1 00:00:03,395 --> 00:00:05,395 - Chief, what are you doing on Jill's bed? 2 00:00:05,414 --> 00:00:08,232 We have to be invited. - That's never been clear. 3 00:00:08,250 --> 00:00:10,009 - Yeah. Jill loves a loose boundary. 4 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,160 - Besides, I peed on this bed a year ago, 5 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:14,013 so it's technically mine. 6 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:15,330 - What's in your mouth? - Hmm? 7 00:00:15,424 --> 00:00:17,758 - Chief-y, what you got there? - [groans] 8 00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,244 - Oh, no! You ate Jeremy? 9 00:00:20,262 --> 00:00:21,762 - You mean Jill's closed-door, 10 00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:23,671 under-the-covers buzzing machine? 11 00:00:23,766 --> 00:00:25,173 - You can say vibrator. 12 00:00:25,267 --> 00:00:26,542 It keeps her happy and independent. 13 00:00:26,544 --> 00:00:29,770 - I know! Exactly! Like, I wanted some of that! 14 00:00:29,922 --> 00:00:31,104 - Ah, it's broken. 15 00:00:31,257 --> 00:00:33,515 And there's a new "Property Brothers" on tonight! 16 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,592 - Oh, those dudes are so different. 17 00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:38,186 - Oh, yeah, one sells property, and the other fixes it up. 18 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,705 You can tell from their clothes. 19 00:00:39,932 --> 00:00:41,206 - Yeah, I can tell them apart 20 00:00:41,433 --> 00:00:43,375 completely nude standing in front of a brick wall. 21 00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:46,045 But, I mean, that's neither here nor there. 22 00:00:46,272 --> 00:00:48,105 Ah, I should probably hide the evidence. 23 00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:50,107 - Oh, no, Chief, I don't think you should-- 24 00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:52,033 - Ahh. Huh? [vibrator buzzes] 25 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,461 Okay, I get it. Whoa. 26 00:00:54,613 --> 00:00:55,946 [chuckles] 27 00:00:56,039 --> 00:00:58,965 [upbeat rock music] 28 00:00:59,118 --> 00:01:00,392 - ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff 29 00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:02,710 ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ 30 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,045 ♪ 31 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,732 ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff 32 00:01:06,883 --> 00:01:08,975 ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ 33 00:01:09,128 --> 00:01:10,961 ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff 34 00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:12,796 - ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow 35 00:01:12,815 --> 00:01:14,798 - ♪ Ruff, ruff - ♪ Meow, meow 36 00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:16,300 - ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow 37 00:01:16,318 --> 00:01:17,859 - ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff - ♪ Meow, meow, meow 38 00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:19,561 - ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow 39 00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:22,489 [music crescendos] 40 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:29,338 ♪ 41 00:01:31,408 --> 00:01:34,000 - Look, I hear you. You don't like being chased. 42 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,153 But I also have needs in this relationship. 43 00:01:36,171 --> 00:01:38,097 - There is no relationship. I hate you. 44 00:01:38,324 --> 00:01:40,582 - Well, screw you! - Screw you, too! 45 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,268 - Honey! I need you! 46 00:01:43,420 --> 00:01:45,162 - Okay, we'll pick this up later. 47 00:01:45,180 --> 00:01:48,107 - This isn't a game. I despise you! 48 00:01:48,334 --> 00:01:51,777 - Are you okay? Is Bubbles harassing you again? 49 00:01:51,928 --> 00:01:54,113 - He parades around here wearing nothing but a collar, 50 00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:56,189 and I'm the one with HR on my ass? 51 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,433 - The real problem is that Jill's bedroom 52 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,178 and sometimes bathroom robot is not sitting well. 53 00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:03,180 - Oh, no. Okay, well, I think Jill 54 00:02:03,273 --> 00:02:04,123 needs to take you to the vet. 55 00:02:04,274 --> 00:02:06,016 - Honey, it will pass naturally. 56 00:02:06,034 --> 00:02:10,796 All I need is a patch of grass, ray of sunshine, gentle breeze. 57 00:02:10,947 --> 00:02:14,133 - Aw, Chief, I'm sorry, but... Jill! 58 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,618 - Oh, no, no, not Jill! Not the vet! 59 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,879 - Hey, you brought me in here, what did you want me to do? 60 00:02:19,031 --> 00:02:21,047 - I wanted you to give me a tummy nuzzle 61 00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:22,716 or a cuddle puddle or a muzzle cubluble 62 00:02:22,868 --> 00:02:25,310 or a tubby rubby belly boop! 63 00:02:26,372 --> 00:02:29,373 - Guess what. I brought you some special treats. 64 00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:32,467 They're right there--mm-hmm-- in my backpack. 65 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,986 Go on. Have some. 66 00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:36,155 - The last cat that fell for that 67 00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:38,306 was never heard from again. 68 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,492 - You think I don't know a catnapping sack when I see it? 69 00:02:40,644 --> 00:02:44,646 - I don't need your help. - Go ahead, pretty kitty. 70 00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:47,391 Yeah. 71 00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:50,169 [screams] 72 00:02:50,396 --> 00:02:53,413 - Oh, look at you-- scared, anxious, 73 00:02:53,565 --> 00:02:55,399 trapped in a cycle of compulsive eating 74 00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:56,566 and scary vet visits. 75 00:02:56,735 --> 00:02:58,326 - Don't forget the occasional dental floss 76 00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,662 that has to be pulled from my rectum. 77 00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:01,922 - I would never. 78 00:03:02,165 --> 00:03:03,831 What if I told you it doesn't have to be this way? 79 00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:05,350 - Go on... 80 00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:07,093 - I think you'd get a lot out of group. 81 00:03:07,246 --> 00:03:09,855 - Oh, God! I can't believe I fell for that! 82 00:03:10,006 --> 00:03:12,082 - Sometimes it helps to talk things out. 83 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,692 Wouldn't it be nice to go a month 84 00:03:13,843 --> 00:03:15,752 without having your stomach pumped? 85 00:03:15,771 --> 00:03:16,862 - Eh, six of one. 86 00:03:17,013 --> 00:03:18,422 - Well, I hate it when you're gone. 87 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,607 Jill always turns it into a girls' night. 88 00:03:20,759 --> 00:03:23,351 - Ooh, what's your name? [laughs] 89 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,611 - Oh, my God. 90 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,112 Besides, if you joined group 91 00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:28,098 it would bring us closer together. 92 00:03:28,191 --> 00:03:30,600 You know what keeps me happy and independent? 93 00:03:30,619 --> 00:03:31,618 - What? 94 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,045 - Helping group members blossom! 95 00:03:33,196 --> 00:03:35,622 - Aah! Again? I trusted you! 96 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,865 [groans] 97 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,867 - Chief ate my vibrator! [laughs] 98 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,945 I'm a little embarrassed. [guffaws] 99 00:03:41,964 --> 00:03:44,038 - Oh, don't be silly. 100 00:03:44,132 --> 00:03:47,467 Let me just take a quick Polaroid of you--new policy. 101 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,436 [camera shutter clicks] 102 00:03:51,139 --> 00:03:52,973 - Well, Chief's at the vet again. 103 00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:55,141 - What happened to him? - Same as usual. 104 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,884 Chief ate something he shouldn't have. 105 00:03:56,979 --> 00:03:58,403 This time it was Jill's vibrator. 106 00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,888 - Sounds like Jill is really leaning in. 107 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,799 - By the way, his prognosis is excellent. 108 00:04:02,892 --> 00:04:05,077 - Oh, say that at the start of the story. 109 00:04:05,228 --> 00:04:06,987 - Oh, please, that wasn't a story. 110 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,306 No, you'll know when I tell a story. 111 00:04:09,324 --> 00:04:10,974 Like, did I ever tell you about the time 112 00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,493 I found that old doll... all: Yes! 113 00:04:13,645 --> 00:04:15,312 - And I thought it was... all: A real baby. 114 00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:17,831 - But it wasn't. Well, that's a story. 115 00:04:17,983 --> 00:04:18,924 - You certainly think so? 116 00:04:19,075 --> 00:04:20,742 - Besides, if Chief wasn't fine, 117 00:04:20,836 --> 00:04:22,410 I wouldn't wait to tell you, okay? 118 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,838 I'm not sociopath. both: I'm not a sociopath. 119 00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:25,913 - I'm certainly not a sociopath. 120 00:04:26,008 --> 00:04:27,432 - I'm not a whatever you guys said. 121 00:04:27,659 --> 00:04:28,750 - I am not a sociopath! 122 00:04:28,844 --> 00:04:29,768 - Anything you'd like to add, Nibbles? 123 00:04:29,919 --> 00:04:31,845 - [laughs] Nope. 124 00:04:31,997 --> 00:04:33,105 - Well, that was a lot of talk 125 00:04:33,332 --> 00:04:35,332 about a dog who's not even a member of the group. 126 00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:37,000 I'll get us back on track. 127 00:04:37,019 --> 00:04:39,169 I've decided I'm in love with Darla. 128 00:04:39,262 --> 00:04:41,613 - Oh, what kind of shoe is Darla? 129 00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:44,599 - She's not a shoe, but I look past that. 130 00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:47,268 She's my "tortoise mi amor-toise"--Latin-- 131 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,788 and she's warming up to the idea of getting back together. 132 00:04:49,939 --> 00:04:51,623 - Oh, that's wonderful, Shel! 133 00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:53,683 - Don't flood your basement just yet. 134 00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,127 Lindsay's made it clear 135 00:04:55,354 --> 00:04:57,445 she's not willing to let me go without a fight. 136 00:04:57,539 --> 00:04:59,189 - Well, she's a shoe. - Exactly. 137 00:04:59,207 --> 00:05:01,541 She was designed to hold on for dear life. 138 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,303 - She's clearly obsessed, and I'm worried 139 00:05:04,454 --> 00:05:07,714 that Lindsay might hurt Darla, or worse, hurt me. 140 00:05:07,866 --> 00:05:09,199 - Uh-huh. 141 00:05:09,217 --> 00:05:11,143 Tabitha, usually you would have pulled focus by now. 142 00:05:11,294 --> 00:05:12,536 Is everything okay? 143 00:05:12,704 --> 00:05:15,647 - Uh, I'm getting love all day long from the man-- 144 00:05:15,874 --> 00:05:18,208 men in my life, and it is good. 145 00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:20,377 Let's get back to important issue 146 00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:23,063 of how your owner will fully enjoy 147 00:05:23,215 --> 00:05:25,306 "Property Brothers" without her vibrator. 148 00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,308 - Co-sign. 149 00:05:27,402 --> 00:05:31,145 - Hey, Tabs, you know, you might get more out of group 150 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:33,239 if you started telling the truth? 151 00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:34,833 I mean, how can you expect them to help 152 00:05:34,984 --> 00:05:37,151 when they still think you're living with Brett and Stelios? 153 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,229 - I need nothing from group. - Fine. 154 00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:41,823 But you might get more out of our friendship 155 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,249 if you started telling me the truth. 156 00:05:43,402 --> 00:05:46,069 - You want the truth? I cannot go back to cat café. 157 00:05:46,088 --> 00:05:49,348 A lunatic has made me his muse. - So stay with me. 158 00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:51,332 The lunatic at my place will mostly ignore you. 159 00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:54,427 - Just until I can think of something less depressing. 160 00:05:54,580 --> 00:05:55,762 - Fantastic! 161 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,432 [siren wailing] 162 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,175 - Ah! We're losing him! 163 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,361 It's time for chest compressions. 164 00:06:02,588 --> 00:06:05,530 - I'm going in! - Come on! Boop. Boop! 165 00:06:05,682 --> 00:06:10,160 [gasps] Buzzed driving is drunk driving. 166 00:06:11,613 --> 00:06:13,263 - So what are you in for? 167 00:06:13,281 --> 00:06:15,356 - I'm here for no reason, like, at all. 168 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,934 I ate a couple of mittens. Do you know what mittens are? 169 00:06:18,027 --> 00:06:21,546 - Oh, I love mittens! Do I know what mittens are? 170 00:06:21,698 --> 00:06:23,048 - I had a heart attack. 171 00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:27,052 - Oh, no! And you're just letting us go on about mittens? 172 00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:28,778 - It was my 17th. 173 00:06:28,872 --> 00:06:30,780 - I don't even know why I'm here. 174 00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:32,449 - Oh, well, it kind of looks like 175 00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:34,284 you got your head stuck in a cone. 176 00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:36,286 - All I know is I really, really, really 177 00:06:36,304 --> 00:06:38,563 want to get at my balls but I can't reach. 178 00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:40,140 - Who wants to tell him? 179 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,459 - Hey, what'd you do to get thrown in here, big guy? 180 00:06:42,477 --> 00:06:45,979 - I ate my human's, um, well... 181 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:49,616 I ate her this... [vibrator buzzes] 182 00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:51,326 - Dude. 183 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,305 - Chief? - Oh! Hey! 184 00:06:55,323 --> 00:06:57,582 It's, um... name? - Chico. 185 00:06:57,734 --> 00:07:01,586 - Chico! I know this cat! What brings you here, friend? 186 00:07:01,738 --> 00:07:04,497 - Urinary bladder rocks. - Ooh, how did you eat those? 187 00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:08,001 - I'd kill to be here for urinary bladder rocks. 188 00:07:08,153 --> 00:07:09,836 - Yeah, it's due to excess weight gain, 189 00:07:09,988 --> 00:07:11,671 which is due to too much food, 190 00:07:11,823 --> 00:07:13,915 which is due to my owner and best friend, Kevin, 191 00:07:14,009 --> 00:07:15,434 traveling a lot. 192 00:07:15,661 --> 00:07:17,436 Too much. It's too much. 193 00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:19,996 - Aw, Chico! No, no, no, no, shh. 194 00:07:20,015 --> 00:07:22,015 - Sounds like you need to share. 195 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,759 - This is a safe space. - Oh, boy! 196 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,612 Gah! Ugh, here we go! 197 00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:30,097 - You're sure it's okay if I stay with you? 198 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:33,267 - Oh, yeah, but remember you've got to be nicer 199 00:07:33,361 --> 00:07:35,937 than you've ever been before. 200 00:07:36,031 --> 00:07:38,606 I mean it, Tabs, these cats are vicious. 201 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:39,699 When I first moved in here, 202 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,127 I had the standard number of eyes, 203 00:07:42,354 --> 00:07:43,962 ears, and testicles. 204 00:07:44,113 --> 00:07:46,022 And let me tell you-- I do not anymore. 205 00:07:46,041 --> 00:07:49,968 [dramatic music] 206 00:07:50,119 --> 00:07:52,304 [cats meowing] 207 00:07:52,531 --> 00:07:58,868 ♪ 208 00:07:58,887 --> 00:08:00,720 - ♪ Does a stranger sense danger ♪ 209 00:08:00,872 --> 00:08:02,481 ♪ In the house of a hoarder? 210 00:08:02,632 --> 00:08:04,666 ♪ Then jellimon juniper, an introduction's in order ♪ 211 00:08:04,726 --> 00:08:06,133 ♪ I'm Percival Sir Paw 212 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,545 ♪ But you can call me The Clean One ♪ 213 00:08:08,638 --> 00:08:11,564 - ♪ And I'm Chazzery Lymph, The Missing A Spleen One ♪ 214 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:15,476 - ♪ I'm Grumplerump, known as The Warm Wet One ♪ 215 00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:19,405 - ♪ We're Conjoinity Jones, we're The Duet One! ♪ 216 00:08:19,558 --> 00:08:21,558 [all panting] 217 00:08:21,651 --> 00:08:22,667 - I don't get it. 218 00:08:22,894 --> 00:08:25,337 Dangerous cats sing song to me? 219 00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:28,006 - Oh, our musical cat-stravaganzas 220 00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:30,324 are the only thing that keep us from killing each other. 221 00:08:30,418 --> 00:08:34,420 So, if you want to survive here, you have to join the fun. 222 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:37,015 - I am not a joiner, and it does not look like fun. 223 00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:39,409 - [laughs] Well, joke's on you, 224 00:08:39,427 --> 00:08:43,021 because this is the most fun! 225 00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:46,173 - Hey. - Ah! 226 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,601 - I didn't mean to scare you. - Why would I be scared? 227 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,695 I'm just alone in my yard with a dangerous coyote. 228 00:08:50,847 --> 00:08:53,273 - You think I'm dangerous? - Did I say dangerous? 229 00:08:53,425 --> 00:08:55,775 No, no, I meant sexy. No, I meant dangerous. 230 00:08:55,927 --> 00:08:57,610 - No, I meant-- - Honey! 231 00:08:57,763 --> 00:08:59,204 - Sorry. My human's calling. 232 00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:00,597 You know how it is. [chuckles] 233 00:09:00,690 --> 00:09:03,099 Oh, no, of course you don't, because you're wild 234 00:09:03,192 --> 00:09:04,025 and dangerous. 235 00:09:04,119 --> 00:09:05,526 Nope. Got to go. 236 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,954 - Oh, Darla, the moonlight illuminates 237 00:09:08,106 --> 00:09:10,215 all of your wonderfully earned wrinkles. 238 00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:12,442 And I'm like, "Damn, girl. " 239 00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:15,595 - Oh, Shel, you're making progress. 240 00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:21,301 - Oh...my...God. 241 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,210 - I thought you told her it was over. 242 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,213 - I did! - Maybe I should talk to her. 243 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,474 - No, Darla, it's not safe. 244 00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:31,961 There's no telling what that "horngry" beast will do. 245 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,813 - [gasps] She's coming closer. 246 00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:36,157 - Run, Darla! Run! 247 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,824 - [hisses] Keep walking. 248 00:09:44,976 --> 00:09:46,142 - When you least expect it... 249 00:09:46,161 --> 00:09:49,145 - Oh, look at the great gentleman 250 00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:51,072 protecting his wonderful damsel. 251 00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:52,332 - Shh. You'll wake her up. 252 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,151 - Oh, now the hero is shushing me. 253 00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:56,577 If she fell in line, 254 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,579 you wouldn't have to protect Her Fluffiness. 255 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:01,099 - Yeah, musical theater's just not her thing. 256 00:10:01,326 --> 00:10:02,601 - I just hope she's worth it, 257 00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:05,419 'cause she doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about you. 258 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:09,165 - Yeah, well, your badonkadonk ain't all that. 259 00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:11,592 - That was 18, guys! 260 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:14,095 - I guess I'm this big because I want Kevin to see me. 261 00:10:14,189 --> 00:10:15,971 - Mm-hmm. - That one hit home. 262 00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:18,508 - Must... lick... 263 00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:20,677 Can you see them from where you are? 264 00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:22,512 Honest to God, I don't even see them. 265 00:10:22,605 --> 00:10:25,031 - I hear that, cat. I blow minds all over town. 266 00:10:25,183 --> 00:10:26,366 But now that I'm getting fixed, 267 00:10:26,518 --> 00:10:28,109 I'm scared I won't know who I am. 268 00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:30,520 Who am I if I'm not blowing minds? 269 00:10:30,538 --> 00:10:32,372 - Wait. Do I know you? 270 00:10:32,524 --> 00:10:35,133 - I must have blown your mind. - No, I don't think that's it. 271 00:10:35,284 --> 00:10:36,693 - You ever had kittens? 272 00:10:36,711 --> 00:10:38,452 - Yeah, but I'm not sure what that has to do with it. 273 00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:39,620 What an odd question. 274 00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:41,881 - Okay, I'm gonna tell you guys something, 275 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,216 and you can't tell Honey. 276 00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:45,034 - We don't know who that is. Go on. 277 00:10:45,053 --> 00:10:47,203 - I knew that Jill's Mr. Roboto 278 00:10:47,222 --> 00:10:49,873 was gonna make me feel blechy in my tummy, 279 00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:51,149 but I did it anyway. 280 00:10:51,376 --> 00:10:52,484 - Maybe this is the rock bottom 281 00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:55,061 we needed to take a long look at ourselves. 282 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,546 - This feels like group. 283 00:10:56,564 --> 00:10:58,472 - Wait, this is what group is like? 284 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,325 Huh, I always thought it was a contest 285 00:11:00,476 --> 00:11:01,993 to see who could be the most boring. 286 00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:03,811 [chuckles] Usually the turtle wins. 287 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:07,314 - Hey, Shel's going through a lot of boring stuff right now. 288 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,985 - So, this is what Honey is always nagging me to do. 289 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,004 Wow. She's right! 290 00:11:13,156 --> 00:11:15,231 It does feel good to share. 291 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:18,418 Huh. What an emotional release. 292 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:19,678 Whoa. 293 00:11:19,829 --> 00:11:21,471 Wait a minute. What the...? 294 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,700 - Jeremy? 295 00:11:25,702 --> 00:11:27,168 - Water. 296 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,746 - Hey! I passed the baton! 297 00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:34,175 - Well, here I am, completely alone in my yard again, 298 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,176 totally vulnerable. 299 00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:37,086 - Shut up! - Go to hell! 300 00:11:37,105 --> 00:11:38,846 - [gasps] Where are you taking me? 301 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,924 - What? - Ah, Chief's home. 302 00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:42,534 Okay, I've got to go, 303 00:11:42,761 --> 00:11:45,537 but I'm sure I'll be out here vulnerable and alone later. 304 00:11:45,688 --> 00:11:47,497 Okay. Just saying. 305 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,377 Chief! Welcome home! 306 00:11:52,528 --> 00:11:55,104 [chuckles] So how'd it go? - Ah, wonderful. 307 00:11:55,198 --> 00:11:56,940 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 308 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,608 A rabbit had a bunch of heart attacks. 309 00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:01,535 Chico peed out some rocks, and one dog was there 310 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:04,538 because he was born with balls between his legs! 311 00:12:04,632 --> 00:12:05,615 Gross. 312 00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:07,541 Anyway, we all bonded. 313 00:12:07,635 --> 00:12:10,970 It's like I've always said-- emotional connection, you know? 314 00:12:11,122 --> 00:12:12,972 That's where it's at. - At the vet? 315 00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:14,399 - Yeah. It was pretty amazing. 316 00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:18,127 I've come to a decision. I'm ready to do group. 317 00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:20,463 - Oh, wow. This is so great. You're gonna love it. 318 00:12:20,482 --> 00:12:22,815 I mean, Diablo is super annoying, 319 00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:24,150 but you can just tune him out. 320 00:12:24,302 --> 00:12:26,077 - No, I'm starting my own group, 321 00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:27,895 with my friends from the vet. 322 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,331 It's gonna be awesome. Good night. 323 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:36,312 - Oh, no, did the gallant swain oversleep? 324 00:12:36,405 --> 00:12:38,072 - What are you even saying? - You missed rehearsal. 325 00:12:38,166 --> 00:12:41,259 - What? Why didn't you wake me? - One, two. three... 326 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:44,670 all: ♪ Neglect is our dad, infection's our mother ♪ 327 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:48,007 - ♪ When we're not singing, we're killing each other ♪ 328 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,492 - [screeches] 329 00:12:49,511 --> 00:12:52,512 all: ♪ There's always a place for you ♪ 330 00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,163 - The Gray One, you're out of the show! 331 00:12:54,182 --> 00:12:56,499 - But I'm Monocules Monroe! 332 00:12:56,518 --> 00:12:58,501 The gentleman cat from Microwave Mountain! 333 00:12:58,594 --> 00:13:00,278 - You know we have a zero-tolerance policy 334 00:13:00,505 --> 00:13:01,613 regarding missed rehearsals. 335 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,282 - Who do I talk to about sleeping accommodations? 336 00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:07,452 - Aah! This is all your fault! Everyone hates you! 337 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,362 And now they hate me! 338 00:13:09,514 --> 00:13:11,939 But you obviously don't care because you-- 339 00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:13,107 - I'll kill you! - Aah! 340 00:13:13,201 --> 00:13:14,441 all: ♪ He's out of the show 341 00:13:14,536 --> 00:13:17,111 ♪ He's out of the show - ♪ He's out of the show 342 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,447 - I have no faith in this show. 343 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,208 - Well, you may or may not have noticed 344 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,028 that Chief is having his own group outside. 345 00:13:25,121 --> 00:13:27,138 - [chuckles] Right? Yeah. 346 00:13:27,365 --> 00:13:29,048 - I sat out there a while before I realized 347 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,550 I was in the wrong place. 348 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,976 - Uh, fascinating. 349 00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:34,887 Lindsay's menacing yet erotic behavior has escalated. 350 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,372 But I refuse to let her rob me 351 00:13:36,465 --> 00:13:38,632 of the life scute-slamming happiness 352 00:13:38,726 --> 00:13:39,892 I could have with Darla. 353 00:13:40,045 --> 00:13:41,894 - I mean, it's totally within his right. 354 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,212 I have no problem with it. 355 00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:46,232 - It detoxifies my masculinity to admit it, 356 00:13:46,384 --> 00:13:49,902 but I can't handle the Lindsay sitch on my own. 357 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:53,498 I need help making it, uh, go away, 358 00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:55,058 if you know what I mean. 359 00:13:55,076 --> 00:13:56,726 - Not here. - Where? 360 00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:59,062 - After group. I know someone. 361 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,730 - It's just that I've been asking him 362 00:14:00,823 --> 00:14:01,989 for years to join our group-- 363 00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,158 - That must be really frustrating, you know, 364 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,235 that he refuses to join something 365 00:14:06,254 --> 00:14:08,329 that would obviously help you both 366 00:14:08,423 --> 00:14:12,241 and keep you from getting killed in your sleep! 367 00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:14,018 - Wonder what they're talking about. 368 00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:15,669 - You got to help me! 369 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,080 - Screw you! - You screw you! 370 00:14:17,098 --> 00:14:19,023 - Chief! Stop! What's going on? 371 00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,766 - Squirrel break! - Ah! 372 00:14:20,919 --> 00:14:22,176 - [barks, gasps] 373 00:14:22,270 --> 00:14:24,529 Ah! Get him off me! Get him off me! 374 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:25,864 Aah! Aah! 375 00:14:26,015 --> 00:14:28,015 - Stay still! Try to-- 376 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,701 Everyone self-protect! 377 00:14:29,928 --> 00:14:32,278 - Aah! He's in my fur! Get him off me! 378 00:14:32,430 --> 00:14:35,615 [screaming] 379 00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:38,601 [laughter] - I did this. 380 00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:42,297 - Ah! He's everywhere! I'm covered in squirrel! 381 00:14:50,206 --> 00:14:52,891 - Max! Oh, thank God. I thought you were Lindsay. 382 00:14:53,118 --> 00:14:54,893 - I mean... Just keep walking. 383 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,543 I know someone who can send 384 00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:59,138 Lindsay back to Zappos, if you know what I mean. 385 00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:00,581 - Really? Are you sure? 386 00:15:00,642 --> 00:15:03,292 - She has not been gently used. - Trust me. 387 00:15:03,386 --> 00:15:06,220 - Okay. Who's the fixer? - Me. 388 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,798 - Well, this is an unexpected turn of events. 389 00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:11,743 You sure you can handle it? - [laughs] Can I handle it? 390 00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:13,302 You ever hear about the time 391 00:15:13,396 --> 00:15:15,896 two of those "Stranger Things" kids killed that hiker? 392 00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,306 - God, no. 393 00:15:17,325 --> 00:15:18,991 - How about when a certain handsome quarterback 394 00:15:19,144 --> 00:15:21,144 burned down a Jamba Juice? - No. 395 00:15:21,162 --> 00:15:23,254 - Or when a certain perky morning-show host 396 00:15:23,406 --> 00:15:26,149 kept the Biebs in her basement for three days? 397 00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:28,075 - Not that either. - Exactly. 398 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,577 My hooves have been in everything you can imagine, 399 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:34,415 so, yeah, I can handle your little shoe problem. 400 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,491 - Well, all right. 401 00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:38,252 You should know, I don't condone violence, 402 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,088 but I am aroused by it, so do your worst. 403 00:15:41,182 --> 00:15:43,149 - I'm regretting this already. 404 00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:47,111 - I don't understand why you're so mad, 405 00:15:47,263 --> 00:15:49,096 I thought you wanted me in a group. 406 00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:50,782 - Not a group, my group, 407 00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:53,025 which, on a side note, you completely ruined today. 408 00:15:53,178 --> 00:15:56,028 - I was wondering. It seemed a little chaotic. 409 00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:57,863 Why does it matter whose group I'm in? 410 00:15:58,016 --> 00:15:59,958 - Because I know what you need to fix. 411 00:16:00,109 --> 00:16:01,942 I can help you be less impulsive, 412 00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,203 a better listener, sneeze more quietly-- 413 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,856 - My group has a word for how you're acting right now, 414 00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:09,133 and it rhymes with fudge-mental. 415 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:10,969 - I can help you with your vocabulary. 416 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,972 - And this fudgy attitude is exactly why I didn't want 417 00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:15,139 to be in your group. 418 00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:17,141 I get enough criticism from you as it is. 419 00:16:17,368 --> 00:16:19,368 Well, it's constructive criticism! 420 00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:22,313 I could help you understand the difference! 421 00:16:23,558 --> 00:16:26,317 - [groaning] 422 00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:27,877 - What? No! 423 00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:31,489 [all growling creepily] 424 00:16:31,716 --> 00:16:33,992 - [shouting] 425 00:16:34,143 --> 00:16:37,161 [eerie music] 426 00:16:37,313 --> 00:16:38,645 ♪ 427 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,740 [gasps] 428 00:16:40,892 --> 00:16:42,000 [grunts] 429 00:16:42,151 --> 00:16:44,060 The Gray One! Help me! 430 00:16:44,078 --> 00:16:47,913 - [groans] - [screaming] 431 00:16:48,066 --> 00:16:52,510 - All you had to do was join the fun. 432 00:16:52,661 --> 00:16:55,662 - Turn, touch, step. 433 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:56,830 Oh, no. 434 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,684 - But, Gray One, we are friends, no? 435 00:16:59,835 --> 00:17:02,353 - You're on your own! 436 00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:05,839 - [gasps] 437 00:17:05,933 --> 00:17:08,359 I will agree to star in your show 438 00:17:08,586 --> 00:17:11,863 if you let The Gray One back in and stop trying to kill him. 439 00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:13,865 - We already have our leading lady. 440 00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:17,276 - I got a DIY face-lift for this. 441 00:17:17,428 --> 00:17:19,929 - That's okay. I just want to be one of the gang. 442 00:17:20,022 --> 00:17:23,023 I will be chorus cat. 443 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,293 - You're a kitten again. 444 00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:28,271 - You can't just get together, 445 00:17:28,289 --> 00:17:30,030 chase squirrels, and call it group. 446 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:32,275 - Nice stream. - Oh! Thanks. 447 00:17:32,293 --> 00:17:33,943 Uh, yeah, no, I try to, uh, drink 448 00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:36,237 at least two bowls a day so, um... 449 00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:38,631 Yeah, but you don't care about that. 450 00:17:38,783 --> 00:17:39,965 You're just here to ravage me. 451 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,133 - Actually, I was wondering-- 452 00:17:41,286 --> 00:17:42,952 the pets that meet at your house... 453 00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:44,970 - Are not food. - They come to talk, right? 454 00:17:45,123 --> 00:17:46,289 - And sometimes I give advice. 455 00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:48,882 But, um, they will tear you limb from limb, 456 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,309 so don't even try kidnapping me 457 00:17:50,461 --> 00:17:52,795 and taking me to your mysterious lair. 458 00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:54,313 - Actually, I just have a question. 459 00:17:54,465 --> 00:17:57,575 Is there such a thing as objective morality? 460 00:17:57,726 --> 00:18:00,060 - Oh, sorry, is that not the kind of thing you talk about? 461 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,138 - You don't have a lair, do you? 462 00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,140 [coyote howls in the distance] - [groans] 463 00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:05,825 Now I'm the one being called away. 464 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,476 [chuckles] Oh, and by the way, 465 00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:09,812 that squirrel won't be bothering you anymore. 466 00:18:09,831 --> 00:18:11,964 - Why not? - I killed him. Good night. 467 00:18:20,158 --> 00:18:23,993 - Screw you, little friend. Screw you. 468 00:18:24,086 --> 00:18:26,178 - All right, you may want to turn away 469 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:29,348 while I put Lindsay down for her dirt nap. 470 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,426 - Do you think it's safe for me to say a few words to her? 471 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,836 - Whatever, man. 472 00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:36,280 - Lindsay, I'm coming closer. Don't try anything. 473 00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:39,933 Lindsay, when we met, I was a shell of a tortoise, 474 00:18:40,027 --> 00:18:42,102 but the time we spent together 475 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:45,272 filled me and my shell with feelings and liquids 476 00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:47,533 that I didn't know were possible. 477 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,794 In fact, how about one more-- 478 00:18:49,904 --> 00:18:51,020 - Okay, that's enough. 479 00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:52,855 Now, I'll tell you what I told Meryl 480 00:18:52,874 --> 00:18:54,373 after her one-night stand 481 00:18:54,525 --> 00:18:56,634 with a certain frosted-tipped celebrity chef. 482 00:18:56,785 --> 00:19:00,363 Get out of here and forget this ever happened! 483 00:19:00,381 --> 00:19:02,789 - I'm sorry for being so judgmental. 484 00:19:02,884 --> 00:19:05,626 - That was the word. Continue with your apology. 485 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,203 - And it's stupid for me 486 00:19:07,296 --> 00:19:08,962 to think I can dictate who anyone else is. 487 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,039 You don't need to change. 488 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,966 I need to stop projecting on other canines. 489 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,060 Not felines, though, they need my help. 490 00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:16,712 - So I don't need to be in a group? 491 00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:18,214 - Not unless you want to. 492 00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:20,641 - Oh, thank God, 'cause even with my guys, 493 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,551 it was so boring. 494 00:19:22,612 --> 00:19:23,810 I mean, it was one thing 495 00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:25,646 when I was trapped in a cage at the vet, 496 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:28,908 but to sit there by choice when all my instincts 497 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,560 are telling me to run around and kick ass, 498 00:19:31,579 --> 00:19:33,820 it was hard and not fun. 499 00:19:33,915 --> 00:19:36,399 [chuckles] I mean, not in the slightest. 500 00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:37,824 It was brutal. 501 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,569 - You know what I mean, right? - No, I do, I do, but-- 502 00:19:40,588 --> 00:19:42,071 - Besides, I'm cured. 503 00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:44,015 One and done for me, babe! 504 00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,925 The only fun thing about group 505 00:19:46,077 --> 00:19:47,668 was meeting that awesome squirrel. 506 00:19:47,762 --> 00:19:49,020 - Well, okay, but-- 507 00:19:49,247 --> 00:19:50,763 - Besides, I mean, we're good, you and me, you know? 508 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:54,841 - Yeah, I mean, maybe we're not perfect, but we're good. 509 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,101 Ahh... - Now to sleep 510 00:19:56,254 --> 00:19:58,679 and dream about what high jinks 511 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,423 I'll get into with my new BSF. 512 00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:03,034 [chuckles] That's best squirrel friend. 513 00:20:04,687 --> 00:20:08,431 - Darla, now that we are rid of that deranged parasite, 514 00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:11,876 we can really focus on us and my needs. 515 00:20:12,027 --> 00:20:16,105 - Are you ever gonna tell me how you handled the situation? 516 00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:17,715 - I'll spare you the details. 517 00:20:17,866 --> 00:20:19,275 But if you're down to role-play it, 518 00:20:19,293 --> 00:20:21,469 I could be persuaded. 519 00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,947 Lindsay? 520 00:20:24,966 --> 00:20:27,892 [eerie music] 521 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,302 [chuckles] I should have known there was no way 522 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,730 to contain her thrust lust forever. 523 00:20:32,881 --> 00:20:35,958 I hope you like psychosexual thrillers, Darla, 524 00:20:35,977 --> 00:20:38,552 'cause we're in for a triple feature. 525 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,313 As a matter of fact, I do. 526 00:20:41,466 --> 00:20:43,890 [both moaning] 527 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,578 - Darla. Oh, Darla. 528 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:50,081 ♪ 529 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,403 - ♪ So you've just screwed up your perfect life ♪ 530 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,663 all: ♪ You're in deep crap! 531 00:20:57,815 --> 00:20:59,482 - ♪ Deep crap's a warm, soft place to land ♪ 532 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,166 all: ♪ Trust us, way softer than pus ♪ 533 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,426 - ♪ You better learn to like it fast ♪ 534 00:21:02,653 --> 00:21:04,244 - ♪ Live each day like it's your last ♪ 535 00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:07,323 all: ♪ 'Cause your life expectancy's not grand! ♪ 536 00:21:07,341 --> 00:21:09,008 ♪ You're damned, avoid any long-term plans ♪ 537 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:10,434 - ♪ I'll kill you 538 00:21:10,661 --> 00:21:12,085 all: ♪ You were the best, now you're just the rest ♪ 539 00:21:12,179 --> 00:21:13,846 - ♪ And I smell like a dead, rotten skunk ♪ 540 00:21:13,998 --> 00:21:17,166 ♪ Uh, I'm Tabitha, but you can call me The Stuck Up One ♪ 541 00:21:17,184 --> 00:21:20,728 all: ♪ There's always a place for U ♪ 542 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,005 ♪ In junk 543 00:21:23,098 --> 00:21:26,525 - I feel lucky to be alive. Oh, my goodness. 544 00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,537 [all screeching]