A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Wait.
-There. -In circles, babe.
OK, in circles.
-There. -More!
Enjoy it now. When the baby's born, it'll be a different story.
Wait.
Shit! She kicked me.
-No, don't pull out! -No, please!
-Don't pull out! -OK, I'll stay.
-There. -Yes.
There we go. Yes.
Besides,
no matter how big it is…
your penis won't get past my vagina.
Yes…
-Yes… -Are you sure--
-Yes! You can fuck me as hard as you want! -OK!
-Don't stop! -OK!
-Yes! -OK!
Yes!
Fuck, honey!
Honey, I'm gonna cum!
No! Think about your mother or something!
Don't stop!
Yes? Yes!
BASED ON THE NOVELS BY ELÍSABET BENAVENT
VALENCIA LAND AND SEA
Well…
What a surprise!
Happy birthday, Mom!
DR. REBECA FÉRRIZ HENARES
Fernando!
-Is Rebe here? -Yes, she came yesterday.
She's at the beach with Jaime.
I told her all that sun's not good for the baby, but…
-Mom, she's the gynecologist! -Right…
-Valeria! -Hi, Dad.
Where's Adrian?
Oh, don't tell me…
You're separating?
No.
So, how's work?
Fine! Everything's fine.
We haven't seen you in four months.
You know the train's expensive.
-Your sister drives here every 15 days. -And she tells us in our group chat.
What group chat?
Well, Jaime… started one not long ago.
Well, sweetie, make yourself at home.
5. MR. CHAMPI
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
MR. CHAMPI
Adri.
Val, you could've woken me up.
You were fast asleep. I didn't want to disturb you.
You know I would've been down to go to Valencia with you.
You hate traveling hungover.
If I'd known the plan, I'd have left after the second G and T.
There was no plan.
So, you just woke up and felt like traveling 250 miles?
I couldn't sleep.
Every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing Lola dying.
Shit, of course… You were really shook.
Have you spoken to Lola?
Yes.
She texted us. Apparently, she's gluten intolerant.
She says she's going to switch from beer to vodka.
By the way, Alicia called me.
Three thousand followers say I should have a YouTube channel
for tips on organizing your home! Could you imagine me becoming famous?
No.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
You know how I get around my family.
Then why did you go?
…and many more!
-Bravo, Mom-in-law! -Got it.
-Is it a good one? -Yes.
Take another one!
-Really? -Yes!
-Yes. -All right.
-Take it. -OK.
Another one, OK.
Done!
-Did they come out OK? -Yup, they're all great.
-Cava, anybody? -Yes!
It's from Santa Adela.
You went back there after what happened last time?
Her face when she saw us walk in!
Of course!
What happened?
-You know your sister! -And your mother!
Not me! No!
-It's work. -So answer it.
No way.
I need a break this weekend.
Besides, I want to give Mom her gift.
-Your phone? -No, look!
Tap it.
A voucher for an amazing spa in El Saler!
They have more than ten hydromassage Jacuzzis!
But honey, with my health…
I don't think…
Hot water's bad for her low blood pressure.
They have massages too!
Since we're at it, here's our gift too!
What could it be?
I'm sure I'll love it!
With this gift you can start bonding with your granddaughter right now!
-What? -Yeah!
-Shall I help you set it up? -Yes!
She'll hear you like you were in my tummy with her!
-Valeria, lend me your phone. -Why?
Mine doesn't have the headphone jack.
You just plug it in here… thanks. This goes here.
-Those are the headphones. -Dad.
-Mom, speak into that. -Here?
No, not there!
-Speak into this. -And the speaker?
It goes inside my vagina.
-Is this it? -That's it.
-There you go. -That goes there. You just speak here.
-Shall we try? -Where?
-Hi, Daddy! -Hi, gorgeous!
-Hi, Daddy!
Mommy, Mommy
Last night I dreamt
You bought me a little doll
Hey! Come meet your niece.
I'm not talking to your vagina!
I can't believe you got yourself a dildo for Mom's birthday!
What is wrong with you? It's the latest in prenatal technology.
Why don't you read her the book you're getting published?
-Yes, sweetie! -Since when are you a writer?
It's about a superhero called Mr. Champi.
Mr. Champi?
I would've told you, but you're never here…
-Mar, here's Daddy! -Hi, Daddy!
You like the beach, don't you, Mr. Champi?
"Yes! I love being at the beach!"
"You're going to fly like me!"
You are so pathetic.
Playing with food is boring, but with a mushroom?
His name's Mr. Champi, and he's a superhero.
He can fly and spits out coins.
Really? Let's see if he can save me from starving.
Mom!
Rebeca bit Mr. Champi!
That's what food is for, honey!
For eating!
Mr. Champi's not food! He's a superhero!
And he has more powers than Harry Potter!
Come on, girls, wave for the camera!
-I don't want to. -Just you then, Rebe!
-Want me to dance, Daddy? -Sure!
What the fuck's wrong with you?
-They're just scribbles! -Well, they inspired you!
Why can't you just be a gynecologist?
You're so immature sometimes.
No, you're immature! Always wanting attention.
It's not my fault I do things right.
-Oh, sure. And I do them wrong. -No!
With so many ideas in your head, you never follow through!
You didn't even finish it, look!
Don't even go for something if you can't fully own it.
Honestly, I never liked him that much.
Anyway, Lola, you should know I'm drinking a beer in your honor.
How are you, babe? You scared us.
So… I'm guessing you don't remember anything, right?
No, how would you?
I swear I thought you'd dropped dead.
Listen, Nere…
I'm sorry… you thought we didn't care about you.
You know that's not true.
We're just all so busy lately,
we sometimes don't have time to think about anyone else.
Hey! And what about you, Carmen?
How's your romantic weekend with Jay-Z going?
Have fun and tell us all about it when you get back.
Are you peeing?
Pooping, dude.
They told me it won't stop until I get rid of all the gluten.
-Wanna see? -No, don't you dare!
Lola!
Hey, your message weirded me out.
Why?
You're so good at pretending.
You'd rather go to Valencia with your folks and annoying sister
than face what happened in Madrid.
You saw us?
Of course.
It was so sweet,
that I fainted from the excitement.
How are you?
I can't stop thinking about how a night with Víctor would be.
OK…
let's think.
How about you rest for a few days and talk to Adri once you're back?
I can't even look him in the eye.
Anyway, a kiss isn't really cheating, right?
Well… kind of, right?
Fuck.
Is the beach bar where I hooked up with those Catalan twins still there?
I guess. Why?
-Meet me there tomorrow at one. -Lola, wai--
YOU OK? TALK TO ME
SORRY, I'M NOT DOING GREAT. I'LL TEXT YOU ANOTHER DAY
CAN I CALL YOU?
CAN YOU GIVE ME A YEAR?
I NEED TO PROCESS WHAT HAPPENED
OK. COUNTDOWN STARTS NOW. SEE YOU SOON
YOU MIGHT NOT REMEMBER ME. I'M THE DICK YOU MET A YEAR AGO
I JUST STEPPED OUT OF MY DELOREAN
SORRY. WRONG PERSON
YOU MAY REMEMBER ME BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE C. TANGANA
OH YEAH, YOU'RE… VÍCTOR?
THE WORST KISS OF MY LIFE…
MINE TOO
CONGRATS ON YOUR BEST-SELLER. OH, WAIT, YOU NEVER WROTE IT
ASSHOLE…
SHIT! BATTERY'S DYING AND I'M NOT HOME!
Pass me that, Jaime.
Three letters: "Goes with saucer."
-Cup! -Oh, cup, of course.
Aitana's daughter was the same, and ended up in a psych ward.
Go further up my thighs, please.
Mom. Don't be so dramatic.
No, sweetie. She's the dramatic one.
All that fuss over a mushroom.
Just be patient with her.
Well…
she's not that patient with us.
She always tries to punch above her weight and will be frustrated forever.
I think she'll get a divorce.
What? Where'd you get that from?
I know her.
That kid gets bored of everything.
Now, we'll see if she finds someone who'll put up with her.
I'm going to the beach!
Mom…
-Did she hear me? -Mom…
AND ANOTHER MOJITO
Good morning.
-Hi. -Hi.
Would you believe me if I said this was a coincidence?
No.
Good, because it wasn't. Lola was gonna come, but she's real sick.
I called to let you know.
Thirteen is unlucky.
Call Impostor.
Can we talk about what happened?
She's definitely a celiac.
She drank beer the whole time.
You're freaking out because you kissed a dick.
But that dick knows that if it hadn't been for the celiac,
things would've gotten out of hand.
-Really? -Yes.
I like you.
And you like me.
And that kiss was fucking awesome.
I need to think.
I'm telling you, I would sue her right now.
So what if she's my sister? That's plagiarism!
If anyone should write Mr. Champi, it's me.
-That's what you want? -Yes.
To waste your creativity on a fungus?
Right, I know it sounds stupid,
but that fungus is very important to me.
And my family doesn't care what's important to me.
Like always.
Maybe that's just you. Maybe you never helped them understand you.
His name was Toothy.
He was a crocodile.
A stuffed animal, my best childhood friend.
My granddad brought it back from London for me.
He went with us everywhere we lived, and there were a lot of places.
I'm still convinced…
I saw him move one night.
Wow, looks like I'm not the only imaginative one.
It was the perfect excuse to stay in my room playing for hours,
so I wouldn't hear my parents fight.
See? I guess I felt a bit ignored too.
But over time I realized blaming them was holding me back.
What do you want from me?
And you?
I think you came into my life on a mission.
Really? Which one?
To be the protagonist of the novel…
I'll never write.
Your erotic novel.
Then we've got a big problem. I'm not a character from your novel.
I'm here.
And I'm not going anywhere.
Mom?
Dad?
Rebe?
No!
Here! You pee and then leave.
-OK. -OK?
Víctor!
Where are you going?
Víctor!
No! Where are you?
-What are you doing? -You wore pigtails.
Yes, come on. Let's go.
-I love lava lamps. -So I'll buy you one, come on.
Team Bisbal or Bustamante?
Stupid question. Team Chenoa forever.
How'd it go?
I have my reasons to understand you I have my reasons...
No, I forgot the rest.
Come on, stop messing around. Let's go.
How many guys have you brought here?
The normal amount.
"Normal" is very subjective.
What's my "normal"?
A low number.
That's what you think?
Who was the last one here?
Adrián.
See?
Your sex life is depressing.
And before him?
Miquel.
The guy I was with before Adrián.
He was a gorgeous guy.
Well… gorgeous for being 17.
-Do you regret it? -What?
Getting married so young.
OK…
Who was your first? The very first, the lucky one.
A boy from my class.
He wanted to be my boyfriend…
and asked me for a kiss
and a date in the park.
If I'm your girlfriend, can I still play with my friends?
Sure. We can meet in the park by our school every day.
OK.
I never went to that park.
Poor thing. You broke his heart.
Calm down. We were just kids.
So what?
Age doesn't matter.
You can fall madly in love when you're three.
Sure.
Some things are more important.
What things?
Magic, for example.
A connection.
But there's one thing that's essential.
You know what it is?
What?
A lava lamp.
Shit.
Mom?
It's Adri.
Don't say a word.
Coming!
Go through the garden and leave when he comes in, OK?
I'm sorry.
-What are you doing here? -What're you doing here?
I told you. Mom would've killed me if I'd missed her birthday.
Val, since I met you, you never listen to a word your Mom says.
I know, but I was thinking that she has fewer years left and…You drove?
Yeah, I rented a car.
I felt like listening to good music and clearing my head a bit.
-All that trap fried my brain. -Lovely.
-And your parents? -I don't know.
Have you been drinking?
I had a mojito.
One?
I think more, right?
Val, are you OK?
Yeah, well, you know how I get when I…
-Yes, when you come home. -Yes.
You’re acting weird. I know you.
It's just that coming home is like living in a fucking flashback.
Right…
Whenever I come here, I realize I've made the same mistake my whole life.
What mistake?
Thanks for coming.
Fuck.
Don't worry.
Adri, it's fine.
Honestly. No…
Adri, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
…then, very carefully, you insert this into the vagina.
-You speak into this. -Yes.
-Awesome gift! -Yes.
Is that OK, honey?
Well, then, you two should be ordering one of these machines too.
-Or are you going to wait much more? -Don't start, Mom.
What... You haven't even thought about it?
-Sure. -No.
We've never talked about it.
I didn't say we talked about it, I said I've thought about it… I'd love to.
Since when do you want kids?
Val, I don't want kids now, but I'm not ruling it out.
Right.
Are you?
-Mom, the baby just kicked. -What?
-Mom! -Look, Teresa.
Yes!
-Honey, yes! -Does it hurt?
It says the same thing here.
No, I'll ask my prenatal group, just in case.
Darling, this is the BBC, for fuck's sake. I don't know.
But what does the BBC know about bottle warmers?
Come on, it's the BBC.
It's scientifically proven.
Shouldn't you know about this stuff?
Is that really what you want?
They're unbearable, but we'd do much better.
I've killed more plants than a tsunami in Asia.
I couldn't handle a baby.
You say that now.
What if I always think like this?
Well, I think you'll change your mind.
I don't want to be one of those couples
who try to solve their problems by having kids.
So we're still in our rough patch.
What do you want from me?
And you?
I guess we're both hoping that the other one will change.
I'm on it. I'm trying to be less rigid, more…
open-minded.
I'm even thinking of starting that crazy YouTube channel.
If you see yourself as a YouTuber…
Think of the memes they'll make about you.
Imagine we work things out, Val, and I want to be a father…
For real.
Would you do that for me?
I'm exhausted. Let's go to bed.
At 28, you can't stop talking to your sister because of a mushroom.
It's not just that.
I'm a bit of a smart-ass.
I admit it.
But just a bit.
But I've never stopped you from doing what you wanted.
Val, you've always had great ideas. Always.
But you store them in your head.
Choose one and go for it.
That's basically what I did, and they rejected my novel.
I'm afraid too.
I'm terrified of being a mom.
But you've got it all under control.
That's the problem. I'm a fucking control freak.
The chances my daughter hates me are really high.
That's true. I'd never thought of that.
Poor girl!
I know Jaime's going to be the favorite.
The overindulgent father.
First time you'd ever come in second place.
But that doesn't mean I won't try.
Aren't you scared the baby's going to fuck up your marriage?
But I think it'll be worth it.
Are you and Adri having problems?
You could say we're having a tough time.
I can't have it all under control like you.
Has he met someone?
Then what is it?
Nothing.
This is José Miguel Garrido, a shepherd in the "Slowly" project.
What kind of herd do you have?
We mainly have white Celtiberian goats,
then some white Serranos and also black Serran--
Hi, Mar.
Can you hear me?
I'm your auntie.
Sorry for not introducing myself before.
I was hoping to become a better version of myself
before you were born,
but I doubt that'll happen in time.
Look…
I…
I really love Adri.
And he loves me.
But we've changed so much…
Or maybe we were always like this.
It's a shame you don't get a manual at your wedding
so you can learn how to do this.
Well, no…
I'd probably never have finished reading it.
Anyway…
I just hope you have things more figured out than I do.
By the way…
I want you to be the first to know:
I'm going to write a novel.
Val.
You coming?
Adri, I wouldn't have a baby just because you asked me to.
I'm going to start writing my novel again.
Bye.
Thanks for coming.
And drive safe, there are always madmen on the roads.
Come on, Dad.
Don't worry.
-I'll call when I'm home, OK? -OK.
You sure you don't want to come to Madrid with me?
I'd rather start the novel here. But I'll get the train in a few days.
OK. Give me a kiss.
The keys.
-Bye! -Safe travels!
MR. CHAMPI
THE BEACH WAS EMPTY
THEY HAD DECIDED TO GO FOR A WALK
WE JUST NEEDED TO BE NAKED TO FULFILL MY FANTASIES
I MOVED MY HIPS, TOUCHING MYSELF DELICATELY
LEAVING PHANTOM FOOTPRINTS
LEAVE AND THINK ABOUT ME