♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
Mighty barking thunder dog in the sky,
please stop barking.
I'll do anything.
Do you want me to stop licking myself?
Oh, oh, more licking.
Okay, let's get to me, 'cause Honey's human
should be gettin' home soon to cry and pill herself to sleep.
We have time. Jill's volunteering
at the shelter for National Pet Adoption Day.
And when it rains, she pulls her car over
to calmly wait it out.
Well, then I'll share something small.
When I left, Kevin was packing his big green suitcase.
He's leaving me for good this time.
I mean, do I blame him? No.
I'm just a useless, dumb,
and "overweight according to society's
warped perception of beauty" cat.
Chico, if you want others to love you,
you need to love yourself first.
Or you need to follow Kevin,
find out where he's going and why he's always abandoning you,
and then change everything about yourself
to get him to come back to you.
- That's ridiculous. - That's brilliant.
And as your kooky, less attractive BFF,
it's my job to go with you.
Let's go!
If we hurry, we may be able to sneak into his suitcase
before he finishes his preflight
crotch-lotioning-sock ritual.
Well, that was boring.
Luckily for you losers, I have something so personal,
so troubling--
Hey, where did Tchotchke go?
Oh, no, it's happening again!
The terrifying, bloodthirsty basement monsters
must have gotten Tchotchke!
According to lore,
which is short for Lori,
every National Pet Adoption Day,
the basement monsters emerge from their subterranean lair
and exact revenge on pets...
pets like us.
Oh, silly Diablo, that's just a story
we tell our kids if we could have any.
The real monsters are the ones
that live inside of us.
Burn the house down, Nibbles.
Make fire happy.
Basement monsters are real!
And they're coming for me--
well, for all of us,
but it's mostly me I'm concerned about!
This is a wonderful opportunity
for immersion therapy,
the technique where I, the therapist,
cure the patient of their fear by immersing them
in whatever it is that frightens them.
Ooh, I'm afraid of naughty Catholic school turtles.
Come on, Diablo.
It's time for you to overcome this silly fear.
Honey, Honey, this is a huge violation!
But it is quite soothing to be carried.
Honey! Honey, no! Please!
Let me out!
I cannot wait to be deposed about this.
Trust me, Diablo. I know what I'm doing.
Honey, what do we do?
The scary barking dog in the sky
is barking in the sky!
I-I-I don't have time for this, Chief.
I'm trying to get Diablo to confront his fears.
Confront fears...
and the other words you said
that relate to my current predicament.
Thanks, Honey! - Have fun.
No!
Honey, this does not seem ethical,
but it is the content I come for.
Yeah, Diablo sounds truly terrified.
To the untrained ear, maybe, but to a professional,
those are the bloodcurdling screams of healing.
And healed.
Diablo, you may now come out
and enjoy your life
unencumbered by irrational fears
based on nonsense.
Diablo?
Okay, Honey killed Diablo.
Pay up. - Not until I see the body.
Why would Kevin
rather live here forever than live with me?
I don't know. Let's ask him.
I'm Kevin.
I'm here because I'm stupid and I don't realize
that I live with the greatest cat in the world.
Hey, don't call Kevin stupid, Kevin!
Kevin?
Hurry up and find Diablo already
so I can get into my thing!
Diablo!
Diablo, if you're trying to make me look bad,
it's not working.
It's not not working.
Guys, look.
The basement monsters
dragged Diablo into that crawlspace.
Or Diablo thought this was a way out
and, um, got so excited,
he dragged his paws along the ground
while walking backwards,
leaving behind several of his nails,
which he had dipped in ketchup.
Yeah, blood-flavored ketchup.
Come on, let's go find him and prove I'm right.
Charge!
If you guys are afraid, you can go upstairs
and listen to Max talk about himself.
all: Charge!
It's time to confront--
Chief, what are you doin'?
It's rainin' cats and yous out there!
Well, I was gonna stand up
to the giant barking dog in the sky,
but have you ever seen how high the sky is?
Well, you could climb the radio tower
at the end of the LA River.
Then you'd be face-to-face with the scary barking dog.
And also, our Frisbee is up there,
so if you could grab that, that'd be fire.
Radio tower?
Perfect.
But how do we get there? It's flooding.
Easy. We'll build a boat.
Yes!
♪ We're buildin' a boat in the shed ♪
♪ Usin' this stuff that's layin' around ♪
♪ It's a montage, so you don't know how long it took ♪
♪ Maybe it was an hour or a half hour ♪
♪ Time's just really a construct ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
I've never been more proud of anything
in my entire life.
- Huh? - Hey, a box.
I've never been more proud of anything
in my entire life.
Get in.
Diablo, come on out and tell everyone
how cured you are because of me.
I think I hear something coming from that grate.
Diablo?
We're jump-scare bats.
It's what we do.
Oof! For a second there,
I thought we were in real danger.
Blahhh!
Great job, Tabitha.
We're trapped. - We're trapped?
- Is that dead guy Kevin? - I don't know.
I've never seen what Kevin looks like dead.
But if it is Kevin, then maybe, just maybe,
I'd be able to wake him up with true love's first kiss.
You're not suggesting that you--
Oh, oh! Chico, no!
Eh, guess he's not Kevin.
Guess not. But just to be sure...
Chico, this is not healthy!
Ooh, string. Let's pull it.
Well, that was a long scream.
We're all gonna die,
even the two of us who don't deserve to.
We're not going to die if we just stay calm!
So let's just split up
into two groups so we can find Diablo.
Fine. I'll go with Shel and Elsa.
No fair, why do you guys get three animals,
we only have two?
Shel, you're with us.
Now, ladies, I don't like
hearing you fight over me,
but I would like to see it.
Why don't we just pick names out of a hat?
Now, who knows how to write our names,
or use a pen, or has a hat?
Guys, look down there!
It's a way out! We're saved!
Well, now we can pair up evenly... yeah?
The monsters got Nibbles.
Game over, man. Game over.
We should have stayed in group
and listened to pig talk about himself.
Don't say that!
Don't you ever say that!
All right, we're going to be fine.
If we just stick together and stay calm,
I'm sure we'll find Diablo,
and Nibbles, and Tchotchke.
And Tabitha.
Maybe we should--
and I'm just spitballing here--
scream and run in all directions.
Great job, Tabitha.
Whew.
Oh, it's you.
Shel, could my inability to admit I was wrong
have gotten everyone killed?
Don't beat yourself up-- not everyone.
Oh, now it's everyone!
This is a nightmare!
We're trapped with a pack
of gigantic multicolored animals.
I don't know how Kevin got mixed up with these creatures,
but I do know he's in danger.
You smell that? Kevin is close.
We have to find him before he ends up
like that great kisser we met in the luggage cargo.
Mm, very garbage-forward
with hints of hepatitis C.
Uh, guys?
Oh, no!
Our boat!
Small Fun Raccoon, take my handlike paw!
No!
And just like that, Small died.
Diablo? Shel? And the rest?
You're all alive!
Which I knew all along.
Where are we?
We've been taken
to the basement monster's nest
to be used as living prey for the larva hatchlings
that were implanted inside us...
I'm assuming.
So... anybody want to finally admit
they screwed up?
Hmm, yeah, anybody?
Anybody? No?
Well, I guess no one screwed up, Tabitha.
What a weird question.
Look, it's Tchotchke.
I told you! We're saved!
all: Yay!
Followed by a bunch
of terrifying basement monsters.
We're doomed!
all: Boo!
What's Tchotchke doing?
He's trying to tell us something.
Guys, I'll interpret. I'm fluent in Tchotchke-ese.
Don't be scared.
These are my friends, my discarded friends.
They are...
And...
You see, every year,
thousands of animals are adopted
on National Pet Adoption Day.
But hipsters often adopt exotic animals
just to have something to post on social.
Soon after my friends were taken in,
their owners lost interest.
They lived as nomads like that Frances McDormand movie
no one saw but pretended to like.
Ah!
I found some of the survivors
and snuck them here under Jill's house for safety,
where they've since lived in secret.
That is literally the saddest thing
I've ever lost interest in halfway through.
Why didn't you tell us, Tchotchke?
Being abandoned creates trust issues,
so they made me keep their existence a secret,
which I understand because I, too,
am a glazed doughnut.
Oh, sorry, I misinterpreted.
I, too, am a discarded pet.
all: Aww.
Kevin? Kevin?
Buckle up, Furries.
It's gonna be a bumpy ride, but we're going to get you
to your convention safely and on time.
Smell that?
My bad.
Turns out, flying makes me nervous.
No, I'm saying
I smell Kevin above us.
Come on.
Oh, my God, this creature ate my Kevin!
Now he's really never gonna come home.
Aw, we should probably give up.
No, Small Fun would have wanted us to continue,
is something you say in these situations.
Plus, look over there.
You really think I can do this?
Oh, not at all.
Small Fun was the one who believed in you.
Then he died.
But at this point, I mean, we're here, right?
You're right, we are here!
♪ Climbing a ladder to confront the dog ♪
Kevin's dead!
D-S-Q-P, dead!
Uh, excuse me, ma'am. - Oh, my God!
Kevin's still alive inside that mutant freak.
- Can I get a Diet Coke? - And he's thirsty.
Poor guy is being digested alive,
and there's nothing I can do about it.
Hand me that puke bag.
I have a better idea.
I'm coming, partially digested Kevin!
Tchotchke, why have you never told us
you're a discarded pet?
I've always felt great shame.
You see, I was bought by a mystery celebrity--
let's call him Pustin Peeber--
who paraded me around as a trophy pet.
But the second he learned
he couldn't travel with me to Orlando,
I was tossed away like garbage.
That's heartbreaking, Tchotchke...
and exactly the kind of thing
we could have addressed in therapy.
And none of you have to worry.
Your secret is safe with us.
See? You didn't have to terrorize and kidnap them.
This group is my family. We can let them go.
Sorry, upstairs pets.
We've been listening to your group
through that vent for months,
and we've heard Honey talk about loving yourself
and being worthy of happiness.
Well, we deserve a good life too,
the kind of life you upstairs animals have.
So we're going to take your lives,
like in that hit movie "Us"
we also heard through the vent.
Any last words?
What are you?
I'm a ferret put on steroids
to look like a poodle.
People do that to smuggle us in the country.
Find out more here.
BRB never!
Oh, God. Tchotchke really let us down.
The water's rising. What do we do?
I don't know, but it's not my fault!
I didn't do anything wrong.
And I'm never wrong, never. Never, never, never.
- Honey's broken. - Not to worry.
Max has probably seen the discarded pets by now
and is on his way to rescue us.
I mean it is amazing how fast you can go from,
"Oh, my God, I'm talking to Nic Cage,"
to, "Oh, my God, someone get me away from Nic Cage."
Nibbles, you get it.
But we probably shouldn't count on it.
I can reach you, Diablo,
but your paw's gotta go.
Wait, what? Just chew through the rope!
Okay, fine.
Quick, untie the rest of us.
I can't do it!
I guess now is a good time to tell you
that I don't have any top teeth.
- Eww. - Yuck.
Diablo, climb through those vents
and open the door on the other side.
No way, it is too scary and dark in there.
And what about the vent monsters?
They are way worse than the basement monsters!
You got this, Chief!
He's just as scared of you as you are of him...
is also something I've heard people say in these situations.
He's just as afraid of me?
Listen, buddy. I get it.
I know what it's like to be scared.
But giving in to that fear has turned you into a giant dingus.
Underneath all that sky drama,
I bet you're a really good boy.
And I'm sure if we got to know each other, we'd be friends.
So what do you say?
Friends?
So... no Frisbee?
Mine was blue.
Ew, ew!
Kevin, hold on!
Don't let him digest you!
Kevin, you're still alive!
We killed the beast!
Chico? What are you doing here?
I love you too!
Uh, this is your captain.
One of our engines is out,
so we have to turn around and head back to Burbank.
Oh, great. Guess we're going home.
We're going home? Together?
I did it.
I saved you, and I won you back.
No hard feelings, man. I get it.
If I had a mouth your size, I'd eat him too.
I don't want to die!
- I'm too young to go. - Oh, guys.
I'm so sorry that my fears
are preventing me from saving all of you.
Wait, no, Diablo.
You can't die thinking this is your fault.
It's my f--
it's my f... ault.
That's right, because of my hubris,
we're all going to die.
See, Honey? Was that so difficult?
Wow Honey, finally admitting
you were wrong about something was really brave.
And if you can be that brave, then maybe I can too!
I'll be back!
Thank you, Honey!
Because of you, I am overcoming--
- Go! - Hurry up!
Jeez!
Hurry!
Don't drown yet!
I'm coming!
That's what she s--
- Thank you! - Diablo, you saved us!
Saving us was the easy part.
Believing he could save us, that's the work.
You're welcome.
So now I've got Nic Cage showing up all the time.
He wants to get matching tattoos.
It's like, I know you're lonely, but, dude,
isn't there some Coppola you can talk to?
Max, get away from those animals!
They're basement monsters!
Actually, they're discarded pets
who have no homes and just want to be loved, but still!
And they want to replace us and take over our lives.
Even Diablo's life.
It's time to go to war.
Yes! Yes!
Attack!
Discarded pets, fight back!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, time-out.
Just so I understand what's happening,
you guys are not you guys?
Exactly.
And you want to kill them
because they're loved and they have homes?
- Exactly! - Okay, cool, cool, cool.
As you were.
Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt again,
but what if instead of having a bloody battle
that's probably gonna ruin the couch,
I could find you discarded pets a home
with a famous lonely bachelor
who could really use the company?
What do you think?
Hey there, little guys.
You sure look like you could use a loving home
with lots of dark secrets.
What do you say?
I love you, Nic Cage.
You're not monsters.
The humans who discarded you are.
Don't get a pet you can't take care of...
or a dinosaur skull you can't liquidate.
Small Fun! Huh, you're alive!
Thanks to this bag.
I don't know why they call it single-use plastic,
'cause it held a tuna fish sandwich
and saved my life.
I did it!
The giant barking dog in the sky is gone!
I did it!
Yay, and I accomplished my thing too.
And now we have nothing to be scared of ever ag--
Bento.
That's nice, Jen and Gabby.