1
00:00:19,283 --> 00:00:22,363
(FOOTBALL CROWD ROARS)

2
00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:06,603
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

3
00:01:07,723 --> 00:01:10,123
- Oh, Jesus Christ!
- Sorry, Ref.

4
00:01:10,163 --> 00:01:11,283
The door was open.

5
00:01:11,323 --> 00:01:12,763
What can I do for you, Mitch?

6
00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:14,523
Well, I'm just checking with you

7
00:01:14,563 --> 00:01:16,403
if it's OK for me to be pitch-side
during the match.

8
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:18,203
You know, get the crowd going
and everything.

9
00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:19,523
Not during the game, no.

10
00:01:19,563 --> 00:01:22,003
- Pre-match, half-time only.
- Oh.

11
00:01:22,043 --> 00:01:24,283
It's just that Rovers
have brought Scotty the Shrimp.

12
00:01:24,323 --> 00:01:26,443
I thought we could get a bit of
play-fighting going, you know?

13
00:01:26,483 --> 00:01:29,363
- In jest, like, have a laugh.
- No, I can't allow it. I'm sorry.

14
00:01:29,403 --> 00:01:30,683
I'm not having the players distracted by

15
00:01:30,723 --> 00:01:33,163
a six-foot prawn knocking
seven shades of shite out of a...

16
00:01:34,203 --> 00:01:35,603
...whatever it is you are.

17
00:01:35,643 --> 00:01:36,923
This is not America, Mitch.

18
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,243
I understand.

19
00:01:38,283 --> 00:01:40,883
Hey, it's your last-ever game today,
isn't it?

20
00:01:40,923 --> 00:01:42,163
It is, yes.

21
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,843
Well, I just want to say it's been an
absolute privilege to work with you.

22
00:01:44,883 --> 00:01:45,923
Fantastic.

23
00:01:45,963 --> 00:01:48,803
And may the best team win.

24
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,323
Indeed.

25
00:01:53,203 --> 00:01:55,563
(TOILET FLUSHES)

26
00:01:58,723 --> 00:02:00,723
I'd give it a minute
before you go in there.

27
00:02:00,763 --> 00:02:02,443
A few, er, pre-match nerves.

28
00:02:02,483 --> 00:02:04,443
Well, it's a big game, isn't it?

29
00:02:04,483 --> 00:02:07,523
It is. When I worked at the San Siro,

30
00:02:07,563 --> 00:02:10,083
the WC was adjacent to the showers
with a separate door,

31
00:02:10,123 --> 00:02:12,163
and it had a self-lowering lavatory seat.

32
00:02:12,203 --> 00:02:13,443
You felt pampered.

33
00:02:13,483 --> 00:02:15,883
You're ready early. What time is it?

34
00:02:15,923 --> 00:02:17,923
1.58...59.

35
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:20,843
I like to be fully uniformed
before the captains' meeting.

36
00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,763
Gives me that extra degree of authority.

37
00:02:22,803 --> 00:02:24,043
Oh, most definitely.

38
00:02:24,083 --> 00:02:27,203
I've known some refs slumming round
in sweatpants with a beer in their hand

39
00:02:27,243 --> 00:02:29,243
at 20 to three
like they're at a family barbecue.

40
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:32,923
No, you're one of the pros, Martin.
A role model. I've always said it.

41
00:02:32,963 --> 00:02:34,763
That's why you've lasted
as long as you have.

42
00:02:34,803 --> 00:02:36,123
Thank you, Brendan, I appreciate that.

43
00:02:36,163 --> 00:02:38,443
- Was that Mitch I could hear just now?
- It was.

44
00:02:38,483 --> 00:02:40,203
I've never seen him out of that costume.

45
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,923
Do you think he could be a St Bernard?

46
00:02:41,963 --> 00:02:44,123
Well, I was thinking more chipmunk,
but you might be right.

47
00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:47,763
They have got the shittest gym here
I have ever seen.

48
00:02:47,803 --> 00:02:49,963
My ex-wife's got a better treadmill
in her utility room.

49
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,683
Well, admittedly
the facilities are a little tired,

50
00:02:51,723 --> 00:02:55,003
but if United win promotion today,
that's all gonna change.

51
00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:56,603
- That's a big if.
- At the San Siro,

52
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:59,443
they had a treadmill in the officials'
changing room, and someone came round

53
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:02,403
every 20 minutes and replenished
the towels. It's the little touches.

54
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,683
Where's Oggy?

55
00:03:03,723 --> 00:03:05,243
Where'd you expect him to be?

56
00:03:05,283 --> 00:03:06,763
Stuffing his face at the vending machine.

57
00:03:06,803 --> 00:03:08,123
(SIGHS)

58
00:03:08,163 --> 00:03:09,723
We only had lunch two hours ago.

59
00:03:09,763 --> 00:03:11,763
I mean, the captains'll be here
any minute.

60
00:03:11,803 --> 00:03:13,883
We've got to synchronise our watches,
go through the team sheet...

61
00:03:13,923 --> 00:03:15,523
Shitting Nora!

62
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,323
Oh, sorry, Phil.

63
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,923
That was me. There's no Glade.

64
00:03:18,963 --> 00:03:21,683
- Did a rat crawl up your arse and die?!
- Pre-match nerves.

65
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,043
You're the fourth official.

66
00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:25,843
What have you got to be nervous about?
Holding up the wrong numbers on the board?

67
00:03:25,883 --> 00:03:27,603
You may joke,
but that has happened.

68
00:03:27,643 --> 00:03:30,363
Barry Crop once accidentally
signalled for 56 minutes'

69
00:03:30,403 --> 00:03:33,443
added time at a Sheffield derby game.
And it was on Sky.

70
00:03:33,483 --> 00:03:35,603
Took him a good few months
to live that down, I tell you.

71
00:03:35,643 --> 00:03:37,683
- At the San Siro...
- All right, Brendan, give it a rest,

72
00:03:37,723 --> 00:03:39,283
for fuck's sake!

73
00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:43,403
Sorry.

74
00:03:44,523 --> 00:03:48,003
I'll just, er, go and squirt a few drops
of Aramis in the pan.

75
00:03:48,043 --> 00:03:51,163
See if it'll help, er,
dissimilate the odour.

76
00:03:56,123 --> 00:03:57,483
(DOOR CLOSES)

77
00:03:58,883 --> 00:04:00,843
You shouldn't speak to Brendan like that.

78
00:04:00,883 --> 00:04:03,403
I heard he's being considered
for the select group next season,

79
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:04,763
so you could be working under him.

80
00:04:04,803 --> 00:04:07,763
Is that how you see the assistants?
Under the referee?

81
00:04:07,803 --> 00:04:09,963
- I thought we were a team.
- We are a team,

82
00:04:10,003 --> 00:04:12,483
and that includes the fourth official.

83
00:04:12,523 --> 00:04:15,323
If we don't respect ourselves, how are we
gonna get respect from the players?

84
00:04:15,363 --> 00:04:17,483
He's so boring, though, Martin!

85
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:18,763
He is boring, yes.

86
00:04:18,803 --> 00:04:20,843
And that's a very good quality
in a referee.

87
00:04:20,883 --> 00:04:23,163
He's anonymously competent, and that...

88
00:04:23,203 --> 00:04:25,243
- ...takes guts.
- Brendan hasn't got any guts.

89
00:04:25,283 --> 00:04:26,843
He's dropped them all in there!

90
00:04:28,323 --> 00:04:31,763
Right, well, I think that's, er,
taken the edge off it.

91
00:04:33,803 --> 00:04:36,603
Anyway, if anyone should be nervous,
it's me.

92
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:39,523
Just seen Howard arrive
with half a dozen Qataris.

93
00:04:39,563 --> 00:04:42,163
They've come to cast their eye over me
for 2022.

94
00:04:42,203 --> 00:04:44,843
Oh, you don't think it's because it's one
of the biggest games in English football?

95
00:04:44,883 --> 00:04:46,363
Well, yeah, there is that.

96
00:04:46,403 --> 00:04:48,003
But if it goes well for me today,

97
00:04:48,043 --> 00:04:51,283
I could be running the line
at a World Cup, Martin.

98
00:04:51,323 --> 00:04:53,763
Imagine being able to flag Neymar offside.

99
00:04:53,803 --> 00:04:55,763
We are not the story, Phil.

100
00:04:55,803 --> 00:04:58,403
We are neutral officiators.
Never forget that.

101
00:04:58,443 --> 00:05:01,763
Yeah, whatever. If I'm not back in
20 minutes, phone for the fire brigade.

102
00:05:04,403 --> 00:05:05,643
Ugh!

103
00:05:07,203 --> 00:05:08,683
He has got a lot to learn, that one.

104
00:05:12,403 --> 00:05:14,043
Are those City pants, Brendan?

105
00:05:14,083 --> 00:05:15,203
No!

106
00:05:15,243 --> 00:05:16,603
Clean on this morning.

107
00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:20,403
Oh,  City.  Yes, well, we're away
at Preston today.

108
00:05:20,443 --> 00:05:22,363
Should be good for a point at least,
don't you think?

109
00:05:22,403 --> 00:05:23,643
Consolidate a play-off place.

110
00:05:23,683 --> 00:05:25,683
You know my thoughts about team colours
in the changing room.

111
00:05:25,723 --> 00:05:28,323
Yes, but it's the last day of the season.
What with us being City fans...?

112
00:05:28,363 --> 00:05:29,923
Take them off, please.

113
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,443
Of course.

114
00:05:31,483 --> 00:05:32,883
Sorry, Martin.

115
00:05:37,123 --> 00:05:39,203
It's been a good season for us, but,
er...

116
00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:42,803
...without the investment, you know,
you can't really compete.

117
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,803
Still, if we win today,
we might finish third.

118
00:05:46,843 --> 00:05:49,923
We've always been the bridesmaid,
never the bride.

119
00:05:49,963 --> 00:05:51,363
True.

120
00:05:51,403 --> 00:05:53,803
Without that cash we'll never be up there
playing with the big boys.

121
00:05:53,843 --> 00:05:56,883
Oh, if I had a pound for every time
I'd heard you say that, Brendan.

122
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,843
You all right, boss? How are you feeling?

123
00:05:58,883 --> 00:06:01,083
Hey, it's filling up out there, you know.

124
00:06:01,123 --> 00:06:03,283
You can cut the atmosphere
with a cake slice.

125
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:04,323
Sorry.

126
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:06,083
- Have you warmed up, Oggy?
- Yeah.

127
00:06:06,123 --> 00:06:08,803
- I did hot yoga in the bath this morning.
- I am serious.

128
00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:10,523
Don't worry, boss.

129
00:06:10,563 --> 00:06:11,643
I'll do me stretches.

130
00:06:11,683 --> 00:06:13,083
Where's Phil, anyway?

131
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,123
Doesn't he normally lead
the ref-aerobics around now?

132
00:06:15,163 --> 00:06:17,243
- He's shaving.
- Yeah, I bet he is.

133
00:06:17,283 --> 00:06:18,323
Bloody Sky's here.

134
00:06:18,363 --> 00:06:20,643
He'll be doing a back, crack and sack wax,
knowing him.

135
00:06:20,683 --> 00:06:23,683
Hey, 20 quid he gels all his hair up
like Gareth Gates.

136
00:06:23,723 --> 00:06:27,043
No betting, Oggy!
You've been warned before.

137
00:06:27,083 --> 00:06:29,323
Only joking! Christ, Martin!

138
00:06:29,363 --> 00:06:31,083
Well, it's not a joking matter, is it?

139
00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:34,723
What's up with you?
This is meant to be your retirement.

140
00:06:34,763 --> 00:06:35,963
Biggest game of your career.

141
00:06:36,003 --> 00:06:38,003
- You should be relishing it.
- I am relishing it.

142
00:06:38,043 --> 00:06:40,323
Well, tell your face. It's longer than
one of Brendan's stories.

143
00:06:40,363 --> 00:06:42,083
- No offence.
- None taken.

144
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:44,403
We don't all enjoy ourselves
in the same way, Oggy.

145
00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:45,483
All right.

146
00:06:46,483 --> 00:06:49,523
So, goalie for United, number 1,
Charlie Evans.

147
00:06:49,563 --> 00:06:51,083
That's nice and easy.

148
00:06:51,123 --> 00:06:54,123
Back four - Ripley, Price, Clyne and Cox.

149
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:56,643
They're your solicitors, aren't they,
Brendan?

150
00:06:57,763 --> 00:07:00,523
Er, midfield is that Polish one
whose name I can never pronounce.

151
00:07:00,563 --> 00:07:02,563
- Dzierzanowska.
- That's him.

152
00:07:02,603 --> 00:07:04,323
Looks like two bad hands at Scrabble.

153
00:07:04,363 --> 00:07:06,603
And up front, Calvin Cooke!

154
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,123
I hope you've got  his  number, boss.

155
00:07:09,803 --> 00:07:10,803
How d'you mean?

156
00:07:11,843 --> 00:07:13,043
Well, he's got a temper on him.

157
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:15,603
A lot of inner demons,
from what I've heard.

158
00:07:16,763 --> 00:07:19,323
Well, he'll be here in a minute,
so you can find out

159
00:07:19,363 --> 00:07:20,803
for yourself, can't you?

160
00:07:20,843 --> 00:07:22,443
Right, can we synchronise watches, please?

161
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:23,723
Oh, we don't have to do that.

162
00:07:23,763 --> 00:07:25,323
It's not  Mission: Impossible.

163
00:07:25,363 --> 00:07:29,243
I've got 14.02 and 52 seconds.

164
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,123
Er, six minutes past two...

165
00:07:31,163 --> 00:07:34,723
And let's synchronise, please.
56 seconds, 57...

166
00:07:34,763 --> 00:07:36,323
- (BEEPING)
- Hang on, hang on.

167
00:07:36,363 --> 00:07:37,923
I can only put this one forwards,
it won't go back.

168
00:07:37,963 --> 00:07:40,763
Oh, for God's sake!
It's three o'clock kick-off,

169
00:07:40,803 --> 00:07:42,363
quarter to four for a pie and a piss,

170
00:07:42,403 --> 00:07:44,563
ten to five, final score
and get first round in.

171
00:07:44,603 --> 00:07:45,603
It's not rocket science.

172
00:07:45,643 --> 00:07:48,923
Fuckin' lukewarm water
and the shampoo's like dog spunk.

173
00:07:48,963 --> 00:07:50,483
Why hasn't this club got any money?

174
00:07:50,523 --> 00:07:52,283
Hey! They're like a old bra -

175
00:07:52,323 --> 00:07:54,643
no cups and crap support. I thank you!

176
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,803
They had Aveda products throughout
at the San Siro.

177
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,403
It's like a boutique hotel.

178
00:07:58,443 --> 00:08:01,363
Do we know if Sky are showing this
in 4K or just in HD?

179
00:08:01,403 --> 00:08:03,243
- I don't know. Can we just...
- Ah, there you go!

180
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,723
What did I tell you? 20 quid.

181
00:08:04,763 --> 00:08:06,843
- Worried about your bald spot, Phil?
- Fuck off, Oggy!

182
00:08:06,883 --> 00:08:08,323
(ANGRILY) Can we synchronise watches,
please?

183
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:09,923
Hey, I saw you on the treadmill earlier

184
00:08:09,963 --> 00:08:11,603
practising your backwards running.

185
00:08:11,643 --> 00:08:14,203
- Bullshit.
- It's true!

186
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:17,123
He practises running backwards
doing his Collina face so he can get

187
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,363
a nice big close-up on TV.

188
00:08:18,403 --> 00:08:20,443
No, it's so I can get better
peripheral vision.

189
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:23,363
It's better than you chugging up and down
like Mr fuckin' Creosote.

190
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,643
- Oh, is that right? Mr Creosote?
- Guys, please!

191
00:08:28,323 --> 00:08:32,923
If United win today, they get automatic
promotion to the Premier League.

192
00:08:32,963 --> 00:08:35,523
With merit payments and TV rights,
that's a huge windfall.

193
00:08:35,563 --> 00:08:37,963
- 150 million, according to the  Mirror.
- Exactly.

194
00:08:38,003 --> 00:08:39,323
And if Rovers win, they avoid

195
00:08:39,363 --> 00:08:42,123
relegation into the lower leagues
and financial oblivion.

196
00:08:42,163 --> 00:08:46,003
So it's up to us to work as a team
to ensure a fair result.

197
00:08:46,043 --> 00:08:48,203
You know, it's going to be tense enough
out there

198
00:08:48,243 --> 00:08:50,683
without you two glaring at each other
across the pitch

199
00:08:50,723 --> 00:08:52,363
like Bette Davis and Joan Crawford.

200
00:08:53,483 --> 00:08:54,483
He started it.

201
00:08:54,523 --> 00:08:56,283
- (MOCKINGLY) "He started it."
- I don't care!

202
00:08:57,523 --> 00:09:01,803
We have to be beyond reproach
in every decision we make.

203
00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:05,363
- So show some professionalism.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

204
00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:08,323
Ah, Calvin, come in.

205
00:09:08,363 --> 00:09:09,923
Is Nico with you?

206
00:09:09,963 --> 00:09:11,563
- Haven't seen him.
- Ah, Oggy, go and get Nico, will you?

207
00:09:11,603 --> 00:09:14,963
Tell him he's already three minutes late
for the captains' meeting.

208
00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:18,763
And you, go and do your manscaping,
or whatever it is you do, in there.

209
00:09:19,923 --> 00:09:21,803
You, check the match ball.

210
00:09:21,843 --> 00:09:24,003
I want it 12.5 psi.

211
00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:25,163
Yes, Ref. Sorry.

212
00:09:29,163 --> 00:09:30,203
What's this?

213
00:09:30,243 --> 00:09:31,443
Retirement card.

214
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:33,123
What, from you or the whole team?

215
00:09:33,163 --> 00:09:34,323
What do you think?

216
00:09:34,363 --> 00:09:36,683
Hardly going to be walking around
with my own card for you, am I?

217
00:09:36,723 --> 00:09:38,163
So, big game.

218
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,283
Yeah. Yeah.

219
00:09:39,323 --> 00:09:40,683
How are you feeling?

220
00:09:40,723 --> 00:09:41,963
I'm OK.

221
00:09:42,003 --> 00:09:43,043
Can I kiss you?

222
00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:50,243
What happened to your rules?

223
00:09:50,283 --> 00:09:51,923
Please.

224
00:09:51,963 --> 00:09:54,403
It's a big game for me as well,
you know.

225
00:10:06,883 --> 00:10:09,043
So now...you've just gotta give us

226
00:10:09,083 --> 00:10:10,763
- a couple of penalties, right?
- (CHUCKLES)

227
00:10:10,803 --> 00:10:12,443
I'd love it if I could. But I can't.

228
00:10:12,483 --> 00:10:14,923
- Not even if there's tugging in the box?
- Don't even joke about it.

229
00:10:14,963 --> 00:10:17,963
- If the PGMOL ever found out...
- You're retiring!

230
00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:19,363
Yeah, but it's my reputation, isn't it?

231
00:10:19,403 --> 00:10:21,083
Not to mention the legal consequences.

232
00:10:21,123 --> 00:10:22,843
I mean, not just for me, but for the club!

233
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,923
Martin, nobody's gonna find out.

234
00:10:24,963 --> 00:10:26,203
Relax.

235
00:10:27,643 --> 00:10:29,123
Eh? I've got your back.

236
00:10:32,603 --> 00:10:33,843
I love you.

237
00:10:35,523 --> 00:10:36,763
(DOOR OPENS)

238
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,563
Ah, Nico, nice of you to join us.

239
00:10:39,603 --> 00:10:41,923
Right, now, I want a good clean game

240
00:10:41,963 --> 00:10:44,283
with plenty of flow
and all the focus on the football.

241
00:10:44,323 --> 00:10:46,963
Everybody on that pitch
knows the laws of the game.

242
00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:49,603
And if we stick to that, there's
no reason we can't have a fitting,

243
00:10:49,643 --> 00:10:52,083
dignified, trouble-free end to the season.

244
00:10:52,123 --> 00:10:53,963
- Understand?
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

245
00:11:02,283 --> 00:11:03,523
(WHISTLE BLOWS)

246
00:11:04,803 --> 00:11:07,403
CROWD: The referee's a wanker!
The referee's a wanker!

247
00:11:07,443 --> 00:11:09,243
OGGY: Get him under control,
you flaming animal!

248
00:11:09,283 --> 00:11:10,643
- Oggy!
- He chucked a bap at me!

249
00:11:10,683 --> 00:11:12,723
- A what?
- A bap! A bacon bap!

250
00:11:12,763 --> 00:11:14,803
Who did?
That Polish one. Dirty bastard.

251
00:11:14,843 --> 00:11:16,523
- Dzierzanowska?
- Yeah, that's him.

252
00:11:16,563 --> 00:11:18,603
Flaming animal! I want his name
in the book.

253
00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:20,443
- If you can frigging spell it.
- You're bleeding.

254
00:11:20,483 --> 00:11:22,363
Eh? No, it's just ketchup.

255
00:11:22,403 --> 00:11:24,043
- Ah...
- What should I put in the report, Martin?

256
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,163
Just put, "Food thrown in tunnel."
We'll see what the damage is later.

257
00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:30,283
At the San Siro, the ushers escorted you
all the way down the tunnel.

258
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,803
And we had our own espresso machine.

259
00:11:31,843 --> 00:11:34,283
This was before they became commonplace.
They're more ubiquitous than kettles now.

260
00:11:34,323 --> 00:11:36,203
- Where's Phil?
- Oh, he got collared by Mitch.

261
00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:38,043
He was trying to show him
video replay on his phone.

262
00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:40,123
- Well, he shouldn't be looking at that!
- I know,

263
00:11:40,163 --> 00:11:41,603
but Phil is a pro.
I'm sure he can handle himself.

264
00:11:41,643 --> 00:11:43,763
Did you notice how he went
and picked up the match ball

265
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:45,163
soon as you blew the whistle?

266
00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:46,563
Then he just stood there
with his chin up

267
00:11:46,603 --> 00:11:48,163
waiting for the Steadicam guy
to circle round him?

268
00:11:48,203 --> 00:11:49,683
Oggy's right. That's not protocol.

269
00:11:49,723 --> 00:11:51,603
- He wears eyeliner, you know.
- No, he doesn't.

270
00:11:51,643 --> 00:11:53,003
Yes, he does!

271
00:11:53,043 --> 00:11:54,123
Did you not see him when they had

272
00:11:54,163 --> 00:11:55,963
that minute's silence
for Butch Wilkins last year?

273
00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:57,643
It was running all down his face!

274
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,323
Linesman Minnelli, they called him.

275
00:12:01,883 --> 00:12:03,243
It was a goal, wasn't it?

276
00:12:03,283 --> 00:12:04,363
It was a clear goal.

277
00:12:04,403 --> 00:12:06,403
There wasn't a hint of offside?
Not a chance.

278
00:12:06,443 --> 00:12:08,803
I think what they were contesting
was the throw-in.

279
00:12:08,843 --> 00:12:11,083
Don't look at me.
I was six foot away.

280
00:12:11,123 --> 00:12:12,683
That was a throw-in all day, every day.

281
00:12:12,723 --> 00:12:15,723
- Did you see it?
- No, I was on the far side.

282
00:12:15,763 --> 00:12:17,843
And you're sure it was a throw-in?

283
00:12:17,883 --> 00:12:20,203
May God strike me down.

284
00:12:20,243 --> 00:12:22,003
It was 18 inches off the line.

285
00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:23,643
- What, in or out?
- In!

286
00:12:23,683 --> 00:12:25,363
- I've just seen the replay.
- Shit!

287
00:12:25,403 --> 00:12:28,003
Nah, that's impossible.
I saw it cross with my own eyes.

288
00:12:28,043 --> 00:12:29,523
You should have gone to Specsavers, then,
shouldn't you?

289
00:12:29,563 --> 00:12:30,683
Calvin wanted to talk to you

290
00:12:30,723 --> 00:12:32,083
but I told him he'd have to wait
until after the game.

291
00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:34,483
Yeah, well, quite right.
It's only half-time, for goodness' sake.

292
00:12:34,523 --> 00:12:35,563
Anything could happen yet!

293
00:12:35,603 --> 00:12:37,603
- What did he say?
- He's fuming!

294
00:12:37,643 --> 00:12:41,203
Mitch the fuckin' Meerkat keeps on showing
everyone the footage on his phone.

295
00:12:41,243 --> 00:12:42,803
What do you mean, meerkat?
He's an otter!

296
00:12:42,843 --> 00:12:44,523
How can he be an otter?!

297
00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:46,083
Otters are mustelids with tiny ears.

298
00:12:46,123 --> 00:12:47,763
All right, David fucking Attenborough!

299
00:12:47,803 --> 00:12:50,203
I always thought he was a tadpole,
but it never sat right with me.

300
00:12:50,243 --> 00:12:51,243
It'll blow over.

301
00:12:51,283 --> 00:12:52,763
Oh, yes. I don't even think
Mitch knows what he is.

302
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:53,843
No, I mean the throw-in!

303
00:12:53,883 --> 00:12:56,043
It's just one of those decisions,
isn't it?

304
00:12:56,083 --> 00:12:57,643
You know, some go for you,
some go against you.

305
00:12:57,683 --> 00:12:59,963
During the season,
they just even themselves out.

306
00:13:01,203 --> 00:13:02,763
No, I don't... I don't think they do.

307
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:08,163
- What time was the goal?
- Er...

308
00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:10,083
...27 minutes.

309
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,323
Which means the throw-in
was at 26 minutes, right?

310
00:13:12,363 --> 00:13:14,963
Well, I don't know.
I don't time every throw-in, do I?

311
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,803
Well, somebody does!

312
00:13:16,843 --> 00:13:18,883
Don't they, Oggy?

313
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,723
What are you on about?

314
00:13:22,283 --> 00:13:23,803
Martin, can I have a word?

315
00:13:23,843 --> 00:13:26,563
No, no, if you've got something to say,
let's say it here.

316
00:13:26,603 --> 00:13:28,163
All right.

317
00:13:28,203 --> 00:13:29,883
In-play betting.

318
00:13:29,923 --> 00:13:31,883
Every corner, every goal,

319
00:13:31,923 --> 00:13:33,683
every free kick - you can bet
on anything these days.

320
00:13:33,723 --> 00:13:35,003
I know what in-play betting is!

321
00:13:35,043 --> 00:13:38,403
Right, so if a betting syndicate
from the Far East, say,

322
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:41,603
could guarantee exactly what time
a throw-in would be awarded to

323
00:13:41,643 --> 00:13:43,523
a certain team, well...

324
00:13:44,603 --> 00:13:46,763
...a small fortune could be made.

325
00:13:50,323 --> 00:13:52,203
Are you making an allegation here?

326
00:13:52,243 --> 00:13:53,403
He's talking out of his arse.

327
00:13:53,443 --> 00:13:55,083
It happens all the time in Italy.
In the San Siro...

328
00:13:55,123 --> 00:13:57,963
Oh, will you stop going on
about the shitting San Siro!

329
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:01,683
You were a backup referee
at an under-14s friendly in 1992!

330
00:14:01,723 --> 00:14:02,803
Under-17s.

331
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:06,563
- You didn't even get on the pitch!
- Envy eats nothing but its own heart.

332
00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:08,803
- What?!
- How come you know so much about it?

333
00:14:11,003 --> 00:14:13,083
Because I was approached
to take the same bung.

334
00:14:15,163 --> 00:14:19,243
15K if I awarded Rovers a throw-in
at exactly 26 minutes.

335
00:14:19,283 --> 00:14:20,763
Easy money, the guy said.

336
00:14:22,603 --> 00:14:24,603
But  I  told him no way.

337
00:14:24,643 --> 00:14:27,043
Well...that's just a coincidence.

338
00:14:28,763 --> 00:14:30,363
- Big fucking coincidence.
- You see -

339
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:33,123
this is why we need VAR as standard.
Then we wouldn't be in this pickle.

340
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:34,523
Not now, Brendan.

341
00:14:36,883 --> 00:14:39,723
Did you take that money, Oggy?

342
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,723
I need you to tell me the truth now.

343
00:14:45,363 --> 00:14:48,283
Now, I can call the police in here,
we can have this game abandoned.

344
00:14:53,323 --> 00:14:55,643
It was only a throw-in!

345
00:14:55,683 --> 00:14:57,363
I didn't think it would matter that much
either way.

346
00:14:57,403 --> 00:15:00,443
Oh, my giddy aunt,
I am not hearing this!

347
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,403
I didn't know they were gonna go
and score off the back of it, did I?

348
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:03,803
It was a foot and a half in!

349
00:15:03,843 --> 00:15:05,043
I panicked!

350
00:15:05,083 --> 00:15:07,643
They said if I didn't comply,
something bad would happen to me.

351
00:15:07,683 --> 00:15:09,243
What, they'd unplug the vending machines?

352
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:12,563
Martin, please. It's your last-ever game.

353
00:15:12,603 --> 00:15:14,083
I'll split the money with you.

354
00:15:14,123 --> 00:15:16,283
I-I-I'll give it to charity.

355
00:15:16,323 --> 00:15:17,843
Just don't dob me in it, please!

356
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:19,003
Just let me think, will you?

357
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,123
Why did you  do  it, Oggy?

358
00:15:22,283 --> 00:15:25,043
We get treated like shit
week in, week out.

359
00:15:25,083 --> 00:15:27,763
Spat at by so-called fans,

360
00:15:27,803 --> 00:15:29,483
abused by players, managers,

361
00:15:29,523 --> 00:15:31,443
then the pundits weigh in and...

362
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:35,603
...suddenly your kids
are getting bullied at school.

363
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,843
That's no excuse, Oggy.

364
00:15:37,883 --> 00:15:39,043
(DOOR OPENS)

365
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:40,883
What the fuck is going on
with you lot today?

366
00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:43,403
- Have you seen this footage?
- Calvin, you cannot be in here!

367
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,003
There's no way that
that's over the line. Look.

368
00:15:46,043 --> 00:15:47,003
Look!

369
00:15:47,043 --> 00:15:48,723
We're not permitted to see that footage
until after the game.

370
00:15:48,763 --> 00:15:51,323
Are you kidding me, Martin?
Are you fucking

371
00:15:51,363 --> 00:15:52,803
- kidding me?!
- Please, Calvin.

372
00:15:52,843 --> 00:15:55,163
Where is he? Where is he?!

373
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:59,643
I'll rip his fucking head off!

374
00:15:59,683 --> 00:16:00,803
- Mitchell, out!
- Linesman?!

375
00:16:00,843 --> 00:16:02,963
Call yourself a linesman?
Have you seen that?

376
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,443
You could drive a fuckin' bus
through that gap!

377
00:16:04,483 --> 00:16:05,923
- Martin, you have to say something!
- Come on, man!

378
00:16:05,963 --> 00:16:07,323
At least send him out there to apologise.

379
00:16:07,363 --> 00:16:09,883
Oh, what, so I can have food
thrown in me face again?

380
00:16:09,923 --> 00:16:11,203
Oh, you'd enjoy that, wouldn't you?

381
00:16:11,243 --> 00:16:12,563
You'd eat it, you fat git!

382
00:16:12,603 --> 00:16:15,683
Say that again, you fucking mangy weasel!

383
00:16:15,723 --> 00:16:17,963
- (ALL YELL)
- Say it to my face!

384
00:16:18,003 --> 00:16:20,003
Go on, say it again!

385
00:16:20,043 --> 00:16:21,003
Go on!

386
00:16:21,043 --> 00:16:23,843
- (THUMP)
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

387
00:16:27,283 --> 00:16:28,443
What are you doing?

388
00:16:29,763 --> 00:16:33,003
You're off! You're out of the game!

389
00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:34,083
You can't do that!

390
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,363
You can't do that.
He can't do that, it's half-time!

391
00:16:36,403 --> 00:16:38,483
Course he can. Brendan, tell him!

392
00:16:38,523 --> 00:16:41,763
Law 12. The referee has the authority
to take disciplinary action

393
00:16:41,803 --> 00:16:44,163
from entering the field of play
for the pre-match inspection

394
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:46,163
till leaving the field of play
at the end of the match.

395
00:16:46,203 --> 00:16:48,003
This is a conspiracy!

396
00:16:48,043 --> 00:16:51,283
- You should be whipped, the lot of you!
- Martin, you can't.

397
00:16:52,363 --> 00:16:54,883
If I meant to show him the yellow card,
I can change my mind, can't I?

398
00:16:54,923 --> 00:16:57,483
You've already booked him once, Martin.
It's a dismissal either way.

399
00:16:57,523 --> 00:16:59,323
I want him red-carded - violent conduct!

400
00:16:59,363 --> 00:17:02,363
Yeah? Well, it's nothing to do with you,
is it, knobhead?!

401
00:17:02,403 --> 00:17:03,323
Get him out of here!

402
00:17:05,923 --> 00:17:07,163
Get my head!

403
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:16,923
Martin, you can't...

404
00:17:18,603 --> 00:17:20,683
Not in this match, not today. Please!

405
00:17:20,723 --> 00:17:22,483
Well, I'm sorry, Calvin.
It's the Laws of the Game.

406
00:17:22,523 --> 00:17:24,443
So, you know, it's a straight red.

407
00:17:24,483 --> 00:17:26,363
A straight red?

408
00:17:26,403 --> 00:17:27,603
Mm-hm.

409
00:17:28,683 --> 00:17:31,323
Well, that's the only straight thing
about you, then, isn't it?

410
00:17:36,683 --> 00:17:39,643
You've sucked my cock for the last time,
Martin, do you understand?

411
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:41,003
You're pathetic.

412
00:17:42,523 --> 00:17:44,523
Don't call me again!

413
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:52,603
(DOOR SLAMS)

414
00:17:54,643 --> 00:17:59,483
CROWD CHANTING: The referee's a wanker!
The referee's a wanker!

415
00:17:59,523 --> 00:18:03,283
The referee's a wanker!
The referee's a wanker!

416
00:18:03,323 --> 00:18:08,723
The referee's a wanker!
The referee's a wanker!

417
00:18:08,763 --> 00:18:12,563
The referee's a wanker!
The referee's a wanker!

418
00:18:12,603 --> 00:18:14,723
The referee's a wanker!

419
00:18:14,763 --> 00:18:16,483
I'll put all that in the report, or...?

420
00:18:21,563 --> 00:18:24,683
Just put Number 9, Cooke,
dismissed for violent conduct.

421
00:18:30,803 --> 00:18:32,843
- Martin...
- Don't.

422
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:36,363
Just don't.

423
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:44,123
What are we going to do about...
the other thing?

424
00:18:48,243 --> 00:18:51,083
Did you report that approach
to the FA, Phil?

425
00:18:51,123 --> 00:18:52,523
Course not.

426
00:18:52,563 --> 00:18:54,763
I was scared of ruining my chances
for the World Cup.

427
00:18:54,803 --> 00:18:56,643
Right, then, in that case we just...

428
00:18:56,683 --> 00:18:57,883
...make things even.

429
00:18:59,963 --> 00:19:01,363
Oh, Martin, I don't think...

430
00:19:01,403 --> 00:19:05,003
If the opportunity comes to give United
a goal, I'm going to take it,

431
00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:07,203
be it an offside or a penalty or whatever,

432
00:19:07,243 --> 00:19:10,363
and I want you lot to back me up.
Do you understand?

433
00:19:10,403 --> 00:19:12,643
It's just about being fair and proper.

434
00:19:12,683 --> 00:19:15,603
Sorry, but how is that fair and proper?

435
00:19:15,643 --> 00:19:17,323
If he hadn't awarded that throw-in
to Rovers,

436
00:19:17,363 --> 00:19:19,163
they wouldn't have scored and it would
have been nil-nil, wouldn't it?

437
00:19:19,203 --> 00:19:21,003
So we're just evening things up.

438
00:19:21,043 --> 00:19:23,003
Whoever wins after that,
well, good luck to them.

439
00:19:23,043 --> 00:19:26,563
This is...highly irregular, Martin.

440
00:19:26,603 --> 00:19:28,003
Are you're sure that...

441
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:30,403
...your judgment hasn't been
coloured by...

442
00:19:30,443 --> 00:19:31,803
...you know?

443
00:19:34,163 --> 00:19:35,283
By what?

444
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:38,803
Calvin.

445
00:19:38,843 --> 00:19:40,123
The fact you just suc...

446
00:19:40,163 --> 00:19:41,403
Sent him off.

447
00:19:42,883 --> 00:19:44,803
I've done nothing wrong.

448
00:19:46,923 --> 00:19:49,523
My whole career has been above board
and by the book.

449
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,923
Yet you're about to gift a goal to United.

450
00:19:51,963 --> 00:19:53,523
My conscience is clear.

451
00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:58,123
Now, if any of you want to report
what's happened and go to the FA,

452
00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,403
then say so now

453
00:20:00,443 --> 00:20:02,603
and we'll stop this game.

454
00:20:02,643 --> 00:20:04,123
Hm? Well?

455
00:20:09,483 --> 00:20:12,043
We'd better get back out there.

456
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:13,643
The crowd are going to give you
some stick, Martin.

457
00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:15,683
Oh, that's nothing I can't handle.

458
00:20:15,723 --> 00:20:19,363
Gentlemen, let's get out there

459
00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:21,603
and restore some sanity.

460
00:20:29,683 --> 00:20:32,363
(CROWD BOOING)

461
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:39,603
(FINAL WHISTLE BLOWS)

462
00:20:39,643 --> 00:20:42,923
(CROWD YELLS)

463
00:20:44,523 --> 00:20:47,483
RADIO PRESENTER:  There's all sorts of
reports coming out of Wallis Park

464
00:20:47,523 --> 00:20:50,483
at the moment,
where the match between United and Rovers

465
00:20:50,523 --> 00:20:52,443
was abandoned 12 minutes from time.

466
00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:54,683
Let's go to our reporter there,
Eamonn Travers.

467
00:20:54,723 --> 00:20:56,763
Eamonn, is the picture any clearer yet?

468
00:20:56,803 --> 00:20:59,763
No, John. As you say,
rumours spreading here like wildfire.

469
00:20:59,803 --> 00:21:01,923
There have been allegations
of match-fixing,

470
00:21:01,963 --> 00:21:04,523
collusion with the officials,
and even, shall we say,

471
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:07,723
a personal relationship
between a key player for United

472
00:21:07,763 --> 00:21:09,843
and the referee Martin Rutherford.

473
00:21:09,883 --> 00:21:12,723
The trouble started, well,
it started in the first half

474
00:21:12,763 --> 00:21:14,843
with that controversial goal for Rovers

475
00:21:14,883 --> 00:21:18,403
and the mysterious dismissal at half-time
of the United captain Calvin Cooke,

476
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:21,283
but it was compounded
by an extraordinary second half

477
00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:24,603
which saw Rutherford award
a frankly ludicrous penalty to United,

478
00:21:24,643 --> 00:21:27,003
which was missed,
and ordered to be retaken,

479
00:21:27,043 --> 00:21:30,003
not once, not twice, but three times

480
00:21:30,043 --> 00:21:31,803
until Kirby scored to level the game.

481
00:21:31,843 --> 00:21:34,963
This led to a mass brawl on the pitch,
five red cards...

482
00:21:37,283 --> 00:21:40,083
The press are going to have
an absolute field day with this.

483
00:21:40,123 --> 00:21:42,403
Are you kidding? They already are.

484
00:21:42,443 --> 00:21:45,363
Robbie Savage has just been on,
tearing us to shreds.

485
00:21:45,403 --> 00:21:48,603
He even had a go at my hair,
which is the pot calling the kettle black.

486
00:21:49,803 --> 00:21:51,283
How's Martin?

487
00:21:51,323 --> 00:21:53,083
He's shaken but philosophical.

488
00:21:53,123 --> 00:21:55,563
I think he's aware his legacy
is somewhat tarnished.

489
00:21:55,603 --> 00:21:59,923
Somewhat? He's the Lance Armstrong
of football referees.

490
00:21:59,963 --> 00:22:01,243
He's fucked himself.

491
00:22:01,283 --> 00:22:03,243
Not...anatomically.

492
00:22:03,283 --> 00:22:05,923
Or professionally,
as long as we all stick together.

493
00:22:05,963 --> 00:22:08,563
He can't be blamed for them players
fighting like that.

494
00:22:08,603 --> 00:22:11,843
Brendan, he gave a penalty for a handball

495
00:22:11,883 --> 00:22:13,043
against the goalkeeper!

496
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:15,723
Well, he didn't know it was the keeper,
did he?

497
00:22:15,763 --> 00:22:18,123
What, the one in the big bright-red shirt
with gloves on

498
00:22:18,163 --> 00:22:20,003
leaping through the air like Superman?

499
00:22:20,043 --> 00:22:22,003
I think even Arsene Wenger
might have spotted that one.

500
00:22:22,043 --> 00:22:24,043
He was trying to even things up.

501
00:22:24,083 --> 00:22:25,483
Just cancel out Oggy's mistake.

502
00:22:25,523 --> 00:22:27,283
We are going to stand by him, aren't we?

503
00:22:27,323 --> 00:22:28,963
Well...like I say.

504
00:22:30,123 --> 00:22:31,603
He's fucked himself.

505
00:22:36,843 --> 00:22:38,483
They want to speak to you next, Phil.

506
00:22:40,283 --> 00:22:42,203
- Is Howard there?
- Yeah.

507
00:22:42,243 --> 00:22:43,963
And the police.

508
00:22:45,683 --> 00:22:47,403
It's a criminal matter now, apparently.

509
00:22:48,723 --> 00:22:50,123
Christ.

510
00:22:51,723 --> 00:22:53,603
Are the Qataris still here?

511
00:22:53,643 --> 00:22:56,003
You mean the Arabs?
I didn't see any.

512
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:57,563
Fuck's sake!

513
00:22:58,963 --> 00:23:01,003
If this costs me my World Cup spot...

514
00:23:02,123 --> 00:23:04,083
I've always liked you, Phil.

515
00:23:04,123 --> 00:23:05,443
You know that, don't you?

516
00:23:06,563 --> 00:23:09,123
Not in a Martin and Calvin kind of way,

517
00:23:09,163 --> 00:23:11,083
more like professional...

518
00:23:11,123 --> 00:23:13,123
...respect.

519
00:23:13,163 --> 00:23:15,283
You won't dob me in it, will you?

520
00:23:16,603 --> 00:23:18,323
Please.

521
00:23:26,763 --> 00:23:28,603
He's going to tell them everything,
isn't he?

522
00:23:28,643 --> 00:23:30,163
Course he is.

523
00:23:30,203 --> 00:23:33,403
He'll sing like a canary on  The X Factor
to save his own skin.

524
00:23:33,443 --> 00:23:35,883
You'd better get yourself a solicitor,
pal.

525
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:40,323
Whatever happened to, "What happens in
the refs' room stays in the refs' room"?

526
00:23:40,363 --> 00:23:41,803
Nah, different game now.

527
00:23:41,843 --> 00:23:43,883
You know when the rot set in?

528
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,603
When they started putting us
in coloured jerseys.

529
00:23:46,643 --> 00:23:47,723
Ugh!

530
00:23:47,763 --> 00:23:50,003
Back in the day
you were the Man in Black.

531
00:23:50,043 --> 00:23:53,523
- Big characters like George Courtney.
- Keith Hackett.

532
00:23:53,563 --> 00:23:55,203
Yes. Men to be feared.

533
00:23:55,243 --> 00:23:59,243
Then the television money came in
and they demanded more colour.

534
00:23:59,283 --> 00:24:01,483
Pinks, greens, burgundies.

535
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:05,443
We look more like Showaddywaddy
than football referees.

536
00:24:05,483 --> 00:24:07,683
Sports entertainment.

537
00:24:07,723 --> 00:24:10,483
No, it's all about the money now.

538
00:24:10,523 --> 00:24:12,283
As you well know, Oggy.

539
00:24:12,323 --> 00:24:15,003
And that 15 grand won't take you
very far through the courts.

540
00:24:16,323 --> 00:24:19,683
I don't even think it was
an Eastern betting syndicate.

541
00:24:19,723 --> 00:24:22,603
I think it was just one man
putting a voice on.

542
00:24:23,883 --> 00:24:27,843
Now I think of it, he sounded more
like Benny Hill doing Mr Chow Mein.

543
00:24:29,323 --> 00:24:31,963
All right, boss? How's your eye?
Looks painful.

544
00:24:32,003 --> 00:24:33,283
Yeah, stings a bit, you know.

545
00:24:34,923 --> 00:24:36,403
Where's Phil?

546
00:24:36,443 --> 00:24:39,123
Oh, he's... He's giving his statement
to...

547
00:24:39,163 --> 00:24:41,003
...to Howard and the police.

548
00:24:42,563 --> 00:24:44,683
Well, bang goes my pension, then, eh?

549
00:24:44,723 --> 00:24:46,483
I don't think they can, er,

550
00:24:46,523 --> 00:24:49,163
hold you entirely responsible, Martin.

551
00:24:49,203 --> 00:24:50,923
You did it in the spirit of fairness.

552
00:24:50,963 --> 00:24:52,323
No, I did it...

553
00:24:53,963 --> 00:24:55,123
I did it for love.

554
00:24:57,883 --> 00:24:59,203
Has Calvin been around?

555
00:24:59,243 --> 00:25:01,643
No. I believe his agent
whisked him away.

556
00:25:01,683 --> 00:25:03,243
He'll be wanting to get his side
of the story

557
00:25:03,283 --> 00:25:05,803
in the Sunday papers
before all the rumours start.

558
00:25:05,843 --> 00:25:07,083
Yeah, of course...

559
00:25:08,283 --> 00:25:09,283
He's a good lad.

560
00:25:12,683 --> 00:25:16,083
If there's any way of keeping my name
out of it, I'd appreciate it, boss.

561
00:25:16,123 --> 00:25:17,523
Oh, yeah, of course.

562
00:25:17,563 --> 00:25:19,483
Well, I'll do what I can.

563
00:25:21,203 --> 00:25:22,403
Thanks.

564
00:25:24,843 --> 00:25:26,723
Hey, er, give my love to the San Siro.

565
00:25:26,763 --> 00:25:28,003
Heh!

566
00:25:28,043 --> 00:25:30,603
- In bocca al lupo.
- (CHUCKLES)

567
00:25:30,643 --> 00:25:31,923
Good luck.

568
00:26:04,643 --> 00:26:06,163
(KNOCK AT DOOR)

569
00:26:06,203 --> 00:26:07,603
Come in.

570
00:26:10,123 --> 00:26:11,083
Hi.

571
00:26:12,923 --> 00:26:15,043
I just want to apologise about earlier,
you know.

572
00:26:15,083 --> 00:26:17,523
Things were said
in the heat of the moment.

573
00:26:17,563 --> 00:26:20,243
There's no hard feelings, Mitch, eh?
I understand.

574
00:26:20,283 --> 00:26:22,643
Get carried away, we do, don't we, eh?

575
00:26:22,683 --> 00:26:25,443
About 22 blokes chasing a pig's bladder
around a field.

576
00:26:25,483 --> 00:26:28,523
Well, the game's nothing without passion
and we should never apologise for that.

577
00:26:28,563 --> 00:26:29,563
Thanks. Er...

578
00:26:29,603 --> 00:26:31,803
Anyway, look,
I just wanted to let you know

579
00:26:31,843 --> 00:26:34,403
that the place is crawling
with press out there

580
00:26:34,443 --> 00:26:36,243
and they all want to talk to you.

581
00:26:36,283 --> 00:26:38,883
They're saying all sorts of nonsense
about you and young Calvin.

582
00:26:38,923 --> 00:26:40,523
I don't believe a word of it,
mind you, now,

583
00:26:40,563 --> 00:26:43,123
but when you leave, you know,
you ought to use the back entrance.

584
00:26:43,163 --> 00:26:44,843
Exit.

585
00:26:44,883 --> 00:26:46,363
That's the one. Not the...

586
00:26:46,403 --> 00:26:47,763
All right.

587
00:26:47,803 --> 00:26:49,203
Oh, er, hey!

588
00:26:49,243 --> 00:26:50,923
You're a City fan, aren't you?

589
00:26:50,963 --> 00:26:54,003
Er, yeah, yeah, for my sins.

590
00:26:54,043 --> 00:26:56,803
Well, if it's any consolation, you had
a good win today, you know, Preston.

591
00:26:56,843 --> 00:26:59,963
- 3-1.
- Oh, well. Every cloud, eh?

592
00:27:00,003 --> 00:27:01,803
They've also said
they're gonna dock us points,

593
00:27:01,843 --> 00:27:04,123
by the look of things,
because of all the fracas.

594
00:27:04,163 --> 00:27:06,123
- Oh, you think so?
- Well, you saw it out there.

595
00:27:06,163 --> 00:27:07,643
I mean, it was brutal.

596
00:27:07,683 --> 00:27:09,883
They're already calling it
"The War of Wallis Park".

597
00:27:09,923 --> 00:27:13,203
Gary Lineker, he's been on Twitter
saying that it would be morally wrong

598
00:27:13,243 --> 00:27:14,723
if we were promoted.

599
00:27:14,763 --> 00:27:16,483
Yeah, but he's into refugees
and all that malarkey.

600
00:27:16,523 --> 00:27:17,763
So he shouldn't be listened to, really.

601
00:27:17,803 --> 00:27:19,123
He's an interfering do-gooder.

602
00:27:19,163 --> 00:27:21,803
Yeah. Never professionally booked, though,
eh? That takes some restraint.

603
00:27:21,843 --> 00:27:23,563
You know what that means, though,
don't you? We get docked

604
00:27:23,603 --> 00:27:25,643
and we're gonna go down to third place.

605
00:27:25,683 --> 00:27:27,163
And that means you lot, City,

606
00:27:27,203 --> 00:27:29,443
you're gonna get promoted
instead of us, you know?

607
00:27:29,483 --> 00:27:31,403
£150 million quid right up the shitter!

608
00:27:31,443 --> 00:27:32,803
No offence.

609
00:27:32,843 --> 00:27:34,363
Well, that would be something.

610
00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:39,203
Anyway, you know, I just wanted
to say it's been a real pleasure

611
00:27:39,243 --> 00:27:40,723
to work with you over the years,

612
00:27:40,763 --> 00:27:42,523
and it's a shame it had to end like this,
really, isn't it, you know?

613
00:27:42,563 --> 00:27:44,203
Football, eh?

614
00:27:44,243 --> 00:27:45,683
Bloody hell.

615
00:27:45,723 --> 00:27:46,883
Oh, Mitch, can I ask you a question?

616
00:27:46,923 --> 00:27:48,723
Yeah. Yeah.

617
00:27:50,043 --> 00:27:51,803
What creature are you?

618
00:27:51,843 --> 00:27:53,163
What, this?

619
00:27:53,203 --> 00:27:54,883
Absolutely no idea.

620
00:27:57,323 --> 00:28:00,163
I know I look a right See You Next Tuesday
in it, but, er...

621
00:28:01,923 --> 00:28:03,643
...you do anything for your club,
don't you?

622
00:28:06,563 --> 00:28:08,843
I suppose you do, yeah.

623
00:28:26,243 --> 00:28:28,763
(CROWD ROARS)