1 00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:48,819 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 2 00:02:09,792 --> 00:02:15,292 Tuesday, January 1st, 1856. 3 00:02:23,792 --> 00:02:25,759 Fair and very cold. 4 00:02:28,792 --> 00:02:30,659 This morning, 5 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,559 ice in our bedroom for the first time all winter. 6 00:03:13,392 --> 00:03:14,826 The water froze on the potatoes 7 00:03:14,859 --> 00:03:16,559 as soon as they were washed. 8 00:03:18,592 --> 00:03:21,792 With little pride, and less hope, 9 00:03:22,892 --> 00:03:24,459 we begin the new year. 10 00:03:28,026 --> 00:03:29,159 On the porch after sunup, 11 00:03:29,193 --> 00:03:31,525 I could hear the low chirping of sparrows 12 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:34,292 in the hedgerows that are now buried in the snow. 13 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:14,358 Dyer has maintained that with good health, 14 00:04:14,392 --> 00:04:16,026 and a level head, 15 00:04:16,059 --> 00:04:17,692 there is always an excellent chance 16 00:04:17,726 --> 00:04:19,392 for a farmer willing to work. 17 00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:36,392 He feels he can never fully rid himself of his burdens. 18 00:04:38,026 --> 00:04:41,525 And I'm certain that because his mind is in such a bad state, 19 00:04:41,559 --> 00:04:43,392 it affects his whole system. 20 00:05:10,959 --> 00:05:12,325 He told me this morning 21 00:05:12,358 --> 00:05:15,625 that contentment was like a friend he never gets to see. 22 00:05:16,926 --> 00:05:18,492 You're late with the milking. 23 00:05:18,525 --> 00:05:19,692 She wasn't suffering. 24 00:05:21,325 --> 00:05:22,358 And you? 25 00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:09,792 Since our acquisition of this farm, 26 00:06:09,826 --> 00:06:13,392 my husband had kept a ledger to help him see the year whole. 27 00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:17,358 This way he knows what each crop 28 00:06:17,392 --> 00:06:20,459 and field pays from year to year. 29 00:06:20,492 --> 00:06:23,726 And Dyer has asked me to keep a diary of matters 30 00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:26,292 that might otherwise go overlooked... 31 00:06:28,926 --> 00:06:32,358 From tools lent out to bills outstanding. 32 00:06:34,325 --> 00:06:35,759 That I have done. 33 00:06:38,392 --> 00:06:41,726 But there would be no record in these dull and simple pages 34 00:06:41,759 --> 00:06:43,659 of the most passionate circumstances 35 00:06:43,692 --> 00:06:45,292 of our seasons past. 36 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,892 No record of our emotions or fears. 37 00:06:51,992 --> 00:06:53,625 Our greatest joys. 38 00:06:54,659 --> 00:06:56,592 Our most piercing sorrows. 39 00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:08,992 With our child, 40 00:07:09,026 --> 00:07:11,492 it was as if I'd found my bearings. 41 00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:16,892 But I too rarely told her that she was our treasure. 42 00:07:19,525 --> 00:07:20,592 Would you like to try? 43 00:07:24,358 --> 00:07:25,692 Like this, papa? 44 00:07:27,959 --> 00:07:28,992 That's it. 45 00:07:31,525 --> 00:07:33,959 She often seemed separate from us, 46 00:07:33,992 --> 00:07:37,625 as if she was working at just fitting in where she could. 47 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,826 They saw his brothers and sisters 48 00:07:41,859 --> 00:07:43,826 and they were the mouse's family... 49 00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:47,292 There is something so affecting 50 00:07:47,325 --> 00:07:49,659 about mute and motionless grief and illness 51 00:07:49,692 --> 00:07:51,325 in a child so young. 52 00:07:54,692 --> 00:07:57,492 She put her arms around me and said nothing else. 53 00:08:02,059 --> 00:08:04,258 But it felt like we were speaking. 54 00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,992 I have become my grief. 55 00:10:39,325 --> 00:10:41,959 I have become my grief. 56 00:10:47,325 --> 00:10:49,592 "Welcome sweet day of rest", 57 00:10:49,625 --> 00:10:52,392 says the hymn. 58 00:10:52,425 --> 00:10:57,358 And Sunday is most welcome for its few hours of quiet ease. 59 00:10:58,592 --> 00:10:59,625 As for me. 60 00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:02,358 I no longer attend. 61 00:11:03,859 --> 00:11:06,525 After the calamity of Nellie's loss, 62 00:11:07,659 --> 00:11:09,726 what calm I enjoy 63 00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:13,258 does not derive from the notion of a better world to come. 64 00:11:17,325 --> 00:11:19,292 I want to purchase an atlas. 65 00:11:21,425 --> 00:11:23,425 - It could be a bother. - No, no. No bother. 66 00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:34,625 Who is that? 67 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:36,625 His name is Finney. 68 00:11:37,826 --> 00:11:40,559 - His wife Tallie. - Hyah! 69 00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:41,692 I met them at the feed store. 70 00:11:41,726 --> 00:11:43,425 They seem to keep to themselves. 71 00:11:45,926 --> 00:11:47,592 They're renting the Zebrun farm. 72 00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:03,959 Monday, February 4th. 73 00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:08,459 Why is ink like fire? 74 00:12:09,926 --> 00:12:11,559 Because it is a good servant, 75 00:12:12,525 --> 00:12:14,026 and a hard master. 76 00:12:19,926 --> 00:12:21,258 Did you say something? 77 00:12:23,592 --> 00:12:25,425 I want to purchase an atlas. 78 00:12:32,992 --> 00:12:35,425 I suppose there are more frivolous purchases 79 00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:36,492 one could make. 80 00:12:42,992 --> 00:12:44,625 I've saved 90 cents of my own. 81 00:12:44,659 --> 00:12:46,859 I can't imagine a better way to spend it. 82 00:12:50,759 --> 00:12:52,659 Could buy your husband a gift. 83 00:12:57,459 --> 00:12:58,826 What better gift could I give him 84 00:12:58,859 --> 00:13:00,959 than a wife who is no longer a dullard? 85 00:13:06,325 --> 00:13:07,425 My self-education 86 00:13:07,459 --> 00:13:10,459 seems the only way to keep my unhappiness 87 00:13:10,492 --> 00:13:11,826 from overwhelming me. 88 00:14:24,425 --> 00:14:25,559 Good afternoon. 89 00:14:29,392 --> 00:14:31,592 I've been using a broom on my porch. 90 00:14:31,625 --> 00:14:32,726 The snow is so dry. 91 00:14:35,726 --> 00:14:36,726 I'm Tallie. 92 00:14:38,726 --> 00:14:39,759 Abigail. 93 00:14:43,492 --> 00:14:44,759 I hope I'm not intruding. 94 00:14:45,459 --> 00:14:46,358 No. 95 00:14:46,392 --> 00:14:48,892 I just, I needed to get away for the day. 96 00:14:48,926 --> 00:14:50,726 The farm is a slaughterhouse right now. 97 00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,392 My husband is killing his hogs. 98 00:14:57,692 --> 00:14:58,859 Would you like to come in? 99 00:14:59,926 --> 00:15:01,225 Yes, I'd love that. 100 00:15:05,059 --> 00:15:07,525 Or we could just stay out on the porch, shivering. 101 00:15:12,459 --> 00:15:13,759 I know it's the dullest of all things 102 00:15:13,792 --> 00:15:15,325 to have an ignorant neighbor come by 103 00:15:15,358 --> 00:15:16,926 and spoil a Sunday afternoon. 104 00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,792 Oh, no, you're the most welcome here. 105 00:15:18,826 --> 00:15:21,292 But I know the feeling. 106 00:15:21,325 --> 00:15:23,959 Sometimes, I imagine during the Widow Weldon's visits 107 00:15:23,992 --> 00:15:27,759 that I've been plunged up to my eyes in a vat of the prosaic. 108 00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:29,425 Oh, Widow Weldon! 109 00:15:29,459 --> 00:15:31,026 She got going on the county levy once... 110 00:15:31,059 --> 00:15:33,759 She saw I had noticed her hair, 111 00:15:33,792 --> 00:15:36,492 and admitted she had been vain about it as a girl. 112 00:15:36,525 --> 00:15:39,425 She said that back then, she'd worn it longer 113 00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:42,358 and plaited in a bun at the back of her head. 114 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,726 In the winter sun through the window, 115 00:15:47,759 --> 00:15:50,625 her skin had an underflush of rose and violet 116 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:54,459 which so disconcerted me that I had to look away. 117 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,459 As always, 118 00:16:01,559 --> 00:16:03,325 when it came to speaking 119 00:16:03,358 --> 00:16:07,258 and attempting to engage another's affections, 120 00:16:07,292 --> 00:16:10,859 circumstances doomed me to striving and anxiety. 121 00:16:12,692 --> 00:16:16,826 From my earliest youth, I was like a pot-bound root, 122 00:16:16,859 --> 00:16:19,258 all curled in upon itself. 123 00:16:19,292 --> 00:16:21,459 I hope I'm not keeping you from something. 124 00:16:21,492 --> 00:16:22,492 No. 125 00:16:25,392 --> 00:16:26,592 I'm glad you've come. 126 00:16:28,692 --> 00:16:31,292 Finney saw your husband at the cooperage. 127 00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:33,726 He mentioned his new method for farrowing his piglets. 128 00:16:35,292 --> 00:16:37,859 With some asperity? 129 00:16:37,892 --> 00:16:40,425 My husband mentions everything with some asperity. 130 00:16:43,292 --> 00:16:44,559 I told him that once, 131 00:16:45,592 --> 00:16:46,792 and... 132 00:16:46,826 --> 00:16:49,325 he observed in response that it seemed to be quite a favor 133 00:16:49,358 --> 00:16:50,826 to get a kind word from me. 134 00:16:50,859 --> 00:16:52,659 And I told him that if he was married to himself, 135 00:16:52,692 --> 00:16:54,726 he'd soon find out what a favor it was. 136 00:16:56,425 --> 00:16:57,826 My mother always said that having children 137 00:16:57,859 --> 00:16:59,358 would resolve that dilemma. 138 00:17:00,492 --> 00:17:02,325 My mother made the same claim. 139 00:17:04,892 --> 00:17:05,926 And yet... 140 00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:08,292 Here we are... 141 00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:10,992 Both childless. 142 00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:17,792 My daughter, Nellie, would have been five today. 143 00:17:19,859 --> 00:17:21,826 Oh. 144 00:17:21,859 --> 00:17:23,225 How did she pass? 145 00:17:26,392 --> 00:17:27,792 Diphtheria. 146 00:17:27,826 --> 00:17:28,992 Last September. 147 00:17:30,959 --> 00:17:32,358 I'm so sorry. 148 00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,459 - Hello. - Oh. 149 00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:42,926 Good afternoon. 150 00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:44,625 I'm Dyer. 151 00:17:45,926 --> 00:17:46,926 Tallie. 152 00:17:52,792 --> 00:17:54,726 Oh, it's late, isn't it? I should be getting on. 153 00:17:56,726 --> 00:17:58,292 Don't go on my account. 154 00:17:58,325 --> 00:17:59,358 Oh, no. 155 00:18:01,726 --> 00:18:03,425 That's a nice wrap you have. 156 00:18:03,459 --> 00:18:05,258 Thank you. 157 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,358 I never receive compliments for my clothes. 158 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,392 I'm so glad you've come. 159 00:18:14,425 --> 00:18:15,859 Meeting you has made my day. 160 00:18:16,592 --> 00:18:17,592 It has? 161 00:18:18,659 --> 00:18:20,358 Well... 162 00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:23,392 How pleasant and uncommon it is to make someone's day. 163 00:18:24,759 --> 00:18:27,625 Thursday, February 14th. 164 00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,759 Dyer's third night with the fever. 165 00:18:35,659 --> 00:18:36,726 Drink this. 166 00:18:53,892 --> 00:18:55,892 I plan on getting sick more often. 167 00:18:57,759 --> 00:18:59,459 My wife smiles at me. 168 00:19:08,492 --> 00:19:10,225 Promise me you're not gonna die. 169 00:19:13,459 --> 00:19:15,826 That would be the opposite of my intention. 170 00:19:22,425 --> 00:19:23,659 I've restored him somewhat 171 00:19:23,692 --> 00:19:25,425 with an enema of molasses, 172 00:19:25,459 --> 00:19:26,959 warm water and lard. 173 00:19:28,659 --> 00:19:31,625 Also a drop of turpentine next to his nose. 174 00:19:34,892 --> 00:19:38,559 I spent the day reconsidering my conversation with Tallie. 175 00:19:40,559 --> 00:19:43,325 We compared childhood beds... 176 00:19:43,358 --> 00:19:44,459 Mine in which the straw 177 00:19:44,492 --> 00:19:47,592 was always breaking up and thinning out. 178 00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:50,826 And hers, which was as hard, she claimed, 179 00:19:50,859 --> 00:19:52,559 as the Pharaoh's heart. 180 00:19:56,659 --> 00:19:58,425 I should be taking care of you. 181 00:19:59,826 --> 00:20:00,826 I agree. 182 00:20:08,726 --> 00:20:12,692 Her manner is sweet and calm and gracious. 183 00:20:12,726 --> 00:20:14,625 And yet her spirits seem to quicken 184 00:20:14,659 --> 00:20:17,492 at the prospect of further conversation with me. 185 00:20:20,059 --> 00:20:22,392 I find that everything I wish to tell her 186 00:20:22,425 --> 00:20:25,258 loses its eloquence in her presence. 187 00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:30,492 So how did you come to meet Dyer? 188 00:20:30,525 --> 00:20:32,425 He was the oldest son of a neighbor. 189 00:20:32,459 --> 00:20:34,258 He helped out on my father's farm. 190 00:20:35,358 --> 00:20:37,492 And was he instantly smitten by you? 191 00:20:38,859 --> 00:20:39,992 He was, wasn't he? 192 00:20:40,026 --> 00:20:41,826 He was instantly smitten by you. 193 00:20:45,792 --> 00:20:50,492 He admired what he viewed as my practical good sense. 194 00:20:50,525 --> 00:20:53,959 You don't countenance words like "smitten", do you? 195 00:20:53,992 --> 00:20:56,292 I suspect I use all the same words you do. 196 00:20:56,325 --> 00:20:58,459 I suspect you don't. 197 00:20:58,492 --> 00:21:00,258 In speech, yes, because you're shy. 198 00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:01,992 But I bet you're more accomplished in your writing. 199 00:21:07,659 --> 00:21:08,659 Thank you. 200 00:21:10,926 --> 00:21:14,392 Your good sense, that's all your husband was smitten with? 201 00:21:17,392 --> 00:21:19,225 And my efficient habits. 202 00:21:20,358 --> 00:21:21,392 That's all? 203 00:21:21,926 --> 00:21:23,392 My handy ways. 204 00:21:27,625 --> 00:21:29,492 Dyer likes mechanical things. 205 00:21:31,959 --> 00:21:33,492 I have no doubt he would've been happier 206 00:21:33,525 --> 00:21:34,926 had he been allowed to pursue 207 00:21:34,959 --> 00:21:37,826 the natural scientific bent of his mind. 208 00:21:37,859 --> 00:21:39,992 Circumstances forced him into farming. 209 00:21:41,625 --> 00:21:44,992 And despite all of that, his heart compelled him to you? 210 00:21:48,392 --> 00:21:50,392 Well... 211 00:21:50,425 --> 00:21:53,425 You would have to ask him about that. 212 00:21:53,459 --> 00:21:55,292 And what would you say if I asked you? 213 00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:07,892 I suppose that as a suitor, he was... 214 00:22:08,992 --> 00:22:11,959 not generous, but he was just. 215 00:22:11,992 --> 00:22:15,292 And that he was affectionate, if not constant. 216 00:22:24,425 --> 00:22:26,358 I wasn't sure of his suitability. 217 00:22:30,759 --> 00:22:33,292 But my family felt that more improving 218 00:22:33,325 --> 00:22:34,392 might be in the offing. 219 00:22:36,559 --> 00:22:39,425 After all, it is a long lane that has no turning. 220 00:22:44,892 --> 00:22:47,559 You both have much to be thankful for. 221 00:22:50,559 --> 00:22:51,592 We do. 222 00:23:10,759 --> 00:23:11,992 It's still too soon. 223 00:23:15,659 --> 00:23:16,525 Sorry. 224 00:23:16,559 --> 00:23:19,559 Tuesday, February 19th. 225 00:23:27,559 --> 00:23:31,692 My reluctance seems to have become his shame. 226 00:23:31,726 --> 00:23:35,659 His nighttime pleasures, which were never numerous, 227 00:23:35,692 --> 00:23:38,425 have curtailed even more. 228 00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:42,292 And I have so far refused to engage his persistence 229 00:23:42,325 --> 00:23:44,292 on the subject of another child. 230 00:24:18,859 --> 00:24:19,859 Evening. 231 00:24:21,292 --> 00:24:22,625 This is my husband Finney. 232 00:24:22,659 --> 00:24:23,692 And you already know Dyer. 233 00:24:23,726 --> 00:24:24,759 Our paths have crossed. 234 00:24:24,792 --> 00:24:27,358 And this is the Abigail that I've been mentioning. 235 00:24:27,392 --> 00:24:29,425 My wife talks about you as if you're all about the house, 236 00:24:29,459 --> 00:24:30,659 and everything reminds her of you. 237 00:24:30,692 --> 00:24:33,692 Oh, well, it's all I can do but sit cross-legged and morose 238 00:24:33,726 --> 00:24:34,759 whenever she's away. 239 00:24:36,358 --> 00:24:38,425 - Come in. - Thank you. 240 00:24:38,459 --> 00:24:41,225 The rain so heavy that it broke down our mill. 241 00:24:45,525 --> 00:24:46,559 Did you miss me? 242 00:24:47,792 --> 00:24:48,826 Yes. 243 00:24:50,392 --> 00:24:51,525 You look different. 244 00:24:52,792 --> 00:24:53,859 No... 245 00:24:57,026 --> 00:24:58,592 Finney seems agreeable. 246 00:25:01,492 --> 00:25:03,292 Yes, he is, when he chooses to be. 247 00:25:17,625 --> 00:25:19,792 I guess I'm supposed to offer a toast. 248 00:25:19,826 --> 00:25:21,059 But when it comes to the social graces, 249 00:25:21,093 --> 00:25:24,026 I'm about as smooth as coming down a rocky hill in the dark. 250 00:25:24,059 --> 00:25:25,759 What my husband means is he's so happy 251 00:25:25,792 --> 00:25:26,926 to finally get together, 252 00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:28,392 and to see Dyer again. 253 00:25:31,659 --> 00:25:32,726 Cheers. 254 00:25:34,792 --> 00:25:36,392 Part of what I value about my wife 255 00:25:36,425 --> 00:25:38,826 is how she taught me to associate with my fellow beings. 256 00:25:43,826 --> 00:25:45,926 Finney, that's a handsome neck tie you've chosen. 257 00:25:46,625 --> 00:25:47,726 Thank you. 258 00:25:47,759 --> 00:25:48,892 But with my neck, 259 00:25:48,926 --> 00:25:51,625 my head sticks out like a chicken in a poultry wagon. 260 00:25:51,659 --> 00:25:52,992 Your tart was wonderfully savory. 261 00:25:53,026 --> 00:25:54,659 Oh, did you like it? I'm so glad. 262 00:25:54,692 --> 00:25:55,859 I was worried I wouldn't have enough eggs 263 00:25:55,892 --> 00:25:58,392 - because we had an accident. - Oh. 264 00:25:58,425 --> 00:26:01,258 My hired hand pulled down a box of eggs and broke two dozen. 265 00:26:01,292 --> 00:26:02,926 I announced that he was unlucky to eggs 266 00:26:02,959 --> 00:26:04,859 and no longer allowed to approach them. 267 00:26:04,892 --> 00:26:07,859 "Unlucky to eggs." I like that. 268 00:26:07,892 --> 00:26:10,525 I told him that his shirt had so many holes, 269 00:26:10,559 --> 00:26:12,292 he can make a necklace of it. 270 00:26:12,325 --> 00:26:15,492 Well, we often wish we could afford a hired hand. 271 00:26:15,525 --> 00:26:17,759 We've suffered a great deal from the carelessness of hired hands. 272 00:26:17,792 --> 00:26:19,792 Mr. Holt's hired hand is said to have swum his horse 273 00:26:19,826 --> 00:26:21,592 over the canal despite the cold. 274 00:26:21,625 --> 00:26:22,625 Really? 275 00:26:23,759 --> 00:26:25,425 Yes. 276 00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:26,625 Winter's been so hard, 277 00:26:26,659 --> 00:26:27,926 sometimes Mrs. Weldon's son 278 00:26:27,959 --> 00:26:30,559 has had to deliver the mail on skis. 279 00:26:30,592 --> 00:26:33,358 Now our letters can get lost at breakneck speed. 280 00:26:33,392 --> 00:26:35,625 Did you write letters to Tallie when you were courting? 281 00:26:36,959 --> 00:26:37,959 I did. 282 00:26:40,892 --> 00:26:42,292 And did Tallie keep them? 283 00:26:45,525 --> 00:26:46,992 Only Tallie knows for sure. 284 00:26:54,859 --> 00:26:57,525 Monday, February 25th. 285 00:27:09,459 --> 00:27:12,292 Finney and Tallie's bond confounds me. 286 00:27:13,992 --> 00:27:15,859 At times, when their eyes meet, 287 00:27:15,892 --> 00:27:20,459 they seem yoked in opposition to one another, 288 00:27:20,492 --> 00:27:23,692 while at other times, there seems a shared regard. 289 00:27:26,059 --> 00:27:27,992 There is something going on between us 290 00:27:28,026 --> 00:27:29,625 that I cannot unravel. 291 00:27:33,292 --> 00:27:34,292 Hold this here. 292 00:27:41,425 --> 00:27:42,459 Okay. 293 00:27:55,392 --> 00:27:56,392 Thank you. 294 00:28:21,992 --> 00:28:23,225 Hello, Dyer. 295 00:28:24,292 --> 00:28:25,292 Well, hello. 296 00:28:25,859 --> 00:28:27,425 You're off? 297 00:28:27,459 --> 00:28:28,659 Yes, to town. 298 00:28:29,959 --> 00:28:31,358 Have a good day. 299 00:28:32,325 --> 00:28:33,559 She'll be pleased to see you. 300 00:28:44,559 --> 00:28:45,826 Happy birthday! 301 00:28:48,625 --> 00:28:49,926 Brought you some things. 302 00:28:54,292 --> 00:28:55,392 Hand-knitted? 303 00:28:56,026 --> 00:28:57,525 I hoped you'd like them. 304 00:28:57,559 --> 00:28:58,592 I do. 305 00:29:05,625 --> 00:29:06,659 An Atlas! 306 00:29:11,892 --> 00:29:13,892 The United States of America. 307 00:29:17,392 --> 00:29:19,926 Oh and a little pot of apple sauce with an egg on top. 308 00:29:25,959 --> 00:29:27,492 My feet are freezing. 309 00:29:27,525 --> 00:29:28,792 Oh, let me warm them. 310 00:29:41,592 --> 00:29:42,592 How's Finney? 311 00:29:44,625 --> 00:29:45,625 He's Finney. 312 00:29:57,892 --> 00:29:58,959 Ah, it tickles. 313 00:30:08,959 --> 00:30:11,692 My husband records trespassers in his journals. 314 00:30:13,358 --> 00:30:14,926 And this morning, when I asked him 315 00:30:14,959 --> 00:30:16,592 what he intends to do about them, 316 00:30:16,625 --> 00:30:18,792 his response was so unpleasant that I... 317 00:30:19,992 --> 00:30:21,459 resolved to visit you... 318 00:30:23,559 --> 00:30:25,258 so that there would be something in my day 319 00:30:25,292 --> 00:30:26,625 other than his meanness. 320 00:30:30,459 --> 00:30:33,358 Dyer thinks he has many estimable qualities. 321 00:30:33,392 --> 00:30:34,592 He does. 322 00:30:34,625 --> 00:30:37,559 And he also uses a ledger to keep accounting of whom I visit 323 00:30:37,592 --> 00:30:38,759 and how long I stay. 324 00:30:38,792 --> 00:30:40,026 Why? 325 00:30:40,059 --> 00:30:41,592 I have no idea. 326 00:30:41,625 --> 00:30:43,026 As he's gotten more like this, 327 00:30:43,059 --> 00:30:44,859 I've given up trying to figure out 328 00:30:44,892 --> 00:30:46,892 all the peculiarities of his... 329 00:30:48,525 --> 00:30:49,826 odd little world. 330 00:30:53,826 --> 00:30:56,859 I suppose he's especially unhappy with me since... 331 00:30:58,891 --> 00:31:00,659 I'm yet to give him a child. 332 00:31:08,926 --> 00:31:10,459 What does it feel like? 333 00:31:12,726 --> 00:31:14,425 Like nothing at first. 334 00:31:15,525 --> 00:31:18,459 But then when she began to stir... 335 00:31:18,492 --> 00:31:20,726 it's like butterflies flapping their wings. 336 00:31:22,959 --> 00:31:25,492 Later, like a rabbit... 337 00:31:25,525 --> 00:31:27,392 when she kicked her legs at night. 338 00:31:30,859 --> 00:31:32,258 It frightens me. 339 00:31:37,926 --> 00:31:39,726 The thought of having none of that. 340 00:31:45,759 --> 00:31:46,892 And of giving birth. 341 00:31:47,959 --> 00:31:49,759 Most of us feel that way. 342 00:31:52,692 --> 00:31:53,692 But... 343 00:31:54,892 --> 00:31:58,258 when the time comes, I will be there... 344 00:31:58,292 --> 00:31:59,559 to guide you through it. 345 00:32:08,325 --> 00:32:09,759 Dyer must want another child. 346 00:32:16,759 --> 00:32:17,792 I understand. 347 00:32:53,659 --> 00:32:54,726 Birthday gifts. 348 00:33:07,059 --> 00:33:08,592 A box of raisins. 349 00:33:09,992 --> 00:33:11,859 That needle case you've been needing. 350 00:33:11,892 --> 00:33:13,459 And a tin of sardines. 351 00:33:14,358 --> 00:33:15,358 You spoil me. 352 00:33:17,992 --> 00:33:21,325 Oh, you got gifts from your new friend. 353 00:33:24,792 --> 00:33:26,258 She left hours ago. 354 00:33:29,358 --> 00:33:30,525 I just saw her leave. 355 00:33:40,492 --> 00:33:41,592 The great storm began 356 00:33:41,625 --> 00:33:45,026 with a faint groaning in the northeast. 357 00:33:45,059 --> 00:33:47,892 It was like a noise of a locomotive. 358 00:34:44,559 --> 00:34:45,592 Help! 359 00:35:22,959 --> 00:35:24,759 Come closer, girl. 360 00:35:24,792 --> 00:35:26,292 It's warmer over here. 361 00:35:47,392 --> 00:35:49,859 I'm sorry, I'll be going. 362 00:35:49,892 --> 00:35:51,225 You should wait it out. 363 00:36:01,026 --> 00:36:02,225 Come on, mare. 364 00:36:27,425 --> 00:36:28,726 Dyer! 365 00:36:37,759 --> 00:36:38,959 Dyer! 366 00:37:02,692 --> 00:37:03,992 Dyer! 367 00:37:24,059 --> 00:37:27,459 How long would it be before I receive word of Tallie? 368 00:37:29,659 --> 00:37:31,225 How long could I wait? 369 00:37:34,859 --> 00:37:36,792 How long will the feed in the barn last? 370 00:37:39,926 --> 00:37:42,759 Each cow eats 26 pounds of forage every day. 371 00:37:43,926 --> 00:37:46,292 You should know that. 372 00:37:46,325 --> 00:37:49,826 They start to skinny down after three days. 373 00:37:49,859 --> 00:37:52,659 Heard the newspaper predicts the storm'll let up by then. 374 00:37:52,692 --> 00:37:53,926 But that's probably based on 375 00:37:53,959 --> 00:37:56,358 an expert's consultation of a goose bone. 376 00:38:07,959 --> 00:38:11,425 "In a real crisis of nature, we're all at another's mercy." 377 00:38:11,959 --> 00:38:12,992 Yes. 378 00:38:15,325 --> 00:38:16,325 My mother liked to say, 379 00:38:16,358 --> 00:38:18,992 "We tumble from one mortification to another." 380 00:38:25,926 --> 00:38:28,992 When I was seven, an earthquake knocked down our house and barn. 381 00:38:31,525 --> 00:38:32,525 Did I tell you? 382 00:38:33,525 --> 00:38:34,559 Never. 383 00:38:35,759 --> 00:38:37,492 - An earthquake? - Yes. 384 00:38:40,392 --> 00:38:42,258 I remember something woke me before dawn. 385 00:38:42,292 --> 00:38:43,492 I don't know what. 386 00:38:45,592 --> 00:38:46,926 My father was calling out. 387 00:38:49,826 --> 00:38:53,392 But I couldn't tear myself away from the window. 388 00:38:53,425 --> 00:38:57,726 I saw birds fluttering in the air, afraid to set down. 389 00:38:57,759 --> 00:39:00,292 The river was roiling, and I couldn't move. 390 00:39:02,292 --> 00:39:03,325 And then... 391 00:39:08,059 --> 00:39:11,559 Finally, I jumped down to our collapsed stairwell, 392 00:39:13,692 --> 00:39:15,592 as all my brothers had done before me. 393 00:39:15,625 --> 00:39:17,959 And we all huddled together in the dark on the porch. 394 00:39:28,358 --> 00:39:29,792 Later, my mother said 395 00:39:29,826 --> 00:39:32,625 that the dread never fully went away after that. 396 00:39:37,325 --> 00:39:39,826 She said, "What was safe if the solid earth could do that?" 397 00:39:43,059 --> 00:39:46,792 Mother. 398 00:40:05,392 --> 00:40:06,992 Tallie! You're frozen! 399 00:40:12,559 --> 00:40:15,425 Tallie! Stay awake! Stay awake! 400 00:40:15,459 --> 00:40:17,425 Open your eyes! Open your eyes! 401 00:40:22,826 --> 00:40:23,826 Keep your eyes open! 402 00:40:24,692 --> 00:40:25,692 Keep your eyes open! 403 00:40:27,559 --> 00:40:28,792 Look at me. 404 00:40:30,926 --> 00:40:32,659 I would die without you. 405 00:40:39,892 --> 00:40:41,358 Then you're safe. 406 00:40:43,459 --> 00:40:44,692 Because I am here. 407 00:40:46,792 --> 00:40:48,892 Monday, March 17th. 408 00:41:05,059 --> 00:41:07,959 Half the chickens are lost. 409 00:41:07,992 --> 00:41:11,592 I dug ice and snow from their dead open mouths 410 00:41:11,625 --> 00:41:14,258 in an attempt to revive them. 411 00:41:47,559 --> 00:41:48,592 Hobnails... 412 00:41:49,892 --> 00:41:51,292 For better traction. 413 00:41:54,592 --> 00:41:56,692 The Widow Weldon's son, on his rounds, 414 00:41:56,726 --> 00:41:59,792 reported that Tallie had gotten home safely, 415 00:41:59,826 --> 00:42:02,625 with, he thought, only a bit of frostbite. 416 00:42:02,659 --> 00:42:04,792 We haven't seen your friend down the lane for a while. 417 00:42:05,826 --> 00:42:07,826 Finney took her to Oneonta. 418 00:42:11,592 --> 00:42:13,625 So everything is tedious and lonesome? 419 00:42:14,926 --> 00:42:17,292 Thursday, April 10th. 420 00:42:21,525 --> 00:42:23,859 Biscuits and dried mackerel for breakfast. 421 00:42:25,759 --> 00:42:28,425 Dyer has augmented the padding in the cattle pens 422 00:42:28,459 --> 00:42:31,358 with his hoardings of maple leaves and old straw. 423 00:42:33,392 --> 00:42:35,792 It always seems that Tallie will never appear. 424 00:42:37,559 --> 00:42:40,425 But I remind myself that time and the needle wear 425 00:42:40,459 --> 00:42:41,959 through the longest morning. 426 00:42:43,559 --> 00:42:45,892 And I have noted that when she does arrive, 427 00:42:47,525 --> 00:42:50,826 my heart is like a leaf borne over a rock 428 00:42:50,859 --> 00:42:52,959 by rapidly moving water. 429 00:43:13,959 --> 00:43:15,026 Hello. Oh! 430 00:43:15,059 --> 00:43:16,959 Oh! Careful. 431 00:43:19,059 --> 00:43:21,726 Stay. Sit, sit. 432 00:43:28,659 --> 00:43:31,459 Saturday, April 12th. 433 00:43:31,492 --> 00:43:34,826 - I spent the last two days... - Very damp, cloudy and cool. 434 00:43:35,992 --> 00:43:37,659 Smoky. 435 00:43:37,692 --> 00:43:40,358 Perhaps the forest is somewhere on fire. 436 00:43:42,859 --> 00:43:45,492 Your nose is being gracious. 437 00:43:45,525 --> 00:43:48,559 Monday, April 14th. 438 00:43:48,592 --> 00:43:51,325 A terribly bad spring so far, 439 00:43:51,358 --> 00:43:53,659 but the clover has come up through it, 440 00:43:53,692 --> 00:43:54,926 and is all right. 441 00:43:56,859 --> 00:43:57,859 And how's Finney? 442 00:43:59,026 --> 00:44:00,559 The soul of patience. 443 00:44:01,926 --> 00:44:04,792 He's mentioning again the idea of migrating west. 444 00:44:07,525 --> 00:44:09,225 You're planning on moving west? 445 00:44:10,292 --> 00:44:12,459 Perhaps. 446 00:44:12,492 --> 00:44:16,759 I had an uncle who moved to Ohio and came to a desperate end. 447 00:44:16,792 --> 00:44:19,292 Which is what one might expect from Ohio. 448 00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:23,425 - Tomorrow? - Hm. 449 00:44:28,492 --> 00:44:31,559 Thursday, April 17th. 450 00:44:31,592 --> 00:44:34,926 Rain in torrents nearly all night. 451 00:44:34,959 --> 00:44:38,492 The lane is flooded and the ditches brim full. 452 00:44:38,525 --> 00:44:41,559 This morning, only a slight shower. 453 00:44:41,592 --> 00:44:44,459 Tallie came later than her usual time today. 454 00:44:45,726 --> 00:44:47,625 She offered no explanation. 455 00:45:10,826 --> 00:45:15,392 I'm sorry that your childhood was anything less than joyous. 456 00:45:15,425 --> 00:45:16,759 Joyous it was not. 457 00:45:17,926 --> 00:45:19,625 But I made my own happinesses. 458 00:45:22,726 --> 00:45:25,959 My husband says, "God puts heavy stones in your path, 459 00:45:25,992 --> 00:45:27,625 it's up to us to step over them." 460 00:45:30,358 --> 00:45:32,392 Stones are what the fortunate receive. 461 00:45:33,692 --> 00:45:37,625 My mother's mother was born in 1780 462 00:45:37,659 --> 00:45:39,492 right here in Schoharie County. 463 00:45:41,492 --> 00:45:43,992 I often wonder at the courage 464 00:45:44,026 --> 00:45:45,959 and the resourcefulness of those women. 465 00:45:47,926 --> 00:45:50,892 Imagine faring forth into a wilderness, 466 00:45:50,926 --> 00:45:53,459 hoping to build the foundations of a home. 467 00:45:57,792 --> 00:46:00,692 Maybe they had a certain high hopefulness that we don't have. 468 00:46:39,492 --> 00:46:40,525 When can you come? 469 00:46:41,726 --> 00:46:42,759 Tuesday. 470 00:46:49,559 --> 00:46:50,692 - Hello, Tallie! - Good day. 471 00:46:50,726 --> 00:46:52,592 Was your afternoon gladsome? 472 00:46:52,625 --> 00:46:53,692 Yes, it was, very. 473 00:46:56,859 --> 00:46:58,592 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 474 00:47:03,692 --> 00:47:05,625 I felt, 475 00:47:05,659 --> 00:47:08,325 looking at her expression, 476 00:47:08,358 --> 00:47:12,258 as if she were in full sail on a flood tide, 477 00:47:12,292 --> 00:47:14,726 while I bobbed along down backwards. 478 00:47:15,592 --> 00:47:17,392 And yet, 479 00:47:17,425 --> 00:47:20,659 I never say on her countenance the indifference 480 00:47:20,692 --> 00:47:23,726 of fortunate towards the less fortunate. 481 00:47:55,792 --> 00:47:56,792 Good day. 482 00:47:57,559 --> 00:47:58,625 Good day. 483 00:47:58,659 --> 00:47:59,659 Are you sick, too? 484 00:48:00,692 --> 00:48:01,726 Not at all. 485 00:48:02,859 --> 00:48:04,525 I was hoping to compare colds. 486 00:48:06,026 --> 00:48:07,425 I'll make you tea and honey? 487 00:48:33,826 --> 00:48:34,859 What? 488 00:48:37,325 --> 00:48:38,292 Every morning I wake up 489 00:48:38,325 --> 00:48:40,992 and I think that I never want to be far from you. 490 00:48:51,459 --> 00:48:53,625 And under your influence, since you're so good with words, 491 00:48:53,659 --> 00:48:54,726 I've composed a poem. 492 00:48:57,926 --> 00:49:00,592 It's entitled... 493 00:49:00,625 --> 00:49:02,625 "Oh, Sick and Miserable Heart, Be Still." 494 00:49:10,592 --> 00:49:11,992 When I was a little girl, 495 00:49:12,026 --> 00:49:13,992 I thought I could cultivate my intellect 496 00:49:14,026 --> 00:49:16,292 and do something for the world. 497 00:49:19,059 --> 00:49:23,625 But my life has surprised me by being far more ordinary. 498 00:49:29,392 --> 00:49:30,559 You're talking about that moment 499 00:49:30,592 --> 00:49:34,425 that I have dreamed about, when we're carried in triumph 500 00:49:34,459 --> 00:49:37,692 for having done something wonderful or received at home 501 00:49:37,726 --> 00:49:41,292 with tears and shouts of joy. 502 00:49:41,325 --> 00:49:42,525 Do you know what I wonder? 503 00:49:53,625 --> 00:49:55,792 Is it possible... 504 00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:58,759 that such a moment hasn't yet come for either of us? 505 00:50:01,492 --> 00:50:02,792 I think it has. 506 00:50:06,792 --> 00:50:07,926 Or that it could. 507 00:50:08,559 --> 00:50:09,559 You do. 508 00:50:11,659 --> 00:50:12,692 So what do you think? 509 00:50:14,392 --> 00:50:15,592 What do you think about us? 510 00:50:20,525 --> 00:50:22,392 I don't know how to put it into words. 511 00:50:22,425 --> 00:50:23,425 Well, try. 512 00:50:25,659 --> 00:50:27,258 - I have tried. - Well, try again. 513 00:50:27,292 --> 00:50:28,525 What do you imagine? 514 00:50:34,759 --> 00:50:36,425 I imagine that I love 515 00:50:36,459 --> 00:50:39,525 how our encircling feelings leave nothing out... 516 00:50:41,525 --> 00:50:42,992 for us to want or seek. 517 00:50:47,826 --> 00:50:49,559 I've presumed too much. 518 00:50:59,792 --> 00:51:02,425 It's been my experience that it's not always those 519 00:51:02,459 --> 00:51:06,625 who show the least who actually feel the least. 520 00:51:14,692 --> 00:51:16,525 Just my dog's toenails on the wood. 521 00:51:37,592 --> 00:51:39,859 Why didn't you do what you attempted to do? 522 00:52:20,325 --> 00:52:21,826 I worry you'll catch my cold. 523 00:52:24,492 --> 00:52:26,659 You smell like a biscuit. 524 00:52:34,425 --> 00:52:35,792 I have to go home. 525 00:52:55,726 --> 00:52:57,692 Astonishment and joy. 526 00:53:05,759 --> 00:53:07,892 Astonishment and joy. 527 00:53:19,392 --> 00:53:21,659 Astonishment and joy. 528 00:53:46,059 --> 00:53:48,525 You haven't accomplished any of your responsibilities. 529 00:53:50,959 --> 00:53:53,959 - Do you need assistance? - No, I don't think so. 530 00:54:07,992 --> 00:54:09,959 So it's a cold plate for supper tonight? 531 00:54:20,692 --> 00:54:21,859 I'll milk the cows. 532 00:54:59,826 --> 00:55:01,625 Friday, May 30th. 533 00:55:04,292 --> 00:55:06,425 The sunshine streaming through the branches 534 00:55:06,459 --> 00:55:09,792 makes a tremendous farrago of light and shade. 535 00:55:16,492 --> 00:55:20,392 We hold our friendship between us and study it, 536 00:55:21,959 --> 00:55:25,459 as if it were the incomplete map of our escape. 537 00:55:34,926 --> 00:55:36,459 When the day is done, 538 00:55:37,592 --> 00:55:39,026 my mind turns to her, 539 00:55:39,059 --> 00:55:41,392 and I think, with a special heat, 540 00:55:43,459 --> 00:55:45,625 "Why are we to be separated?" 541 00:56:08,292 --> 00:56:10,692 Your smile stopped. Is it meant for someone else? 542 00:56:10,726 --> 00:56:12,425 Sorry, my mind was elsewhere. 543 00:56:17,959 --> 00:56:20,325 We need calico and buttons and shoe thread. 544 00:56:25,659 --> 00:56:27,959 Am I troubling you, sitting here with you like this? 545 00:56:29,625 --> 00:56:30,659 Not at all. 546 00:56:36,659 --> 00:56:37,792 I may be late coming to it, 547 00:56:37,826 --> 00:56:39,859 but I've learned consideration of others. 548 00:56:42,859 --> 00:56:44,759 I've learned the need for human sympathy 549 00:56:46,525 --> 00:56:47,892 and the unfulfilled want of it. 550 00:56:49,859 --> 00:56:51,792 I feel I've provided you with sympathy. 551 00:56:54,759 --> 00:56:56,258 I suppose that's so. 552 00:57:12,726 --> 00:57:13,859 The smile returns. 553 00:57:22,026 --> 00:57:23,325 Good day. 554 00:57:36,692 --> 00:57:40,959 Oh. 555 00:57:40,992 --> 00:57:43,258 I believe that intimacy increases goodwill. 556 00:57:43,992 --> 00:57:46,258 And if that's the case, 557 00:57:46,292 --> 00:57:47,625 then every minute we spend together 558 00:57:47,659 --> 00:57:49,559 will make us more cheerful workers. 559 00:57:52,325 --> 00:57:53,892 Won't our farms benefit from that? 560 00:57:55,358 --> 00:57:56,425 Won't our husbands? 561 00:57:59,659 --> 00:58:01,492 All our burdens will be lightened. 562 00:58:27,859 --> 00:58:31,625 When she left, I was like a skiff at sea 563 00:58:31,659 --> 00:58:34,625 with neither hand nor helm to guide it. 564 00:58:37,459 --> 00:58:39,859 They're cleaning out the drain under the street along the fork. 565 00:58:43,325 --> 00:58:45,325 And several people are down with fever. 566 00:58:51,026 --> 00:58:53,892 Holt came by to hang the bacon. 567 00:58:53,926 --> 00:58:56,659 He still hasn't recovered from being beaten by two strangers. 568 00:58:57,992 --> 00:59:01,358 He had to be hauled to his home in his cart. 569 00:59:01,392 --> 00:59:03,292 He said the men who did it were gonna kill him, 570 00:59:03,325 --> 00:59:05,726 and then realized they were mistaken as to who he was. 571 00:59:05,759 --> 00:59:07,392 Lately, it seems like all you talk about 572 00:59:07,425 --> 00:59:08,892 are highwaymen and house breakers. 573 00:59:16,292 --> 00:59:17,992 On the contrary, 574 00:59:18,026 --> 00:59:19,926 I often defer to your sensitivities. 575 00:59:21,992 --> 00:59:23,459 And I haven't even told you about 576 00:59:23,492 --> 00:59:25,026 all the reports in the county of men 577 00:59:25,059 --> 00:59:27,659 who've poisoned and killed their wives 578 00:59:27,692 --> 00:59:29,826 because I haven't found it a fitting subject for supper. 579 00:59:33,659 --> 00:59:35,759 "Killed their wives," he used those words? 580 00:59:35,792 --> 00:59:37,325 Mm-hm. those words. 581 00:59:38,792 --> 00:59:41,358 Have you had any disagreements? 582 00:59:41,392 --> 00:59:43,692 Yes, about my wifely duties. 583 00:59:43,726 --> 00:59:46,225 I told him that I was opposed to it, that I was not willing. 584 00:59:48,959 --> 00:59:50,325 And he accepted that? 585 00:59:51,726 --> 00:59:53,625 Well, he hasn't touched me since, so... 586 01:00:05,625 --> 01:00:07,292 But I made myself feel better... 587 01:00:08,625 --> 01:00:09,892 by composing a poem. 588 01:00:11,592 --> 01:00:12,992 Can I read you the opening stanza? 589 01:00:14,525 --> 01:00:16,026 You can read me the entire poem. 590 01:00:16,059 --> 01:00:17,992 No, I'll start with the opening stanza. 591 01:00:24,625 --> 01:00:26,392 "I love flowering gardens. 592 01:00:26,992 --> 01:00:29,292 I love creeping plants. 593 01:00:29,325 --> 01:00:31,492 I love walking in the air, 594 01:00:31,525 --> 01:00:33,292 but I fear swarming ants." 595 01:00:38,392 --> 01:00:40,459 I don't think I can support the rhyme. 596 01:00:45,559 --> 01:00:47,358 You see why I didn't read the whole thing? 597 01:00:48,425 --> 01:00:49,826 I'm sorry. 598 01:00:49,859 --> 01:00:52,292 I've always been contrary and maladroit. 599 01:00:58,559 --> 01:01:00,392 Earlier, I... I felt that... 600 01:01:02,625 --> 01:01:06,525 whenever I would draw close to you, you would retreat, 601 01:01:06,559 --> 01:01:08,926 and that, if I kept still, you would return 602 01:01:08,959 --> 01:01:11,859 but you'd stay at a distance, like those sparrows 603 01:01:11,892 --> 01:01:14,859 that stay in the farmyard and won't come into the house. 604 01:01:16,392 --> 01:01:19,425 - That's not how I feel. - How do you feel, then? 605 01:01:19,459 --> 01:01:21,358 When I was in school, 606 01:01:21,392 --> 01:01:23,026 the teacher had me read "Cordelia" 607 01:01:23,059 --> 01:01:24,625 to an older boy's "King Lear." 608 01:01:26,059 --> 01:01:26,959 Near the end of the play, 609 01:01:26,992 --> 01:01:29,992 the king and his daughter are imprisoned, 610 01:01:30,026 --> 01:01:32,225 but he views it in a positive way. 611 01:01:33,759 --> 01:01:36,525 "Come, let's away to prison," he says. 612 01:01:38,459 --> 01:01:41,859 "We two alone shall sing like birds in a cage." 613 01:01:42,959 --> 01:01:43,992 Imprisoned... 614 01:01:46,592 --> 01:01:47,892 In a positive way? 615 01:01:49,358 --> 01:01:52,859 Well, maybe that one has to read the entire play. 616 01:01:52,892 --> 01:01:54,892 It may be only in plays where people 617 01:01:54,926 --> 01:01:57,859 are imprisoned in a positive way. 618 01:01:57,892 --> 01:02:00,525 You don't think there's a cage that could work to our benefit? 619 01:02:06,659 --> 01:02:07,759 I just... 620 01:02:12,392 --> 01:02:13,592 I only know that... 621 01:02:16,559 --> 01:02:17,992 I've never liked cages. 622 01:02:37,792 --> 01:02:41,292 I hope you had a good afternoon in Shangri-La or Timbuktu, 623 01:02:41,325 --> 01:02:42,492 wherever it is you've been. 624 01:02:42,525 --> 01:02:44,392 I had a busy afternoon, yes. 625 01:02:44,425 --> 01:02:45,692 I would think. 626 01:02:45,726 --> 01:02:47,726 Five hours you've been gone. 627 01:02:47,759 --> 01:02:48,892 I went to the drapers. 628 01:02:48,926 --> 01:02:51,358 I couldn't find anything I liked. 629 01:02:51,392 --> 01:02:53,292 Then I stopped by the tinker for a sack of coffee, 630 01:02:53,325 --> 01:02:55,926 but he's now asking 60 cents, and I only had 50. 631 01:02:55,959 --> 01:02:57,892 Then I thought I would buy you a treat of some kind, 632 01:02:57,926 --> 01:02:59,625 but Mr. Arnolds reminded me 633 01:02:59,659 --> 01:03:01,525 that I still owed for my last transactions so... 634 01:03:03,425 --> 01:03:05,292 I was forced to close up my purse. 635 01:03:07,826 --> 01:03:09,625 Tell me everything about your day. 636 01:03:09,659 --> 01:03:10,759 Don't hold anything back. 637 01:03:10,792 --> 01:03:13,859 You're not interested in how your wife spends her time. 638 01:03:13,892 --> 01:03:15,859 I don't feel I have a wife. 639 01:03:15,892 --> 01:03:18,792 I feel I have a selfish whore who... 640 01:03:18,826 --> 01:03:21,292 who'd rather wander off to another man's house 641 01:03:21,325 --> 01:03:22,726 than contribute any labor. 642 01:03:27,592 --> 01:03:29,425 Well, Dyer was off in the fields, 643 01:03:29,459 --> 01:03:31,625 and her house is on the way back home, so... 644 01:03:33,692 --> 01:03:35,258 So it's just Abigail and you 645 01:03:35,292 --> 01:03:37,726 tittering and gossiping away the hours? 646 01:03:37,759 --> 01:03:40,859 Enjoying each other's company. 647 01:03:40,892 --> 01:03:44,325 I have certain expectations, and you have certain duties. 648 01:03:44,358 --> 01:03:47,292 We've talked all night and day about your expectations. 649 01:03:49,692 --> 01:03:51,026 I will not stay with a woman 650 01:03:51,059 --> 01:03:53,325 if it continually requires contention. 651 01:03:53,358 --> 01:03:55,792 Well, then you shouldn't stay with me, should you? 652 01:03:55,826 --> 01:03:57,559 Don't ask for more than you can handle. 653 01:04:06,325 --> 01:04:09,759 Sunday, June 8th. 654 01:04:09,792 --> 01:04:13,358 All afternoon, a hawk has been using a single cloud above us 655 01:04:13,392 --> 01:04:15,258 as its own parasol. 656 01:04:31,325 --> 01:04:33,492 To ward off others of its kind. 657 01:04:47,826 --> 01:04:51,792 Our whole house now seems both angry and repentant. 658 01:04:55,492 --> 01:04:56,659 God help us. 659 01:05:24,459 --> 01:05:27,559 When three days went by without a word from her, 660 01:05:27,592 --> 01:05:30,692 I stole over to her house to look on her 661 01:05:30,726 --> 01:05:32,459 from what I imagined to be 662 01:05:32,492 --> 01:05:34,559 a vantage point of perfect safety. 663 01:05:42,959 --> 01:05:46,659 By turning the lens piece, I could draw her face nearer, 664 01:05:46,692 --> 01:05:50,292 and hold it there until she turned away. 665 01:05:50,325 --> 01:05:52,825 Her image provoked a sensation in me 666 01:05:52,859 --> 01:05:55,459 like the violence that sends a floating branch 667 01:05:55,492 --> 01:05:58,492 far out over a waterfall's precipice 668 01:05:58,525 --> 01:06:00,459 before it plummets. 669 01:06:14,325 --> 01:06:17,459 "For the wife does not have the authority over her own body, 670 01:06:17,492 --> 01:06:18,525 but the husband does. 671 01:06:18,559 --> 01:06:19,959 Do not deprive one another, 672 01:06:19,992 --> 01:06:21,792 so that Satan may not tempt you 673 01:06:21,826 --> 01:06:23,992 because of your lack of self-control." 674 01:06:24,026 --> 01:06:27,625 Ephesians 5:33. "Submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord..." 675 01:06:27,659 --> 01:06:29,726 Monday, June 9th. 676 01:06:45,892 --> 01:06:47,325 Merciful father... 677 01:06:48,892 --> 01:06:51,325 Turn the channel of events. 678 01:07:04,792 --> 01:07:07,759 Wednesday, June 11th. 679 01:07:11,992 --> 01:07:15,258 Dyer has been silent all day, 680 01:07:15,292 --> 01:07:17,759 and I was happy to be left in my solitude. 681 01:07:31,959 --> 01:07:32,992 Hello! 682 01:07:34,059 --> 01:07:35,926 Tallie... 683 01:07:35,959 --> 01:07:37,459 We haven't seen you for days. 684 01:07:39,358 --> 01:07:40,392 Have you been ill? 685 01:07:42,325 --> 01:07:43,726 - Nothing serious, I hope. - Ho! 686 01:07:46,559 --> 01:07:47,625 She's been under the weather. 687 01:07:49,492 --> 01:07:52,425 - Good afternoon. - Good afternoon. 688 01:07:52,459 --> 01:07:55,592 We want to invite you to dinner again this Saturday next. 689 01:07:55,625 --> 01:07:58,559 But it's our turn. We should be feasting you. 690 01:07:58,592 --> 01:08:00,492 In the meantime, please be our guests. 691 01:08:01,959 --> 01:08:02,959 We'd love to. 692 01:08:03,625 --> 01:08:04,659 Six? 693 01:08:05,692 --> 01:08:07,292 - Six it is. - Hup! 694 01:08:25,358 --> 01:08:26,992 My mother once told me in a fury 695 01:08:27,026 --> 01:08:28,926 when I was a little girl 696 01:08:28,959 --> 01:08:30,859 that my father asked nothing of her 697 01:08:30,892 --> 01:08:33,026 except that she work in the garden, 698 01:08:33,059 --> 01:08:35,792 harvest the produce, preserve the fruit, 699 01:08:35,826 --> 01:08:38,492 tend the poultry, milk the cows, 700 01:08:38,525 --> 01:08:40,325 manage the household duties, 701 01:08:40,358 --> 01:08:42,926 and help out in the fields when needed. 702 01:08:42,959 --> 01:08:44,759 She said she appeared in his ledger 703 01:08:44,792 --> 01:08:47,225 only when she purchased a dress. 704 01:08:48,625 --> 01:08:49,959 Am I anywhere in there? 705 01:08:53,459 --> 01:08:56,325 I'm recording spring expenses. 706 01:08:56,358 --> 01:08:58,559 And how have things changed? 707 01:08:58,592 --> 01:09:00,525 Daughters are married off so young 708 01:09:00,559 --> 01:09:03,859 that everywhere you look a slender and unwilling girl 709 01:09:03,892 --> 01:09:06,792 is being forced to stem a sea of tribulations 710 01:09:06,826 --> 01:09:09,425 before she is even full-grown in height. 711 01:09:13,358 --> 01:09:14,525 That's its purpose! 712 01:09:33,659 --> 01:09:34,692 Come on. Come on. 713 01:09:42,625 --> 01:09:43,726 Morning. 714 01:10:00,926 --> 01:10:01,992 Morning, Jim. 715 01:10:02,826 --> 01:10:04,492 Morning, ma'am. 716 01:10:04,525 --> 01:10:05,726 I've got a new book for you. 717 01:10:05,759 --> 01:10:07,292 Do you know, I'd actually like to see 718 01:10:07,325 --> 01:10:08,959 that blue dress you have there. 719 01:10:08,992 --> 01:10:10,258 All right, lady. 720 01:10:14,859 --> 01:10:15,926 Over here! 721 01:10:26,692 --> 01:10:27,859 It's two and a half. 722 01:10:29,859 --> 01:10:30,926 I'll take it. 723 01:11:02,625 --> 01:11:03,726 My change? 724 01:11:09,358 --> 01:11:10,392 Thank you. 725 01:11:12,325 --> 01:11:14,859 The Mannings' oldest daughter tipped over an oil lamp 726 01:11:14,892 --> 01:11:16,659 and it set the house ablaze. 727 01:11:16,692 --> 01:11:18,392 - Fire! - Ho! Ho! 728 01:11:19,992 --> 01:11:21,392 - Fire! - Before she was driven 729 01:11:21,425 --> 01:11:23,659 from the house by the flames, 730 01:11:23,692 --> 01:11:25,759 she heard calls from her sister, 731 01:11:25,792 --> 01:11:27,792 who was trapped in the upper loft. 732 01:11:40,425 --> 01:11:41,959 Get her out of there. 733 01:11:47,592 --> 01:11:49,525 Cassie! 734 01:11:59,992 --> 01:12:01,492 Get her out! 735 01:12:06,059 --> 01:12:07,392 Get her out! 736 01:12:29,892 --> 01:12:33,392 Your wife is to be commended on her hospitality and cooking. 737 01:12:37,926 --> 01:12:39,726 I can recall the day... 738 01:12:39,759 --> 01:12:42,292 No, thank you. 739 01:12:42,325 --> 01:12:47,459 ...when every family was fed, clothed, shot, sheltered, 740 01:12:47,492 --> 01:12:49,692 and warmed from the products a good wife 741 01:12:49,726 --> 01:12:51,625 gathered within her own fence line. 742 01:12:53,926 --> 01:12:56,525 I heard down by the loggers that Mrs. Mannings' oldest 743 01:12:56,559 --> 01:12:59,026 got fiercely burned in the house fire. 744 01:12:59,059 --> 01:13:00,926 - Cassie. - And died. 745 01:13:02,325 --> 01:13:04,225 Yes, she did. 746 01:13:06,391 --> 01:13:07,726 Well, as my father used to say, 747 01:13:08,959 --> 01:13:10,826 "The supreme disposer of all events 748 01:13:10,859 --> 01:13:13,459 does sometimes disappoint our earthly hopes." 749 01:13:18,859 --> 01:13:20,926 What a marvelous hanging lamp. 750 01:13:20,959 --> 01:13:22,926 Finney purchased it so that everyone could read 751 01:13:22,959 --> 01:13:24,926 with equal ease around the room. 752 01:13:24,959 --> 01:13:26,792 I wasn't brought up to read over much, 753 01:13:28,759 --> 01:13:30,959 but I do believe a father should give his children 754 01:13:30,992 --> 01:13:33,492 every chance to improve. 755 01:13:33,525 --> 01:13:35,592 Children being a sore point in this household. 756 01:13:38,492 --> 01:13:39,659 And yours, I'd expect. 757 01:13:43,592 --> 01:13:44,926 You'll have to forgive my husband. 758 01:13:49,692 --> 01:13:51,859 Even so, 759 01:13:51,892 --> 01:13:53,959 whatever misfortunes arrive at my doorstep, 760 01:13:53,992 --> 01:13:56,692 I seek to improve my lot with my own industry. 761 01:13:58,358 --> 01:13:59,425 I... 762 01:14:00,859 --> 01:14:02,792 I study my options closely, 763 01:14:02,826 --> 01:14:05,826 and just attend to everything with more vehemence. 764 01:14:05,859 --> 01:14:08,392 Well, then you should be commended for that. 765 01:14:08,425 --> 01:14:09,892 I'll give you an example. 766 01:14:09,926 --> 01:14:12,892 When I first began farming, 767 01:14:12,926 --> 01:14:14,926 I was so vexed at my own inability 768 01:14:14,959 --> 01:14:17,258 to stop my dogs barking 769 01:14:17,292 --> 01:14:19,659 that one January, during a storm, 770 01:14:19,692 --> 01:14:22,859 I held the dog around the corner of the barn in a gale 771 01:14:22,892 --> 01:14:24,292 until it froze to death. 772 01:14:27,792 --> 01:14:31,826 I nearly froze to death myself, at least froze my hands, 773 01:14:31,859 --> 01:14:33,659 even with my heavy work gloves. 774 01:14:33,692 --> 01:14:35,225 That is reprehensible. 775 01:14:37,959 --> 01:14:40,692 Did I see outside that you use an old shovel plow? 776 01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:43,625 Well, since you're interested in my machinery, 777 01:14:45,425 --> 01:14:48,525 I have a hinged harrow that's been giving me trouble. 778 01:14:48,559 --> 01:14:51,859 The spikes catch the rocks and roots, and they break off. 779 01:14:51,892 --> 01:14:54,659 Well, our harrow has upright discs. 780 01:14:54,692 --> 01:14:55,792 Work better? 781 01:14:56,792 --> 01:14:57,826 Yeah, it seems to. 782 01:15:01,392 --> 01:15:02,826 Bring the desserts. 783 01:15:02,859 --> 01:15:04,859 I think we're stuffed. 784 01:15:04,892 --> 01:15:06,592 My husband insists on his pastries 785 01:15:06,625 --> 01:15:08,225 and preserved fruits and creams. 786 01:15:09,059 --> 01:15:10,292 Well, good. 787 01:15:18,525 --> 01:15:19,625 What is happening? 788 01:15:19,659 --> 01:15:21,325 Are you in danger? 789 01:15:21,358 --> 01:15:23,026 What happened to your neck? 790 01:15:23,059 --> 01:15:25,258 No, I just took a fall over a fence. 791 01:15:26,759 --> 01:15:27,926 I hadn't heard. 792 01:15:29,659 --> 01:15:31,592 There are many things about which you haven't heard. 793 01:15:39,692 --> 01:15:40,759 Back at the table, 794 01:15:40,792 --> 01:15:43,225 Tallie kept strict custody of her eyes. 795 01:15:44,692 --> 01:15:47,726 Her husband's mood seemed to have darkened. 796 01:15:47,759 --> 01:15:50,559 He served the pastries and creams himself, 797 01:15:52,592 --> 01:15:54,459 leaving only her plate empty. 798 01:16:10,759 --> 01:16:13,292 Saturday, June 21st. 799 01:16:14,826 --> 01:16:16,425 My heart a maelstrom. 800 01:16:17,525 --> 01:16:19,826 My head a bedlam. 801 01:16:19,859 --> 01:16:22,425 A whole week and no visit from Tallie. 802 01:16:24,292 --> 01:16:25,325 No word. 803 01:16:34,625 --> 01:16:37,559 My anxieties often force me to stop my work 804 01:16:37,592 --> 01:16:39,692 and pace the house like an inmate. 805 01:16:41,425 --> 01:16:42,592 I have to see her. 806 01:17:01,926 --> 01:17:03,225 Ho, ho! 807 01:17:21,459 --> 01:17:23,492 Tallie! Tallie! 808 01:18:15,492 --> 01:18:16,559 What has happened? 809 01:18:17,559 --> 01:18:18,625 They're gone. 810 01:18:21,059 --> 01:18:22,859 And no goodbye? 811 01:18:22,892 --> 01:18:24,392 We need to call the sheriff. 812 01:18:29,826 --> 01:18:33,258 And report what exactly? That our neighbors moved? 813 01:18:33,292 --> 01:18:35,425 It's the Zebrun farm. They were renting. 814 01:18:35,459 --> 01:18:36,459 I'll go then. 815 01:18:36,992 --> 01:18:38,592 For what reason? 816 01:18:38,625 --> 01:18:39,692 There's blood! 817 01:18:42,859 --> 01:18:44,392 And you never had an accident? 818 01:18:51,959 --> 01:18:53,525 So we'll just do nothing? 819 01:19:10,592 --> 01:19:12,592 I'll make the rounds of the neighbors. 820 01:19:14,692 --> 01:19:16,292 And if we are not satisfied, 821 01:19:16,325 --> 01:19:17,692 we can take your fears to the sheriff. 822 01:19:20,859 --> 01:19:21,859 Thank you. 823 01:19:26,492 --> 01:19:29,525 Monday, June 23rd. 824 01:19:29,559 --> 01:19:32,492 Dyer said Mrs. Nottoway recalled spotting their caravan 825 01:19:32,525 --> 01:19:36,292 on the country road in the late evening, heading northwest. 826 01:19:36,325 --> 01:19:37,358 Mrs. Nottoway? 827 01:19:37,392 --> 01:19:39,425 She believed she spied Tallie's figure 828 01:19:39,459 --> 01:19:42,525 alongside her husband's but was unsure. 829 01:19:42,559 --> 01:19:47,358 A hired hand, she thought, was driving the second wagon. 830 01:19:47,392 --> 01:19:49,625 Sunday, June 29th 831 01:19:49,659 --> 01:19:52,392 I spotted the sheriff on his way to church. 832 01:19:52,425 --> 01:19:55,625 I conveyed my accusations, to no response. 833 01:19:58,459 --> 01:20:00,792 Dyer said that no one would investigate a crime 834 01:20:00,826 --> 01:20:02,926 without evidence that a crime had been committed. 835 01:20:02,959 --> 01:20:03,992 Calm myself? 836 01:20:04,026 --> 01:20:05,859 I refused to calm myself, 837 01:20:05,892 --> 01:20:09,459 so he tied me to a chair and administered laudanum. 838 01:20:09,492 --> 01:20:12,459 Monday, June 30th. 839 01:20:12,492 --> 01:20:15,358 Bleary and short of breath from the laudanum... 840 01:20:19,059 --> 01:20:20,492 I wake weeping, 841 01:20:21,425 --> 01:20:22,625 retire weeping, 842 01:20:23,726 --> 01:20:26,225 stand before my duties weeping. 843 01:20:31,692 --> 01:20:34,425 Sunday, July 6th. 844 01:20:34,459 --> 01:20:37,559 I am a library without books, 845 01:20:37,592 --> 01:20:41,726 a sea of fear, agitation and want. 846 01:20:41,759 --> 01:20:45,692 Dyer speaks of how much we have for which to be grateful. 847 01:20:45,726 --> 01:20:48,759 I sit violently conscious of the ticking clock 848 01:20:48,792 --> 01:20:50,826 while he weeps at what he imagines 849 01:20:50,859 --> 01:20:53,859 to be his own poor, forgotten self. 850 01:20:53,892 --> 01:20:55,726 Wednesday, July 9th. 851 01:20:57,525 --> 01:20:59,625 Despite some hours without the laudanum, 852 01:20:59,659 --> 01:21:02,258 I was so befogged and wild with grief 853 01:21:02,292 --> 01:21:04,225 that Dyer left me for the afternoon, 854 01:21:04,992 --> 01:21:07,492 unsettled and wary of my state. 855 01:21:12,325 --> 01:21:14,625 Tuesday, July 22nd. 856 01:21:30,659 --> 01:21:32,792 - Weldon? - Good day. 857 01:21:32,826 --> 01:21:34,292 The renters at Zebrun's farm are gone. 858 01:21:34,325 --> 01:21:35,759 Did they leave a forwarding address? 859 01:21:36,959 --> 01:21:39,325 No. You've got a letter. 860 01:21:41,892 --> 01:21:42,959 Hyah. 861 01:21:47,926 --> 01:21:48,959 Is it from her? 862 01:21:51,492 --> 01:21:52,559 It is. 863 01:21:53,759 --> 01:21:56,258 - Oh. - Origin? 864 01:21:56,292 --> 01:21:57,792 Onondaga County. Do you know it? 865 01:22:00,425 --> 01:22:01,759 It's north of Syracuse. 866 01:22:10,625 --> 01:22:11,726 Are you gonna read it? 867 01:22:14,059 --> 01:22:15,325 To myself. 868 01:22:29,892 --> 01:22:33,726 Abigail, Abigail, Abigail. 869 01:22:33,759 --> 01:22:37,258 I'm sorry that all I have to send you is this letter, 870 01:22:37,292 --> 01:22:40,926 and I'm sorry for all that a letter cannot be. 871 01:22:42,592 --> 01:22:45,225 Even the best letter is just a little bit of someone. 872 01:22:46,959 --> 01:22:49,459 I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye, 873 01:22:50,992 --> 01:22:53,425 and I'm sorry that we seem to have traded 874 01:22:53,459 --> 01:22:55,292 one sort of misery for another. 875 01:22:57,625 --> 01:22:59,992 It turns out that houses deep in the backwoods 876 01:23:00,026 --> 01:23:03,959 always seem to be awful and unnatural in their loneliness. 877 01:23:05,625 --> 01:23:06,959 If there were only a ruined abbey 878 01:23:06,992 --> 01:23:10,258 around here with bats in it, the view would be perfect. 879 01:23:12,525 --> 01:23:16,525 Our roof is ramshackle and sheds water nicely in dry weather 880 01:23:16,559 --> 01:23:21,026 but we have to spread milk pans around the floor when it rains. 881 01:23:21,059 --> 01:23:22,992 Still, outside the kitchen, 882 01:23:23,026 --> 01:23:27,459 there are already anemones and heart's-ease, 883 01:23:27,492 --> 01:23:29,959 and even prettier flowers which my stupidity 884 01:23:29,992 --> 01:23:33,358 keeps me from naming for you. 885 01:23:33,392 --> 01:23:37,292 I believe I've enjoyed myself less these last few weeks 886 01:23:37,325 --> 01:23:39,659 than any other female who ever lived. 887 01:23:41,758 --> 01:23:43,759 During what little time I have to myself, 888 01:23:43,792 --> 01:23:46,392 Finney reads aloud instructions for wives 889 01:23:46,425 --> 01:23:47,926 from the Old Testament. 890 01:23:50,625 --> 01:23:52,358 But when it comes to the Bible, 891 01:23:52,392 --> 01:23:54,692 I have to say that there are a lot of passages 892 01:23:54,726 --> 01:23:56,759 he may know word for word, 893 01:23:56,792 --> 01:23:58,559 but which haven't touched his heart. 894 01:24:00,459 --> 01:24:02,659 I can't account for his state of mind except to say 895 01:24:02,692 --> 01:24:06,258 that my company must be intensely disagreeable to him. 896 01:24:07,325 --> 01:24:08,525 And if that's the case, 897 01:24:09,358 --> 01:24:10,492 I'm sorry for it. 898 01:24:22,692 --> 01:24:23,726 Ho... 899 01:24:25,392 --> 01:24:26,459 Good afternoon! 900 01:24:29,325 --> 01:24:30,592 Afternoon. 901 01:24:32,759 --> 01:24:33,859 Whoa. 902 01:24:33,892 --> 01:24:34,926 Hey. 903 01:24:36,559 --> 01:24:37,759 I've got something for you. 904 01:24:39,926 --> 01:24:40,959 There you go. 905 01:24:41,692 --> 01:24:42,792 Thank you. 906 01:24:42,826 --> 01:24:43,859 Good day. 907 01:24:44,592 --> 01:24:45,959 Hyah. Come on. 908 01:24:57,859 --> 01:24:59,959 - Is it for me? - From Schoharie County. 909 01:25:03,759 --> 01:25:05,726 - Your Abigail. - Give that to me. 910 01:25:05,759 --> 01:25:07,525 Give it. Finney, give... 911 01:25:09,826 --> 01:25:10,826 Finney! 912 01:25:10,859 --> 01:25:13,659 "What's to become of the thousands of our sex 913 01:25:13,692 --> 01:25:15,425 scattered out in the wilderness 914 01:25:15,459 --> 01:25:18,258 and obliged to tax our strengths? 915 01:25:18,292 --> 01:25:19,892 I feel as if, at that selfsame hour 916 01:25:19,926 --> 01:25:20,959 when our prospects were brightest, 917 01:25:20,992 --> 01:25:23,692 that in the dim distance a black shadow approached. 918 01:25:24,625 --> 01:25:26,525 And yet still, 919 01:25:26,559 --> 01:25:28,859 imagine the happiest of unions for us of the sort 920 01:25:28,892 --> 01:25:30,826 in which two families previously at daggers drawn 921 01:25:30,859 --> 01:25:33,492 are miraculously brought together on love's account. 922 01:25:38,992 --> 01:25:40,759 It is your face I bear through the night. 923 01:25:40,792 --> 01:25:42,892 It is to you I devote a dreaming space 924 01:25:42,926 --> 01:25:46,258 before I turn myself to sleep, but there is no sleep. 925 01:25:46,292 --> 01:25:49,726 It's as if within me everything clamors for air, 926 01:25:49,759 --> 01:25:51,859 and I think if it's like this now, 927 01:25:51,892 --> 01:25:52,992 what will it be like later? 928 01:25:54,392 --> 01:25:57,625 I send you what love and support I can. 929 01:25:59,325 --> 01:26:01,358 I send you all my heart's hopes. Abigail." 930 01:26:26,625 --> 01:26:28,425 Please know that force alone 931 01:26:28,459 --> 01:26:31,826 couldn't have gotten me here to a place like this. 932 01:26:31,859 --> 01:26:35,959 I was told I had to act in support of interest, 933 01:26:35,992 --> 01:26:40,992 happiness and the reputation of someone I once loved. 934 01:26:43,392 --> 01:26:44,992 As far as I can figure, 935 01:26:45,026 --> 01:26:47,992 we're now still only about 85 miles apart. 936 01:26:49,492 --> 01:26:51,525 But of course, 937 01:26:51,559 --> 01:26:53,926 people like us don't go on long visits. 938 01:27:30,325 --> 01:27:33,492 Dyer refused first to permit my departure, 939 01:27:33,524 --> 01:27:34,959 and then to accompany me, 940 01:27:37,358 --> 01:27:38,559 and only caught up to the cart 941 01:27:38,592 --> 01:27:41,325 at the end of our property and climbed aboard. 942 01:27:44,992 --> 01:27:47,892 We were the very picture of anguish, 943 01:27:47,926 --> 01:27:50,225 rattling along side by side. 944 01:27:51,926 --> 01:27:56,659 The night was fair and warm with the appearance of a coming rain. 945 01:27:56,692 --> 01:27:57,759 A shower. 946 01:28:39,592 --> 01:28:41,592 It's so hard to write about 947 01:28:41,625 --> 01:28:43,692 how much I want to thank you, 948 01:28:43,726 --> 01:28:46,392 but I have to start somewhere. 949 01:28:47,826 --> 01:28:49,892 Abigail... 950 01:28:49,926 --> 01:28:55,026 I want to tell you that being with you, even alone, 951 01:28:55,059 --> 01:28:58,625 has been like being a part of the biggest 952 01:28:58,659 --> 01:29:03,859 and most spacious community I could ever imagine. 953 01:29:03,892 --> 01:29:07,959 I feel closer to you than I would a sister since 954 01:29:07,992 --> 01:29:10,325 everything amazing that I feel, 955 01:29:11,525 --> 01:29:13,759 I chose to feel. 956 01:29:16,525 --> 01:29:18,959 And do you know what memory it is that I most cherish? 957 01:29:21,358 --> 01:29:25,358 It's of you turning to me with that smile you gave me 958 01:29:26,759 --> 01:29:30,425 once you realized that you were loved. 959 01:29:33,659 --> 01:29:36,892 I have no way of knowing what is to come, 960 01:29:36,926 --> 01:29:40,492 but I do know that all of the trust 961 01:29:40,525 --> 01:29:43,559 and care and courage we shared, 962 01:29:44,792 --> 01:29:46,559 that will all shine on us 963 01:29:47,926 --> 01:29:49,325 and protect us. 964 01:29:51,358 --> 01:29:54,625 You are my city of joy. 965 01:29:56,392 --> 01:29:58,692 You are my city of joy. 966 01:30:30,425 --> 01:30:31,559 Whoa. 967 01:30:39,026 --> 01:30:40,525 Might I ask your business? 968 01:30:40,559 --> 01:30:43,325 We've come to see Tallie. Where is she? 969 01:30:43,358 --> 01:30:45,625 I heard you on the road. 970 01:30:45,659 --> 01:30:47,792 You made such a racket. I took you for the tin knocker. 971 01:30:47,826 --> 01:30:48,692 We've ridden for three days. 972 01:30:48,726 --> 01:30:49,959 We are not leaving without seeing her. 973 01:30:49,992 --> 01:30:53,026 I'm not concerned with what you will or will not leave without. 974 01:30:53,059 --> 01:30:54,459 Keep a civil tongue, friend. 975 01:30:54,492 --> 01:30:56,358 Where is she? 976 01:30:56,392 --> 01:30:57,659 I treated her with tea of soot 977 01:30:57,692 --> 01:31:00,325 and pine-tree root to good effect, 978 01:31:00,358 --> 01:31:01,692 but sickness always tests our willingness 979 01:31:01,726 --> 01:31:03,592 to bow before the greatest authority. 980 01:31:04,859 --> 01:31:06,792 My guess is that it was diphtheria. 981 01:31:06,826 --> 01:31:07,826 No! 982 01:31:09,492 --> 01:31:11,325 There is some alienation from marital... 983 01:32:31,358 --> 01:32:32,492 What time is it? 984 01:32:34,992 --> 01:32:36,258 I don't care. 985 01:32:49,325 --> 01:32:51,892 - I have to go. - You're gonna make a mark. 986 01:32:59,926 --> 01:33:00,959 Come on. 987 01:33:02,459 --> 01:33:03,525 Come on. 988 01:33:05,759 --> 01:33:06,826 Come on. 989 01:33:56,625 --> 01:33:59,325 Sunday, August 31st. 990 01:34:00,959 --> 01:34:02,892 Weather very hot and sunny. 991 01:34:04,959 --> 01:34:06,892 I cleaned out the shed 992 01:34:06,926 --> 01:34:09,425 which was full of rusty and dusty rubbish, 993 01:34:10,358 --> 01:34:12,559 washed the windows, 994 01:34:12,592 --> 01:34:14,525 and preserved apples for the winter. 995 01:34:17,559 --> 01:34:20,559 Fourteen dollars from the sale of our milk and butter. 996 01:34:22,892 --> 01:34:25,292 I have cut my hand with a paring knife. 997 01:34:28,692 --> 01:34:31,459 I console myself with the conviction 998 01:34:31,492 --> 01:34:33,592 that someday in the future when Dyer 999 01:34:33,625 --> 01:34:37,258 is forced to travel to Syracuse for feed or supplies, 1000 01:34:38,525 --> 01:34:40,392 I will join him, 1001 01:34:40,425 --> 01:34:43,459 and take his rifle and go to Skaneateles 1002 01:34:43,492 --> 01:34:45,625 and kill Finney where he sits. 1003 01:34:52,792 --> 01:34:54,759 Dyer has been at work on the barn. 1004 01:35:00,792 --> 01:35:03,992 Each day, we enact our separation. 1005 01:35:08,859 --> 01:35:11,559 Sometimes after it gets dark, 1006 01:35:11,592 --> 01:35:14,559 we walk over the hills across our upper fields 1007 01:35:14,592 --> 01:35:16,258 for the wide, wide view. 1008 01:35:18,792 --> 01:35:21,525 And Dyer tries to imagine us as we were, 1009 01:35:24,292 --> 01:35:26,026 while I try to imagine Tallie 1010 01:35:26,059 --> 01:35:28,525 and that cordial and accepting home 1011 01:35:28,559 --> 01:35:30,659 that existed solely in our dreams. 1012 01:35:32,392 --> 01:35:35,525 I imagine Tallie and Nellie somewhere together, 1013 01:35:35,559 --> 01:35:38,292 and Nellie running her brush through Tallie's hair. 1014 01:35:40,459 --> 01:35:43,559 I imagine banishing forever those sentiments of my own 1015 01:35:43,592 --> 01:35:45,659 that she chastened and refined. 1016 01:35:48,492 --> 01:35:51,659 I imagine resolving to do what I can for Dyer. 1017 01:35:54,692 --> 01:35:57,525 And I imagine continuing to write in this ledger, 1018 01:35:58,992 --> 01:36:00,792 here, 1019 01:36:00,826 --> 01:36:02,592 as though this was my life. 1020 01:36:05,792 --> 01:36:07,959 As though my life was not elsewhere. 1021 01:36:43,992 --> 01:36:46,492 I've always feared that I would bring misfortune 1022 01:36:46,525 --> 01:36:47,726 to those I loved. 1023 01:37:08,959 --> 01:37:10,959 Are you really saying nothing to that? 1024 01:37:15,059 --> 01:37:16,792 I don't know where to start. 1025 01:37:22,392 --> 01:37:25,726 I can't imagine what more we could do for one another... 1026 01:37:28,759 --> 01:37:30,559 with our constraints. 1027 01:37:31,692 --> 01:37:32,726 You can't? 1028 01:37:37,659 --> 01:37:38,726 I can't. 1029 01:37:45,992 --> 01:37:46,992 You can't? 1030 01:37:56,592 --> 01:37:57,625 Well, then... 1031 01:38:01,792 --> 01:38:04,358 It's a good thing we remember that our imaginations 1032 01:38:04,392 --> 01:38:06,258 can always be cultivated. 1033 01:38:52,383 --> 01:38:57,383 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull