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Hey, everyone,
it's Bobby Leiber,

2
00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:29,597
and welcome to
your favorite podcast,

3
00:00:29,631 --> 00:00:31,431
<i>The 11th Brick at Stonewall.</i>

4
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Because we all know
a butch lesbian

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or a trans woman of color

6
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:36,370
probably threw the first brick
at Stonewall,

7
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but it was a cis, white, gay
man who threw the 11th brick.

8
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And today, as always,
I will take you on a journey

9
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:45,312
throughout LGBTQ+ history
and, much more importantly,

10
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:48,081
my own problems and whatever
I feel like talking about.

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And this is a big day,
because, as of today,

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<i>The 11th Brick</i> is celebrating
one million subscribers.

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And in honor of
all this exciting news,

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I am taking your questions live.

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- First question.
- Hi, Bobby.

16
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Any chance for
more children's books?

17
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Oh, not at the moment,
but thank you.

18
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As some of you know, I wrote
a series of children's books

19
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to help parents teach kids
about gay history,

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which no one bought.

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Turns out a four-year-old
didn't want to hear

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a bedtime story about
Martina Navratilova.

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Hey, parents, thanks for
teaching your kids about

24
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Santa Claus, a straight man
that doesn't exist,

25
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and not Martina Navratilova,
a lesbian who does.

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In other news, I finally got
the footage from my audition

27
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to be part of the next cast
of <i>Queer Eye,</i>

28
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:29,189
and you can watch that
on the app right now.

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-Oh, no.
-Oh, my...

30
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I'm sorry. This is not sad.

31
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It's just not sad.

32
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,537
You gave him a haircut
and a pair of pants.

33
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I mean, he looks fine.

34
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-Not great.
<i>-Next caller.</i>

35
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What ever happened
to that movie you wrote?

36
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Oh, yeah. The movie.

37
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These big movie producers
came to me and said,

38
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<i>"We want you to write a rom-com</i>
<i>about a gay couple.</i>

39
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<i>"Something the whole world</i>
<i>would enjoy.</i>

40
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<i>"Something that a straight guy</i>
<i>might even like</i>

41
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<i>and watch with his girlfriend."</i>
<i>I said,</i>

42
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<i>"Something a straight guy</i>
<i>might like? Like what exactly?</i>

43
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<i>"Am I gonna be in the middle</i>
<i>of some high-speed chase,</i>

44
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,326
<i>"and then all of a sudden</i>
<i>fall in love with Ice Cube?</i>

45
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,462
<i>"Am I gonna get butt-fucked</i>
<i>by Jason Momoa</i>

46
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:11,733
<i>while we're both, I don't know,</i>
<i>worrying about a volcano?"</i>

47
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<i>And he said, "Bobby,</i>
<i>we just want to make a movie</i>

48
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<i>"that shows the world</i>
<i>gay and straight relationships</i>

49
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:18,305
<i>"are the same.</i>

50
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,340
<i>Love is love is love."</i>

51
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<i>I said, "Love is love is love?</i>

52
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<i>"No, it's not. That's bullshit.</i>

53
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<i>"That is a lie we had to</i>
<i>make up to convince you idiots</i>

54
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<i>"to finally treat us fairly.</i>

55
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<i>"Love is not love.</i>

56
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<i>"Our relationships</i>
<i>are different.</i>

57
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<i>Our sex lives are different."</i>

58
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<i>And he said, "Bobby,</i>
<i>we were just trying to make</i>

59
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<i>a nice movie</i>
<i>about nice gay people."</i>

60
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<i>And I said, "Well,</i>
<i>there's your first mistake,</i>

61
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<i>because not all gay people</i>
<i>are nice."</i>

62
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<i>And I got up and left.</i>

63
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<i>Anyway, it's totally fine.</i>

64
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I'm not the right person
to write a rom-com anyway.

65
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Why not?

66
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Um, I don't know.

67
00:02:49,504 --> 00:02:52,406
I mean, I'm 40 years old.
I've never been in love.

68
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I've never even had a serious
relationship, which is fine.

69
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You know, I love my life.
I love my freedom.

70
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I love my independence,
but, you know,

71
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probably means
I'm not the right person

72
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:02,550
to write a love story.

73
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In exciting news,
I remain very horny,

74
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:09,356
and tonight I am being honored
at the LGBTQ+ Pride Awards.

75
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:16,564
Being in the NFL, I never
thought I could come out.

76
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For years, I had to suffer
as a hot, ripped, gay person,

77
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living my life in private.

78
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But this last year
has really shown me

79
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how amazing life can be when
you are finally publicly hot.

80
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Thank you.

81
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And now, please welcome

82
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Emmy and Tony Award winner
Kristin Chenoweth.

83
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Good evening.

84
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What an honor for me
to be here tonight.

85
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On my head is a hat
depicting the Stonewall riots,

86
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where the queer liberation
movement began.

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And now, the award for cis,
white, gay man of the year.

88
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Please welcome Bobby Leiber.

89
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Thank you.

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Oh, my goodness.

91
00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:02,677
Thank you, New York! Thank you!

92
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,312
Thank you.

93
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Meet Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum,

94
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,050
the Bert and Ernie
of Ancient Egypt.

95
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,686
Many scholars believe
that they are

96
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:14,956
the first recorded
same-sex couple in history.

97
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Yet to this day,
there are historians

98
00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:20,528
who refuse to believe
that these men were lovers

99
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and insist that
they were brothers instead.

100
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Thus began 5,000 years
of queer love stories

101
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erased from the history books.

102
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No gay love stories
to teach us about love

103
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and how to love each other.

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Well, I'm happy to say
this erasure ends today.

105
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And I am thrilled to announce
I have accepted a position

106
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as the executive director
of the first

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national LGBTQ+ history museum,

108
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right here in New York City!

109
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Thank you, New York!

110
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Thank you.

111
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Thank you so much.

112
00:05:01,836 --> 00:05:03,771
<i>Hey, what's up?</i>

113
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:07,041
<i>Hey, what's up?</i>

114
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:10,377
<i>Looking? Into?</i>

115
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,445
<i>Bottom here.</i>

116
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<i>Versatile.</i>

117
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Sure you are.

118
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:25,458
-Hey, what's up?
-Hey, what's up?

119
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Thank you.

120
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,954
You want to finish?

121
00:06:26,988 --> 00:06:29,690
Uh, I think I'm good, actually.

122
00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,959
-Okay, I'll get you
something for that. -Yeah.

123
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Thanks.

124
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♪ It's very clear ♪

125
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♪ Our love is here to stay... ♪

126
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<i>For me, the cold and awkward</i>

127
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Grindr hookup
is often followed by

128
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a walk around the city
by myself.

129
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,647
Anyone else do that?

130
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<i>It's weird,</i>
<i>because you still had,</i>

131
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<i>like, this romantic encounter.</i>

132
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<i>Even though it was odd</i>
<i>or unsatisfying</i>

133
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<i>and you don't even know</i>
<i>the person,</i>

134
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you're still feeling
this kind of

135
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post-sex warmth and wistfulness.

136
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<i>So I usually</i>
<i>walk around for a bit</i>

137
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<i>and I kind of coast</i>
<i>on that warm feeling</i>

138
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:11,098
<i>as long as it lasts.</i>

139
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<i>And between the weird sex with</i>
<i>strangers that you don't like</i>

140
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<i>and conversations</i>
<i>with friends you love</i>

141
00:07:16,671 --> 00:07:19,573
<i>that you would never</i>
<i>have sex with, you know,</i>

142
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:25,212
you cobble together a version
of a romantic single life.

143
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And it's good, you know?

144
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It works.

145
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It's a lot more than

146
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what a lot of other people
have in this world.

147
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And you try to remember that.

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♪ Going a long, long way... ♪

149
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As always, this podcast is

150
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brought to you by Career Donkey.

151
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Hi, hi. I'm sorry.

152
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,971
I-I know. I'm sorry.

153
00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:51,639
All right, what's going on?
What did I miss?

154
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,707
How are you guys, Lucas?

155
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,175
Uh, well, our surrogate

156
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:56,978
just hit three months, and,
not only that, but we are...

157
00:07:57,011 --> 00:07:59,747
-Having triplets!
-Trip...

158
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:02,750
-Oh, my God, congratulations!
-That's amazing. Yeah!

159
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:05,286
I'm sorry, you guys.
I have to go.

160
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,620
A late shift at the bar.

161
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:08,055
But it was great
meeting you guys.

162
00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:09,590
- Nice to meet you.
- And congratulations, boys.

163
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:10,891
- Thank you.
- Bye, Marty.

164
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,293
-See you later. Text us.
-Bye, y'all.

165
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,694
Wait, so what's happening?

166
00:08:13,728 --> 00:08:15,129
Didn't you guys have
an announcement?

167
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,265
Okay, uh, so, I totally know
this is a little weird

168
00:08:18,299 --> 00:08:20,868
and unexpected,
but the reason we've been

169
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,170
hanging around with Marty
so much is that

170
00:08:23,204 --> 00:08:27,274
we are kind of dating him.

171
00:08:27,308 --> 00:08:28,275
-Oh.
-Okay.

172
00:08:28,309 --> 00:08:29,710
Wait a second.

173
00:08:29,744 --> 00:08:31,278
Wait, wait, wait.

174
00:08:31,312 --> 00:08:32,813
What do you mean
you're dating him?

175
00:08:32,847 --> 00:08:34,982
I mean, together,
like, as a couple.

176
00:08:35,016 --> 00:08:36,317
We're seeing him.

177
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:39,286
I guess it's kind of like
a throuple situation.

178
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:40,888
Hold on.

179
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,990
So, wait, what does
that mean exactly?

180
00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:45,559
Like, are you guys just having
threesomes or something?

181
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,795
Well, we hooked up,
but then we started spending

182
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,330
a bunch of time together after.

183
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,132
It turns out
we have a lot in common.

184
00:08:51,165 --> 00:08:53,167
It's more than just sex.
We genuinely like each other.

185
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,569
--Wait, wait. So, how
long has this been going on?

186
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:56,904
-Six months?
-Oh.

187
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,606
Six mon-- You're in a throuple
for six months

188
00:08:58,639 --> 00:08:59,807
and you didn't tell me?

189
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,642
We didn't know
it'd get that serious.

190
00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,210
How serious is it gonna get?
You're in a throuple.

191
00:09:03,244 --> 00:09:05,212
What are you gonna do next,
tell your grandparents?

192
00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:06,647
Hi, Grandma.

193
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,149
Oh, hi, honey.

194
00:09:08,182 --> 00:09:10,751
-I have some news.
-Yes?

195
00:09:10,785 --> 00:09:12,853
Peter and I are jointly fucking
a third person!

196
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:15,956
Oh, my goodness!

197
00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:17,792
It's Paul.

198
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:20,227
He and Peter are
jointly fucking someone else!

199
00:09:20,261 --> 00:09:22,229
Oh, how wonderful.
It's a throuple.

200
00:09:22,263 --> 00:09:23,697
Oh.

201
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,032
We'll be fine.

202
00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:27,068
We really trust each other
enough to do this.

203
00:09:27,101 --> 00:09:28,235
Just be careful.

204
00:09:28,269 --> 00:09:29,270
I know a lot of guys
who've done this,

205
00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:30,805
and it's a slippery slope.

206
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,073
These things are fragile,
and, you know, we're men.

207
00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:34,942
Okay? Men dating men.
Love is not love.

208
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,745
We are horny and selfish
and stupid. I am, too.

209
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,914
Yeah, someone called into my
show the other day and asked me

210
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,949
why I'm still single.
I said, "You want to know why?

211
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,684
"Because I've been gay
my whole life,

212
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,686
and I don't trust
these gay motherfuckers."

213
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,688
I support them,
but I don't trust them.

214
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,224
-And are you happy?
-Who's so happy all the time?

215
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,692
Uh, a lot of people.

216
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,260
Well, I really don't trust
those people.

217
00:09:53,294 --> 00:09:54,695
Mr. Leiber?

218
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:55,996
Sorry. I love your podcast.

219
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:58,265
-Can I, can I get a selfie?
-Oh, sure.

220
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,235
Thank you.

221
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,803
-Mm-hmm.
- Shit.

222
00:10:02,837 --> 00:10:04,705
I told Henry I'd meet him
at this launch party.

223
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,141
Ugh, I wanted to go home
and change first.

224
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,376
Aren't you guys just gonna take
your shirts off anyway?

225
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:11,712
No, we're not just gonna
take our shirts off.

226
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,214
It's not 2003.

227
00:10:13,247 --> 00:10:15,983
You have a very clichéd view
of what gay men do at a party.

228
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,758
♪ We all move together... ♪

229
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,727
What app is this for again?

230
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,263
It's this new hookup app
my company is launching.

231
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,098
We've got Grindr.
We've got Tinder.

232
00:10:31,132 --> 00:10:32,766
This is Zellweger.

233
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,368
It's for gay guys who just want
to talk about actresses

234
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,337
-then go to bed.
-Oh, I'd use that.

235
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:39,140
Bobby, I had sex
with a 65-year-old.

236
00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:40,741
Sixty-five?

237
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,743
He didn't have an age
on his profile.

238
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:45,412
He was really nice,
he had an amazing body,

239
00:10:45,446 --> 00:10:47,248
but he had this, like,
big, white beard.

240
00:10:47,281 --> 00:10:49,016
I felt like Mrs. Claus.

241
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,751
I kind of love that.

242
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,920
There's that guy Aaron.

243
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:57,258
♪ Together, together, together ♪

244
00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:59,160
♪ We all move together ♪

245
00:10:59,193 --> 00:11:01,061
♪ Together, together ♪

246
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,329
♪ We all move... ♪

247
00:11:02,363 --> 00:11:04,165
Oh, yeah, I don't know
who that is.

248
00:11:04,198 --> 00:11:06,167
He's at the gym sometimes.

249
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,335
Very hot. Very boring.

250
00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:10,771
-Oh, what else is new?
-Oh.

251
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:14,308
Also, today I had sex
with a guy who peed on me.

252
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,776
Oh, are you into that?

253
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,144
Not really,
but what else was I doing?

254
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:18,212
Fair enough.

255
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:19,780
It was honestly kind of boring.

256
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:22,116
Hey, what's up?

257
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,951
Hey.

258
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,986
-Well, hello, Aaron.
-Hey.

259
00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:26,954
This is Bobby.

260
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,822
Do you boys need another drink?

261
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,991
-I'm getting a shitrocket.
-What the hell's a shitrocket?

262
00:11:31,025 --> 00:11:32,960
It's like a Red Bull
but with protein.

263
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:33,894
Oh.

264
00:11:33,928 --> 00:11:35,930
Shitrocket and vodka, I guess.

265
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:38,065
Move, boys. Daddy needs a drink.

266
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,833
Thank you.

267
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,475
You look angry.

268
00:11:48,510 --> 00:11:50,110
Me?

269
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,312
Well, I'm not.

270
00:11:51,345 --> 00:11:52,980
That's just the way I look.

271
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:55,082
I know. People always come up
to me and tell me that,

272
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:57,117
but I'm not.

273
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,687
I'm not angry.

274
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,121
I listen to your podcast.

275
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,456
Oh, really?

276
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,058
Oh, that's cool.

277
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:07,761
I hear you're boring.

278
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,463
Who said that? I'm not boring.

279
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,232
I don't know.

280
00:12:11,265 --> 00:12:12,399
A lot of people.

281
00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:14,101
Cool.

282
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,105
I'm sorry. That was mean.

283
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,175
I'm very bad at flirting.

284
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,811
And I'm also the type of person
who tells you I'm flirting,

285
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,513
which is so sexy.

286
00:12:25,547 --> 00:12:27,348
It's okay.

287
00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:30,851
What do you do?

288
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,520
Uh, for work?

289
00:12:32,554 --> 00:12:34,922
I do probate law.
I'm an estate planner.

290
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,524
Basically, I write
people's wills.

291
00:12:36,558 --> 00:12:38,560
-Do you like it?
-Oh, sure.

292
00:12:38,593 --> 00:12:40,562
When I was a kid,
first thing I would think

293
00:12:40,595 --> 00:12:42,096
when I would meet someone is,
"Who's that person

294
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,198
gonna leave their shit to
when they die?"

295
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:48,202
I really wanted to be part of
the legal logistics of that.

296
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,272
That's funny.

297
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,809
That guy's hot, right?

298
00:12:56,611 --> 00:12:59,013
Oh, yeah. He is.

299
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:02,783
I'm supposed to fuck him
and his husband later.

300
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,487
Cool.

301
00:13:06,521 --> 00:13:09,156
Very good.

302
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:12,493
-Oh, I love this song.
-What is this?

303
00:13:12,527 --> 00:13:14,228
Old-school Mariah.

304
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:16,397
How do you not know this?

305
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:18,432
I'm more of a country guy.

306
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,200
You know, like Garth Brooks.

307
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:22,436
Garth Brooks?

308
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,104
Who are you?

309
00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:26,974
♪ I don't wanna let go
and although I should ♪

310
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,910
♪ I can't leave you alone
'cause... ♪

311
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:32,846
Actually, Carrie Underwood
blocked me on Twitter...

312
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:36,383
♪ And I cannot resist... ♪

313
00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:37,885
What the fuck?

314
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,354
-Where the fuck did he go?
-I don't know.

315
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:41,989
This is why I hate these people.

316
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,358
Oh, my God.
That's the 65-year-old.

317
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,260
Jesus, he's ripped.

318
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:49,631
I know. It's like they injected
steroids into Dumbledore.

319
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,407
Hey, what's up?

320
00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:01,643
-Thanks.
-Hey.

321
00:14:01,676 --> 00:14:03,477
Where'd you go?

322
00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:05,112
I don't know. Nowhere.

323
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,585
Yas, live your lives, queens!

324
00:14:10,618 --> 00:14:12,419
Okurrr.

325
00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:16,256
Gay guys are so stupid.

326
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,891
Oh, my God, I know.

327
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,094
Gay guys are usually, like,
the absolute smartest

328
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:23,063
or, like, the dumbest people
I've ever met.

329
00:14:23,097 --> 00:14:24,532
We've been smart enough
to brand ourselves

330
00:14:24,566 --> 00:14:25,567
as being smart and clever.

331
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,101
I've hooked up with guys,

332
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,503
and afterwards I'll make a joke

333
00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:30,337
or I'll say something sarcastic.

334
00:14:30,371 --> 00:14:32,940
And the guy does not understand
that I'm making a joke.

335
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,677
Literally does not
understand satire.

336
00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:37,111
I know.

337
00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:39,113
And straight people think
we're all smart,

338
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:42,116
-but a lot of these guys
are dumb as shit. -Yes.

339
00:14:43,718 --> 00:14:45,285
It's our little secret.

340
00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:58,899
Actually...

341
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,237
Are you fucking kidding me?

342
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:06,541
-Hey.
-Hey, what were you talking

343
00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:08,142
to Aaron about for so long?

344
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,209
Just about how a lot of gay guys

345
00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:10,678
are secretly incredibly stupid.

346
00:15:10,712 --> 00:15:12,212
-Oh, how fabulous.
-I don't understand.

347
00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:14,181
We're having a good time,
and then he ghosts me.

348
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,450
He just fucking disappears.

349
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:22,289
Bobby, don't. Let it go.
He's a dick.

350
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:25,025
No, I am not letting it go.
I do not let things go.

351
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,694
-Why aren't you dancing?
-I am dancing, okay?

352
00:15:26,728 --> 00:15:29,263
What do you want me to do,
the fucking <i>Nutcracker Suite?</i>

353
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:32,399
Hey.

354
00:15:32,433 --> 00:15:33,568
Hey, what's up?

355
00:15:33,601 --> 00:15:35,102
I tried to kiss you

356
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,036
and you didn't kiss me back
is what's up.

357
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:37,605
I'm sorry. I'm shy.

358
00:15:37,639 --> 00:15:39,239
Please. What are you into?

359
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,241
One of these boring,
ripped idiots with no opinions?

360
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:44,011
No, I'd like someone
who's physically very frail

361
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,013
and won't stop talking.

362
00:15:53,688 --> 00:15:55,723
Come home with me.

363
00:15:55,757 --> 00:15:57,559
I can't.

364
00:15:57,592 --> 00:15:59,259
Why?

365
00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:01,261
'Cause you have to fuck
the fake baseball player

366
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,196
and his husband?

367
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:05,132
I don't know what to tell you.

368
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,167
-Goodbye.
-Hey, wait, wait.

369
00:16:07,201 --> 00:16:08,670
-Take my number.
-Absolutely not.

370
00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:10,070
Why?

371
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,706
'Cause I'm one of
the smart ones, asshole.

372
00:16:11,739 --> 00:16:13,741
Oh, are you
emotionally unavailable?

373
00:16:13,775 --> 00:16:16,009
No one's more emotionally
unavailable than me.

374
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,111
No one. I pride myself on that.

375
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:19,413
Anyway, it doesn't matter.

376
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:20,615
Henry has my number.

377
00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:22,249
See you on Grindr or Zellweger

378
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,017
or whatever the fuck
the next one is.

379
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,520
I'm not on any of those.

380
00:16:25,553 --> 00:16:27,522
Then how do you meet people?

381
00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:30,257
I'm not really looking.

382
00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:33,026
Yeah.

383
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,128
Me neither.

384
00:16:37,665 --> 00:16:39,767
Excuse me. Excuse me.

385
00:16:39,801 --> 00:16:41,201
Excuse me.

386
00:16:41,235 --> 00:16:42,504
Oh, my God,
they cannot stop voguing.

387
00:16:42,537 --> 00:16:43,771
They cannot stop voguing!

388
00:16:43,805 --> 00:16:45,507
Excuse me.

389
00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:47,775
I know you're voguing, but
can I please go home? Please?!

390
00:16:47,809 --> 00:16:50,143
I had a gut feeling

391
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,513
you would be online now.

392
00:16:51,546 --> 00:16:53,113
Hi.

393
00:16:55,550 --> 00:16:57,785
<i>Hey, what's up?</i>

394
00:16:57,819 --> 00:17:00,287
<i>Not much. You?</i>

395
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,056
No.

396
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,225
<i>But us texting</i>
<i>each other anonymously.</i>

397
00:17:05,259 --> 00:17:06,794
<i>I never realized</i>
<i>how much Grindr was</i>

398
00:17:06,828 --> 00:17:09,096
<i>just like</i> You've Got Mail.
<i>Smiley face.</i>

399
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,164
<i>Ha ha. LOL. Dick pic?</i>

400
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,300
<i>No dick pic. Sorry.</i>

401
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,302
<i>Think about</i> You've Got Mail.

402
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,471
<i>Meg Ryan would never send you</i>
<i>a picture of her genitalia.</i>

403
00:17:17,505 --> 00:17:20,173
<i>Ha ha.</i>
<i>LOLOL. Can I see your ass?</i>

404
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:22,476
<i>Don't have ass pic. Sorry.</i>

405
00:17:22,510 --> 00:17:24,244
<i>Need to see ass pic, though.</i>

406
00:17:24,278 --> 00:17:25,345
<i>Don't have ass pic!</i>

407
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:26,581
<i>Not gonna meet up</i>

408
00:17:26,614 --> 00:17:28,482
<i>unless you send ass pic.</i>

409
00:17:28,516 --> 00:17:30,818
<i>Must see pic of ass!</i>

410
00:17:47,535 --> 00:17:48,503
Ow!

411
00:17:48,536 --> 00:17:50,572
Fuck!

412
00:17:50,605 --> 00:17:51,806
I'm bleeding!

413
00:17:51,839 --> 00:17:53,440
How am I gonna shit now?

414
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,810
I can't fuck. I can't shit.

415
00:17:55,843 --> 00:17:58,345
I'm not a person, goddamn it!

416
00:18:02,617 --> 00:18:04,652
It's too fucking flat.

417
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:18,465
<i>Took this just for you, bro.</i>

418
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:24,505
Did he block me?

419
00:18:24,539 --> 00:18:26,674
Motherfucker!

420
00:18:26,708 --> 00:18:28,342
Hallheart proudly presents

421
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,612
our first bisexual holiday film,

422
00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:34,414
the award-winning
<i>Christmas with Either.</i>

423
00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:36,884
Hallheart.
Always on the cutting edge...

424
00:18:36,918 --> 00:18:39,621
of Christmas.

425
00:18:40,822 --> 00:18:43,390
<i>People. Okay.</i>

426
00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:44,759
<i>Okay, people!</i>

427
00:18:44,792 --> 00:18:46,360
People, please!
It's getting late.

428
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,195
We still need to find
a donor to fund

429
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,697
the exhibit in the final wing.

430
00:18:49,731 --> 00:18:51,633
As you know, Pier 1 Imports
was supposed to make

431
00:18:51,666 --> 00:18:53,300
a big donation,
but they went bankrupt

432
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,769
and have been
bought by the Taliban.

433
00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:55,870
Taliban.

434
00:18:55,903 --> 00:18:58,405
So, we are short $5 million.

435
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,240
We cannot afford
to push our opening again.

436
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:01,475
People will think
we're in trouble.

437
00:19:01,509 --> 00:19:03,310
Maybe this whole place
could fall apart.

438
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,879
We need new ideas for
what goes in the final wing,

439
00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:06,246
and we need them now.

440
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,515
-Cherry, go.
-You know the blue whale

441
00:19:07,548 --> 00:19:09,249
hanging in
the Museum of Natural History?

442
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:10,952
-Yes.
-What about that,

443
00:19:10,985 --> 00:19:15,255
but instead of the blue whale,
it's a lesbian?

444
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,224
- Oh, no. Uh-uh.
- Yeah, okay.

445
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,726
-Well, yeah, we can't do that.
-No.

446
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,796
What about a transgender woman
from an Indigenous nation?

447
00:19:21,829 --> 00:19:22,864
Goddamn it, Wanda!

448
00:19:22,897 --> 00:19:24,966
What about the 400 lesbians

449
00:19:24,999 --> 00:19:26,534
who fought in the Civil War?

450
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:28,670
Shut up, Cherry.
They were not all lesbians.

451
00:19:28,703 --> 00:19:30,203
Some of them were trans men.

452
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:32,272
Okay, stop.
This building is a rare chance

453
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:35,677
to legitimize
the history of bisexuals.

454
00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:36,778
Oh, God. Here we go.

455
00:19:36,811 --> 00:19:39,312
Yes! We say "LGBTQ,"

456
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,782
but we always skip over the "B."

457
00:19:40,815 --> 00:19:43,417
I want a hall of bisexuals,

458
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,285
like Disney's
Hall of Presidents.

459
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:49,557
I want a stage full of
animatronic, talking bisexuals.

460
00:19:49,590 --> 00:19:51,859
Talking and moving
and gesturing bisexuals.

461
00:19:51,893 --> 00:19:53,360
You know what?

462
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,830
This happens to be
Bisexual Awareness Week,

463
00:19:55,863 --> 00:19:58,866
and no one has acknowledged it!

464
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,468
-I acknowledged.
-That is true. My bad.

465
00:20:01,502 --> 00:20:04,005
Lesbian History Month
was in March.

466
00:20:04,038 --> 00:20:05,973
Nobody said a goddamn thing!

467
00:20:06,007 --> 00:20:07,675
It's June!

468
00:20:07,709 --> 00:20:09,242
It was in March!

469
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:11,679
Of course lesbians get a month
and we get a week.

470
00:20:11,713 --> 00:20:13,413
-Robert.
-What?

471
00:20:13,447 --> 00:20:15,315
I want you to know
that I hear you.

472
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,384
I see you,
and I'm holding space for you.

473
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,486
There she go. There she go.

474
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,421
She never has
any ideas of her own,

475
00:20:21,455 --> 00:20:23,891
but she's always
"holding space."

476
00:20:23,925 --> 00:20:26,326
A lesbian wrote
"America the Beautiful."

477
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,462
-God, no. I can't.
-Katharine Lee Bates

478
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:29,931
wrote the lyrics on a napkin.

479
00:20:29,964 --> 00:20:34,301
If you go to her house in
Virginia, they have the napkin!

480
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,970
What if the final exhibit was

481
00:20:36,003 --> 00:20:38,472
a recreation of a queer wedding?

482
00:20:38,506 --> 00:20:40,373
-I like that.
-Okay, that I don't hate.

483
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,476
Tamara, that is so sweet.

484
00:20:42,510 --> 00:20:43,745
I love that. And people can

485
00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,378
come and register
for wedding gifts here.

486
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,681
I'm gonna write that down.

487
00:20:46,714 --> 00:20:47,749
Oh, my God, and-- No!

488
00:20:47,782 --> 00:20:48,883
That is old-fashioned,

489
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,417
heteronormative nonsense.

490
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,619
We need to get people
to rethink history

491
00:20:51,652 --> 00:20:53,621
through a queer prism,
not comfort them

492
00:20:53,654 --> 00:20:55,556
with another
fucking gay wedding, all right?

493
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:57,424
It's a museum.
It's not <i>Schitt's Creek.</i>

494
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,458
-Ooh, I like <i>Schitt's Creek.</i>
-But I--

495
00:20:58,492 --> 00:20:59,761
Oh, I love <i>Schitt's Creek.</i>

496
00:20:59,794 --> 00:21:01,495
- That show has layers.
- All right.

497
00:21:01,529 --> 00:21:02,764
Everyone loves <i>Schitt's Creek.</i>
Great. Okay.

498
00:21:02,797 --> 00:21:05,332
That's who you remind me of.
Eugene Levy.

499
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:06,634
Yes.

500
00:21:06,667 --> 00:21:09,302
Okay, Mr. Funk.

501
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,371
How can I help you today?

502
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:13,306
I need to adjust my will.

503
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,042
Okay. Can I ask you why?

504
00:21:15,076 --> 00:21:16,744
Because I'm dying.

505
00:21:16,778 --> 00:21:17,979
I have cancer.

506
00:21:18,012 --> 00:21:19,514
I'm so sorry to hear that.

507
00:21:19,547 --> 00:21:22,449
I just need to figure out
where my money's going.

508
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:25,052
Okay, uh, do you have
a partner or spouse?

509
00:21:25,086 --> 00:21:26,788
No and no.

510
00:21:26,821 --> 00:21:27,922
-Children?
-No.

511
00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:29,590
-Family member?
-No.

512
00:21:29,624 --> 00:21:32,093
-Close friend?
-Not anymore.

513
00:21:32,126 --> 00:21:34,494
Okay, um...

514
00:21:34,529 --> 00:21:36,764
well, uh, sometimes it helps
to close your eyes

515
00:21:36,798 --> 00:21:40,501
and think about who means
the most to you in the world.

516
00:21:44,906 --> 00:21:46,073
Uh, who is it?

517
00:21:46,107 --> 00:21:48,075
Cher.

518
00:21:48,109 --> 00:21:53,080
Okay, so you want
to leave $100,000...

519
00:21:53,114 --> 00:21:54,549
to Cher?

520
00:21:55,516 --> 00:21:57,384
Do you really think
that she needs that?

521
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,554
She has a huge staff.

522
00:21:59,587 --> 00:22:00,822
Uh, okay.

523
00:22:00,855 --> 00:22:02,422
Mr. Shepard, uh--
Sorry to interrupt.

524
00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:05,425
Mrs. Bailey passed away.

525
00:22:06,661 --> 00:22:09,130
Oh, God, this is so depressing.

526
00:22:09,163 --> 00:22:10,665
I'm so sorry.

527
00:22:10,698 --> 00:22:11,966
I can only imagine
what you're going through.

528
00:22:11,999 --> 00:22:14,035
No, I mean your job.

529
00:22:14,068 --> 00:22:15,603
What a downer.

530
00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:22,777
<i>It's Aaron. How's Grindr?</i>

531
00:22:24,545 --> 00:22:26,413
<i>A dream. I spent 45 minutes</i>

532
00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:28,015
<i>taking a picture of my own ass.</i>

533
00:22:28,049 --> 00:22:29,717
<i>How are you?</i>

534
00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:31,552
<i>How was group sex</i>
<i>with that faux Chicago Cub?</i>

535
00:22:31,586 --> 00:22:33,588
<i>It was fun.</i>
<i>They invited me back tomorrow.</i>

536
00:22:33,621 --> 00:22:35,122
<i>Their surrogate is pregnant,</i>

537
00:22:35,156 --> 00:22:36,557
<i>and they're having</i>
<i>a gender reveal orgy.</i>

538
00:22:36,591 --> 00:22:38,125
<i>A gender reveal orgy?</i>

539
00:22:38,159 --> 00:22:40,127
<i>James Baldwin would be so proud.</i>

540
00:22:44,665 --> 00:22:46,634
<i>LOL. I woke up laughing about</i>

541
00:22:46,667 --> 00:22:48,870
<i>you so rudely calling me out</i>
<i>on my shit.</i>

542
00:22:48,903 --> 00:22:50,538
<i>Well, you deserved it, bitch.</i>

543
00:22:50,571 --> 00:22:52,073
<i>Honestly, I was impressed.</i>

544
00:22:52,106 --> 00:22:53,941
<i>You may be more emotionally</i>
<i>unavailable than I am.</i>

545
00:22:53,975 --> 00:22:55,442
<i>Well, maybe we can be</i>

546
00:22:55,475 --> 00:22:56,577
<i>emotionally unavailable</i>
<i>together.</i>

547
00:22:56,611 --> 00:22:58,012
<i>"Maybe we can be</i>

548
00:22:58,045 --> 00:22:59,547
<i>emotionally unavailable</i>
<i>together"?</i>

549
00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:01,481
<i>Who's writing your texts?</i>
<i>Maroon 5?</i>

550
00:23:01,515 --> 00:23:03,184
<i>- Fuck off.</i>
<i>- Kidding!</i>

551
00:23:03,217 --> 00:23:05,186
<i>We can go out.</i>
<i>Are you asking me out?</i>

552
00:23:05,219 --> 00:23:07,121
<i>- I'm down for whatever.</i>
<i>- Yeah, same.</i>

553
00:23:07,154 --> 00:23:08,789
<i>-Cool.</i>
<i>-Sounds good.</i>

554
00:23:08,823 --> 00:23:10,591
<i>So, tomorrow?</i>
<i>Or we can do whatever.</i>

555
00:23:10,625 --> 00:23:12,492
<i>Yeah, I can do</i>
<i>whenever, and I can do whatever.</i>

556
00:23:12,526 --> 00:23:13,961
<i>-I don't care</i>
<i>what we do. -Yeah, me neither.</i>

557
00:23:13,995 --> 00:23:15,930
<i>We can do whatever,</i>
<i>and we can do it whenever.</i>

558
00:23:15,963 --> 00:23:18,065
<i>-Does that work for you?</i>
<i>-Yeah, that definitely works.</i>

559
00:23:18,099 --> 00:23:19,734
<i>Great. Whatever, whenever.</i>

560
00:23:19,767 --> 00:23:21,035
<i>Cool. Whatever, whenever.</i>

561
00:23:21,068 --> 00:23:22,770
<i>GIF of Michael Scott dancing.</i>

562
00:23:22,803 --> 00:23:23,771
He's good.

563
00:23:23,804 --> 00:23:24,805
<i>Office</i> GIF?

564
00:23:24,839 --> 00:23:26,173
This person isn't gay.

565
00:23:26,207 --> 00:23:27,808
<i>Heart. Ugh, no.</i>

566
00:23:27,842 --> 00:23:29,110
<i>Un-heart. Thumbs up.</i>

567
00:23:29,143 --> 00:23:31,779
<i>- Peace.</i>
- Peace?

568
00:23:31,812 --> 00:23:32,914
<i>Later.</i>

569
00:23:33,948 --> 00:23:35,750
Can you heart my "later," bitch?

570
00:23:35,783 --> 00:23:37,018
<i>Bye.</i>

571
00:23:42,489 --> 00:23:43,691
You're from here, right?

572
00:23:43,724 --> 00:23:45,192
Your parents still live
in the city?

573
00:23:45,226 --> 00:23:47,662
No. My parents
both passed away actually.

574
00:23:47,695 --> 00:23:49,997
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-Oh, yeah. Thanks.

575
00:23:50,031 --> 00:23:51,198
It wasn't recent.

576
00:23:51,232 --> 00:23:52,667
My mom died
when I was in college,

577
00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:55,036
and my dad died
like ten years ago.

578
00:23:55,069 --> 00:23:56,537
A bee! A bee! A bee!

579
00:23:56,570 --> 00:23:57,772
-A bee! A bee! A bee!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

580
00:23:57,805 --> 00:23:59,073
Stop swatting.
You're gonna kill it.

581
00:23:59,106 --> 00:23:59,907
Well, that's what
I'm trying to do.

582
00:23:59,941 --> 00:24:01,108
It's on my neck.

583
00:24:01,142 --> 00:24:02,176
The bees are dying.
Don't you read?

584
00:24:02,209 --> 00:24:03,678
Yes, about gay stuff and movies.

585
00:24:03,711 --> 00:24:04,679
-Can you, like, do something?
-Yes.

586
00:24:04,712 --> 00:24:05,813
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Here it is.

587
00:24:05,846 --> 00:24:07,782
-You're touching the bee!
-I know.

588
00:24:07,815 --> 00:24:09,617
Okay.

589
00:24:10,885 --> 00:24:13,087
Wow. Thank you.

590
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,956
You're like
a grown-up gay Boy Scout,

591
00:24:14,989 --> 00:24:18,559
and I'm like whatever ends up
happening to Evan Hansen.

592
00:24:18,592 --> 00:24:20,962
Let me see what's playing.

593
00:24:22,563 --> 00:24:24,497
What's your favorite movie
of all time?

594
00:24:24,532 --> 00:24:26,233
What's my favorite movie
of all time?

595
00:24:26,267 --> 00:24:27,501
I don't know.

596
00:24:27,535 --> 00:24:29,136
Why? What's your favorite movie?

597
00:24:29,170 --> 00:24:30,838
<i>The Hangover.</i>

598
00:24:30,871 --> 00:24:33,841
<i>The Hangover</i> is your favorite
movie of all time?

599
00:24:33,874 --> 00:24:35,743
How many movies have you seen?
One?

600
00:24:35,776 --> 00:24:37,878
-It's a funny movie.
-Yeah, kinda.

601
00:24:37,912 --> 00:24:40,281
And you remember one of
the first lines of that movie?

602
00:24:40,314 --> 00:24:42,116
"Paging Dr. Faggot."

603
00:24:42,149 --> 00:24:43,617
-Remember that?
-Yes.

604
00:24:43,651 --> 00:24:45,252
"Paging Dr. Faggot"
is one of the first lines

605
00:24:45,286 --> 00:24:47,121
of the highest-grossing comedy
of 2009,

606
00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:48,556
and-and no one talks about it.

607
00:24:48,589 --> 00:24:50,124
Right?
And it wasn't that long ago.

608
00:24:50,157 --> 00:24:51,892
You know, we're just supposed
to, like, laugh it off.

609
00:24:51,926 --> 00:24:54,762
It doesn't bother me.
I'm not sensitive like that.

610
00:24:54,795 --> 00:24:56,697
I think you just like
getting angry at things.

611
00:24:56,731 --> 00:24:58,699
Getting angry at things
is, like, your brand.

612
00:24:58,733 --> 00:25:01,569
What?! No, it's not! Fuck you!

613
00:25:01,602 --> 00:25:03,137
Getting angry at things
is my brand?

614
00:25:03,170 --> 00:25:04,605
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

615
00:25:04,638 --> 00:25:05,873
You just don't like
to complain about it

616
00:25:05,906 --> 00:25:07,274
because that means
your feelings were hurt,

617
00:25:07,308 --> 00:25:08,609
and that means
admitting you're weak.

618
00:25:08,642 --> 00:25:09,877
And that's too vulnerable.

619
00:25:09,910 --> 00:25:11,645
And as much as
we go around saying

620
00:25:11,679 --> 00:25:13,247
men should be vulnerable,
you and I both know

621
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:14,648
that is such bullshit.

622
00:25:14,682 --> 00:25:16,083
Because for
a lot of these gay guys,

623
00:25:16,117 --> 00:25:18,619
sweetness and vulnerability
are wonderful and lovely,

624
00:25:18,652 --> 00:25:20,788
but they can also be
a real boner killer.

625
00:25:22,156 --> 00:25:24,058
You're very intense.

626
00:25:24,091 --> 00:25:25,626
Yes.

627
00:25:26,327 --> 00:25:28,662
-I was kidding, by the way.
-About what?

628
00:25:28,696 --> 00:25:31,565
<i>The Hangover.</i>
It's not my favorite movie.

629
00:25:31,599 --> 00:25:33,334
-No, you weren't.
-Yeah, I was.

630
00:25:33,367 --> 00:25:35,703
I just like seeing you
get riled up.

631
00:25:35,736 --> 00:25:38,773
-I don't believe you.
-I was kidding.

632
00:25:40,341 --> 00:25:42,043
Hmm.

633
00:25:42,076 --> 00:25:43,911
I don't like this.

634
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,917
Okay.
Let's see what we have here.

635
00:25:49,950 --> 00:25:51,152
Mm-hmm.

636
00:25:51,185 --> 00:25:52,720
Oh, <i>The Treasure Inside</i>

637
00:25:52,753 --> 00:25:54,088
is supposed to be
really good, actually.

638
00:25:54,121 --> 00:25:55,623
What's that about?

639
00:25:55,656 --> 00:25:56,924
It's about
two closeted gay frontiersmen

640
00:25:56,957 --> 00:25:59,760
in the California Gold Rush
of 1849.

641
00:25:59,794 --> 00:26:01,729
But really it's about two
straight actors playing gay,

642
00:26:01,762 --> 00:26:03,064
trying to win an Oscar.

643
00:26:03,097 --> 00:26:05,800
I never tire of watching
two very straight actors

644
00:26:05,833 --> 00:26:08,002
really transform themselves
into being sad and gay.

645
00:26:08,035 --> 00:26:10,704
Gay actors playing gay--
that's not even acting.

646
00:26:10,738 --> 00:26:12,006
Oh, I totally agree.

647
00:26:12,039 --> 00:26:13,774
If they ever make a movie
about my life,

648
00:26:13,808 --> 00:26:15,309
they better hire
a straight actor.

649
00:26:15,342 --> 00:26:17,044
I like to think of
my life story as

650
00:26:17,078 --> 00:26:19,280
just another way for Benedict
Cumberbatch to really score.

651
00:26:19,313 --> 00:26:22,683
Okay, if we don't see this
movie, what are we gonna do?

652
00:26:22,716 --> 00:26:24,685
Well, I didn't say
I didn't want to see the movie.

653
00:26:24,718 --> 00:26:26,153
-Oh.
-I'll see the fucking movie.

654
00:26:26,187 --> 00:26:29,023
I'm dying to.

655
00:26:29,056 --> 00:26:31,759
I'd put it way above
<i>Call Me by Your Name</i>

656
00:26:31,792 --> 00:26:34,195
but sort of below <i>Dallas Buyers.</i>

657
00:26:34,228 --> 00:26:35,796
Well, it got me in the end.

658
00:26:35,830 --> 00:26:37,798
Yeah, but why does it always
have to be so tragic?

659
00:26:37,832 --> 00:26:40,267
I don't know.
<i>Philadelphia, Milk, Brokeback.</i>

660
00:26:40,301 --> 00:26:41,902
Happy endings don't win Oscars.

661
00:26:41,936 --> 00:26:44,205
Straight people love
seeing us miserable.

662
00:26:44,238 --> 00:26:46,373
- Mm.
- Wait, Aaron Shepard?

663
00:26:46,407 --> 00:26:48,142
Josh Evans?

664
00:26:48,175 --> 00:26:51,112
-Holy shit! What is up, dude?
-Hey, man. Bro!

665
00:26:51,145 --> 00:26:53,114
-Nice to see you.
-It's been for-fucking-ever.

666
00:26:53,147 --> 00:26:54,882
Aaron and I-- we played hockey
in high school.

667
00:26:54,915 --> 00:26:56,383
This is my fiancée Samantha.

668
00:26:56,417 --> 00:26:58,219
- Hey. Nice to meet you.
- Hey.

669
00:26:58,252 --> 00:26:59,854
Uh, this is, uh, Bobby.

670
00:26:59,887 --> 00:27:00,921
- Hey.
- Hey.

671
00:27:00,955 --> 00:27:02,323
We just saw <i>The Treasure Inside.</i>

672
00:27:02,356 --> 00:27:04,191
It's about
closeted gay frontiersmen.

673
00:27:04,225 --> 00:27:05,759
Oh. Okay. Nice.

674
00:27:05,793 --> 00:27:07,828
It's just,
like, some dumb movie.

675
00:27:07,862 --> 00:27:09,330
Oh, wait. I want to see that.

676
00:27:09,363 --> 00:27:11,065
Gay guys are my jam.

677
00:27:11,098 --> 00:27:12,666
Hmm.

678
00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:14,235
So what are you guys doing here?

679
00:27:14,268 --> 00:27:15,736
Just a little trip.

680
00:27:15,769 --> 00:27:17,104
It's her first time
in New York City.

681
00:27:17,138 --> 00:27:18,172
This city is sick.

682
00:27:18,205 --> 00:27:20,941
-It really is.
-Yeah.

683
00:27:20,975 --> 00:27:22,409
Well... awesome.

684
00:27:22,443 --> 00:27:23,777
-Yeah.
-Uh, nice to meet you, Bob.

685
00:27:23,811 --> 00:27:25,279
Nice to meet you guys.

686
00:27:25,312 --> 00:27:26,847
That is crazy.

687
00:27:26,881 --> 00:27:29,283
I never run into anybody
from my hometown.

688
00:27:29,316 --> 00:27:30,885
Oh, yeah, bro. Totally, bro.

689
00:27:30,918 --> 00:27:33,420
Just some dumb movie, bro.

690
00:27:33,454 --> 00:27:35,422
I had the biggest crush on him
in high school.

691
00:27:35,456 --> 00:27:37,424
Yep. That tracks.

692
00:27:38,392 --> 00:27:41,829
Well, like the bearded lady
in <i>The Greatest Showman,</i>

693
00:27:41,862 --> 00:27:44,198
this is me.

694
00:27:45,232 --> 00:27:46,867
Oh.

695
00:27:47,868 --> 00:27:49,403
The faux Chicago Cub?

696
00:27:49,436 --> 00:27:51,305
Yeah. His husband
just sent me that.

697
00:27:51,338 --> 00:27:54,308
Wow. They are extremely hot.

698
00:27:54,341 --> 00:27:56,710
Yeah, Mike and Doug-- they're
these roided-out meatheads.

699
00:27:56,744 --> 00:27:58,879
They're not the brightest,
but they're really sweet.

700
00:27:59,747 --> 00:28:00,981
Do you want to go over there?

701
00:28:01,015 --> 00:28:02,783
Wait. Are you ditching me again

702
00:28:02,816 --> 00:28:04,919
to go fuck the baseball
cosplayer and his husband?

703
00:28:04,952 --> 00:28:07,254
No, I'm not ditching you.
I'm inviting you.

704
00:28:08,856 --> 00:28:10,457
Why don't you
just come upstairs?

705
00:28:10,491 --> 00:28:14,195
Ah, I don't really do the whole
relationship thing very well.

706
00:28:14,228 --> 00:28:16,063
Relationship?

707
00:28:16,096 --> 00:28:19,266
When did I say I wanted to be
in a relationship with you?

708
00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:21,202
We literally hung out one day.

709
00:28:21,235 --> 00:28:22,469
Yeah, but if I go upstairs,

710
00:28:22,504 --> 00:28:24,471
it becomes, like,
a whole thing and...

711
00:28:24,506 --> 00:28:26,106
Whatever.
We should just go over there.

712
00:28:26,140 --> 00:28:27,341
It'll be fun.

713
00:28:27,374 --> 00:28:28,742
I'm not gonna go,
but you should go.

714
00:28:28,776 --> 00:28:30,110
Can I ask you one thing, though?

715
00:28:30,144 --> 00:28:32,079
Why did you text me
if you didn't want to hook up?

716
00:28:32,112 --> 00:28:34,481
I'm not angry.
I'm just honestly curious.

717
00:28:34,516 --> 00:28:37,851
I didn't say
I didn't want to-- I...

718
00:28:38,986 --> 00:28:40,988
I guess I had fun
talking to you at the club,

719
00:28:41,021 --> 00:28:43,490
and I wanted to say,
"Hey, what's up?"

720
00:28:43,525 --> 00:28:45,192
"Hey, what's up?"

721
00:28:45,226 --> 00:28:47,061
So, basically you texted me
when you were feeling hungover

722
00:28:47,094 --> 00:28:49,363
and lonely in that moment,
but you're not actually into me,

723
00:28:49,396 --> 00:28:50,831
but you went on the date anyway.

724
00:28:50,864 --> 00:28:53,000
Why are gay guys so weird?

725
00:28:53,033 --> 00:28:55,903
Actually, you know,
we're not weird.

726
00:28:55,936 --> 00:28:57,972
We're just constantly catering
to our own whims and needs,

727
00:28:58,005 --> 00:29:00,140
which can change on a dime,
but we never even think about

728
00:29:00,174 --> 00:29:02,142
the emotional consequences
of the other person.

729
00:29:02,176 --> 00:29:06,046
Anyway, it's been a blast
catering to your whims.

730
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,983
And, honestly, I can't
really say anything about it

731
00:29:09,016 --> 00:29:11,352
because I do the same thing
to people all the time, so...

732
00:29:13,555 --> 00:29:16,090
-Fun day. And, um...
-Fun day.

733
00:29:16,123 --> 00:29:18,259
-Yeah.
-Have fun with those guys.

734
00:29:18,292 --> 00:29:20,327
Okay. Bye.

735
00:29:22,597 --> 00:29:24,131
Bobby, wait.

736
00:29:28,603 --> 00:29:33,040
♪ When you're dreaming
with a broken heart... ♪

737
00:29:33,073 --> 00:29:35,109
I had a really nice time today.

738
00:29:35,142 --> 00:29:36,076
Me, too.

739
00:29:36,110 --> 00:29:38,178
I never go on dates,
but that was really fun.

740
00:29:38,212 --> 00:29:41,048
Yeah.
I had a really good time, too.

741
00:29:52,192 --> 00:29:53,961
Hey, I'm gonna go.

742
00:29:53,994 --> 00:29:56,030
Oh, really?

743
00:29:56,063 --> 00:29:57,131
Yeah.

744
00:29:57,164 --> 00:29:58,600
Is everything okay?
Is this weird?

745
00:29:58,633 --> 00:30:00,568
Oh, no, no, no.
No, it's fun. It's great.

746
00:30:00,602 --> 00:30:02,036
I just-- I'm just gonna go.

747
00:30:02,069 --> 00:30:03,904
-Okay.
-Okay. I'll see you.

748
00:30:03,937 --> 00:30:05,406
-Okay. Bye.
-Okay.

749
00:30:05,439 --> 00:30:06,874
Bye.

750
00:30:06,907 --> 00:30:08,309
Hey, guys, I'm gonna go.
Thank you so much.

751
00:30:08,342 --> 00:30:10,177
-No. You're leaving?
-Yeah, I got to go.

752
00:30:10,210 --> 00:30:11,613
All right, man.
It was nice meeting you.

753
00:30:11,646 --> 00:30:13,180
-Yeah, you, too. It was lovely.
-Yeah.

754
00:30:13,213 --> 00:30:15,115
-Thank you.
-All right. Good night.

755
00:30:15,149 --> 00:30:16,350
Okay. Okay.

756
00:30:17,885 --> 00:30:19,453
Thanks for coming.
We're convinced Brian's gay,

757
00:30:19,486 --> 00:30:21,589
and I think it's good for him
to have his gay uncle around.

758
00:30:21,623 --> 00:30:23,257
Oh, my God. Of course.

759
00:30:23,290 --> 00:30:25,159
I'm always here to be a good
"guncle" to my "g-nephew."

760
00:30:25,192 --> 00:30:27,629
-Aw. -Uncle Bobby,
will you read my report?

761
00:30:27,662 --> 00:30:29,129
It's about Freddie Mercury.

762
00:30:29,163 --> 00:30:30,998
He's obsessed with
<i>Bohemian Rhapsody.</i>

763
00:30:31,031 --> 00:30:32,466
Oh, my God, I love this.

764
00:30:32,499 --> 00:30:34,234
And like that movie,
does your report take a story

765
00:30:34,268 --> 00:30:35,936
about one of the great
gay icons and make it about

766
00:30:35,969 --> 00:30:37,971
that one time
he maybe had sex with a woman?

767
00:30:38,005 --> 00:30:39,306
I thought Freddie Mercury
was bi.

768
00:30:39,340 --> 00:30:40,642
He had a wife.

769
00:30:40,675 --> 00:30:42,276
Yeah, well, so did Jesus,
and he was gay.

770
00:30:42,309 --> 00:30:44,278
This is excellent
and an improvement on the film.

771
00:30:44,311 --> 00:30:45,312
Good job!

772
00:30:46,681 --> 00:30:48,650
What are those GIFs
from <i>The Hangover?</i>

773
00:30:48,683 --> 00:30:50,217
Nothing.

774
00:30:50,250 --> 00:30:52,252
This guy I went out with
won't stop texting me.

775
00:30:52,286 --> 00:30:54,221
A guy? Really?

776
00:30:54,254 --> 00:30:56,023
-Like a Grindr guy?
-No, shockingly.

777
00:30:56,056 --> 00:30:58,092
I actually met this one
in real life.

778
00:30:58,125 --> 00:30:59,527
Bobby!

779
00:30:59,561 --> 00:31:00,961
That's fantastic!

780
00:31:00,994 --> 00:31:02,162
You think you're gonna
see him again?

781
00:31:02,196 --> 00:31:04,231
No. He told me
he prefers group sex

782
00:31:04,264 --> 00:31:06,568
to one-on-one because
one-on-one is too intense

783
00:31:06,601 --> 00:31:08,168
and makes it a whole thing.

784
00:31:08,202 --> 00:31:10,237
We went on one date, and
we had sex with three people.

785
00:31:10,270 --> 00:31:12,039
Gay relationships these days
are like a clown car.

786
00:31:12,072 --> 00:31:14,441
Oh, there's another one.
Oh, look, another one.

787
00:31:14,475 --> 00:31:16,310
Oh, another one?
It's ridiculous.

788
00:31:16,343 --> 00:31:18,011
Plus, I don't think
I'm his type.

789
00:31:18,045 --> 00:31:19,913
-How do you know?
-Because I know.

790
00:31:19,947 --> 00:31:21,382
He told me
he likes country music

791
00:31:21,415 --> 00:31:23,651
and his favorite singer
is Garth Brooks.

792
00:31:23,685 --> 00:31:25,018
What kind of gay man says

793
00:31:25,052 --> 00:31:26,353
his favorite singer
is Garth Brooks?

794
00:31:26,387 --> 00:31:27,388
That scares me.

795
00:31:27,421 --> 00:31:28,523
Plus, I see the guys he likes.

796
00:31:28,556 --> 00:31:30,257
They all look exactly like him.

797
00:31:30,290 --> 00:31:34,228
They're all these, like, big,
hot, straight-acting dudes.

798
00:31:34,261 --> 00:31:35,129
It's just not me.

799
00:31:35,162 --> 00:31:36,598
Well, is he a top or bottom?

800
00:31:36,631 --> 00:31:38,232
What does that
have to do with anything?

801
00:31:38,265 --> 00:31:39,567
Maybe you're both bottoms,
and that's the problem.

802
00:31:39,601 --> 00:31:42,202
I'm not always
the bottom, Edgar.

803
00:31:42,236 --> 00:31:43,538
Bottom dance!

804
00:31:43,571 --> 00:31:45,072
- Ooh, bottom dance!
- Yeah!

805
00:31:47,441 --> 00:31:48,543
Oh, my God.

806
00:31:48,576 --> 00:31:50,144
Gay sex was more fun

807
00:31:50,177 --> 00:31:52,012
when straight people
were uncomfortable with it.

808
00:31:52,045 --> 00:31:53,247
Fucking <i>Schitt's Creek.</i>

809
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:54,549
Maybe we should
stop talking about

810
00:31:54,582 --> 00:31:56,150
anal sex
in front of your children.

811
00:31:56,183 --> 00:31:58,252
-Nah. -Oh, please.
It's a natural part of life.

812
00:31:58,285 --> 00:32:00,287
Bobby, ask him out again.
You never like anyone.

813
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,089
He is so handsome.

814
00:32:02,122 --> 00:32:04,391
-So are you.
-Y-You're a hottie.

815
00:32:04,425 --> 00:32:07,127
He is, like, on another level.
He's like gay Tom Brady.

816
00:32:07,161 --> 00:32:09,163
When I'm with him,
I feel like friggin' Elphaba.

817
00:32:09,196 --> 00:32:11,165
I bet he's as intimidated
by you as you are by him.

818
00:32:11,198 --> 00:32:13,167
-Oh, yeah.
-I'm telling you.

819
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,468
He's just scared
of being vulnerable.

820
00:32:14,502 --> 00:32:16,069
Gay guys from your generation

821
00:32:16,103 --> 00:32:18,038
still have all these
pent-up masculinity issues,

822
00:32:18,071 --> 00:32:19,440
and you all just need
to get over it already.

823
00:32:19,473 --> 00:32:21,676
Half the kids in Brian's class
are nonbinary.

824
00:32:21,709 --> 00:32:23,010
Well, it's not fair, Tina.

825
00:32:23,043 --> 00:32:24,646
We had AIDS, and they had <i>Glee.</i>

826
00:32:25,713 --> 00:32:27,615
But there is a work thing

827
00:32:27,649 --> 00:32:29,183
I was thinking of
maybe inviting him to.

828
00:32:29,216 --> 00:32:31,185
- Maybe.
- What, a work thing?

829
00:32:31,218 --> 00:32:33,721
With lots of celebrities
and fancy people?

830
00:32:33,755 --> 00:32:36,023
Now, are you gonna peacock
to impress him?

831
00:32:36,056 --> 00:32:37,357
No. It's just a big fundraiser

832
00:32:37,391 --> 00:32:38,992
for the museum,
and I need to bring someone.

833
00:32:39,026 --> 00:32:40,728
Are you gonna be onstage?

834
00:32:40,762 --> 00:32:43,063
No, I am not going to be
onstage, okay?

835
00:32:43,096 --> 00:32:45,399
I am not some sort of
narcissistic sociopath.

836
00:32:45,432 --> 00:32:48,268
Thank you, Doja Cat.

837
00:32:49,403 --> 00:32:52,740
Everyone, there are
rock paintings in Zimbabwe

838
00:32:52,774 --> 00:32:54,241
which depict homosexuality

839
00:32:54,274 --> 00:32:57,277
that date back to the year
2000 BCE.

840
00:32:57,311 --> 00:32:59,213
If only the men
on those paintings

841
00:32:59,246 --> 00:33:02,282
had lived another 4,000 years
to see a character come out

842
00:33:02,316 --> 00:33:04,619
on <i>It's Always Sunny</i>
<i>in Philadelphia.</i>

843
00:33:04,652 --> 00:33:06,688
Who did your chin?

844
00:33:06,721 --> 00:33:08,288
Oh, no. It's real.

845
00:33:08,322 --> 00:33:09,691
Yeah.

846
00:33:09,724 --> 00:33:11,291
Mine, too.

847
00:33:11,325 --> 00:33:14,127
Please continue to
give generously so the museum

848
00:33:14,161 --> 00:33:15,797
can tell all the stories
in between

849
00:33:15,830 --> 00:33:17,231
that have never been told.

850
00:33:17,264 --> 00:33:19,601
Thank you very much. Good night.

851
00:33:23,136 --> 00:33:24,772
Hey, I'm so sorry
I left you alone.

852
00:33:24,806 --> 00:33:26,273
-Things got a little crazy.
-No.

853
00:33:26,306 --> 00:33:28,141
Hey, dude, you-you were,
you were awesome.

854
00:33:28,175 --> 00:33:29,611
I mean, I could never do that,

855
00:33:29,644 --> 00:33:31,378
-speaking in front of a bunch
of people like that. -Oh.

856
00:33:31,411 --> 00:33:32,647
You move in
some pretty fancy circles.

857
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,214
I had no idea.

858
00:33:34,248 --> 00:33:36,083
Oh, trust me,
it's not always this glamorous.

859
00:33:36,116 --> 00:33:39,086
-Bobby, that was amazing,
as always. -Oh.

860
00:33:39,119 --> 00:33:40,420
-Thank you, Charles.
-Congrats on everything.

861
00:33:40,454 --> 00:33:42,055
Thank you so much.
Thank you for coming.

862
00:33:42,089 --> 00:33:43,156
Thank you.

863
00:33:43,190 --> 00:33:44,626
Great speech, Bobby.

864
00:33:44,659 --> 00:33:46,093
Thank you so much.

865
00:33:46,126 --> 00:33:47,394
Hey, do you want to see
the museum?

866
00:33:47,427 --> 00:33:49,229
-I can give you a private tour.
-Oh, sure.

867
00:33:49,263 --> 00:33:50,598
I-I don't want to drag you
away from all this, though.

868
00:33:50,632 --> 00:33:51,766
Oh, no, it's fine.

869
00:33:51,799 --> 00:33:52,800
- Here. That way.
- Okay.

870
00:33:52,834 --> 00:33:54,368
This is The Legends Pavilion.

871
00:33:54,401 --> 00:33:57,705
Unsung heroes
from LGBTQ+ history.

872
00:33:57,739 --> 00:34:00,675
Marsha P. Johnson
and Sylvia Rivera.

873
00:34:00,708 --> 00:34:02,309
Usually, Stonewall
is the only thing

874
00:34:02,342 --> 00:34:04,378
straight people know
about queer history.

875
00:34:04,411 --> 00:34:05,813
Truthfully, no one really knows

876
00:34:05,847 --> 00:34:07,549
who threw the first bricks
at Stonewall.

877
00:34:07,582 --> 00:34:09,817
But it was trans women of color
like Marsha and Sylvia

878
00:34:09,851 --> 00:34:12,687
who drove the earliest days of
the queer liberation movement.

879
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:14,556
So what do you think?

880
00:34:14,589 --> 00:34:16,356
It's pretty incredible, right?

881
00:34:16,390 --> 00:34:19,493
Yeah. I mean, it's-it's-it's
really impressive.

882
00:34:19,527 --> 00:34:21,194
But?

883
00:34:21,228 --> 00:34:23,130
But it's kind of depressing.

884
00:34:23,163 --> 00:34:25,232
It's depressing?
It made you depressed?

885
00:34:25,265 --> 00:34:28,570
It's AIDS and Nazis
and homophobia.

886
00:34:28,603 --> 00:34:31,438
All of it's just--
it's kind of a downer.

887
00:34:31,471 --> 00:34:33,173
Okay.
Well, what were you expecting?

888
00:34:33,206 --> 00:34:34,776
<i>A Night at the Museum?</i>

889
00:34:34,809 --> 00:34:36,410
Honestly, my family
loves that movie.

890
00:34:36,443 --> 00:34:37,344
Oh, okay.

891
00:34:37,377 --> 00:34:39,146
Oh, what if you did
something like that?

892
00:34:39,179 --> 00:34:40,782
Where-where the things,
they come alive,

893
00:34:40,815 --> 00:34:42,416
and they, like, talk at you.

894
00:34:42,449 --> 00:34:45,118
"Where the things come alive,
and they talk at you"?

895
00:34:45,152 --> 00:34:46,788
-Yeah.
-Like what exactly? Oh, oh.

896
00:34:46,821 --> 00:34:48,322
What if we had, like,

897
00:34:48,355 --> 00:34:49,657
-a bust of Eleanor Roosevelt,
right? -Yeah.

898
00:34:49,691 --> 00:34:51,358
And you get really close,
and then all of a sudden,

899
00:34:51,391 --> 00:34:53,661
you realize
that's not Eleanor Roosevelt.

900
00:34:53,695 --> 00:34:55,128
It's Amy Schumer.

901
00:34:55,162 --> 00:34:56,463
-Oh.
-No!

902
00:34:56,496 --> 00:34:59,601
It's a museum.
It's not supposed to be fun.

903
00:35:00,768 --> 00:35:02,402
Bobby.

904
00:35:02,436 --> 00:35:04,204
We've got Debra Messing's
agent on a Zoom.

905
00:35:04,237 --> 00:35:05,673
It's urgent.

906
00:35:05,707 --> 00:35:07,875
Debra's worried that she's
on the verge of being canceled.

907
00:35:07,909 --> 00:35:09,510
She said in an interview
that she was

908
00:35:09,544 --> 00:35:11,813
the Viola Davis of Tufts,
and people are mad.

909
00:35:11,846 --> 00:35:13,514
Her agent is saying

910
00:35:13,548 --> 00:35:15,850
that she may give a very big
donation to the museum

911
00:35:15,883 --> 00:35:16,918
to save face.

912
00:35:16,951 --> 00:35:18,853
Who's Debra Messing?

913
00:35:18,886 --> 00:35:20,588
From <i>Will & Grace.</i> Oh, my God.

914
00:35:20,622 --> 00:35:22,422
- Yes.
- Okay, wait. This is amazing.

915
00:35:22,456 --> 00:35:23,891
-Yes. -Stay right here.
I'll be back in five minutes.

916
00:35:23,925 --> 00:35:26,259
-Sure. Yep.
-Let's go. -Okay.

917
00:36:05,967 --> 00:36:07,635
Aaron?

918
00:36:09,937 --> 00:36:11,539
Aaron?

919
00:36:17,612 --> 00:36:19,681
What the fuck?

920
00:36:21,949 --> 00:36:24,952
-Say hi to your brother.
-Sup? -Sup?

921
00:36:24,986 --> 00:36:26,386
Jason's staying here

922
00:36:26,420 --> 00:36:27,689
while he figures out
where to live.

923
00:36:27,722 --> 00:36:29,389
Never get divorced, Aaron.

924
00:36:29,423 --> 00:36:31,291
- Never get married.
- Okay, Mom.

925
00:36:31,324 --> 00:36:33,695
I'm sorry. I'm at work, so
I-I should probably get going.

926
00:36:33,728 --> 00:36:36,463
Oh,
I almost forgot to tell you.

927
00:36:36,496 --> 00:36:38,432
Do you remember Josh Evans?

928
00:36:38,465 --> 00:36:39,967
Yeah, Josh Evans
from high school.

929
00:36:40,001 --> 00:36:41,903
I actually ran into him
and his fiancée

930
00:36:41,936 --> 00:36:43,437
on the street the other day.

931
00:36:43,470 --> 00:36:46,239
Well, they just broke up.
And you want to know why?

932
00:36:46,273 --> 00:36:48,375
Because he's gay.

933
00:36:49,744 --> 00:36:51,879
Josh Ev-- No.

934
00:36:51,913 --> 00:36:53,581
I'm definitely embarrassed

935
00:36:53,614 --> 00:36:55,348
about how long
this has taken me,

936
00:36:55,382 --> 00:36:58,452
but I'm told people do this
in their own time.

937
00:36:58,485 --> 00:37:01,622
I've been empowered by my hero,
Colton Underwood,

938
00:37:01,656 --> 00:37:05,593
to say that, as it turns out,
I'm gay.

939
00:37:06,594 --> 00:37:08,896
And like this post
if you like that I'm gay.

940
00:37:08,930 --> 00:37:10,898
Peace.

941
00:37:10,932 --> 00:37:13,333
Holy shit.

942
00:37:13,366 --> 00:37:16,303
So we started going
back and forth for a while,

943
00:37:16,336 --> 00:37:17,672
and then at the end,
I was just like,

944
00:37:17,705 --> 00:37:19,640
"Why don't you call the album
<i>Lemonade?"</i>

945
00:37:22,309 --> 00:37:23,845
Bobby?

946
00:37:23,878 --> 00:37:25,278
When you're ready.

947
00:37:25,312 --> 00:37:27,648
-What?
-When you're ready.

948
00:37:27,682 --> 00:37:28,850
Sorry.

949
00:37:28,883 --> 00:37:30,752
Okay. People wonder

950
00:37:30,785 --> 00:37:33,320
if America is ready
for its first gay president.

951
00:37:33,353 --> 00:37:35,890
I say we already had one.

952
00:37:35,923 --> 00:37:37,725
For the final wing,
please consider

953
00:37:37,759 --> 00:37:41,361
The Lincoln Letters:
A Gay American Love Story.

954
00:37:41,394 --> 00:37:42,897
For years, historians have

955
00:37:42,930 --> 00:37:44,732
speculated about
Lincoln's sexuality.

956
00:37:44,766 --> 00:37:47,367
He shared a bed and
exchanged intimate letters with

957
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,370
multiple men over the years,
including Joshua Speed

958
00:37:50,403 --> 00:37:51,806
-and David Derrickson. Speed...
-Okay, I'm stopping you.

959
00:37:51,839 --> 00:37:54,509
Bobby, it won't work.
You can't say Lincoln was gay.

960
00:37:54,542 --> 00:37:56,911
-Why?
-There's no way to confirm

961
00:37:56,944 --> 00:37:58,513
those were sexual relationships.

962
00:37:58,546 --> 00:38:00,347
There's no evidence of love.

963
00:38:00,380 --> 00:38:02,315
Well, of course there's
no evidence of love, Robert.

964
00:38:02,349 --> 00:38:03,483
We weren't allowed to exist.

965
00:38:03,518 --> 00:38:05,418
How would we have
enough evidence?

966
00:38:05,452 --> 00:38:07,922
Okay, Lincoln was married to
a woman and had four children.

967
00:38:07,955 --> 00:38:09,991
He was not gay, Bobby.

968
00:38:10,024 --> 00:38:11,424
He might have been bi.

969
00:38:11,458 --> 00:38:12,760
I am telling you!

970
00:38:12,794 --> 00:38:14,796
We have let the world
erase gay love stories

971
00:38:14,829 --> 00:38:16,063
since the beginning of time.

972
00:38:16,097 --> 00:38:18,833
This is our chance
to reject the shame

973
00:38:18,866 --> 00:38:20,400
and restore the truth.

974
00:38:20,433 --> 00:38:21,836
And if we don't do this,
we're letting them win.

975
00:38:21,869 --> 00:38:24,071
We're letting the
heterosexual terrorists win.

976
00:38:24,105 --> 00:38:25,640
The heterosexual terrorists?

977
00:38:25,673 --> 00:38:28,042
-That's right.
-There are also gay terrorists.

978
00:38:28,075 --> 00:38:29,944
And there are
bi terrorists, okay?

979
00:38:29,977 --> 00:38:32,479
There are
many bisexual terrorists.

980
00:38:32,513 --> 00:38:33,714
Okay, there are
trans terrorists, too.

981
00:38:33,748 --> 00:38:35,482
Caitlyn Jenner.

982
00:38:35,516 --> 00:38:37,518
Enough, people.
Let's vote on it.

983
00:38:39,821 --> 00:38:41,122
Okay.

984
00:38:41,155 --> 00:38:43,624
Looks like we have two votes

985
00:38:43,658 --> 00:38:45,760
for The Great Bisexuals
of the World.

986
00:38:45,793 --> 00:38:47,128
Thank you, someone.

987
00:38:47,161 --> 00:38:48,563
And three votes
for The Lincoln Letters.

988
00:38:48,596 --> 00:38:49,997
-Lincoln wins.
-Yes!

989
00:38:50,031 --> 00:38:52,600
Thank you! Thank you.

990
00:38:52,633 --> 00:38:55,036
Debra Messing is
in the building.

991
00:38:56,604 --> 00:38:58,773
Yes! My girl.

992
00:38:58,806 --> 00:38:59,974
Are you okay?

993
00:39:00,007 --> 00:39:01,075
-Yeah.
-Debra Messing.

994
00:39:01,108 --> 00:39:02,777
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

995
00:39:02,810 --> 00:39:05,580
Okay. Wish me luck.

996
00:39:06,547 --> 00:39:09,650
-Miss Messing.
-Oh, please call me Debra.

997
00:39:09,684 --> 00:39:11,118
-Oh.
-Oh.

998
00:39:11,152 --> 00:39:12,954
I love this space.

999
00:39:12,987 --> 00:39:14,889
How did you find it?

1000
00:39:14,922 --> 00:39:16,991
Oh, God. How did we find it?

1001
00:39:17,024 --> 00:39:19,660
Um, I don't know. I'm sorry.

1002
00:39:19,694 --> 00:39:22,063
Are you okay, dear?
You seem a little flustered.

1003
00:39:22,096 --> 00:39:23,598
Trust me.

1004
00:39:23,631 --> 00:39:26,734
I know I'm Debra Messing,
but I'm only human.

1005
00:39:26,767 --> 00:39:28,002
Right.

1006
00:39:28,035 --> 00:39:29,469
Um, no, I'm fine.

1007
00:39:29,503 --> 00:39:31,471
It's a-- I'm so sorry.
It's boy problems.

1008
00:39:31,505 --> 00:39:32,472
It's nothing. It's stupid.

1009
00:39:32,506 --> 00:39:34,108
-Oh.
-Yeah.

1010
00:39:34,141 --> 00:39:35,475
He was actually here last night.

1011
00:39:35,509 --> 00:39:36,744
He came to
the fundraiser with me,

1012
00:39:36,777 --> 00:39:38,579
and then out of nowhere,
he left, you know.

1013
00:39:38,613 --> 00:39:39,614
And I keep texting him,
and he doesn't text me back.

1014
00:39:39,647 --> 00:39:41,148
I don't know. It doesn't matter.

1015
00:39:41,182 --> 00:39:43,751
-How are you?
-I am so excited for this tour.

1016
00:39:43,784 --> 00:39:44,986
Can I just ask you
really quickly?

1017
00:39:45,019 --> 00:39:46,453
Because I actually think

1018
00:39:46,486 --> 00:39:48,055
you're, like,
the perfect person to ask.

1019
00:39:48,089 --> 00:39:49,590
What is going on?

1020
00:39:49,624 --> 00:39:51,424
You know, like,
is he not interested in me

1021
00:39:51,458 --> 00:39:53,160
or did something really come up?

1022
00:39:53,194 --> 00:39:54,629
And why am I
thinking about it so much?

1023
00:39:54,662 --> 00:39:56,097
That's what's so annoying.

1024
00:39:56,130 --> 00:39:58,032
You know, because I'm never
distracted like this, okay?

1025
00:39:58,065 --> 00:39:59,033
This is not who I am.

1026
00:39:59,066 --> 00:40:00,501
And it's like, what do I do now?

1027
00:40:00,534 --> 00:40:02,469
Do I text him again?
Do I call him?

1028
00:40:02,503 --> 00:40:05,039
Do I go to his house, you know?

1029
00:40:05,072 --> 00:40:07,041
What do I do, Debra?

1030
00:40:07,074 --> 00:40:09,810
You know, for the last 25 years,

1031
00:40:09,844 --> 00:40:13,180
I have been listening
to every gay man on earth

1032
00:40:13,214 --> 00:40:14,849
complain to me.

1033
00:40:14,882 --> 00:40:16,083
I am not my character.

1034
00:40:16,117 --> 00:40:18,619
I am not every gay man's
best friend.

1035
00:40:18,653 --> 00:40:21,055
I am simply out in the world,

1036
00:40:21,088 --> 00:40:25,059
thinking that I'm gonna get
a tour of a museum, but no. No!

1037
00:40:25,092 --> 00:40:28,796
Did I waltz in here
and lay all my shit on you?

1038
00:40:28,829 --> 00:40:31,933
-Answer me! Answer me!
-I'm just-- I...

1039
00:40:31,966 --> 00:40:33,067
Shut up!

1040
00:40:33,100 --> 00:40:34,669
I am a divorced single mother.

1041
00:40:34,702 --> 00:40:36,469
You want to hear
what that's like?

1042
00:40:36,504 --> 00:40:38,205
I'm so sorry about this.
I'm terribly embarrassed.

1043
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:39,840
Please let me,
let me start again. I...

1044
00:40:39,874 --> 00:40:42,475
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wh-What's going on in here?

1045
00:40:42,510 --> 00:40:43,711
Do you have some personal shit

1046
00:40:43,744 --> 00:40:45,146
you want to complain
to me about?

1047
00:40:45,179 --> 00:40:46,847
-No.
-Of course not.

1048
00:40:46,881 --> 00:40:51,686
Because lesbians
have their shit together.

1049
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:53,955
I got to go.
I lose my sitter in an hour.

1050
00:40:53,988 --> 00:40:55,790
Miss Messing, please come back.
I'm so sorry.

1051
00:40:55,823 --> 00:40:59,927
I am not Grace!

1052
00:40:59,961 --> 00:41:01,963
It is a character.

1053
00:41:01,996 --> 00:41:04,598
I won an Emmy for it.

1054
00:41:04,632 --> 00:41:06,934
I even beat
Sarah Jessica Parker.

1055
00:41:06,968 --> 00:41:08,869
People forget!

1056
00:41:08,903 --> 00:41:10,838
I'm shaving my head.

1057
00:41:10,871 --> 00:41:12,974
What the fuck
is this doing here?

1058
00:41:13,007 --> 00:41:15,176
Bobby!
What is going on with you?

1059
00:41:15,209 --> 00:41:17,144
Debra Messing
just told you to fuck off.

1060
00:41:17,178 --> 00:41:18,779
The door's fucking locked.

1061
00:41:18,813 --> 00:41:21,816
-Oh, please let me help you.
-No. I want her.

1062
00:41:25,052 --> 00:41:28,723
♪ Don't call him ♪

1063
00:41:28,756 --> 00:41:32,193
♪ Don't call him,
don't call him ♪

1064
00:41:32,226 --> 00:41:35,262
♪ Do not call him ♪

1065
00:41:35,296 --> 00:41:37,631
♪ Just watch <i>Ozark</i> ♪

1066
00:41:37,665 --> 00:41:42,536
♪ <i>Ozark,</i>
like a normal person. ♪

1067
00:41:50,277 --> 00:41:53,047
Hey, it's me.

1068
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:56,884
Um, call me when you're around.

1069
00:41:56,917 --> 00:41:58,586
Okay, bye.

1070
00:42:01,322 --> 00:42:03,224
<i>Hey, what's up?</i>

1071
00:42:03,257 --> 00:42:04,625
<i>What's up?</i>

1072
00:42:04,658 --> 00:42:06,227
<i>Sorry I haven't replied.</i>

1073
00:42:06,260 --> 00:42:08,763
<i>I've just been busy.</i>

1074
00:42:08,796 --> 00:42:11,032
<i>No worries. Same.</i>

1075
00:42:15,636 --> 00:42:17,905
<i>You want to hang out</i>
<i>this weekend?</i>

1076
00:42:24,945 --> 00:42:27,248
<i>Hey, Bobby.</i>
<i>I have to be honest.</i>

1077
00:42:27,281 --> 00:42:29,250
<i>I really like</i>
<i>hanging out with you.</i>

1078
00:42:29,283 --> 00:42:31,852
<i>You're so smart and funny,</i>

1079
00:42:31,886 --> 00:42:34,688
<i>but I'm not sure</i>
<i>I'm the right match for you.</i>

1080
00:42:34,722 --> 00:42:36,957
<i>I'm not sure I'm at your level.</i>

1081
00:42:36,991 --> 00:42:41,162
<i>Maybe your friends were right</i>
<i>when they said I was boring.</i>

1082
00:42:41,195 --> 00:42:42,797
<i>Good luck with everything.</i>

1083
00:42:45,199 --> 00:42:46,700
Oh, come on.

1084
00:42:55,376 --> 00:42:57,812
<i>Sure.</i>

1085
00:43:03,651 --> 00:43:05,219
Why are you sitting on the grass

1086
00:43:05,252 --> 00:43:07,054
and not this gigantic blanket?

1087
00:43:08,989 --> 00:43:11,158
I like grass.

1088
00:43:11,192 --> 00:43:13,961
Mm. Cool. Cool.

1089
00:43:19,934 --> 00:43:22,002
So what's up?

1090
00:43:22,036 --> 00:43:24,305
-What's been going on?
-Oh, wait.

1091
00:43:24,338 --> 00:43:25,673
Crazy story.

1092
00:43:25,706 --> 00:43:27,108
Remember that guy I ran into,

1093
00:43:27,141 --> 00:43:28,375
that old buddy from high school?

1094
00:43:28,409 --> 00:43:30,845
-Yeah.
-Yeah. He just came out.

1095
00:43:30,878 --> 00:43:31,779
What?

1096
00:43:31,812 --> 00:43:33,714
Broke up with his fiancée.
I had no idea.

1097
00:43:33,747 --> 00:43:36,050
-Wow.
-Crazy.

1098
00:43:36,083 --> 00:43:37,218
-Good for him.
-Yeah.

1099
00:43:37,251 --> 00:43:39,120
That's cool.

1100
00:43:41,222 --> 00:43:43,757
Very cool.

1101
00:43:47,862 --> 00:43:49,697
Okay, I'm sorry.
What is going on?

1102
00:43:49,730 --> 00:43:52,266
-What do you mean?
-The other night.

1103
00:43:52,299 --> 00:43:53,734
Leaving me at the museum
like that.

1104
00:43:53,767 --> 00:43:55,269
And then you didn't return
any of my texts.

1105
00:43:55,302 --> 00:43:56,704
Well, you texted me
like 15 times.

1106
00:43:56,737 --> 00:43:57,905
It was a little scary.

1107
00:43:57,938 --> 00:43:59,974
Okay, I need you
to be honest with me.

1108
00:44:00,007 --> 00:44:01,742
You're not attracted
to me, right?

1109
00:44:01,775 --> 00:44:03,144
It's okay. I can handle it.

1110
00:44:03,177 --> 00:44:04,278
I won't be insulted.

1111
00:44:04,311 --> 00:44:05,846
I just need to know.

1112
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,281
Just be honest with me
so I don't waste my time.

1113
00:44:07,314 --> 00:44:10,317
-I'm not your type, right?
-Bobby, it's not that.

1114
00:44:10,351 --> 00:44:13,053
-You are a very attractive guy.
-Okay. Well, thanks.

1115
00:44:13,087 --> 00:44:15,923
So why are you being so weird
and passive-aggressive?

1116
00:44:15,956 --> 00:44:17,725
Look, you're being
very loud, actually.

1117
00:44:17,758 --> 00:44:19,860
-You like dumb guys.
-What?

1118
00:44:19,894 --> 00:44:22,429
Yeah, you heard me.
I see what you like.

1119
00:44:22,463 --> 00:44:25,399
You like these big,
like, fucking bro-ey,

1120
00:44:25,432 --> 00:44:27,067
like, meathead idiots.

1121
00:44:27,101 --> 00:44:30,037
Oh, is that
what you like, Aaron? Yeah?

1122
00:44:30,070 --> 00:44:32,439
-You want to play with
the big boys, huh? -Yep.

1123
00:44:32,473 --> 00:44:34,074
Oh, look, Aaron,
they're fighting.

1124
00:44:34,108 --> 00:44:36,010
-You want to be in the fight?
-Yeah, that's right.

1125
00:44:36,043 --> 00:44:37,444
You want to be back in the old
high school locker room, huh?

1126
00:44:37,478 --> 00:44:39,180
-Yeah.
-With your hockey friends,

1127
00:44:39,213 --> 00:44:42,449
like, stealing a glance
at fucking Josh, right?

1128
00:44:42,483 --> 00:44:44,018
- Huh? Yeah, you like that?
- Okay.

1129
00:44:44,051 --> 00:44:44,785
Hey.

1130
00:44:44,818 --> 00:44:46,387
-Yeah, I can be tough.
-Oh, wow.

1131
00:44:46,420 --> 00:44:48,055
Yeah, I can be tough
like your boys.

1132
00:44:48,088 --> 00:44:49,990
-You stop that. -Yeah.
Oh, that's what you like, huh?

1133
00:44:50,024 --> 00:44:51,258
-Oh, now you're on
my blanket, bro. -Yeah, okay.

1134
00:44:51,292 --> 00:44:52,793
Yeah, get on my blanket, bro.

1135
00:44:52,826 --> 00:44:53,928
-Oh, now I'm on your blanket.
-Oh, now you want

1136
00:44:53,961 --> 00:44:55,329
-on my big blanket?
-Yeah.

1137
00:44:55,362 --> 00:44:56,797
Now you want to be
on my big blanket?

1138
00:44:56,830 --> 00:44:58,199
I can be aggressive.
Oh, there you are.

1139
00:44:58,232 --> 00:45:00,234
-There you-- I can...
-Yeah? Yeah, yeah?

1140
00:45:00,267 --> 00:45:02,002
Hey, hey, hey! What's going on?

1141
00:45:02,036 --> 00:45:03,337
-I'm all over
your blanket. -Yeah?

1142
00:45:03,370 --> 00:45:05,005
Boys?

1143
00:45:05,839 --> 00:45:08,309
-Okay, man.
-Oh, yeah. -My bad.

1144
00:45:09,843 --> 00:45:11,478
-My place is near here.
-Let's go the fuck home.

1145
00:45:11,513 --> 00:45:13,280
Yeah.

1146
00:45:13,314 --> 00:45:15,182
Ow! Ow. Oh, ow!

1147
00:45:15,216 --> 00:45:18,385
- Ow, ow, ow.
- ♪ When I fall in love ♪

1148
00:45:18,419 --> 00:45:20,187
Oh. Whoa, whoa!

1149
00:45:20,221 --> 00:45:21,855
Ow! Oh.

1150
00:45:21,889 --> 00:45:24,825
♪ It will be forever... ♪

1151
00:45:24,858 --> 00:45:26,093
-Yeah.
-Yeah. I like that.

1152
00:45:26,126 --> 00:45:28,095
- I like that.
- You like that?

1153
00:45:28,128 --> 00:45:29,531
-I like that.
-You're gonna take that?

1154
00:45:29,564 --> 00:45:30,998
Yeah, that's what you like.

1155
00:45:31,031 --> 00:45:32,199
Ooh, yeah.

1156
00:45:32,233 --> 00:45:34,268
Oh, yeah. Dirty. Oh, yeah.

1157
00:45:36,504 --> 00:45:38,772
Oh, yeah.

1158
00:45:42,142 --> 00:45:44,178
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah? Yeah?

1159
00:45:44,211 --> 00:45:45,813
Uh-huh.

1160
00:45:45,846 --> 00:45:47,481
-Mm-hmm. You like that?
-Yeah. Yes.

1161
00:45:47,515 --> 00:45:49,383
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-Yeah. Okay.

1162
00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:51,819
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1163
00:45:51,852 --> 00:45:54,421
Yeah. Okay.

1164
00:45:54,455 --> 00:45:55,889
- Good? Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

1165
00:45:55,923 --> 00:45:57,324
Ooh, yeah. Oh, yeah?

1166
00:45:57,358 --> 00:45:59,026
-You gonna tap out?
-Yeah, yeah, I'll tap out.

1167
00:45:59,059 --> 00:46:00,861
-Yeah? Oh, yeah. Yeah?
-I'll tap out.

1168
00:46:00,894 --> 00:46:02,196
-You gonna tap out? Tap out.
-I'll tap out.

1169
00:46:02,229 --> 00:46:04,064
-I tap out!
-Are you good? Are you good?

1170
00:46:04,098 --> 00:46:06,501
-I tapped out. I tapped out.
-Okay, I'm sorry. Okay.

1171
00:46:08,335 --> 00:46:09,470
Oh.

1172
00:46:09,504 --> 00:46:11,272
Oh! Oh.

1173
00:46:11,305 --> 00:46:13,541
-Great. Yeah, you like that?
-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

1174
00:46:13,575 --> 00:46:15,309
Yeah, you like that?
Yeah, you like that?

1175
00:46:15,342 --> 00:46:18,045
-Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
-You like that? You like that?

1176
00:46:18,078 --> 00:46:19,480
-Oh, yeah. You like that?
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1177
00:46:19,514 --> 00:46:20,848
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah. Yeah.

1178
00:46:20,881 --> 00:46:22,249
You like poppers?

1179
00:46:22,283 --> 00:46:23,417
-Yeah.
-Okay.

1180
00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:25,786
♪ My heart ♪

1181
00:46:28,956 --> 00:46:32,026
♪ And the moment ♪

1182
00:46:32,059 --> 00:46:35,062
♪ I can feel that ♪

1183
00:46:36,330 --> 00:46:41,268
♪ You feel that way, too ♪

1184
00:46:42,236 --> 00:46:45,205
♪ Is when I fall in love ♪

1185
00:46:47,107 --> 00:46:49,376
♪ With you. ♪

1186
00:46:58,385 --> 00:47:00,921
That was crazy.

1187
00:47:00,954 --> 00:47:03,057
Yeah.

1188
00:47:08,162 --> 00:47:11,231
I like how your chest
goes in like that.

1189
00:47:11,265 --> 00:47:13,601
Oh, thank you.

1190
00:47:13,635 --> 00:47:16,136
Mm, it's called a concave chest.

1191
00:47:16,170 --> 00:47:18,439
Well, I like it.

1192
00:47:18,472 --> 00:47:21,008
It's like a tiny birdbath.

1193
00:47:21,975 --> 00:47:23,377
It's like a birdbath?

1194
00:47:23,410 --> 00:47:25,346
-Mm.
-Great.

1195
00:47:25,379 --> 00:47:26,548
I always wanted my chest

1196
00:47:26,581 --> 00:47:28,182
to look exactly like
a tiny birdbath.

1197
00:47:28,215 --> 00:47:30,484
It's what every man wants.

1198
00:47:33,521 --> 00:47:35,089
I like how hairy you are.

1199
00:47:35,122 --> 00:47:37,525
You're like Austin Powers.

1200
00:47:38,693 --> 00:47:40,361
Thank you.

1201
00:47:42,196 --> 00:47:44,264
God, I never thought
I would date someone who gets

1202
00:47:44,298 --> 00:47:48,302
more excited about Austin
Powers than Debra Messing.

1203
00:47:48,335 --> 00:47:51,004
Where did I go wrong?

1204
00:47:51,038 --> 00:47:53,273
Wait. Are-are we dating?

1205
00:47:56,176 --> 00:47:58,312
No.

1206
00:47:58,345 --> 00:48:00,347
We're not dating. Please.

1207
00:48:00,381 --> 00:48:01,949
I was joking.

1208
00:48:01,982 --> 00:48:04,284
You don't date people.
I don't date people.

1209
00:48:04,318 --> 00:48:06,387
We don't date people.

1210
00:48:07,555 --> 00:48:09,957
-Remember?
-I remember.

1211
00:48:12,660 --> 00:48:15,262
Ow. What are you doing?

1212
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,143
So annoying how good
a warm body feels

1213
00:48:29,176 --> 00:48:31,945
laying on another warm body.

1214
00:48:42,990 --> 00:48:47,060
-Hmm? -I hate getting
work emails on a Sunday.

1215
00:48:48,663 --> 00:48:50,532
Your job is really intense.

1216
00:48:50,565 --> 00:48:52,933
Yes, and I hate it.

1217
00:48:53,735 --> 00:48:56,036
It's fucking stressful
and depressing

1218
00:48:56,069 --> 00:48:58,740
and so fucking boring. I-I...

1219
00:48:58,773 --> 00:49:01,543
I fucking hate it.

1220
00:49:01,576 --> 00:49:03,444
I'm sorry.

1221
00:49:03,477 --> 00:49:06,548
Was there something else
you wanted to do?

1222
00:49:08,683 --> 00:49:11,418
Bobby, I need
to tell you something.

1223
00:49:16,624 --> 00:49:19,059
When I was younger...

1224
00:49:22,262 --> 00:49:24,998
-What happened?
-I...

1225
00:49:27,502 --> 00:49:30,237
You can tell me.

1226
00:49:34,509 --> 00:49:38,412
When I was younger, I wanted
to make little chocolates.

1227
00:49:41,048 --> 00:49:42,717
You wanted to make...

1228
00:49:42,750 --> 00:49:44,284
-little chocolates?
-Yes.

1229
00:49:44,318 --> 00:49:46,220
I used to tell my parents
I was going to the arcade

1230
00:49:46,253 --> 00:49:48,322
at the mall, but
I would sneak off to Godiva.

1231
00:49:48,355 --> 00:49:51,258
I just loved how all
the chocolates were wrapped.

1232
00:49:51,291 --> 00:49:53,628
And I thought about how I would
design my own chocolates,

1233
00:49:53,661 --> 00:49:55,162
how each little chocolate has

1234
00:49:55,195 --> 00:49:57,231
its own specific,
unique design on it,

1235
00:49:57,264 --> 00:49:58,533
and that little design tells you

1236
00:49:58,566 --> 00:50:00,200
what they're gonna taste like.

1237
00:50:00,234 --> 00:50:04,606
So I would draw my own
chocolates in-in a notepad.

1238
00:50:04,639 --> 00:50:06,240
It's all I thought about.

1239
00:50:06,273 --> 00:50:08,676
Tiny little pretty chocolates.

1240
00:50:08,710 --> 00:50:10,377
That's good.

1241
00:50:10,410 --> 00:50:12,514
What was I gonna do
with that, though?

1242
00:50:12,547 --> 00:50:14,414
What was I gonna be?

1243
00:50:15,717 --> 00:50:17,251
A chocolatier?

1244
00:50:17,284 --> 00:50:20,187
Bobby, I wasn't gonna be
a fucking chocolatier.

1245
00:50:20,220 --> 00:50:22,256
I don't know. Why not?

1246
00:50:22,289 --> 00:50:24,057
It seemed kind of faggy.

1247
00:50:24,091 --> 00:50:26,594
Oh, my God, Aaron.

1248
00:50:26,628 --> 00:50:27,829
Faggy?

1249
00:50:27,862 --> 00:50:29,764
It's not faggy
to spend your life

1250
00:50:29,797 --> 00:50:31,265
making pretty little chocolates.

1251
00:50:31,298 --> 00:50:33,133
-Bobby.
-Okay, fine.

1252
00:50:33,166 --> 00:50:35,135
But so what?
So you're a big fag.

1253
00:50:35,168 --> 00:50:36,436
So am I. It's great.

1254
00:50:36,470 --> 00:50:38,338
Did you not realize that
a few minutes ago

1255
00:50:38,372 --> 00:50:40,374
when you were sticking
your enormous penis

1256
00:50:40,407 --> 00:50:42,476
- into my tiny anus?
- Okay, yeah.

1257
00:50:42,510 --> 00:50:44,546
It-It's kind of cliché,
don't you think?

1258
00:50:44,579 --> 00:50:48,282
I'd rather be a cliché
than be miserable.

1259
00:50:48,315 --> 00:50:50,284
Well, my 15-year-old brain
in 1995--

1260
00:50:50,317 --> 00:50:52,587
that is all I thought about.

1261
00:50:53,588 --> 00:50:55,690
That was right around the time

1262
00:50:55,723 --> 00:50:56,824
that my brother caught me.

1263
00:50:56,858 --> 00:50:58,191
-Hooking up with a guy?
-No.

1264
00:50:58,225 --> 00:51:00,595
No, I was making
little chocolates.

1265
00:51:00,628 --> 00:51:02,462
Oh.

1266
00:51:02,496 --> 00:51:05,465
I lied, and I said
that I was...

1267
00:51:05,499 --> 00:51:07,301
making chocolates for this girl

1268
00:51:07,334 --> 00:51:09,303
that I had a crush on at school.

1269
00:51:09,336 --> 00:51:10,437
I'm sorry.

1270
00:51:10,470 --> 00:51:12,540
This is the cutest thing
I've ever heard.

1271
00:51:12,574 --> 00:51:14,842
I guess you just have
this big, exciting life.

1272
00:51:14,876 --> 00:51:19,379
I just didn't want you to think
that I was some boring schlub.

1273
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,149
I don't think you're boring.

1274
00:51:22,182 --> 00:51:23,818
Your friend said I was boring.

1275
00:51:23,851 --> 00:51:27,154
Oh, my God.
You were mad about that?

1276
00:51:27,187 --> 00:51:29,724
I was joking. I'm sorry.

1277
00:51:29,757 --> 00:51:31,458
But, like, I don't understand.

1278
00:51:31,491 --> 00:51:33,528
You don't have to be stuck in
that miserable office all day.

1279
00:51:33,561 --> 00:51:36,163
You could be out in the world,
I don't know,

1280
00:51:36,196 --> 00:51:38,198
making fudge, you know?

1281
00:51:38,231 --> 00:51:40,735
You're like a Keebler elf
with internalized homophobia.

1282
00:51:40,768 --> 00:51:42,135
You have to do this.

1283
00:51:42,169 --> 00:51:43,538
You have to become
a chocolatier.

1284
00:51:43,571 --> 00:51:45,807
-Oh, Bobby. -You have to become
a chocolatier.

1285
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:46,908
I'm telling you.

1286
00:51:46,941 --> 00:51:49,510
You make that sound so easy.

1287
00:51:49,544 --> 00:51:51,211
Well, no, it's not easy.

1288
00:51:51,244 --> 00:51:53,347
Nothing's easy.

1289
00:51:53,380 --> 00:51:55,650
My God. You know what
I have to do this weekend?

1290
00:51:55,683 --> 00:51:57,619
I have to drag my concave chest

1291
00:51:57,652 --> 00:51:59,687
up to Provincetown
and beg donors for money.

1292
00:51:59,721 --> 00:52:03,423
I need $5 million
or else the museum can't open.

1293
00:52:03,457 --> 00:52:06,226
And it's Pride up there,
so the museum has to have

1294
00:52:06,259 --> 00:52:08,195
a float in the parade,
and that's a whole thing.

1295
00:52:08,228 --> 00:52:11,264
I'm telling you, it is not easy.

1296
00:52:11,298 --> 00:52:12,667
It is never easy.

1297
00:52:15,536 --> 00:52:16,704
But it's worth it.

1298
00:52:18,238 --> 00:52:20,207
Hey, maybe I can come.

1299
00:52:21,576 --> 00:52:23,711
To where?

1300
00:52:23,745 --> 00:52:25,278
Provincetown?

1301
00:52:26,446 --> 00:52:27,615
Oh.

1302
00:52:28,616 --> 00:52:29,917
Yeah.

1303
00:52:37,290 --> 00:52:40,293
Come, come, come.
Welcome. I'm Louis.

1304
00:52:40,327 --> 00:52:41,896
Let me show you your bedroom.

1305
00:52:41,929 --> 00:52:43,397
Thank you. Oh, my God.

1306
00:52:43,430 --> 00:52:45,265
-This house is so beautiful.
-Oh.

1307
00:52:45,298 --> 00:52:46,701
How long have you had
this place?

1308
00:52:46,734 --> 00:52:49,804
Oh, I've been coming up
to P-town since, uh, 1976.

1309
00:52:49,837 --> 00:52:51,572
-Wow.
-Who are all these guys?

1310
00:52:51,606 --> 00:52:54,274
Oh, well, um, actually,
that's me.

1311
00:52:54,307 --> 00:52:56,276
Oh, my God.

1312
00:52:56,309 --> 00:52:57,912
Louis, you were so hot.

1313
00:52:57,945 --> 00:52:59,681
-Yeah, I know.
-Wow.

1314
00:52:59,714 --> 00:53:01,649
Do any of these guys
still come up here, too?

1315
00:53:01,683 --> 00:53:03,283
Uh, no.

1316
00:53:03,316 --> 00:53:06,721
By 1996, four of the seven
of them were gone.

1317
00:53:06,754 --> 00:53:09,991
I got this place in 1999
when I realized that somehow,

1318
00:53:10,024 --> 00:53:11,993
miraculously,
I was gonna survive.

1319
00:53:12,026 --> 00:53:13,493
Oh, I'm so sorry.

1320
00:53:13,528 --> 00:53:15,596
So, tell me.
What are you boys up to today?

1321
00:53:15,630 --> 00:53:17,965
Oh, well, I have a work thing
this afternoon,

1322
00:53:17,999 --> 00:53:19,567
so I don't really know.

1323
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:21,669
-Probably just lay low.
-Lay low?

1324
00:53:21,703 --> 00:53:22,970
You're in P-town.

1325
00:53:23,004 --> 00:53:24,572
Go out. Have fun.

1326
00:53:24,605 --> 00:53:26,541
You'll be dead soon enough.
Come on.

1327
00:53:26,574 --> 00:53:28,943
- Let me show you to your room.
- All right.

1328
00:53:28,976 --> 00:53:30,310
Here's your bedroom.

1329
00:53:30,343 --> 00:53:31,979
Oh, my God!

1330
00:53:32,013 --> 00:53:34,281
Oh, wow.

1331
00:53:34,314 --> 00:53:36,283
And if you want to fuck,
you let me know.

1332
00:53:36,818 --> 00:53:39,319
-Oh. Mm.
-Mm.

1333
00:53:41,689 --> 00:53:43,858
Hey, I need to grab something.
Oh, shit.

1334
00:53:43,891 --> 00:53:44,992
-Bobby.
-I'm sorry.

1335
00:53:45,026 --> 00:53:46,493
Why are you just
walking in here?

1336
00:53:46,527 --> 00:53:47,995
I'm sorry. I thought
you were in the shower.

1337
00:53:48,029 --> 00:53:50,464
It's not steroids.
It's just testosterone.

1338
00:53:50,497 --> 00:53:52,265
Isn't that dangerous, like,

1339
00:53:52,299 --> 00:53:53,534
for your liver and balls
and stuff?

1340
00:53:53,568 --> 00:53:55,770
No. Half the guys I know
do this stuff.

1341
00:53:55,803 --> 00:53:58,740
Yeah, but half the guys
you know are roided-out morons.

1342
00:53:58,773 --> 00:54:00,474
Yeah, well, that doesn't
seem to bother you

1343
00:54:00,508 --> 00:54:02,710
when you're obsessing
over my body.

1344
00:54:07,081 --> 00:54:08,683
Okay, that's fair.

1345
00:54:08,716 --> 00:54:10,551
Um, I'm gonna shower.

1346
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:14,956
♪ She's taken my heart ♪

1347
00:54:14,989 --> 00:54:19,894
♪ But she doesn't know
what she's done ♪

1348
00:54:19,927 --> 00:54:23,898
♪ I feel
her breath in my face ♪

1349
00:54:23,931 --> 00:54:27,935
♪ Her body close to me ♪

1350
00:54:27,969 --> 00:54:32,039
♪ Can't look in her eyes ♪

1351
00:54:32,073 --> 00:54:36,644
♪ She's out of my league ♪

1352
00:54:36,677 --> 00:54:41,783
♪ Just a fool to believe
I have anything she needs ♪

1353
00:54:42,950 --> 00:54:45,753
♪ She's like the wind. ♪

1354
00:54:46,554 --> 00:54:48,723
You have a really nice voice.

1355
00:54:48,756 --> 00:54:49,924
What?

1356
00:54:49,957 --> 00:54:51,324
I heard you singing
in the shower.

1357
00:54:51,358 --> 00:54:53,561
Well, that's mortifying.

1358
00:54:53,594 --> 00:54:55,563
Wait, so you're asking
this guy to donate

1359
00:54:55,596 --> 00:54:57,397
the remaining five million?

1360
00:54:57,430 --> 00:54:59,867
No. If I can get one million
out of him, I'll take it.

1361
00:54:59,901 --> 00:55:02,537
You can't scare these people
off by seeming too needy.

1362
00:55:02,570 --> 00:55:05,372
Kind of like with you.

1363
00:55:05,405 --> 00:55:07,708
-Who's Lawrence Grape?
-Larry Grape.

1364
00:55:07,742 --> 00:55:09,710
Biggest gay TV producer
on the planet.

1365
00:55:09,744 --> 00:55:11,979
He's made all this
groundbreaking queer content.

1366
00:55:12,013 --> 00:55:13,848
He's major.

1367
00:55:13,881 --> 00:55:15,382
Mr. Grape, I'm thinking

1368
00:55:15,415 --> 00:55:16,951
the final wing
should be about Lincoln.

1369
00:55:16,984 --> 00:55:18,953
Love that. Love Lincoln.

1370
00:55:18,986 --> 00:55:20,855
Very few people know this,

1371
00:55:20,888 --> 00:55:21,989
but our most popular president

1372
00:55:22,023 --> 00:55:23,356
was also
our first gay president.

1373
00:55:23,390 --> 00:55:24,959
Sorry. This is a Lincoln museum?

1374
00:55:24,992 --> 00:55:26,761
Is this a Lincoln museum, sir?

1375
00:55:26,794 --> 00:55:29,630
This is actually
an LGBTQ history museum.

1376
00:55:29,664 --> 00:55:31,431
It's the first of its kind
on a national level.

1377
00:55:31,464 --> 00:55:32,465
We actually s...

1378
00:55:32,499 --> 00:55:34,735
That fucking bush! Come on.

1379
00:55:34,769 --> 00:55:36,469
My neighbors planted that bush,
and it blocks my view.

1380
00:55:36,504 --> 00:55:37,738
Can you believe that?

1381
00:55:39,140 --> 00:55:40,741
Let's go take care of this.

1382
00:55:41,709 --> 00:55:42,977
Oh, again with this?
What are you doing?

1383
00:55:43,010 --> 00:55:44,145
This is on my property, Maurice!

1384
00:55:44,178 --> 00:55:45,847
This is a shared borderline!

1385
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:47,815
This is a fucking disaster.
He won't even listen to me.

1386
00:55:47,849 --> 00:55:49,650
He's too busy getting
his rottweiler ready for Pride.

1387
00:55:49,684 --> 00:55:51,819
Okay, from my experience
at my job,

1388
00:55:51,853 --> 00:55:54,088
weird rich people
just want to be listened to.

1389
00:55:54,121 --> 00:55:55,723
Ask him what he's interested in.

1390
00:55:55,756 --> 00:55:57,024
But I don't care
what he's interested in.

1391
00:55:57,058 --> 00:55:58,626
I'm here to pitch him my idea.

1392
00:55:58,659 --> 00:56:00,795
Well, then pretend like
you're interested.

1393
00:56:00,828 --> 00:56:01,996
Just do a listening face.

1394
00:56:02,029 --> 00:56:04,031
-Do a listening face?
-Yeah.

1395
00:56:04,065 --> 00:56:07,034
Hmm. Yeah.

1396
00:56:07,068 --> 00:56:09,103
- I can't.
- Yes. Come on. Go.

1397
00:56:09,136 --> 00:56:10,771
Okay.

1398
00:56:12,506 --> 00:56:13,908
-Yes. Yeah, that's good.
-Really?

1399
00:56:13,941 --> 00:56:15,076
That looked like I'm listening?

1400
00:56:15,109 --> 00:56:16,143
-Totally. Yeah.
-Oh.

1401
00:56:16,177 --> 00:56:17,678
...plant this on my property!

1402
00:56:17,712 --> 00:56:19,513
-It's an indigenous bush!
-Are you going to Pride?

1403
00:56:19,547 --> 00:56:20,715
-Of course.
-I'll see you there.

1404
00:56:20,748 --> 00:56:22,617
-Love you.
-Oh, I love you, too.

1405
00:56:22,650 --> 00:56:24,652
All right. Listening.
I'll try it. I'll try it.

1406
00:56:24,685 --> 00:56:26,053
Sorry.
I have to get going, boys.

1407
00:56:26,087 --> 00:56:27,922
Oh, Mr. Grape,
let me ask you something.

1408
00:56:27,955 --> 00:56:30,157
Um...

1409
00:56:30,191 --> 00:56:35,428
what would you like to see
in the museum?

1410
00:56:36,230 --> 00:56:38,799
A haunted house

1411
00:56:38,833 --> 00:56:41,135
of gay trauma.

1412
00:56:41,168 --> 00:56:42,803
A haunted house of gay trauma?

1413
00:56:42,837 --> 00:56:45,206
Yeah. It's a cart on a track,
and there's...

1414
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:47,440
I'm sorry. This is a ride?

1415
00:56:47,474 --> 00:56:49,476
Yeah, it's a fucking ride!

1416
00:56:49,510 --> 00:56:51,579
So you think
a ride is too much?

1417
00:56:52,179 --> 00:56:54,515
Um, no. N-No.

1418
00:56:54,548 --> 00:56:57,551
No, no, no, no. It's perfect.
Please, keep going.

1419
00:56:57,585 --> 00:56:59,520
Okay. We find ourselves in

1420
00:56:59,553 --> 00:57:02,924
an intimate little bar
with some young,

1421
00:57:02,957 --> 00:57:04,759
hot, animatronic men.

1422
00:57:04,792 --> 00:57:07,194
The men turn to dance with each
other when suddenly-- Boom!

1423
00:57:07,228 --> 00:57:08,495
Oh, my...

1424
00:57:08,529 --> 00:57:10,064
A cop car
smashes through the wall.

1425
00:57:10,097 --> 00:57:11,899
Police storm out of the cars.

1426
00:57:11,933 --> 00:57:14,702
There's sirens and batons
and voices screaming.

1427
00:57:14,735 --> 00:57:16,604
And suddenly, the car takes off
like a roller coaster,

1428
00:57:16,637 --> 00:57:18,072
and there's blood everywhere.

1429
00:57:18,105 --> 00:57:21,609
And a monster with Reagan's
face on it is chasing you

1430
00:57:21,642 --> 00:57:23,577
down the hallway saying,
"Shining city on a hill.

1431
00:57:23,611 --> 00:57:24,946
Shining city on a hill."

1432
00:57:24,979 --> 00:57:26,981
And then...
we shoot out into the light.

1433
00:57:27,014 --> 00:57:28,783
And it ends on something happy

1434
00:57:28,816 --> 00:57:31,953
like Lil Nas X working out
with pink dumbbells.

1435
00:57:33,254 --> 00:57:34,956
Wow.

1436
00:57:34,989 --> 00:57:37,525
Um, a gay trauma coaster.

1437
00:57:37,558 --> 00:57:39,961
I-I mean,
it's-it's very provocative.

1438
00:57:39,994 --> 00:57:41,262
I just don't think we can afford

1439
00:57:41,295 --> 00:57:42,964
that sort of thing,
unfortunately.

1440
00:57:42,997 --> 00:57:45,199
Right. Well, okay, it was
so lovely meeting you g...

1441
00:57:45,232 --> 00:57:47,635
Mr. Grape, Mr. Grape.

1442
00:57:47,668 --> 00:57:49,236
I'm not a creative guy.
I'm a money guy.

1443
00:57:49,270 --> 00:57:50,905
-No, no, no, no, no, no.
-I-- No, no.

1444
00:57:50,938 --> 00:57:53,574
I can tell you,
to accomplish what you want,

1445
00:57:53,607 --> 00:57:55,676
we need more than
just a little donation.

1446
00:57:55,710 --> 00:57:58,713
-No, Aaron...
-We need $5 million.

1447
00:57:58,746 --> 00:58:00,715
And you won't just get
the gay trauma coaster.

1448
00:58:00,748 --> 00:58:02,783
You get the Lincoln exhibit.
You get all of it.

1449
00:58:02,817 --> 00:58:08,823
You rewrite history
for an entire LGBTQ community.

1450
00:58:08,856 --> 00:58:13,828
You're a storyteller, Lawrence,
and this is the ultimate story.

1451
00:58:16,731 --> 00:58:18,299
You already pushed
the museum opening back twice.

1452
00:58:18,332 --> 00:58:19,867
Is it really happening?

1453
00:58:19,900 --> 00:58:21,936
Yes! It's definitely happening.
I promise.

1454
00:58:21,969 --> 00:58:24,305
My entire life
has led up to this.

1455
00:58:24,338 --> 00:58:27,608
Right, well,
$5 million is nothing

1456
00:58:27,641 --> 00:58:28,843
to rewrite history.

1457
00:58:28,876 --> 00:58:29,877
I'm in.

1458
00:58:29,910 --> 00:58:31,312
Wait, really?

1459
00:58:31,345 --> 00:58:33,781
-Yes! Yes! -Oh, my God!
Mr. Grape, thank you!

1460
00:58:33,814 --> 00:58:35,016
Of course.

1461
00:58:35,049 --> 00:58:37,651
Congratulations on my money.
Happy Pride.

1462
00:58:37,685 --> 00:58:39,220
-Happy Pride!
-Now I have to go

1463
00:58:39,253 --> 00:58:42,823
to a Pride party, and you're
both too old to be in the pool.

1464
00:58:42,857 --> 00:58:44,025
Please leave.

1465
00:58:46,360 --> 00:58:49,030
Aaron! Oh, my God!

1466
00:58:49,063 --> 00:58:50,598
You're a genius.

1467
00:58:50,631 --> 00:58:51,932
"You're a storyteller"?

1468
00:58:51,966 --> 00:58:53,601
-Where did that even come from?
-I told you.

1469
00:58:53,634 --> 00:58:54,869
I'm good at talking
to weird rich folk.

1470
00:58:54,902 --> 00:58:56,704
I could tell
he had money to spend.

1471
00:58:56,737 --> 00:58:58,339
I-I don't know what to say.

1472
00:58:58,372 --> 00:58:59,740
Thank you.

1473
00:58:59,774 --> 00:59:01,175
Sure.

1474
00:59:01,208 --> 00:59:02,943
Oh, my God.

1475
00:59:02,977 --> 00:59:04,612
Oh, shit!
I got to go to the parade.

1476
00:59:04,645 --> 00:59:05,846
I got to get on
that stupid float.

1477
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:07,948
-I'll see you after.
-Okay.

1478
00:59:07,982 --> 00:59:09,884
Okay. Thank you.

1479
00:59:17,825 --> 00:59:18,826
Okay.

1480
00:59:20,628 --> 00:59:21,996
I kissed you!

1481
00:59:22,029 --> 00:59:24,365
Are we kissing each other now?
I don't know! Bye!

1482
00:59:35,376 --> 00:59:37,578
Bobby!

1483
01:00:11,679 --> 01:00:13,747
You're gorgeous.

1484
01:00:14,381 --> 01:00:16,617
What? You are.

1485
01:00:19,153 --> 01:00:21,989
I still can't believe what
you did with Lawrence today.

1486
01:00:22,022 --> 01:00:24,024
That was amazing!

1487
01:00:24,058 --> 01:00:25,726
$5 million?

1488
01:00:25,759 --> 01:00:27,328
It's not that big a deal.

1489
01:00:27,361 --> 01:00:30,030
It is a huge deal.
Are you kidding me?

1490
01:00:30,064 --> 01:00:32,700
I always have to do
everything for myself.

1491
01:00:32,733 --> 01:00:35,002
No one ever does shit
like that for me.

1492
01:00:35,035 --> 01:00:38,339
You know, what you did for me
you could do for yourself.

1493
01:00:38,372 --> 01:00:40,341
Open a chocolate shop.
I don't know.

1494
01:00:40,374 --> 01:00:43,144
I'm not opening
a chocolate shop.

1495
01:00:43,177 --> 01:00:45,446
I'm not as confident as you.

1496
01:00:45,479 --> 01:00:47,748
Oh, please.
I'm not that confident.

1497
01:00:47,781 --> 01:00:50,217
You are the most confident
person I know,

1498
01:00:50,251 --> 01:00:52,153
like, to a fault.

1499
01:00:52,186 --> 01:00:53,354
It's actually--

1500
01:00:53,387 --> 01:00:55,022
It's kind of scary.

1501
01:00:56,891 --> 01:00:59,727
Trust me, it's all an act.

1502
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:01,729
Confidence is
just a choice you make.

1503
01:01:01,762 --> 01:01:03,430
It's a decision like any other.

1504
01:01:03,464 --> 01:01:05,866
Usually born out of necessity.

1505
01:01:06,767 --> 01:01:08,836
You think I have
a good singing voice now?

1506
01:01:08,869 --> 01:01:10,704
You should have heard me
when I was a kid.

1507
01:01:10,738 --> 01:01:11,972
I was even better.

1508
01:01:12,006 --> 01:01:13,774
Had <i>American Idol</i> existed then,

1509
01:01:13,807 --> 01:01:15,376
I would've been the gay guy
with an amazing voice

1510
01:01:15,409 --> 01:01:16,744
who comes in second.

1511
01:01:16,777 --> 01:01:18,779
And then let's see.

1512
01:01:18,812 --> 01:01:24,084
Then I went to college, and
my musical theater teacher--

1513
01:01:24,118 --> 01:01:26,387
he told me that I had
a "gay walk"

1514
01:01:26,420 --> 01:01:31,458
and a "flamboyant quality"
which would "limit my options."

1515
01:01:33,427 --> 01:01:35,229
And then for grad school,
I went to

1516
01:01:35,262 --> 01:01:37,298
one of the best journalism
schools in the country,

1517
01:01:37,331 --> 01:01:38,933
and my teacher there,

1518
01:01:38,966 --> 01:01:41,368
this old, closeted queen
who was married to a woman,

1519
01:01:41,402 --> 01:01:45,105
pulled me aside and thought
he was doing me a favor

1520
01:01:45,139 --> 01:01:47,107
when he told me that
I should stick to writing

1521
01:01:47,141 --> 01:01:50,211
because my voice sounded
too gay to do the news on TV.

1522
01:01:50,244 --> 01:01:52,179
True story.

1523
01:01:52,213 --> 01:01:55,482
And then I did stick to writing
and my gay history books.

1524
01:01:55,517 --> 01:01:58,819
Every single publisher,
every single one,

1525
01:01:58,852 --> 01:02:01,956
told me there wasn't enough
of an audience for it.

1526
01:02:01,989 --> 01:02:04,491
I was always too gay,
or I was too niche,

1527
01:02:04,526 --> 01:02:07,361
or, you know,
I made people uncomfortable.

1528
01:02:07,394 --> 01:02:11,498
Even my dad, who was
so wonderful and supportive--

1529
01:02:11,533 --> 01:02:14,835
I remember him saying,
"You know, not everyone

1530
01:02:14,868 --> 01:02:18,072
wants to hear this gay stuff
all the time."

1531
01:02:19,907 --> 01:02:21,375
But what was I supposed to do?

1532
01:02:21,408 --> 01:02:23,978
I mean...
I'm a writer.

1533
01:02:24,011 --> 01:02:29,216
I wanted to write about
my life, my friends, my world.

1534
01:02:30,884 --> 01:02:32,152
And I'm telling you,

1535
01:02:32,186 --> 01:02:34,021
enough people
tell you things like that,

1536
01:02:34,054 --> 01:02:36,857
no matter how confident you are,

1537
01:02:36,890 --> 01:02:38,859
when you're alone at night,

1538
01:02:38,892 --> 01:02:41,895
you start to think
that maybe they're right.

1539
01:02:45,432 --> 01:02:48,570
So... I just...

1540
01:02:48,603 --> 01:02:51,071
I put my head down,

1541
01:02:51,105 --> 01:02:53,841
and I just worked really hard,

1542
01:02:53,874 --> 01:02:57,177
and I just hoped that somehow

1543
01:02:57,211 --> 01:03:01,248
all these other people
were wrong.

1544
01:03:10,324 --> 01:03:12,226
And they were.

1545
01:03:16,598 --> 01:03:18,999
And they were.

1546
01:03:23,070 --> 01:03:25,306
I mean, I spent years

1547
01:03:25,339 --> 01:03:29,910
watching a wave of mediocre
straight men passing me by.

1548
01:03:29,943 --> 01:03:33,213
Men with half the talent,
who worked half as hard,

1549
01:03:33,247 --> 01:03:34,882
who didn't care
as much as I did,

1550
01:03:34,915 --> 01:03:36,984
and they got twice as far,
always.

1551
01:03:37,017 --> 01:03:38,919
I mean,
that's an old story, but...

1552
01:03:38,952 --> 01:03:42,256
And, you know,
the world caught up with us.

1553
01:03:43,090 --> 01:03:45,292
Didn't catch up fast enough.

1554
01:03:47,094 --> 01:03:49,463
Didn't catch up fast enough
for my parents to see

1555
01:03:49,496 --> 01:03:52,466
all these great things
happen for me.

1556
01:03:52,499 --> 01:03:54,101
Right?

1557
01:03:55,269 --> 01:03:57,871
Didn't catch up fast enough
for a lot of people.

1558
01:03:57,905 --> 01:03:59,406
That's the truth.

1559
01:04:01,175 --> 01:04:04,612
Let me tell you,
confidence is just knowing

1560
01:04:04,646 --> 01:04:06,947
you're the only person left
you can count on.

1561
01:04:06,980 --> 01:04:08,916
That's all that is.

1562
01:04:09,684 --> 01:04:11,418
That's all.

1563
01:04:15,255 --> 01:04:16,924
Want another beer?

1564
01:04:19,193 --> 01:04:21,161
Sure.

1565
01:04:29,036 --> 01:04:31,573
Sorry. That was a lot.

1566
01:04:31,606 --> 01:04:33,173
Did that weird you out?

1567
01:04:35,476 --> 01:04:37,478
-♪ The friends that I want ♪
-♪ <i>Well, baby, love</i> ♪

1568
01:04:37,512 --> 01:04:39,480
♪ Love, ooh-ooh ♪

1569
01:04:42,416 --> 01:04:47,522
♪ With friends,
I still feel so insecure ♪

1570
01:04:47,555 --> 01:04:51,425
♪ Little darling, I believe
you could help me a lot ♪

1571
01:04:52,594 --> 01:04:57,064
♪ Just take my hand
and lead me where you will... ♪

1572
01:04:59,667 --> 01:05:02,002
I love this song.

1573
01:05:02,035 --> 01:05:03,270
-♪ <i>Well, baby, love</i> ♪
-♪ Love, ooh-ooh ♪

1574
01:05:03,303 --> 01:05:07,307
♪ Just make love
with affection ♪

1575
01:05:08,142 --> 01:05:09,309
♪ Sing me another love song... ♪

1576
01:05:09,343 --> 01:05:10,512
That is a weird dance.

1577
01:05:10,545 --> 01:05:12,246
Excuse me.

1578
01:05:12,279 --> 01:05:13,414
At least I dance.

1579
01:05:13,447 --> 01:05:15,048
I can dance.

1580
01:05:15,082 --> 01:05:16,483
I have never seen you dance.
Literally, no one has.

1581
01:05:16,518 --> 01:05:17,585
-Really?
-No.

1582
01:05:17,619 --> 01:05:19,486
-Want to see me dance?
-Yes.

1583
01:05:20,588 --> 01:05:22,256
Uh-oh.

1584
01:05:22,289 --> 01:05:24,324
♪ Give me love,
give me love... ♪

1585
01:05:26,694 --> 01:05:28,530
Oh. Very good.

1586
01:05:28,563 --> 01:05:30,698
-There you go.
-Come on.

1587
01:05:50,484 --> 01:05:53,187
I want you to fuck me.

1588
01:05:54,288 --> 01:05:55,956
Are you sure?

1589
01:05:56,758 --> 01:05:58,760
When was the last time
you did that?

1590
01:05:58,793 --> 01:06:00,461
It's been a while.

1591
01:06:01,495 --> 01:06:03,430
But I want you to.

1592
01:06:04,666 --> 01:06:06,400
- Okay.
- Good.

1593
01:06:06,433 --> 01:06:08,736
♪ But this time
with a little dedication ♪

1594
01:06:08,770 --> 01:06:12,005
♪ Sing it, sing it,
sing it, sing it ♪

1595
01:06:12,039 --> 01:06:14,174
♪ You know that's what I like ♪

1596
01:06:14,208 --> 01:06:17,545
-♪ <i>Love</i> ♪
-♪ Love, ooh-ooh ♪

1597
01:06:17,579 --> 01:06:20,080
♪ Once more with feeling ♪

1598
01:06:20,113 --> 01:06:21,616
♪ Sing me another love song ♪

1599
01:06:21,649 --> 01:06:22,717
♪ But this time... ♪

1600
01:06:48,175 --> 01:06:49,777
Yeah. All right. Here you go.

1601
01:06:49,811 --> 01:06:51,111
-Merry Christmas.
-Thank you. Merry Christmas.

1602
01:06:51,144 --> 01:06:52,412
Thank you. Merry Christmas.

1603
01:06:52,446 --> 01:06:53,648
Okay.

1604
01:06:53,681 --> 01:06:55,115
-Whoa. Okay.
-Ready?

1605
01:06:55,148 --> 01:06:56,551
Great. Fine.

1606
01:06:58,151 --> 01:06:59,521
-It's gonna be good.
-Whew.

1607
01:06:59,554 --> 01:07:00,588
-It's all worth it!
-Yeah.

1608
01:07:00,622 --> 01:07:01,789
It's all worth it!

1609
01:07:05,092 --> 01:07:07,762
What's up? Aaron!

1610
01:07:07,795 --> 01:07:09,531
- Wh...
- What's up, man?

1611
01:07:09,564 --> 01:07:11,666
-Whoa. -I was wondering
when I was gonna run into you.

1612
01:07:11,699 --> 01:07:13,668
It's like seven of us.

1613
01:07:13,701 --> 01:07:15,803
Hey, congratulations
on everything.

1614
01:07:15,837 --> 01:07:17,572
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, it's been crazy, man.

1615
01:07:17,605 --> 01:07:20,274
Cool. So, um, yeah,
what have you been doing?

1616
01:07:20,307 --> 01:07:22,544
Louis was like,
"No, I need to see options."

1617
01:07:22,577 --> 01:07:24,679
And then he started sending me
Airbnb options.

1618
01:07:24,712 --> 01:07:26,113
-Am I boring you?
-No, no, no.

1619
01:07:26,146 --> 01:07:27,615
And I'm like,
"No, we deserve this..."

1620
01:07:33,588 --> 01:07:35,255
Bobby.

1621
01:07:35,289 --> 01:07:37,859
-What do you want?
-I want you.

1622
01:07:39,661 --> 01:07:41,328
What's up?

1623
01:07:42,329 --> 01:07:44,866
Um, where do we stand on this?

1624
01:07:44,899 --> 01:07:46,601
Where do we stand on what?

1625
01:07:46,634 --> 01:07:48,803
- "Momogany."
- Oh.

1626
01:07:48,836 --> 01:07:50,505
On "momogany"?

1627
01:07:50,538 --> 01:07:52,472
Are we open? What are we into?
What are we doing? Like...

1628
01:07:52,507 --> 01:07:54,809
Oh, this is just like
<i>When Harry Met Sally.</i>

1629
01:07:54,842 --> 01:07:56,310
What do you mean?

1630
01:07:56,343 --> 01:07:58,245
It's that classic scene
where Billy Crystal

1631
01:07:58,278 --> 01:07:59,847
runs to Meg Ryan
on New Year's Eve and asks her

1632
01:07:59,881 --> 01:08:01,516
if she wants to have
an open relationship.

1633
01:08:03,551 --> 01:08:05,319
-Well, but...
-I mean,

1634
01:08:05,352 --> 01:08:08,155
I'm not, like,
into monogamy, you know.

1635
01:08:08,188 --> 01:08:09,724
But I don't think
we should be, like,

1636
01:08:09,757 --> 01:08:11,325
constantly fucking other people.

1637
01:08:11,358 --> 01:08:12,459
No.

1638
01:08:12,492 --> 01:08:14,127
Why do you ask?

1639
01:08:16,496 --> 01:08:20,233
Oh, you want to fuck
your little hockey friend.

1640
01:08:20,267 --> 01:08:21,603
No, I want to fuck you.

1641
01:08:21,636 --> 01:08:24,438
-Oh, that's nice.
-But maybe he's there, too.

1642
01:08:33,548 --> 01:08:34,716
He's very hot.

1643
01:08:36,718 --> 01:08:39,419
-Hi, Joshua.
-Hey. -Hey.

1644
01:08:41,321 --> 01:08:42,557
Hi.

1645
01:08:43,925 --> 01:08:45,258
I'm Steve.

1646
01:08:45,292 --> 01:08:47,862
-Hey, Steve.
-Hey, Steve.

1647
01:08:47,895 --> 01:08:49,363
Hi, Steve.

1648
01:08:56,938 --> 01:08:58,906
♪ Santa baby ♪

1649
01:08:58,940 --> 01:09:00,808
♪ Just slip a sable
under the tree... ♪

1650
01:09:00,842 --> 01:09:02,577
Hi, Steve.

1651
01:09:02,610 --> 01:09:03,911
Hey.

1652
01:09:03,945 --> 01:09:06,313
♪ Been an awful good girl... ♪

1653
01:09:08,281 --> 01:09:10,350
♪ So hurry down
the chimney tonight ♪

1654
01:09:15,255 --> 01:09:16,891
♪ Santa baby ♪

1655
01:09:16,924 --> 01:09:18,392
Mmm.

1656
01:09:18,425 --> 01:09:21,963
♪ A '54 convertible, too,
light blue... ♪

1657
01:09:21,996 --> 01:09:23,598
Oh, sorry.

1658
01:09:23,631 --> 01:09:24,666
Hey.

1659
01:09:24,699 --> 01:09:25,933
♪ Santa baby... ♪

1660
01:09:27,969 --> 01:09:30,303
Pillow fight!

1661
01:09:30,938 --> 01:09:32,974
Can I have a massage?

1662
01:09:33,007 --> 01:09:34,942
Me?

1663
01:09:34,976 --> 01:09:36,811
♪ Think of all the fun
I've missed... ♪

1664
01:09:36,844 --> 01:09:38,211
Sure.

1665
01:09:38,245 --> 01:09:39,714
I got really tight hamstrings.

1666
01:09:39,747 --> 01:09:40,982
- Cool.
- Oh, yeah.

1667
01:09:41,015 --> 01:09:43,618
Right there.

1668
01:09:46,554 --> 01:09:50,825
♪ If you'll check off
my Christmas list ♪

1669
01:09:50,858 --> 01:09:52,660
♪ Santa baby... ♪

1670
01:09:52,694 --> 01:09:54,428
Ignore me. I think I left
my scarf in here. I can...

1671
01:09:54,461 --> 01:09:56,564
Henry! Get out!

1672
01:09:56,597 --> 01:09:57,965
Bobby Leiber!

1673
01:09:57,999 --> 01:09:59,399
You made some friends.

1674
01:09:59,433 --> 01:10:01,234
-Hi, Henry.
-Hey, Steve.

1675
01:10:01,268 --> 01:10:03,538
Oh, sure.

1676
01:10:04,806 --> 01:10:07,975
I am so hungover.

1677
01:10:08,009 --> 01:10:10,444
Mm.

1678
01:10:11,344 --> 01:10:13,614
Thank you.

1679
01:10:23,323 --> 01:10:25,292
So, I may have been wrong about

1680
01:10:25,325 --> 01:10:28,863
the whole hooking up
with other people thing.

1681
01:10:28,896 --> 01:10:29,864
Okay.

1682
01:10:29,897 --> 01:10:32,033
I don't know. I just...

1683
01:10:32,066 --> 01:10:35,368
I want to be cool
and free, and, you know,

1684
01:10:35,402 --> 01:10:39,841
I don't want to be lame,
but actually seeing you--

1685
01:10:39,874 --> 01:10:42,309
I don't know. It just...

1686
01:10:42,342 --> 01:10:44,679
It wasn't working for me.

1687
01:10:46,313 --> 01:10:48,716
Yeah, no, totally. I-I get it.

1688
01:10:49,717 --> 01:10:50,885
You sure?

1689
01:10:50,918 --> 01:10:52,854
Yeah.

1690
01:10:52,887 --> 01:10:55,288
Okay.

1691
01:10:55,923 --> 01:10:57,525
Thank you.

1692
01:11:01,629 --> 01:11:05,298
Oh. Sorry, my mom
will not stop texting me.

1693
01:11:05,332 --> 01:11:06,934
When do your folks
get here again?

1694
01:11:06,968 --> 01:11:08,035
The 21st.

1695
01:11:08,069 --> 01:11:09,504
She wants to do the whole

1696
01:11:09,537 --> 01:11:11,038
"magical Christmas
in New York" thing.

1697
01:11:11,072 --> 01:11:12,540
They love sightseeing.

1698
01:11:12,573 --> 01:11:14,075
I have no idea
what to do with them.

1699
01:11:14,108 --> 01:11:16,077
Well, if you need me,
I'll be home

1700
01:11:16,110 --> 01:11:17,812
hate-watching
Hallheart Christmas movies.

1701
01:11:22,550 --> 01:11:24,519
Hey.

1702
01:11:24,552 --> 01:11:28,623
Do you maybe want to spend
Christmas with me and my folks?

1703
01:11:28,656 --> 01:11:30,792
Really?

1704
01:11:30,825 --> 01:11:32,927
Because, honestly,
I am totally fine alone.

1705
01:11:32,960 --> 01:11:34,494
That is very sweet
of you, though.

1706
01:11:34,529 --> 01:11:36,564
No, you shouldn't be alone.
That's crazy.

1707
01:11:37,832 --> 01:11:38,933
Okay.

1708
01:11:38,966 --> 01:11:40,668
Yeah, that'll be fun.

1709
01:11:40,701 --> 01:11:43,671
And, honestly, no one knows
New York City better than me.

1710
01:11:43,704 --> 01:11:45,940
I will plan the ultimate
New York City Christmas,

1711
01:11:45,973 --> 01:11:47,942
as only
a New York City Jew could.

1712
01:11:47,975 --> 01:11:49,342
Amazing.

1713
01:11:49,376 --> 01:11:50,678
But just keep in mind, you know,

1714
01:11:50,711 --> 01:11:52,345
they're, like, quiet folks
from a small town.

1715
01:11:52,379 --> 01:11:54,015
Aaron, I understand.

1716
01:11:54,048 --> 01:11:55,683
You and I come from
different worlds.

1717
01:11:55,716 --> 01:11:59,020
I'm from New York City.
You're from Upstate New York.

1718
01:11:59,053 --> 01:12:01,589
I mean,
they're sweet, but just...

1719
01:12:03,456 --> 01:12:06,527
If you could just
be, like, chill.

1720
01:12:06,561 --> 01:12:08,963
I promise I won't embarrass you.

1721
01:12:08,996 --> 01:12:11,132
And, Mrs. Shepard, these are
the first holiday windows

1722
01:12:11,165 --> 01:12:13,501
to ever feature
a sex-positive Tiny Tim.

1723
01:12:13,534 --> 01:12:14,569
And it's so important.

1724
01:12:14,602 --> 01:12:15,970
We don't get queer characters

1725
01:12:16,003 --> 01:12:17,038
in the stories
that we read as kids.

1726
01:12:17,071 --> 01:12:18,039
There's no gay Cinderella.

1727
01:12:18,072 --> 01:12:20,407
There's no lesbian Rapunzel.

1728
01:12:20,440 --> 01:12:21,976
There's no nonbinary
Ebenezer Scrooge.

1729
01:12:22,009 --> 01:12:24,078
Uh, Bobby, I think they get it.

1730
01:12:24,111 --> 01:12:26,379
Guys, we've got to go.

1731
01:12:26,413 --> 01:12:27,815
I told Josh Evans
we would meet him

1732
01:12:27,849 --> 01:12:30,585
at the Hallheart Christmas
movie pop-up village.

1733
01:12:30,618 --> 01:12:32,119
We're seeing Josh Evans?

1734
01:12:32,153 --> 01:12:34,454
I didn't know.

1735
01:12:34,487 --> 01:12:35,422
Let's do it.

1736
01:12:35,455 --> 01:12:37,124
Are you a Hallheart fan?

1737
01:12:37,158 --> 01:12:38,860
I dabble.

1738
01:12:41,529 --> 01:12:44,131
This is so beautiful.

1739
01:12:44,165 --> 01:12:45,666
I know. I love it.

1740
01:12:45,700 --> 01:12:46,701
There's Josh.

1741
01:12:46,734 --> 01:12:49,003
Wearing shorts in winter,
like a total psychopath.

1742
01:12:49,036 --> 01:12:50,403
Oh, my goodness.

1743
01:12:50,437 --> 01:12:55,009
They have
Rachael Ray edible tinsel!

1744
01:12:55,042 --> 01:12:57,578
- Josh! Evans!
- Hey, fellas.

1745
01:12:57,612 --> 01:12:59,714
-How's Hallheart Village
treating ya? -Hey.

1746
01:12:59,747 --> 01:13:01,481
Did you see the gay movie
that they did?

1747
01:13:01,515 --> 01:13:02,884
It was kind of dope.

1748
01:13:02,917 --> 01:13:04,752
Yeah, for years they ignored us,

1749
01:13:04,785 --> 01:13:06,486
then their audience got
10% less homophobic,

1750
01:13:06,520 --> 01:13:07,889
so they decided
we're a new demographic

1751
01:13:07,922 --> 01:13:10,024
they can sell shit to.
I mean, look at these movies.

1752
01:13:10,057 --> 01:13:12,727
<i>Have Yourself A Heteronormative</i>
<i>Little Christmas.</i>

1753
01:13:12,760 --> 01:13:15,196
<i>Miracle on 34th Street</i>
<i>but with One Gay Guy.</i>

1754
01:13:15,229 --> 01:13:17,632
<i>Home Alone</i>
<i>but with Sarah Paulson.</i>

1755
01:13:17,665 --> 01:13:19,133
- I mean, it's absurd.
- Josh.

1756
01:13:19,166 --> 01:13:21,769
-Hey.
-Merry Christmas.

1757
01:13:21,802 --> 01:13:22,904
Come get skates.

1758
01:13:22,937 --> 01:13:24,505
I want to see you and Aaron

1759
01:13:24,538 --> 01:13:26,774
back out on the ice for
old times' sake.

1760
01:13:26,807 --> 01:13:27,642
Yeah.

1761
01:13:27,675 --> 01:13:29,510
Bobby, Josh and Aaron

1762
01:13:29,543 --> 01:13:31,212
played hockey together
in high school.

1763
01:13:31,245 --> 01:13:32,613
-Oh, I know.
-Yeah.

1764
01:13:32,647 --> 01:13:34,782
-Come on.
-Hey, man, what's going on?

1765
01:13:34,815 --> 01:13:37,518
-Dude, what is your problem?
-What?

1766
01:13:37,551 --> 01:13:39,654
Could you just, like,
maybe tone it down a notch?

1767
01:13:39,687 --> 01:13:41,488
I'm sorry, I don't understand.

1768
01:13:41,522 --> 01:13:43,124
We've been with my parents
for two hours,

1769
01:13:43,157 --> 01:13:45,059
and you've already talked
about transgender mannequins,

1770
01:13:45,092 --> 01:13:46,727
HIV prevention,

1771
01:13:46,761 --> 01:13:48,930
and you pointed out the route
to the 1976 Dyke March.

1772
01:13:48,963 --> 01:13:51,464
They're having fun.
They're totally fine.

1773
01:13:51,498 --> 01:13:52,800
What is your problem?

1774
01:13:52,833 --> 01:13:53,935
I'm nervous, okay?

1775
01:13:53,968 --> 01:13:55,569
I've never
introduced them to anybody.

1776
01:13:55,603 --> 01:13:57,004
I just don't want them
to get weirded out.

1777
01:13:57,038 --> 01:14:00,174
I want them to have, like,
a chill, normal time.

1778
01:14:00,207 --> 01:14:01,943
So now I'm not normal?

1779
01:14:01,976 --> 01:14:03,476
Bobby, you know what I mean.

1780
01:14:03,511 --> 01:14:05,713
I'm just being myself.

1781
01:14:05,746 --> 01:14:07,715
Okay, but maybe
you could just be, like,

1782
01:14:07,748 --> 01:14:10,952
a little less yourself
for like three hours.

1783
01:14:10,985 --> 01:14:12,787
I want them to like you.

1784
01:14:14,722 --> 01:14:16,524
Oh. Yeah.

1785
01:14:16,557 --> 01:14:18,125
No, sure. Of course.

1786
01:14:18,159 --> 01:14:19,560
Yeah, I'll just...

1787
01:14:19,593 --> 01:14:21,629
I'll just be quiet.

1788
01:14:21,662 --> 01:14:23,764
Okay, thank you.

1789
01:14:23,798 --> 01:14:25,700
Bobby! Oh, my God!

1790
01:14:25,733 --> 01:14:27,001
Hi!

1791
01:14:27,034 --> 01:14:28,769
-Hi!
-Jesus Christ.

1792
01:14:28,803 --> 01:14:30,705
We have to go anyway.
We have a dinner reservation.

1793
01:14:30,738 --> 01:14:32,273
Where's dinner again?

1794
01:14:32,306 --> 01:14:36,210
♪ I'm flying ♪

1795
01:14:36,243 --> 01:14:37,678
♪ Look at me, way up high ♪

1796
01:14:37,712 --> 01:14:40,915
♪ Suddenly, here am I ♪

1797
01:14:40,948 --> 01:14:43,184
♪ I'm flying. ♪

1798
01:14:48,856 --> 01:14:51,258
Hey, Dad,
how are the Polar Bears doing?

1799
01:14:51,292 --> 01:14:52,994
That's the team
Josh and I used to play on.

1800
01:14:53,027 --> 01:14:54,829
They haven't won all year.

1801
01:14:54,862 --> 01:14:56,864
I told Josh they need you boys
to come back.

1802
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:02,603
Bobby, you seem quiet tonight.

1803
01:15:02,636 --> 01:15:03,871
Is everything all right?

1804
01:15:03,904 --> 01:15:06,640
Oh, yeah, I'm totally fine.
Yeah.

1805
01:15:06,674 --> 01:15:08,075
I'm actually--
You know, I'm sorry

1806
01:15:08,109 --> 01:15:09,643
if I spoke too much today.

1807
01:15:09,677 --> 01:15:11,278
I just-- I think I got nervous.

1808
01:15:11,312 --> 01:15:13,280
This is actually more like
how I usually am.

1809
01:15:13,314 --> 01:15:14,815
I'm very quiet.

1810
01:15:14,849 --> 01:15:17,651
Very quiet and just,
like, weirdly normal.

1811
01:15:17,685 --> 01:15:19,720
Well, thanks again

1812
01:15:19,754 --> 01:15:21,756
for planning such a lovely day.

1813
01:15:21,789 --> 01:15:23,691
Oh, you're so welcome,
Mrs. Shepard.

1814
01:15:23,724 --> 01:15:25,559
Oh, you sound like
one of my students.

1815
01:15:25,593 --> 01:15:27,194
Call me Anne.

1816
01:15:27,228 --> 01:15:28,629
Okay, I will.

1817
01:15:28,662 --> 01:15:30,331
Uh, Mom's been
a second grade teacher

1818
01:15:30,364 --> 01:15:31,766
for almost 40 years now.

1819
01:15:31,799 --> 01:15:33,667
Oh, my God, that's amazing.

1820
01:15:33,701 --> 01:15:35,569
We need good teachers,
now more than ever.

1821
01:15:35,603 --> 01:15:38,305
Thank you. I agree.

1822
01:15:38,339 --> 01:15:43,077
And Aaron says you're working
at an American history museum.

1823
01:15:44,245 --> 01:15:46,781
Yes. Yes, it is.

1824
01:15:46,814 --> 01:15:48,716
It's an American history museum.

1825
01:15:48,749 --> 01:15:49,950
Hmm.

1826
01:15:49,984 --> 01:15:51,786
Mm-hmm.

1827
01:15:51,819 --> 01:15:54,221
Well, it's actually
an LGBTQ history museum.

1828
01:15:54,255 --> 01:15:56,924
It's the first major queer
history museum in America.

1829
01:15:56,957 --> 01:15:58,692
Do you teach your students
any gay history?

1830
01:15:58,726 --> 01:16:00,127
'Cause I know in a few states

1831
01:16:00,161 --> 01:16:01,829
they're finally starting
to do it.

1832
01:16:02,696 --> 01:16:06,801
Well, I teach
second grade, so no.

1833
01:16:06,834 --> 01:16:08,069
Oh, right.

1834
01:16:08,102 --> 01:16:10,137
No, I understand. Yeah.

1835
01:16:14,275 --> 01:16:16,110
Out of curiosity, why not?

1836
01:16:16,143 --> 01:16:18,212
Well, I just think

1837
01:16:18,245 --> 01:16:20,281
they're a little young for that.

1838
01:16:20,314 --> 01:16:22,183
Oh, of course. Yeah.

1839
01:16:22,216 --> 01:16:24,585
No, I understand that.

1840
01:16:26,987 --> 01:16:28,823
I don't think so, though.

1841
01:16:28,856 --> 01:16:30,791
-Ah, Bobby.
-No, no, no, I'm just saying.

1842
01:16:30,825 --> 01:16:33,094
If I may disagree respectfully.

1843
01:16:33,127 --> 01:16:34,328
That's actually the best time

1844
01:16:34,361 --> 01:16:35,896
to teach them,
when they're young.

1845
01:16:35,930 --> 01:16:37,832
You know, that way
they develop an appreciation

1846
01:16:37,865 --> 01:16:39,400
for queer people before they
all start bullying each other

1847
01:16:39,433 --> 01:16:41,302
or hating themselves
if they're gay.

1848
01:16:41,335 --> 01:16:43,104
Maybe you're right.

1849
01:16:43,137 --> 01:16:45,005
Oh.

1850
01:16:46,774 --> 01:16:49,076
Feels a little young, though.

1851
01:16:49,110 --> 01:16:50,978
Hmm. Right.

1852
01:16:51,011 --> 01:16:52,780
Totally. I get it.

1853
01:16:52,813 --> 01:16:55,249
- I will drop it.
--Yeah.

1854
01:16:55,282 --> 01:16:56,317
-Agree to disagree.
-Yeah.

1855
01:16:56,350 --> 01:16:58,018
-Cheers to that.
-Yes.

1856
01:16:58,052 --> 01:17:00,688
Hey, so, uh, when are
you guys heading home...

1857
01:17:00,721 --> 01:17:02,123
It's not really
that young, though.

1858
01:17:02,156 --> 01:17:03,657
It's not that young.

1859
01:17:03,691 --> 01:17:05,126
Bobby, can you please drop it?

1860
01:17:05,159 --> 01:17:07,428
No, I can't, because we're
talking about gay kids here,

1861
01:17:07,461 --> 01:17:08,863
and it's important.

1862
01:17:08,896 --> 01:17:10,264
One of the things
that saved me is that

1863
01:17:10,297 --> 01:17:12,900
my parents exposed me to
gay stories when I was a kid.

1864
01:17:12,933 --> 01:17:15,069
When I was 12 years old--
this is true--

1865
01:17:15,102 --> 01:17:17,138
my parents took me
to see a Broadway play

1866
01:17:17,171 --> 01:17:18,672
called <i>Love and Compassion.</i>

1867
01:17:18,706 --> 01:17:20,007
It was about a group of gay men

1868
01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:22,009
spending the summer together
in Provincetown.

1869
01:17:22,042 --> 01:17:24,011
And all of a sudden,
the curtain goes up,

1870
01:17:24,044 --> 01:17:27,748
and there are seven completely
naked gay men onstage.

1871
01:17:27,781 --> 01:17:30,885
And there I am,
sitting between my mom and dad

1872
01:17:30,918 --> 01:17:34,722
at age 12,
looking at seven soft penises.

1873
01:17:34,755 --> 01:17:36,891
- Shit.
- And all of a sudden,

1874
01:17:36,924 --> 01:17:38,425
two of the guys
start making out,

1875
01:17:38,459 --> 01:17:40,294
and then one of them starts,
like, talking dirty, you know?

1876
01:17:40,327 --> 01:17:42,062
And I remember this so vividly.

1877
01:17:42,096 --> 01:17:44,031
There was a sex scene,
and one of the guys is like,

1878
01:17:44,064 --> 01:17:46,934
"Pound my prostate.
Pound my prostate."

1879
01:17:46,967 --> 01:17:48,435
You know, "Milk me. Milk me."

1880
01:17:48,469 --> 01:17:50,171
And I didn't even know
what that was.

1881
01:17:50,204 --> 01:17:51,906
I mean, now I do.

1882
01:17:51,939 --> 01:17:53,440
But, you know,
it was incredible.

1883
01:17:53,474 --> 01:17:55,309
You know, to know
that I could sit there,

1884
01:17:55,342 --> 01:17:58,812
between my mom and dad,
looking at seven penises.

1885
01:17:58,846 --> 01:18:00,314
Seven penises, Anne.

1886
01:18:00,347 --> 01:18:01,982
I was 12.

1887
01:18:02,016 --> 01:18:04,351
And to know that they were
okay with that, I mean,

1888
01:18:04,385 --> 01:18:05,920
that had a profound effect
on me.

1889
01:18:05,953 --> 01:18:07,855
All I'm saying is,
we need to remove the stigma

1890
01:18:07,888 --> 01:18:09,356
from that type of thing
so that gay kids

1891
01:18:09,390 --> 01:18:11,325
can feel good about themselves.
That's all I'm saying.

1892
01:18:11,358 --> 01:18:13,460
I mean, look at Aaron
and how much he hates his life.

1893
01:18:13,494 --> 01:18:15,496
-Bobby.
-No, all I'm saying is there's

1894
01:18:15,530 --> 01:18:17,064
a direct correlation between
how unhappy you are

1895
01:18:17,097 --> 01:18:18,732
with your life
and what you weren't taught

1896
01:18:18,766 --> 01:18:19,800
about your potential as a child.

1897
01:18:19,833 --> 01:18:20,935
Bobby, stop talking.

1898
01:18:20,968 --> 01:18:22,303
-Wh...
-Seriously, enough.

1899
01:18:22,336 --> 01:18:23,804
I will kill you.

1900
01:18:23,837 --> 01:18:26,340
Aaron, you hate your life?

1901
01:18:26,373 --> 01:18:28,809
♪ Rama lama lama
ka dinga da dinga dong ♪

1902
01:18:28,842 --> 01:18:31,011
♪ Shoo-bop sha wadda wadda
yippity boom de boom ♪

1903
01:18:31,045 --> 01:18:32,880
♪ Chang chang
changitty chang sha-bop ♪

1904
01:18:32,913 --> 01:18:35,115
♪ Dip da-dip da-dip
doo-wop da doo-bee doo ♪

1905
01:18:35,149 --> 01:18:36,383
♪ Boogedy boogedy
boogedy boogedy ♪

1906
01:18:36,417 --> 01:18:37,484
♪ Shoo-be doo-wop she-bop ♪

1907
01:18:37,519 --> 01:18:38,520
♪ Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na ♪

1908
01:18:38,553 --> 01:18:40,054
♪ Yippity boom de boom ♪

1909
01:18:40,087 --> 01:18:41,956
♪ Wop ba-ba lu-mop
and wop bam boom. ♪

1910
01:18:47,127 --> 01:18:49,830
Your brother's
a real chatterbox.

1911
01:18:52,433 --> 01:18:53,535
Hey, are you mad?

1912
01:18:53,568 --> 01:18:54,835
Me? No, I'm great.

1913
01:18:54,868 --> 01:18:55,970
Josh just texted me.

1914
01:18:56,003 --> 01:18:57,271
I'm gonna meet him at that bar.

1915
01:18:57,304 --> 01:18:58,872
I think we should go home
and talk about this.

1916
01:18:58,906 --> 01:19:00,841
Oh, really?
You want to talk more?

1917
01:19:00,874 --> 01:19:02,343
Well, I think it's better than
going to party with Josh,

1918
01:19:02,376 --> 01:19:04,011
the self-loathing meathead
who took 40 years to come out.

1919
01:19:04,044 --> 01:19:05,346
Yeah, well,
not everybody's you, Bobby.

1920
01:19:05,379 --> 01:19:06,947
Okay, but 40 years?

1921
01:19:06,981 --> 01:19:08,249
J.R.R. Tolkien took less time
with his journey.

1922
01:19:08,282 --> 01:19:11,185
God, you are fucking relentless.

1923
01:19:11,218 --> 01:19:13,020
"Aaron hates his life"?

1924
01:19:13,053 --> 01:19:14,989
God.

1925
01:19:16,290 --> 01:19:17,291
Hey.

1926
01:19:18,292 --> 01:19:19,860
Hey!

1927
01:19:21,128 --> 01:19:22,830
Fuck!

1928
01:19:40,047 --> 01:19:42,116
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.

1929
01:19:42,149 --> 01:19:43,384
Good man.

1930
01:19:48,590 --> 01:19:50,157
Ah, dude. No.

1931
01:19:50,190 --> 01:19:51,892
Hey, just kiss me.

1932
01:19:58,265 --> 01:19:59,366
Aaron.

1933
01:20:00,502 --> 01:20:01,969
Oh, hey, Bob.

1934
01:20:02,002 --> 01:20:03,304
Uh, shit, Bobby,
we were just playing around.

1935
01:20:03,337 --> 01:20:05,439
-It's-it's...
-You were just playing around?

1936
01:20:05,472 --> 01:20:06,907
What the fuck is wrong with you?

1937
01:20:06,940 --> 01:20:09,243
-Bobby, Bobby.
-Josh, leave. -I'm sorry.

1938
01:20:09,276 --> 01:20:10,944
Get the fuck out of here!

1939
01:20:10,978 --> 01:20:12,980
-Bobby, calm down.
-Oh, my God, I knew it.

1940
01:20:13,013 --> 01:20:14,616
I fucking knew it.

1941
01:20:14,649 --> 01:20:15,983
Just say it.

1942
01:20:16,016 --> 01:20:17,451
Can you please just say it?

1943
01:20:17,484 --> 01:20:20,888
Finally, just fucking say it,
because I already know.

1944
01:20:21,589 --> 01:20:23,457
-You're not attracted to me.
-What?

1945
01:20:23,490 --> 01:20:26,594
I see the guys you look at,
at the gym and the club.

1946
01:20:26,628 --> 01:20:28,530
Everywhere! Everywhere we go!

1947
01:20:28,563 --> 01:20:30,197
-Okay, Bobby...
-Go be with him

1948
01:20:30,230 --> 01:20:32,032
if that's what you want,
but I will not let you

1949
01:20:32,066 --> 01:20:33,334
- drag me into this any further.
- It's not...

1950
01:20:33,367 --> 01:20:34,602
And I will not let you
break my heart.

1951
01:20:34,636 --> 01:20:36,103
I am too smart for that!

1952
01:20:36,136 --> 01:20:37,539
Bobby, why did you say
that shit about me

1953
01:20:37,572 --> 01:20:38,972
in front of my parents?

1954
01:20:39,006 --> 01:20:40,474
I begged you
not to embarrass me,

1955
01:20:40,508 --> 01:20:42,876
but you couldn't help yourself.

1956
01:20:43,977 --> 01:20:45,946
What is wrong with you?

1957
01:20:46,581 --> 01:20:49,917
What is wrong with me?

1958
01:20:49,950 --> 01:20:51,653
"Tone it down, Bobby."

1959
01:20:51,686 --> 01:20:53,320
"Be quiet, Bobby."

1960
01:20:53,354 --> 01:20:55,989
"Can't you be
a little bit less of yourself,

1961
01:20:56,023 --> 01:20:57,257
just for a few hours?"

1962
01:20:58,258 --> 01:21:01,228
You don't think
I know what that means?

1963
01:21:01,261 --> 01:21:03,297
You don't think I know
what that's code for?

1964
01:21:03,330 --> 01:21:05,032
You don't think
I've been hearing that

1965
01:21:05,065 --> 01:21:07,267
my whole fucking life?

1966
01:21:08,670 --> 01:21:10,971
That's what you think about me?

1967
01:21:13,173 --> 01:21:16,310
I'm not apologizing for myself.
I will leave that to you.

1968
01:21:37,297 --> 01:21:39,066
Hey, question for you
because you know everyone.

1969
01:21:39,099 --> 01:21:40,267
I need a makeover.

1970
01:21:40,300 --> 01:21:42,537
Ooh, yeah.
Let's go to a spa weekend.

1971
01:21:42,570 --> 01:21:44,004
No, I want steroids or, like,

1972
01:21:44,037 --> 01:21:45,339
testosterone or HGH
or something.

1973
01:21:45,372 --> 01:21:47,141
I keep working out,
but I don't get bigger.

1974
01:21:47,174 --> 01:21:48,710
I want to look like
a fucking action star.

1975
01:21:48,743 --> 01:21:50,277
Forget Provincetown.
I want people to think

1976
01:21:50,310 --> 01:21:52,112
I have a summer share
on <i>Jumanji.</i>

1977
01:21:52,146 --> 01:21:54,114
I'm sick of being niche.
I want to be Thor.

1978
01:21:54,148 --> 01:21:56,116
Bobby, you know that steroids

1979
01:21:56,150 --> 01:21:57,184
don't make you big
on their own, right?

1980
01:21:57,217 --> 01:21:58,586
Like, you still have to work out

1981
01:21:58,620 --> 01:22:00,087
-and you can't miss the window.
-I know!

1982
01:22:04,458 --> 01:22:07,428
Let's fucking go.

1983
01:22:07,461 --> 01:22:08,596
Ow.

1984
01:22:11,432 --> 01:22:12,433
No.

1985
01:22:12,466 --> 01:22:13,735
Fuck!

1986
01:22:17,104 --> 01:22:18,272
No! What are you doing?!

1987
01:22:18,305 --> 01:22:20,040
- Stop that!
- Bobby! Bobby!

1988
01:22:20,073 --> 01:22:21,576
-The Lincoln exhibit
is canceled. -Why?

1989
01:22:21,609 --> 01:22:23,110
People are threatening
a boycott.

1990
01:22:23,143 --> 01:22:24,445
They're pulling their donations.

1991
01:22:24,478 --> 01:22:25,446
There's just not enough proof.

1992
01:22:25,479 --> 01:22:27,047
Okay.

1993
01:22:27,080 --> 01:22:29,016
You want to put Lincoln
back in the closet? Fine!

1994
01:22:29,049 --> 01:22:30,484
-I'll put him back
in the closet! -Bobby.

1995
01:22:30,518 --> 01:22:32,720
-I'll put him back in
the fucking closet! -Bobby.

1996
01:22:32,754 --> 01:22:33,688
Here!

1997
01:22:33,721 --> 01:22:35,456
There you go!

1998
01:22:35,489 --> 01:22:38,358
Lincoln is back in the closet
where you all need him to be!

1999
01:22:38,392 --> 01:22:39,661
I'm on steroids!

2000
01:22:39,694 --> 01:22:40,695
Okay, Bobby, just calm down.

2001
01:22:40,728 --> 01:22:42,730
So, Angela and I have proposed

2002
01:22:42,764 --> 01:22:45,299
that the final exhibit
be called "Post-Gay."

2003
01:22:45,332 --> 01:22:46,233
Post-Gay?

2004
01:22:46,266 --> 01:22:49,369
Yes, because
just being gay is old news.

2005
01:22:49,403 --> 01:22:51,539
Okay, so,
now I'm too gay for Aaron,

2006
01:22:51,573 --> 01:22:53,006
but I'm too straight for you?

2007
01:22:53,040 --> 01:22:55,242
Will somebody please tell me

2008
01:22:55,275 --> 01:22:57,779
exactly how gay
I'm supposed to be?!

2009
01:22:57,812 --> 01:23:00,214
Poor Abraham Lincoln
can't even be gay now?!

2010
01:23:00,247 --> 01:23:01,783
Because he wasn't gay, Bobby.

2011
01:23:01,816 --> 01:23:04,284
- He was bi, and I have...
- Okay, enough!

2012
01:23:04,318 --> 01:23:06,386
You want to get rid
of our stories? Fine!

2013
01:23:06,420 --> 01:23:08,455
Let's get rid of them!

2014
01:23:08,489 --> 01:23:10,057
I have roid rage!

2015
01:23:10,090 --> 01:23:12,292
Are you insane?

2016
01:23:12,326 --> 01:23:15,395
-Bobby...
-Yeah, bye-bye, Buttigieg!

2017
01:23:16,430 --> 01:23:17,532
-Stop it, Bobby.
-No!

2018
01:23:17,565 --> 01:23:19,567
-Bobby!
-Give-- No!

2019
01:23:19,601 --> 01:23:21,068
Give it to me!

2020
01:23:21,101 --> 01:23:23,103
-Put the flag down!
-No! Give it to me!

2021
01:23:23,136 --> 01:23:25,439
Give it to...

2022
01:23:25,472 --> 01:23:27,775
Angela and the lesbians,
hold him down.

2023
01:23:27,809 --> 01:23:30,377
No!

2024
01:23:30,410 --> 01:23:33,180
-You're on steroids?
-You can't tell.

2025
01:23:33,213 --> 01:23:35,449
You know what?
I don't need this shit.

2026
01:23:35,482 --> 01:23:36,518
Me neither.

2027
01:23:36,551 --> 01:23:38,252
Lesbians, disperse!

2028
01:23:38,987 --> 01:23:40,555
I hate the museum,

2029
01:23:40,588 --> 01:23:44,424
but most of all, I really
fucking hate storytelling.

2030
01:23:46,426 --> 01:23:47,829
She doesn't like
telling stories.

2031
01:23:47,862 --> 01:23:49,229
Maybe the final wing should be

2032
01:23:49,263 --> 01:23:51,465
a big empty room
where people can go

2033
01:23:51,498 --> 01:23:53,300
to just shut the fuck up!

2034
01:23:53,333 --> 01:23:54,636
Okay. Yeah.

2035
01:23:54,669 --> 01:23:56,738
Leave! All of you!

2036
01:23:56,771 --> 01:23:58,438
Oh, shit, my window.

2037
01:23:58,472 --> 01:24:00,374
My workout window!

2038
01:24:21,161 --> 01:24:22,697
♪ Drop the bass. ♪

2039
01:24:31,204 --> 01:24:32,507
Hey, bro.

2040
01:24:32,540 --> 01:24:34,842
-Hey, bro. What's up?
-What's up?

2041
01:24:34,876 --> 01:24:36,343
I'm Joel.

2042
01:24:36,376 --> 01:24:39,246
I'm... Rob.

2043
01:24:39,279 --> 01:24:40,715
Hey, can you help me
with this set, bro?

2044
01:24:40,748 --> 01:24:43,317
Yeah, sure, bro. Yeah.

2045
01:24:43,350 --> 01:24:45,085
Nice.

2046
01:24:45,887 --> 01:24:47,889
-You doing chest?
-Yep.

2047
01:24:47,922 --> 01:24:50,257
-Leg day for me, bro.
-Oh, nice.

2048
01:24:50,290 --> 01:24:51,759
Got to work on those hammies.

2049
01:24:51,793 --> 01:24:52,827
Yeah.

2050
01:24:52,860 --> 01:24:54,194
Go put them all on.

2051
01:24:54,227 --> 01:24:55,630
Doing a superset today.

2052
01:24:55,663 --> 01:24:56,764
-Oh, superset?
-Yeah.

2053
01:24:56,798 --> 01:24:58,398
Yeah, superset.

2054
01:24:58,432 --> 01:24:59,266
Pack it up, bro.

2055
01:24:59,299 --> 01:25:00,735
-Lots of plates.
-Yeah.

2056
01:25:00,768 --> 01:25:02,402
I haven't seen this many plates

2057
01:25:02,436 --> 01:25:04,806
since, uh,
the Jewish holidays, bro.

2058
01:25:04,839 --> 01:25:06,507
-Nice, nice.
-Yeah.

2059
01:25:08,308 --> 01:25:10,645
We should hang out
again sometime.

2060
01:25:10,678 --> 01:25:11,879
Maybe watch a game?

2061
01:25:11,913 --> 01:25:13,146
Yeah, I'd love that.

2062
01:25:13,180 --> 01:25:14,481
I'll give you my number.

2063
01:25:14,515 --> 01:25:16,651
Holy shit, dude.
What happened to your voice?

2064
01:25:16,684 --> 01:25:17,752
Oh, fuck.

2065
01:25:17,785 --> 01:25:20,454
Um, okay, I'm really sorry.

2066
01:25:20,487 --> 01:25:23,423
But, um--
I know this is very strange,

2067
01:25:23,457 --> 01:25:26,159
but when I-I, when I walked
up to you in the gym,

2068
01:25:26,193 --> 01:25:28,362
I-I just did this voice,
you know?

2069
01:25:28,395 --> 01:25:29,564
Like, you know, like,

2070
01:25:29,597 --> 01:25:30,898
"Hey, bro. What's up?"

2071
01:25:30,932 --> 01:25:31,899
I-I don't know.

2072
01:25:31,933 --> 01:25:33,266
I just was trying it.

2073
01:25:33,300 --> 01:25:34,636
Holy shit,
are you a serial killer?

2074
01:25:34,669 --> 01:25:36,504
Are you gonna fucking
kill a bro right now?

2075
01:25:36,537 --> 01:25:38,472
No, no, no. I'm not killing
a bro. I'm so sorry.

2076
01:25:38,506 --> 01:25:40,307
No, this is weird.
I'm sorry. I'll go.

2077
01:25:40,340 --> 01:25:42,175
Yeah, you need to leave
right now.

2078
01:25:42,209 --> 01:25:43,377
But it kind of worked, right?

2079
01:25:43,410 --> 01:25:44,512
Like, that's what's weird
about it...

2080
01:25:44,545 --> 01:25:45,412
Dude, hurry up, man.

2081
01:25:45,445 --> 01:25:46,914
I know, but just the fact
that I was like,

2082
01:25:46,948 --> 01:25:48,348
"Hey, bro. What's up?"

2083
01:25:48,382 --> 01:25:49,182
Okay, I'm leaving.

2084
01:25:49,216 --> 01:25:50,518
I'm so sorry.

2085
01:25:50,551 --> 01:25:52,252
I'm going through
a very hard time right now.

2086
01:25:52,285 --> 01:25:53,788
-I ain't ask for all that.
-Okay.

2087
01:25:53,821 --> 01:25:55,823
I'm sorry. I'm going. I'm going.

2088
01:25:55,857 --> 01:25:57,592
Can I just ask you
one thing, though?

2089
01:25:57,625 --> 01:26:00,962
If I had come up to you
and used my real voice,

2090
01:26:00,995 --> 01:26:02,764
would you have been
attracted to me?

2091
01:26:02,797 --> 01:26:04,264
Wow.

2092
01:26:04,297 --> 01:26:07,200
That is really sad, but...

2093
01:26:07,234 --> 01:26:09,403
Yeah, I think so.

2094
01:26:09,436 --> 01:26:10,738
Oh.

2095
01:26:10,772 --> 01:26:12,406
But not now.

2096
01:26:13,407 --> 01:26:14,909
Okay.

2097
01:26:14,942 --> 01:26:16,443
I'm really sorry.

2098
01:26:21,783 --> 01:26:23,551
-Streisand?
-Of course.

2099
01:26:23,584 --> 01:26:24,451
I love her.

2100
01:26:24,484 --> 01:26:26,988
-She's the best.
-Streisand fucking rules.

2101
01:26:27,021 --> 01:26:29,624
This is actually kind of like
<i>Yentl,</i> if you think about it.

2102
01:26:29,657 --> 01:26:32,325
-Dude, get the fuck out!
-I'm so sorry.

2103
01:26:33,326 --> 01:26:35,228
Later.

2104
01:26:35,262 --> 01:26:36,898
Sorry.

2105
01:26:36,931 --> 01:26:39,266
And now,
Hallheart proudly presents

2106
01:26:39,299 --> 01:26:41,903
our first polyamorous
holiday film,

2107
01:26:41,936 --> 01:26:43,705
<i>A Holly, Poly Christmas.</i>

2108
01:26:43,738 --> 01:26:46,007
Look, it's snowing.

2109
01:26:46,040 --> 01:26:48,843
It's snowing on
all seven of us.

2110
01:26:48,876 --> 01:26:50,712
Oh, man.

2111
01:27:07,294 --> 01:27:09,229
Hey.

2112
01:27:09,797 --> 01:27:11,231
Hey.

2113
01:27:12,533 --> 01:27:13,768
Can we talk?

2114
01:27:15,036 --> 01:27:16,771
Okay.

2115
01:27:22,910 --> 01:27:24,679
So, what's up?

2116
01:27:25,646 --> 01:27:28,883
Bobby, I am so sorry
I told you not to be yourself.

2117
01:27:28,916 --> 01:27:31,886
I know I fucked up,
but this is new for me, too.

2118
01:27:31,919 --> 01:27:35,556
And when you blew up in front
of my parents, honestly, it...

2119
01:27:37,091 --> 01:27:39,594
...it felt like
you were doing it on purpose.

2120
01:27:39,627 --> 01:27:41,829
I was.

2121
01:27:41,863 --> 01:27:43,463
And I'm sorry.

2122
01:27:43,497 --> 01:27:46,834
I shouldn't have handled it
like that. You're right.

2123
01:27:46,868 --> 01:27:48,803
I'm sorry.

2124
01:27:50,772 --> 01:27:53,007
But, Aaron,

2125
01:27:53,040 --> 01:27:55,810
that doesn't
change the fact that

2126
01:27:55,843 --> 01:27:57,912
you like a certain type of guy.

2127
01:27:57,945 --> 01:28:01,281
And that isn't me,
and that's okay.

2128
01:28:02,884 --> 01:28:05,052
You're right.

2129
01:28:05,086 --> 01:28:07,989
I always pictured myself
with a guy...

2130
01:28:08,022 --> 01:28:09,757
-Like Josh.
-Yeah, a guy like Josh.

2131
01:28:09,791 --> 01:28:11,659
Yeah, he's hot.

2132
01:28:11,692 --> 01:28:13,795
Yes, he's simple,
conventional, basic as hell

2133
01:28:13,828 --> 01:28:16,429
and not somebody
that actually makes me happy.

2134
01:28:18,099 --> 01:28:20,067
Bobby, you are
so different from me.

2135
01:28:20,101 --> 01:28:22,937
You're not afraid
to take up space in the world.

2136
01:28:22,970 --> 01:28:24,471
You challenge me.

2137
01:28:24,505 --> 01:28:26,473
Which at first,
it freaked me out

2138
01:28:26,507 --> 01:28:29,844
because who the fuck wants
to be challenged all the time?

2139
01:28:29,877 --> 01:28:31,444
But...

2140
01:28:34,015 --> 01:28:35,883
But I love it.

2141
01:28:37,450 --> 01:28:38,920
You're what's been missing.

2142
01:28:38,953 --> 01:28:42,455
I know I fucked up, but
please give me another chance.

2143
01:28:42,489 --> 01:28:44,357
I miss you so much.

2144
01:28:44,391 --> 01:28:46,594
I miss you, too.

2145
01:28:48,563 --> 01:28:50,598
A lot.

2146
01:28:51,866 --> 01:28:53,801
I didn't realize
until after we broke up

2147
01:28:53,835 --> 01:28:57,470
there were actually a couple
of months there where I was...

2148
01:28:57,505 --> 01:28:59,941
What do they call it?

2149
01:28:59,974 --> 01:29:01,742
In a good mood.

2150
01:29:17,191 --> 01:29:18,759
But I can't.

2151
01:29:22,029 --> 01:29:25,800
My whole life, I have prided
myself on being self-aware

2152
01:29:25,833 --> 01:29:28,870
and self-reliant
and self-possessed,

2153
01:29:28,903 --> 01:29:31,471
and it didn't matter.

2154
01:29:31,505 --> 01:29:33,541
It didn't matter because,
at the end of the day,

2155
01:29:33,574 --> 01:29:35,442
I just ended up in the street

2156
01:29:35,475 --> 01:29:37,745
looking at you
and looking at Josh

2157
01:29:37,778 --> 01:29:40,882
and thinking,
"I'm not enough for him."

2158
01:29:40,915 --> 01:29:42,583
I know, and I feel awful,

2159
01:29:42,617 --> 01:29:44,886
but do not throw this away
because of one mistake!

2160
01:29:44,919 --> 01:29:46,821
Wh-What do you want me to do?

2161
01:29:46,854 --> 01:29:48,756
Say you'll give me
another chance.

2162
01:29:48,789 --> 01:29:50,758
I can't do that.

2163
01:29:50,791 --> 01:29:51,959
Why not?

2164
01:29:52,960 --> 01:29:55,395
'Cause I don't trust you.

2165
01:29:59,567 --> 01:30:01,202
I've been alone so long,
who knows?

2166
01:30:01,235 --> 01:30:03,504
Maybe that's the only way
I know how to be.

2167
01:30:03,537 --> 01:30:05,405
I don't know.

2168
01:30:13,214 --> 01:30:15,516
I'm going.

2169
01:30:22,223 --> 01:30:24,659
It's good.

2170
01:30:24,692 --> 01:30:26,594
Hey!

2171
01:30:29,096 --> 01:30:31,766
If you don't trust me,
that's fine.

2172
01:30:32,633 --> 01:30:33,935
But if for some reason,

2173
01:30:33,968 --> 01:30:35,770
underneath all that strength
and confidence,

2174
01:30:35,803 --> 01:30:38,072
you still don't trust
that you are lovable enough,

2175
01:30:38,105 --> 01:30:41,108
I'm living proof...

2176
01:30:41,142 --> 01:30:42,877
that you're wrong.

2177
01:31:06,901 --> 01:31:09,070
<i>First of all, thank you all</i>

2178
01:31:09,103 --> 01:31:10,071
for letting me do this.

2179
01:31:10,104 --> 01:31:11,706
I really appreciate it.

2180
01:31:11,739 --> 01:31:13,240
Look, I know I've been

2181
01:31:13,274 --> 01:31:17,511
a very angry,
judgmental person, obviously.

2182
01:31:17,545 --> 01:31:18,746
And sometimes anger can be good.

2183
01:31:18,779 --> 01:31:20,247
I know you all know that
because, for years,

2184
01:31:20,281 --> 01:31:21,949
it was the fuel we all needed
to keep going.

2185
01:31:21,983 --> 01:31:24,652
It wasn't that long ago
that the straight gatekeepers

2186
01:31:24,685 --> 01:31:26,520
of the world
didn't allow for all of us

2187
01:31:26,554 --> 01:31:28,055
to really succeed in a big way.

2188
01:31:28,089 --> 01:31:30,758
Oh, my God. Do you guys
remember straight people?

2189
01:31:30,791 --> 01:31:33,127
Yeah, they had a nice run.

2190
01:31:33,160 --> 01:31:35,830
Look, Bobby, I'm a Black trans
woman, and I don't need you

2191
01:31:35,863 --> 01:31:38,065
to come here
and lecture me about anger.

2192
01:31:38,099 --> 01:31:40,668
But I get it.

2193
01:31:40,701 --> 01:31:42,903
I am brimming

2194
01:31:42,937 --> 01:31:44,672
with anger.

2195
01:31:44,705 --> 01:31:47,041
And if I were to let
just an ounce of it out,

2196
01:31:47,074 --> 01:31:50,578
I would probably explode
and kill every one of you.

2197
01:31:50,611 --> 01:31:53,114
But, Bobby, I want you
to know something.

2198
01:31:53,147 --> 01:31:55,082
I hear you.

2199
01:31:55,116 --> 01:31:56,884
And I forgive you.

2200
01:31:56,917 --> 01:31:58,219
You do?

2201
01:31:58,252 --> 01:31:59,687
Yes.

2202
01:31:59,720 --> 01:32:01,155
Look, this is the only community

2203
01:32:01,188 --> 01:32:03,057
I've ever loved being a part of.

2204
01:32:03,090 --> 01:32:07,094
And we fight like crazy,
and we always have, but...

2205
01:32:08,596 --> 01:32:10,598
...you're my people.

2206
01:32:11,732 --> 01:32:15,936
And I am so sorry that I was
so rude and spoke down to you.

2207
01:32:15,970 --> 01:32:17,938
I should've shown you
much more respect.

2208
01:32:17,972 --> 01:32:21,275
There is truly
no group of people on earth

2209
01:32:21,308 --> 01:32:23,110
that I love and respect more.

2210
01:32:23,144 --> 01:32:25,946
Well, I am not going to lie.
I am still angry.

2211
01:32:25,980 --> 01:32:30,684
But I insist on progress,
not just for our LGBTQ heroes

2212
01:32:30,718 --> 01:32:34,789
but for our LGBTQ assholes.

2213
01:32:34,822 --> 01:32:35,589
Like you.

2214
01:32:35,623 --> 01:32:37,758
Thank you, Robert.

2215
01:32:38,793 --> 01:32:42,296
The live of this apology
has like 40K viewers.

2216
01:32:42,329 --> 01:32:43,864
You're posting this?

2217
01:32:43,898 --> 01:32:45,332
Can you please--

2218
01:32:45,366 --> 01:32:46,734
No, okay. Yeah.

2219
01:32:46,767 --> 01:32:48,135
No, you should
definitely post this.

2220
01:32:48,169 --> 01:32:49,870
Everything should...
everything should be posted,

2221
01:32:49,904 --> 01:32:51,872
and thank you
for teaching me that.

2222
01:33:10,991 --> 01:33:12,660
♪ Don't leave ♪

2223
01:33:12,693 --> 01:33:14,862
♪ Don't cry ♪

2224
01:33:14,895 --> 01:33:18,699
♪ You're just another boy
caught in the rye ♪

2225
01:33:18,732 --> 01:33:21,635
Hey. I've decided to quit.

2226
01:33:21,669 --> 01:33:24,105
-I just quit, too.
-You did?

2227
01:33:24,138 --> 01:33:26,273
I do this Kamala Harris
impression online,

2228
01:33:26,307 --> 01:33:27,675
and it's really taken off.

2229
01:33:27,708 --> 01:33:29,009
-Oh.
-Yeah, like--

2230
01:33:29,043 --> 01:33:31,378
I'm Kamala Harris.

2231
01:33:31,412 --> 01:33:32,680
Okay?

2232
01:33:35,182 --> 01:33:36,951
Good luck with that.

2233
01:33:36,984 --> 01:33:39,286
Yeah, good luck
with whatever you're doing.

2234
01:33:39,320 --> 01:33:41,222
Thank you.

2235
01:33:50,030 --> 01:33:53,734
Hey, Bobby, I wanted you to be
the first person to see this.

2236
01:33:53,767 --> 01:33:55,703
This is Aaron Shepard's
Chocolate Factory.

2237
01:33:55,736 --> 01:33:57,738
I made these little chocolates.

2238
01:33:57,771 --> 01:33:59,807
I also made some special treats

2239
01:33:59,840 --> 01:34:04,345
to celebrate the opening
of the LGBTQ+ Museum.

2240
01:34:04,378 --> 01:34:06,280
These are Harvey Milk Duds.

2241
01:34:06,313 --> 01:34:08,949
And instead of a heart-shaped
Valentine's Day box

2242
01:34:08,983 --> 01:34:11,285
filled with chocolates,
we have a pink

2243
01:34:11,318 --> 01:34:14,755
"silence equals death" triangle
filled with chocolates.

2244
01:34:14,788 --> 01:34:17,691
And a tribute to my favorite
gay television character,

2245
01:34:17,725 --> 01:34:19,393
this is...

2246
01:34:19,426 --> 01:34:21,896
a Tirami-Susan from <i>Friends.</i>

2247
01:34:21,929 --> 01:34:24,431
Of course Aaron likes <i>Friends.</i>

2248
01:34:24,465 --> 01:34:26,901
Of course, all the profits
go to the museum.

2249
01:34:26,934 --> 01:34:28,836
Okay.

2250
01:34:28,869 --> 01:34:30,671
Bye.

2251
01:34:32,406 --> 01:34:37,978
♪ It's all right ♪

2252
01:34:38,812 --> 01:34:43,984
♪ It's all right ♪

2253
01:34:44,852 --> 01:34:47,454
♪ It's all right. ♪

2254
01:34:47,488 --> 01:34:49,790
Dude, thanks for
letting me crash here.

2255
01:34:49,823 --> 01:34:54,094
I know Mom pressured you
into inviting me, but...

2256
01:34:54,128 --> 01:34:55,963
it's cool of you.

2257
01:34:57,031 --> 01:34:58,832
Yeah, sure.

2258
01:34:58,866 --> 01:35:01,335
-You okay, bro?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

2259
01:35:01,368 --> 01:35:03,871
I'm a very happy chocolatier.

2260
01:35:06,440 --> 01:35:08,842
I mean, there was that guy.

2261
01:35:09,877 --> 01:35:12,479
But it's over.
Whatever. I'm fine.

2262
01:35:12,514 --> 01:35:15,115
Yeah, totally.

2263
01:35:15,916 --> 01:35:17,151
Jesus, how do you decapitate?

2264
01:35:17,184 --> 01:35:19,353
Seriously, that's all
you're gonna say?

2265
01:35:19,386 --> 01:35:21,088
"How do you decapitate?"

2266
01:35:21,121 --> 01:35:22,756
What do you want me to say?
How do you remove their heads?

2267
01:35:22,790 --> 01:35:23,958
What about,
"Hey, bro, how are you doing?

2268
01:35:23,991 --> 01:35:25,259
How are you holding up?"

2269
01:35:25,292 --> 01:35:27,461
I'm sorry, bro.
We don't talk about this shit.

2270
01:35:27,494 --> 01:35:30,798
I'm-I'm crashing here because
I'm in the middle of a divorce,

2271
01:35:30,831 --> 01:35:32,933
and you haven't asked me
about it once.

2272
01:35:34,068 --> 01:35:35,202
I'm sorry.

2273
01:35:36,403 --> 01:35:38,439
So, how's the divorce?

2274
01:35:38,472 --> 01:35:41,242
-I don't want to talk about it.
-Okay.

2275
01:35:41,275 --> 01:35:42,977
So...

2276
01:35:44,278 --> 01:35:45,946
...what happened to you?

2277
01:35:45,980 --> 01:35:49,250
Okay, you remember at Christmas
when Mom and Dad came?

2278
01:35:49,283 --> 01:35:51,185
I asked Bobby to...

2279
01:35:53,053 --> 01:35:55,022
I asked him to tone it down.

2280
01:35:56,056 --> 01:35:58,325
I know. I know.
I fucked up. I panicked.

2281
01:35:59,827 --> 01:36:01,895
Did you try

2282
01:36:01,929 --> 01:36:03,864
-to get him back or...
-Yes.

2283
01:36:03,897 --> 01:36:04,999
I mean, Bobby is the best,

2284
01:36:05,032 --> 01:36:06,534
but he is
a stubborn son of a bitch.

2285
01:36:06,568 --> 01:36:11,238
And do you love
this stubborn little bitch?

2286
01:36:17,945 --> 01:36:20,214
Whatever. It's over.

2287
01:36:20,247 --> 01:36:22,816
Bobby's strong.
He doesn't need me.

2288
01:36:23,518 --> 01:36:25,152
He doesn't need anyone.

2289
01:36:25,185 --> 01:36:26,186
♪ So alive ♪

2290
01:36:26,220 --> 01:36:29,423
♪ Loving the feeling,
learning the meaning... ♪

2291
01:36:29,456 --> 01:36:31,559
Hey, guys.
It's your girl Tamara.

2292
01:36:31,593 --> 01:36:33,561
We're opening
the LGBT Museum tonight.

2293
01:36:33,595 --> 01:36:35,229
Tonight is our grand opening,

2294
01:36:35,262 --> 01:36:37,599
and we're gonna have
a wonderful time!

2295
01:36:37,632 --> 01:36:39,066
Yeah!

2296
01:36:39,099 --> 01:36:41,268
-What's up?
-What's up?

2297
01:36:42,537 --> 01:36:45,306
Hi. I'm Leonardo da Vinci.

2298
01:36:45,339 --> 01:36:47,074
I changed the world with my work

2299
01:36:47,107 --> 01:36:50,144
as an inventor,
scientist and artist.

2300
01:36:50,177 --> 01:36:53,615
But most importantly,
I may have been bi.

2301
01:36:53,648 --> 01:36:56,183
Arrivederci.

2302
01:37:02,222 --> 01:37:05,593
Congrats. You've made it
to the Obama administration.

2303
01:37:05,627 --> 01:37:07,494
But what's that
around the corner?

2304
01:37:14,101 --> 01:37:16,403
Okay, seriously,
this place is incredible.

2305
01:37:16,437 --> 01:37:18,972
-Are you happy?
-I don't know.

2306
01:37:19,006 --> 01:37:20,341
It's weird, you know?

2307
01:37:20,374 --> 01:37:23,243
Like, this place was my dream,
then it happened.

2308
01:37:24,211 --> 01:37:26,013
Why can't I answer
your question?

2309
01:37:26,046 --> 01:37:28,650
-Okay, can I just say
one thing? -Yes.

2310
01:37:28,683 --> 01:37:30,618
I know that
what he did was wrong,

2311
01:37:30,652 --> 01:37:32,286
but you didn't have to argue
with his parents.

2312
01:37:32,319 --> 01:37:34,589
I did, though.
Plus, I apologized.

2313
01:37:34,622 --> 01:37:36,123
And he apologized, too.

2314
01:37:36,156 --> 01:37:37,891
I just don't know
if I can trust him.

2315
01:37:37,925 --> 01:37:39,493
He fucked up. People fuck up.

2316
01:37:39,527 --> 01:37:40,961
Is there no part of you

2317
01:37:40,994 --> 01:37:42,930
that wants to give him
a second chance?

2318
01:37:43,931 --> 01:37:45,999
You know what it is?

2319
01:37:46,033 --> 01:37:48,570
I just don't want
to want someone else this much.

2320
01:37:48,603 --> 01:37:50,070
But you do.

2321
01:37:50,104 --> 01:37:52,139
It doesn't make you look weak
to love someone.

2322
01:37:52,172 --> 01:37:54,542
Vulnerability is not
a boner killer.

2323
01:37:54,576 --> 01:37:56,377
I know you.

2324
01:37:56,410 --> 01:37:58,513
I know that you've had
a million reasons

2325
01:37:58,546 --> 01:38:00,515
to keep your guard up
all these years.

2326
01:38:00,548 --> 01:38:02,015
But there are people out there

2327
01:38:02,049 --> 01:38:03,250
worth letting
your guard down for.

2328
01:38:03,283 --> 01:38:07,020
Were you happier
with him or without him?

2329
01:38:07,054 --> 01:38:08,422
That's all that really matters.

2330
01:38:08,455 --> 01:38:10,592
Can I tell you something
extremely embarrassing

2331
01:38:10,625 --> 01:38:12,226
that I would only tell you?

2332
01:38:12,259 --> 01:38:13,427
Yes.

2333
01:38:13,460 --> 01:38:15,530
I wrote a song about him.

2334
01:38:15,563 --> 01:38:17,532
I know! That's the only time

2335
01:38:17,565 --> 01:38:18,600
I'm ever gonna talk about it.

2336
01:38:18,633 --> 01:38:20,067
We're not talking about it.

2337
01:38:20,100 --> 01:38:22,002
I didn't send it,
and I'm not sending it.

2338
01:38:22,035 --> 01:38:24,071
Okay. Fine.

2339
01:38:24,104 --> 01:38:27,141
I've just never seen you
that happy is all.

2340
01:38:27,174 --> 01:38:28,976
And I love seeing it.

2341
01:38:30,177 --> 01:38:31,613
Hi, guys.

2342
01:38:31,646 --> 01:38:33,715
-Hi, sweetie.
-Ready to go dance?

2343
01:38:33,748 --> 01:38:35,482
-Yeah.
-Let's go.

2344
01:39:14,421 --> 01:39:16,290
Holy shit. He texted me.

2345
01:39:16,323 --> 01:39:18,425
-Bobby texted me!
-Well, what'd he say?

2346
01:39:18,459 --> 01:39:21,462
He said, "Hey, what's up?"

2347
01:39:21,495 --> 01:39:23,063
"Hey, what's up?"

2348
01:39:23,096 --> 01:39:24,566
-Fuck yeah, bro!
-Yeah?

2349
01:39:24,599 --> 01:39:26,601
-That's what I'm talking about!
-Yeah? That's good? Yeah!

2350
01:39:26,634 --> 01:39:28,068
It's great! "Hey, what's up?"

2351
01:39:28,101 --> 01:39:30,204
"Hey, what's up?"
"Hey, what's up?"

2352
01:39:30,237 --> 01:39:32,239
-No, wait. No, wait, wait.
-What?

2353
01:39:32,272 --> 01:39:33,373
Okay, yeah.

2354
01:39:33,407 --> 01:39:35,209
I-I'm gonna wait to text him
back, though, you know?

2355
01:39:35,242 --> 01:39:37,311
Ah, shit.
I got to get to the gym.

2356
01:39:37,344 --> 01:39:40,347
Aaron, what the fuck is up with
you and the CrossFit every day?

2357
01:39:40,380 --> 01:39:42,550
Jesus! What are you people
all training for?

2358
01:39:42,584 --> 01:39:43,718
You going to war?

2359
01:39:43,751 --> 01:39:45,687
Stop playing it so cool.

2360
01:39:45,720 --> 01:39:47,755
Just go and tell him
how you feel.

2361
01:39:47,789 --> 01:39:49,757
Oh, what about you?
What about divorce?

2362
01:39:49,791 --> 01:39:51,358
What about keeping it
young and fun?

2363
01:39:51,391 --> 01:39:52,292
Oh, whatever.

2364
01:39:52,326 --> 01:39:54,428
Straight people--
we're so set in our ways.

2365
01:39:54,461 --> 01:39:56,764
But gay people--
you guys are all so--

2366
01:39:56,798 --> 01:39:58,031
you're so smart.

2367
01:39:58,065 --> 01:40:00,033
You're gonna figure it out.

2368
01:40:00,067 --> 01:40:03,170
My story is not your story.

2369
01:40:03,203 --> 01:40:05,239
Go write your own damn story.

2370
01:40:05,840 --> 01:40:08,242
-Go! Now!
-Okay. Yeah.

2371
01:40:09,343 --> 01:40:11,178
Hey.

2372
01:40:14,749 --> 01:40:16,183
"Hey, what's up?"

2373
01:40:16,216 --> 01:40:17,652
-"Hey, what's up?" Yeah!
-"Hey, what's up?"

2374
01:40:39,439 --> 01:40:40,708
-Bobby?
-Yeah?

2375
01:40:40,742 --> 01:40:42,577
-It's time for the toast.
-Okay, great.

2376
01:40:42,610 --> 01:40:44,177
Okay.

2377
01:40:53,287 --> 01:40:56,356
One of the hardest parts
of putting the museum together

2378
01:40:56,390 --> 01:40:59,627
was figuring out what
the final exhibit would be.

2379
01:40:59,661 --> 01:41:03,330
The message we'd leave people
with about who we are.

2380
01:41:03,363 --> 01:41:06,701
But the truth is
we are not one thing.

2381
01:41:06,734 --> 01:41:09,236
We are not a monolithic group.

2382
01:41:09,269 --> 01:41:12,574
We are some of the smartest
and most self-reliant people

2383
01:41:12,607 --> 01:41:14,207
you will ever meet.

2384
01:41:14,241 --> 01:41:15,810
And we are so stupid.

2385
01:41:17,144 --> 01:41:18,713
And we are a total mess.

2386
01:41:18,746 --> 01:41:21,214
And we are great.

2387
01:41:21,248 --> 01:41:23,450
We've been around since the
beginning of time, of course,

2388
01:41:23,483 --> 01:41:26,320
and yet it still feels like
we're at the very beginning

2389
01:41:26,353 --> 01:41:28,322
of being able to tell
our own stories.

2390
01:41:28,355 --> 01:41:30,457
In many ways,
I think we're still

2391
01:41:30,490 --> 01:41:32,527
getting to know
each other, really.

2392
01:41:32,560 --> 01:41:35,329
Now, I'm just
a boring old cis white gay,

2393
01:41:35,362 --> 01:41:36,831
but...

2394
01:41:36,864 --> 01:41:39,299
one thing I have learned from

2395
01:41:39,333 --> 01:41:42,336
my trans and bi
and nonbinary family is that

2396
01:41:42,369 --> 01:41:46,206
happiness for all of us
comes from staying fluid,

2397
01:41:46,239 --> 01:41:47,742
staying open to change.

2398
01:41:47,775 --> 01:41:51,345
Open to being more than
just who you thought you were

2399
01:41:51,378 --> 01:41:54,381
or more than what other people
assume you are.

2400
01:41:54,414 --> 01:41:56,751
So this is a toast to all of us.

2401
01:41:56,784 --> 01:41:59,654
We've come a long way.

2402
01:41:59,687 --> 01:42:01,488
And there are a lot of people

2403
01:42:01,522 --> 01:42:05,359
who deserved to live
long enough to be here tonight.

2404
01:42:05,392 --> 01:42:09,429
And we are here,
and they are not.

2405
01:42:10,665 --> 01:42:12,667
And we are very lucky.

2406
01:42:15,536 --> 01:42:17,572
We are very lucky.

2407
01:42:19,574 --> 01:42:21,609
I have no complaints.

2408
01:42:29,851 --> 01:42:31,385
Hey.

2409
01:42:34,555 --> 01:42:35,957
Hey.

2410
01:42:35,990 --> 01:42:38,291
Um...

2411
01:42:39,594 --> 01:42:41,929
Sorry, um-- Just, um--

2412
01:42:41,963 --> 01:42:43,831
One more thing. Sorry, hold on.

2413
01:42:43,865 --> 01:42:45,700
I'm gonna do it.
Let's do it. Let's do it.

2414
01:42:51,939 --> 01:42:53,675
Hi.

2415
01:42:57,712 --> 01:42:59,413
So, um,

2416
01:42:59,446 --> 01:43:02,583
this is a little special
something I wrote for tonight,

2417
01:43:02,617 --> 01:43:05,252
and I didn't think
I would actually have

2418
01:43:05,285 --> 01:43:06,954
a reason to sing it.

2419
01:43:06,988 --> 01:43:09,222
And I haven't sung in front of
people in a very long time,

2420
01:43:09,256 --> 01:43:10,357
so forgive me.

2421
01:43:10,390 --> 01:43:12,459
But, um, tonight is about love,

2422
01:43:12,492 --> 01:43:15,429
and we've seen
a lot of tortured gay cowboys

2423
01:43:15,462 --> 01:43:17,999
played by a lot of
straight actors over the years.

2424
01:43:19,767 --> 01:43:22,737
So, this is a love song
from one gay cowboy to another,

2425
01:43:22,770 --> 01:43:27,508
inspired by everyone's favorite
LGBTQ+ icon,

2426
01:43:27,542 --> 01:43:29,677
Garth Brooks.

2427
01:43:39,386 --> 01:43:42,456
♪ We met at the club ♪

2428
01:43:42,489 --> 01:43:46,259
♪ Mariah Carey remix on ♪

2429
01:43:46,293 --> 01:43:48,395
♪ Oh, the boys in harnesses ♪

2430
01:43:48,428 --> 01:43:51,833
♪ You didn't recognize
the song ♪

2431
01:43:51,866 --> 01:43:54,234
♪ You took me up ♪

2432
01:43:55,435 --> 01:43:57,739
♪ Up to Provincetown ♪

2433
01:43:57,772 --> 01:44:00,942
♪ Where, for years,
the deviant boys ♪

2434
01:44:00,975 --> 01:44:03,878
♪ Have run around ♪

2435
01:44:03,911 --> 01:44:06,346
♪ 'Cause love is not love ♪

2436
01:44:06,379 --> 01:44:11,284
♪ Our love is real ♪

2437
01:44:11,318 --> 01:44:16,924
♪ And I'm nervous as hell
to tell you how I feel ♪

2438
01:44:16,958 --> 01:44:23,765
♪ 'Cause after all these years
of running round ♪

2439
01:44:23,798 --> 01:44:29,302
♪ It's nice to have somebody
slowing down ♪

2440
01:44:29,336 --> 01:44:32,507
♪ 'Cause love is not love ♪

2441
01:44:32,540 --> 01:44:36,778
♪ Our love is free ♪

2442
01:44:36,811 --> 01:44:42,683
♪ I'll let you be you
and you let me be me ♪

2443
01:44:42,717 --> 01:44:45,385
♪ And we can wrestle
on the bed ♪

2444
01:44:45,418 --> 01:44:47,688
♪ I love when you pin me
to the ground ♪

2445
01:44:47,722 --> 01:44:51,559
♪ But if I tell you
how much I love you, boy ♪

2446
01:44:51,592 --> 01:44:54,061
♪ Will you stick around? ♪

2447
01:44:54,095 --> 01:44:57,064
♪ And you can lift me up ♪

2448
01:44:57,098 --> 01:45:00,034
♪ And I will calm you down ♪

2449
01:45:00,067 --> 01:45:01,669
♪ I've made a lot of noise ♪

2450
01:45:01,702 --> 01:45:07,440
♪ But only you can hear me now ♪

2451
01:45:09,110 --> 01:45:12,914
♪ 'Cause love is not love ♪

2452
01:45:12,947 --> 01:45:16,584
♪ This love is real ♪

2453
01:45:16,617 --> 01:45:18,586
♪ I hope you feel the same ♪

2454
01:45:18,619 --> 01:45:23,423
♪ 'Cause this is how I feel ♪

2455
01:45:23,456 --> 01:45:25,693
♪ And I'm tired of
being angry, babe ♪

2456
01:45:25,726 --> 01:45:28,563
♪ And I'm sick of being strong ♪

2457
01:45:28,596 --> 01:45:31,966
♪ And I know
a lot of cynical assholes ♪

2458
01:45:31,999 --> 01:45:34,569
♪ Who will hate this song ♪

2459
01:45:34,602 --> 01:45:37,839
♪ 'Cause it's an open heart ♪

2460
01:45:37,872 --> 01:45:40,975
♪ It's a second chance ♪

2461
01:45:41,008 --> 01:45:43,476
♪ It's finding your first love ♪

2462
01:45:43,511 --> 01:45:45,913
♪ As a 40-year-old man ♪

2463
01:45:45,947 --> 01:45:49,851
♪ And we don't have to
get married, babe ♪

2464
01:45:49,884 --> 01:45:52,620
♪ This is our romance ♪

2465
01:45:52,653 --> 01:45:55,523
♪ And just because we're gay ♪

2466
01:45:55,556 --> 01:46:01,529
♪ Doesn't mean
we have to dance ♪

2467
01:46:01,562 --> 01:46:06,734
♪ 'Cause love is not ♪

2468
01:46:06,767 --> 01:46:09,737
♪ Love is not ♪

2469
01:46:09,770 --> 01:46:16,577
♪ Love is not... ♪

2470
01:46:18,779 --> 01:46:21,816
♪ Love. ♪

2471
01:46:32,492 --> 01:46:35,029
-Bobby, I just have to
tell you... -In all my years,

2472
01:46:35,062 --> 01:46:36,496
I never thought I'd say this,

2473
01:46:36,530 --> 01:46:39,033
but, Debra Messing,
it'll have to wait.

2474
01:46:48,075 --> 01:46:49,644
What's wrong?

2475
01:46:49,677 --> 01:46:52,412
I just really love you.

2476
01:46:53,180 --> 01:46:54,715
I love you, too.

2477
01:46:54,749 --> 01:46:56,183
You like love, bro?

2478
01:46:56,217 --> 01:46:57,652
Oh, yeah.

2479
01:47:00,621 --> 01:47:02,790
- Wait.
- Wha...

2480
01:47:02,823 --> 01:47:04,692
Oh.

2481
01:47:05,760 --> 01:47:08,461
-Oh, what are you...
-Just let me do this.

2482
01:47:08,495 --> 01:47:10,064
-Uh...
-Um...

2483
01:47:10,097 --> 01:47:11,832
Oh, shit. I need a ring.

2484
01:47:12,934 --> 01:47:15,136
-Uh, Bob-Bobby...
-Tamara, can I borrow your ring?

2485
01:47:15,169 --> 01:47:17,171
-Oh, yeah.
-Thank you.

2486
01:47:17,204 --> 01:47:19,206
-Bobby, I...
-Aaron Shepard,

2487
01:47:19,240 --> 01:47:22,510
I know we're not
relationship people...

2488
01:47:23,544 --> 01:47:25,546
...but will you date me
for three months,

2489
01:47:25,579 --> 01:47:26,948
and then we'll reassess?

2490
01:47:29,850 --> 01:47:32,219
Yes, Bobby Leiber, I will
date you for three months,

2491
01:47:32,253 --> 01:47:33,721
and then we can reassess.

2492
01:47:38,592 --> 01:47:40,161
Mommy, what's happening?

2493
01:47:40,194 --> 01:47:41,796
It's a miracle.

2494
01:47:41,829 --> 01:47:43,998
Uncle Bobby's gonna
date someone for three months.

2495
01:47:58,546 --> 01:47:59,981
Hey, queers!

2496
01:48:00,014 --> 01:48:02,516
I'm the museum guard here.

2497
01:48:02,550 --> 01:48:04,151
Just gonna do some dusting.

2498
01:48:05,619 --> 01:48:08,856
Hello.
What are you doing dusting me?

2499
01:48:08,889 --> 01:48:12,727
I'm lesbian first lady
Eleanor Roosevelt.

2500
01:48:14,295 --> 01:48:17,598
Hi. I'm Seth Meyers
as Harvey Milk.

2501
01:48:17,631 --> 01:48:19,266
Hello.

2502
01:48:19,300 --> 01:48:22,269
I'm Kenan Thompson
as James Baldwin.

2503
01:48:22,303 --> 01:48:25,873
It's a Night at the Gay Museum.

2504
01:48:25,906 --> 01:48:27,575
Come here.

2505
01:48:27,608 --> 01:48:30,611
♪ Everybody's free ♪

2506
01:48:30,644 --> 01:48:32,279
♪ To feel good ♪

2507
01:48:34,315 --> 01:48:36,984
♪ Everybody's free ♪

2508
01:48:37,018 --> 01:48:38,252
♪ Yeah ♪

2509
01:48:38,285 --> 01:48:39,920
♪ To feel good ♪

2510
01:48:42,790 --> 01:48:44,692
♪ Brother and sister ♪

2511
01:48:44,725 --> 01:48:48,929
♪ Together
we'll make it through ♪

2512
01:48:50,631 --> 01:48:53,701
♪ Someday a spirit
will lift you ♪

2513
01:48:53,734 --> 01:48:57,705
♪ And take you there ♪

2514
01:48:57,738 --> 01:49:01,776
♪ Everybody's free ♪

2515
01:49:01,809 --> 01:49:04,645
♪ To feel good. ♪

2516
01:49:06,680 --> 01:49:08,716
- Aaron?
- Mom.

2517
01:49:08,749 --> 01:49:09,917
Mm.

2518
01:49:09,950 --> 01:49:11,852
-Bobby.
-Hi.

2519
01:49:11,886 --> 01:49:14,321
Ah, Bobby, this is spectacular.

2520
01:49:14,355 --> 01:49:16,090
-Thank you.
-And the kids are loving it.

2521
01:49:16,123 --> 01:49:17,892
I'm so glad you're here.
It means so much to me

2522
01:49:17,925 --> 01:49:19,593
that you would make it
part of your trip.

2523
01:49:19,627 --> 01:49:21,095
-It really does.
-You were right.

2524
01:49:21,128 --> 01:49:23,330
Of course they should see this.

2525
01:49:23,364 --> 01:49:25,699
It's their history, too.

2526
01:49:27,268 --> 01:49:29,236
Congrats.

2527
01:49:29,270 --> 01:49:31,972
You're a four
on the Kinsey Scale.

2528
01:49:32,006 --> 01:49:33,674
You're a bisexual.

2529
01:49:34,275 --> 01:49:36,310
Well.

2530
01:49:36,343 --> 01:49:37,778
-Bye!
-Bye!

2531
01:49:37,812 --> 01:49:40,114
Thanks for teaching me
about Liberace!

2532
01:49:40,147 --> 01:49:42,950
Anytime!

2533
01:49:43,884 --> 01:49:45,853
You know, we just hit
three months.

2534
01:49:45,886 --> 01:49:47,655
How do you think it's going?

2535
01:49:47,688 --> 01:49:49,857
I think it's going pretty well.

2536
01:49:49,890 --> 01:49:51,625
How do you think it's going?

2537
01:49:51,659 --> 01:49:53,127
I think it's going
pretty well, too.

2538
01:49:53,160 --> 01:49:55,229
Oh, good.

2539
01:49:55,262 --> 01:49:56,764
-Good job.
-Yeah.

2540
01:49:56,797 --> 01:49:59,233
-Bye, boys!
-Bye, Mom!

2541
01:49:59,266 --> 01:50:01,302
You want kids someday, right?

2542
01:50:01,335 --> 01:50:03,337
-No.
-Bobby.

2543
01:50:03,370 --> 01:50:04,371
-Absolutely not.
-Oh, Bobby.

2544
01:50:04,405 --> 01:50:05,372
No!

2545
01:50:05,406 --> 01:50:06,974
-Come on. Bobby.
-No! No!

2546
01:50:07,007 --> 01:50:08,809
-Where are you going?
-I'm not having children

2547
01:50:08,843 --> 01:50:10,644
-wherever I'm going!
-Oh, come on! I want kids!

2548
01:50:10,678 --> 01:50:12,313
--♪ God,
I wish I would have known ♪

2549
01:50:12,346 --> 01:50:14,148
♪ When I was younger ♪

2550
01:50:14,181 --> 01:50:19,120
♪ That I should've just danced
when I didn't want to ♪

2551
01:50:19,153 --> 01:50:21,722
♪ Hindsight's 20/20 ♪

2552
01:50:21,755 --> 01:50:24,825
♪ What's a boy to do ♪

2553
01:50:24,859 --> 01:50:31,132
♪ With a story in my head
that's never true? ♪

2554
01:50:31,165 --> 01:50:33,134
♪ Hindsight's 20/20 ♪

2555
01:50:33,167 --> 01:50:34,835
♪ Mistakes, broken plates ♪

2556
01:50:34,869 --> 01:50:36,804
♪ Backseat third base ♪

2557
01:50:36,837 --> 01:50:38,772
♪ Cried in public yesterday ♪

2558
01:50:38,806 --> 01:50:40,741
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

2559
01:50:40,774 --> 01:50:42,776
♪ Self-care, truth or dare ♪

2560
01:50:42,810 --> 01:50:44,411
♪ Acting like I don't care ♪

2561
01:50:44,445 --> 01:50:46,714
♪ Screaming match,
you were there ♪

2562
01:50:46,747 --> 01:50:48,349
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

2563
01:50:48,382 --> 01:50:52,386
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

2564
01:50:52,419 --> 01:50:54,355
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

2565
01:50:54,388 --> 01:50:56,857
♪ Hindsight's 20/20 ♪

2566
01:50:56,891 --> 01:51:00,694
♪ God, I wish I would've known
when I was younger ♪

2567
01:51:00,728 --> 01:51:05,833
♪ It's okay to smile
when you're finally happy ♪

2568
01:51:05,866 --> 01:51:08,836
♪ Hindsight's 20/20 ♪

2569
01:51:08,869 --> 01:51:12,373
♪ Reach for their hands
at the movie ♪

2570
01:51:12,406 --> 01:51:14,475
♪ Fall into someone ♪

2571
01:51:14,509 --> 01:51:17,311
♪ Let 'em have me ♪

2572
01:51:17,344 --> 01:51:19,780
♪ Yeah, hindsight's 20/20 ♪

2573
01:51:19,813 --> 01:51:22,983
♪ What's a boy to do ♪

2574
01:51:23,017 --> 01:51:29,190
♪ With a story in my head
that's never true? ♪

2575
01:51:29,223 --> 01:51:31,192
♪ Hindsight's 20/20 ♪

2576
01:51:31,225 --> 01:51:32,927
♪ Mistakes, broken plates ♪

2577
01:51:32,960 --> 01:51:34,929
♪ Backseat third base ♪

2578
01:51:34,962 --> 01:51:36,931
♪ Cried in public yesterday ♪

2579
01:51:36,964 --> 01:51:38,866
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

2580
01:51:38,899 --> 01:51:40,868
♪ Self-care, truth or dare ♪

2581
01:51:40,901 --> 01:51:42,770
♪ Acting like I don't care ♪

2582
01:51:42,803 --> 01:51:44,738
♪ Screaming match,
you were there ♪

2583
01:51:44,772 --> 01:51:46,473
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

2584
01:51:46,508 --> 01:51:50,444
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

2585
01:51:50,477 --> 01:51:52,413
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

2586
01:51:52,446 --> 01:51:54,415
♪ Hindsight's 20/20 ♪

2587
01:51:54,448 --> 01:51:58,352
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

2588
01:51:58,385 --> 01:52:00,221
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

2589
01:52:00,254 --> 01:52:02,823
♪ Hindsight's 20/20 ♪

2590
01:52:02,856 --> 01:52:06,360
♪ God, I wish I would've known
when I was younger ♪

2591
01:52:06,393 --> 01:52:11,432
♪ That I should've just danced
when I didn't want to. ♪