[upbeat rock music]
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
[music crescendos]
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
- Go on, talk to her.
- Why don't you talk to her?
- You know I'm gay.
- Oh, yeah, thanks for trusting me with that.
All right, I am gonna go talk to her,
and this is gonna be the best summer ever.
Whoo!
[ominous music]
[all screaming]
- [slurping]
Oh, Honey, you need to get in on this.
The water is extra screamy today.
- Ooh.
- Hey, will you guys water my plants while I'm gone?
And on garbage day, remember to knock over the cans.
- Where are you going?
- Oh, a bunch of us raccoons are summering at the zoo.
There's an empty habitat since people found out
that Jambo the Gorilla was just a guy in a costume.
The zoo industry is in real trouble.
- I wish I lived in a zoo.
They barely have to do anything,
and they're treated like rock stars.
Rock stars. Rock stars.
- And there's Chief, the most lovable dog in captivity.
Did you know Chiefs are the best boys?
- [slurping]
- Oh, my God, he's licking himself!
He's licking himself! [cameras clicking]
[screams]
- Chief, where did you get that bra?
- Oh, I didn't have time to change after my fantasy.
- Stop glorifying the zoo.
Animals are not supposed to be entertainment.
[bell dings]
- Who are you winking at? - No one.
- Hey, are you doing that thing later
where the neighborhood animals come over and complain?
'Cause I'd like to sit in.
- Yeah, stop by. - Oh, great.
I'll be like a guest star. [bell dings]
- No, you don't get to do that.
[bell dings]
♪ ♪
I'm just concerned that you think
a lot more about Kevin than he does about you.
- Really?
What do you guys think about that?
all: We don't have a problem with it.
- I love you guys so much.
- Don't worry about it, Cheeks.
We've all got our issues.
Nibbles can't stop killing.
Tabs has impossibly high relationship standards.
Elsa can't live without her precious vest.
- Well, you eat poop.
- Ah, that's true, Elsa.
I had a problem, and you've weaponized it.
- Yeah, I did.
- My addiction doesn't define me.
The color of my fur does.
- Good for you, Gray One.
- Honey, question: is there a reason
you're wearing a tiara, or are you just weird now?
- Oh, yeah, it's my birthday.
[laughs] Thank you.
Jill's really into it.
We have a party at the park.
Sniff some butts. Someone eats a bee.
Pretty standard birthday stuff.
- The tiara is a little distracting.
- Yeah, maybe I should take this off.
- Excuse me, I just have one thing.
Can I go ahead of everyone?
- Did you fill out your intake forms?
I'm kidding. We're animals.
It's just a joke. [chuckles]
- So I've got this friend who has a thing for a koala
at the zoo, and she has the hottest accent
and fingers in all the right places.
But every time my "friend" tries to talk to her,
she's all attitude.
- You know, Raccoon, maybe your friend needs to see things
from the koala's perspective.
Oh, but is there a technique
that would allow us to achieve that?
I'm glad you asked.
Yes, there is, and it's called role-play.
Max, you be Raccoon's friend.
- Oh, great. So I'm a raccoon.
[with cockney accent] 'Ello. 'Ello.
Please, sir, can I have some more raccoon stuff?
- No, no role-playing.
This is therapy, not Groundlings level 1.
- Yes, and...it isn't.
- So this friend, is it you?
- [gasps] How'd you know?
- Feline intuition, and you don't have any friends.
- I've been pulling out all my best moves,
but I can't hook that K-Bear.
Hey, Bang-a-Bear, is there room in that pouch for moi?
[conga drums playing]
Oops.
I'm so clumsy. [giggles]
- And that didn't work?
- Maybe she's out of my league.
- No way! You're a raccoon.
- That's true. I am Raccoon.
So I should just be myself?
- Definitely not.
If living with a woman who only watches romantic comedies
has taught me anything,
it's that you should never be yourself.
Also, you can always run through an airport
without a boarding pass, and "no" means "don't give up."
- ♪ It's not the pickle's or the pear's ♪
♪ Not the elephant's or the bear's ♪
♪ It's your birthday today ♪
- Sheila has the voice of an angel.
- I think she'd sound better if she were dressed
as a bejeweled pineapple.
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Who is that? ♪
- [chomps] Mmm, mmm!
I think that's Debbie Gibson!
- OK, here's the plan
for when you see my family at the party.
- Ugh. We're seeing your family?
You always get so weird around them.
- No, they're weird around me.
Whose side are you on?
- Kind of proving my point.
- Look, my siblings already resent me for being adopted
while they're still in foster care with my mom,
so they cannot know how good we have it at Jill's.
- And we have it so good, although my omelet
was a little overcooked this morning.
- Mine too.
But see, OK, that's exactly the kind of thing
we shouldn't be talking about.
And for the love of God, do not mention
our memory foam dog beds.
- Oh, now they were delicious.
[barking]
- So, Cousin Tugboat, when are you due?
- I'm not pregnant. It's a fatty tumor.
- Oh.
Well, that's better than puppies.
Once you get rid of it,
it won't move back home, am I right?
[laughs nervously]
- What, you're not gonna say hello?
I knew I was the runt. I didn't know I was invisible.
- Well, of course I'm going to say hello.
Wait, was that your hello?
- Yeah, that was his hello, OK?
- OK. Happy birthday, Oliver Smalls.
Happy birthday, DJ.
It's my birthday too, you know.
- Yeah, I saw the crown.
- You think he didn't see the crown?
He saw the crown.
- [sighs]
- [chuckles] Pay them no mind.
- Mama!
- Come. Come sit with me, sugar.
They're loud but harmless, like a summer storm.
- Thanks, Mama.
- The one you gotta watch out for
is the sister who thinks she's better than everybody else,
just 'cause she can pass for a poodle,
got herself adopted,
probably has some coastal elite expressing her anal glands.
- Are you talking about me, Mama?
- Oh, I'm afraid my memory is gone, just like my figure.
- Group photo!
Happy birthday!
[camera clicks]
- Does Mama seem worse to you?
- Well, it's hard to tell because we see her
every single day,
as opposed to you, who sees her once a year.
- You know I can't drive, right?
And we all have our challenges.
My life's not so great either.
- Hey, we never said our lives aren't great.
- Every day's a miracle.
- I just meant you guys have each other.
- Honey.
- Diablo, what are you doing here?
- Oh, the usual-- peeing on every fence post
so the world doesn't end.
Hey, Elsa! Honey's here!
- [gasps] Honey?
- You know Honey? - Only--
- Oh, he pays me kibble for sex.
That's where I am.
- Oh, poor baby gets kibble and sex.
- It's Honey's family! - Yes!
Do I get the gossip from the mother,
the sister, or the aunt?
It's an embarrassment of bitches.
- What'd I tell you?
- [munching]
- Smoke show, right?
Oh, her mouth is like a garbage can.
I just want to get in there.
God, I bet it stinks!
- Oh, I can smell it from here.
OK, you just stand where she can see you.
I'm gonna go hide behind the bush
and whisper what you should say.
I came here tonight because when you realize
you want to spend the rest of your life with someone,
you want the rest of your life to start right now.
- I came to realize that when you want someone
for the rest of your life.
And "now" was in there somewhere.
- Ugh. I can only hope she's dumb.
- Huh? - Yes!
OK, "You make me want to be a better raccoon."
- You make me want to be a better raccoon.
- That's cool. [belches]
Oh, if you're wondering why my eye's all crusty,
it's cause I have chlamydia.
[dramatic musical sting] It's no big deal.
All the koalas have it.
- You are perfect.
- Ooh, I like that.
You are perfect.
- Mm-hmm. OK.
- I'm in!
- So how is everyone? - [laughs]
You sounded just like your mom when you said that.
I met her mom and her siblings.
- We met them at her party
where they were serving cake and drama!
- There was no drama.
If anything, we were getting along too well.
It's like, get a room, me and my siblings, am I right?
- If you're so close to your family,
why don't you ever talk about them?
- Oh, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do--
flaunt my perfect loving family when you guys are processing
your neglect and abuse.
But now you know my dirty secret.
My family is-- - Here!
- What? No, I hate them!
- ♪ Hello! ♪
And yes, that was my hello.
- Uh...
- Oh, my God, this is so uncomfortable.
- ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
- So, Honey, we heard from this shrill stumpy dog--
- That's me!
- That you invite a group of strange animals
into your mansion to talk about their feelings.
- So we thought we'd come by to check it out.
- Oh, that's so great.
Oh, shoot!
I just remembered we have a rule.
Actually, it's a solemn oath.
Family members can't join the group.
Ah, damn.
- Come on, that's just a made-up rule
to keep Chief out.
- Appreciated!
- Besides, the more, the merrier, right?
- Unless it's one of Mama's teats,
in which case the less, the merrier.
Ain't that right, sis?
- Teats? Now you've got my attention.
- Yeah, when we was pups, we hardly got any milk
'cause Princess Honey would push everyone out of the way
to get at Mama's teats.
[intense music]
- [gulps]
[belches]
[snoring]
- Because of her nipple entitlement,
I'm a runt.
- For the millionth time,
I didn't hog those teats!
I've always been very good with portion control.
- Hmm.
Seems like there's some disagreement
about what happened.
Maybe we should-- - We're not role-playing!
- Well, if we are, I've got a medium sausage.
- I think we've had enough drama for one day.
- Oh, have we, piggy puppy?
[oinks]
- I don't like it when you call me that.
You know that. - [laughs]
That was her nickname growing up
because she was a selfish pig.
- Wow, are we still saying that in the 21st century?
- And we also tried to call her Baby Boobie Burglar,
but that was a mouthful.
- You know all about mouthfuls, don't you, Honey?
- OK. - Piggy Puppy!
- You're just jealous because my dad's from France
and I have lots of tiaras and I get all the kibble I want
with no strings attached,
not that there's anything wrong with sex work
if it's your choice. - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- Not now, Bejeweled Pineapple!
And you guys are just ganging up on me
because deep down, you know you're--
- Say it.
- Unadoptable.
[all gasp] Oh!
- I know it's only been a few days,
but I feel like I've known you forever.
- And I'm scared of walking out of this habitat and never--
- I will make out with you if you shut up.
- Yes, but will you excuse me for a minute?
I gotta take a leak that might turn into something else.
OK, I can take it from here.
- Oh, no, this could go haywire fast.
- I couldn't have done this without you, brother,
but now I can't do it with you.
- No, no, no, but I think I should stay, you know--
- No, get lost.
Kay, babe, it's time to go down under.
- If only I knew how to quit you.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I really went nuts on DJ and Oliver.
- And they are...
- How can I face the group again?
I'm a liar and a fraud.
- How are you a frog?
- Fraud!
- Oh, oh.
But isn't that the whole thing about group?
- What?
- Getting in each other's business.
I mean, one of you has a problem
or does something stupid, and then you talk through it.
I mean, it's the whole reason I don't go.
- But I'm not supposed to have problems.
I'm supposed to help solve them.
- Oh. Oh, OK.
Yeah, I didn't know that's what you were doing.
I guess that explains the frog. [chuckles]
- [sighs]
[soft dramatic music]
- The Gray One? - What? No. Hi.
What are you doing here?
- Waiting for you.
I memorized a sweet Hugh Grant riff,
bashful stutters and all.
- No, I told you I'm good.
After you left, I got to second base.
Nip town!
They're in the pouch.
- Ooh, nice. [chuckles]
Well, I'll just get out of your fur.
- Wait, wait, wait.
What's going on with your eye?
[dramatic musical sting]
- Uh, nothing.
- Something else is different.
You look happy.
- Damn right I'm happy!
You and Koala are in love.
[chuckles] It's all I wanted.
OK, see ya. - Ah!
Raccoon, I wasn't expecting you!
And who's this animal I've never seen before?
[dramatic music]
[dramatic musical sting]
[dramatic musical stings]
- [gasps]
Wait, I think I almost got it.
[dramatic musical stings]
Oh, my God.
You and her!
Are you billabonging my bear?
- First of all, she's a marsupial.
And second, no!
- What kind of bear do you think I am?
- Marsupial.
- You seem to know a lot about this bear
you claim not to be didgeridoo-ing.
- I, uh--I just--
OK, you're right.
I have been totally mating on her.
- I've never seen you before.
- From behind?
- How could you?
I thought we were friends.
I let you put your words in my mouth.
It doesn't get more intimate than that.
[crying]
- So what are you, like, a gopher?
- I'm sorry that you all had to witness
the raw dysfunction that defines my family.
While it was painful, it taught me a valuable lesson.
- That sometimes talking isn't enough
and that's why role-play should be part
of every therapist's toolkit?
- Hmm, did someone call about hair in their drain?
- Ugh, we're not role-playing!
These unresolved issues with my siblings
have shown me that I might be the most messed up one here.
- Wait, are you canceling group?
- Yes, and don't try to talk me out of it.
- And seamless transition.
Thank you for coming today.
- I'm going in.
- Small Fun Raccoon, I need you.
- [grunting]
[sneaky music]
Doesn't anyone work here?
- Heh, it was either lay off the security guards
or feed the chimps to the lions.
Budget be tight.
- Thanks for doing this, buddy.
I want to believe Koala when she says she's not
with the Gray One, but I think it'll be easier
just to spy on her.
- Well, if he's in the zoo,
we'll see him on these monitors.
I'm in here watching animals do it all the time.
And-- [computer beeps]
- [grunting]
- It is hard to see what's going on in there,
but it sounds like someone is a pretty generous lover.
- That's it.
I gotta put a stop to this.
- [munching]
- Aha! - [gasps]
- I knew I'd find the two of you.
- It's not what you think it is!
- Are you eating her poop?
- Oh, then it's exactly what you think it is.
[gasps] Of course I'm eating her poop!
I couldn't resist!
Do you know how hard it is to get primo, uncut koala scat?
We're talking pure Melbourne brown.
- Wait, so you weren't fooling around with Koala?
- What? No way!
My heart belongs to another, darker mistress.
You are perfect.
[romantic music]
If only I knew how to quit you.
I love you, koala...
poop.
I'm just a hideous, poop-eating monster!
Are you happy now?
- Yeah! - No.
- [scoffs] No.
[somber music]
- Who are you, stranger?
What do you want?
- Ew, Mama, it's me, Honey.
Are DJ and Oliver home? I need to talk to them.
I feel like if they just understood my side--
- Well, they never want to talk to you again.
- Oh, well, OK. OK.
- Lord, is it hot tonight.
Reminds me of the French Quarter in July.
- You're from Anaheim!
- So now you know.
Don't tell my sponsor.
- You're not alone, man.
I once ate a used diaper
thinking it was chocolate cotton candy.
- You knew what you were doing.
- I did. I did.
- Look, I'm sorry I made you question
your relationship with Koala and our friendship.
- You had me at "I'm not really sleeping with your girlfriend.
I'm just eating her poop."
- Hey, get away from that poop!
I made that for my kids!
- Oh, ew. - What? It's nutritious.
- Oh, no. Ew, you have kids.
Uh... - [whispering]
- It was my grandmother's final wish
that I marry someone Jewish.
Bye!
[upbeat music]
- What are you doing here?
Guys, I told you I couldn't help you.
- We're here to help you.
- And sister, we are role-playing,
whether you like it or not.
- Damn it.
I was this close to wearing
my flight attendant outfit this morning.
- All right, well, I thought I was at my rock bottom,
but here we go.
Let's role-play. - Yes!
- But if we are going to do this,
I think I need to be Oliver Smalls and DJ.
Elsa, be me. - The star? Me?
It's happening!
- What are the rest of us supposed to do,
stand around holding our fuzzies?
- Tabitha, you're Chico. Chico, you're Tabitha.
Shel, you're Diablo. Diablo, you're Tchotchke.
Tchotchke, you're Shel. - And I'll do stage directions.
Interior, colon, this living room.
- And action.
DJ and Oliver Smalls?
I'm in the middle of leading
a too-tame-to-be-effective therapy session.
Can this wait?
- No, it can't, you overstuffed,
high-and-mighty snooty poodle.
Oh, wow, I totally get why Oliver Smalls is a jerk.
It's incredibly liberating.
- Oh, let's not break character.
OK, you can't stay mad at me just because I have
an inflated sense of self because I'm adopted,
and your life stinks.
- We're not upset because we didn't get adopted.
We're upset that you think you're better than us
'cause you did.
- [gasps]
- Wait, wait, stop the role-play.
That's what's been keeping us apart,
except they weren't excluding me from the team.
I was excluding myself.
- That's what I was trying to say.
- Oh, I didn't hear you come in,
real Oliver Smalls and real DJ.
- Why do we never hear anyone come in?
We've got dogs here, don't we?
- Mama told us you came by yesterday to tell us
you never wanted to talk to us again.
- Why would I come by to tell you that
when we were already not talking?
- Well, we came here to say that we are not talking to you.
- So suck on that!
- Yes, yes, Oliver Smalls, I will suck on that gladly.
And I can see how I come off a little superior.
But the truth is,
you guys and Mama, you're all still a team.
So I guess I've been distancing myself from you
because I feel left out.
- Aww, she feels left out.
- Well, she's got a funny way of showing it.
- I'm sorry.
It's just Mama always told me how special I was,
and after a while, I started to believe it.
- Mama always said that we were the special ones.
- Well, that's insane. - Easy.
- And it was mama who told us you hogged her teat.
[both gasp] - Oh!
This is because of Mama,
that melodramatic, lying, faded beauty.
- She's been pitting us against each other.
I hate her.
- Yeah, me too. I hope she gets hit by a car.
And judging by your facial expressions,
I've clearly gone too far, but the point is,
it's the three of us against Mama.
Yes! - Yeah! We're the team now.
- That'll show her!
- Hey, do you guys want to stay for group?
- We don't need therapy.
It was all our mom's fault. We're good.
- Later, losers.
See ya at weddings and funerals.
- Hopefully Mom's. I'm kidding.
Still learning how to calibrate.
Three Mutt-sketeers!
- Hey, babe. - Huh?
- This is awkward.
I left something in your pouch.
- Is it this iPod Nano? - No.
- Uh, these CBD edibles?
- No.
- This "you suck at parking" business card?
- No. - This Funko Pop?
- Nope.
- This half-finished book of Mad Libs?
- No. My heart.
- Aww. - What do you say?
You wanna take a shot at Judaism with me?
- [munching] - Hey!
- She's on to us! Go, go, go!
[both breathing heavily]
- Hyah!
[ostrich chirping]
- Bento. [cheering]
- That's nice, Jen and Gabby.