1 00:00:47,891 --> 00:00:52,891 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull M_I_SForEver 2 00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:19,381 Tuesday, January 1st, 1856. 3 00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:29,859 Fair and very cold. 4 00:02:32,895 --> 00:02:34,764 This morning, 5 00:02:34,797 --> 00:02:37,666 ice in our bedroom for the first time all winter. 6 00:03:17,539 --> 00:03:18,975 The water froze on the potatoes 7 00:03:19,008 --> 00:03:20,710 as soon as they were washed. 8 00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:25,948 With little pride, and less hope, 9 00:03:27,049 --> 00:03:28,617 we begin the new year. 10 00:03:32,188 --> 00:03:33,322 On the porch after sunup, 11 00:03:33,356 --> 00:03:35,691 I could hear the low chirping of sparrows 12 00:03:35,725 --> 00:03:38,460 in the hedgerows that are now buried in the snow. 13 00:04:15,164 --> 00:04:18,566 Dyer has maintained that with good health, 14 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,236 and a level head, 15 00:04:20,269 --> 00:04:21,904 there is always an excellent chance 16 00:04:21,938 --> 00:04:23,605 for a farmer willing to work. 17 00:04:37,186 --> 00:04:40,622 He feels he can never fully rid himself of his burdens. 18 00:04:42,258 --> 00:04:45,761 And I'm certain that because his mind is in such a bad state, 19 00:04:45,795 --> 00:04:47,629 it affects his whole system. 20 00:05:15,224 --> 00:05:16,591 He told me this morning 21 00:05:16,624 --> 00:05:19,895 that contentment was like a friend he never gets to see. 22 00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:22,765 You're late with the milking. 23 00:05:22,798 --> 00:05:23,966 She wasn't suffering. 24 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,634 And you? 25 00:05:40,783 --> 00:05:44,086 Since our acquisition of this farm, 26 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,690 my husband had kept a ledger to help him see the year whole. 27 00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:51,659 This way he knows what each crop 28 00:05:51,694 --> 00:05:54,764 and field pays from year to year. 29 00:05:54,797 --> 00:05:58,034 And Dyer has asked me to keep a diary of matters 30 00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,602 that might otherwise go overlooked... 31 00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:06,674 From tools lent out to bills outstanding. 32 00:06:08,643 --> 00:06:10,079 That I have done. 33 00:06:12,715 --> 00:06:16,052 But there would be no record in these dull and simple pages 34 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,987 of the most passionate circumstances 35 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:19,621 of our seasons past. 36 00:06:22,657 --> 00:06:25,227 No record of our emotions or fears. 37 00:06:26,328 --> 00:06:27,963 Our greatest joys. 38 00:06:28,998 --> 00:06:30,933 Our most piercing sorrows. 39 00:06:41,010 --> 00:06:43,345 With our child, 40 00:06:43,379 --> 00:06:45,848 it was as if I'd found my bearings. 41 00:06:48,317 --> 00:06:51,253 But I too rarely told her that she was our treasure. 42 00:06:53,889 --> 00:06:54,957 Would you like to try? 43 00:06:58,727 --> 00:07:00,062 Like this, papa? 44 00:07:02,331 --> 00:07:03,365 That's it. 45 00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:08,337 She often seemed separate from us, 46 00:07:08,370 --> 00:07:12,007 as if she was working at just fitting in where she could. 47 00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:16,212 They saw his brothers and sisters 48 00:07:16,245 --> 00:07:18,214 and they were the mouse's family... 49 00:07:20,015 --> 00:07:21,684 There is something so affecting 50 00:07:21,717 --> 00:07:24,053 about mute and motionless grief and illness 51 00:07:24,086 --> 00:07:25,721 in a child so young. 52 00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:31,894 She put her arms around me and said nothing else. 53 00:07:36,465 --> 00:07:38,666 But it felt like we were speaking. 54 00:10:06,448 --> 00:10:08,550 I have become my grief. 55 00:10:13,889 --> 00:10:16,525 I have become my grief. 56 00:10:21,897 --> 00:10:24,166 "Welcome sweet day of rest", 57 00:10:24,199 --> 00:10:26,969 says the hymn. 58 00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:31,940 And Sunday is most welcome for its few hours of quiet ease. 59 00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:34,209 As for me. 60 00:10:35,210 --> 00:10:36,945 I no longer attend. 61 00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:41,116 After the calamity of Nellie's loss, 62 00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:44,320 what calm I enjoy 63 00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:47,856 does not derive from the notion of a better world to come. 64 00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:53,896 I want to purchase an atlas. 65 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:58,033 - It could be a bother. - No, no. No bother. 66 00:11:08,243 --> 00:11:09,244 Who is that? 67 00:11:10,179 --> 00:11:11,246 His name is Finney. 68 00:11:12,448 --> 00:11:15,184 - His wife Tallie. - Hyah! 69 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,318 I met them at the feed store. 70 00:11:16,352 --> 00:11:18,053 They seem to keep to themselves. 71 00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:22,224 They're renting the Zebrun farm. 72 00:11:36,939 --> 00:11:38,607 Monday, February 4th. 73 00:11:41,143 --> 00:11:43,112 Why is ink like fire? 74 00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:46,215 Because it is a good servant, 75 00:11:47,182 --> 00:11:48,685 and a hard master. 76 00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:55,924 Did you say something? 77 00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,095 I want to purchase an atlas. 78 00:12:07,669 --> 00:12:10,105 I suppose there are more frivolous purchases 79 00:12:10,139 --> 00:12:11,173 one could make. 80 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,314 I've saved 90 cents of my own. 81 00:12:19,348 --> 00:12:21,550 I can't imagine a better way to spend it. 82 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,356 Could buy your husband a gift. 83 00:12:32,161 --> 00:12:33,529 What better gift could I give him 84 00:12:33,562 --> 00:12:35,664 than a wife who is no longer a dullard? 85 00:12:41,036 --> 00:12:42,137 My self-education 86 00:12:42,171 --> 00:12:45,174 seems the only way to keep my unhappiness 87 00:12:45,207 --> 00:12:46,542 from overwhelming me. 88 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,349 Good afternoon. 89 00:14:04,186 --> 00:14:06,388 I've been using a broom on my porch. 90 00:14:06,421 --> 00:14:07,523 The snow is so dry. 91 00:14:10,526 --> 00:14:11,527 I'm Tallie. 92 00:14:13,529 --> 00:14:14,563 Abigail. 93 00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:19,568 I hope I'm not intruding. 94 00:14:20,269 --> 00:14:21,169 No. 95 00:14:21,203 --> 00:14:23,706 I just, I needed to get away for the day. 96 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,541 The farm is a slaughterhouse right now. 97 00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,209 My husband is killing his hogs. 98 00:14:32,514 --> 00:14:33,683 Would you like to come in? 99 00:14:34,751 --> 00:14:36,051 Yes, I'd love that. 100 00:14:39,889 --> 00:14:42,357 Or we could just stay out on the porch, shivering. 101 00:14:47,296 --> 00:14:48,597 I know it's the dullest of all things 102 00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:50,165 to have an ignorant neighbor come by 103 00:14:50,198 --> 00:14:51,768 and spoil a Sunday afternoon. 104 00:14:51,801 --> 00:14:53,635 Oh, no, you're the most welcome here. 105 00:14:53,669 --> 00:14:56,138 But I know the feeling. 106 00:14:56,171 --> 00:14:58,808 Sometimes, I imagine during the Widow Weldon's visits 107 00:14:58,841 --> 00:15:02,611 that I've been plunged up to my eyes in a vat of the prosaic. 108 00:15:02,644 --> 00:15:04,279 Oh, Widow Weldon! 109 00:15:04,313 --> 00:15:05,882 She got going on the county levy once... 110 00:15:05,915 --> 00:15:08,617 She saw I had noticed her hair, 111 00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:11,353 and admitted she had been vain about it as a girl. 112 00:15:11,386 --> 00:15:14,289 She said that back then, she'd worn it longer 113 00:15:14,323 --> 00:15:17,225 and plaited in a bun at the back of her head. 114 00:15:19,661 --> 00:15:22,598 In the winter sun through the window, 115 00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:25,500 her skin had an underflush of rose and violet 116 00:15:25,534 --> 00:15:29,338 which so disconcerted me that I had to look away. 117 00:15:34,209 --> 00:15:35,344 As always, 118 00:15:36,445 --> 00:15:38,213 when it came to speaking 119 00:15:38,246 --> 00:15:42,150 and attempting to engage another's affections, 120 00:15:42,184 --> 00:15:45,755 circumstances doomed me to striving and anxiety. 121 00:15:47,589 --> 00:15:51,728 From my earliest youth, I was like a pot-bound root, 122 00:15:51,761 --> 00:15:54,162 all curled in upon itself. 123 00:15:54,196 --> 00:15:56,365 I hope I'm not keeping you from something. 124 00:15:56,398 --> 00:15:57,399 No. 125 00:16:00,302 --> 00:16:01,503 I'm glad you've come. 126 00:16:03,605 --> 00:16:06,208 Finney saw your husband at the cooperage. 127 00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:08,644 He mentioned his new method for farrowing his piglets. 128 00:16:10,212 --> 00:16:12,782 With some asperity? 129 00:16:12,815 --> 00:16:15,350 My husband mentions everything with some asperity. 130 00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:19,488 I told him that once, 131 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:21,724 and... 132 00:16:21,758 --> 00:16:24,259 he observed in response that it seemed to be quite a favor 133 00:16:24,292 --> 00:16:25,762 to get a kind word from me. 134 00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:27,596 And I told him that if he was married to himself, 135 00:16:27,629 --> 00:16:29,665 he'd soon find out what a favor it was. 136 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,769 My mother always said that having children 137 00:16:32,802 --> 00:16:34,302 would resolve that dilemma. 138 00:16:35,437 --> 00:16:37,272 My mother made the same claim. 139 00:16:39,842 --> 00:16:40,877 And yet... 140 00:16:41,944 --> 00:16:43,245 Here we are... 141 00:16:44,613 --> 00:16:45,948 Both childless. 142 00:16:50,519 --> 00:16:52,755 My daughter, Nellie, would have been five today. 143 00:16:54,824 --> 00:16:56,793 Oh. 144 00:16:56,826 --> 00:16:58,193 How did she pass? 145 00:17:01,363 --> 00:17:02,765 Diphtheria. 146 00:17:02,799 --> 00:17:03,966 Last September. 147 00:17:05,935 --> 00:17:07,335 I'm so sorry. 148 00:17:15,011 --> 00:17:16,445 - Hello. - Oh. 149 00:17:16,913 --> 00:17:17,914 Good afternoon. 150 00:17:18,613 --> 00:17:19,614 I'm Dyer. 151 00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:21,918 Tallie. 152 00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:29,726 Oh, it's late, isn't it? I should be getting on. 153 00:17:31,728 --> 00:17:33,295 Don't go on my account. 154 00:17:33,328 --> 00:17:34,362 Oh, no. 155 00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:38,433 That's a nice wrap you have. 156 00:17:38,467 --> 00:17:40,268 Thank you. 157 00:17:40,302 --> 00:17:42,370 I never receive compliments for my clothes. 158 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,411 I'm so glad you've come. 159 00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:50,880 Meeting you has made my day. 160 00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:52,614 It has? 161 00:17:53,683 --> 00:17:55,383 Well... 162 00:17:55,417 --> 00:17:58,420 How pleasant and uncommon it is to make someone's day. 163 00:17:59,789 --> 00:18:02,657 Thursday, February 14th. 164 00:18:04,727 --> 00:18:06,796 Dyer's third night with the fever. 165 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:11,768 Drink this. 166 00:18:28,951 --> 00:18:30,953 I plan on getting sick more often. 167 00:18:32,822 --> 00:18:34,523 My wife smiles at me. 168 00:18:43,565 --> 00:18:45,300 Promise me you're not gonna die. 169 00:18:48,537 --> 00:18:50,907 That would be the opposite of my intention. 170 00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,748 I've restored him somewhat 171 00:18:58,781 --> 00:19:00,515 with an enema of molasses, 172 00:19:00,549 --> 00:19:02,051 warm water and lard. 173 00:19:03,753 --> 00:19:06,722 Also a drop of turpentine next to his nose. 174 00:19:09,992 --> 00:19:13,662 I spent the day reconsidering my conversation with Tallie. 175 00:19:15,664 --> 00:19:18,433 We compared childhood beds... 176 00:19:18,466 --> 00:19:19,568 Mine in which the straw 177 00:19:19,601 --> 00:19:22,705 was always breaking up and thinning out. 178 00:19:22,738 --> 00:19:25,942 And hers, which was as hard, she claimed, 179 00:19:25,975 --> 00:19:27,677 as the Pharaoh's heart. 180 00:19:31,781 --> 00:19:33,548 I should be taking care of you. 181 00:19:34,951 --> 00:19:35,952 I agree. 182 00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:47,830 Her manner is sweet and calm and gracious. 183 00:19:47,864 --> 00:19:49,765 And yet her spirits seem to quicken 184 00:19:49,799 --> 00:19:52,634 at the prospect of further conversation with me. 185 00:19:55,204 --> 00:19:57,539 I find that everything I wish to tell her 186 00:19:57,572 --> 00:20:00,408 loses its eloquence in her presence. 187 00:20:03,012 --> 00:20:05,647 So how did you come to meet Dyer? 188 00:20:05,681 --> 00:20:07,582 He was the oldest son of a neighbor. 189 00:20:07,616 --> 00:20:09,417 He helped out on my father's farm. 190 00:20:10,518 --> 00:20:12,654 And was he instantly smitten by you? 191 00:20:14,023 --> 00:20:15,157 He was, wasn't he? 192 00:20:15,191 --> 00:20:16,993 He was instantly smitten by you. 193 00:20:20,963 --> 00:20:25,667 He admired what he viewed as my practical good sense. 194 00:20:25,701 --> 00:20:29,138 You don't countenance words like "smitten", do you? 195 00:20:29,171 --> 00:20:31,473 I suspect I use all the same words you do. 196 00:20:31,506 --> 00:20:33,642 I suspect you don't. 197 00:20:33,675 --> 00:20:35,443 In speech, yes, because you're shy. 198 00:20:35,477 --> 00:20:37,179 But I bet you're more accomplished in your writing. 199 00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:43,853 Thank you. 200 00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:49,591 Your good sense, that's all your husband was smitten with? 201 00:20:52,594 --> 00:20:54,429 And my efficient habits. 202 00:20:55,563 --> 00:20:56,598 That's all? 203 00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:58,600 My handy ways. 204 00:21:02,838 --> 00:21:04,707 Dyer likes mechanical things. 205 00:21:07,176 --> 00:21:08,711 I have no doubt he would've been happier 206 00:21:08,744 --> 00:21:10,146 had he been allowed to pursue 207 00:21:10,179 --> 00:21:13,049 the natural scientific bent of his mind. 208 00:21:13,082 --> 00:21:15,217 Circumstances forced him into farming. 209 00:21:16,852 --> 00:21:20,222 And despite all of that, his heart compelled him to you? 210 00:21:23,625 --> 00:21:25,627 Well... 211 00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:28,663 You would have to ask him about that. 212 00:21:28,698 --> 00:21:30,532 And what would you say if I asked you? 213 00:21:40,743 --> 00:21:43,145 I suppose that as a suitor, he was... 214 00:21:44,246 --> 00:21:47,216 not generous, but he was just. 215 00:21:47,249 --> 00:21:50,552 And that he was affectionate, if not constant. 216 00:21:59,695 --> 00:22:01,629 I wasn't sure of his suitability. 217 00:22:06,035 --> 00:22:08,570 But my family felt that more improving 218 00:22:08,603 --> 00:22:09,671 might be in the offing. 219 00:22:11,841 --> 00:22:14,710 After all, it is a long lane that has no turning. 220 00:22:20,182 --> 00:22:22,852 You both have much to be thankful for. 221 00:22:25,855 --> 00:22:26,889 We do. 222 00:22:46,075 --> 00:22:47,309 It's still too soon. 223 00:22:50,980 --> 00:22:51,847 Sorry. 224 00:22:51,881 --> 00:22:54,884 Tuesday, February 19th. 225 00:23:02,892 --> 00:23:07,029 My reluctance seems to have become his shame. 226 00:23:07,063 --> 00:23:11,000 His nighttime pleasures, which were never numerous, 227 00:23:11,033 --> 00:23:13,769 have curtailed even more. 228 00:23:13,803 --> 00:23:17,639 And I have so far refused to engage his persistence 229 00:23:17,672 --> 00:23:19,641 on the subject of another child. 230 00:23:54,243 --> 00:23:55,244 Evening. 231 00:23:56,679 --> 00:23:58,013 This is my husband Finney. 232 00:23:58,047 --> 00:23:59,081 And you already know Dyer. 233 00:23:59,115 --> 00:24:00,149 Our paths have crossed. 234 00:24:00,182 --> 00:24:02,751 And this is the Abigail that I've been mentioning. 235 00:24:02,785 --> 00:24:04,820 My wife talks about you as if you're all about the house, 236 00:24:04,854 --> 00:24:06,055 and everything reminds her of you. 237 00:24:06,088 --> 00:24:09,091 Oh, well, it's all I can do but sit cross-legged and morose 238 00:24:09,125 --> 00:24:10,159 whenever she's away. 239 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,829 - Come in. - Thank you. 240 00:24:13,863 --> 00:24:16,631 The rain so heavy that it broke down our mill. 241 00:24:20,936 --> 00:24:21,971 Did you miss me? 242 00:24:23,205 --> 00:24:24,240 Yes. 243 00:24:25,808 --> 00:24:26,942 You look different. 244 00:24:28,210 --> 00:24:29,278 No... 245 00:24:32,448 --> 00:24:34,016 Finney seems agreeable. 246 00:24:36,919 --> 00:24:38,721 Yes, he is, when he chooses to be. 247 00:24:53,068 --> 00:24:55,237 I guess I'm supposed to offer a toast. 248 00:24:55,271 --> 00:24:56,505 But when it comes to the social graces, 249 00:24:56,539 --> 00:24:59,475 I'm about as smooth as coming down a rocky hill in the dark. 250 00:24:59,508 --> 00:25:01,210 What my husband means is he's so happy 251 00:25:01,243 --> 00:25:02,378 to finally get together, 252 00:25:02,411 --> 00:25:03,846 and to see Dyer again. 253 00:25:07,116 --> 00:25:08,184 Cheers. 254 00:25:10,252 --> 00:25:11,854 Part of what I value about my wife 255 00:25:11,887 --> 00:25:14,290 is how she taught me to associate with my fellow beings. 256 00:25:19,295 --> 00:25:21,397 Finney, that's a handsome neck tie you've chosen. 257 00:25:22,097 --> 00:25:23,199 Thank you. 258 00:25:23,232 --> 00:25:24,366 But with my neck, 259 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,102 my head sticks out like a chicken in a poultry wagon. 260 00:25:27,136 --> 00:25:28,470 Your tart was wonderfully savory. 261 00:25:28,504 --> 00:25:30,139 Oh, did you like it? I'm so glad. 262 00:25:30,172 --> 00:25:31,340 I was worried I wouldn't have enough eggs 263 00:25:31,373 --> 00:25:33,876 - because we had an accident. - Oh. 264 00:25:33,909 --> 00:25:36,745 My hired hand pulled down a box of eggs and broke two dozen. 265 00:25:36,779 --> 00:25:38,414 I announced that he was unlucky to eggs 266 00:25:38,447 --> 00:25:40,349 and no longer allowed to approach them. 267 00:25:40,382 --> 00:25:43,352 "Unlucky to eggs." I like that. 268 00:25:43,385 --> 00:25:46,021 I told him that his shirt had so many holes, 269 00:25:46,055 --> 00:25:47,790 he can make a necklace of it. 270 00:25:47,823 --> 00:25:50,993 Well, we often wish we could afford a hired hand. 271 00:25:51,026 --> 00:25:53,262 We've suffered a great deal from the carelessness of hired hands. 272 00:25:53,295 --> 00:25:55,297 Mr. Holt's hired hand is said to have swum his horse 273 00:25:55,331 --> 00:25:57,099 over the canal despite the cold. 274 00:25:57,132 --> 00:25:58,133 Really? 275 00:25:59,268 --> 00:26:00,936 Yes. 276 00:26:00,970 --> 00:26:02,137 Winter's been so hard, 277 00:26:02,171 --> 00:26:03,439 sometimes Mrs. Weldon's son 278 00:26:03,472 --> 00:26:06,075 has had to deliver the mail on skis. 279 00:26:06,108 --> 00:26:08,877 Now our letters can get lost at breakneck speed. 280 00:26:08,911 --> 00:26:11,146 Did you write letters to Tallie when you were courting? 281 00:26:12,481 --> 00:26:13,482 I did. 282 00:26:16,418 --> 00:26:17,820 And did Tallie keep them? 283 00:26:21,056 --> 00:26:22,524 Only Tallie knows for sure. 284 00:26:30,399 --> 00:26:33,068 Monday, February 25th. 285 00:26:45,014 --> 00:26:47,850 Finney and Tallie's bond confounds me. 286 00:26:49,551 --> 00:26:51,420 At times, when their eyes meet, 287 00:26:51,453 --> 00:26:56,025 they seem yoked in opposition to one another, 288 00:26:56,058 --> 00:26:59,261 while at other times, there seems a shared regard. 289 00:27:01,630 --> 00:27:03,565 There is something going on between us 290 00:27:03,599 --> 00:27:05,200 that I cannot unravel. 291 00:27:08,871 --> 00:27:09,872 Hold this here. 292 00:27:17,012 --> 00:27:18,047 Okay. 293 00:27:30,993 --> 00:27:31,994 Thank you. 294 00:27:57,619 --> 00:27:58,854 Hello, Dyer. 295 00:27:59,922 --> 00:28:00,923 Well, hello. 296 00:28:01,490 --> 00:28:03,058 You're off? 297 00:28:03,092 --> 00:28:04,293 Yes, to town. 298 00:28:05,594 --> 00:28:06,995 Have a good day. 299 00:28:07,963 --> 00:28:09,198 She'll be pleased to see you. 300 00:28:20,209 --> 00:28:21,477 Happy birthday! 301 00:28:24,279 --> 00:28:25,581 Brought you some things. 302 00:28:29,952 --> 00:28:31,053 Hand-knitted? 303 00:28:31,688 --> 00:28:33,188 I hoped you'd like them. 304 00:28:33,222 --> 00:28:34,256 I do. 305 00:28:41,296 --> 00:28:42,331 An Atlas! 306 00:28:47,569 --> 00:28:49,571 The United States of America. 307 00:28:53,075 --> 00:28:55,611 Oh and a little pot of apple sauce with an egg on top. 308 00:29:01,650 --> 00:29:03,185 My feet are freezing. 309 00:29:03,218 --> 00:29:04,486 Oh, let me warm them. 310 00:29:17,299 --> 00:29:18,300 How's Finney? 311 00:29:20,335 --> 00:29:21,336 He's Finney. 312 00:29:33,615 --> 00:29:34,684 Ah, it tickles. 313 00:29:44,694 --> 00:29:47,429 My husband records trespassers in his journals. 314 00:29:49,097 --> 00:29:50,666 And this morning, when I asked him 315 00:29:50,700 --> 00:29:52,334 what he intends to do about them, 316 00:29:52,367 --> 00:29:54,536 his response was so unpleasant that I... 317 00:29:55,738 --> 00:29:57,206 resolved to visit you... 318 00:29:59,308 --> 00:30:01,009 so that there would be something in my day 319 00:30:01,043 --> 00:30:02,377 other than his meanness. 320 00:30:06,215 --> 00:30:09,117 Dyer thinks he has many estimable qualities. 321 00:30:09,151 --> 00:30:10,352 He does. 322 00:30:10,385 --> 00:30:13,322 And he also uses a ledger to keep accounting of whom I visit 323 00:30:13,355 --> 00:30:14,523 and how long I stay. 324 00:30:14,556 --> 00:30:15,792 Why? 325 00:30:15,825 --> 00:30:17,359 I have no idea. 326 00:30:17,392 --> 00:30:18,795 As he's gotten more like this, 327 00:30:18,828 --> 00:30:20,629 I've given up trying to figure out 328 00:30:20,662 --> 00:30:22,664 all the peculiarities of his... 329 00:30:24,299 --> 00:30:25,601 odd little world. 330 00:30:29,605 --> 00:30:32,641 I suppose he's especially unhappy with me since... 331 00:30:34,676 --> 00:30:36,445 I'm yet to give him a child. 332 00:30:44,721 --> 00:30:46,255 What does it feel like? 333 00:30:48,524 --> 00:30:50,225 Like nothing at first. 334 00:30:51,326 --> 00:30:54,263 But then when she began to stir... 335 00:30:54,296 --> 00:30:56,532 it's like butterflies flapping their wings. 336 00:30:58,768 --> 00:31:01,303 Later, like a rabbit... 337 00:31:01,336 --> 00:31:03,205 when she kicked her legs at night. 338 00:31:06,675 --> 00:31:08,076 It frightens me. 339 00:31:13,750 --> 00:31:15,551 The thought of having none of that. 340 00:31:21,590 --> 00:31:22,725 And of giving birth. 341 00:31:23,793 --> 00:31:25,594 Most of us feel that way. 342 00:31:28,530 --> 00:31:29,531 But... 343 00:31:30,733 --> 00:31:34,102 when the time comes, I will be there... 344 00:31:34,136 --> 00:31:35,404 to guide you through it. 345 00:31:44,179 --> 00:31:45,614 Dyer must want another child. 346 00:31:52,621 --> 00:31:53,655 I understand. 347 00:32:29,558 --> 00:32:30,626 Birthday gifts. 348 00:32:42,972 --> 00:32:44,506 A box of raisins. 349 00:32:45,908 --> 00:32:47,777 That needle case you've been needing. 350 00:32:47,810 --> 00:32:49,378 And a tin of sardines. 351 00:32:50,278 --> 00:32:51,279 You spoil me. 352 00:32:53,916 --> 00:32:57,252 Oh, you got gifts from your new friend. 353 00:33:00,723 --> 00:33:02,190 She left hours ago. 354 00:33:05,293 --> 00:33:06,461 I just saw her leave. 355 00:33:16,438 --> 00:33:17,539 The great storm began 356 00:33:17,572 --> 00:33:20,977 with a faint groaning in the northeast. 357 00:33:21,010 --> 00:33:23,846 It was like a noise of a locomotive. 358 00:34:20,569 --> 00:34:21,603 Help! 359 00:34:59,008 --> 00:35:00,810 Come closer, girl. 360 00:35:00,843 --> 00:35:02,344 It's warmer over here. 361 00:35:23,465 --> 00:35:25,935 I'm sorry, I'll be going. 362 00:35:25,968 --> 00:35:27,302 You should wait it out. 363 00:35:37,113 --> 00:35:38,313 Come on, mare. 364 00:36:03,538 --> 00:36:04,841 Dyer! 365 00:36:13,883 --> 00:36:15,084 Dyer! 366 00:36:38,841 --> 00:36:40,142 Dyer! 367 00:37:00,229 --> 00:37:03,632 How long would it be before I receive word of Tallie? 368 00:37:05,835 --> 00:37:07,402 How long could I wait? 369 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,975 How long will the feed in the barn last? 370 00:37:16,112 --> 00:37:18,948 Each cow eats 26 pounds of forage every day. 371 00:37:20,116 --> 00:37:22,484 You should know that. 372 00:37:22,517 --> 00:37:26,022 They start to skinny down after three days. 373 00:37:26,055 --> 00:37:28,858 Heard the newspaper predicts the storm'll let up by then. 374 00:37:28,891 --> 00:37:30,126 But that's probably based on 375 00:37:30,159 --> 00:37:32,560 an expert's consultation of a goose bone. 376 00:37:44,173 --> 00:37:47,642 "In a real crisis of nature, we're all at another's mercy." 377 00:37:48,177 --> 00:37:49,211 Yes. 378 00:37:51,546 --> 00:37:52,547 My mother liked to say, 379 00:37:52,580 --> 00:37:55,217 "We tumble from one mortification to another." 380 00:38:02,158 --> 00:38:05,227 When I was seven, an earthquake knocked down our house and barn. 381 00:38:07,763 --> 00:38:08,764 Did I tell you? 382 00:38:09,765 --> 00:38:10,800 Never. 383 00:38:12,001 --> 00:38:13,736 - An earthquake? - Yes. 384 00:38:16,638 --> 00:38:18,506 I remember something woke me before dawn. 385 00:38:18,540 --> 00:38:19,742 I don't know what. 386 00:38:21,844 --> 00:38:23,179 My father was calling out. 387 00:38:26,082 --> 00:38:29,651 But I couldn't tear myself away from the window. 388 00:38:29,685 --> 00:38:33,990 I saw birds fluttering in the air, afraid to set down. 389 00:38:34,023 --> 00:38:36,558 The river was roiling, and I couldn't move. 390 00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:39,594 And then... 391 00:38:44,333 --> 00:38:47,837 Finally, I jumped down to our collapsed stairwell, 392 00:38:49,972 --> 00:38:51,874 as all my brothers had done before me. 393 00:38:51,907 --> 00:38:54,243 And we all huddled together in the dark on the porch. 394 00:39:04,652 --> 00:39:06,088 Later, my mother said 395 00:39:06,122 --> 00:39:08,924 that the dread never fully went away after that. 396 00:39:13,628 --> 00:39:16,132 She said, "What was safe if the solid earth could do that?" 397 00:39:19,368 --> 00:39:23,105 Mother. 398 00:39:41,724 --> 00:39:43,325 Tallie! You're frozen! 399 00:39:48,898 --> 00:39:51,767 Tallie! Stay awake! Stay awake! 400 00:39:51,801 --> 00:39:53,769 Open your eyes! Open your eyes! 401 00:39:59,175 --> 00:40:00,176 Keep your eyes open! 402 00:40:01,043 --> 00:40:02,044 Keep your eyes open! 403 00:40:03,913 --> 00:40:05,147 Look at me. 404 00:40:07,283 --> 00:40:09,018 I would die without you. 405 00:40:16,258 --> 00:40:17,726 Then you're safe. 406 00:40:19,829 --> 00:40:21,063 Because I am here. 407 00:40:23,165 --> 00:40:25,267 Monday, March 17th. 408 00:40:41,450 --> 00:40:44,353 Half the chickens are lost. 409 00:40:44,386 --> 00:40:47,990 I dug ice and snow from their dead open mouths 410 00:40:48,023 --> 00:40:50,658 in an attempt to revive them. 411 00:41:23,993 --> 00:41:25,027 Hobnails... 412 00:41:26,328 --> 00:41:27,730 For better traction. 413 00:41:31,033 --> 00:41:33,135 The Widow Weldon's son, on his rounds, 414 00:41:33,169 --> 00:41:36,238 reported that Tallie had gotten home safely, 415 00:41:36,272 --> 00:41:39,074 with, he thought, only a bit of frostbite. 416 00:41:39,108 --> 00:41:41,243 We haven't seen your friend down the lane for a while. 417 00:41:42,278 --> 00:41:44,280 Finney took her to Oneonta. 418 00:41:48,050 --> 00:41:50,085 So everything is tedious and lonesome? 419 00:41:51,387 --> 00:41:53,756 Thursday, April 10th. 420 00:41:57,993 --> 00:42:00,329 Biscuits and dried mackerel for breakfast. 421 00:42:02,231 --> 00:42:04,900 Dyer has augmented the padding in the cattle pens 422 00:42:04,934 --> 00:42:07,836 with his hoardings of maple leaves and old straw. 423 00:42:09,872 --> 00:42:12,274 It always seems that Tallie will never appear. 424 00:42:14,043 --> 00:42:16,912 But I remind myself that time and the needle wear 425 00:42:16,946 --> 00:42:18,447 through the longest morning. 426 00:42:20,049 --> 00:42:22,384 And I have noted that when she does arrive, 427 00:42:24,019 --> 00:42:27,323 my heart is like a leaf borne over a rock 428 00:42:27,356 --> 00:42:29,458 by rapidly moving water. 429 00:42:50,479 --> 00:42:51,547 Hello. Oh! 430 00:42:51,580 --> 00:42:53,482 Oh! Careful. 431 00:42:55,584 --> 00:42:58,254 Stay. Sit, sit. 432 00:43:05,194 --> 00:43:07,997 Saturday, April 12th. 433 00:43:08,030 --> 00:43:11,367 - I spent the last two days... - Very damp, cloudy and cool. 434 00:43:12,534 --> 00:43:14,203 Smoky. 435 00:43:14,236 --> 00:43:16,905 Perhaps the forest is somewhere on fire. 436 00:43:19,408 --> 00:43:22,044 Your nose is being gracious. 437 00:43:22,077 --> 00:43:25,114 Monday, April 14th. 438 00:43:25,147 --> 00:43:27,883 A terribly bad spring so far, 439 00:43:27,916 --> 00:43:30,219 but the clover has come up through it, 440 00:43:30,252 --> 00:43:31,487 and is all right. 441 00:43:33,422 --> 00:43:34,423 And how's Finney? 442 00:43:35,591 --> 00:43:37,126 The soul of patience. 443 00:43:38,494 --> 00:43:41,363 He's mentioning again the idea of migrating west. 444 00:43:44,099 --> 00:43:45,801 You're planning on moving west? 445 00:43:46,869 --> 00:43:49,038 Perhaps. 446 00:43:49,071 --> 00:43:53,342 I had an uncle who moved to Ohio and came to a desperate end. 447 00:43:53,375 --> 00:43:55,878 Which is what one might expect from Ohio. 448 00:43:57,913 --> 00:44:00,015 - Tomorrow? - Hm. 449 00:44:05,087 --> 00:44:08,157 Thursday, April 17th. 450 00:44:08,190 --> 00:44:11,527 Rain in torrents nearly all night. 451 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:15,097 The lane is flooded and the ditches brim full. 452 00:44:15,130 --> 00:44:18,167 This morning, only a slight shower. 453 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:21,070 Tallie came later than her usual time today. 454 00:44:22,338 --> 00:44:24,239 She offered no explanation. 455 00:44:47,463 --> 00:44:52,034 I'm sorry that your childhood was anything less than joyous. 456 00:44:52,067 --> 00:44:53,402 Joyous it was not. 457 00:44:54,570 --> 00:44:56,271 But I made my own happinesses. 458 00:44:59,375 --> 00:45:02,611 My husband says, "God puts heavy stones in your path, 459 00:45:02,644 --> 00:45:04,279 it's up to us to step over them." 460 00:45:07,015 --> 00:45:09,051 Stones are what the fortunate receive. 461 00:45:10,352 --> 00:45:14,289 My mother's mother was born in 1780 462 00:45:14,323 --> 00:45:16,158 right here in Schoharie County. 463 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,662 I often wonder at the courage 464 00:45:20,697 --> 00:45:22,631 and the resourcefulness of those women. 465 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,569 Imagine faring forth into a wilderness, 466 00:45:27,603 --> 00:45:30,139 hoping to build the foundations of a home. 467 00:45:34,476 --> 00:45:37,379 Maybe they had a certain high hopefulness that we don't have. 468 00:45:46,188 --> 00:45:47,222 When can you come? 469 00:45:48,424 --> 00:45:49,458 Tuesday. 470 00:45:56,265 --> 00:45:57,399 - Hello, Tallie! - Good day. 471 00:45:57,433 --> 00:45:59,301 Was your afternoon gladsome? 472 00:45:59,334 --> 00:46:00,402 Yes, it was, very. 473 00:46:03,572 --> 00:46:05,307 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 474 00:46:10,412 --> 00:46:12,347 I felt, 475 00:46:12,381 --> 00:46:15,050 looking at her expression, 476 00:46:15,083 --> 00:46:18,987 as if she were in full sail on a flood tide, 477 00:46:19,021 --> 00:46:21,457 while I bobbed along down backwards. 478 00:46:22,324 --> 00:46:24,126 And yet, 479 00:46:24,159 --> 00:46:27,396 I never say on her countenance the indifference 480 00:46:27,429 --> 00:46:30,466 of fortunate towards the less fortunate. 481 00:47:02,564 --> 00:47:03,565 Good day. 482 00:47:04,333 --> 00:47:05,400 Good day. 483 00:47:05,434 --> 00:47:06,435 Are you sick, too? 484 00:47:07,469 --> 00:47:08,504 Not at all. 485 00:47:09,638 --> 00:47:11,306 I was hoping to compare colds. 486 00:47:12,809 --> 00:47:14,209 I'll make you tea and honey? 487 00:47:40,636 --> 00:47:41,670 What? 488 00:47:44,139 --> 00:47:45,107 Every morning I wake up 489 00:47:45,140 --> 00:47:47,810 and I think that I never want to be far from you. 490 00:47:58,287 --> 00:48:00,455 And under your influence, since you're so good with words, 491 00:48:00,489 --> 00:48:01,557 I've composed a poem. 492 00:48:04,761 --> 00:48:07,429 It's entitled... 493 00:48:07,462 --> 00:48:09,464 "Oh, Sick and Miserable Heart, Be Still." 494 00:48:17,439 --> 00:48:18,841 When I was a little girl, 495 00:48:18,875 --> 00:48:20,843 I thought I could cultivate my intellect 496 00:48:20,877 --> 00:48:23,145 and do something for the world. 497 00:48:25,915 --> 00:48:30,485 But my life has surprised me by being far more ordinary. 498 00:48:36,258 --> 00:48:37,426 You're talking about that moment 499 00:48:37,459 --> 00:48:41,296 that I have dreamed about, when we're carried in triumph 500 00:48:41,330 --> 00:48:44,566 for having done something wonderful or received at home 501 00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:48,170 with tears and shouts of joy. 502 00:48:48,203 --> 00:48:49,404 Do you know what I wonder? 503 00:49:00,515 --> 00:49:02,685 Is it possible... 504 00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,654 that such a moment hasn't yet come for either of us? 505 00:49:08,390 --> 00:49:09,692 I think it has. 506 00:49:13,696 --> 00:49:14,831 Or that it could. 507 00:49:15,464 --> 00:49:16,465 You do. 508 00:49:18,567 --> 00:49:19,601 So what do you think? 509 00:49:21,303 --> 00:49:22,504 What do you think about us? 510 00:49:27,442 --> 00:49:29,311 I don't know how to put it into words. 511 00:49:29,344 --> 00:49:30,345 Well, try. 512 00:49:32,581 --> 00:49:34,182 - I have tried. - Well, try again. 513 00:49:34,216 --> 00:49:35,450 What do you imagine? 514 00:49:41,691 --> 00:49:43,358 I imagine that I love 515 00:49:43,392 --> 00:49:46,461 how our encircling feelings leave nothing out... 516 00:49:48,463 --> 00:49:49,932 for us to want or seek. 517 00:49:54,771 --> 00:49:56,505 I've presumed too much. 518 00:50:06,749 --> 00:50:09,384 It's been my experience that it's not always those 519 00:50:09,418 --> 00:50:13,588 who show the least who actually feel the least. 520 00:50:21,663 --> 00:50:23,498 Just my dog's toenails on the wood. 521 00:50:44,586 --> 00:50:46,856 Why didn't you do what you attempted to do? 522 00:51:27,362 --> 00:51:28,865 I worry you'll catch my cold. 523 00:51:31,533 --> 00:51:33,703 You smell like a biscuit. 524 00:51:41,476 --> 00:51:42,845 I have to go home. 525 00:52:02,799 --> 00:52:04,767 Astonishment and joy. 526 00:52:12,842 --> 00:52:14,977 Astonishment and joy. 527 00:52:26,488 --> 00:52:28,758 Astonishment and joy. 528 00:52:53,182 --> 00:52:55,650 You haven't accomplished any of your responsibilities. 529 00:52:58,087 --> 00:53:01,090 - Do you need assistance? - No, I don't think so. 530 00:53:15,137 --> 00:53:17,106 So it's a cold plate for supper tonight? 531 00:53:27,850 --> 00:53:29,018 I'll milk the cows. 532 00:54:07,023 --> 00:54:08,824 Friday, May 30th. 533 00:54:11,493 --> 00:54:13,628 The sunshine streaming through the branches 534 00:54:13,662 --> 00:54:16,999 makes a tremendous farrago of light and shade. 535 00:54:23,706 --> 00:54:27,609 We hold our friendship between us and study it, 536 00:54:29,178 --> 00:54:32,682 as if it were the incomplete map of our escape. 537 00:54:42,158 --> 00:54:43,693 When the day is done, 538 00:54:44,827 --> 00:54:46,262 my mind turns to her, 539 00:54:46,295 --> 00:54:48,630 and I think, with a special heat, 540 00:54:50,700 --> 00:54:52,868 "Why are we to be separated?" 541 00:55:15,557 --> 00:55:17,960 Your smile stopped. Is it meant for someone else? 542 00:55:17,994 --> 00:55:19,695 Sorry, my mind was elsewhere. 543 00:55:25,234 --> 00:55:27,602 We need calico and buttons and shoe thread. 544 00:55:32,942 --> 00:55:35,244 Am I troubling you, sitting here with you like this? 545 00:55:36,912 --> 00:55:37,947 Not at all. 546 00:55:43,953 --> 00:55:45,087 I may be late coming to it, 547 00:55:45,121 --> 00:55:47,156 but I've learned consideration of others. 548 00:55:50,159 --> 00:55:52,061 I've learned the need for human sympathy 549 00:55:53,829 --> 00:55:55,197 and the unfulfilled want of it. 550 00:55:57,166 --> 00:55:59,101 I feel I've provided you with sympathy. 551 00:56:02,071 --> 00:56:03,571 I suppose that's so. 552 00:56:20,056 --> 00:56:21,190 The smile returns. 553 00:56:29,365 --> 00:56:30,665 Good day. 554 00:56:44,046 --> 00:56:48,317 Oh. 555 00:56:48,350 --> 00:56:50,618 I believe that intimacy increases goodwill. 556 00:56:51,353 --> 00:56:53,621 And if that's the case, 557 00:56:53,655 --> 00:56:54,990 then every minute we spend together 558 00:56:55,024 --> 00:56:56,926 will make us more cheerful workers. 559 00:56:59,695 --> 00:57:01,263 Won't our farms benefit from that? 560 00:57:02,731 --> 00:57:03,799 Won't our husbands? 561 00:57:07,036 --> 00:57:08,871 All our burdens will be lightened. 562 00:57:35,264 --> 00:57:39,034 When she left, I was like a skiff at sea 563 00:57:39,068 --> 00:57:42,037 with neither hand nor helm to guide it. 564 00:57:44,874 --> 00:57:47,276 They're cleaning out the drain under the street along the fork. 565 00:57:50,746 --> 00:57:52,748 And several people are down with fever. 566 00:57:58,454 --> 00:58:01,323 Holt came by to hang the bacon. 567 00:58:01,357 --> 00:58:04,093 He still hasn't recovered from being beaten by two strangers. 568 00:58:05,427 --> 00:58:08,797 He had to be hauled to his home in his cart. 569 00:58:08,831 --> 00:58:10,733 He said the men who did it were gonna kill him, 570 00:58:10,766 --> 00:58:13,169 and then realized they were mistaken as to who he was. 571 00:58:13,202 --> 00:58:14,837 Lately, it seems like all you talk about 572 00:58:14,870 --> 00:58:16,338 are highwaymen and house breakers. 573 00:58:23,746 --> 00:58:25,447 On the contrary, 574 00:58:25,481 --> 00:58:27,383 I often defer to your sensitivities. 575 00:58:29,451 --> 00:58:30,920 And I haven't even told you about 576 00:58:30,953 --> 00:58:32,488 all the reports in the county of men 577 00:58:32,521 --> 00:58:35,124 who've poisoned and killed their wives 578 00:58:35,157 --> 00:58:37,293 because I haven't found it a fitting subject for supper. 579 00:58:41,130 --> 00:58:43,232 "Killed their wives," he used those words? 580 00:58:43,265 --> 00:58:44,800 Mm-hm. those words. 581 00:58:46,268 --> 00:58:48,837 Have you had any disagreements? 582 00:58:48,871 --> 00:58:51,173 Yes, about my wifely duties. 583 00:58:51,207 --> 00:58:53,709 I told him that I was opposed to it, that I was not willing. 584 00:58:56,445 --> 00:58:57,813 And he accepted that? 585 00:58:59,215 --> 00:59:01,116 Well, he hasn't touched me since, so... 586 00:59:13,128 --> 00:59:14,797 But I made myself feel better... 587 00:59:16,131 --> 00:59:17,399 by composing a poem. 588 00:59:19,101 --> 00:59:20,502 Can I read you the opening stanza? 589 00:59:22,037 --> 00:59:23,539 You can read me the entire poem. 590 00:59:23,572 --> 00:59:25,507 No, I'll start with the opening stanza. 591 00:59:32,147 --> 00:59:33,916 "I love flowering gardens. 592 00:59:34,516 --> 00:59:36,819 I love creeping plants. 593 00:59:36,852 --> 00:59:39,021 I love walking in the air, 594 00:59:39,054 --> 00:59:40,823 but I fear swarming ants." 595 00:59:45,928 --> 00:59:47,997 I don't think I can support the rhyme. 596 00:59:53,102 --> 00:59:54,903 You see why I didn't read the whole thing? 597 00:59:55,971 --> 00:59:57,373 I'm sorry. 598 00:59:57,406 --> 00:59:59,842 I've always been contrary and maladroit. 599 01:00:06,115 --> 01:00:07,950 Earlier, I... I felt that... 600 01:00:10,185 --> 01:00:14,089 whenever I would draw close to you, you would retreat, 601 01:00:14,123 --> 01:00:16,492 and that, if I kept still, you would return 602 01:00:16,525 --> 01:00:19,428 but you'd stay at a distance, like those sparrows 603 01:00:19,461 --> 01:00:22,431 that stay in the farmyard and won't come into the house. 604 01:00:23,966 --> 01:00:27,002 - That's not how I feel. - How do you feel, then? 605 01:00:27,036 --> 01:00:28,937 When I was in school, 606 01:00:28,971 --> 01:00:30,606 the teacher had me read "Cordelia" 607 01:00:30,639 --> 01:00:32,207 to an older boy's "King Lear." 608 01:00:33,642 --> 01:00:34,543 Near the end of the play, 609 01:00:34,576 --> 01:00:37,579 the king and his daughter are imprisoned, 610 01:00:37,613 --> 01:00:39,815 but he views it in a positive way. 611 01:00:41,350 --> 01:00:44,119 "Come, let's away to prison," he says. 612 01:00:46,055 --> 01:00:49,458 "We two alone shall sing like birds in a cage." 613 01:00:50,559 --> 01:00:51,593 Imprisoned... 614 01:00:54,196 --> 01:00:55,497 In a positive way? 615 01:00:56,965 --> 01:01:00,469 Well, maybe that one has to read the entire play. 616 01:01:00,502 --> 01:01:02,504 It may be only in plays where people 617 01:01:02,538 --> 01:01:05,474 are imprisoned in a positive way. 618 01:01:05,507 --> 01:01:08,143 You don't think there's a cage that could work to our benefit? 619 01:01:14,283 --> 01:01:15,384 I just... 620 01:01:20,022 --> 01:01:21,223 I only know that... 621 01:01:24,193 --> 01:01:25,627 I've never liked cages. 622 01:01:45,447 --> 01:01:48,951 I hope you had a good afternoon in Shangri-La or Timbuktu, 623 01:01:48,984 --> 01:01:50,152 wherever it is you've been. 624 01:01:50,185 --> 01:01:52,054 I had a busy afternoon, yes. 625 01:01:52,087 --> 01:01:53,355 I would think. 626 01:01:53,389 --> 01:01:55,391 Five hours you've been gone. 627 01:01:55,424 --> 01:01:56,558 I went to the drapers. 628 01:01:56,592 --> 01:01:59,027 I couldn't find anything I liked. 629 01:01:59,061 --> 01:02:00,963 Then I stopped by the tinker for a sack of coffee, 630 01:02:00,996 --> 01:02:03,599 but he's now asking 60 cents, and I only had 50. 631 01:02:03,632 --> 01:02:05,567 Then I thought I would buy you a treat of some kind, 632 01:02:05,601 --> 01:02:07,302 but Mr. Arnolds reminded me 633 01:02:07,336 --> 01:02:09,204 that I still owed for my last transactions so... 634 01:02:11,106 --> 01:02:12,975 I was forced to close up my purse. 635 01:02:15,511 --> 01:02:17,312 Tell me everything about your day. 636 01:02:17,346 --> 01:02:18,447 Don't hold anything back. 637 01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:21,550 You're not interested in how your wife spends her time. 638 01:02:21,583 --> 01:02:23,552 I don't feel I have a wife. 639 01:02:23,585 --> 01:02:26,488 I feel I have a selfish whore who... 640 01:02:26,522 --> 01:02:28,991 who'd rather wander off to another man's house 641 01:02:29,024 --> 01:02:30,426 than contribute any labor. 642 01:02:35,297 --> 01:02:37,132 Well, Dyer was off in the fields, 643 01:02:37,166 --> 01:02:39,334 and her house is on the way back home, so... 644 01:02:41,403 --> 01:02:42,971 So it's just Abigail and you 645 01:02:43,005 --> 01:02:45,441 tittering and gossiping away the hours? 646 01:02:45,474 --> 01:02:48,577 Enjoying each other's company. 647 01:02:48,610 --> 01:02:52,047 I have certain expectations, and you have certain duties. 648 01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:55,017 We've talked all night and day about your expectations. 649 01:02:57,419 --> 01:02:58,755 I will not stay with a woman 650 01:02:58,788 --> 01:03:01,056 if it continually requires contention. 651 01:03:01,089 --> 01:03:03,525 Well, then you shouldn't stay with me, should you? 652 01:03:03,559 --> 01:03:05,294 Don't ask for more than you can handle. 653 01:03:14,069 --> 01:03:17,506 Sunday, June 8th. 654 01:03:17,539 --> 01:03:21,109 All afternoon, a hawk has been using a single cloud above us 655 01:03:21,143 --> 01:03:23,011 as its own parasol. 656 01:03:39,094 --> 01:03:41,263 To ward off others of its kind. 657 01:03:55,611 --> 01:03:59,581 Our whole house now seems both angry and repentant. 658 01:04:03,285 --> 01:04:04,453 God help us. 659 01:04:32,281 --> 01:04:35,384 When three days went by without a word from her, 660 01:04:35,417 --> 01:04:38,520 I stole over to her house to look on her 661 01:04:38,554 --> 01:04:40,289 from what I imagined to be 662 01:04:40,322 --> 01:04:42,391 a vantage point of perfect safety. 663 01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:54,503 By turning the lens piece, I could draw her face nearer, 664 01:04:54,536 --> 01:04:58,140 and hold it there until she turned away. 665 01:04:58,173 --> 01:05:00,676 Her image provoked a sensation in me 666 01:05:00,710 --> 01:05:03,312 like the violence that sends a floating branch 667 01:05:03,345 --> 01:05:06,348 far out over a waterfall's precipice 668 01:05:06,381 --> 01:05:08,317 before it plummets. 669 01:05:22,197 --> 01:05:25,334 "For the wife does not have the authority over her own body, 670 01:05:25,367 --> 01:05:26,401 but the husband does. 671 01:05:26,435 --> 01:05:27,837 Do not deprive one another, 672 01:05:27,870 --> 01:05:29,671 so that Satan may not tempt you 673 01:05:29,706 --> 01:05:31,874 because of your lack of self-control." 674 01:05:31,908 --> 01:05:35,510 Ephesians 5:33. "Submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord..." 675 01:05:35,544 --> 01:05:37,613 Monday, June 9th. 676 01:05:53,796 --> 01:05:55,230 Merciful father... 677 01:05:56,799 --> 01:05:59,234 Turn the channel of events. 678 01:06:12,715 --> 01:06:15,685 Wednesday, June 11th. 679 01:06:19,922 --> 01:06:23,191 Dyer has been silent all day, 680 01:06:23,225 --> 01:06:25,695 and I was happy to be left in my solitude. 681 01:06:39,909 --> 01:06:40,943 Hello! 682 01:06:42,011 --> 01:06:43,880 Tallie... 683 01:06:43,913 --> 01:06:45,414 We haven't seen you for days. 684 01:06:47,315 --> 01:06:48,350 Have you been ill? 685 01:06:50,285 --> 01:06:51,688 - Nothing serious, I hope. - Ho! 686 01:06:54,523 --> 01:06:55,590 She's been under the weather. 687 01:06:57,459 --> 01:07:00,395 - Good afternoon. - Good afternoon. 688 01:07:00,429 --> 01:07:03,565 We want to invite you to dinner again this Saturday next. 689 01:07:03,598 --> 01:07:06,535 But it's our turn. We should be feasting you. 690 01:07:06,568 --> 01:07:08,470 In the meantime, please be our guests. 691 01:07:09,939 --> 01:07:10,940 We'd love to. 692 01:07:11,606 --> 01:07:12,641 Six? 693 01:07:13,675 --> 01:07:15,277 - Six it is. - Hup! 694 01:07:33,361 --> 01:07:34,997 My mother once told me in a fury 695 01:07:35,031 --> 01:07:36,933 when I was a little girl 696 01:07:36,966 --> 01:07:38,868 that my father asked nothing of her 697 01:07:38,901 --> 01:07:41,037 except that she work in the garden, 698 01:07:41,070 --> 01:07:43,806 harvest the produce, preserve the fruit, 699 01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,508 tend the poultry, milk the cows, 700 01:07:46,541 --> 01:07:48,343 manage the household duties, 701 01:07:48,376 --> 01:07:50,947 and help out in the fields when needed. 702 01:07:50,980 --> 01:07:52,782 She said she appeared in his ledger 703 01:07:52,815 --> 01:07:55,250 only when she purchased a dress. 704 01:07:56,651 --> 01:07:57,987 Am I anywhere in there? 705 01:08:01,490 --> 01:08:04,359 I'm recording spring expenses. 706 01:08:04,392 --> 01:08:06,595 And how have things changed? 707 01:08:06,628 --> 01:08:08,563 Daughters are married off so young 708 01:08:08,597 --> 01:08:11,901 that everywhere you look a slender and unwilling girl 709 01:08:11,934 --> 01:08:14,837 is being forced to stem a sea of tribulations 710 01:08:14,871 --> 01:08:17,472 before she is even full-grown in height. 711 01:08:21,409 --> 01:08:22,577 That's its purpose! 712 01:08:41,731 --> 01:08:42,765 Come on. Come on. 713 01:08:50,706 --> 01:08:51,808 Morning. 714 01:09:09,025 --> 01:09:10,092 Morning, Jim. 715 01:09:10,927 --> 01:09:12,594 Morning, ma'am. 716 01:09:12,627 --> 01:09:13,830 I've got a new book for you. 717 01:09:13,863 --> 01:09:15,397 Do you know, I'd actually like to see 718 01:09:15,430 --> 01:09:17,066 that blue dress you have there. 719 01:09:17,099 --> 01:09:18,366 All right, lady. 720 01:09:22,972 --> 01:09:24,040 Over here! 721 01:09:34,817 --> 01:09:35,985 It's two and a half. 722 01:09:37,987 --> 01:09:39,055 I'll take it. 723 01:10:10,786 --> 01:10:11,888 My change? 724 01:10:17,525 --> 01:10:18,560 Thank you. 725 01:10:20,495 --> 01:10:23,032 The Mannings' oldest daughter tipped over an oil lamp 726 01:10:23,065 --> 01:10:24,834 and it set the house ablaze. 727 01:10:24,867 --> 01:10:26,568 - Fire! - Ho! Ho! 728 01:10:28,170 --> 01:10:29,571 - Fire! - Before she was driven 729 01:10:29,604 --> 01:10:31,841 from the house by the flames, 730 01:10:31,874 --> 01:10:33,943 she heard calls from her sister, 731 01:10:33,976 --> 01:10:35,978 who was trapped in the upper loft. 732 01:10:48,623 --> 01:10:50,159 Get her out of there. 733 01:10:55,798 --> 01:10:57,733 Cassie! 734 01:11:08,210 --> 01:11:09,712 Get her out! 735 01:11:14,283 --> 01:11:15,617 Get her out! 736 01:11:38,140 --> 01:11:41,643 Your wife is to be commended on her hospitality and cooking. 737 01:11:46,182 --> 01:11:47,984 I can recall the day... 738 01:11:48,017 --> 01:11:50,552 No, thank you. 739 01:11:50,585 --> 01:11:55,725 ...when every family was fed, clothed, shot, sheltered, 740 01:11:55,758 --> 01:11:57,960 and warmed from the products a good wife 741 01:11:57,994 --> 01:11:59,895 gathered within her own fence line. 742 01:12:02,198 --> 01:12:04,800 I heard down by the loggers that Mrs. Mannings' oldest 743 01:12:04,834 --> 01:12:07,303 got fiercely burned in the house fire. 744 01:12:07,336 --> 01:12:09,205 - Cassie. - And died. 745 01:12:10,605 --> 01:12:12,507 Yes, she did. 746 01:12:14,676 --> 01:12:16,012 Well, as my father used to say, 747 01:12:17,246 --> 01:12:19,115 "The supreme disposer of all events 748 01:12:19,148 --> 01:12:21,751 does sometimes disappoint our earthly hopes." 749 01:12:27,156 --> 01:12:29,225 What a marvelous hanging lamp. 750 01:12:29,258 --> 01:12:31,227 Finney purchased it so that everyone could read 751 01:12:31,260 --> 01:12:33,229 with equal ease around the room. 752 01:12:33,262 --> 01:12:35,097 I wasn't brought up to read over much, 753 01:12:37,066 --> 01:12:39,268 but I do believe a father should give his children 754 01:12:39,301 --> 01:12:41,804 every chance to improve. 755 01:12:41,837 --> 01:12:43,906 Children being a sore point in this household. 756 01:12:46,809 --> 01:12:47,977 And yours, I'd expect. 757 01:12:51,914 --> 01:12:53,249 You'll have to forgive my husband. 758 01:12:58,020 --> 01:13:00,189 Even so, 759 01:13:00,222 --> 01:13:02,291 whatever misfortunes arrive at my doorstep, 760 01:13:02,324 --> 01:13:05,027 I seek to improve my lot with my own industry. 761 01:13:06,695 --> 01:13:07,763 I... 762 01:13:09,198 --> 01:13:11,133 I study my options closely, 763 01:13:11,167 --> 01:13:14,170 and just attend to everything with more vehemence. 764 01:13:14,203 --> 01:13:16,739 Well, then you should be commended for that. 765 01:13:16,772 --> 01:13:18,240 I'll give you an example. 766 01:13:18,274 --> 01:13:21,243 When I first began farming, 767 01:13:21,277 --> 01:13:23,279 I was so vexed at my own inability 768 01:13:23,312 --> 01:13:25,613 to stop my dogs barking 769 01:13:25,647 --> 01:13:28,017 that one January, during a storm, 770 01:13:28,050 --> 01:13:31,220 I held the dog around the corner of the barn in a gale 771 01:13:31,253 --> 01:13:32,654 until it froze to death. 772 01:13:36,158 --> 01:13:40,196 I nearly froze to death myself, at least froze my hands, 773 01:13:40,229 --> 01:13:42,031 even with my heavy work gloves. 774 01:13:42,064 --> 01:13:43,598 That is reprehensible. 775 01:13:46,335 --> 01:13:49,071 Did I see outside that you use an old shovel plow? 776 01:13:49,105 --> 01:13:52,007 Well, since you're interested in my machinery, 777 01:13:53,809 --> 01:13:56,912 I have a hinged harrow that's been giving me trouble. 778 01:13:56,946 --> 01:14:00,249 The spikes catch the rocks and roots, and they break off. 779 01:14:00,282 --> 01:14:03,052 Well, our harrow has upright discs. 780 01:14:03,085 --> 01:14:04,186 Work better? 781 01:14:05,187 --> 01:14:06,222 Yeah, it seems to. 782 01:14:09,792 --> 01:14:11,227 Bring the desserts. 783 01:14:11,260 --> 01:14:13,262 I think we're stuffed. 784 01:14:13,295 --> 01:14:14,997 My husband insists on his pastries 785 01:14:15,030 --> 01:14:16,631 and preserved fruits and creams. 786 01:14:17,466 --> 01:14:18,701 Well, good. 787 01:14:26,942 --> 01:14:28,043 What is happening? 788 01:14:28,077 --> 01:14:29,745 Are you in danger? 789 01:14:29,778 --> 01:14:31,447 What happened to your neck? 790 01:14:31,480 --> 01:14:33,682 No, I just took a fall over a fence. 791 01:14:35,184 --> 01:14:36,352 I hadn't heard. 792 01:14:38,087 --> 01:14:40,022 There are many things about which you haven't heard. 793 01:14:48,130 --> 01:14:49,198 Back at the table, 794 01:14:49,231 --> 01:14:51,666 Tallie kept strict custody of her eyes. 795 01:14:53,135 --> 01:14:56,172 Her husband's mood seemed to have darkened. 796 01:14:56,205 --> 01:14:59,008 He served the pastries and creams himself, 797 01:15:01,043 --> 01:15:02,912 leaving only her plate empty. 798 01:15:19,228 --> 01:15:21,764 Saturday, June 21st. 799 01:15:23,299 --> 01:15:24,900 My heart a maelstrom. 800 01:15:26,001 --> 01:15:28,304 My head a bedlam. 801 01:15:28,337 --> 01:15:30,906 A whole week and no visit from Tallie. 802 01:15:32,775 --> 01:15:33,809 No word. 803 01:15:43,118 --> 01:15:46,055 My anxieties often force me to stop my work 804 01:15:46,088 --> 01:15:48,190 and pace the house like an inmate. 805 01:15:49,925 --> 01:15:51,093 I have to see her. 806 01:16:10,446 --> 01:16:11,747 Ho, ho! 807 01:16:29,999 --> 01:16:32,034 Tallie! Tallie! 808 01:17:24,086 --> 01:17:25,154 What has happened? 809 01:17:26,155 --> 01:17:27,222 They're gone. 810 01:17:29,658 --> 01:17:31,460 And no goodbye? 811 01:17:31,493 --> 01:17:32,995 We need to call the sheriff. 812 01:17:38,434 --> 01:17:41,870 And report what exactly? That our neighbors moved? 813 01:17:41,904 --> 01:17:44,039 It's the Zebrun farm. They were renting. 814 01:17:44,073 --> 01:17:45,074 I'll go then. 815 01:17:45,607 --> 01:17:47,209 For what reason? 816 01:17:47,242 --> 01:17:48,310 There's blood! 817 01:17:51,480 --> 01:17:53,015 And you never had an accident? 818 01:18:00,589 --> 01:18:02,157 So we'll just do nothing? 819 01:18:19,241 --> 01:18:21,243 I'll make the rounds of the neighbors. 820 01:18:23,345 --> 01:18:24,947 And if we are not satisfied, 821 01:18:24,980 --> 01:18:26,348 we can take your fears to the sheriff. 822 01:18:29,518 --> 01:18:30,519 Thank you. 823 01:18:35,157 --> 01:18:38,193 Monday, June 23rd. 824 01:18:38,227 --> 01:18:41,163 Dyer said Mrs. Nottoway recalled spotting their caravan 825 01:18:41,196 --> 01:18:44,967 on the country road in the late evening, heading northwest. 826 01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:46,034 Mrs. Nottoway? 827 01:18:46,068 --> 01:18:48,103 She believed she spied Tallie's figure 828 01:18:48,137 --> 01:18:51,206 alongside her husband's but was unsure. 829 01:18:51,240 --> 01:18:56,044 A hired hand, she thought, was driving the second wagon. 830 01:18:56,078 --> 01:18:58,313 Sunday, June 29th 831 01:18:58,347 --> 01:19:01,083 I spotted the sheriff on his way to church. 832 01:19:01,116 --> 01:19:04,319 I conveyed my accusations, to no response. 833 01:19:07,156 --> 01:19:09,491 Dyer said that no one would investigate a crime 834 01:19:09,525 --> 01:19:11,627 without evidence that a crime had been committed. 835 01:19:11,660 --> 01:19:12,695 Calm myself? 836 01:19:12,729 --> 01:19:14,563 I refused to calm myself, 837 01:19:14,596 --> 01:19:18,167 so he tied me to a chair and administered laudanum. 838 01:19:18,200 --> 01:19:21,170 Monday, June 30th. 839 01:19:21,203 --> 01:19:24,072 Bleary and short of breath from the laudanum... 840 01:19:27,777 --> 01:19:29,211 I wake weeping, 841 01:19:30,145 --> 01:19:31,346 retire weeping, 842 01:19:32,448 --> 01:19:34,950 stand before my duties weeping. 843 01:19:40,422 --> 01:19:43,158 Sunday, July 6th. 844 01:19:43,192 --> 01:19:46,295 I am a library without books, 845 01:19:46,328 --> 01:19:50,466 a sea of fear, agitation and want. 846 01:19:50,499 --> 01:19:54,436 Dyer speaks of how much we have for which to be grateful. 847 01:19:54,470 --> 01:19:57,506 I sit violently conscious of the ticking clock 848 01:19:57,539 --> 01:19:59,575 while he weeps at what he imagines 849 01:19:59,608 --> 01:20:02,611 to be his own poor, forgotten self. 850 01:20:02,644 --> 01:20:04,480 Wednesday, July 9th. 851 01:20:06,281 --> 01:20:08,383 Despite some hours without the laudanum, 852 01:20:08,417 --> 01:20:11,019 I was so befogged and wild with grief 853 01:20:11,053 --> 01:20:12,988 that Dyer left me for the afternoon, 854 01:20:13,756 --> 01:20:16,258 unsettled and wary of my state. 855 01:20:21,096 --> 01:20:23,398 Tuesday, July 22nd. 856 01:20:39,448 --> 01:20:41,583 - Weldon? - Good day. 857 01:20:41,617 --> 01:20:43,085 The renters at Zebrun's farm are gone. 858 01:20:43,118 --> 01:20:44,553 Did they leave a forwarding address? 859 01:20:45,755 --> 01:20:48,123 No. You've got a letter. 860 01:20:50,693 --> 01:20:51,761 Hyah. 861 01:20:56,733 --> 01:20:57,767 Is it from her? 862 01:21:00,302 --> 01:21:01,370 It is. 863 01:21:02,571 --> 01:21:05,073 - Oh. - Origin? 864 01:21:05,107 --> 01:21:06,608 Onondaga County. Do you know it? 865 01:21:09,244 --> 01:21:10,579 It's north of Syracuse. 866 01:21:19,454 --> 01:21:20,556 Are you gonna read it? 867 01:21:22,892 --> 01:21:24,159 To myself. 868 01:21:38,741 --> 01:21:42,578 Abigail, Abigail, Abigail. 869 01:21:42,611 --> 01:21:46,114 I'm sorry that all I have to send you is this letter, 870 01:21:46,148 --> 01:21:49,786 and I'm sorry for all that a letter cannot be. 871 01:21:51,453 --> 01:21:54,089 Even the best letter is just a little bit of someone. 872 01:21:55,825 --> 01:21:58,327 I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye, 873 01:21:59,862 --> 01:22:02,297 and I'm sorry that we seem to have traded 874 01:22:02,331 --> 01:22:04,166 one sort of misery for another. 875 01:22:06,501 --> 01:22:08,871 It turns out that houses deep in the backwoods 876 01:22:08,905 --> 01:22:12,842 always seem to be awful and unnatural in their loneliness. 877 01:22:14,509 --> 01:22:15,845 If there were only a ruined abbey 878 01:22:15,878 --> 01:22:19,147 around here with bats in it, the view would be perfect. 879 01:22:21,416 --> 01:22:25,420 Our roof is ramshackle and sheds water nicely in dry weather 880 01:22:25,454 --> 01:22:29,926 but we have to spread milk pans around the floor when it rains. 881 01:22:29,959 --> 01:22:31,894 Still, outside the kitchen, 882 01:22:31,928 --> 01:22:36,365 there are already anemones and heart's-ease, 883 01:22:36,398 --> 01:22:38,868 and even prettier flowers which my stupidity 884 01:22:38,901 --> 01:22:42,270 keeps me from naming for you. 885 01:22:42,304 --> 01:22:46,208 I believe I've enjoyed myself less these last few weeks 886 01:22:46,241 --> 01:22:48,577 than any other female who ever lived. 887 01:22:50,679 --> 01:22:52,682 During what little time I have to myself, 888 01:22:52,715 --> 01:22:55,317 Finney reads aloud instructions for wives 889 01:22:55,350 --> 01:22:56,853 from the Old Testament. 890 01:22:59,554 --> 01:23:01,289 But when it comes to the Bible, 891 01:23:01,323 --> 01:23:03,625 I have to say that there are a lot of passages 892 01:23:03,659 --> 01:23:05,695 he may know word for word, 893 01:23:05,728 --> 01:23:07,496 but which haven't touched his heart. 894 01:23:09,398 --> 01:23:11,600 I can't account for his state of mind except to say 895 01:23:11,633 --> 01:23:15,203 that my company must be intensely disagreeable to him. 896 01:23:16,271 --> 01:23:17,472 And if that's the case, 897 01:23:18,306 --> 01:23:19,441 I'm sorry for it. 898 01:23:31,653 --> 01:23:32,689 Ho... 899 01:23:34,356 --> 01:23:35,424 Good afternoon! 900 01:23:38,293 --> 01:23:39,561 Afternoon. 901 01:23:41,731 --> 01:23:42,832 Whoa. 902 01:23:42,865 --> 01:23:43,900 Hey. 903 01:23:45,534 --> 01:23:46,736 I've got something for you. 904 01:23:48,905 --> 01:23:49,939 There you go. 905 01:23:50,672 --> 01:23:51,774 Thank you. 906 01:23:51,808 --> 01:23:52,842 Good day. 907 01:23:53,575 --> 01:23:54,944 Hyah. Come on. 908 01:24:06,856 --> 01:24:08,958 - Is it for me? - From Schoharie County. 909 01:24:12,762 --> 01:24:14,731 - Your Abigail. - Give that to me. 910 01:24:14,764 --> 01:24:16,531 Give it. Finney, give... 911 01:24:18,835 --> 01:24:19,836 Finney! 912 01:24:19,869 --> 01:24:22,671 "What's to become of the thousands of our sex 913 01:24:22,705 --> 01:24:24,439 scattered out in the wilderness 914 01:24:24,473 --> 01:24:27,275 and obliged to tax our strengths? 915 01:24:27,309 --> 01:24:28,911 I feel as if, at that selfsame hour 916 01:24:28,945 --> 01:24:29,979 when our prospects were brightest, 917 01:24:30,012 --> 01:24:32,715 that in the dim distance a black shadow approached. 918 01:24:33,648 --> 01:24:35,550 And yet still, 919 01:24:35,584 --> 01:24:37,887 imagine the happiest of unions for us of the sort 920 01:24:37,920 --> 01:24:39,856 in which two families previously at daggers drawn 921 01:24:39,889 --> 01:24:42,524 are miraculously brought together on love's account. 922 01:24:48,030 --> 01:24:49,799 It is your face I bear through the night. 923 01:24:49,832 --> 01:24:51,934 It is to you I devote a dreaming space 924 01:24:51,968 --> 01:24:55,303 before I turn myself to sleep, but there is no sleep. 925 01:24:55,337 --> 01:24:58,775 It's as if within me everything clamors for air, 926 01:24:58,808 --> 01:25:00,910 and I think if it's like this now, 927 01:25:00,943 --> 01:25:02,044 what will it be like later? 928 01:25:03,445 --> 01:25:06,682 I send you what love and support I can. 929 01:25:08,383 --> 01:25:10,418 I send you all my heart's hopes. Abigail." 930 01:25:35,711 --> 01:25:37,512 Please know that force alone 931 01:25:37,546 --> 01:25:40,917 couldn't have gotten me here to a place like this. 932 01:25:40,950 --> 01:25:45,054 I was told I had to act in support of interest, 933 01:25:45,087 --> 01:25:50,092 happiness and the reputation of someone I once loved. 934 01:25:52,494 --> 01:25:54,096 As far as I can figure, 935 01:25:54,130 --> 01:25:57,099 we're now still only about 85 miles apart. 936 01:25:58,600 --> 01:26:00,635 But of course, 937 01:26:00,669 --> 01:26:03,039 people like us don't go on long visits. 938 01:26:39,474 --> 01:26:42,644 Dyer refused first to permit my departure, 939 01:26:42,677 --> 01:26:44,113 and then to accompany me, 940 01:26:46,514 --> 01:26:47,717 and only caught up to the cart 941 01:26:47,750 --> 01:26:50,485 at the end of our property and climbed aboard. 942 01:26:54,156 --> 01:26:57,059 We were the very picture of anguish, 943 01:26:57,093 --> 01:26:59,394 rattling along side by side. 944 01:27:01,097 --> 01:27:05,835 The night was fair and warm with the appearance of a coming rain. 945 01:27:05,868 --> 01:27:06,936 A shower. 946 01:27:48,811 --> 01:27:50,813 It's so hard to write about 947 01:27:50,846 --> 01:27:52,915 how much I want to thank you, 948 01:27:52,949 --> 01:27:55,617 but I have to start somewhere. 949 01:27:57,053 --> 01:27:59,121 Abigail... 950 01:27:59,155 --> 01:28:04,260 I want to tell you that being with you, even alone, 951 01:28:04,293 --> 01:28:07,863 has been like being a part of the biggest 952 01:28:07,897 --> 01:28:13,102 and most spacious community I could ever imagine. 953 01:28:13,135 --> 01:28:17,206 I feel closer to you than I would a sister since 954 01:28:17,239 --> 01:28:19,574 everything amazing that I feel, 955 01:28:20,776 --> 01:28:23,012 I chose to feel. 956 01:28:25,781 --> 01:28:28,217 And do you know what memory it is that I most cherish? 957 01:28:30,618 --> 01:28:34,622 It's of you turning to me with that smile you gave me 958 01:28:36,025 --> 01:28:39,695 once you realized that you were loved. 959 01:28:42,932 --> 01:28:46,168 I have no way of knowing what is to come, 960 01:28:46,202 --> 01:28:49,772 but I do know that all of the trust 961 01:28:49,805 --> 01:28:52,842 and care and courage we shared, 962 01:28:54,076 --> 01:28:55,845 that will all shine on us 963 01:28:57,213 --> 01:28:58,613 and protect us. 964 01:29:00,648 --> 01:29:03,919 You are my city of joy. 965 01:29:05,688 --> 01:29:07,990 You are my city of joy. 966 01:29:39,755 --> 01:29:40,890 Whoa. 967 01:29:48,364 --> 01:29:49,865 Might I ask your business? 968 01:29:49,899 --> 01:29:52,667 We've come to see Tallie. Where is she? 969 01:29:52,701 --> 01:29:54,970 I heard you on the road. 970 01:29:55,004 --> 01:29:57,139 You made such a racket. I took you for the tin knocker. 971 01:29:57,173 --> 01:29:58,040 We've ridden for three days. 972 01:29:58,074 --> 01:29:59,308 We are not leaving without seeing her. 973 01:29:59,341 --> 01:30:02,378 I'm not concerned with what you will or will not leave without. 974 01:30:02,411 --> 01:30:03,813 Keep a civil tongue, friend. 975 01:30:03,846 --> 01:30:05,714 Where is she? 976 01:30:05,748 --> 01:30:07,016 I treated her with tea of soot 977 01:30:07,049 --> 01:30:09,685 and pine-tree root to good effect, 978 01:30:09,718 --> 01:30:11,053 but sickness always tests our willingness 979 01:30:11,087 --> 01:30:12,955 to bow before the greatest authority. 980 01:30:14,223 --> 01:30:16,158 My guess is that it was diphtheria. 981 01:30:16,192 --> 01:30:17,193 No! 982 01:30:18,861 --> 01:30:20,696 There is some alienation from marital... 983 01:31:40,809 --> 01:31:41,944 What time is it? 984 01:31:44,446 --> 01:31:45,714 I don't care. 985 01:31:58,794 --> 01:32:01,363 - I have to go. - You're gonna make a mark. 986 01:32:09,405 --> 01:32:10,439 Come on. 987 01:32:11,941 --> 01:32:13,008 Come on. 988 01:32:15,244 --> 01:32:16,312 Come on. 989 01:33:06,161 --> 01:33:08,864 Sunday, August 31st. 990 01:33:10,499 --> 01:33:12,434 Weather very hot and sunny. 991 01:33:14,503 --> 01:33:16,438 I cleaned out the shed 992 01:33:16,472 --> 01:33:18,974 which was full of rusty and dusty rubbish, 993 01:33:19,908 --> 01:33:22,111 washed the windows, 994 01:33:22,144 --> 01:33:24,079 and preserved apples for the winter. 995 01:33:27,116 --> 01:33:30,119 Fourteen dollars from the sale of our milk and butter. 996 01:33:32,454 --> 01:33:34,857 I have cut my hand with a paring knife. 997 01:33:38,260 --> 01:33:41,030 I console myself with the conviction 998 01:33:41,063 --> 01:33:43,165 that someday in the future when Dyer 999 01:33:43,198 --> 01:33:46,835 is forced to travel to Syracuse for feed or supplies, 1000 01:33:48,103 --> 01:33:49,972 I will join him, 1001 01:33:50,005 --> 01:33:53,042 and take his rifle and go to Skaneateles 1002 01:33:53,075 --> 01:33:55,210 and kill Finney where he sits. 1003 01:34:02,384 --> 01:34:04,353 Dyer has been at work on the barn. 1004 01:34:10,392 --> 01:34:13,595 Each day, we enact our separation. 1005 01:34:18,467 --> 01:34:21,170 Sometimes after it gets dark, 1006 01:34:21,203 --> 01:34:24,173 we walk over the hills across our upper fields 1007 01:34:24,206 --> 01:34:25,874 for the wide, wide view. 1008 01:34:28,410 --> 01:34:31,146 And Dyer tries to imagine us as we were, 1009 01:34:33,916 --> 01:34:35,651 while I try to imagine Tallie 1010 01:34:35,685 --> 01:34:38,153 and that cordial and accepting home 1011 01:34:38,187 --> 01:34:40,289 that existed solely in our dreams. 1012 01:34:42,024 --> 01:34:45,160 I imagine Tallie and Nellie somewhere together, 1013 01:34:45,194 --> 01:34:47,930 and Nellie running her brush through Tallie's hair. 1014 01:34:50,099 --> 01:34:53,202 I imagine banishing forever those sentiments of my own 1015 01:34:53,235 --> 01:34:55,304 that she chastened and refined. 1016 01:34:58,140 --> 01:35:01,310 I imagine resolving to do what I can for Dyer. 1017 01:35:04,346 --> 01:35:07,182 And I imagine continuing to write in this ledger, 1018 01:35:08,650 --> 01:35:10,452 here, 1019 01:35:10,486 --> 01:35:12,254 as though this was my life. 1020 01:35:15,457 --> 01:35:17,626 As though my life was not elsewhere. 1021 01:35:53,696 --> 01:35:56,198 I've always feared that I would bring misfortune 1022 01:35:56,231 --> 01:35:57,433 to those I loved. 1023 01:36:18,688 --> 01:36:20,690 Are you really saying nothing to that? 1024 01:36:24,794 --> 01:36:26,528 I don't know where to start. 1025 01:36:32,134 --> 01:36:35,471 I can't imagine what more we could do for one another... 1026 01:36:38,507 --> 01:36:40,309 with our constraints. 1027 01:36:41,443 --> 01:36:42,478 You can't? 1028 01:36:47,416 --> 01:36:48,484 I can't. 1029 01:36:55,758 --> 01:36:56,759 You can't? 1030 01:37:06,368 --> 01:37:07,402 Well, then... 1031 01:37:11,573 --> 01:37:14,142 It's a good thing we remember that our imaginations 1032 01:37:14,176 --> 01:37:16,044 can always be cultivated. 1033 01:38:02,133 --> 01:38:07,133 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull