1
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,885
[rumbling]

2
00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:15,183
[rocket engine whooshing]

3
00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:19,228
[eerie music playing]

4
00:00:19,312 --> 00:00:21,564
If there's alien life,
do you think they'll be friendly?

5
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,775
-You think they'll like humans?
-I don't know, Brad.

6
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,069
My wife was abducted by aliens
on a business trip

7
00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:27,612
and forced to have sex with her boss.

8
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,780
I know, Brad.

9
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:30,239
Morning, everyone.

10
00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:34,994
I am about to receive specific information
as to our role in the Europa mission.

11
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:39,040
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are back in the game!

12
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:40,833
-Whoo! Yes.
-[scientist whooping]

13
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:43,377
General, you don't know
how much this means to me.

14
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:46,047
Europa has always been
my favorite moon of Jupiter.

15
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,007
We might just find some alien life!

16
00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:49,759
God, I hope
the Drake Equation is accurate.

17
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,636
Oh my God,
I hope the aliens like Drake too.

18
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,638
-[cell phone vibrates]
-Shh, shh, shh. Here we go.

19
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:55,431
Mr. Secretary.

20
00:00:55,515 --> 00:00:57,809
Well, Naird, you pushed and you pushed

21
00:00:57,892 --> 00:01:02,355
and called in every favor
you have left in Washington, and…

22
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:05,900
[Tony] Hmm?

23
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:06,818
Yes?

24
00:01:07,610 --> 00:01:08,486
You got it.

25
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,364
I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be dramatic.

26
00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:12,824
I was swallowing my mint.

27
00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:15,284
You guys got a piece
of the Europa project.

28
00:01:15,368 --> 00:01:16,244
That's great!

29
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:19,455
That is great news, Mr. Secretary.

30
00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:21,999
I would like to share this
with my team. [chuckles]

31
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:23,751
I'm going to put you up on the big screen.

32
00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:26,420
Wait. Are you sure you wanna
do this in front of the whole staff?

33
00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:28,506
Okay. Hi, everyone.

34
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:33,636
Well, actually, NASA will be handling
the majority of the Europa project.

35
00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,054
-[Xyler] Really?
-What?

36
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:38,224
You guys had no role at all
until Congressman Bob White of Oklahoma

37
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:39,517
got you included.

38
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,436
He's been in Congress
since the beginning of the space program.

39
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,106
Oh my God. That was 1952.

40
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,859
God bless Bob White.
He's been our staunchest defender.

41
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,569
He's 103 years old.

42
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:50,695
He's a spry 103.

43
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,405
Your job will be to prepare

44
00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:55,533
an in-depth PowerPoint presentation
on astronaut defense.

45
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:56,868
PowerPoint?

46
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,036
Defense against whom?

47
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,997
This is an international effort

48
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,125
involving practically
every country on Earth.

49
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:07,170
Defense against any life forms
we might encounter.

50
00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,505
We need our crews
to be prepared to kill 'em.

51
00:02:09,589 --> 00:02:11,549
Okay, I can't see your faces,

52
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:15,052
but I'm wagering that you're all
looking pretty pissed right now.

53
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:20,016
Look, Congressman White is obsessed
with the possibility of alien invasion,

54
00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:22,268
and we're just humoring his wish,

55
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,520
as it may well be his last.

56
00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:28,316
It is extremely unlikely
that you will encounter aliens.

57
00:02:28,399 --> 00:02:31,777
And even more unlikely
that they will be hostile.

58
00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:34,447
But this work can be vital.

59
00:02:35,031 --> 00:02:36,449
[snorts]

60
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:37,950
[laughing] Okay. I can't do it.

61
00:02:38,034 --> 00:02:40,119
Are you saying our job
is incredibly important

62
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,621
or incredibly unimportant?

63
00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:42,955
Unimportant, Naird.

64
00:02:43,623 --> 00:02:47,043
But, on the other hand,
for you it's incredibly important

65
00:02:47,126 --> 00:02:50,379
because if you guys
do a bad job, you're fucked.

66
00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:51,714
[chuckles]

67
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,925
And that's how you end a phone call.

68
00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:56,802
[Mark sighs] Okay.

69
00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:59,472
Well, silver lining,

70
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:00,973
uh…

71
00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:04,060
we are part of the Europa project.

72
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:07,313
A disgraceful and insignificant part.

73
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,565
Well, Adrian, there are no small jobs.

74
00:03:09,649 --> 00:03:12,068
Yes, there are, and we have the smallest.

75
00:03:15,488 --> 00:03:17,657
[gentle music playing]

76
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:23,120
[Angela chuckling softly]

77
00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:27,083
Wow. What just happened?

78
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,919
Oh no. I'm sorry.
Was that your first time?

79
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,922
-Well, second time with you, so…
-So it was your second time.

80
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:35,591
-[giggles] I mean, three times at least.
-Okay, good.

81
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,427
So what's going on with us?

82
00:03:38,511 --> 00:03:40,513
You know, like, what are we doing?

83
00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:43,641
You just hit me up, out of the blue,
at three o'clock in the morning.

84
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,558
[sighs]

85
00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:47,186
Just trying to figure out,
you know, what this is.

86
00:03:47,979 --> 00:03:49,021
Um…

87
00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:52,233
This is, you know, this.

88
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:57,780
-Thanks for clearing it up. [chuckles]
-[Angela sighs]

89
00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:59,282
Fine. Um…

90
00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:04,620
Okay. This is all I have the bandwidth for
at the moment. How's that?

91
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:07,331
-Bandwidth?
-Yeah.

92
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,208
Says the nonscientist?

93
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:11,961
I know what bandwidth means,

94
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:14,755
but why don't you explain to me
what bandwidth means?

95
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:16,048
Oh. God.

96
00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:17,383
Hmm… Oh.

97
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:19,719
[sighs]

98
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:22,596
-[clattering]
-What are you doing?

99
00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:25,141
-Cleaning my apartment.
-[debris rattling]

100
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:28,644
Yeah, then I might
order some running shoes online,

101
00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:29,812
pay some bills.

102
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:33,274
-Right now, I'm gonna play the drums.
-At four o'clock in the morning?

103
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:37,028
It is amazing what you can accomplish when
you eliminate sleep from the equation.

104
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:39,322
Can we talk about this for a minute?

105
00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:42,158
[drumming loudly]

106
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,117
Angela!

107
00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,704
[woman shouts through wall]
Oh, not again!

108
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,456
Shut up!

109
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,250
[gruffly]
"The protection of human life is vital

110
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:52,877
to the success of the Europa mission."

111
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:57,214
"In the unlikely but still possible event
of hostile alien contact,

112
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,966
we must be prepared to respond."

113
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,468
I'm gonna stop you right there.

114
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,094
-What?
-Maybe this'll help.

115
00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:05,306
Just tell me what our mission is.
You to me. Just us friends. Go.

116
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:09,268
[normal voice] To protect our astronauts
from being killed by hostile aliens.

117
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,729
That's incredible.
That. You just nailed it.

118
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,940
Use that for the rest of the speech.
Tell them what you just told me.

119
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,486
-[gruffly] "In the unlikely--"
-You blew it.

120
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,030
-I'm sorry. You can't do that voice.
-What voice?

121
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:23,157
The "General Naird
is speaking to a group" voice.

122
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,325
What are you talking about?

123
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:25,618
You have this weird,

124
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:28,496
almost, like,
manufactured tamber to your voice

125
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:29,830
when you're speaking to a group.

126
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:30,831
That is ridiculous.

127
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,709
Yeah. Well, you're right. [laughs]

128
00:05:33,793 --> 00:05:36,170
Maybe I'm being an idiot.
Give it another shot. Go.

129
00:05:38,089 --> 00:05:42,468
[gruffly] "In the unlikely but still
possible event of hostile alien contact…"

130
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,803
-Okay. I'm gonna…
-[phone beeps]

131
00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:46,430
-[Mark on recording] That is ridiculous.
-Yeah. Well, you're right.

132
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,808
[laughs] Maybe I'm being an idiot.
Give it another shot. Go.

133
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:52,895
[Mark, gruffly] "In the unlikely but still
possible event of hostile alien contact--"

134
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:53,938
Fuck me.

135
00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:57,108
And then these here, uh,
they're in alphabetical order,

136
00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,528
so just find the letter, take these off,
put it in, and put it back down there.

137
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,822
Just watch your finger on that.
It's sharp.

138
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:06,534
All right, this might be
the most important part of my job.

139
00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,452
[Erin snorts softly]

140
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:09,870
Making my dad coffee?

141
00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:11,622
[chuckles] "Making my dad coffee."

142
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,207
It's a bit more than that, Erin.

143
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:16,293
It's about keeping him at optimal
caffeination levels throughout the day.

144
00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:18,838
Not jittery, but definitely not lethargic.

145
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,548
-Mmm. Right.
-Yeah.

146
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:23,134
So he's clear-minded
and can make good decisions.

147
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,677
So he doesn't get mad at me.

148
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:28,973
Okay, so we take a filter. We unfold it.

149
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,891
[pensive music playing]

150
00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:33,352
She said she doesn't have the bandwidth.

151
00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:36,772
Because how could she say,
"You're just not good enough for me"?

152
00:06:36,856 --> 00:06:37,982
Dude, it's not you.

153
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,610
I always thought it would be amazing
to just be a sexual plaything.

154
00:06:41,694 --> 00:06:43,696
-Who wouldn't want that, right?
-Hmm. Mm-hmm.

155
00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:46,991
But you know what they don't tell you?
It's not that easy.

156
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,161
Have you thought about actually
going to her and telling her how you feel?

157
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:53,289
I've tried, but… [scoffs]
I'm not good at that stuff.

158
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:54,748
Oh my God.

159
00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:56,917
Chan, you're an amazing person.

160
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:59,128
Look at me. Look at me.
You're an amazing person.

161
00:06:59,211 --> 00:07:01,672
When I see you, I see a beautiful Adonis.

162
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,132
I see someone so smart,

163
00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:06,510
I'm afraid of saying words around him
because I'll look stupid.

164
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:10,890
I see a caring,
sensitive rocket scientist.

165
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,475
That's what I see in front of me now.

166
00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:14,643
You know, when you say it,
I sound pretty desirable.

167
00:07:14,727 --> 00:07:15,603
Well?

168
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:17,271
Can you tell her that?

169
00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:19,607
You want me to do what?

170
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:23,110
Tell her I'm amazing, uh, handsome.
Whatever you just said. Tell her.

171
00:07:23,194 --> 00:07:24,737
-You want me to be your hype man?
-Yes!

172
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:25,946
-No.
-That would be amazing!

173
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,865
I can't.
I tried it a bunch in high school.

174
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,493
It blows up in my face every time.
You do not want this.

175
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:32,661
I'm sorry. I overreached.

176
00:07:32,745 --> 00:07:33,621
You did.

177
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,998
-That was weird. I made it weird.
-That was crazy.

178
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,375
-You don't have to do it. It's cool.
-Thank you.

179
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,587
-[Tony sighs]
-[suspenseful instrumentals play]

180
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,547
[crunching]

181
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:52,306
That's a lot of nuggets, right?

182
00:07:52,932 --> 00:07:54,016
Don't…

183
00:07:56,936 --> 00:07:58,479
-Okay, I'll do it.
-[muffled] You will?

184
00:07:58,562 --> 00:07:59,605
-Yeah. I got you.
-Really?

185
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:00,981
-I got you. I'll do it.
-[laughs]

186
00:08:01,065 --> 00:08:02,816
-[muffled] You mean it?
-God. Yes, I mean it.

187
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,318
Oh my God. You're the best!

188
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,156
Here you go.

189
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,658
Oh, thanks, honey.

190
00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,159
[Erin] Mm-hmm.

191
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,661
How is it?

192
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:14,828
Mmm.

193
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:15,871
Good.

194
00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:19,250
Bug, let me ask you something.
[clears throat]

195
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:22,253
Of all the people
that you could have interned with here,

196
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:24,255
why did you choose Brad?

197
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,173
I don't know.

198
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,217
I mean…

199
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,096
everyone's pretty intimidating here.

200
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,391
Like, they're scientists
and astronauts and soldiers.

201
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,517
Spacemen.

202
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,894
Whatever. Brad seemed like a good start.

203
00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:42,940
Okay? And you always say
that there are no small jobs.

204
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,317
Well, we both know
that that's a bunch of hooey.

205
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:46,277
[snorts]

206
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:50,239
Okay, shouldn't we try communicating
with the aliens first before killing them?

207
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,950
[Mark] Hey, hey.
How's my group of brainiacs doing?

208
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,618
What do you have so far?

209
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,997
Okay. Well, based on this,

210
00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:02,209
we can either shoot 'em
or we can bleach 'em to death.

211
00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:05,796
Okay. I know that none of you
are fans of this mission,

212
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,631
but come on, guys.

213
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,883
We need something
a little bit better than that.

214
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:14,221
We could bore them to death
with a PowerPoint on how to kill aliens.

215
00:09:14,305 --> 00:09:15,764
[all laughing]

216
00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:19,184
Look, sometimes we all have to do things

217
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:21,562
that we just don't want to do.

218
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,772
Is this a motivational speech?

219
00:09:23,856 --> 00:09:27,276
Adrian, not every job is sexy,
but every job is a job worth doing well.

220
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:31,697
My dad, he used to say,
"Mark, take the trash out."

221
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,950
"But don't just take it out.
Put it in the trash can."

222
00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:38,454
"And don't just put it in the can.
Shove it to the bottom of the can."

223
00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:41,582
"But don't just do that.
You gotta put the lid on too, Mark."

224
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:46,545
"And you need to snap the lid tight
to keep the critters out."

225
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,255
He was a wise man.

226
00:09:48,339 --> 00:09:51,258
And he might ask,
"What kind of alien are we talking about?"

227
00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:55,346
"Is it an alien with a hard,
turtle-like shell?"

228
00:09:55,429 --> 00:10:00,142
"And, if so, what caliber bullets
do we use to penetrate that shell?"

229
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,435
Any caliber.

230
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,063
Because turtle shells aren't bulletproof.

231
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:08,067
Look, look, look, look, look, look,
just… just do me a favor,

232
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:12,905
and try to come up with some creative ways
to kill something, please.

233
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,657
-Thank you.
-Understood.

234
00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:17,660
[Mark muttering]
I gotta do fuckin' everything myself.

235
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,834
-Can I talk with you in private?
-You can't have my parking spot.

236
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,836
-It's about Chan.
-What happened? Is he okay?

237
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,839
Oh my God. If that worries you,
this is gonna go amazing. Please.

238
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,758
First of all, Chan is fine.

239
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,177
And by that, I mean Chan is doing fine,

240
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,680
but also that boy is fine…

241
00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:39,973
-I don't like that.
-Yeah, of course. Look at this.

242
00:10:40,057 --> 00:10:41,684
-Okay? There he is.
-What?

243
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,310
-Wow!
-[soft ambient music playing]

244
00:10:43,394 --> 00:10:45,521
Hey, did you know that at age ten,

245
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,649
Chan was actually a table tennis champion?

246
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,067
[Angela] No, I did not know that.

247
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,946
Also, did you know he is incredibly
sensitive and cares about so many people?

248
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:56,156
Look, if he treats a rat like that,

249
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,201
imagine how he would treat
a romantic partner. That could be you.

250
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,953
Tony, this is stupid.

251
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,455
Did he pay you to do this?
Put you up to it?

252
00:11:03,539 --> 00:11:04,748
-[music stops]
-All pro bono.

253
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:05,999
You know what? I'm surprised.

254
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,711
-I know. He's incredible, right?
-No. You.

255
00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:13,507
Yeah, I always took you for kind of, like,
a, you know, self-absorbed, manipulative,

256
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:17,052
you know, just soulless
kind of bullshit artist.

257
00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:18,053
Wow.

258
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,597
-It is an art form. Thank you very much.
-Mmm.

259
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,725
So, what do you say?
Put you guys down for a date?

260
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:26,854
I swear, once you get in front of him,
you'll feel what I'm feeling right now.

261
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:30,774
No. No, no, no. Just…
I don't know. It's not even Chan.

262
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:31,984
Let's talk about it then.

263
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,820
-If it's not Chan, then what is it?
-[sighs]

264
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,363
I need a drink.

265
00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:38,240
Check this out.

266
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:41,744
Whoo! A little trick
I learned in high school. Here we go.

267
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,830
Yeah. All right. [clears throat]
What should we toast to?

268
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:47,541
To Chan.

269
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:50,002
God, you love Chan.
Maybe you should date him.

270
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,837
Maybe I should.
I got nobody else in my life.

271
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:54,757
That can't be true.
You know more people than anybody.

272
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,676
Come on. There's gotta be somebody
in this phone worth another look.

273
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,094
-Don't touch my phone.
-What?

274
00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:01,680
This is in my pocket all day.
I don't want people looking at it.

275
00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:03,849
I'm not gonna do anything bad.

276
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:06,351
I've just never had anybody
actually look in my phone before.

277
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,437
Let me… Can I? Please? Just calm down.

278
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,148
Who we got? Who we got? Let's see.

279
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,401
Um, okay. Wait. "Bad Times in Reno."

280
00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:15,360
Mm-hmm.

281
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,196
-"Likes Jazz Too Much."
-Mm-hmm.

282
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:20,324
Then just two people named
"Ew" and "Uh-Oh." Who are these people?

283
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,577
That is my system. And it's flawless.
I put things in to describe people.

284
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,704
It is way easier than remembering names.

285
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:26,872
Huh.

286
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,416
-What am I in here as?
-Doesn't matter. Just your name for--

287
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,459
No, let me see.

288
00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:37,007
Well, you are. You are a hero.

289
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:41,220
Okay, let's just be real.
What's wrong with Chan?

290
00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:45,057
Oh, nothing. No. Chan's great. Truly.

291
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,643
Yeah. I really like hanging out with him.

292
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:52,606
I'm just, like, not ready
for a full-time thing, you know?

293
00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:55,150
And if he's sending in
a professional wingman,

294
00:12:55,234 --> 00:12:56,527
it is clear he's lost his mind.

295
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,612
He's definitely ready
for a full-time thing,

296
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,739
so if you're not ready for a relationship…

297
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,157
No.

298
00:13:02,908 --> 00:13:05,077
Know what? I don't think
you should be sleeping together.

299
00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:08,789
I mean, he is a precious,
delicate little bird.

300
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,416
Yeah.

301
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:15,963
No. Yeah, you're totally right.
Um, and I don't need this noise anyway.

302
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:18,131
So, no more Chan. [snaps fingers]

303
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:19,633
Good.

304
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,971
-Can you tell him for me? Hmm?
-No. You want me to tell him?

305
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,472
-Yeah.
-I don't wanna tell him.

306
00:13:25,556 --> 00:13:30,394
Dr. Chan, I want you to look at something,
please, on my computer.

307
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,897
I just want your scientific opinion.

308
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,691
Is this anything?

309
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:39,027
This species of bacteria

310
00:13:39,111 --> 00:13:41,238
is exhibiting very unusual behavior.

311
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:45,075
I just want you, just…
for a moment, just watch it closely

312
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,245
and see if… if it shows any signs of…

313
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,663
-[screeching]
-Whoa! Jesus!

314
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:50,706
Shit!

315
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:51,999
Got you, bitches!

316
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:53,709
-[all laughing]
-Got you!

317
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:57,129
That's how it was done at MIT in the '70s.

318
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,298
Basic, yet effective.

319
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:00,674
Whoo! That was a nice one.

320
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,010
[Mallory] A morale booster,
free of charge.

321
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,261
You are welcome.

322
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,513
-[Chan] God.
-Let the games commence.

323
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:09,099
-[yells]
-[all laugh]

324
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:13,020
["A Taste of Honey" by Herb Alpert
and the Tijuana Brass playing]

325
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,048
[Brad screams]

326
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,716
Oh! Jeez, no!

327
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,801
[song continues]

328
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:28,804
Ooh.

329
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,812
[Mallory] To drop… snip.

330
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,242
-Making any progress on that PowerPoint?
-[whispers] Thanks, hon.

331
00:15:50,826 --> 00:15:54,329
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. We have
our best people working on it right now.

332
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,206
Wha-- Gah!

333
00:15:56,999 --> 00:16:00,585
What's going on there, Naird?
Is that a Mentos IED? [laughs]

334
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:05,465
-Mr. Secretary, I have to call you back.
-You are a mess, Naird. An absolute mess.

335
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,429
[stifled giggles]

336
00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,057
Who's responsible for this?

337
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,100
Hmm?

338
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:20,147
Mark, I don't think
you understand the creative process.

339
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,150
Play is essential to the inventive mind.

340
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,819
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You don't understand.

341
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:30,449
There's a big difference
between creativity and screw-arounds.

342
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:35,579
A screw-around is how people who work
at government agencies lose their jobs

343
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:40,333
and how government agencies
get folded into other government agencies.

344
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,377
I just thought it was funny.

345
00:16:42,461 --> 00:16:43,545
[voice rising] Funny?

346
00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:46,298
You know what I think is funny?

347
00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:51,219
Someone who gets ice cream on their chin
and doesn't know about it.

348
00:16:51,303 --> 00:16:55,057
Animals riding on other animals!

349
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,683
Goofy faces!

350
00:16:57,893 --> 00:17:00,020
[yelling]
Somebody getting hit in the crotch!

351
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:03,774
A dog walking around in pants!

352
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:06,985
Or a dog trying to eat peanut butter!

353
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,111
That is humor!

354
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:11,364
Dad, it was just a silly prank.

355
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,366
[somberly] Yeah, on me.

356
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,328
And on the United States of America.

357
00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:20,749
Yikes.

358
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:23,001
He sounds genuinely hurt.

359
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,628
Yeah, I think we took it too far.

360
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:28,131
Maybe we buckle down and power through
that murder Martian manual.

361
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:29,841
No more screw-arounds.

362
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:33,053
[bouncy military-style music playing]

363
00:17:37,516 --> 00:17:41,311
Dr. Mallory. Uh, you can leave that here.
He doesn't want to be disturbed.

364
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:43,855
-Still miffed, is he?
-Mm-hmm.

365
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,608
PowerPoint complete.

366
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,281
Here you go, boss.

367
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,036
[sighs]

368
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,878
Hmm. Pretty good.

369
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:10,340
[quirky instrumentals playing]

370
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:22,769
Interning for Brad?

371
00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:25,647
That's an heroic but reckless choice.

372
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:28,358
So what did your dad think
of the PowerPoint?

373
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,484
Are we all good now?

374
00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:32,112
Oh, that. Uh, he didn't finish.

375
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:35,866
Yeah, he came out upset.
Said he was going to subbasement six.

376
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,326
Subbasement six? What's down there?

377
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,661
Wh-- Uh…

378
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:42,164
-No idea.
-Is that where he goes to sulk?

379
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:44,541
Why would I know that?
It's my first day. I'm an intern.

380
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,834
But is he okay?

381
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,752
He seemed pretty upset about something.

382
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:50,297
I… I don't know.
He didn't wanna talk about it.

383
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,550
[mysterious music plays]

384
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:02,309
[elevator dings]

385
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,189
[beeps]

386
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,942
-How'd you get that?
-Uh, took it out of my dad's drawer.

387
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,195
[Mallory] SB6.

388
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,738
Huh. Who knew?

389
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,782
So, who is gonna lead the apology?

390
00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:19,868
Hmm, I would think that's my job.

391
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:24,915
[elevator dings]

392
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,463
[Chan] What the fuck?

393
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:34,007
-[indistinct whispering]
-[air whooshing in suits]

394
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,718
[flatline tone on monitor]

395
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,178
[suspenseful music playing]

396
00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:40,222
[Chan] What is that under the sheet?

397
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:41,806
[Mallory] No idea.

398
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:46,394
-Is that a webbed hand?
-[defibrillator powering up]

399
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,439
-[muffled male voice] Clear.
-[Chan] My God.

400
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,857
-Oh, it's moving.
-[rapid beeping]

401
00:19:50,941 --> 00:19:51,942
-[shocks]
-[Erin gasps]

402
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,235
Oh.

403
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:54,778
-[low growling]
-[all gasp]

404
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,738
-Oh! Oh God!
-[Mallory] Mark, watch out!

405
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:57,906
-[growls]
-[all shouting]

406
00:19:57,989 --> 00:19:58,907
[choking]

407
00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,618
[shrieks] No! No, no!

408
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,787
-No!
-Mark! Mark, strike him!

409
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,872
[alien growling]

410
00:20:05,956 --> 00:20:09,334
[alien and Mark laughing]

411
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,047
[continues laughing]

412
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,840
You motherfuckers.

413
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,387
We got you! We got you so good.

414
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:22,138
Well done. Bravo.

415
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,473
[laughing]

416
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,517
-Should've seen your faces!
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

417
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:26,768
You were in on this too?

418
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:28,270
-Duh.
-[laughing]

419
00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:29,854
-Did you buy that?
-We bought it.

420
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:32,190
I tried to start it subtly
and let the tension build.

421
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:33,858
-Ooh.
-[laughing]

422
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,568
[upbeat instrumentals play]

423
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:40,615
See, Angela is an adventurous woman
and a free spirit.

424
00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:42,951
And, of course, she's a hero.

425
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,496
-And heroes have a lot on their plate.
-[music stops]

426
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,291
I know. I already like her.
Why are you showing me all this?

427
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:52,627
Yeah. Okay. You know how you asked me
to go talk to her about you guys?

428
00:20:52,711 --> 00:20:54,462
-Yeah. And?
-Okay, I did.

429
00:20:54,546 --> 00:20:58,842
We decided that maybe now
is not the best time for you guys to date.

430
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:03,513
What? I asked you to be my wingman.
This is how you help?

431
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,599
I am helping you. I care about you.
I don't wanna see you get hurt. Okay?

432
00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:07,976
So here's my pitch.

433
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:09,894
It's over.

434
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:11,855
What?

435
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:16,359
Are you breaking up with me for her?

436
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:18,820
Yes, but it's not you. It's her.

437
00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:22,073
-Is she seeing someone else?
-Of course not. Of course not.

438
00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:23,575
She would never do that to you.

439
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,954
-Then what is it?
-She can't be in a relationship right now.

440
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:30,582
I don't have to be
in a relationship at all.

441
00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:32,459
-I'm cool with whatever.
-Chan. Chan.

442
00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:34,419
Go tell her that. I'm cool. I'm chill.

443
00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:37,881
Chan, are you really cool with
you guys not being in a relationship?

444
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:39,924
And just hooking up
like you've been doing?

445
00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:43,720
You okay? Do you wanna get some yogurt?

446
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,472
-Yeah.
-Come on. You're a big boy.

447
00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:47,265
Come on. Let's get a big boy yogurt.

448
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:49,100
-Hey, you're gonna be all right.
-[Chan sobs]

449
00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:52,228
-Credit where credit is due.
-[Mark snorts, sighs]

450
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:54,814
That was an excellent prank.

451
00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:57,150
Utterly convincing, really.

452
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:58,735
I can be a fun guy.

453
00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:02,113
Oh, and you were right.

454
00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:05,784
Sometimes a team
just needs a little screw-around.

455
00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:06,785
So thank you.

456
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:08,203
Thank you.

457
00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:09,829
[clears throat]

458
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:11,498
[snorts]

459
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:13,666
[laughs]

460
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:15,668
-Who did this?
-Did what?

461
00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:18,129
Oh, that is beautiful. Who did that?

462
00:22:19,297 --> 00:22:20,799
-[PA clicks]
-Attention, everyone.

463
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:23,635
I'd like to let you know
that I just received…

464
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:25,470
[on PA] …my divorce papers.

465
00:22:25,553 --> 00:22:27,055
And I am devastated

466
00:22:27,138 --> 00:22:30,683
because, apparently,
my wife is leaving me,

467
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,018
and our marriage is over.

468
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:36,564
-Mark…
-I'm about to be a single dad. Oh no!

469
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:37,816
[chortles]

470
00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,609
What am I gonna do?

471
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:40,568
Ha!

472
00:22:40,652 --> 00:22:43,571
[on PA] I'm going to die alone.

473
00:22:43,655 --> 00:22:44,781
[laughs]

474
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:49,285
So, kudos to everyone out there
for your excellent work.

475
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:53,706
Let me see that.
Let me see those devils' handiwork.

476
00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:55,625
Look at that.

477
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:56,751
Wow.

478
00:22:57,335 --> 00:22:59,295
The attention to detail is…

479
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:01,840
[Mark sighs]

480
00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:02,882
Well…

481
00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:07,804
The Colorado seal is…

482
00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:10,765
quite accurate.

483
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:14,102
Looks very real.

484
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:19,691
[moans]

485
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:21,484
Oh…

486
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:24,070
[sobs]

487
00:23:26,281 --> 00:23:27,407
[on PA] Oh my God.

488
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,284
Oh my God, Adrian!

489
00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:31,494
[sobbing] Oh God!

490
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:33,913
It's happening! It's happening!

491
00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:34,831
[sobs]

492
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:38,585
Oh God, what am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?

493
00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:45,592
[theme music playing]