523 --> 00:07:19,563 Well, we tell a story 118 00:07:19,603 --> 00:07:23,403 and one of us begins every sentence with "fortunately" 119 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,523 and the other one counters it with "unfortunately". 120 00:07:25,563 --> 00:07:28,483 So you might say, uh, 121 00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:30,723 "Fortunately, I won the lottery today." 122 00:07:31,683 --> 00:07:34,083 And I would say, "Unfortunately, I lost the ticket." 123 00:07:34,123 --> 00:07:35,323 Oh, right, go on. 124 00:07:35,363 --> 00:07:36,923 Sounds good. You go first. 125 00:07:38,243 --> 00:07:40,843 Fortunately, I found the ticket in my jeans pocket. 126 00:07:42,843 --> 00:07:45,763 Unfortunately, I'd just washed my jeans, 127 00:07:45,803 --> 00:07:47,363 so the ticket was ruined. 128 00:07:47,403 --> 00:07:51,963 Fortunately, uh, the newsagent I bought the ticket from had a copy. 129 00:07:52,003 --> 00:07:56,203 Unfortunately, it was the national lottery of Zimbabwe, 130 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,643 so the ticket was worth £3.50. 131 00:07:58,683 --> 00:08:01,283 Fortunately, they flew me to Africa to collect my winnings. 132 00:08:01,323 --> 00:08:03,363 Unfortunately, the plane crashed. 133 00:08:03,403 --> 00:08:05,883 Fortunately, we were washed up on a desert island 134 00:08:05,923 --> 00:08:07,083 with a beautiful native girl. 135 00:08:08,963 --> 00:08:11,363 Unfortunately, she was a cannibal. 136 00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:14,083 Fortunately, she was a vegan cannibal. 137 00:08:14,123 --> 00:08:17,363 Unfortunately, she was a flexitarian vegan cannibal. 138 00:08:17,403 --> 00:08:19,403 She ate meat once a month. 139 00:08:19,443 --> 00:08:21,603 Fortunately, my partner came to rescue me. 140 00:08:27,643 --> 00:08:29,883 Unfortunately, my partner was killed. 141 00:08:31,363 --> 00:08:34,803 He had his throat slit right there where you're sitting now. 142 00:08:35,843 --> 00:08:37,523 He had a wife and two kids. 143 00:08:38,883 --> 00:08:40,763 Another one on the way. 144 00:08:43,483 --> 00:08:46,283 And I was in a takeaway waiting for poppadums. 145 00:08:53,843 --> 00:08:55,323 Fortunately, you're a strong person 146 00:08:55,363 --> 00:08:57,083 and you... 147 00:08:57,123 --> 00:09:00,083 ...can move on and keep helping others. 148 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,163 Unfortunately, I'm not. 149 00:09:13,043 --> 00:09:16,003 I realise now I should have let you do the fortunatelys. 150 00:09:22,443 --> 00:09:24,843 - I heard he was... - I don't wanna talk about it. 151 00:10:17,963 --> 00:10:19,083 (YAWNS) 152 00:10:19,123 --> 00:10:20,563 Excuse me! 153 00:10:21,643 --> 00:10:22,723 Did you not sleep? 154 00:10:22,763 --> 00:10:24,123 No, course not. 155 00:10:24,163 --> 00:10:25,363 I'm above a butcher's. 156 00:10:26,563 --> 00:10:28,163 Had the bell going all day. 157 00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:33,643 - Did you? - Yeah, was dead to the world. 158 00:10:34,963 --> 00:10:36,403 You've just gotta get into a routine. 159 00:10:36,443 --> 00:10:39,403 Yeah, well, you haven't got teenagers 160 00:10:39,443 --> 00:10:41,523 stomping up and down listening to Stormsby. 161 00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:52,043 All right, top five character tropes in police dramas. 162 00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:54,003 The quirky pathologist. 163 00:10:54,043 --> 00:10:57,803 The rookie cop who faints at his first autopsy. 164 00:10:57,843 --> 00:11:01,443 The grizzled boss who's really got a heart of gold. 165 00:11:01,483 --> 00:11:07,283 The maverick loner who wants to solve one last case before he retires. 166 00:11:07,323 --> 00:11:10,163 And the new partner who ruffles his feathers, 167 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,883 but ultimately earns his respect. 168 00:11:11,923 --> 00:11:14,043 Very good! 169 00:11:15,363 --> 00:11:16,723 Right... 170 00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:20,163 I'm going for a pee and a look. 171 00:11:20,203 --> 00:11:22,923 (BEEPING) 172 00:11:22,963 --> 00:11:24,403 (BEEPING STOPS) 173 00:11:56,523 --> 00:11:58,883 RADIO: Oscar Nine, Oscar Nine from Control. 174 00:11:58,923 --> 00:12:00,323 Over. 175 00:12:02,683 --> 00:12:04,203 Control, this is Oscar Nine. Over. 176 00:12:05,203 --> 00:12:07,003 Oscar Nine, are you still in position? 177 00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:08,083 Over. 178 00:12:08,123 --> 00:12:10,043 Control, this is Special Constable Varney. 179 00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:12,723 My partner is currently on a comfort break. Over. 180 00:12:12,763 --> 00:12:13,803 Say again? 181 00:12:13,843 --> 00:12:15,123 Over. 182 00:12:17,883 --> 00:12:19,843 Constable Thompson is... 183 00:12:19,883 --> 00:12:21,203 ...going tinkles. Over. 184 00:12:22,683 --> 00:12:24,883 You mean he's having a piss? 185 00:12:24,923 --> 00:12:26,523 Over. 186 00:12:26,563 --> 00:12:28,123 That is correct. Over. 187 00:12:29,723 --> 00:12:32,643 Oscar Nine, any movement in the suspect's flat? 188 00:12:32,683 --> 00:12:33,683 Over. 189 00:12:37,403 --> 00:12:39,003 Uh... 190 00:12:39,043 --> 00:12:40,883 Not that I can see. Over. 191 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:46,003 And no unusual activity on the dockside? 192 00:12:46,043 --> 00:12:47,163 Over. 193 00:12:49,763 --> 00:12:50,883 Negative. 194 00:12:50,923 --> 00:12:53,203 Uh... It's all quiet. Over. 195 00:12:56,203 --> 00:12:58,483 Well, hold your position in the car park. 196 00:12:58,523 --> 00:13:01,203 We have intel he might be on the move in the next few minutes. 197 00:13:01,243 --> 00:13:02,523 Over. 198 00:13:03,603 --> 00:13:05,083 Will do. Out. 199 00:13:11,643 --> 00:13:13,323 (BEEPING) 200 00:13:15,203 --> 00:13:16,683 - (BEEPING STOPS) - Jesus! 201 00:13:17,683 --> 00:13:20,683 It's colder than a polar bear's arsehole out there. 202 00:13:20,723 --> 00:13:23,763 Oh... Surprised it didn't come out as ice cubes. 203 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,283 Thomo, what are we actually doing here, exactly? 204 00:13:27,603 --> 00:13:29,043 Well, what do you mean? We're on a stakeout. 205 00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:31,443 Is there any particular suspect we're meant to be looking for? 206 00:13:32,483 --> 00:13:33,483 Why'd you ask? 207 00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:36,403 Because I'm a police constable and I want to know what I'm doing here. 208 00:13:36,443 --> 00:13:38,123 You're a special constable. 209 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,203 Which basically means you're the Bez to my Shaun Ryder. 210 00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:43,523 So we're not meant to be at the docks, then? 211 00:13:43,563 --> 00:13:45,843 Course we're not meant to be at the docks. 212 00:13:46,843 --> 00:13:48,443 Why'd you mention docks? 213 00:13:49,603 --> 00:13:50,803 You're twisting my melon, man. 214 00:13:50,843 --> 00:13:52,723 RADIO: Oscar Nine, Oscar Nine from Control. 215 00:13:52,763 --> 00:13:54,443 Suspect on the move. 216 00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:55,883 Can you confirm a sighting? Over. 217 00:13:57,923 --> 00:13:59,323 Yes, yes, Control. 218 00:13:59,363 --> 00:14:01,843 This is Oscar Nine, we are in pursuit. Over. 219 00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,723 Right, get the docks up on your Google maps. 220 00:14:04,763 --> 00:14:06,563 - What's going on? - Just do it! 221 00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:07,643 (ENGINE STARTS) 222 00:14:11,963 --> 00:14:13,963 Control, Control from Oscar Nine. 223 00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:15,523 Request airborne surveillance. 224 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:18,923 The suspect is in camouflage gear and is really hard to spot. 225 00:14:18,963 --> 00:14:19,923 Over. 226 00:14:19,963 --> 00:14:22,163 Oscar Nine from Control, request received. 227 00:14:22,203 --> 00:14:23,403 Call you back. Out. 228 00:14:23,443 --> 00:14:25,963 - Why are you lying to them? - I'm not lying to 'em. 229 00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:27,643 We're on our way, aren't we? 230 00:14:28,803 --> 00:14:29,803 Turn left. 231 00:14:32,483 --> 00:14:33,803 Thomo, I respect your seniority, 232 00:14:33,843 --> 00:14:35,483 but you've got to tell me what's going on. 233 00:14:35,523 --> 00:14:37,483 There's meant to be a big drop happening tonight 234 00:14:37,523 --> 00:14:39,283 behind the Old Vic warehouses. 235 00:14:39,323 --> 00:14:42,883 16 boxes of angel dust smuggled in some indoor barbecues, apparently. 236 00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,883 So why have we been staking out a graveyard?! 237 00:14:44,923 --> 00:14:47,563 Oscar Nine, Oscar Nine from Control. 238 00:14:47,603 --> 00:14:49,083 What is your position? Over. 239 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:52,763 Control from Oscar Nine, suspect is currently head... 240 00:14:52,803 --> 00:14:54,523 ...heading south on... 241 00:14:54,563 --> 00:14:56,083 (GARBLED SPEECH) 242 00:14:56,123 --> 00:14:56,963 Over. 243 00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:59,083 Oscar Nine, you are Romeo One. Say again? 244 00:14:59,123 --> 00:15:00,643 - What are you doing? - Is it left or right? 245 00:15:00,683 --> 00:15:02,683 Uh, left... Right! 246 00:15:05,763 --> 00:15:07,243 Dobbo was buried in that graveyard. 247 00:15:07,283 --> 00:15:09,443 It was his grave that was vandalised. 248 00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:12,443 I wanted to be there in case the fucker came back. 249 00:15:12,483 --> 00:15:13,483 Why?! 250 00:15:13,523 --> 00:15:16,083 Because I believe whoever did it was the same one that killed him. 251 00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:17,763 They're mocking me. 252 00:15:18,963 --> 00:15:21,803 I'm gonna go over Welling Bridge. 253 00:15:21,843 --> 00:15:24,203 No, no, no, it says to go through the estate. 254 00:15:24,243 --> 00:15:25,883 What do you mean, "it says"? It's miles quicker! 255 00:15:25,923 --> 00:15:27,603 No, well, it... it says the bridge is up. 256 00:15:27,643 --> 00:15:29,523 It's not! I can see it with me own eyes! 257 00:15:29,563 --> 00:15:30,563 Go left. 258 00:15:32,843 --> 00:15:33,803 Ridiculous. 259 00:15:35,963 --> 00:15:38,163 And what if they find out, Thomo? What happens to us? 260 00:15:39,163 --> 00:15:40,923 They're not gonna find out, are they? 261 00:15:40,963 --> 00:15:42,563 Cos you're not gonna tell 'em. 262 00:15:42,603 --> 00:15:44,323 Are ya? 263 00:15:44,363 --> 00:15:45,923 Are ya?! 264 00:15:45,963 --> 00:15:47,083 No. 265 00:15:48,483 --> 00:15:50,723 But why didn't you say anything? 266 00:15:50,763 --> 00:15:51,803 Don't you trust me? 267 00:15:53,363 --> 00:15:54,483 Fuckin' hell, I think that's him. 268 00:16:07,763 --> 00:16:09,163 Where's me curry? 269 00:16:09,203 --> 00:16:10,443 I got rid of it! 270 00:16:10,483 --> 00:16:12,043 - You what?! - It was three days old! 271 00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:13,363 Do you want salmonella? 272 00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:19,883 We're gonna get suspended, aren't we? 273 00:16:19,923 --> 00:16:21,043 Dereliction of duty. 274 00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:23,323 Yeah, it's him. 275 00:16:25,403 --> 00:16:27,523 - Right, I'll now approach on foot. - No! 276 00:16:27,563 --> 00:16:29,443 Radio through our position to Control. 277 00:16:29,483 --> 00:16:32,523 Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid. 278 00:16:32,563 --> 00:16:33,723 Thomo, no. 279 00:16:41,523 --> 00:16:43,963 Control, Control, this is Oscar Nine. Over. 280 00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:46,483 Oscar Nine, go ahead. Over. 281 00:16:46,523 --> 00:16:49,003 Control, we are on Hedden Road, we have the subject in our sights. 282 00:16:49,043 --> 00:16:50,323 Maintaining distance. Over. 283 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:53,123 Oscar Nine, received. Backup on the way. 284 00:16:53,163 --> 00:16:54,043 Over. 285 00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:55,603 Control, nothing more. Out. 286 00:17:43,403 --> 00:17:46,363 THOMO ON RADIO: I'll tell you what, I'm starting my diet on Monday. 287 00:17:46,403 --> 00:17:47,843 I'm knackered. 288 00:17:52,563 --> 00:17:54,563 Where are you? 289 00:17:54,603 --> 00:17:57,323 I'm just behind the containers up the side of dogshit alley. 290 00:17:58,483 --> 00:17:59,803 Can you see him? 291 00:17:59,843 --> 00:18:00,923 Yeah. 292 00:18:00,963 --> 00:18:02,723 He's having a fag. 293 00:18:03,963 --> 00:18:05,443 Backup's on the way. 294 00:18:10,483 --> 00:18:13,643 You mustn't blame yourself, you know, for what happened to DC Dobson. 295 00:18:15,363 --> 00:18:16,603 You could never have stopped it. 296 00:18:17,603 --> 00:18:19,283 It was just one of those things. 297 00:18:20,603 --> 00:18:22,283 I don't need counselling. 298 00:18:27,003 --> 00:18:28,923 At least he was a good cop, though, yeah? 299 00:18:28,963 --> 00:18:30,643 Wasn't on the take or anything. 300 00:18:33,043 --> 00:18:35,283 Oh, hang on, hang on. Something's happening. 301 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:37,323 What? 302 00:18:37,363 --> 00:18:39,163 He's making contact. 303 00:18:41,403 --> 00:18:42,923 I need to get a bit closer. 304 00:18:42,963 --> 00:18:44,963 Code 10-3 from now on. 305 00:18:45,003 --> 00:18:46,243 Thomo! 306 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:51,843 (DISTANT GUNSHOT) 307 00:18:51,883 --> 00:18:53,723 (ADDITIONAL GUNSHOTS) 308 00:18:56,243 --> 00:18:58,083 Control, Control. This is Oscar Nine. 309 00:18:58,123 --> 00:18:59,603 Urgent call. Over. 310 00:18:59,643 --> 00:19:01,723 Oscar Nine, go ahead. Over. 311 00:19:01,763 --> 00:19:03,043 Shots fired. 312 00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:05,163 I say again, shots fired. Where's the backup? 313 00:19:05,203 --> 00:19:06,283 Over. 314 00:19:06,323 --> 00:19:08,763 Oscar Nine, backup is two minutes away. 315 00:19:08,803 --> 00:19:10,483 Two minutes away. Over. 316 00:19:15,003 --> 00:19:17,723 Oscar Nine, do not approach suspect. 317 00:19:17,763 --> 00:19:18,883 Please acknowledge. Over. 318 00:19:21,923 --> 00:19:23,963 Oscar Nine, acknowledge. Over. 319 00:19:30,243 --> 00:19:31,363 Oscar Nine from Control. 320 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,163 Instruction - do not approach suspect. 321 00:19:33,203 --> 00:19:34,603 Backup is on its way. 322 00:19:34,643 --> 00:19:36,643 Please acknowledge. Over. 323 00:19:36,683 --> 00:19:38,763 (GUNSHOTS) 324 00:19:57,843 --> 00:19:59,243 (EXHALES) 325 00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:03,123 (TAKES DEEP BREATHS) 326 00:20:07,323 --> 00:20:08,563 (TAPPING) 327 00:20:18,683 --> 00:20:19,963 I got you a chai latte. 328 00:20:20,963 --> 00:20:22,123 Why? 329 00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:24,923 It's important to try new things. 330 00:20:24,963 --> 00:20:26,763 Is it good for my blood pressure? 331 00:20:26,803 --> 00:20:28,283 Not particularly. 332 00:20:31,323 --> 00:20:32,403 Cheers. 333 00:20:36,843 --> 00:20:38,123 Oof! 334 00:20:38,163 --> 00:20:39,843 It's like drinking a mince pie. 335 00:20:41,483 --> 00:20:42,883 I thought I'd find you here. 336 00:20:42,923 --> 00:20:46,523 All the others are in the pub celebrating a record haul. 337 00:20:47,523 --> 00:20:49,963 - You had about six pints lined up. - Why me? 338 00:20:50,003 --> 00:20:53,123 It was you who took 'em down. Never seen owt like it. 339 00:20:53,163 --> 00:20:54,923 It's a good job you were so quick. 340 00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,723 Mm. 341 00:20:56,763 --> 00:20:58,403 It's because I don't eat Pringles. 342 00:20:59,483 --> 00:21:02,003 Well, I owe you a beer anyway. 343 00:21:04,443 --> 00:21:07,243 Unfortunately, I don't drink alcohol either. 344 00:21:07,283 --> 00:21:11,163 Fortunately, they serve tomato juice. 345 00:21:12,403 --> 00:21:14,483 Unfortunately, special constables are not invited. 346 00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:17,043 Fortunately, you'll soon be offered a promotion. 347 00:21:18,523 --> 00:21:20,283 Unfortunately, I'll turn it down. 348 00:21:21,643 --> 00:21:23,083 I'm a bit too long in the tooth for all that. 349 00:21:23,123 --> 00:21:24,123 Well... 350 00:21:25,403 --> 00:21:27,123 ...you saved my life. 351 00:21:27,163 --> 00:21:28,683 Fortunately. 352 00:21:28,723 --> 00:21:31,203 So, thank you. 353 00:21:32,643 --> 00:21:35,443 It means I'm gonna be sat in here listening to you do riddles again, 354 00:21:35,483 --> 00:21:36,883 unfortunately. 355 00:21:36,923 --> 00:21:38,443 Correct. 356 00:21:40,043 --> 00:21:42,603 Actually, I'm giving up on all that. 357 00:21:42,643 --> 00:21:44,923 It was just a distraction technique. 358 00:21:47,283 --> 00:21:48,603 I'm starting counselling tomorrow. 359 00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:52,243 And I've been googling yoga classes. 360 00:21:52,283 --> 00:21:55,003 So you've obviously got under my skin. 361 00:21:57,243 --> 00:21:58,603 Trope number five - tick! 362 00:22:02,563 --> 00:22:03,843 Anything to report? 363 00:22:03,883 --> 00:22:04,963 Nah. 364 00:22:07,443 --> 00:22:09,643 I thought I saw someone hanging round by the car 365 00:22:09,683 --> 00:22:10,683 when I came round the corner. 366 00:22:10,723 --> 00:22:13,083 Well, I didn't see anyone. 367 00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:14,923 Must have been a trick of the light. 368 00:22:16,763 --> 00:22:19,523 I hope you don't mind, but, um, 369 00:22:19,563 --> 00:22:20,883 I was reading your case notes. 370 00:22:22,683 --> 00:22:25,003 You were the last person to see Dobson alive. 371 00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:26,323 Yeah. 372 00:22:27,643 --> 00:22:29,203 I was only gone a few minutes. 373 00:22:31,003 --> 00:22:32,043 Awful. 374 00:22:33,203 --> 00:22:35,363 And you said his grave was vandalised. 375 00:22:35,403 --> 00:22:36,483 Mm, yeah. 376 00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:38,283 They dug it up, smashed the lid in. 377 00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:39,683 It was horrible. 378 00:22:39,723 --> 00:22:42,283 Do you think whoever did it was looking for something? 379 00:22:42,323 --> 00:22:43,483 God knows. 380 00:22:43,523 --> 00:22:45,443 None of it makes any sense. 381 00:22:47,483 --> 00:22:50,523 I believe the murder weapon went missing from forensics. 382 00:22:52,483 --> 00:22:53,483 Did it? 383 00:22:55,563 --> 00:22:56,643 You know it did. 384 00:22:56,683 --> 00:22:58,243 You've got it down there. 385 00:22:58,283 --> 00:23:01,843 - What are you playing at, Thomo? - I don't trust 'em. 386 00:23:03,163 --> 00:23:05,363 Let's just say I wanted a second opinion. 387 00:23:06,683 --> 00:23:08,323 I gave it to a mate of mine who ran some tests on it. 388 00:23:08,363 --> 00:23:09,963 He said it was an antique. 389 00:23:10,003 --> 00:23:12,083 A rare Victorian stiletto blade. 390 00:23:12,123 --> 00:23:13,563 And how did that get there, eh? 391 00:23:14,563 --> 00:23:17,003 You can't take the law into your own hands. 392 00:23:17,043 --> 00:23:19,043 It's only been a month. Let them do their job. 393 00:23:21,323 --> 00:23:24,603 Why are you so fuckin' interested all of a sudden? 394 00:23:24,643 --> 00:23:25,883 I want to help you. 395 00:23:30,203 --> 00:23:33,043 - Are you wearing a wire? - What? 396 00:23:34,083 --> 00:23:35,203 Who are ya? 397 00:23:35,243 --> 00:23:37,083 I don't even know who you are. 398 00:23:38,243 --> 00:23:40,523 If you're wearing a wire, I swear to God... 399 00:23:40,563 --> 00:23:41,763 Get off! What you doing?! 400 00:23:41,803 --> 00:23:44,523 - Well, go on, show me, then! - There, look! Look! 401 00:23:44,563 --> 00:23:45,603 There! 402 00:23:45,643 --> 00:23:46,963 Calm down! 403 00:23:48,123 --> 00:23:49,523 I'm on your side! 404 00:23:51,563 --> 00:23:52,723 Sorry, I just... 405 00:23:54,843 --> 00:23:56,403 I'm not thinking straight. 406 00:23:57,683 --> 00:23:59,003 I've not been sleeping. 407 00:23:59,043 --> 00:24:00,883 I keep seeing his face. 408 00:24:00,923 --> 00:24:01,923 Whose? 409 00:24:01,963 --> 00:24:02,963 Dobbo's. 410 00:24:05,883 --> 00:24:07,403 I can't lay it to rest. I... 411 00:24:08,523 --> 00:24:11,523 At least coming here I feel like I'm doing something. 412 00:24:13,323 --> 00:24:15,243 (SIGHS) I understand. 413 00:24:17,763 --> 00:24:21,963 And, for the record, no, I don't think you killed your partner. 414 00:24:22,003 --> 00:24:24,123 I think it was one of those random acts of violence 415 00:24:24,163 --> 00:24:25,363 that we see every day. 416 00:24:27,843 --> 00:24:31,283 Unless you were trying to feed him that three-day-old curry. (LAUGHS) 417 00:24:31,323 --> 00:24:33,523 You cheeky bastard! 418 00:24:35,363 --> 00:24:37,483 (THOMO CHUCKLES) 419 00:24:37,523 --> 00:24:39,043 Oh, God, it's cold tonight. 420 00:24:40,043 --> 00:24:41,043 Do you want a... 421 00:24:41,083 --> 00:24:42,683 - (POCKET UNZIPS) - ...teabag? 422 00:24:42,723 --> 00:24:45,043 Nah, I've got me chai latte. 423 00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:47,163 No, hand warmers. 424 00:24:47,203 --> 00:24:49,643 They heat up when you shake them. 425 00:24:49,683 --> 00:24:50,683 Oh, right. 426 00:24:54,443 --> 00:24:57,683 You're oxidising the iron by producing an exothermic reaction. 427 00:25:01,523 --> 00:25:03,603 I bet this looks bloody suspicious from outside! 428 00:25:03,643 --> 00:25:04,683 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 429 00:25:06,323 --> 00:25:08,883 I used to have to look out for things like this on Hampstead Heath 430 00:25:08,923 --> 00:25:10,043 when I was with the Met. 431 00:25:11,723 --> 00:25:14,963 I remember one time we saw this Mini Cooper with its lights on... 432 00:25:15,003 --> 00:25:16,083 (SUDDEN BANG) 433 00:25:22,843 --> 00:25:23,843 What was that? 434 00:25:23,883 --> 00:25:25,843 Dunno. Branch, maybe? 435 00:25:38,563 --> 00:25:39,803 (WHISPERS) Wait there. 436 00:25:47,883 --> 00:25:49,363 (CLATTERING) 437 00:26:03,963 --> 00:26:05,723 (BANGING AND SCRAPING ON GLASS) 438 00:26:10,683 --> 00:26:12,323 (BANGING AND SCRAPING) 439 00:26:33,123 --> 00:26:35,003 - (KNOCK ON WINDOW) - VARNEY: Can I come in? 440 00:26:35,043 --> 00:26:37,203 You scared the shit out of me! 441 00:26:37,243 --> 00:26:38,243 Yes! 442 00:26:42,083 --> 00:26:43,283 Did you see anything? 443 00:26:44,443 --> 00:26:45,603 VARNEY: Nothing. 444 00:26:45,643 --> 00:26:48,123 I'm going mad. 445 00:26:48,163 --> 00:26:49,443 I just saw Dobbo again. 446 00:26:50,883 --> 00:26:52,683 VARNEY: He's probably just hungry. 447 00:26:54,843 --> 00:26:55,843 What? 448 00:26:57,323 --> 00:26:59,563 What are these the top five tropes of? 449 00:27:01,123 --> 00:27:02,443 They sleep in the daytime. 450 00:27:03,723 --> 00:27:05,483 They won't cross running water. 451 00:27:06,523 --> 00:27:07,883 They have to be invited in. 452 00:27:09,563 --> 00:27:11,363 They can't bear the smell of garlic. 453 00:27:13,123 --> 00:27:14,163 And, yes... 454 00:27:16,723 --> 00:27:18,883 ...we cast no reflection. 455 00:27:18,923 --> 00:27:21,443 I know you didn't kill your partner. 456 00:27:23,883 --> 00:27:25,123 That was me. 457 00:27:27,083 --> 00:27:28,163 (THOMO GRUNTS) 458 00:27:28,203 --> 00:27:29,963 Argh! No! 459 00:27:30,003 --> 00:27:32,123 Argh! 460 00:27:32,163 --> 00:27:34,163 Stop! (STRAINS) 461 00:27:34,203 --> 00:27:36,283 (GURGLES) 462 00:27:36,323 --> 00:27:37,843 (WHEEZES) 463 00:27:37,883 --> 00:27:40,723 (HORN BEEPS) 464 00:27:40,763 --> 00:27:44,803 (SIREN WHOOPS) 465 00:28:08,003 --> 00:28:09,003 (BANG ON DOOR) 466 00:28:09,043 --> 00:28:13,523 (SCRAPING AND SCRATCHING) 467 00:28:14,643 --> 00:28:15,923 VARNEY: Come in, my child. 468 00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:18,803 Enjoy your first feed. 469 00:28:22,123 --> 00:28:24,083 An eternity of them await you. 470 00:28:29,363 --> 00:28:32,683 (DOBSON WHEEZES AND SNIFFS) 471 00:28:37,323 --> 00:28:39,563 (GROWLS) 472 00:28:39,603 --> 00:28:41,843 (SNIFFS) 473 00:28:41,883 --> 00:28:43,123 (SNARLS) 474 00:28:54,243 --> 00:28:55,883 (ROARS) 475 00:28:58,963 --> 00:29:03,003 VARNEY: One of the more persistent clichés of the police procedural 476 00:29:03,043 --> 00:29:06,363 is that the new partner always winds up dead. 477 00:29:08,803 --> 00:29:13,083 And here I am. The living embodiment of that trope. 478 00:29:13,123 --> 00:29:14,443 Well... 479 00:29:14,483 --> 00:29:16,003 ...I'm not living any more. 480 00:29:17,843 --> 00:29:18,963 But my story... 481 00:29:20,203 --> 00:29:24,683 (CHUCKLES) ...well, it's as old as time itself.