1
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,760
[rumbling]

2
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:15,099
[rocket engine whooshing]

3
00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:21,105
[military-style march playing]

4
00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:41,084
-Just left. Left.
-It's just boring.

5
00:00:41,167 --> 00:00:43,169
-Trying to jazz it up a bit.
-[Angela sighs]

6
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,507
The hearing will start in five minutes.

7
00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:49,509
I need to collect your phones
before you testify.

8
00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:53,221
Dad, I'm in a hearing at the Pentagon.
Space Force is on trial.

9
00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:55,306
Space Force is where I work, Dad.

10
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,350
I've told you that a whole bunch of times.

11
00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:00,228
Uh, no, I don't know
if there's a Bonefish Grill here.

12
00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:01,854
I think that's a Florida thing.

13
00:01:02,355 --> 00:01:04,649
I will try the crab legs
if I ever get over there.

14
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,859
All right, I gotta go. I love you--

15
00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:08,820
[sighs]

16
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:09,987
Sir, your phone.

17
00:01:10,071 --> 00:01:11,948
-You got it. [chuckles]
-[clicking]

18
00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:13,533
-Now? Sure.
-Mm-hmm.

19
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:18,162
Sorry about that.
Oh my God. Are you seeing this?

20
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,580
[laughs]

21
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:22,166
Look at this. My hand
is actually cramped on top of the phone.

22
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,836
-Maybe it's easier if I keep it.
-Just give her the phone, son.

23
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:27,380
-How will I be able to tell time?
-I have a watch.

24
00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:30,174
-Why didn't you give her your phone?
-Because I'm a four-star general.

25
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:31,092
[Tony sighs]

26
00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:34,137
-How will I be able to know about things?
-[Chan] You can do this, buddy.

27
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,222
-We believe in you.
-Yeah, I know.

28
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,431
[chuckles]

29
00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:39,934
Thank you. Sorry about that. Here you go.

30
00:01:41,853 --> 00:01:42,937
-[Chan] Just…
-I can't do it.

31
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,438
For fuck's sake. Come on.

32
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:47,942
General Naird, please follow me.

33
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,610
Mr. Secretary, first of all,

34
00:01:49,694 --> 00:01:52,989
I would just like to say congratulations
on your new position,

35
00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:54,824
and I'd like to say

36
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:59,495
that I am eager to work with both you
and the new administration going forward.

37
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,372
We'll see.

38
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:06,043
Our job today is to decide whether
Space Force should continue to exist

39
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,337
and under whose command.

40
00:02:08,421 --> 00:02:09,839
So, uh, General Naird,

41
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:14,385
can you recount
with the utmost detail and precision,

42
00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:18,347
uh, your recollection of what happened
on the day in question?

43
00:02:18,431 --> 00:02:19,765
Yes, sir.

44
00:02:19,849 --> 00:02:20,766
[clears throat]

45
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:23,603
Well, the day started as most do.

46
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:26,105
I showered and shaved.

47
00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,734
I had an English muffin
with orange marmalade.

48
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,195
No, wait. We'd just run out of marmalade.

49
00:02:32,278 --> 00:02:34,572
Erin! Did you finish all the marmalade?

50
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:35,656
[Erin] What?

51
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:38,242
[enunciating]
Did you finish all the marmalade?

52
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:40,620
[Erin] Oh yeah. I guess so.

53
00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:43,789
Don't put the empty jar
back in the fridge, please.

54
00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:47,251
-Do we have any other jams or jellies?
-[Erin] What?

55
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:52,048
[enunciating]
Do we have any other jams or jellies?

56
00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:52,965
-General?
-[Mark] Yes.

57
00:02:53,049 --> 00:02:55,259
I'm sorry. You were
sort of lost in thought there.

58
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:57,303
-Can we skip ahead?
-[Mark] Of course.

59
00:02:57,386 --> 00:03:00,014
-According to General Grabaston's testim--
-Butter.

60
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:01,432
Huh?

61
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:05,186
I ended up using butter.
On my muffin. Just as good.

62
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:10,274
Okay. According to
General Grabaston's testimony,

63
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:13,611
the Chinese desecrated
the American flag on the moon,

64
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:18,282
and you were ordered to destroy
the Chinese moon base in retaliation,

65
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:19,533
and you refused.

66
00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:21,369
-That is correct.
-Ah-ha! Guilty!

67
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:24,038
He disobeyed a direct order
and fled the premises.

68
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:27,416
But I soon returned to the base,
where I voluntarily surrendered

69
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,460
into the custody of General Grabaston.

70
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,255
Kick, we have to do something.
The astronauts are running out of air.

71
00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:34,715
Not your problem, traitor.

72
00:03:34,799 --> 00:03:36,133
Is this really necessary?

73
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,885
-You're a flight risk.
-[astronauts gasping]

74
00:03:37,969 --> 00:03:39,845
But you won't get far
dragging a mini fridge

75
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:42,598
full of diet cream soda, will ya?

76
00:03:42,682 --> 00:03:43,599
[zip ties tightening]

77
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,519
Excuse the reach.

78
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,104
Don't mind if I do.

79
00:03:49,814 --> 00:03:51,649
How can you drink that swill?

80
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,818
With my mouth. Watch and learn.

81
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,611
Oh, ugh!

82
00:03:55,695 --> 00:03:58,531
That's root beer without the complexity.

83
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:02,285
That is a high-fructose people fattener.

84
00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:06,080
The preferred beverage
in convalescent homes.

85
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:10,793
There is a reason, Brad,
it was rejected by the marketplace.

86
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:14,714
[voice grows distant]
That is a Twinkie in a liquid form.

87
00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:19,302
It is buttermilk
passed through a baby's bottom.

88
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,178
-What is happening?
-[satisfied sigh]

89
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:25,975
Okay, great. Well, we've established that
cream soda is not to Dr. Mallory's liking.

90
00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:28,894
[sighs] I believe that was
a stress-related meltdown.

91
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:32,189
General Grabaston had detained me
and my team against our will.

92
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,400
Oh, pretty little bedtime story, Naird.

93
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,444
That's enough, General Grabaston.

94
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,863
General Naird, are you aware

95
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:43,659
that General Grabaston has accused you
of false imprisonment and mutiny?

96
00:04:43,743 --> 00:04:44,785
Yes, and yes.

97
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,912
Yes, you are aware?

98
00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:48,748
Yes.

99
00:04:49,582 --> 00:04:50,666
What's the second yes?

100
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:51,959
That he accuses me.

101
00:04:52,043 --> 00:04:54,295
The rest of that sentence
I totally disagree with.

102
00:04:56,756 --> 00:04:59,050
-[sighing]
-[machine whirring softly]

103
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,223
[Mallory] Oops.

104
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,433
[Angela] Oh. Sorry.

105
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:10,603
I saw you vomit into the umbrella plant.

106
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,355
You okay?

107
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:16,609
Oh, yeah. Um…
Just still, like, adjusting to being back.

108
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:18,778
Can't sleep.

109
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:22,448
Earth is very noisy and, like, colorful.

110
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:24,492
Should we run some more tests?

111
00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,285
Neurological, psychological?

112
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:27,536
Nah. I'm fine.

113
00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:28,913
Yeah, she's fine. She's fine.

114
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,123
It's totally normal behavior
for an astronaut.

115
00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:33,334
I wasn't the same
when I came back from Jamaica.

116
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:35,711
For weeks,
everything tasted like jerk sauce.

117
00:05:35,795 --> 00:05:38,672
I'm gonna need you to stop comparing
my experience on the moon

118
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,132
with your Jamaican vacation.

119
00:05:40,216 --> 00:05:44,470
One time I got so altitude sick in Vail
that I got hammered off of kombucha.

120
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,847
Yeah, this one girl in my class
got so high one time,

121
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:48,891
-she walked through a sliding glass door.
-Wow.

122
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:52,478
Okay, great. So everybody can relate.
Thanks for your input. Thanks.

123
00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:55,314
-[Erin] Oh!
-[Brad grunts] Oh, General.

124
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:56,607
General, how did it go, sir?

125
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,443
Oh, it was fine. Fine.

126
00:05:59,944 --> 00:06:02,071
-Just told 'em the truth.
-Oh no.

127
00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,573
-We are totally screwed.
-He can't not tell the truth.

128
00:06:04,657 --> 00:06:08,202
I mean, he was the star witness for
the prosecution at my mom's court case.

129
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,704
Well, honey, I love her,
but your mom is a felon,

130
00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:13,666
and I want you all to tell the truth
when you go in there.

131
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:18,254
Well, except I bet Grabaston's in there
right now lying through his veneers.

132
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,214
Wait. Those aren't Grabaston's real teeth?

133
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,550
About as real as the truth he's telling.

134
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,176
Oh, that damn liar.

135
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:26,053
You know what, sir? I'm gonna lie too.

136
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:28,848
No. No, Brad,
I want you to tell the truth.

137
00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:31,183
Okay. Got it. The truth.

138
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:34,270
Why are you winking at me, Brad?

139
00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:35,354
I'm not.

140
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:37,440
You just did it again.

141
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,483
-Did I?
-Yes.

142
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:40,609
-No. No.
-Hmm.

143
00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:41,944
-Brad.
-Hmm? What?

144
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,863
Promise me
you are going to tell the truth.

145
00:06:43,946 --> 00:06:45,197
The truth. I'll tell the truth.

146
00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:48,534
[Mark growls softly]

147
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:51,162
Now, you've heard Mark Naird say
he's the good guy,

148
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,538
that he should be celebrated

149
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:56,750
for ignoring an executive order
to attack the Chinese on the moon.

150
00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:59,295
Well, you wanna know
what's wrong with our country today?

151
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:01,964
Mark Naird.

152
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,340
He's weak.

153
00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:06,469
He wears a size eight shoe.

154
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,722
Can we really trust a man
with the feet of a child?

155
00:07:10,306 --> 00:07:11,348
Good point.

156
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,104
How can you guys just sit still?
Doesn't your skin feel weird? Huh?

157
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,815
I mean, Kick has been in there a while.

158
00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:20,733
I'm guessing.

159
00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:22,902
I don't have my phone
to tell for sure, but…

160
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,029
It's not a good sign. [sighs]

161
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,447
But not necessarily bad.

162
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:30,284
I mean, he could be having a heart attack
and somebody's reviving him, you know?

163
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,620
Hey, just wanted to say hello
to "Space Farce."

164
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,622
Hey, don't worry. sweetie.

165
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:37,291
I'll make sure they put your dad
in a jail cell close to your mom.

166
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,376
-What the hell?
-What is wrong with you?

167
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,045
-Eat poop.
-That's enough, Kick.

168
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,547
Okay, okay, that came out wrong.
What I meant to say was…

169
00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:46,759
it'll make visiting day with your parents
more convenient.

170
00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,886
-[overlapping protests]
-What's wrong with this guy?

171
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,262
[Tony] Let me borrow your phone!

172
00:07:50,346 --> 00:07:52,223
-[Angela] She's a kid, you asshole.
-[door slams]

173
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,683
Oh my God.
Is my dad really gonna go to jail?

174
00:07:56,227 --> 00:07:57,937
-Dr. Mallory? You're up.
-Ah.

175
00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:01,023
Do not fret, friends.

176
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:04,401
Legal proceedings
are a combat of the mind,

177
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:06,362
and few, if any,

178
00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:10,699
have ever come as generously armed as I.

179
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:12,493
Yes.

180
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:15,079
General Grabaston did have a plan,

181
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,958
a nefarious plan, which I overheard.

182
00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:21,335
It was a reckless scheme

183
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:25,548
to leave American astronauts
to die on the moon.

184
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:26,924
Hmm.

185
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,718
"Hmm," meaning?

186
00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:32,471
Well, it's your word
against General Grabaston.

187
00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:34,682
Do you have a taped confession?

188
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:35,933
[chuckles] No.

189
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,018
No, sir, I don't, but…

190
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:44,108
but Grabaston is a military Neanderthal,

191
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,651
and I'm me.

192
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,070
I'm also a military man, Dr. Mallory.

193
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,698
Proudly served for 23 years.

194
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,367
Does that make me a Neanderthal?

195
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,368
No.

196
00:08:54,994 --> 00:09:00,040
You don't understand.
I have a great respect for Neanderthals.

197
00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:03,961
They were actually
highly sophisticated hominids

198
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,213
capable of symbolic thought.

199
00:09:06,297 --> 00:09:07,339
[Erin sighs]

200
00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:10,009
-Hey, Dad.
-Hey, honey.

201
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,054
I'm sorry you got roped into all of this.

202
00:09:14,138 --> 00:09:16,599
Oh, it's okay. I'm glad I'm here.

203
00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:17,850
Yeah, me too.

204
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,354
-[Mark sighs]
-So, um,

205
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:24,940
what happens to me if you go to prison?

206
00:09:25,024 --> 00:09:27,484
Oh, sweetie, I'm not going to prison.

207
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:30,029
Much like modern Neanderthals

208
00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:34,408
turned the atom itself
into a weapon of war,

209
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,618
for God's…

210
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,246
I'm sorry. I'll…

211
00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:42,416
Perhaps I'll… I should… I'll stop.

212
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,126
No, please, go on.

213
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,586
Okay. Well, fine.

214
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:49,131
I mean, I will go on,
because then I'm not sorry, actually.

215
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:54,553
Because it seems to me
that man has not evolved one iota

216
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:57,765
since he… he was fishtailing…

217
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:01,268
My brilliant testimony?

218
00:10:01,352 --> 00:10:02,186
[door shuts]

219
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,604
I laid an egg.

220
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:07,524
[Mark sighs]

221
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:12,988
-Sir?
-Hmm?

222
00:10:13,072 --> 00:10:14,281
If you go to jail,

223
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,576
it would be my honor to take care of Erin.

224
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:20,871
And don't you worry.
Uncle Brad'll take great care of you.

225
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:21,914
[Erin] Mmm.

226
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,250
[door opens]

227
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:27,544
General Gregory, they're ready for you.

228
00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,089
Brad?

229
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:31,590
That's you.

230
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,301
Oh, right. I forgot I'm a general.

231
00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:36,053
Weird to hear it said out loud.

232
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:42,184
I tried parasailing once in Cancún,

233
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,436
but the, uh, tow boat
flew me too close to shore,

234
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,689
and I smacked into
the eighth floor of the Royal Mayan.

235
00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:48,273
Oh-ho! Nasty.

236
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,567
I asked about your original testimony.

237
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,152
Oh boy. Uh…

238
00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:54,321
I thought you asked
how I lost my testicle.

239
00:10:54,405 --> 00:10:56,657
General Gregory,
General Grabaston has accused you

240
00:10:56,740 --> 00:11:00,077
of locking him in a bathroom
on the day in question.

241
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,036
Hmm.

242
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:05,916
Well, I absolutely, positively, 100%

243
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:07,751
did not do that.

244
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,628
-No?
-No.

245
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:12,631
Well, maybe this will refresh your memory.

246
00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,049
-[beeps]
-Hmm?

247
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:18,887
[Kick] Get out of my way. Me first.

248
00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,140
[Brad giggles on recording]

249
00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:22,057
[Brad] Oh my God.

250
00:11:22,141 --> 00:11:22,975
Gotcha now.

251
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,018
There's a security cam in the bathroom?

252
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:25,936
[Kick] What the fuck?

253
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,604
May I ask how long that's been there, sir?

254
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,690
-That's not the issue.
-[Kick] Hey!

255
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,525
I understand we're
a high-security place, but…

256
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,235
[Kick] Let me out of here right now!

257
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:34,236
Wow.

258
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:36,864
[Tony] Make it bigger.
Just make it bigger.

259
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,490
How are you holding up?

260
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:41,326
Fine. Good. Everything's good. Yeah.

261
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:45,664
You know, they say the first 36 hours
are the toughest, so…

262
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,791
Thirty-six hours? [sighs]

263
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:51,503
My nephew, he goes to a summer camp.
For three weeks, they don't have any tech.

264
00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:53,881
So, when he comes home,
he's, like, very open to nature.

265
00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:56,133
-He relates better--
-Fuck your nephew. Fuck your nephew.

266
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,426
-What?
-Tony.

267
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,887
He doesn't know me.
He doesn't know what I'm going through.

268
00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,055
Did anybody think
that I like having my phone?

269
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,725
That's not so much of a sin.
I like having my phone on me.

270
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:07,019
I can stop whenever I want.
It's not even that big a deal.

271
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:08,896
Okay. Stop now.

272
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,939
I don't wanna… I don't wanna stop.

273
00:12:11,023 --> 00:12:14,401
Why would I wanna stop?
It brings me joy and happiness.

274
00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,320
-You want some water, son?
-Fuck water!

275
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,739
What has water
literally ever done for me? It--

276
00:12:23,202 --> 00:12:24,203
Thank you.

277
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:25,954
I can't believe that worked.

278
00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:29,625
Hey, I brought you
a Tico's pineapple seltzer.

279
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,793
It's a regional favorite.

280
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:35,130
One of the few
truly worthwhile regional beverages.

281
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,841
That's cool.
No, I have water. So I'm okay.

282
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,092
-Thanks though.
-Oh, cool.

283
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:40,844
[Chan] How've you been?

284
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:42,805
-[Angela] Um…
-I haven't really talked to you

285
00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:45,474
-since the day you got back from the moon.
-[chuckles]

286
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:48,393
That was a pretty intense day, huh?

287
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:50,395
Yeah. Um…

288
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:54,316
Yeah, I've just been, you know,
just, like, super busy, so…

289
00:12:55,234 --> 00:12:56,819
Yeah. Busy's good.

290
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,531
Cool.

291
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,828
Wow. I'm picking up on some definite
"you guys did it" vibes, right?

292
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,788
-Tony, get the fuck out of my face.
-What?

293
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,748
Yeah, get the fuck out of here, Tony.

294
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,546
-[Chan scoffs]
-[Angela sighs]

295
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,845
[softly] I, uh…
I think Chan and Angela did it.

296
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,596
-"Did it"?
-Yiffed.

297
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:26,932
Come on. Had sex.

298
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,476
It's not our business
if they yiffed or didn't yiff.

299
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,979
I agree. Gossip is the Devil's telephone.

300
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,146
Thank you, Dear Abby.

301
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,024
Uh, I just don't think that they did it.

302
00:13:36,108 --> 00:13:38,694
They're professionals.
Chan is a scientist.

303
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:41,113
-What's wrong with Chan?
-What's wrong with scientists?

304
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:44,950
Nothing. Just don't want a mental image
of my colleagues having sex.

305
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:48,620
Thanks. Now I'm just picturing different
pairings of people at work having sex.

306
00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:51,415
-Like who?
-Chan on Angela. Brad on Angela.

307
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,457
Brad on Chan.

308
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:55,335
Brad, Kick. Kick comes back in,
says, "What's up?" to Angela--

309
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:56,587
Mr. Scarapiducci?

310
00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,548
Dr. Mallory?

311
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,010
Showtime, baby.

312
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,847
Oh yeah, Showtime?
Try and top that. I just aced it.

313
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,098
Pow, pow, pow.

314
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,394
Do you think Brad aced it?

315
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,312
No.

316
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,272
Listen, I know what you really want.

317
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:19,818
You wanna know why General Naird
is the only man for this job,

318
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:22,070
and I got your answer right here.

319
00:14:22,154 --> 00:14:23,780
-[inspirational music playing]
-Boom.

320
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:27,242
General Naird is
the only man who could tell Putin,

321
00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:28,785
"Get scootin'."

322
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,414
The only person who could tell Xi Jinping,

323
00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,041
"You can't do that thing."

324
00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:37,252
I like to say, "With General Naird,

325
00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:41,465
the United States will never be scared."

326
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,801
And I would love, if it's okay with you,
to take the opportunity, sir,

327
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,597
to say congratulations on becoming
a grandfather for the second time.

328
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,974
-Where did you get that photo?
-It's what I do.

329
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,851
If it's on the Internet, I can find it.

330
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,144
Really?

331
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:58,273
Weren't you fired twice by General Naird?

332
00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:00,943
You found… You found that out.
How did you find that out?

333
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,153
It's what I do.

334
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:07,449
Well, okay, you should know
that General Naird has a bit of a temper,

335
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,327
but if you whine hard enough,
he goes back on his decisions.

336
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,372
So was I fired?
I mean, in the end, I'm here. So…

337
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,832
So he's an indecisive hothead.

338
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:16,917
Wait. What?

339
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,418
Yeah, my dad was crying so hard,

340
00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:21,630
he got all the way home before he realized
he'd left me at my mom's prison.

341
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:23,632
My parents have an open relationship

342
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,051
because my mom is dating
one of her prison guards.

343
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:29,721
And I was dating this Russian spy guy
for a while. My dad didn't like that.

344
00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:32,683
Oh, and then, of course,
there are the night terrors.

345
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,144
-Night terrors?
-Yes. My dad has them when he sleeps.

346
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:39,815
He makes these very weird sounds, like…

347
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:44,778
[whimpers loudly]

348
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,321
[yells]

349
00:15:46,405 --> 00:15:51,243
I don't know what he's dreaming about,
but, um, it sounds like he's being chased

350
00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:55,539
or he's falling or being killed
or killing somebody.

351
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,833
Honestly kinda sounds
like he's killing Kick,

352
00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,543
but I'm not supposed to talk about that.

353
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,796
-He told me not to talk about that.
-Thank you for your time, Ms. Naird.

354
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:05,966
Yes.

355
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,429
[whistles]

356
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,347
That kid's gonna be so fucked up.

357
00:16:13,432 --> 00:16:15,809
No, they're not foolin' around.
This is a real thing.

358
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,186
-What's the verdict?
-No verdict yet.

359
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:20,230
Erin is on the stand right now.

360
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,732
God. What…

361
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:26,028
If this thing doesn't go my way, Maggs,
what's gonna happen to Erin?

362
00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:29,156
You'll be fine.
You always do the right thing, Mark.

363
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:30,073
Yeah.

364
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,993
You brought me back to prison
after Louise and I escaped.

365
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:35,495
'Cause you had some intergalactic crisis.

366
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:36,830
Honey, we talked about this.

367
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:41,043
I had to take you back to prison
because you can't just escape from prison.

368
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:42,836
You did the crime.
You have to do the time.

369
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,254
Well, agree to disagree.

370
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:48,550
Mrs. Naird! Ahoy-hoy.
F. Tony Scarapiducci here.

371
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,553
How are you? Oh, quick question,
if you don't mind. What time is it?

372
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,430
Uh, 2:25.

373
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,348
2:25. And what's trending right now?

374
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,266
-[Chan] Tony.
-What?

375
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,101
Tony, you don't need to know
what's trending.

376
00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,353
-Don't need to know. Just curious.
-It's fine. He's fine.

377
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,980
Maggie, long time no see!

378
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,607
Hi, Brad!

379
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,900
How's prison going?

380
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,568
You know, it's a lot like the military.

381
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:09,071
-It's structured. You get uniforms.
-Hmm.

382
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:12,657
And if you put in the time and effort,
you assume a rank.

383
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,951
You can go from being someone's bitch

384
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,495
to a gang member

385
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,413
to a gang member with your own bitch.

386
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:19,456
Is that Mom?

387
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,665
Is that my baby?

388
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:22,793
Erin, let me see your face.

389
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,962
Ah! Erin, honey,
everything is gonna be fine.

390
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,090
You don't know that.

391
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,299
You're right. I don't.

392
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,344
But we raised you to be strong.
You're a Naird.

393
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:36,264
And I can't be there, so I need you
to be strong for your father, okay?

394
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,726
I can't… Now… Did she nod?

395
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:41,436
-Yeah, sure did.
-Okay.

396
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,855
Mark, you got this. I love you.

397
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:45,649
-I love you too, Maggs.
-Love you so much.

398
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,067
-Talk to you so soon.
-Bye!

399
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,238
[Brad sighs]

400
00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:53,532
[exhales]

401
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:57,994
This is depressing.

402
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,874
I think we have to blow off a little steam
while we wait for the verdict.

403
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,710
On your mark, get set, go!

404
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:08,922
-Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
-Go!

405
00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:09,881
That's it.

406
00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:11,258
[all cheering]

407
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:13,343
-Oh!
-Oh yeah!

408
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,178
[all laughing, clapping]

409
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,805
-Damn!
-What up?

410
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:19,141
-What is up?
-All right, fine, fine, fine.

411
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:22,519
All right. Who's next? Dad?

412
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,520
No, no, no, no.

413
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,729
-Oh, come on!
-Yes, come on.

414
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,148
-No, I'm fine.
-Dad!

415
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:28,817
What? Oh, he's just scared
he's gonna lose. That's why.

416
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,153
[exhales]

417
00:18:31,987 --> 00:18:32,821
Bring it on.

418
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,824
-[all cheer]
-[overlapping chatter]

419
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,411
-Ready?
-Are you ready?

420
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:42,122
-I was born ready.
-I don't know if you can handle this.

421
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,540
Okay, here we go.

422
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,459
On your marks, set, go!

423
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:47,919
-Go!
-Go!

424
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:50,338
-[excited chatter]
-[Angela] Come on, come on!

425
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:52,924
[Mark] Oh!

426
00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:54,134
Ha!

427
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,303
I gotcha. I gotcha.

428
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:57,596
-Oh!
-I gotcha.

429
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,055
They're ready for you, General.

430
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,016
Oh, okay. Thank you.

431
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,435
[suspenseful music playing]

432
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:11,526
From the different documents and testimony
submitted today, General Naird,

433
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:14,529
it's been suggested that you are unstable,

434
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:17,324
incompetent, fragile, eccentric,

435
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:20,994
indecisive, and potentially treasonous.

436
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:24,873
I can say with some certainty that
I am only two or three of those things.

437
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,416
Most definitely not all six.

438
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,711
Well, you've had
a lot of fingers pointed at you today.

439
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,505
A lot of the blame
has been placed on your shoulders.

440
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:37,219
So consider this your opportunity
to do some pointing of your own.

441
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,261
Sir,

442
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:42,724
I learned a long time ago
that when you point a finger,

443
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,061
you have three fingers
pointed back at you.

444
00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:50,357
And your thumb stands erect,
pointed towards the sky.

445
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:54,527
Yes, I once used one of our satellites

446
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:57,530
to locate my mother
in a Rite Aid parking lot.

447
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,992
Yes, when I was a child,

448
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:06,456
I took several pieces of Halloween candy
out of a bowl that said "take one."

449
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,877
Additionally, that Halloween
I was dressed as a hobo,

450
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,963
which I now know is inappropriate.

451
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:14,923
I am not perfect.

452
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:18,843
But I do believe that my decision

453
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:23,223
to protect our astronauts and human life

454
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:24,683
was the right decision.

455
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,351
Thank you.

456
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:30,438
General Grabaston,
do you have a final statement?

457
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:35,485
Naird has always been jealous of me.

458
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:38,697
From the moment we met,
he's always wanted to be in command.

459
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:41,324
Well, he had his chance that day,

460
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:46,079
and I have proven here
that he is treacherous,

461
00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,123
undermining,

462
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:49,958
has small feet,

463
00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:52,294
and is quite possibly a Chinese spy.

464
00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:55,005
That is an outrageous lie.
I am a ten and a half.

465
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:59,718
Okay, gentlemen, after much deliberation,
we have come to the following verdict.

466
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:04,139
General Grabaston,
your blatant disregard for human life

467
00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:06,766
would have caused
an international incident.

468
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:11,896
Therefore, you will retire your position
with full honors and benefits.

469
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:16,651
Space Force will remain
under the command of General Naird.

470
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:18,778
Are you fucking kidding me?

471
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:21,656
Please remove
General Grabaston from the room.

472
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:24,242
[Kick] That will not be necessary.

473
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,330
This isn't over, Nerd.

474
00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:36,713
General Naird, until further notice,
you will remain in command of Space Force,

475
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,132
but under the original mission
of the branch.

476
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:40,258
You can count on me, sir.

477
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,177
-I'm not finished yet.
-All right.

478
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:44,304
Your Candy Land budget is cut.

479
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:47,307
Carte blanche to green-light new missions?

480
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:48,433
Cut.

481
00:21:48,516 --> 00:21:51,227
You will have five months
to prove yourself,

482
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:54,856
or POTUS will install alternative command.

483
00:21:55,690 --> 00:21:57,859
Consider this a stay of execution.

484
00:21:57,942 --> 00:21:59,527
We can do it in four months, sir.

485
00:21:59,611 --> 00:22:03,490
[chuckles] Talk is cheap, General.
I'll see you in four months.

486
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:06,993
But if, uh, we fall behind schedule,
does the five-month offer still--

487
00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:09,913
-Dismissed.
-[softly] Oh fuck. I always do that.

488
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:14,584
[Brad] Ooh.

489
00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:20,882
-Thank you.
-Thanks.

490
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:21,841
Thank you.

491
00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:23,760
[phones chiming]

492
00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:30,183
See? You made it.

493
00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:32,060
Yeah, I did, huh?

494
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,645
[Mallory] Told ya.

495
00:22:34,896 --> 00:22:36,064
You're not gonna use it?

496
00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:38,066
No.

497
00:22:38,149 --> 00:22:39,776
Oh… Is the battery dead?

498
00:22:41,027 --> 00:22:42,153
[voice breaking] Yeah.

499
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:47,283
[door shuts]

500
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:50,829
Space Force isn't going anywhere.

501
00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:51,955
-Come on!
-Yes!

502
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:53,623
-[cheering]
-Yes!

503
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,417
-I'm so happy.
-Fantastic.

504
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:56,960
-Great work.
-Congratulations.

505
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,754
-Congratulations, Mark. Great job.
-[excited chatter]

506
00:22:59,838 --> 00:23:03,007
Talk to you for a sec? Um… Right.

507
00:23:04,467 --> 00:23:06,678
-There's one thing I don't understand.
-What's that?

508
00:23:06,761 --> 00:23:10,265
After all of that,
after all that damning testimony,

509
00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:12,058
how come I didn't end up in jail?

510
00:23:12,142 --> 00:23:13,810
Let alone keep my command.

511
00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:18,982
Mark Naird is a man
of questionable fashion sense

512
00:23:19,065 --> 00:23:21,526
but unquestionable character.

513
00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:24,737
I would go to war for him with anybody

514
00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:25,738
on Twitter.

515
00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:28,491
I would've spent the last few minutes
of my life "Black on the moon"

516
00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:29,868
if it wasn't for Mark Naird.

517
00:23:29,951 --> 00:23:32,829
O Captain, my Captain
Our fearful trip is done

518
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:36,166
The ship has weather'd every rack
The prize we sought is won

519
00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:39,752
He always thinks of others before himself.
He's a good dad.

520
00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:43,089
Underneath the titanium surface,
he's filled with neon.

521
00:23:44,632 --> 00:23:46,176
Neon is a noble gas.

522
00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:48,386
I'm trying to say
that Naird's a noble dude.

523
00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:50,430
I literally owe my life to him.

524
00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:52,682
The port is near, the bells I hear

525
00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:54,726
He's definitely a great general.

526
00:23:56,019 --> 00:23:57,020
I love him a lot.

527
00:23:57,103 --> 00:24:00,190
For you the flag is flung
For you the bugle trills

528
00:24:00,273 --> 00:24:04,068
There is no better person at Space Force
than Mark Naird.

529
00:24:04,152 --> 00:24:07,530
I… I can't actually
believe I'm saying this,

530
00:24:07,614 --> 00:24:09,574
but he's my best friend.

531
00:24:10,617 --> 00:24:12,744
Maybe you're just lucky.

532
00:24:12,827 --> 00:24:14,662
-[Tony] I was so worried.
-[indistinct chatter]

533
00:24:14,746 --> 00:24:15,622
Hmm.

534
00:24:15,705 --> 00:24:17,248
[softly] Let's go home, honey.

535
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:22,504
By the way, it is a sunny 76 degrees
in Tucson, everyone!

536
00:24:22,587 --> 00:24:23,505
[door shuts]

537
00:24:24,589 --> 00:24:27,425
Weather looking good
for the whole week, actually!

538
00:24:27,509 --> 00:24:30,512
[theme music playing]